Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     “Special Agent Andor, it’s good to see you back in the office.”

     “Thanks, Kay. You seem to be the only one who noticed.”

     “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just that most of your colleagues are handling a field op right now and I’m the only one here. Draven wants to see you in his office at your earliest convenience.”

     Cassian bit back a sigh and nodded. Kay turned on his heel and headed back to the crime lab, his social interaction quota for the morning met. Cassian stopped at the coffee machine to refill his travel mug, before heading towards Draven’s office.

     He knocked once, then heard, “Come in Andor.”

     “Good morning, Sir.”

     “You look better than when I last saw you Cassian.”

     It’d be hard not to considering I had a bullet in my chest, Cassian thought.

     Draven snorted as though he had plucked the thought from Cassian’s mind but sobered quickly.

     “I have a new assignment for you. It’s time to put an undercover operative in with Empire. They have a vacancy we can convince them to let you fill. This one will be long Andor. And deep. No way out but through.”

     “Tell me everything, Sir."

     Cassian awoke with a start. The dream was so vivid that it took him a few moments to get his bearings. He was in the uncomfortable bed in his alias, Jeron’s, apartment. He knew this undercover would be long term, but as it dragged into its 19th month it was starting to feel less like a cover and more like his life had spun out of control.

     He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. 9 pm. As he scanned the small studio his eyes snagged on the suit jacket hanging over the single chair at the kitchen table. He was never going to get the blood out of that suit. Which was a bit of a shame as he actually liked it. Deep down, he knew his stained suit was the least of his concerns, but it was the easiest to swallow. The rest he shoved down into the overflowing box of horrible necessary things he had done to keep this cover and get this intel.

     He was getting close, Draven was urging him not to give up- that when they shut down the Empire it would all be worth it. Cassian wasn’t sure there would be any of him left by then, but he had done so much he needed to finish it. His phone rang, blocked number, and he answered it immediately. Afterall, Jeron was always available to his boss.

     “I need you to come to the Mansion as soon as possible. There is a situation.”

     “I’ll be there in half an hour sir.”

     Cassian hung up the phone, put on a clean suit, checked his weapon, hid a knife on his ankle and headed out the door. The faint scrapings of hope stirred within him. Jeron had been Krennic’s preferred hitman for the better part of a year, but he had never been invited to the Family headquarters, the “mansion,” until now. It was rumored Krennic had been hiding a man named Galen Erso and his family for years. Krennic was the leader, but Erso was the genius. With access to Galen, maybe this assignment would finally bear fruit.

     Cassian arrived at the family estate and found Krennic waiting in the foyer

     “I need to leave for the evening. There is a guest in the residence whose safety is one of my top priorities. She has free run of the house, but can’t leave. I trust you can handle this?”

     “Absolutely. No one but you will leave the residence tonight.”

     “Excellent. Make yourself at home, Jeron.” With that, Krennic walked out the door and out into the night.

     Cassian wondered who the woman was. He knew Krennic wasn’t married. He had heard some of the men mention the “princess” but had no idea who that referred to. Cassian made his way down the hall until he found what looked like a casual living room and took a seat. The urge to thoroughly search the house swelled in his mind, but he couldn’t afford to get caught. It was unlikely it was only he and this mysterious woman present, no matter what it looked like.

     Jyn surveyed her bluray collection and lamented that the movie she wanted to watch was downstairs. Most of Krennic’s men ignored her, and it was easier to pretend that her isolation was her decision if she wasn’t faced with their intentionally ignoring her or stubborn refusal to treat her like an adult.

     But the ice cream was downstairs too. She weighed her choices, then resigned herself to action. She carefully made her way out of her room and down the hall to the stairs. She would never forget the babysitter who tried to jump out of corners and scare her. He hadn’t taken too kindly to the black eye he’d gotten either.

     She decided on ice cream first, then movie. The quickest route to the kitchen was through the living room. As she made her way through the room she saw her babysitter for the evening. Dark haired, tan, lean almost to the point of looking too thin, dressed in a sharp suit and with rugged features. His eyes though, something was striking- dark brown and stunningly sad.

     “I don’t think I’ve seen you before,” she said.

     "I'm Jeron, please feel free to let me know if there is anything you need. The only thing I can't let you do is leave the house.” His voice was warm and the edges softened with an unfamiliar accent.

     “Thank you, I will.” Jyn continued on to the kitchen.

     The freezer was well stocked and she had her choice of ice cream. With a little digging she found a brand new pint of birthday cake, her favorite. Absentmindedly, she pulled out two spoons and then on impulse grabbed popcorn as well.

     When she came back to the living room, Jeron was still seated in the same spot. He was so still it was almost spooky. “I was going to watch the movie in here,” she said.

     “Of course, I can leave if that will make you more comfortable.”

     “I uh grabbed two spoons anyway so I guess you can stay.”

     That teased a small half smile out of him and he slid to the far end of the couch, leaving her plenty of room to get comfortable.

     Throughout the evening, Jyn found herself glancing over at her unlikely companion. At least he spoke to her and treated her like an adult with agency. She also put the popcorn on the middle cushion but he didn’t eat any and he refused all her offers of ice cream. Best kind of movie companion.

     When the movie ended, she moved to clean up, but Jeron stopped her with a shake of his head and said “I’ll get it, Ma’am.”

     “It’s Jyn. Thank you.”

     As he moved to stand up, his pant leg shifted and Jyn saw an ankle holster with a long knife and a handgun and her mind screamed Killer. She beat a hasty retreat up the stairs to the safety of her room. She made sure to lock her door handle and turn the deadbolt.

     Krennic returned around 5 am.

     “Jeron, thank you. Go home and rest.”

     Cassian nodded. He lingered on the curb and waiting for a car before walking slowly up the stairs to his studio. After the plush comforts of the Empire’s mansion, it seemed especially barren. There had been no sign of Erso at the house, and no mention of him. Still, the presence of Jyn was interesting. It fit with Empire’s MO to keep the entire family as hostages to ensure cooperation.

     He went through his usual safety double checks almost robotically before pulling out his laptop and checking his anonymous email for any updates from his handler. Cassian knew the cracks had to be showing as the man’s more recent missives had included personal anecdotes, information on Cassian’s friends at the bureau and general encouraging notes. The mental image of Draven composing the messages was enough to bring a flicker of a smile to Cassian’s face.

     His, or rather Jeron’s, cell phone buzzed. A message from Krennic, Report to the mansion tonight. 9pm sharp.

     Odd. No matter, the more time Cassian spent at the mansion, the closer he got to the information he needed. Krennic and Galen Erso were nearing the launch of something truly devastating, that could bring the city, possibly even the country to its knees. The bureau had to know what that was and how they intended to implement it. All they had were whispers, dead ends and smoke. 18 months building this cover hadn’t done anything to change that. Maybe, finally things were looking up.

Chapter Text

Jyn awoke early in the morning and could hear Krennic booming at the household staff downstairs. She wanted to do a little research on her new acquaintance. Anyone allowed inside the mansion without supervision was considered highly trustworthy by the higher ups. She usually saw people around in groups several times before they were allowed here solo. Not the case this time. She wanted to know why. Though the Family had done a good job of keeping Jyn from making connections with the outside world, she wasn’t entirely bereft of resources. The one approved friend from her childhood sometimes helped her.

Bodhi was associated with the Family, but it was small time. He was, for lack of a better phrase, cleaner than most. He also somehow knew everyone. Surely he could tell her something about Jeron. She sent him a quick message what do you know about a member named Jeron , then pulled out her workout clothes and headed for the small gym on the second floor. This floor was all residential, no business was conducted here, and most of the rooms were unoccupied. When Lyra was still alive, she had introduced Jyn to two of her friends who ran a martial arts dojo. Jyn was no longer allowed to leave the mansion to attend classes and hadn’t been for some time, but she still practiced what she had learned there.

Honestly, pretending that this was all for her safety was ridiculous. What happened to her mother wasn’t random, and it wasn’t the work of a rival organization. Krennic had orchestrated her death because Galen was refusing to cooperate. Jyn had never found proof, but she knew in her heart and her gut that it was the truth. Her father was too blind to see it though and the loss of Lyra had had the intended effect. Galen leaned on the friendship Krennic offered him and was now more deeply involved than ever. The more Jyn thought about it, the harder she hit the punching bag.

Eventually, an hour later her anger fueled energy gave way to sweaty satisfaction. She picked her way back to her room to take a shower. She checked her phone to find she hadn’t heard from Bodhi.

She decided to do a little snooping around. Lyra had been active in a hacker group in college, and she had managed to teach Jyn a few things before her death. Jyn had shown an affinity for hacking and some for coding. Lately, she’d been trying to establish a safe way to make data dumps to the FBI. The local law enforcement wasn’t an option as they were clearly in the Family’s pocket.

The police chief and the mayor had been over for dinner just 2 weeks ago. Jyn had grit her teeth in frustration the entire time. The corruption made her sick. She hadn’t been able to eat, and Krennic suggested she go to her room to recover. Probably for the best, if she had boiled over and said something, who knows what would have happened. Jyn knew the computer she used and the wifi she was allowed to access were very closely monitored so she quickly set to work covering her trail and delved into the latest horrors the Family had committed.

Jyn had been making some headway in her quest. She was splitting her time between digging through information on Empire’s latest activities and something called Project Stardust and looking into FBI and government sources where she might be able to find an ally.

Her focus was shattered by a brusque knock on the door. Jyn’s heart felt like it would beat out of her chest. She didn’t want to consider the consequences of being caught.

“You have 10 minutes, Ms. Erso. Your father and Mr. Krennic are expecting you for dinner. We are having guests, do try to look nice.”

Fortunately, with the message delivered, her visitor left. She made quick work of resetting her computer to hide her work and picked an innocuous, shallow film to queue up on Netflix in case anyone bothered to check. She had no illusions regarding privacy here.

Jyn picked out a simple emerald green A-line dress that her father always said brought out her eyes. Dress nice for guests usually meant that someone important was in town. Perhaps Tarkin was visiting. Though Krennic was the center of Jyn's families difficulties, he was not the head of the snake. At best, he was upper management. More reasonably, he was mid-level. Without Galen, Krennic likely would have been forced out long ago. He didn't have the people or business skills it took to do this job.

She pulled out black stilettos to give herself an extra 4 inches of height, and then made her way carefully down the stairs. Entering the foyer, she saw that it was indeed quite the occasion. Tarkin, the mayor, the Chief of Police, her father, and Krennic of course– it looked as though most of the Family was present. The lower level individuals were heading out the front door, their business concluded, but anyone who had any sort of influence was gathering for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres in the formal living room.  She steeled herself for a night of being mostly ignored and occasionally flirted with.

Her father spotted her and immediately came over to greet her.

"Jyn, my stardust, I feel as though I haven't seen you in forever."

“Papa, I’m glad you’re back. Perhaps we can spend some quality time together soon.” Jyn said, feeling him out and trying to gauge the situation.

Galen gave her a small, uncertain smile in response, then drifted away and Jyn resisted the urge to call him back. She had seen so little of him lately, and he was the only familiar face here.

After Galen left, Jyn was alone for a while before her “stay away” glare failed and a rather tall blonde man approached her.

“Evening sweetheart. You enjoying yourself?” He clearly thought he was being charming.

“I was until you interrupted me. If you’ll excuse me, I need a drink.” Jyn walked away, the man looking a bit puzzled.

Drink in hand, Jyn went back to taking mental notes about who was in attendance. These details mattered, if she ever found anyone who would listen to her.

Jyn’s latest sweep of the room revealed two things. Jeron was here, and Bodhi had arrived. She noted Jeron looked a little uncertain, as if attending these “family meetings” was new to him. Slipping that detail into her profile of him, she focused on making her way over to Bodhi. It had been a long time since she had seen her friend.

Cassian had been worried he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but apparently he had been up long enough his dreams were relatively untroubled, a rarity. He had taken his time showering and getting dressed, then gone out to the street to wait for the car Krennic sent. He had a few minutes before it should arrive, so he lit a cigarette to give his hands something to do and thought about his plan for the evening. Make note of attendees, listen to what isn’t being said, and don’t draw attention to himself.

The car arrived right at the promised time. The driver was a middle eastern man a few years younger than himself with a slightly nervous manner. Cassian nodded politely and then fixed his gaze out the window.

These people were not his friends. Trusting the wrong person with even the smallest detail could be the difference between living and dying painfully. Early in his assignment, Krennic had brought him out to an abandoned warehouse for a test of loyalty. The Family had found a mole. Krennic had made him stand and watch as the mole was tortured and then finally killed. A warning, plain and simple.

Once inside the mansion, Cassian noted it was quite the occasion. Hors d'oeuvres, an open bar, and a very large portion of the Family in attendance. He scanned the room, taking note of who was here, matching faces with names from Draven’s latest information. He noted absently that Jyn was in attendance. Just as he was debating whether he would learn more lingering near the bar or in a corner of the room, the large double doors of the study swung open and Krennic entered the room, followed by a few other men whose faces Cassian committed to memory. He thought he glimpsed Galen Erso as well, sneaking out towards the residential wing. The conversation in the room waned as the bosses emerged, but as Krennic started circulating the room, socializing, the conversations started up again. Cassian decided on the bar, perhaps alcohol would loosen a few tongues.

He ordered a club soda, nothing was more suspicious than standing at the bar without a drink, and settled in. Small snippets, whispers, of anything and everything slowly made their way to him.

“Stardust–”

“–the takeover–”

“–soon it will all be ours.”

“Hey, you think I got a chance with that Erso girl?”

Not likely, Cassian thought.. In his brief encounter with her, she struck him as confident, bold and with little tolerance for the politics of life in the Family.

“Vader is cleaning them out now.”

“Order 66–”

Still just pieces. It wasn’t enough. In his focus, Cassian had stopped watching Krennic out of the corner of his eye. The man was suddenly next to him.

“I’m so glad you could join us tonight. It’s important that you feel a part of the Family. After all, you do so much for us.”

“It’s a lively party,” he said, gesturing at the now visibly intoxicated dancers in the middle of the room.

“We must keep the masses happy after all. This is a bit excessive though. Why don’t we step into my office?”

Cassian followed Krennic into the small study.

“I have a new assignment for you. It is time we take down our biggest rival, Crimson Dawn. Kill their godfathers. I think 72 hours is a reasonable time frame.”

Cassian nodded his assent, and accepted the implied dismissal. He needed to get back to his apartment and start making plans.  

*********************************************

“Bodhi, it’s so good to see you!” Jyn called as she approached from behind.

Her friend spun around and threw her a huge smile.

“I would hug you, but we know what kind of rumors that would start.”

“Not worth the trouble,” Bodhi agreed.

“Have you made any new friends lately?” Their code for possible contacts.

“No, too much time stuck in traffic.”

Only more members of the Family then. Jyn swallowed her disappointment. “That’s too bad. Maybe we can have a movie marathon soon or something. I miss hanging out with you.”

“What, so I can sit some more?”

The small talk was soothing and Jyn just enjoyed her friend’s presence. Unfortunately, their time together was limited. All too soon, Bodhi was called away, work to do. After Bodhi left, Jyn decided she had made her requisite appearance and could now go back to her room. She had some research to conduct. The other guests didn’t notice her slip away early.  

She changed into something comfortable and grabbed her laptop and cellphone. She was pleased to see she had two messages from Bodhi. Once again, she took care to hide her tracks on her computer, keeping New Girl or The Office running in the background to hide her real activities.

A huge meeting meant that the Family was getting ready for something big. She wanted to know what it was, and how she could use it to hurt them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jyn’s phone chimed and she glanced down to see another message from Bodhi. The first was him apologizing for leaving the party early. The second saying he may have made a new friend named Jeron. . Quiet, polite, bit secretive. He seemed very on edge when I took him home after the party. He didn’t like whatever he was told. Not sure what that was or what that means.

Interesting, Jyn thought. She wondered if she could find any mention of him in Krennic’s personnel files. Not everyone had one. She hadn’t yet determined why that was. Maybe he only kept track of those he had to blackmail into cooperating or something. Later tonight, someone would update the records with the events of the meetings, she would poke through those tomorrow.

Tonight, she would continue her search for a reliable contact in law enforcement. She had overheard some of her babysitters talking and the head of the local office, Draven, liked to cause trouble for the Family. Maybe he was a viable contact point. Government agency firewalls were always thick, but they tended to lack creativity so getting in wasn’t too difficult.

As she looked into his case history and recent activity she found something interesting. Emails, untraceable ones, bounced all over the place so the origin was obscured. They seemed to come at regular intervals and were written in a code of some sort. No one bothered to make emails about the weather untraceable.

He had an undercover somewhere. Draven was fixated on destroying the Family, someone was stockpiling data. The undercover had to be here, she just needed to find them. She kept digging, under an obscure file flagged “chores” she found herself staring at a familiar pair of beautiful sad eyes- and a name, Special Agent Cassian Andor.

Her mind raced. It was better than she could have hoped. The feds were already here, and it was someone she had met. They could help each other. She could protect his cover and point him towards the information he needed, and he could keep her safe and get her out.

As she studied the photo again, she noted that this job had been hard on him- he had to have lost 20 pounds since whenever this was taken. Knowing Krennic though, she could see why. There was no telling what Cassian had been forced to do to maintain his cover- if it was a cover. She had to be cautious. The Family had flipped many a cop in the past. She didn’t know they hadn’t done the same with this one. Still, she made sure to back out of the database carefully and shifted her attention back to The Family files. Time to see what Krennic was using “Jeron” for, and whether or not he was worth helping.

Chapter Text

The trip to his apartment was unremarkable and Cassian’s focus stayed on his new task. Crimson Dawn had 3 godfathers. They were rarely in the same place; likely to prevent exactly what he was trying to do. It would be easier to access them individually, but once one was hit the other two would go to ground. No guarantee he could take them out before they vanished. He needed them all together. The car stopped at his apartment building and shook him out of his thoughts.

Once inside, he took a quick shower and then laid down in bed. It was late, nothing could be done at 3 am. He would try to sleep a few hours and then get to work later in the morning.

Cassian awoke after a restless sleep and headed to his kitchen to start the coffee pot.

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy .

Crimson Dawn trafficked in flesh and drugs. They made a profit off pleasure. In the past, Empire preferred to just take a cut out of rivals margins, while providing protection and supervision for the other organizations. Their business model was changing- not that their rivals and tentative partners knew that.

The godfathers of Crimson Dawn were not good people, but Cassian was a cop– he wanted a fair trial, not to be their executioner. But this undercover wasn't about what he wanted. He needed to shove himself as far down into Jeron as he could manage. Do it, and deal with the ramifications later.

This order signaled a departure from standard operating procedure for Empire. Jeron had been clean up man during a couple of trafficking operations and chased down some potentially talkative former employees, but this would be openly declaring war on the other syndicates. Empire’s negotiations with their rival must have failed.

48 hours later, his plan went perfectly and he hated every moment of it. The Crimson Dawn godfathers arrived at the café expecting to meet with Krennic. He led them to the back corner booth, their bodyguards filling the other tables.

So many people.

He then excused himself under the pretense of waiting for his boss. He left a bug in the cafe and as soon as the chatter told him the men inside were distracted, he slipped away.

He doubled back to the second alley entrance of the cafe. He was almost disappointed no one caught him. A physical fight would help right now, an outlet for his emotional turmoil.  It was happening too fast and it felt too easy. Killing 9 people should never be easy– no matter who they were.Through the bug, he heard the men starting to get suspicious. He needed to keep moving.

During his surveillance he’d marked the location for the explosive. He pinned it to the support beam and primed it. Nausea flared in his gut as he checked the connection to the burner phone in his jacket. Green, good to go. Everything in him screamed in protest as he slipped away. He paused only to grab the pistol and silencer he’d hidden in an unused electrical panel. With so many present, the explosion and ensuing collapse may not catch everyone. Krennic had been explicit, no survivors.  

As soon as he was clear of the immediate blast radius, he hit the call button. It was a bizarre moment. He felt an odd distance from it, as though he was watching himself on a tv screen. A voice in his mind yelled, how could you do this? but he felt at the same time as though he wasn’t in control of it. Trapped, helpless as someone else controlled his actions.

The entire building exploded, the rubble burning. He was a safe distance away, but still felt the scorching heat. Maybe that was his guilt.

He stayed crouched behind a parked car for a few minutes to be sure no one emerged. Damn his luck, one of the godfathers made his way out slowly, looking bloody and disoriented. Cassian walked towards him.

The man’s unfocused gaze locked onto him. “Help, please, my friends.”

Cassian raised his arm and pulled the trigger. Head shot. Dead in an instant. As dead as he felt inside. Forcing himself to keep moving, he slipped off into the darkness. The Empire car met him at the rendezvous.

It’s done, he texted Krennic. Keeping his face blank in the car was an effort, but he didn’t waver. No slipping up now, he scolded himself. Otherwise, what you just did was for nothing.

He rushed inside as fast as dignity would allow and once in his apartment, his adrenaline crashed, the odd disconnection faded and the crushing guilt set in. He stripped his clothes and threw them in a trash bag, he didn’t want to look at them anymore. He took an absurdly long shower, but he still didn’t feel clean. The shadows on his hands in the weak lighting looked like blood, and it wouldn’t come off.

God, how can I justify this to IA, to Draven? I’m becoming a monster.

J yn was beyond frustrated. Despite her exhaustive search, she couldn’t find anything about Jeron anywhere. A check in with Bodhi confirmed he hadn’t seen him since dropping him off after the party. She was going to have to ask someone else. The problem was, no matter who she asked, it would get back to Krennic. She supposed the safest approach was to stick to the superficial.

Fuck. Her logic had turned circular and she wasn’t getting anywhere. She needed to rest, eat, have some coffee, and then try again. There had to be a way.

In the meantime, she could broaden her searches through Empire’s records. She had turned up some things, but nothing damning enough. Her hacking wasn’t as successful as she would like. If Cassian was trustworthy, combining their information would be the best way to bring down Empire.

Her stomach growled and her headache told her she couldn’t ignore it much longer. With the possibility of a partner in her crusade in her future, she could afford to pay a little more attention to herself. She had been putting enormous pressure on herself, knowing that a tipping point was coming. If she ran herself into the ground, she couldn't finish this. She had to finish this.

She woke up early the next morning and made sure to eat breakfast. Galen and Krennic were at the small breakfast table and were both surprised to see her.

“Good morning, “ she offered in response to their silence.

Krennic recovered first. “Good morning, Jyn. Did you need something?”

“No, just tired of skipping meals.”

“Good Stardust, you are looking too thin,” her father offered. Conversation died down as both men shifted their focus back to their earlier conversation.

“Everything is going according to plan?”

“Yes, 36 hours now.”

Their total lack of acknowledgement of her was almost unbelievable. But it came with some advantages. Such as potentially valuable intel just hers for the taking. Now she had a timeframe on something important, she would start digging again.

She made a cup of tea and then went to the library, another lightly used space, and curled up in the window seat. She had left a stack of books here the last time she visited, and it hadn’t been disturbed. She sent Bodhi a text, Trashy film fest tonight? And then picked up Catch 22 and opened it to a random page.  Though this wasn’t the life she wanted, wasn’t a lifestyle she could accept, it wasn’t always awful.

When she got tired of reading, she looked at her phone to see that Bodhi had replied, Sure, 10p? I’ll bring beer and chocolate.

Sounds good, she sent back, then she squeezed in a run and a nap before she got back to her digging.

Jyn wasn’t sure what it was, but she had a good feeling about this hack. She was going to find something important this time. The crime reports were a dead end, but in a random file flagged as personal she found a list of obstacles to clear before Stardust could be initiated. Crimson Dawn leaders was item number 5 out of 7. Next to it in a notation was, “J to handle.” So random, it could be anyone, but then a detail from the night Cassian babysat flagged in her mind. He had had a knife and a handgun in an ankle holster.

Oh dear god. They’re using him as a hitman. Horror washed through her, along with a thread of fear. How could he live with this? Had they corrupted him? If not, no wonder he looked so damn sad.

Jyn forced the thought away as her phone dinged, new message from Bodhi. On my way.

Good. I’ve never needed beer and mindless movies more in my life.  

If Bodhi noticed that she was distracted, he didn’t comment. He was too engrossed in their Pitch Perfect marathon. She forced herself to focus on the films and chatter with her friend. Opportunities to spend time together were rare and she refused to let this one slip away from her.

Her days and nights melted into a sort of routine. She made an appearance for breakfast, using the opportunity to pick up on any gossip or new hints, then she would work out, read, hack, watch too many movies on Netflix, then reappear for dinner. This waiting was murder on her patience.

A few days later, she noticed an uptick in the enforcer presence at the house.

Cassian did it, she thought, heart sick for him. After her workout that morning, something changed.

Her father was waiting for her outside of the gym.

“Hello, Stardust. Orson wants to speak with you– with us actually.”

“Now, or can I put on clean clothes first?”

“You can change. Meet us in his office.”

Jyn nodded. Despite herself, she was curious. Krennic tended to ignore her unless he needed to use her to motivate Galen.

A few minutes later, she was walking into Krennic’s office.

“Lovely, we’re all here now. Please close the door, Jyn.”

She shut the door and took a seat in the empty chair.

“There have been some changes in our world lately. I know that you wish to go out into the city more often, get some fresh air, but I need to know that you are safe away from the Mansion.”

I haven’t left without Galen or Krennic in months .

“So I have decided in the interim to assign you a personal bodyguard.”

Jyn tensed. A personal bodyguard meant close supervision, it would be harder to hide her activities. Not now, now when I’m so close.

“I believe you’ve met him before, Jeron. He should be by first thing tomorrow.”

She nodded, almost speechless in her profound relief, but could tell Krennic expected some sort of verbal response. “Thank you, I appreciate your concern.”

“Yes of course. You are like a daughter to me too, Jyn. Now run along. Your Father and I have business to discuss.”

She walked back to her room almost in a daze. She couldn’t remember the last time something had worked out so nicely. Exactly what she was hoping for had fallen into her lap.

Finally, I’m getting somewhere.

Cassian came out of the bathroom and out of habit picked up his phone.

New message from Krennic. I’ll be in touch.

He decided to lie down, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep.This assignment was slowly destroying him. As a field agent, he’d been forced to make the hard call in the past, trained as a sniper. This was something entirely different.

He was following orders he knew were coming from the wrong place. The men he killed were criminals, but the order to kill them had come from another criminal. He reminded himself that his coworkers were saved the trouble of arresting them. They may even have resisted, or hurt one of his fellow agents. He pictured Wedge and Kes, and the thought of them hurt made his stomach turn. That this was all he could to cope was a bad sign, but he had been in too long to give up now.

This post undercover psych eval is going to be hell.

If Krennic followed his typical pattern, he could expect easy job as a reward for his work. Those times were both a blessing and a curse. He would use this time to compile information, send it to Draven along with working to keep himself functional. He didn’t know what it was about this hit that was giving him so much trouble. He had struggled in the aftermath before, but not like this. Likely because it was Empire’s guys he was picking off, people whose rap sheets he had memorized. It was easier to walk away from. He knew that the death of Crimson Dawn’s godfathers would cause chaos in the criminal world and allow Empire to amass further power. He was directly responsible for that.

Rather than waste time, he grabbed his secure laptop and started organizing his reports. He lost himself in his work and before he knew it, dawn was breaking. He should have been tired, or hungry, instead he just felt numb.

Around 9 am, his next assignment came in. Lots of potential new employees. Help with the hiring. Downtown office.

Cassian could almost laugh at the irony of sending a federal agent to try and recruit people to join an organized crime family. He got dressed, and called for a car. In the 15 minutes he waited out front, he smoked 3 cigarettes. A new record.

The car arrived, and he climbed into the backseat.

“Good morning, sir,” the driver said.

“If you say so.“ His voice was ice cold. The remark had slipped out almost unconsciously and the driver fell silent after that.

Shit. Don’t be a dick.

The “recruiting” session took place at the old Crimson Dawn HQ and was more of a join us or you’re on your own than anything else. He struggled to pretend to focus, emotionally drained as he was.

When he came back out, a car was waiting. He slid into it.

They stopped in front of a nondescript restaurant.

“What are we doing here?” he demanded.

“Meeting. Krennic said to bring you here.”

Cassian climbed out without another word, slamming the door.

Krennic was waiting in a banquet room, a huge spread of food on the table. The smell turned Cassian’s stomach and he didn’t even bother to make a plate.

“The man of the hour,” Krennic greeted with a disturbing amount of pride.

He forced a smile in response, but the odd expression on Krennic’s face told him he missed the mark.

“The forecast is clear skies, no clouds.” Krennic said in a conspiratorial tone.

“It’s winter.” Flat.

“Yes, how silly of me.” Krennic sounded a bit uncertain.

Cassian must have missed something, the feeling of disconnection returned in full force.

“Any plans? Perhaps another party to celebrate our successes.”

Cassian merely grunted in response.

“You really must eat something, everything is delicious. Try the pasta.”

Forced with his boss’ insistence, he got up and made himself a plate. Coming back to the table he picked up his fork, but after taking two bites his stomach threatened to rebel. He took a small sip of water, ignoring the wine Krennic had poured and resorted to pushing the food around his plate. By the end of the meal, Krennic was looking at him with open concern.

Everytime he blinked, the explosion was waiting behind his eyelids.

“Jeron, I think you should take the rest of the day off, try to get some rest.”

Cassian wrenched his focus back, forcing a neutral expression onto his face. “I’m fine, Sir. No need for that.”

Krennic wasn’t convinced. “No, I insist.” The tone told him further attempts at denial would be both ineffective and unwise.

Cassian nodded his acquiescence, “thank you, Sir.”

Once back in his apartment, the exhaustion became deadweight around his neck. He showered, and nearly fell asleep standing up except when he closed his eyes he re-lived shooting that man, when he blinked the image away, then the café was collapsing. After the disastrous lunch he knew food was out of the question. He walked out onto the balcony and chain-smoked half a pack of cigarettes. Unable to be still, he came back inside and sat down on his saggy couch.

Eventually, the exhaustion dragged him down into a deep, restless sleep.

He woke up totally disoriented- no idea how long he had slept or what time it was. He glanced at his phone. 2:30 am.

One unread message from Krennic that said, Take tomorrow off. Meet at the mansion at 8am sharp the next day.  

The day passed in an odd mixture of periods of intense focus, where he worked furiously on reports for Draven, compiling information, searching for connections and then periods of almost dissociation as he relieved not just the killing of the godfathers, but everything he had done during this undercover.

His mind screamed, “ You don’t feel as bad as you should. Are you any different than them? Are you alive anymore? Zombie.”

Zombie, that’s what he felt like right now. Shuffling along, unable to think.

Krennic sent a car for him the next day. Cassian leaned on the wall in front of the apartment building, tense and uncertain. If he was on to you he wouldn’t invite you to the Mansion. He wouldn’t make a scene there. This is something else.

Krennic was waiting for him in the foyer and led him down the hall to the living room where he met Jyn.

He paused outside the doorway. “You have been pushing yourself too hard. You need a chance to appreciate the finer things in this life. Jyn is very important to all of us. Please keep her safe for me. She is waiting for you.” Krennic gestured to the doorway.

Cassian’s mind whirled. A chance to establish a familiarity, look for clues and information but also- risk. Spending a lot of time with one person gave them a chance to get to know his habits, and potentially catch a slip up. If the girl was the mob princess she was presented as, that would get him killed. He needed to play this carefully.

When he entered the room, Jyn’s face stayed blank, with a hostile undertone.

But the hostility vanished as soon as Krennic left her sight. Interesting. Maybe she isn’t as loyal as she pretends to be. An almost vulnerable uncertainty replaced the anger. Clearly she was mirroring his thoughts– Now what?

Chapter Text

Cassian stayed silent, watching her. Letting her take the lead, she guessed. Fine, she could work with that. “Alright, well, we’re stuck together now. Will it be too much for you if we go get dinner? You’re supposed to be resting, right? I’ll try not to be too much trouble.”

“Whatever you want, Ma’am.”

And we’re back to ma’am.

“I heard there’s a new South American restaurant downtown. I’ve been wanting to try the food and they don’t deliver. We can leave around 5.”

“I’ll have a car ready.”

The ride to downtown was mostly silent, only the sounds of traffic around them. If they didn’t find something to talk about, this was going to be one of the more awkward meals Jyn had ever had and that was saying something. Maybe they could pretend to be a couple on a date and play one of those ridiculous “get to know you” games. It would at least break the awkward tension.

They got to the restaurant and Cassian dropped the car with the valet and held the door for her as they entered. He greeted the host in Spanish and they exchanged pleasantries before the two of them were led to a secluded table far from the windows. Cassian took the seat that gave him the best view of the door.

After they were seated, the silence continued. They were starting to get odd glances from the other patrons. Couples icebreaker games it was.

Just as he picked up his glass, she said, “What’s your favorite color?”

He choked on his water and studied Jyn’s face, looking for an explanation before he hesitantly offered, “Blue. Yours?”

“Purple.”

He nodded and they fell back into silence. Honestly, did she have to do everything? “Now you ask something. An either/or question, or yes/no.”

He was silent for just long enough that she thought he wasn’t going to continue the game when he said, “Beach or mountains?”

“Beach. The waves are so soothing. I don’t like the way high places make everyone else seem beneath you. You?” She tried dropping a hint, but wasn’t sure if he grasped her meaning.

“I love the clear air in the mountains, the nature brings a sense of clarity.”

Jyn felt herself smile at that, and found a small answering smile growing on Cassian’s face.

The either/or game continued for some time, the tension slowly dissolving into a quiet companionship. It felt more natural than anything had in months. A safe space.

The food turned out to be excellent, even if her companion didn’t eat much. After lunch, Cassian headed to pick up the car from the valet when Jyn put her hand on his arm to stop him. “Wait, I don’t want to go back just yet. There’s a park a couple of blocks from here, maybe we could go spend some time in the sun?”

She saw hesitation on Cassian’s face and braced for a rejection but was pleasantly surprised when he nodded instead.

She could feel herself relaxing as the park came into view. Walking along the footpaths past playground equipment and tennis courts was a glance at a normal life. Sometimes it was lovely to see that people could still have that. It gave her the hope that one day, she would too.

Her companion’s reaction was markedly different. The further they wandered into the park the more tense he became, adopting an almost predator-like quietness as he constantly glanced around.

She broadened her focus and scanned the area, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. “Jeron, is everything alright?”

“Fine. How long did you want to stay?” His tone was neutral and she could tell he had forced himself into a relaxed stance now that he had been caught.

“Let’s finish the loop around the pond and then we can go back to the mansion.”

This assignment just got better and better. He hoped Jyn wasn’t planning on any more excursions out into nature. He’d seen Kes and his wife Shara having a sunset picnic and it had thrown him totally off balance. His only mode of surviving this undercover was to keep everything from his real life locked away. He knew they hadn’t seen him, but if they had, it could have been disastrous.

Too close, he thought.

Jyn had gone back up to her room and Cassian wasn’t sure where he was supposed to sleep. He didn’t want to intrude or assume, so for now he would just sit on the couch. The residual exhaustion of the last few days hit him. Pushed beyond his limits, sleep took him quickly.

Jyn’s yelling woke him up. “Why is he on the couch Krennic? Isn’t he supposed to keep me safe? This is how you treat people?”

“A misunderstanding, Jyn. I assure you.”

“Fix it,” she replied nastily.

She marched through the living room and noticed he was awake. “You could have asked, you know. I assumed you had chosen a room.”

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

Her face betrayed surprise, although she recovered quickly. “You look like you need some sleep, so just ask next time. I don’t bite. Usually.”

He couldn’t remember the last time someone had joked with him, or stood up for him. Why was she doing that? She barely knew him and Krennic didn’t tolerate being questioned.

“Breakfast is in the kitchen. Go get some, I have plans for today,” she ordered.

Cassian raised an eyebrow and stared at her. She mirrored the expression.

An incessant beeping from the kitchen broke their staring contest and he got to his feet, idly hoped there was some plain toast.

Krennic was sitting at the table, he glanced up. “Jeron, go by your place this morning. Grab whatever you need for an extended stay. Then go pick a bedroom upstairs. I don’t need any more harpies scolding me.”

Cassian internally bristled at the man’s description of Jyn, but simply nodded his agreement.

Cassian returned with a bag and she shooed him up the stairs “pick a room. I want to get going.”

“What’s on the agenda for today, Jyn?”

“Natural History Museum. There’s a temporary exhibit I want to see.”

Cassian paid for their admission and then gestured for her to lead the way. She led him to the third floor exhibit hall. The special exhibit was costumes from a popular fantasy series. They were very detailed and Jyn seemed fascinated. His hand accidentally bumped hers a couple of times as they navigated the crowds and it lit his nerves on fire. He knew what it meant, but tried to push it away.

Your break in this nightmare will only last so long. Krennic will send you back to work. She doesn’t know who you are- you can’t count on her to save you.

He heard a child crying. He glanced around out of habit and noticed Jyn had slipped away. Shit. He had one job.  

As he scanned the room, he spotted her speaking with a little girl wearing a princess t-shirt with her hair in a fancy braid. Her face was splotchy with tears, but she was starting to calm down. He started towards the pair and heard Jyn say, “I promise I’ll help you find your mom.”

The sight brought light to the guilt lingering in his chest. He didn’t want to interfere, so he trailed Jyn and the little girl while they looked for her mom. Jyn held the girl’s hand and spoke calmly with her- starting a conversation about princesses.

They backtracked through a couple of rooms until Jyn reunited the little girl with her very worried mother. He caught a wistful, lost look on Jyn’s face as the two embraced that she hid quickly. It caused a twinge of pain in his chest. The girls’ mother thanked Jyn profusely, but she just smiled and waved it off.

He could feel her sense of accomplishment when she returned to his side. “That was very kind of you.”

“Anyone would have done the same,” she replied.

No they wouldn’t have. He added that to his mental picture of Jyn and throughout the rest of the day he found himself drifting closer to her.

On the way back to the house, she had Cassian stop for Thai food.

Jyn felt the days settling into a routine. Spend a couple of days at the house working on her personal project, watching movies and interacting very little, then take a trip into the city. Today, she decided on the zoo, the weather was nice and she had fond memories of seeing the animals with her mom. She had noticed over the past few days that Cassian seemed a little more relaxed. She hoped leaving the house would help with that.

When she suggested the zoo, he just raised an eyebrow. “What time are we leaving?”

“9:30. It’ll put us there when it opens at 10.”

He nodded and headed upstairs. He came back down at 9:25 and Jyn did a double take. He was wearing jeans. She had never seen him outside of a suit. He walked out the door in front of her, as always, and if her gaze lingered on his ass, no one was the wiser.

The zoo was much the same as she remembered, though some of the individual animals were different. The elephants had recently had a calf and they spent a good amount of time watching them play. Suddenly a thought occurred to her that changed from the scene from adorable to painful.

“They’ll spend their whole lives in cages. It’s not fair.”

She felt Cassian study her for a long minute before he spoke. “They’ll be safe from poachers.”

“Is safety a fair trade for freedom?”

He studied her again, this time not offering a response.

They continued their tour, and as they passed the wolves it occurred to her that their mannerisms weren’t too different from the man next to her. Quiet, watchful, and deadly.

After the zoo, she asked to stop at the electronics store. She needed to pick up a few supplies. It was also a test of sorts. The items she needed had many possible uses, but few were fully on the straight and narrow. Would Cassian tell Krennic? Would she get a summons and a dressing down?

They passed a burger joint she loved while walking to meet their car, so she treated them both to dinner and milkshakes. She thought she caught a smile on Cassian’s face before he hid it in the rim of his cup.

After the zoo excursion, things slipped back into the staying-at-home routine with a couple of exceptions. Cassian, with her permission, joined her for her workouts and they occasionally went for runs outside. One evening as she opened the kitchen drawer to grab a take out menu, he stopped her.

“Jyn can you cook?”

“No, no one took the time to teach me,” she said peevishly.

“Why don’t you let me teach you?”  

She studied his expression, trying to find the intent behind the offer. Cooking together was rather intimate. His expression was light, eyes shining with something like excitement. He looked years younger. His joy slowly spread to her.   

“I’d like that,” she said.

Since their schedules were empty, it was easy to agree on a time for a cooking lesson. Krennic and Galen, though they were rarely seen to begin with, were at a dinner meeting and they had the house to themselves. He noticed through all of their takeout meals that Jyn loved fried rice and it was very easy to make. So that was the menu for today. The skills translated well to making other things too.

His memories of cooking with his mother and grandmother were some of his favorite from his childhood. The spices, the joy they took in sharing recipes with him, treating going to the market as if it were a top secret mission. Being able to make his own meals had always given him a sense of control as well as a way to remember better times. He hoped to help Jyn make some warm memories and share some of that sense of control with her. Jyn pulled on him like gravity and he just wanted to be near her.

He pulled out all the ingredients and cooking implements and laid them on the counter. Then he waited for Jyn. She wasn’t long, and she came into the kitchen looking both excited and apprehensive.

“The last time I tried to cook anything I set off the smoke alarm.”

“That’s why I’m here,” he said.

That earned him a small smile. “How do we start?”

“You’ll have to come over here so that I can show you.”

He started by going over the kitchen supplies, then the ingredients. He encouraged and instructed through the whole process, but refused to do it for her. They accidentally brushed hands as he passed her a knife. The touch was electric, and both of them paused for a moment and looked at their fingers. They looked away quickly, and for a moment the ease was lost.

Then Jyn asked him for a spoon and when he handed it to her, she made sure to brush his fingers before pulling away. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Like she was trying to catch his reaction.

He tried to hide how it set his heart racing but her grin told him he wasn’t successful. Seemingly pleased with her success, it kept happening.

In the end, the chicken was a little dry and the rice a little overcooked, but Jyn’s proud smile was too lovely to resist.

“What’s for dessert, Jeron?” she said, her tone a little teasing.

“Oh, I umm, didn’t plan for that.” Damn it. He touched the back of his neck and tried to force down a flush. “There might be something in the freezer.”

“You aren’t going to teach me to make something?”

Was she flirting with him? “Baking and I don’t get along.”

“ Make yourself comfortable. Even you can’t do everything.” She proceeded to whip up a batch of brownies from scratch in what seemed like record time. She pulled all the ingredients out of the cupboard and mixed without measuring anything. Her face was open and relaxed. She was as confident as this as she had been uncertain with the stove.

She enjoys this.

She cut into the brownies right after they came out of the oven and they were almost to warm to eat. She looked at him expectantly so he dug in. The brownies tasted like the hot cocoa his mama used to make- rich chocolate exploding with cinnamon and some spicy cayenne at the finish. He could almost picture her standing there, handing him the cocoa as a reward for getting good grades at school. Between the memories of cooking with her, and then this, he was almost overwhelmed.

“Do you like them?” she asked.

“Delicious.”

“Good.” Her face broke into a beautiful grin and Cassian wanted the moment to last forever. “I love baking, but I never have anyone to share with.”

“You can bake but you can’t cook?”

“They’re not the same, okay! Mr. I can cook but I can’t bake should know that.”

He chuckled.

The next morning, Jyn was feeling more confident and did nearly set off the smoke alarm trying to make bacon and eggs. After that, Cassian took over the cooking. It was relaxing and always brought back memories of his childhood. Usually he avoided those, but somehow they weren’t as painful as they had been even last night. He thought it was because of the company.

Jyn was enjoying the series of delicious home cooked meals. She decided to share them with Bodhi as well. Especially since Bodhi refused to stop asking her questions about Jeron. The living room had a cabinet full of board games, there was a library full of books and a huge movie collection. They could make a day of it.

Game day ended up being just her and Bodhi after Cassian lost badly early on in Settlers of Catan and refused to play anymore. Though she did catch him watching them despite his apparent disinterest.

Game day then became movie night- action movies, the more explosions the better. Then Bodhi left midway through Mad Max: Fury Road . She glanced at her remaining movie buddy, noticing he hadn’t moved in a while and immediately hit the power button on the remote. The relaxed but watchful stance from earlier had given way to a tense stillness and a distant stare, deep furrows between his eyebrows. Wherever his mind was, it wasn’t in this room.  

She waved her hand in front of his face. “Jeron?” He didn’t react.

His breathing sped up and his hand started to shake. Without thinking, she took that hand in one of hers.  

She laid her free palm on his chest, his heart felt like a jackhammer. HIs breathing had gotten even faster. “Cassian?” she whispered. Idiot. What were you thinking?

That seemed to bring him out of wherever he was. His gaze refocused, his breathing slowed and some of the tension relaxed in his shoulders.  

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course, just distracted with, some, uh, things. Sorry.” He nearly ran from the room. She heard him head upstairs and close the door to his room.

Meanwhile she sat on the couch, frozen and unbalanced.

The next morning, Cassian acted as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She knew it wasn’t her place to confront him, so she left him alone. Still, she was concerned about him.

Krennic caught her on her way out of the kitchen. “Jyn my dear, I will be hosting another get together soon. Maybe you should find some new dresses to wear.” The sneer on his face told her what he thought of her current selection.

She considered refusing out of spite, but he held out the black credit card with a look that told her that would not be a good idea. She sighed and plucked it from his hand carefully, making sure she didn’t touch him. Time to tell Cassian.

He could tell she was in a bad mood, and the mild amusement radiating from him was not making her feel better.

Clothes shopping with Cassian was odd. They weren’t actually a couple so there was no reason to ask his opinion on anything she tried on, but he was there with her and standing outside of the dressing rooms. He leaned against the wall, constantly assessing their surroundings.

Each time she came out to look in the larger mirror she found herself paying more attention him in his gray blazer and dark jeans than her own reflection. Not that he didn’t look good in suits, but he was gorgeous in casual clothing. She saw other shoppers’ glances lingering on him and felt a flare of jealousy in her gut. Now you’re being ridiculous.

After the fourth store, having hated every dress, she found Cassian waiting outside the fitting rooms with a couple dresses for her to try on, and to her even greater surprise, the leather jacket that had caught her eye as they entered this store. The man truly missed nothing.

“You seemed a little frustrated.”

“Thank you, Jeron.”

“My pleasure, Jyn.”

The way he said her name always made butterflies appear in her stomach. She told herself it was just because he didn’t say it with strings attached, but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep telling herself that. The more time she spent with him, the more she gravitated towards him.

The dresses were perfect, as was the jacket. She would have thrown her hands up in frustration, except she caught the pleased smile on Cassian’s face. She was sure it was the real him showing through his cover. The smile, like the rest of him, was gorgeous but a little bitter.

She bought both dresses and the jacket. It fit her too well to pass up. Plus, she loved it and she deserved to have things for herself occasionally. As they walked out of the store, she opened her mouth to tell Cassian that she needed new heels when suddenly everything changed.

Cassian shoved her behind him, pulling his glock out of his shoulder holster. She heard the crack of a gunshot, then Jeron knocked into her and sent them both to the ground. She landed hard on her hands and knees, palms scraped, shopping bags flying. She went to make a crack about the quality of his bodyguarding when she noticed he wasn’t moving.

For a few seconds her mind froze in a panic, refusing to acknowledge what she was seeing. The gray blazer she was admiring earlier was soaking with blood on the left side of his abdomen. She crawled over to him, pulled off her scarf, and shoved it hard onto the wound, trying to slow the bleeding. His rough groan tugged at her heart. His eyes were wide with panic. Not for himself, she thought, but that he was hurt and couldn’t protect her if someone came to finish the job.

She rather reluctantly hit the panic button she had been given before leaving the mansion that morning and waited for someone to come and pick them up. Cassian’s eyes were drifting shut more frequently, he was losing consciousness.

Seizing the opportunity, she leaned down and whispered, “Cassian, I never chose this life. I know you didn’t either.” Her palm cupped his cheek.

He blinked one last time, perhaps in surprise or maybe understanding before his lids slid shut and didn’t open again. A car pulled up in front of them and her father rushed out, along with a doctor.

Please, please let him be ok.

“Jyn, my stardust, are you hurt?”

“No Papa, Jeron, he- he saved me. Will he be ok, there was so much blood?”

“I’m sure he will, the doctor is very good.”

The ride back to the mansion was a blur and Jyn remembered little of it, though her father paid her more attention than he had in years. She pushed down the uncharitable thoughts that flitted through her mind at that realization. Galen was likely having flashbacks to the loss of Lyra. He probably wouldn’t survive losing Jyn, even if he more or less ignored her.

Back at the house, the staff insisted she go change and then take the rest of the day to recover. Until that moment, Jyn hadn’t even realized that her clothes were covered in Cassian’s blood. On autopilot, she changed, showered, and then took a nap. Her dreams were troubled, a mix of blood, death and a crushing sense of loneliness and isolation. She couldn’t stay in her room. She needed to know if Cassian was alright. Someone needed to help protect his secrets- and hers.

She found Krennic in his small personal office. He was surprised to see her, but recovered quickly.

“Jyn my dear, I’m so glad you are safe! Come in, come in. Can I get you anything to drink?” He gestured towards the whiskey decanter.

“No, thank you. I just wondered how Jeron is doing.”

“The doctor assures me he will recover. He just needs to rest.”

“I’d like to see him, maybe help take care of him.”

Krennic’s eyebrow raised in surprise and Jyn rushed to finish.

“I’m just so grateful that he saved me. Now he’s hurt. It’s only fair.”

“Of course, I’m sure that can be arranged. After he leaves the hospital he will need to stay here for while anyway, according to the doctor. That way you can spend even more time… together .” Krennic’s face had taken on that light that meant he thought he knew something.

Let him think whatever he wants. If he thinks he’s being clever, it will blind him to the truth, Jyn thought bitterly.

“If you give me some time, I can arrange for someone to take you to see him. Perhaps this afternoon.”

Jyn thanked Krennic and left.  She stopped by the kitchen first to get a drink of water and find a snack before heading to the gym. After yesterday and her restless dreams she needed to release some of her pent up emotions. The swirl of fear and worry was making it hard to think.

After working to a healthy sweat, she headed to her room to clean up with a clear mind. It was 10:45, she had time, so she pulled out her laptop and started digging into the Family’s activities again. The Crimson Dawn hit had been three weeks ago now. The attempted hit on her could be retaliation, but the extended time in between meant it could be related to something else.

She found a new file, one full of legalese and lawyers. Some of it was clearly in a code. She started pulling cipher lists when there was a knock on the door.

“Miss Erso, the car is ready if you still wish to go to the hospital”

“Thank you, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Bodhi had warned her on the way over that it had been serious. Internal bleeding and emergency surgery. Even still, Jyn wasn’t entirely prepared for the sight that awaited her. Before, even when Cassian was still, it had a feeling of intention to it. Seeing him in the stillness of drugged sleep was unnerving. He had several IV lines, one still infusing blood. There were wires everywhere and he was so pale and looked small and alone.

She walked towards his bed, and gently took his hand in hers. His forehead was creased with lines of pain. She wanted to reach up and smooth them out but paused halfway, frightened by how natural the instinct felt. Her escort had stayed in the hallway, so she let her hand finish the motion, smoothing the lines on his forehead and tucking his hair away from his face. It was getting long, he needed it trimmed. She thought she felt him unconsciously turn into her touch and her heart lurched in response.

Taking care of him would help build trust. Maybe then they could start to work together. Of course it had nothing to do with the terrible fear that had struck when she realized he was hurt. Her world would be a darker place without his gently teasing humor and his lovely smiles and oh dammit. How had this happened? How was she falling for him? He was only supposed to be a means to an end.

If she was honest with herself, she knew this was coming. After being treated as a commodity or a pawn for so long, someone seeing her as a person was a wonderful gift. He was funny in a quiet way and surprisingly insightful when she could get him to engage. She wondered what he was truly like outside of his cover. The hitman he pretended to be was cold and distant. How much of that was really the man underneath? What was his life like? She selfishly wanted the opportunity to know.

She glanced around the empty hospital room and found the chair in the corner. She cringed at the noise as she dragged it over to his bedside. The sound must have woken Cassian as his eyes had opened to slits and he let out a small sigh that would have been a moan from anyone else.

“You’re safe, it’s just me.”

“Jyn,” he said softly, tone full of confused wonder.

“I couldn’t just leave you here all alone. Not after what you did for me. I want to help you.” With more than just healing.

“Better me than you.” His eyes slid shut after that and he dozed off again.

Don’t you say that, she thought fiercely. She stayed at his bedside, feeling useless until the same doctor from outside the store entered the room.

“Miss Erso, Krennic told me you were here.”

“Can you tell me what happened? How long will he stay? Is there anything I can do to help?” the questions came in a rush.

“I expect Jeron to stay about 5 more days and then he will be moved to the mansion to recover. The bullet ruptured his spleen, resulting in massive internal bleeding. The spleen was removed, he received 3 units of PRBCs, 1 unit of FFP and 3L of fluids and his blood counts are now stable. I will provide you with instructions for his care after leaving the hospital. For now, it is best that you go home.”

Her escort came to collect her and Jyn walked to the car in a daze. Mind frozen at ruptured spleen and massive bleeding. This needed to end. Soon.

Chapter Text

The days until Cassian was released passed in an exhausted blur. She spent them preparing  to take care of him. She set up a some algorithms to run in the background with selected keywords, as well as a cipher filter for the files she had already found. She let herself into Cassian’s room, carefully clearing his things off of the desk and setting up hers in their place. She was tempted briefly by his laptop, but shoved the urge away. She hadn’t earned that much trust yet, and if he found out later it would destroy any goodwill they had built. So she slid it carefully into a case and put it in a drawer.

Next she started searching for recipes. Cassian had been doing all of the cooking, but he wouldn’t be up for that yet. Brownies and cookies wouldn’t help him get better. She focused on simple recipes without too many spices or ingredients. Pain medication made some people nauseous and she didn’t want to overwhelm his system. She found a few she liked, mostly chicken casseroles and pastas and made sure to put everything she would need on a list. One of Krennic’s men would go to the store to get all of it.

Medications she would look up when he came here. Someone would fill the prescriptions, whether he took them or not was another matter. She googled abdominal surgery recovery to get an idea of what types of physical activity were permitted. No lifting, splint with a pillow when coughing, recommended amounts of rest, and short bursts of activity, making sure to take medication before the pain got too bad as it was less effective then.

She ended up being glad she had prepared so thoroughly, Cassian was a terrible patient. He went out of his way to hide when he was in pain, or needed something, not wanting to disturb her. She caught him trying to sneak out of the bed more than once, face creased in pain when she was working on her computer and it was only the second day he’d been here.

“Where are you going?”

“I just want some water, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“For the 12th time today , you are not bothering me. I am here to help you. So let me help,” she grumbled, before getting up to get a fresh glass of water and a pain pill.

He looked taken aback before his expression shuttered. He accepted the water and took the medication wordlessly. She caught him studying her carefully several times after that.

Mid-afternoon, he broke his silence. “What are the chances of me getting my laptop today?”

“Not good. That isn’t resting.”

“I just want to watch a movie.”

“So run up Krennic’s cable bill and order it on demand,” she said, brandishing the remote as though it was a pom pom.

The martyred look on his face as he turned the tv on and scrolled through the new release films was adorable. She honestly wanted to snap a picture, but he’d catch her.

But what can he do about it? she thought, and when the phone camera clicked he shot her a venomous glare.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing, “ she replied innocently.

“You took my picture. What are you going to do with it?”

“I think I’ll set it as my phone background,” she said, a bright smile on her face and in her voice.

“You aren’t tired of seeing my face yet? I thought you’d be ready to get rid of my by now,” he said teasingly.

Abruptly the humor vanished from her expression. “You almost died . Right there in front of me, because of me.”

His expression sobered, but he looked a little unsure. He reached out and carefully took her left hand in his right, thumb making comforting circles on the back of her hand. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.” His tone brooked no argument, and his expression was open and warm.

She nodded her understanding. If he believed that, maybe she could too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jyn had left her free hand in his, seemingly reluctant to break the contact but had turned her attention back to whatever she was working on. He needed his laptop. He had missed at least one, if not two check-ins with Draven. Not that he had anything new to share, he just needed to confirm that this op wasn’t blown.

His mother hen wasn’t going to back down though, so maybe he should try a different strategy. If he followed all her rules she might let him have his computer as a reward.

“There are too many choices. Help me pick a movie.” He held the remote out to her.

“Ok.” Jyn took the remote and started scrolling. He noticed she skipped any action films and focused on comedies. He wondered if she was avoiding them on his account or her own. She finally settled on a rom-com and ordered it. He found himself watching her more than the screen, as she got invested in the plot. She winced at the awkward moments, seeming to share the characters embarrassment, laughed at the poor attempts at flirting and sighed gently when the protagonists finally got together.

She’s beautiful , he thought as he watched her relaxed and happy. She caught him looking a couple of times, but he just smiled gently and she returned it before turning her attention back to the movie.

It ended happily, the couple securely in love as all these films did. Cassian considered that a moment. “Have you ever had that?”

“Have you?” she countered, a challenging look in her eyes.

“I work too much. You could find someone though.”

“You keep trying to get out of bed. Do you want to go for a walk?” Jyn was deflecting now.

“Yes, I’m afraid I’m going stir-crazy.” He allowed it and tried to diffuse the light tension.

Jyn’s expression was still guarded and her movements a little wary, but she fussed at him while he tried to avoid her offers of assistance as he stood up.

“I’m fine. I’m not going to suddenly fall over.” Honestly, standing was more painful than he had imagined. He told himself it was her nerves getting to him- and how carefully he was moving. If he was alone he would just push through it, but if Jyn caught a hint of discomfort she would tuck him back into bed in a heartbeat.

Once he was standing, Jyn positioned herself at his elbow and proceeded to set a glacial pace as they walked out of his room and down the hallway. Unconsciously, he started walking faster until, “What’s your hurry, Ricky Bobby?”

“What?” He glanced at her, totally confused.

Her face fell a little bit as she said, “Nevermind, just a movie reference.”

“Sorry, I’m a little behind on my entertainment. You’ll have to educate me.” He grinned.

“Oh, I will,” Jyn replied, wicked smirk growing on her face.

He congratulated himself on cheering her up as they finished their journey down the hallway and turned around. Once back in his room, she ushered him into bed and once she was satisfied he was propped up on enough pillows, went in search of food.

Alone for a few minutes for the first time in hours, the realization of everything that had happened hit him, leaving him off-balance and overwhelmed. The past several days were a blur lost in a haze of pain, half sleep and medications.

His mind kept snagging on the moment, just before he lost consciousness outside of the shop. Had Jyn really said that, or had his drug addled brain invented that? He wanted it to be real, so badly. He was so tired of keeping his secrets alone, the weight of it all was threatening to crush him. He cared about Jyn, and to have her as an ally, a true friend in this world of lies would be a gift he could never repay.

.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jyn returned to the bedroom with dinner and she a Cassian ate quietly, a goofy sitcom on the tv in the background. She noticed his movements slowing and his eyes drifting closed; he looked tired. The doctor had warned her this could happen- between the medications and major surgery he would sleep a lot. She carefully pulled the plate off of his lap. He started a bit, but she shushed him.  She’d be quiet for a few minutes, let him go to sleep and then she would check her searches. In the meantime, she picked up her phone. Several messages from Bodhi. She had been so focused on Cassian that she had forgotten about him. News of the attack must have reached him. I heard what happened. How are you doing? Is Jeron ok?

I’m ok. Jeron is recovering. It was bad.

A reply came a few minutes later, let me know if I can help.

Cassian hadn’t moved and his breathing was slow and steady so she opened up her laptop and got to work. Her ciphers had been unsuccessful and so the legal files were still meaningless. There were more of them though, so they were important and she made a mental note to keep trying. There was also a list of local politicians and their voting tendencies. Nothing about her father and his work though.

She hadn’t checked the police or federal agency networks in a few weeks, maybe they had found something. New goal in mind, she focused on the task at hand; slipping into the FBI database. She looked for the file where she had found the coded emails before. She clicked on an incoming message and opened it, nothing incriminating on Krennic, but instead a summarized account of the Crimson Dawn hit.

Oh Cassian. I’m so sorry. Her heart ached at what he had been forced to do. The response from his boss was clinical and detached, but not critical. She hoped he wouldn’t be punished for this. There had been no received emails after that, and that was three weeks ago now. Instead a series of increasingly concerned messages from Draven, which made sense.

She was reading through the backlog of messages, feeling both guilty for the violation of privacy and relieved that all signs indicated he was still loyal to the agency when suddenly she heard moaning and looked up to see Cassian tossing weakly in the bed. His face was tight with pain and he muttered pleas she couldn’t catch. She scrambled out of her chair and rushed to the bed.

Her hands fluttered nervously before she settled on running a hand down his sweaty face and softly calling his name. “Cassian, shhh, you’re safe. It’s ok.” Be careful, the rational part of her mind hissed, ears everywhere. The larger part hoped that his real name would help ground him more than calling him by an alias.

He calmed a little but didn’t wake. “My fault. All my fault,” he slurred.

Jyn’s heart broke. One of his hands clamped onto the hand not touching his face, and refused to let go. She knew better than to lie to herself. She hadn’t rushed over just because he was going to tear his stitches, she cared about him. She hated seeing his subconscious torture him. She also knew with certainty that this was a terrible assignment that was destroying a good man and that she was going to do everything in her power to stop that from happening. She carefully worked her hand out of his grip and stepped into the en suite to change into sleep clothes. She wouldn’t leave him alone tonight, afraid he would wake from a nightmare disoriented and hurt himself. She considered sleeping in the arm chair but knew it wouldn’t be comfortable. They were adults. The bed was big. She could handle this. She’d wake up first and he wouldn’t even know.

Cassian woke up warm, comfortable and with an unexpected arm wrapped around his stomach, palm resting featherlight right along the surgical site. The owner of said arm’s breath was ticking the hair at the back of his neck and their nose was pressed to the top of his spine and one of their legs is tangled with his.

Jyn, he realized as his still half asleep brain rushed to put the pieces together. She had been sitting in the chair, and then he briefly remembered a nightmare and her soothing him through it. It didn’t explain why she was in the bed, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain.

She had called him Cassian, he we absolutely certain of it this time. Which meant his memory from after the shooting was true. But how did she know his name? How much did she know? Why hadn’t she betrayed him? He already knew she was more than she seemed. A strong, kind, incredible woman. She didn’t fit with these people. The only way to find out was to ask her. But for now, he was perfectly content to lay there, after all it would be rude to wake her up.

He isn’t sure how long he dozed, but he woke again to Jyn’s quiet cursing as she realized how thoroughly entangled they are and she tries to slip away without waking him up. He debated telling her he was already awake but then decided to let her save face and feigned sleep. Once he heard her slip out the door, he slowly began the process of getting up. He wanted to go to the bathroom and change his clothes before she returned. It had been a bit of a gamble because if she caught him, he would have been in for a long lecture.

He had settled into her armchair when she returned, with breakfast for both of them. “Where is your coffee? I see you only have one mug.”

“Aren’t you funny,” she said. “No coffee for you, you’re already pushing your luck. You’re in my chair.”

He just raised an eyebrow until she rolled her eyes before she revealed the second mug. He chuckled.

She handed him half of the contents of the tray along with a pain pill. He shook his head.

She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “I want to talk about something with you, and I want to have a clear head.”

Jyn’s brows furrowed and she twisted her hands but nodded.

He took a deep breath, steadying himself as he prayed to a god he doesn't believe in that he isn't dooming himself and this entire undercover operation. “I remember what you said, just after I was shot, and I know that you know my name isn't really Jeron. So I’m wondering what else you might know.” He kept his tone casual and held Jyn’s gaze, watching her expression carefully.

Jyn looked relieved and something else he couldn’t quite catch flickered in her eyes. “Trust goes both ways,” she murmured softly. “I'm not going to use what I know to hurt you, Cassian. In fact I'm hoping we can help each other.”

“How exactly would we do that?” He wanted to believe her so badly, but the pragmatic part of him was winning out.

Jyn looked at him for a long moment, the silence filled with tension and then, “ Hi. I'm Jyn Erso. I have grown up the protected princess of monsters who destroyed my family. I want nothing more than to make them pay for it and keep them from hurting anyone else. I can't do it alone, but we can help each other.”

“Hello, Jyn. I'm Special Agent Cassian Andor.” His voice was neutral, but he was reeling in shock. Please let this not be a trap. What am I going to tell Draven?

“Well Agent Andor, let me show you what I've been working on.”

Chapter Text

Having someone she could trust, who knew the truth, was liberating in ways Jyn had never imagined possible. She could finally talk about her frustrations when her searches and hacks turned up nothing, her fears for her father, how alone she had felt all of this time. It was such a wonderful gift and she just wanted to bottle up the feelings of warmth and companionship and hold onto them forever. She imagined it was much the same for Cassian, though he was reticent on details of his assignments for Krennic. But she had grown up with the terrible man, she could fill in the blanks.

Over the past five days the two of them had combed through Cassian’s notes and observations and the result of Jyn’s hacks and noted some correlations and changing trends, but the Family’s final goal was still a mystery. She and Cassian had stayed up late into the night and fallen asleep talking, sometimes making plans for taking down the Family, and sometimes just getting to know each other. Jyn had enjoyed being able to share parts of herself she hadn’t shown to anyone in years. Cassian had reciprocated and though she still had much to learn about him, she liked what she saw so far.

The differences between working alone and with a partner were rapidly becoming clear.  She had been invited to dinner with her father and Krennic- and only them. Krennic evidently wanted to talk about her future, and likely check up on Jeron’s recovery,  and she and Cassian were arguing over her plan to try and gather intel.

“Jyn, I admire your enthusiasm, but this could blow the whole operation,” Cassian tried, changing tactics again.

“This is a huge chance for us!”

“You don’t know why they want to have dinner and you have admitted that you avoid speaking to either of them. Suddenly showing a lot of interest will be suspicious. It’s better to be cautious than dead.” His tone was almost pleading and his eyes were dark with worry, the creases in his forehead prominent.

Jyn felt herself faltering, “Alright, I will at least evaluate the situation before I break in with a lot of specific questions.”

“Thank you.” The relief was stark on his face and Jyn smiled despite herself.

Cassian was sitting on his bed and has turned his attention to his computer, scanning emails on an encrypted server. The dim light from the screen set his profile off, casting shadows and highlighting his sharp jaw and cheekbones. Despite all the time they had spent together lately, she felt bad leaving him alone.

“Come help me pick a dress,” she said, feeling bold. The two of them had been carefully feeling each other out, but Jyn was getting tired of being careful.

A warm, surprised smile that flashed a single dimple spread across his face. Jyn’s own grin grew in response. He locked his computer, covering his activities and rose smoothly from the bed. Jyn noted how much he had improved in the past several days and knew their uninterrupted time together would end soon.

She led them to her room, across the hall and two down from his. She realized as she gestured for him to go in first that this was the first time she had allowed another person into her private space in years. The observation was both a little exciting and rather bittersweet. She had been alone, surrounded by people for a long time now.

Cassian was waiting patiently for her to return from her musings, “What’s the dress code?” he asked.

“Krennic expects anyone to dress up for dinner. So business dress at minimum.”

Cassian nodded in understanding and she threw open the closet door.

“That’s a lot of dresses, pick one that makes you happy.” He sounded bemused.

“I… what?”A warm feeling had spread through her chest at his words and she felt almost giddy. It had been so long since anyone had put her happiness first.

“Something you feel good in.” It sounded more like a question than a sentence.

His words brought her back to reality and she grabbed one of the ones she had bought when they were shopping together and held it up, a questioning expression on her face.

“Yes.” He said smiling knowingly as he recognized the dress. “I’ll leave you in peace so you can get ready.”

Her stomach growled as she finished getting ready. She reviewed a few points in her head on her way down the hall. Don’t give too much detail on anything, don’t openly question anything, be disinterested not disgusted, and a new one-it isn’t just your life on the line anymore.

The dining room door was slightly ajar and she knocked before entering. Her father smiled at her and Krennic enthusiastically called, “Come in, close the door behind you.”

Jyn took a seat at the empty place setting. Her father smiled at her, "How is Jeron?"

"Getting better every day, Papa."

"Glad to hear it, after all, he can't stay in bed forever. Even if you might like him to," Krennic said with a theatrical wink.

Jyn's face felt like it had caught fire and her stomach swirled with hot anger. How dare he say such things. "I don't see how that is any of your business," she replied, her voice ice.

"Your happiness and your future are a significant interest of mine, there's no need to be defensive. Jeron is a good man. He will treat you well."

She had no idea how Krennic had come to the conclusion they were together. Unless someone had mentioned that she had been sleeping in Cassian's room. Shit. "I'm sure he would, he seems kind enough, but our relationship isn't like that.”

"Well if that’s true stardust, he cannot stay much longer. His work is important and dangerous," her father said.

You don't know the half of it, she thought. Anger flooded her. Of course his concern was about when Jeron  could go back to work, not whether or not a good man was recovering. Maybe she should try to encourage Krennic’s thinking, it would buy them more time.

Everyone was quiet for a few moments as the staff brought in the first course.

When conversation resumed, Krennic had decided to move on. "Now, Jeron isn't the only reason I invited you tonight. Your father and I wanted to speak with you about your future with the Family. You can't hide away from the world forever. I know your mother's death was a terrible blow and you needed some time to yourself to recover, but now your family needs you."

An opportunity, and a terrible risk. Jyn's blood froze in her veins, while her mind raced. She could feel goosebumps prickling across her skin.

Krennic's face was expectant. She glanced towards her father, his expression was impassive and almost absent. The reference to Lyra sending him back into another world in his mind.

She knew she needed to say something, but what? She didn't want any involvement, but couldn't admit as much. She couldn't look too eager either, because she had been so distant for so long."What kind of future with the family?"

"Our plans require a clean, friendly public face. I think you would fit the bill perfectly."

She couldn't imagine anything worse than standing and smiling and speaking warmly of these people. Her stomach threatened to revolt, her dinner sitting like an unpleasant rock. On the other hand, for her to be a face for them, they would have to tell her something. It could help her and Cassian on their mission.

"Are you sure that's safe? Someone just tried to kill me."

"We have measures in place to ensure your safety. Though I'm afraid it can't be Jeron much longer. He will have to resume his other duties. An intimate relationship endangers his ability to effectively protect you anyway." Krennic's smile was condescending and a bit smug and Jyn wanted to punch him right in the mouth. Her earlier denial clearly had no effect on his assumptions.

"Of course. I can't wait to start helping." Bile filled her throat, but she forced the words out. Anything to escape this dinner meeting.

"Wonderful. You have two more days and then both of you will start your new roles."

Jyn resisted the urge to run up the stairs, but it was a near thing. She slipped into her room to change clothes and take a moment to think. She wanted to process this new role and the fact that Cassian was leaving on her own before she discussed it with him. Her head throbbed in sync with her pulse and her skin was clammy with sweat; she needed to calm down. She tried one of the breathing exercises from the dojo and felt her body start to relax as she repeated the technique. It took about 15 minutes but her mind cleared enough that she could start to think instead of just react.

This had some positive aspects. Being on the forefront meant she would know more about what was going on. Less sneaking around, less chance of being caught. The acting interested and supportive would be draining and distasteful but she knew she could do it. If Krennic thought she and Jeron were in a relationship, that provided a convenient reason for private meetings, just a couple spending time together. It was less ideal for Cassian. He was healing well, but he wasn’t ready to go back to what he was doing before. He still hadn’t been cleared to resume normal physical activity and though he tried to hide it, she knew he was still struggling with some pain. She finished stripping off her makeup and glanced at the clock, it had been nearly 45 minutes since she came upstairs, she needed to face her partner in all this.

Cassian used the time Jyn was meeting with her father and Krennic to review notes and cross check them against her information for what had to be the hundredth time. There was a shift, a change in the pattern but he couldn’t parse a meaning from it. The legal files she had snagged meant something, he just wasn’t sure what. He passed that information along to a concerned Draven. The man’s emails towards the end of his time incommunicado had verged on panicky. Likely he just didn’t want to see all this time and effort gone to waste.

Cassian was surfing Netflix, had just decided on Stranger Things when he heard Jyn’s soft footsteps on the stairs. How she managed to make that little noise in 4 inch stilettos he had no idea. She walked past his room and went straight to hers. He forced himself to hit play on the remote and not anxiously wait for her to come and tell him what was said. He was getting absorbed into the search for the missing child when she entered the room. She looked troubled, mouth etched in a frown, eyes like a storm. Her gaze warmed a little when he met it with his own. He thought about breaking the silence, but decided to let her tell him in his own time. She settled next to him on the bed, her fingers close enough to his that he could feel their warmth. The urge to reach over and wrap them in his own was almost overwhelming but he didn’t want to push. As the monster on the screen reached out, Jyn intertwined their fingers.

“I love this show. I think I’ve watched it three times now,” she said softly.

“We can watch as many episodes as you want,” he said. Gods Andor that was cheesy.

“You’re such a sap,” she teased.

He just huffed a laugh.

She picked up the remote in her free hand and hit pause. “Delaying this won’t change anything.” she said with conviction.

He gave her his full attention and she relayed everything she was told at the dinner.

He took a few moments to gauge her reaction to the news before he responded. “We knew at least some of this was coming. We can use other parts of it to our advantage. It may not feel good, Jyn, but it is a good thing for us.”

She nodded, slipped a little closer, tucking herself into his side, and pressed play again.

Their last two days together passed impossibly quickly. Cassian packed all of his things back into his bag and prepared to go back to Jeron’s apartment. He was carrying it down the stairs, ruefully considering that this likely exceeded his weight restriction when Krennic spotted him on his way out of the kitchen.

“Jeron, where are you going?”

“Home, sir. I understand I am no longer acting as Miss Erso’s bodyguard?”

“That may be true, but due to the nature of your relationship with Miss Erso, I expected you would be staying with us a bit longer.” He winked lasciviously.

“Oh, I, uh, didn’t want to overstay my welcome, Sir.”

“Nonsense, take that stuff back up to your room. Then you can get right to work.”

Wonderful. This won’t be awkward at all, he thought bitterly. Krennic would expect public displays of affection and pining or some such bullshit. He knew his feelings were moving beyond those of partner but couldn’t get a read on Jyn’s. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, or himself any more than he had to.

Jyn passed him on the way back to his room. “I thought you were leaving?”

“Apparently I’m going back to my old job, but not my old apartment.”

“Oh, well then, that’s surprising,” she tried, clearly uncertain what to make of this development.

That makes two of us.

Chapter Text

Jyn was eating breakfast when Krennic came to collect her. “It’s your first day. Make yourself presentable, we have a meeting in an hour.”

She flicked a mournful glance at the rest of her meal before sliding back from the table to get dressed. She thought about a dress, but dresses meant heels and she wanted flats in case she had to run. She pulled out a silk blouse and a pair of well tailored slacks. She debated the matching blazer only for a moment before grabbing the leather jacket she had bought while shopping with Cassian. Krennic wouldn’t approve but fuck his opinions. The jacket made her feel bold and strong enough to do this.

She could do this– hell, she had to do this. Hatred of Krennic wouldn’t be enough, so she needed a different set of emotions to play this role. Cassian had already left the mansion by the time she had come downstairs this morning.

Last night, while he had tried to tell her everything would be fine, she had caught him grimacing and trying to hide pain. Now he was off doing God only knew what. A protective concern flooded through her and she knew that set of emotions would be much more productive. Though also more dangerous. She couldn’t get a read on his feelings towards her, but she knew she was moving beyond concern for a friend or partner. There would be time for that later. Now she had a meeting to attend.

Krennic was waiting for her in the foyer and led her out to the car. He knocked on the partition to signal the driver, and as the car rolled down the driveway, she caught her father leaving the gun range and looking troubled. Odd.  

But Krennic began to speak and she forced herself to focus. “Today, we are meeting with some potential partners. I need you to present our offers. Smile, flatter– you are the friendly face, the one who reassures them that this is all for the best. If they decline, then it becomes someone else’s job.

Jyn had a feeling she knew whose job it was.

“Is there anything in particular I need to know about these offers? I want to be as helpful as I can.” She kept her tone light and tried to convey genuine interest.

“No, the benefits speak for themselves.”

The car lapsed into silence again and Jyn mentally walked herself through the meeting. It was being held in a meeting room at the Skywalker Hotel, a property of the Family’s. She would make a presentation outlining the Family’s vision for the city, then she would pass the offers to the respective recipients.  Krennic would be watching her, she couldn’t slip up.

The car stopped in front of one of the hotel. Krennic grabbed her wrist and slipped a silver bangle over it. Bugged. “

“You’re not coming?”

“No, I’m too well known I’m afraid.” He smiled, a sickening combination of pride and cruelty warping the expression. “But not to worry, a friend will be watching your back and keeping you safe the whole time.” He nodded towards the building across the street. Jyn guessed there was a surveillance set up in an office there.

She nodded.

“Do be convincing, dear. Your Family is counting on you.”

Jyn repressed a shudder and pasted a smile on her face, then turned towards the building entrance.

Anxiety and disgust swirled in her gut as the elevator rose. Her palms were moist and she could feel a fine tremor running through her body. She paused for a moment, emptying her mind and using some of the breathing techniques from the dojo. The tension slowly receded to a manageable level.

She followed Krennic’s directions to the meeting room. She was the first person to arrive. She considered flipping through the files, but didn’t dare get caught. Instead she skimmed through the notes that Krennic had given her, on what she should say. Most of it focused on the importance of loyalty and cooperation. Bring everyone together under the rule of the Family in order to make life safer and better for all.

The meeting went disastrously. Jyn couldn’t even claim it was intentional sabotage. The leaders of rival families and corrupt politicians talked over her in a mixture of Spanish, Russian and Japanese, generally ignored her, and belittled her any time she tried to bring the meeting back to order. “Krennic is so weak he sent a girl to do his work. Ridiculous.” One of them hissed on his way out. Most of the files were left on the table untouched.  

An unexpected rage flooded her. How dare they treat her like that? As though she is beneath them. She was fairly certain one of them made lewd comments about her the entire time.

When she climbed back into the car she was shaking with anger. “They can’t be reasoned with. Make them pay for it. I will not be disrespected this way.”

“Of course Jyn dear. Any special requests?”

“The Colombians own racehorses. I think a bloody head is a wonderul way to wake up in the morning. Don’t you?” She knew the expression on her face feral.

Krennic’s was gleeful, “Consider it done.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not going back to Jeron's apartment presented logistical problems. Of course it allowed him to communicate with Jyn more easily, and hopefully without having to play up the fake relationship to much, but it also made it that much more difficult for Cassian to keep his cover. Now there was absolutely no time when he wasn't in danger of blowing it. Unseen ears could hear anything, or a camera could pick up something from his computer screen. It was enough to send his latent paranoia spiraling into a hurricane. He needed a meditative activity. Actual meditation didn't suit Jeron's personality at all, so he settled for the shooting range. If he just stepped back from himself, he could focus on the process of what he was doing, load, aim, breathe in, breathe out, fire.

When he came back to himself, he noted two things; he had been at this for over an hour and he had an unexpected audience.

Galen cleared his throat.

Cassian waited. He met Galen's gaze, and held it. Jyn had gotten her eyes from her father, but Galen had none of her fire. Perhaps he did once, but those days were gone.

"Jeron, I understand you will be staying with us awhile longer."

"Yes." He kept his tone even.

"Good. Jyn seems more engaged when you’re around." Galen paused, looking uncomfortable."Krennic has taken Jyn to introduce her to her new job, so it fell to me to give you the details of your next assignment." His voice wavered a little, as though he couldn't believe that he had been given such a task.

"I understand, sir. What does the Family require?"

“We are moving forward to consolidate out influence. Offers are being presented to persons of interest. We need you to gather leverage in case they are uncooperative.”

“Leverage?” Cassian repeated, gut churning. Blackmail?

“Look for weaknesses. Krennic left the targets for you in your office. East wing, third door on the left.”

He picked a name at random and sat down to start researching. He ruthlessly squashed the part of himself that protested hurting innocents, burying his disgust and anger. He couldn’t afford for any of it to slip out. He slammed his neutral mask in place and willed himself to feel as cold as he looked. Why are you surprised? he mentally scolded himself. The time playing bodyguard and recovering with Jyn gave you a false sense of hope. You knew exactly what this job was, and how these people operate.

Threatening family members would be more effective than threatening the individuals themselves. People were generally stupid, and rarely believed anything would ever happen to them. He started pulling public records and looking for family relations for the names listed.  

Then, as he glanced at the list again, another thought occurred to him. Spreading mass fear would be more effective than targeting individuals. It would also be easier to prevent real harm. Changing tactics, he started over. He didn’t eat, his stomach was too sour for that, but eventually the headache turned from pressure to a throbbing drum and he had to concede coffee wasn’t enough.

He surveyed the fridge with disinterest, the door dinging at him in warning of how long it had been open when Jyn’s voice broke into his thoughts. “Don’t stand there with the door open Jeron.”

He glanced towards her, unsure how long she had been watching him. “I could make us something.” The words stumbled out, rushed.  

“You look tired. Lets order in.” Her smile was a little shy, but her voice was warm.

“Well, we haven’t done that in awhile,” he replied, trying for teasing but her brow furrowed and he knew he had missed the mark.  

He grabbed the take out menus from the drawer and gestured for her to lead the way. She did, but not before reaching back to wind her fingers with his. As they headed upstairs he saw Galen out of the corner of his eye. The man resembled a deer in the headlights, his shock clear.

Jyn didn’t notice her father and practically sprinted up the stairs, dragging Cassian with her.  She paused when she reached the hallway, glancing between their rooms. “Change into something comfortable, I’ll order us dinner, “ she said before disappearing into her room.

He took his time changing, carefully putting everything away in its proper place. As he rummaged through his closet, a pack of cigarettes fell out of a blazer pocket. The nicotine craving hit him in the teeth and he started digging for his lighter. His room had a balcony and it would get rid of the last of his headache.

A brusque knock on his door. “Hey, are you coming?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” HIs voice was flat but he couldn’t find any warmth, he was still too cold inside.

The door opened near silently, soft footsteps, then a warm hand on his cold cheek, “What’s wrong?” Jyn asked quietly, gently turning him to face her. Her eyes searched his, the deep green full of concern.

“It’s nothing. Being back to work was more exhausting than I thought.” It was a weak attempt at deflection and he knew it.

“Take that to someone who believes it. Now tell me the truth.” In the face of her genuine worry and affection Cassian caved. Easily. He was helpless against her in that moment.

“I just– I forgot what it was like. Can you believe that? In those few weeks we had together I lost sight of what this is.” He was whispering urgently, “The nightmare, the compromises.”

“You’re not alone, not any more and I need you to remember that.” She told him, then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his forehead. “Dinner. Movie, then we talk.” She grasped his hand firmly, and led him across the hall.

Jyn wanted to march downstairs and beat the hell out of Krennic. At the same time she wanted to curl up with Cassian and not let go until he was himself again. His odd behavior confirmed her suspicions as to what new job Krennic had tasked him with.

Cassian had been showing little flashes of the man behind the mask and she had felt safe and secure enough to open up. Now the exhausted, damaged man was all that was left and she felt complicit. As if sensing her distress he shifted closer and started drawing patterns on her arm with his fingers.

Her whole body broke out in gooseflesh. Not one to surrender easily, she returned the favor. She was delighted at the sigh that slipped past his lips and how he leaned into her touch. She was just deciding how far to push it when he reached past her and snatched the remote.

The volume blared when the TV came on, breaking the tension. She was torn between thanking him and swatting him. Halfway through the movie, dinner long gone, comfortably pressed against Cassian she felt herself slipping into sleep. A quick glance at his face confirmed he had drifted off already. We’ll talk in the morning.  

Despite feeling safe, Jyn couldn’t sleep. She cringed as the thought of heranger and rash decision flooded over her. She desperately hoped Krennic never told Cassian what she had requested- and that Cassian wouldn’t have to do it. She knew though, that her actions had pleased Krennic and would remove any doubts he had of her loyalty. Cassian’s restless twitching told her he wasn’t resting much better. She carefully slipped out of bed, as it was still the middle of the night and turned on her coffee maker. She tried to be quiet but she felt Cassian’s gaze tracking her movements. “I know you’re awake,” she said gently.

He laughed, but switched the bedside lamp on.

“No sense sitting in the dark, I think we’ve both had enough of that.” His tone was light but his expression heavy.

“Krennic has me hosting meetings and handing out his offers. I’m supposed to sell his vision of the future,” she said. “I haven’t been able to read any of the documents, but he’s targeting developers, politicians, rivals…” she trailed off, uncertain. “I hate it, I feel it tainting me.” That was as close as she would come to admitting her actions.

“I wondered if that’s what you were doing. He has me hunting weaknesses to force their cooperation. Mostly family members. Never thought I’d be planning kidnapping and torture.” His tone was casual, he might as well be reciting a weather report. But then it took on a hint of intensity and he held her gaze, eyes blazing, “It can’t come to that, we won’t let it.”

His resolve brought a smile to her face. “Let’s get to work.”

The days continued in a similar vein. Meetings for Krennic during the day, working the case with Cassian at night. Krennic’s moods swung wildly. One day he told her how well she was doing and tried to buy her affection with treats, other days he criticized everything from her height to her clothes to her voice. Every meeting was with a different group of people. Obviously if they didn’t cooperate at the first chance, more extreme measures would be taken. She did note that her bloody horse head had made an impact. She was treated with respect at the following meetings. Word had spread. She wasn’t sure how that made her feel.

Seeing Cassian at the end of the day was always a relief. He seemed to take strength from her presence as well. The strain was starting to show, and his sleep had grown increasingly restless. She knew she wasn’t doing much better, but she could also tell they were making progress.

She should have known it was too good to last.

She had been enjoying a rare morning off, and planned to interrupt Cassian with coffee and \pastries when her father surprised her. “Jyn, my star, I was hoping we could spend some time together this afternoon.”

What on earth? She felt as though the world had tilted on its axis and the sky was the floor. “Oh, well I’m free today.”

“Lunch, then.” He wandered out of the kitchen again.

Weird. She grabbed her tray and headed for Cassian’s office. She stayed while he drank the coffee and glared until he ate something. His face was his neutral mask but showed lines of strain and she wanted to throw something for how useless she felt. Or kiss him senseless.

Now is not the time.

Seeming to sense her mood, he sent her a small half smile and shook his head.

Her phone dinged, new text from Bodhi. Guess I’m picking you up around noon. It’s been too long!

She checked the time on her phone, then rushed to get ready, sweatpants were not the dress code at any restaurant her father preferred. Despite herself, she was looking forward to this. He had been more of a ghost than a parent in her life, but she still loved him. She met him at the front door and they climbed into Bodhi’s car. The ride into the city was mostly silent, but it was companionable.

Jyn glanced at the restaurant, it was one she remembered from her childhood. They came here for every birthday and anniversary. “Are you sure, Papa?”

“Yes, I want to see if the food is as good as I remember.”

“Me too.” She offered her hand and led them towards the door.

The host was the same as the last time they had visited, years ago and Jyn felt nostalgia flood through her. He led them to a private room and got them settled. The menu was the same as well and she could almost picture her mother at the table with them.

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I wanted to take you to lunch,” her father said. “I just wanted to check in on you. I know spending time with Orson can be difficult and you are taking on a new role.”

“I think I’m starting to adjust. He seems pleased with my efforts.” She wasn’t certain what her father was getting at. His expression didn’t match his tone, something about his eyes told her he meant something other than what he was saying. She couldn’t read him well enough though and she could feel both of their frustration growing.

“He has been complimentary when he speaks of your work. How are things going with Jeron? He seems good for you. You are calmer, less hostile with him around.”

She resisted the urge to groan. Her father wasn’t trying to hurt her, but nothing was worse than the clichéd refrain of being told being with someone makes you a better person. She thought carefully before answering. “Not being alone has helped. He’s kind and always has my best interests at heart.”

“Good. I just want you to be happy, stardust.”

She smiled, it was only a little forced as the waiter brought their food. They both turned their attention to their meals. Suddenly Galen coughed. Jyn glanced up, he coughed again. His hand went to his throat.

“Papa, are you ok? What’s wrong?”

Time seemed frozen. Galen continued to cough, but the sound grew weaker and raspier. He was clenching his fist around his throat now.

“Help, Help” she cried, frantic. She wasn’t sure anyone was close enough to hear her. She had left her phone in Bodhi’s car and couldn’t call 911.

Galen’s face was turning blue as he struggled to breathe and she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. She pushed her chair back and ran around the table to be next to him, to hold his hand. His eyes stayed locked on her and his lips moved, trying to mouth words, but she couldn’t lip read.

She laid her hand over his free hand and he briefly returned a fluttering pressure and then it was over.

She didn’t know how to react. She just stood there, frozen, and slowly became aware of movement around her, voices. It felt indistinct, unreal, as though she was floating. Why had this happened? What had her father been trying to tell her? Krennic. The name like a shot in the dark. He was the only one who knew they were coming to lunch. Paramedics rushed in, but she knew it was too late. When one of them came over to speak to her, she could feel the tears running down her face, hear herself sobbing, but she also felt removed from it all. She had never been so alone. Ever. She was drowning in the overwhelming sadness, a ship unmoored.

Gently, a warm familiar arm wrapped around her, a calloused palm cupped her face and Cassian’s voice penetrated her awareness. She wasn’t sure what he was saying, but she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He held her, rubbed her back and whispered softly in her ear. Not all of it was in English, but she didn’t care.

“C’mon Jyn, let’s go back to the house.” She let him lead her out to the car and buckle her in, still feeling disconnected. The host was speaking with the paramedics and the police had arrived at some point. The waiter was nowhere to be found. How much more was she going to lose? She couldn’t do this anymore. She was still sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. She buried her face in Cassian’s chest, his jacket clenched tight in her fingers.

“We don’t need to make any decisions now, Jyn. Just rest.” His voice was soothing. He ran his fingers through her hair and she let herself fade away.

She came back to the present in her bed, Cassian sitting in the desk chair, absorbed in something on his laptop.

It looked like early morning light, he had turned on the desk lamp and closed the curtains. “What time is it?” She croaked out. How long had she been asleep? Her face felt raw and her eyes like sandpaper from the tears. God she wanted it to all be a dream. She knew better than to hope for that.   

He swung to face her, “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

He nodded, eyes sad and face tense. “Let me see if there is anything light I can bring up. I know it’s hard, but you need to try. Stay here. I will be right back.” He emphasized the last sentence, trying to telegraph reassurance.

Cassian hadn’t been gone but 5 minutes when she heard Krennic’s voice in the hall, asking after her.

“She’s inside, sir, but I don’t think she is ready for visitors.” Cassian’s voice was frigid.

“I’m not a visitor son, I’m the only family she has left now. I need to be with her.” Krennic cajoled, before opening the door.

“Ah, there you are Jyn. I wanted to check on you. I’ve been very worried. How are you feeling today?

Devastated. She thought, though she would never tell him as much. His presence made her skin crawl. There was no way he wasn’t involved in her father’s death. “Empty.” she settled on.

I can only imagine. Just know that I am here for you if you need anything. Oh, and two things dear. Your father left you some of his research, I’ll leave it here. The other is the matter of your engagement.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You just expressed your feelings of emptiness and Galen told me all he wanted was for you to be happy and loved. So it seems to me that now is the best time. Besides, happy news will help offset all this loss” Jyn was sure the floor was spinning. Cassian looked as though he was hoping it would swallow him. How could Krennic be so stupid?

“Absolutely not. My father just died! He was probably murdered!” She was seething at his callousness. Cassian laid his hand on her arm, trying to bring her some comfort. It didn’t help, but she didn’t shake him off either.

Krennic looked taken aback by her vehemence, “Yes, yes of course you’re right. I’ll check in with you soon. Take the next couple of weeks off. Jeron, I expect you back at the end of the week.” He let himself out of the room.

Cassian shut the door with a devastating softness behind him. Tactless, horrible man . Jyn disappeared into her closet pretending to search for clothes but just wanting some space. She couldn’t cope with this. Krennic trying to rush her along, swallow her up into the Family. She was so alone, so empty and unsteady.

“Jyn, come look at this. Tell me I’m not dreaming.” His tone was full of hope and disbelief.

Jyn took the book started flipping through it. The same hope swelled in her. An odd feeling as it worked to fill some of the emptiness her father’s death had left. Her chest expanded a little and the weight in her heart lightened just enough that she could breathe.

She looked at him, joy shining in her eyes, “A complete ledger. It’s over.”

Chapter Text

The ledger, along with everything she and Cassian had gathered, was enough to sink the entire Family. Nearly two years of his life and about 5 years of hers. But her satisfaction in knowing Krennic would get what he deserved was tempered by the devastation of her father’s death.

Their relationship had been strained when Lyra died. Sometimes it felt as though her father intentionally ignored her. Other times, he would seek her out, then freeze and stutter an excuse to leave again. She once found an old photo of him and Lyra and wondered if she looked too like her mother for Galen, and perhaps he couldn’t see her without reliving the loss. Nevertheless he had been tangible proof that she wasn’t alone. It had never occurred to her that Krennic would try to hurt him. He had always seemed safe, she thought he’d always be there. Now he was gone. She had Cassian now, but at the core of their relationship was a shared goal, a common enemy. Without that, she wasn’t sure it would last. But she clung to the hope that the end of the Family wouldn’t be the end of them. Before, her father was all she had left. Without him, she had only Cassian.

“Have you managed to get ahold of your friend?”

“Yes, but he wants to talk face to face.” Cassian’s voice was tight.

“Must be afraid of blackmail,” she quipped, trying to lighten the mood while her stomach sank. Fuck. Krennic would be suspicious of Jeron leaving her alone unless it was Family business.

“His secret would be safe with me, he knows that.” His frustration seeped through and Jyn felt her stomach clench. They were so close. Why was the universe conspiring against them?

“You can go if you have to. I’ll be alright on my own,” she said. The hitch in her voice betrayed her. She preferred him where she could see him. Visible proof Krennic hadn’t stolen someone else from her. The burn of tears started again.

Pull it together, she scolded, to no avail. Cassian moved into her space and set his hand on her shoulder. She groped blindly until she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. He didn’t resist. When her tears stopped, she let go of his waist but snagged his hand, and Cassian turned on the tv and started an episode of Brooklyn 99 .

She woke the next morning to sunlight on her face and the tapping of a keyboard. The noise was barely audible, but still drove her nuts. It was going to be one of those days, then. A bad one. She was ready for this portion of grief to be over. She was tired of feeling like she had no control over herself. She stretched and debated going back to sleep.

“Do you want breakfast?”

“I want you to be quiet,” she snapped. Then buried her face in the pillow.

“You definitely need some coffee, “ he joked carefully, then got up to turn on the keurig.

I’m not sure it’ll help, but it can’t hurt.

She was prickly and irritable all day. Cassian’s phone dinged with messages, and she hissed in disapproval. He answered a call and she snapped, “If you are going to be on your phone all day, just go somewhere else. It’s so loud!”

Next it was the sound of his eating a snack. “That is so annoying. Nothing I hate more than the sound of other people chewing. Close your mouth when you eat.”

He assessed her for a moment, then he sat down in the recliner and grabbed the tv remote.

His refusal to engage irritated her further, and she sunk into a sullen silence.

Two episodes into Chef’s Table the haze of frustration lifted. She had always found this show fascinating and the distraction smoothed the edges of her mood. She glanced at Cassian. He was stiff and totally unrelaxed in the chair, eyes glued to the screen but focus clearly far away. Guilt twinged and she swallowed her pride, he didn’t need to be miserable just because she was,  “I’m sorry.”

“I know. You want me to make dinner?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.”

Two days later, Cassian was getting ready to meet Draven and the reality of the situation crashed into her. She was about to destroy her entire life. Everyone she knew, every action she’d taken for as long as she could remember had been at the whim of the Family. She had her own agenda but it had always been a distant goal- likely unreachable, if she was honest with herself. Cassian and Draven would only be able to take down the Family because of the information she had just provided them. The only thing left standing at the end of all of this was about to walk out her door. He had a job, friends, a life waiting for him after this was over. One she may not be a part of.  

“How’re you going to explain your absence to to Krennic?”

“We talked about this earlier. I just need to pick up a few things from my apartment for the funeral- and what comes after.” He sounded genuinely confused.

“What, so you’ll be ready to leave?” she said. “That’s what you’re going to do, isn’t it? You’ve gotten what you wanted and now you’ll leave just like everyone else.”

“What are you talking about? I would never–”

“I’ll outlive my usefulness to you. That’s all I am to anyone, a tool.”

“If you truly believe I think that, then I don’t know what we’ve been doing all this time,” he replied, then slipped out the door, his expression unreadable.

The second the door shut behind him she started sobbing. Miserable, messy tears as regret flooded through her.

Why did I say any of that out loud? I don’t want him to leave so instead I shove him away.

Of course, at that moment Krennic came by to make his daily check-in. He didn’t bother to knock, just opened the door.

“Jyn, dearest, I thought you were doing better.” His tone was warm, and he affected concern well enough, but his eyes were as hollow as ever.

“I thought so too, but it’s just so hard,” she sniffled. Then I went and made it more difficult by pushing my only friend away. Krennic hopefully thought she meant Galen’s death.

Krennic took it as a cue to sit on the bed and wrap his arm around her, making her skin crawl. She wanted him gone. The heat of her anger and disgust smothered her despair.

“I saw Jeron leaving, has he upset you?”

“That’s none of your business,” she hissed.

Krennic retreated. “You’re right. I just thought you might both be here so that I could update you. The funeral service will be on Friday at 11, Coruscant Cathedral. We can discuss any other developments after that.”

He saw himself out and Jyn was alone again. Her phone buzzed with a new message, but she ignored it. She hadn’t left her room since Galen died– hell, she had barely left the bed. There were only 3 days until the funeral. She couldn’t hide in here any more. She had been trying to avoid Krennic, but the longer she stayed in her room, the more often he dropped by.  She forced herself to move, switching her pajamas for workout clothes and heading to the gym. Time with the punching bag would help her regain her emotional control. She had been too tired to do that before, but sleeping for days hadn’t eased her exhaustion and had only increased her mood swings. Above all, she refused to let Krennic win.

When he told her about the funeral and then offhandedly mentioned the future, he had been almost gloating. He was convinced that he would get his way, that he had won. He was wrong. This wasn’t over yet. She would grieve properly when it was.

Jyn’s parting shot haunted him as he made his way through the city to meet with Draven. Normally, he was reluctant to leave her alone, but this time he was glad to get away. The argument kept pulling his focus from what really mattered.

So what if she thinks you’ll leave? You can prove her wrong. But when she said the words aloud, it fed the doubt in his own mind. The FBI may not allow him that option. Hell, it could just be her fear of uncertainty speaking. The situation had thrown them together, but without the necessity and the pressure they could find they don’t fit together well. He didn’t know her other than what she presented to him. She could be manipulating him.  She might resent him for personifying the destruction of her life. He may not be able to look at her without seeing the things he had been forced to do for Krennic. He shoved that train of thought away. It wasn’t productive and ultimately irrelevant. If Jyn never looked him in the eye again, so be it. He had done what he had to do.

He had Bodhi drop him off at his apartment, claiming he needed some personal items, and now made his way along the waterfront. He’d taken a meandering path with abrupt reversals to shake any tails and was as certain as possible that he hadn’t been followed. He was meeting his boss on an abandoned fishing pier. Draven rarely went into the field these days.

He’s concerned about you. He hasn’t even heard your voice in over 18 months. He needs to know what’s left of his agent. The thought wasn’t reassuring.

A lone figure was waiting on the pier as he approached. He took care to make enough noise so Draven didn’t get jumpy. The older man’s face was set in deep lines, but unreadable as always. He nodded in acknowledgment.

“Where’s the sniper?” Cassian asked carefully. He knew Draven wouldn’t really come alone. Not to meet an asset he didn’t know if he could trust anymore. Cassian had been that sniper too often to expect anything less.

“As long as this goes to plan, you’ll never have to know.” No inflection, dry as the desert.

“Fair enough. I have everything with me. A complete ledger, all my compiled notes, and information from a confidential informant.”

“Open the bag, show it to me.”

Cassian complied. Draven studied the contents for a long moment. “Set it on the ground. Walk away.”

As he turned to leave Draven called, “It’s good to see you on your feet. Try not to get shot again.”

To anyone else the tone would have been emotionless, but Cassian could pick out the genuine relief and concern in his boss’ voice. This wasn’t his longest undercover stint, but it had been the most brutal. He took a different, slightly more direct path back to his apartment. He took an inventory of what was there, and grabbed a few things to pack into a bag. A black suit and tie for the funeral, a clean burner phone, his tactical knife and another backup piece. The closer to the end, the more dangerous. He had to stay vigilant. It could still fall apart.

Out of excuses to avoid facing Jyn, he called for a car. Back at the mansion, he quietly made his way to his room. He carefully unpacked and put everything away and then pulled out his laptop. He had received a text from Krennic confirming the date, time, and location of the funeral.

Draven needed to know. A public place with most of the Family present was both the most logical and the most logistically difficult place to plan a sting. If you got everyone at once, no one could go to ground. Security would be heavy, traffic cams, lookouts, armed guards, the timing would have to be perfect or else the entire thing would fall apart.  Plus, Krennic would know there was a mole and relentlessly hunt for that person or persons.

He already had a message from Draven. Intel solid. Hold the line. Will submit for warrant with informant name as close to the sting as possible.

Cassian responded with the funeral details.

He took a deep breath and slipped on Jeron's disaffected mask as the car came around the corner. His cover would be expected to return to his lover, to support her at all times. It was his own fault that he had gotten too close, too attached, forgotten that Jyn's actions may have only been a ruse to secure his assistance.

The thought physically pained him, and seemed unlikely. Grief was probably the cause of her anger, but he forced himself to analyze it anyway. He needed the safety of distance.

His stomach reminded him he hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was now early evening. He made his way to the kitchen to make chilaquiles. His mother had cooked them whenever he needed cheering up as a child.The simple dish always gave him a sense of comfort.

Prepping the dish was almost meditative, and brought a sense of calm that had been missing since before the meeting with Draven. He made up two plates on autopilot. He shook his head and cracked a slightly bitter smile when he realized how routine that had become, before making his way upstairs.

Cassian had been gone a long time. This meet shouldn’t have taken this long.

What if he was caught? What if he’s dead? It could be your fault- you upset him. He might have lost focus.

She heard the mansion door close and murmured greetings downstairs and it allowed her to push that train of thought away. Even if that was the case, she couldn’t fall apart. She refused to give into the panic that danced just below the surface, or the guilt over her earlier words. She had let her pain control her and lashed out in the worst way at someone who was just trying to help her. God forbid that was the last thing she ever said to him.

Her parents’ deaths would not be in vain. Besides, he was probably just giving her some space, which she needed. After Krennic left, she had forced herself into a somewhat normal routine. She got dressed, released some of her anger on the punching bag, took a shower and picked a favorite comfortable outfit. That had helped her to rebuild her safeguards and force her emotions into line. She was ready. A familiar brusque knock sounded, then her door opened. Cassian stood in the threshold, with a plate of something that smelled delicious.

“You can come in.” Her voice was tinged with relief– he had come back.

“I brought some dinner.” He still sounded uncertain.

Jyn’s heart twisted a little at the single plate. “Just the one plate?”

“I didn’t want to assume. Mine is in my room.”

“You aren’t assuming, or imposing, really." Her words sounded desperate to her own ears.

He still nodded and slipped back out the door. For an irrational moment she thought he wouldn't return, but then he was back in the doorway.

“I’m sorry for what I said before you left. I didn’t mean it. I don’t think that of you.”

“I know.” Warm, full of reassurance. She wanted to sink into the warmth of it. Such a stark contrast from Krennic’s fake sympathy.

She patted the empty side of the bed and held his gaze until he walked towards her and settled carefully next to her. He was moving stiffly, and she knew it wasn’t from pain. He was uncomfortable. She searched for a way to diffuse the tension.

He broke the silence instead. “I got everything sorted. I can stay as long as you need me to.”

She felt a small spark of warmth and reached over and squeezed his hand before picking at her dinner.

Cassian turned the tv onto some nature documentary and, still exhausted from the stress of the day and all the days previous, she fell asleep.

She awoke alone, the plates from dinner were gone, and the covers had been pulled over her. Too kind for his own good, even though she had hurt him. (No matter what he said, she’d seen it land.)

Maybe she would surprise him with breakfast- or a request to go out for breakfast. She needed to show him she could still help, and she needed to prove it to herself. She got up and got dressed. Grief could wait, there was a crime syndicate to crush.

The days until the funeral passed in a blur of sadness, anger, hope and small stolen moments. Krennic had required Jeron to return to work and lines of stress and exhaustion were carved into Cassian’s face. She knew he was busy coordinating with Draven while trying to keep Krennic satisfied. He was strangely distant as the raid grew closer and she didn’t know how to interpret his actions.

When the morning of the funeral dawned, she felt split between relief that the end had come and terror that it would all go horribly wrong.

The funeral would be a full Catholic mass, starting at 11. She picked at her breakfast and numbly dressed in a black dress and pumps. She considered an old hat of her mother’s but decided against it. Too dramatic for her tastes.

Cassian knocked on her door a few minutes before the scheduled departure time. “Everything is ready. I’ll be by your side the whole time, whatever you need.”

Jyn nodded. The raid was a go, and she needed to stick with Cassian until it was over.

Jyn carefully reached out to thread her fingers through his. He gave a squeeze in response and led them both downstairs and out to the car. Jyn laid her head against Cassian’s shoulder on the way to the church. She could feel his tension, his muscles tightly wound. She also made out the impression of a shoulder holster.

Emotions threatened to overwhelm her. A fierce thrill of victory, fear that the raid would go wrong, that they would be caught, and here on the precipice of success her grief and fear would reappear and drown her.

Cassian tapped her shoulder and she realized they had arrived. He slid out of the car, and then offered her a hand which she accepted. Most of the attendees, all members of the Family, had already arrived, and Jyn had noted several enforcers outside to turn away those not invited. Cassian escorted her to the front row, for immediate family of the deceased, then turned to leave. She grabbed his wrist and held on until he settled beside her. His proximity was a comfort, provided a feeling of safety.  

The mass felt like a daze as the Family priest gave a homily, with a focus on loyalty and causes greater than oneself. Just prior to communion, Krennic came up to speak.

“Galen Erso was my truest friend. When I met him in college, I knew he was destined for greatness. I took on the responsibility of helping him achieve it. I welcomed his wife and then their daughter into our little family as well. They were family to me and as long as Jyn remains with us, I will never truly lose Galen.  

“He helped me build this organization into what it is today. His contribution to us was invaluable. Someone has dared to take him away and I cannot stand for that. He would want us to continue with our plans. Plans to make the city safer, so that no other families will suffer the loss that we have. Not when it can be prevented. The responsible parties will pay.

“Everyone here understands the need to avenge one of our own.There can be no weakness.  As you take the body and blood of Christ, know that it is a declaration of your intentions to remain a part of this family. That you will do whatever is necessary to protect and prosper it.

Jyn’s stomach threatened to rebel. Krennic was using her father’s death as a prop. She had long hated Krennic but she thought the man truly cared for Galen. Now she knew even that was a lie. She knew to refuse Communion was a death sentence but she still entertained the idea out of spite. It wouldn’t matter. The FBI was suiting up even now.

It’s almost over. The usher motioned them forward and she and Cassian approached the priest, first taking bread and then walking to the right to receive wine while the organ echoed off the vaulted ceiling. Cassian squeezed her hand and she almost relaxed.

Then, it happened.

The raid team rushed into the sanctuary, corralling members of the Family and shouting filled the room and drowned out the organ.

The solemn atmosphere of the funeral was shattered and everything descended into chaos as the FBI raid began. Nearly 2 years of work, most of it a constant nightmare and it was finally over. He and Jyn knelt at the altar, hands clearly on the railing- an island of stillness in the chaos.

“Hands up, FBI!”

“Don’t think about it, put the gun down!”

“Drop the knife!”

Jyn looked at him, a triumphant smile on her face. He couldn’t help but share her enthusiasm.

“We did it, Cassian. It’s over.”

Cassian caught sight of Krennic glancing around in abject confusion but then the enraged blue eyes locked onto Cassian’s and realization flicked across his face. Krennic’s glare turned poisonous and his lips moved with guarantees of revenge.

“I could never have done it without your help. Don’t let anyone convince you this isn’t your achievement as much as it is mine,” he said, turning to face her.

Jyn followed the previous direction of his gaze and suddenly her face turned fearful and she tackled him. He heard the whir of a bullet as he was falling. She landed on top of him, her chest to his and their feet tangled together, but he quickly rolled them over and frantically ran his hands up and down her body searching for any sign of injury. There was blood on her arm, and his heart crawled to his throat with fear.

“It’s nothing, just a graze. Please, relax.” Her forehead was pulled into tense lines, and the corners of her lips turned down. He moved to sit up and she followed, before throwing her arms around him and holding him tightly.

“Krennic, “ she whispered, voice shaking. “After all he has taken from me, he tried to take you too. I hoped he wouldn’t figure it out.”

He glanced away from Jyn and saw Draven dragging Krennic away. The man was shouting incoherently. Cassian turned back to Jyn, who still looked shaken. He hoped she hadn’t caught what Krennic had promised before he fired the gun. He carefully moved away them out of the open and crouched down behind Galen’s coffin. Jyn stayed glued to his side.   

He wasn’t sure how to respond, and became even more uncertain as he felt her tears starting to soak through his shirt. So he followed his instincts and trailed the fingers of one hand through her hair, while rubbing the other up and down her back in a soothing rhythm. Confusion still reigned around them. Gunshots cracked through the air, and the glass in the chandeliers shattered. Blood splattered on the church floor. It was surreal.

“I’m still here, I’m ok,” he whispered over and over. Family members were being cuffed and roughly escorted from the Sanctuary. There was yelling and cursing and Cassian swore he saw a couple of people get tazed. One tried to flee.

It was an echo of when he had been hurt protecting her. All he could do was repeatedly thank any deity listening that she hadn't been seriously injured. He knew he wouldn't have handled that well. Eventually he felt eyes on them and glanced around, he caught Draven’s gaze. The older man was watching them, waiting to be acknowledged. Glancing around he realized it had fallen silent and they were the only ones left in the Sanctuary. He wanted to process the scene.

The other man simply nodded in acknowledgement, before turning to leave.

Jyn slowly emerged from his arms, took his hand in hers and started leading them outside. The moment the sun touched his face he felt free for the first time in nearly 2 years. The worst was over. He no longer had to pretend to be someone else, or to do things he didn’t believe in at the behest of a man he hated. The front of the church was surprisingly clear, only Draven and Dameron waited for them.

“Special Agent Andor, you will remain with Ms. Erso at all times until her role in all of this is verified. Until then, she is considered a flight risk,” Draven intoned.

The offended look on Jyn’s face would have to be addressed later. “Yes, sir. What location?”

“Safe house. The address was sent to your phone.” Draven gestured towards a nondescript agency sedan, handing him the keys.

He nodded and guided Jyn towards the car. He was silent on the drive over though she muttered occasionally under her breath. He thought he caught “the nerve,” and “how dare.”

“The safe house will have clothes, food, and probably cable. We can manage for a few days,” he said.

“It’s ridiculous. I’m not a naughty child who’ll run away as soon as you turn your back on me. Don’t you trust me?”

“I do. Draven doesn’t.”

Jyn clenched her jaw, but said nothing.

They were in the safehouse for 40 hours. Cassian used the time to start the decompression process. He shook off Jeron ’s routines and mannerisms, compartmentalized and rationalized the actions of his cover. He dug inside himself to find his own likes and dislikes and prioritized making decisions based on those.

Jyn spent it in tense, angry silence. She withdrew physically and emotionally. She spent her time beating on a makeshift punching bag, or reading books and refused to respond to him when he tried to initiate conversation.

Jeron had kept his hair slicked back, and typically wore suits. The first morning in the safehouse, Cassian left his hair loose and curling slightly from his shower and threw on a pair of old jeans and a college sweatshirt. It was the first step towards feeling like Cassian again and it was an incredible relief to look in the mirror and see himself in his reflection. Some of the disconnection from his own body he felt while undercover faded immediately and he could feel his own personality becoming more prominent. When he entered the kitchen Jyn stared at him for a minute and a half and then turned on her heel and walked away. A fierce tension headache set in. He was frustrated both with her actions, and his inability to make her understand that he needed this, needed to re-establish his own identity. It was all normal after an op. She wouldn’t even look at him, much less speak to him so he had no way to explain. It also fed his belief that she would lose interest in him now that he had served his purpose.

Finally, they were called into the FBI office.

Jyn was listed as a confidential informant, and a long series of interviews began. As she got into her third argument with Draven of the morning, Cassian realized what he needed was breathing room- time and space alone to ease his transition. This op had been months of trying to hold onto the crumbling pieces of himself followed by throwing his faith and focus firmly onto another person.

He spoke with Draven during a break in the sessions and was given the rest of the week off, to report to the office the following Monday. The leave came with the caveat that he needed to submit his final report while off, attend a standard post undercover psych eval, and turn in his service weapon until after the eval. Cassian agreed and 30 minutes later, left the office.

Being in his own apartment was almost an out of body experience. Kay must have had the place cleaned, there was no dust despite being untouched for a year and a half. Though he knew his friend was trying to help, it just reinforced the alienation. He had been through so much, yet the apartment looked the same as when he left. Nothing to mark the passage of time. He shook off the unproductive train of thought and decided to start by sorting his clothes. A few parts of Jeron’s wardrobe were originally part of his, but there were pieces he could no longer wear. Even touching them made his skin crawl. He stuffed them in a garbage bag and set them out on the fire escape.

He collapsed onto his small sofa 15 minutes later and watched people walk, run and play in the park across the street. It was only early afternoon, but he decided to shower and put on pajamas, then he would tackle his report. He checked his phone when he sat at his desk, and saw that the agency psychologist had sent a list of possible appointments. He chose one for tomorrow and confirmed it. The sooner this was fully behind him, the better. He hoped Jyn would forgive him. He wanted to build a future with her, but he couldn’t do that if he couldn’t move forward.

Draven returned with an agent named Dameron and the interview continued.

Where the hell was Cassian? His absence was impossible to ignore. It opened a  gaping hole inside her stomach and she thought she was going to be sick. She wanted to cry, scream, hit something. Where was he?

Draven let the younger man, Kes, lead the interview. She kept waiting for the door to open, and someone else to enter. “Where is Cassian?” She choked out. Her throat was tight and the words were strangled.

Draven stayed silent, but Dameron finally caved. “Andor’s taking the afternoon off.”

She wished she could take the afternoon off. How could he do this? They had done this together, they should move forward together. She had wanted that, had been sure he wanted that too. A small voice in her head reminded her she had acted childishly at the safehouse, made it harder for him, but she didn’t care about that. It shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t like he was the only one who wanted to walk away from this. She wanted to be done with this too, her impatience getting the better of her, but she knew that as soon as she was truly alone, the uncertainty would overwhelm her. Taking down Krennic had been her goal for years. Now she had succeeded and had no idea what came next.

Dameron cleared his throat and she pulled her focus back to the present. She refused to show weakness here.

Jyn glanced at Draven in time to see displeasure flit across his face before the impassivity returned.

Dameron had to feel his glare but continued, “It’s very normal. This undercover was rough.”

She knew that, of course, but she’d thought their time together had helped with that.

Jyn realized her feelings must be showing on her face. She schooled them down. “Thank you for telling me, Agent Dameron.”

“Call me Kes.”

“Agent Andor’s whereabouts are hardly my concern.” She kept her voice and her face blank. Dameron’s expression told her she wasn’t convincing anyone.  

“Of course. Now, just a couple more questions and we will be finished here.”

Jyn answered the questions, again, this time on tape and it must have been sufficient because Draven nodded and left the room.

She raised an eyebrow and waited.

Dameron blew out a long breath. “You’re going back to the safe house. Just until we can verify there will be no retaliation. Your recorded testimony and the evidence you submitted along with Agent Andor will keep you out of court. You will be free to start a new life.”

Her mind whirled on the ride back to the safe house. Free.

Jyn couldn’t remember the last time she was free. It may have been never. With the pressure of the investigation lifted her grief crashed into her- numbing, exhausting, and bitter. It turned the food she choked down into tasteless mush and stole her joy.

She knew she needed to face it. It was a complicated thing. It had been years since she and Galen had been close, but as long as he was there she wasn’t alone. She also mourned her mother, her few friends she would never see again, and the life she had hated, but it had been all she’d known.

When the agency informed her she was safe, she discovered her father had never sold the small flat he and Lyra had lived in before Krennic came back into their lives. She moved in, and started to build a new life for herself.

She joined the dojo her mother used to take her to, and was treated to a knowing smile from the blind owner and a “Welcome back little sister,” from his gruff partner. She got a job at the used bookstore down the block. It didn’t pay much, but her father had left her a significant sum and she had no mortgage. She slowly recovered and healed. Occasionally she thought she caught a flash of a familiar profile, or warm dark eyes, in her peripheral vision but when she turned to look no one was there.

One evening, about a month after Krennic’s arrest, there a knock on her apartment door. Her blood froze in her veins, panic drove her heart into her throat and she searched the apartment for a viable weapon. She grabbed a baseball bat and then forced herself to walk to the door and peek through the peephole.

She immediately opened it to Cassian, holding a takeout bag, with a guilty half-smile on his face. His eyes weren’t haunted and empty, there was life in them again. The time apart had done him some good. Bitterness churned in her stomach. She wanted to help him, had wanted them to heal together.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Can I come in?”

She slid to the side, and gestured him in.

He scanned the flat, and she wondered what he was looking for. “Your place is nice,”

“Thanks.” Her voice was hard. What was he doing?

“How have you been?”

“Busy. Would you like to sit down?” She waved towards the kitchen table.

He nodded and sat. It was an echo of their time at the mansion. The silence stretched between them before,

“I am sorry, Jyn. I needed some time away. Seeing you everyday kept pushing my mind back into the role of Jeron. I couldn’t get my head right. I needed some time away to find Cassian again. I just wanted to make you understand.”

She weighed his words. There was a certain logic to them. She could tell he had hated hurting her. She just wanted to move forward.

“What’s with the food?”

“I accidentally made too much for dinner and I thought my neighbor might like to share.”

“Are you a good cook?”

“Someone once told me I was the best she’d ever known.” A spark flared in his gaze and it set a warmth growing in her gut.

“Come in then, set it on the table.”

He spread everything out, setting two places. “Do we need anything else?”

“Just one more thing.“ She put her palm on his cheek, used her thumb to tilt his face down and searched for permission. Then she closed the gap and pressed her lips firmly against his. He froze, then turned the kiss warm.

When they separated he whispered, “You’re right. That’s what was missing.”

They dug into the meal and then curled up together on the couch, warm and content in each other’s arms. Jyn woke in the morning to a warm gaze watching her, with decided heat in his eyes and realized breakfast might be late. She couldn’t find it in herself to complain.