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Chapter Text

Illusion

I met Theodore Nott during my first week of Healer Training at St. Mungo’s. He walked into the lecture room quietly and asked if he could take the seat next to me. He looked vaguely familiar though I couldn’t pinpoint why at first.

And then it hit me.

I’d seen him at some of the Death Eater trials immediately after the War. Yes, he’d been in the same year as all of us, but he’d never registered to me before. He was, after all, a Slytherin and Merlin knew how well we got along with them.

But things changed and when Theo sat next to me, I couldn’t help but be intrigued. He’d spoken up for Draco Malfoy, but against his own father.

Over the first weeks of training, I learned he kept to himself, was wary of the other Trainees, but often smiled when I asked him to be my partner. He was intelligent, scoffed at the ideas his father held, and admitted he and Draco had often held conversations about what a swot I’d been at Hogwarts.

We would often go to a pub for dinner after training, where we sat for hours and hours, talking about nothing and everything all at once. I thought him talented in charms and wandwork, a blessing with potions, and confident in a stoic sort of way.

He was beautiful and clever and borderline perfect.

Our friendship grew easily and steadily. Even though Harry and I shared a flat - he refused to live in Grimmauld Place unless a complete overhaul was done and Auror Training wasn’t giving him the time to do what he wanted - I rarely saw him, so Theo became the one I went to for advice. He still lived in the large, drafty Manor left to him when his father went to Azkaban, and I often found myself keeping him company. When we drank too much after a difficult training session, he let me cuddle into the blankets of his bed and made sure a Hangover Potion waited for me at his bedside table.

Sometimes he was there too, next to me.

In his own quiet way, he brought me out of the shell I’d created around myself after the War. I’d never had many friends - mostly acquaintances - but the War had changed everything. Ron and I had tried a relationship, but we both quickly realized our kiss at the Battle was one brought about by the fear of dying. We decided romance wasn’t for us and he had left for America just a few weeks before I began my training - an assistant coaching position for one of the big Quidditch teams or something of the sort. Harry was still my best friend but his own training and recent break-up with Ginny had kept him away or holed up in his room. I still kept in touch with a few others - Neville, Viktor, and the twins, mostly - but it was difficult, being social outside of the castle walls.

Theo somehow convinced me to go out more, talk to various people at the hospital, at pubs and bars. He did it with me, so it became a bit like a competition to see who could be more outgoing at any given place.

It was freeing.

As time passed, I heard whispers about him, about what he was looking for in a partner, in his preferences, but I ignored it. He was becoming everything to me, the perfect man to compliment me. Simply put, he was everything I wanted in a lover, a boyfriend.

In my mind, there was really only one path for us.

Singular

I was tired and Theo was nowhere to be found.

We had joined a group of Trainees after a brutal exam, opting for the Lamb and Flag pub in Muggle London. It was a somewhat popular place, even for wizards, though I had to transfigure a few Trainee robes to something a bit less noticeable. The drinks flowed from the moment we stepped into the pub.

It felt nice to just let go.

But that had been hours ago and Theo, who had brought me my first few beers, had disappeared and no one knew where he had gone.

The beer in my hand was lukewarm and tasted like piss at this point, so I slammed it down on the nearest table, murmuring a half-hearted apology to Lisa when it splashed over the rim of the glass and onto her arm.

“Have you seen Theo?”

Davis, an American wizard who decided he wanted to train at St. Mungo’s, smirked. “Haven’t seen him for at least an hour, Granger. Don’t think anyone knows where he is - or wants to know.” Next to him, Lisa giggled and eyed me cautiously.

“Well,” I started but trailed off. Everyone was at least tipsy and it didn’t matter if I asked them to pass along a message. They’d probably forget the moment I left.

So I did. Leave, that is.

The air outside the pub was cool, a balm to the sticky feeling left on my skin from the warmth inside and the flow of alcohol and sweat. I waited for a bit, checking my watch every so often. He had promised to make sure I got home safely, the way he always did. 

But he was still nowhere to be found. I couldn’t find him with a Patronus, not in the middle of Muggle London, and he refused to carry around a mobile like I did.

“I don’t want to stay too late though,” I told him with a grimace. “It’s been a long day.”

“We won’t stay long, love. Just a couple of drinks, I swear, then we’ll leave.” Theo nudged me in the side with his elbow. “Think it’s your bed’s turn to house us this time.”

I laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

A long glance around showed crowds of people but no Theo. With a mumbled curse, I looked for a place where I could apparate without causing any commotion. There was an alleyway next to the pub and I could see a faint shimmer around it, a familiar sight for apparition points. 

“I’m going to get us some drinks. Stay put.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not a dog, Theodore.”

He gave a low laugh and pulled me to his side. I felt his lips against the side of my head. “Just looking out for you. I worry. Don’t leave without me?”

“Where would I go?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Go get me a drink already.”

“Don’t leave,” he warned playfully. He gave me a wink before he disappeared into the crowd around the bar.

I’d never actually promised him tonight, but it was something I usually followed. I knew he worried about me often and I had never left a party, gathering, anything without him if we arrived together. I didn’t want to worry him but he was the one who disappeared.

A flash of light came from the alleyway and I teetered over, cursing one too many beers. I watched as more people ducked into the alleyway, the low cracks of apparating sounding off.

“Hermione!”

I glanced back over my shoulder to see Theo striding toward me. He looked, well, he looked disheveled, like he’d been dancing or -

I turned abruptly away. The apparition point wasn’t too far away. I felt a hand grab me at the elbow. He spun me around and pulled me toward him.

“Are you crazy?” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’ve been drinking. You can’t just apparate.”

“I’m not drunk.” I rolled my eyes at him, wrenching my arm away. “It’s not even that far.”

“Hermione,” he said quietly. Worry floated into his eyes and he reached out for me once more. Guilt sank into me, turning my stomach heavy, but then someone called his name and he turned around.

I ran into the alley, leaving only a crack behind me.

Magic

He appeared in the doorway of my bedroom, shivering with his hair wet, the scent of the pub gone from his skin. He stared at me for a long while before he turned and walked back to the living room. I followed him, knowing he would head out onto the balcony. By the time I joined him, he was leaning against the low wall surrounding the area with a cigarette dangling from his lips. I stood across from him, leaning a hip against one of the chairs.

“Your wards didn’t kick me out.”

I shook my head, taking a step toward him. I would never remove him from the flat’s wards.

He dragged smoke into his lungs before he let it swirl around his face in an exhale. He held out the cigarette and I took it from him silently. 

When I held it back out to him, he took it, but also let his fingers sink into the soft material of my sweatshirt. He tugged on it, bringing me closer to him, and I felt silly for a moment, standing there in pajama pants and a sweatshirt while he still looked impeccable in black trousers and a button-down shirt.

“You scared me,” he said. His fingers trembled and I hurried to his side, slipping my arms around his waist. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, a heavy and comforting weight. “I mean, you really scared me, Hermione.”

“I’m sorry. I was fine, though.” I glanced up at him, watched as he switched the cigarette from the hand hovering over my shoulder to the other. “I wasn’t drunk, nowhere near it.”

He brought the cigarette near his lips but changed his mind, putting it out against the wall and flicking it toward an empty flower pot Harry and I had converted into a large ashtray. Theo curled his arm tighter around me and I sank into his side. 

“I can’t lose you,” he said softly into my hair. “You’ve been… You’ve been the one constant, the one good thing in my life.”

His lips were slightly chapped and cold, but his tongue was warm and rough as it asked permission to taste me. I gasped and let him in. His hands moved to cradle my face and his thumb swept over my cheeks as I felt myself melt into his body, into his touch. He pulled away and I couldn’t help but whimper at the loss of his mouth. His forehead rested against mine.

“I don’t ever want to lose you.” The words were whispered, a soft breeze against my face. “Okay?”

I couldn’t speak. It felt like he was waiting for an answer, but I had no words to give him. Instead, I tilted my face up, hoping he would understand.

A smile flickered over his lips right before they met mine again, and I breathed him in, promising myself that I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.

It was perfect.

Bandy

That night, he pulled away from me, stared into my eyes, and hugged me before whispering apologies into my neck. I was confused but I let him lead me back into my bedroom, where he brushed my hair away from my face and left a kiss good-night on my forehead.

He didn’t kiss me again.

Weeks later, I sat at his dining table, staring at the books spread out in front of us. “Theo?”

He looked up from his note-taking, the absence of the scritch-scratch of his quill suddenly seeming ominous. “Yes?”

I paused. We hadn’t spoken of the kiss that night and I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to bring it up or not. I took a deep breath, the sound almost seeming to rattle in my ears. “Theo, what’s going on with us?”

Completely still, Theo stared at me and licked his lips. He slowly set his quill down and pushed his chair back. I watched as he stood and took measured steps over to me. His hands gripped the arms of the chair I sat in and he shifted it so that he could kneel in front of me.

“Hermione, I can’t…”

His voice sounded pained and I exhaled a shaky breath. I asked the question I didn’t want to ask. “Is it me?”

“No!” The shout reverberated in the room. “Never you.”

His hands lifted and again, he cradled my face, just like he did that night. They were cool against my flushed cheeks. I stared at him and knew my face showed him all of my feelings, all of my emotions. I felt his thumbs press lightly on my bottom lip.

“Theo?”

“Hermione, love, you’re fantastic, one-of-a-kind.”

I leaned forward, hoping for another kiss, but he pulled away. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt stupid. The heat rose even more to my cheeks and though I wished I could stop it, I felt my eyes water. Theo frowned and his thumbs brushed the space below my eyes. 

“I don’t understand,” I let out in a sob. Stupid, stupid, stupid. “Theo, I don’t understand. Why… Why not?”

He gave me a smile, but it was sad, almost regretful. “I can’t.”

“Give me something, Theo, please. I don’t understand. That night…”

“I can’t do this to you, Hermione. It’s not fair to you.”

“What’s not fair?” I wanted to know.

But he only pressed his lips together and shook his head. 

Contagious

It was strange that despite calling Theo my best friend, he and Harry had never actually spent any time together. They had only briefly met in passing, so when a free weekend rose for all of us, I jumped at the chance to have Theo over for dinner with the two of us.

The conversation flowed easily. I had tucked away my feelings for Theo for the time being and he never said anything about it. I hadn’t told Harry about that night or about my feelings at all. While Harry and I moved around the kitchen flawlessly, Theo leaned against the counter, drinking wine as his eyes followed us.

“So is Auror Training as difficult as Draco tells me?”

Harry started for a moment. He gave a huff of laughter as he poured the pasta into a strainer. “Malfoy’s a drama queen. It’s rough but nothing too crazy. That tosser is at the top of the class with me, so he’s probably just having it on with you.”

My eyes flicked between the two of them as they laughed together. “I didn’t know Malfoy wanted to be an Auror.”

Theo shrugged. “It was always an option. I suppose after the War -”

“He wanted to make a name for himself,” Harry continued. “He’s told me.”

“He has?” Theo sounded surprised. “He usually doesn’t talk much about that.”

Harry shrugged and started plating the noodles into three bowls. “Think he and I will end up partners. Best we get everything out in the open, really.” 

“Huh.” Theo looked over at Harry and pushed off of the counter. “You sure I can’t help with anything?”

“Maybe just bring the wine to the table.”

I watched them, noticed the way Theo brushed his arm against Harry’s as he leaned over and grabbed the wine bottle. I saw the sideways glance Harry gave Theo, an appreciative look that made my stomach clench.

Those whispered words from months ago, when I first met Theo, wormed their way back into my mind. I could see it now, what everyone had alluded to, what everyone had warned me about. It didn’t matter, not really, except that I knew Theo had dated a woman seriously before starting Healer Training. He had told me himself and he hadn’t said anything differently since.

During dinner, I scooted my chair a bit closer than necessary to Theo’s. He shook his head at me with a smile that made a dimple appear in his left cheek. Nothing was out of the ordinary during dinner. The conversation continued and the three of us debated if Aurors or Healers had a more rigorous training course (Harry won that one just for the physicality), what we would do once Training was over (sleep was the obvious answer), and other such frivolous topics of conversation.

When dinner was over, dessert was had, and the bottles of wine stood empty, I walked Theo over to the Floo. Harry followed us, cleaning his glasses with the edge of his shirt.

“You sure you’re okay to Floo?” I asked. “You know you can always stay.”

“I’m sure.” Theo leaned down and pulled me into a huge, one of his tight ones that I loved so much. I felt him press a kiss into my hair before he scooped up some powder and disappeared in flames of green.

Turning around, I found Harry staring at the fireplace with a blank expression on his face. When I called his name, he shook his head as if clearing his mind. He stared at me, his head tilted, before he gave me a small smile.

“Night, ‘Mione.”

Potions

Draco Malfoy’s flat was sleek and modern and I couldn’t help but be fascinated by some of the items he kept behind glass cabinets spelled with powerful wards. I knew of the wards only because there was a small sign with a warning that said as much, a sign I was told was only put up for this gathering of friends.

Friends.

There weren’t too many people and if I were to be honest, I felt grossly out of place. While I knew a few of the faces - more than a few, really - it was mostly Auror Trainees and former Slytherins, the latter of which was the reason I was even here.

“Granger.” 

Draco sidled up next to me with two glasses, one in each hand. I’d told him repeatedly at this point to call me Hermione, but he only ever just gave me a smirk and continued to call me by my surname. I took the glass he offered me, studying the vibrant blue color.

“What is it?” I asked, but took a sip before he answered. It was fruity with hints of plum, raspberry, and honey. I took another sip, letting the liquid settle on my tongue this time. “Did you create this yourself?”

“Of course I did.” He glanced down at me before bringing his own glass to his lips. His was a darker shade of red and for a moment, I wondered what I’d taste if I were to take a sip. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Surprisingly, yes.” He raised an eyebrow. “Though I really want to take a closer look at some of these pieces.”

His lips curled into a full smile. “Perhaps one day.” His name was called by a feminine voice and he let out a giant sigh. “Pardon me, Granger. Duty calls.”

Not too long after Draco disappeared into another room, Theo popped up at my side. His eyes were glassy, his movements slow. A lazy smile was settled on his lips and he draped himself around me, his arms finding rest at my shoulders.

“Theo?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I let out a sigh. “Did you drink something? Take something?”

He leaned in and bussed my cheek, letting out a laugh that made puffs of air explode against my face. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He’d been so stressed lately, nervous around me as of late, and I didn’t know why. Seeing him this carefree was like a balm to my own soul.

“He gave me a drink,” he said, his tone sounding like a confession. “It was white and a little bitter, but he told me it would help me, that it would clear my mind a bit.”

“Who did? Draco?”

“He’s one of my best friends, you know.” He moved his head lower and pressed a kiss to my neck, one that made me shiver. “You’re one of my best friends.”

Best friends.

Theo lifted his head and stared at me. “Hermione, I have to tell you something.” He moved a hand and cupped my cheek. His eyes stared into mine and it felt like the air around me stilled completely. He traced the shape of my mouth with his thumb. “Can I tell you something? Not many people know, but I want you to know.”

“You can tell me anything,” I said quietly. My eyes darted around us but no one paid us any mind. My heart raced as he continued to stare at me. 

His face tilted down and I could feel his mouth against my ear.

“I like boys.” He shook his head and made a face. “Guys. I like guys.”

My heart stopped. 

Roaring waves crashed in my ears.

No.

They’d all insinuated it. They’d all made vague references that I was latching on to an idea that would never come to fruition.

But I’d ignored them. I’d ignored all of them. I’d ignored the signs that I knew were there because I didn’t want it to be true.

“I love you, Hermione. But I like dick.”

Fight

“Hermione?” A series of knocks sounded on my bedroom door. “Mione, open up.”

There was the sound of shuffling and I frowned at the door from my spot on the bed. I was sure I looked as wretched as I felt. I had fled the party quickly the night before and hadn’t left my bedroom since except to use the bathroom. More than once, Harry had attempted to come in but I had changed the privacy charms.

Just a bit.

“Hermione, love, let me in.”

Theo. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. It was almost dinner time and it was the first time I’d heard his voice on the other side of the door.

“Don’t call me that,” I said, not loudly enough for him to actually hear me, but it was still enough to make my chest feel heavy with both anger and sadness. 

“Hermione, please. I’m so sorry.”

The crack in Theo’s voice sent a surge of anger through me and I snatched my wand from where it lay against the clock and pointed it at the door. It swung open and I saw Theo standing there with two large paper cups. Harry’s face peeked in from the hallway.

“You’re sorry?” I cursed the crack in my own voice but his words from last night still reverberated in my head. “You’re sorry?”

He stepped into the room slowly and when nothing happened to him, he swiftly made his way to my bed. I curled my legs up so he couldn’t touch me and wrapped my arms around my knees. I stared at him, this beautiful man who had captured my heart months ago.

“I am sorry,” he said. I watched as he set the cups - I could smell the rich butterscotch of warm Butterbeer - down on the table. He reached a hand out but let it hover in the air between us. “I should have told you differently. I should have told you sooner.”

I swallowed and licked my lips. I could hear the shakiness in my breath. “You kissed me.”

Theo glanced toward my door where Harry looked like he was trying not to cry. “I know.”

“You said you dated someone before training. A girl.”

“I did,” he said. “I’ve had girlfriends, you know this. It’s just what I was told to do, growing up. You’ve read all about Purebloods, Hermione. You know what we’re told.”

The next question - statement - that flowed through my mind was the one that hurt the most. I tilted my head and tried to control my breathing. Theo ran a hand through his hair and I thought of all the times I’d given him a head massage to relax him, of all the times he’d fallen asleep with his head on my lap.

“You said you loved me,” I said in a whisper. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I do.” He reached out again and this time, I let his hand fall on my knee. It felt wrong and nothing like how I imagined he’d touched me before. Every time I thought his touch was flirting or because he felt the same way I did, it was all wrong. “Hermione, I do love you. You’re the best friend I could have ever asked for. You fit with me. Just… As a friend.”

“Friend.” I couldn’t help but move my arm so that I could trace runes on the back of his hand. “Did I -”

It was Theo’s turn to take a giant breath that came out in a shaky exhale. “You’re beautiful, Hermione, and… There was a time, I think, when I thought I wanted to give it a try - dating you, I mean.”

I didn’t think he could say anything else that could slice my heart even more, but it suddenly felt like my emotions were shredded into ribbons, curling in on themselves as if to try to protect what was left of my love for him.

“What happened?” I demanded. “What changed? Why did you try? Why didn’t you tell me?”

His hand slid off of my knee, slid out from beneath my ministrations, to fall onto his lap. Again, he turned his face to the doorway and my breath hitched when I realized Harry - my best friend for years, my gorgeous and funny brother - still stood there, watching us both closely. The look on his face told me everything; he had never been able to hide anything from me.

“Fuck,” I said softly and I couldn’t help the tears.

“Mione,” Harry called my name but I just shook my head.

“Get out. Both of you. Please.”

My chest hurt. My stomach hurt. My head hurt. I wanted to be left alone.

“Hermione, I didn’t mean to -”

“Please,” I managed to croak out through my sobbing. “Please just leave me alone.”

I slid down, shifting my legs to the side so they wouldn’t hit Theo, who still sat there like he wanted to have a longer conversation. I curled up into a ball and ignored the both of them, shrugging off Theo’s hand from my shoulder when he tried to turn me.

“I said GET OUT,” I finally yelled, flicking my wand toward where I felt Theo and I heard him let out a yell.

It was Harry’s voice that I heard right before my door clicked shut. “I’m sorry, Mione. I’m so sorry.”

Beguile

They fell into what could only be called an easy relationship. I watched from the sidelines as Theo and Harry grew closer. They laughed and touched and kissed. The dynamic changed between the three of us and despite the two of them telling me I was still their girl, their best friend, it wasn’t the same.

Harry was my friend, my brother, the one who had always reminded me that I was more than my mind, more than the books I read, but I felt him drifting away, falling into a relationship that I knew he deserved. For years, he’d had one sole mission in life and he was free of it. I knew how hard it had been for him when he tried to make a relationship with Ginny work. He had loved her, but he had confided in me that he knew she loved him more than he loved her. 

I no longer knew the depth of his feelings in his relationship. He sometimes walked on eggshells around me, and I knew he wanted to tell me about the growing relationship with Theo, but he always caught himself.

I told him it was fine, that I was still there for him, and ha ha, it’s better because I knew Theo so well and could commiserate with him.

He didn’t believe me.

I didn’t really believe myself.

My relationship with Theo, once so vibrant and full of life and secrets and happiness, began to dull. I still loved him, far more than he loved me, or at least in a different way, but it felt strange. There was a buzzing on my skin whenever I went near him, a warning that I wasn’t to get too close again, lest the armor I’d built around myself began to crack.

I told him, too, that I would be okay, that I still loved him and would be there for him, and that I’d be the perfect help if he and Harry ever got into a fight. I’d spent nearly half my life with him at this point, after all. Theo smiled whenever I said those things, but I could see the doubt creep into his eyes.

I felt the doubt in my veins, if I were being honest.

Ever since training had started for all three of us, it was always difficult for me to spend time with Harry, but it was even more difficult now. We tried to do things with the three of us, but I saw the longing in Harry’s eyes when I was in the room, the looks he gave Theo were full of heat and new lust. 

I loved both of them.

I wished I could hate them.

When we went out with other friends - fellow Trainees, friends from school - it was obvious that everyone loved them together. The Greengrass sisters called them adorable. Luna claimed that Moon Frogs were drawn to them because their love was so pure. Even Ron, when he heard about it all the way in America, sent a letter that exploded with glitter in congratulations.

Harry was still the Golden Boy.

Theo put forth his Pureblood upbringing and treated Harry like he was the most important person in his entire world.

Everyone loved them together. 

Everyone.

Except me.

Star

There was a group of us gathered in the gardens of Nott Manor, not too many, but enough that it could have been a party of sorts. I had been the one to tell Theo about the meteor shower weeks ago, had asked him if he would come out and watch the star show with me. When he said yes, it was like old times, and I thought he and I could spend some time together. I arrived at the Manor right before dinner, with some sandwiches bought at a Muggle restaurant we enjoyed, and paused at the doorway to the kitchen.

Harry was there, leaning casually against a counter, where a knife was thinly slicing meats and cheeses. His head was thrown back in a laugh and I watched as Theo leaned down to press a kiss onto the column of Harry’s neck. It was intimate and loving and sexy all at once. I made to back out of the room, but Harry turned his head when the floor squeaked beneath my step.

“Mione! You’re early!”

I licked my lips and gave him a small smile, averting my eyes when Theo looked over as well. “I thought - dinner?” I held up the bag and shook it.

Theo cleared his throat. “That’s great, I -”

The familiar whoosh of the Floo sounded in the front room and I spun and waited. Within seconds, familiar faces breezed into the room, everyone carrying some sort of food or wine. 

“I invited a few people,” Theo said weakly. I felt his body heat next to me and gave him a strained smile. 

“Hey,” I said as I filled bottles with elixirs and medicinal potions. “There’s supposed to be a meteor shower in a couple of weeks. Want to look for some shooting stars?”

I didn’t look up. It sounded stupid, even to my ears. Theo’s hand appeared on my arm and I glanced up.

“Your dad, right?” he asked with a small grin. “He used to take you to watch them when you were younger?”

“Yeah.” I turned back to the potion cooling in front of me. There was a long pause before he leaned down and left an inconspicuous kiss on my head - we were, after all, in a training session. 

“We’ll watch for them,” he promised. “Just you and me.”

I watched as everyone set out snacks and began to pour wine or hand out bottles of beer. I could feel Theo’s gaze as I set the bag of sandwiches into the refrigerator. He and Harry could enjoy them later, I supposed.

“Hey, Granger.”

“Hi, Draco,” I greeted him. He handed me a glass of red wine. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I didn’t know anyone would be here.”

He cleared his throat. “Ah, yeah. Theo didn’t really… Think this one through, so I’ve heard. But maybe you’ll still have a good time.” He gave me a small salute before he ducked away, falling into a conversation with Blaise and Pansy.

And so hours later, I found myself sitting alone in Theo’s gardens. Theo was to my right, but I could hear the sounds of he and Harry kissing. I tried not to look over, wanted to give them as much privacy as I could. I tilted my head back to look at the inky sky, trying to find constellations above me. 

“Oh, there’s one!” It was Astoria who found the first meteor hurtling across the sky, leaving a faint trail behind. I drew my knees up to my chest, and rested my right cheek atop them. I could still see the sky in this position, but I didn’t have to see my best friends together. 

It still hurt.

It hurt even more that I couldn’t even have this night with him, a night that I had been looking forward to for so long. More meteors appeared and I smiled softly up at them, remembering how my father would always count them with me.

At least I had that memory to carry me through the night.

Whispers sounded next to me, but I couldn’t make out any words. I shifted again and set my chin on my knees. Every now and then, I’d glance around to see couples embracing, groups of friends laughing together. I squinted for a moment at a couple that seemed to be in a locked embrace, startling when I realized it was Draco and Astoria - never saw that one coming.

Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind and the familiar scents of ink and cigarettes wafted around me. Theo’s legs straightened out on either side of my body and he pulled at the back of my clothes until I fell against his chest. He hummed in my ear, dulcet tones that almost made me sway against him. A small turn of my head showed Harry’s hair against Theo’s shoulder.

Theo kissed the side of my head, nudging my face back up toward the sky.

“Make a wish, love,” he whispered. 

I closed my eyes and did what he said.

Scandalous

A glass appeared in front of me and I sighed, shaking my head though I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my lips as I took the drink from Draco. It was a swirl of pink and purple this time and was tart like lemonade but with a slightly bitter finish. 

“Will you ever tell me what you put in these?”

He smirked at me. “Maybe one day, Granger, but not tonight. Enjoying yourself?”

I shrugged. “As much as always.”

When he leaned in, the heady scent of leather and smoke with a hint of caramel and apples surrounded me. “It’s a shame, you know? That you only have eyes for him.” My gaze shot to see his face, a smirk nowhere in sight and his grey eyes focused on me. “If you’d only look around, you’ll find that others can see what he won’t.”

His words confused me, but his voice made my stomach flutter. “Draco, what -”

“There’s more of that if you’d like,” he said as he stood at his full height again. “But there’s also the normal fare of drinks. Have fun tonight if you can.”

Like he always did, he saluted me with a tip of his glass and disappeared. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night, or at least, I don’t think I did. I finished the drink he gave me but kept to the regular fare of drinks. I knew he created special drinks for his guests whenever we congregated at his flat but he still hadn’t told anyone what he put in them.

As the hours passed and we all forgot about the week of training and exams and everything else stressful in life, I drank more and more. I drank until the room spun around me, a blur of lights that made me laugh and dance. When I found Theo, he was in the living room turned makeshift dance floor and I couldn’t help but throw my arms around him. He was alone for once, Harry away for the weekend, and as he spun me around, it felt like old times.

“You’re drunk,” he told me with an impish grin.

I laughed a bit too loudly. “So are you!”

The music grew louder and we twirled and dipped and laughed and shouted. We let others dance with us but always found each other again. A warning blared at the back of my mind, but it didn’t stop me from reaching up and pulling at his hair, brown wavy locks that slid through my fingers. He made a noise that made my thighs clench and then there was a wall behind me and Theo’s long body pressed against me.

My breathing quickened and I felt a pounding in my head, a pulsing at my neck. Theo’s eyes were hooded as he looked down at me, a dazed look in his eyes. When I leaned up and licked the sweat from his neck, his hips pushed into mine. I gasped at the feel of him, at the way he thrust against me.

“Theo,” I whispered his name like a prayer and pressed my fingers to the back of his neck. My head hit the wall behind me and his mouth found the juncture of my neck and shoulder. His teeth grazed the skin of my neck as he trailed kisses up to my ear. 

“Theo,” I gasped again.

I shut my eyes tightly.

“Harry.”

Ripple

Harry was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in Monday morning. I blinked at him, confused until I remembered this week was night training for the Aurors. 

“Morning,” I said.

I walked past the table and flicked my wand to begin heating the kettle again. A look in the refrigerator had me putting together a small plate of fruit. By the time my tea was ready, I realized Harry hadn’t said anything to me.

When I turned, it was to see him staring at me with a blank look on his face. His eyes followed me as I moved to the table and sat across from her. My hands wrapped around my cup, the tea warming me.

“We’ve been friends for years, Hermione,” he said evenly. “I think of you like a sister. You are my sister.”

“And you’re my brother,” I responded.

It was true. Even though we hadn’t spent much time together since the end of the War - even with living with each other - I knew he was the closest I would ever have to family.

It was why everything with Theo hurt more.

Harry leaned back in his seat and tapped his fingers against the glass of pumpkin juice in front of him. I stared back at him, even as I brought my cup up to my mouth to take a sip. The sound of the cup hitting the table seemed loud.

“Theo told me about Saturday night.”

The pads of my fingers pressed harder onto the cup until I thought I might break it.

“Hermione.” He took a shaky breath and pushed his glasses up. He usually only wore them around the flat nowadays. “I love him. Our relationship isn’t ending any time soon. Hopefully not ever.”

“That’s great,” I managed to say but even I could hear the hitch in my tone.

“Is it?” he asked seriously.

At that moment, Theo shuffled in, shirtless and with his hair curling around his face. He yawned, but froze when he saw the two of us at the table. The tension was thick in the kitchen, so palpable that I could practically see it in the air.

“Everything okay?” he asked cautiously. He moved to the table, veered toward Harry, and leaned down to kiss him soundly. He squeezed my shoulder lightly as he passed by to get a drink of his own.

“Hermione?” The way Harry said my name was odd. It sounded both questioning and accusing.

“Everything is great,” was all I said before I stood and left to get ready for my day.

Candy

It was decided that Pansy would host the next group gathering, though no one was sure how that came about. Her flat seemed to have an Old World theme that reminded me of Grimmauld Place, only brighter. By the time I arrived - late due extra research needed by the Chief Healer - everyone had broken off. Theo and Harry were sitting on one of the couches, laughing with their arms around each other. Draco stood near a set of large glass doors, watching Astoria across the room as she flirted with George Weasley, of all people. He caught my eye and gave me his standard salute, tipping his glass toward me.

“About time, Granger,” Davis said. He handed me an unlabeled bottle and I sipped it slowly, not wanting a repeat of the last party I’d attended. Not that it would happen, considering Harry was here and wrapped in Theo’s arms. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “Alright?”

“What? Oh, yes, thanks, Davis.” I clinked my bottle against his and made my way into the room. In my mind, Draco was the safest bet and I made my way toward him, stopping abruptly when I heard my name.

“Is this what Hermione Granger grew up to look like? A sight for sore eyes, if I do say so.”

I spun, the Scottish accent tickling my ears. It had been years since I had seen him - in person, at least. He often graced the covers of magazines left about by Harry. 

“Oliver Wood?” I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice as I full-named him. I felt heat rush to my cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a bloke visit some old stomping grounds?” he asked with a smile that revealed perfect, white teeth. When I just stared, he gave a short laugh. “I actually ran into Zabini at the Ministry. Had to get some paperwork done. He told me I should come around and well, here I am.”

“I haven’t seen you since…”

I cleared my throat, realizing the last time I had seen him was right after the Battle, when he helped pull fallen friends from the rubble.

“Anyway,” I said quietly. “It’s good to see you.”

“It is, eh?” His smile deepened. “It’s good to see you, too. Barely recognize half of you. Care to point out some old friends?”

His carefree attitude was infectious and I soon found myself not only pointing out the people he might have once known, I updated them on their lives. The bottle in my hand seemed to never empty but I never felt out of control. It was an oddly pleasant feeling.

The time, when I was backed into a wall and a body pressed against me, Oliver knew exactly who I was, groaning out my name as he tasted my skin and met my mouth with his. His hands flirted beneath my clothes. 

He tasted like fire and whiskey and sin.

When he pulled away from me, I was breathless and dizzy. I blinked up at him and he stared down to where my sweater had fallen off my shoulder. He offered to take me home to which I nodded and said, “Please.”

On our way out, a few people smirked my way. Draco raised his eyebrows at me before shaking his head with the barest hint of a smile. Harry stopped me and searched my face. There was a silent question in his eyes but I just looked away. 

This was my choice.

“Mione, don’t,” he said softly, trying to tug me away from Oliver’s reach.

I pried his fingers off of my arm. “I’ll call you guys tomorrow.”

Truth

I knew I had complete access to Nott Manor. Theo had keyed me into the wards a month after we met, saying I had free reign to come and go as I pleased. I could apparate directly into any room of the Manor, even his bedroom though I hadn’t done that since he and Harry had started dating. I could Floo in, no matter what, even if he had locked it down for the night. As far as I knew, he only allowed four people to do that - Harry, Draco, Blaise, and me.

Even so, I stared up at the Manor from the front stairs. I knew just apparating onto the grounds would have set off a ping of some sort, so I wasn’t too surprised when the front door opened to reveal Theo in a pair of grey lounge pants and a confused look on his face.

“Hermione? What are you doing out there?”

I looked at him, silent for a beat, maybe two, and then I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop the sobs and I wrapped my arms around myself. There was a shout and the sound of pounding footsteps before I felt Theo’s arms wrap around me, surrounding me with his comforting scent. I cried into his chest while he shushed me and combed his fingers through my hair. The tugging against tangles were a tiny bit of pain that made me feel like I could gain control of the situation.

“Mione? What the hell is going on?”

Hearing Harry’s voice made me cry harder. It was his hands that lifted my face from Theo’s body and his fingers that tried to wipe away the tears. 

“Hermione?”

“It was terrible,” I managed to say in between my gasps for air.

I saw Harry’s eyes harden. “Hermione, did he?”

“No, I wanted it,” I admitted. My lip trembled. “I wish I hadn’t.”

I could see the relief in Harry’s gaze and I felt Theo’s arms tighten around me as he whispered thanks to Merlin and Morgana. They maneuvered me between them and led me into the Manor, where a sleepy Draco Malfoy blinked blearily from the couch.

Except that I could sense his gaze sharpen in on me once I came into view.

“What’s going on?” He stood and I averted my gaze only to peek up from beneath my lashes at him. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said softly. “I just…”

An alarm went off and Theo cursed. “Stay here,” he requested of me. “I’ll tell Wainscott you’re ill today. Alright?”

I could only nod.

Harry drew in a deep breath. “Let me write a note and -”

“No, you have to go,” Draco cut in. I looked over at him and saw him having a silent conversation with Harry, who sighed. “Granger, do you mind if I stay here with you?”

My brows furrowed. I didn’t care, of course, but this whole situation suddenly felt strange.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said. “Robards asked me to come in this morning. I could ask for a reschedule. I don’t want to leave you.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said quietly. I wasn’t but there was no way I’d ask him to reschedule a meeting with the Head Auror. “I can head home. I just… I don’t know why I came here.”

Theo reappeared and hugged me tight. He had on the light green robes of a Healer Trainee. “You’re always welcome here, love. You know that. You can stay. You know that too. Please.”

I gave them both a smile - a forced one - but stayed until they both disappeared, leaving me with Draco. By then, he had slipped on his button-down from the night before and was handing me a cup of tea. We were sitting on the couch, where he had wrapped a plush blanket around me.

“He loves you, you know,” he said after almost 15 minutes of silence. “Theo. I’m sure Potter does too, but I meant Theo.”

“I know,” I said, breathing in the steam from the cup. “Just not the way I want.” I cleared my throat. “Wanted.”

Draco eyed me carefully. “He told me how he once thought he could date you.”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “I can’t, I don’t want to…”

“I’m sorry,” he said calmly. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting. But do you remember what I told you once?”

I looked at him blankly for a moment before his words from months prior rushed to mind.

If you’d only look around, you’ll find that others can see what he won’t.

I didn’t know what to say but Draco just reached over and tucked one of the wayward strands of hair behind my ear.

“I’m a patient man,” he promised.

Storm

It was difficult but I stayed away from them as much as I could. I let them have their time together and often brushed off the invitations for drinks or dinner. Theo was hurt at first until he found me one night, silently staring at blank pieces of parchment.

“Love, what are you staring at?”

“You shouldn’t call me that,” I told him, not moving my eyes from the study plans I was supposed to be creating. “Not anymore.”

I felt him at my shoulder. “I’ve always called you that.”

I looked up at him briefly, turning away before tears could well up in my eyes again. “But you shouldn’t. It’s not fair. To anyone.”

He was quiet and his hand kneaded into the top of my spine, thumbs pressing at the pressure points that helped me relax. I picked up my quill, dipped it into the ink pot, and began scratching out a schedule to help me plan for the upcoming exams that would weed out those not ready for the deeper studies into Healing.

“Are you staying? For the Holidays, I mean?” he asked as he brushed my hair over one shoulder to reach my neck better. I shook my head. Harry had already told me he was staying with Theo instead of chancing an awkward turn at The Burrow for Christmas. I wanted to give them privacy. His hands stopped their ministrations. “Where will you go?”

“Ron’s invited me to America. He can’t get out of work to come home and he knows that I, well, he invited me there.”

It wasn’t my first choice, but it would be an escape from everything here. I could leave Theo and Harry to work on their relationship without being in the way. I could run away from the thoughts Draco had whirling in my brain. 

It would be different.

And since I hadn’t seen Ron since he left, it would be nice to see someone who didn’t look at me with pity like so many of our friends and coworkers had been shooting me for months now.

So to America, I would go.

So I studied, passed the exams and training I needed to in order to move ahead, and went to the Ministry for my International Portkey. Ron waited for me at MACUSA and his hug was tight and familiar. I managed to keep everything inside until he apparated us to his flat - apartment, he corrected with a cheeky grin - outside of Boston. While we sat with mugs of cocoa, I told him everything.

And he listened.

I fell asleep on the couch that night, leaning against Ron’s chest, and when I woke up, he kissed my mess of a hair and asked what I wanted for breakfast. Like I had expected, he didn’t look at me with pity, didn’t ask me questions, but squeezed my hands when I told him a little more of what life had been like for me.

I wrote one card and cast the doubling charm on it a few times, before Ron said he’d take them to the International Mail Port - “The IMP!” he’d said - in the city for me. They all said the same thing: Happy Christmas! See you in the new year! From Hermione

Christmas was a dinner Ron had gotten from a local restaurant that catered to the magical community. We toasted each other with mulled wine and leaned on each other in front of a fire. It was relaxing and calm and everything I needed to clear my mind.

In the days following Christmas, two owls appeared at Ron’s window. One carried a bracelet that sparkled with magic and a note that read, Happy Christmas, Hermione. I miss you. Love always, Theo. 

The second owl carried what turned out to be a larger package for me and Ron. It was filled with our favorite treats and two photo albums that depicted a strong friendship between all three of us. Miss you both. I had help with the gift but the sentiment is mine. From Harry. I found a small strip of parchment attached to one of the sugar quills. Come home, it said. We both miss you.

Two days later, a glowing peregrine falcon landed on Ron’s kitchen table and I jumped in surprise. It cocked its head at me for a moment, then Draco’s voice came out, “Apologies for the late reply. Happy Christmas, Granger. I hope to see you when you return.”

In the new year, I hugged Ron good-bye and made him promise to visit home soon. When I landed in the Ministry of Magic, Harry was waiting for me.

“What are you -”

He picked me up and spun me around. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Familiar laughter sounded behind him and I glanced over his shoulder to see Theo grinning at me. He plucked me from Harry’s arms and held me close, his embrace tightening with each passing second.

“I am so glad you’re back.”

Words

The rage bubbled inside of me, crackling along my skin. My wand felt heavy in my hand and I raised it even though I didn’t actually plan on using it.

“You may be one of my best friends,” I said lowly, dangerously. “I may love you more than I should, but you do not get to speak to me that way. You do not get to blame me for your relationship problems, Theodore Nott.”

I felt Harry suddenly appear at my back, his body frozen at the words I had just said. His hand reached up to lower my arm so that my wand lay at my side again. His fingers were warm against my bare wrist, a touch that had always comforted me.

“What did you say to her?” Harry’s voice was as hard as the look in his eyes as he glared at Theo.

“Nothing!” Theo argued. “She’s drunk and clearly needs to sober up.”’

The accusation spurned the ire in my brain and I struggled against Harry’s tight hold on my wand arm. “What did you just say?” I spit out.

“It’s true, isn’t it? How much have you had to drink tonight, Hermione?”

It wasn’t any of his business, not really, not anymore, not when he stopped accompanying me to parties. But I hadn’t even had much - two glasses of Draco’s drinks that were served at the small dinner party he’d held. Theo and Harry had opted not to go.

When I didn’t answer right away, Theo shook his head at me, a mixture of sadness and anger in his eyes. “You’re going to prove me right, you know.”

“Theo,” Harry pressed into the syllables of his lover’s name. “What is going on?”

There was a long pause, during which Harry tugged me so that my back was flush against his chest. Theo stared at the two of us.

“You’ve been choosing her over me lately,” he finally said. “Have you noticed? Either of you?”

“What?” The word escaped my mouth before I could stop it. “What are you talking about?”

“Why would you say that?” Harry asked softly. 

“Because it’s true,” Theo responded. He let out a laugh, a bitter sound that I wasn’t used to at all. “Ever since the new year, the two of you are always together.” He turned his gaze to me and I pressed myself back into Harry at the empty look in his eyes.

“Theo.”

“What?” he asked. His voice had an odd tone to it, almost like he wasn’t really there. “Did you decide that since you couldn’t have me, you’d go for the man I loved instead? He doesn’t want you either, Hermione, not like that.”

His words whipped through me, striking at my chest, and I would have fallen to the floor had Harry not been holding me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I vaguely heard the sound of my wand hitting the floor.

“Get out,” Harry said quietly but angrily. 

Theo took a step toward us. “I’m -”

“Get. Out.” Harry’s voice was louder and I buried my head in the soft cotton of his shirt. 

“Harry.”

“I’m not kidding, Theo. Leave. Before I say something we’ll both regret.”

Kitten

Harry’s blanket was warm tucked around me. My face felt tight from dried-up tears. The arm around my stomach was heavy but comforting. He hadn’t left my side since he kicked Theo out of our flat. As soon as the door had snicked shut - not slammed - Harry had brought me to my room, told me to get in bed, and had gone to fetch my favorite blanket of his. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” He shifted and leaned up on a hand so he could look at me. “Hermione, this isn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” I sniffed and shut my eyes. I felt so out-of-control and I wasn’t used to the swirl of emotions holding me down. 

The silence that suddenly surrounded us felt stifling.

“We fought,” Harry admitted. “While you were gone, we fought. It had nothing to do with you, not really.”

“Not really?”

Harry sighed and flopped back down on the bed. We both stared up at the ceiling and he grabbed my hand, running his thumb over my knuckles soothingly.

“I love him, you know.”

I said nothing. I knew. Of course I knew. And Theo loved him back just as much.

“But sometimes, it’s obvious that he wishes he could love you like this.”

“Harry,” I whispered his name.

“No, that’s not your fault, Mione,” he assured me. “It’s just - Pureblood upbringing has always taught him that he needed a wife, an heir. So he’s always just hidden this part of him.” He squeezed my hand in his. “I know he wishes he could love you like you love him.”

“Loved him,” I corrected quietly.

“Mione.”

“No, I’m being honest,” I told him. “It’s not… It’s not what I thought. And I… I don’t ever want to be someone’s easy way out.”

“You’re not that. He’d never think of you that way. I think he just wishes life could be different.” Harry took a shuddering breath. “We both love you.”

“I know that.” I turned my head so I could stare at Harry’s profile. “I’ve loved you since I was 13.”

Harry turned his head to meet my gaze and his eyes sparkled for a moment. “Not 11?”

I let out a laugh, happy at the turn of mood. “Not 11. You were a right mess.” The smile slid off my face though. “What Theo said…”

“He didn’t mean it,” but Harry’s voice had flattened and he shut his eyes tightly, the corners creasing in aggravation. “He didn’t mean it.”

“But it still hurt. Both of us. It hurt both of us.”

A beat.

“It’s going to hurt for a while, I think,” I confessed softly. 

“That’s okay,” Harry said. But I knew it wasn’t, not really, not yet. “We’ll be okay.”

Drifting

It was two weeks before I saw Theo outside of training. I had done the bare minimum in terms of communicating with him during our courses but everyone in our group could sense the tension. Whispers followed me, similar to the ones I’d heard when I first met Theo, but like before, I ignored them.

He showed up to my flat on a Sunday afternoon, sporting a black left eye, its edges already shaded red and purple. He held out a bouquet of sugar quills set in an empty ink pot in apology. I took them slowly from him but didn’t move from the doorway.

“Who did that to you?”

He looked uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, lo-Hermione. You have to know I didn’t mean what I said.”

I nodded. “You hurt me.”

“I know I did.” He reached out slowly, cautiously, and when I didn’t step back, he brushed the back of a hand down my face. “I’m a right bastard.”

I poked at the candy bouquet for a moment, then stepped aside to let him into the flat. His eyes moved around the living room and I made a sort of humming sound until he looked back at me. “He’s not here.”

“That’s not why I -”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself to speak. I wanted to get everything out as quickly as possible.

“I’ll forgive you. I’m still angry at you - so angry, Theodore. You’ve never hurt me like that, not when you told me you liked dick, not when you started dating my male best friend. That’s just a part of who you are and I didn’t know better. Or maybe it’s that I didn’t care because I thought… I thought I loved you.”

I looked at him and let out a deep sigh.

“Sometimes, I think I still do.”

“Hermione,” he called me softly.

“But I would have never been what you needed,” I continued like he hadn’t spoken. “I may be a woman but I’m not a Pureblood and while you may not care, there are those who would. So no, loving me wouldn’t have made anything easier for you.”

“I know,” he admitted.

“But telling Harry that? You’ve hurt him too, with your words and actions. And that’s what makes me so angry. That you’ve hurt the man you supposedly love, my brother. You made him feel like he wasn’t enough. How can I forgive you for that?”

Theo stared at me, the look in his eyes blank for a moment before I saw the remorse settle in.

“Tell me the truth,” he pleaded. “Do you still wish we could be together?”

“No.” I could see the relief flow through him and couldn’t help but smile lightly. “When I said I sometimes think I still love you - like that - it’s because I can feel something.”

“And what’s that?” I can hear the coyishly sly lilt of his question.

“I don’t…” I bit my lip. “It’s there sometimes, that feeling when I first met you.” A short laugh escaped my lips after my words. “But it’s not to you, not anymore.”

“Draco,” Theo said the name in an even tone. “Draco punched me.”

“What?”

“He knows what I said to you. I told him and Blaise. Draco’s reaction was,” he paused and ran a hand down his face. “It was not unexpected.”

Keeping my face carefully blank, I set the ink pot down on the table and plucked a blue quill from the bouquet. I unwrapped it slowly and let it rest on my bottom lip in thought. Theo watched me, waiting for a reaction, but I gave him none.

“Harry deserves to be happy. So do you. You should apologize to him and mean it.”

Breathless

“I see they’re back together,” a familiar, smooth voice said from beside me. The drink was a light blue this time, and it sparkled up at me when I swirled it. “Thoughts?” he asked, nodding at the glass.

I took a sip and tasted, surprisingly, peaches and honey with a hint of ginger. “Delicious as always, but the color is deceiving.”

“Many things are,” he said. He leaned back onto the wall and crossed one ankle over the other as he watched Theo and Harry on the couch in his living room. They were laughing again, the sound no longer strained. 

I glanced at the hand that was curled around his glass and saw tiny red pin pricks. When he cleared his throat, I looked up and hid a smile. “Thank you,” I said simply.

“For what?” he asked before bringing his glass up to take a sip. It was filled with an almost clear liquid though I could also see deep blues and greens swirling in it. 

I brought my glass up to my own lips, hiding my smile behind the glass. “Never mind.”

Some time later, I walked into the kitchen and went to find something else to drink. Theo stood near the sink, in what looked like a deep discussion with Draco. I eyed them for a moment before I grabbed a bottle of wine but stopped when my name was called. I walked over to the two of them, frowning when I had to crane my neck to look up at them.

“Merlin, it would have hurt to kiss you all the time,” I said to Theo casually. “Are you two okay again?” I looked pointedly at Draco’s right hand before shifting my gaze to Theo’s face.

“Peachy,” Draco drawled. He reached behind him and opened what looked like a small cupboard. A fresh glass of light blue liquid appeared and he handed it to me. “Don’t drink too much, Granger.”

“Why not?” I asked coyly. I stepped in between him and Theo, turning my back on my best friend for the moment, ignoring him when he muttered Merlin help us all.

Draco leaned down and skimmed his lips across my cheek. “I’d like to have plans with you tonight. If you’ll let me.”

I turned my head slightly and met his mouth with my own. I gave him a wink as I pulled away and slid an arm around Theo, who was laughing loudly by this point. “If you’re lucky, Draco.”

Theo hauled me into his arms and strode out of the kitchen, still laughing and calling Harry’s name. As he recounted the scene in the kitchen, Harry gave a loud guffaw and left a smacking kiss on my cheek. 

“Thatta girl,” he laughed out. “Make him work for you.”

I felt eyes on me and looked over my shoulder. Draco stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. When he saw me looking, he smirked and lifted his glass near his forehead, tipping it in a salute.

If you’d only look around, you’ll find that others can see what he won’t.

His words rang clear in my head and I gave him a bright smile, one I hoped showed everything Theo had never seen in me.

Navy

His sheets weren’t green or silver like I thought they would be. When I mentioned it to him in between heated kisses and wandering hands, he laughed and said he couldn’t be too much of a cliche. I giggled like a schoolgirl and he swallowed my laughter, scritch-scratching blunt nails up my ribcage and just beneath my bra. His thumbs slid between the fabric and my skin and I arched up into his touch, breathing his name. It tickled when he licked down past my belly button and I tensed a bit when he bit at the fabric of my knickers.

“May I?” he asked into my skin, but his eyes darted up to watch my face.

My response was to shamelessly spread my legs for him, but he only nuzzled the inside of my thigh. 

“Granger, tell me.”

“Yes,” I said clearly. “Please.”

He tugged at the knickers until they dangled off of one ankle and kissed his way back up my leg. The cry that left my lips when he slid his tongue between my legs was so loud, I would have been embarrassed had the reverberations of his groan not told me he was just as affected. His hair was silky between my fingers and I couldn’t help but tug when he slipped a finger, then two, inside of me to make sure I was ready for him.

I was very much ready for him.

He was solid and lean, muscular yet svelte. His hands were sure as they held my ankles, his thighs strong and steady beneath me. The navy sheets were cool in my fists as I pulled at them, seeking purchase as his hips met mine. 

“Draco.” His name spilled from my lips and I gasped for air when he spun us around so he lay beneath me. “Oh!”

I moved above him, his hand loose around my waist, my hips, my arse. I moved up, down, rocked back and forth, and he filled me completely. My hands found their way into my own hair and his hands skimmed up my waist to cup my breasts, his thumbs teasing nipples into hardened peaks. 

When he surged up, I almost fell back, but his knees lifted to support me and my head tipped backwards. He was speaking words into the skin of my neck, into the curve of my shoulder, and though I couldn’t make out the sentences, I could hear the desperation, the need to find release.

I could hear it as clearly as I felt my own body want the same.

It came rushing through me, a crashing of waves that roared in my ears, and swept over me. Beneath me, I could feel Draco shaking, his body pulling taut as he held my hips down, leaving no space between us. He was still muttering nonsense under his breath - or what seemed like nonsensical words, anyway - until his voice said one thing clearly, so clearly I thought I may have imagined it, but he said it again and again.

“Hermione. Hermione.”

My name, my given name passed through his lips and seared into my chest like a hot brand. It was the first time he’d ever called me that. I leaned forward, into him, and brought my hands to his face, smoothing my fingers over the sharp angles of his jaw. I searched his eyes and bit my lip. I watched a corner of his mouth quirk up and he shook his head at me, but I could see the mirth in his gaze.

“Don’t get used to it, Granger.”

I laughed loudly. I couldn’t help it. It was a full-body laugh that had me moving against him and he growled as he flipped us over once more so that he hovered over me. A bright light suddenly appeared and I turned my head to see a glowing fox scampering around the floor next to Draco’s bed. Propping myself up on my elbows, I turned my attention to it, noticing that Draco slid off of me and onto his side. He draped an arm over my waist.

“Hermione, where are you? Harry and I came home and you’re nowhere to be found. Are you okay? Let us know. We have news.”

Theo’s voice faded, as did the Patronus. 

“Think it’s important enough for you to rush home?” Draco asked and I felt the soft weight of his lips on my shoulder. 

I glanced at him and gave a slight shrug. “Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?”

His brows furrowed together and he let out a small growl. “If I had my way, I’d never get rid of you.”

I blinked up at him and thought back to the past few months, of how Draco had been there, in the background, almost as if he were waiting for his chance.

“Okay,” I agreed softly. 

Draco’s fingers, which had been tickling the skin of my waist, froze when I spoke. He stared at me, almost calculating. Still holding my gaze, he reached behind him and found his wand. With a quick wave, the glowing form of a Peregrine appeared.

“Find Theo Nott,” he instructed. He still held my gaze. “Tell him, ‘She’s with me. And perfectly fine.’ Go.”

Before he put his wand down, my arms wrapped around his shoulders and I pulled him to me, kissing him until I was breathless.

Rain

Theo and I walked away from St. Mungo’s. Our hands, connected by our laced fingers, swung between us like a pendulum. The silence between us was comfortable, reminiscent of the early weeks of our friendship. The scent of spring was in the air as we meandered through the bustling streets of London, neither one of us in a rush to get home.

“I’ve missed you.”

It was Theo who broke the silence and his fingers squeezed mine for moments before relaxing again. As we waited at a crosswalk, I leaned into his side. His hand let go of mine, and as the lights changed and we began to walk again, his arm slid around my shoulders, tucking me into him like a tiny fairy.

“It’s been a strange year,” I said. I tilted my head to look up at him. “I’ve missed you, too.”

We stopped at a small pub and I snagged a table while he went and bought us drinks. As soon as I picked up the pint, he blurted out, “So you and Malfoy.”

I paused, bringing the glass back down to the table, and I studied Theo.

“He’s a good guy,” he rushed to say. 

“I know that,” I replied. I tapped on the glass. “Well, I know that now.”

Theo took a deep breath. “Hermione, if you… If you ever felt like I abandoned you for Harry… For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

I took a moment to replay his words in my head, gulping down my drink. “I don’t know if I’d say I felt abandoned. That’s not the word I think of when I remember even the hard parts of our… Would you call it a triangle? That doesn’t seem quite right.” I laughed a bit under my breath.

Theo stayed quiet and I scooted closer to him. I ducked under his arm and laid my head against his shoulder. His arm immediately tightened around me.

“I like him, Theo,” I murmured. “I really like Draco.”

“I don’t think I need to tell you how he feels about you.” The laugh that came from him sounded a little bitter and I couldn’t help but frown at him. “He always watched you. Waited for you.” He shook his head. “Told me what a right bastard I was at times.”

He brought his glass up and drank all of its contents, swiping a hand over his mouth when it was gone. I nudged my glass over to him and he smiled, but it was a bit sad.

“He loves you.”

My breath hitched. “He’s told me,” I confessed.

“And you? Do you love him?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to, at least not to Theo. Draco had told me recently that he loved me, that he had loved me for a while, but I hadn’t been able to say the words back. I wanted to be sure of it, wanted to be certain that I wasn’t setting myself up for heartache. I had, at least, told him that much and he had shrugged, kissed me, and said he’d wait.

So I wasn’t going to share my thoughts or the words to Theo before Draco.

Instead, I opted to tease him. “Why all of these questions? Have you been feeling left out, abandoned as you said?”

Theo took a sip from my glass. “I just missed you, is all.”

I hugged him tightly. “Well, the feeling is mutual.”

Later that night, we stood outside on the balcony of my flat. Harry was in his room, waiting for Theo to join him, and I knew that if I apparated to Draco’s flat, he’d most likely be in the small library he’d created for me from one of the spare rooms, having a night cap as he finished up any reading he found necessary - either for work or pleasure. He’d stay there until either I arrived or I sent a message that I was staying in my flat.

Theo leaned against the short wall surrounding the balcony, a cigarette dangling from his lips, as tiny droplets of water spattered around us. The scene was so familiar, bringing up a memory I once thought was the best night of my life. He paused in lighting the cigarette and his eyes met mine, as if he suddenly remembered too. Without a second thought, I walked to him and slid my arms around his waist. I watched as he snapped his fingers in front of the cigarette, his magic sparking a tiny flame to light it. 

When he handed me the cigarette, I took it and inhaled. 

“You’ll never lose me,” he said quietly and I felt the tiniest bit of deja vu. “No matter who we date or if things don’t work out, you’ll never lose me. And I hope I never lose you, Hermione. I know parts of this last year were -”

“Really difficult and sometimes the worst times of our life?”

“Yes,” he agreed with a laugh. “They were and there were times that when I look back on them, I don’t think I deserved your forgiveness. Sometimes, I still think that.”

“You’re stuck with me,” I told him. I took a deep breath. “You’re not the only good thing in my life, but you’re still one of the best.”

I reached up and tugged him down by his neck. I pressed my lips against his, nothing sensual, nothing that meant more than a confirmation of our friendship - and only our friendship. I felt him smile and when I pulled away, I handed him the cigarette.

“Good night. Tell Harry I’m staying at Draco’s, okay?”

“Sure, Hermione.” He leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth and it felt good to not feel a fluttering in my stomach or a tightening in my chest. “Good night.”

Illuminate

“I kissed Theo.”

Draco dragged his attention from the book he was reading to my face. I had landed directly into his office where I found him exactly how I expected. He studied my face for a moment then leaned back in his chair, pushing away from the desk in a silent invitation for me to join him. When I lowered myself to sit sideways on his lap, he tapped my thigh while he thought.

“Did you enjoy it?”

I shook my head.

“Did he enjoy it?”

I made a face at him.

“Did it give you closure?”

I kissed him in response, a hard press of mouths, and his lips parted beneath mine. I tasted bourbon and mint.

“I love you.”

He smiled and I felt his arms tighten around my waist. His hands were cold as they skimmed beneath my sweater and up my back. He flicked his fingers at the clasp of my bra and I heard him make a stupid joke about not needing magic to get me naked.

I laughed and let him spread my body across his desk. He did wicked things with his tongue and I cried out his name until my voice was hoarse and he fell boneless atop me. I ran my fingers through his hair and felt our sweat-slickened bodies move against each other until he had no choice but to pull away so we could make some sort of order for ourselves.

In the large tub filled with hot water and bubbles I knew he only tolerated because of my love for them, I poked his thigh with my toes and when he looked at me, I said it again.

“I love you.”

He reached down and ran a hand up my leg as he shifted and made his way toward me. When his face was in front of mine, he cupped my cheek and breathed out Hermione, love before he gave me a simple kiss. He moved behind me and stroked my stomach, down to my thighs, and back up to my shoulders before he settled me against his chest, relaxed and pliant.

“Did it give you closure?” he asked again.

“Yes.”

Quartet

From the kitchen table, I watched Theo and Harry move fluidly around each other as they cooked dinner. I sat back, swirling my glass of wine, taking a sip occasionally, and couldn’t help but smile at the way they worked together. Harry’s laugh was loud and Theo gave a loud yelp when he tried to steal another sliced pepper from the plate of vegetables that still needed to be cooked.

A whoosh came from the front room and only a few seconds passed before I heard the familiar sound of boots walking down the hall. Draco paused in the doorway, narrowing his eyes at the couple in the kitchen for a moment, before he removed his wand from the inner pocket of his Auror training robe. With a circling of the wand and a word too low for me to hear, I saw the silver light leave the wand and crash into the back of Theo’s thigh, causing him to yelp and jump away from the plate of food.

“Hi,” I said, tilting my head back and letting Draco kiss me upside-down. My face scrunched up when he pulled away. “Still not convinced it’s the best way to kiss.”

He rolled his eyes and kicked out a chair, sitting down harshly on it. “Potter, you’re a right jerk, leaving me to that last case tonight.”

“Not my fault you take longer to close up the study cases,” Harry taunted.

“I am thorough,” Draco responded. He smirked and pull a small square from his pocket, enlarging it to show a portfolio case. “I took a look at your Dagvers case though. You may want to read through some of the testimonies again.”

“You can’t just go looking at… Why?”

“The second witness was questioned twice, first at the scene of the crime and then two days later. He recounted what he saw but it’s curious, don’t you think, that some of what he said was exactly the same, word for word?”

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “Completely? Fuck, how’d I miss that? Let me see.”

He came over and grabbed the folder from Draco, muttering under his breath as he spread out the files. With a roll of my eyes, I stood and made my way over to Theo, who was slowly heating the vegetable platter with his wand.

“This isn’t even a real case,” I whispered to him. “Can you imagine what they’ll be like once they’re certified Aurors and working hours on end?”

Theo laughed, causing our partners to glance over at us for a moment. “We’ll be left to our own devices,” he said cheerfully. “Whatever will we do?”

I rolled my eyes when he popped his hip against mine. “Study?”

“Not exactly what I was thinking.”

I hopped up on the counter, being careful to not touch any of the warm plates. “Do I have to keep you company? That would be such a hardship,” I teased.

“You’re a rude witch and I have no idea why I put up with you.”

“I think it’s the other way around, if I’m to be honest,” I said primly. “Remind me why I put up with you?”

There was a pause, one so quick I would have missed it had it not been accompanied by a look.  

“I’m not sure, but I’m happy that you do,” he told me softly.

“Hey.” I reached out and grabbed his wrist. I pulled him toward me until I could wrap my arms around his waist. “Theo.”

“Yes?”

I brought his hand up and pressed a short kiss onto the palm of his hand.

Ink. Potions. Cigarettes.

“I love you.”

He smiled down at me. “I love you too, Hermione.”

I let go of his hand and he continued to cook. I swung my legs a bit and made a small sound of annoyance when I accidentally hit the cupboards with the backs of my feet. Draco looked over, concern flashing over his face, before he shook his head at me and sent a wink my way before he went back to lecturing Harry.

Everything was right.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Star

There was a group of us gathered in the gardens of Nott Manor, not too many, but enough that it could have been a party of sorts. I had been the one to tell Theo about the meteor shower weeks ago, had asked him if he would come out and watch the star show with me. When he said yes, it was like old times, and I thought he and I could spend some time together. I arrived at the Manor right before dinner, with some sandwiches bought at a Muggle restaurant we enjoyed, and paused at the doorway to the kitchen.

Harry was there, leaning casually against a counter, where a knife was thinly slicing meats and cheeses. His head was thrown back in a laugh and I watched as Theo leaned down to press a kiss onto the column of Harry’s neck. It was intimate and loving and sexy all at once. I made to back out of the room, but Harry turned his head when the floor squeaked beneath my step.

“Mione! You’re early!”

I licked my lips and gave him a small smile, averting my eyes when Theo looked over as well. “I thought - dinner?” I held up the bag and shook it.

Theo cleared his throat. “That’s great, I -”

The familiar whoosh of the Floo sounded in the front room and I spun and waited. Within seconds, familiar faces breezed into the room, everyone carrying some sort of food or wine. 

“I invited a few people,” Theo said weakly. I felt his body heat next to me and gave him a strained smile. 

“Hey,” I said as I filled bottles with elixirs and medicinal potions. “There’s supposed to be a meteor shower in a couple of weeks. Want to look for some shooting stars?”

I didn’t look up. It sounded stupid, even to my ears. Theo’s hand appeared on my arm and I glanced up.

“Your dad, right?” he asked with a small grin. “He used to take you to watch them when you were younger?”

“Yeah.” I turned back to the potion cooling in front of me. There was a long pause before he leaned down and left an inconspicuous kiss on my head - we were, after all, in a training session. 

“We’ll watch for them,” he promised. “Just you and me.”

I watched as everyone set out snacks and began to pour wine or hand out bottles of beer. I could feel Theo’s gaze as I set the bag of sandwiches into the refrigerator. He and Harry could enjoy them later, I supposed.

“Hey, Granger.”

“Hi, Draco,” I greeted him. He handed me a glass of red wine. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I didn’t know anyone would be here.”

He cleared his throat. “Ah, yeah. Theo didn’t really… Think this one through, so I’ve heard. But maybe you’ll still have a good time.” He gave me a small salute before he ducked away, falling into a conversation with Blaise and Pansy.

And so hours later, I found myself sitting alone in Theo’s gardens. Theo was to my right, but I could hear the sounds of he and Harry kissing. I tried not to look over, wanted to give them as much privacy as I could. I tilted my head back to look at the inky sky, trying to find constellations above me. 

“Oh, there’s one!” It was Astoria who found the first meteor hurtling across the sky, leaving a faint trail behind. I drew my knees up to my chest, and rested my right cheek atop them. I could still see the sky in this position, but I didn’t have to see my best friends together. 

It still hurt.

It hurt even more that I couldn’t even have this night with him, a night that I had been looking forward to for so long. More meteors appeared and I smiled softly up at them, remembering how my father would always count them with me.

At least I had that memory to carry me through the night.

Whispers sounded next to me, but I couldn’t make out any words. I shifted again and set my chin on my knees. Every now and then, I’d glance around to see couples embracing, groups of friends laughing together. I squinted for a moment at a couple that seemed to be in a locked embrace, startling when I realized it was Draco and Astoria - never saw that one coming.

Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind and the familiar scents of ink and cigarettes wafted around me. Theo’s legs straightened out on either side of my body and he pulled at the back of my clothes until I fell against his chest. He hummed in my ear, dulcet tones that almost made me sway against him. A small turn of my head showed Harry’s hair against Theo’s shoulder.

Theo kissed the side of my head, nudging my face back up toward the sky.

“Make a wish, love,” he whispered. 

I closed my eyes and did what he said.