Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Have you ever thought about things that you know happen in the world, every day, and you know it could happen to anyone but you never think it would happen to you? Things like getting mugged or being diagnosed with cancer, you know these things happen but you don't imagine it would happen to you. Or if you do think that, you think you could a victim of these horrible things, but you don't know how it will affect you.

You can imagine, anyone can, but you don't really know. You may think that faced with an armed man trying to rob you, you would kick them and run away or maybe just comply, but we don't know. We don't know until we're right there in the moment. You could think that you would reach for your pepper spray, but when actually faced with that decision you could freeze up. We can never know until it happens.

Eiji was the type of person who just thought these things would never happen to him.

He obviously knew it happened, he personally knew victims of those sorts of things, but he never imagined himself in their place. Well, that wasn't completely true, he had thought about it a few times but his mind couldn't really capture the cruelness of reality.

Eiji Okumura was a Japanese transfer student in his first year at an American high school, living with his godfather and younger sister due to their parents passing, and ran on the track and field team. He has also somehow managed to befriend a group of delinquents and a pretentious rich boy who all manage to both get him into situations and also out of them.

Eiji had thought, only for a moment when his mind was reeling at the time, that maybe this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't close with his friends.

He never blamed any of them, though. Eiji truly believed that he, if he were friends with anyone else in his school, wouldn't have been as happy with anyone else and much preferred the people he had. He wouldn't trade them for the world. He did, however, find that it was almost funny that, after a long time feeling as though he did not belong in their "gang", something like this would act as some sort of initiation.

You must be wondering, what happened to Eiji? Well.

It was a Thursday, Eiji and another track teammate, James, had stayed back after the end of their meet to help their coach and were now alone in the change room together. James had finished getting dressed before Eiji and was hovering at the door, watching the Japanese boy in amusement as he struggled to untie his shoes.

"Did you want to walk together?" James asked, almost laughing as Eiji tried even more aggressively to get his laces undone.

"No, I am fine, I might also be here for a while," Eiji says, barely glancing at the other boy and glaring at his shoes that just did not want to come off. 

James fully laughed at that. "Do you need help?" 

"I will manage, you can go, thank you," Eiji said kindly, just continuing to struggle.

"Haha, okay man, see you Monday!" James chuckled, waving as he left.

Five minutes later, Eiji finally managed to get his shoes off and quickly took off his shirt and pants. He was about to change into his other pair of pants when he heard the changing room door open.

"Did you forget-?" Eiji turned to the door, expecting to see James, forgetting his phone or something, but was caught off guard by who was actually there. Frederick Arthur. Star football player, stupid unnaturally yellow hair, and a huge grudge against Eiji's friends, Ash in particular, that Eiji didn't wholly understand. 

Lucky for Eiji- or maybe unlucky -Arthur didn't seem to hate him, just the people he hung out with, so the two of them weren't on the verge of a fistfight whenever they were around each other which cannot be said the same for the rest of his friends.

Arthur had an odd glint in his eyes as he stalked forward.

"What are you doing here?" Eiji asked, turning away from him and desperately trying to keep his voice even. Just because Arther didn't want to throw hands with Eiji at any given moment, doesn't mean Eiji is comfortable around him, especially since he was in nothing but his boxers and socks.

"Football practice ran late today," Arthur said, as if it were obvious. Eiji glanced back at him and noted that the boy was wearing his normal clothes, obviously lying. Eiji also knew football only practiced on Wednesdays and Fridays, but he wisely didn't comment.

"You are supposed to use the other changing rooms," Eiji said, growing tenser as Arthur drew closer to him, now almost leaning over him, making Eiji even more uncomfortable as he was much shorter and, again, mostly naked. He also didn't comment that the other set of changing rooms were right next to the football field, which was on the complete opposite side of the school from here.

"I know," Arthur answered, an almost teasing tone.

"Then- what are you doing here?" Eiji asked, attempting to stand up a little straighter but to no great effect.

"Your little friends aren't here to help you," Arthur practically purred, shutting Eiji's locker and leaning against it, effectively pinning the smaller boy.

Eiji's breath hitched as Arthur grabbed his face and roughly kissed him, Eiji tried to struggle against him but Arthur's hold was too strong. Eiji attempted to kick upwards, trying to catch Arthur's shin or groin and escape but was blocked by the other putting his knee into Eiji's thigh and pinning it. He gasped when Arthur pulled away, struggling a little harder now that his face wasn't connected to another.

"Let go!" He yelled tugging extra hard on where Arthur had his hands pinned to the side, but still unsuccessful.

"Awe, don't be like that," Arthur cooed, pressing his face into Eiji's neck and littering it with sloppy, forceful kisses as he was still struggling.

It was warm, wet, and gross. Eiji was already uncomfortable since he was, again, practically naked and hadn't showered yet, but Arthur's body pressed up so close to his and saliva slick against his skin just made him feel another level of unclean and stuffy. Arthur slowly moved the both of them to the floor, still keeping a firm grip on the boy under him, and continued to roughly kiss his neck. 

Eiji started to really panic as he was pinned to the ground, looking around frantically and eyes landing on his phone on the floor next to him. 'When did that fall out?' Eiji thought to himself.

Arthur seemed to realize that Eiji had his attention drawn to something else, and spotted the phone. He smirked and shifted his weight and hold on to the boy so he could grab it, pop the back off, taking the battery out, snapping it in half, and throwing it off to the side. Eiji would have almost felt grateful that Arthur didn't just snap his phone entirely, instead of just the battery, if it weren't for the rest of the situation.

"Don't even think about it," Arthur nearly hissed, leaning down and blowing in Eiji's ear, kissing his jaw.

"Let me go!" Eiji shouted again, getting more and more panicked as this went on.

Arthur practically laughed at him, shaking his head. "Oh, but I haven't had any real fun with you,"

Eiji froze, tensing at the boy's words. 'This is happening' he thought. 'This is really happening, to me, alone, with no one to help me'

He let out a small whimper. "Please..." Eiji could feel tears of desperation welling up in his eyes and Arthur looked almost proud of himself. Disgusting.

"I'll let you go soon enough," Arthur said, grinning down at him as if he got off by the fear and struggle. He took off his belt, fumbling slightly since he was only using one hand, and used it to bind Eiji's hands over his head, attaching him to one of the benches in the middle of the room. 

"Please don't," Eiji choked out, fighting against his tears and new bindings. 

"Oh, don't worry," Arthur assured, still with a sinister smile. "I'll be gentle," he said, pulling his pants down just enough to take out his cock.

Eiji watched this and thought, only for a second with his half delirious mind, that his penis looked comically small compared to the rest of his body but quickly shook away that thought as he pushed himself and desperately tried to get as far away from the boy as he possibly could. Arthur watched his poor attempt at a retreat in amusement, stalking towards Eiji menacingly. Eiji pressed himself as hard as he could against the bench, still trying to fight back his tears.

"No, please- you don't need to- I can-" Eiji rambled and was cut off as Arthur finally reached him, deciding to just shove his dick in Eiji's mouth. He choked, caught off guard by the unwelcome thing in his mouth. Eiji tried to pull back but his head was held in place by Arthur who had one hand on the back of his head and one on his jaw, ensuring Eiji couldn't bite down properly or really move his head at all. Despite Eiji's hysterical musings about the size, it still effectively filled Eiji's mouth as he attempted to reject it, at this point giving up on trying to force his tears from coming out and just letting them fall.

After roughly ten minutes of Eiji struggling to breathe and weakly fighting back against Arthur who just used his face as a distinctly problematic fleshlight, Eiji felt a hot, disgusting, and thick liquid fill his mouth. He gagged as it shot to the back of his throat and when Arthur slowly pulled his dick out. Eiji went to spit but was stopped by the other boy grabbing his jaw and forcing his mouth shut.

"Swallow it," Arthur demanded, voice harsh. Eiji looked up at him defiantly and shook his head prompting Arthur to squeeze his jaw uncomfortably harder and glaring. "Do it." He spat. Eiji, seeing no other way out, painstakingly swallowed the bitter scum and when Arthur released his face, looking satisfied, he fell into a coughing fit. He choked, snot and semen and tears dripping down Eiji's face in a messy display that Arthur seemed to revel in.

"Don't die on me yet Samurai boy," Arthur coos. "I'm not done with you," 

Eiji looked at him, confused and frustrated. 'Not done with me? What more does he want?' He thought bitterly but quickly understood when Arthur grabbed him by his hips and moved to tug his boxers down. Eiji frantically closed his legs and kept them pressed together as tight as he could to stop him.

"N-no-!" Eiji choked out, cutting himself off as he was roughly grabbed and Arthur pried his legs apart, skipping the niceties and just opting to rip Eiji's underwear to get them off. The Japanese boy tried to kick him again, push him back, but Arthur had pinned his legs down, putting a knee into both of the boys' thighs and effectively straddling him as well.

"Look at you~" Arthur crooned, running a hand from the base of Eiji's neck and down his torso, stopping halfway there to tickle his sides and watch him squirm.

Eiji no longer had a voice to beg with, he just kept his eyes screwed shut and thought desperately that this would end, someone would come to help him, or Arthur would just get bored. He wasn't that lucky though.

Arthur's hands continued their journey downwards and paused a second time to playfully stroke Eiji's dick a few times. If he didn't want to throw up before, Eiji definitely did now. These things should not happen this way, they shouldn't be taken. Sex was an intimate and loving thing that should be special for both parties, it is not something you get greedy about and just take from others without asking. Arthur's hands continued further down finally arriving down at Eiji's ass and asshole.

"Hmm, I bet you're a virgin, aren't you?" That wasn't a question, despite Arthur phrasing it that way, and Eiji just layed there. He hadn't thought his first time would be this way. When he imagined intimate touches and this closeness, it was special. He would have a girl and they would hold each other, kiss each other, touch each other, love each other, and feel good together. Eiji did not feel good right now and he knew that he would never be able to think of intimate touches again without this horrible experience coming to mind.

Arthur passed a few fingers over Eiji's hole before leaning down and spitting. (spitting on him! Eiji was incredulous at this point) Eiji cringed as the saliva landed on his skin, not even where it was supposed to, and Arthur dragged it to the rim, spreading it around and using the spit as a lubricant before unpromptly shoving two fingers inside.

Eiji let out a strangled, painful, and surprised cry and tried to tug his legs free again. Tears blurred his vision but Eiji will never forget that smile on Arthur's face at his reaction, as if proud of himself. Eiji couldn't do this anymore. He had thought that maybe, just maybe, if he stopped struggling and just let it happen, it wouldn't be so bad. He would just endure it and get this over with as quickly as possible, but he couldn't. The moment Arthur's fingers went inside him a flip switched and Eiji just couldn't. It hurt and he wasn't prepared for that, he wasn't going to be able to handle this so his best option was to desperately try and get away, which did him no favors.

Eiji thought bitterly, almost amused (and still a bit delirious), again about how 'if this was gentle then rough probably ended with one of them dying' but that thought didn't last as Arthur reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle of lube. His next thought was 'if this twisted guy had lube, what the hell did he spit on me for??' but Eiji didn't get to be amused by his thoughts for very long as he watched Arthur put the lubricant on his fingers before aggressively shoving them back into him.

Eiji let out another strangled groan at that, it hurt a little less this time but it didn't make it any less unpleasant. Arthur played around inside Eiji for a short while before he hummed and took his fingers out, as if he were contemplating what to do next with him. 

"This should be fine," Arthur said, quickly covering his cock with lube and pressing it against Eiji's hole, grinning devilishly. "You ready?"

"N-no-!" Eiji sobbed, but that didn't matter when Arthur shoved his dick inside. His struggling didn't matter. His crying didn't matter. Nothing he said mattered. How much he thought, silently begging 'no no no no no no, stop, no no, please, it hurts, no' didn't matter. Arthur was there to take and take from him is exactly what he did.

At this point, Eiji had "checked out" of the situation. What happened next wasn't very clear in his mind since he got lost in his head after that. He vaguely registered Arthur pounding into him and being pushed harder and harder into the benches but he was just... out of it.

Eiji thought that this must be what people said disassociating was.

He never understood it before but he felt like he did now. He didn't know if he was even thinking in that moment, if he was really even in his body since he felt as though he was disconnected from everything whenever he thought back to it.

Arthur stopped eventually, he took his belt back, and possibly even said something too,  before he left. But Eiji wasn't there. He was vaguely floating around and hoping that maybe this was just some sort of dream.

It wasn't though, of course it wasn't.

When Eiji finally returned to his body, the first thing he registered was the deep-set ache within him. He sat up and his body burned in protest to movement. The next thing he noticed was the passing of time and eerie silence, Eiji must have laid there for hours before moving.

He was numb as he picked up his phone, now significantly lighter without the battery in it, and standing up. He was numb as he put his clothes on. Numb as he grabbed his bag and left the changing rooms and found that it was dark outside, even more telling of how much time had passed. Numb as he walked home, past all the stores and houses that look innocent in a normal route home, but distorted as the background in an image of a boy taking the walk of shame home after. Numb as he exchanged a few words with his neighbors. Numb as he unlocked his front door and entered his house. Numb as he looked around his living room, completely dark, and just staying there for a long while. The feeling started wavering as he was just about to go upstairs to the bathroom and then to bed and a light turned on on the second floor, filling the staircase with light. 

There was slight stomping as someone made their way halfway down the stairs and pausing, looking at Eiji. He saw his sister but she most likely didn't see him very well, which he was thankful for, he didn't know what he looked like, but he didn't feel good so he probably didn't look great either.

"Nii-chan? That's you?" She asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Yes, it's me," Eiji responded, cursing himself internally, hating how hoarse and sick his voice sounded.

Mika tilted her head again, this time to the other side. "You are late," she said, looking at a clock that Eiji couldn't quite see but was sure read as some time past nine. "Are you okay?"

Eiji nodded, despite his sister barely being able to see him. "I am fine," cringing again at the sound of his voice. Mika reached out to turn on the light and Eiji panicked.

"No don't!" He yelled, almost lunging at her. She immediately froze and looked at him with a shocked, confused, and concerned face. He desperately thought for an excuse. "Uh, my head hurts, the light will hurt my eyes, let us go to bed," he said.

Mika hesitated but nodded slowly. "We will talk tomorrow?" She questioned.

Eiji nodded."We can talk tomorrow,"

She nodded again, turning back upstairs, going to turn off the light, and then going to her bedroom. Eiji was left alone and went on auto-pilot mode. He droned to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, glad his sister didn't see him in this state. Being too lazy and tired to do anything in there, going to his bedroom, almost being too out of it to change into his pajamas. Almost doesn't mean he did it to its completion since all he did was change his pants, and then lay in his bed. 

He laid down in his bed and finally, suddenly, wasn't numb anymore.

Eiji felt again and felt everything. The numb shock that clouded his mind was gone and everything was right there in the bed with him. It wasn't just an ache in his body, it was real, hard pain that made him want to cry out as he moved in any way. The still quiet was still there, but it was miraculously all too loud and wild at the same time. This wasn't going to go away, he was going to see it at school the next day and every day, out when he was hanging out with his friends, and in the mirror of his own house because it was Eiji. This was going to change him. It was all too overwhelming and just took over Eiji's entire body. He did not make it to sleep.

He wept until tears stopped coming out and just continued weeping anyway until the sun shone in his window. It was Friday and on Friday there is school.

Chapter Text

Eiji did end up falling asleep that day eventually, but not for very long as Ibe came into his room to wake him up for school. 

"Ei-chan, you're usually awake by now," he said from the doorway.

Eiji pulled his blanket over his head and winced at the movement, 'when did he get home?' he thought, knowing Ibe would have gotten back after him, or else he would have been there when Eiji got home the night before. 

"Ei-chan? Are you awake?" Ibe called, entering the room further.

"I'm not going," Eiji croaked, his voice even worse than before when he talked to his sister and he swallowed his own bile.

"Huh? You don't sound too good, are you alright?" Ibe asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," Eiji said with what he intended to have a bite, but just sounded weak, even in his ears. Ibe hesitated, obviously wanting to push the situation, but he didn't.

"Okay, you don't need to go to school, but only because you have never missed before," Ibe said, sounding so kind it almost made Eiji sick at that moment. "But if you plan on doing it again then I expect an explanation," he said before leaving, gently closing the door behind him.

Eiji listened to the hum of the world around him for the next hour after that. The sound of Ibe and his sister getting ready to leave for work/school, cars driving by outside, someone going on a morning run, the birds chirping, kids playing, and one person mowing their lawn. The shuffling outside his door and the sound of Mika and Ibe talking kept Eiji from dosing off. When he heard the front door open and close again, signaling that Ibe and his sister had left for work and school, it all went quiet again.

The sounds outside seemed to disappear and there was nothing in the house to make noise except Eiji himself. That was almost worse than before, the only sounds he could hear were his breathing and the churning of his stomach, it was maddening. His original plan to fall back to sleep didn't work, he just laid there for another hour with no luck before finally resigning to getting up and going to the washroom, just now realizing he hadn't used it the night before.

The process of actually getting there, though, was a painful and slow one.

Eiji's legs hurt. His arms hurt. His back hurt. His whole body hurt. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to wear the clothes on his back. It hurt to shift his covers off. It hurt to roll out of bed. It hurt to stand. It hurt to walk across his room. It hurt to turn his door handle. It hurt to walk down the hallway to the washroom. It hurt to flick the lights on. It hurt to lean against the sink. It hurt to look at himself through the mirror in front of him.

The night before, Eiji hadn't looked at himself. He had gone to the bathroom and registered that he looked like shit, but he didn't really have a good look at himself. Now, leaning heavily on the counter to keep from collapsing, Eiji had nothing else to do but to stare back at himself. He looked exhausted, understandably so since he hadn't really slept, but the dark eye bags didn't quite fit his face right.

But neither did any of the other marks on his skin.

There were marks where the belt had been tied around his wrists, looking harsh against his relatively pale skin. There were dark marks all over his neck and shoulders, hickeys just left there carelessly and disgusting to look at. Also on his neck was a large blotchy red mark, similar to what was on his wrists. 'When did he choke me?' he thought. He didn't remember most of the last part of what happened, but Eiji had thought he would have remembered if his throat had been grabbed. He wanted to reach up and touch them, but his arms and hands were busy desperately hanging onto the sink countertop to keep his legs from giving out underneath him.

All of these marks were just... a part of him.

Eiji was finally properly registering it, what happened. He wasn't able to disconnect himself from the situation anymore. It was his body. His body that he used to run on his track team. His body that he used to hug his family with. His body that he used to laugh with his friends. His body that he used to live. His body that he uses every day for everything because it was him. His body that was taken, pushed to the ground, tied, and defiled in his school's locker room. His body that was covered in ugly marks because of that. His body that he couldn't escape no matter how much he wanted to.

Eiji didn't even try to stop himself anymore as his knees finally gave way and he fell to the ground. He barely managed to crawl over to his toilet before throwing up. Tears streamed down his face as stomach acid burned his throat, puking his guts out, heaving and gagging long after anything stopped coming up. He leaned heavily against the toilet bowl, sobbing and gasping for air, gagging and bringing up nothing out of his newly emptied stomach. Eiji stayed there for a long while, slowly calming down until he was just there, hovering over a bowl full of his vomit and breathing heavily, even more exhausted the before.

His body, something Eiji used to cherish, was now just a disgusting husk on the floor and new friends with the toilet. He slowly got up, going into their medicine cabinet, taking painkillers, and hobbled away back to his bed, passing out almost instantaneously.

When Eiji woke up again, it was to the sound of the front door opening and closing, loud enough to reach him in his room and stir him out of his sleep. He groaned, stretching as he got out of bed. His body still hurt, but it wasn't quite as bad as earlier, and he went to reach for his phone. He then paused since it wasn't where it normally sat on his bedstand. Then he remembered that he never took his phone out of his bag last night and that it didn't have a battery anyway. He sighed before then reaching to grab a sweater off the back of a chair next to his bedstand, a yellow hoodie that Shorter had lent him one day and just never asked for it back meaning Eiji always forgot about it. Ash and Yut-Lung had both always gave him similar, yet very different, looks when they noticed he wore that sweater. Ash always looked a little more irritable and Yut-Lung looked smug, Eiji never knew why and Sing and Shorter pretended to never notice.

He hesitated before picking it up, though. He still felt unclean and that he shouldn't touch something important to him while he was contaminated. It was the only article of clothing he had that suited his purpose so he resigned to putting it on with the intention of washing it as soon as he took it off. Eiji slipped it on, flipped up the hood, and pulled the drawstrings so the only thing that was out was the smallest amount of his face that he could manage while also keeping his mouth and eyes out. He then opened his door to make his way downstairs.

Eiji jumped when, after swinging his door open, Ibe was already standing there with a cup of tea and looking almost equally startled.

"Ei-chan," Shunichi greeted softly, offering him the cup of tea, which Eiji accepted. "You're up, are you feeling any better?" 

Eiji nods, staring at the ground, not meeting the man's eyes, and taking a sip of his tea. "A little," he mumbled, still hating the grogginess and raw sound of his voice. "Are you back early?" He asked, this time looking up to gauge the other's reaction.

Ibe looked at him with a crooked smile. "You just woke up," he states in amusement instead of answering the question. "It's seven-thirty, I normally get home at this time,"

"Oh," Eiji says numbly before furrowing his brows. "Where's Mika?"

"She went to her friend Hannah's for an impromptu sleepover," Ibe says, chuckling lightly. "She said she didn't want to be in the house where 'Ni-chan germs' could infect her,"

Eiji allowed a small smile to slip on for a second before nodding and taking another sip of tea. "Ni-chan germs will still be here when she gets back though," he says, almost laughing.

"I told her that but she doesn't seem too worried, I think she just wants an excuse to be at her friend's," Ibe says, chuckling again. 

"Ah," Eiji hums, nodding before drinking more of the tea.

"You know, I ran into a few of your friends today," Ibe mentions offhandedly. Eiji immediately tensed at the sentence and if the other noticed, he graciously didn't comment. "The one with the purple hair and the rest of your Chinese friends." Eiji just nodded stiffly in response as a gesture of saying 'yes, I know who you're talking about' in some way.

"They seemed worried, you know, since you never miss school," Ibe said gently, almost encouraging. "You should text them, let them know you're alright,"

"I can't," Eiji says without thinking and Ibe gives him a quizzing look.

"You can't?" He repeated, cocking a brow. "Did something happen between you guys-?" Eiji cuts him off with a shake of his head.

"No, I need a new phone battery," he says quietly, almost ashamed.

"A charger?" Ibe corrected in question and Eiji shook his head again.

"No, the actual battery, I.... lost mine somehow," Eiji sounded suspicious in his own ears, but it was too late to take it back now. Shunichi didn't look satisfied with 'lost it somehow' but he didn't ask for anymore explication, which Eiji was very thankful for.

"Alright..." Ibe said after a moment, nodding his head. "Do you want me to go out and buy a replacement now, or can you wait until tomorrow and I can get a battery on my way home from work?" He asked gently.

"I can wait," Eiji says with a shrug. The longer he can avoid his friends, the better.

"Okay," Ibe responds, nodding even more. "Did you want me to make you something to eat or are you going to go back to bed?"

Eiji sighed, suddenly feeling way too hot to be wearing an oversized sweatshirt right now. "I'm going to try and sleep more, I'm very tired," 

Ibe nodded and turned to leave and Eiji stood in the doorway with his tea for a few more seconds before moving to go back to bed. He paused though when he heard Ibe make a startled noise in the other room. He sighed, placed the cup on his bedside table, before then going back to the door and peeking his head out to see what was up. Ibe was standing in the bathroom with the door open and already looking back at Eiji with way more concern than he had been moments prior.

"Are you sure you're alright? You're not hungry?" Ibe called down the hall to him and Eiji was very confused until registered what had happened. Ibe was standing in front of their toilet but clearly had no intention of using it, just looking across the house at him.

Eiji had forgotten to flush it.

Ibe was just faced with a bowl full of the gross mess and contents of Eiji's stomach that had been festering in their toilet all day. Not a very pretty sight. Eiji sighed and shook his head.

"I'm fine, I think I just needed to get it out of my system," he said quietly, but loud enough that Ibe could hear him in the distance. "I feel much better after sleeping," Shunichi looked unconvinced but slowly nodded, still looking at Eiji with concern. 

"Get some more rest, okay?" Eiji simply nodded, going back to his bed, finishing off his tea, and passing out.

When he woke up again, it was roughly four in the morning and Eiji couldn't help but wonder how long you could be asleep before it was considered a coma. He had fallen asleep with Shorter's hoodie on so the first thing he did after making sure Ibe was asleep, was throwing it into the wash and thanking every god out there that their washing machine was relatively silent. After that, Eiji grabbed some clean clothes, some easy slip-on pajamas, and went to the washroom again. He unceremoniously tossed the clothes onto the floor and grabbed his toothbrush. He brushed his teeth for a very long time, probably way longer than necessary, getting every nook and cranny of his mouth, before rinsing it out with mouthwash three times.

Eiji was desperate to get rid of the awful taste of cum and vomit vaguely washed in tea that he woke up to. Even as the mintiness left his tongue burning and eyes watering, he wasn't successful in his efforts.

Eiji sighed before stripping his clothes off and stepping into the shower, turning on the water, and waiting for the temperature to adjust. He had always hated taking showers that were too hot and burned but at that point, he couldn't tell the difference between the searing water or the burning ache in all of his muscles and, frankly, he didn't care. All he wanted was to be clean and the hotter the water, the better of a job it should do. He grabbed a small hand towel, piled it with liquid body soap, and started intensely washing every single part of his body. He had long since gotten used to the pain he had throughout his entire being so he didn't care that it hurt anymore. He remembered every area where Arthur touched him and every place he didn't and just desperately wished he could just shed his skin and say that he hadn't been touched at all, the flesh suit left laying on the ground was all that was touched and that would hurt less. The scalding hot water mixed with his desperate scrubbing effectively left his skin raw and red by the time he was out of the shower and he almost laughed at how ridiculous he looked like this if the weight of "I still feel unclean" wasn't hanging over his head.

Eiji slipped his new, clean, pajamas on and brought his other clothes back to the laundry room, where Shorter's sweater had finished washing. He swapped out the hoodie for his clothes and turned the washing machine back on before taking the sweatshirt and going back upstairs to his room. Eiji didn't actually know the washing instructions of the sweater, but he never dared to put it into their dry machine in case it burned, melted, and/or shrunk it in any way. He hung it in front of his window and stepped back to look at it before his eyes wandered around the room. It was now around five in the morning so only an hour had passed and the house was back to being painfully quiet.

The shower hose was slowly leaking water and the very quiet hum of the washing machine were the only sounds he could hear and with nothing else, it was painful because all Eiji could do with the silence was think. He didn't dare wake Ibe up just so he wasn't alone or bored, especially since the man had work in a few hours, and he didn't have a working phone that he could mindlessly scroll through. He could go downstairs and watch TV but there often wasn't anything good to watch that early in the morning and that would still risk waking Ibe up.

Eiji didn't want to go back to sleep, and he wasn't even sure he was able to right now, but he layed back down and stared at his ceiling. It was still dark outside so the only light in his room was his alarm clock and the street lights slightly breaking through his curtains. Oh, and the glow in the dark paint that was all around his room.

In normal lighting, the paint wasn't visible. But at times like these, quiet late nights or early mornings, where it was still dark and calm before the rush of the day takes over, the paint made his room glow comfortingly. Obviously, it wasn't Eiji's idea to cover his room with paint, but his sister had had an industrial-sized jug of glow in the dark paint she had gotten to use for a project at school but she only ended up using very little. So there was a lot of paint leftover. And then he had the smart idea of inviting his friends over while they were all unsupervised. Shorter found the paint in the back of his closet and thought of painting stars on the ceiling. They got about fifteen stars painted before they all ended up doing their own thing. Sing, Kong, and Bones had ended up waiving their paintbrushes at each other in an impromptu fake sword fight, effectively flinging paint everywhere and Yut-Lung stayed as far away as he could manage and painted a surprisingly intricate dragon on the inside of his closet door. Ash was on Shorter's shoulders writing something on the ceiling that was definitely not stars while Eiji just sat there and watched in mild horror as it all unfolded.

What Ash had written on the ceiling was lyrics from one of Eiji's favourite songs, "All the fear and the fire of the end of the world' happens each time a boy falls in love". Eiji never got an explanation about why Ash had written it, nor why he didn't write the full lyric, but that didn't really bother him. At this moment, all he could think about were the questions everyone was inevitably going to ask later, and the horrible events that he would have to divulge. He wanted to just hide away, curl up and start decaying before being found and restored like broken china. Careful and lovingly taken care of by people he loved when all he could do was hate himself. Not that he really had anywhere to go, or did anyone know he needed to be fixed. Eiji looked up at the words, surrounded by stars, with the similar melody humming in the back of his head and he felt, for the first time in over twenty-four hours, 'alright'. Just a little, for a little while.

More like 'comforted'

Chapter Text

The rest of the weekend went by pretty uneventfully. Eiji slept a lot, Ibe went to work, Mika came home, Ibe got home with a new phone battery, and Eiji... didn't put it in his phone. He just left it on his bed stand and avoided looking at it until late Sunday evening when Ibe came to check on him and noticed it sat there, unopened.

"What's the point of me buying you that if you're not even going to use it, hm?" Ibe chuckled, leaning against the door frame with his hands crossed over his chest. "Are you putting off talking to your friends?" He asked, more gentle than his first entry question.

'He knows me too well' Eiji thought witheringly, pulling his blanket over his head and wrapping it around himself. "I'll see them tomorrow," They know me too well too.

"If you aren't feeling up to going, I'm not going to force you to," Ibe said softly, fully entering the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Though, you can't blame me if your friends have an aneurism at that point," he joked.

"Then I'd have to talk to you," Eiji mumbled, drawing his covers in closer.

"Hm, that's true, I can't let you skip school without at least a little explanation," Ibe said, as if it were casual. "Is it because of your friends?"

"No," Eiji responded hastily, catching himself and Ibe off guard. The man raised his eyebrows in surprise and invited him to keep talking. "They just... worry too much," 

"Well, obviously," Ibe scoffed, and patted the side of Eiji's thigh, immediately making him tense and if Ibe noticed, he didn't show it. "They're good friends, despite their... questionable morals," he said slowly, clearly referencing their delinquent status. "If you think avoiding them is going to make them less worried, you aren't as smart as I thought you were,"

"I know I just..." Eiji didn't know why he was avoiding them. He just had no idea what to say. What lies he should feed them. If he was able to lie to them about it at all. Ash and Yut-lung were both incredibly perceptive and that didn't even take into consideration Eiji's god-awful acting skills. Shorter, Sing, and probably the entire student body would notice Eiji's sudden behavior change, it was just up to them whether or not they would confront him about it. All of Eiji's friends were very confrontational, usually violently confronting bullies, but confrontational nonetheless. Eiji hated confrontation. He hated all of this.

Ibe sighed and stood up. "If you're going to school, I'm sure your friends will weasel it out of you," that's exactly what Eiji didn't want. "You don't need to tell me, you can go back to sleep," and with that, Eiji was alone again.

When he woke up again, it was half-past four in the morning and he very slowly got out of bed, rummaged through his drawer, and chose his clothes for the day. So slow that it when he checked the clock as he was about to leave and have a shower, it was a quarter past five. He had a nice long shower, a little less aggressive and hot than the previous one, and brushed his teeth, only rinsing with mouthwash twice this time. 

Eiji had seriously considered just wearing pajama pants to school that day since he really didn't want to wear anything tight, but he had found a pair of sweatpants that he didn't even know he owned, so he wore those. Back in his room, it was now quarter past six and he finally, finally, caved, put his new battery into his phone, and placed it on his charger. It was slowly becoming light outside and Eiji didn't really know what to do with himself so he decided to rearrange his school bag, something he would normally do the night before school but he hadn't thought about it until now. Unfortunately, the relatively okay mood that he had fallen content with, was ruined when the first thing he saw inside was the sad tattered remnants of the underwear he had been wearing on Thursday.

Eiji wanted to cry, to scream, to just let it all out but he couldn't. He wouldn't let himself do that. He didn't even understand why he felt the need to keep himself composed aside from the fact that he didn't want to wake anyone up, but he did it anyway. Even when he had finally felt okay enough to leave the house, go to school, see his friends, Eiji's problem still jumped out at him from his school bag. His problem didn't just go away and the longer this went on, the more he just wished that it would. Chalk it up to a learning experience and store it away just so he could later look back on it in disgust.

That wasn't what happened.

Every ache of his body, every glimpse of himself he got off of any reflective surface, every uncomfortable position he layed in, all reminded him of what happened. Eiji couldn't help but feel so stupid for it. He kept telling himself 'it wasn't even that bad' or 'it could have been worse' and just overall a basic message of 'you'll get over it'. Except he wasn't getting over it and it was eating him alive. And it was eating him because he knew people, personally, who have had it much worse. His friends never really gone into detail about a lot of their horrible life experiences, but Eiji knew that both Ash and Yut-lung were both victims of sexual assault as well and nearly certain it was much worse than what he had gone through himself. 'And they're coping just fine' he told himself 'get over yourself and just go back to normal'.

Little did he know that this thought process was very harmful and was going to bite him in the ass later.

For now, though, Eiji just took a pair of no.2 pencils, and used them like chopsticks to pick up the pathetic piece of fabric and elastic that he used to call underwear, and put it into a small wastebasket he had in his room. He made a mental note to burn the entire bin when he got home later that day as he went back to sorting out his bag. Eiji heard Ibe and Mika stirring awake around ten to seven and sighed, getting up, taking Shorter's sweater that was still hanging in his window, and putting it on. He went downstairs with his bag and grabbed a small, prepackaged, thing to eat knowing full well Ibe wasn't going to cook early on a Monday morning and not in a mood to make something himself either. Ibe wandered into the kitchen around five after seven and smiled at Eiji, asking if he wanted tea, which he agreed to. Three minutes later as Ibe busied himself with the kettle, Mika silently came in, making a B-line towards the refrigerator to also grab something to eat, before looking over at Eiji, eyeing him with an odd look.

"How have you managed to look edgy while wearing bright yellow?" Is the first thing she says to him and he has half the mind to laugh at the abrupt start.

"He isn't edgy," Ibe said, chuckling slightly and standing with the kettle and keeping his eye on it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Your right, he's just Eiji," Mika said, nodding. "But that's basically the same thing,"

"Very funny," Eiji said flatly with a roll of his eyes, but he let a small smile grace his face. "It's a comfortable sweatshirt, sue me for wearing it," 

Mika stuck her tongue out at him just as the kettle started whistling and Ibe asked if she wanted tea as well, which she agreed to graciously.

Ibe poured out three cups of tea for them, and they all stood around sipping at it in comfortable silence for a while. Ibe finished first.

"Ei-chan, would you like me to drive you to school?" Ibe asked as he placed his cup in the sink. Eiji quickly finished his tea as well and followed the man's action.

He normally walked to school often, unintentionally, running into Sing or Bones and Alex on his way and walking with them. He wasn't in any state to handle that right now.

"Would you?" Eiji asked guiltily. He never got a ride to school since he never had a problem walking, but even that didn't stop his anxieties of confronting his friends before he was ready. 

"Of course, go get your stuff, I need to be at work a little early so I hope you don't mind," Ibe said, making his way over to his work bag he had left on the dining table the night before.

"I already have my stuff," Eiji said with furrowed brows, gesturing to his school bag he left leaning against one of the table legs. 

"You're phone," Ibe said, looking at him as if he expected Eiji to have purposely left it upstairs, which he didn't. Eiji sighs before quickly running upstairs to grab his phone, then back downstairs to grab his bag and meeting Ibe at the door.

"You're just gonna leave me?" Mika asked in faux incredulousness, only half-finished her tea at this point. "Can't I get a ride too?"

"The Middle school is much closer then the high school, you can walk," Ibe scoffed but with a fond smile on his face. "And Eiji has been sick lately, he gets special treatment,"

Mika made an indignant noise and was clearly about to say something else before Eiji interrupted her.

"We're really early anyway, you don't wanna be at school an hour before you need to be,"

The girl glanced at the clock and grumbled about him being right. Ibe laughed at this.

"We're going to leave now, I trust you not to skip school?" He said, slightly unsure and looking for reassurance.

Mika nodded a little too enthusiastically. "Today we're watching a movie in class, I wouldn't miss it!" She chirps, before pulling a movie case out of seemingly nowhere and holding it out to show the two of them. "I'm gonna see if I can get the teacher to put on Nausicaä Valley of the Wind!"

The two standing at the door laughed and quickly said their goodbyes to the girl before making their way to the car. Once in his seat, Eiji finally, finally, turns his phone on. He watches it light up and display the Samsung logo, and placed it on his lap as he waited for it to fully boot up. Ibe was just pulling out of the driveway when all the notifications of the past three days start blowing up his phone, so much so Eiji is actually concerned it might actually damage itself. Ibe chuckled as the notifications kept a constant stream of arrival for roughly two minutes before finally calming down.

The drive was barely five minutes and they were quiet the entire time up until they arrived at the school. Ibe kept the doors locked as he parked and turned towards Eiji seriously, catching the boy off guard.

"You're gonna talk to your friends, right?" He asked, very intensely despite the slightly childish nature of it.

Eiji blinked a few times, in shock, before nodding slowly. "I will talk to my friends, they are very hard to avoid," At that, Ibe's resolve fell and he chuckled at the statement.

"Good," he said, nodding as he unlocked the car doors. "Vent your heart out, I want you feeling better when I see you again later, okay?"

Eiji very quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and was out of the car before answering, leaning on the top of the car as he ducked down to grab his bag off the floor in front of his seat. "No promises," he said cheekily before closing the door.

Ibe beeped the car horn as he pulled away which left Eiji standing on the sidewalks in front of his school, seven forty-five on a Monday morning, an hour before any sort of bell rang, and desperate to avoid his friends. Obviously, none of his friends came to school an hour before necessary, a lot of them actually came in late most of the time, but that didn't mean Eiji could go to any of their group's usual hang-out spots since they were going to show up eventually. Luckily for him though, unlike his sister's middle school, his high school lets students inside before the bell rings because of some extracurricular activities that took place in the mornings instead of after school like most others. Eiji didn't have any of those activities to do but he should be able to go to their school's library and hide out in there until he needs to go to class, so that's exactly what he does.

The librarian is a nice, shy woman named Jennifer who waved a nice greeting to Eiji as he entered and ducked into the nearest corner, picking up a random book along the way since he still wasn't brave enough to actually look through the mountain of notifications he has on his phone. He was there for barely ten minutes, reading about Greek and Roman mythology from the book he had grabbed, before he heard someone in front of him clear their throat. When Eiji looked up, he nearly gasped in shock at who was standing there, Yut-lung.

'So much for avoiding my friends' he thought.

Chapter Text

Yut-lung was actually the last person Eiji expected to see in the morning since he often avoided talking to any of them (except Alex, who he shares second period with) before lunch.

"What are you doing here?" Eiji couldn't help but ask.

"I could ask you the same thing," Yut-lung huffed, with hands-on his hips, and narrowed his eyes. "I always come here, to avoid the rest of the gaggle of idiots, I assume you did the same?" He scoffed, sitting down next to Eiji.

He ignored the question, gesturing to the book in his hands. "Did you know that ducks have incredible eyesight? The shape of ducks eyes allows them to see things near and far simultaneously and in sharp focus. And since their eyes are located on either side of their head, they can-"

"Eiji, I don't care about nor understand your bird facts," Yut-lung said bluntly, effectively cutting him off. "People have been texting you, you know,"

Eiji ducks and hides his face guiltily. "My phone wasn't working until this morning," he mumbled.

Yut-lung hummed. "Yet you still haven't looked at anything?" He prodded, sounding more like a statement than a question. Eiji nodded sheepishly.

Yut-lung looked him up and down, analyzing him. "You're wearing Shorter's sweater," he said after a long moment.

Eiji nodded again, this time quirking a brow and looking at the other boy questioningly. "So?"

"It's the only hoodie you have, you only wear it when there's something wrong or your really cold," Yut said as if he were stating the sky was blue. Obvious. "It's spring and not cold, does this have anything to do with you not being at school on Friday?"

'Wow, he is good' Eiji thought as he just stared for a few moments. 'And blunt. I've barely done anything and he's ready to pick me apart' He groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"I am just all sorts of exhausted," he mumbled, hoping the other would let it go, at least until they inevitably saw each other later at lunch.

Unfortunately, this isn't what happens because Yut-lung suddenly takes Eiji's hand away from his face and pulled at his sleeve slightly. Eiji was incredibly shocked by this as Yut would usually avoid being touched at all costs, let alone go and grab someone else's hand for no reason himself. Eiji vaguely registered that Yut-lung wasn't looking at his face. 'Why isn't he looking me in my face-?' He cut off his own thought as he realized what the other was actually looking at and yanked his arm away.

His wrists were still bruised.

Not nearly as bad as they had been when he first looked at them on Friday, but still noticeable enough that they caught Yut-lung's attention. Eiji's mind was somehow running a mile a minute and not running at all as the two of them stared at each other. Yut-lung always had a calculating look in his eyes and never let anything get past him, he would always confront a problem if he saw it, and all Eiji could do was silently pray and beg that he would leave it alone. Not say anything. Let him breathe right again. Not care about it and just... let it go.

That wasn't going to happen and they both knew it. This was just a matter of who started talking first. Unless Eiji managed to get away from this situation, which he didn't see happening without just making it worse for himself. There is no opening to just start booking it running-

"Um- boys?" The two finally break apart from their staring contest to look up at the Librarian, Jennifer, who looked very antsy and uncomfortable, standing roughly ten feet away. 'Why is she so far?' was the first thing Eiji thought before thinking 'this could be my chance at escape'

Neither boy verbally answered her and she shifted nervously in her spot as their intense stares went from each other and onto her. "Is everything alright over here?" She asked tentatively as if she expected something bad to happen.

Eiji saw a chance and took it.

"We're okay!" He said cheerily, standing up. Eiji could feel Yut-lung's cold stare land back onto him but he ignored it and stepped towards the Librarian. "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention when I grabbed this book," he said, holding it out of her to look at it. "Could you tell me where to put it back?"

Jennifer looked confused, pointed directly next to her, and stepped aside as Eiji walked up and put the book back. He glanced back at Yut-lung still sitting on the ground and looking at him intensely. They stared at each other again for a few moments before he broke out into a sprint out of the library and down the hall. He heard the loud, shocked exclamation from the Librarian and Yut-lung cursing under his breath as he got up to chase after him but Eiji didn't look back to see.

Eiji rounded a corner, another corner, almost running into multiple people, going upstairs, and into a far-off bathroom that was hardly ever used. He had a head start, ten feet away and standing apart from Yut-lung who had to take at least a second or two to stand, and as good as the other boy was, Eiji was on the track team so he had quite the upper hand. Nobody (most likely) saw him enter the bathroom and he wasn't even sure Yut-lung saw him go upstairs due to their distance but he wanted to be safe so he went into the furthest stall from the door and hid inside. Eiji tried to even out his breathing and calm down and after a few minutes, he finally, finally, took out his phone to look through the texts.

Shorter my love💜
[Active 10 Minutes Ago]

THU AT 4:45 PM

Shorter💜: gtg, Nadia needs help downstairs

Me: Okay, I will talk to you later then

Shorter💜: ttyl baby Eijiiiiiii 💋💖💘💝💕💗💞❤

[ New Messages ]

FRI AT 8:46 AM

Shorter💜: Yo, ur gonna be late, where R u

FRI AT 12:12 AM

Shorter💜: EIJIIIIIIIIII

Shorter my love💜: you alright? You're not at school, that's freakin weird

Shorter my love💜: don't get sick, we don't want you dying on us

Shorter my love💜: imma assume you're sleeping

FRI AT 6:47 PM

Shorter my love💜: just ran into your dad-ish guy at the mall y'know? Says you looked like shit this morning

Shorter my love💜: hope you're okay, I can't imagine what Ash would do if you weren't, he'd probably implode on himself

Shorter my love💜: he'll never admit it but he cares about us, especially you

Shorter my love💜: you should've seen him today, I used to think he was always tense but today you could shove coals up his ass and get diamonds

Shorter my love💜: you probably don't even know what that means, sorry for that visual

Shorter my love💜: I'll get out of your hair, feel better

SAT AT 10:33 AM

Shorter my love💜: EIJIIIIIIIIIIIII

Shorter my love💜: are you alive?

Shorter my love💜: do you wanna come out with Ash and Sing and me?

Shorter my love💜: if you feel up to it of course

SAT AT 11:24 AM

Shorter my love💜: I'll take that as a no

SAT AT 7:55 PM

Shorter my love💜: geez dude, you must be in a coma or something if you're not even reading our messages

SUN AT 12:18 AM

Shorter my love💜: could you at least talk to someone

Shorter my love💜: preferably ash because he's kinda freakin out, not that he'd admit to something like that either

Shorter my love💜: if your not at school tomorrow we might actually gang up and parade over to your house to see what's up

SUN AT 9:53 PM

Shorter my love💜: you are gonna be coming, right?

Eiji felt very guilty after reading that but he didn't really know how to respond, so he just moved on to reading other messages from other people. Yut-lung had only sent two.

Yut-Lung Lee🌙💚°
[Active Now]

THU AT 12:31 AM

Yut-Lung Lee🌙💚: your friends are so annoying

Me: we're sitting at the same table with them

Me: we are barely a meter apart, you could just talk to me

Yut-Lung Lee🌙💚: so?

[New Messages]

SAT AT 2:06 PM

Yut-Lung Lee🌙💚: why are people complaining to me when you don't answer them

SUN AT 6:42 PM

Yut-Lung Lee🌙💚: you aren't worth this effort

What effort was he talking about? Eiji tried not to think about it.

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙
[Active 7 hours ago]

THU AT 2:52 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: Miss Charter doesn't even know the class is almost over

Me: don't say anything, if she continues then she can't be mad when we say we didn't learn anything from her today except her brother's baby mama drama

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: LMAO

[New Messages]

FRI AT 8:30 AM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: no ones seen you, where are you?

FRI AT 12:23 AM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: you okay?

FRI AT 2:11 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: the teacher said Ibe called saying you were sick, hope you're doing alright

FRI AT 6:54 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: idk why Shorter didn't take my word for it when I said you were sick, but we saw Shunichi at the mall earlier who told us the same thing

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: sorry if he's blowing up your phone, thats just who he is

SAT AT 10:49 AM

Sing Karaoke King 🎤💙: dont feel pressured to come out with us, shorter is a little insensitive sometimes

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: we dont really know HOW sick you are but let's hope you aren't dying

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: ash is pretty worried tho, we all care about you man

SAT AT 8:01 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: if you talk to at least one of us, it'll get back to everyone else so don't worry about responding to everyone

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: you should probably talk to ash tho, at the very least

SUN AT 5:27 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: you're better be the most well-rested person on the planet when we see you on Monday

SUN AT 10:09 PM

Sing Karaoke King🎤💙: if you are coming tomorrow, we should walk together

Eiji felt very bad the more he read all the messages but felt extremely grateful to Sing for not pressuring him like Shorter (unintentionally) and Yut-lung kind of were. The rest of his messages were very few.

Bones☠💗:
[Active Yesterday]

THU AT 1:18 PM

Bones☠💗: number 15. Burger King foot lettuce

Me: ...what?

Bones☠💗: the last thing you want in your Burger King burger is somebody's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get

Me: o...kay?

[New Messages]

SAT AT 3:26 PM

Bones☠💗: you doing alright Eiji?

Kong🦍🖤
[Active Yesterday]

THU AT 3:13 PM

Kong🦍🖤: I've got your lunch but you left it at the table, I'll wash it for you and bring it tomorrow

THU AT 4:40 PM

Me: oh, okay, thank you very much

[New Messages]

SAT AT 2:29 PM

Kong🦍🖤: I hope you're doing alright, I'll get your containers to you eventually

Kong🦍🖤: I also hope no one is nagging you too much, feel better soon

Nadia🥘🧡:
[Active 5 Minutes Ago]

THU AT 4:41 PM

Nadia🥘🧡: could you get off the phone with Shorter so he comes down and do the freaking dishes like he was supposed to do yesterday

Me: okay

[New Messages]

MON AT 7:04 AM

Nadia🥘🧡: I'm sending shorter with soup for you whether you're at school or not, I know he'll get it to you

Nadia🥘🧡: feel better

Eiji thought it felt a little nice knowing people were worried about him and everything but he was really not looking forward to answering actual questions when he saw everyone in person. He was especially not excited about...

Ash
[Active 25 Minutes Ago]

WED AT 12:06 AM

Ash: we're sitting behind the bleachers today

Me: alright, I'll be there

[New Messages]

SUN AT 1:42 PM

Ash: I hope you're feeling okay

Ash and Eiji rarely ever texted together, all of their talking happened in person, that's how Ash liked it and Eiji was happy to accommodate him. Most of their texts were saying when and where to meet and Eiji hardly ever texted him first. He knew how much Ash hated texting people, how much will power it took for him to hit send, Eiji was there when it took nearly two hours for the other to write a simple apology text to his foster dad, Max, saying "sorry, I didn't mean to blow up like that" before immediately throwing his phone across the room after sending it. Thankfully it didn't break. Eiji didn't doubt Ash had done that again just for a simple "get well soon" message. Spending an agonizingly long time figuring out the right words to say before it being sent and then promptly flinging it as far away from himself as he could.

Eiji thought about responding but didn't get the chance as he nearly jumped out of his skin when the warning bell went off. He checked the time and lo and behold it was eight forty-five already and he had five minutes to get to class. 'Time is really flying by this morning, that didn't feel very long at all' he sighed, getting out of the stall and washing his hands out of habit, despite not actually using the restroom for its intended purpose.

When Eiji left the washroom fully, the halls were now full of people and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He wasn't breathing easily. He wasn't going to be able to make it through the hallway without being jostled around by the larger student populist and he really didn't want to be touched anymore. Yut-lung had caught him off guard and he was more confused than anything else when he had been grabbed, but this was different. This was a bunch of strangers surrounding him, bumping into him, touching him with reckless abandon, and probably not even realizing it.

Eiji felt like if he were to ever end up drowning, this is what it felt like.

Drowning, suffocating, it didn't matter he just couldn't breathe. It felt so irrational and stupid and he didn't think it was necessary but he couldn't stop it. It was his problem and he felt so out of place. Nothing had changed, this was a typical Monday morning, everything was the same but it felt so different because Eiji himself felt so different. He felt so wrong.

"Eiji!" He tensed at the sound of his name. He couldn't tell who said it but he didn't want to not acknowledge them so he looked up to see who it was. "Let's walk to class together," he nearly cried out in relief.

It was Kong. Kong was the biggest, tallest, teen Eiji had ever seen in his life yet so incredibly gentle that Eiji was surprised he was even considered a delinquent. It was probably his appearance. Kong was very respectful and was one of the only people within their friend group that wouldn't touch you without warning. He had never been more thankful for that than in that moment.

Eiji silently nodded and Kong smoothly led him to their first-period class that they shared. Kong was huge so the wave of students moved out of his way as he walked, leaving a pocket of no people Eiji could comfortably be in without worry. The two of them entered their class just as their second bell rang, Eiji bowed slightly while thanking Kong and quickly making his way to his seat.

As he sat there, not really paying attention to the teacher's lesson, he realized that as he was avoiding touching all the other students in the hall earlier, he was practically hanging onto Kong for dear life without feeling uncomfortable. 'Huh' Eiji thought. 'I wonder if it's just strangers I don't want touching me, Arthur is- was pretty much a stranger-'

He was snapped out of his head when the teacher called in him and he decided he should start paying attention.

Chapter Text

Eiji spent the rest of his first and second-period classes zoning in and out of focus and he could tell his teachers were annoyed/slightly worried about him but they didn't say anything. 'I wonder why they hadn't done something' he thought as he slowly packed up his things after the ring of the bell signaling it was now their lunch period. He was one of the last people in the room next to Bones, who was groggily getting up after falling asleep in class, and a girl named Alice who was frantically writing on a piece of paper. Just as he was about to leave, he was stopped.

"Eiji, could you stay behind a moment please?" His teacher called out, a man who everyone referred to as Blanca so often to the point he didn't actually know his actual name, right as he was just barely out the door. Eiji sighed heavily before making his way back into the room and over to his teacher's desk. The man opened his mouth to say something else but something caught his eye behind Eiji so he addressed that instead.

"You can go now, Miles, this won't be long," Blanca said. Eiji turned around to see Bones waiting at the door looking at them with half-lidded eyes, still very groggy, Alice had already left. He shrugged wordlessly, yawning, turned to leave, closed the door behind him, and leaving the two of them alone. 'His real name is Miles?' Eiji thought curiously but wasn't able to explore it as his attention was drawn back to his teacher when he cleared his throat.

"Have you talked to your guidance counselor, Eiji?" A blunt start.

"No? Is there something I need to go to her for?" Eiji asked, raising a brow in question. Blanca was staring at him very intensely and the situation they were in now reminded him painfully of the confrontation he had with Yut-lung earlier in the library. 'I wonder who would win a staring contest between the two of them'

Except this was very different.

Blanca was a tall, physically superior man in an empty classroom with him where Yut-lung was at equal odds with Eiji in a public library. He also wasn't as well acquainted with Blanca so he probably wouldn't let the man as physically close to him as he did with Yut.

"There is something obviously wrong," his teacher said seriously, looking him up and down but not in a weird way, more of a way of saying 'look at yourself and tell me that I'm wrong' Eiji didn't even think about looking at himself again, he was tired of looking at himself.

"What about me makes me look unwell?" Eiji bit out, surprising both himself and his teacher, but he couldn't stop more from spilling out. "What does me dressing different have to do with anything?"

Blanca blinked a few times in surprise before his face melted back into an almost unreadable, obviously calculating look with some hint of kindness behind his eyes, but he didn't smile. "It isn't your outfit, Eiji," he said, surprisingly soft, and this time Eiji did look at himself.

He was shaking. He looked at his hands and finally felt himself trembling. 'Why am I shaking?' He thought, blinking in surprise. Blanca continued.

"You know the school has resources to help you, right?" He asked, Eiji nodded silently, not able to look away from his hands as he felt the tremors in his body. "Do you need help?"

Eiji's gaze snapped up to meet his teacher's. "No," he said, a little too quickly. "I'm fine," he added after a moment.

The man quirked a brow. "Are you?" He asked, almost challenging him.

"Yes," Blanca obviously didn't buy it. "I am... working on it..."

"And is that actually working for you?" Eiji suddenly felt something flair in his chest. 'Why am I angry right now?'

"I didn't say I was good at it," he spits out, surprising his teacher a second time, this time turning on his heel and stomping out, but not before a final. "And I don't need your help!"

Time felt speed up today and there were hardly any people in the hallway, meaning he was less likely to bump into anyone, thankfully. He went to the cafeteria to see if his friends were sitting at their regular table. They weren't. He went up to the roof to see if they were there. They weren't. It wasn't until he went to check out the bleachers, where they occasionally sat, that he found them.

Shorter spotted him before he even thought about making himself known to the group.

"THERE'S OUR BOY!" He shouted excitedly, jumping up and waving frantically at him as if Eiji could miss him and his bright purple hair. He felt a small smile tug at his face, but it didn't stay.

He quickened his pace slightly as everyone turned their attention to him. Eiji's eyes first landed on Yut-lung who was very clearly glaring at him, they made eye contact for a long second before Eiji had to break from it and fell onto Ash. He always had a difficult-to-read expression on his face and he always tried to keep it neutral, but Eiji could tell Ash had hints of relief in his eyes, it made him feel warm inside. His eyes were drawn back to Yut-lung, along with everyone else's, as he stood up and jumped down a step, closer to Eiji as he arrived at the base of the bleachers and he looked up at him. The two of them stared at each other, tension you could cut with a knife, and everyone else in the group looked between them in concern and/or confusion. Until Yut-lung suddenly, and unnecessarily forcefully, pointed at Eiji, narrowing his eyes even more than before.

"Take it off," he ordered and the rest of them suddenly popped like a water balloon at the outrageous demand.

"WOAH-KAY, NO," Shorter burst out immediately, throwing his arms out to stop them. Ash and Sing both simultaneously smacked Yut-lung in each of his shoulders.

"What the hell, man!"

"You can't just tell people to strip!"

Bones and Alex started cackling and Bones wolf-whistled at them. "Give us a show, Eiji!" He yelled before falling into an even bigger bout of laughter, heavily leaning on Kong so he didn't fall over.

Eiji hugged the sweater closer to himself and Yut-lung didn't take his eyes off him, not even after being smacked. He then calmly makes his way down to Eiji's level and grabs onto his wrist again, this time much harder then before and this time successfully making Eiji uncomfortable. The tension was back and the light-hearted air that had bubbled up for a moment was crushed under a boot.

"Fine," Yut-lung spat in his face, practically snarling. "Don't show us, just tell us, what the fuck is this," he said, angry yet surprisingly calm, and shaking Eiji's arm for emphasis.

Eiji frantically looked around at everyone else there and could tell they all wanted to intervene, especially Ash, but they didn't know what was happening. They didn't know what Yut was talking about and their curiosity made them pause. Eiji's attention was drawn back to the boy in front of him by him tightening his grip on Eiji's wrist.

"Go on, there's no out of it now," Yut-lung said. "You're a shit actor so don't even try,"

And as much as Eiji had been thinking lately, and he's been thinking an awful lot, this next part happened with little to no preparation, before he even realized it. Eiji had kicked Yut-lung, hard, in his shin causing him to jerk back and fall over. There was an audible gasp and everyone just stared at the boy on the ground before slowly looking at Eiji frozen in his spot.

'Why am I so angry?' He asked himself again. Nothing about this situation had made him feel angry. He had felt hurt, disgust, confusion, sadness, oddly complacent, but not angry. There wasn't really anything to be angry about. But it was bursting out of him before he even had the chance to stop himself and he didn't know why. It just made him more confused and emotional. He hated this.

Eiji zoned back in and looked at everyone. Yut-lung was back to glaring at him, just from the ground this time and mixed with an understandable amount of shock. Kong, Bones, and Alex all had equal looks of being impressed and also very shocked. Shorter was smiling as if he were proud and Sing had his mouth half open and blinking rapidly, both stunned. Ash had the least obvious expression, he always did, but Eiji could tell he was also surprised and looking at him as if just staring at Eiji would give him all the answers.

Eiji didn't want to stay and find out if that would work.

Again, with little to no thought going through his head, he turns and runs the other way. Again. He heard Yut-lung yell foreign curses at him and the rest of his friends tripping over themselves to get up and chase after him but he didn't look back. Again. It was much easier to gain speed and distance without having to maneuver through school hallways but that didn't mean the school grounds weren't littered with various students hanging around, who he nearly ran into quite a few of them. Again. He made his way back to the main building but didn't go inside, deciding to find his way around the perimeter. He rounded a corner and another one. Again. But there was one big difference this time.

As Eiji ran around the second corner, he ran into someone. He bowed his head slightly and quickly apologized, before glancing up at the person and feeling all the air leave his lungs. It was Ash. 'When- how did he get ahead of me?' Eiji frantically looked around for an escape, impossibly tense, and was on the verge of panic when he saw the other raise his arms. He had expected Ash to grab him, make sure he didn't run, confront him on what all of this was about.

He didn't.

Ash simply put his hands out in front of them cautiously, as if he were showing that he was unarmed. He looked so honestly concerned that Eiji wanted to cry. He wasn't there to figure out why Eiji ran. He wasn't there to stop him from running. He wasn't there because he felt obligated to. Ash was there purely out of concern.

"Eiji," Ash said gently, so impossibly soft and warm, still not making a move to touch or incapacitate him. Eiji's dam of bottled emotions almost broke right then but he held on a little longer. "It's just me" Eiji nodded, looking at the ground and Ash's red high tops, not trusting himself to speak.

Ash flipped one of his hands over and slowly pushed it toward the other, encouraging him to take it. Eiji didn't think he would be able to stop himself from reaching out even if he didn't want to.

But he did.

He wanted so much to just hold onto something, someone, and not feel like he was going to drown in his own self-hatred. Ash was there with his hand outstretched and Eiji took it. He had expected himself to feel at least slightly uncomfortable with the touch, but he really didn't. For a second, he didn't even remember what uncomfortable felt like because Ash was just there holding onto him in the smallest way. It felt so much bigger and so right that he wondered if that night with Arthur was just something that happened in his head. How could something like that happen when there was something so great and comforting right in front of him?

"Hey," Ash said gently, raising his other hand to Eiji's face, but hesitating, not wanting to overstep. That didn't matter because Eiji immediately leaned into his hand and relished in Ash's surprisingly soft hand cupping his face, wiping a tear away. 'When did I start crying?' "Eiji, are you alright?"

He almost laughed. He almost said 'no, how could I be alright?' He almost said 'yes, how could I not with you right here?' He almost started fully sobbing then. He almost pulled Ash in closer, to find out what a hug felt like now, and break down. He almost wanted to talk about it. Spill his guts about everything his mind was thinking and how it was eating him up inside. How much Arthur's assault affected him way more than he ever thought it could. How much the fear of being weak was smacking him upside the back of the head every time he thought about the terrible things his friends must have gone through and how he couldn't live up to their maturity. How he felt wrong in his own skin now and how he wishes he could just get rid of it as easy as it was to burn a wastebasket with dirty underwear inside would be. Instead, he just shrugged.

"I'm working on it," he said quietly, almost a whisper, his voice cracking painfully.

"Running seems to be doing you wonders," Ash responded humorously but without cracking a smile or laughing. It did almost get a chuckle out of Eiji because no, it really wasn't working out for him, was it?

"I'll get over it," he whimpered, closing his eyes as an abrupt wave of nausea hit him. "You're dealing with it just fine,"

The hands holding him suddenly became tense and Eiji opened his eyes to look at Ash curiously. His jaw was clenched tightly and he had a different look in his eyes now, something Eiji didn't understand this time.

"Eiji..." Ash said seriously. "What do you mean me?"

"Huh?" Eiji blinked in surprise.

"You're avoiding whatever your issue is," Ash stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Why? Because you think I'd 'handle' it better?"

Eiji didn't respond, he just looked away, but that was response enough. Ash got closer to Eiji's face, still holding onto him so gently but with purpose, meaning. He felt like he couldn't breathe again, but this time was different. Eiji didn't know what was different but it wasn't like he was suffocating this time, he was starting to think it was impossible to feel anything wrong while around Ash.

"Eiji, healing takes time," Ash pressed earnestly. "I don't know what happened but you aren't going to just get over it in three fucking days," Eiji blinked a few times in surprise again, he felt like the words should have had more bite to them but they also sounded right just as they were.

"I'm still not okay, and I probably never will be okay, so you're allowed to feel this shit," Ash continued, unintentionally squeezing Eiji's hand harder, but he didn't mind. "What works for me, won't work for you and it might even tear you up," he stared intently into Eiji's soul and his eyes sent shivers down his spine. "Don't tear yourself apart, Eiji,"

They were in a compromising position, Eiji was at a clear disadvantage if he wanted to get away and Ash could have easily taken from him just like Arthur had, his brain was painfully aware of that. It was screaming at him to get away but another part of him trusted Ash with his life and knew that that would never happen. No matter how gross he felt in his own skin, holding onto Ash at that moment couldn't have been more right. Eiji didn't know what he would do if he lost what they had (what do they have?) and, frankly, he wasn't ready to find out. Ash was there, for him, holding on and holding him up. Away from anything that could hurt him, he felt so safe.

The dam finally broke.

Tears might have already been falling down his face before but he hadn't really started crying until right then. He threw himself at Ash, tightly wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into the crook of his neck. Ash immediately reciprocated the hug and wound his arms around him and it felt so good. Eiji didn't realize how much touch meant to him until he was afraid of it. He always hugged his sister when either of them got home, Ibe would always gently pat him all the time whether they were making dinner together or just sitting and watching the TV. Shorter and Bones were always hanging off him, patting him on the back, grabbing onto his shoulders, and general playfully energetic jabs. Sing and Alex weren't nearly as touchy-feely but they were always ones to go in for a high five or a fist/shoulder bump. Kong and Yut-lung rarely ever touched him on purpose but they would still stick closer to him, accidental touches were still a big part of his every day. Ash had his own aversion to touch but he still was up for little things and when they were alone, he and Eiji would lean on each other and talk for hours, basking in each other's presence.

Eiji missed that.

He had spent three days alone and free of any touch or even much human interaction at all except for the few times he talked to Ibe and his sister. This embrace from Ash meant everything because it was something he had been so scared of, something he was dreading, but something he needed so badly. The last time he was held, he was being held down and being destroyed. This was different and so, so beautiful. What could be better than this? His heart felt like it was about to explode as he simply just sobbed into Ash's shoulder.

He needed this.

"It hurts," Eiji choked out and Ash ran a soothing hand through his hair and down his back and, oh boy, was it so close to working. Eiji almost felt better but too much raw emotion was being released between them that it was nearly impossible to actually feel alright.

"I know," Ash said softly, nodding ever so slightly, just enough for Eiji to feel it.

"I don't want to hurt anymore," he cried, burying his face deeper into the other's neck desperately.

Ash tightened his grip on Eiji and pulled him impossibly closer, he inhaled a shaky breath before nodding again. "Yeah, I know..."

That's how the others found them, trapped in each other's arms, both unwilling to let go and very emotional, in their own ways. None of them asked any questions, not even Yut-lung thanks to Sing skillfully being wrapped around the boy like a koala while covering his mouth, and they walked Ash and Eiji to the principal's office in hopes of getting them excused for the rest of the day which wouldn't be hard judging by the fact Ash's foster dad was their principal.

Eiji wonders if it would have mattered whether or not he even went to school that day since he knew his friends would have come over to his house at the end of the day regardless. He didn't have anywhere to run in his house so they would have gotten a similar result if he had just toughed it out and told Ibe why he didn't want to go to school. Eiji doesn't regret it though, leaning heavily on Ash's shoulder as they sat waiting outside of Max's office felt way better than anything else that might have happened otherwise. It was like ripping a bandaid off. Except there were five other bandaids that needed to be ripped off too and each one is harder to remove than the last. He'll get there in the end. Hopefully.

Chapter Text

Max had barely even glanced at the state Eiji and Ash were in before he called his wife, Jessica, to come pick them up and take them home. He obviously couldn't do it himself since he still has, y'know, a job but he was clearly uncertain about the decision of letting them go without talking to them about it. He, just like the rest of their friends, didn't ask though and for that, Eiji was grateful.

Jessica was there in record time and also didn't ask any questions. Eiji was starting to wonder whether or not he even needed to worry in the first place, but he knew the asking process would happen later regardless. He was okay with postponing it for now.

Jessica had driven them places before, Shorter was usually with them, and Ash always, without fail, sat in the front passenger seat. Except today. Without any exchanging of words between any of them, Jessica came into the building to take the boys, exited the building with the two of them in tow, all getting in the car, nobody commenting on the peculiarity of Ash climbing into the back seat and sitting next to Eiji. They weren't touching anymore and, as much as the touch meant something to Eiji, he was thankful since he was quickly becoming overwhelmed and didn't know if he could handle the guilt and embarrassment of throwing up in the car.

It was a quiet ride, despite the roar of the outside rushing past them and the radio that Eiji wasn't sure was able to be turned off, the mindless chatter that usually filled the car wasn't even considered and he was scared of how easily Ash and Jessica accepted it. Even with the lack of verbal questions, their eyes held more than Eiji even knew how to understand, let alone attempt to answer. He could see Jessica glancing at him through the rearview mirror and Ash was also glancing at him every five seconds. Eiji decided to ignore them, pretending the colouring book shoved into the pocket of the seat in front of him was the most interesting thing in the world. It was obviously Michael's, something he would use as he let out his frustrations of being an eight-year-old on sturdy paper and cheap crayons. He vaguely wonders if that would work for him. How much coloured wax he could spread around and how many of them he would snap clean in half until he finally broke down himself.

When they arrived in the Lobo's driveway, Eiji had the gall to look confused.

"We aren't sending you home alone," Jessica says softly after almost immediately catching the boy's expression, speaking for the first time since arriving at the school. Ash doesn't say anything but Eiji sees him nodding along out of the corner of his eye, not a nod of agreement but of understanding, as if he was also confused as to why they were here instead of Ibe's house.

They all go inside, take off their shoes, and Ash makes a move to excuse the two of them to go upstairs to his room but Jessica pushes them into the living room and sits them on the couch, telling them not to move until she got back. The two boys sat there in silence, not looking at each other, and Eiji just forced himself to breathe as he stared off into space. This was all overwhelming. He had no doubt that the questioning was going to start soon and he wasn't prepared for it. 

What kind of questions was he going to be asked? How does he answer them? Did the truth even sound believable? Eiji recounted it in his head so many times but it just seems fake. Did it even happen? Why does he even need to tell anyone? It's not like that would fix anything. The damage has been done.

What even happened.

"Eiji,"

What is he sitting on?

Eiji realized what was happening and had half the mind to panic. This has happened before, where he would slip into a state of unknowingness. His location, what he was doing, who he even was. He would just forget and float for a while. Floating was bad. Eiji didn't want to float because he knew that.

"Eiji,"

Where was he?

He remembers getting himself out of this before but he can't remember how. He barely remembers anything. He was slipping.

"Eiji,"

What was he doing?

"Hey,"

Who was that?

"Eiji,"

Who was he?

Shit, no, he's doing it again. Floating is bad. Okay. Reset. Floating is unhealthy. It won't solve anything.

Don't swim.

Find yourself and come back.

What are you sitting on?

The Lobo's old, overstuffed, floral couch.

Where are you?

His best friend's adoptive family home, the Lobo household. In the living room. Jessica drove him here.

Who was that?

...His best friend, Ash. Ash is speaking somewhat frantically but he can't really hear the words. 

Who are you?

......Eiji Okumura. 16 years old, godson of Shunichi Ibe. Older brother of Mika Okumura. Star track team runner, friends with Ash Lynx, Shorter Wong, Sing-Soo Ling... Yut-Lung Lee.

Eiji slams back into reality with the force of a speeding freight train.

He processes Ash kneeling on the floor in front of him, saying something. He then processes the lack of air in his lungs.

Eiji sucks in a sudden breath, closing his burning eyes, and he hears Ash go silent. He then slowly exhales and repeats this a few times, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs to keep himself grounded.

"I'm okay," Eiji then says- wheezes more like -relaxing his shoulders ever so slightly. "I'm alright, Ash,"

Neither of them say anything and Eiji has to pry his eyes open to look. His vision is blurry but he sees his friend in front of him looking vaguely worried.

"Well, that's horseshit if I've ever heard it," Ash finally says with an exasperated sigh, worry still lacing his words.

Eiji closed his eyes again and leaned forward, tucking his head into his knees. He doesn't respond.

“I mean, I think you just had a panic attack and a dissociative episode at the same time? Which I didn't even know was possible but- you expect me to think you’re all good?”

He thinks he might be slipping again.

"Eiji,"

He flinches when he feels Ash touch him, but he's more grounded again, so he simply ignores the pain he is sure Ash felt when seeing him react to him like that. 

"Stay with me," Ash says, uncharacteristically soft and sounding a bit raw, like he's been all day."Just breathe for a minute,"

He complies, dragging in a breath and then another and then another, letting his lungs fill and deflate in a slow, steady rhythm. It feels like the world is tilting back and forth, rocking on its axis and just swaying dangerously, but he’s breathing and he’s alive and he’s here.

"You're doing great," Ash encourages lightly, painfully soft that it barely sounds like him. But it is him, Eiji knows it's him because they've had moments, impossibly vulnerable moments together, that let him know and recognize that this is truly Ash there with him. 

One large deep breath, heavier than the others, and he sits up. Eiji flops back into the back of the couch and holds his breath for a moment, eyes still closed as to maintain his serenity, before slowly releasing it. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he heard Jessica enter the room and clearing her throat. Eiji cracked an eye open to see her carrying a tray and looking between the two boys who were not in the same position she had left them in.

"Do you need a few more minutes?" She asked softly, also unusual compared to her brash personality.

Eiji saw Ash open his mouth to say something but interrupted him, knowing what his friend was going to say. "No," he said quickly, sitting up abruptly which he immediately regretted when he felt his head spin. He ignored it. "This is your home, please come sit,"

Jessica and Ash both hesitate for a long moment, but Jessica moved and pushed herself away from the doorway, leading Ash to stand up from his crouching on the ground in front of Eiji and positioned himself back on the couch next to him. She places the tray in her hand down on the coffee table before sitting in the armchair opposite of the couch.

"So?" Jessica prodded. "What's with you two?"

Ash huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back into the sofa. "This is about Eiji," he said quietly, if a bit gruffly.

"Really? Max said you looked like a wreck too when you were found," Jessica said cheekily, quirking a brow and smirking.

He stuck his middle finger out at her and Eiji just stared at Ash's hand apathetically, usually would've smacked his hand and/or scold him for being rude but was too drained to care. The two others noticed his lack of a reaction and quickly sobered.

"Eiji," Jessica said so softly that Eiji wanted to scream. He could deal with this, he had to, but the people around him saw through him like clear glass and they wanted to fix him. He didn't NEED that. He was handling it and who cares if he's changed a bit? Change is completely natural and it's not like Eiji's change was BAD. He hadn't even meant to change. How much had he changed?

"Eiji," She said again and Eiji snapped out of his thoughts. Jessica had a hand outstretched in front of them, either to get his attention or to get him to take it, he didn't know, but he immediately recoiled and sunk further into the back of the couch to getaway. She saw this, of COURSE she did, and put her hand down, never looking away from Eiji.

He chanced a glance at Ash and, as Eiji figured, he was also looking at him intently and Eiji self consciously pulled the sweater closer to himself and pretended not to hear Ash's breath hitch, even though he didn't know why. They wanted him to say something, explain to them why he was like this, but he couldn't.

What was he going to say?

If there weren't marks left on his body, Eiji probably wouldn't even have believed anything actually happened to him. How was anyone else supposed to believe it? He honestly didn't think it mattered, these things happen all the time, most other people just get over it. He can do that, if he really tried, he just needed people to stop noticing every little thing he does differently. If nobody acknowledged anything, he could have his old system back up and running by the end of the week and never have to worry about it in public again.

"I don't... know what to tell you," Eiji said quietly because he honestly just didn't. Neither of them were asking him anything specific, they just wanted him to talk. What was he supposed to say? That he was raped? Was that what even happened, rape? Maybe it wasn't, he let it happen. He barely fought. 

"Say anything sweetie," Jessica said, sickly sweet and so soft, as if she could hurt Eiji with words. As if he could be hurt any more than he already has been.

"I..." Eiji faltered. His mouth wasn't even able to say it. He wanted to just let his mouth run without thinking about it but even that didn't work. What was the point in talking of there was nothing to be done about it? The damage has been done and Arthur is just out there living his life when Eiji is falling apart at the seams, sitting in his best friend's living room and having no way of getting the proper words out of his mouth. All of it was just sitting in his head as he felt awful and wrong and just-  "I need a shower," he said.

Jessica and Ash looked equally surprised by his out of nowhere statement but tried to school their expressions. "A shower?" Jessica inquired

"I... feel gross," Eiji said, whispered more like. He was trembling and he tore his eyes off the odd expressions of the people around him and staring at his shaking hands. He balled his hands into fists and tried to will himself to stop the tremors racking his body.

"You can go shower, there's no problem at all," Jessica said quickly, immediately jumping to reassure him once she saw he was trembling. "I'll get you clothes and a towel, you can use any bathroom you want, is that okay?" 

Eiji gave a shaky nod and before he even thought about standing, Ash was already up and offering his hand. Normally, Eiji would have taken it but he couldn't, he felt contaminated again and didn't want to touch anything, least of all someone he cared about. He stood up on his own and let himself be lead to the upstairs bathroom by Ash and, once left alone, sort of just stood there for a long moment. 

Eiji stared at himself through the mirror, hugging himself around the middle, and just feeling things. Feeling things he didn't want to be feeling, feeling things where he didn't even know what they were, and just feeling so much he didn't know what to do with himself.

He was also thinking a lot.

So much was going through his head he couldn't even have one coherent thought he could piece together. They were all thoughts connected to all the feelings he was feeling and all of it was just a muddled mess in his head that just made his whole body heavy, making him feel even dirtier.

He snapped out of it when there was a knock on the door. Eiji hadn't even gotten undressed and immediately felt guilty for taking up the bathroom for however long he had been there staring at himself.

"Eiji? Are you decent?" He heard Jessica through the door and silently went over to open it. "Oh, great, I just have a towel for you and these same pajamas that you wore the last time you were here," She said, slightly more cheerful than before.

"Take as long as you need, Ash is in his room and I'll be downstairs," she said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder. "Come to either one of us once you're done, alright?"

Eiji quietly nodded and she seemed satisfied, turning to leave down the hall. He closed the door and leaned his back into it, slowly sliding to the floor. He dumped the clothes onto the ground next to him and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them securely. He didn't really know what was wrong, just that it made him feel awful. He had a shower that morning, logically, he knew he wasn't that gross, but he just felt his skin crawling and needed to get rid of it. Eiji sat there until the feeling under the surface became too much to bear. He stripped his clothes off in record time and got into the shower. He didn't wait for the temperature to change, letting the cold water run down his body as it slowly changed into something nearly unbearable and scalding hot.

Eiji didn't know how long he stood there, or how long afterward it took to actually wash himself, or how long he spent in that bathroom, all he knew is he felt incredibly guilty for how much water he must have used. He slowly, painstakingly, got dressed and grabbed a facecloth from under the sink. He ran cold water on it until it was completely soaked, wrung out extra water, then placed it on his face. It was a nice contrast of his hot, freshly stripped, body and the cool towel that it actually felt refreshing for a moment. Eiji did that's six more times until it stopped making him feel better and finally, finally, left the bathroom.

The next obstacle, though, who should he talk to? Ash or Jessica. The thought of it was nauseating but he had to, he couldn't stay cooped up in their bathroom forever and they were already so kind about the whole thing. Still, Eiji wasn't ready to talk and he had no ideas of how he could get out of it. He had no idea how persistent they were going to be about getting answers and, frankly, he didn't want to find out. He had to get out of the bathroom though, that he was for certain.

But who should he go to?

Chapter Text

Eiji stepped out into the hallway and just felt incredibly small. The Lobo house wasn't remarkably huge, an average two-story home, three bedrooms, two baths, and not too much different from the one he lived in with Ibe and his sister. Standing there with his back pressed up against the door, looking helplessly down the hall with no real conviction to go anywhere. He felt tiny. He, small and weak, had to drag himself to go find and talk to someone in the house. Neither person there was favourable. You might assume it would be preferable to talk with Ash, the two of them were best friends after all, but that was the problem.

Eiji didn't want his best friend to know about this and he has no idea how Ash will react. He would rather not find out. On the other hand, he and Jessica weren't incredibly close or anything but she was one of the only older female figures he had in his life aside from Shorter's older sister Nadia. Jessica had made it very clear that Eiji was like another child to her and that he could trust her with anything but he couldn't bring himself to burden her with his problems. He didn't want anyone to have to deal with this same burden just by talking about what happened, to the point he didn't even want to believe it was true, let alone talk to someone else about it.

Eiji's dilemma solution came to him when Ash poked his head out of his room and the two of them made eye contact.

"Hey," Ash said casually, almost as if this entire situation wasn't incredibly odd. "What are you doing just standing in the hallway, come 'ere" he said, jerking his head to beckon Ejii forward before sinking back into his room without even waiting for the other to make a move.

Eiji painfully forced himself forward, slowly dragging himself to his friend's bedroom door. It wasn't a long-distance, but it felt like an eternity. One step closer to something he's been dreading for days. 

Ash was rummaging through his closet doing something that Eiji couldn't see from where he was standing. He stood there in the doorway just watching his friend's back as he worked but stiffened suddenly when Ash turned around. The blonde gave him an odd look before turning back to his closet and blindly pointing towards his bed.

"Well don't just stand there, sit down," Ash said and Eiji just stared at it for a long moment. He was well acquainted with the bed and it looked just as it always did, unmade, quilted comforter, stained sheets, and Ash's backpack always sitting at the end of it. They all as a group had done so many things on that bed. They've almost broken it too many times to remember, pillow fights, almost burning the house down, and countless sleepovers where they tried to fit up to eight people on a single twin-sized mattress. But there have also been nights if just Ash and Eiji, raw unfiltered moments of just them in the serenity of the atmosphere they always seemed to be in when around one another. The bed held so much like, for example, Ash, almost every single night, and Eiji couldn't bear ruining such a precious thing by touching it. Eiji hated ruining things but he knew he couldn't stand there forever.

He opted to sit in Ash's desk chair. Eiji knew the seat had a fabric covering that got washed/changed more often than the bedding ever would be due to, uh, typical regular teen boy usage. He was less worried about ruining and dirtying the chair than he was the bed since it was already pretty gross and frequently cleaned.

The two of them lapped into an odd silence. It wasn't completely comfortable like it usually would have been, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. Ash continued to do whatever he was doing in his closet and Eiji just looked around the room. Nothing had changed, not in a literal sense anyway. Everything was where it always was, the bookshelf that took up the majority of the far-right wall, the constantly messy desk Eiji was sitting at, the twin bed right next to it. The laundry basket always overflowing with clothes, a few drawings, and magazine clippings Ash has collected from his friends over the years, and a poster of a peaceful looking landscape simply labeled "End Destination" that Eiji didn't know anything about and refused to ask.

The whole room felt off in some way. Obviously, the room wasn't HIS, it was Ash's and it always has been, so Eiji didn't really understand why everything felt so strange. Nothing was any different except himself and he had no idea why it had such an odd effect on how the world, a specific room he had found comfort in, was completely foreign to him, as if he shouldn't be there.

Eiji hated being stuck in his own head like this. All he's been is thinking and thinking, he needed to do something. There was a person right in front of him, his best friend, he needed to do something, anything to get out of his own mind. He just needed to-

"What are you looking for?"

Talk

Ash turned around for a moment looking pleasantly surprised Eiji had said anything, that he's trying to start a conversation. To be honest, Eiji was too. Ash smiled at him with a little tilt of the head before turning back.

"You'll see," he said simply

"Will I?" Eiji inquired, lip quirking slightly, amused by Ash's coy response.

"Of course," Ash replied without turning back to face him. "Once I find it anyway,"

"And if you don't?" Ash turned around and gave Eiji a questioning look so Eiji continued. "If you don't find it, what then?"

Ash gave another sly smile. "Guess you'll never know,"

Eiji narrowed his eyes at the other and pursed his lips. "You fox..." he said with a shake of his head.

Ash chuckled lightly before shrugging. "They do call me Lynx,"

Eiji scoffed. "Please, you are just a kitten,"

"No- hey," Ash objected. "I'm too old to be a kitten,"

"You're only sixteen,"

"No no no, I'm only technically sixteen," Ash said, shaking his head. "Emotionally, I'm in my early forties,"

"Really now? And why are you so old?" 

"Experiences age you," Ash said earnestly, ignoring his search for whatever he was looking for in favor of talking to Eiji. "I've been through more than some people experience their entire lifetime,"

"Oh..." Eiji says.

"By that logic, I'd say you're roughly drinking age," Ash says, looking off to the side thoughtfully.

"Twenty?" Eiji questions.

"Nineteen," Ash corrects.

Eiji screws his face up. "I don't feel that's right," 

Ash looks back at him and just stares for a moment, unreadable expression. "What makes you older?" He asks.

"I..." Eiji hesitated. He didn't actually have a good answer. Nothing he could string together would be good enough and it wasn't anything he wanted to share. He didn't even know how to get it out-

"Don't answer that," Ash takes back. "If you think you're older, who am I to say you aren't,"

Eiji let out a sigh of relief and something lifted off his chest. Ash wasn't making Eiji say anything and wasn't even letting the pressure of it settle in, and for that, he was grateful. Eiji knew he needed to get it out there, it was toxic to just be living in his head the way he has been, but he still wasn't ready to admit anything to himself, let alone anyone else. He didn't want people he loved and cared about knowing anything about this and he appreciated that nobody has actually really pressured him to talk about it. (Well, except Yut-lung but that's just who he is)

"Okay," Eiji says quietly, looking at the floor.

"You should be dry now by the way," Ash says and Eiji snaps his head back up.

"Huh?"

"You shouldn't be wet anymore, you wouldn't soak the bed if you wanna, you know," Ash gestures to his bed. "Sit there like usual,"

Eiji almost laughed. Is that what he thought I was avoiding his bed for? It was almost funny how wrong Ash's conclusion was. Eiji just looked back at the bed with distaste, not with the bed itself, but with the idea of himself defiling it.

"I'm okay," he said before looking back at Ash. "Are you giving up on whatever you were looking for?"

Ash rolled his eyes and turned back to his closet. "I think so, I can't find-" he paused. Eiji couldn't see Ash's face but he seemed to have locked onto something.

Pushing everything he had previously been rummaging through off to the side, Ash climbed over some, more, stuff to reach deep into his closet and began to pull out whatever it was that he had been so intently searching for. Ash crawled back out and turned to face Eiji, looking vaguely ecstatic despite obviously trying to seem unphased. He was holding a large book that was roughly the size of a shoebox, maybe larger, the book had an illustration of an animal skull, most likely a feline one, with various flowers growing around and out of it. There was no title, on the front of it nor the spine, but it looked old and well used. 

Eiji looked at Ash questioningly but the blonde didn't say anything, he simply made his way to his bed, sat down, and looked at Eiji expectantly. He still wasn't willing to "ruin" the bed by sitting on it so he just rolls the desk chair closer so they can look at the book together. Ash gives him an odd look but doesn't say anything, reaching out and grabbing the armrests of the chair and pulling Eiji even closer to where their knees were touching.

Before Eiji even had time to react, Ash placed the book on their laps, effectively keeping him there, not wanting to move away and drop the book. 

"I thought you were more into Hemmingway," Eiji mused, looking down at the book on their knees.

"Huh? Oh, no, this isn't a real book," Ash said, taking the cover and opening it, showing that the entire thing was hollowed out and used as a box holding a bunch of seemingly miscellaneous things. 

"What is all this?" Eiji asked, looking intently at the book's contents.

"My survival kit," Ash said simply.

Eiji looked away from their laps to stare at Ash incredulously. "Survival kit?" He repeated before going back to studying the items in front of them.

Inside the book was a pair of worn childs pajama bottoms, a deck of cards that was discoloured from use and an equally discoloured rubber band holding them all together, a small action figure roughly the size of his palm with most of its paint rubbed off leaving its peach plastic body visible, a bottle of something with its label peeled off. There was a necklace with an hourglass charm and a broken chain, a small circular tin with a biblical painting printed on it that was most likely containing something else, and a sleeve of eight 357 magnum rounds with one of them clearly missing.

"What do you plan on surviving with this?" Because really, what are you going to do with that stuff. Everything in their felt like sentimental pieces which only made Eiji more reluctant to touch them. This wasn't a kit for survival, not really, it was more like a kit for...

"I'm not planning on surviving anything else," Ash said slowly, looking down and avoiding Eiji's gaze. "I already survived it,"

"What?"

"I've already been through hell and back and I've survived with nothing but what's here in this box," Ash said, shifting the book slightly for more emphasis. "Nothing will ever go back to how it was before but I'm okay with that now," 

"Ash..."

"I have no idea what you're going through but," he looked up at Eiji with a lopsided, almost timid, smile. "Are you going to survive?"

Eiji's mouth went dry and he felt a wave of... of something hit him. He didn't want to cry, he hated crying, he's cried so much lately. He was too dehydrated and tired and sick that it was just a waste of energy at that point. But God, if he could climb to the highest point and just scream then he would. He would tell the world that he wasn't okay and that he didn't know what was or that he doesn't know anything at all. That he was suffering.

"If I have to," is all he said, ducking his head.

"No," Ash said simply, getting Eiji to look up at him again questioningly. "That's not what I want to hear," he snapped the book shut and shifted it off of their knees, and placing it on the bed beside him.

"I-"

"I want to hear you yell that you're going to grab God by its balls and tell him you're resilient and everything he throws at you is nothing because you're the best and he can suck it," 

"A-are you s-serious-" Eiji asked incredulously but was cut off.

"You're going to survive, not because you have to, but because you can and because you want to," Ash said, standing up and motioning for Eiji to do the same. He did and they were still very close together since their knees had just been touching. Eiji moves away first. "I wanna hear it," Ash finishes.

They stand in silence for a while, Ash looking at Eiji as he was doing everything he could to avoid eye contact with the blonde. Eventually, he finally caved, sighing. "I'm living,"

"What was that?" Ash questioned, putting a hand up to his ear to hear better.

"I said I-" Eiji finally looked back at Ash again and immediately understanding that Ash had, in fact, heard him perfectly fine. The cheek. "I'm going to survive,"

"Man, I'm getting really old, I can't hear you," Ash said melodramatically.

Eiji was already getting frustrated with this, he was also rather frustrated with how little it took to make him angry lately. He sighed. "I'm resilient-"

"Huh?"

Eiji huffed, eye twitching slightly. "I can live,"

"Speak up now, come on-"

"I'M GOING TO SURVIVE AND I WANT TO!" Eiji yelled angrily and as he quickly sobered, he would've felt bad for Jessica downstairs if it hadn't been for the smug look on Ash's face.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"Annoyed," Eiji gritted out truthfully. Ash simply laughed.

"Are you at least a little better than before?" 

"You could say so, I guess," Eiji mumbled, bowing his head as low as he could, ashamed at his outburst. 

"Good," Ash said with a single nod and a proud smile.

"Was there a point to this?" Eiji asked, looking up tentatively, almost scared to make eye contact.

"Oh yeah," Ash turned back to his bed and picked up his 'survival kit' before outstretching it to Eiji. "I want you to have this,"

Chapter Text

"W-what!?" Eiji exclaimed, taking a startled step backward.

"I want you to have this," Ash repeated simply, holding out his box of, what Eiji deemed to be, priceless items.

"I can't take that," Eiji said earnestly, pressing his hands and arms as close to his own chest as possible, as if he would reach out and take it if he hadn't fought so hard not to.

"Of course you can," Ash said softly, oh so gently Eiji almost believed it. "I want this to help you,"

"How could this possibly help?" Eiji asked wildly, eyeing the box in an almost fearful manner. The thought of dirtying the objects by holding them was enough to send him into a cold sweat of guilt, let alone using them, he almost shattered at such an idea.

"I don't think you'd ever use them," Ash admits and Eiji felt the smallest little weight lift off his chest. "I just want it to symbolize something,"

"I don't need anything to symbolize-"

"Eiji, why do you look so terrified over something like this?" Ash asked. Eiji looked up for the first time in a while to see the other's worried and utterly confused look on his face. "And guilty too, nothings going to happen Eiji..." he said soothingly, putting the book down and taking a very small, very cautious step forward.

"I-" Eiji didn't know what to say. Really, he didn't know what expression he had on his face and he certainly didn't know how Ash was interpreting it. He hated this so much and hated that he was still in his head, it was frustrating, he-

"Hey," Eiji snapped his attention back to Ash and saw that he had taken another step closer and held out a hand. It was a gesture that meant so many things, or at least COULD mean many things. Ash wasn't going to touch Eiji without warning or permission and was going to give him as much space as possible. That was the only meaning that mattered right now.

Eiji tentatively slid his hand into Ash's, closed his eyes, and they just stood there, neither moving closer to the other as Eiji silently tried to collect his nerves. 

Eiji heard Ash mumble a soft apology before going on a small tangent. "I want you to look at it the same way I do, as a reminder that you're okay but I obviously know you can't do that yet so," Ash shuffled just the slightest bit forward, so they didn't have to stretch so far for their hands to stay connected. "I'll keep just it until you're ready, until you can look and say you're okay with complete honesty."

"I probably shouldn't have said anything yet, that was stupid, I'm sorry that it kinda overwhelmed you, I just..." Ash faltered. Eiji opened his eyes to see Ash looking away, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I wanna help in any way that I can and this was the only thing I could think of,"

Eiji felt a small smile tug at his face. "You're okay," he assured, getting Ash to look back at him. "I just don't like the idea of having something so meaningful when I feel so... unworthy of having it,"

"Eiji," Ash said in soft astonishment. "You are the best person I have ever met, if I didn't think so we wouldn't be here right now," he said as if anyone who thought otherwise was out of their mind.

Maybe Eiji was out of his mind a little.

"I don't wanna dwell on it, please?" He silently begged that it would be dropped and that they could just hang out normally right now, as normal as they could anyway.

"Of course," Ash said, nodding, slipping his hand out of Eiji's, going to put the book/box away, and then sitting back down on his bed as Eiji sat across from him in his desk chair.

The two had barely gotten to have five minutes of normal conversation after that before;

"Ash! Your gang is here!" Jessica called up.

Eiji almost forgot that they would certainly be coming by.

"Just send them up!" Ash replied before giving Eiji a sheepish, almost guilty look, as if he could've stopped what happened next.

Chapter Text

Eiji nervously listened to the audible struggle of taking off shoes downstairs and pushing past each other on their way up to Ash's room, anxiously eyeing the door waiting for their entire friend group to burst into the room. The first to emerge, throwing the door open, was Shorter, then followed by Bones, Sing, then Alex, and lastly a fuming Yut-lung. When Eiji caught sight of the boy's absolutely livid expression, he tried his best to sink into his seat, as if simply melting away would protect him from the other's wrath. Yut-Lung, rather harshly, shoved Shorter out of his way and made his way straight to the boy who was desperately trying to disappear into thin air.

Surprisingly, he didn't go straight to Eiji, he walked past him to the bed, spinning the chair Eiji was on as he walked. Eiji, gripping desperately to the sides of the chair, didn't really care what he was doing, much more focused on not dying. As preferable as it would be to just keel over and die right then and there, he knew that wasn't an option so he had to keep living despite Yut-lung's deadly aura radiating off of him. He then propped his leg up in Ash's bed, pulled up his pant leg, and wordlessly pointed at it while looking back at Eiji with a furious and incredulous look. He cautiously looked away from Yue's face and at whatever he was indicating on his leg and wincing hard as he saw what it was.

There was a large bruise only in the early stages of blooming, destined to become worse later, there on Yut-lung's leg. 

"Oh," Eiji said dumbly, silently wincing and cursing himself. "Did I do that?" He asked weakly, already aware of the answer.

"Yes!" Yue snapped, pushing his pant leg back into place and stomping his foot down, something that clearly caused him pain but he was too proud to show it.

Before Eiji could sheepishly apologize, Sing came over and pushed Yue's shoulder roughly, making him sit down. "It's alright Eiji-"

"Who are you to say-" Yut-lung interrupted but Sing cut him off.

"This one is just overreacting, it's his own fault," he said with an apathetic gesture towards the boy in question.

"Right..." Eiji said slowly. "Sorry," he apologized regardless

Shorter and Sing sat on either side of Yue as if to keep him in check, but that didn't stop the deathly glare that was aimed at Eiji, making him shift uncomfortably. Bones and Alex also sat down on the bed, basically on top of each other as to conserve some space so Ash could sit down too, but he had pulled out a bungee chair he had found in his closet and sat next to Eiji.

They lapsed into an odd silence, it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, despite Yut-lung trying to explode Eiji with his mind, but it certainly wasn't comfortable either. Everyone was glancing at everyone else and it was intensely quiet, which was very out of place with this group of friends. But nobody spoke up. This was a " figure out what's wrong" session and Eiji was the only one who could possibly reveal that. It was hard enough before, just considering it, but now he was faced with a room of friends all wanting to know. Despite Yue's behavior and words, he does CARE for his friends, he's simply caring in his own unique way, regardless of how unhelpful they are. 

"Sooooo," Shorter was the first to speak up, unsurprisingly. "Why do you want Eiji to strip?" Of course.

Before Bones has time to revel in the humor of that or Yut- lung could strangle Shorter, which they definitely would if given the chance, Sing stepped in. 

"What you mean,” he said with an exasperated look to the two boys next to him. "What does Yue know that we don't?"

"Yeah," Shorter confirmed with a nod. "Is that not what I said?"

Yut-lung rolled his eyes before locking back onto Eiji. "Whatever it is, I'm assuming it's related," he said, gruffly pointing at Eiji's hands in his lap, which he immediately brought closer to himself then.

Eiji saw Ash look at him in concern but he pointedly looked away from the blonde's questioning eyes, afraid of whatever he would find out.

Being the youngest, you might be surprised at how mature Sing was in a situation like this, at least compared to the others. He was calm and nice and wasn't trying to rush things despite how much he wanted to know what was going on just as much as anyone else did. Eiji shifted in his seat, unsure quite what to do, he wanted to spill his guts, he couldn't get a word out. Instead he slowly, reluctantly, pulled his sleeves up and waited, holding his breath, for his friend's reactions. 'at least everyone knows what Yut-lung does now'

The first to react was Ash, he had barely even glanced at Eiji's arms before he intook a sharp breath and quickly looked away again, clenching his fist and glaring at the wall. Bones and Alex both winced at the fading bruises, and Sing's expression was simply concerned and slightly disgusted at the sight of them. Yut-lung didn't even look at his exposed forearms, more interested in staring into Eiji's eyes, which darted around in search of any way of escape.

Shorter obviously had to be the one to say something.

"What happened?" Everyone around the room fixed him with a glare aside from Eiji who drew his sleeves back down and held his arms close to himself once more. 

He was trying to say something, he really was, but the words were caught in his throat and he felt like if he pushed any harder, he might literally throw up and the first person it would hit was Yut-lung, and he didn't need any more reason to be pissed off. Sing seemed to be the savior of today and asked a much more simple, and significantly less loaded question.

"When did that happen, that isn't new," He said with a vague gesture at Eiji.

"...Thursday," Ejii said slowly and chanced a look to the side where Ash had stopped glaring at the wall and just looked at him intently, which was almost worse than Yue's prying eyes.

"Is that why you didn't come on Friday?"

All he could do was nod.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

And... that was a good question because Eiji wasn't even sure anymore. He wanted to tell them everything, just to get it off his chest, but he wasn't even sure if he was even capable at this point. The thought terrified him, he had no idea how his friends would react. He would expect them to be supportive, they aren't the type to demean him for... anything really, but a small part of him was still yelling at him that 'they don't care, it doesn't matter, don't say a word'

It was suffocating.

"I... can't- don't know-" Eiji choked out his words and it sounded pathetic.

Sing's already softened expression somehow melted into something even softer and he opened his mouth to say something else but-

DING DONG

The sound of the doorbell was jarring. Nobody ever used it, the only people to come overcame over regularly enough that they either knocked or simply walked through the door without warning. At the sound of the bell, Eiji jumped to his feet and was at the bedroom door in an instant, desperate for some sort of escape, and finding out whoever was at the door seemed a million times more interesting than his problems right now. Ash had hopped up right after Eiji and they both looked out the door and down the stairs just in time to see Jessica open the door to reveal...

"Ibe-san?" Eiji couldn't help but say as he saw the man standing in the doorway.

Jessica wasn't even able to greet him as both of their attention was drawn up the stairs to him, after a second of them just awkwardly staring at each other, his sister Mika stepped out from behind him and waved happily at her older brother, clearly not feeling the odd energy in the room.

"We're here to pick you up, Oni-chan!" She said cheerfully. "Hi Ash," she added.

"Hey?" Ash said awkwardly, giving a sideways glance at Eiji, who shrugged and headed to the stairs. Ash did too, but not before telling their friends to stay in his room, and closing the door.

As the two teens made it to the bottom of the stairs, Jessica had ushered the two guests inside and closed the front door behind them, leaving them all to stand awkwardly in the foyer, all except Mika who still remained blissfully unaware of the tension. 

"What are you doing here?" Eiji asked mainly Ibe.

"I got off early, so I picked your sister up from school and came to get you," he explained.

"School's over?" Eiji asked, shocked.

"Yes? Aren't your other friends here too?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought they skipped their classes or something," Eiji admitted bashfully, embarrassed at not realizing what time it was.

"Well that's fine, have you confided in your friends? Ready to go home?" Shuichi asked.

Ash opened his mouth to answer because, no, Eiji didn't REALLY open up to them, he only showed them faded bruises on his wrist, but Eiji beat him to it.

"Yes! I can come home," And Eiji was finally thankful, for the first time, that Ash and the rest of their friends had a habit of just dumping their belongings in the foyer with little regard for anything else, meaning his bag was literally at his feet and ready to go, except the front door opened again.

Another obstacle to get through.

As Max walked in with his son, he was surprised at everyone standing there in the foyer, but smiled.

"Shinichi!" He greeted, patting the other man hard on the back. 

Ibe stumbled but remained upright. "Max, it's been a while," he chuckled. "I'd love to stay, but I think Eiji wants to go home,"

That was as good of an opening he'll ever get.

"Yes, thank you," Eiji said quickly, bowing in Jessica and Max's direction and turning towards Ash who looked like a kicked puppy and wanted to say something, but didn't. Eiji put his shoes on faster than he could even register doing, and was in the doorway with his bag before anything else could stop them.

Michael, which has been behind his Dad, saw Mika and blushed, hiding behind Max even more. "Hi Mika," he said shyly.

"Heya!" She said back, and as adorable as adolescent crushes were, Eiji was having none of it and wanted to leave now.

Ibe, clearly seeing his desperation, shared a concerned look with the other two adults and a weary glance at Ash before giving in and going to leave. "It was nice to see you again-"

"Bye," Mika departed for them pulling her brother and godfather with her back to the car.

As they got in, Mika excitedly asked if she could be dropped off at her friend's place.

"Why would you have me pick you up if you were just going to go somewhere else anyway?" Ibe asked incredulously.

"I wanted to make sure, Ni-chan was okay, and he's fiiiiine, so I wanna go to Hannah's" Ibe rolled his eyes, but did what she asked and dropped her off, before going home.

The ride there was quiet and it looked like Ibe wanted to say something, and they pulled into the driveway just as he worked up the courage to say something, but his phone rang.

Grumbling, he answered and Eiji couldn't make out what was being said, but his dismal look didn't look promising. Ibe hung up and looked at Eiji guiltily.

"I'm sorry Ei-chan, I was told I could leave work early, but apparently they need me right now," He said regretfully. "This would have been better if I just left you at Max's house for longer, with your friends-"

"No!" Eiji said all too quickly. "Uhh, no, it's fine Ibe-San, I have homework to do anyway,"

"Are you sure you're okay alone?" He asked cautiously.

No, he probably wouldn't be, but Eiji wasn't going to admit that.  "I'll be okay," he said opening the car door and getting out. "Just go to work, I'm not going to wither away,"

"I can tell them I can't come back if you really-"

"I'm fine, Ibe-San," a lie. "Go to work," he closed the car door without waiting for an answer and hurried to go inside.

Eiji practically slammed the door behind him and he just... stayed there for a long moment. Sure, that wasn't the most elegant solution to his problems, but he saw a chance to get out and before he even got the chance to mull it over, he was already down the steps and ready to leave. Eiji's been worrying about this nonstop ever since he got home Thursday night and when faced with the reality of admitting it, he didn't even know how, and was willing to get out as quickly as possible even if it just made people even more concerned then before.

Eiji dragged himself up to his room and threw his bag to the side, he had intended on doing homework, but now that he was here, he couldn't be bothered, and just as he was about to collapse onto his bed he caught a glimpse of something that made his skin crawl. 

His little waste paper basket with the tattered remnants of his underwear.

Chapter Text

I'd like to make it clear that the way Eiji is dealing with his assault is in no way healthy and should not be replicated, this FanFic is simply my way of telling that sexual assault is very common and most people who experience it react to it very poorly.

I and many people I've talked to have been victims of various degrees of assault and have all coped in ways that can be seen as self destructive and bad and I wanted to show that struggle to the best of my abilities.

The thoughts running through Eiji's head can be and mostly are repetitive and redundant like "I don't want to say anything" and "I wanna spill my guts to them" which may seem stupid but is a very real reaction many people have, where their entire world has been pushed off it's axis and nothing seems right and their view is mangled. 

I promise that Eiji will have the right support system to fall back on when he needs it, but many people don't have the same kind of friends and family to turn to like he does. So if you know or believe someone is going through something similar, or if you yourself is the one dealing with it, I encourage you to be a crutch for those in need or find a good crutch for yourself. No one deserves to suffer alone, no matter how much your brain feeds you toxic thoughts.

I know it's very difficult, I have been through this multiple times, each time worse than the last, and I know it's nearly unbearable to deal with but I encourage you do do everything in your power to do the right thing and either help others or yourself.

Every case is different, there's no catch-all way of dealing with the trauma, but I do really hope you try your best, research whatever you need to and do whatever you feel is right

Thank you so much

Chapter Text

Being so stuck in his head had more than just one disadvantage other than just feeling bad, it also makes Eiji vulnerable to being surprised by things he wasn't paying attention to, like the fact he has many many people who care about him, or the fact he has neighbours.

"What are you doing?"

Eiji flinched so hard that he almost knocked himself off his feet and nearly dropped the matches in his hand. He whipped around to look at the source of the voice, looking at the neighbouring fence on the right to the yard and the young kid perched on to of it, arms crossed as he eyed the teen curiously.

"Who are you?" Eiji asked dumbly, staring up at the boy.

"I'm Skip! Skipper, Skipbo, Lil rascal, general nuisance, your new neighbour," he says with a toothy grin.

Eiji just stared up at him longer. "New...?"

"I just moved in, haven't you noticed?" Skip said with the cock of his head.

"I've been... busy," Eiji said, looking away and blushing in embarrassment.

"What? Glaring at a trash can?" He asked and Eiji flushed even more.

"Can I help you with something?" he asked the kid a little forcefully, trying to scare the kid off in some way.

"Can I help you?" Skip asked, pushing himself fully over the fence and dropping into Eiji's side of the yard. "You look constipated,"

"I do not!" Eiji said indignantly.

"Yeah, whatever," the kid dismissed, coming over to stand opposite of Eiji, the trash can in between them, and they both fell into silence. They stared at the wastebasket, with Eiji occasionally glancing at Skipper, willing him to succumb to his childish attention span, get bored and leave. After a while, Skipper abruptly looks up, catching Eiji's attention, he had a foreboding mischievous look on his face.

"So," Skip said in a low, gravelly voice, attempting to sound sinister. "What have the trash gods done to make you feel such disdain towards them?"

Eiji just stares blankly at him for a long moment, cracking the kid's facade.

"Come on man," Skipper whined, talking normally again. "What's your beef with this garbage?" He said, kicking the can lightly, not enough to knock it over.

Eiji flinched when he expected the can to fall over, even though it didn't. "Nothing, can you go away please?" He said hurriedly and forcefully.

Skip whined again, wordlessly. "I can have fun, come on, come on, what are you doing back here?"

'Maybe if I tell him, he'll go away?' Eiji thought to himself, surveying the boy. He didn't look like the type who would tell on him, nor does he look entirely innocent, so it should be fine. Right? What's the worst that could happen?

"I was gonna burn it," Eiji said bluntly, needlessly pointing at the waste bin.

There was a beat of silence. They just looked at each other, Skipper seemed to be evaluating him and Eiji felt very vulnerable and exposed. After a while, Skip abruptly barked out a laugh, startling Eiji.

"Seriously?" He cackled. Eiji nodded resolutely and Skip sobered, only slightly. "Hahah, alright alright, hang on,"

The kid suddenly started rummaging through his pockets before throwing whatever it was into the bin. "Go for it man!"

"...what?" Eiji was dumbfounded. Why would he condone this, or want to stay still? Wasn't this crazy? Lighting trash on fire? What even is his life anymore...

"Light 'er up, homeboy!" He cheered, taking a step back and presenting the Trash bin with jazz hands.

Eiji, still confused, mindlessly goes over, lights a match, and tosses it into the bin. The first two attempts went out without lighting anything, but the third time caught the gum wrappers Skip had thrown in there and it grew from there. They simply watch it burn in silence. It started with gum wrappers, then some papers in there, the remnants of the matches, and then the pitiful scrap of fabric and elastic. It didn't smell great, and as it went on, the paint on the bin started to bubble and melt, making it worse, but that didn't matter. After no less than half an hour of watching in silence, the flames had died down and everything inside was indisputably a pile of ash, Eiji turned away. Skipper's attention was drawn by Eiji's movement and watched him walk away, disappearing to the side of his house before quickly returning with a hose. Trailing water with him, Eiji turned the hose on the fire, immediately quenching it.

The silence stretched as Eiji kept pouring water onto the basket, it felt like a cool wave came over him, as if he were the one being doused in water, he thought about having a cold shower later, to contrast the hot ones he had been taking lately. The hose was suddenly turned off and it jolted Eiji out of the daze he was in, turning to see Skipper come back from beside his house, he hadn't noticed him moving.

"So, how was it?" Skip asked cheerfully.

"What?" Eiji asked, blinking dumbly.

"Did the fire help? You feel better?" He asked, as if it were obvious.

Eiji was going to say no but hesitated in his answer, looking back at the scorched and drowned remnants of his underwear and old papers. He really did feel better, if only a little bit. It obviously wasn't all fixed, but it felt nice, empowering because, yeah, Eiji can do this. He can grab the problem by its balls and set it on fire, knock it down a peg. He felt himself smile a little, turning back toward Skip.

"Yeah, I do feel better," He said earnestly.

"Sweet!" Skipper cheered, putting his thumbs up. "So, what else do you do for fun around here, uhh?"

"Eiji," he introduces himself. "There's a park a few blocks that way," he said, indicating to the right.

And before he knew it, Eiji was walking the fun-loving boy to the park (more or less of his own will) as he blabbed on.

"All my old friends live all the way on back in Queens so now I'm all alone," Skip whined

"I'm sure you'll make new friends in no time," Eiji sympathized.

"Yeah!" He brightened up almost instantly. "I've already got you!" He said gleefully, clapping Eiji hard on the back, causing him to stumble.

"Have I become your friend already?" Eiji asked.

"Of course, man," Skipper grinned and before Eiji could say anything else, Skip had spotted the park and sprinted ahead.

Eiji was honestly feeling great, for the first time ignoring his problem had actually worked and it was in the back of his brain. In the forefront was a nice, energetic kid that had adopted him as a friend and it made him think of the fact that he hadn't made a new friend by himself in a long time. It felt really nice.

Chapter Text

After Eiji's parents died, one of the biggest changes in his life, he soon after had to face another big change which was moving to America. Ibe had tried to stay in Japan for as long as he could, to make it easier for Eiji and Mika to cope and adapt before he had to uproot them from their home and drag them away. But eventually, Ibe had to go back to work and needed to take Eiji and his sister back with him.

Eiji's first week in his new school wasn't easy. Sure, Eiji may have been the best at English out of everyone in his class back in Japan, but it only did him so much good here in America. That wasn't the issue though, the issue was that Eiji was severely depressed. His parents just died, he had to move to a completely new country, a new school where he's alienated from his peers, and he has no good way of communicating it to them. Needless to say, he didn't really make any friends. He had to try ten times harder in class, he understood what they were saying, but wasn't very good with saying things back, and he had 3 months of school that he was behind in that he had to make up for, so he barely even looked at anyone else.

There was a time when he did look at someone though, if only for a second, making eye contact with someone other than a teacher. In his first period class, which was a geography class, he sat right at the front of the class, next to the door. Anyone would do it, he wasn't alone, there was a boy who almost always showed up late, and Eiji was right by the door so who wouldn't have their attention drawn to someone walk in? On the first day, Eiji hadn't looked up, he was new here and had more important things to be doing, like half a semester of work, but he felt the boy eye him for a moment, obviously not recognizing Eiji, but ignoring it and moving to his seat. On the second day, Eiji still hadn't looked up at him and in turn, the boy had only glanced at him. The third day, Eiji was very tired, he had been working so hard in and out of school to get everything done, he had missed his lunch break to work on school, at home he did nothing but work and hardly any sleep, so by just day three he was worn out. Someone entering the room had startled him, causing him to look up at the boy entering the room. 

Their eyes met and it felt a little strange. Eiji had felt the eyes on him before, not only in class, but passing glances in the halls or as he leaves school and he had never really wondered about the boy behind those glances, but if he had, he wouldn't have imagined this. His eyes were a bright green, everything about him felt bright, he was pale and blonde and completely against the type of boy he felt like. Their eyes met and Eiji felt a brick wall in between them, the boy had a hard exterior that was flawless and without a crack, but it did seem to tremble as he looked into Eiji. Eiji was worn, dead tired, and whatever type of wall that he would normally have was completely stripped away. He had no idea what the boy saw deep in his eyes, but whatever it was made him pause in the doorway, not looking away. Eiji didn't look away either, afraid that backing down would somehow ruin something. Their teacher, who normally ignored the boy when he entered, realized that he had stopped in front of Eiji, and addressed him.

Eiji didn't hear what she said, focused on the boy's gaze, but the boy seemed to register what she said and slowly moved to get to his seat, not taking his gaze off of Eiji's. Eiji decided not to turn his head to follow his gaze as he walked away, and zoned back into the moment, realizing that sounds around him had felt muffled until the eye contact was broken and he was back in reality, with his exhaustion and mountains of homework.

After that, he felt those green eyes land on him more often, he met his gaze, never needing to, but he was always aware of it. For the first week, Eiji had stayed in classrooms to work, but his math teacher had practically kicked him out of his classroom halfway through the second week. The school library was only open on certain days during lunchtime, so he had no choice but to go to the cafeteria. Ibe and Mika had made a habit of making lunches and he had one, but he usually didn't eat it until he got home after school so he felt like he could take a break and eat for a change.

This 'break' was decidedly not a very calm one since when he walked into the cafeteria for the very first time, it was loud, crowded, and he knew nobody. He wandered around, trying to look as small as possible, looking for the quietest table of people who would just ignore him if he were to sit with them. Unfortunately, even when trying so hard to be invisible, he caught someone's attention.

"Hey, you're that new foreign boy,"

Eiji flinched, looking up at the unpleasant boy, he was fairly bigger than Eiji with an awful haircut. His friends around him snickered.

"What, can't you speak English?" He asked nastily.

"Of course I ca-" but Eiji was cut off.

"You ain't got any friends, huh?" The boy leaned in uncomfortably close, a teasing grin that felt menacing. "I can be your friend,"

"No," Eiji said quickly and forcibly, and when the boy didn't seem to accept the answer, looking agitated, Eiji sat in the nearest seat behind him. He hoped that the other people sitting there hadn't minded, and hoped that it would make the other boy go away. "No thank you," Eiji gritted out, looking into his eyes to will him to leave.

Strangely enough, the boy backed off, looking at something behind Eiji before scoffing and stomping away. He let out a sigh of relief before trying to shrink into himself and scoot as far away from the people already sitting at the table, who had gone completely silent as they watched what had happened. Strangely enough, a few of the tables around them had gone quiet too, staring at him, which only made him more uncomfortable. Eiji decided that the nerves in his stomach weren't going to let him eat so he decided that once the unpleasant boy stopped glaring at him from the other side of the cafeteria, he would leave as soon as he could.

"Eiji?" His attention was snapped to the person he had sat next to and he had no idea how he hadn't noticed his green eyes on him earlier. Eiji decided that he didn't really care anymore and was just going to leave right now.

"Gome-s-sorry," he stuttered, making a move to stand but the boy fixed him with a look that froze him in place. It was nothing unkind, just an intensity that he had felt from the gaze the few times he had locked eyes with him.

"You alright?" He asked, simple.

Eiji felt a sort of sting in his sinuses and tears well in his eyes but he blinks them away and resolutely nods. "Hai,"

And for the first time, green eyes looked away first, resting his elbow on the table and chin in hand, and avoiding looking Eiji's way. 

"He won't bother you, Arthur, not with us around," he made a vague gesture toward the other people at the table. Eiji looked over at them now, and they all had a mixture of looks that were shocked, weirded out, and majorly confused at their friend's out-of-place invitation, but none seemed to genuinely object.

Eiji looked at the blonde and thanked him earnestly. He had stayed quiet for the rest of lunch, the friend group falling back into friendly chatter, occasionally glancing at Eiji, but all was well. He then busied himself with his next classes, and then went home. On his way out of the school, he felt the green eyes land on him, looking into him and for once, Eiji turned to meet his gaze. The boy seemed shocked, if only for a split second, and Eiji found courage in himself to approach him.

"Uh, ar-th-thank you," Eiji stuttered, silently cursing himself for it.

The boy didn't seem phased. "It's alright,"

Eiji shifted awkwardly. "I, Um, do not know name," he said stiffly, flushing in embarrassment.

The boy blinked, seemingly caught off guard before answering. "It's Ash,"

"Ash..." Eiji repeated to himself, trying it out.

The boy, Ash, blinked at Eiji, before repeating himself, a little slower. "Ash"

"Ash, hai," Eiji responded, nodding.

He just looked at Eiji for a moment before the faintest of smiles graced his face and he chuckled. "Alright, say it however you want, see you tomorrow," he said, patting Eiji on his shoulder and walking away. 

'...Did I say it wrong?'

* -_*_- *

He hadn't really made friends with the group, he only knew the name of one person other than Ash, and he never really engaged in conversations, unless Ash addressed him directly, which always got incredulous looks from the rest of his friends. On Monday of his third week at the school is when he was really integrated into the group.

When he went to lunch, he was the first one at the table, which was a first, but that didn't matter since soon after the entire group filed in all at once, with a new person with them, who walked ahead of them and walked right up to Eiji, getting uncomfortably close.

"You're in our spot," he said, his superior height and tone making him very intimidating.

Eiji shrunk and cowered. "I-uh-"

His saving grace in the form of Ash came over, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder and pulling him back. "that's Eiji, he's with us," he said simply, sitting down beside him.

When Eiji initially sat with them, he tried to keep to himself as much as possible, but Ash was... a little weird. He seemed to give Eiji a lot of attention that he didn't deserve, like they were friends, but surely they couldn't be, right. Eiji had usually scooted himself has far right of the bench, to give plenty of space between him and Ash, but Ash had sat closer to him, on purpose, and left no room to move any further away. Eiji didn't mind, Ash was more than a little standoffish, but he was always kind to Eiji, and they sat closer. Their thighs were touching.

Ash turned to Eiji and rested his head on his hand. "Hi,"

Eiji smiled, silently thanking him. "Hi,"

The rest of the group sat down on the opposite side of the table except for the new boy who was looking at Eiji with odd curiosity.

"So, what's with you?"

Eiji looked back at him, blinking. "With me...?" He questioned, looking around himself. He didn't really have anything with him, nothing of note. He looked at Ash, who gave him a curious look, and Eiji looked back at the other boy.

"Ash?" Eiji said uncertainly, pointing at the blonde. The other boy looked confused with his answer and Ash scoffed out a quick laugh, which drew everyone's attention. 

"That's not what he meant," Ash said with a small smile.

"Oh, what...?" Eiji wasn't any less confused, and a little thrown off by Ash's laugh, which he almost never does.

"He wants to know what your deal is," Ash explained, but didn't explain anything to Eiji.

"But I have not got a deal!" Eiji said indignantly, just feeling even more confused.

Ash laughed again, even harder. "No, no, what are you doing here,"

Eiji felt like he was being messed with and didn't appreciate it. "I am sitting!" He says forcefully indicating himself before pointing at Ash. This is the most he has actually talked to Ash at once and he usually wouldn't be so bold, but he was a little heated.

He pointed at Ash. "You are too!"

Ash chuckled, looking away as he did, before facing Eiji again. "No, what are you doing here,"

"Sitting!" Eiji repeated, angrily.

Ash's smile faltered for a moment, but didn't disappear. "Are you messing with me?"

"You're messing with me!" Eiji said and before either of them said anything else, the new boy started laughing hysterically. He hadn't sat down yet so he was heavily bracing himself on the table. Eiji's attention was finally drawn from Ash and realized that everyone was just staring at them, not just the people at their table, but people from surrounding tables as well. Even more embarrassed than before, Eiji pouts angrily.

"What's funny?"

"Man, you've got no shame, talking to Ash like that," the boy said.

"He was talking to me," Eiji huffed a reply, crossing his arms.

"Aren't you intimidated by our pack leader here?" The boy chuckled.

"Leader?" Eiji questioned, calming down a bit and returning to just being really confused.

The boy looked confused for a moment, then genuinely shocked. "Do you-" he looked around Eiji and addressed Ash instead. "Does he not know?"

Eiji turned to look at Ash who, in turn, looked at him. His smile was gone and he was back to looking deep into Eiji's eyes, searching like he always did, Eiji let him. Ash blinked, looking away first.

"I guess not..." he mumbled.

"Dude," the other boy shook his head in disapproval before going back to address Eiji. "Do you have any idea what you're getting into?"

"Me? I know nothing, I am very confused," Eiji said.

The guy sighed. "Look man, we're the baddest kids in the school, we get off pretty easy cause Ash's dad runs the place, but we're not the same speed, were the worst, got it?"

Eiji blinked. "Bad? You can get grades higher if you work-"

The boy cut him off, groaning. "No, dude, just no," he crouched down to Eiji's level. "Come on, were trouble makers, delinquents, the whole lot of us, we beat people up we don't like, disrespect teachers, skip school and all that jazz, and I can tell by just looking at you that you're not that kid."

"Trouble‐ the same like... a gang?" Eiji asked, quirking his head to the side.

"Yes!" The boy said enthusiastically, finally getting somewhere. "And Ash is our leader, the worst of us,"

Eiji turned to look back at Ash, who was resting his chin in his hand and looking sideways at Eiji. The wall he had up was still there, but it felt less harsh, like if he had really tried Eiji could get through it. He wasn't going to try though. He turned back to the other boy with a skeptical look.

"Are you... positive?" Eiji asked, not really believing him.

"Yes! Ughhhh," he groaned, irritated before dragging a hand down his face.

"Shorter, stop trying to get rid of him," Ash said. "You just got off suspension, don't start something already,"

"What's he gonna do, swat at me? I think I can take it," the boy, Shorter apparently, said.

"Yeah, but can you take me?" Ash said, a challenge.

"Dude, what is he doing here?" Shorter asked, jabbing a thumb in Eiji's direction.

"I like him," Ash shrugged.

"Hold on," one of the other boys, Eiji thinks his name is Sing, interjected. The rest of the group had been staying out of this, but he finally butted in. "That's why he's here? Seriously?"

"Yeah, why not?" Ash said simply.

"But you don't like anybody!"

"Sure I do," Ash said. "I wouldn't hang out with you guys if I didn't,"

"Well, yeah, duh, but you don't even know him,"

Before anyone else could get a word out, Eiji was suddenly yanked out of his seat and pulled into a bone-crushing hug from Shorter.

"Awe man," he cooed, suffocating poor Eiji and completely flipping on him. "You've melted our boy's heart!" 

"Shorter, let go of him," Ash said, standing up to help Eiji, but Shorter immediately let go, causing him to stumble and fall into Ash. As they both struggled to sit upright, Shorter sat down, sandwiching Eiji in between him and Ash. 

Shorter reached across the table and snatched something out of Sing's lunch, and before the other could protest, he raised it in the air to make a toast.

"I, Shorter Wong, second hand to one Ash Lynx, am here to officiate the integration of our new friend, Eiji- uh- just Eiji!" He raised his arm higher. "For amazing feats such as getting Ash to like him in the span of a week and being infuriatingly oblivious, our newest member in a long time! To Eiji!"

His speech, surprisingly, aroused everyone else in the group to toast with him, grabbing various things from their lunches, raising them in the air and cheering.

"TO EIJI!"

They all cheered, whistled, cat-called, and made generally obnoxious noises as they decided to have an impromptu party to celebrate, getting dirty looks from the people around them.

Ash, already sitting super close to Eiji, leans in closer. "Sorry," he mumbles, but Eiji just laughs, finding the whole thing rather amusing and accepting all the welcome he was given.

And that's how Eiji Okumura joined a gang

Chapter Text

"Eiji?"

Hearing his name made his blood run cold. He whipped his head around as Alex rode his bike up to him and then stopped, a surprised look on his face. He looked between Eiji and Skip playing in the park a few times before narrowing his eyes.

"You're not creeping on kids now, are you?" he asked.

Eiji balked indignantly. "Of course not!" he said, shocked that anyone would even think that.

Alex barked a laugh and propped his bike up and sat down on the bench next to Eiji, with a considerate distance, enough to give him space. They sat there for a long moment, watching Skipper play, and the wind shakes the leaves from trees, it was a nice moment. Just a moment.

"You left pretty quickly earlier," Alex said after a while. "Both at lunch and at Ash's"

Eiji sucked in a sharp breath and held it, preparing for the worst.

Alex looked at him with a side glance before looking away again. "I have no idea what's going on, no one does except you, but no one is going to force it out of you," he said earnestly, turning to face Eiji fully. "I know our whole friend group is a little complicated but what isn't complicated is the fact that we care, and we'd burn the world to the ground if it made you feel better, kay?"

Eiji felt a weak smile grace his face. "Okay, thank you,"

"Hey, don't mention it," Alex said softly, lightly punching Eiji's arm. "I mean it, Ash would single-handedly take over the world just for you, and the rest of us would follow right after him," Alex chuckled.

Eiji huffed at that. "Why does everyone keep saying stuff like that?"

"Huh?" Alex questioned.

"Everyone's been saying stuff like 'Ash will have your head if you mess with Eiji' or like 'Ash wouldn't say it, but he's really worried about you' why does it sound like teasing all the time too!" Eiji explained, sighing at the end.

Alex just stared at him for a long moment, unblinking, unmoving. Eiji stared back, growing nervous by the intensity.

"Do- do you really not know?" Alex asked genuinely, terrifyingly shocked, which only made Eiji more anxious.

"No?" Eiji said uncertainly.

Alex took a long, deep breath and went to place both hands on the boy's shoulders before pausing, hovering and looking into Eiji's eyes as if asking permission. Eiji nodded. Alex clamped down on his shoulders with an intense aura.

"Eiji, Ash... cares about you in a way he just doesn't feel about the rest of us, like, a lot, you get what I mean?"

Eiji did not, in fact, get what Alex meant but nodded his head anyway. Alex squinted, like he could tell Eiji was bullshitting him and sighed.

"Look, it doesn't actually matter that much, but Ash is different about you, you don't see it, but he acts different when you're not around and-"

"Hey!" the two boys jumped and looked over at Skip, who they had long since stopped paying attention to, who was now standing next to them, smiling. "Who's this, your boyfriend?" He asked

"NO!" They both yelled.

"Kid, I beg of you, don't even joke about that," Alex said, looking around as if an assassin was going to come and kill him.

"Okay man, sheesh," Skip said, putting his hands up in surrender.

Alex sighed and stood up. "I've got to get going, you coming to school tomorrow?" he turned, looking at Eiji

"Yeah, I should be," He nodded.

"Okay," Alex mounted his bike. "See you then!" he called, riding off.

Skip and Eiji watches him ride off before looking back at each other.

"Whozat?" Skip asked simply.

"Just a friend of mine," Eiji said, standing up. "Are you ready to go back?"

"Yeah, you good though?" the boy asked, quirking his head. "You look sick."

"I just need to go to bed," Eiji sighed, beginning to walk.

Skipper barked a laugh, falling in step next to him. "You do that man, you do that,"

Chapter Text

Eiji walked Skipper home, and with an odd hand gesture from the boy, what he assumed was Skip's form of goodbye, he turned to enter his own house. Shutting the door behind him, Eiji drifted, head empty of any cohesive thought. He drifted to the bathroom, washed his face, drifted to his room, blankly skimmed through his homework, drifted to his bed, and laid down for the night. He didn't bother changing out of his clothes, his mind was empty after all. Once he was down, however, under the uncovers and left to his own devices once and for all, he drifted off completely.

Eiji woke the next day in an off sort of state that he couldn't really describe but decided not to dwell on. He was becoming the master of completely ignoring things and not dealing with his problems. He drifted through his morning routine, leaving early for school again to avoid talking to people and not interacting in any substantial way. Eiji drifted almost entirely in auto pilot until the bell rang for lunch period and his soul seemed to slam into his body. Eiji was disoriented as he left the classroom, debating on whether or not he should go find his friends and deciding that he's put it off for long enough. He searches the common places they hang out, first behind the school and then in the stairwell before checking the cafeteria.

Unfortunately, Eiji discovered his friends at their usual table in the cafeteria, the loudest and least appealing place in the building. As he started to approach them, however, an all-too-familiar group approached the table at the same moment.

"Hey," Arthur greeted, a smug grin plastered across his face, and Eiji felt his blood run cold at the sight of him.

Shorter and the others groaned in annoyance at Arthur's apparent intent to provoke. Ash shot him a glare.

"Fuck off, Arthur, we're not doing this today," Ash hissed with such venom that Eiji felt himself shrink along with some innocent onlookers. Arthur doesn't seem phased, smile only growing as he looks around at Ashs friend before landing on Eiji, as if he didn't know who the real target was from the beginning.

"Don't be like that, Ash." Arthur chuckles, but he's not looking at Ash, he's looking at Eiji. Eiji can feel his insides tying into knots and dying. He feels sick in the face of him.

Ash and Shorter both catch into Arthur's real focus and immediately grow more tense and on guard. "Fuck. Off." Ash says again, voice low and dangerous, glaring up at the other teen.

Arthur doesn't leave, he takes a step closer to Eiji who was too frozen to move. "I'm not gonna do anything." Arthur huffs, smile never slipping and eyes never leaving Eiji. "Nothing bad, it's good, isn't it?" He asks, and he's addressing Eiji but he can't really hear it over the ringing in his ears.

In an instant, Shorter shot up from his seat, slamming his hands on the table. "Back off!" he barked, catching the attention of several others in the cafeteria. "Leave Eiji out of your douchebag parade." He grits out, glaring at Arthur in a way that could spoil milk, though almost affectionate compared to Ash’s more menacing stare.

Arthur disregarded both of them entirely, moving even closer to Eiji and wrapping a hand around his waist. "Come on, it's not bad, it's really good-"

And like an electric shock, Arthur's touch jolted him into movement. Eiji stepped out of his reach in a flash and, just like with Yut-lung the day before, kicked his leg out on pure instinct. Eiji's foot came up hard and fast into Arthur's groin and Eiji could almost swear he felt something break. Arthur crumples almost immediately and his cronies take a couple steps back, away from him.

Trembling with a mix of nerves, fear, and indignation, Eiji mustered the courage to hiss out the words. "Don’t. Fucking. Touch me." Eiji spits, literally spits on him where he's on the floor, his voice steadier than he felt, while his hands shook uncontrollably.

The cafeteria is completely silent now, not even a whisper from someone and it's like the whole world has held their breath. Eiji glances at the table where his friends are, who were all staring at him in disbelief. Shorter still stood with his hands on the table, wide-eyed, Yut-lung wore his characteristic neutrality yet seemed to peer into Eiji’s very soul, and Sing appeared aghast, as if his eyes might explode from his skull. Ash is looking at him like Eiji hung the moon and the stars and Eiji found it impossible to bear the weight of their gazes.

Turning on his heels, he bolted out of the room.

It wasn’t until he was a hallway away that Eiji realized the likely cause of the breaking sensation he felt when he kicked Arthur was probably his own foot. He collapsed onto the floor outside a classroom door and buries his face in his knees.

Eiji could feel his heart racing, pounding in his chest like a drum. The adrenaline from the confrontation still coursed through his veins, making his limbs shake as he crouched there, hidden from the world. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to vanish entirely, wishing he could rewrite the last week of his life. The weight of his friends' stares had been heavy and disorienting, and now, the entire incident felt surreal, like a scene from a movie he never wanted to be a part of.

His breath quickened, and he became hyper-aware of the noises around him, the mundane sounds of students shuffling to class, laughter echoing down the hall, the distant clanging of lockers being shut. It all felt like too much, a cacophony that drowned out any rational thought.

Suddenly, footsteps approached, heavy and assured, and Eiji squeezed his knees tighter. He felt a presence linger beside him before someone knelt down to his level. A familiar voice broke through the noise.

“Eiji?” It was Ash, concern lacing his tone. “Hey, you okay?”

"I think I broke my foot," Eiji muttered, his troubles far more complicated than that, but it was all he could manage to articulate.

Ash let out a short, disbelieving laugh that didn’t seem mocking. “Yeah, you really kicked the shit out of him, huh? That was... something.” There was a pause, and Eiji could hear the warmth in his voice, something that calmed the storm inside him, if only a little.

"I hope I popped his nuts."

Ash lets out another, more startled laugh and Eiji feels a small smile tug at his lips. "Well, if your foot is truly broken, then his balls are absolutely busted."

Eiji lets out a startled laugh of his own, but before he can say anything else there's a figure looming over them. they both looked up to see Max, Ash’s effective dad and the principal who Eiji knew he was likely in trouble with.

"Boys," Max greeted, his tone warm despite the reason for his presence. "We need to talk in my office, okay?"