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Chapter Text

 Harry was sitting in the window seat when he heard footsteps coming towards him. Glancing up he saw it was Theo. They had been meeting here almost every day for the last month now and Harry was surprised how much he looked forward to the Slytherin’s company. He lifted his legs while Theo sat down then dropped them back down on Theo’s legs comfortably tangling them. To complete their ritual Theo held out the fidget gadget, which he happily took setting it to spin at once.

“You’re brooding again,” Theo stated.

Harry huffed annoyed. “It not like I want to be stuck thinking these thoughts. They just keep coming back.” He complained.

“Have you tried doing something different?”

“What?”                                                                                 

“If you keep doing the same things again and again, you are going to get the same response.”

“I don’t do the same things all the time.”

Theo sighed, then said. “Everyone knows Harry Potter is a hero. He will always go rushing into danger. He will stand up and proclaim the truth, even when it’s a pointless endeavour.” Seeing Harry about to argue he continued slightly raising his voice. “Like for example, telling the ministry Toad dressed as his defence professor that the Dark Lord is back. She will never believe you, even if you pulled him out from your back pocket and shoved him in front of her. All you are doing is giving her a thrill to give you detention. And detention is nothing but a waste of time.”

“I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she is right,” Harry replied mulishly.

Theo rolled his eyes. “Gryffindor’s!! This is exactly what I mean. By standing up and speaking back to her and going to countless detention, is it achieving anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“All the yelling and detentions, has that convinced anyone that you are telling the truth?”

Harry opened his mouth to reply then paused, closing his mouth as he thought back through the last month. And all his interactions with the student body. Finally, he had to grudgingly admit

“No.”

“No,” Theo agreed. “In fact, it has done the opposite for some people. They are now more convinced that you are exactly how the prophet portrays you.”

Harry frowned viciously over that. Quiet descended once more over the window seat. Harry would never admit it, but this was one of the things he liked about Theo. The fact that he would wait patiently for Harry to reply, giving him time to marshal his thoughts. As much as he loved Hermione she couldn’t help but bombard whoever she was arguing with, as she tried to tell them every last scrap of knowledge she had on that particular subject. It was a refreshing change to be able to take his time to respond.

“But if I don’t say anything, just to avoid detention, would that make me a coward?” Harry asked. It was Theo turn to frown in thought.

“Not in this case,” He replied. “We have already established that the detentions are not in fact achieving anything positive. So not getting any more would be a sensible tactic.”

“I don’t know how to not get any,” Harry complained.

“Try doing something different. Something you wouldn’t normally do, and see where that gets you.”

Harry eyed Theo thoughtfully.

“Something different?” He clarified. Theo nodded.

Deciding that if he wasn’t going to stand up and shout the truth then he need to put his Gryffindor bravery to a new use. And while he was at it, he might as well experiment with the whole do something completely new. Especially if it was something he had wanted to try for a while now. Not giving it another moments thought, Harry bent across and gave Theo a quick kiss. He lent back to see a perplexed look on his face.

“Well, I didn’t expect that. It certainly was different.” Theo exclaimed.

Harry felt anxiety beginning to swirl in his stomach. “Sorry.” He blurted, starting to panic. Theo quickly reached out and lay a calming hand on his arm.

“You misunderstand, I didn’t say I minded. “ Theo said. “In fact, I whole heartily approve, and think you should continue.”

“Yeah?” A smile of delight crept across Harry’s face.

“Yes,” Theo replied determinedly pulling Harry back to him.

They kissed again. As they progressed the kisses slowly turned from an awkward mash of lips to a much more pleasurably motion as they worked out what worked best.

I can see why the Ravenclaw boys didn’t want to stop. Harry thought. This was wonderful. He would be happy to spend forever kissing Theo. A hunger Harry had never felt before sprang up and he wanted to get as close to Theo as he could. The two of them had shuffled towards each other but their body was in an awkward shape, and even though he didn’t want to stop his position was distracting him from the kisses. Braking apart Harry confidently moved until he was sitting in Theo’s lap. Theo blinked in startlement before grinning.

“Smart move Harry.” He praised. Harry blushed and went back to kissing, which had the bonus of both shutting Theo up and continuing the wonderful feeling from before. But now it was better as his body was perfectly comfortable. He wrapped his arm around Theo’s shoulders drawing them in until they were tightly pressed together. Harry couldn’t explain it, but something about the feeling of being pressed up against another body the kissing aside, felt like he was receiving something he desperately needed but never knew about. Then there was the fact that he got such a thrill of having another male chest pressed against his own. All the hugs he had received had been given to him by women and he never realised how much he liked that fact there were no squishy bits pressed against him.

Harry let out an involuntary hiss when Theo brushed against his bandaged hand. He pulled back and they panted at each other for a moment. Harry went to lean in again when Theo gently stopped him.

“Harry, I don’t normally ask about your hand, I figured if you want me to know you will tell me. However my concern has been growing, the fact it still has not healed after all this time is not a good sign. So I’m going to ask now. What’s wrong with your hand?”

Harry shifted bitting his lips with indecision. The fact that Ron and Hermione knew about it convinced him that it was ok to share with Theo.

“You don’t have to worry. Hermione has been treating it.”

“While I respect that Hermione is an incredibly intelligent witch….”

“You do?” Harry interrupted incredulously.

“I do, anyone with eyes can see how smart she is. That fact most don’t bother to look isn’t my problem but that is neither here nor there, what I was going to say is, as smart as she is. She in fact doesn’t know everything and is still a student. Not a fully trained Medwitch.”

“That means you won’t be able to help either.” Harry pointed out.

“I wasn’t going to suggest myself, but a trained Medwitch.”

“I don’t want to go to Pomfrey.” Harry shot back instantly.

“Then someone else who is trained in the medical field?” Theo offered.

“Like who?”

“Professor Snape for one.”

“No!”

“Harry”

“No. He hates me.”

Theo didn’t say anything for a moment, Harry almost continued his argument but remembered that Theo always gave him time to think and decided to give him the same courtesy back. Theo smiled at him in thanks once he realised what Harry had done. A moment passed then two. Harry thought idly to himself that sitting in a fit blokes lap taking turns to speak, was the best way to have an argument.

“How about this. We will conduct another experiment of you doing something different. You will hopefully agree your first one worked out rather well.” Theo indicated the two of them and Harry nodded in agreement that this had worked out nicely.

“So normally the Harry Potter would never go to Professor Snape for help but, starting a new experiment we are going to give it a try.” Harry’s brows dropped in doubt so Theo sweeten the plot. “If it doesn’t work out, then I will owe you a favour.” He offered.

“What kind of favour?” Harry asked suspiciously

“One that is equal to the amount of ridicule Professor Snape gives you.”

“Done.” Harry agreed.

His life already mostly sucked at the moment. He figured Snape yelling at him wouldn’t be anything new, but having Theo owe him a favour could work out pretty good. Theo led him through the less popular hallways and passageways until they were deep in Slytherin territory. He walked to Professors Snape’s office and knocked on the door. Harry almost backed out, there was only two things stopping him. One, the fact Theo was still holding his uninjured hand and two, his Gryffindor pride wouldn’t let him back down now.

They entered a moment later, Snape’s eyebrows climbing when he saw Potter follow behind Nott, but he didn’t say anything curious to see what was going on here.

“Yes, Mr Nott?”

“Sir, Harry’s hand has been injured for weeks now, without it healing. He is disinclined to see our Medwitch at the current time. I was wondering if you could have a look at it.”

“I see,” Snape said neutrally and watched from the corner of his eye as the Potter child who had drawn himself up defiantly as Nott spoke, deflate confused.

“Your hand Potter.” He asked.

The child seemed to examine Snape for a moment before holding out his bandaged hand in a silent challenge. Snape had seen the bandage on his hand when he had been in his class but had not been able to find out the cause of it. He, unfortunately, knew the look the boy was currently giving him. This was a child who was convinced that adults would never help. All but certain now that his theory of past abuse was correct, even though he couldn’t figure out how it could have happened to this child in particular Snape set out to prove to Lily’s child that not all adults were the same. Some could change and offer him help and protection.

He carefully unwrapped the hand then stared silently down at the red weeping cursed writing on the boy’s hand. He instantly slammed his occlumency shield in place so he would frighten the child off with his violent reaction as Nott hissed in sympathy.

“How did this occur?” He asked. The child again looked at him in startlement at the lack of antagonism, then shrugged and answered

“I got in detention.”

“A Professor has you using a class two dark artefact in detention?” Snape asked astounded.

“I didn’t know it was Dark, Professor Umbridge had me write lines with this fancy quill of hers.” The child answered half defiantly.

“I see. “ Snape said darkly, taking a deep breath he put that matter aside for the moment. “What treatment have you tried so far?” He summoned a bowl with water and began to wash the hand

“Hermione had me use murlap essence,” Potter explained,

Snape hummed thoughtfully. “Unfortunately it wouldn’t be doing more than treating some of the symptoms. Never the less It was a clever solution given her knowledge. “He commented. Only to watch as Potter squinted at him looking no doubt for the trick in the words. Heaven forbid the greasy bat of the dungeon complement a muggle-born.

“Do you have any more detentions to serve?” Snape asked.

“No, last night was the last one.”

“Good, endeavour not to get any more, otherwise healing your hand would prove to be pointless.” He said absentmindedly his thoughts already going towards what ingredients he would need.

Harry pulled his had out of Snape’s furiously, his anger was suddenly taken over by a rage that he would have said was foreign except that it came from within him.

“FUCK YOU!” He screamed. “I knew you hated me, I bet you love the fact my hand is getting cut open every night. You probably go off and laugh about it together. It’s not like I’m getting them for fun. She is a bitch who keeps calling me a liar and she gives them to me for no reason.” he paced angrily around the room, the rage almost scaring him as a small part in the back of his head was alarmed at how he was reacting. Why was he this angry? He had expected Snape to not help him, Harry couldn’t understand why he was acting this way. His magic disturbed by the unending stream of anger, came boiling up, to swirl out of him causing all the bottles to begin to rattle.

Snape alarmed by this display tried to soothe the agitated powerful wizard pacing around.

“Potter, POTTER” He tried but the boy seemed almost deaf to him as he continued to rave.

“Harry!” The use of his first name coming from Snape’s lips startled him enough that he paused, giving Snape time to say.

“I’m sorry, that was thoughtless of me.”

The apology was such a shock it knocked the rest of the anger out of Harry, but his magic was still unsettled. The feeling of not having control over his magic was upsetting, making his feelings slide from anger and head towards fear.

Snape not wanting to cause the child to perform any accident magic instructed

“Breath Harry.”

“I am breathing, it’s not helping” was the panicked reply.

“Breath like your mind healer showed you.”

“What mind healer?” the boy asked confused. The question doing what the instructions had not, taking his mind off his panic for a second. No, no Snape though horrified please don’t be true.

“The mind healer Professor Dumbledore organised for you?” Snape tried hopefully.

“There is no mind healer.” The boy replied, his magic had dropped while they talked but was starting to rise again.

“I can show you how.” Theo offered coming out from the wall he had been leaning on staying out of the way. Harry nodded anything to get control of his magic. He didn’t like it acting independently.

Theo came up said calmly. “I’m going to touch you is that ok?” Harry nodded. Theo took his hand and placed it against his chest. Harry could feel him taking deep breaths. “Copy me,” Theo instructed.

Harry tried to but he kept losing his place and that was making his frustration rise. Seeing this Theo sat down on the ground pulling Harry down and placing him until he was sitting between his legs with his back against Theo’s chest. Theo then wrapped both arms around him placing his hands against Harry’s chest. He then began to breathe again. Pressing gently against his chest when he wanted Harry to breathe out. Between the hands on him and feeling Theo’s chest move against his back, it didn’t take Harry long to get the rhythm. The more he breathed in the deep slow motion, the calmer he became. And as he calmed so did his magic. Soon it was still and floating harmlessly in the office.

“Well done Harry,” said a deep silkily voice just on the edge of his hearing. “That’s it, you’re doing such a good job.”

Harry realised he had his eyes closed but felt no reason to open them at the moment even though he wanted to know who the voice belongs to. He hoped they would continue to talk, they were nice to listen to. He also felt incredibly safe with Theo wrapped around him.

“When you are ready, you can begin to draw your magic back inside yourself.” The voice continued. Harry scrunched his brow starting to come out of the trace, he didn’t know how to do that.

“Don’t worry about how.” The voice told him, dropping him back down into a peaceful place. “It will happen automatically.” Harry continued to breathe and faintly was amazed to see that his magic did indeed slowly come back inside of him.

“Excellent work Harry, when you are ready open your eyes.” The voice praised.

Harry could feel a blush hit his cheeks, not sure what to do with the complement. He also didn’t want to open his eyes, which meant he had to go back to reality. He much preferred it here where he was safe and no one wanted anything from him. Still, he knew he couldn’t put it off forever. Slowly he opened his eyes only to blink in confusion. Instead of the cold dim light, there was a warm glow lighting the office. Looking past Theo who was still wrapped around him he saw that a fire was burning merrily in the fireplace. He was also astounded to see Professor Snape was also sitting crossed-legged on the ground. He couldn’t figure out why he was doing it but had to admit if only to himself he was glad Snape wasn’t looming over him.

Flushing Harry suddenly realised the owner of the voice who talked him through the mediation. Of cause it belongs to Snape, who else would it have been? Privately Harry thought he was so confused was because he had never heard Snape speak to anyone with that tone of voice and in his hearts of hearts he had hoped that the adult the voice belonged to would be someone who would speak to him like that. He was almost use to the stab of disappointment when he realised once again the adult he wanted to reach out to wasn’t going to reach back.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable with his thoughts Harry scrambled out of Theo’s hold and stood up. Both the Slytherins got up much more gracefully. Harry braced himself to the teasing and mocking. He would have already coped a chunk of it, had this happened in front of his housemates. But to his bewilderment, neither Snape nor Theo acted like anything unusual had happened. Unbeknown to Harry, both Slytherins was in fact use to people having emotional and magical outbreaks. Harry wasn’t the only teen to be suffering from a huge burden placed on their shoulders, but the Slytherins looked after one another, and no one outside their house had ever whiteness an outbreak.

“May I see your hand again?” Snape asked calmly while Theo went back to leaning casually against the wall. Harry held it out. He was both grateful that the others were pretending that nothing had happened. Whilst also wanting to get cranky at them for treating him like he was fragile, or at least he thought that’s what they were doing? Yet the magical and emotional outpouring had left him feeling quite drained. Not in the mood to deal with any sarcasm or anger. Harry concluded that his feelings were all over the place and it was probably best to leave it alone for the moment.

Snape bent over rewashing his hand, then said.

“Mister Nott, in the potion stores there is a jar with blue bog mud and a bottle with some Aloe vera cuttings, can you go and retrieve them. “ Theo nodded and slipped out of the room quietly. Harry realising he was alone with Snape, who was in a goodish mood, well not currently hating his guts anyway. Knew he wouldn’t get a better opportunity than this to do something that he had been wanting to do for months now. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, he was just doing it for his own peace of mind.

“Sir, I want to apologise,” Harry said formally.

“You have nothing to apologise for Mr Potter. Outbreaks like that are perfectly normal.”

“Not that, I want to apologise for my father.” Snape froze, then slowly looked up at Harry his face completely blank.

“Why are you apologising to me about your father?” He asked

“It turns out you were right. My father is not a hero he was nothing more than a bully. Sirius was telling me about the ‘pranks’ they played while they were at school, I never realised that they were bulling people. I thought the pranks were like the Weasley twins, harmless funny ones. But I was wrong.” Harry paused swallowing down his bitter disappointment. “I wish I hadn’t found that out. I’m ashamed to be his son, I don’t want to be anything like him. From what Sirius told me I know they bullied you. So I wanted to apologise to you.”

“What exactly did Black say they had done?” Snape asked dangerously.

“Nothing exactly, just vague stuff, that with the fact he constantly calls you names, led me to know they were bullies to you.” He looked at Snape’s face, then turn an alarming shade of white. “Oh God he did worse didn’t he? Fuck, I hate him. I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Harry pleaded wanting to atone.

The sounds of the pleads and the anguish filled green eyes, helped pull Snape out of his memories and gave him the nudge to continue on his new path of being an adult who would be there for the child.

“Mr Potter.” Snape began conversationally. “There is a theory about the sins of the Father, do you know it?” Harry shook his head mutely. “It goes like this “The Sins of the Father shall be visited upon the son’ it means that children are made to suffer for their parent's wrongdoings.” Harry felt this resonate within him. Yes, he constantly had to pay for the mistakes of his parents.

“As a son who also had a bastard of a Father, I hate that theory with a particular passion.” Snape continued, with Harry looking at him with amazement. He placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder and said solemnly “I shall not be forcing you to bare your Fathers sins and Harry? Thank You. Apologising to me, someone who you thought disliked you and who had been cruel to you in the past, even though you hadn’t done anything wrong. That took courage and shows you to be a better man than your father. I know that your mother would be extremely proud of you right now.”

Harry felt the tears he had been trying to keep inside, spill out of him.

“Shhh,” Snape said kindly. “Come here.”

And to both of their amazement, He swept Harry up in a hug. Neither knew where that came from but both felt better for it. Being held so protectively by an adult felt so nice and with the emotional upheaval Harry had been through not only the last hour but the last couple of months meant Harry began to cry harder once he was in Snape’s arms. Snape, never told him to stop crying but just held him rubbing his back and assuring Harry that he was here. When all the tears were gone Harry reluctantly stepped back, out of the hug. Snape offered him a cool damp facecloth to wipe his eyes. Harry was astounded to realise that apart from some mild embarrassment about hugging and crying on his teacher he actually felt a lot lighter than he had for ages.

It was a couple of seconds later that Theo knocked and entered the room carrying the ingredients. Harry was relieved at the good timing, not knowing that Snape had put a ward on the door and Theo once seeing it had waited patiently outside until it was released. Snape gather the bottles and with both boys watching he gave instructions to what he was doing as he set out making a cream to apply to Harry’s hand. It didn’t take long and he was soon applying it to the cursed words, Harry felt the soothing feeling spread and a part of his body relaxed that he didn’t know was tense.

“Now Mr Potter, we should make a plan for how to deal with Professor Umbridge’s detentions. Do you think you will be able to ignore her in order to not get anymore?” Snape asked sitting down at his desk. The two boys sat down as well as Harry thought.

“I’m going to try. Theo and I talked about it earlier, and it doesn’t make any sense to continue to get them as they aren’t achieving anything.” Harry replied. Snape’s eyebrow rose and he responded.

“Two points each. Harry for listing to good advice from a rival house and Theo for being able to talk sense into a Gryffindor.” Harry flushed then laughed when he saw Snape was gently teasing them both. Theo grinned pleased.

“How confident are you with this plan Mr Potter?” Harry ducked his head, before replying.

“A little, it makes sense but sometimes I just get so angry that I can’t help myself.” He decided to reply honestly. Snape nodded as Theo added

“That is one of the downfalls to being a teenager, wild mood swings.”

“I’ve never seen you have any mood swings.” Harry accused while Snape wondered just how it was that one of his snakes was spending so much time with the Gryffindor golden boy that they could comment on each other’s moods.

“Oh, I get them. “ Theo assured Harry with an eye roll. “That’s why I meditate each morning before getting up to try and help control them.”

“I don’t know how to meditate,” Harry grumbled quietly.

“I can offer an alternative plan,” Snape told them. “When professor Umbridge tries to give you detention, you will be able to inform her that you are already severing detention with me every night for the rest of the month.”

“For what infringement?” Theo asked trying to fill in the holes of the lie.

“For stealing blue mud and Aloe vera from the potions stores,” Snape replied amused. Harry pulled a face at having to spend every night with Snape but he agreed that it was better than the alternative.

“What would I be doing? Not really severing detention right?” He asked.

“That will entirely depend on you, Mr Potter. If you have in fact done something worthy of a detention then yes you will be doing that. If on the other hand, you are guilt-free I will start off by teaching you how to meditate and then work up to Occlumency.” Harry who had being hunching down at the beginning of the speech perked up at the end.

“What’s Occlumency?”

“It’s one of the mind arts,” Theo replied impressed. “It’s incredibly useful, as it protects your mind from attacks, helps you to remember things almost perfectly.”

“It also.” Snape continued. “Helps you control your emotions. And sort out your memories and,” Looking at the dark shadows under the boy's eyes. “Can help with your dreams.” Harry looked eager to learn.

“It’s almost curfew boys. You both best be getting to your common room. I would hate to have to catch you out on my patrol and have to give you detention for real.”

Both boys nodded and left the office, they walked together until they came to a corridor where they would have to split to go their separate ways. Theo surprised Harry by curling a hand around his neck and gave him a quick dirty kiss.

“What was that for?” Harry asked blinking

“To give you something else to think about tonight,” Theo replied suggestively

“Oh” Harry replied bashfully looked entirely too good to resist. Theo gave him another kiss then stepped back saying before Harry could ask.

“That one was for my own use.” He smirked at the blush creeping up Harry’s neck and saunter away entirely pleased with himself.

*                    *                             *

Harry wasn’t sure how he managed to get back to the common room having walked back in a daze. He could see Hermione sitting on one of the couches doing homework and decided to join her. He quickly grabbed his books and headed back downstairs. She gave him a pleased smiled when he sat down next to her and the two of them work on their projects. It was about half an hour later when Ron came bursting through the common room door. He looked around and spotting them ambled over before collapsing on the couch.

“Have a good fly?” Harry asked seeing his windswept appearance.

“Yeah Mate, it was brilliant. It was a shame you didn’t come.” Ron replied.

Harry shrugged mildly, he did love to fly but even with the outburst, his afternoon had turned out pretty good anyway. He saw Ron once more eyeing his shorn hair and grimacing out of the corner of his eye but ignored it like normal. Ron still hadn’t gotten used to the new length and had started a fight with the twins when he learned that they had taught Harry a hair cutting spell made specifically to keep it this short. Harry on the other hand was entirely grateful as he didn’t want to keep cutting his head every time some hair grew.

*               *                        *

The next morning, Harry watched the owl post come in. He was hoping Hedwig would come in for a bit of affection and some treats before heading off to the owlery to sleep. She did this often enough that Harry had started saving her a treat with his breakfast as a part of his normal routine. He was rather surprised when he got two owls landing before him. Hedwig gave an annoyed bark, at the other common barn owl. It held out its leg with the letter on it pompously. Showing her that it had an obvious reason to be here. Hedwig fluffed up her feathers and gave another bark of warning. The owl looked at her a bit fearfully now as Harry quickly removed the letter. He knew what was coming. Hedwig snapped her beak and hoped towards the other bird threateningly. It quickly flew off with an alarmed hoot. Hedwig settled her feathers and walked with an imperious air back to her human.

“Gees mate, your bird sure has attitude,” Dean said half admiring half unsure.

“I like it,” Harry replied as Hedwig settled on his shoulder. Regally she accepted the best cuts of meat that her human had set aside specifically for her. She then began to preen his head feathers. It was quite smart of her human to arrange his feathers this way. He never could keep them neat when they were longer. Looking over her human she could see he was still too skinny. Searching over the table she saw some meat and she did a quick dive snatching it out of another humans hands before placing it on her human’s plate. She then barked demandingly nudging the plate closer to him in case he didn’t get the message.

“Hey! I was going to eat that!” Ron exclaimed. Not moving her body Hedwig turned her head around and glared at the squawking human. Ron spread his arms out in a gestor of peace

“You know what. It’s cool. I want Harry to eat that sausage.” He quickly said. Ignoring all the other laughing humans Hedwig turned back to hers and stared him down until he ate the sausage. Pleased he had gotten some meat into him she jumped back up onto his shoulder. Harry grinned as the rest of the table teased Ron for backing down to a bird. He noticed though no one even hinted at attempting to stand up the Hedwig themselves though.

“Who was the letter from Harry?” Ron asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject. Harry glanced at it. Seeing it was Sirius he felt conflicted. On the one hand, he loved to hear from his godfather, on the other hand, the revelation of James and the rest of the marauder's true nature still hurt and he had been glad that Sirius hadn’t written yet. Resolving to read it after class he shoved it in his bag.

“It’s no one interesting, just the adult I was talking to about that old house in London,” Harry replied casually trying to deflect attention. Ron screwed up his eyes in thought mouthing the old house in London before his face suddenly cleared.

“Ohhhh, right him.” He replied. Harry sighed to himself. Ron was as subtle as a brick. The bell for classes ran and giving Hedwig a last scratch before she flew off. Harry joined the other students heading out to class.

*                        *                     *

“Hem, hem” The fake cough made Severus look up as Umbridge entered his office without knocking.

“Can I help you with something?” Severus drawled

“Yes, Harry Potter claims he can’t serve detention with me as he in fact has detention with you until the beginning of the holidays.” She said in a sugary sweet voice. Severus said nothing about the proposed one-month detention suddenly growing to almost three. He also wasn’t surprised that the boy couldn’t make it through one of her classes without lashing out.

“That is correct.” He replied.

“Goodness Snape, what on earth did the boy do to incur your wrath so.” She asked eagerly. Seeing that, Severus knew what reply to give in order to help the boy.

“The brat thought he could steal from the potion supplies. He is just like his father so arrogant.” He spat, although he was pleased to notice that he no longer meant the words. “The rest of the wizarding society is too soft on him, well not me. I will teach that boy his place. Even if I have to pound it through his thick skull with endless detentions. I have always found fear and pain to be great teaching aids.”

“Well… I see..” Umbridge paused, Severus knew she was in a dilemma, on the one hand, she was thrilled someone else was making Harry suffer and didn’t seem to believe in him. On the other hand, she was now the high inquisitor and couldn’t public condone that sort of behaviour. Severus thought he knew how she was going to react and he wasn’t proven wrong. There was no one else around to witness her give him a smile and a little nod of approval. She then walked out and Severus knew that she wouldn’t inquire more into it so that she could claim public deniability if anything came to light. A sneer flitter over his face. Politicians, they were all the same.

With a sigh, he settled his mind before checking on the time. He had an appointment with the Headmaster. Snape wanted to bring up the lack of mind healer for Harry with him. He hoped that just because he didn’t know what a mind healer was didn’t mean he wasn’t seeing one. Maybe they just hadn’t told the boy what their job was, or maybe Albus had gotten a muggle psychologist. He was doing his best to fight down the doubt. But in the back of his mind was a little voice praying. Please merlin, don’t let it be that they didn’t get any help for the child what so ever. Severus stepped gracefully out of the Headmasters floo. Flicking his wand to clean up any stray ash.

“Ah, Severus my boy. Right on time as per normal.” Dumbledore said happily.

“Good evening, Albus.” He replied taking a seat. He accepted the tea Albus gave him and took a fortifying sip while the headmaster prattled on with niceties. Once he had his own tea in hand and they were both settled Albus inquired.

“Now my boy, what did you call this meeting for?”

“I wish to discuss Harry Potters mind healer,” Severus said firmly.

“Ah,” Albus said surprised. “The child needs more sessions with whoever you have organised. You can bring them into the castle….” Severus began before Albus interrupted him.

“I have not in fact organised any mind healers for Harry.” Severus put down his cup shocked, even with his doubts he had thought better.

“Why not? The child needs healing!!”

“For security reasons Harry cannot have a mind healer at this moment,” Albus said solemnly. Severus stared at him incredulously.

“I understand why the security around the child needs to be perfect, but there are still ways. The healer could swear an unbreakable vow. I know of a few discreet and considering the war efforts completely neutral healers. I could get in contact with them.” He offered.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible at this time,” Albus said firmly. Severus opened his mouth to continue to argue but was met with the cool stare of the extremely powerful general of the light. The one person Voldemort was afraid to fight. And one of his masters.

His training kicked in and he bowed his head in submission falling to his knees, the “Yes Sir.” coming out automatically to his master’s unspoken command. The general was tucked away with the grandfather once more coming to the front as Albus sighed sadly.

“Oh Severus, it brings me no joy to see you in such a fashion.”

It took a few moments before Severus was able to start to build the snarky potion master personality back up. His occlumency flicked him into the slave mindset for protection and continued survival the second it registered a command from one of his masters. Albus knew this and he waited patiently for Severus to finish. Once he was done he retook his seat and accepted the new cup of tea on autopilot. Once he had finished drinking it he dared to venture.

“I don’t know what you have planned for the child. But logically it doesn’t make sense to keep him wounded.”

Albus genuinely looked sorrowful as he replied. “There are factors which you can’t know about that change the equation. Besides, he is young, and the youth have an amazing capacity to bounce back.” Severus wanted to argue that last statement in particular but knew it was no use. He nodded and stood up.

“May I be excused back to my quarters?” He asked. Albus winced at the second reminder of his statues then nodded. He watched as Severus flooed away then sighed again as a single tear fell from his eye.

“Oh my poor boys, I do so want the very best for you both. But I fear it’s not going to be so.”

*                   *                            *

Harry pulled his curtains closed and got out the letter from Sirius. He had an hour before he had to go to Snape’s office for ‘detention’ and he hoped to cheer himself up from the crappy day he had so far. The only bright point after breakfast was being able to tell Umbitch that he had detention with Snape when she had tried to give him some. Of cause, the bitch kept trying to assign it further and further away until Harry had given in and said he had it until the beginning of the Christmas break. As he had thought it would the thought of him being in that much detention had pleased her enough that she had left it alone saying she was going to talk with Snape after. Harry did not doubt that Snape would go along with the lie and so hadn’t been worried. Of cause, this meant he had to suffer Hermione’s lectures and when Ron complained about Snape being a greasy git and dungeon bat, Harry found himself in the weird position of wanting to defend Snape but not being able to. In self-defense, he had fled to his bed.

Opening the letter he began to read

Dear Progslett.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          What’s this I hear about you cutting your hair? What did you want to go and do that for? I could have understood if you were pulling a prank, but my source says you have had it for over a month now. Listen, Harry, no prank is worth doing it for that long. Trust me. The longest we ever played the one prank was three weeks and let me tell you it was epic but never again. Anyway just nip down to Pomfrey she set you right in a jiffy and you can get back to wooing the ladies just like your dad. You’ll never get a girl with next to no hair. But with your hair, you can be like James. He never had any trouble pulling a bird. If any of those Slytherin’s give you any trouble I have the perfect prank for you to play on them, in fact, you and Ron should use it for a pre-emptive strike. Your dad and I played it on Snape once, it is a ………..

Harry didn’t bother to read the rest of the letter he ripped it up angrily. For fuck sake, did Sirius have to constantly compare him with his bulling prat of a father? And Harry bet Sirius source had red hair and slept in the bed next to his. The last thing he needed was for Sirius and Ron to team up about his hair. Yes, he had done it in a moment of spite. But nothing he had heard about his father made him regret the move at all. There would be no power on earth that would make him change it back. And the ladies part, first off he didn’t want to hear that his dad was a man-slut before he got with his mother, second off Sirius never even considered that maybe Harry wasn’t interested in girls like that. As far as he was concerned girls had never left the ‘eww, icky’ column. Harry took great delight in incinerating the letter and watching the ash drift around. He then got a quill and parchment and wrote an angry reply back to Sirius, telling him he didn’t want to be like his father that he was his own person and that he didn’t like girls anyway, and his hair was staying the way it was.Once he was done he cast a Tempus and saw he would have enough time to give the letter to Hedwig in the owlery and then head to Snape’s if he ran.

*                         *                                   *

The detentions over the past couple of months with Snape had been odd. His professor seemed to have deep thoughts on his mind. He would often ask a question about his home life then frown over the answer as they went through the beginning stages of mediation. Harry thought it sounded a bit ridiculous like breathing could control your mind. Never the less by the time he was done he had to admit that he did feel a lot more settled.

He rounded a corner to see Theo at the other end of the walkway. Theo looked back and winked at him before disappearing around the bend Harry hurried after him. Theo then proceeded to lead him on a merry chase all through the castle as they tried to avoid other people using all their knowledge of secret passageways and trick doors. There was a couple of times where due to knowledge the Marauders map had given him, Harry had been able to come out ahead of Theo who only looked startled for a moment before changing direction. By the time he managed to catch Theo in an out of the corner way his blood was up from the chase.

After grabbing onto him, they surged together, kissing hungrily. “We… so have to….. do this again.” Harry gasped in-between kisses. He didn’t know what it was but something about the whole chase and capture scene really appealed to him. Theo hummed in agreeance. He had thought Harry would like the chase but was thrilled with how much he seemed to enjoy it.

He knew he had a precious thing here with Harry and was going to do all in his power to hold onto him. He knew he wasn’t anywhere in the same league as the Boy-who-lived. Although he hated that moniker and was only interested in Harry and not the fame that went with the name. Hopeful he could do enough that Harry would never come to his senses and leave the son of a death eater for a respectable light wixen, probably the female Weasley.

He broke away from his lips and began to kiss down his neck to see if he liked that. Going by the groan and the hand in his hair holding him in place he was going to go with yes. Harry panted as Theo continued to kiss and suck his neck, he had heard the other boys talking about this but hadn’t understood the appeal. But Oh, yeah, this was a bit of alright. He got it now. Seeing Theo ear he thought he would try out something else the boys had talked about. He gently nibbled it before flicking his tongue behind the ear. Feeling the moan against his neck he figured he wasn’t screwing it up too badly and continued.

As their make-out session progressed Harry realised that Theo along with everything else he was doing was constantly dragging his hand through the black fluff on his head. He pulled away for a moment to ask.

“Why are you patting my hair?”

“Do you mind? I just can’t help myself. Merlin, it so soft!”

“God no,” Harry replied. “I was just checking, carry on.” Theo laughed as Harry got them back to where they were.

*                        *                             *

Harry entered the common room and flopped down next to Ron.

“How was detention?” Hermione asked looking up from the chess game they were playing.

“Fine” Harry replied with a smile. Ron looked across and chuckled

“Oh ho, there is no way detention with the bat left you smiling like that, Spill mate, you were seeing someone after weren’t you.” Harry felt a helpless smile spread across his face as he half-heartedly protested.

“Nooooo.” He drawled. Even Hermione laughed at that pathetic attempt.

“I knew it.” Ron crowed triumphantly. “All that, ‘going off to think’ crap, really you were making out.” Ron tickled Harry’s side and he tried to bat him away while laughing.

“No, get off.” Ron finally relented leaning back as Hermione said happily,

“So who is she? What is she like?”

“What is making out with her like? Does she have big knockers?” Ron interrupted cupping the air in front of his chest.

“Ron!” Hermione scolded hitting him over the head with the book she was currently holding. “You don’t ask things like that, and for goodness sake have some respect.”

Harry laughed as she beat Ron into submission

“Alright, alright, gees Hermione,” Ron whined rubbing his head.

“And if I don’t tell you who?” Harry asked smiling

“We’ll be able to guess I’m sure.” Ron said, “It’s no one from Gryffindor, I would already know about it if it was. You probably don’t want someone too brainy so that knocks out most of Ravenclaw.” Ignoring Hermione huff at the brainy part. “There are some pretty fit birds in Hufflepuff. I reckon it might be one of them.”

“You aren’t even close, she is a he, to start with. “ Harry laughed.

He looked up at the sudden silence to see Hermione biting her lip with worry while Ron looked deadly serious.

“What? What is it?”

“Harry mate, guys don’t date guys,” Ron replied

“What?” Harry replied confused. “Yes they do, I saw two older Ravenclaw boys dating.”

“Harry,” Hermione began tentatively. “No one obviously told you this but only some of the traditional purebloods accept same-sex couples.”

“She means only Dark wixen do. Anyone who is Light knows it’s abnormal.” Ron said.

“Really?” Harry asked weakly a sinking feeling of despair appear inside of him Both Ron and Hermione nodded with straight faces.

“Oh Harry, I thought for sure you knew this.”

“Tell me who took advantage of you mate, and me and my brothers will teach him a lesson for trying to corrupt the Boy-who-lived,” Ron promised darkly. Harry shook his head, half in refusal half in denial.

“I’m going to go to bed.” He gasped out.

“Of cause Harry, this must have been such a shock for you,” Hermione said sympathetically.

Harry just nodded woodenly and staged away to his bed. Drawing his curtain and casting the silencing charm.

“FUUUUCKKKK”

Harry screamed his throat raw punching his leg again and again in anger. Hitting it harder and harder trying to beat the unnaturalness out of himself. He didn’t know if Theo had tricked him or not. But that didn’t change the fact that once again he had proven himself to be an abomination. Theo hadn’t made him feel the way he did. His thoughts on boys had been all his own. His leg was mottling up with a bruise as he continued to punch it.

The pain only serving the drive his self-hatred deeper.

“Disgusting Feak.” He cursed himself.

“Dirty. Unnatural. Poofter.” He continued to hit his leg, he needed to be punished. There was something wrong with him. Something wrong in his mind that made him think things about boy’s bodies instead of girls. He looked down at his groin in disgust.

“It’s all your fault.” He hiss savagely.

Kneeling up he clasped both his hands into a fist above his head then with all his strength he brought them swinging down slamming into his groin.

Instantly everything whited out, then the pain came rushing back in. Harry found himself curled up legs drawn tight to his stomach in an unconscious effort to soothe the fiery pain and heat that was radiated out from his groin. He wheezed in distress, not able to move. The tears came then pouring out of him like he was a deficient bucket with holes in the bottom. He would never be normal, no one would ever be able to love him. He would spend the rest of his life alone and unwanted because of his taint. He gasped again the tears and blocked nose making it almost impossible to breathe. Feeling like he was drowning he continued to cry until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

By the time morning had come around, Harry was exhausted. He had barely gotten any sleep and what sleep he did get was filled with nightmares. He got the full range from the graveyard to a long black hall with a door at the end that he desperately wanted to go through, to him standing naked in front of all of his loved ones, the Weasley’s Sirius, Remus, and Hermione. And they all shouted slurs at him and turned away in disgust. His body was still radiating pain and Harry wasn’t sure he could move. He had managed to cover himself with a blanket but was still curled up in the foetal position. Ron poked his head through the curtains and asked concerned.

“Are you getting up soon?” Harry shook his head. Ron pulled a face and said agreeably.

“I’ll tell all your teachers that you are feeling sick. It must be horrible to find out you have been used that way. Spend the day in bad mate.”

“Thanks, Ron.” Harry croaked out.

Grateful to have such an understanding best mate who would cover for him when he screwed up this badly. Ron nodded then withdrew. Harry listen listlessly as the rest of his dorm mates got up and ready for school.

About an hour after they left Harry shuffled out of bed. He couldn’t stand up straight but had to walk hunched over to the bathroom. It was made doubly hard by the fact the leg he had punched was reluctant to take too much weight. He forced himself to walk on both legs, sweat breaking out of his forehead, with the twin sensation of pain. It hurt both sites when he moved and he just wanted to stay still for as long as possible. But he knew from experience that it was best to ‘walk it off’.

He gave a cry of alarm when he tried to pee and it felt like he was pissing out acid. He looked down in shock to see blood coloured urine. He realised that he had done a serious amount of damage to himself, but the guilt and self-hatred smothered him telling him that he needed to suffer before he could be cleansed. He was sorta glad that he was this badly hurt. This way he was being punished for his mistakes. His childhood had taught him that it was always better to take the punishment as soon as possible after making a mistake otherwise the punishment would be worse and it would be that much longer before he could be forgiven. Of cause, Harry had trouble remaining normal and often made the same mistake again and again.

Hobbling back to his bed, he had to pause leaning against the nearest surface again and again as his leg was shaking with the pain, and cramps in his abdomen were starting up. He collapsed on his bed, shaking and covered in sweat. He was now doubly glad Ron had told everyone he was sick. There was no way he could go out in public like this. He couldn’t cover this up and it would raise too many questions. Drawing his wand from under his pillow he charmed his curtains closed, then fell into a pain-filled nap. He spent the rest of the day dozing when he could and when the pain got so bad that it woke him, he lay there drowning in dark thoughts.

When Ron came to check on him after school he was asleep and seeing his pale drawn face Ron took mercy on him and let him be. Keeping the other boys out of the room as much as possible and making sure they spoke in whispers if they were in the room. He hovered protectively near Harry’s bed, and not that he knew it acting a lot like his mother when one of her children was sick. He only had to scold Neville for dropping a book in a heated whisper for the other boys to decide they wanted to hang out in the common room, rather than be attacked by Ron’s protective stance.

Once he was happy that the boys wouldn’t be disturbing Harry. He got a glass of water and gave up one of his chocolate frogs and left them on Harry’s bedside table, for when he woke up. Glad that Harry was looked after for the moment Ron went to join the other boys so he wouldn’t wake Harry by rattling around the bedroom.

*                                    *                           *

By the next day, Harry was able to get up and walk again. His magic working overtime to try and heal him. He was still walking tenderly and with a limp, but he could go back to classes. He knew if he had two days off in a row he had to be seen by Madam Pomfrey. Wanting to avoid her attention he dragged himself off the last day of classes before the Christmas break would begin. With his magic drained he was completely useless in the classroom.

The only advantage was in defence. Harry was so relieved to sit still and not do anything, that he was quite happy to stare at his book. He still didn’t read a single word of the stupid thing but let his mind wander. If fact when Professor Umbridge started going on about liars and no danger in the outside world he didn’t react at all. (He hadn’t actually heard her, as he had stopped paying attention to her speaking.) He just continued to stare woodenly at his book. It left the impression in Umbridge mind that not only was he an unhinged liar but he was very dim-witted as well.

By the time the end of classes came, Harry had spent the majority of the day in a daze. Ron had also spent the day in deep thought as he led his best friend around. He pulled an unprotesting Harry into an empty classroom followed by a curious Hermione.

“Hermione, can you put up some ears dropping wards and silencing spells? I would, but you’re the best at doing them and I don’t want anybody listing into our conversation.” Ron asked, not seeing her pleased blush as the complement. She did as he asked, and then the two of them transfigured three chairs into comfortable couches while Harry watches on bemused and a bit distant.

“Right, we need to have a serious conversation.” Ron started once they were all seated. Harry came back to the present, dragging his mind out of the fog it had been in.

“Here is the thing. Harry, I have been thinking about this a lot, and I reckon there is something wrong with you.” Harry bowed his head with acceptance.

“RON!” Hermione snapped.

“No, listen.” Ron returned earnestly. “I get that Harry didn’t know about the homo thing, and I don’t blame him for that. But if some guy came up and kissed me, I would punch him in the mouth. Not kiss him back. So there is something wrong with Harry, which is not his fault.” He hurried added when he saw Hermione open her mouth. “And it is disgusting that some bastard took advantage of that. Are you sure you don’t want to tell us who that was mate?” Harry shook his head and Ron sighed but nodded.

“Yeah, I reckon I would want to tell anyone either, I get it. “ He then turns back to Hermione and said.

“So we need to help Harry. It’s probably the fault of those crappy Muggles he lives with. They probably did something that made his wires cross in his brain.” Hermione bit her lip then said.

“He could have been born this way, I think they are trying to prove that in the muggle world.” Ron nodded.

“Yeah it happens sometimes here as well, but in the wizarding world, we can help the people here control it. To start with I think we should set some new rules for Harry to live by. To help guide him.” Hermione looked unsure so Harry spoke up.

“I actually think it is a good idea. There is so much stuff that I don’t know that everybody else does. It would be nice to have some guidelines.” Ron clapped him on the shoulder.

“I knew you would understand. I know you hate being not normal, this way we can help you get better.” He replied happily.

“Ok, to start with, you need to get changed behind your curtains, and make sure you’re not in the bathroom at the same time as someone else having a shower.” Harry hesitantly pointed out.

“Um, I don’t find every boy attractive, and I never been interested in anyone from our dorm.”

“That’s good to know Harry. This means it’s not as bad as I feared. Still, it’s best to keep you away from temptation. We don’t want you to get worse, especially since you have already fallen off the wagon.” Harry flushed with shame. Ron punched him gently on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry mate, we are going to help you until you can be normal again.”

“I’m going to look for some book on how to help. “ Hermione added. “I want to make sure we use the best way possible.”

“Thank guys,” Harry said gratefully.

He was so pleased to see his two best friends were still with him. He once more believed they would be with him no matter what. It looked like that part of the nightmare was wrong. Still, he couldn’t be completely happy a voice in the back of his head was whispering that he was still deceiving them. Theo had never made a move on Harry. He was the one to initiate all the physical contact between them, and it was Harry who first kissed Theo.

“Look at the time Harry, you better get going if you don’t want to be late for detention with Snape. “ Hermione informed him.

*                       *                       *

At some stage on his journey to Snape’s office, Theo had joined him walking quietly at his side. Harry touched his elbow gingerly.

“Can I have a word?” He asked. Theo looked at him searchingly then nodded and led him to a classroom that was near Snape’s office.

“You were sick yesterday? Are you alright?” Theo asked concerned.

Harry took a shaky breath, god this was hard. He loved the way Theo made him feel, and the kisses had been additive. But more than that he had genially enjoyed Theo’s company. However he knew he was a terribly weak person and if Theo stayed near him, he wouldn’t be able to help himself and would fall off the wagon again. After all his friends had done for him, he was determined to do his bit, no matter how hard it was.

“I’m fine that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” Harry took a deep breath and continued. “We should stop seeing each other.”

Theo stepped back with shock, then putting his hands in his pocket he waited, once again giving Harry the time to say all he wanted to say without interruptions. Which only made it harder, this act of kindness when Harry was taking away their happiness.

“I’m so sorry Theo, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Harry rushed out trying to reassure him. “It’s totally my fault.”

“You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech?” Theo asked coldly

“What?” Harry asked bewildered. Was there some kind of gay brake up speech he had never heard of? Seeing the sincerity in Harry’s face. Theo pinched his nose in frustration then crossed his arms.

“Continue.” He said.

“It’s just, I didn’t know that boys aren’t supposed to kiss other boys. “Harry explained earnestly. “I only just found out, and I feel really bad that I corrupted you. Like I said before, I know you did nothing wrong, I was the one who started all of this. I kissed you first and led you astray and I’m really sorry for that.”

“And if I don’t think that way?” Theo asked frostily

“Oh, did you not know about this as well?” Harry asked surprised, maybe they had both been unknowingly misled.

“I know that some people have issues with it. I am not one of them.” Theo replied. “I thought you weren’t either.”

“Yeah, that’s my fault,” Harry replied trying to take all the blame as he rubbed the back of his head in a self-soothing gestor. “There is so much about the wizarding world that I don’t know. And I’m learning as quickly as I can, but there are times when things slip through the cracks. This was one of them. I am so sorry Theo really I am.”

Theo’s face had turned alarming blank the longer Harry talk until he couldn’t see any emotion at all.

“I see,” Theo replied blankly.

“I really am sorry,” Harry said again. He was willing to bear all the fault in this he didn’t want Theo to have any guilt.

“I’ll take my leave then,” Theo replied and turned and left abruptly.

Harry took a couple of wet gasps. The pain of seeing Theo walk away was more than he expected it to be. This had to be the hardest thing he had ever done, to send Theo away took more effort and strength than fighting Voldemort ever had. Harry was sure that despite not wanting to that he had hurt Theo terribly. And that made things so much worse. Harry would gladly take all the pain and hurt so that Theo didn’t have to have any. But to know that he had caused this pain instead of taking it away cut all the deeper. Here was more proof that Harry did nothing but hurt those who got close to him. Theo hadn’t even been around him for that long and Harry stabbed him in the heart. Not for the first time the thought, the world would be a better place if he wasn’t in it popped up. But this time the thought was stronger and lingered far longer than it had before.

*                               *                              *

Harry entered Snape’s office almost on autopilot, to be confronted with his potion teacher standing in the middle of the room arms crossed with a grumpy frown on his face.

“Sir?” Harry asked

“What’s wrong with you? You have been limping around the school and not paying attention in class.” Snape demanded.

“Oh,” Harry replied distantly. “No, I’m fine. I’m here to learn to breathe? Which is kinda odd when you think of it. I thought I had been breathing, I thought I had been doing it all my life. It doesn’t surprise me that I have screwed that up as well. Stupid potter can’t even breathe right.”

Snape rushed over to the child alarmed but his vague and rambling answer. He picked Harry up concerned with how light he was and placed him gently in the chair. “Look at me.” He said, then shone his wand at the child’s eyes noticing the slowed reaction and glazed appearance. He cast a diagnostic charms over him, red light flaring over his head, right outer thigh, and groin area. Knowing that the shock would kill him before any other injury Snape cast a warming charm on him, then taking off his outer robe he wrapped the child up. He quickly got a calming draft and got the child to drink it followed by a glass of water.

“You’re in shock.” He hold Harry, who had been extremely biddable so far.

“Ok.” The child agreed blinking up at him.

“I’m going to get Madam Pomfrey to come and check on your injuries.” For the first time, the child stirred shaking his head furiously in refusal. The monitor charm showing his heart rate started flashing as his heart sped up.

“Alright, no Pomfrey.” Snape soothed, and with relief watched as the heart rate slowly dropped back down.

“But Harry I need to check on those injuries. Receiving them put your body in shock.”

“No Sir,” Harry corrected. “I got them two days ago.”

Snape paused then he knelt down in front of Harry.

“Then how did you fall into shock?”

“I don’t know Sir.”

“What were you doing just before you arrive here?”

“I was breaking up with Theo.”

“You were dating Mr Nott?” Snape asked surprised. Harry misunderstood and hung his head saying sadly.

“I didn’t know it was bad. ‘m sorry. I’m trying to fix it”

He thought he heard Snape swear “Fucking Light” under his breath but that couldn’t be right. Snape took both his hands and held them still kneeling before him which put them at head height.

“Harry, I want you to listen to me very carefully ok,” Snape said clearly. Harry nodded looking shyly at him. He had never had an adult look at him this way before like he was very important and they wanted to make sure he fully understood what they were going to say.

“Your feelings for Theo are not bad or wrong. They are completely natural and normal.” Harry gasped and started to cry silently.

“The reason you would have gotten a mixed response to this is that some time ago the muggle-borns brought a fear of same-sex couples into the wizarding world. The main issue being the fact that any same-sex couple would not be able to have any natural-born children. There was also a fear of blood magic. There is a potion, where blood willing given can make an adopted child into a full-blooded one. But the muggle-borns at that time didn’t understand and they feared this was an act of black magic. As the wizarding world has always placed a lot of weight on the importance of continuing the family line the light embraced this belief and within a couple of generations, fear of same-sex couples became cemented in their mind, whether they were pureblood or not. Those of the neutral or dark faction have never had any issues with this.”

“Oh,” Harry replied reeling. Had he hurt Theo for no reason? God, he was constantly fucking things up. Here he had the one good thing that had been going for him this year and he tore it apart. And yet the Boy-who-lived couldn’t be gay. He couldn’t repay his best friends trust in him, going against their abhorrence. It went against everything the hero of the wizarding world stood for. And yet poor Theo, Harry had forced himself upon him, and then instead of throwing him off like anyone normal, Theo had been abundantly kind and went along with the whole thing. Only to be rewarded with Harry slapping him in the face with his ignorance. Had he known there would have been a chance that they could have remained friends. But he was too arrogant to open a book and find out the rules, he just sat back and waited for other people to do all the hard work and tell him. Now, he had destroyed any chance of that happing. He constantly self-destructed any chance he had at happiness. It was like he wanted to be unloved forever.

Snape softly squeezed his hands bringing his attention back to him.

“I promise we can talk more about this later, but I still would like to check out your injuries.”

“Ok” Harry replied meekly. The fact he was still in the stages of shock and was reeling from this new information had his brain half shutting down. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew there was a reason he didn’t want anyone to see, but he could remember what it was. He had gone into survival mode, which because of his childhood meant doing anything an adult asked of him and not to think as much as possible.

Snape didn’t want to do this but Harry’s health was more important than his delicate sensibilities. Besides which with his training he had helped out Pomfrey in the hospital wing with the male patience on many occasions. He performed a couple of transfiguration turning his office into a mini-hospital wing. He then led Harry over to the hospital bed and positioned the folding screen in front of him.

“Ok Harry, I need you to remove your trousers and pants then hop up onto the bed. You can keep the rest of your clothes on including my teaching gown.” He listens to the sound of clothing being removed then the sheets squeak as Harry climbed up.

“Ok,” Harry called out. Snape got Harry to lie down on the bed.

“Harry I’m going to start by lifting the gown to just above this injury on your right thigh ok?” Snape explained. Harry nodded and Snape was careful to only expose that one leg. Pleased Harry was wearing his gown as it made it possible to check his injuries without making the child feel naked. There was a massive deep bruise on the thigh, pitch-black in colour, and the area was swollen. Snape cast a spell and wasn’t surprised to read that the trauma was so deep that the bone was bruised as well. He cast a healing charm then went and got his strongest jar of bruise paste. He applied it gently but was greatly alarmed when the child didn’t even flinch. No matter how gentle he was that had to hurt. Just how high was Harry’s pain tolerance? Although this did explain how he managed to walk on it today.

Covering his leg back up again Snape applied his Occlumency shields before attempting the groin area. He had a feeling seeing how bad this was that it would be a lot worse.

“You’re doing really well Harry.” Snape praised. “I’m going to check your groin area now.” Harry nodded again his head turned away as it had been for this whole procedure. Snape was glad he had been wearing his split robes it meant he could expose the groin while still keeping Harry’s legs covered.

Once he did so the sight that greeted him was so horrific that his Occlumency shields almost fell they were rattled that hard. Snape had seen a lot of atrocities as a death eater. This was up there. The whole groin area was misshapen and swollen. It was mottled in areas of pitch black and bright red. Snape had no idea had the boy was still moving. He should be in St Mungo’s in the critical ward.

The only possible explanation was the boys magic much have kicked in doing all it could to help. No wonder the child couldn’t do his schoolwork today. His magic must be all but drained away. It would take a couple of days of rest before it would refill again. Snape was oddly glad Harry had come to him. As talented as Pomfrey was, no light spell would be able to help. If fact except for the spell he had created he wasn’t sure a Dark spell would have been able to help either. If it hadn’t been for this spell they would have been left with no choice but to try and soothe some of the symptoms and then just wait. Wait to see if Harry’s magic would be able to heal him.

He took out his wand and began the incarnation which was somewhere between a chant and a song. He kept it up not stopping as with each pass of his wand the groin slowly got a little better. An unknown time later the groin was finally healed. Snape stopped chanting and staggered over to a seat. The blessing and downside to this spell was it drained the casters magic to heal. This was perfect for Harry as he didn’t have any magic spare at the moment, but it did mean that Snape was going to have to rest now. His magic was half drain from him.

“You can get dressed now, Harry.” He said tiredly. The child slowly sat up then slid off the bed getting dressed. Snape wanted to talk about the injuries, hate for the Light burring bright in him. He was all but convinced they would have done it under some stupid excess, like using pain to beat temptation from his body. But with tiredness creeping upon him, he knew it would have to wait until tomorrow night’s detention. With the mood he was in, he knew there was no way he would be able to remain calm and collected enough to have this discussion.

Harry reappeared from around the screen redressed. He had taken Snape’s gown off and held it in one hand.

“That’s all for tonight Harry. You can leave the gown on the tablet.” The child did as he was bid. Walking to the door he paused and glancing back said gratefully.

“Thank you, Professor.” Snape nodded tiredly.

“We will discuss this tomorrow night. In the meantime, I want you to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

“I will, Professor, I promise,” Harry answered.

Had Snape been in his normal frame of mind he would have been concerned with Harry’s formal answers and the queer look on his face. However, he didn’t catch them at this time, something that would haunt him for years to come.

*                                     *                                    *

Harry sat in his window seat looking out at the restful night scene. He had made an important decision while he was in Snape’s office and ever since then he had been feeling entirely peaceful. In fact his head sorta felt like it was floating above his body. He had decided to remove himself from this world. To make sure ‘things’ like all the mistakes he had made lately didn’t happen again.

More and more circumstances happened to show him that he should be dead. If he had died with his parents like he was supposed to then things would have been better. Because of some freak chance that he lived, the world had been trying to fix that mistake ever since. First, it had sent him to live with the Dursley to try and show him that the world didn’t want him in it. The Dursley certainly had told him that multiple times. But Harry had been too stupid to listen, so the world had been forced to step up its game in order for the message to get across. If Harry was too thick to listen to his own agony then the world would have no choice but to hurt those around him. Each year that Harry insist on continuing to live the pain others suffered got worse.

In first year Ron was beaten by the chess set and then Harry goes and kills Professor Quirrell with his bare hands. Second-year, Hermione is almost eaten by a basilisk and ends up petrified. And innocent Ginny is possessed and all but drained of life. Third-year Ron is once again hurt, his leg braking and being kidnapped by what he thought was a mass murder. Sirius is attacked by dementors and almost has his soul destroyed. Then last year the world got so fed up with Harry refusing to listen that poor Cedric was killed. All because of Harry. Not only that but now countless people were suffering and being killed because Harry brought back Voldemort.

And now look at this year. It had barely started and already Harry had caused Theo to have his heartbroken, he had spread his disgusting gayness and made Ron and Hermione have to take on extra work to help try and fix him. And now even Professor Snape was becoming affected by Harry’s taint. Having to perform so much magic that he is left exhausted. Yes, the world would certainly be better off if he wasn’t here anymore. The wizarding world might say they wanted Harry Potter, but they were only interested in the storybook hero. And Harry had tried to live up to that ideal but he had fallen so short again and again.

For those who actually knew him, well the benefits outweighed the disadvantage of not having him around. Hermione would be able to concentrate properly on her school work and show the world just how amazing she is. Ron would finally be able to step out of the shadow cast by Harry’s fame. (Harry knew how dark that shadow was, he had been smothered by it multiple times.) And Theo, his Theo, would be able to find someone who wasn’t so deficient that they led him on then broke his heart.

Looking down in his lap, the potion knife gleamed as the moonlight hit it. Harry picked it up and having already rolled up his sleeves he placed the tip against his inner arm by the elbow joint. The knife slipped a little, jolting Harry and he looked down at the small cut in surprise. Taking a breath he put it back and hesitantly applied pressure. Again he stopped after a second, not use to the sensation of his skin parting so easily followed by a long pause before the pain hit. It took Harry a couple more tries before he took a deep breath and holding the knife securely, slit it from the elbow down to his wrist. The knife had been so sharp that it had cut a lot deeper then Harry was trying for. He was astounded at the amount of blood that gushed from his arm. Worried that he wouldn’t have enough strength to do the second arm if he didn’t hurry. He placed the knife pointing upwards in between his knees, squeezing it tightly. He then placed his other inner arm against the knife and pulled backward. It wasn’t as neat a cut as his first arm but it did the job.

Harry slowly slumped over arms spread out to either side of him. Oh, I’m cold. He thought absentmindedly. I didn’t know dying meant you felt cold. He blinked the thought away as he watched the blood continue to pour from his arm. His magic stirred sluggishly trying to heal him but he was still drained. All it could do was make him linger for a little longer. Harry could feel his vision dimming, there was darkness around the outside of his sight and it was slowly creeping inwards. He was becoming very sleepy, his eyes closing for…..

Longer…..

And longer…..

Periods.

I’m coming home Mummy, I miss you. Just wait for me a little longer. He thought peacefully. Cracking his eyes open for the last time he saw a blurry figure dressed all in black coming towards him. Hello Death, I’m ready now. He held out a wobbly hand and closed his eyes willing himself into the angel’s embrace. The last thing he heard before the darkness overtook him was an anguished cried coming faintly from far away.

“HARRY, NO!”