Chapter Text
With no strawberries, no blueberries, half of a loaf of bread, and a full jar of moonshine yet, Ray and Pete pulled in front of a lonely row of houses towards the eastern edge of town. In front of them was a faded white, somewhat peeling house with a porch. The wood was clearly worn on the steps, on the railing, and on the withering chair. Pete took that as signs of love. Signs of a home. And he already felt welcome, even if that was potentially cocky. But, if all that Ray said was true, he hoped to get along with Mrs. Garraty (or Ginny? He would soon find out which was the safer option, calling her Ginny felt close, but reminded him too much of the walk, of the few good times after the ample fucking hard times).
Ray, on the other hand, felt like he couldn’t get home fast enough the entire car ride. Now that they were in front of the house, though, he couldn’t move. He froze.
Pete noticed.
“Hey, Ray, I got the moonshine, no worries hiding that.” Pete said, reaching over Ray to grab the bottle, with a smile Ray knew he put on as a distraction.
“Pete, I’m okay. Really. This is a good thing.” Ray took a deep breath. “I mean,” Ray chortled, “I’m alive, fuck’s sake.”
Pete continued to look at Ray as he seemed to be working through his emotions in real time. With the moonshine in his left hand, Pete placed his right hand on the shoulder of the man next to him.
Ray moved his hands through his hair briefly then held his head in his hands, elbows resting on his lap.
“I’m alive,” Ray said. He sounded exhausted.
“That you are, Ray. I’m no religious man, but thank fucking god you are.”
As Pete finished his sentence, Ray’s breathing picked up, stressed. He could hear the raspiness of his breath catching in his throat on every exhale. Every breath in sounding like he was breathing in frigid air.
“Ray, Ray. I’m here. We’re here. We’re alive. Your mom… she’s just on the other side of that door.” Pete encouraged, his hand unmoving from Ray’s shoulder.
“I know. I’m- I’m a fucking asshole for not getting up already. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Pete. I’m alive, and.. and I love being alive. But why can’t I love it?” Ray half sobbed between exhales. It broke Pete to hear him like this.
“It’s okay, Ray…” Pete hesitated, then remembered Ray’s own words. “Y’know what. It’s not fucking okay. It’s not okay. Believe me, I love you being alive more than pretty much everything else, but… I wish, I wish they could be here too.” Pete finally finished, the both of them knowing who they are.
“They should be here.” Ray cried, as he turned away from Pete, facing towards the window with his head still in his hands.
Pete’s heart dropped, thinking Ray felt he couldn’t see this part of him, when they were both forgetting they already had, at the end.
It came together, then, when Pete realized he moved away from him in order to reach to grab his bag from behind the seat, digging into the side pocket to grab Art’s black rosary. Pete softly exhaled, looking on in pity for Ray. For Art. For both of them.
That’s when Pete moved his arm further across Ray’s back, pulling him close to embrace him, or just hold him, like he hadn’t done it before, for five days straight.
“Come here,” Pete whispered, as Ray let himself be moved close to Pete, grasping the rosary in his left hand, and moving his right hand to grasp the back of Pete’s shirt as he reeled him in.
Ray nestled his head closer into the nook of Pete’s neck and shoulder, as Pete dropped his head to do the same, leaning against Ray, too. They both were there, quiet tears running down Pete’s face, ragged breaths coming from Ray still, as Pete hoped their embrace and Pete’s steadiness would soothe him slowly.
Pete could feel Ray’s exhales, his open-mouthed sobs coming to a silent end, followed by the shallow breezes of his exhales from his nose as he quieted.
Meanwhile, all Pete could focus on was similarly, his breath brushing against Ray’s neck, his hand clasped behind Ray’s neck, while his other hand lightly rested, just barely, on his lower back. And his lips, nearly touching the side of Ray’s neck. He briefly imagined placing his lips softly to his skin, just enough for Ray to feel the graze of it. He instead moved his hand slightly higher on Ray’s neck, just to get his fingers between the ends of his hair.
Ray clenched Pete’s shirt with more strength and breathed in slowly, trying to steady his breathing, trying to not freak out, not when he’s about to see his mom, not when his heart is right next to Pete’s, and he fears he can hear how nervous he is. He hopes Pete, with the tighter grasp, can feel how much he appreciates this. He is, after all, only alive because of him. Only here, seeing his mom, because of him.
With another deep exhale, Ray loosened his grip, with Pete, following in suit just slightly too quickly.
With Ray grabbing the loaf of bread, Pete squeezed Ray’s shoulder and grabbed the keys, leaving the car.
“You got this, Ray. You’re alive.” Pete whispered as Ray moved ahead of him to step on the front porch first.
Turning slightly to Pete behind him, Ray tried to give a brief smile, then faced the door ahead of him and knocked.
It being mid-afternoon, there was no way of telling if someone was coming. Pete looked up to see cobwebs covering the light, and as he looked back down, he heard footsteps coming closer. He stole one more glance at Pete before he had to face reality. Coming home meant they were really over. The walk was behind them. The door behind the screen slowly opened up, revealing a woman that looked too worn for her age, put together in an outfit suitable to go out, but a mess. She immediately threw her hands over her face and fell to her knees behind the screen.
Ray swung open the screen door, with Pete just catching it before it swung back to keep it open. Ray huddle down to the ground, wrapping his arms around his mother.
Pete could hear whispers of “Ma, Ma.. Mom, it’s me. I’m here. ‘M here, Mom, it’s Ray.”
Ray couldn’t help it, it was a happy moment, but he and his mom both started crying in sorrow. Cries that couldn’t help but remind both of them of the time they both lost.
“Oh, Ray,” Mrs. Garraty sobbed, “my baby,” she whispered, shrugging off his hold to press a kiss to the top of his head, only to move to hug him again.
When they all managed to get inside, Pete feeling slightly like an intruder, as he expected, though, the two boys sat in the kitchen while Ginny made coffee for the three of them, even if it was the middle of the afternoon. After coddling her son more, Ginny began to explain her own thought process over the past week or so since the broadcast ended.
“All we last heard was Peter, you,” she began, pointing to Pete, “asking for his wish. We heard him begin to say something about Ray, but the rain, the people cheering, the noises, we couldn’t hear anything. There had been rumors that you were alive,” she said, looking at Ray. “But there were rumors that you were gone, too. And that no one had known where Peter had gone.” The boys nodded, letting her finish her story.
“But, I had a feeling. I had a feeling. I know I sound crazy,” she gestured up and down herself, “I know I look crazy, but, I knew it. I knew my baby was somewhere.” She covered her mouth as she waivered to get her last sentence out, moving to hug Ray again, as he patted her back. Pete moved tissues from the center of the table towards her direction.
She grabbed a tissue and quickly wiped her eyes before then redirecting towards Pete. “And you, I’m so sorry,” Ginny said as she brushed her face with the tissue again and smoothed her skirt down. “You s-saved my son’s life,” Ginny spoke through a choked sob, moving around the table to envelope Peter in a hug.
Although Ray didn’t hear it, Pete got an additional “thank you” from Ginny, whispered close in his ear as she squeezed him tighter just before letting go. She held him by the shoulders and mouthed a “thank you”.
Then, the pot started whistling, and Ginny turned around to move it off the stove and pour through the grounds in the filter.
As she went through the process of making their drinks, Pete felt enough time had gone by since he entered the house for him to say something himself.
“There’s no need to thank me, Mrs. Garraty. I’m happy to have saved Ray, and I would’ve done it again if I got a second wish. I did do it in part for me, too, I’ll say.” Pete said with a smile.
Ginny turned around from the counter. “Peter, you can call me Ginny. I don’t care who you did it for, and there’s no way in hell that it’s selfish. You saved a mother’s son. You saved my baby, Ray. He’s all-“ Ginny sniffed and stifled another sob. “He’s all I have,” she managed to get out with a sad smile.
“You can call me Pete, Ginny. He’s all I have, too.” Pete said with a look to Ray, as he remained puffy-eyed, sitting at the table, watching what felt like two different parts of his life interact. His before world, and his after world. The moment he made eye contact with Pete after he finished talking, Pete turned to face Ginny.
After some coffee and some more explaining of the events between when the broadcast finished and when they arrived, the three sat outside in the Garraty’s backyard, where a tied up hammock and a small metal dining set sat under their trees.
“I know the two of you are probably used to this,” Pete began, “but even after the Long Walk, Maine’s growing on me. I like the trees. and I like the nothing.” Pete chuckled lightly.
“Well, there’s plenty of both of those,” Ginny smiled, placing a hand on Pete’s arm. Pete could feel it already that he was going to have no trouble getting along with Mrs. Ginny Garraty. He didn’t mind the excessive physical contact for today. He could understand she was happy to see her son, and just as happy to meet the man who saved her son, not just at the end, but when she saw them in person, too.
From the last comment Pete made inside, Ginny had already asked Pete a bit about his life. He gave her the run down that he usually gives people. Parents died in the war, uncle a drunk, foster homes, group homes galore. He skipped out on the solo part of his adolescence, not wanting to concern her too much with the details, as he figured in due time Ray would likely tell her some things about him, too.
Pete was confident, comfortable even telling this story, at least to Ginny, who he knew he could trust, and he knew she wouldn’t be the kind of person to press too much, or Ray would stop her, anyway. But, throughout explaining himself, he would catch Ray’s eyes, and silently, Ray would nod, or smile, letting him know it was all alright. Pete swore he could feel his heart expand, or blood rush to it, or something along those lines. He just felt so damn appreciated, listeened to.
As afternoon turned into evening, Ginny went to go inside.
“I’m so sorry boys, I know you’ve been traveling, sick with hospital food… but, I just don’t have much. I’ve been…” Ginny started, beginning to sound frantic.
“Mom, it’s okay. Anything, really, anything is okay. we’ve had worse.” Ray smiled.
“Spam and electrolyte goo worse, to be exact,” Pete chimed in jokingly. But, even the jokes made Ginny tear up. She sniffed and wiped under her eyes with the back of her hand and nodded knowingly.
As she closed the door and began to cook something, the two boys were left out at the table.
“How do you feel now, Ray?” Pete asked quietly, slowly looking up from his hands in his lap to maintain his gaze on Ray and his response.
“I feel…” Ray paused, looking up and the tree leaves above, glimmering green in the late spring sun, blowing softly. “I feel happy. I think. Minus everything else.”
Pete nodded, understanding what he meant. “I do, too. I really do.” Pete paused, the both of them now looking at each other in the peaceful early evening of summer, where time from five to nine seemed to stretch an entirely new day in its own. The sun softer, the air feeling, smelling cleaner. “I mean it though. It is nice here in Maine. You get some woods, some sun, some winter, I’m guessing… beach… somewhere,” Pete and Ray laughed. “I could get used to this.”
“You can, y’know.” Ray smiled. “You should. It is nice here. And I’m not just biased.”
Pete breathed out a short laugh, then turned to the hammock tied between the trees.
“Do you use that at all?” Ray asked.
“Yeah,” Ray nodded, looking down then up towards the hammock. “Yeah, I do sometimes. For reading, most of the time, or sitting there with my mom, or Jan,” Ray finished his sentence gradually more quiet.
Pete ignored the pit in his stomach he was just reminded of, and moved to stand, looking down at the man next to him.
“Can I?” Pete asked. He would anyway, and he was sure Ray would say yes, but he figured he’d be polite on his first day at the Garraty home.
“Go ahead,” Ray said casually, gesturing out to the hammock.
Pete peeled his shoes off and attempted to gracefully ease himself into the hammock, but when that seemed impossible, he essentially sat down in the cloth, then rolled over to become horizontal, dropping flat and swinging with the momentum of his body dropping into the hammock.
Ray slowly moved his way over, standing over the man now relaxing in his position, arms propped behind his head, legs stretched out, eyes closed. The sun hit his body in fragments and geometrics, cutting through the leaves of the trees above.
Propping one eye open to squint, Pete asked, “You coming in Garraty? ‘Cause I’m not so sure this town is big enough for the two of us,” he smiled. He smiled and it looked like a new day, Ray thought.
“No, I’ll just sit here,” Ray replied as he moved to sit at the base of the tree by Pete’s head, slouching into the ground and looking up at the sky.
While they were sitting there, it almost felt like they could forget all that had happened. Disregarding the fact that they met at The Walk, just breathing in the fresh air, letting sore feet not touch the ground, feeling not hungry, not thirsty, not exhausted, it felt like this could be a regular day of a regular person’s life.
Ray began to think of the “what if”, if they met before The Walk. Maybe at school before they got too old, or outside, both coincidentally stopping for the occasional ice cream or order out. Would they have bonded as well? Stayed friends? Liked each other? Ray thought they would’ve gotten on well, maybe working on a project together, then hanging out after. Maybe they could’ve been neighbors.
Through his thoughts, Ray felt eyes on him and looked to see Pete flipped over, head resting on his forearms as they were crossed in front of him, his head slightly leaning off the hammock itself.
“Good Christ Garraty, I can hear you thinking, you’re thinking so hard,” Pete teased at Ray as he moved his gaze from above to face Pete hanging slightly above him.
“Nah-ah,” Ray smiled as the sun caught in his eyes, forcing him to half squint, and half see Pete.
“Nah-ah? Two can play at that game. Ah-huh Ray, what’cha thinking about?” Pete pried.
Figuring he may as well share his thoughts out loud and hell, better to have this conversation sober now, rather than half drunk on moonshine later.
“Ahh,” Ray started, his face still furrowed and squinting, with a sort of smile peering through. “I was thinking if today were a normal day, and we were normal guys, if we would’ve been friends, y’know, outside, from something else.” Ray finished. He surprisingly felt calm transferring his thoughts from circling his brain to plainly said in person.
“That’s a good question Garraty, can’t say I’ve really thought about that…” Pete begins, leaning side to side on his arms to still get a small swing out of the hammock (if he were honest, it was the first time he’d been in one). “I’d like to say that, of course, without the Walk, we wouldn’t have met, being in different states, but, if we lived near eachother, met by something else.. I’d say we still would have been like this. I hope so. ‘Cause knowing you, Ray, it’s just so easy.”
Ray felt his face flush and hoped Pete would figure it was the sun beating on parts of his face. He didn’t know which way Pete meant that. Or which way he’d prefer. On the one hand, he could mean knowing Ray, as in Ray made it easy, would make it easy, or that knowing Ray at all, getting to know him, was something, on the other hand, that came easy to Pete himself. Or maybe there was no difference at all, and he was thinking about it all too much.
“Thanks, Pete. Thanks. I can say the same for you. I’ve never really had a friend like you before. The past two weeks we’ve known each other have felt like the longest friendship of my life.”
“Walking for half of it, then being out of it for a quarter of it will do that to you,” Pete smirked. “But same.”
“To which, the long weeks or never having a friend.. like me?”
“Both. Probably. Which might surprise you.”
“It does. I don’t see how anyone could meet you and not want to know you, y’know? But on that, maybe I am biased.”
Pete flipped back over on his back, staring up again. He could feel himself blush and swiftly moved. The fact that Ray practically repeated his own words, unknowingly, back to him…
“Mmm, I don’t think you’re biased. I can see why someone would love me, too,” Pete retorted, closing his eyes and smiling.
Ray could hear the smile in his voice, his ego fully present, but he allowed him to indulge. “Hey, I never said love,” Ray laughed.
Pete’s breath caught in his throat before he could even quip a smart ass reply, because he has said it before. He had him right there.
“Oh, not too quick Ray, yes you did!” Pete played it off, waving his finger in the air again.
“Oh, really? When?” Ray challenged him.
But Pete paused. Not sure if encroaching on this territory would stop their conversation in its tracks, lingering too much on the mention of it at all, or if it would bend to something better. “On the last night of the walk. Right before I thought I lost you. Do you remember?”
“I do.” Ray said.
Despite the heat dropping as night approached, the air felt thick and sticky, like it was too cloudy to get fresh air, to think straight.
“You do.” Pete repeated.
The back door swung open as Ginny stepped out to yell dinner to the boys, seemingly having a normal conversation. Was it a normal conversation? Ray thought. Was it a normal conversation? Pete questioned himself.
Both boys got to their feet and walked inside. Suddenly, something felt like it had changed. Pete just hoped it wasn’t for the worst.