Bonus: my cat was being Very Helpful while I was trying to take the previous picture and rubbing the tray they were standing on (his general strategy for anything is to be an unavoidable nuisance until you give up and feed him just to make him go away), which resulted in…this. Loki’s hand kiiiiind of looks like it’s turning into tentacles.
Chapter 1: Early days
Summary:
I posted a couple pictures to Instagram early on, but I had an older phone at the time and the camera was pretty crappy, so I didn't do much at that point.
Chapter Text
The first thing I did with my boys was to recreate this piece of fanart, because I am a giant sap.
no brother I'm not letting you go
Chapter 2: Meet the family
Summary:
Then I upgraded my phone and suddenly I could take decent pictures to post right to Instagram. An ENTIRE WORLD of stupid pictures opened up before me. Naturally, my first source of inspiration was my dog Scully.
Chapter Text
"What manner of beast is this, brother?"
“I’ve no idea, but it does rather remind me of someone. Huge, blond, shaggy, overly gregarious, possessed of considerably more enthusiasm than intelligence…”
“Very funny, Loki.”
Chapter 3: NYC: leavin' on a jet plane
Summary:
I went to New York City to visit Jo and...yes. I took my boys with me and took a whole bunch of stupid pictures while I was there, starting in the airport.
Chapter Text
"Quite a contraption. I suppose even Midgardians are capable of occasional ingenuity."
"Occasional? They beat you."
"Yes, THANK YOU for reminding me."
"Any time."
Chapter 4: NYC: gluttony (fries)
Chapter Text
"You know, I did say that even the Mighty Thor could not eat that entire basket of fried nonsense at once, but did you listen to me?"
“*pathetic groaning*”
”I would say ‘I told you so,’ but I think that would be a bit superfluous at this point.”
”You can say ‘I told you so’ as many times as you want if you only use your sorcery to make me feel better.”
”My dear brother, there is no magic to cure the effects of gluttony. Also, there is absolutely nothing you can do at the moment to prevent me from being exactly as smug as I please.”
Chapter 5: NYC: dance like nobody's going to step on you
Summary:
Jo and I went to an Eisley concert at the Bowery Ballroom, but the boys didn't really enjoy themselves.
Chapter Text
"I thought you said your precious hammer could fly us upstairs where we could actually SEE THE STAGE. Or, really, ANYTHING AT ALL but dirty Midgardian shoes."
"Well…Mjolnir seems to be a bit underpowered at the moment…"
Chapter 6: NYC: gluttony pt. 2 (pizza)
Chapter Text
"Shall I try to be the voice of reason again, or is that a lost cause?"
"I do what I want, Loki."
"That’s MY line."
Chapter 7: NYC: the truth is around here somewhere
Summary:
Jo has Mulder and Scully action figures. My next course of action was obvious. (Adding new character tags as it becomes relevant, but not new non-MCU fandom tags, because that could get kind of ridiculous.)
Chapter Text
"Agents."
"…demigods."
(NOBODY is happy with this situation. But especially Thor and Loki, who are not supposed to be SHORT.)
Chapter 8: NYC: mistakes were made
Chapter Text
"For heaven’s sake, Thor…"
"I’M A GOD. I CAN’T GET ZHRUNK ON MIDGRAD … MIDDARD … WINE. FROM HERE."
"Well, clearly you can when you drink multiple bottles that are easily thrice your size, which you might have considered before you tried to do so."
"Y’r not my dad."
"No, thank the Norns."
Chapter 9: NYC: riding the rails
Chapter Text
"Are you certain we’re allowed up here, brother? It does not seem overly safe."
"I do what I want."
"…that doesn’t exactly answer my question."
"If you favor grace and balance over brute strength, then yes, it’s perfectly safe. But your skull seems to be singularly indestructible, so I wouldn’t worry."
Chapter 10: NYC: real vampires don't sparkle
Summary:
Jo and I watched Only Lovers Left Alive during my visit because it wasn't coming to any theater near me. The boys came with, naturally.
Chapter Text
"Odd. He looks rather like you, wouldn’t you say?"
"I see very little resemblance. He has terrible hair."
"…there is no good way for me to respond to that, is there?"
Chapter 11: NYC: say goodbye, kids
Chapter Text
"Well, brother, did you like this new city of York?"
"It was tolerable. Even mildly intriguing at points, I suppose."
"It tends to be that way when you’re not actively trying to destroy it."
"That was one time."
Chapter 12: NYC: space Vikings get jet lag too
Chapter 13: Easter: Hey peeps
Summary:
Easter is weird, lbr.
Chapter Text
"How anyone can claim to comprehend Midgardian customs is utterly beyond me. I fail to see why you bother trying."
"I confess many of them confuse me as well—"
"There's a shock."
"…but the beverage they call ‘coffee’ is quite good. Even you might like it."
"I highly doubt that."
Chapter 14: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, action figure
Chapter Text
"Why. The Hel. Is he suddenly TALLER THAN WE ARE?"
"Wow, Rudolph, got your panties in a bunch or what? I’d almost think you were insecure without the height and the giant horns. And the scepter. And the army."
"I am still fully capable of hurting you—"
"Brother…"
"Whose side are you on?"
"…awkward. I mean, judging by past events—"
"You are not helping, friend Stark."
Chapter 15: Gluttony pt. 3 (Mongolian BBQ)
Chapter 16: That is not dead which can eternal lie, or be immortalized in cute plushie form
Chapter Text
"So, you claim to be one of the Midgardians’ old gods? I find myself unimpressed."
"Thor, this is not one of your better ideas."
Chapter 17: Meet the family pt. 2
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Do you like this creature any better, brother?"
"Blue eyes, no discernible intelligence…I think not."
"…you are not as witty as you think you are."
#it's apparently impossible to get a representative picture of my cat #normally his pupils are big and he looks as dumb as he is
Notes:
(My cat is really dumb. Cute and sweet, but seriously, there is nothing in his head. His eyes are also a brighter blue in reality than they look here.)
Chapter 18: Friends of friends
Chapter Text
(FEATURING: Lyviel's evil cat!)
“Ah, here is a beast that might actually reward my interest.”
"I am not sure it is inclined to be friendly, Loki."
"Yes, quite. In fact this creature seems to possess a rather intriguing capacity for chaos and caprice, which is precisely why it is interesting."
"You have always had a strange definition of ‘interesting.’"
Chapter 19: The Enrichment Center reminds you that Android Hell is a real place
Summary:
Now you're thinking with portals!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"I don’t hate you…"
"Well, that makes a refreshing change. Pity you seem only marginally sentient."
"I’m different."
"I rather doubt that."
"Oi, mate, you mind putting me down? Not feeling totally, one hundred percent secure with your grip there. Or maybe hand me back to the big orange-and-white one, I would really appreciate that, cheers."
"…Loki, why is this strange ball speaking? And why does it speak so MUCH?"
"Oh that’s nice, ‘strange ball,’ I have a name too, you know! How’d you like it if I picked you up and started calling you a…weirdo cape person? Not so fun now, is it, when the boot’s on the other foot?"
"So that’s what it does…"
#pls forgive the terrible photoshopping #I have very little Photoshop experience and it shows
Notes:
A thing I really, really want: an MCU/Portal crossover fic where Loki faces off against GLaDOS. I mean really, can you imagine how glorious the snark would be? (...no. I don't want one where Loki teams up with GLaDOS. That sort of thing is not my jam, which would be immediately obvious if I'd actually finished and posted any of my Loki WIPs already, which I have not.)
Chapter 20: Then again, I have no idea how big bilgesnipes are
Chapter Text
"I could have killed those."
"No, Thor, you couldn’t have."
"This beast, then."
"Highly unlikely."
Chapter 21: Gluttony pt. 4 (tea and honey)
Notes:
Taken at the Scottish Highland Games tea tent, which is not actually relevant but is maybe a little interesting.
Chapter Text
"Thor, if you try to eat all that honey, I will not be responsible for anything that happens next."
"Well, if you try to drink all that tea, I’ll not be either."
Chapter 22: Gluttony pt. 5 (ice cream)
Chapter Text
"Surely, brother, you do not think to eat that, after all the times you have told me—"
"This is different. It’s a frozen treat they call ‘ice cream.’"
"And…?"
"And I’m a Frost Giant, Thor, must I really spell it out for you?"
"You can eat vast amounts of ‘ice cream’ because you are Jotun?"
"If I must be a monster, at least that should be good for something."
Chapter 23: How to train your Norse bros
Chapter Text
"When you asked if I wanted to meet a dragon, Thor, I confess this was not what I had in mind."
"He is very friendly and appealing, though."
"Yes, because those are the most important qualities one looks for when searching for a dragon."
Chapter 24: Loki knows all about tangled webs anyway
Chapter Text
"Now here is a beast that might actually be worth my time."
"…you must be joking. It’s barely as big as you are, and look what it’s guarding."
"Those are called ‘books,’ Thor. I realize you’ve probably never opened one, but surely you must know what they look like."
"You are still not funny."
Chapter 25: Valentine's Day: might also be some jealousy involved
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Are the trappings of literally every human holiday so garish?"
"I think it’s all rather cheerful, really—"
"Yes, I am sure you do."
"—but I suppose you would be well acquainted with garishness, given that your helmet sports giant horns."
"…that's completely different."
Notes:
Except for the mug, this stuff isn't actually that bad. If I'd been more on top of things and remembered to take a picture before the actual day when nearly everything was sold out, I probably could've found something much worse. Ah well.
Chapter 26: Not much like Kevin Bacon at all really
Summary:
Came across a really nice Gamora action figure at Target and had to buy her. Of course, since she's a 6" figure, she's almost twice as tall as Thor and Loki.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Well, aren’t you boys cute."
“OH, COME ON!”
"...sister?"
"…something is definitely wrong here."
Notes:
I already had the Amy Pond and Uhura figures, so those setups presented themselves immediately. When I posted the Amy/Nebula one on Facebook, a friend commented, "It's...not entirely impossible that some really bad things might have happened to Amy after 'The Angels Take Manhattan,' culminating in being reduced to a brainwashed cyborg assassin." And then I was sad.
Chapter 27: D&D, or maybe Bifrosts & Bilgesnipes
Summary:
Sometimes I play D&D and the boys join me.
Chapter Text
"So…the monsters we are meant to battle are…completely imaginary."
“Apparently so.”
“…then what is the point?”
“Well, Thor, I realize this may be a difficult concept for you to grasp, but some people actually find value in exercises of strategy and intelligence.”
Chapter 28: A tiny BAMF is still a BAMF
Summary:
Another new addition.
Chapter Text
A new friend showed up to see the boys :D (well, Thor’s happy to see her; it’s honestly hard to tell with Loki)
"Size is no measure of a warrior’s skill and ferocity. I am honored to meet you, Lady Sif."
"And I you."
Chapter 29: Gluttony pt. 6 (caramel)
Chapter Text
"Thor, honestly, you’re worse than Volstagg sometimes."
“And I say you are simply jealous that you are too fastidious to join me. This ‘caramel’ is sticky but delicious.”
Chapter 30: Halloween: fire burn and bobbleheads bobble
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"No, Thor, this is not an appropriate cauldron for anything."
"It is an ideal size for your use—"
"Yes, and it has holes carved in it to shape a face, because it is a childish attempt by Midgardians to celebrate something they do not understand. Perhaps the equally childish other Loki will find a use for it."
"What other…oh."
"You did not notice?"
"To be fair, Loki, it is not so unusual to see more than one copy of you in the same place."
Notes:
Isn't Bobblehead Loki just THE CUTEST THING
Chapter 31: Ain't enough room on this desk for the three of us
Summary:
Another new arrival.
Notes:
This is actually a really nice, detailed action figure...and he's expensive because for some reason, this line of 6" Avengers figures was a Walmart exclusive, and then nobody made a Loki of a similar size for Thor: The Dark World (Thor, yes, but I can't get him to match Loki, because that Thor is 7"). But I had to have him anyway.
Chapter 32: Like a black widow, baby
Summary:
And another new arrival!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
At some point Bigger But Still Pretty Tiny Thor will have to join the crew, but until then I think Gamora and her new best friend will have no problem keeping Bigger But Still Pretty Tiny Loki in line.
Notes:
Real talk: the biggest thing I'm looking forward to with Avengers: Age of Ultron is the pretty high chance that a new 6" Thor will be released in the Marvel Legends line, and then I'll be able to pick up a Thor to match these three without dropping, like, $60 on a pointlessly limited-edition Walmart action figure.
Chapter 33: The resemblance is uncanny
Chapter Text
"Oh ho look at me, I’m Loki, I look like a goat and I want to make everyone kneeeeeel"
"You look ridiculous, you’re not funny or clever, and that’s not even mine."
Chapter 34: Unpleasant discoveries during post-credits scenes
Summary:
Loki watched Cap 2. This wasn't the best idea.
Chapter 35: D&D pt. 2
Chapter Text
I’m playing a D&D campaign with friends and I’m literally roleplaying as teenage (or local equivalent) Loki. He’s not very impressed by the figure I’m having to use to represent him.
Chapter 36: Babies taste best
Summary:
Other things the boys shouldn't have watched: Snowpiercer.
Chapter Text
"You keep the oddest company, brother. Did you know the good Captain once resorted to cannibalism?"
“I…did not know that, no.”
Chapter 37: Hot chicks with superpowers
Summary:
I have a bunch of action figures, actually, and I've had most of these for a while. With the addition of Chell, Gamora, Natasha, and Sif, I figured all my awesome ladies really needed to hang out.
Chapter Text
"I hereby call this meeting of Hot Chicks With Superpowers to order."
"I…don’t think most of us HAVE superpowers…"
"The non-Earthlings are at least as superpowered as I am, but okay, fair, maybe Hot Chicks Who Kick Ass—Sif, you got a question?"
"Why are you referring to us as young birds?"
"…okay, first order of business: crash course in modern pop culture and slang."
Chapter 38: Ethics in using multiple versions of yourself to cheat at games
Summary:
Yes, I'm overly pleased with myself for this chapter title; why do you ask?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"That’s cheating, brother!"
"…you say that as if you’re surprised. Honestly, Thor, have you ever known me not to cheat?"
Notes:
1. Super secret behind-the-scenes info: the PS3 wasn't even on for this picture. I was playing a game on the big screen, but I was actually playing Star Wars: The Old Republic through a PC hooked up to the TV.
2. This is a good example of why this bigger Loki figure is so nice--check out the detail in the design on the back of his coat. It's covered by a removable cloak, too, so you can't even necessarily see it all the time.
Chapter 39: Thanksgiving: a nice serving of Norse bro feels
Chapter Text
"I am thankful for YOU, brother!"
"Get off me, you sentimental oaf, you’re drunk."
"No ‘m not. I love you."
"Oh, you are very drunk. Let’s get you to bed before you embarrass yourself further."
"I love you, brother!"
"Yes, well…given that you are highly unlikely to remember this in the morning, I suppose I don’t actually hate you that terribly either."
Chapter 40: Gluttony pt. 7 (various desserts)
Chapter 41: Christmas: Loki might like (parts of) Festivus better
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"We should get one of these! It’s quite festive, isn’t it?"
"Hm. I was thinking ‘impressively garish.’"
"You think everything the mortals make is garish."
"Am I wrong?"
"…that is not the point!"
"I will take that as your agreement, then."
Notes:
Yes, that's my face in the reflection; I didn't realize it was showing up until I was posting the picture.
Chapter 42: Christmas: somebody's not very merry
Chapter Text
"Someone is going to burn for this."
"Oh come on, Rudolph, would it kill you to get into the Christmas spirit a little bit?"
"No, but it might kill you, Stark."
"…point taken."
Chapter 43: Christmas: potentially dangerous gift exchanges
Notes:
Came across an Aveline de Grandpré action figure at Target and even though at that point I didn't even own her game (I do now, but I haven't played it yet...just like, uh, nearly all the other games in my Steam library), I just had to bring her home with me because she looks so badass and I wouldn't mind putting my money toward the one major female assassin in this dumb franchise.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ain’t no Christmas party like an assassin Christmas party ‘cause at an assassin Christmas party all the presents are weapons
Results of the assassin gift exchange: Natasha gets some guns that aren’t part of their holsters, Gamora gets a sword that doesn’t immediately fall out of her hand like the one that came with her (and a gun), and Aveline gets to try a modern handgun (and a sword).
"Thank you for the gift, brother!"
"Thor, I’d advise care in opening that, in case a certain silver-tongued snake has gifted you with an actual snake. Loki, if my gift is also a snake, I will hurt you."
"Why Sif, how suspicious you are. Neither gift is a snake."
"Is each package full of multiple snakes?"
"Surely you wouldn’t expect me to tell you. Thor, this had better not be another of your hunting trophies."
Notes:
A few years ago a former professor was moving and he gave me several tubs of Star Wars action figures, which of course included a whole bunch of weapons. Naturally, I raided this stash for my kids.
Chapter 44: Christmas: it does kind of look like a toilet brush or something
Chapter Text
"Perhaps next year we could get one of these."
"Thor, it’s barely taller than you are. That’s pathetic."
Chapter 45: Christmas: mistakes were made
Notes:
This image was created with a great little app called Pic Stitch--well, first I edited the photos with Snapseed (also a great free app) and then I used Pic Stitch to put them together like this.
Chapter Text
"That went well."
"Yes, all right, if you’re quite finished saying ‘I told you this was a bad idea,’ would you give me a hand up?"
"I said nothing of the kind."
"Well, you’re thinking it hard enough that I can practically hear it."
#latergram (but not in a way that matters because we actually haven’t taken our tree down yet, oops)
Chapter 46: Florida: everybody loves Starbucks
Summary:
Shortly after Christmas, I went to Florida to visit my cousin. Obviously the boys came with on that trip too. (Sadly, at some point on this trip, Loki lost his one remaining knife. Sorry, bb.)
Chapter Text
"With these additions, I suppose this particular mortal beverage is…acceptable."
"I knew you would find something to enjoy in the Midgardians’ holiday season, brother! Though I confess this ‘pumpkin spice’ is overly sweet for my tastes."
"Yes, I suppose you would like your coffee as simple as you like everything else."
#Loki's practically a hipster anyway #of course he likes pumpkin spice lattes
Chapter 47: Take Your Action Figure To Work Day
Notes:
I only learned this was a thing after I'd already gotten to work, so my boys weren't with me and I couldn't do anything with them (although at least a couple of the chapters I've already posted were taken at work). I ended up taking a picture of my office buddies who always stay there with me, and then when I got home I took another one, which means technically the Loki one wasn't taken at work. But I have done actual work on my home computer, including editing a lot like what I do in my job, so...close enough.
Chapter Text
WE’RE HELPING
"Wrong. Wrong. Egregiously wrong. Norns, how do humans accomplish anything?"
Chapter 48: Florida: traveling inside a backpack probably isn't fun either
Chapter Text
"I am beginning to understand why Stark is so proud of having his own form of conveyance, if the normal ways mortals travel are all so tiresome."
"Well, at least they do not rely only on horses anymore, although I admit I would be pleased to see them develop something a bit more akin to the Bifrost."
Chapter 49: Florida: auld lang syne
Chapter 50: Florida: the deep blue sea, or something
Summary:
Despite the original posting dates, these were all taken on the same day. I had to entertain myself somehow when I was waiting for my cousin and dad to rent their gear at the dive shop and then go an actual shore dive, after all.
Notes:
At some point, taking these stupid pictures in public places is going to get me some uncomfortable questions instead of just weird looks. "No, uh, I'm not actually using this picnic table. I mean I was but...never mind. I'm done. I'll just go now."
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Look, brother, does this remind you of anything? Perhaps someone has recreated your room."
"…you are not funny."
"Thor, it’s clearly not going to work."
"SURRENDER IS NOT IN MY NATURE."
"And that’s wonderful for you, but even you should know a lost cause when you see one. None of this gear is ever going to fit."
"No, Thor, that’s completely useless, if anything I need another shell rather than more seaweed. You didn’t pay any attention to a single one of my spells during our entire millennium together, did you?"
"Well…"
"No. You did not. I wonder that you are so confident I can find a way to let us breathe underwater."
Notes:
The thing in the first picture is an underwater camera housing, in case anyone's wondering. Also a reference to Loki's cell on the helicarrier in The Avengers, but hopefully that was obvious.
Chapter 51: Florida: gluttony pt. 8 (seaweed. No, really)
Chapter 52: Florida: I was outside Universal's Jurassic Park Discovery Center, okay
Chapter Text
"Let us see what fearsome beasts await in this ‘jurassic’ jungle, brother!"
"Birds, possibly. I understand the real dinosaurs are already extinct, but the mortals like to pretend, for some reason."
"Well, that’s disappointing."
Chapter 53: Florida: the Marvel gift shop at Universal Studios is full of wonders
Notes:
Yep, that's a mug of Thor's face. They also had Captain America, the Hulk, and I think a few others I can't remember now, but Thor was probably the best/worst.
Chapter Text
"That is easily the tackiest thing I have ever beheld."
"You would not say so if one were available in the image of your face."
"That would show marginally better taste on the part of the humans, but it would still be tacky."
"Now there is an accurate representation. Perhaps the mortals have a touch more sense than I estimated."
"…well, it doesn’t have a beard."
"Mm, no, and neither did you when you were younger and you climbed everything in the palace like a monkey. So, very accurate."
Chapter 54: Florida: getting sick on vacation is THE WORST
Notes:
I got sick the last few days of my trip and had to walk a mile to Walgreens in the heat to get cold medicine, which probably involved a good ten minutes in the cold-medicine aisle just staring at all the options wondering what I wanted to use. Obviously, somebody needed to suffer with me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Loki caught the same bug I did and he’s not happy about it, in part because now he can’t stop Thor from hovering.
Notes:
Only just now occurs to me that I should've given somebody a little scrap of Kleenex to hold. Look, I was sick and I wasn't thinking very clearly to begin with; I think I was doing well for making the Kleenex bed.
Chapter 55: Truth, justice, and American pie, or something
Chapter Text
(In case anyone doubts my commitment to Sparkle Motion this series of stupid photos, I took this today when it was like 5° F.)
"Where are you going with that?"
"Surely you noticed the recent snowfall."
"Yes, and…?"
"And I am going sledding."
"On Captain America’s shield."
"Yes. Please don’t try to make me believe you’re actually surprised."
"Well, no, not really."
Chapter 56: The truth is probably not anywhere nearby
Chapter Text
"This is what mortals imagine when they think of beings from other worlds? Heavens. I can scarcely believe they’ve managed to stay unsubjugated for so long."
"Yes, well…their ideas to tend to be rather strange on some points."
Chapter 57: Yes, this is an actual thing I actually bought
Summary:
Yes. There is a horrible Loki mug. I was making a ThinkGeek order anyway and I decided I needed it.
Notes:
When I took that picture of the Thor mug at Universal Studios, I really didn't know one of Loki's face existed--they had a few others, Captain America, Spider-Man, Deadpool, maybe Iron Man, and I thought they were all pretty hilarious, but it didn't occur to me that there might be others. And then I was making a ThinkGeek order and my friend asked if I'd seen this abomination. I hadn't. It was awful and terrible and I knew I had to have it. It's even worse in person and I'm in love with it. It's currently sitting on my desk and I snicker every time I look at it.
Chapter Text
"…I have no words."
"Well, yes, it is rather … unsubtle."
"And incredibly GARISH AND TACKY."
"I did say a mug like this in the image of my face would be just as tacky as the one of you."
"At least you admit it."
"Mmhm. I still want one."
Chapter 58: very thunder. much worthy. wow.
Summary:
DID YOU KNOW you can actually buy a 3D-printed little Thorgi figure? Because you totally can.
Notes:
Yes, I realize the classic doge is not a Corgi. Just go with it, okay?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"…what is THAT."
"Now, brother, is that any way to greet such a noble beast? Come say hello."
"That is a dog wearing your armor. Why is a dog wearing your armor?"
"Why not? Certainly he seems worthy enough. Isn’t that right? Are you not the worthiest pup in the Nine Realms? Yes you are!"
"This is revolting."
"Aww, I think he likes you."
Notes:
Until today I think I'd only seen the original Thorgi photo and maybe one other. Turns out there is a WHOLE BUNCH of adorable Thorgi fanart and at least a couple different t-shirts. Seriously, image search "Thorgi," you won't be disappointed.
Chapter 59: HURR DURR IT'S THURR
Notes:
At some point these stupid pictures are going to get me accused of shoplifting. "No, look, I wasn't putting your merchandise back in my purse, it was my own action figures...that I brought out because I was taking pictures of them with your merchandise...and then I post them online, see, here's the link, I promise I'm a harmless weirdo, not a thief!"
Chapter Text
"I genuinely cannot tell whether that’s supposed to be a mouth or a mustache. Not a terribly attractive look for you either way, brother."
"It looks like something you would draw on my face while I slept."
"Well, yes, it does, and yet … it isn’t. Rather makes one wonder what others see when they look at you, doesn’t it?"
Chapter 60: St. Patrick's Day: Gluttony pt. 9 (cupcakes); or, Don't Pinch Loki, Seriously, It's Not Worth It
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"You cannot tell me this confection is too large."
"Mmf. It is almost a marginally appropriate size and that’s as far as I am willing to go. Also, thank you very much for managing to shove it into my face."
"Er…at least now you are sporting a bit of green that will, if I understand the custom aright, ward off pinching?"
"One, that makes even less sense than other Migardian practices, and two, I am already wearing green, you dolt."
Notes:
For what it's worth, I did not actually mean to shove Loki's face into the frosting, and it took me a second to realize I had, but at that point...well, hey, let's roll with it. (I can't say for sure whether Thor did it deliberately, although I'm pretty sure it was an accident on his part too.)
Chapter 61: Bigger Loki isn't going to be too happy with Thor either
Chapter Text
"Yes of course it looks ridiculous, Thor, this helmet isn’t even mine, and I cannot imagine why you think yourself clever for sticking it on me. Sif, whatever you’re thinking, I have no desire to hear it."
"Really? I was only going to say it suits you."
"…AS I SAID."
Chapter 62: Throwback Thorsday
Chapter Text
“What is that hideous—wait, is that supposed to be me?”
"It would seem so, yes. His horns and colors are rather similar—"
"I do not look like that, I would not dress like that, and if you have any opinions to the contrary, you will keep them to yourself."
#I have less than zero interest in Old Ugly Comics Loki tbh
Chapter 63: Poor East Coast keeps getting hammered in the not-fun way
Summary:
see what I did there
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Oh, well done, brother, I’m sure the mortals are deeply impressed by the results of your latest temper tantrum."
"And I think that once again you are simply jealous, this time that they admire me enough to name a fierce storm in my honor."
"Ah, no. No, I am not. Have you noticed how the humans have responded to this storm? Enough people curse my name already."
Notes:
And we've finally reached the end of my backlog! Aside from a few pictures I wanted to post on the relevant dates, all the preceding chapters have been reposts of photos I already posted elsewhere over the course of an entire year, and I was pretty much putting up one chapter every day because I had so many to get through. Now I'll only be adding pictures when I actually take and post new ones, so the posting frequency is going way down. Tiny Loki and Thor (and friends) will keep having adventures, though, so if you've enjoyed any of the previous pictures, please subscribe! Also, ideas and suggestions are more than welcome, although I can't promise they'll end up being used.
Chapter 64: zoom zoom
Summary:
I keep coming across fun things when I'm shopping. (Also, I still haven't been accused of shoplifting in the course of taking these pictures, which is nice.)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Really, brother, one might almost think you and your friends have forgotten which franchise you belong to."
"Which…?"
"The vehicles that turn into giant metal monsters? Surely you pay some attention to the realm you claim to love."
"Well, I wouldn’t put it past Stark to make something like this a reality."
"Brother—come, look what I found—"
"What are you—oh, for heaven’s sake, I told you that isn’t me! STOP LAUGHING."
"I would not dream of laughing at such a … distinguished … what is that anyway, a helmet tail?"
"Well, yours is just as bad."
"I am sorry, brother, but no, it really is not."
Notes:
I don't really care about Hot Wheels and I don't care about Old Ugly Comics Loki, but I might end up going back for the Loki car and one of the Thor cars, because they're hilarious.
Chapter 65: Seeing double
Chapter Text
"Your horns are the wrong color."
"Oh? At least I have them. And a cape. And I am taller than you are. Thor, you do realize we can hear you when you sigh so loudly, yes?"
"I am not sure what other reaction you expect from me. I believe I’ve had nightmares that started rather like this."
(Uh, guess who I happened to find at the thrift store)
Chapter 66: Easter: an eggstraordinary eggstravaganza
Summary:
...I'm really sorry about that title but like, what else was I supposed to do
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"…something is very, very wrong with this egg."
"As I keep trying to tell you, Midgardians turn everything they touch into abominations, or at the very least objects of ridicule."
"Oh, actually, I believe the outer shell is made of chocolate. You like that Midgardian creation, do you not?"
"…shut up."
"Are these…dragon eggs?"
"On Midgard? I sincerely doubt it."
"Please, please do not tell me you also find this bizarre creation ‘festive.’"
"Ah…no, that seems…rather unnatural."
Notes:
Hat tip to Yornma for the Cadbury egg suggestion!
Chapter 67: LOKI'D!
Summary:
Happy April Fool's Day!
Notes:
Meant to put this up earlier today. It's still April 1 in my time zone, though, so...close enough.
Chapter Text
"Good news, brother: I’ve found a Midgardian holiday I actually like."
"I am glad to hear it! Which one?"
"Today, of course. At least celebrating tricksters shows that humans have some taste, although a single day all year balanced against a day for you every week still does not indicate a great deal of sense."
"…I see. Is that why Mjolnir looks like this today?"
"I am quite sure I don’t know what you mean."
Chapter 68: An abundance of Thors
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"You are not bringing him home with you."
"I’m inclined to agree, actually. He looks…rather unfriendly."
"Also his biceps are bigger than even your head, let alone mine."
"Well, yes, there is that."
#whyyyyy is this the only 6-inch Thor that's readily available and not unreasonably expensive #why was the Avengers figure a Walmart exclusive that is now expensive (yes the 6-inch Loki was expensive for the same reason but I needed him okay) #why is the Age of Ultron figure only available as part of an Amazon-exclusive 5-pack that still isn't out #whyyyy #we've got nice 6-inch figures for all the main GotG people #pretty sure at least two readily available versions of Captain America #but not Thor #also since I'm whining about action figures #whyyyy didn't I buy the Play Arts FemShep when she was new and like $60 #now she's more like $200 :( #(BroShep is of course still a reasonable price)
(03.31.15)
"That is not even remotely a fair fight. Whatever happened to Asgardian honor?"
"I agree. I believe I’ll go recruit at least one other Thor."
"Oh, well, I am glad you’ve at least decided to be open about your bullying."
"I was only joking! And anyway, you both can use magic."
"That is only a reasonable advantage if all of you must share a single version of Mjolnir."
#Giant Thor has almost no joints so honestly I don't think Loki has much to worry about
(04.02.15)
"Oh, I like this size. Thor, if you are determined to bring in another duplicate of yourself, you may have this one."
"Now who is being unfair?"
"Not the God of Mischief, surely."
(04.03.15)
Notes:
Still haven't been accused of shoplifting or gotten any otherwise uncomfortable questions! However, uh, Giant Thor kind of fell on my head when I was putting him back and I yelped "dammit!" in front of a small child, so...not exactly my finest moment.
Chapter 69: Easter: gluttony pt. 10 (chocolate bunnies and jelly beans)
Chapter Text
"That is unnatural. Truly, I have visited many realms and I have never met one with odder traditions than Midgard."
"Hmm, it appears these beasts are made of chocolate as well. Does that improve your opinion any?"
"…the chocolate is probably of low quality."
"Of course, brother."
(04.04.15)
"Look, brother, some of these strange eggs are even in your color!"
"Yes, and I believe all of them are solid sugar, so—you know what, never mind, go right ahead. If you want to gorge yourself on bizarre Midgardian concoctions, be my guest."
"We’ll find you some good chocolate as well."
"SHUT UP."
(04.05.15)
Chapter 70: National (crying about tragic space) Siblings Day
Notes:
Not that I restrict my crying about tragic space siblings to National Siblings Day, but. You know. Also, I had no idea National Siblings Day was a thing until I saw people talking about it on Twitter, and then of course I had to do something for it.
Chapter Text
“Apparently Midgardians celebrate siblings today for some inexplicable reason, so I thought I’d find some chocolate to mark the occasion.”
“I see only the wrappings.”
“I didn’t say any of it was for you.”
“…”
“Oh, Norns, don’t give me the sad-puppy look, there’s plenty more where that came from.”
(04.10.15)
Chapter 71: More new arrivals
Chapter Text
I now have two full sets of tragic space siblings! Well, adorable bobblehead versions, anyway. I need a 6-inch Thor for my 6-inch Loki, and if a 6-inch Nebula for my 6-inch Gamora isn't released, I might actually try making one.
(04.08.15)
“So you’re an intergalactic bounty hunter? I think I’ve heard of you, actually.”
(04.09.15)
I stuck Samus in a mug temporarily and then noticed she was positioned like she was clawing her way back out
(04.09.15)
Came across a cheap rhino toy at Target and thought “ha ha, I should take a picture of my Lokis with this in honor of coneycat‘s great Housemates series,” and then “ha ha maybe I should actually buy it, it’s only a dollar” and then “…yeah why the hell not, actually”. Because Coneycat’s Housemates series is super great and her Loki is important to me. (My Lokis, however, are all very confused.)
(04.11.15)
So I picked up yet another tiny Loki, right, and this one actually has a scepter and removable helmet, which is kind of fun, except in practice the helmet looks kind of dorky because this was a pretty cheap figure. BUT I’ve discovered that the helmet still fits if I put it on him BACKWARD, and now he looks REALLY SUPER dorky, and I am more amused by this than is logical.
#technically I'm pretty sure this is from the cartoon #but that Loki and therefore this Loki are pretty clearly modeled off MCU Loki #so it's close enough #at least I'm pretty sure? #I think this costume came first from the MCU and then was incorporated into the cartoon? #actually now I don't know #but whatever
(04.11.15)
Chapter 72: In which Thor cheats by being Thor
Notes:
I think I did this for National Arm Wrestling Day because I really doubt I thought of this on my own, but now I can find nothing to indicate that such a day exists. So... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Chapter Text
“Ha! Beat you again!”
“You say that as if there was any doubt of the outcome. This ‘arm wrestling’ is even more asinine than most Midgardian social rituals.”
“You would not say so if you managed to win.”
“No, because then I would be defending myself against accusations of cheating.”
“…which would be true.”
“That is hardly the point. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could argue that you are the dishonorable one for proposing a competition that relies purely on brute strength.”
#I mean Loki has a point #although according to the internet it's about technique and not just brute strength #but I didn't know that until five minutes ago so Loki didn't either
(04.16.15)
Chapter 73: The mighty Thor, slayer of trolls, giants, and...plants
Chapter Text
“Refresh my memory, Thor: what is the one thing I asked you to do while I was away?”
“…not let your plant die?”
“Yes. Quite. Does this plant look alive to you--after, I might add, only two days?”
“Well, it still has one green leaf…”
“Thank you. That’s astoundingly useful for the many potion recipes that require fresh plants.”
(04.18.15)
Chapter 74: Technically I could call this Iron Ballz
Summary:
You know, because it's a Beanie Ballz Iron Man? Iron Ballz? Yeah, I'm sorry too.
Notes:
I've seen a bunch of Beanie Ballz animals, but I think the only superhero I've seen is Iron Man. I really don't know what to think of that.
Chapter Text
“…I have no words.”
“On your unkindest day, I think even you would not make Stark look like that.”
“Oh, for Stark I might make an exception—actually no, that’s absurd even for me.”
(04.19.15)
Chapter 75: Happy...Midgard Day?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Midgard actually has a day to celebrate their pathetic excuse for a realm?”
“If I understand it correctly, I think the humans use it to remind themselves to take better care of their planet. Dr. Banner in particular seems quite dedicated.”
“They need a special day to remind themselves not to destroy their own home? That is even worse. You know, I could have protected the humans from their own foolishness--”
“Yes, yes, we know.”
“Well, I could hardly have been worse than what they have now.”
(04.22.15)
Notes:
Yes, this is a reference to Mark Ruffalo's work campaigning against fracking, because apparently he's actually Bruce Banner.
Chapter 76: We're gonna need a bigger hammer
Summary:
Just a warning up front: there is a LARGE INSECT in this picture, so if that's a thing that bothers you, well...now you know.
Notes:
Again, content warning for insects. Fairly large ones. I honestly don't think the picture's that bad, but I definitely did get the willies trying (and, repeatedly, failing) to get this shot.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“This doesn’t seem like the wisest idea, Thor.”
“Oh come, they’re only insects. Surely you’re not afraid of insects?”
“Insects fully as long as I am tall do tend to give me pause, yes.”
“I believe they subsist solely on plants, so I am not terribly–-I CHANGED MY MIND, GET ME OUT”
“Oh well done, now you’ve lured it to me too. I think you’re on your own this time.”
(04.24.15)
Notes:
I don't even remember where she got them, but my mom has stick bugs for her preschool class, so I figured...I had to do something like this. IT WAS A LOT HARDER TO SET UP THAN IT LOOKS. I mean, the first picture was easy, the second one was REALLY NOT because getting Thor to balance was tricky in the first place and then I had to pick up a giant bug and that made me really twitchy to begin with (plus I was trying not to hurt them, so when they latched on to sticks to keep from being picked up, it was hard to dislodge them carefully), and then the giant bug would unbalance Thor and they'd both fall. I uh, finally had to get my mom's help because for some reason these GIANT BUGS don't give her the willies, and then of course the bug grabbed on to Loki too, which wasn't the plan, but at that point yeah I was not going to keep trying.
Chapter 77: Return of a not-so-great Old One
Chapter Text
“…I think I preferred the soft, cuddly-looking version.”
“Yes, I’m sure you would.”
“You disagree?”
“Thor, I always disagree with you. But no, actually, despite being smaller, this one is…rather more intimidating.”
(Guess what I found in the thrift store's toy section! WHY WOULD YOU PUT CTHULHU IN THE TOY SECTION. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S A REMOTELY GOOD IDEA. DO YOU REALLY WANT SOME LITTLE KID INNOCENTLY TAKING CTHULHU HOME?)
(04.26.15)
Chapter 78: National Superhero Day
Notes:
Apparently I'm continuing my tradition of not hearing about relevant days until the last minute and then scrambling to come up with something. It's cool though, for once I already had a picture that worked.
Chapter Text
"That is not the best look for you, brother."
“At least the common people admire me enough to celebrate me and my deeds. Can you say the same?”
“Yes, actually, and I haven’t even had to declare a special day to do so. One might almost suspect that you and your fellow superheroes feel a bit insecure in your status, if you must regularly remind Midgard that you exist."
(04.28.15)
Chapter 79: Spring is in the air, after all
Summary:
A friend on Facebook wanted a love interest for tiny Loki, I already had a tiny Sif, I don’t hardcore ship Loki with anybody (except the literal brotp of Thor & Loki gen) but I have a definite fondness for Sif/Loki as a pairing: clearly, it was meant to be.
Chapter Text
“Midgardians are ridiculous. Can you imagine someone actually using a sauce packet to gauge interest in the possibility of paying court?”
“No, but responding in a similar fashion could be amusing.”
“…and what answer would you give, if I offered you this one in that context?”
“Truthfully? I might be inclined to go with this.”
“Hmm.”
“I deeply hope, however, that you didn’t get the idea to ask in the first place from one of these packets.”
#you can't really tell but one of the packets in the top picture says 'go ahead...ask her' #which Sif has definitely noticed
(04.30.15)
Chapter 80: Avengerception
Chapter Text
“Oh…my.”
“Whatever you are thinking, I do not want to hear it.”
“Cheer up, brother, at least your compatriots look no more intimidating than you do. Mind you, I would not especially want to tangle with that Hulk either, but I suspect the most powerful weapon at its disposal would be bad breath.”
#ridiculous marvel merch: the gift that just keeps on giving
(05.03.15)
Chapter 81: May the Force be with you (and also with you)
Summary:
A few years ago a professor was getting rid of a pretty massive collection of Star Wars action figures and thought I might want them. Yes, of course I did--mostly because I still have plans of customizing several of them, but still. Having a bunch of random Star Wars action figures came in handy for Star Wars Day!
Notes:
You would not believe how long this took to set up. Like, a lot longer than it looks. Also, I'm kind of laughing at myself now because pretty much all the recognizable characters ended up out of frame.
Chapter Text
“Did we miss an announcement about some sort of gathering?”
“I’ve no idea, but I might have to appropriate one of these marvelous weapons.”
“I wonder if they would allow me to test this vehicle.”
“Knowing the way you fly anything larger than your precious hammer? I sincerely hope not.”
#Star Wars Day
(05.04.15)
Chapter 82: WHERE IS MY BLACK WIDOW MOVIE
Summary:
There's something rotten in the state of the MCU. Carol Danvers has opinions about it.
Notes:
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled we're going to get a Captain Marvel movie. (I'll be even more thrilled if Katee Sackhoff is actually cast, because come on.) It's just, you know, COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS that it's still like two years out and it'll be the very first MCU movie fronted by a female superhero, and also that we don't have a Black Widow movie.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Not that I'm not thrilled to get my own movie and blaze that particular path, but you don't have one and you've been in how many so far?"
"Four. All of them otherwise about boys. What about you, Gamora?"
"Team movie, but really it was all about Peter Quill and his mommy issues. At least it was only the one so far."
"That's ridiculous. Will it help if I beat somebody up? Because I can absolutely help do that."
(05.05.15)
Notes:
I bought Captain Marvel at Target because she looked awesome and I was pretty sure I'd like her. And then I actually read one of her books. I'm good at doing things in a reasonable order. Yep. (For what it's worth, she's the first Marvel Legends figure I've picked up who isn't from the movies, and she's...a lot less detailed? Except for the sash, her costume is literally just painted on instead of being molded, and whatever material they used for her face is weirdly shiny. Also, she only comes with two accessories for herself, one of which is a second head, and three pieces for the Odin/King Thor build-a-figure. So generally just kind of weird, honestly.)
Chapter 83: No, really, you shouldn't have
Chapter Text
“This is a dead weed.”
“If you wanted live flowers so badly, you should have been more precise.”
“I am never sure whether you are being deliberately obtuse or you simply lack the common sense possessed by the average bilgesnipe.”
“Well, if you don’t want that, I’ll happily take it back. I can always use more ingredients for poison.”
“…poison?”
“Mm. Works especially well for coating blades.”
“All right, now you have my interest.”
#lbr sif would be more interested in potential weapons than flowers #Loki's not being a jerk he just knows her
(05.06.15)
Chapter 84: Throwback Thorsday (...Lokaday?) again
Notes:
I'm just going to pretend I deliberately posted this for TBT rather than coincidentally happening to put up this particular picture on a Thursday.
Chapter Text
“SHUT UP.”
“I said nothing!”
“I CAN FEEL YOU SNICKERING AT ME.”
“Well, that is indeed an interesting new power.”
“SHUT. UP.”
#loki can dish it out but he can't take it #in fairness Old Loki looks a lot sillier and uglier than Old Thor does
(05.07.15)
Chapter 85: Squishy Man
Chapter Text
“There is only one word in my mind right now and that word is WHY. Also possibly HOW.”
“Truthfully, brother, I stopped trying to understand Stark a long time ago.”
(05.08.15)
Chapter 86: At least it's not a velociraptor
Chapter Text
“What is that and why is it on my cape?”
“Be nice. His nest was destroyed and he was out in the cold alone. I had to get him warmed up.”
“But why did you have to use my cape??”
“Well, it’s not as if you were using it at the moment. You can have it back, if you’re so bothered.”
“Yes, thank you–-”
“Of course, you may want to have it thoroughly cleaned before you try to use it again. He was a bit stressed to begin with.”
“Damn it, Loki.”
(05.09.15)
“Oh, get off there, you little nuisance.”
“I hope you realize that if that thing soils any of my belongings, I will hold you entirely to blame, and I am not as forgiving as your brother.”
“My lady, I would never dream of assuming otherwise.”
“Good. Now, have you named it yet?”
“…what?”
“It’s cute and you rescued it. You’re going to name it, yes?”
(05.09.15)
Chapter 87: Happy Allmother's Day
Chapter Text
“…”
“We should probably…”
“You do it. You’re her favorite, she’ll be less angry at you.”
“After everything that’s happened, I highly doubt it.”
“Well, she won’t shout at you.”
“Are you confusing her with Odin? She almost never shouts at either of us, just looks disappointed.”
“Yes, and that’s even worse!”
(I was going to be mean and leave it as ’…’ which could mean any number of things because whatever the hell I’m doing isn’t at one real specific place in the MCU timeline and fridged people aren’t fridged if I say, which means ’…’ could imply ‘WE WOULD BUT SHE’S DEAD’ or it could imply how I expanded on it. And then I decided I didn't want to imply that their mommy was dead, so.)
(05.10.15)
Chapter 88: Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder
Notes:
I think this is actually supposed to be some kind of weird little alien, but it looks like a D&D Beholder.
Chapter 89: The couple that slays together stays together
Summary:
This picture includes some toy tarantulas. They're not real, but they are big, so if spiders are an issue, here's your warning.
Notes:
Again: GIANT SPIDERS. Fake ones, but just putting that out there in case.
Chapter Text
“Let’s agree never to do anything like that again, shall we?”
“Oh, come, you didn’t enjoy even a little of that fight?”
“…I enjoyed watching you fight…”
“As you should. You were not so bad yourself.”
“Yes, well, magic can be more impressive than some people like to think.”
(05.16.15)
Chapter 90: On a more serious note than usual...
Notes:
This chapter briefly discusses suicide, in the context of working to prevent it (and also, you know, a thing that happened in Thor). I don't think it's any more triggery than this warning, but I'm warning anyway, just in case.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I participated in a fundraising walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention last weekend, and the boys came with me, because obviously. Thor, because of a certain personal experience on the Bifrost, is pretty dedicated to this particular cause, so he’s trying to wear honor beads representing that (blue) and his support for a loved one who struggles (teal). Loki will probably never admit it, but he’s a little touched. (Okay, a lot. Don’t tell.)
(05.21.15)
Notes:
Coincidentally, the other beads I wore--to represent my own struggle with depression and suicidal ideation, and which would therefore also be appropriate for Loki--are green. This actually did not occur to me until today, and that's just as well or I probably would've had Loki feels at the walk. More than my baseline level of Loki feels, I mean.
Chapter 91: Burdened with glorious cuteness
Notes:
This is an actual t-shirt I got from ShirtPunch (they're a daily shirt site, so it's not available anymore, sadly). It's great.
Chapter Text
“What. What is that.”
“Cheer up, brother, at least this design is slightly more accurate than others we’ve seen.”
“But it’s…it’s so…cute.”
“I did say it was a somewhat accurate representation.”
“I am not cute. I am deadly.”
“You are at least a little bit cute now and then. Certainly Sif seems to think so, which I don’t believe you mind.”
“…shut up.”
#nobody will get this reference but it's actually a Sith Inquisitor line in SWTOR #although actually a Facebook friend DID get the reference without me even saying it was there #so I'm impressed
(05.22.15)
Chapter 92: I can picture Loki, in an uncharitable moment, comparing Jane to Space Core
Chapter Text
“Space. Wanna go to space. Yes please space. Go to space.”
“Well–-we could perhaps take you on the Bifrost, but I am not sure-–”
“SPAAAAAAAAACE”
“It wants to go to space, I say we send it to space. Surely your hammer can put it in orbit–-and, more importantly, far away from us.”
“Are we in space yet? What’s the holdup? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.”
PSA: do not look up a complete list of Space Core's quotes, because 1) "space" will very quickly stop looking like a word and 2) the things he says when he's actually in space are REALLY SAD.
(05.27.15)
Chapter 93: They didn't choose the pug life. Don't judge.
Notes:
Featuring my younger sister’s pug salt-and-pepper shakers, but not willingly on her part, haha. (She thinks this series is dumb because, I don't know, it's not okay for adults to do silly geeky things or something? Maybe just adults she's related to. You have no idea how tempted I am to screencap every nice comment I get and send them to her.)
Chapter Text
“So…these are figurines of dogs with human garments and strangely compressed faces, which are then mashing their faces together. And they are full of condiments.”
“That would appear to be the case, yes.”
“Remind me again why you even try to understand understand humans?”
“In fairness, brother, they are probably not the most eccentric beings in the Nine Realms.”
“Not for lack of effort.”
“Well, no.”
(06.01.15)
Chapter 94: National Hug Your Cat Day is apparently a thing
Chapter Text
“Get–-get off, you overbearing oaf, are you drunk?”
“Must I be drunk to want to embrace my little brother?”
“No, but you typically are when you decide to act on the impulse-–or you have some other excuse. What is it this time?”
“It is one of those little Midgardian holidays. National…um.”
“National um.”
“It is…nationalhugyourcatday.”
“…what.”
“You like cats! You said, quite recently–-”
“That does not mean I want to be compared to one.”
“You must admit, brother, you can be rather cat-like at times.”
“I must admit no such thing.”
(06.04.15)
Chapter 95: Trust his tiny rage
Notes:
Yes, I got another Loki; I'm sure no one is shocked. (So far I have, uh. Nine different Loki figures. I should really take a picture of them all at some point.) This is Loki from Thor: The Dark World, and he's surprisingly detailed, especially for a 3.75-inch figure.
Chapter Text
“That is easily the worst excuse for a knife I have ever seen.”
“…well, it doesn’t always do that. And at least it actually looks like a proper dagger, unlike yours.”
#constant state of low-key rivalry between the various Lokis #except when they decide to team up #it's a weird situation #fun fact: both knives came with TDW Loki #original Tiny Loki had two identical knives but they were silver #and we managed to lose both of them
(06.04.15)
Chapter 96: This magic--I like it! Another!
Notes:
Serendipity is stumbling completely by accident across something that works GREAT for your dumb photo series.
Chapter Text
“Brother, you should not meddle in such things, you know it is dangerous-–”
“Cease your fretting. I guarantee even you will enjoy this particular kind of dark magic.”
(06.08.15)
Chapter 97: Up all night to get Loki
Chapter Text
What do you suppose is the proper collective noun for a bunch of Lokis? A chaos of tricksters? I think we'll go with that. These are all the Loki figures I own (so far), all nine of them. I would say I have a problem except this is...not really a problem, or at least I refuse to consider it a problem. Funny story: not too long ago I actually thought I didn't want any more Loki figures because I was focused on getting Loki & Thor sets; I had the original tiny Loki and Thor, I had Funko Pop Loki and Thor, I was working on finding a 6-inch Thor for my 6-inch Loki; I figured I didn't actually need or want more. Well I lied, I was lying to myself, I came across an extra Loki at the thrift store and now I'm like "I need all the Lokis. All of them. I need them."
(06.09.14)
Bonus: this little cutie came in the mail a few days ago–-completely free (no shipping, even) with a code from a box of Pop Tarts, which means I got him for like $4 instead of the normal price of $10 to $12. I wouldn’t necessarily have picked him if I had more options besides him and Iron Man, but I do like Steve a lot, and it was a great deal.
(06.08.15)
Chapter 98: There's no place like gnome
Chapter Text
“Are these…misshapen dwarves? Commissioned by humans to ward off intruders from…their gardens?”
“…possibly?”
“Well, that’s an even more foolish idea than what appears to be typical for Midgardians–-and yet, I rather mislike the look of them. And their size.”
“They resemble Volstagg a bit.”
“Yes, well, perhaps that is why.”
(06.13.15)
Chapter 99: It's not really a hot date without a sword fight
Chapter Text
(At the local Renaissance Faire this weekend.)
“You know, I’ve realized you never take me anywhere nice.”
“Well, my lady, as you are not particularly nice yourself, the thought never entered my mind. Was there something specific you hoped to do?”
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. This is highly entertaining. For Midgard’s sake, however, I do hope this display does not represent the pinnacle of their fighting abilities.”
(06.15.15)
Chapter 100: Who doesn't want a plushie Avenger, really?
Notes:
Let's be real, if they had one of these for Loki, I would buy it. I'm not too proud to admit that.
Also, 100 chapters, holy crap. (The best/worst part is, I've taken more than 100 of these dumb pictures, because several chapters include more than one photo.) Thanks so much to everyone who's been enjoying this silly series with me!
Chapter Text
“That is a marvelously cuddly look for you, brother. Not to mention a touch pretentious. ‘Soft sculpture’?”
“Yes, well … at least even in this plush form, I can still hold Mjolnir, which is not something everyone can say.”
“Have you looked at that hammer? I hardly think this one is worthy –- so to speak –- of your boasting.”
(06.17.15)
Chapter 101: Always the prince, never the king
Notes:
This is still accurate if you're perpetually next in line and never moving up, right?
Chapter Text
“What’s wrong, brother?”
“Nothing.”
“What is that paper?”
“I SAID IT’S NOTHING.”
“Oh I see, it came from one of those Midgardian fortune-telling cookies, did it not? What does it–-oh.”
“Go away.”
(06.19.15)
Chapter 102: Happy "massive daddy issues" day!
Summary:
It's Father's Day. You can probably imagine how much certain people like that idea.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“NOT. A CHANCE. IN HEL.”
“Brother–-”
“No, I said no, I am not going to talk to him, I AM LEAVING.”
“It is Allfather’s Day, couldn’t you at least–-”
“That’s not even a thing.”
“…well, close enough. He is still your–-”
“Because I do not want to have this argument again, let me just point out that the man I believed was my father was never cute, and therefore this is highly unlikely to be him in any meaningful sense.”
“…all right, that is a fair point.”
(06.21.15)
Notes:
In case it's not obvious, Freddy Krueger has nothing to do with this; he just happened to be on the same Hot Topic shelf as Odin, and for reasons of not wanting to get awkward questions I didn't take too much time to arrange things.
Chapter 103: The fuzziest Avenger
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“I…oh my. Oh Norns, that is Captain America as a fluffy ‘Hideaway Pet Pillow.’ This is magnificent.”
“It looks rather like your handiwork, brother.”
“You think I could look at the good Captain and invent this atrocity? You overestimate my capability for creative absurdity. I fear your beloved Midgard takes the crown in that area.”
(06.23.15)
Chapter 104: Loki is still potentially a Good Bro
Notes:
I had this one planned for a good long while before I was able to do it. I figured I'd find a "Share a Coke with your Brother" bottle at the store but I never could find one, and then this can showed up in the recycling bin at work and it was even more perfect.
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“I am not your ‘bro’.”
“Loki… :( ”
“I will accept ‘brother’. I will not accept 'bro’.”
“ :D ”
“Also, that smells vile. Is there anything in that drink that originated in nature?”
(06.25.15)
Chapter 105: Independence Day: American as a star-spangled shield
Notes:
What's so American about apple pie anyway? It's not like it was even invented here.
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“I feel as if we have somehow stumbled into a bizarre alternate dimension where Captain America’s influence has spread to literally everything.”
“Is that so terrible?”
“…what do you THINK.”
“I am only disappointed that these apples–-and, most tragically, the pie–-seem to be inedible, especially given that they are the right size for once.”
(07.03.15)
Chapter 106: Let's call them Thocks
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“That…that is a sock. Of you. A sock with your face on it. This is wonderful.”
“It’s absurd.”
“Yes. Yes it is. That’s the wonderful part. You know, I think I might be changing my mind about Midgardians–-if they can decide to create something as beautifully ridiculous as a sock with your face on it, they are at least worth something in entertainment value.”
“I’m sure you won’t be so amused if they design a sock of your face.”
“Oh, don’t be so grumpy, brother; surely you knew when you joined the Avengers that you would have to accept a few hazards as part of the job. Although I suppose you didn’t expect the admiration of a grateful populace to fall under that category.”
(07.07.15)
Chapter 107: See, because he's corny and flaky
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“You know, I hardly make a study of Midgardian idioms, but I do believe there is something highly appropriate about the pairing of your image with that label.”
“I…do not understand…”
“I am sure Tony Stark would be delighted to educate you."
(07.15.15)
Chapter 108: The original Doof Warrior
Notes:
I actually don't understand the term/name "Doof Warrior" as applied to the guy playing the flamethrower electric guitar in Mad Max: Fury Road, because that seems like the opposite of doofy (okay, I looked it up, it's an Australian thing), but it sure makes sense here.
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“You know, Loki, if you are trying to muffle your laughter, you are doing a very poor job of it.”
“Well then, I must try harder! This toy positively radiates dignity, after all, and of course it deserves my utmost respect. Oh, Norns.”
“It is not that bad.”
“It looks ridiculous and it is on top of a cheap plastic stick that holds a tiny little fan and dispenses candy. How much sillier and more random do you want Midgardian tributes to you to get? …for the sake of your remaining pride, I’d advise you not to answer that. Someone might hear you and turn your ideas into reality.”
Chapter 109: Gluttony pt. 11: Pop-Tarts
Notes:
Yes, I Googled to see the official capitalization and hyphenation in the term "Pop-Tarts," because I have worked as a copy editor way too long not to.
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“Well, brother, you must be terribly proud. At last Midgard has given you a truly meaningful honor—your image on a box of those disgusting flat pastries you love so much.”
“Yes, I…hmm.”
“…you want to eat them, don’t you.”
“You must admit, a single pastry would last a great deal longer like this.”
“Given that it would be roughly the size of your bed? I should hope so.”
Chapter 110: The hammer is...you know
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“Brother, are you quite sure your admirers have not mistaken you for Volstagg? They seem to have emblazoned your image across a great number of food products.”
“Well, worse things could happen.”
“Certainly. They could have confused you with Fandral. I shudder to think what sorts of products your visage would appear on then. Can you imagine how many more jokes you would see about your hammer?”
Chapter 111: Cap doesn't seem to think this is funny either
Notes:
I spent like two hours at Target yesterday and left with only one purchase...but also like 10 pictures. Target, for some reason, tends to be good for photo ops.
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“Please, PLEASE tell me there is one of these–-whatever exactly they are-–for you.”
“If I knew that, why would I tell you and invite further ridicule?”
“It would be hilarious, though.”
Chapter 112: Faster than a speeding pencil
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“An eraser. Of your face. Your face on a piece of rubber children use to correct their mistakes. This is brilliant, I am-–oh, what is it the young mortals like to say these days? ‘I have lost the ability to can’?”
“…what in the Nine Realms does a method of food preservation have to do with anything? And when would you have learned that in the first place in order to lose the skill?”
“No, that’s not-–never mind. Ask one of your mortal friends. I suspect Darcy spends a great deal of time on Tumblr.”
Chapter 113: Binders full of superheroes
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“Oh dear. I wonder why the mortals decided your image did not deserve an accompanying title the way your fellow Avengers did? And with one handed to them, too…”
“Perhaps my might simply speaks for itself.”
“Or perhaps even the humans find your hubris to be a bit much.”
Chapter 114: It's not short man's disease if you're used to being legitimately tall
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“Brother! How wonderful to see you!”
“What are—where have you been? And why are you suddenly taller than me? Are you wearing lifts in your boots?”
“I have always been a bit taller than you. You are my little brother, after all.”
“Not this little, and not this much shorter. When I discover who is responsible for this—”
“Oh, it is not so bad. We’ll find you a box to stand on or something.”
“We will do no such thing.”
(So…I finally got a 6-inch Thor for my 6-inch Loki, from the EXACT SAME SERIES, and if I stand them both on their included bases, Thor is AN ENTIRE HEAD TALLER than Loki. Which is kind of hilarious but also inaccurate and kind of annoying, because this kind of height difference was the whole reason I didn’t buy a Diamond Select Thor for TDW or Age of Ultron when it would’ve been cheaper.)
Chapter 115: GPOY
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Oh look, it’s a perfect visual representation of me, because I am Loki trash (also because Loki is kind of a trash baby, but I love him)
Chapter 116: Avengers Assemble! (for lunch)
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“Oh, that cannot be a good sign either. Relegated far to the back like an afterthought? Perhaps Midgard is growing a bit disenchanted with you.”
“Or the humans in this particular area of Midgard are biased toward their fellow Americans.”
“…fair point.”
Chapter 117: Up all night to get Loki (some more)
Summary:
A round-up of all the new Loki figures I've gotten lately. Look, I did say I needed all of them. (Also I didn't go anywhere this summer, so I figured...I wasn't spending any money on travel, I could justify buying a few "souvenirs" without leaving home. DON'T JUDGE ME.)
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Minimates Thor and Loki. They're awful. I love them
(possibly the best part--their ears are part of their hair pieces, and Loki's hair in particular needs to be glued on because it's very loose, so any time he gets knocked over or something, he instantly becomes bald)
Peg dolls I commissioned from karis-the-fangirl. LOOK HOW CUTE. ESPECIALLY THE SIDE-EYE LOKI IS GIVING THOR.
Another new acquisition: Tiniest Loki (perpetually grumpy Lego Loki provided for scale). This is actually a blind-box figure from Bulls-i-Toys' chibi Avengers line. Also, Lego Thor is on his way.
Did I ever post this? I picked up the Disney Infinity Loki recently because there was a sale and also of course I did. I mean, I need ALL THE LOKIS.
Newest writing buddy has zero patience for anybody’s shenanigans, especially if said shenanigans involve writing about him (yes I did the thing, I caved to the inevitable and bought a Hot Toys Loki because I might as well really commit to being Loki trash, he is really detailed and freakishly lifelike)
MEANWHILE, SPEAKING OF SHENANIGANS: results of the recent earthquake. Yes, this is exactly how I found them. Venus is a Monster High doll and therefore in high school, while Captain Marvel is of course a (much smaller) adult, so this is A BIT INAPPROPRIATE. In fairness, though, having a crush on and wanting to make out with Carol Danvers is pretty reasonable.
When I first saw pictures of these I went "no, that's ridiculous, I don't need those," and then of course I kept coming back to them because ALL THE LOKIS. And Lokis are best when they come with Thors. So: Hot Toys Cosbaby Thor and Loki, bought in a set off eBay with Red Skull, Captain America, Tony Stark, and IM2 Iron Man, all weirdly fragile, and their strange little paws don't want to hold their weapons. Oh well, at least they're cute.
Chapter 118: Truth, honor, patriotism, and frightening small children
Notes:
Seriously, what is it with creepy Cap plushies? You'd think someone would realize that human faces don't translate very well to that sort of thing. This one's especially bad because it's huge.
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“That is…frankly a little terrifying, no matter what you might say about your friend the captain.”
“I am inclined to agree with you on this one, actually.”
Chapter 119: A cacaphony of thunder gods
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Well, this is…interesting. Welcome, I think?”
“Is there something wrong with that Thor in the back?”
“…we don’t talk about him.”
Notes:
(So, originally I had basically no interest in getting any Comics Thor action figures, especially because the Marvel Legends one looks chronically furious and his veiny muscles creep me out, but then I started looking more seriously into customizing action figures and although I haven't actually made a Kid Loki or Agent of Asgard Loki of either size yet, I'm going to, and...well, every Loki needs a Thor. Plus there were some good deals on eBay.)
Chapter 120: Thunder down under
Notes:
Look, I'm sorry, I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER TITLE
Chapter Text
“That is your face. On a pair of underwear.”
“Yes, I–-”
“Your face on children’s underwear.”
“I realize that.”
“THAT IS YOUR FACE ON A PAIR OF CHILDREN’S UNDERWEAR. This is a gift. What did I do to deserve this magnificent absurdity? Whatever it was, I must be sure to do it more often.”
“You are never going to let me forget this, are you?”
“Not if I live to be 10,000. Oh, Norns. That’s beautiful. Your face on a pair of underwear. I take back every bad thing I have ever said about Midgardians.”
“Really.”
“…well, some of them, at any rate.”
Chapter 121: Popeye isn't Asgardian
Notes:
And this isn't spinach but whatever, go with it.
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“These are an appropriate size for us, but…”
“Yes, as much as I hate to agree with you when you sound so ridiculously mournful, this is a feast fit for no one.”
“The coffee is good, though.”
“You would say that.”
Chapter 122: Actually a lot of strings on me
Notes:
As usual, Loki and I mock, but if I saw a Loki string doll...yeah, I'd buy it. (So far I've only seen one on Amazon, just now when I checked because I'd assumed no such thing existed, so at least I can't impulse-buy one next time I'm at Hot Topic or Barnes & Noble?)
Also, this exists. I'm not sure what to think about that (aside from wishing I'd come across one in a store, because I don't actually want to order one just for a photo).
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I am sure there is a joke to be made here about how you are unraveling my patience, or perhaps the other way around, but I confess I cannot quite get there. What do you think, brother?”
“…are you requesting I help you mock me?”
“Of course not. I manage that perfectly well on my own.”
“I do seem to remember, though…was this what Ultron meant when he referred to strings?”
“I highly doubt it.”
Notes:
Yes, I realize that by mentioning Ultron I've made the timeline of this even more confusing. Look, I don't know when or where this takes place or which canon events have and haven't happened, they're toys, just go with it.
Chapter 123: Gone fishin'
Notes:
I caught a few salmon this weekend and the kids helped. Sort of.
Chapter Text
“If you catch any fish before I do, I will know you used magic to cheat.”
“That’s not very fair of you. I might simply be more talented than you—or possessed of a good deal more luck.”
“Or you might manufacture your own luck by using magic to cheat.”
“Yes, well, that is always a possibility.”
“If you boys do not stop bickering and get started, I might just outfish you both.”
Chapter 124: Also, reading this is a thought crime
Notes:
Value Village is selling these as part of their Halloween section and I might need one. Also, I'm like a year behind in Welcome To Night Vale but I'm very slowly catching up.
Chapter Text
“‘Dogs are not allowed in the dog park’? These are…very strange rules. Why would humans want to keep others from looking at or even thinking about them?“
“I am reasonably certain these are not ordinary humans, Thor.”
Chapter 125: An elegant weapon for a more civilized age
Notes:
It's Force Friday, when a whole bunch of Star Wars stuff was released to go with the new movie, so I figured this was appropriate.
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“Oh. Yes. This is indeed impressive.”
“Quite. I still prefer my knives, but as long blades go, these sabers are excellent.”
“I would like to know how these are made, personally."
“As would I. Apparently it is not-–or not precisely–-a Midgardian weapon, and the construction does not match Asgardian blades either.”
(Kinda crappy lightsaber FX provided by the only free laser-beam app I could find, because I’m too lazy to do this the long way and too cheap to buy a better app for one picture)
Chapter 126: Working for peanuts
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“When you suggested we try the local cuisine, Thor, this was certainly not what I had in mind.”
“It is…arguably local…”
“This establishment is called ‘Texas Roadhouse.’ We are not presently in Texas. Correct?”
“Well, true, but as I understand it, there are some regional connections between this ‘Texas’ and–-”
“You just wanted to crack peanut shells with Mjolnir.”
“…in fairness, can you really blame me?”
(featuring my dad's hands and my sister's offscreen embarrassment, and a reference to the fact that I live in Alaska, which is way bigger than Texas)
Chapter 127: #WheresRory? Probably RIGHT BEHIND YOU
Summary:
Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess, has a new book coming out called Furiously Happy, and people have been taking pictures traveling with Rory the raccoon from the cover. So obviously the kids and I had to join in.
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“Call me hypocritical if you must, Thor–-”
“With pleasure, thank you–-”
“–-but I do not trust…whatever sort of creature that is.”
“Oh, come, he looks friendly enough.”
“Yes, or gleefully homicidal, perhaps, which does not put me particularly at ease.”
Bonus picture: #WheresRory? Meeting and probably freaking out my many office buddies
Chapter 128: In which I'm awful
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I bought a Thanos bobblehead because I am The Worst but don’t worry, Loki, Thor’s here to protect you this time. Possibly Gamora also. Honestly hard to say what Nebula will do.
Chapter 129: Loki probably says it toe-mah-toe, too
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“I cannot tell if these are meant for us or for humans. Their sizes are…”
“Irregular, yes, but judging by the color of most of these fruits, I would venture to guess they are not currently intended for consumption by anyone.”
“You realize, Loki, you could just say ‘they look unripe’.”
“Where would be the fun in that?”
Chapter 130: So. We meet again.
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“Ah, this is much better than the last time we met. No Chitauri, no Other, and you seem to have lost a very great deal of your stature and…presence, let us say. I would invite you to threaten me now, but I am not at all sure you remain capable of doing so.”
Bonus Hot Toys Loki pictures!
You know a figure has amazing articulation when he can hold his own nose
“You’re not writing. Why the Hel aren’t you writing?”
(More than one person has told me how creepy this is and that they'd find it very motivating, which of course is the whole point.)
Chapter 131: Halloween: eye of newt sounds disgusting
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“Ah yes, another charming example of what Midgardians believe magic users look like. You can see, I hope, why I want nothing to do with their primitive ideas on this subject.”
“This representation is not wholly dissimilar to your practices.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, this being certainly does seem to favor green and black colors.”
“What was that, brother? Did you say you want a bed full of snakes tonight?”
“…no thank you.”
“As I thought.”
Chapter 132: Gluttony pt. 12: all the snacks. ALL OF THEM
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“NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT.”
“The mighty Thor is excited about a tea party?”
“You may have the tea. I am here for the cakes. And…whatever these other pastries are.”
“Please try not to make yourself sick.”
Chapter 133: Halloween: gluttony pt. 13 (candy corn)
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“That is…that is not corn. How do these bear any resemblance to corn? And why do Midgardians find any appeal in a brightly colored, compressed mass of sugar and chemicals?”
“I enjoy them.”
“These pieces of ‘corn’ are compressed masses the size of your head, Thor, in case that’s somehow slipped your notice. Please do not tell me, at least, that you have eaten more than one.”
“Very well, I’ll not tell you.”
Chapter 134: Halloween: still better than sparkly vampires
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“I wonder why this fellow seems so upset. I mean, aside from being a skeleton, I suppose.”
“Did you fail to notice the frankly absurd amount of glitter with which he is decorated? If anything, he does not appear remotely embarrassed enough.”
Chapter 135: This Is (not) Spinal Tap
Notes:
I wore spine earrings to the chiropractor’s office because why not.
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“These are both supposed to be representations of spines? I confess I fail to see the resemblance, Loki.”
“Well, perhaps you would, if you had paid any attention to our tutors—”
“I did pay attention.”
“—when they were not describing some glorious battle.”
“…ah.”
Chapter 136: Halloween: dem bones
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“Please, please tell me you have not begun dabbling in reanimating the dead.”
“If I had, I would not be ‘dabbling.’ I am not some dilettante who lacks the dedication to master his craft.”
“Loki.”
“Also, if you would take half a moment to look, you would notice that this skeleton is in fact a cheap Midgardian toy made of plastic, not the remnants of some living thing.”
“That is good–-”
“Thank you for the idea, though, I believe I shall experiment with animating it. That could prove entertaining.”
Chapter 137: Halloween: wanna know how I got these horns?
Notes:
I saw this shirt when it first went up on Woot and decided, no, even though at that point I'd seen very few other Loki shirts I really didn't need this one because I'm not a huge Joker fan...and then I stumbled across the shirt at a thrift store, where I still decided I didn't need to own it but of course I did need to get a picture.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I know you like chaos and this holiday holds some appeal for you, brother, but…you would dress as this trickster? Truly?”
“No I would not, if anything he has bastardized my armor for his own delusions of what constitutes clever costuming.”
“It’s a bit clever.”
“Sif, I am the God of Mischief. This is…this is positively vulgar.”
“Well, if you wish to speak of vulgarity, this ‘Joker’ certainly did not invent that particular style of sprawling in a throne. I am afraid that is all you.”
“…I still would not scrawl on the walls.”
“Yes, brother, I think the servants were all relieved when you grew out of that habit.”
“At least I grew out of overturning tables of food in a tantrum less recently than FIVE YEARS AGO.”
Notes:
In looking for a link to this shirt, I discovered I can't find it online as anything but a Loot Crate exclusive, even though I'm positive I saw it on a daily shirt site originally and I really think it was Woot, so now I'm annoyed with myself for not grabbing it at the thrift store after all. On the plus side, scouring the Woot catalog did lead me to this adorable shirt, which I definitely need.
Chapter 138: Halloween: the clothes make the man
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“Ohhh, now I understand the secret behind the supposedly mighty Thor’s legendary biceps. You should tell your friend the Captain; I think he is a bit jealous. Perhaps he would be comforted to learn he needn’t be.”
“That is not—my armor is not padded!”
“If you say so, brother.”
“Perhaps you are jealous that Midgardians admire me enough to produce these costumes in the first place.”
“Jealous of flimsy, mass-produced costumes when those who wish to dress like me must demonstrate dedication by investing some actual effort and creativity into the process? Not particularly, no.”
Chapter 139: Friends with the monster that's under my bed
Summary:
I have a lot of feelings about Loki and how he sees himself as a monster. I also semi-casually collect Monster High dolls. I hope no one is surprised by either of these things.
Notes:
Yes, the title is from the Eminem song, except I don't like rap or Eminem so the version I listen to is a Rihanna-only edit I found on Youtube.
Chapter Text
"So...you are saying...you all like being monsters."
"We're the most scary-cool monsters you'll ever meet! Why wouldn't we like being who we are?"
"And we're all monsters together, each one of us with monsters for our best ghoulfriends. That helps too, you know."
"...yes, I imagine it would."
Speaking of Hot Toys Loki: he comes with some accessories, including the chains he's wearing in his first Thor: The Dark World scene, because sure why not. The collar and cuffs are plastic pieces that don't open, though. So when I originally opened the box, the first thing I saw was the instruction sheet for putting on the chains, which you do by POPPING OFF HIS HEAD, HANDS, AND FEET. Talk about adding insult to injury.
Chapter 140: Damn right she's worthy
Notes:
New Thor from the Collector Corps Secret Wars box. LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS
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“Mm, brother, you look ravishing. Well, not ‘you,’ precisely, and not so much ‘ravishing’ as 'adorable,’ but I am sure you take my meaning.”
Bonus: I recently picked up the Disney Infinity Thor figure so now he and Loki are fighting side by side AS THEY SHOULD BE
Chapter 141: BEAN ME
Notes:
Ages ago, fannishliss sort of suggested Thor on a caffeine high. It finally happened.
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“I’M THE KING OF THE WOOOOOORLD AND ALSO ALL THE COFFEE IN ALL THE REALMS”
“Oh Norns, what have you done now?”
“COFFEE. I HAVE DONE COFFEE. YOU SHOULD ACQUIRE SOME OF YOUR OWN AND THEN WE CAN CLIMB ALL THE TREES OR SLAY A FIERCE DRAGON OR DRIVE AWAY ALL THE SNOW OR RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE NEW CITY OF YORK”
“…you drank all of those. Didn’t you. Despite the fact that a single one is large enough for you to bathe in it.”
“COFFEE IS BLESSED BY THE NORNS”
Chapter 142: Bedtime for Bonzo
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Realized it was very inconsiderate of me to go trotting off to bed leaving Loki just standing around all night, so I made him a bed from my vest.
…don’t judge me.
Breakfast in bed. Please don’t spill anything on my vest.
Chapter 143: Bonfire night
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“This is cozy, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I suppose it would be, for someone who was not born in a barren wasteland of ice and snow.”
“I am sorry, brother, that was insensitive of me. Are you uncomfortable?”
“I…no. Not particularly. You know, it isn’t very fun to needle you for thoughtlessness now that you actually apologize for it on occasion.”
“I’m…sorry again?”
Chapter 144: Thanksgiving: another helping of Norse bro feels
Notes:
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates!
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“I am thankful that the available alcohol is of such weak quality that even you are unlikely to get drunk, at least not very quickly.”
“Well, I do not have to be drunk to be thankful for you, brother.”
“…I suppose I am not entirely ungrateful for your stubbornness, as damnably irritating as it can be at times.”
“I love you too, Loki.”
“Oh, stop grinning like that, you sentimental oaf.”
Chapter 145: Holidays: a trend too far
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“I…what.”
“Oh, I have heard of this tradition! Tony Stark tells me it is nearly sacred in certain parts of Midgard–-ugly sweaters in truth, that is, rather than cookies in their image–-and Clint Barton has promised to acquire an ugly sweater for me this season! I am quite looking forward to it.”
“Now, this I actually want to see. Hmm, perhaps I should assist them by informing them of your love for glitter.”
“I…do not believe I love glitter…”
“Yes, exactly.”
Chapter 146: National Cookie Day (more or less)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“You said today is the Midgardian observance known as National Cookie Day. Under what possible definition are these cookies?”
“They are…sweet and made of dough, and therefore close enough?”
“You just wanted another excuse to try to consume Midgardian snacks that are far, far too large for you.”
“Well, yes.”
Notes:
My entire thought process: "oh hey the internet says it's National Cookie Day. huh. aw crap I should do something for that but I have no idea what and also I have no cookies. but I do have scones? hmm, okay, let's run with that."
...also, it only now occurred to me that the boys have probably not had a bath in a very long time and, well...you've seen where they've been. I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE THEM A BATH. (Doing so before I took this, with food I still intend to eat, would of course have been smarter.)
Chapter 147: Holidays: decking the halls
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“This seems to me a singularly pointless endeavour.”
“You know, brother, you have said that before, which I think by definition means you have been wrong at least once.”
“…word games are not your forte, Thor, and I would advise you to stop trying.”
“You only say that when you cannot think of a better response.”
“Stop congratulating yourself and help me with these damn lights if you want them so badly, or I will tangle them further and leave the entire mess to you.”
Chapter 148: Holidays: we built this city on lots and lots of sugar
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“Even by typically shoddy Midgardian standards of construction, these buildings look structurally unsound to an exceptional degree.”
“Well, they appear to be made of various sweets, so perhaps this village is meant to be eaten?”
“Sweets that have been glued together and touched by untold numbers of grubby Midgardian hands? I should hope not.”
Bonus: meet my newest Loki, a Collector Corps exclusive from Funko’s Dorbz line! LOOK HOW CUTE AND FAT AND HAPPY HE IS. This one was especially exciting because October’s “Villains” theme was the entire reason I subscribed in the first place, hoping maybe I’d get a Loki figure of some kind, specifically maybe a Dorbz figure because there wasn’t one yet. AND BEHOLD. Not that subscribing to something like this for the slim chance of getting a particular kind of figure is a great idea, but so far it’s been a very high-quality subscription with actual exclusives that are worth something even if you don’t necessarily want to keep them (unlike Arcade Block, which I had for two months and found pretty disappointing).
Chapter 149: Holidays: the Super Dooper Reindeer Pooper
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“I…do not…why would ANYONE—”
“I agree, this is a bit…strangely juvenile.”
“Juvenile? I have been known to appreciate and even take part in juvenile humor. This, even by Midgardian standards, is absurd. And rather disgusting.”
Chapter 150: Holidays: we wish you a merry meow-mas
Chapter Text
“Do, ah…do Midgardian cats typically sing? Are they known for this trait?”
“Not to my knowledge…”
“Then why—”
“Well, perhaps rather than singing, they…caterwaul.”
“…you did NOT.”
“Truthfully, brother, I haven’t the faintest idea. Although at least these would be large enough for us to ride.”
“I cannot even think about that in the face of your atrocious bit of wordplay.”
#Loki doesn't appreciate Thor's dad jokes (Allfather jokes?)
Chapter 151: Holidays: no, please don't ever sing it again
Chapter Text
“I take back anything I may have declared earlier—this, without a doubt, is the vilest Midgardian creation I have yet encountered. Those voices are excruciating.”
“Perhaps it is intended as a gift for enemies rather than friends.”
“Ah, well, in that case I suppose this atrocity has some use. I should send one to Tony Stark.”
Chapter 152: Holidays: ugly sweater part II
Chapter Text
“Are you quite sure this is an accurate representation of Midgard’s supposed ugly-sweater tradition?”
“Mmf. Well, I have it on good authority–-”
“I would not consider the mortals of your acquaintance to be good authorities on anything. Also, your elbow is jabbing my spine.”
“Stop squirming, then. My friends are at least familiar with Midgardian holiday customs, and I was assured that this garment was appropriate.”
“Fine, but wearing it like this?”
“That seems a bit odd to me as well, but Tony Stark said it was equally traditional. Something about a ‘get-along shirt’?”
“Oh for the love of–- Right, I’m cutting my way out of this. Speak now if you don’t want this ridiculous thing destroyed.”
Chapter 153: Holidays: candy cane lane
Summary:
Merry Christmas from me and my kids!
Chapter Text
“Thor, if you try to lick that and become stuck to it instead, I will not help you.”
“I expect not. I rather think you would be laughing too hard to stand.”
“…well, yes, but there is also the principle of the thing.”
In conclusion, merry Christmas from my family* to yours
*my small army of Lokis and accompanying Thors, missing a couple that live at my office
Chapter 154: Holidays (well, post-holiday sales): boulevard of broken ornaments
Chapter Text
“That is…a bit unsettling. I am not at all sure I want to know what happened to these poor fellows.”
“Nothing more sinister than Midgardian clumsiness, I imagine.”
“Well, I certainly know it was not you, brother, for in that case these statuettes would be defaced far more creatively.”
“In fairness, they are all missing that ridiculous hammer.”
“Given how inventive you have been in the past, I think my point remains.”
Chapter 155: Holidays: New Year drunkenness is pretty traditional
Chapter Text
“Would this size meet your standards for prudent consumption of spirits? Particularly given traditions of the new year?”
“Better, but still a fairly terrible idea. Perhaps you failed to notice, but that bottle is taller than you are.”
Chapter 156: Tragic space siblings (now with more canonical incest)
Chapter Text
“Well, brother, you can take comfort in the fact that the House of Odin is not quite the most dysfunctional royal family in the universe.”
“That is actually not very comforting.”
“I imagine not. House Abrasax sets perhaps a uniquely low bar.”
“Have you heard of…Stark mentioned something about a game of thrones…”
“…ah. Yes. Well, I think a number of those families belong in a category all their own.”
Chapter 157: Being a spoilsport as a defense mechanism
Chapter Text
“Hmm, I suppose this shield would be marginally useful for keeping the rain off. Is that why you keep it around? Clearly no one in your merry band minds looking a bit foolish.”
“If you mean a rain of bullets or shrapnel, sure. I figure an umbrella’s good enough for water. Now give it back.”
“You are not very entertaining.”
“Blame Tony, it works to keep him off my case too.”
Chapter 158: Dr. McCoy is way too old for this
Notes:
With thanks to Lyviel for the action figure and at least half of the idea.
Chapter Text
“Christ, what kind of doctors do you have up there in the land of the space Vikings? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”
“Our healers are far more advanced than any primitive mortal idea of—”
“The hell they are, you people don’t even have psychiatrists. I’m writing you a referral for therapy—in fact, your whole family should get counseling.”
“I hardly think—”
“No, shut up, I’m the doctor here and I say you need to see a therapist, dammit. Don’t make me hunt you down.”
Chapter 159: Not very baller
Chapter Text
“You look to be having a ball here, brother.”
“That is terrible.”
“Yes, well, I do not always disdain obvious jokes, particularly when I do not want to see them fly merrily over your head.”
Chapter 160: Getting hammered
Chapter Text
“Am I supposed to be flattered that I at least rank higher than most of your villainous enemies in this odd little game? I confess I do not feel particularly flattered. At least I was not lumped in with the rest of the Frost Giants, although coming in below a less impressive Midgardian version of the Destroyer is more than a bit insulting.”
“That is ‘you’ to the extent that any of the strange beings we have seen with your name are you, which is to say, not at all. You do not belong anywhere on a list of my enemies.”
“…and you are a sentimental fool.”
“Yes, brother.”
Chapter 161: Parts: The Action Figure Horror
Summary:
I've started working on customizing action figures. The boys aren't hugely comfortable with this.
Chapter Text
“I know how much you hate taking my advice whenever it involves avoiding potential battle, Thor, but I think we would be exceptionally unwise to linger here.”
“I am very much inclined to agree with you this time, actually. I am not particularly eager to encounter whatever being did this.”
Chapter 162: Unraveled
Notes:
There's this game coming out called Unravel and it looks adorable, largely because of its main character, so I made my own Yarny. Obviously, he had to meet my kids. (How long did it take to get everyone posing more or less properly? You don't want to know. At least it's warmer outside than it was yesterday.)
Chapter Text
“Who is your new friend, Loki?”
“This is Yarny. Apparently, he solves puzzles—so, not something that would interest you.”
“I can solve puzzles. When I wish to.”
“Ah, so it is only a matter of preference every time you leave it to me to work out anything requiring a solution more complicated than ‘hit it really hard’?”
Chapter 163: Summer in February
Chapter Text
“I am nearly certain you are not using that in the way it is intended.”
“Would it satisfy you if I did? Or would you then simply be pained by Midgardian whimsy?”
“…satisfaction is not in my nature, and you are being unfair.”
“I thought you might say something like that.”
Chapter 164: From the mouths of babes
Notes:
I made Kid Loki and I'm very proud of him. Check out my other custom figures for more pictures and a lot more details.
Chapter Text
“You…don’t look like what people seem to remember. What kind of Loki are you?”
“One not as innocent as you, I suspect.”
“Well, you don’t feel like my older self. He wanted to change, and I happened instead. But you—I think you’re already changing.”
“Do you.”
“You love your brother. What else do you think that could possibly mean?”
“…I suppose I shouldn’t expect to hide much of anything from even an alternate younger version of myself.”
Chapter 165: Valentine's Day: confusion is also probably traditional
Chapter Text
“What is the meaning of this?”
“I, ah…I have been told it is traditional, on Midgard, for the day celebrating romantic attachments…”
“That’s uncharacteristically sweet of you, but why so much pink? And what do the X and circle signify?”
“I haven’t the faintest idea.”
Chapter 166: Giving the people what they want (they want cute Loki)
Summary:
The kids meet my customized Coronation Loki Funko figure. It's weird.
Chapter Text
“Ah…is there something you would like to tell me, Loki?”
“Not in the slightest.”
Chapter 167: His antennae bend the other way though
Notes:
Came across a new series of Marvel blind-bag figures at the store so of course I had to try for Loki. This is also the first time I've successfully chosen a blind-bag figure by feel, although in fairness it wasn't very hard this time because of the minimal packaging.
Chapter Text
“Are you quite sure this figurine is meant to represent you, brother?”
“I will admit it is not the best depiction.”
“It reminds me of something else, only I cannot quite remember—”
“I hope you are not going to say the horns look like those of a cow or goat, because that was hardly clever the first time, becoming less so with every repetition.”
“No, not that, he is…part man and part insect, I believe, and blue—the Tick, that was it.”
“…well done, you’ve actually found something worse than ‘cow’.”
Chapter 168: The dino whisperer
Chapter Text
“Loki, come, we should just make use of this vehicle and leave, I mislike the look of that creature’s teeth—”
“Well, yes, I am sure you do, if your chief thought is to fight it rather than trying to understand it.”
Chapter 169: Leader of the pack
Chapter Text
“Why must you insist on trying to befriend all these creatures that are clearly—ah. Hm.”
“Clearly what, Thor?”
“It is no matter.”
“You were going to say ‘monsters’.”
“I was not!”
“You were, and although I cannot really blame you, the only answer I can offer is, why do you think I might feel some sympathy and kinship for creatures that others are inclined to fear and dislike, and who are unlikely to receive much effort at understanding? In truth, I have found that ‘monsters’ tend to be marvelously loyal, at least if they know themselves to be monsters.”
“…I am sorry, Loki, I was not thinking. I am trying, but I know I still hurt you with my thoughtlessness too often.”
“I…know you are trying, actually. Which is the only reason I will consider not sending these two to destroy your bed.”
Chapter 170: National Puppy Day
Notes:
I mean, today's nearly over, but it's not quite over where I live, so...close enough.
Chapter Text
“All right, Thor, do you think this little creature makes for a more suitable companion?”
“Well, he is rather more appealing, and at least his wonderful thick fur is good for petting–-ow!”
“Ah yes, I may have forgotten to mention–-do take care, she tends to bite strangers. Or anyone else who assumes she is male.”
“So I’ve gathered, and thank you very much for warning me in advance.”
Chapter 171: Easter: What, you eggs!
Chapter Text
“Thor, please explain to me why these bizarre eggs have faces.”
“I…do not believe I can.”
“Midgardians are disturbed in their celebration of every holiday—that is the only reasonable explanation. Why else would they attempt to give mobility and frankly unsettling spirit to such mundane objects?”
Chapter 172: Easter: (egg) riders in the sky
Chapter Text
“This is a tiny car. For an egg. Bearing your image and that of your mortal friends.”
“Truly, Loki, I do not understand it either.”
“Well, good, because if you claimed to, I would have serious concerns about your ability to think critically about anything.”
Chapter 173: A sound decision
Chapter Text
“…”
“No, Loki, I’ve no idea either. Please don’t ask me.”
Chapter 174: The first Avenger
Notes:
I did a custom Loki Cap figure for mojobaby75, so obviously I had to take a picture or two before I sent him off.
Chapter Text
“…do I wanna ask?”
“Only you can decide that, my friend–-but truth be told, I suspect you do not.”
Chapter 175: Tea and superheroes
Summary:
Happy National Superhero Day, I guess?
Chapter Text
“I certainly hope you realize that this does not qualify as a ‘date’ if your brother is here.”
“Of course. Sadly, he has become a bit obsessed with Midgardian coffee, to the extent that I am afraid he may need supervision to prevent him from imbibing.”
“…well, I cannot disagree with you there.”
“I am not going to drink this tea, Loki. It is bitter water and vastly inferior to coffee, which is delicious, and there is some right here—”
“NO.”
Chapter 176: Team (bottle) Cap
Notes:
This isn't actually related to Civil War (no idea when I'll be seeing it; hopefully soon), but I figured a picture featuring Steve was appropriate for the US release date.
Chapter Text
“Much as I hate to attribute anything even approaching gravitas to that garish toy you love so much, I must admit that it possesses more…something…than this excuse for a shield.”
“Wow. Was that a compliment?”
“Do not flatter yourself. Yours would be a poor shield indeed if it could not easily outclass a bottlecap.”
“Oh, it’s not that bad. The color suits you. Like what you already wear, but even gaudier. Maybe you could put some stickers on it.”
(yes, I did make a bottlecap shield just so I could take this picture. also because it's the right size and I think it's funny)
Chapter 177: Iron Bug
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Should I call him Iron Insect? He is supposed to look like some sort of beetle in this form, yes? I am at least grateful my likeness has not been subjected to such indignity. Lack of popularity can indeed be a blessing.”
“Ah…brother…perhaps you did not notice…”
“Did not notice what.”
“The, um, images on the tag. Particularly the one of…you.”
“…well, bollocks.”
Notes:
Obviously I'm going to buy Tsum Loki the second he actually comes out (so far, he doesn't exist beyond pictures like the one on the tag), and Tiny Loki will just have to deal with it.
Chapter 178: Tsum Widow
Notes:
A companion to the previous chapter, except I actually own this one (and Thor and Gamora) instead of just taking a picture at Target.
Chapter Text
“Well, at least the form of an insect is appropriate for the Black Widow, if rather unflattering.”
“That’s cute, but spiders aren’t insects, and I can absolutely still hurt you without limbs.”
Chapter 179: Double header
Chapter Text
“That is…genuinely disturbing.”
“Yeah, not gonna argue with you there. I’ll be honest, I don’t actually want to know what’s going on here.”
Bonus: the whole reason I had these two out in the first place was because, uh, I decided to take some Steve/Loki pictures for Lise. (It's okay, this is 6" Loki, not the usual Tiny Loki, so this one isn't cheating on Sif or anybody else.) An example:
Chapter 180: Loki doesn't actually ship it
Chapter Text
“My dear brother, you’ve never looked better. Well, cozier, at least. Or fuzzier. Oh, don’t sigh at me, you know it’s true.”
“I suppose this would be a reasonable place for a nap.”
“Certainly, if you find nothing uncomfortable in the idea of sleeping with yourself.”
“…you are still not as funny as you think you are.”
“To be fair, it is a rather high bar.”
Chapter 181: Asgardian beach bod
Notes:
I stumbled across this Thor at a thrift store and figured, well, I might as well bring him on my trip to visit family.
Chapter Text
“…what are you wearing?”
“We are traveling somewhere considerably hotter, yes? I thought I would dress for the weather. Do you not intend to do the same?”
“I like my ordinary travel wear just fine, thank you very much.”
“You know, brother, there is no shame in having musculature that does not quite compare to that of the God of Thunder.”
“Oh, that makes me feel much better.”
Chapter 182: Minnesota: a true ox-brain
Chapter Text
“With everything I hear about this land’s giant blue ox, I begin to wonder if we have not come to Jotunhein instead.”
“Believe me, brother, Jotunheim is neither hot nor welcoming, and I would not have agreed to come.”
“I do like these horns, though.”
“I am sure you do.”
Chapter 183: Minnesota: the mushroom kingdom
Chapter Text
“I would take it as a kindness, brother, if you refrained from reenacting a particular scene from The Lion King just now.”
“One, I cannot imagine why you think I would be familiar with a piece of entertainment for Midgardian children, and two, we are so close to the ground that a fall from this height could bruise only your pride.”
“So you are familiar with The Lion King.”
“…not the point.”
Chapter 184: Minnesota: also Mjolnir probably sinks like a rock
Chapter Text
“Come in, brother, the water is perfectly fine.”
“The last time you said that, the water was still half frozen.”
“Well, the last time you told me the same thing, I was picking leeches from my skin for hours. At least cold water builds character.”
Chapter 185: Minnesota: gone fishin', maybe
Chapter Text
“This does not look like an overly reputable establishment, but at least its construction is solid.”
“Well, if you have claimed this shack, it appears I cannot join you except by appointment—if, in fact, I can be considered a relative. Do you suppose the sign means non-relatives are welcome any time or not at all?”
“Brother, you are welcome anywhere I go, always. Well, ah, perhaps not everywhere…”
“Fear not, I’ve no desire whatsoever to join you in the privy.”
Chapter 186: Minnesota: no, I don't know what kind of skull that is
Notes:
I got back from my trip a few days ago, but I'm still posting latergrams.
Chapter Text
“This is quite a trophy. Will you not come examine it with me?”
“It is liberally decorated with a not insignificant amount of cobwebs, in case you failed to notice.”
“If you are afraid of them, I suppose I can clear away the webs for you.”
“Please note that I never said ‘afraid’. I simply dislike wearing cobwebs on my person.”
Chapter 187: California: not quite a traditional date
Notes:
After visiting family in Minnesota, I went to San Diego to visit a friend, and of course I took pictures there too.
Chapter Text
“This is indeed a lovely place for a ‘date,’ Loki, but surely you recognize that courting a warrior cannot primarily involve strolls in the park, or I am likely to become rather bored.”
“Of course. As it happens, this pond is full of fish—koi, I believe they are called—and although they are not ordinarily dangerous, they are certainly large enough to pose a challenge for you. And then perhaps we can make a picnic of your catch, after.”
“…all right, yes, that does sound like a pleasant afternoon. You will cook the fish, then?”
“Certainly, although I would very much prefer to leave the gutting to you.”
Chapter 188: California: all dogs go to the summoning circle
Notes:
I came across this in a shop of supposedly authentic Mexican stuff in San Diego's Old Town. I have no idea what it's supposed to be (I mean, a candle holder, but otherwise).
Chapter Text
“I…do not think I want to know what is happening here.”
“I certainly do. If this is some strange canine summoning ritual native to this particular area of Midgard, I would very much like to know everything about it.”
“So you can counteract it?”
“Well, that too.”
Chapter 189: Gotta catch at least some of 'em
Summary:
Interrupting the vacation pictures for a Pokemon Go picture, because of course.
Notes:
Sorry about the picture quality. The in-app camera is not what it might be.
Chapter Text
“Are you playing that new game that seems to have all the mortals so entertained? Apparently Stark Tower is a major gathering point of some kind, and I am not sure whether Tony is pleased or annoyed.”
“No, I am not, because I do not rely on silly Midgardian games for entertainment, and I can see creatures others cannot without the aid of equally silly Midgardian devices.”
“Oh, well done finding that one. It looks like it could be fierce, doesn’t it?”
“Please shut up.”
Chapter 190: California: not really king of the jungle
Notes:
California seems to have way more than the usual amount of weird plants that look like horrifying tentacles. (I don't know what the usual amount is, but it's definitely less.)
Chapter Text
“If you are stuck because you thought climbing a tree composed entirely of thorns was a good idea, I am not coming up after you to help. Are you stuck?”
“…no.”
“A related question: why do you continue to believe you can lie to me, ever, about anything?”
Chapter 191: California: feed me, Thor
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“'Violators will be fed to the--' That is absurd. Those are the least impressive carnivorous plants I have ever seen. Even Vanaheim has better.”
“If by better you mean ‘much larger and dangerous to mammals rather than insects’—”
“And therefore a fight worthy of songs in the feast halls, yes, of course that is what I mean.”
“Well, if you wish to test those, be my guest. I prefer to avoid whenever possible any chance of being devoured by plants, but I suppose there is no accounting for taste.”
“Mine in wishing for a good battle, or the plants’ in being willing to digest me?”
“Both, I imagine.”
Notes:
This is the last latergram from this vacation, at least for the time being; I have some other pictures, but nothing with a concrete caption.
Also, if this photo looks weird, that's because it's actually part of one photo inexpertly layered over another so both the foreground and background are more or less in focus, because I couldn't get both to look right at the time. I used the PicsArt Photo Studio app for iOS, in case anyone would like to play around with something similar. (I could swear Snapseed used to have layers but either they never did or don't anymore, I don't know.)
Chapter 192: The accessories make the man
Notes:
Listen, it was on clearance at Hot Topic, don't judge me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“That is…a bow. That is a hair bow with my helmet on it as a decoration.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I am not at all sure whether I should be insulted or flattered.”
Notes:
Yikes, I haven't updated this in nearly a month. I haven't been very inspired, I guess, although with Halloween season rapidly approaching, hopefully that will change soon.
Chapter 193: Gone camping
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Really?”
“Listen—”
“Really.”
“I swear I did not choose this sleeping bag.”
“REALLY.”
“Tony bought me one because he thought it was hilarious and then I couldn’t find another one at the last minute, okay?”
“And people call me vain.”
Notes:
True story: I found this tiny Cap sock in a puddle while walking my dog and decided to take it home with me in case I found a use for it. I won't say this was a good use, but hey, it's something. (Ever since I started customizing action figures, I've become even more of a magpie than I used to be.) Also true story: I made the tiny pillows when I was like 8 for the two or three action figures I had at the time, and I used the red sock as a sleeping bag for them. Why did I hang onto these things for something like 20 years? Uh...I have no idea, but I guess I'm glad I did.
Chapter 194: Stand under my umbrella
Chapter Text
“Under Midgardian conventions, I believe I should be holding this for my lady…?”
“Given that you are paler, vainer, and generally more fastidious than I am, I rather think you should keep it for yourself.”
Chapter 195: The adventures of tinier Loki and Thor
Notes:
Funko finally made a Pocket Pop version of Loki and I'm so happy. Unlike the normal-sized versions, this one is also appropriately pale (full-sized Funko Thor, for some reason, is paler than Funko Loki).
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oh, that is…that is just precious. I feel as if I should scratch him behind the ears or something. It’s—well, you don’t exactly have a ‘mini-me,’ as I think the humans say, but perhaps your large-headed counterpart would appreciate a shrunken version of himself. At least they can be abnormal together.”
“I suppose I cannot disagree. Also, Loki, look what I found.”
“…oh, Norns.”
“I think ‘precious’ was the word you used? ‘Adorable’ would also fit.”
“I hate you. And Midgard, but especially you.”
Notes:
You want a little ridiculous and mostly irrelevant behind-the-scenes info? I bought the Thor Pocket Pop ages ago--like, probably about a year--for the sole purpose of doing something like this, and then I never got around to taking a picture with it, partly because I couldn't think of anything Thor should say in response to Loki's snark. Not terribly long ago, Funko announced a Loki Pocket Pop, which of course I needed because I need all the Lokis, but better yet I finally had an obvious way to finish the dumb caption. Honestly this is pretty representative of my writing process in general, in that I have lots of ideas and then I take way, way too long to execute them.
Chapter 196: The mighty jungle
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Truthfully, Loki, it does seem a bit odd—I am reasonably sure it is customary on Midgard to keep one’s grass from growing quite so high.”
“‘High’ is rather a relative measure for us, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Notes:
To be fair, the grass really was high, because it had rained several days in a row and nobody could cut it.
Chapter 197: It's my party and I'll go to high school if I want to
Chapter Text
“You are hosting a–-what?”
“My sweet 1600 party! Everybody at school is coming, it’s going to be the best party in town–-”
“Wait, you are 1,600 years old?”
“Well, 1,599 for a little bit longer, but yeah. Vampires, you know.”
“You are older than I am…and you willingly attend high school.”
“…yes? I mean, my parents want me to, but all my ghoulfriends are there, so…”
“No, carry on, I simply had not previously realized that I do not understand even nonhuman Midgardians.”
Chapter 198: Every Loki needs his Thor
Notes:
Hot Toys Thor finally joins us, because I am weak and also see the chapter title.
Chapter 199: Halloween: the pumpkin princes
Chapter Text
“Now, I may be wrong—which is rather unlikely—but I believe the usual goal in decorating a pumpkin is to make it frightening, yes?”
“We Avengers are indeed fearsome warriors.”
“Hmm. Perhaps. To be perfectly honest I should think it would be rather more frightening that the lot of you have found yourselves in the company of such famously intimidating characters as Olaf the snowman.”
“Oh, so you know his name? I thought you might like that tale.”
“I—shut up.”
Chapter 200: Halloween: a pumpkin by any other name
Chapter Text
“This is—supposed to resemble a pumpkin? I am sure it could be made to look even less like one, but that would take genuine effort.”
“Perhaps the flavor is that of a pumpkin?”
“Well, if that is the intent, the humans who created this candy still failed miserably. Even the chocolate is barely passable.”
Chapter 201: Halloween: costumes part 1
Chapter Text
“Explain.”
“Well…ghosts are traditional, but…”
“You are supposed to be a ghost?”
“That was the plan, but this garment is not exactly cooperating.”
“Perhaps you should add some lace and mimic one of the mortals’ myths, if you are determined to look absurd. That was my goal, of course. I had hoped to find an inflatable Mjolnir, but this tiny copy is good too, don’t you think?”
“For varying definitions of ‘good,’ certainly.”
“Do remember that this was your idea in the first place. Did you really think I would ignore a perfect opportunity to mock you?”
Chapter 202: Halloween: costumes part 2
Chapter Text
“This ensemble neither fits nor makes sense. Why did you insist we try to put together costumes?”
“It is festive! And the hat is—”
“If you say it suits me, I will throw something at you.”
“It…is at least one of your colors?”
“Yes, and I am nearly certain it looks ridiculous. Speaking of which, what in the Nine Realms are you wearing?”
“Surely you have heard of Santa Claus.”
“Yes, for a completely different holiday. One which, I might note, does not normally involve sunglasses.”
“Well, at least it is a complete outfit. And Tony Stark says that sunglasses are ‘cool’.“
“I am sure he does.”
Chapter 203: Thanksgiving: the star-spangled mate with a plate
Chapter Text
“I would be thankful for my shield, if it weren’t COVERED IN FOOD.”
“It is hardly my fault that your shield makes a perfect platter, Captain.”
“I don’t see you loading up Sif’s shield.”
“Of course not. I am not that reckless.”
Chapter 204: Gluttony pt. 13: drinking chocolate
Chapter Text
“So this is ‘drinking chocolate’? Brother, I do believe you are drooling a bit.”
“I am doing no such thing. Now shut up and help me with this spoon.”
Chapter 205: Holidays: 'tis the season
Chapter Text
“Look, brother, even these admittedly strange creatures are in a celebratory mood.”
“Yes, and they all look nearly as foolish as you do, so if that is your argument for convincing me to wear a silly hat, you’ve failed.”
“Then perhaps you should wear it because these decorations are festive and colorful, and you are far too young to be curmudgeonly about holidays.”
“By Midgardian standards, we are both positively ancient, and I reserve the right to be as curmudgeonly as I please.”
Chapter 206: Holidays: does a bear...well, you know
Chapter Text
“This is meant to be a mildly comical version of a Midgardian latrine, yes?”
“I…believe so.”
“And it has been created as a decoration for this holiday, for Midgardians to hang on their Christmas trees and stare at every day.”
“So it would seem.”
“How very dignified.”
“Geez, you two wanna let a guy do his business in peace?”
Chapter 207: Holidays: varying degrees of festivity
Notes:
If you celebrate, I hope you have a merry Christmas; if not, have a good weekend and enjoy these dummies.
Chapter Text
“What do you think, brother?”
“I think you look ridiculous, but at least you look ridiculous in a seasonally appropriate fashion this time, so I suppose that counts as a slight improvement.”
Chapter 208: The Squishy Avenger
Chapter Text
“I sincerely hope this is not, in fact, a life-like representation of the good Captain, or I will begin to harbor serious doubts about your merry band’s validity as superheroes. Or, for that matter, vertebrates.”
“You have met Steve. You know he barely resembles these squishy…things.”
“Yes, but it is much more entertaining to speculate.”
Chapter 209: Gonna get political for a hot second
Summary:
...because I'm American and it's basically all I can think about anymore, which means it's bleeding into everything, so yay for that haha we're all doomed, anyway if you're avoiding anything even remotely political feel free to skip this one
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
(Filed under “dealing with things kinda flippantly so you don’t cry/scream,” tbh)
“Yeah, I know, we should’ve let you rule us when we had the chance.”
“I said nothing.”
“You’re good at saying nothing REALLY loudly.”
“You must admit, I am vastly more qualified than this band of incompetents–-not to mention considerably more dignified. And at least I recognize that you humans are destroying your own planet.”
“There is definitely that, yeah.”
“…you have a worse sad-puppy face than Thor. Do not despair, Captain; no regime can last forever.”
Chapter 210: The Tsum Titan
Notes:
Unrelated to this specific picture: I forgot to link it before, but Lacrimula_Falsa did a great New Year photo for me that made me feel better about not coming up with one of my own this year. Go check it out!
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“They did it. They actually—Norns. Midgard took the Mad Titan and made him look not only unthreatening but actually, genuinely silly. I—ah, Norns, I have no idea how to think or feel about this.”
“…brother, are you all right?”
“Never better. And I might even mean that sincerely.”
Chapter 211: Gluttony pt. 14: TGI Friday's Brownie Obsession
Notes:
I made the mistake of getting dessert at TGI Friday recently and it was delicious but also I almost exploded, so I decided somebody needed to suffer with me.
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“…worth it.”
“I am amazed you can even move enough to speak, after all that.”
“You love chocolate, why are you not suffering with me?”
“Perhaps you have not noticed, but I tend to have marginally better self-control than you do.”
“Marginally.”
“Yes, well, I am also capable of self-awareness now and then.”
Chapter 212: the legend of yelling
Notes:
This is probably only funny if you've played any Zelda games, tbh.
Chapter Text
“Hyuh? Hyaaaa!”
“Oh, Norns. Thor, I’ve found someone even less articulate in battle than you.”
“Really? Curious, when his battle cries sound rather more like yours.”
Chapter 213: In which Loki is actually a cat
Notes:
Featuring in-progress custom Lokitty, who only needs horns to be finished (he started life looking like this).
Chapter Text
“Where did—oh. Practicing shapeshifting, brother?”
“It is not ‘practice’ if one is already a master of the art. And as much as I hate to ask, how did you guess it was me?”
“Well, when you are a cat, you still look…a great deal like yourself.”
“Is that so.”
“And given that you did not seem to be otherwise nearby, I supposed that you would not be around to mock me if I guessed incorrectly.”
Chapter 214: Mightier than two-ply
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oh, well, done, the humans admire you so much they have created a way to wipe their noses on your image.”
“I hope you are not asking me to explain—”
“Not in the slightest. An explanation would only ruin it. Honestly, did I ever say I hated Midgard? I lied. I love Midgard.”
“Well, brother, it is good to see you smile, even when it is at my expense.”
“…you take the fun out of everything.”
Notes:
Don't tell Thor, but the picture is just on the wrapper, not on the actual tissues (sadly, they're plain).
Chapter 215: listen. all cymbal monkeys are evil.
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“If I understand my Midgardian lore correctly, and I believe I do, any toy of this type is highly likely to be haunted or possessed, correct?”
“…possibly?”
“Then WHY would anyone deliberately purchase one and invite it into their home?”
“I know for a fact you have bought at least three different trinkets on three different realms purely because the vendor claimed they were haunted.”
“Yes, but those fell under professional curiosity.”
Chapter 216: Mighty tasty
Notes:
April 28 is National Superhero Day, so...I had to post something.
Chapter Text
“Really, brother? REALLY?”
“If you think I created this—”
“Well, no; if you wanted to make Mjolnir out of food, I rather think you would use nothing but meat.”
“Hm, that is not a bad idea.”
“And a messy one. I think I prefer this odd mortal snack, as figuratively tasteless as its decoration might be.”
(haha so remember literally years ago when Age of Ultron came out and I fixated on finding a box of promo Cheez-Its so I could get a picture with the Mjolnir one? yes it really did take me this long to figure out a caption of some kind and tbh I don’t know that it was worth the wait but what can you do)
Chapter 217: Loki would also like a standard tribble
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“No, I do not understand why humans would put eyes on a ball of fur. Please do not ask me.”
“Actually, if you are finished making assumptions, I was going to say I want one.”
“…do you really, or are you just being deliberately contrary?”
“Have you ever known me to have only one motivation for any given action?”
Chapter 218: I don't even know what to call that expression
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“Honestly, Thor, why didn’t you tell me sooner that the mortals have created not one but multiple representations of the Mad Titan that can only be described as ridiculously silly? Truly, this goes far beyond simply finding mortals entertaining at times.”
“The audacity and humor of mortals can indeed be heartening.”
“Oh, you needn’t look so smug, it’s not as if I’m declaring everlasting love for Midgard.”
“No smugness, brother. I am simply pleased for you.”
“You are, as ever, a terrible liar.”
“Very well, perhaps I am a little smug to see you warming up to Midgardian creations. But I am pleased for you.”
Chapter 219: With great power comes great stickiness
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“So…”
“The good Captain does not typically possess the ability to crawl on walls, correct?”
“Not like this, certainly.”
“I suppose in the context of a nearly infinite multiverse in which anything that can happen has happened, somewhere there might exist a Captain America who was also bitten by a radioactive spider and developed thematically appropriate powers—”
“What would he call himself? Spider Captain? American Spider?”
“—but I sincerely hope he would not look like this.”
Chapter 220: Happy Pride
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To finish out Pride Month, here’s something else Thor now takes very seriously because he wants to support his baby brother (who is canonically bi and genderfluid in comics, and although he hasn’t been revealed as either in the MCU, there’s also nothing to say he definitively isn’t).
Chapter 221: In which I have more feelings about Loki encountering silly figures of Thanos
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“He is—Thor. Thor, look, his head bobbles. The Titan is a bobblehead. A tiny bobblehead.”
“Indeed he is, brother.”
“Oh, go ahead and laugh, there’s nothing you can do to ruin this.”
“I would not wish to.”
Chapter 222: Gluttony pt. 14: National Ice Cream Day
Chapter Text
“You are not eating all of that.”
“Of course not. We shall share it.”
“…fine.”
Chapter 223: Date night
Notes:
For some reason it rarely occurs to me to mention this, but I'm also on Tumblr; these pictures go up there first.
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“Loki, you know I do not dance.”
“Neither do I, but I am confident that together we can manage something that will not look too terribly foolish.”
Chapter 224: Talkeetna: you're a little late
Notes:
I visited Talkeetna a couple weekends ago and stayed in an even nicer cabin than usual (although it also had a mildly terrifying incinerator toilet), so naturally the boys did a little exploring too.
Chapter Text
“Come, brother, perhaps in this cave—”
“One, that is not a cave, and two, now that you have dragged me all the way out here to the middle of nowhere, I might actually be able to help if you would just tell me what manner of creature you are hunting.”
“Mammoths, of course! Did I not say? I am sure I read that they roam this land.”
“Mammoths are extinct, you dunce, and you are walking home.”
“If you stay, I will buy you ice cream in town. And good chocolate.”
“…I will consider it.”
Chapter 225: Alaska: at least it's probably consensual
Notes:
I recently came back from a week-long trip to Ireland, where I found...not as many photo opportunities for my boys as I'd hoped to, but I do have a few, at least some of which haven't even been posted on Tumblr/Instagram yet (a long with a whole bunch of other photos of Ireland's scenery, because I have a hard time choosing what to post). This one is from that trip, but I took it at my home airport before I even got to my gate; it's a little diorama on loan from the nearby aviation museum. (My only excuse for the title otherwise is that the joke was right there and also I couldn't think of anything else.)
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“‘Safe and sane flying’?”
“Well…as mortals consider it, perhaps.”
“Thor, I have BEEN insane. I know what sanity looks like, and that rickety craft does not even come close.”
#Loki means this quite literally
Chapter 226: Ireland: scary souvenirs before you even leave the airport
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“I…hm.”
“I would say I don’t want to ask, but actually these bear rather a resemblance to Volstagg, don’t you think?”
“Oh, be fair.”
“You’re right, he has been known a time or two to open his mouth even wider than that when his favorite delicacies are involved.”
Chapter 227: Ireland: not lethally fluffy though
Notes:
I'm slowly posting various Ireland photos (among other things) on Instagram, by the way, so if you're at all interested in that, feel free to follow me there!
Chapter Text
“Midgardian souvenirs are extremely strange.”
“Yes, but this one is also extremely fluffy, which makes up for it a bit.”
Chapter 228: Ireland: at least it's useful for somebody
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“I like this one! It has a good heft to it, particularly compared to the other odd souvenirs.“
“That is a replica shillelagh, an Irish cudgel presumably used rather like a wooden Mjolnir for indiscriminate smashing, so yes, I imagine you do.”
Chapter 229: Ireland: Loki no
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“Now THIS is a souvenir. Or it would be if I could get the book itself.”
“…you mean the actual Book of Kells that the humans consider a priceless historical artifact and display under glass in a museum?”
“All my best souvenirs are priceless historical artifacts, Thor. I don’t see why you should sound so scandalized.”
Chapter 230: Ireland: nope
Notes:
Encountered these in the Dublin airport on my way home.
Chapter Text
“Let’s just…leave, shall we?”
“For once, I am entirely in agreement with you. I cannot imagine enjoying any surprise these…beings…might offer.”
Chapter 231: Germany: pint-size disappointments
Summary:
Ended up with an overnight layover in Frankfurt, Germany, on the way back home and even though I wasn't able to go any further than a hotel physically attached to the airport, I figured I'd grab a couple souvenirs. So...
Chapter Text
“Well, I suppose the Frankfurt airport did not produce terrible souvenirs…”
“Except this mug is sadly empty.”
“And this is a book of postcards, containing not a single word. I take back the overly charitable assumption.”
Chapter 232: Ireland trip: the very long way home
Notes:
I got very lucky on the flight home and had the whole row to myself, so obviously I had to take advantage of that.
Chapter Text
“Explain to me again why you insisted we take the long way home by spending 9 hours in a glorified metal can with wings.”
“I thought…for a more authentic Midgardian experience…”
“Unless I have been severely misinformed, I am quite sure Midgardians do not travel like this, and they CERTAINLY do not travel inside backpacks.”
“…I believe their pets sometimes do.”
“Hilarious. No.”
“Well, you cannot deny the view is good.”
Chapter 233: Gluttony pt. 15: International Coffee Day
Chapter Text
“It certainly isn’t bad, brother, but it’s still a little too sweet for my preferences.”
“Fine, then move so someone who actually appreciates a good mocha can enjoy this.”
“I never said I didn’t want to help you with it.”
“I neither need nor want your help. Go find your own dull, bitter black coffee.”
“Loki–-”
“Oh very well, you may have a little.”
Chapter 234: Frankly I don't get it either
Notes:
The picture of the giant, mildly terrifying Kinder Surprise figures at the Dublin airport prompted a discussion about Kinder Surprise eggs. I thought maybe they were legal in the US after all, because I'd seen them (or rather, thought I had) in my grocery store's candy aisle, so I figured I'd buy one for ~research~. First discovery: what's available in my grocery store, at least, is not actually Kinder Surprise but "milk chocolate & surprise" by some company called Galerie. Second--well, see below. Apparently Choco Treasure--which isn't at my store--is the only company in the US allowed to put the toy inside the egg; I have no idea why.
Chapter Text
“So let me see if I have this straight. In some parts of Midgard, hollow chocolate eggs like this are sold with some kind of toy inside, but in this part of Midgard, such an arrangement is quite literally against the law, and so the two items are packaged separately.”
“It would seem so.”
“But the chocolate egg is still hollow and large enough to fit the toy capsule that is not, in fact, inside it.”
“Yes…”
“And the toy in this particular instance is a tiny bust of the Widow who rather looks as if her mouth has melted.”
“Honestly, Loki, I don’t know why you expect me to have explanations for this sort of thing.”
“I don’t, actually, but watching you try to come up with them is entertaining at times.”
Chapter 235: Halloween: you know, the traditional Halloween scuba-diving gnome
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Yes, this makes every possible kind of sense.”
Notes:
In case anyone's wondering, the boys were my only contribution to this little display; otherwise, that's exactly how I found it. My guess is a JoAnn employee was trying to be creative in advertising leftover summer miniatures with the new Halloween ones.
Chapter 236: Halloween: it's a good cat, Thor
Chapter Text
“You are always telling me to be more cautious, and now you are going to approach…that?”
“It’s a cat–-large and undead, yes, but a cat nonetheless, and it stands guard over books of magic, which indicates excellent priorities. Yes, of course I am going to approach it.”
Chapter 237: Halloween: bad memories
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“What’s wrong, brother?”
“Astonishingly enough, I am not wildly thrilled by the idea of spending any more time around something that looks so much like the Lady Death.”
“Of course. I’m sorry, I should have realized.”
“…that is not your fault. But…thank you.”
Chapter 238: Halloween: creepy career day
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“Considering a new career, brother?”
“You think you’re joking, but if ‘Creepy Crawlies Pet Sitting’ were slightly larger and not merely a decoration, I actually might.”
Chapter 239: Halloween: #wtf
Chapter Text
“Hashtag same, honestly.”
“I don’t know whether to be disturbed by what you just said or flabbergasted that you willingly used the type of human slang you typically disdain.”
“If it makes your decision any easier, I have no interest in cooperating with either topic of conversation.”
Chapter 240: Ragnarok: happy Thorsday
Notes:
I posted this on Instagram and Tumblr yesterday, i.e. actually on Thursday/Thorsday/opening night, and then I was away from my computer most of the evening and forgot to repost it here, oops. Anyway I'm seeing Ragnarok tonight; hope I like it! I'm also wearing the shirt in the picture, for obvious reasons.
Chapter Text
“Well, that is certainly…”
“Adorable?”
“I was going to say disgusting.”
“Disgustingly adorable.”
“…fair enough.”
Chapter 241: Ragnarok: definitely not that emoji movie
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I am sure you don’t care for these little pictures, Loki, but I quite like them.”
“They are certainly…distinctive.”
“I am rather fond of the fact that this version of you looks as cheerful as mine does. It’s refreshing.”
“Oh, come now, I am not Banner; I am not always angry. Perhaps…75% of the time.”
“Really.”
“Oh, very well, 85%.”
“That sounds a bit more accurate. I also quite like how you’re the only one on the poster who’s waving at the viewer.”
“Of course you do.”
Bonus: look who I finally got yesterday :D
Notes:
So, I saw Ragnarok and liked it, although a number of things bugged me the more I thought about them, and I wrote a short fic that made me feel better, and then I saw it again and liked it a lot more the second time, and ever since I've just kind of been overflowing with feelings. Also I've been reblogging a lot of Ragnarok stuff on Tumblr, including a million fanart versions of The Hug That Definitely Absolutely Happened And No One Can Convince Me Otherwise.
Chapter 242: Thanksgiving: the reason for the season
Notes:
These are cookies & cream M&Ms, apparently? I don't know, they were good.
Chapter Text
“On this day of giving thanks, you’re grateful for the humans’ innovations with chocolate, aren’t you, Loki?”
“…not when any of them are around to hear me say it.”
Chapter 243: Thanksgiving: of course Steve can cook
Notes:
Introducing 12" Marvel Legends Captain America, who is 1) more comics than film and 2) obviously not as nice as Hot Toys Loki and Thor, but he's not bad. Also a lot cheaper, obviously. I hope Marvel makes more for this particular line, because so far there's not a lot.
Chapter Text
“I would be thankful for leftovers…if we all had some.”
“Not my fault neither of you bothered learning how to cook. I was generous enough earlier, I think I get to be a little selfish with the last slice of pie that I made.”
Chapter 244: Christmas: Santa fhtagn
Chapter Text
“This is supposed to be one of Midgard’s Christmas figures, yes?”
“Loki, I know you are not actually ignorant about the most common Midgardian customs, and certainly not that one.”
“Answer the question.”
“Yes, of course that is supposed to be Santa Claus.”
“It looks, to me, more like a very different Midgardian figure. I’ll give you a hint—he probably also sees you when you’re sleeping and when you’re awake. Also he’s dead and dreaming and he lives in R’lyeh.”
"That's...not..."
"I know it's supposed to be a beard. That is not a beard. That is 100% tentacles."
Chapter 245: Christmas: we deserve a Brodinsons road trip in canon
Chapter Text
“What do you think, brother, do we have time for a holiday road trip?”
“For the sake of the inevitable consequences to family unity if we stayed in such close quarters for longer than a few minutes, it’s probably just as well that this is not, in fact, a functional vehicle. The door doesn’t even open, in case you failed to notice.”
“You don’t think it would be a least a little bit fun?”
“…maybe a tiny bit, as long as you didn’t snore.”
Chapter 246: Christmas: this Santa might also be a cosmic horror
Chapter Text
“This close to Christmas, and Santa’s workshop is entirely empty? That does not seem like a particularly good sign, especially if one were to take it as a general representation of Midgardian sloppiness.”
“Perhaps it just looks empty to you because the gifts only appear to good children.”
“Entirely possible. What does it say about you, then, that it looks empty to you as well?”
Chapter 247: Christmas: stumbling through the snow
Chapter Text
“Please tell me you did not cut this driver off at his feet so you could drive his car.”
“The driver was a snowman, first of all, so any amputation is hardly a serious concern, and second, that would be pointless, because this isn’t even a functional car.”
“That…does not actually answer my question.”
“Well, it was a silly question.”
Chapter 248: Christmas: still not very merry
Notes:
Merry Christmas if you celebrate; if not, have a good Monday!
Chapter Text
“Absolutely not.”
“It’s festive.”
“It’s ridiculous.”
“The colors are seasonally appropriate—”
“By complete coincidence, which also applies to the clothes I am already wearing. If you would like to look ridiculous in an enormous bow with my helmet on it, however, be my guest. If you simply wanted to make me look ridiculous, I’m afraid you’ll have to try harder.”
Chapter 249: I have an army
Chapter Text
I meant to post this a bit earlier, but: it's probably very obvious by now that I have a frankly ridiculous number of Loki figures, so naturally I wanted to get a picture of all of them. Over the New Year weekend, I finally brought home all the Lokis (and accompanying Thors) that live at my office, which is most of them but not all of them, and painstakingly set them all up with the Lokis and Thors that live at home.
The picture quality is less than ideal but I wanted to share my full army (so far) because, I mean, look at it.
(the sad thing is that this photoshoot, improbably, had a couple casualties: Lokitty fell and the horns came off, and the helmet wings also came off the Thor string doll, and neither of these things would have been a big deal because I could just glue them back on
except
I wanted to do other things first so I left Lokitty, String Doll Thor, and their missing pieces sitting out on a tray table in the living room for a few days
aaaaaaand the cat knocked them off and disappeared them
so now I have Lokitty but not his horns, and String Doll Thor’s helmet wings but not String Doll Thor, and I have spent a not-insignificant amount of time crawling around the living room with a flashlight but I haven’t found anything
actually yesterday I did find String Doll Thor but I still haven't found Lokitty's horns and it's very sad)
In case anyone is curious, below is all my Loki figures without the Thors, with a few exceptions that were physically attached or turned out to be integral to the horrible little Jenga-tower situation I created for myself. I keep losing track but I think there are about 45 Lokis, of which only 8 were gifts (and 4 were figures I customized myself, including Lokitty who isn't in the Loki-only picture because I took that after his horns broke off, sigh). I bought all the rest because I have problems.
Anyway, I meant to post these closer to the actual New Year (I did at least post an appropriately seasonal post-Ragnarok fic), but my little army and I hope you all had a good holiday season, and we want to wish everyone a 2018 full of only the best kinds of chaos and mischief.
Chapter 250: Action figures for great justice
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A latergram of sorts related to the Women’s March 2018 this weekend, because of course my kids are invested in supporting equality:
“That’s your sign for the march?“
“Thor made me censor it.”
“All I did was point out that there would be children present.”
“…yes, well. I imagine the good Captain disapproves of even censored vulgarity.”
“Oh, come on. There’s a time and a place, and this is both. You really think I mind a little swearing when we’re trying to stand up to the same kind of people I was fighting when I got turned into a Capsicle?”
“I could un-censor it.”
“Okay, see, there are kids here, though.”
Better shots of everyone else:
Notes:
Loki's sign is partly inspired by this wonderful, wonderful fic (which was itself inspired by this awesome fanart). I also picked up some Star Wars: Forces of Destiny figures recently because those three were on clearance $5 each at Walmart, if anyone else wants them too; for relatively cheap figures designed more for playing than collecting, they're really nice and detailed.
Chapter 251: Properly introducing...
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(...my newest Hot Toys figure, Wanda Maximoff aka Scarlet Witch)
“…well.”
“Indeed.”
“I have no words.”
“I have several, though I am not sure you would wish to hear them. I could of course mock yours, but I am honestly not sure which is worse.”
“You guys saw Steve’s, right? I’m pretty sure he wins this one.”
Chapter 252: Emerald City Comic Con: Steve is no fun
Notes:
I decided to go to Emerald City Comic Con this year, so obviously the boys came with.
Chapter Text
“You know, Asgardian methods of traveling long distances almost never require lost sleep, hours of preparation and travel time, or massive amounts of caffeine.”
“Yeah, and…?”
“And, clearly, Midgardian transportation methods are inferior.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a point literally nobody is arguing.”
Chapter 253: ECCC: Steve is still no fun
Chapter Text
“Not just inferior but appallingly primitive.”
“Yeah, again, no one is arguing with that.”
Chapter 254: ECCC: and yet there's way less art and merch of Loki
Chapter Text
“No snide comments about the teeming masses of humanity?”
“I’ve seen multiple people dressed as multiple versions of me, so no, I would say at least a few members of this crowd have good taste.”
“And several dressed as me.”
“I never said they all have good taste.”
Chapter 255: ECCC: Sleiporgi
Notes:
There was nowhere near enough Loki art or merch at ECCC to satisfy me (in fairness, "enough Loki art/merch to satisfy me" might be an impossible standard to reach, not to mention very dangerous for my wallet...but on the other hand, there really wasn't much, and there was a lot of Marvel art in general, and specifically quite a bit of MCU art featuring Basically Everyone Except Loki, and a lot of artists who responded to my sad questions with "I don't have any Loki, but I really should draw him" YES, YOU SHOULD), but I did find a few really great pieces. This was the first one, and actually the only time my sad question resulted in the artist digging around and finding one.
Chapter Text
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“It’s cute.”
“I SAID I don’t want to hear it.”
Chapter 256: ECCC: you spin me right round
Chapter Text
“Okay, that’s…huh. I admit I don’t really get the fidget-spinner fad, at least for people who don’t actually need fidget tools—”
“There is, of course, a joke to be made here about how you are old and therefore out of touch, but I suppose it works better coming from someone who is not many times older than you.”
“…yes thanks, Loki, we’re all in awe of your restraint. Anyway, these are kind of cool, although—is that one made of lots of little Mjolnirs?”
“No. That would be very silly.”
“Ignore my brother. Yes, Captain, delightfully, it is exactly that.”
Chapter 257: zoom zoom pt. 2
Notes:
Remember forever ago when we found Marvel cars? We found more.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Wait, this isn’t just a car decorated with Captain America’s symbols, this is…Captain America as a car. Amazing. Not quite the whole crew, I see, but—what is that car behind you?”
“What car?”
“The one I rather suspect you’re deliberately blocking, which I suppose answers my question.”
“…it’s nothing.”
“It is also amazing, actually.”
Notes:
There was no Loki, of course, or I absolutely would have bought one, because I have no shame or self-control where Loki stuff is concerned.
Chapter 258: Infinity War (sort of): Loki doesn't dig it
Notes:
This one really doesn't have anything to do with Avengers: Infinity War specifically, but it's semi-related and I'll probably have more, so...it gets the label.
Chapter Text
“'Infinity Gem dig-it’? That is—that is a TERRIBLE idea, how are any humans still alive when they make things like this??”
“Those aren’t real Infinity Stones…”
“YES THANK YOU THOR I DO REALIZE THAT, ACTUALLY”
Chapter 259: Easter (also sort of): candy holidays are best holidays
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Well, brother, you’ve convinced me of the merits of at least a few Midgardian holidays–-”
“Are you actually admitting you were wrong about something?”
“…I misspoke. My point was, some of them are adequate, but the best would have to be the Feast of St. Markdown.”
“The…what, now?”
“It occurs multiple times each year and I guarantee you’ve celebrated it with me in the past, although possibly not by name. Particularly after, let me see…Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s, Easter…right now, in fact.”
Notes:
I didn’t come up with this clever name and I'm not sure who did; Google isn't helping so it's almost definitely not a common term. A friend reminded me that Cleolinda Jones said it on Twitter at some point, though, which is probably where I picked it up. (Also, yes, all of this chocolate currently lives in my office. Look, I'm trying to make it last.)
Chapter 260: Every day is "roast your sibling day" when you're Loki
Chapter Text
For National Sibling Day, because what are siblings for except making fun of you?
“Oh Norns.”
“You know, the joke here is obvious, so why don’t we assume we both get it and just skip saying–-”
“IT’S YOU AS A LITERAL BLOCKHEAD. LITERAL. BLOCKHEAD. This is amazing. Oh, don’t sigh like that, you didn’t REALLY expect me to let this pass unremarked, did you?”
Chapter 261: Infinity War: we're not a clever species
Notes:
Soooooo who else is terrified about Infinity War?? I know there's information out there now that the premiere is done, but at this point it's probably not reliable so I'm not looking for spoilers yet, and ugh I'm dying
Chapter Text
“No. That is it. I officially give up on humanity.”
“Since when do you think much of them to begin with?”
“Since never, but now my regard for their common sense is in the negative numbers.”
“I admit, encouraging children to pretend to control the fate of the universe through massively powerful cosmic artifacts seems…unwise.”
“JUST A LITTLE.”
Chapter 262: Infinity War: anyway Thanos can bite me
Notes:
Implied spoilers for Infinity War in this one.
Chapter Text
“I have…multiple questions.”
“Well, this is not in any way the real Thanos, to begin with.”
“Yes, I figured that part out for myself, given that he is rather small and not reacting to…whatever you are doing. What are you doing, exactly?”
“I imagine you’ve heard of voodoo?”
“Both the actual Midgardian practice and the way it is commonly misrepresented in popular media, yes. I’m reasonably sure this is neither.”
“Probably not, but it’s making me feel better.“
"Fair enough."
"Burning effigies is also popular, so I might try that next, if you want to join me.”
“…that sounds marvelous, actually.”
Chapter 263: Infinity War: Thor is still traumatized and so am I
Notes:
FYI, this chapter contains even more heavily implied Infinity War spoilers.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“You’re really taking this whole thing quite personally, aren’t you?”
“Please, please don’t tell me that surprises you.”
“…well, no. Not at this point. I might even admit to being touched, given that there are no witnesses to hear me say it. But…I am still here, brother.”
“You are, and that is why I am limiting myself to mostly symbolic destruction.”
Bonus from Instagram: after giving the matter a lot of thought, I can now present my final Infinity War review
Notes:
SO HOW'S THAT GRIEVING PROCESS GOING FOR EVERYONE ELSE, HUH
BECAUSE OVER HERE IT'S NOT GOING SUPER GREAT
(although I did write a fix-it fic, so there's that)
Chapter 264: zoom zoom pt. 3
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“THAT IS AMAZING.”
“There is also one for you, you know. Its nose is Mjolnir. Look, there’s a picture.”
“It is definitely not as hilarious and also it isn’t here right now. This is wonderful. Your car has a cape. It has an ‘adjustable chin spoiler.’ What even is that?”
“I’ve no idea. Are you done?”
“Not a chance.”
Notes:
I'd seen some Hot Wheels character cars before for other Marvel characters and then a few for actual Marvel movies, but when I came across a Tumblr post about this one, I basically went "that's the silliest thing I've ever seen and I have to have it." After at least a couple months of searching and impatiently waiting, my Walmart finally got a few. (I'm also entertained by how the Hulk car would not at all look out of place among the War Rigs in Mad Max: Fury Road.)
Chapter 265: National Selfie Day
Notes:
National Selfie Day was actually June 21, but I didn't have my act together, so...it's a day late.
Chapter Text
“I told you this wasn’t going to work. Didn’t I tell you this wasn’t going to work?”
“Yes, Loki, you’re always right, is that what you want to hear?”
“…only if you say it again so I can record it.”
“Absolutely not.”
Chapter 266: Unironic use of "#blessed" will probably also result in mild stabbing
Notes:
Would've been better if I'd posted this last weekend, but eh.
Chapter Text
“What are you doing?”
“Taking a selfie with my brother!”
“Yes, clearly. What I mean is, why are you doing that?”
“Because…it’s Pride? There’s delicious and unhealthy food? National Selfie Day was just a few days ago? It’s a lovely day and I’m spending it with one of my favorite people?”
“…you are disgustingly sentimental.”
“So I’ve been told. Now hold still.”
“If you get any of that whipped cream in my hair, I really will stab you.”
Chapter 267: Whoever wields this squishy hammer...
Chapter Text
“I suppose it’s appropriate for this strange version of you to have a hard head even with a squishy body, given how spectacularly thick your skull can be.”
“Very funny.”
“That does not explain the squishy body, of course, but I rather like this equally squishy rendition of Mjolnir. I suspect no one would have trouble picking up that one. Well, except for the fact that it seems to be permanently attached to his hand.”
Chapter 268: International Lokitty Day
Notes:
International Cat Day was Aug. 8, but I originally posted this yesterday on Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, so...it counts. (And yes, that's my custom Lokitty.)
Chapter Text
“It is International Cat Day for a few more hours and that means you have to give me your ice cream.”
“I am…reasonably sure it means no such thing.”
“Considering I am the only person you know who is also a cat sometimes, I think I would know.”
“T'challa gains his strength from the Panther God, so even that is not entirely true. Also I’m fairly sure cats are lactose intolerant.”
“Oh please, what kind of shapeshifter would I be if accepted an unsatisfactory digestive system without making adjustments?”
Chapter 269: The sugariest Avenger
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Loki, come look at this—”
“Oh no, I know that look, that’s your ‘I found something horrible that Loki will hate and I’m going to laugh at him about it’ look.”
“Just…come see it.”
“…”
“It’s you but here’s the best part: when I push your head back, you dispense candy!”
“…”
“Not bad candy, either. I’m sure you don’t want any, though, so I’ll just eat this one.”
“Shut up and give me that.”
Notes:
Yes, Funko makes Pez dispensers now. Yes, of course I bought the Loki one as soon as it was available.
Chapter 270: Loki's high score is probably pretty tough to beat
Notes:
It's National Video Game Day! I fully intend to celebrate by playing some more Silent Hill 3, once I make myself get a few other things done.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I just beat your high score, Loki!”
“You’ve been playing for five minutes.”
“Well, maybe I’m unusually good at it.”
“Maybe you should show me the actual scores so I can see for myself.”
“…or you could take my word for it.”
“Absolutely not.”
Notes:
Yes, this tiny machine really works! It's a little tough to play just because it's so small (and the buttons aren't labeled, and the onscreen text is hard to read), and I have no idea if it actually saves scores, but it's a completely functional game. I found it at Walmart for about $12, which is several dollars less than the prices I'm seeing at Amazon, for some reason. (Also just realized they make this in a Galaga variety, and now I'm sad my store didn't have that one because it would've been even more appropriate.)
Chapter 271: Captain America wants YOU...to get off your ass
Notes:
US voting registration deadlines are coming up really soon (tomorrow, in several states). Go use a site like I Will Vote or TurboVote to register or check your registration, and then commit to vote. Otherwise you make Steve sad and frustrated, and nobody wants that.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Captain.”
“Hi. Mind if I sit?”
“Feel free. Are you, ah, really intending to consume…all of that?”
“If I’m really lucky, a whole bottle of wine and a case of whatever this is might be enough to give me a buzz, and if that doesn’t work I can at least get a quick sugar high from all this ice cream. So yeah.”
“…bad day?”
“Frustrating. I’m doing some ad spots for a campaign to get out the vote—”
“Of course you are.”
“—and, shut up, they’re not as awful as the ones I did a few years ago, and it’s really important so I’m glad to help, but I see all this garbage online and my god I’m pretty sure I deserve a medal for sticking to the script and not saying something like, I don’t know, how dare you skip voting just because you’ve decided it doesn’t matter, good people died to give you that right, do you have any idea how recently huge numbers of Americans weren’t allowed to vote, and in fact there are lots of people in this country right now who want to exercise that basic right but can’t for one reason or another, and you want to sit here and tell me you’re perfectly capable of getting to the polls but you’re just not going to bother because you’re convinced it doesn’t make a difference and all the candidates are equally bad? Get off your ass and get to the voting booth, I don’t care if the candidates don’t thrill you and you think it won’t matter. This country’s a mess and voting is the very least you can do to start cleaning it up.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to find you’re so passionate about this.”
“You’re damn right I am. Pretty sure I’ve earned that. No cracks about how we should’ve let you rule us?”
“And interrupt a rare Captain America rant? Never.”
Notes:
If you'd like to share this post, you can reblog it on Tumblr! Or just come say hi on Tumblr.
Chapter 272: Halloween: I mean, who really needs numbers or punctuation
Notes:
Michaels has a lot of fun Halloween stuff this year.
Chapter Text
“So…this device is supposed to be haunted? Or something small is trapped inside it?”
“I’m sure that’s the idea, but given that this typewriter is entirely missing several important keys, I like to think the machine itself is crying out for help from its designer.”
“Perhaps an insect is stuck somewhere in its inner workings.”
“A sentient insect that knows how to spell?”
“You’ve gotten stuck shapeshifting before, I don’t see why that’s an impossible theory.”
Chapter 273: Halloween: to be fair I would also visit
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“The sign says this place is haunted.”
“Yes, and?”
“And…you still want to go inside?”
“I want to go inside because it’s haunted.”
“…of course you do.”
“Honestly, Thor, your tastes can be so dull sometimes. What part of ‘haunted museum’ sounds anything other than fascinating to you?”
“The torture exhibit?”
“Yes, well, I might avoid that part.”
Notes:
Side note: I also bought the cute skeleton couple walking their skeleton dog, largely because the orange hat seems to indicate the one skeleton is female but the purple scarf really doesn't indicate the other is male, and there are no other gender markers because they're skeletons, so I decided they're a cute queer skeleton couple and now they live on my desk at work.
Chapter 274: Halloween: not your typical summer camp
Chapter Text
“As summer camps go, I imagine most Midgardian children wouldn’t like to attend this one, but I can’t say I would mind. It seems…dangerous but potentially fascinating.”
“Really, you wouldn’t mind if Father sent you—”
“Fine, yes, I wouldn’t want to be sent to a summer camp full of the undead, but visiting under my own initiative would be a wonderful opportunity for study.”
“…you’re interested because you want to…study them?”
“Well, if I only wanted to fight them, that wouldn’t be a very good use of a learning opportunity, would it?”
Chapter 275: Halloween: I guess it's easier than carving
Chapter Text
“…why.”
“You already know Midgard has strange holiday customs. Just accept it.”
“I will do no such thing.”
Chapter 276: We voted--will you?
Chapter Text
“Where did you get that? I am reasonably sure you’re not a registered voter and therefore you can’t actually vote.”
“Well, no, I’m not and I didn’t, but we both provided moral support so I think that still counts.”
Chapter 277: Shake shake shake it off
Chapter Text
“Well, it certainly seems like a mass casualty event to me.”
“…okay, yeah, but we didn’t have any deaths or serious injuries either, so the news reports are still probably accurate.”
(For those of you who aren’t in Alaska, which is probably everyone reading this, we had a 7.2 earthquake yesterday morning and everything is a big mess, much worse in many places than some spilled action figures. But we also didn’t have any deaths or major injuries, which is pretty amazing under the circumstances. One crack in the road was pretty much the worst damage in my neighborhood, and even inside my house nothing major was broken, so I was pretty lucky in general.)
Chapter 278: Christmas: well maybe he does
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“These would make wonderful gifts, wouldn’t they?“
“Certainly, if they were functional rather than merely decorative, especially given the obscene amount of glitter involved. Unless you like glitter on your ass, I suppose.”
Notes:
To be fair I probably would buy one of these for my boys despite the glitter, except they really...can't sit down. Like, at all.
Chapter 279: Christmas: gluttony pt. 16 (cupcakes)
Chapter Text
“The candy cane sprinkles are…actually our size.”
“And you’ll be content with that, really, when this cake is basically the perfect size for us to split?”
“Half of this cake is still several times larger than even your very large head. However, the sprinkles are almost tasteless and gorging oneself is traditional at the holidays, so why not.”
“You’ll still mock me if I overeat and complain about being too full, of course.”
“Well, that should go without saying.”
Chapter 280: Christmas: I have arbitrarily named him Greg
Chapter Text
“Is there a common Midgardian tradition of a Christmas dinosaur that eats naughty children’s presents? Or possibly the children themselves?”
“I’m fairly sure there isn’t.”
“Unfortunate. That would make things a little more exciting.”
Chapter 281: Holidays: I also question the color choices here
Chapter Text
“Whatever is in those cups, it looks neither hot nor chocolatey.”
“Maybe you’re…supposed to use your imagination?”
“Imaginary chocolate is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever heard, and given that I grew up with you, that is saying something.”
Chapter 282: New Year: burn it all down
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Like Surtur in the Eternal Flame…the year is reborn.“
“Is that actually going to help?”
“Well, I highly doubt it can hurt. Or do you want to run the risk of essentially repeating 2018 when a bit of ritual might help kill it for good?”
“…no, you’re right, go ahead.”
Notes:
no, of course that isn't real fire
Chapter 283: Now that's what I call a bop
Chapter Text
“Please, please tell me there is a ‘superhero bop bag’ of you.”
“…if there were, do you really think I’d just tell you?”
“Possibly, as a Christmas gift to your beloved brother.”
“Christmas was more than a month ago.”
“That isn’t an answer.”
“Well, Loki, maybe I don’t want to answer the question.”
Chapter 284: Avengers: end me
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I hate to say I told you so—”
“No you don’t.”
“Yeah, okay, I don’t especially hate to say it this time, because—I mean, it’s Thanos. I kicked his butt before. Somebody should’ve called me. We could’ve just prevented aaaaaaallll this gritty grimdark sadness stuff.”
Notes:
Target has several Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors dolls, and I immediately wanted nearly all of them (at this point mostly I just need Kamala Khan). I would've wanted Squirrel Girl anyway, but after seeing her tweet about Endgame, I kind of needed to get her.
Chapter 285: The most punchable
Chapter Text
“Sorry, chico, your face still looks really punchable even when you’re not a kid.”
“I suppose it’s…nice to know some things never change?”
Chapter 286: National Pet Day was yesterday but that’s close enough
Chapter Text
“Loki, good news, we have found someone who can safely store the Tesseract!”
“…by which you mean this thing ate it again while you weren’t paying attention, yes?”
“Watch who you’re calling a thing, buddy, or Goose might decide you look like an even tastier snack.”
“Well, he wouldn’t be entirely wrong about that.”
“Oh, dude, you are so not my type.”
Chapter 287: They actually are cute though
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So…bears on Midgard are just as obsessed with unhealthy sugary drinks as humans are?”
“I think it’s just advertising, it’s not supposed to be real—”
“Yes I realize that, I have watched TV. I still don’t see how implying that bears or frogs or camels enjoy a particular product is supposed to entice humans to buy it.”
“Well, animals are cute.”
“You think humans as a species are cute too, so your taste in ‘cute’ is highly suspect at best.”
Notes:
alternate scenario that only occurred to me after I'd already posted this: Loki put "What's Up Pussycat" (or, hell, maybe something like "Get Lucky," the important part is it's one song over and over again) on repeat on the jukebox and Thor's losing his mind trying to make it stop
Chapter 288: Messing with Dr. Strange is worth any trouble
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“What do you think, does this bead look enough like the Time Stone to fool Doctor Strange?”
“…that sounds like a terrible idea.”
“It sounds like a great idea actually. I doubt I can mimic its energy signature well enough to pass a close inspection, but I’m sure I could give him a bad moment or two, which would absolutely be worth the trouble.”
Notes:
I wrote a whole fic about Loki fucking with Dr. Strange, actually
Chapter 289: Pride: and here's to many more
Notes:
Obviously I should've posted this yesterday when it was still June, but I took the picture yesterday and posted it everywhere else before I went to bed, so...close enough.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Didn’t you already use that sign?”
“Yes, and…? It’s as appropriate as ever.”
“For some values of appropriate.”
“The other Captain and the other America both said I should switch to an uncensored version, so really you should be grateful.”
“Honestly, at this point I’d agree with them. I guess there’s always next year.”
“Next year Loki is making a ‘be gay do crimes’ sign.”
“I said I was thinking about it.”
Notes:
I thought my Natasha doll was roughly the same size as all my other 12-inch figures. She is in fact 10 inches. Normally it's not a huge problem but here you can DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY TELL, whoops.
Additional side note: for a while now I've been keeping an eye out at thrift stores for any scarves that just happen to be in one variety of Pride colors or another, and I've actually found quite a few (Thor's doesn't count because it was an actual rainbow scarf from Hot Topic advertised as part of their Pride collection). Specifically, Loki is wearing bisexual colors, Steve has kind of a plaid rainbow, and only part of America's scarf/cape is visible but its colors are a decent match for at least one lesbian flag.
Chapter 290: heat is a Frost Giant's natural enemy
Notes:
why is it so hot, i would like to stop breaking records now
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“An ice bath, really?”
“Yes. In fact more ice would be ideal.”
“Sure you don’t want at least a little sun?”
“Touch my shade and I will murder you in the face.”
Notes:
How much time did I spend setting this up? Well there's a simple answer and it's "I don't know but if I did I wouldn't tell". Also, Loki should really be focusing more on water than sugary drinks if he wants to stay hydrated, but you work with what you have. (And yes, the big towel is a Captain America washcloth.)
Chapter 291: On a shelf in a craft store there lived...
Chapter Text
“If human tales are anything to go by, at least one of these really ought to contain a hobbit.”
“I can’t imagine they’d be happy to see you.”
“Mm, well, they like visitors who appreciate their tea and a few of them only pretend to despise chaos, so it could really go either way.”
Chapter 292: My grandma says to ask Jesus for protection instead
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Please tell me you can cast some kind of ‘protection from evil’ spell.”
“Oh, it’s essentially a reflex by now every time we enter one of these places.”
Chapter 293: Haunted chair watch
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Loki what did you DO.”
“Absolutely nothing. Some of your precious humans made these cursed…things.”
“And why are they HERE.”
“All right, yes, that part is my fault, I decided if I had to see them then you did too.”
“THAT CHAIR IS MAKING BEDROOM EYES AT ME.”
“Maybe it wants you to sit on it.”
Notes:
I randomly came across a very weird listing on Facebook Marketplace for these--no explanation, just "chairs with faces figurines, $2 each," so I posted a picture to Twitter. A friend of mine thought they were hilarious and wanted one for pranking her friends, so I decided why the hell not and bought two. The couch is staying with me because...well, weird face aside, it's a good size for action figures (I mean most of them can't actually sit, but still).
Chapter 294: International Black Cat Day is even more important
Chapter Text
“Guess what day it is.”
“Do I want to know?”
“Wrong, it’s International Black Cat Day and that means you have to carry me around all day, wherever I want to go.”
“…really.”
“This body is perfectly capable of producing hairballs and I know where you sleep, so yes.”
Chapter 295: Let the past die...PLEASE
Chapter Text
“You know what, no, we did not see that and we’re moving along right now.”
“What’s wrong with his face? I would say something about the helmet tail but that smile actually looks painful.“
“I SAID WE’RE GOING NOW”
“Maybe he just got his teeth done. Or his entire face.”
Chapter 296: This holiday--I like it! Another!
Chapter Text
“Really, Thor?”
“Today is National Coffee Day so you can’t possibly judge me.”
“I can absolutely judge you for drinking all of that and not leaving any for me.”
“…that’s fair.”
Chapter 297: I reject your reality and substitute my own
Chapter Text
“Told you the sun would shine on us again.”
“You did, and I’ve never been happier to be wrong.”
“The mighty Thor, willingly admitting he was wrong? It really must be the end of everything.”
“Well, no, that part already happened. Also stop ruining the moment.”
Chapter 298: Halloween: the jaws that bite, the claws that catch
Chapter Text
“…I hate it.”
“That’s it? No snarky remarks about human absurdity?”
“Frankly, just looking at these makes me too uncomfortable to think of anything.”
“…that’s fair.”
Chapter 299: Halloween: owl be watching you
Chapter Text
“Well, these are some extremely unsettling proportions.”
“You’ve finally found a creature so strange you don’t want it as a pet?”
“Did I say that? I never said that. An enormous, fashionable, skeletal owl that apparently crushes its enemies under its feet sounds to me like a marvelous pet.”
Chapter 300: Halloween: but do they have good clearance prices
Chapter Text
“Look at this, Loki, they have all kinds of ingredients for your next potion. Very high-quality, I’m sure.”
“I know you think you’re being funny, but if this were a real shop I could actually enter, I would absolutely buy quite a lot of everything here.”
Chapter 301: tfw it's a problem having different designers
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“What…are you doing?”
“It’s Cosplay Appreciation Day! I didn’t have time to come up with anything else so I asked Carol if we could swap outfits. We’re different sizes, but I’m working on that.”
“And I can’t do anything about it, which is why I currently have a wedgie the size of Ronan’s ego.”
“That’s in my brain now, thank you. And you both decided to celebrate by trying to confuse people?”
“Correction, Kamala is totally sincere. I agreed because confusing people is fun.”
“Well, I can’t exactly argue with that.”
Notes:
Cosplay Appreciation Day (yes, really) was yesterday, and I actually did post this yesterday to Instagram and Tumblr, but I didn't have time to take the picture until late so that's why I'm only reposting now. (And hey, if you'd like to check out my actual cosplay, I have most of that posted too.)
Chapter 302: Holidays: gluttony pt. 17 (so many baked goods)
Chapter Text
“All right, some Midgardian holidays are good, actually.”
“imoh, ight???”
“Please stop talking with your mouth full or I’ll have to take it back and also probably stab you.”
Chapter 303: Christmas: yes, it all came that way
Notes:
meant to repost this a few days ago, whoops
Chapter Text
“I suppose everything is relative, but either these trees are extraordinarily small, or this dog is enormous.”
“I probably don’t need to ask which option you’d find more interesting.”
“Well, I do like monsters, and I suppose monstrous dogs qualify, even if this one isn’t big enough to devour the sun.”
“…that’s a good thing.”
“Mm, well, one can’t have everything. And he is a good giant boy, aren’t you?”
Chapter 304: Christmas: tis the season for ugly sweaters
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Look, this scarf is almost bisexual colors, and so is this sweater—and this sweater almost has the full rainbow. They’re perfect!”
“I hate that I genuinely can’t tell if you’re being thoughtful or you just want me to join you in looking ridiculous.”
“…bit of both, to be honest.”
Notes:
clothes on Hot Toys figures are basically part of the figure and not intended to be removed (I mean you can remove them, but I'm not sure if you can do that without damaging them, and they'd be hard to put back on), but at some point soon I'm going to get extra bodies for both of them and then they'll be able to wear whatever ridiculous things I want, which will definitely include these sweaters if they fit. I really hope they fit.
Chapter 305: Christmas: they’re watching A Muppet Christmas Carol
Chapter Text
“What happened to your bowl??”
“I personalized it.”
“That doesn’t seem like it’s in the spirit of the season.”
“Probably not, but it is in the spirit of me.”
Chapter 306: Christmas: hey Marvel are you listening
Chapter Text
“If this is what your official ornaments look like, I think I’m glad I don’t have any.”
“You’re just jealous.”
“…yes, but it’s incredibly rude of you to say so.”
Chapter 307: Christmas: all I want for Christmas is...not this
Chapter Text
“Actually, brother, I found an ornament for you at Target.”
“Really?”
“See? This one right here!”
“I hate you.”
“You could even paint the antlers gold, make it a little fancier.”
“I mean it, I genuinely dislike you as a person.”
Chapter 308: Post-Christmas sales: not fun for the whole family
Chapter Text
“Loki look I found more ornaments of you in the Christmas clearance :D”
“I will stab you. You do realize that, right? I’ve stabbed you before and I will stab you again, and stabbing you sounds like a really good idea right now? You realize all that, yes?”
Chapter 309: Florida: you'd have to work pretty hard to beat "Be Prepared"
Notes:
I just got back from a trip to Florida, mostly for Disney World, and I have...a whole bunch of silly pictures to repost over the next few days. You can also check my Instagram or Tumblr if you want to see more of them right now or you're curious about my other vacation photos for some reason.
Chapter Text
“Look at that, there’s one for both of us.”
“You can’t be Scar, he has a theme song.”
“I could absolutely have a theme song.”
Chapter 310: Florida: caffeine is like a cosmically powerful artifact anyway
Notes:
There's a Marvel-specific store at Disney Springs, and to my delight I actually found TWO new-to-me Loki items to buy, when I'd been hoping but not expecting to find even one (the best was this Loki t-shirt, which I didn't even know existed, and the other was about half of this playset for $30). I also found...this.
Chapter Text
“Oh look at me, I’ll just have my morning coffee with a little side order of universal domination and destruction! I’m a Midgardian and I think I’m terribly clever!”
“It is kind of funny, though. I mean, if you ignore the ways in which it’s just disturbing.”
“I rarely ignore disturbing things.”
“If Thanos has to dump out his coffee every time he wants to use it…”
“Fine, that’s a little funny.”
Chapter 311: Florida: it's his vacation armor
Chapter Text
“It’s not bad, I suppose, but Asgardian architecture is far superior.”
“Mmm.”
“What, no argument in defense of Midgardian ingenuity?”
“I’m too damn cold to argue. I thought Florida was supposed to be hot and I dressed for it.”
“It’s January and the sun literally just rose.”
“Still. Aren’t you at least a little bit cold?”
“I was perfectly comfortable, but I’m even more so knowing your lack of foresight means you’re not, brother dear.”
Chapter 312: Florida: it did look nice, though
Chapter Text
“This trip is ridiculous. We finally find something our size and it’s behind a fence?”
“Well, it looks nice.”
“That’s wonderful. I definitely traveled across an entire continent in a backpack and went to Disney World so I could look at nice things.”
“Why didn’t you just bring us here by magic?”
“…that takes a great deal of energy, all right?”
Chapter 313: Florida: haunted...with KNOWLEDGE
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Loki, come on, the park is closing soon—”
“Well that’s unfortunate for everyone else, but I found a haunted mansion with an equally haunted library, so I’m going to need at least a week here.”
Notes:
I was extremely tempted to buy this great little diorama, but instead I bought a ghost in a jar.
Chapter 314: Florida: they just don't appreciate a good diorama
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Now they’re just taunting us.”
“You could get us in with your magic, couldn’t you?”
“Yes, and all of it would still be fake, useless, and far too small.”
Notes:
keen-eyed readers might notice that this is a diorama of California Adventure in Disneyland, rather than something in Disney World where I was, and they'd be right. Disney Hollywood Studios has a nice little exhibit on Walt Disney called "One Man's Dream," and it includes some really cool concept art and dioramas of various Disney parks, not just the ones in Florida.
Chapter 315: Florida: his badness level is unusually high for his size
Chapter Text
“Loki, look—”
“You know, I’ll give you that one, he’s quite good at sowing chaos.”
Chapter 316: Florida: Norse mythology is not really Disney-approved
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“See, this is why you should never grow a beard even if you could, at least not one like that. The last thing you need is to make yourself look…pointier.”
“You could just say ‘more stereotypically evil.’ And really, an entire—if small—exhibit on Norse gods and that’s your takeaway?”
“No, but I’d rather focus on that part than literally anything else here.”
Notes:
There's a very small exhibit on Norse mythology in Epcot's Norway pavilion right now, with banners outside for the gods discussed. At first I only saw the ones for Thor and Odin and I was all ready to be annoyed, but nope, Loki's there too. (And sure, it's not really the right Loki. I take what I can get.)
Chapter 317: Florida: the ears make the man (or mouse)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So I’ve had an idea—”
“That’s never an auspicious beginning.”
“Shut up. What if we brought a couple of these home to our larger counterparts? They’re the right size and everything. It would be hilarious.”
“…did you have a plan for getting them to wear these things?”
“Well, I was hoping you would help with that.”
“Given that I can truthfully blame you…I’ll think about it. Although an option that doesn’t cost seventeen entire dollars would be ideal.”
Notes:
Just to clarify because it's probably not obvious in the picture, these are exactly the same as the normal mouse-ear headbands but they really are about the right size for a 12-inch doll/figure, I guess because they're intended as ornaments. The actual human-size ones come in a lot more varieties and those aren't 17 bucks each, they're 30, which seems pretty ridiculous even by the standards of overpriced Disney World merch, and I kept wondering why so many Disney guests buy them. Then again, I’ll admit I was tempted by a Haunted Mansion version (the ones I saw don't seem to be online anywhere but they were kind of similar to these), and the rainbow one did make me smile, and some of the others were kind of clever…and of course if they’d had a Loki set I would’ve bought that without a second thought...so I guess I'm not in a great place to judge.
Oh, and I didn't buy any of the $17 headband ornaments, even though it would've been hilarious. I've been trying to figure out if I can make some, though, so...stay tuned, I guess?
Chapter 318: Florida: no coffee no Loki
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“It even has my name on it, so WHY IS IT EMPTY?”
“Would you even be able to drink all of that?”
“Eventually, probably!”
“You’re always scolding me—”
“Well, caffeine doesn’t affect me as much as it does you—”
“Oh, that is not true.”
“—yes it is, and more importantly, it’s the principle of the thing.”
Notes:
Context: I wore my Funko Loki t-shirt to Epcot and started my day by getting coffee. Instead of asking my name, the barista wrote “Loki” on my cup and showed it to me, grinning, which was actually just the first of at least four fun Loki-related encounters that day. At lunch, a server in the France pavilion complimented my t-shirt and I got to tell her about the other Loki shirt I found in Disney Springs, which she hadn't heard about--and then I ran into her again later in Norway, and she recognized me in part because I was, uh, taking these pictures. Obviously that was also the day I found Myth!Loki in that little exhibit--and earlier that day I saw a guy in a Kid Loki shirt and told him I loved it, which he appreciated because apparently I was the only person all day to recognize it. (On a different day, I wore a Cap shield shirt to one of the parks and a staff member at the turnstiles greeted me with "Morning, Cap!" which is not actually related to any of this but was similarly fun.)
Chapter 319: Florida: he needs some space
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So…we could get into that, I suppose?”
“A cheap replica for children of an already astonishingly primitive Midgardian spacecraft? I can scarcely contain my excitement.”
Notes:
After five days at Disney World, we spent a couple days on the Space Coast, where I learned that the Kennedy Space Center has a lot more stuff than I remember from even five or so years ago when I last went and also that I've forgotten or never fully appreciated a whole lot of space stuff since I read all about it as a kid. Also, they have a great gift shop.
Chapter 320: Florida: he needs some more space
Chapter Text
“All right, this is actively insulting.”
“The helmet almost fits!”
“You look ridiculous and I can tell you can’t see a thing, so yes, the helmet is perfect.”
Chapter 321: taking my kids to work
Notes:
March 6 was Take Your Action Figure To Work Day, which I totally forgot about (despite doing a half-assed photo for it way back in 2015) until somebody on Tumblr asked if I'd be doing something for it...and also Sideshow was doing a contest for it, so instead of just using the boys that live in my purse, I brought my Hot Toys to work. I can't say they were especially helpful.
Chapter Text
“You’re really going to drink all that tea.”
“Unlike you, I am capable of appreciating the finer things in life.”
“You’re going to drink all that tea, and you’re not going to tell me where the office’s coffee machine is.”
“Absolutely not. You should just be glad I decided not to keep the snack drawer to myself.”
Chapter 322: April Fools: maybe just make it so everything else is the prank
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Don’t take this the wrong way, brother–-”
"And now you’ve all but guaranteed I’ll do exactly that, well done.”
“It’s just, if you still have some prank in mind for April Fools, maybe you could…keep it tasteful, considering–-well, considering everything.”
“Wait, it’s April Fools already? When did that happen?”
“…okay, now I’m not sure if you actually forgot or you’re just trying to make me nervous about what you’re really planning.”
“In my defense, it’s been a very long, very strange month. Making you nervous is just a nice bonus.”
Notes:
I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home easily and I've been doing that for about a week now, so I guess you get to see a little bit of my quarantine life too.
Chapter 323: sometimes "the clothes make the man" gets a lot more literal
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“What did you do?”
“…changed my clothes?”
“And dropped half your body weight? I know you’re not sick, none of us has left the house in weeks!”
“Look, I got tired of not being able to sit down properly because my armor’s so damn stiff. You might have noticed.”
“I did notice that because it was funny.”
“Okay, well, there were only so many options to fix the problem. It’s a work in progress.”
“I can see your knee joints.”
“That’s nothing, you should see the ankles.”
“I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t, actually. This is weird enough.”
Notes:
A peek behind the curtain, or really just a whole behind-the-scenes tour no one asked for: generally speaking, it's a very bad idea to remove the clothes on Hot Toys figures. The clothes are designed as part of the figure and they're not meant to come off, so although you can remove them, you'd have a hard time doing that without damaging them, and then you'd probably have even more trouble getting them back on again. They're also, you know, pretty damn expensive, so obviously you don't want to wreck them. This bugged me for a while because I wanted to play around with clothing options, and at some point I realized I could buy generic Hot-Toys-style bodies for much less and dress those, because Hot Toys heads generally are meant to come on and off easily. I actually got these clothes (cheap ones for Ken dolls) for Thor...a while ago, I don't remember exactly when but I know I had a conversation with someone to the effect of "does this look like something Thor would actually wear, or does my brain just think that because it definitely does look like something Chris Hemsworth would wear," which means it was well before Endgame came out. I got the body more recently and whoops, turns out it's really not muscular enough to be Thor, unfortunately accentuated by the fact that the shirt is super tight because, you know, Ken is not Thor. So Loki's probably going to get this body, even though he needs it less, and I'll have to order a more muscular one for Thor (and probably start making more of my own clothes for him that won't be so tight).
Also Loki's right, nobody wants to see this body's ankle joints, they're frankly kind of creepy and one of them is a little bit broken because it was cheap and it didn't want to accept the ankle peg the way it was supposed to.
Chapter 324: wash ALL the hands
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Do I want to ask what you’re doing?”
“We’re washing hands!”
“Shuri wanted to see if my magic could sterilize things, so…”
“I figured we’d start with the hands no one is currently using. More efficient, less inconvenient, and definitely funnier.”
“And more disturbing.”
“That’s why it’s funny, obviously.”
Notes:
Inspired by this post, although obviously I went in a slightly different direction.
Chapter 325: Captain America wants YOU to not be a covidiot
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I have so many questions.”
“I’m multitasking.”
“…should I be worried?”
“Hardly. To begin with, I am setting a good example for all the humans who think going about life as usual during a pandemic is in any way reasonable.”
“By doing what you usually do, where nobody can see you except people you live with who are already isolating.”
“None of that is my fault, and I am making very productive use of my time. Originally I was just strengthening our wards, which was straightforward until I started working on defenses against microorganisms, and that quickly became complicated enough that I needed a break. So I am now working on something simpler, possibly a little frivolous.”
“I’m a little afraid to ask what the spell does.”
“Well don’t be, it’s nothing harmful. Might even be helpful. I imagine you’ve heard of the drones in Europe used to scold anyone breaking quarantine? It’s a bit like that, except harder to ignore, capable of being deployed across a much wider area, and almost certainly more obnoxious. Also not limited to outdoor locations, which I suspect will become increasingly useful as more executives and politicians who are themselves isolating begin to demand others return to work.”
“So you…what, found an efficient way to yell at everybody who’s not doing their part?”
“More or less. I suppose you don’t approve.”
“Are you kidding? If I knew anything about magic I’d help you.”
“…you know, I could probably do something with an actual image of you and your best ‘actually, I’m angry and disappointed’ face.”
bonus: additional photos of my attempt at putting together a little workshop for Loki, because hell no I’m not going to put all that time and effort into it and then have most of it go unnoticed in the background.
Notes:
also yes, Loki is using the body Thor was using a couple photos ago, only with very different clothes because some people have standards, Thor. I actually forgot I had these until very recently, and I had to dig deep into my stash to find them, but at least now Loki has a decent casual(ish) option. it would be better if it involved more green and black instead of greenish-blue, brown, and white, but it works for now.
Chapter 326: but really, isn't time just a social construct anyway?
Notes:
A direct follow-up to the previous photo, because I kind of...had too many thoughts to fit into one reasonable caption. (That one is also better at showing how much stuff Loki's accumulated while he's been holed up.)
Chapter Text
“Right, okay, next question, why do most of your notebooks look like…this?”
“When you’re trying to rebuild an arcane workshop from almost nothing, you work with the tools you have.”
“Sounds reasonable. Also only halfway answers my question.”
“The vast majority of available resources came from the Monster High students and a stash of old Barbie accessories, and I can’t exactly go out shopping right now, can I? And if you have any opinions on that, I should re-emphasize the fact that even a makeshift arcane workshop is full of things that can make your life miserable.”
“Hey, I’m man enough to recognize Lisa Frank has style. Last thing, and I just have to ask because I’m pretty sure Thor will kick my ass if I waste the chance—how long have you been at this?”
“…a while?”
“How about since you last slept?”
“No more than three days. Probably. Four at the most.”
“Yeah, go sleep and then I’ll think about modeling for your public health campaign.”
Chapter 327: National Brothers Day means giving your baby bro a hard time
Notes:
National Brothers Day was May 24, actually, and I did take this picture then, but I also didn't get around to posting it until after midnight, so it wasn't the right day anymore even in my time zone, oops. Also this is not all my Loki plushies, just the ones that were readily available (giant hilarious Tsum Tsum Loki, for instance, is also in my room but unfortunately buried under things that would collapse and make a huge mess if I tried harder to pull him out).
Chapter Text
“I’m serious, I might actually vomit.”
“Oh come on, they’re not that bad. Look how cute and cuddly they are.”
“YES THAT IS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM, THANK YOU”
“The penguin has a little cape and horns just like you, isn’t that precious?”
“I’ll stab you and then vomit, how’s that?”
Chapter 328: Pride is good. Queer Wrath is better.
Notes:
I posted this at the last minute yesterday, so it did actually go up during Pride, just...not here.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“…it’s a work in progress, all right? Maybe by the time there are any actual Pride events to attend, I’ll have managed to turn this into something less ridiculous.”
“I think it’s already cute.”
“You take that back.”
“Okay, since Thor apparently isn’t going to ask, what’s with all the potion ingredients? Is that what those are? I mean, far be it from me to question your process, but I don’t see what any of that has to do with fashion design.”
“Oh. Yes. That’s for a related project.”
“Now I’m curious too, brother.”
“You mean suspicious, but fine. I’m sure you’re both familiar with the way some bigots like to attend these events purely for the purpose of broadcasting their bigotry, and the rest of the year they occasionally decide to accost others in public for the same reason. In such cases, one might wish for these individuals to experience consequences, or at least to have a very unpleasant day, and given that it’s not always practical to ensure the desired outcome personally…”
“You’re making a bad-luck charm for homophobes.”
“Not just homophobes, but yes. It’s also a work in progress.”
“I should probably disapprove, but I’m just going to say that if you figure something out, you’d better make a lot, because I’m pretty sure almost everybody here is going to want one.”
Notes:
Loki has so many potion bottles now. So, so many.
Chapter 329: coming out of my cage and I've been doing just...so-so
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Coming out of quarantine was a mistake, actually.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. This doesn’t look much like me, but it’s sort of dashing, isn’t it? I mean, it’s old-fashioned, but it’s also all…heroic.”
“Yes, and mine looks like a surly, elderly court jester.”
“I just want to point out, for the record, that I wasn’t the one who said it.”
Notes:
yes, I did spend a not-insignificant amount of time making tiny masks for these two, thanks for noticing
Chapter 330: Independence Day: actually they're celebrating Steve's birthday
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Captain, you’re human, more or less—”
“I seriously can’t tell if that’s supposed to be a compliment or an insult.”
“Neither, just a statement of fact. Please explain why so many of your fellow humans are throwing tantrums about something as small as briefly wearing a cloth mask while they shop.”
“Well, to be completely fair, I think most people are actually okay with it, but the ones who aren’t okay with it are…loud. And the loudest people are generally my fellow Americans, which says a lot of unfortunate things about America.”
“Yes, and you’re American, so explain.”
“It’s basically my anti-vaxxer rant except twice as long and three times as frustrated because the effort and risk involved are almost nonexistent instead of just really, really low, and it's mostly the federal government's fault on about five different levels.”
“It’s absurd. I have actual traumatic memories associated with something very like these masks, and you don’t see me throwing a fit about it.”
“You…haven’t worn a mask, because you haven’t been going anywhere, just like the rest of us.”
“Well, my smaller counterpart did, and I would if I had anywhere to go, so it still counts.”
Notes:
in case anyone else is thinking, like my mom did, "but none of them are wearing masks??" yes that's because THEY ALL LIVE TOGETHER, they're literally just having a barbecue in the backyard of the place where THEY ALL LIVE
Edit: I wanted to clarify that my frustration here is with the really vocal anti-maskers, the people who've politicized mask-wearing during a pandemic and are yelling about tyranny literally because in some areas they're required to wear a face covering while doing stuff like shopping or getting a haircut. They're all over social media doing stuff like trying to force their way into stores with mask policies because I guess it's their God-given right to cough all over the employees who have to be there, or bullying employees who are just trying to enforce store policy but also would really like to not die for their low-wage jobs, or spreading misinformation about how masks are fine for scared people but actually they don't help protect you (correct, masks do a lot more to protect everyone else from whatever you might be spreading than they do to protect the wearer, which is why they're only effective if everybody wears them) and wearing one means you're "living in fear", or printing up little "the ADA says you have to let me do what I want or you'll be in big trouble!" cards that are all but guaranteed to make life harder for people who actually need accommodations, or making Holocaust comparisons (no lie, I've seen people going "sure you think the masks are innocent, but that's just where it starts! it probably seemed pretty innocent when Jewish people were first required to wear stars on their clothes!" like no it super didn't seem innocent and also are you fucking serious), or thinking it's clever to protest mask mandates by invoking the last words of multiple unarmed Black people murdered by police, or generally refusing to do the bare minimum to change their behavior during a pandemic because their comfort is more important to them than other people's lives. I do not in any way mean to mock or criticize people whose health conditions make it painful or impossible to wear a mask, or workers whose jobs require them to mask up for long shifts and want to vent about how much it sucks, or really anyone at all who understands the importance of mask-wearing and is willing to do it but also isn't wild about how masks fog up your glasses and always manage to be hot and uncomfortable. (I mean, I wear glasses, I know how annoying it is.) The anti-vaxxer movement is still a good comparison here because, I mean, I don't like getting shots either and every fall you'll probably hear me going "ugh I need to get another flu shot," but that doesn't stop me from getting the shot every year because I know how important it is. Anti-vaxxers are something completely different, and in the same way, anti-maskers are completely different from people who wish we didn't have to wear the damn things but do it anyway because it's important.
Chapter 331: National Ice Cream Day: he definitely will do it
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Well, 2020 continues to be awful, but at least we still have National Ice Cream Day.”
“Do you want me to hex you silent so you can’t tempt the Norns with statements like that? Because I absolutely will.”
“…I’ll just eat my ice cream and stop talking.”
“Excellent plan.”
Notes:
I didn't have any ice cream on National Ice Cream Day because we don't currently have any :(
Chapter 332: I guess hindsight really is 2020
Notes:
introducing young Loki, because I finally finished a personal project!
Chapter Text
“…all right, I know time lost all meaning months ago, but this is ridiculous.”
“I’d rather be home on Asgard too, but we can’t always get what we want, can we?”
“Wait, hold on, that’s your dagger?”
“…yes?”
“That's the dagger I had at this age.”
“Probably.”
“It’s…Norns. It’s barely sharp at all—it’s practically a toy.”
“Keep rubbing it in and we’ll both find out how much damage I can do with it.”
“I don’t doubt it, but that wasn’t actually my point. My point is that our brother is an enormous baby.”
Chapter 333: but exploring is FUN
Notes:
took this at least a few weeks ago, took ages to post it, the usual
Chapter Text
“Look, see that?”
“What is it, some kind of mystical portal?”
“It’s the main path and therefore the route back to civilization. So, arguably, yes.”
“Oh come on, this hike wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Ask me again if I ever manage to clean all this pine sap off my boots, my daggers, my armor, and possibly my hair.”
Chapter 334: Halloween: he might like snakes but not that much
Chapter Text
“Oh look, Halloween decorations made just for you!”
“I want to be annoyed but I really can’t be, because it’s extremely good and I do in fact want to bring it home with me.”
“Does that mean I’m not going to get woken up tonight by an army of giant snakes invading my bed?”
“Now, I never said that.”
Chapter 335: Halloween: Thor really should've expected that
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Free samples? I think I will take one, actually.”
“It’s glowing.”
“Yes…?”
“It’s glowing, and it’s being made in a cauldron. By a witch.”
“Well done, your observational skills are improving.”
“ALSO THERE IS A PLAGUE.”
“Well I’m not going to eat it here, obviously, I’m going to take it home and test for contagions first.”
“In that case, grab some for me too? …wait, if your testing reveals some kind of prank instead, like it’s technically safe but it turns your skin glowing green if you eat it, you’d warn me, wouldn’t you?”
“Of course I would.”
“Right, stupid question. I’ll pass.”
Notes:
If you feel like this series is wildly inconsistent in terms of which brother is going "oh my god you idiot don't do that" while the other is basically going "I do what I want!!" that's because it absolutely is, and the only excuse I can really offer is that they pretty much share one brain cell between the two of them and Loki doesn't always have it. Sometimes he just has to try things to see what happens, you know?
Chapter 336: Halloween: thanks, I hate it
Chapter Text
“That seems…redundant. ‘Magic poison.’”
“Well, no, there are poisons that are not technically magical in nature but require the use of magic in the process of making them, and there are in fact various kinds of magic-based poisons, which you would know if you ever listened to me.”
“So which type are these?”
“Almost certainly neither. This entire setup feels like…tourism.”
“So you don’t want any of this, right?”
“Of course I do. Nonmagical poison is still poison, and one can never really have too much of that.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Given the number of times I saved you from causing diplomatic incidents with the strategic application of a little nonlethal poison…you should.”
“Wait, you mean you poisoned me, or you poisoned other people?”
“Different situations call for different solutions.”
“In Alfheim when we were barely of age and I wanted to challenge that duke’s obnoxious son to a duel for insulting me, except then I got sick right after the feast—”
“You’re welcome, by the way. I saw him sparring and he would have humiliated you—which I did try to tell you, if you recall, and you refused to listen.”
“I am NOT thanking you for that.”
Chapter 337: Halloween: gallows humor is a longstanding tradition, THOR
Chapter Text
“I think I need one.”
“That is not funny.”
“Oh, come on, you have to admit it’s at least a little funny.”
“I definitely don’t.”
“Well, I think it’s funny, and it isn’t as if I actually enjoyed dying, so I think I get the final say here.”
Chapter 338: Halloween: it's not evil magic but it's sure not good
Chapter Text
“Why does its chin look like…that?”
“If you’re wondering whether it’s a common side effect of magic, the answer is no. So when I say I don’t want to know how or why its chin is like that, I guarantee you don’t want to know either.”
Chapter 339: Halloween: it has STITCHING and it's PLASTIC
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Now that’s just…wrong and unnatural.”
“You more or less calmly accept a skeleton with a really horrible chin, but a skeleton bear is too much for you?”
“It’s a skeleton of a plush bear. They don’t have skeletons and if they did, it would look absolutely nothing like this.”
“So is this better or worse than the spider skeletons? Real spiders don’t have skeletons either.”
“Worse, obviously. The spiders are at least marginally plausible. This is completely absurd.”
“You only hate it because it’s a weird Midgardian thing.”
“No, I hate it because it’s offensively nonsensical and because plush bears are supposed to be soft, not cheap hard plastic.”
Notes:
does Loki want an actual soft plush something to cuddle up with? I mean he's sure not gonna admit it, but maybe yes
Chapter 340: US Election 2020: vote! make Steve less stressed!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Hey, can I ask—oh, wow.”
“…Captain? That is…quite the makeover.”
“Oh, yeah, you and Thor kind of inspired me. You know, when you said your setup here was a work in progress, I kind of figured you were going to organize it, not just collect more stuff.”
“Well, I’ve been busy actually making use of all this ‘stuff,’ and it hardly matters because I know where everything is. Did you just come here to insult my workshop, or did you want something?”
“Right, yes, I wanted to ask if you have any sleeping potions.”
“A few, and I can make more if necessary. Why?”
“…um, because it’s Election Day and I’m just a tiny bit stressed about the survival of my country’s democracy, among other things that depend a lot on the outcome? And I would actually like to sleep tonight at some point?”
“I realize that, but don’t you have medications?”
“Oh. No, nothing that works for me, my metabolism burns through it too fast and I’ve kinda reached a point of diminishing returns on the benefits of destroying punching bags. So I was hoping something for nonhumans might actually work on me.”
“Ah. Yes, I can see how that would be a problem. Never fear, Captain, I will make you a batch, and in return you will stop casting aspersions on my methods of organization.”
“Okay, deal.”
Bonus: a slightly wider shot and a closeup of the desk, because I didn’t spend [redacted amount of time] on this to have it all go completely unnoticed in the background
Notes:
1. I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing this but seriously, if you're in the US and able to vote but haven't done it yet, make sure you do that! if you have questions about voting, I might even be able to answer them or at least direct you to helpful resources!
2. I meant to do an earlier "introducing Steve 2.0" post but that didn't happen in time, so...here he is. I bought the head and blank body separately on AliExpress for a total of like $40 (already had the clothes at that point), and tbh I don't know if it's actually Hot Toys or a knockoff version of some kind, but it was much cheaper than buying an actual Hot Toys Cap and it looks pretty damn good. This head won't fit on the other Cap body I have, unfortunately, so at some point I'll try to figure out if I can get a Hot Toys Cap uniform/body for a non-outrageous price, but at least for now this is basically what I wanted.
Chapter 341: Thanksgiving: everyone is grateful for leftover pie
Notes:
We're just gonna pretend I posted this like a week and a half ago, okay? Or maybe Loki used magic to make the leftover pie stay good longer and also my kids are as far behind on their Christmas decorating as I am (although in my case it's because I've been VERY BUSY and they don't have that excuse).
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I still think Thanksgiving is a weird holiday that depends way too much on whitewashing its really ugly colonialist underpinnings—”
“Yeah, you’re not wrong there.”
“—but I’ll give you this, I can be grateful for Thanksgiving leftovers.”
“Ohhhh no don’t you start, we avoided this on the actual day and we are NOT going to stand here listing everything that causes us a flicker of gratitude—between the Captain’s political relief and my brother’s sentimentality, we’ll be here for hours.”
“It’s pretty damn conflicted relief at this point, so if it makes you feel any better, it would turn into a rant pretty quick. But I can also just enjoy leftover pie.”
“Honestly, brother, I was also going to say leftovers, but now that you mention it…”
“I will make you untangle all the lights yourself, don’t think I won’t.”
Notes:
in hindsight I should've had Shuri stand on a box or something, because yikes
Chapter 342: Holidays: of course Loki's watched LOTR
Chapter Text
“Isn’t it a little late for a pumpkin truck?”
“You know how wizards are never late? That applies to other magic-users too.”
“But Halloween and Thanksgiving were both a long time ago already.”
“Let me rephrase: do you want to spend the rest of the holiday season utterly unable to find or make any pumpkin pie no matter how hard you try? Because I can make that happen.”
Chapter 343: Christmas: what if you're nice AND naughty
Chapter Text
“You know, brother, I’m almost positive I’ve normally seen these colors reversed when they’re presented like this—with green being nice and red being naughty. Maybe these designers saw you coming.”
“Or maybe they had unusually poor taste.”
Chapter 344: Christmas: he's actually grateful but he hates admitting it
Chapter Text
"I thought we agreed you weren't going to criticize my workshop's system of organization."
"This was Thor's idea, so it doesn't count. He was purely motivated by brotherly love and a genuine desire to give you something useful, probably."
"Also I'm pretty sure some of your potions are acidic and I get nervous every time I see one just sitting on the floor."
"One, everything is carefully sealed, and two, that sounds like a personal problem to me."
"Yes, it makes me personally nervous."
Chapter 345: New Year 2021: definitely kill the past multiple times
Notes:
This would’ve been better if it had gone up the very first weekend of the year as planned, but...well, obviously that didn’t happen for a variety of reasons.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Whoa, is this some kind of extremely late witch party for New Year’s or something?”
“You know perfectly well that I’m not a witch, thank you very much.”
“Not that you think there’s anything wrong with witches, I’m sure.”
“My own mother is a witch, Maximoff, of course I don’t think there’s anything wrong with witches. And no, Thor, this isn't a party, it's a ritual.”
"And we're not late, this is...a rerun, I guess."
"Does that even work? Doubling up on magic stuff?"
"If at first you don't succeed..."
"Look, we don't know that the 'magic stuff' failed the first time, so repeating it is perfectly reasonable, especially with a few modifications to increase precision of intent."
“Do I want to know what the ritual is supposed to do?”
“Like almost everyone else, we wanted to make sure that 2020 was thoroughly dead and not coming back, and unlike most others, we have at least a decent chance of prodding reality in the right direction.”
“Kind of seems like it's not really working, brother.”
"An unimaginative mind might think so, yes. Would you like to consider how easily things could be even worse already?"
"...I'll just leave you to it."
Notes:
Yes, everything in and around the circle is symbolic in one way or another! Yes, I meant to take a close-up of that part because as usual this all took kind of a while to set up, and then I completely forgot, so most of the thought I put into that part is completely invisible! (Yes, I could recreate it; maybe I will at some point.)
Chapter 346: Winter: play baby games, get baby prizes
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“…why is my tiny counterpart in a baby’s crib?”
“Because I put him there, which means he’s not leaving until I say so—or my tiny counterpart takes pity on him and ends the spell, I suppose, but that seems unlikely.”
“Okay, and you trapped him in there because…?”
“Because he came back from shopping Christmas clearance saying he’d found me a snack and presented me with this. What would you call that except childish?”
“Hilarious?”
“I’m perfectly capable of trapping you in there too, you know, and you’d find it a great deal more uncomfortable.”
Notes:
Half of this idea actually came from my mom--we found the dollhouse crib with some other toys by a dumpster, and I took all of them because they were in perfectly good shape for donating to Goodwill or whatever (after cleaning, of course) even if I couldn't use them myself. My mom thought it might be funny to have one of the big guys sticking one of the little guys in the crib, and I sort of went "Hmmm, actually..."
Chapter 347: Winter: also the shopkeeper is unmasked, yikes
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“That has to be the most tragically tiny mocha I have EVER seen.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you know we have coffee at home, right?”
“Well, it’s not the same, and you should know by now that I’m happy to take any opportunity for being offended about Midgardian craftsmanship.”
“I might have noticed that, yes.”
Notes:
Took this a while ago, forgot it actually said "Christmas" rather than being a fairly generic winter thing, rediscovered that fact when I finally got around to posting it a few days ago, whoops
Chapter 348: St. Patrick's Day: at least the tradition isn't stabbing
Notes:
Let's just pretend I posted this yesterday.
Chapter Text
“Well, I still think it’s a silly holiday, but I have to admit I appreciate this way of celebrating it. By the way, that reminds me–”
“Ow, what was that for?”
“Oh please, I know you know it’s customary.”
“And I also know you thought it was a silly tradition.”
“When you pinched me even though I nearly always wear green and was in fact wearing green that day? Yes, I did. That doesn’t mean I’ll pass up a completely reasonable opportunity to pinch you.”
Chapter 349: April Fools: Loki is always kinda sus
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Because I am actually the best brother and your favorite sibling, and this year has been nearly as bizarre as the previous one so far, I'm just going to tell you up front that this little creation is my April Fool's joke."
"That's hilarious on a few different levels, but now I'm worried you're trying to lull me into a false sense of security...or just messing with my head because you knew I'd think that."
"Well, I do like to multitask. Would it make you feel better if I tricked you into putting salt in your coffee?"
"Not really, no."
Notes:
I stumbled across this little guy on Etsy recently and I was just like...yes. I need this in my collection.
Chapter 350: Winter: and now I'm hungry
Notes:
another one I meant to post months ago whoops, but in my defense it's very much still winter here (16° F right now and we got several more inches of snow over the last few days). also, cinnamon rolls are always in season
...so, okay, it's actually the end of July now. I originally posted this in March but apparently just saved it in my drafts here instead of actually posting it? so uh...whoops.
Chapter Text
“What do you think, would three dozen be about right for a snack?”
“I want to argue with that for so many reasons but unfortunately, yes, given the likely size, your idea of appropriate portions might actually be right for once.”
Chapter 351: Garfield might also be stoned
Chapter Text
“I realize I’m not really the one with magic here, but I’m almost positive I know what you’re thinking.”
“I sincerely doubt that.”
“You’re thinking you want one of these airplanes because it’s more or less the perfect size and if it can be flown by a deformed Pikachu (which you’ll also use to take a jab at me) and a sleepy Garfield, then any suggestion you can’t also fly it is insulting, AND it’s even decorated with bisexual colors, but this is all a problem because it’s a dumb flimsy human contraption and you hate it when you actually like those.”
“…well, now I’m thinking about how much I want to stab you, so no.”
Chapter 352: SHOWTIME
Notes:
ideally I would’ve done this a week ago, but whoops
Chapter Text
"I can't believe my baby brother is finally a title character. How does it feel? It feels weird, right?"
"Are you actually gloating right now? Really? After you've had so much time in the spotlight?"
"I'm just proud of you!"
"...and?"
"...and, all right, I intend to be very embarrassing about it and I might be gloating a little bit about that.”
Chapter 353: Well, it's motivational
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Hey Loki guess what else happens when you're the main character 😃"
"...I am not going to guess."
"Waaaaaay more t-shirts with embarrassing art of you 😆"
"It's telling me to stab and I feel like that's a great idea, did you not think of that part?"
"Worth it 😁”
Notes:
At some point I figured I'd pretty much have to buy every single Loki shirt that came up on daily shirt sites like TeeFury, because there haven't been that many...and then the show came out and most of the shirts so far have been designs I decided I didn't need to buy, actually! Which is kinda saying something, because my standards for Loki merch are ludicrously, pathetically low!
...oh whoops, unlike the first site that carried this design a few days ago, ShirtPunch has it as a magnet, sticker, or poster, including a postcard-sized poster...and it still costs more than it should, but...
Chapter 354: tfw you get your own canonical office AU
Notes:
Implied spoilers for the first few episodes of the Loki show. (Also qualifies as the short version of my meta on what we've seen him wearing so far.)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I don’t know whether to be impressed or disgusted that you had the nerve to say anything about style while dressed like…that.”
“Okay, you try losing literally everything you care about and any sense of your own purpose or place in the universe within about ten minutes and see if you feel like playing fashion designer afterward. Also, you can deny that I make even khaki look good, but we’ll both know you’re lying.”
“…we make everything look good, so that doesn’t actually help your case.”
Notes:
You know what's useful for this series? iPhone's portrait mode. You know what hasn't been working for me lately? GUESS. (I mean, it lets me take pictures in portrait mode, supposedly, but then they aren't marked that way when I check them later, which means I can't adjust the depth of field after the fact, which is the WHOLE ENTIRE POINT of using portrait mode for me. Last time this happened, updating my iOS seemed to fix it, but I feel like I just did that.)
Chapter 355: I would love to get used to it
Chapter Text
"...yeah, no, it's still weird."
"If I can survive seeing your face everywhere on a regular basis, I think you can deal with this for a few weeks without complaining.”
"I mean, it's good, I'm still proud, it's just very weird. Also you definitely do complain about seeing my face everywhere."
“That is absolutely not the point.”
Chapter 356: Pride: it's CANON Y'ALL
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Hey, so, for next Pride, I was thinking you might want a new sign?”
“I’m already working on a cape, and the sign I have is fine. Wait, what are you holding?”
“I…got inspired and made you one?”
“You—what? Really? Let’s see it, then.”
“See, it has bi colors, and it’s a fun play on words—are you crying?”
“Absolutely not, shut up, there’s just something in my eye.”
Notes:
I definitely meant to do this during, you know, actual June, but that didn't happen because...my every waking moment was occupied by the Loki show? I mean also the local Pride thing I went to didn't happen until mid-July (the main one didn't happen at all, not sure why), but that mostly would've been a good excuse if I'd set up and posted this like two weeks ago. Which...obviously didn't happen.
Chapter 357: we're just not going to think about the internal anatomy of action figures
Chapter Text
“Good news: once the newbies are done, we’ll be back at 100% vaccinated. Bad news: we only got there by using magic in way more of the process than I like, because we have exactly two syringes and one is permanently attached to a Funko hand and the other is…this thing, which I’m pretty sure is solid metal.”
“Why is that bad news?”
“Because magic doesn’t make sense.”
“Yes it does, you’re just annoyed that it produced mostly predictable results even though you don’t understand why because you weren’t born with the ability to see it. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“No, I’m annoyed that I haven’t figured out how to see it yet.”
Chapter 358: Halloween: this joke is also dead (that's probably why Loki likes it)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Imagine rolling up to Thanksgiving dinner in this.”
“That might be sort of funny coming from someone who hasn’t actually died.”
“Oh, come on, we’ve got a multiverse now, everybody’s died somewhere.”
“And several of your deaths happened in this universe, before we got an actual canonical multiverse, so I’m pretty sure my point still stands.”
“And I’m the one who died, so I get to make jokes about it sometimes.”
Notes:
Been a bit, whoops. I just haven't had a lot of ideas for this lately--although I've had some, the past few weeks, and I just need to actually...take the pictures.
Chapter 359: Halloween: weirder things have happened
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So, good news first, you know the older version of you in the very silly outfit who got eaten by Alioth?”
“I’m familiar.”
“Well, it looks like he survived, but either he’s early for Halloween or he got turned into a zombie. Also he’s very small.”
“…sure. Why not.”
“Maybe he’ll get better?”
“I literally don’t think anything can surprise me anymore so okay, let’s go with that.”
Notes:
I just sort of assumed the new 75-tag limit wouldn't affect me because that's more than enough for most fics. Forgot that I've enjoyed tagging every relevant fandom and character in this series, which isn't that big of a deal because I probably should have been sticking to the main characters and fandom anyway. I am bummed about having to pare down the tags on my custom figures, though.
Chapter 360: Let it snow...a bit less
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I know everything’s relative for us, but that seems like a lot of snow for one day.”
“Our largest counterparts and the Monster High students would be buried the second they set foot in that, so yes, I think it’s safe to say that’s a lot of snow.”
(bonus: the footprints they left behind, because it amused me)
Notes:
They're right actually, it's a lot of snow by anybody's standards, I think we got roughly a foot and broke some records? Which was especially weird because we got a little bit of extremely early snow before the leaves even fell, and then it melted and we got...nothing until this weekend when we got all the snow at once. People got to do normal trick-or-treating for Halloween without having to deal with snow! That's pretty unusual here!
Chapter 361: a.k.a. the reason x-ray vision is on my shortlist of desired superpowers
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“You can see through things with magic when you want to, right? So you can figure out if one of these bags has the little figure of you in it?”
“…why would I want to do that, exactly?”
“Because these little figures are hilarious, and it’s going to be almost impossible to find the right one by feel.”
“You want me to help you find a blocky little figure of me so you can laugh about it.”
“…I guess so?”
“I think I’d rather entertain myself watching you get frustrated than help you make fun of me, thanks very much.”
Notes:
I'm not kidding about the title btw, "making my life easier when buying blind-bag figures" is the entire reason I want x-ray vision, even though the other superpowers at the top of my list (telekinesis and instant, accurate teleportation) would be much more practical in many more situations
Chapter 362: personally I am thankful for eBay
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oh my god his grumpy little face!”
“…and this is exactly why I didn’t want to help you.”
“But look at the grumpy little eyebrows! And the cheekbones! He even has his own coffee mug like a real office worker!”
“And you’re a frog, which is worse.”
“The Frog of Thunder is also adorable, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Notes:
this isn't actually related to Thanksgiving (or Black Friday, which is when I'm reposting it). it's just, you know, I am thankful eBay exists, because I felt through a bunch of these bags at the store and couldn't find Loki so I finally cheated.
Chapter 363: Christmas: brothers make the best AND worst friends, how's that
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"That's, uh...anything I say about this will get me stabbed, but I feel like that would kind of prove my point."
"And you spent most of our lives not listening to me except when I was saying something you wanted to hear, including when it nearly got me and your friends killed, so do you really want to make this a competition?"
"That's...fair."
Notes:
Marvel will retcon the Odinsons' early years over my dead body (glaring directly at you, What If writers)
Chapter 364: Christmas: deck the halls with anything else
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Actually I take it back, I don't want Midgardians to make ornaments of me."
"Oh, come on, those aren’t any worse than mine."
"That bar is so low it's a tripping hazard."
Notes:
happy to report that after years of whining about the lack of MCU-adjacent Loki ornaments and making do with Funko keychains, I now have four Loki ornaments in my collection. three are by Hallmark, only released this year, for which I'm pretty sure we all have the Loki show to thank based on the timing even though none of the ornaments actually reference it. the hilarious Loki Nutcracker is fanmade (shop is currently closed until the new year so I have no idea if more are still available).
anyway, hope everyone reading this has a happy Christmas, if you celebrate, and a nice winter Saturday if not!
Chapter 365: Christmas season: based on a true story
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Did you know some of the Christmas lights turned off for a while the other day? Just in one section?”
“I might have noticed.”
“So did you also notice they were all on the same level as the ornaments of you?”
“Well, it’s not as if they deserve the spotlight.”
“That’s a really strange use of magic, even for you.”
“I was bored and they’re silly-looking, all right?”
Notes:
Yes our tree is still up, but also I took this several days ago and somehow kept not getting around to posting. Also, credit goes to my mom for the idea--we both noticed some of the lights were out, I tried unsuccessfully to figure out the problem, later the lights were all working again for no apparent reason, and she pointed out that the temporary problem just happened to be where all my Loki ornaments were, almost like...I don't know, Loki was screwing around but fixed it as soon as somebody noticed.
Chapter 366: they both have practice already
Chapter Text
“What do you think, could you make this actually run?”
“Could I? Possibly. It could run on magic, I suppose. That wouldn’t be the hard part.”
“Okay, so what’s the hard part?”
“Living with the embarrassment.”
Chapter 367: some toymaker somewhere was obviously Team Iron Man
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"The only reasonable explanation here is that these were designed by someone who hates the good captain, right? I don't even like him and I'm still offended on his behalf."
"What? Sure you do. You hang out with him all the time."
"Keep your voice down, I have a reputation to uphold."
"I hate to be the one to break it to you, brother, but I really don't think you're fooling anybody at this point."
Notes:
if anyone is curious, yes, I do intend to keep my boys wearing masks indoors as long as I do, because we are responsible citizens dammit
(okay seriously though, I saw the Iron Man squishy first and I was like "oh that's pretty cute and actually pretty detailed--oh hey they've got Cap, maybe I'll get him!" and then I actually pulled him out and any interest in buying him immediately died. Hulk looked good too! it's only Steve who looks like an unlicensed ripoff!)
Chapter 368: you could try to make an uglier pin but it would be hard
Chapter Text
“So you know how there’s this idea that the story tried to make me look good by undermining you?”
“…I feel like that’s a dangerous question for me to answer.”
“Oh, come on, I know you go on Tumblr. And Twitter, and Reddit—”
“Okay, yes, I’ve seen that.”
“Right, well, if that was the plan, it must not have reached the merchandise team, because I have exactly two official pins so far and the first one looks like an evil clown.”
“I really want to disagree with that and I really can’t.”
Chapter 369: there's no OSHA on Asgard
Notes:
There's fun little railroad set up an hour or so away from where I live that takes you through action-figure-sized dioramas in the forest, and I ended up riding on it earlier this month, so obviously the boys had to check it out too.
Chapter Text
“Let me guess, you want to explore the extremely dangerous abandoned mine.”
“What, you don’t?”
“I can literally teleport out if I get trapped, so it’s not that dangerous for me.”
“And failing that I can smash my way out. I think we’re good.”
Chapter 370: Minnesota: several curses for the price of one
Notes:
Forever ago I posted some pictures at a lake in Minnesota where my extended family has owned some cabins since the 1950s; just recently I went back, which is the first time I've seen a lot of them in several years. It was a lot colder this time so I didn't do all that much outside, but I did get to visit a really cool antique shop in town.
Chapter Text
“So what do you think, which of these items is cursed and/or haunted?”
“What, because of my expertise with cursed and haunted things? False dilemma. The correct answer is all of them.“
Chapter 371: Minnesota: these are also probably cursed
Chapter Text
“You’re familiar with Midgardian folklore that warns against eating or drinking anything in enchanted places, or anywhere time moves differently, right?”
“…maybe?”
“I don’t know why I bother assuming you ever pay attention. Yes, if any of these awful dolls invites us to tea, I’d put decent money on us being trapped here, but go ahead and try it if you want.”
Chapter 372: Minnesota: didn't build enough character
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Wait, couldn’t you have gathered all of these with magic?”
“Obviously.”
“You said I needed to do it, with oversized rakes because the wind was mostly too hard to control!”
“Also true, because it built character and it was funny, and it’s your own fault for not considering I might have meant something like that. Also, doing it with magic probably would’ve given me a headache.”
Notes:
I was at the lake for a work week to help get things ready for summer, which I'd never done before, and among other things that involved a shit-ton of raking leaves and picking up sticks. Honestly this doesn't give a very good sense of how huge the final leaf pile was. Tragically, I didn't feel like I could jump in it, because the sticks and leaves were all in the same pile, and it rained and turned the whole thing into a dirty mess, and even more tragically, the weather stayed bad enough until after I left that I didn't get to see the eventual bonfire that I'm pretty sure it turned into. Or, I don't know, maybe it was stuffed into a burn barrel, but either way it would've been fun and I'm sad I missed it.
Chapter 373: Minnesota: a felted infestation
Notes:
Last of the belatedly posted trip photos, this one from a random shop in the Minneapolis airport.
Chapter Text
"I'm just going to defer to your experience as a shapeshifter here, are those...um...what are those?"
"Well, I think they're poodles, but they look enough like spiders that I can't say I'd want to meet one in a dark alley."
"Or a brightly lit gift shop, for that matter."
Chapter 374: I can make this joke because I had eye surgery for crossed eyes as a toddler
Chapter Text
"Don't take this the wrong way, but that helmet makes you look extremely cross-eyed."
"Just curious, is there a right way to take that comment?"
"I don't know, but I can't help noticing hers doesn't do that, which either means she has a better helmet stylist or a better face."
"You're such an ass."
"Thanks for noticing."
Chapter 375: let's not do the monster mash
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"...why does this version of you have an eyeball in the middle of his chest?"
"Look, I would have loved a giant monster-fighting mech suit too, but we don't all get what we want because some writers are cowards, apparently. Anyway if we're being honest, this is more fitting--"
"Okay, no, we're not doing the whole 'monster' thing today. This is a cool look actually especially since you kind of have built-in knives, but also it was a tacky decision from the writers, so let's move on."
“That’s…almost mature of you.”
“Yeah, well, my baby brother isn’t a monster.”
Notes:
yes I am bitter Loki doesn't get a cool-ass mech suit, how could you tell
(Marvel stop pretending that any Loki is in the same villain category as Thanos challenge!!)
Chapter 376: God of cheesy interior decorating choices
Chapter Text
"And in the middle of my chaos, there was you. Causing all the chaos."
"Yes, well, it's important to be noticed. Besides, it's not like you're incapable of causing some pretty world-shattering chaos yourself."
Chapter 377: Halloween: these jokes are to die for
Chapter Text
"You know how I can tell this is a really exclusive club?"
"Because people are just dying to get in here, yes."
"Because--do you enjoy ruining my jokes?"
"Um...yes. I thought we'd established that a long time ago."
"You seriously never let me have any fun."
"Come up with better jokes then."
Chapter 378: Halloween: graphic design is his burden
Chapter Text
"Now that's just insulting."
"It's...what?"
"Oh, come on, putting a message like that at the top, 'you've been poisoned,' where no drink would ever cover it? Anyone who takes the art of poisoning seriously wouldn't announce their presence to begin with, but if they did, it would be on the bottom of the cup, where the target wouldn't see until it was too late. This placement is--it's pointless. It's a joke."
"You're creepy sometimes, you know that?"
"I try, thanks for noticing."
Chapter 379: Halloween: it was Spooky Town all along
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Agatha’s Apothecary? Should we be concerned about this?"
"...I'll ask Wanda."
Notes:
this year Michaels didn't actually do a nice display of Spooky Town buildings, just left them all in their boxes :( apparently they've had issues with kids grabbing and breaking stuff, which I can understand, but...it was so charming and so much more fun to look at when it was all set up :( and also much more convenient for me personally with these photos :(
Chapter 380: Halloween: probably anyone can predict what Loki's annoyed about now
Chapter Text
"'Mystical prognostication'? That's--that's so unnecessarily pretentious, honestly, why are humans like this? It's a cauldron. It's not even a good cauldron. You can scry in it but probably not very well. Multisyllabic words don't actually mean you know anything about magic."
"So when you use big words for no reason, what does that mean?"
"...that I'm also pretentious and I happen to be an expert on magic, thanks very much."
Chapter 381: Halloween: no, tell us how you really feel
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"The future looks dark? I could've told you that for free, without any magic at all."
"Feeling pessimistic today?"
"I spent 5 minutes on Twitter."
"So that's a yes, then."
"It would be bad enough under normal circumstances, but you know that pathetic Tony Stark wannabe just bought the place, right?"
“…you hate Tony."
"He's not completely intolerable for a human, and I swear I'll never say another unkind word about him if he finds a way to sue this venal wretch out of existence. Or, you know, use something other than litigation, I’m really not picky.”
Notes:
in non-Halloween news, guess who's recently rocketed (...hah) real close to the top of my list of most loathed people? I say "close to" only because I really, really hate all the people who are up there and I honestly have no idea how to rank them.
Chapter 382: Halloween: actually it's solid wood
Chapter Text
"Hey, Loki, can you see me?"
"I just see an idiot, so--oh, wait, my mistake, that's you."
Chapter 383: based on a true story
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So, brother, how does it feel to be a title character, finally, and have your own merch show up in stores sometimes, even officially licensed costumes from your own show--in a party store, sure, but it's right here in the wild, not just an online thing--and the only character they have is...not actually you?”
"I'm sorry, brother dear, what was that? I'm almost certain I distinctly heard you ask to be stabbed. In fact I think you said you deserve to be HOLD ON WHERE IS MY DAGGER."
"...is that some kind of trick question?"
"NO, it was in here with us and now it's not, so help me find it!"
"I feel like that might not be in my best interests!"
"Fine, I'll just come up with something bigger and more painful.”
Notes:
this would've only been about half as long but then I realized that, yes, his remaining dagger was in fact missing. :( it's not the first one I've lost over the years of keeping these guys in a tattered plastic sandwich bag in my purse, either, so you'd think I would have figured out something better by now, and yet...no.
(side note, this is not a negative comment on Sylvie or the show, I just think it's sort of funny but also annoying that she's the only Loki character they had.)
Chapter 384: Where the creepy things are
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"If we back away now, maybe they won't see us."
"Since when do you not want to fight something?"
"They're creepy!"
"Yes, that's what makes them interesting."
Notes:
Meant to post this earlier--I spent a weekend in Kenai last month and came across a really great antique shop there, which also made me realize I've never been to one in Anchorage. Never thought to look, I guess, but I will now, because the few antique shops I've visited have been fascinating.
Chapter 385: creepy is cool
Chapter Text
"Want anything from over here?"
"What I want is to get out of this cabinet of nightmares, Loki, what is wrong with you?"
"I could answer alphabetically or chronologically, but I doubt either option would actually help with your question."
Chapter 386: Christmas: tis the season for smashing
Chapter Text
“I have conquered this mighty beast!”
“And we’re all very proud. No, wait, it’s the other thing, no one cares, because the mighty beast is made of cardboard and tissue paper.”
“This mighty beast is also full of chocolate, do you care now?”
“…all right, move.”
Chapter 387: Christmas: it's not even gingerbread
Notes:
Half of my Christmas was actually late because my mom and I opened gifts at my sister's place on Dec. 26, so I mostly didn't even take Christmas-related pictures until then, and after that, I don't know, time just disappears and I didn't immediately have a caption?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Only humans would take something charming like a cookie house and turn it into another ode to capitalism.”
“Come on, you know that’s not true, we’ve seen WAY worse odes to capitalism. And the dog is cute.”
“It’s still more than a little pathetic, although the one that looks like it was hit with a meteor is at least interesting.”
Notes:
It looks like a meteor hit it because a three-year-old decorated it (but I repeat myself).
Chapter 388: Christmas: also you're not supposed to open a bunch at once
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Nothing, nothing, and...more nothing. I thought these were supposed to hold treasure. You know, like seasonal treasure."
"...not when you're several days late. At this point the seasonal treasure is all in the clearance aisle."
Notes:
see previous chapter's excuse for lateness
Chapter 389: St. Patrick's Day: also, Loki does what he wants
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Back off, I know exactly what you're thinking and--ow! I'm actually wearing green this time, did you just decide to ignore that??"
"We could argue about whether you're actually wearing...whatever that is, but more importantly I'm the god of mischief, the younger brother, and the one who actually gets featured in silly jokes related to this holiday, so I get to pinch you whether you're wearing green or not. I'm sure we've been over this."
Notes:
you want to know something really dumb? I have acquired--and continue to acquire--so much stuff for my 12-inch figures that I get overwhelmed whenever I think about taking pictures with them. no joke. because I always want a nice background for them now, and I don't have anything permanent set up, so pulling stuff together for a room or whatever takes forever each time, so I keep putting it off. yes, I made a fun thing too complicated for myself, I'm actually really good at that
Chapter 390: April Fools: it's not actually late if you make your lateness part of the bit
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Dammit, Loki, what is this?"
"A giant eraser, clearly."
"Thanks, I figured that part out on my own. Why is Mjolnir still a giant eraser when April Fools was yesterday, meaning it isn't April Fools anymore?"
"Oh, that. I have a good explanation for why I haven't changed it back, actually."
"Love to hear it."
"Well, it's funnier this way, and also I forgot."
Notes:
important ADHD life hack: sometimes forgetting to do a thing on a relevant day* is not actually a problem because being late can be part of the joke.
*or at least forgetting until after sunset when the lighting is garbage, which is effectively the same thing. and yes, that's why the vast majority of these photos are taken in the exact same location: it's the only accessible spot in my home that gets any usable natural light
Chapter 391: Of course Loki can dance
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Ah damn, it’s not working.”
“That’s lucky for you, because if you were about to propose a dance-off, you’d just embarrass yourself.”
“I’m not that bad.”
“Maybe not, but I’m better.”
“Really? Because Sylvie says—“
“That was one time, after drinking too much under extremely weird circumstances, and technically it wasn’t even me.”
Notes:
Loki's dancing was a whole thing in Avengers Academy, anyway, and Tom Hiddleston likes dancing, so...
Chapter 392: the thing is. "classic" =/= "good" or "actually fashionable"
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I guess he was either too polite or too traumatized to say it, so I will: I would never wear that ridiculous getup in a million years.”
“You might be surprised what you’d be willing to do after even a fraction of that many years of loneliness and boredom.”
“Pretty sure I would at least retain enough dignity not to dress like a court jester.”
“Ah, no, I got too old, lonely, and bored to care about dignity, and more importantly the boy thought it was funny, so I suppose ‘jester’ isn’t far off. On the other hand, my cape at least stays on, whereas you seem to be having some trouble in that department.”
“It’s not my fault somebody else made a stupid manufacturing decision.”
Notes:
the thing about Classic Loki's outfit, okay, is that I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns, and the headcanon implied here (which I addressed in a little more detail in this very sad fic) is the only way I can tolerate it.
and yes, the mold for Ragnarok and IW Loki looks very nice but all the decisions made in relation to the cape were bad ones, because it's nearly impossible to attach in the first place and if you do manage to do that, it just pops off immediately, which is why you might have noticed he's almost never wearing it when he shows up in these photos.
also. this is only semi-related, but if you like Loki, you might also be interested in this post. reblogging it would be especially cool.
Chapter 393: Minnesota: they're certainly very dead
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So did the mighty Thor slay these ferocious beasts? Followup question, what are they?”
“Please shut up.”
Notes:
Like last year, I spent a week in Minnesota at the beginning of the month visiting family at the same 1940s-era cabins on a lake. For some reason I had very little photo inspiration until literally the last day (and also very bad, unreliable internet), so I only posted one of these while I was actually there, and then I keep not getting around to doing more. But I'm working on it! Look, proof that I did actually take a ton of pictures!
Chapter 394: Minnesota: not to be confused with Thor vs. Wasp
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Boost me up, I’m going in.”
“…why?”
“Because seeing a wasp nest from the inside is interesting? Because I can almost certainly make use of something I find in it? Because I know this has been displayed indoors for years, and therefore anything that might have lived in it is long dead?”
“Not that I love the idea of fighting wasps specifically, but if you’re guaranteed to avoid a battle, I don’t see what’s interesting about it.”
“Well, that’s because you’re a very boring person who only cares about hitting things with your hammer.”
Notes:
This is in the living room of the main cabin and I actually have no idea how long it's been there. In theory I suppose it could be new since the last time I visited only a year ago, because I kind of think I remember it being there but my memory isn't overly reliable for things I wasn't specifically trying to remember. Given how little things change at this place in general, though, "years" is a pretty solid guess.
Chapter 395: Minnesota (and Pride): of course Loki has anxiety
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“As much as it pains me to admit it, that’s a huge mood. In multiple senses of the term.”
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
“In some ways, sure.”
“You’re really going to stand there and say with a straight face that the God of Mischief has never once been relaxed.”
“First of all I take offense to the suggestion that there is anything straight about me, especially in this, the holiest of months for my people. Secondly, it’s called anxiety, look it up.”
Notes:
We had a little extra time before flying out of Minneapolis, so we checked out a couple places at the Mall of America (it was literally across the street from our hotel), one of which was the M&M Store. Also this is out of order because I have more photos from the camping part of the trip, but I wanted to get the Pride-related ones reposted during June, so whatever.
Chapter 396: Minnesota (and Pride): rainbow-washing really will not save us
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Oh look, they have a Pride mix for June.”
“That’s not bad, but if it’s only available during June then it barely counts. Real ones know Pride is forever. Anyway I’m not feeling particularly friendly to rainbow capitalism at the moment when they aren’t even donating some of the proceeds to charity.”
“Leaving aside the fact that you never have friendly feelings about human capitalism…”
“Irrelevant.”
“…that just means you want to buy more expensive chocolate that actually does support queer people.”
“Obviously yes.”
Notes:
As much as I'm aware that rainbow capitalism is absolutely a good thing when compared to the scary alternative (i.e., that we're no longer viewed as a valuable demographic), I'm pissed at Target and Starbucks in particular, and not inclined to feel very charitable toward any corporation that also seems like it only wants to pay lip service to supporting us. So like...it was nice to see Pride stuff in the M&M store, but if they're doing that purely to get our money without any of the proceeds going to queer artists or the rest of the queer community, then no thanks. (Admittedly I did buy a couple other super-cheap souvenirs, just not the actual overpriced candy, Pride-colored or otherwise.)
also fuck SCOTUS. happy Pride I guess!
Chapter 397: we interupt this broadcast
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“You should be loving this idea! It’s hilarious and chaotic!”
“Why would you expect me to care about human TikTok trends?”
“I definitely don’t, but it’s still exactly your kind of thing, and it’s extra convenient for us or our tinier counterparts because we wouldn’t even need to get more than one of the real things to pretend to drown in it—”
“I can confidently say I speak for every Loki here when I say I am not taking a milkshake bath, do you have any idea how long it would take to get clean again? And anyway, if one really wanted to take advantage of size and medium, temporarily popping off heads or limbs with just a little dab of shake on the end would be cleaner and more effective.”
“…that’s disturbing but also creative, so come on, why don’t you want to—”
“Because I know a powerful chaos entity when I see one, all right? And yes, I realize the videos are fiction, and all in good fun, but it seems like the sort of thing that might be taken as an invitation or a taunt if I specifically were to do it, and I may be reckless at times but I’m not stupid.”
“…but you are superstitious??”
“Superstition isn’t a thing when magic is actually real. Have you ever watched a single horror movie? Also, a good portion of the internet seems to think it’s already an old meme, which is just another reason not to try keeping up with human trends.”
Notes:
Some more extremely stupid behind-the-scenes info: I had this idea fairly soon after I started seeing the videos, but then I didn't really want to buy one myself when I realized I'd have to buy the entire meal, but then I found a couple of these bags in a dumpster while walking my dog because apparently somebody in my neighborhood did get the whole meal (and I did not see a shake cup in there with everything else, which leads me to believe they probably made a video, although sadly I couldn't find any likely suspects because I don't really use or understand TikTok). So I could've done this like...a week and a half ago, minimum, except I remembered I have that purple shake cup Thor's holding, and it really took me this long to get around to digging it out because that's how much of a disaster my room is. For whatever it's worth though, as of a couple days ago there was at least one McDonalds here that was still selling the Grimace Birthday Meal even though it theoretically ended June 29, and people are definitely still making fanart and even some videos, so...I'M NOT HOPELESSLY LATE ON THIS ONE, REALLY.
Chapter 398: Minnesota: those aren't workout clothes
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“This is—mmf—a good workout, so what are you doing?”
“Not getting a workout, because I don’t want one.”
Notes:
it was REALLY DIFFICULT getting Thor to stay put like that
Chapter 399: Minnesota: I don't care if they're actually evil
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“How can something so small be capable of such evil?”
“Very easily, evidently. Help me gather more mosquito corpses so I can curse the rest of the live ones.”
“You said they’re important to the local ecosystem.”
“I grudgingly admitted that, yes, before they kept me up all night. Anyway I’m not going to kill all of them, just any mosquitos and other biting insects that even consider harassing me instead of minding their own damn business literally anywhere I’m not.”
Notes:
so, the mosquitos were really bad in Minnesota when I visited. like really bad. but that wasn't the biggest problem; the biggest problem was that rather than staying in one of the actual cabins, we ended up in this ancient (as in, it's from the 1940s or 50s) Airstream-style trailer that's been a permanent camp fixture for decades, and although it's had various appliances replaced, the windows and most of the screens are original, the wiring is definitely (and terrifyingly) original, and of course the actual wood is original and you can see rot in some parts so I can only imagine how much worse it is out of sight.
the point is, all week long, we could not keep the mosquitos out.
we checked the windows and thought they seemed okay. mosquitos kept getting in and constantly dive-bombing while we tried to sleep. the tiny bathroom in particular was full of them. I rechecked the windows, found a giant gap in the bathroom screen, sealed it up with duct tape, and thought maybe I'd solved it because the bathroom was definitely better, but no, the rest of the trailer was maybe even worse after that. the weather cooled off enough that we actually closed all the windows and the mosquitos kept getting in. like, we'd kill probably 10 of them in the evening before going to bed, and we still got dive-bombed by the damn things all night long. I ended up spending half the time sleeping with a sheet over my face. we used bug spray, of course, but it didn't do anything, and I spent the whole trip getting very little sleep. I actually developed, like, mosquito hypervigilance that lasted a couple days after we left, so even in a completely mosquito-less hotel later, I'd be positive I was still hearing or seeing the damn things.
what I'm saying is, I spent a lot of time fantasizing about how Loki might actually solve the problem.
Chapter 400: Minnesota: maybe they're both tools
Chapter Text
“No, look, I want big shells like this because they’re easier to crush. The resulting powder will be the base for the solution I’m making.”
“There aren’t any more big shells.”
“Well, you’ll have to use Mjolnir on the little ones then. I need a lot if I’m making enough decent insect repellent for you too.”
“Mjolnir is a weapon of legend, not some craftsman’s tool!”
“That’s true, between the two of you I don’t believe I’ve accused Mjolnir of being a tool. Do you want to be eaten alive by mosquitos again tonight or are you going to help?”
Chapter 401: Minnesota: Thor also makes good bait
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“It’ll work a lot better if I have actual mosquito eggs, all right?”
“I don’t see why I have to be the one to get them!”
“Because I don’t want to and you’re about to owe me for some extremely good mosquito repellent and for putting up with your snoring, how’s that?”
“If anything crawls up my leg, I’m pulling you down with me.”
Notes:
at this point I actually can't remember if getting Thor to stay like this on the string was easier or harder than getting him to stay on the clothesline from a few chapters ago. also this was supposed to be fishing, because my dad suggested that and couldn't find extra fishing line but did find this piece of string, and I took a bunch of fishing pictures but I couldn't think of anything to say 😬
Chapter 402: Minnesota: yes, this time he's mostly lying
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I’m so serious, the last major component I need for dealing with these mosquitos is juuuust a little further out. Right in the first nasty weed zone.”
“There are weeds washed up on shore already.”
“I need them freshly picked.”
“…I don’t believe you.”
Notes:
maybe Thor's snoring is really bad, okay? you don't know
Chapter 403: Minnesota: it's not cheating when you're bored and hungry
Chapter Text
"I mean it, I really think we caught something this time."
"Mm, yes, it looks like we've snagged another stick. Do you actually know how to fish?"
"It's half luck anyway, so--"
"I did say I could make this very easy, but no, you said using magic would be cheating."
Chapter 404: Minnesota: Loki didn't agree to boot camp
Chapter Text
“Come on, let's race, it'll be fun!"
"It'll be fun for you, maybe. I'm here to relax, not to fall on my face and also get heat stroke. In particular, I am absolutely not using a giant hammock as an obstacle course because that level of irony is actually sickening. Find me a hammock in the right size for us and then we'll talk."
"You are so boring sometimes. ...Loki no, that was NOT a challenge--"
"Too late, now you're going to run an obstacle course by yourself with me actively sabotaging you. Look, that dragonfly even wants to help."
Chapter 405: Minnesota: they're both snacks
Chapter Text
“These plants are meat-eaters?”
“They digest insects that drown in their pitchers, yes. Is that a problem?”
“I don’t know, do they eat anything bigger than insects?”
“Nothing our size without a lot of help, if that’s what you mean.”
“I don’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved.”
“The normal-person response is relieved, especially because we’re going to harvest some nectar and improve my mosquito repellent with it, which would be much more difficult with plants actively trying to kill us. If you want to smash something, there are insects literally everywhere.”
This was at the Big Bog boardwalk trail, which I visited on a detour during the drive back to Minneapolis back in June. It was unbelievably buggy. I think most of them weren't even biting, but just being pelted by random bugs flying around was bad enough, and of course it got worse whenever I stood still, so obviously staying still long enough to pose these guys and take a few photos shows how dedicated/obsessed I am. Bonus behind-the-scenes photo of my legs after kneeling on the boardwalk to do that:
Anyway it was a cool hike aside from the bugs. The boardwalk is only a mile long but it goes through several very distinct...biomes, I guess? And there were lots of pitcher plants like the one above, which I'm reasonably sure is the first time I've ever seen a carnivorous plant in the wild, and that was definitely cool.
Chapter 406: Thor's thoughts are my thoughts
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"No, I mean, it's cool, it's just--it's no Happy Meal toy, you know?"
"Thanks, I had no idea. It's not as if I'm in charge of their marketing decisions."
"...that is a genuinely terrifying idea that I really wish you hadn't put out into the universe."
Notes:
For anyone who isn't aware, which is...probably anyone who is normal and not either extremely online or extremely obsessed like me, Loki season 2 is coming very soon (less than a month now!), and there's been a promo tie-in with McDonald's because at least a few scenes take place at a 1980s McDonald's. (Some of us knew this a long time ago thanks to set photos.) So far, actually, a lot of the clips released have come from McDonald's social media, which is kinda fun but also depressing for multiple reasons, one of which is of course that WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE GOOD PROMO FOR THIS SEASON AND THEN A HANDFUL OF SHITTY RICH PEOPLE RUINED IT. BOB IGER I AM IN YOUR WALLS. Also like, the "As Featured In" meal and campaign was fun, but it's literally just what you see here--some special printing on the bag, cup, and sweet & sour sauce--and I'm just like...but I wanted a toy 😥 I've been so patient and I've waited so long and I've seen so many other Marvel characters as cheap little Happy Meal toys and you're telling me Loki literally goes to McDonald's in the show and I still don't get a cheap little Happy Meal Loki toy 😥
Somebody should really make a pin version of the Loki sauce, or at least a keychain, but of course no one has because nobody listens to me. I uh, did save my sauce packets though and I probably will do something to preserve one or two of them, because of who I am as a person
Chapter 407: it's almost McSylki time
Chapter Text
"I really have to ask, why McDonald's?"
"Why not McDonald's?"
"That's fair, I just wouldn't think of minimum-wage food service as the logical followup to freeing the multiverse."
"Well, for starters, these things taste good, and they're even better with an employee discount."
"I guess I can't argue with that."
Chapter 408: Halloween: the real monster was...this thing
Notes:
No spoilers for anything in season 2, but uh, if you know, you know
Chapter Text
“…that's not Miss Minutes, right?"
"You know what, let's kill it just to be on the safe side."
Chapter 409: guess who has EXTREMELY mixed feelings about the Loki season 2 finale
Notes:
(also, spoilers for the Loki season 2 finale, if we're still warning for that)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Men will really make a huge, unilateral sacrifice and condemn themselves to an eternity of solitude in a tree rather than have a single honest conversation about their feelings or openly ask somebody else for help, huh?"
"I...can't really argue when you put it that way, can I?"
"Uh, pretty sure you're not gonna come up with any solid logical arguments, no."
“I’m very mentally ill and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“…you know what, that’s actually fair but even sadder.”
Notes:
I'd love to link to something detailing my very, very mixed feelings on the finale except they're pretty much all on Twitter right now instead of Tumblr, for stupid reasons, so that's not helpful for...anything
but I've also had like five different ideas for fix-it fics that I don't have time to write, if that tells you anything (and if you'd like to read some great fix-it fics by people who actually do get around to writing things, check my bookmarks)
oh, and the shirt is by Shirtpunch, but I think it was only ever available for one day.
Chapter 410: Christmas: reasonable precautions
Notes:
Spoilers for the season 2 finale if that’s still relevant.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“The rest of you can do literally whatever you want, I don't care, but my Loki isn't allowed anywhere near any fancy trees for at least the next century."
"That was an extremely specific set of circumstances—“
"You know what, brother, I have to go with Sylvie on this one. I mean, we all saw the episode."
"I feel like I should be a little insulted that you're not at all worried about having me around a tree, just him."
"No, with you I worry about different things."
Notes:
I preordered show!Loki, with the excuse that he’s literally a different person from the Hot Toys Loki I already have, but I just recently got Sylvie off eBay as my birthday present to myself.
Chapter 411: Holidays: maybe if you hit it harder
Chapter Text
"It's making all the right noises but nothing's coming out. This is useless."
"Yes, I've only been trying to tell you that about everything on Midgard for years."
Chapter 412: Finally a good holiday
Notes:
As usual, it's still the right date--July 6--for a little bit longer in my time zone, anyway.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Hey, Loki. Guess what day it is.”
“...if it’s something I should have known about and forgot, can I blame ADHD? Shuri says she’s not qualified to make a diagnosis, but she thinks—“
“I’m pretty sure you didn’t know about it, but I’m also pretty sure loads of other people here aren’t neurotypical either, and now that I think of it I’m kinda annoyed with Mobius for not bringing it up as soon as you got to the TVA. Anyway, the point is, on Earth it’s International Kissing Day.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm.”
“...you know, I actually don’t think I’ll have a hard time remembering that in the future, but maybe we should make this one really memorable, just in case.”
“See, that’s what I was thinking.”
Notes:
Sorry, I know it's been a bit. I actually have a few other things to post, but for various reasons I've been having a hard time finding the motivation to type and finish stuff--like, even more than usual. Probably something to do with the world metaphorically and literally being on fire, so it gets tough to do anything but doomscroll.
Chapter 413: Christmas: not ideal construction materials either way
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“What do you think, is this display version edible or is it like…paint and plastic?”
“Noxious either way by this point, I’d imagine. And no, nothing you can say will get me to try it and find out.”
Notes:
oops, been a bit 😬 I've been taking pictures and writing captions, just for some reason not getting around to posting them because I've been worse than usual about typing anything from my notebook? idk idk
Chapter 414: Christmas: well, Krampus has horns and the Grinch is green
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I have to ask, are you bringing gifts or stealing them?”
“That’s part of the surprise 😉”
Notes:
yes, that's an official Disney ornament, new this year. Loki's scepter even lights up. it's almost enough to make me forgive how egregiously he's been ignored in all the other Marvel Christmas stuff over the last few years, which doesn't only annoy me for selfish reasons but also because it's so obvious (turn him into Rudolph! string Christmas lights across his horns!).
Chapter 415: They're almost all the right colors, too
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“These are all too small to be useful for you, right?”
“You’re not funny.”
“Maybe the one for glitter is about the right size.”
Notes:
As with several other pictures, I took this quite a while ago but then never got around to posting it until now because I also...never got around to typing up the caption, for some reason? I've been worse than usual at typing up my notebooks over the past year or so and I'm trying to get caught up.
Chapter 416: That's actually more appetizing
Chapter Text
“Wait, the last one is key lime, should we save it for Mobius?”
“...you can save your half for him. I’m not saving mine.”
Chapter 417: right now we are all ThisIsFineDog.jpg
Chapter Text
"Captain, are you doomscrolling again?"
"Of course not. Everything is fine. Haha just kidding, April Fool's, everything is completely fubar."
"Yes, but doomscrolling won't fix it."
Chapter 418: ACAB includes cops at Pride
Chapter Text
“No cops at Pride, only Loki.”
“See, you probably would’ve gotten somewhere if that was your message when you tried to take over Midgard.”
“I genuinely do think I would do a better job than the current murderous clownshow. …maybe not at the time, though.”
Notes:
I've been trying to figure out why I have a mental block against posting more of these lately even though I have several photos and captions waiting, and I finally realized it's because Instagram is making my life harder in some really stupid ways. First they took away crossposting to Tumblr, which was annoying but not a huge deal because I could just make a new post, but then they...stopped saving image edits from Instagram at all? And I always edit these a little in Instagram because that's where I post them first and it's the most convenient place to do it (plus it does still crosspost to Facebook), but I have to post them to Tumblr to be able to have an image link to post them here. It used to be a nice little seamless system that suddenly has a bunch of disjointed steps and I haven't figured out if it can be fixed. Oh and then Instagram started refusing to share stories to Facebook too, so basically Instagram is pissing me off lately.
Chapter 419: July 4: we are celebrating Steve’s birthday and NOTHING ELSE
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Any grand plans for your birthday, Captain?”
“Thor found me a cask of Asgardian alcohol, so I’m treating myself to a long weekend of getting completely shitfaced about the billionaire-inflicted implosion of America before I go back to trying to help with whatever’s left of it, I guess.”
“Godspeed.”
Notes:
If you don’t know what this is about, well, Republicans just passed a massive budget bill that will kick millions of people off Medicaid and SNAP so billionaires can get tax breaks and ICE can be supercharged. Also they’re building a concentration camp in the Everglades
Chapter 420: South Dakota: bye, my bi son
Chapter Text
“Ah yes, bison, words my father could use to describe me if he bothered, but more likely what he thought after I fell from Asgard.”
“Loki.”
“What.”
“You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are when you say things like that.”
“No, I’m funnier.”
Chapter 421: South Dakota: Loki enjoys being a spoilsport
Chapter Text
“Loki c’mon, it’s not a real road trip without a selfie with something schlocky.”
“I’m not hearing a compelling argument.”
“Green is your color? Just stop being a party pooper and get my phone out of your pocket dimension.”
“Maybe next time you shouldn’t ask me to carry your luggage.”
Chapter 422: they're actually both dorks
Chapter Text
“Hey, did you know yesterday was National Hand-holding Day?”
“You’re keeping track of gimmick Earth holidays now?”
“Just the fun ones. You know, we’re pretty great at holding hands, but I bet we could be even better if we practiced more.”
“You’re such a dork.”
“I’m your dork though, right?”
“Yeah, dummy, of course.”
Chapter 423: That good loverboy shit
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“These flowers made me think of you, Sylvie, so I had to bring you some. They’re called fireweed—”
“And, what, I’m like a weed because I’m basically feral?”
“No, they reminded me of you because they’re beautiful and resilient, known for growing in disturbed soil, like after a wildfire. Like—brilliant, stubborn life after an apocalypse.”
“…I’ll allow it.”
“And I have forget-me-nots for you too!”
“Because you don’t want me to forget you? Cute, but I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
“Well, sure, that too, but mostly they’re because you’re unforgettable.”
“Piss off, you’re so silly.”
“You’re blushing 😊”
Notes:
These photos were originally taken this summer; I'm just posting now because it was for a fan project that was given to Sophia di Martino at Comic Con Scotland this weekend, same one as this poem. The project was flower-themed, as you might have guessed by this point. Forget-me-nots are actually Alaska's state flower, and fireweed grows everywhere here.
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