Chapter Text
“ Now there are Snapes on a plane,” Harry told the professor as he insisted on helping the teen get his luggage onto the Parkinson’s plane. He motioned to Julian. “There are now plural Snapes.”
Severus gave him an unimpressed look. “Just because this git is stuck in my head does not make us married,” he grumbled, but Julian was giving Harry a thumbs up from behind Severus.
“I can hear you laughing in my head and it’s not funny,” the darker-haired man huffed.
“It’s a little funny,” Pansy piped up as she walked up the steps to the plane, Nagini following her.
“I can’t believe we’re sneaking snakes through customs again, this time knowingly,” Ron sighed, Sapphire perching comfortably on his head, the spiral-shaped scars on his arms vacillating as he picked up his duffel bag, only to have Viktor take it from him and insist on carrying it.
“Oh relax- what is life if you don’t break a few rules?” Hermione batted his ear fondly, which caused the redhead to look at Pansy, aghast.
“You get out of her head- it’s bad enough that I’m getting smarter, but you’re turning ‘Mione into a… a miscreant! Which is a word I didn’t even know before that comet came along!”
“Ronald,” Hermione looked down her nose at him, raising her eyebrows. “I set a teacher on fire first year- I was never miss goody-two-shoes.”
“That girl’s been breaking all the house rules since she was a child- hiding a flashlight under her covers to read after bedtime,” Jean Granger said fondly, offering her daughter a scrunchy for her hair, which was bouncing about her face in tight curls.
“I’m so excited to see all the native plant life in Australia,” Neville exclaimed, hand-in-hand with Blaise, mirroring the position of Frank and Alice, who were doing the same thing behind them.
“I still think it’s a bad idea to go to Queensland during magpie swooping season, and renting a house in the suburbs, of all things…” Minerva worried the hem of her blouse as they all boarded and the plane doors shut.
“Mama, millions of Australians live in Australia and stay alive every day… honestly, the white Australians have killed more than anything else on that island- poor aboriginals,” Harry sighed sadly.
“I told you not to watch The Rabbit Proof Fence, but no one listens to me,” Hannah shook her head at her friend in a knowing way.
“ I didn’t even pick the movie last night- blame Hermione for choosing something educational that pertained to our trip,” he defended himself.
“But it was your idea to watch something educational that pertained to our trip- I just happened to know something that fit the bill,” the black girl quipped.
“At least I wasn’t crying as hard as Blaise.”
“Hey- I have to have somewhere to target my emotions, because in real life I just keep them right here,” he motioned to his chest, “and one day I’ll die.”
“Speaking as the person in your head, you are absolutely not as cool as you try to come across as,” Neville rolled his eyes.
“You’re right- I’m cooler.”
“No.”
“Whee!” Cedric cried as the plane took off (for it was a Saturday).
“So, who’s excited for this vacation?” Cho asked calmly, to balance out her boyfriend.
“I’m bloody chuffed,” Bill spoke up from the back, where he was in the middle seat between Fleur and Malala. “The goblins never give me this much off time.”
“It eez because your friends weeth ‘arry,” Fleur informed him. “Ze goblins love ‘im.”
“Don’t I know it?” Bill rolled his eyes. “I spend years trying to earn their trust as an employee and working my way up, and that cute little thing just wins them over in the first hour he’s met them.”
“I am not cute!” Harry shouted from his seat.
“You’re sitting on Draco’s lap, and you’re not even in your animagus form,” Pansy batted at him playfully from her seat behind them. “You’re fucking precious.”
“You are pretty precious, babe.” Draco smiled adoringly at Harry before kissing his boyfriend’s ear.
“No, you’re precious, you sweet little prat,” Harry mumbled back, crossing his arms over his chest.
[The gentle movement of the plane soon puts Harry to sleep, and he snores gently against Draco’s chest. Kreacher is flying the plane, because all that free time since Winky started taking Dursley shifts with Dobby enabled him to get his pilot’s license.]
“Wow- for it being winter here, it’s really hot,” Dean complained as he fanned himself with a loose parchment.
“I like it,” Seamus said, looking around.
“Oh my gods, he’s going to burn down the whole country,” Pansy groaned as she put her head in her scarred hands.
“Kreacher’s almost back with the shuttle,” Minerva assured them as they waited on the tarmac. “Then we’ll head to customs.” She was a little concerned about the heat herself, as Harry had taken his jumper off, which he almost never did. She ran a thumb anxiously over an old scar on his upper arm, trying to figure out if he was overheating.
“I’m fine mama,” he reassured her, good at knowing what she was worrying about.
Kreacher came with the bus-sized shuttle and snapped his fingers so all the luggage piled into the back. He took them from the tarmac to the customs office, glamouring himself and the snakes (except for Sapphire, who could turn herself invisible, thank you very much) so that no one would notice them while the humans went into the building.
“So like, I can show this visa and they won’t give me a hard time even if I look completely different than I did when they gave it to me, right?” Tonks asked as they came out about an hour later, piling back in.
“They are rather unlikely to just stop you on the streets and ask you for your visa, luv,” Sarah told her girlfriend as the car started. “But if they do, confundus charm.”
“And you can also use magic here underage,” Rosmerta added, reading through a tourist brochure. “Not that it would matter anyway, as it technically isn’t even summer here.”
“Ahhh, technicalities- the Slytherin’s heroin,” Millie took a deep breath in and sighed in satisfaction.
“I’m pretty sure a few of our noble ancestors have done actual heroin,” Regulus chuckled. “It’s a somewhat muggle thing to do, but they seem to have overlooked that, if Great-Great-Uncle Castor’s portrait is any indication.”
“He really has more of a crack-smoker kind of face,” Sirius disputed.
“Our soulmates are rather eccentric, no?” Remus looked at Cygnus, who just shrugged as though to say ‘aren’t we all?’
When they finally pulled up to the house (which was rather large, although couples, including the teen ones, would still have to share bedrooms- not that they had any complaints), Severus made the mistake of being the first one out of the van. A mistake because it was magpie swooping season, and there was a magpie nest in a tree in the front yard. The professor ran, screaming in a rather undignified manner as he was chased by the bird.
“Uncle Sev!” Harry quickly jumped out of the van before anyone could stop him, and the bird immediately stopped maliciously swooping on Severus and went to land on Harry’s shoulder, fondly nuzzling his ear. Hedwig, from the van, hooted indignantly.
“Of fucking course the swoopy death bird loves Harry,” Pansy groaned. “Why Australia? We’re just dangling adorable cuddle bait for every creature in this damn country.”
Harry ignored her, giving mama magpie one last scritch on the forehead. “Back to your eggs now, luv- we have to go unpack.” She chirped in agreement before flapping back to her tree.
“Hmm, cozy,” Harry commented when he and Draco reached their little room, painted a cheerful yellow, with a patchwork quilt on the full-sized bed. “Could use a bit of cleaning, though.” He quickly summoned some non-latex gloves and other cleaning supplies, pouring some fluid in the bucket and dipping a rag in.
“Here, luv- we can just do a few scouring charms,” Draco objected, hating to think of his love cleaning like he had at the Dursleys.
“It’s alright, babe- see, I want to,” he reminded him, tapping his head to remind him to tune into the mental bond. “I want to move around a bit after the long flight, and Kreacher’s already commandeered the kitchen. Besides, cleaning with magic just doesn’t give off the same… fresh feeling.”
“If you really want to, I won’t stop you, but that last bit is a bunch of hippogriff dung- there is absolutely no difference,” Draco snickered, swinging his legs as he sat on the bed.
“There totally is to those of us who are good at our craft,” Harry bantered back as he got to work on the baseboards.
“Uh-huh, sure…”
[Kreacher and Molly Weasley argue a bit about who gets to cook dinner before Sarah, ever the therapist, helpfully suggests they both do it.]
“Um, what’s that?” Susan asked as they all sat down to dinner.
“We’ve made some native Australian foods,” Molly informed her pleasantly. “We made emu pie- it has emu, feta, red wine, and sundried tomatoes- and the wine is denatured, Pansy, so don’t look so excited about it. It can’t get you drunk.”
“Why emu?” Ginny asked, wrinkling her nose just a bit.
“The bird is being super high in iron content- much higher than beef,” Kreacher informed them, spooning a large helping of the savoury pastry onto Harry’s plate. “We also been cooking Macadamia nut bread and ham and split pea soup.”
“It looks delicious, guys,” Harry smiled brightly at Kreacher and Molly.
“It is being super nutritious for little master Harry,” the old elf said dotingly as he patted Harry’s hand.
“It’s emu, though…” Blaise still seemed reluctant. “I mean, Harry’ll eat anything, so of course he’s fine with it- I mean, he’s never lost a single game of Will Harry Eat This (something they played in the great hall, where they dared Harry to eat weird food combinations like pickles and peanut butter. It worried Severus to no end, because what if he developed new allergies?! ).”
“Is it because the emu is a close cousin to the ostrich and you don’t want to eat your kin?” Cho asked him sympathetically. Blaise gave her a dirty look.
“I wasn’t even thinking about my animagus form, but now I am, so thanks for reminding me,” he grumbled at the Ravenclaw.
“Just shut up and eat your emu,” Pansy ordered, forking up a bite.
“How have we been friends for so long?” the other Slytherin sighed, reluctantly poking at the pie with his fork.
“I ask myself that same question- I’m so much cooler than you,” she said, straight-faced (although she would deny anything about her was straight, of course).
“So, Great Barrier reef tomorrow?” Molly deftly changed the subject, knowing when an argument was coming after raising seven kids.
“I can’t wait!” Harry cheered, before Kreacher took it upon himself to shovel another bite into the teen’s mouth.