Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sometimes, time could be slow. Minutes of class that seemed to drag on for ages, teachers talking about topics, concepts, or ideas that didn’t matter to you. Students who never listened, only throwing themselves into attention every so and so, until the lesson was over. Or sometimes, time seemed to sift through your hands, falling and collapsing, before you could do anything. No plan, no second ideas. And then what? Panicking, screaming, denying. Time was a sword. Sometimes, there’s too much time, then all of a sudden, you have none.

Uzi sighed. His eyes drifted through the classroom. Little complaints, arguments, laughs without the humour. Pens, pencils and stylus pens moving through, or not moving through at all. His mind was driving through thoughts. Prom was not one of them. A scenario months away, something that shouldn’t be thought about. Nothing, but the little pain in his thigh.

Fuck, it hurts. God, why did I even do that? WHY? I can’t do anything.   

Yeah, can’t even fix that wound. Just like that bite. You did nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

So how about you do nothing again? How about you don’t get it cured? How about you try again?

And maybe you can stop pressuring your ‘friend’.

He froze slightly. He knew that Nova deserved someone who wasn’t a degenerate a better friend. She should’ve got someone who didn’t pleasure himself at all times, someone who didn’t have to be so disgusting, so much of a freak. Yet, she still stayed. Why? Why stick around with him? There were so many better people out there!

Only because she doesn’t know who you are.

Because she knows your innocent, shy, self.

The part of yourself you got unfairly.

And honestly, you still hold onto yourself. Your, dirty, dirty, self.

“Why – won’t – you – just – shut – up” Uzi muttered, staring right down at his notes. At least he’d put something down there. Huh. One of the only things he was still good at.

“Uzi! Can you help?” Nova asked, her hand resting on her head, sighing. “I can’t understand this at all…” She turned to Uzi, looking at his notes.

“Oh! You know this pretty well! Please can you help? Please?” She asked, looking at him.

“Y-yeah… No problem.” Uzi muttered, handing her his notes. “Just copy those notes, you’ll be fine.”

Why – won’t – you – just – go – fucking -down

We know you aren’t trying at all. You’re secretly enjoying this, aren’t you? Nova actually caring about you?

He groaned in his head. This would be a very long day, or a very long, boring class lesson. Well, he could think about prom…

Prom…

He blushed. Prom. How his adventure with Nova went less than stellar… It went pretty poorly, in fact. How she complained about her dress being too tight, or how she just showed herself off, all in different dresses.

His stupid blush still didn’t go away. In fact, it just seemed to get worse, replaying those memories of the two of them. How he still remembered seeing Nova’s bra, just hanging right there, in front of him.

Must’ve enjoyed that, didn’t you? Thinking about how she’d look? Little pervert.

Hell, you didn’t even waste any time on controlling yourself! Just wanted to get right into fucking her, didn’t you?

Oh, if only she knew…

He diverted, again. He was not going to revisit those thoughts about prom again, not ever, not until prom actually showed up!

Then why didn’t his mind also obey?

Hell, it seemed to be spiting him, throwing him with more memories about prom. He blankly processed it all.

How he looked in Khan’s tuxedo, a boy trying to imitate his parents.

How he stared at the suits he tried, and how his bite flared at one of them…

How his scar flared up when he moved his leg, and how he scratched his bite, begging for release, only to receive nothing.

And, as if the universe wanted him to know, “Oh, you thought things were getting better? Fuck you.” Rebecca and Darren were thrown onto him. Those two. He tried to swallow. How Rebecca was willing to turn her child into a cash cow, and to have multiple, all for money. Uzi tried to swallow his lunch. They were insane, forcing someone who should’ve received care, neglect. Throwing the baby on a camera, what a life that would be.

He knew this, yet he also hesitated. Could he really stand up for the baby? He paused. Yes. He could stand up for it. He could try get the baby out of the two’s hands, but for what? Sure, the baby would be fine, but him? Well, he’d be in hell. They’d know he’d be the father, and they’d make sure he’d always know it. But what terrified him the most, was Nova. How she’d find out, how she’d look at him, not with the sparkly, happy look, but disgust. How she wouldn’t even want to be near him.

And honestly? Uzi wouldn’t blame her. If only he’d been quicker, or stronger. Then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this. Having to always look over his shoulder, always worrying when Rebecca would show up, and he knew how much he hated himself. Things he considered fine, now became weaknesses. Weaknesses became his own ammunition for hate, and every action simply loaded another bullet into the chamber.

And those thoughts, twisting everything he did, all his actions. They tore them apart, framed him, implicated him, blamed him. Each thought pecked away at him, stabbed themselves into his head, mocking him.

Yeah, Uzi. Recognised us?

You think by labelling us, we’ll be killed? News Flash. We can’t.

We will never die.

And you know it, don’t you? You can’t stop us.

He didn’t cry, he didn’t want to. But he couldn’t stop his shivering, trying to cling to any warmth left, any hope he still had.

Another month passed, another month of regret. Each day, was it labelled anymore? There was nothing to consider. Nothing good, right? How each day seemed to be ground into a paste, indistinguishable from the previous day’s paste. Foul, murky, and should’ve been avoided.

Today, again, was still no different. Same boredom, same exhaustion. Why was he still here? To get his name marked off each class? To get a tick on a piece of paper that would likely be lost? Yeah. He was here for that.

His journey back home was just as boring, he sighed. He stared at his phone, which glared it’s battery. Failing. He sighed, pocketing it. Now what? Was he supposed to enjoy the view?

“You’ve gotten taller.” Nori muttered, already preparing dinner for them. She noticed that, yes, Uzi finally grew. Maybe it was long overdue, maybe not. But she sure as hell knew that Uzi didn’t know. So she had to point it out.

“What?” Uzi froze. He’d gotten taller? And how had he not noticed? Wasn’t his goal to always end up taller, to not be the short kid? And when he finally grew, he didn’t care? Was he that ignorant?

“How much have I grown by?” He asked, looking at himself. He seemed taller, but was that because he was fooling himself? Was it because Nori’s comment made him pay attention? He had to check.

He grabbed the tape measure, pulled it out, and tried to set it.

Of course, one person doing it by themselves wouldn’t work. So, he failed.

Yeah, who could’ve guessed you’d fail? Seems like your trademark, nowadays.

“Mom! Can you help measure my height?!” Uzi called out, still fiddling with the measure, forcing his thoughts down.

Nori moved over.

“Calm down! You’re going to break it, at this rate.” She sighed, pulling the measure off him.

“Sorry. I just wanted to check.” He muttered, face looking at the floor.

“It’s fine, but call me over first, ok?” Nori told him, pulling the tape measure out. “Step there, got it?”

Uzi nodded, placing his foot down.

Please please please let me be taller!

Heh. You won’t be. I’m sure it was just some silly comment Nori made.

Shut up! My mom wouldn’t lie to me!

Yeah, and you don’t lie to your mother.

Oh shut the fu-

“Hey! You’ve grown!” Nori exclaimed, hand on her mouth. “And quite a bit too!” She looked at the recording on the measurement tape.

Uzi’s thoughts stopped. He’d grown? Really? No, he had to check for himself. He stepped out to look at where Nori was pointing to and stared.

He’d grown.

By 1 and a half centimeters.

He stared.

A little bubble formed in him. He’d finally grown! HA! Finally! All those thoughts vanished, all replaced by… the bubble, rising from his stomach, to his chest, where it rested until it faded out, still having its lingering warmth.

He didn’t smile, but he sure as hell could afford a smirk. Take that! Sure, he was still short, but he wouldn’t always remain the short kid! Though, he still had quite a journey to go…

Oh, shut up! I’m growing! Give me some time, and I’ll eventually be tall! Like Nova’s height!

Yeah. He just wanted to be taller. Baby steps. Knocking away one problem, small as it was in this world, was still something he could feel power over. He got rid of a problem, as small, and forgettable as it was, it was still a problem.

And honestly? Uzi would take any victory he could get, after being pushed down so many times.

Dinner was fine. He finished early, put his plates in the sink, and ran upstairs, sinking onto the bed. He could still feel that lingering rush, that lingering joy of growth. He sighed, looking right at the roof.

He fell asleep, still thinking about his height.

He didn’t wake up sobbing, this time.

Another few months passed. Now prom was approaching. Discussions were being made, arrangements were being prepared, some people asked others to join them. And there were people who stared with a mild detachment, either because they had it all thought out, or because they were just delaying.

“Good thing we got everything for prom!” Nova told Uzi, both of them having their lunch. V and J were further out, having left to finish some assessments. “I wouldn’t want to be panicking about all this, with only a month!” She said, scooping her food up.

“Yeah. Good thing we got all the outfits for prom early. You must be looking forward to it.” Uzi muttered, scooping up some tom yam. At least it wasn’t so spicy.

“Well, of course! It’s going to be so fun seeing everyone gather and dance!” She giggled. “You know J’s going in a suit? Seems like a unique choice for prom…”

“I mean, it’s J’s choice.” Uzi replied, picking out a few more pieces. “Though, I can’t, and will not dance. I really do not want to embarrass you.”

“Come on, Uzi! I’m sure you won’t be that bad!” Nova argued. “Maybe your dance skills have improved!”

“You have not seen me dance, and I sure as hell know I haven’t improved. I can show you proof.” Uzi sighed. “I’ll show you a video.”

He pulled his phone out, and moved through the videos. Where was the damn bugger? Ah. Here it was! He pulled it up.

“Prepare to laugh at this.” Uzi muttered, pressing play.

“Uzi, I’m sure it isn’t that bad!” She said, taking a look at the video.

“Aw, you look so cute in this!” She said, pulling Uzi over. “Just look at yourself!” She pointed to a younger Uzi, flailing his arms and legs, trying to match a rhythm, though it seemed more messy than anything.

“And it’s so silly!” She giggled, covering her mouth. She noticed Uzi’s deadpan. “Sorry! But just look!”

“I am not reliving that. I get embarrassment whenever that’s brought up.” He muttered, staring right at the ground, face red. “So, there you have it. My below average performance in dancing.” He took the phone away from Nova, pocketing it. “So now you know why I can’t dance.”

“Well that’s ok! If you don’t want to, then we don’t have to!” She smiled. “I didn’t want to pressure you!”

“It’s fine, you silly star…” Uzi smiled. “I just wanted to tell you that I can’t dance.” He scooped up some more tom yam, taking a sip from his spoon.

“Oh, Uzi! What’s that?” Nova asked, pointing to his tom yam. “It looks great!”

“O-oh? It’s tom yam. My mum made it. You can have some if you want.” He scooped up some of it, making sure that a shrimp was on it too. “Here you go.” He held it out for her.

Until he noticed that she’d kept her eyes closed, yet opened her mouth. Just like at the ice-cream store, and Uzi, just like at the ice-cream store, froze slightly.

She’s fine with this? I mean, it’s been ages since we’ve done this, so I thought that she wouldn’t want to do this…

Well, it’s certainly a plus if she wants us to feed her, isn’t it?

Yeah, yeah. I’ll feed her.

He sighed, placing his spoon into Nova’s mouth, and saw her reaction.

“It’s great! The soup has a good amount of flavoring, and the shrimp helps add to the general taste too!”

“Oh, really? Well, you can have the whole thing. I was losing my appetite anyway.” Uzi smiled, scooping up another portion. He didn’t even get his hand raised to feed Nova, when he found a spoon pointed right at him.

“Nova, what are you doing?” He asked.

“You gave me some food, so I have to return the favor!” She said, holding the spoon out.

“Ok, ok. I’ll take it.” Uzi sighed, but without any hostility, or force.

“Yay! Open sesame~” She giggled, holding the spoon closer.

Uzi rolled his eyes, still smiling, as he opened his mouth, and chewed.

“It’s nice. Thank you.” He said, swallowing the food.

“Yay~” She cheered, already scooping up another portion.

“Hey! My turn first!” Uzi said, already pointing a spoonful at her.

“Okie!” She smiled, setting her spoon down. She opened her mouth, and Uzi put his spoon in.

“Still great!” She mumbled, swallowing the food. “Now it’s my turn!”

So they continued to share, each laughing, smiling, and complimenting each other’s food. A usually silent, boring break became a little more exciting, a little more interesting.

Chapter Text

Back home, Uzi was screaming into his pillow. It was good emotional release.

Uzi’s mind flitted back to Rebecca. It wasn’t his fault! It was just that she was due soon, and well, then they’d know who’s the father. The only thing he could imagine on the two’s faces was their shock, their surprise, and Darren’s blank, mindless face. He’d be livid, that’s for sure, having to care for a baby that wasn’t even his as well as thinking Rebecca cheated on him.

Well, that sounds great, doesn’t it Uzi? Heh. If only you’d actually held it in, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened?

You think he could even do that? He couldn’t even fight off Rebecca!

Or maybe he wanted this to happen. Maybe he wanted to have a baby, and all he needed was someone to carry it!

NONONONO He didn’t want that! Sure, he may have been really horny before, but he wasn’t all ready to race for sex! He wasn’t that sort of person!

Yeah. He didn’t want sex, nor did he think about it! He didn’t want it!

He didn’t want it

He didn’t want it

He didn’t want it

He didn’t want it

He didn’t want it

He screamed into his pillow again, hands gripping onto it like a tether, voice muffled by the pillow. Those dreams of Nova, Rebecca and Lizzy didn’t count! He didn’t look for it, his brain just needed release!

He blushed remembering Nova.

He didn’t want to actually have sex with Nova! She was too kind, too innocent to be dragged through him! He didn’t want to ruin her anymore!

But still, that dream was nice-

NO! He didn’t need more motivation to continue his degenerate thoughts! He just wanted Nova as a friend, right?

Well, his thoughts suggested otherwise. And how he only barely held himself in while Nova changed, putting on different dresses, what a great friend he turned out to be! And how Nova’s hugs just got him hard! She didn’t even know it, yet he had to get hard over such a small action!

God, why did she have to be so confusing? She’d shower him with so much care that his brain stopped working, yet he didn’t know if it’s because she actually cared! Was it really her nature to care about everyone? Yes, yes it was. But still, all those actions, hugs, sharing food! Friends didn’t do that!

Did they?

He had no clue, he’d never had any friends, and none as this confusing! Especially with a girl! And it’s not like he could ask her, she’d just say it’s what friends would do!

Why did she have to be so complicated??? WHY?

His screams continued to be muffled by the pillow he clutched.

He looked at himself. Cleaner. More pressed, more presentable. Tie done up, tightly enough to make him mildly uncomfortable, his dress shirt, ironed and pressed flat. He looked at his blazer, also clean, also without any stains. Yellow, a duller yellow. He stared at himself, staring right at the suit he wore.

God, I look like a bloody sunflower! Why’d I even chose this?

Because it brought the color in Nova’s eyes out, dumbass! That’s why you chose it!

Yeah, yeah. You don’t have to remind me…

Seems like you needed it. Second guessing yourself? Think you’re unworthy of Nova, that you’ll screw it up somehow?

Maybe you’ll end up leaking right on those pants of yours when you see Nova in a dress!

Won’t even take much anyways! We know you’ve got an extraordinary imagination!

SHUT UP! IT WAS ONE TIME!

Uzi pulled himself out that mess of his thoughts, focusing on his suit. Ok. Small steps. There. The tie, then moving down, his dress shirt, then across to his blazer, which looked a little shorter.

Oh.

It was short.

Dammit! How the hell was he supposed to get a new blazer for his suit? How? He glanced around. How much had the blazer shrunk? How much? He glanced around, looking for anything. A ruler, even a small one would do.

However, he had to be disappointed when nothing showed up. Come on! Guess that meant he had to go down to his parents…

He took in a breath, held it, and exhaled. Nothing major. Just needed another suit… Yeah, nah. He didn’t want to waste any more resources from his parents, they gave him so much already! So he could suck it up and go with the shorter blazer, or he could go for Khan’s tux.

Khan’s tux. Uzi thought. Before, he couldn’t even hope to fit in the damn thing, but now? Maybe with a little extra height, he could make it wearable? Maybe?

Well, he had to try. Maybe it could actually fit this time!

“Ok. Just go down, show your suit off. Then say it’s too short, and ask Khan to wear his tux. That’s it.” He sighed, putting his hand on his face.

He got out, and started to walk. He moved down the steps, cleanly, calmly. It was fine. He peeked out. There the two were. Khan trying to cook, while Nori stood, watching the mild mess he was causing, keeping her laugh barely hidden.

Uzi stepped out, fiddling with his outer pocket. Nori noticed first.

“Uzi! You look so good in that suit! I knew it was the right choice! Come here!” She moved over, lifting his hands up. “You look great in this!” She moved around, checking him.

Well, fuck. Now how am I supposed to tell her that my suit is short? I don’t want to burst her bubble…

Just tough it up! Isn’t that what you used to do?

Yeah. You still hold onto yourself, don’t you? So, use that.

He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. He knew he had to, yet he delayed. How he said nothing, how he did nothing. Nothing. No voice, no action, just standing still, stuck.

He was pathetic, wasn’t he? How he just shoved problems under the rug, as if it would solve everything. Like how he wouldn’t have to bring them up, or how others had to suffer for those secrets. How he suffered to keep them, how he suffered to remember them.

And everyday he left it, the stronger it got. The rot, the disgust. How his voices would get more ammunition, more ability to hurt him. Every day. But every day, they refused to fire. Lifting the rug would be pulling the trigger.

And he didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to face it. He didn't want to know, didn’t want to imagine the other side. Because the other side would be crying, weeping, shedding more tears for him, because he couldn’t afford to shed them.

Emotion. That is what the other side showed. They were more human than he ever could be, and he didn’t want to know that.

So he kept silent.

Khan didn’t.

“Nori. Isn’t that a little small?” He asked, finally peeling his eyes off the mess of the dinner. “Uzi’s finally growing, which is great, but the blazer seems to be too small for him. Same with the pants.”

“Oh.” Nori paused, looking at Uzi. Her eyebrow raised slightly. “Yeah. He’s grown. Well, I suppose we can try your tux then, Khan!” She said, eyes sparking a little.

“And just like what happened to Khan when he wore it, it’ll happen to you~” Nori joked, laughing, while Uzi turned completely red.

“MOM! She’s just a friend!” Uzi said, covering his face. “She’s not going to kiss me!” He mumbled, looking away.

“Well, me and Khan used to be friends too!” Nori replied, taking a sly glance at Uzi. “And look where it landed us~”

He flushed even more. He didn’t want to have that with Nova! Even if she was pretty, and even if he thought that she liked him… That didn’t mean she wanted this with him! And he knew there were plenty of other good people out there who deserved Nova.

Yeah, ones that don’t perv on her!

SHUT UP!

He sighed. “So… do I-I wear Khan’s tux? It might fit me now…”

“Yep! Got it!” Khan moved upstairs, already looking for his tux, leaving just Uzi and his mom. Nori decided to ask first.

“So, I know you like Nova.” She said, looking right at him.

“What?! I-I don’t! She’s just a friend!” Uzi mumbled, looking everywhere but right at his mother.

“Sure, sure. But don’t try rush or screw anything up. Things take time, and I know you don’t want to throw this away.” Nori told Uzi, looking at him directly, voice turning serious. At least now Uzi would listen to her.

“I-I’ll try not to. It’s just, just, that what if she doesn’t like me?” He asked, still looking down.

“Do you want her to?” Nori asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He stared at it. Did he? While sure, having her love him was great, was he the sort of person who deserved it? Did Nova really deserve to love him?

And did he really want a relationship? It seemed nice, didn’t it? But it put pressure on them. Now, they could be defined, categorized, forced to fit into roles. Uzi wasn’t sure if he wanted that, hell, relationships sounded scary!

And his mind would drift to Rebecca, her relationship with Darren, and how Rebecca forced Darren into sex, just like him.

“I don’t know. She’s nice, but I feel like a relationship is too much for either of us.” He admitted. Nori stared at her son, looking at how he fidgeted with his blazer.

Poor kid, he’s still confused and worried about this. Maybe the prom will help with removing some of that.

“I’m back! And here’s the tux!” Khan shouted, moving down, showing off the tuxedo like a trophy.

Uzi stared at it. It was neatly fit, everything put on one clothes line, the bowtie being wrapped around the neck of the line. He stared at it, letting Khan give him the line.

He stared at it, until he noticed the label on the back, stitched into one of the pockets.

“Kenson and Co? I thought they made robotics?” Uzi muttered, squinting at the label. It was Kenson and Co. He raised an eyebrow. Who knew that they once made clothes?

“Oh, yeah. I got that when they started to close down their clothing branch. Thought that I might as well get their products, and see if they were as durable, and as quality made as they boasted. They were right.” Khan told Uzi, also squinting at the label, before his eyes sparkled a little.

“Now let’s see if this fits! I can’t wait!”

Uzi looked into the mirror, staring at himself.

Yes, the tux was still long, but thankfully, didn’t completely engulf his hands, nor did the pants cover his shoes. It still covered around half his hand, and a few laces of his shoes, but was a much better fit than his suit. The bowtie also looked rather cute on him, arranged to be slightly off centre.

Khan said that’s what he did when he went to prom, which got Nori gushing over how that went, which got Uzi listening to the conversation, wishing that his parents could take all this into a room and lock it away. Or his hearing.

Thank god I actually grew!

He stared at himself. Not so bad after all! Little long, but he was sure no-one would care! Right? He looked again. Surely the excess material wouldn’t be spotted by anyone, right? He sighed, pinching his nose. Too late now! Either that, or his suit!

He stepped out the bathroom, facing both Nori and Khan.

“Look at you! You can fit into my tux! I’m proud of that.” Khan smiled, patting his son’s back. Uzi gave a smile back.

“Yep! Seems like yesterday when I found out that he’d grown. Now look at him!” Nori sniffed, cracking a smile at Uzi.

“Guess that’s puberty. Seems normal, then- BAM- hits you out of nowhere. You don’t even recognise that you’ve changed!” Khan sighed. “They grow up so fast!” He sniffed, holding back a tear.

Uzi rolled his eyes at his parents, surprised that their little boy could actually grow. Sure, it was a surprise even to himself, but he wasn’t getting all teary eyed over it! He sighed, looking at his parents.

“I grew. Big surprise!” He raised an eyebrow at them, trying to play it off.

“I’m driving!” Khan declared, already moving to the car, while Nori stayed behind.

She pulled her phone out.

“Wait-” That was all he could get out before she took the photo, his hand raised slightly, face still having a pinkish tinge to it.

“I have to get this moment on camera!” Nori declared, already sharing it to Khan.

Uzi sighed, looking at his mother sharing it to her friends, while Khan got out the car.

“Come on, Uzi! Don’t want to be the last person arriving at the prom!” He pulled Uzi to the backseat, Nori taking the seat next to Khan.

“Tell me if anything interesting happens!” Nori said, winking at Uzi. He caught it.

“MOM! Nothing is going to happen!” He blushed, already sinking into the car seat.

Khan chuckled, starting up the car.

“Your mother is right. Tell us if the prom goes well. Been ages since we’ve gotten anything from you. Maybe you’ll tell us something tonight!”