Chapter Text
The end of the day arrived far too soon and the glee kids, excluding Rachel, met up in the auditorium. Thankfully, there was no chance of Mister Schuester finding them since he had to leave school due to an emergency. What was that emergency, you ask? Well, let's just say that when Puck asked Sue Sylvester if she could find a way to get Will out of school before the end of it, she heard only one request: set fire to his car.
As the car burned, the group prepared to set fire to the auditorium stage... Not literally, they didn't literally set fire to the stage. Arson was not committed by anyone there... Well, Puck had committed it a few times but not there and not with any of them around... Except Santana, Santana was there when Puck set fire to the dumpster, she complained about the smell and said the marshmallows she was roasting over it tasted funny.
Okay that's it, they were all in the room and Schue was getting his car fixed up and Rachel was practicing her solo at home. The rest of the school was dead to the world and the only ones to survive were the glee kids, or at least the good ones. They were all sat in the chairs together, the only one missing being Puck who stood backstage.
Santana, Brittany and Mercedes ran through their routine with just their arms while sitting, mouthing the lyrics to save their voices for the performances. Santana opted to death glare the other groups as an intimidation tactic; Brittany waved at them all with innocent politeness as a diversion tactic; Mercedes wiggled her eyebrows at Kurt as a way to ask him about Puck.
Kurt wiggled his eyebrows back, but not as an answer, just to divert the attention back. He couldn't be bothered with the questions, he was too busy vibrating with excitement for the performance. He truly loved the song, it made him question whether Puck was secretly a total softie underneath all the tough bullshit. Until he found the answer to such an inquiry, though, he just sat and engaged in conversation with Mike.
Mike was telling Kurt about the boys' performance and all the slip ups they'd had while practicing. He tried to choreograph something simple for them all, but it was easier said than done. Sam wanted to make every move as sexy as it could be, Artie was restricted by his wheelchair and Finn was... Finn. So in the end, they pretty much just decided to walk around each other. Hopefully the vocals would be good enough.
Sam, Artie and Finn's vocals were definitely good. They all practiced just behind the girls, deciding against a break from singing and instead singing extra loudly to piss them off. Every time Santana swore at them in Spanish, Brittany frowned at them or Mercedes told her boyfriend off, they smiled like they'd already won.
Quinn and Tina practiced too, in the strangest way. They faced each other in their seats and showed each other their moves, the other making comments on it. Quinn flicked her hair aggressively and Tina applauded at the sight. Tina shimmied and Quinn stumbled over her words to compliment the movement. They twerked in their seats and bounced a little, laughing as they did so.
"Cute or annoying?" Santana whispered to the rest of her group, who all turned around to watch Quinn and Tina.
"If Santana Lopez is offering cute as an option then you best believe it's cute." Mercedes grinned.
"Lesbian double dates!" Brittany exclaimed as a suggestion.
"I heard lesbian?" Mike leaned over.
"I heard date?" Kurt leaned over next to him.
"Wait, what's going on?" Finn suddenly perked up.
After giving a slap to every one of the boys who made a comment about lesbianism, Santana turned her attention to the stage along with everyone else because Puck, looking smug as hell, stood upon it. Even Quinn and Tina managed to pry their eyes off of each other long enough to face the stage.
"You gonna strip for us, Puckerman?" Santana joked.
"If you are, make sure you do it right!" Sam demanded all too seriously. "Don't make a mockery of the profession!"
"Quiet down, white chocolate." Artie chuckled.
"I'm not stripping, though I know how much you'd all love that." Puck winked and the rest of the group groaned. "Now we gotta get this show on the road, first performance is-"
"Hang on!" Tina interrupted, standing up on her chair to get a better view of the stage. "How will we be judged?"
"With great intensity." Kurt answered.
"No like, how will we decide who gets to perform?" Tina elaborated.
"I think he knew that." Quinn giggled as she tried to get Tina to sit down again.
"I got us some judges, like in talent shows, it's gonna be a whole thing, needlessly dramatic." Puck pointed at Kurt. "Right up your alley."
"It does sound fun." Kurt nodded.
"Who are the judges?" Quinn wondered, still trying to pull Tina down and grabbing her shins when she lost balance.
"Mike, who obviously won't be biased 'cause he loves you all equally or some other crap that's gayer than Kurt." Puck smirked when Mike and Kurt flipped him off. "Also Janitor Bob who used to be in a band, but don't bring up the band 'cause it failed and he'll cry."
Janitor Bob walked in right on cue from the back entrance, placing his stuff by the door and settling in a seat further away from the rest. When the group looked over their shoulders to wave hello to Janitor Bob, they finally spotted the final judge who was already there. She sat in front of Janitor Bob, relaxing back in her seat and watching the gleeks' faces morph as they noticed her.
"And finally, the arsonist who made this all possible, Sue Sylvester." She waved smugly as Puck introduced her, only getting a wave back from Quinn and Kurt. "She likes that we're going against Will, she'll take it seriously."
"I was also in a band as a child: 'Areola 51', it was better than Janitor Bob's." She turned around when Janitor Bob started crying. "Sorry Janitor Bob." She didn't mean that.
"I hate that that's actually an amazing name for a band." Santana sighed.
"We all do." Puck continued, somehow overhearing her from all that distance away. "First performers up are Finn, Artie and white chocolate."
***
The boys performed 'No Scrubs', an iconic song from the 90s that deserved a much more elaborate dance routine than the one they offered. Finn almost fell over more times than he'd ever admit as he sang to Artie's right. Sam body rolled a few times but managed to stick to simple hand waves and winks at Mercedes as he sang to Artie's left. Artie was the best dancer, spinning around, wheeling back and forth in perfect time with his brilliant vocals as he sang inbetween the other boys.
Everyone applauded pretty aggressively afterwards, a lot of the glee girls (and Kurt) singing along to the lyrics as well. It was well recieved by all, Janitor Bob smiled happily at the boys and Sue made a comment about boys singing a girls' song... It wasn't in great taste. Artie, Sam and Finn soaked in the applause and left the stage, meeting Puck backstage.
"You guys were good." Puck smacked them all on the back as they greeted him.
"Cheers yo." Artie smiled.
"Sit down, I gotta introduce your competition."
"Like a talent show presenter?" Finn asked.
"Yeah, I feel powerful." Puck walked back onto the stage as he spoke.
"I feel like we're totally gonna win." Sam smirked.
"Tana, Britt and 'Cedes, you chicks are up next." Puck announced, and the girls swung their hips with purpose as they sauntered towards the stage.
Kurt gave them a wolf whistle as they moved, Puck clapped as they walked past him backstage and the three boys who just made their way back to their seats gulped. It was slightly intimidating to hear the way everyone else was already reacting so positively to the girls. They just had such incredible stage presence, even as they just got to their positions.
Mercedes stood a step in front of the two girlfriends, both of which stood on either side of her. They all started with their hands on their hips, a smouldering stare and a mischievous grin. Everyone else buzzed with anticipation as the three waited, drawing out the suspense until, finally they began.
Their dance worked perfectly with their performance of 'Candyman', it was beyond impressive how quickly they'd managed to pull it off. At one point, Mercedes and Santana linked arms and swung Brittany back and forth like she was on a swing. It looked very well done, and sounded even better somehow. Their voices melded together into one beautiful symphony of voices.
Puck thanked the lord he and Kurt weren't up against them, because the way Sam, Artie and Finn shrivelled up did not look fun. By the end of the song everyone watching was already up on their feet, clapping so hard their hands hurt. Kurt, Tina and Quinn jumped up and down in excitement, even Puck kinda wanted to yell 'Yass queens' as they struck their final pose.
"Sorry to embarass you so brutally, boys." Santana smirked, somehow not breathless even after the intense choreo.
"Did we win?" Brittany asked as the girls sashayed off the stage. Puck smiled at the question and shrugged.
"Hasn't been decided yet, Britt." He answered.
"Please, we got this." Mercedes whispered confidently. The other two giggled in agreement as they linked arms and made their way back to the seats.
Puck walked back out and pointed and Quinn and Tina. "Baby mama and T, get your fine asses up here."
"We'll get our asses up there to beat yours." Tina threatened, and everyone 'ooh'ed through lazy laughter.
"Kinky." Puck waggled an eyebrow as he went back behind the curtains.
As Tina and Quinn walked past him to get on the stage, Quinn gave Puck a playful smack round the back of the head for the nickname he so lovingly chose. He smiled at her sweetly as they arranged themselves on stage. The girls shot one another a cheeky smirk before preparing themselves to start up.
Quinn mouthed 'we're amazing' and Tina mouthed back 'totally sexy' and they both giggled before the music started up. Then they began and... Oh my God it was really something. Nobody had ever seen either girl dance or sing quite the way they did when they sang 'Lose My Breath'. It was phenomenal, sexy, amazing and, most importantly, fun. They were letting go.
A few vocals were messed up because Quinn couldn't help herself from giggling when she had to grind her pelvis into Tina. Tina simply forgot the words for a moment when Quinn looked directly in her eyes while arching her back seductively. All together though, it was fun to watch, some of the audience even trying the moves.
Santana and Brittany were dancing with each other as they cheered on the final piece of the unholy trinity, Mercedes and Kurt squealed as Tina landed the goddamn splits successfully for the first time in her life. The boys weren't even turned on by the sexiness, they just admired it and gaped at the intense flexibility while cheering manically. When they stopped everyone clapped so loudly the ground shook beneath them as Quinn and Tina hugged with massive smiles.
"You've turned me bisexual!" Kurt shouted jokingly, as everyone giggled and Mercedes agreed with his statement just as loudly.
"Let's turn Tana next." Puck smirked. "Kurt, me and you are up!" He shouted from on the stage.
Kurt smiled as he walked up to the stage, standing upon it opposite Puck. They made eye contact for a few moments, communicating the excitement they felt, the nerves they were experiencing and something else Kurt simply couldn't place. It didn't matter though, because before long the music started and they began.
The song was 'I'll Cover You', a song from one of Kurt's favourite musicals: Rent. Puck knew that, he also knew Kurt would be unable to resist singing such a song. He also knew Finn would send him a weird look when they started to sing the lyrics, and he didn't care. The rest of the glee kids enjoyed it though, rather thoroughly as well.
Regardless of whether they were competing against them or not, every single one of the gleeks genuinely enjoyed every performance. The girls cheered when Puck winked at certain lines, the boys laughed when Kurt teased him with fake maliciousness. Overall, though, they liked it. They all did. Their voices worked together in a way nobody expected, Puck's deep tone and gravelly pitch contrasted Kurt's mellow, higher voice gorgeously.
There was no routine or attempt at it, really, but they did have some moments. They'd circle each other, look at each other, make hand gestures and facial expressions to fit each lyric. It was clear that most of their work had gone into the singing, which was fair because it certainly paid off. Even Mercedes was impressed by some of the notes Kurt hit, and she noticed that Puck was particularly fond of them too. She noted that.
When the boys finished everyone clapped, and Puck whispered a smug comment to Kurt about how most people applauded when he finished. Kurt held back a laugh and jokily curtsied to his applauding peers, winking at Santana, who repeated his bisexual comment from earlier with a laugh.
"We got this in the bag." Puck said once they'd exited the stage.
"We've had this in the bag since I agreed to be involved." Kurt smirked.
"Can't argue with that."
***
Mike stalked to the back of the auditorium and sat with Janitor Bob and Sue, seeing that they'd both made notes on each performance. They decided to go from song to song, discussing the pros and cons to figure out who was better for what part. The trios would be compared first and then the duets, then Sue would announce the winners because she 'wanted to be the one to make the losers sad' - direct quote.
Sue was blunt with her criticism, Mike was agreeable and Janitor Bob used some very fancy language to compliment each group nicely. They all made their decisions relatively quickly though and Sue made her way to the stage to overlook the group, smirking with the power she felt. She clasped her hands behind her back and glared down at them, though it didn't have the same effect as usual. They still seemed happy.
Damn it.
"The trio will be... Aretha, fake jugs and forest gump." She announced.
Mercedes, Santana and Brittany all leapt from their seats and applauded, hugging each other. Soon to join the hug was basically everyone else, leaping onto them with glee, even the boys who lost felt genuinely happy for them.
"The duet," Sue continued, gaining back their attention. "Is Porcelain and Puck." Shut up, she didn't need to make up a stupid nickname for someone who already had a stupid nickname.
Kurt and Puck jumped up and recieved the same treatment as the girls, shocked at the fact they hugged one another with such ease, like it was normal. Quinn and Tina beamed at the news too and piled onto the group, everyone being crushed by affection and smiling at the sensation.
"Sickening." Sue scoffed before walking off of the stage.
It was weird how joyful they all felt, or at least they believed it should be weird. Finn, Artie, Sam, Quinn and Tina had lost, yet they still bounced happily in their seats while the others claimed the spots they auditioned for. Maybe it was the fact they were simply given the chance to perform, maybe it was the fact they'd had fun, maybe it was the fact they'd felt like a team instead of rivals, but regardless they were all content. No, not content, happy. Simply happy.
Knowing that Schue wasn't just picking the person he was closest to or the person he had the most bias towards was nice too. The judgement had been fair and the support had been real and there was no resentment towards anyone else. They knew that all of that was down to the fact they would be performing together, as a real team, with or without Schue's approval. It felt freeing and pretty damn awesome.
All that was left to do was pick the songs, and that would probably be relatively easy. Sure, they had different tastes, but they respected one another enough to not let that ruin things. They also always had Mike on standby to ensure people didn't fight too much.
"Regionals, here we come!" Puck screamed, and everyone screamed in agreement.