Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Penelope thought she felt a raindrop on her cheek as she followed Sophie and Posy out of the restaurant but ignored it as she was wrapped up in a warm hug by her friend’s younger sister. 

“It was so good to see you Penny, I’ve missed you so much!” 

Pen chose not to remark that they had seen each other in Chicago six weeks ago when Posy joined Sophie on a work trip so that she could spend time with Felicity before her move. Instead, she returned the hug, savoring the closeness. She’d always had a soft spot for the younger girl, probably because Posy reminded her so much of Felicity, and with Fel now living 4,000 miles and an ocean away, she may have held on for a few seconds longer than she normally would have. 

“I’ve missed you too, P. I’ll be back up in December. I promised the kids I’d stay for two weeks over Christmas and New Years, so we can plan another brunch,” Penelope replied tenderly as they separated. It was going to be her first Christmas without Fel, who'd chosen to stay in England over the break to study, so when the twins had begged her to stay for two full weeks over the holidays, she had been quick to agree. 

“Two weeks and all I get is brunch? I don’t think so, Penny. Sophie and I get you for at least two full days of that. I’m already planning our itinerary in my head,” Posy insisted, as enthusiastic and earnest as ever, which made her sister and Penelope both laugh. 

Another raindrop, she was sure of it this time. She hadn’t thought it was supposed to rain today. 

“She’s got a point you know?” Sophie joked as she enveloped Penelope in her own hug. “Now that Marina is all boring and married and mothering, we single girls have got to stick together.”

“Amanda and Oliver are five years old, Soph. This isn’t exactly new." As the two sisters raised their eyebrows at Penelope in a way that could almost make one forget they weren’t actually related, she hastily added, “But I see your point and I will pencil you both in for whichever days you tell me. I'm sure Marina would love to join us, too, but I’ll leave it up to Posy to fight the twins on the custody agreement.” 

Posy stuck her tongue out at Penelope, and Sophie giggled. 

Three raindrops then, in quick succession. Pen’s friends obviously felt them as well because all three women looked up to the sky at the same time, then at each other with identical stricken looks on their faces. Rain wasn’t just coming, it was here. Within seconds, water was pouring from the clouds. Laughing and squealing, Sophie and Posy took off in the direction of their car, yelling their goodbyes over their shoulders to Penelope who was running off in the opposite direction towards where she was ninety percent sure she had parked her car earlier.

She’d barely made it a block when the ninety percent was already sitting closer to fifty, and only one more block by the time she was positive she had forgotten which side street she’d left her car on. Penelope hadn’t spent much time in Madison and the times she had been there, she’d always been with her friends who had guided her around. They all knew she was directionally challenged and they’d never trust her with being in charge of finding their way. Which is why, a few years ago, Phillip had insisted she download an app where she could save her parking location. She had never wanted to admit to him that it had been helpful on more than one occasion (many, in fact), because he would gloat, but she was sure he knew anyway. 

The only problem was that to use the app now would mean that she had to take her phone out in the deluge of rain coming down around her, and with her luck, it would immediately break from water damage. Pen glanced at her surroundings. It was a Sunday and it appeared that most things around her were closed, but across the street she saw a sign flipped to Open, come on in! calling out to her like a beacon. She made a break for it. 

As soon as she got inside, she was hit with an absolutely decadent smell and looked around, quickly realizing she was in a cafe. A very cozy, very empty cafe. There was not a single other person in there which didn’t make a lot of sense with how incredible it smelled and how quaint it felt inside. There were tables of different sizes scattered about that all appeared to have been thrifted, and the same went for all the chairs that came in different shapes and colors. Along the walls there were multiple sitting areas over rugs with comfy couches and chintzy armchairs. Artwork lined the brick walls including a large piece that looked like it was of this building itself, with the sign designating it as Fox River Bakery, a name reflected on the chalkboard menu behind the large counter in the back of the space. 

After spending a minute or so cataloguing her surroundings, Pen heard a clanging from what she presumed to be the kitchen through the double doors to the side of the counter.

“Hello?” Penelope called out. 

“I’ll be right out, just taking something out of the oven!” a deep voice responded from behind the doors. 

As she waited, Penelope moved back to the counter and looked at the pastries still leftover from what she assumed must have been a busy Sunday morning as the selection had clearly been picked over. Her mouth started to water at the sight of the last coffee eclair in the case. Sure she had just been to brunch, but no one could have blamed her if she decided to get herself a little treat for the drive back to Chicago. Besides, she’d spent the last week babysitting five-year-olds, and just for surviving that, she’d more than earned that eclair.

Pen was looking up at the drink menu when she heard the double doors open and that voice again. 

“Sorry about that, Kate. I had to get the macaron shells out of the oven at the exact right moment, you know how it –” 

But Penelope didn’t know and did not find out as the voice trailed off. She turned her body towards the sound and was struck dumb by the sight of the most beautiful man she’d ever seen in person. It’s not that she’d been expecting anyone in particular to come out from behind the doors, she just certainly had not been predicting the man who now stood less than five feet away from her. 

Pen couldn’t have stopped her eyes from traveling over him if she had wanted to. He was easily over six feet tall as she had to lift her chin up a little to see his face, and he had thick chestnut curls and the teensiest bit of scruff on his face. He wore a pair of simple but well-fitting jeans with a white t-shirt that hugged his broad shoulders and biceps. A dark blue apron with the Fox River Bakery logo on it covered his front, tied in a way that accentuated his waist in a completely alluring way. Her eyes moved back up to his face, and she saw that he was doing his own assessment of her. 

His gaze dragged over her body in a way that made her squirm a little and by the time his eyes found hers, she wasn't even sure she was breathing anymore. She couldn’t help but note that his eyes were the exact same dark blue as the apron he had on. 

“You are not Kate,” he said, finally breaking the silence. Pen noticed his voice was a little rougher than it had been before. “You are also decidedly wet.”

Her jaw dropped. “Um, ex-excuse me?” Pen stuttered in response, and he gestured to her like that should have meant something. She looked down at herself and suddenly her reason for running into the bakery rushed back into her mind, having somehow forgotten that she had, in fact, been dripping with water. It was in that moment that she also remembered she had worn a thin cotton dress to brunch and left her sweater in the car on the unseasonably warm October day, meaning that her very wet dress was now clinging to her body, accentuating every single one of its curves. That's when she understood the look he had been giving her. It had taken Penelope a long time to feel comfortable in her body, but she had come to be proud of her curves and right now, they were definitely on display. She could feel her blush start to travel down her cheeks and over her chest and finally looked back up at him.

“Oh, right. Well, you see, it’s raining.” 

Ah yes, very good, Pen. It’s raining? And she was meant to be good with words. She could practically hear Marina’s laughter at that one. To add to the absurdity of the moment, there was a large crack of thunder that made her jump. She could see the man’s eyes brighten in response and the corner of his mouth quivered like he was trying not to laugh.

“It is. Though that doesn’t really explain why you are in my closed bakery.”

His words barely registered as Penelope tried again to explain herself. “Ok, so the thing is I maybe sort of forgot where I parked my car which is not so unusual for me. It’s actually so usual that I have an app on my phone that will help me find it, but I didn’t want to take my phone out in the rain so I ran in here, but then I got distracted by how wonderful it is and I didn’t even think to… wait, did you say closed?”

“I did.” He was not even trying to hide his amusement at this point. 

“But the sign? Oh my god, was I hallucinating? I swear I saw the open sign. I thought it was strange that no one was here because why would no one be here? And then I just figured that I had missed the rush because most people would come to a bakery in the morning. Oh god, now the empty displays are making much more sense and now you must think I’m a crazy person, but in my defense the door was unlocked and –” 

Penelope would have kept going if it weren’t for the front door slamming open causing her to jump once again. The wind and rain started pouring into the front of the shop and the man’s reflexes were clearly better than hers as he immediately moved to close the door. He was halfway there when it felt like time started to move in slow motion as Penelope saw something bright yellow right in the spot where he was about to step; before she could warn him, his shoe hit it and slid. The man went flying into the air, landing on his back with a loud thud. 

“Oh my god!” Penelope screeched as she ran over to him. He was not moving, but he groaned out something that sounded like “the door,” so before she checked on him, she pushed the door closed and clicked the lock in place so that it couldn't swing open again, then rushed back over to him. When she saw the offending yellow object stuck to his shoe, she reached back to where her braid was missing the ribbon Amanda had insisted she wear this morning and her worst fears were confirmed. She bent down to pluck it off his shoe, and he lifted his head up to observe her. Wordlessly, she showed him the ribbon in her hand and a second later they both burst into a fit of giggles. 

“Well that was not very well done of me, was it?” he said after they’d both calmed down. He tried to sit up, causing another string of laughter from her. Penelope reached her hand out to help him up, and when he took it, she would swear she felt a jolt of electricity travel through her entire body. Once he was standing, she stared at his hand in hers for a moment, then looked up at him. This close together, he towered over her. He was looking at their hands, too, but when he noticed her eyes on his face, he let go and backed up a step.

“As far as first impressions go,” he started, “I’m not entirely sure this is my best showing.”

Penelope grinned at that. “You mean you don’t normally eat shit in front of the people who break into your bakery?” 

“Only the pretty ones apparently,” he replied smoothly. Her breath caught; apparently this man wanted her to remain flushed the entire time she was in his presence. “I’m Colin, by the way.”

Colin reached out his hand again, and she hesitated for a split second before slipping hers in to meet his warm palm. She shivered at the contact and pulled away. 

“I’m Pen, well Penelope. And I’m afraid I have to take the blame for this one, too. Not only did I apparently break in, but I fear my ribbon is responsible for your attempted murder as well.” 

He laughed at her joke, and his eyes traced over her face and down her body again. Penelope had to resist the urge to cover herself. He turned around without a word and left her standing there, bewildered, as he went through the back doors to the kitchen. He returned again quickly, armed with towels, handing one to her with a perfect lopsided smile on his perfect face. “Here, you looked cold.” 

“Thank you.” She wrapped it around herself promptly, relishing in the warmth and the coverage. Her face flushed somehow even more red when he started using another towel to mop up the water she’d trailed around behind her since she had walked in. “I’m so sorry about that.”

Colin chuckled as he moved to the front door to lay a couple of towels down over the water that had come in while it was open. “It’s just a little water, no biggie. The good news is, we can officially drop the breaking and entering charges.” Penelope looked at him quizzically and saw that he was pointing at a Sorry, we’re closed sign hanging on the door. He flipped it around so that the open side she’d originally seen was facing them. “It turns out, you weren’t hallucinating after all. Lucy must have forgotten to flip it when she closed up earlier. Normally she does it when she locks up, but I had her keep the door unlocked for Kate to stop by.” 

That made Pen feel a little bit more sane, at least, though now that he’d brought Kate up again, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was his girlfriend, or worse, wife. She hadn’t noticed a ring on his finger, but she wasn’t sure if he would wear one while baking. She also wasn’t sure why she was even worried about whether or not this complete stranger was married, other than the fact that she was currently second-guessing every opinion she’d ever had about love at first sight not being real. She realized that now would be the time for her to say something back, but when she opened her mouth his phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his back pocket and answered it while continuing to move the towels around with his feet to collect water. 

“Hello?”

Penelope watched his face light up as he heard the voice on the other side. “Oh, hey Angel. How are you?”

Of course he called her Angel. 

“I miss you too, Charlie, but I’ll see you tonight, ok? Can I talk to your mom now?”

Oh god. Not only was he married, he had a kid. And his wife was probably stunningly beautiful because there was no way that someone like him wasn't with someone equally as gorgeous. Pen knew she was catastrophizing over a man she just met, but she’d never pretended not to be dramatic. 

She acted like she wasn’t listening in while Colin talked to Kate and took the opportunity to take out her braid and squeeze some of the excess water out of her hair. Her waist length curls were heavy on a normal day, but soaking wet, the weight was even worse. At least the braid had prevented it from sticking to her entire body which would have been a disaster. As she dried herself off, she heard Colin making plans to get done with his prep work quickly so that he could make it to his mom’s early with a birthday cake for Eddie, whom Penelope guessed was another one of their children by the way he talked. 

“Hey I gotta run, I have a customer here,” Penelope snapped her head over at the mention of her presence, but Colin wasn’t looking at her; he was listening to whatever Kate was saying. As if he could sense her watching him, he turned toward her, his brow slightly furrowed. “Yes we are technically closed, but…listen nevermind, I will be there by 5, I promise. Love you, bye!” He hung up the phone and pocketed it, pretending like he hadn’t just hung up on his wife in a way that would make any woman question what was going on. An easy smile slipped back onto his face as he made eye contact with Penelope, who knew she must not be looking at him so kindly because his smile quickly faltered a bit. 

“Sorry about that, it’s my nephew’s birthday and we’re celebrating at my mom’s house tonight. I’m notoriously late so my sister was going to pick up the cake and drop it off early to make sure he was surprised, but she doesn’t want to drive in this weather.” 

The words took a second to sink in in Pen’s mind. His nephew, his sister. There she was all riled up for no reason. Christ, she really was dramatic.

“Kate is your sister?”

“Well, sister-in-law, but distinguishing feels dumb sometimes,” Colin answered, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil. “Anyways, can I make you a coffee or something?”

“A coffee?” 

He nodded. “We have tea too, or hot cocoa, if coffee isn’t your thing.” 

“You’re closed.” As to why she was suddenly incapable of stringing more than two words together, Pen wasn’t entirely sure. 

“See now that’s the fun thing about owning the place, I can kind of do whatever I want. And I want to make you a coffee," Colin said with a cheeky grin. “Besides, my mother would kill me if I let you leave while it seems Zeus has decided to rain hell down upon us today.”

As if to punctuate his point, a flash of lightning brightened the space for a moment and another clap of thunder rolled through. 

“Zeus?” Pen was pleasantly surprised by his reference. Him being into Greek mythology was just the cherry on top of the already very delicious looking sundae at this point.

Colin looked down bashfully before meeting her gaze again. “I may be a little bit of a nerd about the ancient Greeks.” 

Penelope took a moment to study him again. She’d gotten pretty good at reading people over the years, something her therapist had ascribed to her survival instinct. It surprised her to see nothing but earnestness on his face. In fact, their whole interaction so far had surprised her. What kind of man offered to make a stranger coffee after she not only basically broke into his place of business and also almost killed him with a hair accessory? Colin, though, had seemed completely unbothered by all of it. It actually seemed as though he was more amused by the situation than anything else. He just seemed so nice . She wished she could just accept niceties for what they were, but she supposed that when a person had spent most of their life being told that they were a burden and being scared to mess up in any way that it was reasonable to respond with apprehension.

Colin seemed to read the doubt on her face because he gave her a soft smile. “It’s just coffee, Pen. Do it for my mom.” 

It was his easy use of her nickname that did it for her, and she nodded and returned his smile. “Ok, but only for you mom.”

Colin walked over behind the coffee station, gesturing to the stools on the side for her to sit. When she did, his smile almost blinded at her. She set the ribbon she’d been carrying around down on the counter and felt herself relax more, coaxed by his easy demeanor. Penelope watched as he moved around behind the bar, heading over to the display case. He pulled something out and put it on a plate, but she couldn’t tell what it was until he headed back over to her. He placed the coffee eclair in front of her, and she stared at him, dumbfounded. 

“Did I guess right, then?” He looked quite pleased at her reaction as she gaped at him. “Not quite as impressive when there are only a few things left in the case but guessing a person’s preferred pastry is one of my many talents.” He winked at her then, actually winked, which shouldn’t have worked but of course it did, and then he turned on the espresso machine. Pen shivered, and he must have noticed this time because his brow furrowed again. “Be right back.”

Before she could ask where he was going, he’d disappeared through the kitchen doors. While he was gone, she took a bite of the eclair. She closed her eyes and let out an involuntary moan at the taste. 

“That good, huh?” 

Penelope’s eyes flashed open, and she knew she was blushing again but Colin’s eager look made her laugh. “You must already know how good they are. Colin, this is the best eclair I’ve ever had.”

“Really?” 

“Really. I’ve got no reason to lie about this.” 

“Well then, thank you.” It was the first time that he’d come off as anything other than self-assured, and Pen was quite pleased when the tips of his very cute, slightly pointed ears went pink. It was then that she noticed that he had a bundle in his hands that he was suddenly thrusting over the counter to her. “Here, you have to be freezing right now.”

She grabbed the fabric from him and quickly recognized that it was a hoodie, and by the size of it, it was definitely his. “Let me guess, your mom would kill you if you let a lady be cold?”

“Something like that, now put it on.” His lips quirked at the corner of his mouth and then he schooled his face into a no-nonsense kind of look she couldn't help but laugh at. She hadn’t noticed until he said something, but she was cold. The air conditioner was clearly on, probably to keep things cool on the warm day while there were a lot of customers earlier, so she decided not to fight him on it and stood up to slip the sweatshirt over her head. 

It wasn’t often that Penelope felt truly small. Sure, she was short, just barely five feet tall, and even that was debatable according to her friends. But she’d always been chubby, much to her mother’s chagrin. As she’d gotten older, the baby weight had shifted around and given her curves that Marina and Sophie always told her were to die for, but it had taken a very long time for her to feel comfortable in her own body. In Colin’s sweatshirt though? She felt positively dainty. It went practically to her knees, completely covering her dress. As she pulled her hair out from inside the sweatshirt, she heard Colin laughing. 

“What?”

“I mean I figured it would be a little big on you, Pen, but I guess I underestimated how tiny you really are,” the aggravating man chuckled again. She glared at him as she hopped back up on the stool. He held his hand out like he was expecting her to give him something, but when she did nothing he grabbed her arm and started rolling one of the sleeves up. It was surprisingly intimate.

“I don’t think I’m that short, I think maybe you’re just a giant.” 

“Ahh yeah, that’s probably it. Other arm,” Colin demanded and she reached her other arm up for him to roll that sleeve as well. “Ok, you’re all set. Now what would you like to drink?” He moved on like he wasn’t just the instigator of the most romantic thing she’d ever had happen to her, and she blinked at him a few times as she gathered her wits. “I’ll warn you that I’m not exactly an expert, but I think I can manage alright.”

Luckily, Pen was a creature of habit which meant the answer came out without having to think much of it. “I’ll do a vanilla latte with oat milk, please.”

“Right, ok, I can do that,” he said, with just enough confidence that Penelope was quite sure he had no idea how to make what she had asked for, and she watched in amusement as he shuffled around behind the counter grabbing things. To his credit, he did locate the oat milk and the vanilla syrup, but then he stared at the espresso machine just long enough that she decided to put him out of his misery.

“You have no idea how to work that thing, do you?”

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, sheepishly.

“You were looking at it like my nephew looks at the tv when he can’t figure out Blue’s next Clue.” A laugh burst out of Colin and she grinned at him, taking another bite of her eclair. “I used to be a barista, you know?”

“Oh?”

“Started when I was sixteen, did it until I was twenty-two or so. I might be a little rusty but I think I still know a thing or two.”

Penelope waited until he asked, chewing on another bite. 

“Pen, would you please teach me how to make your fancy drink?” He batted his eyelashes at her like he wanted to give her heart palpitations, and she giggled as she joined him behind the counter. He watched diligently as she showed him how to properly pull an espresso shot. Colin decided to make himself a drink as well so that he could practice, and she guided him through it. She steamed milk for herself, then showed him how to do the same. Then maybe she got a little cocky and made a perfect leaf with the foam on top of her latte. She glanced up to find him gawking at her. 

“Rusty, my ass. How did you do that?” 

She laughed and threw a god-awful wink at him while she grabbed his mug and made a cat on top of his latte. It wasn’t her best work, but she was still pretty happy with it, and when she handed it to him, the face he was making had her feeling ten feet tall. “I may or may not have an espresso machine in my apartment. It was getting too expensive to go get a latte everyday, so I invested and now I practice. I’d always make them for my sister, too. I’m way better at it now than I was when I was an actual barista.” 

“And here I thought I was talented for making a pretty good coffee eclair.”

“Hey, don’t disrespect my favorite eclair,” Penelope punctuated her statement by taking another bite, and Colin chuckled and shook his head at her. He leaned back against the counter and sighed when he took a sip of his latte. She followed suit across from him. 

“So what do you do now? If you’re not a barista anymore.”

“I’m an author,” she responded without even thinking, internally wincing when she realized what she said. It hadn’t even occurred to her not to tell him the truth. He asked, she answered. Penelope hated how good it felt to be honest in that moment.

“That’s awesome, what do you write? Would I have heard of it?” He looked so excited, and she absolutely hated that she was about to lie to him now, especially when there was a very good chance he had heard of her work. But maybe she didn’t have to lie all the way. Maybe she could just leave some key pieces of information out. 

“Well, I haven’t published anything yet.” Not technically untrue, Penelope Featherington had never published a book. “I’d love to someday, though.” That part was true, she’d love to have the courage to put her own name on something she wrote. “I’m working on something. It’s still taking shape, but I think it’s just going to be a book about living, finding happiness in the mundane.” That was also true; she wasn’t sure what her next book was going to look like. And although she loved her first two books, she was most proud of her third and most recent, and she wanted to write another that had the same feeling. “That sounds kind of pretentious, now that I say it out loud. I guess I should have just said I work at the library.” Another partial truth, since technically she did volunteer at the children’s library a few days a week.

“I don’t think that sounds pretentious. I think there’s a lot of beauty to be found in mundanity. It’s something I ran from for a long time until I realized I was missing out on so much life. I think I’d very much like to read that book once you finish it, Penelope. I think a lot of people would.” 

Pen studied his face again and she knew he was being truthful. She actually wasn’t even sure he had it in him to be disingenuous. Colin radiated honesty, and when he smiled at her she couldn’t help but to return it.  

“I think you should dedicate it to me, though, for making you the best eclair you’ve ever had.”

She snickered at that and his smile grew. “Deal.”

“So you said you have a nephew? How old is he?” 

“Oliver,” she confirmed. “And his twin sister, Amanda. They’re five and a half, and they’re perfect. I actually just spent the last week babysitting them while their parents went on an anniversary trip. They hadn’t taken a real vacation in years so I forced them into it and promised I had the kids covered. I may have overestimated my patience.”

“That was brave of you. I love my niblings, but I don’t know if I could commit to a whole day with them, let alone a week.” 

“Niblings?”

“I know, I hated it at first but my little sister calls them that all the time and now it’s ingrained.”

“How many do you have?”

“Six, for now. Two boys, four girls. Eddie, the oldest, it’s his ninth birthday today which is so weird. He is truly an exact replica of my older brother in almost every way, while Charlie, the youngest, is so much like Kate.” 

“That’s how Amanda is too! She not only looks exactly like Marina, she’s also growing up to be a menace to society, just like her mother,” Penelope sighed fondly thinking about her best friend and honorary niece. 

“Marina? Is that your sister?”

“Oh, no, Marina was my roommate in college. We’ve been pretty inseparable since the day we met, and she ended up marrying my childhood neighbor who’s basically my older brother.” 

Serendipitous, Pen thought to herself. That’s what they always said. The Featheringtons moving in across the street from the Cranes when Penelope was five years old. Penelope getting assigned a random roommate in college who fell in love with the boy from across the street. Them becoming the kind of family they'd only ever dreamed of. It was completely meant to be. 

“Kind of a found family situation, I guess you’d say. Maybe not niblings in blood but definitely in heart.” She adopted Colin’s term and the corner of his mouth twitched up again. 

“I’d argue heart matters more than blood a lot of the time. You mentioned making coffee for your sister, though? Is it just the two of you?”

Another chance to lie and another time she didn’t want to. “No, I have three, actually. Two older, one younger. Though I haven’t spoken to my older sisters in close to a decade. One of those ‘heart matters more than blood’ situations, I think. But with Felicity, she’s got both. She’s twenty-two and a pain in my ass, but I love her more than anything.”

Colin didn’t ask about her older sisters and she was grateful for that. He was looking at her with soft eyes but not pitying ones. She’d seen pity before, she loathed pity, but this wasn’t pity. 

“I have one of those, too. A twenty-two-year-old pain in the ass little sister. I’d do anything for her.” 

“Big family? You mentioned going over to your mom’s so I’m assuming you grew up here?”

“Yes and yes. My whole family is here, most of them have never left. It used to feel… suffocating for lack of a better word. I left when I was 18 for school, but I moved back close to two years ago now after realizing how much I missed all of it.”

“Beauty in the mundanity?” 

“Exactly,” Colin sighed, grateful that she seemed to understand. “How about you? Are you from around here?”

Pen shook her head. “I’m from Philadelphia, originally. I’ve been in Chicago for a while now, though.”

“Chicago?” Pen would swear she saw disappointment flash in Colin’s eyes, though it quickly shifted back to curiosity.

“I drove up to help with the kids this week and was grabbing brunch with a couple of friends before heading home. It’s been really great only being a couple of hours away. Marina was transferred here for work two months ago. They’d been in California since we graduated. It was great timing, really. I’ve been feeling like an empty nester lately.

“An empty nester? As in…?” Penelope heard the confusion in Colin’s voice and started laughing when she realized the source.

“Oh god, not like that. Felicity has lived with me since I was twenty. She came with me to Chicago when I was twenty-two and ended up going to the University of Chicago for undergrad. So we lived there together until about six weeks ago. She got into grad school at Cambridge. I am very very proud of her, don’t get me wrong, but suddenly I’m twenty-eight and I’m feeling the way most fifty-year-olds are feeling as their kids leave them behind. It’s been pretty miserable without her around if I’m being honest, not that I’d ever tell her that.”  

She wasn’t sure why she’d shared all of that with him; he was easy to talk to, she supposed. Still, she could see Colin doing the math in his head and the moment when he realized exactly what she’d said, and then she watched as he decided what to do with that information. 

“Your sister was what, fifteen or sixteen, when you moved out here? It was just the two of you?”

Penelope nodded.

“Can I ask…” Colin trailed off, and she waited as he formed his question. “Where…?”

She could see the question in his eyes, but when he paused again, she decided to ask for him. “Where were our parents?” 

Colin seemed grateful that she’d read his thoughts. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Pen. I’m probably being way too nosy.” 

But Penelope didn’t feel that way, and though she had rarely spoken about her family before, something in her wanted Colin to know. She felt like the man who stood in front of her could not only handle what she had to say, but that he also genuinely wanted to know.

“My father died on my seventeenth birthday. Felicity was ten. I don’t think anyone would have ever described him as a good parent, but when the competition for best parent was between him and my mother? He was the default winner. After he died, my mother started living the life she claimed he had always stopped her from having. Strange men at the house, disappearing for days at a time, spending money we didn’t have so she could keep up with the other women she knew. 

“She’d always treated me like an afterthought, nothing I ever did was good enough, how I looked wasn’t good enough, my hobbies weren't good enough. Really what she meant was that I wasn’t good enough. She loved my older sisters who were exactly as tall and thin and mean as she was, though Felicity was always her favorite. I ended up getting a full ride scholarship for college, luckily it was right in the city, and though it absolutely killed me to leave Felicity behind, I counted on the soft spot that my mother had for her and moved into the dorms. At first, I’d spend weekends back at home to be with Fel until Marina insisted that she come to stay with us instead to get us both away from our mother. I think that’s a big part of the reason we got to be as close as we are, she never once questioned it and was never put out at having a middle schooler around all the time.” 

Penelope paused, allowing her gratitude for her best friend to wash over her for a second. Colin didn’t speak as she collected herself, knowing that she wasn’t finished yet. She took a moment to assess his eyes and found nothing but earnestness in them, which gave her the bravery she needed to continue. 

“One night, my junior year, just after Fel had turned fourteen, she called me crying. She’d locked herself in the closet and asked me to come get her and said that the cops needed to come. Marina and I were already in the car, out getting groceries, and I immediately turned towards home while Marina called 911. Our mom had brought home a new guy, you see, and had left him there alone with Felicity.” Penelope noticed Colin’s hands fold into fists at his sides. “He didn’t know Fel was home, and she walked down to see him in the middle of a deal. His buyer got scared and left, and when the man threatened Felicity, she ran. I could hear him yelling at her through her bedroom door all the way into her hiding spot in the closet. The police got there before we did, I could hear the sirens in the background as they arrived, but the five minutes we waited for them to get there were the scariest of my life. We got there shortly after as a couple of officers were putting him in the back of the police car. It turned out, there was a warrant out on the guy. 

“Marina took Fel upstairs to pack up as much as she possibly could. There was no way I was letting her stay another night in that house. I was talking to an officer who had stayed behind when our mother finally showed up. She had almost managed to convince the officer that she had no idea what the man’s background was when Felicity came back downstairs with a suitcase packed, and for the first time ever, my mother lost her temper with her favorite daughter. Luckily the officer stopped her arm before she could deliver the second slap.

“I petitioned the court for guardianship and won. Not that our mother even put up a fight. Instead, she sold the house and as far as I know, she moved in with one of my older sisters. I haven’t seen her since I went back to make sure nothing important had been left behind in the house. That was 8 years ago. Felicity moved into our apartment, and we took turns driving her to and from school. When I graduated, I had the opportunity to move to Chicago and I was going to turn it down. I hadn’t wanted to change Fel’s life anymore than I already had, but she found out. She begged me to go, to take her with me. Apparently she’d been miserable at her school where everyone knew what had happened to her. You don’t know how that broke me. I had no idea. We decided together that a fresh start was exactly what we needed. 

“A month later, we packed up my car and left the East Coast for the first time ever. Felicity started school that fall and I got to see her be a kid again for the first time since our dad had died. A friend had helped me find an apartment in the city and the two of us have been there ever since. It’s the first place where either of us ever really felt safe, it’s home. Most of the time I feel so lucky that I was able to get her out when I did, but other times? Other times I hate myself for not getting her out sooner.”

Colin was quiet for a long time after she stopped talking. She couldn’t help but try to read his face, and she knew she was still looking for the pity in his eyes that she just couldn’t seem to find. She was just starting to feel self-conscious in the silence when he finally spoke, and what he had to say caught her completely off guard. 

“My dad, um, he died the summer after I turned twelve. My mom had a really hard time for a while, after he was gone. I mean, we all did. He was the best dad in the world, but he was her soulmate. She was heartbroken, and I know that now, but for a while it felt a lot like we’d lost her too. My oldest brother was in college in Boston at the time, but he transferred back to Wisconsin for the next semester so he could live at home and help take care of us. He made sure we had groceries, that chores got done, that we had help on our homework when we needed it. And since then, he’s always kind of straddled the line between brother and father, especially for the younger kids. 

“I know now that he was constantly questioning whether he was doing the right thing for us, whether he was doing enough. I know that he’s been wondering that for almost twenty years. I don’t know if I ever gave him the credit he deserved when I was younger for the sacrifices he made to be there for us. In fact, I know I didn’t. But as I get older, the more I understand exactly what it is he did to make sure that we were ok. I hate that he has to wonder because just him being there was enough. I would guess that Felicity feels much the same way about you, that she is grateful every single day for what you did for her. I would bet she’d be pretty upset, actually, knowing that all these years later you’re still questioning whether or not you were enough, when to her? To her, I bet you’re everything.” 

Penelope couldn’t speak. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes but she didn’t let them go. She shook her head and met Colin’s gaze again.

“You were a kid, Pen. A kid in a bad situation and when you were able to get her out, you did. You cannot keep blaming yourself for what happened when you’re also likely the only reason Felicity got to have a childhood at all. For what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty amazing, Penelope.” 

“You don’t even know me.” Her voice sounded weak, even to her. 

“It feels like I know you. It feels like I’ve known you my whole life.” 

Penelope felt a tear finally fall, and her breath caught as Colin reached forward and brushed it away with his thumb. He was gone before she even blinked, leaning back again, though she could tell that he was not unaffected by what just happened either. They stared at each other for some time, it could have been five seconds or five minutes.

Penelope realized that she’d never actually told anyone that whole story in one go. Only her closest friends who experienced different parts of it with her knew what had happened. It had taken her a long time to tell her therapist everything, but there she was telling some of her darkest secrets to a total stranger. Colin was right, though, it hadn’t felt like they were strangers at all. In fact, it felt like they were simply reuniting after a very long time apart. 

Still unable to lie to him, Pen finally broke the silence. “I haven’t told anyone that story in a very long time.”

“Thank you for trusting me with it.” There he went with those earnest, kind eyes again as he offered her a small smile.

“I’m sorry about your dad. It sounds like he was a wonderful man.” 

“He was. I still miss him all the time.” 

Penelope felt her face fall a little, knowing that she could not relate. Her father had not been a wonderful man, but at one point she knew she missed him. It had been a long time, though, since she had, and she wondered if that made her a bad person. 

Again, it was as if Colin read her mind. “Grief isn’t linear, Pen. And it’s not the same for everyone. There isn’t a right way to feel when you’ve lost someone. After hearing your story, I don’t think anyone could ever expect us to have the same feelings about our dads.”

“Who are you and how are you so perfect?” Penelope blurted out, because this man could not be real. It made Colin laugh and relieved a bit of the tension. She didn’t even have it in her to blush this time, she didn’t care if he knew how she was feeling. 

“If you asked any one of my siblings, they’d love to share all the ways in which I’m not perfect with you. My mom would just tell you I’ve always been her most sensitive child, which is really code for being the most emotionally unstable, though I have done many years of therapy.” 

“Well I’d like to thank your mom for raising an emotionally intelligent man who can bake like a god, even if he couldn’t make a latte to save his life,” she teased and he guffawed. She liked making him laugh like that, like he wasn’t expecting it to happen. 

“You could, you know?” 

“I could what?” 

Colin didn’t get a chance to answer, though, because Penelope’s phone started ringing. She glanced at it and saw that it was Marina. She considered ignoring it, but he waved at her to answer so she did.

“Penelope Anne, where the hell are you?” Her best friend’s voice came blaring through the phone, so loudly that Colin could hear. He chortled a little and mouthed her full name at her. “You should already be halfway back to Chicago at this point and your location has not changed in an hour. I texted Sophie and she said that you guys got separated running to your cars in the rain. I’ve been worried sick that something happened.”

Penelope’s heart lurched as she registered that her friend truly was panicked. She always called Marina on her drives, and when she hadn’t, she was sure her friend had only started assuming the worst. 

“I’m so sorry, M. I couldn’t find my car and ran into a shop so I could pull up that app Phil got for me. I’ve just been hanging out here waiting for the rain to stop.” 

“Penelope, the rain stopped like thirty minutes ago.” 

Pen’s head whipped around toward the windows, and she saw that the rain had in fact stopped. She had no idea when it happened but no reason to doubt her friend’s words. She looked back at Colin who seemed to have followed what had been said, and he looked just as confused as she figured she did. 

“Oh, um, right. Well, Colin and I were just talking and –” Pen caught her mistake the second she made it and she knew that her best friend was about to understand exactly what was happening and she could do nothing to stop it. 

“PENELOPE ANNE, DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A MAN THIS ENTIRE TIME AND YOU HAD ME THINKING YOU WERE DEAD IN A FUCKING DITCH SOMEWHERE. IS HE ACTUALLY SO HOT THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE IT WASN’T RAINING ANYMORE?” 

There was zero chance Colin hadn’t heard her, and she could feel her own cheeks turn red for the millionth time today as his ears turned bright pink again. 

“I’m hanging up on you now, and I will call you when I am on my way back to Chicago. Love you, bye.” Pen didn’t give her a chance to respond as she ended the call the exact same way Colin had hung up on Kate earlier. 

“So it is apparently no longer raining.” Penelope didn’t try to hide the disappointment in her voice. 

“It doesn’t appear to be.” 

“I guess I should probably head out, let you get back to that prep work.” 

She knew for certain it was disappointment that flooded Colin’s eyes this time, and she hated that he immediately tried to mask it with a smile because it felt like the first dishonest thing he’d done all day. Besides, she was just as disappointed by the fact that she had to leave, if not more so, considering she was certain she was practically in love with the man already. She decided to throw out a hail mary, because she wanted to bring the light back to his remarkably blue eyes. 

“Did I mention that Marina is trying to convince me to move here now that Fel is in England?” She knew she hadn’t but her plan worked as his denim eyes brightened a little. It was true, too. Marina had been dropping hints since she was first relocated and had pushed even more obviously since Felicity left. 

“Yeah?” 

Pen nodded. “I never really planned to leave Chicago. It was the first place that really felt like it was mine, but it hasn’t been the same alone. And Colin, I swear Marina gave the kids scripts or something to try to change my mind this week. They had a pros and cons list prepared for me.” The memory of Olly explaining how bike-friendly Madison was made her smile again.

“Using the niblings is just plain cruel,” he joked. “But I get it, mine are a huge part of the reason I came home. Now I can’t imagine ever leaving. It might not make much of a difference given we just met about an hour ago, but I selfishly hope the pros outweigh the cons for you.” 

God he was charming. Penelope’s heart had skipped a beat at his statement, and she was about to tell him right then and there that she’d already made a decision but forced herself to rein it in. 

“I have a few business things I need to finish up in Chicago, but I promised the kids I’d give them an answer the next time I’m here during the holidays.” If Colin wondered what business she could have going on at the children’s library, he didn’t let on. 

“What would you say if I asked you to stop in to tell me your answer, too?”

“Would there be eclairs?”

Colin laughed. “Of course.” 

“Then we have ourselves a deal.” Penelope reached out a hand and Colin fit his large warm palm into hers and squeezed twice, a gesture that he couldn’t have possibly guessed the significance of, and she was reminded once again of how much it felt like she already knew him.

They stood there staring at each other for a while but she finally broke. If she didn’t leave now, she was not sure she ever would, and she really did have business in Chicago, including a meeting first thing in the morning. 

“I guess I should go find my car.” 

Colin nodded and she moved to clean her mug at the sink, but he told her to leave it. She started toward the door when he told her he’d be right back, and he once again headed through the kitchen doors. He came out a moment later with a Fox River Bakery box, the same color blue as his eyes and his apron, and handed it to her. She looked at him quizzically and he gestured for her to open the lid. Inside, there were four perfect coffee eclairs. “I keep a secret stash in the back, they’re my favorite, too.” 

Before she could overthink it, Penelope rose up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. This time, his blush flowed over the apples of his cheeks as well as his ears. 

“Don’t tell me you use that move on all the girls that come in here.”

“Only the pretty ones, Pen.” It was her turn to turn pink as Colin kicked the towels out from behind the door and unlocked it. He made no move to open it, though. “You know, we close early on Sundays, but maybe the one before Christmas I can ask Lucy to forget to lock the front door again?”

Penelope grinned at him and nodded.

“Penelope–” he said quietly.

“Oh, your sweatshirt!” she blurted out at the exact same time. 

“Bring it back at Christmas, yeah?” He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Drive safe, Pen.”

He pulled the door open for her, and as she walked out she opened the parking app on her phone. A few steps past the door, she looked back at him and he gave her a little wave which she returned. 

“Hey Pen!” Colin called out to her when she was a few buildings down. She glanced back once more. “Promise you’ll be here no matter what the answer is, ok?”

“I promise!” she called out and drank in the sight of Colin beaming at her one last time. As Penelope followed the directions back to her car, which was an embarrassingly short distance away, she was fairly certain that she already knew what her answer would be.

Chapter Text

Hannah closes her journal and places it in her tote bag as Alice turns into the parking lot Nathan had been directing them to. When she glances around, she notices that it’s empty. It’s unsurprising, she supposes, given that the sun is just barely peeking over the horizon and there is still a chill in the air, leftover from the storm that raged through the area last night. She looks over at Asher next to her. He'd fallen asleep on the drive and looked so peaceful, which was rare nowadays. Hannah takes a deep breath and leans forward in between the front seats and quietly addresses her best friends.

“Give us a little time, ok? Then you can follow.”

The Hart siblings nod. Alice kisses her cheek and Nate grabs her hand, squeezing it twice before Hannah leans back, and although she hates to do it, she gently wakes her little brother. 

“Ash, hey buddy, we’re here.”

The ten year old squints his eyes open to look at his sister. She tries to smile at him but isn’t sure she’s successful, then turns and opens the car door. As she climbs out, she grabs her bag, then reaches back with her other hand waiting for her brother’s smaller one to meet her palm. Once it does, she leads him down the rickety wooden stairs and when they reach the beach, she kicks her flip flops off, signaling to Asher to do the same. 

It’s quiet as they make their way to the water. Their bare feet all but silent in the cool sand. The only sounds are their breaths, in sync with each other, and the water lapping gently at the shoreline. Hannah is glad to note that the beach is empty, too, since she knew what they were about to do was technically illegal, though that wouldn’t stop her. It was like once she had gotten it into her head that this was a good idea, she had no choice but to follow through. Nathan had been all too willing to help her when she pitched it to him, and Alice could never seem to say no to either of them. So this morning she snuck her brother out of the house in the dark and they hopped into Alice’s car which was idling down the street. She wasn’t sure why they were trying so hard to sneak around, it wasn’t as if their remaining parents would notice the four of them were gone, and even if they did, they weren’t likely to care.

They drove the two hours to the beach that Hannah had scoured maps for until she was almost positive she'd identified the right one, using an old picture of herself on those same wooden steps to compare to images on Google. Asher was sleeping within minutes and the three teenagers in the car were quiet. The only sounds were Hannah’s pen against paper, Alice’s soft voice singing along to the stereo, and Nathan’s fingers tapping on the center console, just a little bit off beat as always. The whole time, Hannah prayed that they were headed to the right place and now she knows it in her bones that they are. Although she hadn't been much older than Asher was now the last time she’d been here, once she stood on those stairs looking down at the water, it was like she'd been immediately transported back to her last fishing trip with her father. 

As they finally reach the water, the icy tide covers their feet and Ash giggles. The sound breaks Hannah’s heart a little; it’s one she hasn't heard much in the last few months. She drops the little boy’s hand to open the canvas tote and pulls a little plastic bag from it, the one she knew her mother would never know was missing. She looks around one last time to make sure that no one is there to see her next move and then opens the baggy, tipping it slightly. As her brother slips his hand back into hers, the wind picks up, and she tilts her wrist more, letting the breeze steal away the remnants of her father, returning him to the sea at the only place she’d ever seen him look truly happy. 

A tear falls that she's quick to wipe away before she looks down at Asher who’s staring back up at her with tear-stained cheeks. Hannah moves them back to a dry part of the beach and sits, pulling her brother down beside her. He leans into her side and together they watch the water move back and forth over the sand. A few minutes pass while Asher’s breathing slows again to match hers and before long, she feels Nate sit beside her and she knows without looking that Alice is doing the same on her brother’s side. 

“It’s done?” her best friend asks quietly, just for her ears. Hannah nods and feels him lean a little harder into her. 

“Hey Asher,” she hears Alice say softly after a few more minutes have passed. “Has anyone ever told you that the best time to look for seashells is on a morning like this, right after a big storm?” 

Hannah's baby brother shakes his head no while looking up at his friend, for Alice belongs to him just as much as she does to Hannah. 

The older girl continues, her voice getting a little stronger as she talks. “You know how sometimes we can get really scared by big storms like the one last night?" He nods. "Well, the wind from those storms helps make the waves really big and the more the water moves, the more that things way down deep start swirling up from the ocean floor. Things that the waves then carry to the beach, like seashells. A lot of times, those shells are extra special and rare, because without the storm creating those big waves, they might never have been able to find their way to us at all. So the morning after the storm rolls away and the tides go back down–mornings like this one–you can walk along the water and find what is left behind. I think maybe it's Mother Nature's way of saying she's sorry. Like each shell left in the sand is a gift. Something to remind us that we made it through to the other side. Like a memory."

Asher shifts his gaze back down to the water and Hannah can see on his face that he’s processing everything Alice just told him. She also recognizes the moment that resolve comes over his features, followed by a small smile. 

“Do you think we could go look for a shell now?” he asks Alice after a minute. They're the first words he’s said all day. “I think I want to take a memory home from this place.”

Alice stands and reaches out a hand to pull Asher up from the sand. Hannah watches as they start their search, and it's as if Alice has breathed life back into her brother. She smiles as excitement overtakes the boy’s face with each shell that he finds. Hannah is always grateful for Alice, but especially now. She can't believe that in just a couple of months, the girl who's been the older sister she always wished for will be leaving for college, leaving Hannah and Nathan to navigate their senior year alone. Though Alice will only be a few hours away, Hannah still hasn't been able to stomach telling Asher, who has idolized Alice his whole life. She knows the devastation that it will bring, and after their father's death, she hasn't even been able to think about delivering more bad news to her baby brother. As Ash cheers while unearthing another shell, Hannah promises herself that she will tell him next week.

“Our mom taught us that,” Nathan breaks the self-imposed silence they'd been operating in, putting a pause on Hannah's inner turmoil. She is surprised to hear him mention his mother. It was rare for either Hart to talk about their mom anymore, even with her, so she knows what it means for him to share a memory now. Hannah slips her hand into her best friend's and squeezes twice, a gesture that has become so familiar to them over the past twelve years that it's like second nature. He squeezes back before he continues. 

“I was probably a little younger than Ash and she took us on this big vacation down to Florida before school started. Our father stayed home, claiming he had to work, and we were so excited. It was our first real trip with just Mom. Our last, too, now that I think about it. We’d been to the beach around here before, but this felt so different for some reason. Our first day there, it stormed and we were stuck in the hotel all day. The same thing happened the second day and we were devastated. I could tell Mom felt awful. The storm finally stopped on the third night, our last night. We had to leave for the airport before noon and wouldn’t even have a chance for a real beach day, but Mom sat us down before we went to bed and told us that story. She convinced us it would be worth it to wake up at sunrise to go down to the beach to look for memories to take home with us. We had so much fun, and it was like all of the worries of the previous days just slipped away. When I look back at that trip, I barely even remember the disappointment.” 

“I remember that trip. I was so jealous when you came back and showed me all the shells you collected. I might even still have the one you gave me. I don’t even know if I knew it rained at all.” Nathan laughs a little at that and squeezes Hannah's hand once more before letting go. “She was a really good mom, Nate.”

“She was,” he replies. “I miss her.” 

Neither of them says anything for a few minutes as they watch their siblings down by the water. Eventually, Hannah speaks again.

“My dad wasn’t a very good dad.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

Chapter Text

Colin accidentally let the oven door slam a little too loudly as he set the baking sheet down on the counter. He was in a sour mood today, which wasn’t saying much considering he’d been in a fairly bad mood for months, but it was enough to distract him as he transferred the eclair shells to the cooling rack. 

“Fuck!” He winced a little at the involuntary shout that left him as he adjusted the pan with his bare hand, burning himself. He just hoped the customers hadn't heard it from the other side of the kitchen doors. A few seconds later, Lucy popped her head in through the double doors. 

“You ok, Boss?”

“Was I that loud?”

Lucy grimaced which told him enough. 

“Sorry, I’ll try to keep it down. You still doing ok out there?”

“Nothing I can’t handle right now, but I’ll call you if I need backup.”

Colin thanked her and she let the door close as she went back to the counter. With his business partner and best friend, Michaela, out in California for a couple of weeks, Colin and Lucy had been juggling extra responsibilities between the two of them. By this time in the afternoon, the undergraduates who took turns working part-time in the mornings were gone. The people who came in after lunch were usually regulars, students who were there to study or work on class projects. Michaela and Lucy usually handled it on their own, but for these two weeks Colin was on call. So far, Lucy seemed to be managing excellently, only bringing him out from the kitchen when she was backed up with coffee orders.

He was grateful for Lucy, who had joined Fox River as their first full-time employee soon after they opened. He’d met her through his little brother, Gregory. She was his ex-girlfriend’s best friend but the two had become pretty close when Greg was with Hermione and remained that way even after they’d broken up. His brother often stopped by after work to walk Lucy home. Colin was fairly certain that the two of them had feelings for each other that they weren’t acting on, but it felt as if it was only a matter of time. The same way it felt for Michaela and one of his younger sisters, Francesca. Colin apparently had the habit of befriending people who were enamored with his family members, but he almost preferred it that way. His large family was incredibly close, so having his friends around more often had never felt like a negative.

Colin continued his work in the kitchen, only taking a break when Lucy called him up to help a big group. It was a good thing he had finally learned how to use the espresso machine, he thought, which immediately caused a pain in his chest that he hated. He only knew how to use the machine because of Penelope, who had first shown him on the rainy Sunday that she ran into his shop and changed his life irrevocably. 

After that day, he’d spent the next two months learning and practicing how to make different drinks, wanting to impress her when she came back over the holidays. At first, Michaela and Lucy were curious as to why he was suddenly interested when he never had been before. And when they finally got the story out of him, they were almost as committed to the cause as he was. Michaela claimed it was because she’d never seen him “simp” over anyone in the thirteen years they’d been friends. Lucy just thought it was romantic of him and had even tried teaching him how to do latte art. He’d finally mastered a fairly decent-looking heart by mid-December.

None of it had mattered, though, in the end. Christmas came and went, and Penelope never showed up. Even now, as April was almost over, it didn’t make any sense to him. Granted, he’d only known the woman for about an hour, but he’d meant what he said that day when he’d told her that he felt like they’d known each other for their whole lives. 

From the moment he had seen her standing there dripping wet in that emerald green dress that was clinging sinfully to every one of her curves, Colin had been enraptured. He couldn’t say if it was the fiery red of her long hair that had blown him away, or her smooth ivory skin marked only by the smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, or her blue eyes that were as bright and clear as the Aegean Sea. It was like she was Aphrodite come to life and all he had wanted was to worship at her altar. 

The need he’d felt had been so foreign to him at the time, and months later the dull ache that lingered in him was still surprising. Colin was unused to feeling attraction the way he had felt it with Penelope, and it had only grown over the short hour they spent together. It was like every one of her tinkling laughs and bright smiles had sent jolts of energy straight into his body. He’d been so close to inviting her to his mom’s house for dinner that night, something he’d never done before. He had practically been ready to beg her to stay. He couldn’t remember feeling disappointment so keenly the way he had when she said she lived in Chicago; however, it had been matched in magnitude by the unexpected hope he'd felt when she'd told him she was considering moving to Madison. And so when she’d promised to come back, he’d believed her. 

After finishing up with the group in the front, Colin went back to the kitchen and mindlessly filled the cooled eclair shells and tried not to think anymore about the beautiful redhead who loved them. 

He’d been running on autopilot for most of the afternoon and was dipping the last pastry in icing when Lucy’s voice startled him. 

“Hey Colin, there’s someone here wanting to put in an order for a birthday cake.”

“We don’t do custom cakes,” he replied automatically. In fact, they didn’t make cakes at all. Colin despised cake decorating, likely due to his perfectionism in the kitchen. Cookies he could do, but cakes never turned out the way he wanted them to. They also hadn’t started doing custom orders yet. While he’d love to try it out in the future, Colin didn’t think he had the capacity to do it while he was still the sole baker in the shop. He had, however, done a single custom pie order the previous Thanksgiving for – 

“I told her that, but she specifically asked to talk to you. She mentioned something about twins…” Lucy interrupted his thoughts.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” His words were short and Lucy seemed surprised but returned through the kitchen doors. As soon as she was out of sight, he rested his hands on the counter and forced himself to breathe. 

It had to be Marina Crane waiting out there. Not only was she the one person who had ever convinced him to do a custom order, she was also one of the only customers who would know to ask for him by name. And the mention of twins? Colin knew he had to collect himself before going to confront Penelope’s best friend for the first time in over four months.

Marina had first shown up at Fox River with her kids a few days after he’d met Penelope. He'd known who she was as soon as he'd heard the twin’s names and saw a little girl running toward him who was the spitting image of her mother, with their golden brown skin, caramel brown ringlets, and matching smirks. Over the next two months, he had become used to Amanda and Oliver requesting his presence at the counter, knowing that he would sneak them an extra cake pop the way he did with his own niblings. They were often with Marina, who always looked perfectly put together, no matter how exasperated she was with her children. Sometimes, though, they were with their dad, a man who was built like a brick house and was always dressed in dirty jeans and a Carhartt jacket, with a thick beard and a teddy bear smile that looked just like Oliver’s. 

The last time Colin had seen Marina, though, had been the day before Penelope was supposed to come back. She’d told him she was sure that Pen was going to make the move, that she thought her friend planned to let herself be happy and that he had something to do with that decision. 

Needless to say she’d been wrong, and Colin assumed that it was because of that conversation that Marina had made herself scarce since Christmas. He gathered his wits while he washed his hands and finally walked through the doors only to immediately stop in his tracks because it was not Marina Crane standing in front of the pastry case. 

And just like that first time, it felt like the world slipped away as he stared at the woman who’d broken her promise. He took his time drinking her in and cataloguing the changes he could see. The first thing he noticed was her hair. The thick, waist length, copper waves had been replaced by a blunt, shoulder length cut which had made her hair curlier and made her look a little bit older. She was wearing thin, gold-framed glasses and her creamy skin was somehow even paler than the last time he’d seen her. Still she looked even more beautiful than he remembered. He waited patiently as her eyes traveled over him, wanting more than anything to look into her baby blues once more. It took longer than expected for her to make eye contact with him. 

When she finally met his gaze, the air left his lungs. Her eyes were still shockingly blue, but they were filled with the kind of sadness that Colin had not seen in a very long time, and when she tried to smile at him, it did not reach her eyes.

“Hi Colin.” Her words were whispered, but he felt as if she’d screamed them with how they instantly changed the rhythm of his heart. 

“Penelope.” It was the only response he could muster. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there staring at each other as he tried to compose himself. Anger rushed through his body that he tried to quiet, though relief, too, coursed through him in seeing her again and knowing that she was alright. 

He knew, of course, that she’d been in Madison at least a couple of times, thanks to the twins who had mentioned her over the last few months. But the day that Penelope was supposed to come in, Colin had waited in the shop for hours, only leaving when he had to feed himself and his cat, Hermes. He’d been panicked at the thought of something happening to her, but Michaela had convinced him that Marina would have stopped in to tell him. Still, he had waited for days hoping that Pen would show up and explain her absence.

On New Year's Eve, he had gotten his answer. Amanda and Oliver had walked in with a young Asian woman whom they'd introduced as their babysitter, Posy. Though the kids’ energy was much more contained than usual, they seemed pleased when he handed over their cake pops. Colin was working up the courage to ask about Penelope when Oliver reminded Posy that they needed to get a coffee eclair for Auntie Pen. That’s when he knew. She was there in Madison, she’d just chosen not to be there with him. 

He’d had to pretend like his knees weren’t about to give out as he added the eclair to the box and passed it over to Michaela so she could ring them up, claiming he needed to check on something in the oven. Mich had found him sitting on the ground ten minutes later and sat with him as he cried. He remembered asking her if she thought he was blowing everything out of proportion, knowing how silly she must think he was, that he couldn’t possibly have felt that much in an hour of knowing Penelope. He’d wondered if maybe he’d come off too strong, if he’d scared her away. His best friend had stopped him from spiralling, telling him that if anyone could believe he’d fallen for a stranger in the matter of moments it was her. Michaela told him over and over that he’d done nothing wrong. That it wasn’t a bad thing to feel as strongly as he did, that it made him who he was to care so much. She told him that she didn’t think Marina would have had that last conversation with him if she didn’t believe it to be true, that maybe they were missing something.

Part of him thought Michaela might be right, but a bigger piece of him, one filled with the insecurities he’d harbored in secret for most of his life, thought it was more likely that Penelope had simply changed her mind. That she’d decided he wasn’t worth it, and that was a very painful thing to acknowledge, to live with. 

A throat cleared and Colin suddenly remembered where they were and glanced around for the source. He’d been so focused on Penelope that he hadn’t even noticed Marina’s husband standing a few feet away from her. Pen seemed to remember him at the same time.

“Oh god, sorry. Um, Colin this is Phillip. Phil this is Colin.” 

“It’s great to meet you, man. I’ve come in with Amanda and Oliver a few times, but haven’t gotten the chance to introduce myself.” Phillip reached out his hand for Colin to shake.

Colin found it odd that Phil was acting as if they’d never met before, although it did register that it was the first time he’d learned his name. Still, they’d seen each other quite a few times, the last being only a few weeks ago. 

He had been restocking the case one Monday afternoon when Amanda came rushing over, quickly followed by Oliver. They excitedly told him that they were getting birthday treats for their Auntie Pen. He forced a smile at them, trying to disguise the sharp pain that her name sent through him, and gave them their favorite treats, watching as they rushed back over the couch where their dad was waiting with a Fox River box. 

From a distance, Colin had seen that the man looked a little different, like he’d lost a bit of weight, although he could absolutely still beat Colin to a pulp if he wanted to. He mainly attributed the change, though, to the addition of glasses, the lack of beard, and the clothes the man wore. He had swapped out his jeans and work boots for slacks and loafers. Colin had watched as Oliver climbed up in his dad’s lap and pushed the dark frames that had slid down Phillip’s nose up onto his face once more. When he noticed the cake pop his daughter held, he asked a question and Amanda pointed back to Colin. Her dad followed her finger and gave him a quick wave, then pulled the little girl up to sit by him. Colin had waved back and continued with his task, trying not to notice that all of the coffee eclairs were missing from the case, then he returned to the kitchen and pretended as if everything was normal even as he felt himself breaking a little more.

Now he wondered if maybe Marina and Phillip had kept all of their visits to the bakery a secret from Penelope and chose to play along, shaking the man’s hand. As he did, Colin noticed that Phil was once again dressed up, wearing khakis and a sweater. 

“Nice to meet you too, Phil. So what can I do for you?” 

“Well, Amanda and Oliver turn six at the end of May, and we wanted to do something special for them. They’re pretty obsessed with your bakery so I was hoping we could order a cake from you.”

“Cakes aren’t really our specialty, and I think Lucy mentioned that we aren’t really set up to do custom orders at this time?” Colin ignored the fact that he had already done a custom order for Phillip before.

“She did but–” Phil was interrupted by Penelope’s phone which started loudly ringing. She apologized and pulled it from her pocket. When she looked at the caller ID, her face went even paler. Colin watched as she ignored the call and plastered on an obviously fake smile when she looked back up at the two men. Almost immediately, the phone started ringing again, and he could feel the tension radiating off of the other man.

“Who was that?” Phil questioned. Penelope didn’t respond as she struggled to turn the ringer off once more. When the phone started ringing a third time, Phillip grabbed it from her hand and was glaring at the screen as he ignored the call for her. 

“Why is she calling you?” 

Penelope just shook her head as a fourth call came in. This time, Phillip lifted the phone to his ear and was halfway out of the shop before Colin had even registered what was happening. His voice was low and rough when he spoke into the phone. “What do you want?” Phillip was out of the shop before he spoke again, but Colin could see the anger on his face as he walked away from the front windows. Colin looked around and noticed that the only person in the bakery who hadn’t followed the spectacle of Phil storming off was Penelope herself, who was facing away from the door. Once the man was out of sight, everyone seemed to relax again, or at least they pretended to forget about the drama. 

Colin directed his attention back to Pen who seemed to be fighting back tears as she squeezed her hand into a fist at her side. He pulled her towards the kitchen doors and switched positions with her, standing in front of her to give her some semblance of privacy. She was so small that he knew no one would be able to see her if they decided to look over. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Pen shook her head and Colin lifted her chin up with a finger. A few tears fell from her eyes and she let him wipe them away with his thumb, the same way she had the day they’d met, but still she didn’t say anything. 

“Penelope, I don’t know what’s going on but please just tell me you’re alright.”

“I’m alright,” she whispered. “The phone calls just caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

She finally made eye contact with him again and her eyes looked slightly clearer. She nodded. He backed up a step to give her space and watched her take a few deep breaths before she spoke.

“Colin, I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” 

“For not coming back that day.” Oh, that. “I meant to, I swear I did.”

“Why didn’t you?” The words were out before he could stop them. He watched as she seemed to subconsciously raise her fingers to her hair and graze them gently over the side of her head, and he could see the conflict in her face as she was clearly trying to decide what to tell him. They stared at each other for a minute in silence. “Sorry forget I asked, that doesn’t matter right now. I just want to make sure that you’re –”

“It does matter, Colin,” she cut him off. “You shouldn’t care how I’m doing right now. In fact, you should hate me. It’s been months. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me, you know. I think I might deserve it, actually.” 

“I could never hate you, Penelope.” 

“I hate me,” she mumbled it so quietly that at first he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly until he saw the self-loathing in her blue eyes. 

Before he could respond, the bell above the front door chimed, and Colin looked over his shoulder to see Phillip walking back in. The man looked angry and Colin had no idea what his deal was, but he was prepared to stand in front of Penelope for as long as she needed. He didn’t care that she had apparently considered Phillip to be like her brother, the way he’d ripped the phone out of her hand and felt entitled to talk to whomever was calling her pissed Colin off.

It turned out, it wasn’t up to him, though, as Penelope scooted out from behind him while he was busy scowling at the man over his shoulder. As Phil watched her approach, his face completely changed into one of reassurance as he handed her back her phone and whispered something to her that Colin couldn’t hear. He saw Pen’s shoulders relax as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. Colin was more confused than ever and saw perplexed looks on other faces scattered about the shop who had been watching the drama unfold. 

The duo walked back to the counter, and Colin attempted to school his expression.

“I’m so sorry about that. God, that was so rude of me. I just hate that woman so much,” Phillip seemed genuinely contrite when he spoke. Colin watched Penelope reach out for her friend’s hand and lean her shoulder into him. Phillip peered down at her and squeezed her hand before releasing it. Colin glanced away before he got caught staring. He was completely unsure how he was supposed to respond to this situation and waited for them to explain more, but the explanation never came. Instead, Phillip brought them back to the matter at hand. “Ok, back to business. Cake.”

“Right, so like I said, we don’t really do cakes here.”

“I totally understand that. But Penelope might have mentioned that she remembered you making a cake for your nephew’s birthday and I know you don’t even know us and I swear in any other circumstance I would listen to you immediately. Pen here can attest to that. It’s just that the twins love Fox River so much and they’ve been having a really hard time lately and I wanted to do something extra special for them. Their mom used to handle everything for their birthdays and I really don’t know what I’m doing so I guess I’m kind of begging for your help here.” 

Phillip ended his pitch slightly out of breath and looked down at his shoes sheepishly. It was a move that seemed so out of place with the boisterous man that Colin had thought him to be from their previous interactions. Penelope was looking at her friend with a slightly bemused expression, and Colin tried to register everything Phil had just said. What had he meant that their mom used to handle everything? Where was Marina now? Colin’s eyes dropped down to the other man’s left hand, and he masked his surprise when he no longer saw a wedding band sitting on Phillip’s ring finger. 

Colin’s mind raced through the possibilities. If Marina had left them… Could that have been her calling Penelope? Had that been why they both reacted the way they had? He tried not to jump to conclusions but for the first time, he was suddenly sure that Michaela had been right, that they’d been missing a piece to the puzzle. 

“So will you do it?” Phillip prompted him, and he realized he’d been silent for too long. He raised his head and Penelope met his gaze once more and gave him a small, sad smile. Colin knew he couldn’t say no to their request. Not just because of Pen, but because he’d developed a soft spot for the twins over the months they’d been coming to the bakery, and if they were having a hard time, he would do anything he could to make it a little better. 

“I can’t promise it will be pretty.”

It was all he could get out before Phil started thanking him profusely. “They will love anything you make, I promise.” 

Colin couldn’t help but chuckle at his enthusiasm, and he wrote down a few notes about their favorite flavors and colors and their apparent obsession with Bluey. Luckily, Colin was already familiar with the beloved dog thanks to his niblings. After discussing a pickup date, Phillip looked down at Penelope. “You know, it sure would be a shame to have come all the way here just to leave without any treats.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and for the first time in six months, Colin was treated to the sweet melody of Pen’s laugh as she rolled her eyes. 

They started pointing out the items they wanted to take home, obviously including cake pops for the twins. Colin excused himself as Lucy helped them, thanking Demeter that he’d just finished the eclairs before they’d arrived. He grabbed the tray with the finished pastries, and when he walked back through the kitchen doors, the redhead’s smile finally reached her eyes. 

“You’re drooling,” Phil teased her as Colin added a couple to the box. 

“Shut up, Phil,” she muttered back as her cheeks turned adorably pink. 

Her friend left her standing in front of Colin as he followed Lucy to the cash register to pay.

“Will you come back again?” he asked. He might have been upset that she hadn’t returned sooner, but he would be lying if he said he hadn’t forgiven her the second he laid eyes on her again. He wanted to see her again. He needed to see her again.

She was clearly caught off guard by Colin’s question. “You would want me to?”

“Absolutely,” he said quickly, and he felt his ears start to burn. “I mean, I learned how to do latte art and everything so it would be a shame for you to miss out.”

“Don’t tell me you put hearts on all the customers’ drinks now.” 

“Only the pretty ones, Pen.” 

She grinned at the callback to their first meeting, and Colin’s heart started beating faster once more. 

“Ready?” Phil’s voice startled them both.

“Ready.” 

“Thanks again for your help, man. Amanda and Olly are going to be so happy.” Phillip grabbed the box and waved as he headed to the front door. 

“It’s my pleasure. See you in a few weeks for pickup,” Colin replied. “Bye Pen,” he added more quietly. 

“I’ll see you later, Colin.”

When she got to the door, Phil held it open for her. She looked back and waved at Colin. It was strikingly similar to the way she had left him last October. He watched as Phillip whispered something to her and could see her flush from the back of the room. She hit Phil’s chest and the man laughed and followed her out with Colin watching until they were out of sight.

Chapter Text

“You’re drooling again, Pen,” Phillip teased her as she waved to Colin one last time. She smirked when he grunted as she smacked him on her way out of the bakery. 

“You know, he’s not really my type, but I guess I see now how he got his nickname,” he mused as they started to walk in the direction of the car. “What was it again? Sexy Mister Baker Man? Not Marina’s best work in my humble opinion, but I guess it’s accurate enough.”

“You are so annoying,” Pen huffed and rolled her eyes but a smile crept onto her face at the moniker Marina had bestowed upon Colin last October. She still remembered answering the Facetime call and seeing the twins holding matching cake pops as they basically exploded with the information that they’d just gotten home from a secret spy mission to see her Sexy Mister Baker Man. She heard her best friend’s signature cackle in the background along with a deep familiar laugh. When Marina finally showed her face, she explained that she wouldn’t be a real friend if she hadn’t scoped out the situation, and the twins had apparently insisted on joining when they’d heard her telling their dad the plan. Unfortunately for Penelope, that meant they also heard what their mom had called Colin and from that day forward he was Sexy Mister Baker Man in the hearts of all the Cranes. 

At least it was accurate, she thought to herself and finally giggled a little. Phil nudged her with his shoulder and shot her the grin that he’d been using on her for over twenty years, and she reached out her hand to link her pinky with his. They walked in a comfortable silence the rest of their way to the car.

Phil had surprised her earlier when she walked out of Rae’s office to see him standing at the door instead of waiting in the car as he did every other Tuesday and Thursday. He’d told her that he wanted to order a birthday cake for the twins and that the bakery wasn’t too far away so she’d let him lead the way. Even though she’d been officially living in Madison for the last four months, she hadn’t spent much time downtown outside of her therapy appointments, so it wasn’t until they were standing in front of the shop that she had finally recognized where they were. 

She probably should have guessed that of course Fox River was where Phillip would want to get Amanda and Oliver’s cake given how obsessed they were with the bakery. She blamed her distracted post-therapy mind for not putting two and two together sooner. Phil had sensed her thoughts, a feat he was very accomplished at after over two decades of friendship.

“I’m sorry, Pen. I thought you knew this is what I meant. It’s just that the twins love this place, and I want to do something special for them this year. I don’t even know if they do orders but–”

Pen had stopped his ramble. “It’s fine, I promise. You’re right, it’s the perfect idea. Besides, didn’t they make those pies for Marina for Thanksgiving? And I know Colin made his nephew’s birthday cake, too. I’m sure they’ll be able to do it.” 

He had nodded, reassured by her words and opened the door. Still, she had hesitated before following him in. She had closed her eyes for a moment and opened them when she felt Phillip’s large palm meet her own. The pleading look on his face had been enough to make her heart clench. She had known she had to go in there, for him and for the twins. So she’d taken a deep breath and entered Fox River Bakery for the first time in more than six months. 

Seeing Colin again had been a shock to her system. She’d spent the last few months convincing herself that it would be better if she stayed away after not showing up before Christmas, but now she wondered how true that was. He was even more handsome than she’d remembered him to be, and she hated the kindness that shone in his deep sea eyes that she knew she didn’t deserve. At the same time, his presence had been a balm that had instantly soothed her when Phillip had left to answer her phone, even if she hadn’t been able to give him the explanation she knew he desperately wanted. She had thought Colin to be earnest and genuine from their first meeting, but she was even more sure of his character after today. He should have despised her, but instead he had asked her to come back to see him again. Penelope wanted to, so badly, but she knew she owed him answers, she just needed to work up the courage to provide them first. 

There was someone else she had to answer to first, however. Phillip didn’t push her as they walked, but she knew as soon as she saw his inherited SUV that she was running out of time to come up with an explanation for the phone call he’d intercepted today. He was quiet as he placed the pastry box in the backseat and climbed into the car, and he waited for her to get her seatbelt buckled before pulling away from the curb. Still, he said nothing. 

At a red light, he glanced at her, then back to the road. She watched as he took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a second, and she knew he was preparing himself for the kind of confrontation he’d strayed from his entire life. She debated internally whether or not she should break the silence herself, but he beat her to it.

“How could you not tell me that she’s been reaching out?”

“Phil–”

“I thought that we were supposed to be in this together, Penelope.”

“We are–”

He scoffed, cutting off her reply.

“I was going to tell–”

“Please don’t lie to me right now. We both know you weren’t planning on telling me shit. I looked through your phone. She’s been calling and texting you for months.”

“How’d you know my password?”

“Is that really all you have to say to me?” When she didn’t answer right away, Phillip sighed. “It’s been Felicity’s birthday since the day you got a phone, Pen. Now will you please tell me what the hell is going on with your mother?” 

The break in his voice as he begged her for the truth brought tears to her eyes. She forced herself to let out what she’d been holding in since January.

“She wants money.”

“What?”

“You know how I added the twins as beneficiaries to the trust fund? Portia apparently overheard me talking to Remy about the logistics. I had no idea she was listening until she called me one day while I was home alone. I don’t even know why I answered. I guess I thought maybe she was trying to reach out to see how I was doing. It was about a week after the…,” Penelope trailed off and composed herself. “It doesn’t matter, I was obviously wrong.”

“Ok, I feel like I’m missing something here. What does the trust have anything to do with her?”

“I was, too, at first. From what I gathered, though, my father told her twenty years ago that he had established a trust fund for all four of us girls to access when we turned twenty-five. Soon after he died, Prudence came of age and there was no trace of it. Phillipa followed a year after that and still no one came out of the woodwork to give them access to the mysterious trust. So, Portia wrote it off. She guessed that either it had never existed or, more likely, he had gambled the money away.”

“Wow, it must have taken a genius to come to that conclusion. Archibald Feathington gambling away his daughters’ inheritance? Shocking.” Phil had a point but Penelope fixed him with a stern look so that she could continue, and he waved her on. “Sorry.”

“Well, it turns out she didn’t hear the whole conversation, and when she heard me mention the trust…” 

“She thought it was the one your father had created.”

“Pretty much, yeah. She thinks my dad squirreled away the money for me. She claimed that he’d always babied me and said that it made sense that he would have tried to coddle me even further by letting me coast through life while leaving her and her daughters destitute.” Penelope noted the way Phillip’s hands flexed tighter around the steering wheel and the twitch of anger in his jaw at the implication that her mother no longer considered her to be one of her daughters.

“So what? She thinks she's owed some of that money?” 

Pen nodded. That was the gist of it. 

“God, that explains the texts I guess.” 

She cringed, remembering the kind of vitriol that Portia Featherington had sent her recently. 

“She wasn’t too pleased when she realized I was the one who answered her call.”

“Well she never did like you very much.”

Phillip snorted. Penelope’s mother didn’t just dislike Phil, she absolutely hated him. The feeling had always been mutual. 

“I told her to go fuck herself.” 

“Phillip Crane!” Penelope scolded, but she was secretly proud of her friend. She didn’t think he had it in him. 

“That woman is a leech, Pen. She doesn’t deserve a dime of that money. Your money.”

“It’s not mine.”

“You know what I mean,” Phil said softly as he reached across the console to squeeze her hand twice in comfort, a gesture that felt as natural as breathing at this point. “I just hate that you didn’t tell me.”

“You’re already doing so much at work and with the kids, and I didn’t want you to have to worry about another thing. And I was handling–”

“Do not finish that sentence. We do this together from here on out. No more secrets. That was the agreement, remember?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Together. I promise.” She meant it and because he knew her as well as he did, he breathed a sigh of relief and turned the music up a little for the rest of the ride. She closed her eyes and willed herself to relax as she listened to the sound of his fingers tapping the steering wheel as close to the beat of the song as he could manage. For a moment, she let herself imagine they were teenagers again, driving around town in a beat up old Corolla to avoid going home. She opened her eyes, though, when she inevitably started missing the soft baritone and lilting giggle that no longer accompanied them. 

“El’s going to come over in a little bit,” Phillip said as he shut off the car in the driveway ten minutes later. “Is that alright?”

“Of course it is. You know I love El.” 

Her best friend smiled at her response. She knew how glad he was that she got along so well with his girlfriend, even if she was still getting over her shock that he had one to begin with. “Besides, she practically lives with us already. When are you finally going to make it official?”

“You don’t think it’s too soon for that?”

“Haven’t you known her for close to five years now? Speaking of secrets, you’re still on my shit list for not telling me about her sooner, you know?”

“In my defense, I never expected us to move past the penpal stage of our relationship.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you weren’t already desperately in love with her while you were emailing her every day?”

Phil blushed and looked down. "Ok, you’ve got me there.”

She laughed at him and poked his cheek before climbing out of the car. 

“You know, El’s oldest brother is a lawyer?” he asked as he followed her into the house. The subject change surprised Penelope. “He specializes in family law.” 

“I did not know that.”

“Well, maybe he could help you.” At the confused look on her face, he clarified, “With a protection order against Portia. There has to be something that can keep her away.”

“She’s practically harmless, Phil.”

“We both know that’s not true. I can’t watch her sink her claws in again, Pen. You know Felicity would agree with me if she…” Phillip trailed off. When Penelope didn’t respond, he added, “Promise you’ll think about it, at least? Maybe you can tell El about it while the kids and I are at karate and see what she thinks.”

That request didn’t sound too unreasonable to Penelope, and she told him as much, though she was stuck on one point. Phillip seemed to read her mind again. “Even if that money had come from your dad, Portia wouldn’t be entitled to a single cent, Pen. If that’s the story you need to tell Eloise for now, you can.” 

They went their separate ways with Penelope heading upstairs to her bedroom where Telly was sleeping in a sunbeam on her bed. She changed out of her jeans and laid down. Telemachus immediately stretched and adjusted his position so that he was draped over her torso, purring loudly. She looked at the clock and guessed she had about a half an hour before Eloise would arrive after her last lecture of the day. 

Penelope felt lighter after confiding in Phillip and knew that she’d made a mistake by not telling him about Portia sooner. It was a secret she’d been keeping for four months; she hadn’t even mentioned it to Rae yet. Sure, her new therapist knew the basics about her family life, but their sessions had been focused on things much more important than her estranged mother. She thought it would be easier to stay strong for Amanda, Oliver, and Phillip if she didn’t acknowledge the voicemails and texts that had been accumulating on her phone, though she hadn’t been able to stop herself from reading some of them. 

Pen knew deep down that Phil was right, that Portia wasn’t entitled to anything no matter how much she thought she was owed. Unfortunately, that knowledge hadn’t stopped some of messages from ringing true in her mind. Instead, she had considered giving her mother the money she was asking for, hoping it would be enough for Portia to leave her alone and let her heal. She knew her mother, though, and Phillip was right to call her a leech. Nothing would ever be enough for her, the same way Penelope never had been.

She decided that she would speak with El while they were alone at the house. Not just because she had an older brother who was a lawyer–Penelope technically already had a lawyer, even if Remy had no expertise in family law– but also because she trusted Eloise implicitly and found herself wanting to confide in her more and more over the past few months.  

Eloise Bridgerton had practically barged into her life in December and never once wavered in her support for Penelope and the Cranes. Even though she had been initially shocked by the other woman’s presence, the two of them quickly became close friends, and Pen knew now that their little family would have never made it through the last four months without her. She was grateful to have her and even more thankful that Eloise loved Phil and the twins so much.

Penelope had never seen Phillip in love before, but she had known from the first moment she watched them together that what they had was real. Pure, unabashed adoration and love for each other. They had apparently “met” over email in 2019, when both of them were doctoral students. El’s research was focused on women in academia through time, and she had found that botany had been one of the few branches of science that was deemed ladylike in the 18th and 19th centuries. She’d come across an article Phil had published on the language of flowers, where he’d given credit to women’s contributions to the field, and she decided to reach out to him. What started as an academic conversation had morphed over time and the two had been penpals in secret for more than four years. Neither of them ever expected to end up in the same city.

Penelope was sure that Eloise had never thought she’d find herself in her current situation: in love with a nerdy botanist and all but living in a house with two kids and the man’s best friend. But she was steadfast and loyal in a way that Pen had only ever really experienced with Marina. The two women were so similar to each other. Strong and impatient and opinionated with the innate ability to terrify any man who got in their way. Pen actually found it quite ironic that Phillip had fallen in love with someone so similar to Marina when the two of them had always bickered like siblings, and she was certain Marina and Eloise would have been friends in another life, unstoppable together. Perhaps that was why she felt so safe and loved with El, protected by the same force that Marina had surrounded her with for a decade. 

It wasn’t too much longer before she heard Eloise let herself in the front door, calling out to say hello. Penelope wandered downstairs with Telemachus in tow and saw Phillip giving El a quick kiss before saying something in a low tone she couldn’t hear, though the glance he threw over his shoulder at her made it obvious whom he was talking about. El followed his eyes and smiled at Penelope, then crouched down to greet Telly who had run over to say hello to the brunette. Pen rolled her eyes at her cat; he had no shame when it came to begging for pets.

Eloise stood up to greet Penelope, wrapping her up in a warm hug. Another reminder of Marina and the way her friend would always greet her as if it had been months since they had seen each other, even if it had been a single day. Penelope squeezed her back, relishing in the feel of it until Telly started whining for their attention once again. El chuckled before crouching back down. 

“You know I’ve never really cared for cats before. Didn’t see the point of them. My brother’s cat hates me. But I quite like you, Telemachus. Helps that you have great taste in friends just like your mother.”

Pen giggled at the matter-of-fact tone that Eloise used on the cat and glanced over at Phillip who was watching his girlfriend, completely bemused. El was now sitting cross-legged on the ground in her white button-up and black slacks she’d clearly been lecturing in this afternoon. And her pants were about to be absolutely covered in cat hair as Telemachus promptly climbed into her lap.

“I better get going or Amanda is going to lecture me about timeliness again.” Phillip grabbed his jacket and nudged Pen with his shoulder as he walked to the front door, bending over to press a quick kiss on El’s head on his way. “We’ll be back around 6!” 

“Love you!” Pen and El yelled after him at the same time, both laughing as Phil responded in kind. 

“Wanna help me with dinner?” Pen asked and at the grimace that Eloise shot her, she amended her statement, “Wanna sit on a stool at the island and chat while I make dinner?”

“Well when you put it that way, I’d love to,” El teased and gently moved the cat from her lap, much to his disdain. She jumped up, looking down to see all the hair now covering her pants and laughing at herself. “I suppose I should have seen that coming. Remind me not to wear black around here anymore.”

“You wear black every day.”

“Touché, Pen. Remind me to buy some lint brushes,” Eloise smirked and followed Penelope to the kitchen, settling on one of the stools. Then, true to form, she skipped the small talk and decided to jump right in. “So tell me, why was my boyfriend cryptically whispering to me that the two of us needed to talk? You’re not breaking up with me are you?”

Pen laughed, she should have predicted that Eloise wouldn’t beat around the bush. “No, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“Good, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The women grinned at each other. “So what’s up?”

“How much has Phil told you about my family?” She figured she might as well jump right in, too.

Eloise seemed caught off guard, clearly not expecting Pen’s question and she took a moment to think about it before answering. “Umm, not much I guess outside of stories about Felicity. I know your dad died when you were in high school. That you aren’t close to your mom and older sisters. That you didn’t want them here when…” she stopped herself and shook her head. “That might be it.”

“I think maybe it’s time I told you about the Featheringtons. I’ve gotta warn you, though, we’re about as different from the Bridgertons as a family could possibly get.”

“My family isn’t perfect, Pen. But I hope you know I would never judge you for what your family is like.” 

The earnestness in Eloise’s eyes made Penelope think of Colin for a moment and she reminded herself that if she could tell a complete stranger part of her story, that she could certainly tell El. Pen started gathering the ingredients for dinner and as she did, she started talking. And once she started, it was difficult to stop. 

She told Eloise everything, or close to it at least. She told her what it was like growing up in a house where her own mother despised her, where her older sisters tormented her, where her father neglected her. She told her how it felt to watch her mother burn through money her whole life in order to keep up with the other moms in their suburb and what it meant to finally take Felicity away from their childhood home. She told her how hard it was to reach out to Portia in January, believing that she was doing the right thing, only for it to blow up in her face. She told her about the phone calls, the voicemails, the text messages and the blame her mother had laid at her feet for leaving her alone the way she had, for turning Felicity against her and taking her baby away from her. 

And to Eloise’s credit, she listened to every single word. Uncharacteristically quiet as if she knew that if she interrupted, Penelope might lose her nerve to continue. But the second that Pen started crying as she admitted that she thought her mom might be right about her, Eloise stood up from her stool and walked around the counter. She pulled Penelope into her arms and held her as she cried until the tears stopped and her breathing calmed. 

“Please never think that again, Penelope. No one has ever been more wrong about a person than your mother has been about you for your entire life.” The taller woman stepped back, willing Pen to look her in the eyes. “Please tell me you know that.”

Pen swallowed roughly and nodded, though she wasn’t entirely sure she agreed with Eloise. Her doubt must have shown on her face because El doubled down.

“I need you to hear me when I say this. Your mother is a cruel, horrible woman. You spent your entire life being told you were not worthy of her love, but Penelope, she was never worthy of yours. She never deserved you or Felicity, and she is certainly not entitled to a single dollar or a single more minute of your precious life. Please believe me when I tell you that you do not owe her anything.” 

At the end of Eloise’s speech, all Penelope could do was nod again. But this time, her friend must have been able to see it in her eyes that the message had started to sink in, and she gathered her in a hug once more. They stood like that for a few minutes as Pen continued to let El’s words make their way into her heart, to accept them as truth. 

Eventually, she pulled away so that she could finish putting the lasagna together to stick it in the oven. Eloise went back to her stool and watched her, seemingly lost in thought. Once the timer was set, Pen joined her on another stool and El turned to face her. 

“I think you should talk to Anthony.” When Pen raised her eyebrow in question, Eloise added, “Brother number one.”

“Ah, of course! A is for Anthony,” Pen teased and her friend stuck her tongue out at her. Ever since she had learned that Eloise and her seven siblings had been named in alphabetical order, she hadn’t been able to resist poking fun at her for it, though in reality she found it charming. It had also prompted a guessing game of sorts, with El only using her siblings’ first initials until Penelope correctly guessed their names. So far, she’d only gotten Daphne and Gregory correct, though she also knew Francesca, Eloise’s closest sibling, whom she’d spent a lot of time with over the past few months. She was sort of disappointed, actually, to lose out on the A. “He’s a lawyer, right?”

“He is. And I know he’d be more than happy to help you. Based on what you told me, it sounds like there’d be plenty of evidence to prove that your mother has been harassing you. There are ways to stop her from contacting you at least. But I also think you should talk to him about the trust, just to make sure you’re protected and she can’t try to come after it. From my limited understanding, even if it was established when your parents were together, that money has only ever been yours.” 

Guilt niggled at the back of Pen’s mind for her decision to let Eloise believe Portia had been right and the money had come from her father. But she didn’t feel ready to tell her about the truth just yet, although she knew she would have to tell Anthony if she decided to ask for his help.

“Promise you’ll think about it? I’ll send you his contact info so you can reach out when you’re ready.”

“I promise. Thank you, El.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, babe.”

“I do, though. It’s not like you signed up for this. I just want you to know how much it means to me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Pen. I love Phillip, I really do. More than I ever thought I could love someone, let alone a man.” Penelope giggled at that. “You know, the second I heard his voice on the phone that night, I knew that I would do anything for him. Whatever he needed, I knew I needed to be there. That quickly grew to include Amanda and Oliver, of course. But it also includes you, Pen, and not because you’re Phillip’s best friend but because I think you might be mine, too. 

“I’ve never been good at making friends, likely due to what my siblings call my abrasive personality. I had my family, though, so I don’t know that I ever realized that I was missing this vital piece of myself. But meeting you, Phil, and the twins? It’s like I’m complete now. So don’t say I didn’t sign up for this, because I’m all in, Penelope. You’re my family now, too.”

Pen launched herself into Eloise’s arms as soon as she finished talking. El laughed at the force of the hug and grabbed the counter so that they wouldn’t fall over. 

“I hope you know you’re never getting rid of me now. Even if this whole thing with Phil doesn’t pan out, you’re mine,” Eloise joked as they separated. 

“And am I correct that in saying ‘this whole thing’ you are in fact referring to how you and my other best friend are hopelessly and desperately in love with each other?” 

“Ok, well when you put it that way…”

The two women continued to chat as the smell of the baking lasagna started seeping out into the house. While Penelope made the salad, Eloise entertained her with a story about a debate that happened in her Intro to Women's Studies lecture that afternoon. They were both laughing still when they heard the garage door open, and suddenly Amanda was barging into the kitchen in her gi. 

“Auntie Pen! Guess what!!” the little girl yelled as she sprinted to Pen’s side and demanded to be picked up for a hug.

“What is it, Mandyfly?” Penelope squeezed her niece and giggled as Amanda gave her cheek butterfly kisses. 

“Our sensei said that next week I can get my new belt! It’s going to be gold this time. He said that we can bring our parents and that they can tie the belt on us, but don’t worry because I asked him if my Auntie Pen could do it instead and he said that would be just fine. So will you come?”

Penelope tried to ignore the pang in her chest and gave Amanda an extra hug. “Of course I’ll come, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” 

“Eloise, will you come, too? I want Auntie Pen to tie my belt, but I think I still want you to be there.” Amanda had walked around the counter to climb up on the stool next to Eloise, and Penelope watched as the invitation made her friend beam. 

“I’d be honored. Is Olly getting his gold belt too? Maybe I can take some pictures!” 

“Yes he is!” Oliver’s little voice squeaked as he walked into the kitchen, followed by Phillip. “Amanda, you were supposed to wait to tell them until I was here!” His declaration was followed with an adorable pout and foot stomp. 

Penelope picked up her nephew, and he snuggled into her; he was always the more cuddly twin, so she took advantage as often as possible. “I’m very proud of you, Ollybee.”

“Thank you, Auntie Pen.” The little boy kissed her on the cheek and cuddled back into her shoulder before looking up again with a cheeky grin on his face. “Do you think you’re proud enough that we might get dessert tonight?” 

All three adults and his sister burst into laughter at the way Oliver tried to waggle his eyebrows the way he’d seen his dad do countless times before. 

“You know what, Olly, I think Auntie Pen and I may have picked up something yummy while we were out today. How does a cake pop sound?” Phil asked as he ruffled the little boy’s hair and walked over to the counter to pick up the Fox River box they’d brought home earlier. 

At the sight of the box, both twins squealed in delight, but Amanda’s excitement quickly changed to a pout, and she crossed her arms. “Wait, did you go see Sexy Mister Baker Man without us?” 

“Sexy what?” Eloise asked loudly right as Pen and Phillip exclaimed, “Amanda!” 

The five year old ignored the admonishment and turned to explain to Eloise. “Sexy Mister Baker Man, of course. That’s what Mommy and Daddy called him, so that’s what we call him too. Don’t worry though, we know that we’re supposed to call him Colin when Posy takes us to the bakery.” 

Oliver nodded along with his sister like what she had said made perfect sense, and Pen felt herself blushing, but Amanda’s matter-of-fact explanation made Phillip and Eloise both laugh.

“Wait, where exactly does this Sexy Baker work?” El asked as she looked over at the box Phillip was holding. 

“Fox River Bakery. It’s our favorite. Colin makes the best cake pops in the world,” Amanda told her. 

“Ok missy, if you want one of those cake pops later you better go wash your hands and change out of your gi while we get dinner on the table. But you also have to promise you’ll never say ‘sexy’ in public.” Penelope set Oliver on the ground. “Go make sure your sister gets nice and clean.” 

The twins ran upstairs, giggling the whole way. 

“So Colin at Fox River Bakery, huh? How exactly do you know him?” Penelope noted a mischievous glint in Eloise’s eyes.

“Oh, she looooves him,” Phil replied, earning himself a smack with the oven mitt in retaliation.

“I do not.” Except maybe she kind of did, but she wasn’t about to admit that to either of them right now. “We met last fall in the bakery and–”

“What she means to say is she broke in when the bakery was already closed to escape a thunderstorm,” her brother interrupted.

“As I was saying, we met, we chatted–”

“They flirted.”

“And we said goodbye after the–”

“They were so into each other they didn’t even notice that the rain had stopped for a solid 30 minutes.”

“And then I drove back to–”

“He also made her promise she would come back to see him the next time she was in Madison.”

“Will you please stop interrupting me, you insufferable dweeb? I’m trying to tell a story.”

Phillip mimed zipping his lips closed and Eloise cracked up, thoroughly entertained by the two friends who were absolutely more like brother and sister than a lot of actual siblings. 

“Anyways, Marina insisted on going into the bakery to ‘scope out the situation’, and the nickname was born. Unfortunately the twins picked up on it and every person with the last name Crane found it absolutely hilarious, so it stuck. They haven’t said it in a while, at least not to me, but they love that place so much. That’s actually where we ordered their birthday cake today, which is why we were there earlier.”

“They don’t do cakes.” The response came from Eloise so quickly that even she looked surprised by it. “I mean, I haven’t ever seen them advertise cakes before.”

“Oh yeah, we have Pen to thank for that,” Phillip told her. “Don’t think Colin could say no to her if he tried.”

Penelope ignored that. “Wait, do you go in there a lot?”

“Oh, Fox River is a Bridgerton favorite. We get dessert from there like every family dinner,” Eloise answered casually but there was a tone in her voice that made it sound like there was some secret joke behind her words. 

“So do you know Colin?” Phil asked. “I was telling Pen earlier that if he was a woman, I’d probably be all over that.”

Laughter bubbled out of Eloise at Phil’s statement but before anyone else could say something, the kids ran back into the kitchen dressed in their mismatched jammies. Within a few minutes they were sitting at the dining room table and the twins were telling them all about their day at school and karate. Well, Amanda was telling them all about it while Oliver added in a word or two here or there. Penelope couldn’t help but think about the brothers she’d grown up with whose personalities so closely mirrored the twins. 

She was tossed out of her reverie when she heard Olly’s sweet voice say her name. “Auntie Pen?”

“Hmm?”

“Have we been good enough to get one of Sexy Mister Baker Man’s cake pops now?” 

For a second, Pen couldn’t believe he’d said it, but the boy once again wore the tiniest little smirk and his sister’s face was lit up with glee. 

“You said we couldn’t say it in public, but we’re at home,” Oliver told her very seriously.

Penelope laughed and kissed his head as she went to the kitchen to grab the bakery box.

“Go to the living room and we can watch some Bluey with our treats. But you guys are on the hook for helping clean up our dishes before bed,” she called back. She could hear the twins giggling behind her as they headed to the living room. 

“Do you two even know what sexy means?” She heard Phil’s amused voice as she picked up the box. 

“No, but we do know that whenever we say it, Auntie Pen’s face gets all red.” Phillip laughed loudly at Amanda’s answer just as Penelope walked out into the room. “Plus, Daddy always said that we should always try to make her blush because then she looks like–” 

“Strawberry Shortcake,” Penelope and Phillip finished the sentence for her, and Pen once again felt that pang in her chest. Mrs. Crane had called her that for years and George had followed in his mom’s footsteps, relishing in any opportunity to embarrass her so that her cheeks would match her hair.

She was sure Phil was remembering his brother's efforts when he gave her a sad smile as she joined the rest of the group and let everyone choose a treat from the box. Oliver had already climbed up onto his uncle’s lap in their favorite chair while Amanda and Eloise had flopped down on the couch with Telly, waiting for Penelope to join them. She chose a coffee eclair for herself and pulled Amanda’s feet into her lap, tickling one of them. Phil started the latest episode and Penelope let her eyes drift shut for a moment as Bluey’s family was introduced.

It had been a good day, all things considered. Better than a lot of the days they had had lately. But it was moments like this that always felt bittersweet. Like they were so close to happy without being able to get all the way there.

She opened her eyes and looked over at the large photos hanging on the living room wall. In one, Marina and George stood side by side, each holding one of the twins. All four faces filled with beaming smiles. Next to it was a full family photo. It was a candid that Sophie had taken on film in the park over the summer shortly after the Crane’s had moved to Madison and right before Felicity moved to England. They all sat on a picnic blanket, Marina and Penelope each with a twin on their lap while Felicity sat curled up into her George's side. Phillip had laid down in front of them. They were meant to be smiling, but right when Sophie was about to take the photo, George had pulled on Fel's braid, Phil had tickled Pen's foot, and Oliver had given his mom a raspberry on her cheek. The Crane boys had insisted they hadn't planned it, but no one believed them. Marina hadn't even been mad, though, as soon as she'd seen the photo Sophie had captured of all of them in a fit of laughter.

Penelope remembered that day being filled with the most joy she’d felt in a long time. But her heart ached every time she looked at the picture, knowing that it was the very last time all seven of them had been together, that it would never be that way again, because last December their family had been splintered down the middle. And so maybe they weren't happy yet, maybe for now they just had some days that were better than others. But as she felt Amanda’s small hand slip into hers and squeeze twice, she knew that they would find their way to happy again. They had to.

Chapter Text

Colin pushed the kitchen door open with his foot so that he could slide through with a restock for the pastry case. He heard Michaela laughing as he placed the tray down and looked up just in time to see her toss her braids over her shoulder as she stood by a table across the bakery. He shook his head at his best friend. She hadn’t even been back at work for a full day before she’d started flirting with customers again. She could deny it all she wanted, but he’d seen her in action enough times over the last thirteen years to know exactly what moves she used when she was trying to attract a woman. 

By the time he finished his work, she was still standing at the same table but she’d moved slightly, and he had a good view of one of the people sitting there. It was a beautiful, Korean woman whom Colin thought he recognized, but couldn’t put his finger on where he knew her from. He glanced around the shop and took note that everyone else there was a regular, typical for a Tuesday afternoon. And lucky for him, he knew the students that were there wouldn’t mind too much if he messed with Mich a little bit. 

He grabbed a mini pie tin and walked over to where Lucy stood at the coffee bar, reaching around her for the whipped cream canister. He shot the younger woman a smirk, and she rolled her eyes at him, used to his antics at this point. 

Once he was satisfied, he started sneaking up behind Michaela, and when the familiar woman noticed him he put a finger to his lips to tell her to keep quiet and watched as she hid a smile behind her hand, disguising it as a yawn. As soon as he was in position he made his attack, pushing the tin directly into Mich’s face. Before she even had a chance to register what had just happened, he was already off. 

“Colin Christopher, you did not just pie me!” Her outraged shriek made him roar with laughter, and he could hear other customers joining in as he bolted around the counter and hid himself behind Lucy, using his employee as a human shield. Michaela made her way to him looking absolutely ridiculous as she vowed to get revenge, grabbing a second canister of cream and shaking it threateningly.

“Serves you right for treating our business place as your own personal dating app, Mich. This is what you get for flirting with every woman who walks through the door.”

“Just admit that you’re jealous I have game, Col. It’s not my fault pretty women terrify you!”

Colin’s jaw dropped, and he started sputtering as Lucy giggled and moved out of the way. That’s when he heard it, a tinkling laugh he recognized immediately. His head whipped around toward the source, and he saw Penelope sitting across from his silent accomplice. Of course Pen was the woman Michaela had set her sights on. That's when he heard the whooshing sound of the canister. Mich had clearly used his distraction to her advantage, and suddenly he felt the cold whipped cream hit his face accompanied by his best friend’s loud cackle and whoop of victory. 

“You are so dead,” he said in a low voice, reaching for the other canister, but Lucy stopped him. 

“Oh, no you don’t. Both of you are done. We all know I’d be the one stuck cleaning this up later.” She crossed her arms and tried to put on a straight face, looking between her bosses to show them she meant business. Colin and Michaela lost all steam at her seriousness and simultaneously started cracking up. 

“Yes ma’am,” they said at the same time with matching salutes. Lucy rolled her eyes again and tossed towels to them from under the counter along with a final threatening glance as she grabbed the canisters and put them back where they belonged. 

“Dude, she’s scary when she’s mad. You’d think she was the one paying us to work here,” Mich joked in a loud whisper to Colin, and Luce stuck her tongue out at her, knowing the other woman was kidding. “Truce?”

“Truce,” he agreed. They hooked their pinkies together, then Colin easily moved her aside as he scooted out from behind the counter and headed straight for Penelope’s table. He ignored Michaela’s indignant tone at being “man-handled” but really, what good was it being almost a foot taller than her if he didn’t benefit by getting her out of his way. 

“So sorry about the lack of professionalism you had to witness there. She’s been on vacation for two weeks and it only felt right to welcome her back as warmly as possible,” he raised his voice just loud enough to make sure that Mich would hear every word and was rewarded with a very loud scoff coming from behind the counter. Penelope and her friend both laughed, and Colin beamed down at the redhead. “Hi, Pen.” 

“Hey, Colin,” she replied, amusement bright in her voice. Penelope's cheeks were a little pink and her icy blue eyes were shining back at him. She wore a blue sweater today that perfectly matched her eyes and her hair was pulled back into a clip with little wisps falling down around her face; she looked stunning. He knew he was staring but liked to think it was kind of their thing since she was currently doing the same thing. Somehow, he was even more taken aback than he had been last week at seeing her again. He hadn’t let himself get his hopes up too much that she’d come in anytime soon, assuming that she’d be back in Chicago. So he was surprised to see her in the middle of the week again, but thrilled that she’d kept her promise. He tried not to let his eagerness show too much, though.  

“Oh, hey, Colin, long time no see,” the other woman at the table said, forcing them to break eye contact. Colin turned toward Penelope’s companion and finally understood why he’d recognized her earlier. 

“Sorry about that,” he coughed a little, embarrassed. “Sophie, right?” 

The woman nodded and smiled. 

“Wait, you two know each other?” Pen looked between them, confused. 

“I came in with Marina once. She introduced us,” Sophie explained and Colin nodded along. Penelope’s brow furrowed like that wasn’t a good enough explanation, but Sophie ignored it. “Does one of your brothers live in Chicago, Colin?”

“No, they all live here. Ben goes to art shows in the city pretty often, though.” Well, Benedict claimed they were art shows, but Colin was fairly certain that at least some of them would be better described as orgies. He was caught off guard by the question, but also remembered the woman asking him if he had a brother the last time they’d met. It wasn’t a new occurrence by any means; the Bridgertons all looked alike, so someone recognizing them happened fairly often. 

“Ben,” Sophie repeated the name and seemed to get lost in thought. Just like last time, she didn’t elaborate on her question. 

“You’re being so weird, Soph,” Penelope interjected, stealing the words right from Colin’s mouth. Sophie was startled out of her thoughts and waved Pen off, promising to explain later. It was clear that Colin would get no more answers today, so he decided to steer the conversation in a new direction.

“So, what brings the two of you in today?”

“Business meeting,” Sophie answered. 

“Just catching up,” Penelope said at the same time. 

Colin observed as the two friends fixed each other with a look of exasperation. Sophie recovered more quickly than Pen. “Oh, right, just catching up. I had a meeting earlier and luckily Penny here was free to spend some time together after so I could decompress from an extremely frustrating client.” She smiled up at Colin who knew he was missing context when Sophie yelped and reached down to rub her leg under the table, shooting a glare across the table. 

“Just felt like a perfect afternoon for a coffee with a friend,” Penelope said sweetly, glaring back before she looked up at Colin with a sheepish grin. “Plus, I wanted to get the twins a little treat so really this is a two birds, one scone situation,” she added after a beat. Her statement was met with silence and her cheeks flushed to match her hair when she noticed both Sophie and Colin looking at her quizzically. “You know like instead of killing two birds with one stone, you feed two with one scone? Because…you make scones?”

She was so goddamned cute that Colin could hardly handle it. He chuckled as Sophie buried her head in her hands, giggling at her friend. 

“Pen, that was a foul pun,” Colin said with a wink, and he felt a million miles tall when she immediately picked up on his own pun and rewarded him with the perfect melody of her laugh. Sophie looked up from her hands in question and Colin explained. “You know, fowl…like birds?”

The dark-haired woman shook her head in disbelief. “Oh god, there’s two of you,” Sophie joked lightheartedly, amusement clearly written in her features.

“Well you know what they say… birds of a feather and all that.” The delight in Penelope’s voice was easily distinguishable and both of her companions groaned in good humor. 

“Ok, I could keep this aflight all day, but you said you wanted to get something for the twins?” Colin winked at Pen when she giggled again and then tried to compose herself. 

“They’re getting their gold belts at karate today! We’re going to the belting ceremony, but I thought it would be fun to have something special for them tonight when we get home. And there’s nothing they love more than Fox River,” she beamed up at him and Colin noted that her bright eyes seemed more alive again, like they’d been the first time they’d met. He could see how proud she was of her niblings and was reminded of what Phil said last week, that the kids had been having a tough time. He was proud of them, too. An idea popped into his head, he just had to make sure that he had enough time to make it happen. 

“Are you two going to be here a little longer?”

Penelope checked her phone for the time. “Phil is supposed to pick me up in thirty minutes or so.”

“Ok, I’ve got a plan, I’ll be back soon.” Colin didn’t wait for a response and marched back to the kitchen on a mission, ignoring the look that Michaela was giving him from where she was making a customer a coffee. He had work to do if he was going to get this done in half an hour, but he was sure he could do it. He bustled around the kitchen grabbing everything he needed and got started. 

Twenty-five minutes later, he surveyed his work and while he wasn’t as good an artist as Benedict, he knew that the kids would love the surprise. He put the cookies he’d decorated into little plastic bags and added them to the box that he’d put the cake pops in, then went back out to the table where Penelope and Sophie were chatting. He placed the box down in front of Pen and gestured for her to open the lid. 

“Oh my god, Colin,” Penelope exclaimed before glancing up at him in awe, and his heart stopped for a second at the look on her face. Her gaze shifted down at the box then back up at him. “They’re so cute. Thank you!” 

“It was noth–,” he’d started to brush off the praise, but before he knew it she jumped up and wrapped her arms around his waist. He had previously decided that he would do pretty much anything to make this woman happy, but the hug confirmed to him that it would be his official mission in life to make her smile as much as humanly possible. He gently wrapped his arms around her back and saw Sophie smiling widely at the two of them. She gave him a little nod and then pulled the box toward her so she could peer into it. 

“Holy cow! How did you do that so fast? Can I pick one up?” 

Colin nodded, and Sophie picked up one of the cookies. Pen released her hold on him and looked up through her eyelashes bashfully, then followed her friend’s lead and grabbed the other cookie to get a closer look. 

Fox River always kept a selection of sugar cookies in the pastry case that Colin would flood with white royal icing and then decorate with the bakery logo. That morning, he’d filled a batch of cookies and was waiting for them to dry so that he could pipe on the little foxes he’d perfected over the last year. Luckily, though, he also had a stock of food coloring pens that he’d used to make his niece’s Barbie themed birthday cookies in March. So now each of the women held cookies that had little versions of Amanda and Oliver on them in their karate gi, complete with their brown curls and little yellow belts around their waists, their names written underneath them. 

“Colin, these really are incredible. The twins are going to absolutely flip. Pen, you have to get a video of their reaction and send it to me. Posy, too, she’ll love it.” Colin recognized that name and realized how close Penelope and Sophie must be if she also knew the twins’ babysitter.

“Oh, you can bet we’ll be getting multiple angles of this.” 

Sophie giggled at Pen’s comment and gently set the cookie back in the box and picked up one of the vanilla frosted cake pops that he’d added little gold belts to. He knew they were the twins’ favorite treats and couldn’t help himself at that point. She sighed and mumbled something about how adorable they were. 

“They’re perfect, Colin. God, Phil’s gonna freak. Thank you so much, you have no idea how happy this is going to make them.”

“You’re welcome.” Colin knew his ears had turned red the second that Penelope had hugged him, but he could feel his cheeks heating up now, too. He had already known he felt more fulfilled at Fox River than he ever had traveling around the world, but actually knowing that he could make someone happier by doing the thing he loved always brought the kind of warmth to his soul that he’d craved for a very long time. A kind of settling in and of itself. 

Pen’s phone buzzed on the table, and she glanced down at it. “Oh shoot, Phil’s here. I better go. Oliver hates when we’re late and another one of Amanda’s lectures will make us even later.” She placed the cookie she was holding in the box and carefully closed the lid. “What do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it.” There was no way he was going to charge her, she had to know that. Still, he could see the protest about to leave her mouth. “Just promise that you’ll come back so I can see the reaction videos. Every angle.” 

Penelope’s mouth quirked up on the side. “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Colin nodded assuredly and smiled down at her. 

“Ok, thank you again, you are the best. Soph, I’ve gotta run but I’ll call you, ok? Love you bunches.” 

“Love you too, lady.” She stood up to give Penelope a hug, and Colin noticed they were about the same height; the brunette maybe had an inch or so on the redhead but both women were practically pocket-sized. Sophie gently pushed Pen toward the door, handing over the pastry box and patting her on the butt, laughing when Pen squealed and turned back to wave. As soon as she was out the door, Sophie turned back to Colin and crossed her arms over her chest, smirking at him. 

“What?”

“Nothing, that was just very smooth. I’m impressed.” 

Colin had no doubt that his cheeks were bright pink now. “I did it for the kids.”

“Right, I’m sure.” The look Sophie gave him told him that she absolutely did not believe him, but she let it slide, packing up and saying goodbye after grabbing a second coffee to go from Lucy.

Colin returned to the back to finish up some of his work and it took less than sixty seconds for Michaela to join him in the kitchen. He knew from the look on her face as she sidled up next to him that she expected answers. 

“That was–”

“Penelope. Yes, I gathered,” she interrupted him. “Well not at first, obviously, though in hindsight I guess the short, curvy, gorgeous redhead of it all probably should have rung a bell. For a while I thought you’d exaggerated your description of her, but damn.”

Colin rolled his eyes while he pulled out the rest of the cookies to finish decorating as planned. “I guess I should have known the second you saw her you’d hit on her.”

“In my defense, I was hitting on both of them. Her friend was hot, too.” Colin had no choice but to laugh at the way she attempted to raise a single eyebrow. “Besides, I was under the impression that your Penelope had been avoiding this place like the plague, so she was kind of the last person I expected to walk in today. Let alone for you to be falling at her feet again.”

Colin had to give her that. It was Mich’s first day back after her vacation and he hadn’t had a chance to tell her about his encounter with Pen and Phil the previous week. 

“Col, what the hell happened while I was gone?”

He told her everything he remembered from last Tuesday. He relayed every word of his conversation with Penelope, the weirdness with the phone calls, Phillip acting like they’d never met before, and finally his theory that Marina was no longer in the picture.

“Ok, so what? You think they got divorced or something?”

“I mean it would make sense. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring anymore, and he was so angry at the woman who called Pen. She told me that Phillip was like a brother to her and I know Marina was her best friend. It would make sense that she would feel pulled in two different directions and be upset about it.”

“And you don’t think there’s any chance that Penelope and Phillip are…”

“Are what?”

“Together?” she winced as she asked.

“What the fuck, Michaela?”

“I’m just saying. You said they were pretty touchy with each other, that they were planning his kids’ birthday together, he felt comfortable enough to answer her phone.”

“No, Penelope would never do that.”

“Col, I hate to say it but you do not actually know her. You have no idea what she would do.”

“Well she sure as hell wouldn’t do that. You didn’t hear the way that she talked about Marina. No one who loved their friend that much would ever betray them like that.”

“Ok, and how did she talk about her?”

“I don’t know, the way I talk about you, I guess.” The words came out of his mouth automatically, and he blushed but they were true so he didn’t try to take it back. Before he knew it, Michaela had wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down to leave a disgustingly loud kiss on his cheek. 

“Oh, you big embarrassing softy. That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She punched his arm for good measure and winked at him when he growled at her. “I love you, too, you idiot.”

“Gee, thanks pal.”

Colin dropped the subject of Penelope for the rest of the day but what Michaela said bothered him more than it should. Still, he was convinced that there was no way he’d misread the situation that greatly. Pen had seemed happier today, he just had to be patient and give her time to explain the situation. There was no point in driving himself crazy trying to guess. 

Two days later, Colin was expected at Mondrich’s Pub for Thursday night trivia with his family. It was only a fifteen minute walk from his building and the weather was great so he said goodbye to Hermes and set off on the trek. Trivia night was a sacred Bridgerton tradition, and the siblings had been going to Mondrich’s to participate on Thursday nights for years. Colin had joined whenever he was in town but had relished going regularly once he moved back to Madison. A few of his seven siblings went every week while others popped in and out. And over the years, partners and close friends started joining in, too, usually causing them to end up with two teams due to the sheer volume of competitive Bridgertons. 

Colin hadn’t been there, though, since before the holidays, ignoring the requests from his siblings week after week as he was unable to get in the mood. In fact, he’d barely seen his family since New Years if you didn’t count the dinners they had at his mother’s house every week. A few days ago, though, his younger sister, Eloise, had sent the Alphabet chat a message asking them all to be there tonight. El rarely made such a request and when his closest sibling, Daphne, had pushed her for more information, she told them that she wanted to introduce them to her boyfriend. She’d then disappeared from the text thread for the rest of the day as her siblings went through what could only be described as a meltdown. No one in the family, except for Francesca (who was living with Eloise at the moment), had any idea she’d been seeing anyone.  

Colin would have never been able to ignore the direct request from his sister, so here he was breaking his self-imposed isolation. It was safe to assume that every single one of the Bridgertons would be there as well as the adjacents, Colin’s in-laws, Simon and Kate, but also Michaela and Kate’s younger sister, Edwina. None of them were willing to miss out on meeting the only man Eloise Bridgerton had ever deemed worthy of her time. 

Colin heard his family talking over each other the second he walked into the pub and found them in the crowd right away. He didn’t see Eloise yet but everyone else was already there. Anthony and Greg were at the bar getting a few pitchers and the others had started separating out into the usual teams. Ben and Edwina were engaged in a lively discussion at one table, while Kate’s eyes were appearing to glaze over at the other table as Hya talked her ear off about something. He smiled seeing Mich and Fran whispering together in their own little world and was reminded again of how happy he would be if his sister ever admitted to herself that she was in love with his best friend. He was jolted from his thoughts when Daphne came over and threw her arms around him. Her husband, Simon, had followed her over and nodded his hello. 

“Hello, dearest brother. It is so wonderful to finally see you.”

“Daph, we saw each other last Sunday at Mom’s.”

“Doesn’t count. We haven’t hung out since Christmas other than the family dinners that you only go to so that you maintain your status as Mom’s favorite. You’ve been avoiding us, Colin.”

“I haven’t, I promise. Things have been busy at the shop.” It was a lie and they both knew it. It looked like she was going to push him on the subject but he interrupted her, “Where are the kids tonight?”

His little sister gave him a look that told him she would not be dropping the subject entirely but indulged him for now. “Our wonderful mother offered to put them to bed for us. Mary’s doing the same for Anthony and Kate's. So, do you know anything about this mystery man?”

Colin shook his head. “Nothing other than what was in the Alphabet chat.” He could see his brother-in-law smiling out of the corner of his eye and avoided the man’s gaze. Daphne didn’t need to know that Fran had provided a few extra details in their team-specific group chat. 

“Excuse me, family!” Eloise’s loud voice brought all of their conversations to a halt, including some that were taking place between other trivia teams at tables scattered throughout the pub. Colin turned around to face his sister and her boyfriend, his jaw dropping immediately at what he saw. 

“Family, this is Phillip Crane. Phillip, this is my family. There are simply way too many of them to actually introduce everyone right now, but if they have any manners they will do it themselves.” She pointedly looked at her brothers who all started to protest before she continued, “Phil, you know Fran, of course, but I think you might know one of my brothers as well?”

Colin watched as Phil looked at Eloise in confusion and the rest of their siblings, oblivious to his own inner turmoil, started looking around at each other, clearly wondering why someone had failed to spill the beans on Phillip sooner if they’d already met him. Phil’s gaze followed El’s finger that was pointed directly at Colin and they made eye contact. The recognition in his eyes was instantaneous, and although Colin could feel the others looking at him now, he kept his eyes on Phil. 

Phillip looked back and forth between Colin and Eloise, then he started laughing. El joined him. “Told ya Fox River was a Bridgerton family favorite, didn’t I?”

Phil kissed the side of Eloise’s head, and Colin heard Daphne gasp at the gesture and the blush that graced their sister’s cheeks as she peered up at her boyfriend with absolute adoration. Colin had no idea how to feel about any of this, but before he could process it, Phillip walked over and reached his hand out. 

“It’s great to see you again, man. What a small world.” 

Colin forced himself to shake Phil’s hand and attempted to smile back. “Right, nice to see you, too. Hey Phil, this is my sister Daphne. Daph, Phil. If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Eloise for a moment.” He walked as quickly as he could to his sister and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the exit and leaving everyone remaining completely befuddled. 

“What the fuck, Colin?” Eloise had barely even waited for the door to the pub to close before turning on her older brother. “Why are you acting like an oaf?”

“How long have you two been together?”

“What? Colin–”

“Just tell me.”

“Officially, since right around Christmas. But I’ve known him for years.” 

"Years?"

"I met him almost five years ago when we were both grad students. He was studying botany at the University of Minnesota, and he wrote an article that I loved and I emailed him a follow-up question. He responded and asked a question of his own, then I replied and I guess we just never stopped. We finally got together in December. Now will you tell me why you're being so weird?"

“Did you know that Phillip and his family come into the bakery a lot?”

“Yes, of course I know. Well, technically, I just found out last week, but still what's your point?”

“Ok, well did you also know he’s married?” 

“He is not married, Colin.” He could see anger brewing in his sister’s blue eyes. 

“Maybe not anymore, but as of a few months ago he seemed to be very happily married with two very cute children. I know his wife, Marina. They've been coming into the bakery since October. Oh god, wait, you got together at Christmas? Eloise please tell me you weren't the reason they broke up.” Colin was breathing heavily now. Surprisingly, he noticed that El’s eyes had softened. 

“Phil isn’t married, Colin. He’s never been married,” she said, all the anger gone from her voice.

“But–”

"I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. Phillip didn't move here until the end of December."

"What?"

El gave him a look that stopped him in his tracks. She pulled her phone out and spent a moment looking for something. When she finally found what she was looking for, she handed the phone to him. On the screen was a photo of Marina and Phillip, though the man still had the thick beard he’d had when Colin had first met him. Each of them were holding one of the twins and all of them were smiling widely at the camera. 

“I’m assuming that you’re talking about this family?”

He nodded, confused as to what she was getting at. "Phil, Marina, Amanda, and Oliver."

El’s finger swiped the screen to a second picture, and Colin found himself looking at three teenagers with huge grins on their faces. There were two boys, one a little scrawnier than the other, though that was the most obvious difference between them. The boys, with their matching honey brown hair and identical smiles that he’d grown used to seeing on Oliver over the last six months, were standing on either side of a short redhead who could only be…

“That’s Penelope, obviously,” Eloise pointed out the girl in the picture and Colin looked up at her surprised, but she didn’t acknowledge him. He wondered how much she knew about him and Penelope. “That’s Phillip,” she pointed to the skinnier boy. “And that’s his older brother, George,” she moved her finger to the other boy.

“God, they could be twins.” 

“You’re not the first person to think so. According to Pen, people mistook them for twins all the time, though George and Phil would always claim they didn’t see it. I guess a couple of years ago, George shaved his beard and Amanda thought he was Phil when she first saw him. They couldn’t believe it. He never shaved again.” 

“And I thought Bridgertons looked alike,” Colin tried to joke through the foreboding feeling that was coming over his body. “Please tell me what’s going on, El?”

Instead of answering, Eloise took her phone and typed something into the search bar before handing it back to him. Even though at this point, he suspected he knew what happened, he still almost dropped the phone when it was confirmed to him. He glanced back at his sister. 

“Read it.”

Colin made himself focus on the obituary on the screen, one that honored George and Marina Crane who had died on December 23rd. It was the same day they had last been in the bakery. The passage was short and simple, but beautiful, honoring the couple and their love for each other and their children. He wondered if Penelope had written it. He felt a tear fall from his eye and reached up to wipe it away. Silently, he handed the phone back to Eloise. 

“George and his family moved to Madison late last summer, and I knew that Phil had been in town to visit them a few times. We never met in person, though. Partially because I was fairly certain I was in love with him and that terrified me.” 

Colin could understand his sister’s hesitation. She’d come out to their family as a lesbian when she was in high school and had always been extremely confident in her sexuality. It must have been so confusing for her to develop feelings she hadn’t ever thought possible. He could relate in some sense. 

"He made it clear that he would love to meet me, but never pressured me. He was letting me go at whatever pace I needed. We had started talking on the phone more and more, though, and I was getting used to the idea of finally meeting him.

“The Saturday before Christmas, I got a call from him. I thought it was strange because I knew he was already in town with his family, but Fran and I were watching a movie so I ignored it and went to text him to tell him I’d call him after. A second call came in before I could send the text. I knew the second I heard his voice break through the line that something terrible had happened. Phillip got full custody of the children, and within days he was making arrangements to move to Madison so that they could stay in their home. Looking back, that was when I knew for sure that he was it for me. I helped put him in contact with the botany department at the university and thankfully they had an opening for him. He’s been here ever since, and I’ve been with him. That’s part of the reason why I haven’t been around much, though it doesn’t sound like you have either. I’ve wanted to be there for him, for them. Amanda and Oliver. Penelope, too.” 

Colin had been playing with a string on his sweater, trying to absorb everything that Eloise was telling him but couldn’t stop his eyes from flying up to meet hers at the mention of Pen, again. Instead of teasing him, the way she normally would, she smiled at him, sad and soft. “She lives here now, Col. She moved into the house to help Phillip with the twins.”

All he could offer was a nod while he was still reeling, trying to reconcile all of the emotions rolling around in his mind. His heart was broken for all of them. He knew what it was like to lose a parent, but he’d at least had his mother and siblings to lean on when his own dad had died. He was glad that Amanda and Oliver had Penelope and Phillip, glad that they had Felicity even if she was an ocean away, and glad that they had his sister. He couldn’t imagine, though, how hard it was for Pen and Phil to have to learn how to parent and help those children grieve while also losing the only family they’d ever really known.

It was almost as if Eloise could read his mind when she interrupted his thoughts, “I know that we lost Dad when we were young, Colin, but looking back at our lives? God, we have been so damn fortunate. To have each other, to have Mom. Phil and Pen weren’t so lucky growing up, but I’ll tell you this, the two of them have more love and selflessness in them than anybody I’ve ever met. I feel grateful every day that they’ve allowed me to be a part of their family.”

Colin had rarely seen his second sister get emotional, but now he reached out to wipe the tears from her eyes and pulled her into a hug. She allowed it and they stood there for a moment, finding comfort in each other. He tried to apologize but she stopped him, assuring him that it was a misunderstanding. Still, he promised himself he would make up for his behavior to both El and Phil. Soon, Anthony popped his head outside looking for them. The game was about to start. Colin told him they would be right in and gave Eloise a moment to collect herself. 

He followed his little sister back to their family and though she looked confused when she saw Phillip settled in and chatting with Fran and Benedict, the way she still lit up in his presence did not go beyond Colin's notice. He sank into his seat between Edwina and Michaela, and the latter gave him a look that meant she expected a full explanation of what had just happened. He nodded to her that he understood and looked back across the table at Phillip. El had sat down next to her boyfriend and seemingly assured him that everything was alright. Colin smiled warmly at him and welcomed him to the team, ignoring the matching smirks on Ben and Winnie’s faces as he did so. 

Seconds later, Alice Mondrich announced the start of the game over the microphone. As was the way of every trivia night at Mondrich’s, the Bridgerton crowd was subject to Alice’s pointed glance when discussing team conduct expectations during the rules debrief. Her husband, Will, laughed as he tended the bar at the immediate objections that came from their corner of the room, the loudest coming from Anthony and Kate. The eldest of the Bridgerton clan was the self-appointed lead of what Michaela liked to call the Stupidly Competitive Bridgersibs, though when Kate married into the family, she happily claimed the co-leader position. The couple were easily the most competitive of them all, though Colin knew that Daphne, Gregory, and Hyacinth were not far behind. 

Eloise also consistently gave the others a run for their money in taking things too far, but today she’d switched allegiances for the first time, sitting next to her boyfriend whom she’d forgotten to direct to the appropriate team. Instead, she found herself with the Slightly Chiller But Still Stupidly Competitive Bridgersibs, a name that Colin was sure Mich could have done a better job with, but she’d had a valid point. He knew that El was only there because of Phil and wondered how she would fare throughout the night on the “B Team,” as she called it. Their team, after all, existed as a form of protest against the others, including Eloise herself. 

All the Bridgertons were born wanting to win, but siblings B, C, and F had gotten sick and tired of their family’s unhinged behavior and instigated an official team split the previous year. Each of them cited many issues that led to the breakup, but to Colin the most important one was that Anthony refused to let them use a punny team name each week. What good was trivia if you couldn’t have at least a bit of fun? Simon had immediately switched sides, leading to a blow up fight between him and Daphne, which he used as proof that he was making the right decision. Edwina was also much more likely to show up each week now that she didn’t feel like she was a constant disappointment to her older sister. And Michaela had rounded out the team rather nicely. Prior to the split, the teams were random each week, now they were practically set in stone. Until tonight, that is.

As the game got going, it didn’t take long before the frustration started to seep into Eloise’s expression, though she was doing an impressive job trying to hide it from Phil. Today wasn’t their best showing as a team, with a few stumbles on what should have been simple questions. At the halftime break, they were in sixth place while their siblings were winning, and Benedict caught Eloise staring longingly at the empty seat at the table next to them.

“El, just go join them. We all know you want to.”

She snapped her head around and at least had the decency to look somewhat guilty. “No, I’m not leaving Phil. Besides, we can still come back from this.”

“Come on, El, we don’t bite. Phil’s fine here with us. He’s a natural SCBSSCB, go back to your people,” Michaela jumped in and the others around the table agreed. Phil was looking around, clearly not understanding what was happening, so Francesca briefed him on the team history. Colin watched as the other man studied his girlfriend who was clearly trying to put on a brave face. 

“Honey, just go. I’ll be fine here.”

The siblings all exchanged glances at the pet name and couldn’t mask their surprise at the way their sister seemed to melt in front of their eyes. They watched as Phillip kissed her cheek and gave her a gentle push towards the others.

“You’re sure?” El asked as she stood up.

“Positive. I’m a proud CBCSSB,” he said with all the confidence in the world. Eloise leaned down to kiss him and then plopped into the empty chair by Gregory. She was greeted by cheers and beamed at the others as Colin’s team all rolled their eyes and focused their attention back to the important matters. 

“Ok, now that she’s gone, it’s time to focus up,” Colin said just loudly enough for only his table to hear. 

“I swear that is the last time we let one of them join us,” Simon murmured. He had been subject to a killer glare from his sister-in-law after being wrong about a question in the second round. 

“Everything is going according to plan. Based on the clues they posted on Facebook, we can still expect Greek mythology as well as something to do with flowers,” Francesca explained to the team. “Thank God you distracted her earlier, Col. Ben didn’t even have to try to convince her that they should join us first.”

“I had a whole speech planned, too. Winnie can attest, it was very good.” 

“I’m still not sure it would have worked. This was much better. Lucky she bought you messing up the Manet/Monet question though. You played that perfectly,” Edwina reached up her hand for a high five that Ben happily returned. 

“Um, sorry this might not be any of my business, but what the hell is going on?”

Everyone at the table laughed at Phil’s interjection, and Colin almost felt bad for the man. 

“I think it’s important that you remember the SSC part of the team nickname, Phil. Still. Stupidly. Competitive,” Michaela said through her giggles. “These bastards are out for just as much blood as the other team, they’re just more quiet about it. Scarier, too, if you ask me.”

“We haven’t won in months, Mich. It’s not our fault that we had to resort to manipulation,” Fran retorted. Colin thought back to the messages in the SCBSSCB group chat that had confirmed their plan for the week. Apparently their siblings had been especially smug after another week of winning and they couldn’t take it anymore. When Francesca saw the clues that Mondrich’s released on their Facebook page the previous weekend for tonight’s categories, she decided it was time to take a stand. She also knew that no one from the other team ever remembered that the clues existed in the first place as they all refused to use Facebook for various reasons. So she hatched a plan. She was the only sibling who knew that Eloise was dating someone, and she also happened to know that that someone was a botanist. Francesca turned to Phillip. “I may have had our mother convince Eloise that it was the perfect time to introduce you to the family. None of us know a thing about flowers. We also needed Colin for the Greek myth, but we didn’t want them to suspect anything, so it had to be El that got him here.”

“So let me get this straight. You tricked your sister into introducing me to her whole family. Distracted her so that you could convince me to sit with you all instead of the other team. Threw multiple questions to make sure that she was frustrated enough that she’d want to leave the team. And somehow, have also been so welcoming that she’d feel ok leaving me with you for the rest of the night. All so you can win a silly trivia game.” 

Everyone at the table eagerly nodded at the newcomer, ignoring his use of the word silly to describe what they all took quite seriously. Seriously enough that even Colin had been convinced to participate in the scheme.

“I told you they were scary, dude,” Mich chimed in. 

For a moment, Phil looked flabbergasted at the lengths they’d gone to in order to win this game. Colin understood the man’s surprise. He’d been just as shocked at Fran’s plan but had also been thoroughly impressed. He had known that a big part of the plan rested on convincing Eloise that they were the less intimidating team for her boyfriend to join as part of his first Bridgerton outing, but all of that had gone out the window when he’d found out that her boyfriend was Phillip. He could have royally messed up the plan with his reaction, but he was quite pleased that it ended up making all of this even easier. 

“That’s fucking brilliant,” Phillip said through his laughter. 

“I’m just ready to kick their asses,” Winnie stated, which triggered another round of chuckles from her friends who felt nothing but pride at helping their extremely kind but timid friend find her cutthroat side over the last year. It was a Bridgerton’s mission in life to teach people the importance of a little friendly competition.

Soon, Alice was back on the microphone announcing that the next round was about to begin, while Will started walking around with an extra sheet of paper, handing one to each table. He passed Colin one of the papers which had photos of flowers on it with a long list of scientific looking names along the side. Colin grinned and showed it to his team who all immediately matched the smile on his face. Then they heard it, the gasp from Eloise who had just been handed the same thing. Each one of them turned to look at her with identical expressions of innocence, and Colin wasn’t sure he’d seen her look so betrayed since the great Settlers of Catan debacle of 2018. 

“You didn’t,” she exclaimed loudly, as Anthony grabbed the sheet out of her hands, curious as to why she was upset. “You wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t what, sister?” Benedict questioned with a gleam in his eyes. 

“Phillip is a botanist. They did this on purpose. I know they did.” Other tables were looking between them now, even Will had stopped on his trip around the room to listen. 

“Eloise, please be serious. This is not some conspiracy against you. How would we even know that there would be a question like this?” Francesca rolled her eyes at her sister but couldn’t fully hide her smirk so she lifted up her beer to take a sip. Colin had never been more proud of her.

“No, Phil should be on our team, he’s my boyfriend and I brought him.” The rest of her team murmured their agreements, now understanding what it meant for Phil to be helping the others with this round. 

“Ooooh, looks like it’s too late for that. Alice is just getting started and we wouldn’t want to make a scene, would we?” Colin did not try to hide his own smile as he handed over the paper to Phillip and turned to Alice to wave her along. “Sorry about that, we’re all ready!”

Alice shook her head, used to the Bridgertons’ antics after all these years, and gave them their task, ignoring the sounds of protests from half of the family. They needed to match each flower to its scientific name, simple enough. Every right answer gave them a point and they had five minutes to finish the sheet and pass it in. Phillip finished in less than ninety seconds and after getting a push from Simon, he stood up to take the sheet to Alice, avoiding the glare that El sent his way the entire walk. When the answers were read, they made sure to cheer after each one. Phillip had gotten them to third place in a single round. 

Now that they were back to trying their best, the two teams were quickly neck and neck. Francesca was constantly reminding them that the Greek myth question would be there at some point, but as the rounds passed, Colin became more anxious at the prospect of letting them all down. 

Alice read the point totals before the last round, making it clear that once again, the winner of the week would be one of the two Bridgerton tables. It had been this way for so long that the other teams had stopped groaning about it and had started celebrating third place as a win, something that no one with the last name Bridgerton would ever understand. 

“The final question centers around Greek mythology!” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Anthony sounded so exasperated that Colin had to cover his mouth to stop his laugh from rushing out of him. He saw his teammates all doing the same thing and felt the glares coming from the table next to them. Alice continued with the question.

“Castor and Pollux, sometimes known as the dioscuri, are twins and also half-brothers. Castor, the son of Tyndareus, the mortal king of Sparta. Pollux, the divine son of Zeus. In some tellings, the twins were born of an egg at the same time that their twin sisters came from a second egg. The twin sisters grew up to become queens who married brothers, one of whom is famous for starting a very long war after his wife’s kidnapping. What are the sisters’ names?”

Colin felt every one of his teammate’s focus turn to him and then heard their collective sigh of relief as he grabbed the paper from Francesca and wrote down his answer, then took the slip of paper to Alice. There was no point in waiting when he was sure he was correct. The only question was whether one of his siblings on the other team would also know it. He figured that it would not be too hard to get Helen as the first twin, however, he wasn’t sure that any of them would ever be able to come up with her sister on their own. 

He could faintly hear the others arguing next to them, trying to keep their voices down. It was another reason to take up their answer immediately. They knew he would know the right answer and it made them panic. He watched as Hya finally walked their answer to the front after the last call and felt some satisfaction at the look of doubt many of them were wearing.

Once every team had submitted their answer, Alice read the question once more. “Now, almost everyone correctly guessed Helen of Troy as the first sister; however, only two teams correctly identified the second sister. And just for fun, instead of telling you the answer right now, I’m going to read the final places first.” Some tables laughed, overpowering the groans from the big family, as everyone knew that she was doing it this way to keep the Bridgertons on edge. 

Slowly, she announced the team places and as expected, both of the family’s teams were left in the top two spots. “I know we’re all on the edge of our seats at this point, so I’ll put you out of your misery. In second place, we have The Bridgerton A Team, making our winner this week Never Gonna Triv You Up, who knew that Helen’s twin’s name was, in fact, Clytemnestra.” 

Barely anyone could hear Alice finish her sentence as cheers erupted from their table. Winnie had jumped to her feet and all but leapt into Fran’s arms, Michaela stopping them from toppling over while the guys laughed. Colin heard Alice wrapping up as Mich gave him a hug and over her head, he made eye contact with Francesca who was beaming at him. Sure, it was a silly trivia game as Phil had said, but being there with his favorite people in the world, pulling off what he considered to be the perfect win against his siblings, he couldn’t help but feel pure joy. He realized how much he had missed his family over the past few months and promised himself that he wouldn’t be skipping out on nights with them any longer. Colin had moved back to Madison for a reason, and he couldn’t forget that again.

“It just so happens to be Colin’s favorite subject on the first night that he decides to join us in months? I don’t buy it,” Kate’s voice cut through the crowd, and Colin's team all groaned in unison. 

“You sound like a sore loser, Didi,” Edwina glared at her sister, which seemed to shock Kate. “Besides, wasn’t Colin only here because Eloise begged all of us to be here so that we could meet Phillip?” 

“And whose idea was that, exactly? Could it have been the only one of us who knew that he existed?” Anthony asked, staring straight at Francesca who met his eye with all the grace in the world. 

“It was Mother’s, actually,” Eloise finally said. “She told me she thought it would be more fun to have him meet all of you here instead of at one of the family dinners where there were kids running around everywhere.” 

Fran smirked at Colin. His sister really was a genius. None of the siblings would argue against Violet Bridgerton’s logic. So now they just had to hope that no one on “The Bridgerton A Team” would ever remember that the Facebook page existed. When there were no more arguments to be made, everyone started to say their goodbyes, exchanging hugs like they hadn’t all just gotten into a public feud and as if they wouldn't see each other at dinner on Sunday. Colin observed the surprise on Phillip’s face as every last Bridgerton and adjacent gave him a hug goodbye. 

As Colin started to walk away after his turn, Phillip stopped him. 

“Hey, Colin? She really wanted to be there that day,” he whispered. Colin didn’t need to be told who she was. “Promise you’ll give her the chance to explain when she’s ready, ok?”

Colin swallowed roughly and cleared his throat. “Yeah, of course I will.”

Chapter Text

Penelope closed her journal and set it to the side of where she sat cross-legged on the couch, tucking her pen in beside it. Telemachus was cuddled up on her other side, and she scratched behind his ear, causing him to stretch and peer up at her. He nuzzled into her hand and she absent-mindedly pet the orange furball, checking her phone for the time. She was surprised to see that it was almost 10 o’clock. She’d been writing for well over an hour, since she’d finally convinced Oliver to go to sleep. 

It was the first night since their parents had died that Phillip had been absent at the twins’ bedtime, and while Amanda went to bed fairly easily after storytime, Olly had been anxious without his uncle. It had taken almost an hour of Penelope stroking his hair and telling stories for him to finally drift off. 

Part of her felt guilty for having been the one to convince Phil that he should join Eloise and her family at trivia night knowing that it resulted in her nephew’s suffering. However, she knew that it was a necessary step for them to learn how to start living again. El had been so excited when she’d pitched the idea, and Pen knew what it meant for her to want to introduce Phillip to her family. She’d actually invited Penelope, too, but Pen could see Phil’s hesitation at leaving the kids and had insisted she stay home with them so that he could have a normal night out with his girlfriend. 

In the end, she’d been more than happy to stay back with the twins. They helped her cook dinner and they’d played at least five games of Clue Junior together after practicing piano. Before they went upstairs for their baths, Amanda insisted they look through all of the pictures and videos that Eloise had taken of their gold belt ceremony on Tuesday night while they ate the last of the special cake pops Colin had made for them. 

The twins had been ecstatic at the cookies and had made Penelope take photos of them holding up the little edible versions of themselves while they were still wearing their gi, in addition to recording a video of them biting off their own heads. She couldn’t wait to show them to Colin and her heart started beating a little faster at the thought of seeing him again.

She’d already sent all the photos and videos to Sophie and Posy in their group chat yesterday, and much to her chagrin, Sophie had clearly already briefed her sister because the younger girl had responded asking if Pen had hooked up with that “sexy ass baker” yet. She’d also admitted to taking the twins there when she babysat them so that she could see Colin. 

Sophie had called her instead of texting back, first echoing her sister’s sentiments and then asking if Pen was ready to actually discuss Sophie’s business trip to Chicago next week. The upcoming trip had been the original purpose for meeting on Tuesday afternoon, though admittedly, Penelope had chosen Fox River with the thought that she might see Colin again. They’d barely gotten started when they’d been distracted by Michaela. 

Pen had noticed the new woman behind the coffee counter the second she’d walked into the bakery. She was, without a doubt, one of the hottest women Penelope had ever seen. She had rich brown skin with long black braids that hung down past her waist and her wide, welcoming smile had stopped Pen in her tracks. Sophie had ordered for both of them and promptly made fun of her for the bi panic that Fox River’s employees had apparently given her. Pen had wanted to protest but seriously, what was in the water there? Soon after they’d sat down, the woman had walked over to introduce herself. It had taken a few minutes for Penelope to realize that Michaela was flirting, and although she couldn’t tell if she was interested in her or Sophie, the attention had been nice. So nice, in fact, that she hadn’t noticed Colin sneaking up to their table. And while Michaela was very, very pretty, Pen’s tunnel vision had been activated as soon as she set sights on the man. 

Even after he’d gone back to the kitchen to make the cutest cookies she’d ever seen, Sophie had teased her about him instead of getting back to work. The consolation prize for being made fun of? Penelope now knew that Sophie was fairly certain that the mystery man she’d met at a Halloween Party in Chicago last fall was one of Colin’s brothers. She’d promised Soph that she’d try to get more information if she could, both because she wanted her friend to find the man but also to butter up her agent when she gave her bad news once they finally talked about work. 

On their phone call, Sophie had allowed for a quick debrief on the twins’ belting ceremony before she started pushing Pen for answers. Danbury Publishing had called a meeting in the Chicago office to discuss the timeline of L.W. Down’s fourth book and to further negotiate terms. While Sophie was first and foremost her friend, she was also Penelope’s literary agent, and as her agent, she acted as the main point of contact between Penelope and the team at Danbury. Remy, her lawyer, also stepped in whenever necessary to assist Sophie and help manage contracts and payments. Together, the two of them made it possible for Penelope’s identity as the infamously hard-to-track-down author to stay a secret. In fact, only a few people at the publisher were in the know, one of them being Agatha Danbury herself, whose emails Pen had been avoiding for months. 

The thing was, though, there were no answers. There were no ideas. Penelope wanted to blame it on the last four months, but even she knew she’d been struggling to get started on something new well before the accident. The only time she’d felt inspired in the last two years had been after meeting Colin, though she hadn’t even bothered to look through what she’d written between October and December of last year. Still, she’d promised Sophie that she’d keep trying, that she just needed a little more time. 

It wasn’t the answer her friend had wanted, but she had accepted it for now and assured Pen that she would work it out with Danbury. They’d hung up after exchanging I love yous. Penelope knew how lucky she was to have Sophie, and she really didn’t want to let her down. They’d been a team for almost a decade, and so far, L.W. Down’s success had made it possible for Sophie to focus on a very small client list that she was passionate about, allowing her to operate out of Madison where she wanted to stay so that she could be near Posy. Penelope was determined to keep it that way and resolved to try harder to find a hook for her next book.  

Now, though, she didn’t make a single move to go look through her ideas notebook. Instead she just sat there and found comfort in Telly as she waited for Phillip to return. She hoped he was having fun and hadn’t let himself get too overwhelmed with the extremely large Bridgerton family. Neither Phil nor Pen had ever been great in crowds, always letting George lead the charge, and according to El, she expected all seven siblings to be there along with two in-laws and at least a couple of friends. 

She was glad that Francesca would be there as a familiar person for Phil to lean on if he needed it. They had become quite close over the last few months as Francesca was the only Bridgerton sibling who was aware that Eloise was dating someone. Fran was, according to El, the calmest of the Bridgerton bunch, preferring quiet solitude over the noise of her family most of the time, something that Pen could definitely relate to. The two sisters were exactly a year apart in age and while they looked very similar, they could not be more different from one another in almost every way. On good days, Penelope found comfort in how much they loved each other. On bad days, she found herself envious of them, though luckily those weren’t happening so often anymore. Now, she found Fran’s presence to be a balm when she joined them on Monday nights for dinner and piano lessons.

Their routine started shortly after the accident. Francesca had come over with Eloise to meet Pen, Phil, and the twins. She had been so quiet that first night at dinner, but when she’d spotted the piano in the living room, everything about her had brightened. Phil told her none of them could play, that Pen had taken lessons as a child but didn’t know how anymore. He explained that George had always loved music, that he always kept it playing around the house, singing along with his deep, soulful voice, that he wanted the twins to love it, too. He had bought the piano as a Christmas gift for the entire family, convincing Marina that it was the perfect present by telling her that he would join the kids in lessons, insisting that there must be someone who could teach adults. 

Sadness had washed over the room then as they all realized that George would never have the chance to learn. Francesca had surprised Penelope when she had walked over to the piano and started playing. It was a piece so hauntingly beautiful that they’d all been immediately entranced by the music. She had played for close to an hour, until Amanda and Oliver had nodded off, and Pen and Phil had carried them up to bed. When they’d walked back down, Fran had offered to teach the children how to play. She’d explained that playing had been the thing that helped her cope after her own father’s death, that she thought it might help them, too. It had been decided that she would come over on Monday nights for dinner and lessons.

From the start, Phil had been determined to learn the basics so he could help the twins, and Francesca had been more than willing to teach him, so after the kids’ turn, he would sit down at the bench. Every time Penelope watched them, she was reminded of how much George would have loved to see his little brother, who had never once been able to follow the beat of a song, trying to learn the piano. It made her heart ache to know how happy he would be to hear the music fill his house. 

After their third lesson, the kids had asked their aunt if she was going to learn to play, too. She’d felt all the eyes in the room on her but focused on Phillip, who’d squeezed her hand lightly to ground her. He had not been entirely honest with El and Fran when he said no one in the house could play, and she’d known he was leaving it up to her on whether or not she wanted to admit to them that she remembered every lesson she’d ever been taught.

She had wondered if Phillip was thinking of the same night she was as she debated what to do. The night of her freshman year piano recital, the last one she’d ever played. She hadn’t bothered to invite her parents to the performance, knowing that they were unlikely to care enough to come. She had known that George and Phillip would bring Felicity with them, and she’d told herself they were the only ones that mattered. 

The night of the recital, though, Penelope had been shocked to see her mother and father there, sitting next to the Crane boys and Felicity. It turned out that George had invited them, telling them how important the recital was to her. She’d sat up on the stage as all of the younger kids performed first and tried to calm her nerves and stay focused. However, as the night progressed, she’d kept noticing her dad leaving the auditorium over and over again. She’d watched as her mom would lean over toward him each time he returned, both of them looking more and more agitated as the night went on. She had tried to ignore it and keep focused, praying that they would wait until they got home to fight about whatever it was they were upset over. 

When her name was announced, she’d heard her friends and sister cheering for her from the crowd and she’d beamed as she sat down. She’d barely begun when she first heard her parents start to raise their voices. She’d tried to keep going but the disruption persisted, and soon they were screaming at each other in front of everyone. Before long, Portia had announced to the whole room that Archie was as high as a kite, that he must think her stupid if he thought she didn’t know he was doing coke in the bathroom each time he was leaving. 

Penelope had frozen on stage as her parents made a scene and watched as the fourteen and fifteen-year-old Crane brothers tried to get them to stop while her little sister cried. A couple of other dads finally got Archie out of the theater and her music teacher had tried to get the recital going again, but Pen couldn’t move. Eventually George came to the stage and helped her stand and walk away. 

When she got home that night, Portia had blamed her for the spectacle. Her mother said that had she not been so needy for their praise, her father’s problem wouldn’t have been exposed. A few days later, when she had gotten home from school, the Featheringtons’ piano was gone. She hadn’t touched one since. 

Penelope knew that George had always blamed himself for that night. He said that if he hadn’t invited them that none of it would have ever happened. No small part of her wondered if the piano had really been for her, if he’d died still thinking that it was his fault that she had no longer been able to find solace in the instrument, that maybe if he had one in his house for her that she would finally be able to play once again. 

She missed him so much. They had met when she was five and he was six, and while Phillip had been her best friend from the very beginning, George had been the older brother she’d always wanted. He was loud and mischievous and popular and funny, but he’d also been kind and loving. He’d been their protector and their leader, and he had never failed to tell Penelope and Phillip how proud he was of them and always tried his best to make their lives better. 

And so it was for George that Penelope released Phillip’s hand and sat at a piano bench for the first time since she was fourteen years old.

She’d seen the surprise on her best friend’s face as he’d watched her, but she could also see the pride that so closely mirrored their big brother right before she’d closed her eyes and begun to play. It had been almost fifteen years since she had last touched the keys, but it had come back to her immediately, and she’d heard the sisters and the twins all gasp in unison. 

And as she’d played for her family, she’d also played for the boy who had always believed in her, the one who had blamed himself, forgetting that he had been a kid then, too. She’d felt the tears start to fall down her cheeks as the music flowed from her, and suddenly she’d felt someone sit beside her and lean a little into her side so she’d know they were there. She hadn’t opened her eyes to see who it was but she hadn’t needed to, because seconds later, Francesca had started playing with her. They’d finished the song together, and when she’d opened her eyes, she’d seen George’s smile reflected back at her in his brother and his son. 

Later, Pen had learned that Eloise first brought Fran over with the hope that she might be able to help the kids find comfort in the piano that stood in the living room untouched, a constant reminder of their dad. But at the same time, she had hoped that her sister may find kindred spirits in the Featherington-Crane household that might help her open up as well. The younger Bridgerton sister had moved back to Madison three years ago, after her long-term boyfriend had suddenly passed away. Though it had been years, Eloise had noticed that Fran still struggled in talking to her siblings about her loss, and she worried over whether or not her sister would ever be able to heal if she could not talk about it. She never could have guessed how right her instincts had been.

As the weeks went on, the lessons had lengthened, often lasting past the time that the children would go up to bed. Sometimes Penelope and Francesca would talk about the people they’d lost and the pain they felt. More often than not, though, they found peace and comfort through playing together, letting the music do the talking as they mourned and slowly started stitching themselves back together. Over time, Fran had become just as integral to Penelope’s life as her sister had, and Pen would be forever grateful for her. 

Now, as Pen sat staring at the instrument on the other side of the room, her phone buzzed with a message from Phillip, snapping her out of her reverie. He was letting her know that they were on their way home, that Eloise was going to spend the night. She wondered again when they were finally going to make things easier on themselves and just have El move in. Maybe meeting her family would move things along. Penelope heart-reacted to the text and looked to see if she’d missed any other messages. 

Pinned to the top, next to Phillip and Sophie, was her text thread with Felicity. She’d already been missing her sister a little extra tonight with all the thoughts about the Bridgerton siblings rushing around in her mind. Then, when she’d tried to get Oliver to sleep, he had requested she tell one of his favorite stories about his dad and his Auntie Fel looking for seashells together on the beach. It was a story that Penelope both loved and hated, but she could never tell the little boy no, especially when he was missing them, too. 

There were no new messages, Pen knew that, but she clicked on her sister’s picture anyways and read over their last conversation. Penelope had told her that she missed her, and Felicity had apologized that she wasn’t coming home for break, but promised to call over the weekend. She had signed off with an “I love you” accompanied by about twenty different emojis. Pen felt tears gather in her eyes and exited from the thread just as she heard the garage door open. 

Telly scrambled from the couch at the noise, and Penelope heard Eloise sit down on the ground to play with him the way she usually did as Phil walked into the room and plopped down into the armchair. 

“How were the kids? Did they get to sleep alright?” 

Pen observed the anxiety in her friend’s eyes and knew that he didn’t need to know how hard it had been for Oliver. “They were perfect. But Amanda made me promise that you’d come say goodnight when you got home.”

The relief that flooded Phil’s face was palpable, and she knew she’d done the right thing. She was about to ask him about his evening when El flopped onto the couch and laid her head in Penelope’s lap. 

“You will never believe what Phillip did tonight. You never told me your best friend was a traitor.” 

Penelope looked down at the brunette with a bemused expression. “So I’m responsible for him when he’s being annoying?” She paused for a second, then added, “Oh wait, that’s all the time.”

Eloise cackled, and Phil stuck his tongue out at her before retorting, “You’re just mad you lost, El. Looks like the Bridgerton A Team might have to reevaluate their name.”

El whipped her head to the side to glare at her boyfriend, and she let out the loudest scoff Penelope had ever heard. 

“Wait, you two were on separate teams?” 

“Hence the betrayal, Pen!” Eloise sighed dramatically. “Phillip conspired against me with my own siblings!”

“You were the one who ditched me to go back to your beloved team!”

“Only after you all tricked me! It’s unforgivable.”

“You’re acting like there was some grand conspiracy against you, honey. Do you really think your siblings went to all that trouble just so they could win at trivia night?”

“That’s exactly what I think, Phil. Everyone always assumes Francesca is so harmless when really she’s just more quiet about her wickedness. Besides, Co–” Eloise cut herself off and looked up at Pen for a second before continuing. Penelope guessed that she was about to use her brother’s name and stopped herself. “I mean, C is her favorite brother, and he might seem charming, but it’s all an act. They were plotting, I’m sure of it.”

“Didn’t you have to beg him to show up tonight so that we could meet?”

“That’s what they want you to think! See you’re already falling for it!” Eloise covered her face with her hands, and Penelope used the opportunity to get a good look at Phillip. 

As soon as they made eye contact, she saw the same mischievous look in his eye that he always got when he was messing with George, and she immediately knew that everything El had claimed was more than likely true. Her siblings had absolutely plotted against her and used Phil to enact their plans. Pen played with Eloise’s hair and found herself smiling at the way the Bridgertons had welcomed Phillip with open arms. 

“Anyways, you have to come with us next week, Pen. Please. You’d be the perfect addition to the A Team,” El begged, looking up at her with pleading eyes. 

“Oh please, she is not joining your team,” Phil scoffed. “You guys would eat her alive the second she got a question wrong!” 

“We would not!” El retorted angrily. 

“Hey! Who says I’d get one wrong?” Penelope argued at the exact same time. 

Phillip ignored them both. “You really should come though, Pen. I think you’d have a lot of fun.” 

“What about the kids?”

“We could ask Posy to watch them. You said they did great tonight, and they love P. I’m sure they’d be just fine.”

Penelope was shocked how fast her white lie had backfired on her, but she didn’t want to alert Phillip to her fib so she promised that she would think about it and figured she could spend the next few days coming up with a better reason not to go next week. 

“You ready to go, Pen?” Eloise called up the stairs to Penelope on Saturday morning. 

“Be right there!” Pen grabbed her favorite canvas tote and checked her reflection in the mirror on the back of the door. She groaned when she saw that the messy bun she’d tried hard to perfect had already come undone. For the most part, she’d gotten used to her shorter hair over the last few months but there were some pieces above her ear on the left side that still hadn’t grown out enough for her to pull them fully back. There was nothing to be done about that, so she pushed a bobby pin into the strands, careful not to press too hard, and hoped they would stay in place, then went to join Eloise downstairs.

They’d made plans to go to the farmers’ market, just the two of them. It was rare that Penelope left the house outside of her various appointments or something for the twins, so she was excited. El had been telling her about the market in the capitol square for weeks now and the weather was finally cooperative enough for them to go. They hopped into El’s car, a little Subaru that she’d had for years, and started the drive downtown. 

Eloise had the radio turned up and the windows down as they drove, and Pen felt relaxed until a song she recognized started playing. Instinctively, she reached up and skipped to a new station. El looked over at her curiously, but at the look on Penelope’s face, she didn’t ask questions and just started singing along to the new song instead. Once they got closer to downtown, the traffic started to build up and Penelope’s leg started bouncing. She wasn’t used to the roads being this crowded as she typically avoided being in a car during busy times. 

Eloise must have noticed because she assured Penelope they were almost there. A minute later, after they’d turned toward a parking garage, someone started honking. At the sound, Penelope flinched and her breathing started to speed up until she felt Eloise grab her hand across the console, bringing her back to earth. 

“Hey, you good?” Her friend’s voice was filled with concern. Pen nodded and forced a smile on her face that she was sure El didn’t buy for a second. Thankfully, it only took one more minute to get into the garage to park. 

As they walked to the market they were surrounded by people of all ages including lots of families, and when she finally caught sight of the square, Pen’s jaw dropped open. It was incredible. 

“Told ya, babe. Now come on, we need to go get a sconut!” 

“A what?” 

Eloise just laughed and grabbed Pen’s hand, dragging her to their destination. It turned out, sconuts were exactly what they sounded like: scones that were deep fried like donuts. They were also delicious. They ate their treats as El showed Penelope to all of her favorite stands, and before she knew it, the tote bag on her shoulder was completely filled, and she had a bouquet of flowers in one hand with a coffee in the other. 

They settled into the grass when they were done, deciding to soak up the warmth of the day a little bit longer before heading home. Penelope leaned back on her hands and tilted her face up to the sun, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds of life around her.

“Can I ask you something?” Eloise asked after a few minutes. 

“Of course.”

“Why didn’t you go back to Fox River sooner?”

Pen’s eyes flew open. She wasn’t expecting that. 

“It’s just, well I only wondered…” El started. “I mean I hope you don’t mind, but Phillip told me a little more about it and it sounds like the two of you really hit it off. He said that you had promised Colin that you’d go in to see him before Christmas, and that you were… Well, that you were thinking of moving here before everything happened. And obviously I know why you didn’t go at first, but I guess I just wonder why it took you four months to do it.” 

It was rare that Eloise Bridgerton sounded nervous when speaking, and Penelope couldn’t help but wonder what had made her so for this conversation. It was a valid question; she took a moment to gather her thoughts before answering. 

“For a while, I think I was so focused on surviving and making sure that the twins were ok that I didn’t really think too much about it. That’s not to say he didn’t pop into my head every now and then, but I was so worried about so many other things that I couldn’t let myself focus on a man I barely knew. By the time I started letting myself think about him, all I could think about was the fact that I’d let him down. I got it into my head that he wouldn’t want to see me after not showing up that afternoon. I told myself that he had probably already forgotten me, and even if he hadn’t, that he would be better off without my mess. It was easier, I guess, than going to see him, than having to explain.” 

Pen could tell how intently her friend was listening to her and absorbing what she was saying. 

“And now? If you had the chance to explain it now, would you?” 

She didn’t have to consider her answer. “Yes.”

Eloise nodded, and it looked like she was deep in thought. Penelope let her eyes close again; neither of them spoke for a while.

“Will you come to my mother’s for Sunday night dinner tomorrow?”

Pen looked at her friend again. She knew that Eloise had already asked Phillip to go and had offered to stay home with the kids again. Before she could point that out, El continued.

“I talked to Phil this morning. About bringing the kids. All of my niblings will be there, and they’ll fit right in.”

“It’s the whole family?” Penelope knew that Violet Bridgerton hosted a family dinner every Sunday night, but it wasn’t often that all 8 siblings were there unless it was someone’s birthday. However, with so many of them, that still happened fairly often. 

“It’s Charlie’s birthday, so it’ll be everyone.” 

“Charlie? Don’t tell me you spoiled another sibling for me.” Pen fixed El with a stern look and the brunette laughed. 

“Charlie is my niece, Anthony and Kate’s youngest. She’s turning three, and I’m sure she would love to meet you! Please, Pen. I really want you to meet my family. It wouldn’t feel right if you weren’t there.”

Pen couldn’t take the puppy dog eyes that El was sending her way. Besides, she knew Eloise really meant it when she said it wouldn’t feel right without her. “Ok ok, I’ll come.” 

El flung herself into Penelope’s arms, knocking both of them into the ground and causing them both to fall into a fit of laughter. Eventually they calmed down and stood up, gathering their things and starting the trek to the car. 

As they walked, Penelope voiced her appreciation for the city. “I just love it down here. The people, the life, the shops. It makes me miss Chicago a little.” 

“Would you ever think about moving downtown?” 

Pen balked at the question and tried to decide how much to tell Eloise since she hadn’t even talked to Phillip about it yet, but she had recently started thinking about finding her own apartment. It had come up in one of her sessions about a month ago when Rae had voiced her concerns about Penelope being surrounded by reminders of the past. At first, Pen had shut the question down, refusing to entertain the idea of leaving the children. Then, two weeks ago, Penelope had found George’s old Carhartt jacket hanging in the back of the closet. She hadn’t realized that Phil had gotten it dry cleaned after the accident. He’d found her in the midst of a panic attack, and it had taken a long time for him to calm her down. 

After that, she finally admitted to herself that Rae’s idea had merit, although she was still nervous to leave behind Amanda, Oliver, and Phil. If she was honest with herself, though, it had been part of the reason she’d started asking Phillip if Eloise was going to move in soon, knowing that she’d feel more comfortable leaving if they had El all the time. She also knew that both of them were nervous that they were moving too fast, even if they’d basically been together for years at this point. Penelope realized she’d been silent for too long because her friend started talking again. 

“I’m not, like, trying to push you out, Pen, I promise. I don’t even know if Phillip wants me there full-time, but even if I did move in, I would want you around always. It’s just that I’ve noticed how hard it is for you to be cooped up in that house, and I know you aren’t driving. And Pen, you hate being in the car so much. I just thought maybe you’d like it better if you could walk to your appointments and have access to coffee shops and–” 

Penelope stopped walking and grabbed her friend’s shoulders. “El, it’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it that way.” 

Eloise’s blue eyes flooded with relief, and she took a deep breath as Pen let go. They started moving again. 

“I’ve thought about it, for all the reasons that you said,” Pen finally admitted. “I just… I haven’t talked to Phillip about it yet. I need to think about it some more before I decide. But for the record, you’re crazy if you think he doesn’t want you around all the time.”

“You don’t think it’s too soon?”

Penelope’s lips twitched, remembering that question was Phillip’s only response when they’d talked. “I think that life is too fucking short to care about too soon, El.” 

The women shared a smile. "I suppose you're right. You know, if you do decide you want to find your own place, I could help out."

"Oh really?"

El nodded. "Exposed brick, hardwood floors, a bay window for reading, cat friendly, family discount."

Penelope couldn't even pretend not to be enticed by that list. "Family discount?"

"My family owns a few different properties around the city. Good investment in real estate, or that's what I'm told at least." 

Pen rolled her eyes at her friend. She had a feeling Eloise was downplaying exactly what the Bridgerton real estate portfolio looked like. 

"Did I mention the in unit washer and dryer? The breakfast bar? The clawfoot tub?" El waggled her eyebrows at the last one andPenelope chuckled. 

"You're ridiculous." 

"Ridiculously amazing maybe."

"Yes, yes. That too."

The next afternoon, Phillip, Penelope, and the twins piled into George’s old SUV to make the drive to Violet Bridgerton’s house. Pen had been nervous all day and thought she was doing a good job of hiding it until Phil grabbed her hand to stop her from biting her fingernails earlier and reassured her that El’s family was great, if a little boisterous. 

Now that they were in the car, she was nervous for a different reason, but Phillip didn’t say anything this time as her leg bounced up and down repeatedly. It was a longer drive than she was used to, as the Crane house was far on the east side of Madison in a newer neighborhood and the Bridgerton home was the exact opposite direction, located in one of the historic neighborhoods on the west side. 

She distracted herself by playing with her charm bracelet that she’d worn for the first time in a long time. She’d made a little bit more of an effort in getting ready today, even going so far as to put a bit of makeup on her face along with a slight wing of eyeliner that made her eyes pop more. She’d tamed her unruly hair into sleek waves and chosen her favorite pair of jeans and a cozy emerald sweater. She loved the way the color made her hair shine and complemented her pale skin instead of making her look like a ghost, and as she’d looked in the mirror before they left, she’d felt better than she had in months. 

Pen was pulled from her thoughts when Phillip slammed on the brakes suddenly, and her eyes snapped shut as she heard a screech of the tires. Immediately, Phil’s hand reached for hers, squeezing it hard the way she needed, but the pressure wasn’t doing anything to help as she started losing control of her breathing. 

“Penelope, I need you to breathe.” His voice was quiet, not wanting to disturb the twins. 

She shook her head. 

“Pen, I need you to open your eyes and see that we’re alright. Take a long deep breath, please.” When she still refused, his voice got louder. “Amanda and Olly, can you help Auntie Pen find five things you can see, please.” 

“I can see a stoplight!” Amanda shouted right away. 

“I see a truck!” Oliver piped up. 

“Good ones! I see a tree.”

As they took turns, Phillip squeezed her hand in time with the breaths he wanted her to take, and she forced herself to match his rhythm. She could do this.

“Ok, Auntie Pen, give us one,” he pleaded.

She opened her eyes and pointed out the telephone pole, then Amanda finished off by shouting out the clouds in the sky, and Phillip finally let go. They continued moving through the exercise. Four things they could touch, three they could hear, and by the time they get to two things they could smell, Penelope was breathing normally again, even laughing as Amanda shouted out that she could smell Oliver’s stinky feet and he retorted that he could smell her farts, yelling much louder than the little boy ever tended to be. She turned around in her seat and saw Olly looking very pleased with himself, and she smiled when she noticed Amanda grinning proudly at her brother. 

She faced forward again as Phil pulled up behind Eloise’s car, her jaw dropping as she looked over at the house they were parked in front of. Penelope whipped her head back to Phil who looked equally shocked. 

“I smell money,” she quipped. Phil laughed, then Amanda told her that it didn’t count because they already did two smells and didn’t they know they were supposed to do taste now?

Penelope chuckled at her niece’s admonishment and felt relieved at the same time that the grounding exercise had worked. She had learned it from a school counselor when she’d had her first panic attack in middle school, though she’d had to use it more often in the last four months than she had in the sixteen years since she’d first learned it. Phil had taught it to the kids, but he’d framed it like a game akin to I Spy in the case that they were ever around when she needed it so that they wouldn’t get scared. Luckily, that hadn’t happened too often, but when it had, they were more than happy to help play along. 

“Uncle Phil, it’s your turn!” the little girl cried impatiently. 

Phil blew a bubble with the gum he was chewing and leaned back over the seat to pop it in Amanda’s face. “I taste mint.” 

She giggled and then squirmed to get out of her seat, so Pen and Phil climbed out of the car and each helped one of the twins down. Amanda sprinted to the door where Eloise was waiting and gave her a hug. Phil rushed to catch up while Pen crouched down to check on Oliver who hadn’t moved from where she set him down. 

“What’s wrong, Ollybee?” 

“What if they don’t like me?” 

“Oh, Ol, they’re going to love you. What’s not to love?” 

The little boy looked so scared, and her heart broke. She knew how nervous he got to meet new people; he reminded her so much of his uncle. She pulled him into a hug and he squeezed her back. 

“You know, I get a little scared to meet new people, too?” 

“Really?”

“Really. But having a friend with me always makes it much easier. And you already have friends here. You have me and Uncle Phil and your sister. But you also have Eloise and Francesca. And anytime you feel a little scared, you can come find one of us and we’ll help you. Do you think you can do that?” 

Oliver nodded. 

“That’s my brave boy. Do you think you could hold my hand when we go in so that I can be brave like you?”

Her nephew’s chest puffed up a little and he grinned at her. “Yes I can help you, Auntie Pen.” 

He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the house and through the open door where El, Phil, and Amanda had disappeared. 

Walking in, Pen tried to hide the awe from her face as she looked around the entrance hall. It was a huge space with a beautiful chandelier hanging from the ceiling and a grand double staircase leading to the second floor with a balcony looking down. Penelope had known that Eloise had come from money, but she hadn’t realized exactly what that meant until now. 

“Hi, you must be Penelope,” an older woman interrupted her thoughts. Penelope looked at the woman who could only be Violet Bridgerton and imagined that she was looking at her friends’ futures, for she looked so much like both of the daughters that Pen had met so far. 

“Hi, yes, it is so wonderful to meet you.” She shook the Bridgerton matriarch’s hand, and Violet smiled warmly at her, her blue eyes twinkling like Eloise’s did. Then she bent down to get to Olly’s height. 

“You must be Oliver. Eloise has told me so much about you, and I’m so happy to finally meet you.” Violet stuck her hand out to the little boy who looked up at his aunt, finding reassurance in her eyes and letting go of her hand so that he could wrap both of his little arms around Violet’s neck to give her a hug. Though Pen could see the surprise on the woman’s face, there was no hesitation as she wrapped Olly in a hug.

After a moment, in a little voice just loud enough that Penelope could hear it, Oliver spoke, “I love Eloise very much. I hope that we can keep her.” 

Violet leaned back and smiled at him affectionately. “I’d be willing to share her if that sounds fair to you?” 

Oliver nodded as he hugged Pen’s leg, and Violet rose again, sharing a smile with Penelope. “Come on in, you can meet the rest of the family. I think Amanda already got dragged off to the playroom by one of Daphne’s girls.” 

Penelope and Oliver followed Violet further into the house and found themselves in a great room filled with people. Violet introduced them to Anthony and Kate first, followed by Benedict, Daphne, Gregory, and Hyacinth. Penelope couldn’t help but think that Eloise was really setting her up for failure in ever being able to guess the name Hyacinth. She was also annoyed when she remembered that she’d guessed Benjamin and El had smirked when telling her she was wrong. She was told that Daphne’s husband, Simon, was in the playroom with the children as the adults apparently took turns watching the kids on nights like these. 

Oliver had gone over to Phillip by the time Pen finally caught up with Francesca.

“So, you’ve met all the Bridgertons now. How are you feeling? Overwhelmed?” Fran teased and bumped her shoulder into Pen’s. 

“Well, not quite everyone. I’m still missing brother C.” 

“Oh! Right, um, I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Francesca didn’t seem to be paying much attention, though, as she was watching the door where someone had just walked in. 

“Mich!” Fran called out, and the woman turned toward them. Then a second later, Penelope realized just who had come in. Michaela from Fox River was at the Bridgerton Sunday dinner, and she was carrying a big box from the bakery. Pen wasn’t sure what her face looked like as she took in the other woman who seemed to have just noticed her as well.

A smile brightened Michaela’s face as she looked around the room, eyes landing on Phil and El. “Does he know?”

Eloise shook her head. 

“Oh, this is going to be good.”

“Where’s Colin?” Benedict asked Michaela, looking back and forth between her and El. 

“He went up to say hi to the kids.” 

“Colin?” It was the only thing Penelope had time to say before Amanda came sprinting into the room. 

“Auntie Pen! Auntie Pen! You’ll never believe it. Sexy Mister Baker Man is here!” 

“WHO?” The word came from so many mouths around the room, it felt as if it had been yelled. 

Penelope, who had slowly come to the realization of exactly what was happening, didn’t even have it in her to stop her niece from explaining. She knew she must be the exact shade of red that had always made George call her Strawberry Shortcake. 

“Colin, duh! He makes the best cake pops in the world. We call him Sexy Mister Baker Man but not in public because Auntie Pen said we’re not allowed.”

As Amanda finished her explanation, the baker himself wandered into the room, his eyes dancing in amusement as they met Pen’s, and she knew he’d heard every single word. She wondered if it was possible to die from embarrassment as every single Bridgerton looked between the two of them. She noted that they were all trying hard not to laugh with varying levels of success, with the exception of her traitorous best friends whose shoulders were shaking with unrestrained laughter. 

Nobody spoke as Colin walked over to where she was standing, sporting a huge grin on his face. Next to her, Fran broke the silence, humor evident in her voice. 

“Well, it seems you’ve already met my brother in some capacity, but to make it official. Penelope Featherington, meet Colin Bridgerton.”

Chapter Text

To no one’s surprise, Colin and Michaela were once again late to his mother’s house for Sunday night dinner. He didn’t really have an excuse other than his own poor time management and abysmal gift-wrapping skills. He had spent too much of the afternoon prepping in the bakery for the week before he remembered he still had to wrap his niece’s birthday present. Charlotte was turning three, which was hard for him to wrap his head around as she hadn’t even started walking yet when he’d first moved back to Madison. Colin would never admit it to anyone in his family lest he experience the wrath of his niblings’ parents, but Charlie was his favorite. He loved them all, of course, but there was just something about that little girl that tugged at all of his heartstrings. Kate and Anthony would tell him he’d gone overboard with her gift, but he hadn’t been able to help himself and ended up spending an hour trying to assemble and perfectly wrap each piece of the children’s baking play set that he had picked out for her. Even Mich had been impressed when he showed her which had made him puff up his chest until she yelled at him to start driving. 

When they finally arrived at his childhood home, he parked his Jeep behind an older Ford SUV he didn’t recognize. “Whose car is that?”

Michaela shook her head. “No clue, probably just a neighbor or something.” 

He shrugged it off and climbed out of the car, grabbing his gift from the backseat as Mich pulled out the box of cookies he’d made for the evening. He always provided dessert for family dinners, but today’s were special for the birthday girl. He’d bought cookie cutters and had spent his evenings this past week meticulously decorating the desserts with the Sesame Street characters and little street signs with Charlie’s name on them. The toddler was obsessed with Oscar the Grouch, and he couldn’t wait for her to see them. As soon as they walked inside, he placed the gift by the door and ran up the stairs to greet his niblings. 

“Uncle Colin!” the children chorused as he entered the playroom. At once, Charlie came running over to him and lifted her arms so that he could pick her up.

“Hey, Angel, happy birthday!” He punctuated his greeting with a raspberry on her cheek that made her giggle. His heart melted as she squished her little face into his face to try to get him back. He lifted Charlie up to his shoulders and finally took a second to look around the room. It was in a general state of chaos, as was typical whenever all six niblings were in the house, especially as they had gotten older. Charlotte’s brothers, Edmund and Miles, were now nine and seven, while Daphne’s girls were six, five, and four. He also suspected there would be another Basset joining them soon, though Daph and Simon had yet to announce it to the family officially. 

Speaking of Simon, he had been roped into playing dress-up with Colin’s nieces who were currently giggling at the state of his brother-in-law. Si was wearing a tiara and a bright pink feather boa around his neck which matched the look of all five of the little girls in the room, including the one on Colin's shoulders. He was about to reach into his pocket to grab his phone so he could capture the moment when he counted again. He was certain he only had four nieces. Standing in front of Simon were Amelia, Belinda, Caroline, and… 

“Amanda?!”

“Colin!” The little girl started jumping up and down and squealing excitedly as she seemed to finally register who was standing in front of her. His nieces looked perplexed. “Oh my goodness, I have to tell Auntie Pen!”

“Wait, what?! Penelope is here?” But Amanda didn’t answer, instead she sprinted from the room, and he could hear her hurtling down the stairs.

“Uncle Colin, you know Amanda? She’s my new friend!” Belinda seemed excited by the prospect, but Colin was too busy putting Charlie back on the ground and running out of the room to answer her. He made it down the stairs just in time to hear Amanda yelling as she entered the great room.

“Auntie Pen! Auntie Pen! You’ll never believe it. Sexy Mister Baker Man is here!” 

Now that was unexpected. He stayed outside and caught his breath waiting to hear an explanation after he heard what sounded like his entire family asking what the little girl was talking about. 

“Colin, duh! He makes the best cake pops in the world. We call him Sexy Mister Baker Man but not in public, because Auntie Pen said we’re not allowed.”

Nothing had ever sounded like more of a cue to enter a room. He tried to wipe the grin off his face as he walked in, though he wasn’t sure how successful he was, especially as his eyes were drawn to Penelope immediately. She was standing close to Francesca, and while in his periphery he could see various members of his family looking between them, clearly amused, he only had eyes for her. 

She was wearing the same emerald color she’d been wearing the day they met, the one that made her look even more ethereal than usual, and her jeans hugged her hips perfectly. She was also bright red, to the point that her cheeks practically matched her hair, and he was certain he’d never seen someone look so adorable. He walked directly over to her, and the closer he got, the more he could feel his grin returning. Once he stood directly in front of her, Fran spoke up. 

“Well, it seems you’ve already met my brother in some capacity, but to make it official. Penelope Featherington, meet Colin Bridgerton.”

“Penelope Featherington, huh? It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He winked at her and extended his hand for her to shake. 

She rolled her eyes but gently placed her hand in his. “Nice to meet you too, Colin... Bridgerton.” She shook her head a little as if she couldn’t believe it, and he noticed that she sent a little glare over in Eloise and Phillip’s direction. If he had to guess, he would assume that she had not been informed of the familial connection until just now. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you’re willing to pretend you didn’t hear my charming niece just now, is there?” 

He chuckled and heard some of his family members giggling as well, including a certain little girl who would never have to pay for a cake pop again if he had anything to say about it. Hell, she could have any dessert she wanted, on the house. 

“Not a chance, Pen.” A moment later a throat cleared, and Colin realized he was still holding her hand. They let go at the same time, and she wiped her palms on her jeans. 

“Please tell me you have a nickname for me, too. The Hot Barista or the Cute Coffee Girl?” Michaela’s voice broke the tension in the room as she wandered over. “I’m way better looking than Colin.” 

Laughter filled the room and Colin was glad to see that Penelope had joined in on it. Mich pulled her into a hug with no forewarning, and while the tiny woman seemed surprised at first, she soon returned the embrace. 

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Penelope. We were interrupted last time by this doofus–”

“Hey!” Colin interjected when his best friend poked his side to put emphasis on the insult. 

“Mich, have you ever been able to restrain yourself from flirting when a pretty girl is in the room?” Benedict joked from where he stood a few paces away. Colin noticed a flash of emotion cross Francesca’s face as the others laughed and took the opportunity to give his little sister a hug in greeting. She squeezed back a little harder than she normally might. 

"Bold coming from you, Ben. Only difference between us is that you flirt with the pretty boys, too," Michaela retorted as she hugged Fran. 

"Not anymore, Mich. Not since he met that girl in the silver dress that he hasn't stopped talking about," Colin joked. He heard a gasp come from Penelope and looked to see her staring straight at Benedict with a little gleam in her eye. He thought to question it but was distracted when Ben started waxing poetic about the woman he'd been obsessed with since last Halloween. Everyone groaned as they'd heard it all before and although Colin wanted to continue talking to Penelope, he started making his way around the room to greet the rest of his family. He hugged his mother but avoided her gaze as he did not want to get caught up in the way Violet Bridgerton tended to meddle. Still, after a few minutes she called everyone to the dinner table, and he found himself sitting directly across from Pen. He was sure his mother had somehow managed to orchestrate it. 

Penelope was nestled in between Eloise and Hyacinth, the latter of whom seemed to be instantly taken with their guest, something Colin could relate to. His youngest sister was already chatting Pen’s ear off about some celebrity gossip, but unlike most of his siblings who usually zoned out while Hya talked pop culture, Penelope was completely engaged and adding her own quips every now and then which kept making the younger woman laugh. He remembered Pen telling him that Felicity was the same age as Hyacinth and how much she had been missing her little sister while she was in England. He wondered if Hya reminded Pen of Felicity and thought she must, based on the soft way she gazed at his sister while she spoke. 

To one side of Colin was Gregory, whom he’d already caught ogling the redhead multiple times, and though he knew it made him a hypocrite, he didn’t like the way his younger brother kept getting distracted by her presence. He also noticed Eloise looking between himself and Penelope multiple times, and after she’d caught him watching her new friend for the third time and muffled her giggle, Colin spent the next several minutes trying to feign his innocence and instead spoke to Phillip, who sat on his other side. 

He already knew he liked Phil after their night out at Mondrich’s, but as they spoke, he learned they had more and more in common. It turned out, the man had spent a year in Greece as part of his doctoral research, and they had been in the country at the same time while Colin had lived there for six months working in a small bakery. Colin was finishing telling Phil about the old woman who’d owned the bakery when Eloise interrupted him.

“Colin, don’t tell me you’re boring Phillip with your stories already. You’ll scare him off.” Colin felt his ears go red and started to apologize, he knew how his family felt about the way he talked about his time abroad, but Phil spoke over him. 

“I assure you, Eloise, I am far from bored.” His tone promptly quieted Colin’s most obnoxious sister and drew the attention of some of the family who were sitting around them. He turned back to Colin with a smile on his face. “Now, tell me. Did you visit the olive orchards in Lesvos?”

“I certainly did. I oiled my way right in.” Colin couldn’t help himself. He loved a pun. He was immediately rewarded by Phil’s light chuckle but found himself even more pleased when he heard a sweet giggle from across the table. He looked over and saw Penelope’s shoulders shaking, and he was sure his smile stretched from ear to ear at the sight of it. While the two best friends laughed, Colin was all too aware of the way his siblings were looking between them, open-mouthed. “That was an olive joke.”

At his added unnecessary explanation, the cutest sound he’d ever heard graced his ears as Penelope snorted, which made Phil laugh even harder as she covered her mouth, pink with embarrassment. 

“Oh my god, there’s more of him,” Gregory groaned and the others laughed, but Colin couldn’t be bothered to care as his eyes met Pen’s baby blues which were bright with amusement.

“So Phillip, Penelope, Eloise tells me the two of you have been friends for a long time. How did you meet?” His mother’s voice startled both Colin and Penelope just as they’d started another one of their staring contests, and they both directed their attention towards where his mother sat at the end of the table. Next to him, Phil did the same thing. 

“We were five. I was terminally shy and had struggled making friends in kindergarten. Then one day, Pen showed up in class. It turns out, the Featheringtons had just moved into the house directly across the street, so my mom immediately convinced Penelope’s mother to let her come over for a playdate. We’ve been best friends ever since.” 

Colin was sure he heard at least a few of his family members sigh at the sweet story as Phil finished, including his mother. The two old friends shared a grin across the table. 

“That is so sweet. Where did you two grow up?” Daphne asked from where she sat next to Violet. “I thought Eloise mentioned you moved here from Minnesota?”

“Philadelphia, actually. I got my PhD at U of M and then started teaching there, so I was in Minneapolis for the last 6 years, except for the one year I was in Greece. Michigan before that for undergrad.”

“Wow, East Coast to the Midwest. That must have been a little bit of a shock to the system,” Anthony chimed in. “Simon can relate to that, he’s from New York.”

Colin’s brother-in-law chuckled and nodded his agreement. “Midwest Nice is definitely something you have to get used to.”

Phil and Pen both echoed his statement with a laugh. 

“How about you, Penelope? What brings you to Madison?” Kate had asked the question and Penelope seemed to shy away a bit as the attention of most of the table turned towards her, with the exception of the children who were all giggling together at the other end.

“Oh, um. Well, I went to college in the city. I wanted to stay close to my little sister, but after I graduated we moved to Chicago. I’ve been there ever since. But um, after my sister moved to Cambridge for grad school last fall, I got a little lonely and decided I wanted to be closer to the twins. I moved here in January.” 

Colin caught Pen’s eye briefly but she quickly looked away from him and smiled tentatively at his sister-in-law who smiled back. “That’s so wonderful, the children must adore having their aunt around. They’re lucky to have someone who cares about them so much.”

“Phil is too. Single parenthood can’t be easy. It’s so nice that you still have each other’s backs after all this time.” The second comment had come from Daphne, and although Colin knew she likely had not meant anything by it, he was surprised that his sister would describe Phil as being a lucky single parent, especially when most people wouldn’t exactly consider his unexpected guardianship of the twins to be anything other than tragic. He was even more surprised when multiple siblings murmured their agreement, and it was only because Colin was watching her so closely that he saw both confusion and hurt wash over Penelope’s face. He glanced to his side to see it mirrored on Phillip’s. Eloise sat up straighter and seemed to tense as she too noticed their expressions, and he wondered exactly what his sister had told their siblings about the Cranes. 

Colin heard his mother clear her throat and looked toward her again. He noted the worry in her furrowed brow and knew right away that she, at least, knew the whole truth of their circumstances. “Well, we are so happy to have you here. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you all ever since I realized how much my daughters both adored your family.” 

He didn’t understand why she referenced multiple daughters until he saw El and Fran both smiling softly at their guests. He hadn’t realized that Francesca would have already met the Featherington-Crane family, but then remembered that she had been the one to make his official introduction to Pen when he’d arrived. Eloise must have introduced them at some point. He was quite happy to know that Fran and Pen were getting to know each other, though.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bridgerton,” Penelope replied quietly.

“Yes, thank you, ma’am. We’re so glad to be here,” Phil added after his best friend. 

“Please call me Violet, both of you. We’re family now,” she spoke gently and honestly, the way Colin had always known her to. Both Pen and Phillip smiled a little wider at her.

“Your little sister is at Cambridge, Penelope? That’s so cool. How old is she? What’s her name?” Hya’s innate curiosity had likely peaked as soon as Pen’s sister was mentioned, and her need for information must have finally overpowered her patience for other people to have a conversation. 

“It’s Felicity. She turned 23 in November.” 

“Same age as me! Will she come back to live in Madison for the summer? Oh my god, it would be so fun to finally have another young person around.”

“Hey!” Most of the Bridgertons protested her pointed words, but Gregory echoed the sentiment. Colin laughed at his menace of a sister until he saw Penelope’s eyes had lost their light. She glanced down at her hands then looked across the table to Phillip who was already staring directly at her. Again, Colin knew the rest of the family was unlikely to have noticed. 

“You know, Penelope is being way too humble by the way. She didn’t just go to school in the city, she went to the University of Pennsylvania. She’s an Ivy Leaguer.” 

The sudden declaration came from Eloise who had spoken even louder than she normally did, and Colin assumed that she had also caught the look exchanged between her boyfriend and his friend. He could only imagine how much Penelope missed her sister and guessed that El wanted to move the conversation along. The redhead was looking at his sister with a little bit of surprise etched into her expression, though she also smiled softly. Next to him, Phil chuckled at the way his girlfriend chose to pivot. 

“So, Pen went to Penn, I guess we all should have seen that coming.” Colin's comment was met with some light laughs and even more groans. 

“Please don’t try to make a pun, Col. I can’t take another one.” Gregory hated his puns which only encouraged his behavior more, to the chagrin of the rest of his family.

“I’ll go ahead and write down that request.” He patted his pockets, pretending to search for something then looked around. “Does anyone have a pen I could borrow?” In his periphery, Colin saw at least three of his siblings bury their heads in their hands, but he was quite pleased to see Phillip immediately point across the table while Penelope had raised her hand. The family members who saw them playing along seemed amused, and Colin caught his mom looking back and forth knowingly between himself and Pen.

“Eloise, where did you find these people? He doesn’t need this kind of encouragement,” Benedict joked but winked at Penelope who laughed at the comment. 

“Col, didn’t you apply to UPenn?” Daphne asked. 

“Yeah I did, didn’t get in though.” 

“Embarrassing…” Greg taunted from beside him, and Ben smacked him on the back of the head. “Ow! What was that for?” 

“You’re calling that embarrassing when you barely got into Wisconsin. Are you forgetting that Col went to Stanford?” 

“You went to Stanford?” Penelope was looking at him now for the first time in a while. 

He nodded, his cheeks heating under her attention. “That’s where I met Mich, actually. But if I’d known I’d have to deal with her the rest of my life, I might not have gone,” he quipped, knowing that he’d get a reaction out of Michaela; however, he hadn’t quite expected her to get up from her chair next to Fran and start chasing him around the house.

After dinner, Colin went into the kitchen to set up dessert. The family had already sung happy birthday to Charlie at the beginning of their dinner, as was tradition in the Bridgerton House. Colin couldn’t quite recall how it had started, but for as long as he could remember, the Bridgertons had blown out candles that were stuck to whatever their meal was that night. Penelope and Phillip had looked so confused, but Amanda and Oliver couldn’t stop giggling at the number 3 candle that was stuck in Charlie’s mashed potatoes. So after dinner, the kids had all scampered back to the playroom under the watch of Hyacinth and Gregory while the rest of the adults were in the great room, and they would have the Sesame Street cookies a little later.

When Phil had followed him into the room and offered to help, he decided to accept, wanting a chance to apologize properly for the other night. Colin grabbed plates from the kitchen cabinet as he spoke, “Hey, I never got a chance to say I’m sorry for acting so weird when you and El first got to Mondrich’s for trivia.” 

“Please don’t worry about it. Eloise explained everything on the way home,” Phil waved him off as he moved the cookies from the bakery box to the platter Colin had put on the counter already. 

“But still–” 

“Colin, trust me. You’re certainly not the first person to mistake me for my brother. It was an honest mistake, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“You really do look so similar.”

“That’s rich coming from a Bridgerton, you know that, right?” Phillip raised an eyebrow at Colin who laughed and had to admit the man had a point. All of the Bridgertons could be easily picked out as siblings, though with the age gap between himself and Benedict, it had usually just been his older brothers who were mistaken for each other growing up. He wondered if he had spent more time at home in his adulthood if that would have started happening to him, too. 

“Touché.” 

Colin joined Phil on the other side of the island, and the two men worked in companionable silence for a while until Oliver suddenly ran into the room crying and pulling at Phil’s shirt. Phillip picked the little boy up, and Olly immediately cuddled into his uncle’s shoulder.

“Ol, what’s wrong?” Phil tried coaxing him out in a gentle voice, but he just shook his head. A moment later, they heard yelling. Colin led Phil and Oliver back into the great room just in time to see his nephew, Eddie, come skidding into the room with Amanda hot on his heels. Greg was just behind them, and then came Hyacinth and the other children. 

“Dad!” Edmund yelled.

“Auntie Pen!” 

Both Anthony and Penelope approached the child who had called for them to ask them what was wrong. As they started talking at the same time, it was impossible to understand exactly what had happened. Colin thought he heard snippets of “unfair” and “crybaby” and “dessert,” and as he looked around the room, it seemed as though everyone else was equally confused. Kate finally stepped in to ask Eddie to let Amanda explain first and then he could have a chance. While the nine-and-a-half-year-old looked frustrated, he finally nodded at his mom and crossed his arms. 

“Amanda, what’s going on, honey? Why are you upset?”

Amanda finally turned from Penelope to face Kate. She took a deep breath and then pointed a finger to Colin’s nephew. “He was mean to Oliver. He told him that he couldn’t have dessert and then called him a crybaby!” 

“I did not!!” Eddie screeched, indignantly.

“Did so!”

“Did not!”

“Kids! This isn’t helping. Greg, can you please shed some light on the situation?” 

Colin’s younger brother came further into the room as Amanda and Eddie glared at each other fiercely. Penelope had her hands placed on Amanda’s shoulders as if to keep her steady as Greg spoke. “The kids were asking if it was time to get dessert yet. I told them they knew the rules and had to ask their parents first. Oliver asked me if he could have dessert, too, and I told him that it wasn’t up to me. Eddie tried to explain the rules and then…well I don’t really know what happened then. They went back and forth a couple of times, and Oliver got really upset and ran out, then suddenly these two were yelling at each other.” 

Colin felt his stomach drop as he started putting the pieces together. He knew exactly which rule Eddie had tried to enforce. His nephew really was a miniature version of Anthony and took his role as the eldest of his siblings and cousins very seriously, which usually meant making sure that all of the rules were being followed. And one of the biggest rules? No dessert until Mom or Dad says yes.

“Ok, it sounds like a misunderstanding. Eddie, Amanda and Oliver are new here, and they don’t know the rules yet, and you’re much bigger than them. I think you need to apologize then we can move on.” 

“But Mom! That’s not fair. I just told him he had to ask his dad so he could get a cookie, and suddenly he was crying and she was yelling at me.” At his nephew’s words, Colin felt Phillip tense beside him. Phil placed Olly down in front of him and was laser focused on Amanda as she defended her brother. 

“You called him a crybaby!” Amanda was indignant. 

“Well he was being one! If he was just going to run to his dad anyways, why couldn’t he just ask him for a cookie!” 

“Edmund Bridgerton! That is enough!”

“But mom! Their dad is right there!” He pointed a finger at Phillip. “Why is it so hard to just follow the rules?”

There it was, the confirmation Colin was waiting for. Around the room, a few faces fell as Eloise, Francesca, Michaela, and Violet heard Eddie’s words, though most of the room still looked confused as to what the problem was. 

“Because the rules aren’t fair! And that is not my daddy!” Amanda struggled her way out of her aunt’s grasp as she yelled. There were sounds of confusion coming from all around the room.

Then Colin heard his nephew’s voice sounding smaller than he’d ever heard it before. “But I thought…That’s not your dad?” 

Colin saw Penelope desperately trying to make eye contact with Phillip who hadn’t looked away from his niece. When she noticed she had Colin’s attention, she pointed at Olly and covered her ears, then her attention went right back to Amanda who looked as if she’d reached her boiling point. He had just gotten his hands over the little boy’s ears when she blew up.

“No! My daddy is dead! He is dead and my Mommy is dead and it isn't fair!” The tiny voice that screamed those words broke Colin’s heart. Penelope knelt on the floor and pulled Amanda into her arms. The girl went willingly this time. “It isn’t fair, Auntie Pen. It isn’t fair.” 

Colin knew she was no longer talking about the fairness of the rules and instead the completely unfair hand that she’d been dealt when her parents had been taken from her too soon. She was right, it wasn’t fair. The little girl had collapsed into her aunt’s arms muttering what sounded like the same three words over and over again as Pen whispered in her ear trying to calm her down. As the fight went out of Amanda, he took his hands off of her brother’s ears, and Phil looked at him gratefully before grabbing Oliver’s hand and walking over to his niece and best friend. Colin saw tears streaming down Penelope’s face as she lifted Amanda from the ground, and the family of four left the room. 

Eloise made a move to follow them, but Fran caught her arm and whispered something in her ear, and El nodded and stayed in place. There were tears in both sisters’ eyes. The rest of the family looked completely shaken, and the surprise on his sibling’s faces confirmed to Colin that El had not divulged any of information he was aware of to the rest of their family. His nieces and nephews looked scared and sad, especially Edmund who looked absolutely beside himself with regret.

“What’s going on, El? Phil’s not their dad?” Daphne finally broke the silence, but Eloise just shook her head, obviously overwhelmed. Instead, Violet walked closer to the center of the room so everyone could hear without her having to speak too loudly. 

“Phillip is Amanda and Oliver’s uncle. His older brother, George, was their dad. Their mom, Marina, was Penelope’s best friend. A couple of days before Christmas, George and Marina were in a car accident. They didn’t…” Colin’s mother stopped for a second to compose herself more. “They didn’t make it.”

“So Amanda and Olly don’t have a mommy or daddy anymore?” Amelia’s tiny voice asked. 

“No, dearest. But their Uncle Phil and Auntie Pen love them very very much, and they both moved here to Madison to take care of them.”

“Mommy, I didn’t know.” Eddie’s words were strangled as he started crying and clinging to Kate who was trying to reassure her son that it would be alright. Seeing their brother and cousin cry seemed to start a chain reaction in the rest of the children. Miles sought shelter in Anthony’s arms while A, B, and C juniors were holding onto Simon and Daphne’s legs. Charlotte, too young to fully comprehend what was happening, ran directly to Colin who picked her up.

There wasn’t a single person in the room who was unaffected by what happened to the Cranes, and not just because it was devastating, but because each of the adults present had lost at least one of their parents as children. Colin knew that in feeling the pain of the twins, they were all also feeling their own pain all over again. He watched as Francesca and Violet attempted to console Eloise who was wiping tears from her eyes and held Charlie a little bit closer, feeling helpless as his family reacted to the news, while at the same time, there was a little family hiding somewhere in his mother’s house trying to keep themselves from breaking. 

“Eddie, I need you to breathe, ok?” Kate’s voice brought Colin’s attention back to where his sister-in-law and nephew stood in the middle of the room. Even from a distance, he could tell that Eddie’s breathing was getting shallow and seemed to be verging on hyperventilation. “Edmund, you need to breathe, it’s going to be ok,” Kate kept trying, but her son wasn’t able to listen.

Anthony let go of Miles and tried rubbing circles on Eddie’s back but nothing seemed to help. The parents had been trying to calm their son for a couple of minutes when Penelope stepped back into the room. She touched El’s hand and whispered something to her, and Eloise hurried through the door. Pen took a moment to survey the room and her brow furrowed when she saw Edmund struggling near his parents. She walked straight to him. When he saw her, he started trying to apologize to her, but she shook her head.

“Amanda and Oliver are alright, Eddie. They aren’t upset with you.”

“But…but it’s-it’s my fault,” he gasped through his tears. 

“No, none of this is your fault. They’re alright. You’re alright. You need to breathe, Eddie. Can you take a breath with me?” Her voice was so gentle and caring that it seemed to attract the attention of all of Colin’s nieces and nephews. “Big breath in, big breath out. Ready?” Eddie nodded, and as she took a deep breath, he tried to follow. After a couple tries, the gasping breaths stopped, though the boy was still shaking. Penelope held a hand out to him and the whole room watched as he cautiously took it. She led him to the center of the large rug on the floor and sat down, crossing her legs and gesturing for him to follow. 

“Would you like to play a game with me?” she finally asked, her voice was quiet but in the silence of the room, it was easily heard. “It’s one I like to play to make myself feel better.”

Edmund nodded again.

“Do you think we should ask your siblings and cousins to play, too?”

Another nod.

“Ok kids, everyone come sit around in a circle.” 

Colin set Charlie down as she squirmed in his arms watching all the other kids, and she joined Penelope and Eddie on the rug. Once they were all sitting, she spoke again. 

“Have you ever played I Spy?” Nods all around. “This game is kind of like that, it’s really easy to learn. Do you want to try?” More nods. “Ok, to start the game we have to take six deep breaths! We’re going to breathe in, and your parents are going to count to three. Then we’ll breathe out, and they’ll count again. Should we try?”

Colin watched, fascinated, as the children attempted to follow her example. While Charlie struggled, most of the other kids were able to do it as all four of the parents softly counted to three each time that Penelope signaled. By the end, Eddie’s breaths had finally completely slowed, and he stared in rapt attention at the redhead before him. 

“Ready for the next part? We’re going to each take a turn naming something we can see until we do five of them, ok? I’ll go first. I can see the logs in the fireplace. Amelia, what do you see?”

“Umm, I see Uncle Ben’s painting!” She pointed and all the eyes in the room followed her finger. 

“Great job!” Amelia’s whole face lit up at the praise. “Miles, what do you see?” 

The game continued, and all of the adults watched in awe as the kids followed every word uttered by Penelope. They worked their way through the senses and giggled, and by the time they finished up with smell as Edmund shared that he could smell the candle that had been lit, all the children were staring with open reverence at the redhead. When Colin looked around the room, he realized the same looks were reflected in every adult as well. He understood how they felt, for he’d felt it in his bones from the second he’d laid eyes on her seven months ago. 

“We just have one final part of the game left. We have to name one thing we can taste. Hmm, can any of you taste anything?” All of the kids shook their heads, and Penelope looked around conspiratorially, then stage-whispered as if she was trying to hide her words from their parents. “What do you say, just this once, we break the rules and go steal some of your Uncle Colin’s cookies so we can all taste something yummy?” 

Every face in the circle was alight with glee, and they all scampered to the kitchen, Charlie and Caroline pulling Penelope along with them. For a moment, no one spoke until all at once, the remaining family members started breathing out sighs of relief and gathering together to talk. Colin’s mother caught his eye and nodded toward the kitchen. He didn’t need to be told twice.

He stole away and stood in the doorway watching as each of the kids took a cookie from the platter Phillip had filled. Penelope lifted Charlie up so she could choose her own cookie, and from the look on his niece’s face, he was about to have major competition for his place as her favorite. Once each nibling had a cookie, Penelope counted down from 5.

“Now take a big bite!” They all followed her orders taking the biggest bites they possibly could. “Ok, name one thing you can taste!”

“Cookies!” The word came out a jumbled mess through the kids’ full mouths and giant grins making Colin laugh which drew Pen’s attention to him. When she met his gaze she was smiling, though he could see her eyes were still slightly rimmed with red from the tears she’d shed earlier. As the kids ate their cookies, she walked over and leaned against the wall next to him. 

“That was brilliant, you know?” Colin nudged her lightly and nodded toward the kids. She glanced at him and then back to the niblings. 

“It was nothing…”

“No, Pen, it definitely was not nothing.” She shrugged a little but let her shoulder rest against his arm as if she needed a little extra support for a moment. “Are the twins ok?”

“No, not really.” Silly question, he supposed. Of course they weren’t ok. Neither of them spoke, but Penelope allowed a little more of her weight to lean against him, and he quelled the urge to reach down and grab her hand as they watched the kids giggling over the cookies, icing and crumbs all over their faces. After a couple of minutes, Eddie walked over and pulled on Penelope’s hand. She was so tiny that she barely needed to bend down to be eye to eye with the boy. 

“Penelope? Are Amanda and Oliver really ok?” His voice came out quiet, still hoarse from crying earlier. 

“Yes, Eddie, they’re ok. They just get a little sad sometimes.”

“I didn’t mean to make them sad. I’m so sorry.” He sniffled a little, and Colin wanted to wrap his nephew in a hug but held back and let Penelope handle it. She was looking at Eddie with so much empathy in her eyes that Colin felt himself fall for her a little more than he already had. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I promise they’re alright, we just need to go home now so that they can fall asleep, and tomorrow will be a brand new day.”

Eddie considered that and nodded. “Uncle Colin? Can we give them some of the cookies to take home with them? I want them to have dessert if they want it.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Ed.” Colin rubbed his nephew’s head and directed him back to the counter as he grabbed a Tupperware container from the cupboard. “How about each of you pick out a cookie to send home with Oliver and Amanda? And maybe if she’s lucky, one of them will share with their Auntie Pen?” He winked at her where she still stood against the wall, and she giggled a little. 

“But Uncle Colin, I want to pick out a cookie for Auntie Pen! She should get her own!” Amelia and Caroline nodded emphatically at Belinda’s insistence. He grinned at the way his nieces had already adopted Penelope as one of their own. 

“Ok deal, you can choose an extra special one for Auntie Pen!” His acquiescence was greeted with cheers. Each of them selected a cookie, and then he picked Charlie up so that she could choose one. “Ok, angel, your turn.” She giggled as she pointed out an Oscar the Grouch. “That’s your favorite, Charlie, you sure you don’t want to keep him?”

“I want Olly to have him.”

“Alright, peanut, Olly can have him.” He gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek and set her back on the ground. The rest of the kids finished placing the treats in the container, and he sealed it up and handed it to Edmund. “Why don’t we take this out to our new friends?”

Eddie led the way from the kitchen to the entrance hall where the family had gathered to say their goodbyes to the Cranes. Colin brought up the rear and chuckled as his oldest two nieces latched onto Penelope and pulled her through the house. The chatter in the hall quieted as they entered, and Colin paused near Pen as the children cautiously approached the twins who were saying goodbye to Violet near the door.

It was Oliver who noticed them first. And when the little boy made a point of stepping in front of his sister and glaring directly at Edmund in an act of protection, Penelope instinctively grabbed Colin’s hand, and he heard her breath leave her. He knew how impactful it was for the quiet and reserved little boy to be ready to stand up to the person who upset his sister, even if Eddie was much bigger and older than him. 

“I’m really sorry about your mommy and daddy. I didn’t know. I hope that we can still be friends.” The rest of the kids nodded in agreement with Edmund as Olly quietly assessed the situation. “We wanted to give you some of Uncle Colin’s cookies to take home.” Eddie thrust the container toward Oliver who looked unsure whether or not he should accept them until Amanda stepped to her brother’s side and slipped her hand into his. 

The twins exchanged a lingering glance and Colin assumed they were having a silent conversation because suddenly they turned back to the other children in unison. “Thank you. We want to be your friends too.” 

Amanda nodded as though she emphatically agreed with what her brother said, and all of the Bridgerton and Basset children smiled at them. 

Phillip, who had watched the interaction with a mixture of sorrow and pride on his face, ruffled his nephew’s curls then told the twins it was time to say goodbye and took the container from Edmund. Colin’s niblings swarmed the children then, pulling them into hugs, as was the Bridgerton way. At first, the Crane kids seemed stunned, but they quickly reciprocated and even offered small smiles to their new friends. Colin felt a quick double squeeze around his fingers from the small hand wrapped in his. It had felt so natural to hold Penelope’s hand that he had practically forgotten he was. She offered him a light smile and pulled away, walking towards her family.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her as she moved through the room, stopped by each of his sisters on her way so they could say goodbye with a hug and whispered words he couldn’t hear. Francesca’s farewell lasted the longest, and he reminded himself to ask his sister about their friendship. A part of him wondered if they might have found some kind of understanding in each other through their grief, as he knew Fran still suffered from John’s passing. 

Colin’s thoughts were interrupted by the melodic laugh he’d become obsessed with as all six of his nieces and nephews practically tackled Penelope in a group hug, and his heart melted at the smile on her face. He ignored the knowing look Daphne sent his way as he felt a tug on his pant leg and looked down to see Olly and Amanda staring up at him. He crouched down to their level. 

“Thank you for the cookies, Colin,” Amanda said, quieter than he’d ever heard her.

“You’re very welcome.” He tapped her on the nose and was rewarded with a tiny snicker. 

“We also really liked our karate cookies. They were so cool!” Oliver lowered his voice then, as if he was telling a secret. “But we really loved the cake pops.”

Colin laughed at the earnest expression on the young boy’s face. “I’ll tell you what, little man, you and your sister get free cake pops for life. How does that sound?” 

“Really??” 

“Really. Ooof!” Colin lost his balance and was knocked to the ground as Amanda and Oliver lunged forward at the same time to give him a hug, causing everyone in their vicinity to laugh. 

A few minutes later, the Cranes and Penelope were climbing into their car, as Eloise watched from the side of the road. Inside, Violet asked the children if they wanted to go back to the playroom, and they all joined their grandma while the rest of the family retreated to the great room. 

When Eloise walked into the room, Colin noticed how shaken she still looked. Gregory jumped to his feet as soon as he caught sight of her. 

“El, I’m so sorry. I had no idea what was going on, and I definitely didn’t do anything to make the situation better up there. God, that was so–” 

Eloise put a hand up and Greg stopped talking. “That was my fault, Greg. No one else’s. I should be the one apologizing. Actually, I am apologizing. I am so sorry, you guys.” Colin noted the surprised looks on their siblings’ faces. Eloise had never been one to take accountability right away as her stubbornness had often gotten the best of her. Colin wasn’t surprised, though. He’d heard the way she talked about Phillip and the kids; she knew that her actions had hurt them, and for that, she would always hold herself responsible. 

“I’ve just…well, I’ve kept Phillip a secret for so long, and I know that I shouldn’t have. I know that now. I just wanted things to feel normal for them. They haven’t felt normal in so long, and I wanted them to have a night where they were just themselves. I didn’t think about what it would mean if you didn’t know the truth, and I just ended up hurting everyone anyway, and I’m so so sorry.” 

Benedict held out a hand from where he sat on one of the couches and pulled Eloise over to sit down between himself and Daphne. “I think we’re all just a little confused, El. Can you start from the beginning?”

So she took a deep breath and began. Colin listened as she told them the same story she’d told him, though with slightly more detail this time instead of their rushed conversation outside of Mondrich’s Pub. She explained how she’d met Phillip and fallen in love with him. How she’d been terrified to meet him but had finally agreed to see him on New Year’s while he was visiting his family. There were a few interruptions, questions from their family. There was shock at how long she’d been hiding her relationship with Phil, understanding at her struggles with her identity. Then she got to the night of December 23rd, the part that Colin hadn't heard before. Her voice broke, as she remembered.

“We talked on the phone often, by that point, but he had never called me without warning before. At first, I thought maybe he had been drinking with his family or something, and I went to text him to tell him that I’d call him later. Then a second call came in. I can still hear his voice, the way he sounded when he said my name, it destroyed me. He told me something was wrong but started sobbing before he could say the words. 

“I tried to get him to tell me the address, but he couldn’t speak. I finally remembered that he had shared his location with me, so I told him I’d come over. I don’t know if you remember it, but it snowed that night, quite a lot. He told me not to come, but I had to. I promised him I would be careful and I was. It took me almost twice as long as expected to get to him, and when I pulled up, there was a police car outside. 

“I felt like I was moving on autopilot as I walked into the house, and then suddenly for the first time I was looking at the man I’d fallen in love with, and he was breaking and I didn’t know why. He collapsed into my arms as he cried. It was the police officer who had to explain what happened. 

“You see, it had also been windy that night, and the snow was blowing madly, and the truck driver didn’t see the stop sign. Three people had been pronounced dead by the time they made it to the hospital, and they’d found George Crane’s wallet, which had led them to the house. He said they needed Phillip to go to the hospital to identify the bodies. And there was another woman, she had been rushed into surgery and was in critical condition, but they hadn’t been able to identify her and they weren't sure she was going to make it through the night. The officer offered to drive Phil to the hospital himself, and once he calmed down enough, Phillip asked me to stay at the house where the children were fast asleep, and he left in the police car. 

“A few hours later, he came home and cried himself to sleep in my arms, and a couple hours after that, he woke up the children and had to tell them that their parents were never coming home.”

Colin felt the tears forming in his eyes as his sister spoke and saw that every single one of his family members looked the same. Daphne took a moment to hug her little sister. and Eloise clung to her as she composed herself. 

“So that’s where you were over Christmas? You were barely around at all.” Hyacinth questioned, her tone was thoughtful, not accusatory. 

El nodded. “Phil had no one. Marina was an only child to older parents who had passed away in her early twenties. Phil and George’s mother died when they were in middle school. His friends were back in Minnesota. The only people he knew in Madison, other than me, were Sophie and Posy, friends of Marina and Penelope. Posy and I took care of the children while Sophie helped Phil with the logistics of moving, speaking with doctors and lawyers, paperwork, everything. He would have stayed at the hospital day and night, if not for Sophie, who insisted she’d call him the second he was needed, but even then he tried to be there as much as he could. I barely even saw him that first week.”

“Why was he at the hospital?”

“Where was Penelope?”

Anthony and Michaela asked their questions at the same time, and Eloise took a moment to answer. She locked eyes with Colin for a moment and he knew before she even had to say anything. He sunk into the armchair and attempted to prepare himself. 

“Penelope was the woman who was in critical condition the night of the accident.” Audible gasps sounded around the room. “The doctors told Phil they weren’t sure when or even if she would wake up, but he told them they were wrong, he told them that she wouldn’t leave him. He was persistent and adamant that he needed to be by her side when she came back to him.

“Penelope woke up three days later, the day after Christmas, with Phil by her side. She had no memory of the accident, and when he told her what happened, her vitals went haywire. The doctors chose to sedate her, and kept her asleep for three more days to give her body more time to heal before putting her through that kind of distress again. In the two weeks that she was in the hospital, Sophie organized Penelope’s move from Chicago, and she’s been living at the Crane’s ever since.”  

“God, that’s awful. I can’t even imagine what they must be going through.” Everyone murmured their agreement with Kate’s statement. 

“What about Penelope’s family? I know they might still be in Philly, but wouldn’t they fly out to be there for her?”

“No, Greg, I don’t think they would. Pen’s father died years ago, and she’s estranged from her mother and sisters. Phil and the twins are the only family she has left.”

“She’s got us now, too,” Fran spoke for the first time since they’d started the conversation, and there was a quiet determination in her voice that was reflected in the nods of almost every person in the room. 

“What about Felicity? I know she’s at Cambridge but it was the holidays, surely she would have wanted to come back to be here.” 

Colin had wondered the same thing as Hya, though he hadn’t spoken it aloud. He thought Marina had mentioned in their final conversation that the youngest Featherington hadn’t been able to come home for Christmas because of her studies, but there was no way she wouldn’t have been able to get leave to be there for her family. 

It was silence that followed Hyacinth’s question, as Eloise looked upon the youngest Bridgerton and seemed to lose herself. She didn’t respond for a long while, just enough time for Colin to start dreading the moment she would finally speak. 

“El, the third person who died in the accident…it wasn't the truck driver, was it?" It was Simon who asked the question, the one they all needed her to answer. 

She shook her head and answered quietly, “He walked away without a scratch.”

“Then who was it?” Daphne's voice was quiet and broken. 

Eloise closed her eyes, as if it could prevent the words she had to say from being real. 

“It was Felicity.”

Chapter Text

It was Friday night and Penelope was curled up on the couch, writing in her journal. Amanda had fallen asleep quickly after storytime, but Pen was hoping to spend a little extra time with Phillip before heading to bed so she was waiting for him to come downstairs. Oliver had been equally exhausted, so it surprised her that their uncle was still upstairs though she had started to suspect he had accidentally dozed off in their nephew’s bed. It tended to happen after especially long days, and this whole week had been long, if she was being honest. 

It had been five days since the dinner at the Bridgerton matriarch’s home, and their family was still in recovery mode from the events of the evening. Even now, days later, Penelope continued to hear Amanda’s screams echoing in her head, drowned out only by the way she’d whispered the words “it isn’t fair” over and over again until they’d been able to calm her down. Pen’s heart had been completely shattered, and she knew Phillip felt the same way. Looking back, though, she was grateful that Colin had caught her eye from across the room and covered Olly’s ears before the screaming had started. She knew his hands hadn’t blocked out all of the words, but hopefully it kept the little boy from being haunted by the volume of his sister’s tortured voice.

Penelope had felt as if she couldn’t breathe for most of the week as she was in a constant state of worry about the twins. Amanda had been quieter than Pen had ever seen her, and Oliver had retreated even further into himself than was usual. So yesterday, after a long conversation with Phil in which they both agreed they were ill-equipped to properly help the twins with their grief, she’d asked Rae for recommendations during her Thursday session. Her therapist suggested they try taking the kids to a child psychologist and gave her the information for one of her colleagues so she could make an appointment. 

Pen had wondered aloud if they’d failed them, and Rae had spent the rest of their session listing every reason she could think of to refute those thoughts. She reminded Penelope that neither she nor Phillip could have ever predicted that they’d find themselves in their position, and that they were asking for help proved they were doing right by Amanda and Oliver. Pen had left the appointment feeling the tiniest bit lighter.

When she’d gotten home, she’d decided it was time to give Eloise a call and demand she come over after trivia that night. El had made herself scarce all week, not even showing up to Monday night piano lessons with Francesca. She’d had her sister tell them that she was busy grading her students’ final exams, but they all knew it was really because she was in her head about her role in Sunday’s events. Phil had tried to convince her multiple times that they wanted her at home with them, but she had stuck to her story. However, for as stubborn as the Bridgerton woman was, she eventually agreed to stop by after Pen had threatened to drive over to her condo and drag her back herself. They both knew she wouldn’t follow through on it, but it was enough to show El how serious Penelope was.  

The twins were already asleep when she’d shown up, allowing the three of them to talk about what happened. Eloise had apologized profusely, explaining that she just wanted them to have one evening where no one was walking on eggshells around them. She knew she’d have to explain the situation to her family at some point, but she’d thought she had time. Her words had echoed what Fran had told them Monday night after the kids were in bed and both of them had understood. They knew she was trying to protect them, as misguided as it had been, and neither of them held it against her. She could not have possibly guessed what the outcome of her withholding their truth would be, no one could have. Still, the idea that she’d been the cause of furthering the children’s hurt had obviously affected her more than anything ever had.

However, since Pen and Phil knew better than anyone how it felt to have your good intentions thrown back in your face when something went wrong, and because they had known what it meant to be the recipient of conditional love, they made sure she knew there was nothing to forgive. They told her there was no world in which they would no longer want her around, no world in which they would no longer love her, and they held her as she cried until she finally believed them. 

And when the twins had come down for breakfast Friday morning to see Eloise sitting at the kitchen island, they’d run straight for her to give her hugs and tell her how much they’d missed her, and none of them bothered to wipe away the tears that filled their eyes as she held them. 

El had taken the children to school after promising to see Penelope the following morning for the Farmer’s Market. She’d told Daphne she’d babysit her girls for the evening so her sister and brother-in-law could have a date night, admitting to Pen that it would be the first time she’d ever done so on her own. The twins had changed her perspective on kids, and while she still may not ever want to birth her own, Eloise had come to realize how exciting it could be to watch children become their very own people. 

With Phillip out of the house, Penelope had spent most of the day attempting to write but came up with nothing and spent most of her time on TikTok instead. Sophie had called on her way home from Chicago to discuss the outcome of her meetings with Danbury Publishing as well as a few last minute meetings with a production company that was trying to finalize a deal for her third book. Pen had assured her agent that she was trying and then later admitted the truth to her friend that she had nothing. Soph had only sighed before asking how Amanda and Oliver were doing. 

Later that afternoon, she went with Phil to pick up the kids from school. It was a beautiful day, so they’d gone on a long walk around the lake, stopping at the park so Amanda and Oliver could play. Afterwards, they’d surprised them with a trip to their favorite pizza place. Both of the children had noticeably perked up after El’s reappearance and it seemed as though their evening out had only furthered their progress. It was the first time she’d heard Oliver’s giggle in days, and Amanda’s exuberant cackle that sounded so similar to Marina’s had almost made Penelope cry. She knew Phil felt the same when he squeezed her hand twice under the table as he wiped the pizza sauce off their niece’s face with his other hand.  

When they’d arrived at home, Pen noticed a small navy blue pastry box sitting on the countertop. There was a post-it placed on the top, signed ‘from C & E,’ and when she’d opened it, she’d found two cake pops, a coffee eclair, and the strawberry-lemon bar Phillip had grown partial to. She’d grinned as she’d placed them on a plate and taken them to the living room to surprise the twins who had truly lit up for the first time all week and insisted they call Eloise to say thank you. Shortly after they had hung up, El had texted Penelope. “It was his idea.” She’d blushed and avoided Phil’s eye when he looked at her questioningly. 

She had somewhat successfully avoided thinking about Colin for most of the week, trying to force him from her head every time his stupidly gorgeous face popped back into her consciousness. Tonight, though, he invaded her thoughts as she journaled. Why did he have to be so sweet? 

Pen had debated stopping in to see him after her Tuesday appointment with Rae, the way she had the previous two weeks. She wondered if he had expected her to be there, if she had let him down by not showing up. But she hadn’t been brave enough to do it. 

Francesca had mentioned her that Eloise had told their family about the accident, about Marina and George and Felicity. He knew now why she hadn’t shown up that day in December, and she hadn’t been the one to tell him because she was scared. She was scared that it would change the way he looked at her, and the thing was, Penelope liked the way Colin looked at her. She liked that he made her feel beautiful under his gaze instead of insecure. She liked that he looked at her as if he saw the whole truth of her, even though he barely knew her. 

She was terrified that that look would change once he knew, that he would look at her with pity in his eyes instead of awe, and so for months she had been trying to build up the courage to tell him. She’d promised herself that she would give him the opportunity to prove her wrong, but she hadn’t, and he’d found out anyway, and then she’d gotten a glimpse of what it would be like now that he knew. After she’d helped to calm down his nieces and nephews, he’d told her she was brilliant, he’d let her lean on him when she hadn’t felt strong enough to stand on her own. And she’d despised herself for letting him. Because it turned out that the only thing that was worse than Colin looking at her with pity, was Colin still looking at her like she was something special when it was the last thing she deserved, when she was the last thing he needed. 

She wondered how he would feel when he found out that the only reason she knew how to help the children was because of how broken she was, how broken she’d always been. If she was being honest with herself, she still wasn’t sure what had compelled her to step in and try to help calm Edmund down in the first place, except for that she had been just about his age when she’d had her first panic attack and when she’d looked around the room at the other adults, they’d all looked helpless. 

All she’d known in the moment was that she had once felt the kind of fear that he was feeling. She’d recognized the pain he’d felt for hurting another child, even when that hadn’t been his intention. She was grateful that Eddie was surrounded by a family who would hopefully never allow him to believe what had happened was his fault, but she had quickly understood they had no idea how to help him, and so she’d done it herself. She hoped that he was doing ok, that his siblings and cousins were alright after witnessing the kind of grief she hoped they’d never ever experience themselves. She hoped the screams didn’t echo in their heads too.

“We need to talk,” Phillip said as he sank down on the couch next to Penelope, startling her. She was so lost in her thoughts and writing that she hadn’t even noticed him walking down the stairs. She looked up from her journal to give him a once over. By his slightly disheveled appearance, she knew she had guessed correctly that he’d fallen asleep by mistake. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Pen’s tone was flat, and she tried to raise her eyebrow at him even though they both knew she’d never been able to do it properly. He flicked her on the forehead and gave her the same look she’d seen him give Amanda tonight when their niece had refused to brush her teeth. She let out a sigh and set her journal on the side table. “Ok fine, let’s talk.”

Penelope thought she knew what he wanted to talk about and had already been putting off the conversation for almost two weeks. She knew he wouldn’t allow her to continue avoiding the topic of her mother for much longer. 

“Are you moving back to Chicago?”

Ok, so she was wrong. What the hell was he talking about?

“What the hell are you talking about?!” 

“I heard you talking to Sophie on the phone the other day.”

“Ok?” Penelope tried to recall what he could have possibly heard that would make him come to this conclusion. Sophie had called her on Monday morning while she was walking to her meeting at the publisher; they’d been talking about the convenience of having an apartment downtown and… 

“Oh.” 

“I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but I couldn’t help it. Pen, I had no idea you felt that way. I guess I thought, after Fel, you wouldn’t want to go back to the city. I shouldn’t have assumed. But you know I wouldn’t be mad, right? You can tell me if you want to go.”

Pen’s heart plummeted at the look on her best friend’s face. She’d known him for long enough to know what he looked like when he was trying to put on a brave face, usually for her benefit. She reached over to grab his hand, squeezing twice and not letting go. 

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“I don’t want to go back to Chicago. I can’t go back, not now. And I don’t want to. I want to be here, in Madison, with you and Amanda and Oliver.”

“I don’t understand, you told her you were thinking about looking for a new place.”

“Here, Phil. I meant here.”

“What?”

“Can I start from the beginning?” 

“Please,” he whispered.

And so Penelope explained the conversations she’d been having with Rae over the last month or so. She told him about the feeling of continually taking one step forward and two steps back as she tried to process her grief, the way the constant reminders of George and Marina that she was bombarded with while living in their home only made her feel their absence even more, and how all she wanted in the world was more time with her little sister that she knew she’d never get. She told him about her fears of leaving him and the twins, her discomfort in leaving the house knowing that to go anywhere she would have to get in a car, and her total inability to write anything of substance.  

“I love being here with you and the kids. And El, of course, when she’s around. I really do. I have no intention of ever being any further than fifteen minutes away. But I think I need time to figure out who I am without them so that I can actually be here for you the way I want to be, the way you all deserve. And I don’t think I can do that as long as I’m here, in a house that I’m both too scared to be in and too scared to leave.”

“Pen…” Phillip pulled her closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her. She allowed herself to relax into his comforting embrace. “I wish you had told me sooner. I hate that you’ve been feeling this way and I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry for not talking to you earlier. I know I promised no more secrets, but I needed time to figure it out.” 

“I know, I’m not mad, I promise. I could never be mad about this. I just…” Phil’s voice was croaky, as if he was holding back tears. “I thought you were going to leave me. This whole week I thought you were going to leave, and I didn’t know what to do.” 

“Never.” Pen squeezed her brother even tighter for a moment then pulled back so she could look him in the eye. She knew the tears in his blue eyes matched hers. “Together. That’s what we said, right?”

Phillip breathed a sigh of relief, and she wiped the tears from his face then from her own. “Together.”

They let themselves fall back into the couch and linked their pinkies, the way they always had when they were children. It had started with a pinky promise they shared when they were six years old to always be best friends no matter what. They repeated it whenever they shared secrets with each other and needed to be reminded of said pact. Then it became a source of comfort; when Phillip’s dad had been particularly brutal or Penelope’s mom had been especially cruel, one of them would find the other, and they would link their pinkies and sit in the silent promise that they would always be there for each other. 

In this moment, Penelope knew they were making that same promise to each other once again.

Phil broke the silence a few minutes later. “What did you think I wanted to talk to you about?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I know you, Pen. You tried to deflect earlier which means you thought I was going to bring up something you didn’t want to talk about. Then you seemed completely surprised by my question, so what were you expecting me to say?”

“You are aware of how annoying it is when you do that, right?”

“When I do what, exactly?”

“Know me better than anyone else.”

Phil grinned at her. “Twenty-four years of practice, Pen. Had to get something out of it. Now speak.”

Pen rolled her eyes and flicked him on the forehead. “Fine, I figured you wanted to talk about Portia.”

“Hmm, I don’t know anyone by that name.” He pretended to think for a second. “Could you perhaps be talking about the she-devil herself?”

A laugh burst out of Penelope. “The very one.”

“So, hypothetically, if I had asked you about Satan, what would you have been willing to share with me?”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You love me.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right.”

“No more stalling, speak!”

“You’re so bossy! No wait, I’ll talk, I’ll talk,” Pen squealed as Phil started tickling her side. He stopped, and she took a deep breath then looked down at her hands. “I’ve decided to reach out to Anthony to get the protection order. I talked to him very briefly after dinner on Sunday. Eloise told him that I was looking for some advice, and he gave me his card. Can you believe he just carries business cards around with him in his wallet??”

“Does he really? That feels so…adult.”

“Right?? I suppose he is, like, forty but still. I don’t even have business cards. Should I have business cards?”

“Oh sure, Pen, let’s mock one up for you. What’ll it be? Penelope Featherington, Former Barista? Or how about: Penelope Featherington, Real Person Behind the Most Famous Pen Name in the World with L.W. Down’s email listed?”

They both got lost in a fit of giggles at the very idea of it. 

“Wait, what would yours be? Oh, I know! Dr. Phillip Crane, Plant Daddy. I can see it now!”

“Hey!” 

“Ope, I was not supposed to know about that, was I?” Eloise had drunkenly confided in her a couple of months ago that she’d saved Phil’s contact info in her phone as Plant Daddy. Pen giggled again at the thought.

“You are the worst,” Phil proclaimed, though his words lost meaning as he was chuckling as he said it. When he finally calmed down, he poked her side again. “You distracted me, that’s unfair.”

“I promise it wasn’t on purpose this time.”

“I simply do not believe you.”

“Ok fine, but there’s not much more to tell. I have his card and I’m going to reach out to him to see if we can talk soon. I’m a little worried, though.”

“About what?”

“I’m going to have to tell him the truth, aren’t I? That the trust isn’t something my dad set up, but one I created for Felicity with my own money?”

“Yeah, I suppose you will. You don’t have to mention how you got it though.”

“Mmm, maybe…”

“Has Portia still been calling you?”

“Who?”

“Lucifer’s Mistress.”

“Ah, my mother. Yes, she has been. I’ve been sending her to voicemail. El mentioned that it might be easier to take action if I have proof of the harassment, so I didn’t want to block her phone number.”

“And the texting? It’s continued?”

Pen nodded her head.

“Anything new in the messages?”

“Other than telling me that I owe her hundreds of thousands of dollars and blaming me for the death of her favorite daughter? No. Nothing new.”

“Penelope.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

“That doesn’t make it ok. The accident was not your fault.” 

“I was driving the car, Phil.”

“And the truck driver didn’t stop at the stop sign.”

Penelope started to stand up. “I think I’m going to go up to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?” 

“Pen…”

“I just can’t do this right now, ok?”

“Ok, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m sorry. Please stay, just for a bit. I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Phil must have read the hesitation in her face because he grabbed her hand and squeezed. “We don’t even have to talk. Let’s just put on You’ve Got Mail and zone out for a while.”

Damn him for knowing her weaknesses. She nodded and squeezed back then hunkered back down into the cushions. As if sensing that she was getting comfortable to stay for a while, Telemachus hopped down from the chair he was sitting in and jumped up into her lap. She scratched him behind the ears. “Will you make popcorn before we start?”

“Duh,” he scoffed as if it was a silly question for her to ask.

“Make sure you–”

“Put in some of the secret stash of M&Ms you keep where the kids can’t reach?”

“Duh,” she echoed.

He hauled himself up from the couch and went to the kitchen, giving Penelope a few minutes to decompress further while he was gone. She’d been dreading the conversation about moving out for weeks, and in hindsight, she should have known that just simply talking to Phillip would have made her feel better. She hated that he’d spent a whole week thinking that she was going to leave him and reminded herself again that she owed it to him to be more open about how she was feeling. 

Part of the reason she’d kept it to herself, though, was the worry that he would feel as if she was abandoning him. They had never really spoken about how he felt living in his brother and sister-in-law’s house. She knew that he hadn’t wanted the kids to have to move away from their home, but sometimes she wondered if he found the same comfort that they did by being in the space that George and Marina had once filled or if he felt suffocated by it in the same way that she had. 

Rae had told her that the feelings might be different for her, as the sole survivor of the car accident that had taken so much from her, as the person who’d been driving the car even if what Phillip had said about the truck driver was technically true. He’d been at home that night putting the children to bed, and she was glad for that. She would never hold it against him that he hadn’t been there, but there were some feelings that she wasn’t sure he could understand, and so she’d been so scared to admit to him that she couldn’t live there, even if it meant leaving him alone with the children in a house of ghosts. 

When Phil plopped back down on the couch and set the bowl of popcorn and M&Ms in the middle of them, she poked his shoulder. He looked over at her. 

“I would stay here, if I could.”

“I know, Pen.” He smiled at her softly, and she studied his face until she was sure he meant it. “Where will you go?”

“Eloise told me that her family owns a couple of properties around town. I guess there’s one downtown that she thinks would be perfect for me.”

“You talked to El about it?” He didn’t look upset, just curious.

“She sort of called me out last weekend when we were walking around at the Farmer’s Market.”

“She has a way of doing that.”

Pen snorted. “How about you? Will you finally ask her to move in? And before you start to worry, that isn’t the reason I’m moving out. I love El. In another life, I’d like to think that we could be roommates and you could be the third wheel between us forever.”

Phil laughed at that. “We talked about it last night, actually. After the disappearing act she pulled all week, I don’t know that I’m willing to let her go anymore. She said she was going to talk to Francesca to make sure she wouldn’t mind being left alone, but we all know Fran would prefer solitude anyways.”

“Unless it’s Michaela.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just…I was watching them last weekend while they were watching each other.” 

“Huh. I didn’t notice.” 

“Really?”

“Nope. Guess I was too busy noticing something else.”

“What?” 

“You and Colin. Always looking at each other whenever the other wasn’t paying attention.” 

Penelope felt her cheeks immediately heat up, and Phillip chuckled. “You are still not forgiven for that, you know? I cannot believe you didn’t tell me he was a Bridgerton!”

“El made me promise to keep quiet! Besides, the look on your face when Amanda came running in was priceless. Classic Strawberry Shortcake.” He smirked at her and she punched his arm. “Ow!”

“Turn on the movie before I change my mind and go up to bed.” Pen’s threat was meant to sound menacing, but she was holding back a smile and Phil could tell. He smirked at her one last time and started her favorite film. 

“So the entrance is actually in the back, and there are parking spots that belong to the building so we’ll be able to park there. We can see the apartment and then walk over to the Capitol. Sound good?” Eloise glanced over at Penelope who nodded her agreement. 

Pen had texted El before she’d gone to bed last night to tell her she’d spoken with Phil and wanted to look at the apartment they’d talked about. She’d expected to wake up to a text back but instead, had been awoken by the brunette, who’d let herself into Penelope’s room and jumped onto her bed to tell her that it was time to go house hunting. Eloise had only laughed as Pen grumbled about how early it was (it was 9 am) and had started picking out an outfit for her friend to wear, selecting a dress that was apparently a perfect match for her eyes. Pen pushed El out of her room so she could shower and get dressed, and when she’d finally walked downstairs wearing the dress, El had nodded in approval and whispered something to Amanda who giggled. Penelope decided she didn’t want to know and had simply followed Eloise to her car, hoping that her friend would at least be buying her a coffee for compensation.

“I still don’t get why we had to come so early…”

“Penelope, it’s nearly 10 o’clock.” Eloise tried to sound stern but was clearly bemused by her friend’s grouchiness. “You’re going to love this place, it’s kind of a dream apartment. My brother completely updated it but kept all the best parts so it’s got all the charm you’d want but with more modern amenities. Plus, it’s so close to everything, you’ll be right in the thick of things. And I really don’t want you to be worried about the cost, I was serious about the Bridgerton family discount.”

“I don’t need your family’s charity, El.” Her friend flinched at her tone. She hadn’t meant for her words to come out so harshly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that I can pay for my own apartment. I don’t need you to pity me or think I’m expecting some kind of–” 

“I don’t pity you, Penelope. And I certainly don’t believe you’re taking advantage of our friendship, if that’s what you were going to insinuate. I know you have savings, but you’ve been out of work since December, and you have all kinds of hospital bills, and there were all the funeral costs for Felicity… Is it so wrong that I don’t want you to have to worry about another huge expense on top of all of that?”

Penelope let her words sink in. “No, El, it’s not. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped.”

Eloise nodded as she parked her car in a small parking lot off of one of the alleys Pen had learned were common in Madison. She wished she’d been paying more attention as they drove, because she had no idea where they were in relation to the Capitol. They were both silent as they climbed out of the car, and Pen followed the other woman to the door. El took a key out of her pocket and started to put it into the lock before she stopped. 

“I just want to say one thing before we go in. There is nothing wrong with accepting help, Pen. And there’s nothing wrong with offering it, either. My family is fortunate enough that we have never had to worry about money. Our father made sure of that. So my brother doesn’t need your money, and he doesn’t want it. And I know that we grew up really differently and that your family often made you feel like a burden, but you’re not. You never could be. So even if you don’t think you need it or you have trouble accepting it, let us help. Let us be there.”

She didn’t give Penelope a chance to answer as she unlocked the door and shuffled inside. Pen noticed there were two doors, but El immediately opened the one on the left that led to a stairwell. They walked up the stairs which opened to a small hall with a door on each end. This time, El went to the door on the right, holding it open for Penelope to enter. 

Her jaw dropped as soon as she walked in. Eloise had, of course, told her about the brick walls and wood floors. She’d even mentioned the bay window and the breakfast bar. But nothing could have prepared Pen for how wonderful the apartment really was. She quietly explored the open concept kitchen and living room and marveled at the natural light that streamed through the front windows of the building. In some ways it reminded her of her apartment in Chicago, but somehow it was even more perfect.

“El…” 

“I told you it was a dream. Wait until you see the bathroom.”

“I think you mentioned a clawfoot tub?” Pen grinned at her and was happy to see El smiling back. She started down the hallway which led to the rest of the apartment when a quick knock sounded on the front door before it opened. 

“El? Are you here?” Penelope stopped in her tracks at the sound of his voice and turned back to see Colin Bridgerton standing there, looking extremely surprised to see her. She glanced at Eloise who was grimacing a little bit, and when she looked back to Colin, his mouth was still slightly open.

“Hey, Col, I was just about to show her the rest of the apartment. What are you doing up here?”

Colin’s jaw snapped closed and he shook his head a little before answering his sister. “Oh, um, spilled coffee on myself. I came up to change and figured I’d check to see if you were here.” 

“Wait, you’re the brother who owns the building?” Penelope blurted out before Eloise had a chance to respond.

“Guilty,” he said with a sheepish look on his beautiful face. “I didn’t realize you were the friend El was talking about but–”

“If you’ll excuse us for just one moment, Colin, I need to talk to your sister,” Penelope cut him off and plastered on a fake smile as she grabbed Eloise’s arm and dragged her down the hall into the first open door, the illustrious bathroom apparently. 

“So… surprise?!”

“What the hell, El? Why would you not tell me this was Colin’s building? What did he mean by he was changing? Oh my god. Wait, does he live in the other apartment? Are we above Fox River? Is that why we parked in the back of the building, to hide it?” She tried to keep her voice from rising but she wasn’t doing a very good job of it as she became more worked up. 

“No! It really is the only way to get into the apartments without going through the bakery,” Eloise exclaimed in answer to her final question before muttering something that sounded like, “It was a little bit convenient though…” 

“El!”

“What?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I don’t know, Pen! I think because I thought you wouldn’t come if you knew it was Colin’s, if you knew he lived here.”

That answer surprised her. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, that if you had known that this was Colin’s building, you would have found some excuse not to come. You would have given me some reason or another that it wasn’t the right fit or that you’d changed your mind about moving out, and you would have been missing out on the perfect apartment because you were too scared to live across the hall from my brother.”

“That’s not fair, Eloise.”

“Then tell me I’m wrong, Penelope.”

That was the thing, though. She couldn’t, and they both knew it. There was no question that Eloise assumed correctly. If Pen had known this was Colin’s building, she never would have gotten in the car this morning. Just like she wouldn’t have gone to the family dinner if Eloise had been honest with her about Colin being her brother beforehand. Because when it came to Colin Bridgerton, Penelope was a coward. 

“I was going to tell you, I swear I was. I just wanted you to see the apartment first. I knew there was still a chance that you would back out, but I thought maybe if you saw how great it was, you’d be less likely to.” El’s voice was quieter when she spoke again; Pen could hear the honesty in it. She searched her friend’s face and knew that Eloise had truly felt like she was doing the right thing. 

“And Colin? Why didn’t you tell him it was me?”

“Oh, that was purely because I thought it would be hilarious to see his face when he realized that you were going to be his new tenant and neighbor.”

“Eloise!”

“What? He’s my big brother. It’s my responsibility to mess with him.” Eloise smirked and Penelope couldn’t help but smile a little which made the brunette’s grin even wider. “So, what do you think of the bathroom? I personally think I undersold it.”

“You are ridiculous,” Pen said through her giggles, but at the same time she glanced around the room they’d been hiding in and found herself agreeing with El. It felt strange to describe a bathroom as beautiful, but it really was stunning. The clawfoot tub, of course, was the most important part, but the rest of it had been tastefully modernized while still full of character. Pen sighed. 

“If I do this, you have to swear that there will be no more meddling. I don’t know exactly what you think is going to happen between me and your brother but you are going to let it stay between the two of us. No recruiting your family members in any of your schemes, no convincing Phillip to keep a secret from me, nothing.”

“You’re gonna take it? You haven’t even seen the bedroom yet!”

“Is it as perfect as the rest of this place?”

“There’s a window seat and a walk-in closet.” 

“Swear you’re done with the secrets.”

“I swear.” Eloise crossed her heart seriously, trying to hide the smile that was overtaking her face.

At that, Penelope walked out of the bathroom and went back down the hall to the living room where Colin was waiting. He had come a little further into the apartment and seemed to be pacing back and forth, stopping as soon as he noticed she’d entered the room. Eloise scurried in after her.

“So… what do you think?” he asked nervously, and Pen noticed his hands twitching a little at his sides. 

“I love it.”

“You do?”

She nodded. “It’s hard not to, Colin. This place is amazing. I’d love to live here. If you’ll have me, that is?”

“I’d love to have you,” he blurted out enthusiastically. “I mean, I’d love it if you lived with me.”

Penelope adored how quickly his ears turned pink. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw El cover her mouth as she tried to prevent herself from laughing at her big brother. 

“Let me try that again. I’d love it if the apartment went to you. It would be great to finally have a neighbor. So if you want it, the place is yours.” She would never get over the gentleness of his voice, the sweetness that exuded from him.

“I want it,” Pen said with a smile that he quickly returned. “Want me to give you my email so you can send me the terms of the lease with rent costs and details about the utilities?”

“The lease?” The man looked incredibly confused, which made his sister snicker, earning her a glare. 

“Yes, Col. You know, the paperwork you sign when you rent an apartment?” 

“Thank you, El. I do know what a lease is. I just don’t have one for this place.”

“How do you not have a lease?”

“I haven’t rented it before! You know I just finished renovating it a couple months ago. Besides, I figured the only person who would live here would be a Bridgerton or a friend of the family, so I guess I didn’t think about it. I mean, do we really need a lease, Pen? You could just, like, Venmo me or something. I guess we’d need to decide what rent is…” Colin trailed off as he started thinking more. 

“You know, every day it makes less and less sense to me that you are the smartest Bridgerton.”

“Hey!”

“Colin, you went to Stanford, for god’s sake. You own a business.” 

“Right, and I majored in Classical Studies not being a landlord! Plus, we both know Mich covers all the business needs.”

“Classical Studies? What was your focus area?” Penelope interrupted the sibling bickering, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

“Greek, mainly. I was fascinated by the epics when I read them in high school, and when I realized I could study them in college, I never really looked back.”

“Ahh, inspired by Calliope? You’re in good company.” 

Colin grinned widely at the mention of the muse and looked as if he was about to respond when El cut in.

“Listen, I love both of you, but I cannot sit here and listen to the two of you go on all day about Greek shit. Save that for when you’re neighbors.” She ignored both of their protests and turned to her brother first. “Colin, ask Anthony if he has a lease agreement for one of his buildings that you can use. I’ll text you Pen’s email and you two can figure out all the logistics after that.”

“Fine,” he replied with an eye roll at his sister’s bluntness.

She shifted her focus to Penelope. “Pen, I simply need to get a sconut in my body immediately or I will faint from starvation.”

“Eloise!”

“What, brother?”

“I literally own a bakery and you’re talking about going and buying one of those monstrosities??”

“How dare you? The sconuts are sacred.” Penelope snickered at her friend’s indignance. “Pen agrees with me, you know? She tried one last weekend and loved it!”

Pen felt like a deer in headlights as Colin turned his attention to her with a look of total betrayal on his face. 

“Pen, is that true?”

“Well… they were surprisingly good, Colin.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it.”

“Ha! Believe it brother. Now, let’s go down to that bakery of yours so that Lucy can make me a matcha for the road. I’m also fairly certain I owe Penelope a very large dose of caffeine for waking her up this morning.”

“Damn right you do!” Penelope chimed in.

“If you think either of you are getting a free drink this morning after what you’ve just told me, you’ve never been more wrong.”

“As if you’d ever let sweet, adorable, never done anything wrong in her life, Penelope go without her vanilla latte? Please, Colin, give me a break.” And with that, Eloise strode out of the apartment leaving the two of them behind. 

“She’s right, you know?” He was looking at her with those denim blue eyes that were filled to the brim with something she wasn’t ready to see. 

“You’d never let your neighbor go without her morning coffee?” she asked quietly. 

“Yeah, something like that.” His voice was soft when he finally replied.

“Well, you did promise you’d show me your latte art.” 

He chuckled. 

“Come on Featherington, let’s go get you a latte.” He walked to the door and opened it, standing to the side so that she’d have to walk under his arm to get past, but he was so tall and she was so short that she hadn’t even needed to duck. He let her lead the way down the stairs then guided her through the second door she’d noticed earlier that apparently led directly into the Fox River store room. 

Neither of them said anything as they passed through the kitchen, and they both pretended not to see the knowing looks that Lucy, Michaela, and Eloise all gave them as they entered the front of the shop. She’d watched in silence as Colin made her a vanilla latte and blushed when he showed her an approximation of a heart on top that he’d looked so proud of. Then, as he’d handed the drink to her, their fingers had brushed and his ears had turned red as he smiled at her, and she knew that she was totally and completely screwed.

Chapter Text

“What are you smiling about?” 

Colin jumped at the sound of Michaela’s voice and glanced up at her with a slight blush on his cheeks as he put his phone back in his apron pocket. His best friend laughed at the flustered look on his face. 

“Um, nothing. Just checking my emails.” It was technically not a lie.

“Oh yeah, sure. I definitely believe you.” 

He rolled his eyes at her as she walked further into the kitchen. “If you must know, Penelope emailed me back about the lease for the apartment. She’s stopping by later to sign the agreement Anthony put together for me.”

“Ok, surprisingly easy to get that out of you. Guess I should have known it was our favorite redhead making you grin at your phone like a maniac and not your love of promotional messages and bill reminders.” Mich winked at him and swiped her finger in the mostly empty frosting bowl he’d just finished the cinnamon rolls with.

“What’s the point in lying when I know you’d immediately figure it out the second she walked in later?”

“Fair point.” She licked the frosting off her finger, but before she could go for another swipe Colin knocked her arm away. She protested with a huff as if she hadn’t already eaten a fresh cinnamon roll as soon as they were out of the oven. “You’re not even using it anymore!”

“I was saving it for myself.” He pushed her towards the doors back to the front of the bakery. “I’m a growing boy.”

“You just want me to leave so you can go back to thinking about Penelope in peace.”

He growled at her but didn’t deny it. Michaela cackled and let the door swing shut behind her as she rejoined Lucy in the front. Colin moved the frosting bowl to the side along with the cinnamon roll he’d kept for himself as a treat once he finished his morning tasks. He started clearing up the rest of his mess but only lasted two minutes before taking out his phone to open his messages with Pen once again. 

He didn’t think he could be blamed for being excited about the development. A month ago, he never thought he would see her again and now she was going to be his neighbor. And his tenant, he supposed, although he was still getting used to the idea of that. 

Colin had been shocked on Saturday when he’d found Penelope standing in the empty apartment above Fox River, and from the look on her face, she’d been just as surprised. She’d been beautiful, she always was, but that morning she was wearing this light blue dress that was the exact color of her eyes, and her hair was still damp from her shower and curling wildly around her face. He’d just stood there for a minute staring at her until Eloise had broken the silence, something that was becoming an unfortunately common experience for the two of them. 

When Pen had quickly pulled his sister from the room and hidden in the bathroom, he’d paced back and forth wondering what she was thinking and trying to figure out how he felt knowing that she was the friend his sister had been asking about. Eloise had mentioned having a friend who might be looking for a place soon well over a month ago, before Penelope had ever re-entered his life. And when his sister had called first thing that morning asking if she could give said friend a tour, it hadn’t even occurred to him that she could have meant Pen. 

They hadn’t seen each other since she’d waved goodbye to him at his mother’s house. She hadn’t stopped in the bakery at all that week, though he couldn’t exactly blame her. He was sure that their little family was still reeling from what happened. That’s what he’d told himself, at least. He didn’t want to believe that him being a Bridgerton had been the reason for her absence, and he certainly hoped that she wasn’t avoiding him now that she knew he was aware of the car accident that had stolen so much from her. 

A part of him had felt relieved seeing her there, having proof that she was alright and having never wanted a complete stranger to end up living next door to him. But another part had been scared, both because he was worried she didn’t like the apartment and because he wasn’t sure what it meant for them if she did. He wasn’t sure there would ever be a them, as much as he wished there could be. Still, something had felt so right, ironic as it was, seeing her in the space he’d painstakingly renovated in her absence from his life.

Colin had purchased this building just over two years ago, shortly after moving back to Madison and following many conversations with Anthony and Michaela about what would be best for the bakery. Although Mich had been sure Fox River could succeed, his brother had suggested Colin could buy a space for the shop instead of renting, so that he could have a contingency plan to rent out the apartments or even the storefront in the event the bakery failed. He still had almost his entire inheritance from his father having only used it for his schooling and to give his accounts a small boost as he traveled around the world working in restaurants and bakeries, so Colin was able to purchase the building they’d found. It had been a mixture of luck and Anthony’s connections that had gotten them such a perfect location, but plenty of work had been needed before they would ever be able to open. 

Over the course of five months, contractors worked to get the building up to code and install the kitchen in the back. While their vision for Fox River slowly came to life, Michaela handled the business side of things while Colin built a menu using the kitchen at his mother’s house, where he lived when he first got back to town. He’d decided he would live in one of the apartments above the storefront, at least until they got their feet off the ground with the business; he also liked the convenience of being able to walk down to work in the morning, but the apartments needed considerable work before that could happen. He’d offered the second apartment to Mich, given that she’d picked up her entire life in California to move to Wisconsin, but she preferred the convenience of a move-in ready place with the modern amenities she adored. So as the bakery underwent construction, so did Colin’s apartment. 

He had been convinced that he could do most of the work himself, or at least with the assistance of his brothers, although none of them had done true manual labor in their lives. It had ended up being Simon, though, who had been the most helpful. Colin had either been in California or overseas for the majority of the time that his sister had known her husband so they had never been particularly close, but Simon had surprised Colin with his willingness to get into the physical work, and the two of them had bonded during their time working on the apartment. Si was also great friends with Will Mondrich, who Colin had previously only known as the owner of Mondrich’s Pub, and Will had joined their crew, forming a bond with Colin as well. Will’s father had been a general contractor and had passed along a lot of his knowledge to his son, who in turn passed it on to Simon and Colin. The three of them often got lost in the work together, and by the time the shop was ready to open Colin had moved into the space he’d built for himself. 

Then life had gotten busy and the bakery was thriving and Colin was spending time with his friends and family in a way that he hadn’t in a very long time, so he’d never fixed up the second apartment. He hadn’t minded for a while. He didn’t really need the money from renting it, and Fox River was doing better than he could have possibly imagined, so it sat there untouched for over a year.

It wasn’t until January–after Penelope hadn’t shown–that he started renovations again. Anytime he wasn’t at the bakery or at his mother’s house, Colin had thrown himself into the work, for the most part doing it alone. Though he called in Will and Si a few times, he typically used it as an outlet for his feelings. It had been therapeutic, giving him something to focus on, a way to forget himself instead of thinking about what he may have lost. 

And then it was over. The apartment was finished two months ago, and it had sat there, empty, much to the confusion of the Bridgerton family. They’d asked him what his plans were for it and he’d snapped at them, telling them he didn’t know what he meant to do with it. He’d felt bad afterwards and told them that if one of them wanted it or if they had a friend who needed it to let him know. That’s when Eloise had mentioned her friend. 

He had felt as if he was floating on Saturday when Penelope walked back into the living room and told him she wanted to live there. It was surreal to him, that it was Pen who would live in the space he’d used as a way to try to forget about her. There was something poetic in that, he thought. 

He spent the last couple of days figuring out exactly what it would mean for him to be a landlord. Anthony passed on a lease agreement that he used in one of his own buildings which he’d been managing since their father had passed away almost twenty years ago. Along with the paperwork, his brother had also sent him a lot of valuable information that he was sure he would be more likely to use if his tenant wasn’t going to be Penelope, but still he was grateful for Anthony’s help. He’d emailed the paperwork to Penelope, and they’d gone back and forth a few times on how long the lease should be (they settled on a year for now), what she’d be expected to pay for rent (they agreed on $800 a month, though Colin had started at $300 and she had shut him down immediately), and when she’d come in to sign everything.

He finally convinced himself to focus on work and kept busy for the rest of the day, but at exactly 2 o’clock, Colin grabbed the folder that contained the lease agreement and made his way to the front of the shop. He avoided making eye contact with Michaela who smirked at him and busied himself making a latte. Lucy laughed at him when he butchered the latte art with the foam that was meant to be a leaf and ended up looking worse than if he’d done nothing; he was contemplating starting over when the doorbell chimed. 

Suddenly, Penelope was walking towards him and he once again forgot how to speak. She was wearing a dress similar to the one that had made his brain short-circuit on Saturday morning, though this time it was a baby pink color. Her hair was tied up with a matching ribbon that reminded him of the one he’d slipped on the day they’d met and tendrils of her red waves framed her face in the most perfectly imperfect way. Mich reached over and pushed his mouth closed, and Colin registered Lucy’s giggle but his eyes didn’t leave Penelope. He knew he was staring, but she didn’t seem to mind as even from a distance he could see her ocean eyes light up the second she noticed him, a light blush forming on her cheeks that matched her dress.  

God, he needed to get a fucking grip around this girl. 

She gave him a little wave as she approached which he returned, bringing a smile to her face. 

“Hey P–”

“Penelope! Hi!” Michaela greeted her loudly, cutting him off as she stepped out from behind the counter to give her a hug. Colin wondered if he imagined the pink on Pen’s cheeks darkening under his best friend’s attention and felt a little pulse of jealousy that was foreign to him. He’d never really been jealous before. The thought itself was enough to stop the feeling from spreading any further. 

“Hi, Michaela. It’s so nice to see you again,” Penelope said when the hug ended. She walked the rest of the way to the counter and leaned against it with Mich settling beside her. She glanced at Colin, and he noticed a little glint in her eye before she purposefully turned her attention to the other woman behind the counter. “Hey, you’re Lucy, right? I don’t know if we’ve gotten the chance to be properly introduced yet.”

Beside him, the younger woman beamed at her, clearly thrilled she had been remembered. “I am! It’s so wonderful to meet you, Penelope.”

“You, too.” Pen smiled warmly back and then finally focused her attention on Colin. “Hey neighbor.”

He gently rolled his eyes at her antics and grinned. “Hello, Penelope.” 

She glanced down at his hands, reminding him that he was still holding the mug with her unfortunate looking latte in it. She made eye contact with him again and her lips quirked, betraying her amusement. 

“It was supposed to be a leaf…” He knew his ears were already red as he tried to explain. 

“And it’s a very good one,” Pen assured him in the tone of voice he imagined she often used on the twins. He could tell she was trying not to laugh and appreciated the effort she was putting in while his traitor of a best friend openly chortled at his artwork and his formerly favorite bakery manager covered her mouth as a giggle burst out of her. 

“Hey, I was just trying to be a good neighbor and landlord, but if you don’t want my ugly leaf latte, I’m sure Lucy could make you a better one...” Colin acted as if he was going to dump the drink in the sink, but Penelope’s hand shot out to grab his arm. Her eyes had softened a bit, but she was still grinning. 

“You made that for me?” 

He nodded. 

“Vanilla with oat milk?”

“Obviously.”

“Don’t you dare throw it away.” She loosened her grip on his arm and held her hands out for the drink, immediately taking a sip once he passed it to her and doing a little happy dance as it hit her system. “Come on, landlord Colin, let’s sign these lease papers. Mama needs a brand new apartment.” 

She turned and walked away, leaving the Fox River workers behind at the counter as they watched her go. 

“I think I’m in love with her.”

“Same,” Mich agreed with Lucy. “Col, if you don’t marry her, one of us is going to.”

“You both better hope I don’t tell my siblings you said that. I wonder how Fran and Greg would feel…”

He grabbed his folder and a pen and tried not to rush as he followed Penelope to the table she was waiting at, leaving his friends and their noises of outrage behind. She took another sip of her latte when he sat down and smiled as he placed the folder on the table between them and twirled the pen in his fingers, grinning at her. 

“Thank you for the coffee.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“You’ve gotten quite good at this, you know? A huge improvement from the first time I was here. I’d almost believe you owned the place now.”

He chuckled at that. “Even if my leaves are indistinguishable from blobs?”

Her tinkling laugh was a melody he would never get enough of. “Even then.”

“I wanted to impress you. I practically forced Luce to start teaching me the day after we met. I had the heart all ready to go by December so I could show you.” Her face fell as he shared more information than he’d planned to. He hadn’t meant to make her feel bad, there was just something about her that made him feel as though he could be nothing but honest. 

“Colin…” she whispered. Her voice was quiet, pained. 

He shook his head and forced a smile back to his face. “You’re here now, Pen. That’s all that matters. Maybe you’ll even be able to help me hone my skills and prove all my haters wrong.” 

“And by haters, you mean your best friend and your shop manager?”

“Obviously.” Colin was pleased when she smiled at him again, even if it was tentative. They lost themselves for a moment until she shook her head a little, as though she was reminding herself where she was.  

“So, are you gonna let me sign this thing or what?” Although he’d been tempted to change the rent cost they’d agreed on and hope she wouldn’t notice, there hadn’t been any changes to the version he’d sent to her email. He relayed this to her as she opened the folder to pull out the paperwork. She looked it over anyways, finger tracing over the words and lips moving as she silently read to herself. His lips twitched at her thoroughness when she suddenly looked at him with a stricken expression. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Telemachus.”

“What?” Why was she suddenly talking about The Odyssey ?

“My cat, Colin. Telemachus. I forgot to ask you if I could have him here, and this has a clause that says no pets are allowed. Oh god, this was a total waste of your time. How did El possibly think this would work? I swear she said it was pet-friendly.”

“You named your cat Telemachus?”

“Yes… I thought it was funny because–” 

“He’s the son of Penelope,” Colin finished for her and she nodded, looking a little embarrassed, though he didn’t know why. She should know by this point that her knowledge of Greek mythology and the epics had basically become one of his kinks. She crossed her arms over her chest as he chuckled.

“Colin, this is serious. I can’t live here if Telly can’t be here.”

He reached for the contract and skimmed it for the clause she was talking about, crossing it out with his pen when he found it. “There, all better.” 

“Colin!”

“Penelope!” he mimicked her tone.

“You can’t just do that.”

“Of course I can, I own the building. I was going to let you live there without a lease before you and Eloise got all upset about it, so as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t really matter what this says.” She huffed in indignation. “Besides, it would make me a huge hypocrite if I didn’t let Telemachus live here given the fact that my own cat has been a resident for close to two years.” 

“You have a cat?”

“Mhm. Hermes.”

“As in the messenger of the gods?”

“Sure, but I suppose I meant it in more of the Protector of Travelers sort of way.” 

Her eyebrow twitched a little as if she was trying to raise it and was failing spectacularly. Colin hid his smile behind one hand as he held the pen out to her with the other. 

“You’re really sure about this?” 

“For god’s sake, Penelope Featherington, are you going to be my neighbor or not?”

She giggled as she took the pen and signed her name. He took the keys out from his apron pocket and placed them on top of the lease. 

“The place is yours.”

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” Pen stuck out her hand and he shook it with a serious expression on his face to match hers. 

“So do you think you’ll move in soon?”

“I hope so, although I’ll have to hire some movers to get my furniture from the storage unit and bring it over, so it will depend on that.”

“Movers? Penelope, don’t be silly.”

“Well, what do you suggest then? It’s not as if I can carry hundreds of books up those stairs on my own, Colin.”

The thought of getting to see Penelope’s personal library made Colin’s brain buzz. “We Bridgertons don’t believe in hiring movers. What’s the good of having a giant family if you can’t count on them to help you move?”

“They’re not my family, though,” she protested, her voice small. 

“I think you’d have to convince them of that, because as far as they’re concerned, you’re one of us now. I’m fairly certain all of the niblings have been asking their parents if they’ll get to see Auntie Pen again soon.” He delighted in the blush that spread over her cheeks, but he could see in her eyes that she wasn’t ready to give up the fight. “Penelope, the second that Eloise claimed you as her family, you started belonging to all of us. Let us help.”

She studied him in silence, and he knew she was trying to read him, to decide how genuine he was being. He’d watched her do it the day they’d met, and just like that first time, he let every bit of honesty show on his face, he willed her to believe him. After a few moments, she gave him a slight nod. 

“How about this weekend? I can see who’s around for sure, but as far as I know, everyone should be in town.”

“I don’t know…Oliver and Amanda turn six on Tuesday, and we still have no idea what we’re doing for their birthday, except for your cake, of course. We’ve never had to plan a child’s birthday party before. We have no clue what we’re doing, Colin. I swear, we tried for weeks to find out what they wanted to do and which friends we could invite until finally Amanda broke down last week and told us that they didn’t have any friends at school, that they haven’t since their parents died. God, how awful is that. It’s been five months and somehow we didn’t know that they didn’t have any friends.” Her voice broke but it seemed as if now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop.

“I just can’t help but think that we failed them, and now neither of us have any idea what to do to make this birthday special, and we waited way too long because we don’t have a fucking clue what we’re doing. All I want is for them to have the best day, or at least the kind of day that lets them forget for a while, you know? So I told Phil we could try to plan something for this weekend and moving on top of that would be a lot. But at the same time, every day that I wake up in that house expecting to walk downstairs to find Marina and George, only to remember that they’re not there, the worse off I am and the less capable I feel of being there for them. Not to mention, I can barely get in a car these days so I practically never even leave the house. God, I need to get out of there.”

Penelope finally stopped speaking, and as if it were a reflex, Colin swiped his thumb under her eye to catch the tear that had fallen. His heart had shattered, both at her words and the look on her face when she seemed to realize everything she’d let out. 

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I just said that. Please forget all of that. It’s too easy to be honest when I’m with you.”

He wasn’t sure what that meant and why she said it like it was a bad thing. He wanted her to feel like she could tell him the truth, even when it wasn’t pretty, especially when it wasn’t pretty. 

“You and Phillip are doing the best you can, Penelope. Amanda and Oliver know how much you love them, that’s all that really matters to them. They don’t care right now that they have the best birthday party or tons of friends in kindergarten. They don’t need all of that, they just need you.” 

“What if it’s not enough, Colin? What if our love for them isn’t enough? How could it ever be enough when they’re not here anymore?”

Colin took his time as he considered his response, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Since he’d first found out about the loss of Marina and George, he’d attempted to comprehend the kind of pain Penelope, Phillip, and the twins were experiencing. But finding out that Pen had been in the car with them that night, knowing that she woke up days later only to be told that they were gone, that Felicity was gone? It had been completely devastating. Now, to know that she was moving into the apartment he owned because she couldn’t bear to live in their house, but she couldn’t bear to leave it either? To know the guilt she must be feeling, having been the only one to walk away from the accident? It was the kind of desolation that he knew couldn’t be fixed with words of sympathy or a comforting touch. No, this kind of hurt demanded to be felt and could only be lessened over time. All he could do now was remind her that she was still here and that there had to be a reason for that, even if it didn’t always feel like it. 

“I don’t think Marina and George would have trusted anyone else in the world to love their children the way you and Phil do, Pen. And I think that, in itself, is enough. It has to be.” 

He placed his hand near hers, not quite touching it, but letting her know he was there and waited for her to answer. And though she didn’t speak for a long while, she lifted her hand and his breath hitched as she intertwined their fingers. They sat like that for a while, not speaking, and all Colin could do was think about any possible way that he could help her as he rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand in soothing circles. In the end, he decided to ask her to let him share the burden she felt, and he hoped that she would say yes. 

“What if you did it here?”

When his voice shattered their envelope of quietude, she finally let their eyes lock again.

“Did what here?” 

“A birthday party for the twins. On Saturday. The shop closes early on the weekends, and you know how much they love this place. We can have pizza and cake and play games. I’m sure the niblings would love to come. Do it here.”

“I’m not sure Colin…”

He knew she had her reservations but a plan was already forming in his head. 

“Please, Pen. I adore Olly and Amanda, and I really want them to have a good birthday. I’ll take care of everything. That way, you and Phil can just relax and be with them this weekend, and you won’t have to worry so much. I know it might feel like it sometimes, but you guys aren’t in this alone.” 

She searched his face again, as if she could see right to the very depths of him. 

“Do you trust me, Pen?”

“Yes.” Her answer was immediate in a way that he cherished, resolute in a way that he would never take for granted. 

“Then let me help.”

“Ok.”

  “You don’t think we went overboard, do you?” Colin asked his sisters as he looked around the bakery. 

“I personally think we could have done more,” Kate answered, always competitive, even with herself. 

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t let us do the bounce house,” Hyacinth huffed, and Colin knew she wasn’t entirely joking. 

“It’s perfect, Col. They’re going to love it,” Daphne assured him. 

They’d been setting up the twins’ birthday party since Fox River had closed at 1 o’clock, and the place was barely recognizable at this point. The tables had all been pushed to the sides of the room and were covered in Bluey themed tablecloths, ready to hold presents, pizza, and cake. In the extra space on side of the bakery, they’d laid out blankets and cushions along with games of all kinds for everyone to play, and on the other side, they’d moved the couches and armchairs so they were set up like a little movie theater facing the projector screen Daphne and Simon used for movie nights at their pool in the summer. They had a selection of movies for Amanda and Oliver to choose from, and Greg had volunteered his Nintendo Switch to be available in case they wanted to play Mario Kart. 

Colin was quite proud of what they’d come up with in only a few days. He’d called Eloise the moment Penelope had left the shop on Tuesday and told her his plan, and within moments, she’d started a group FaceTime with the rest of his family so they could all discuss together. 

Between Daphne, Kate, and his mother, countless birthday parties had been planned and executed to perfection, giving them more than enough experience to pull together a pretty incredible party for the twins. Colin had let them take the reins while he focused on the birthday cake Phil and Pen had ordered. He hadn’t lied when he told them cake decorating was not his specialty, and he’d had to recruit Benedict to help him with some of the more difficult pieces, but based on his family’s reactions when they’d seen it earlier today, he felt confident the Crane children would love it. 

The bell sounded as the front door opened and Colin turned to see his nieces and nephews piling into the shop, each of them carrying multiple gift bags or wrapped presents. They were followed by his mother who held the door ajar for Edwina and Mary Sharma to slip in after her with arms full of pizzas from the Crane family’s favorite place, according to Eloise. After placing their gifts on the table, the kids swarmed their mothers to say hello, though Charlie ran straight for Colin. He picked her up and spun her around. 

“Hi, Angel.”

“Hi, Uncle Col,” she replied as she nuzzled into his neck. 

“Uncle Colin, when are Amanda and Olly getting here?” 

“In fifteen minutes or so, Belly. Auntie El and Auntie Fran are with them now.” Eloise and Francesca were under strict orders to entertain Penelope and the Cranes all afternoon so Sophie and Posy could sneak into their house and get what they needed. Colin wasn’t sure what his sisters had planned, but they’d assured him that they would be successful. 

“Auntie Pen is coming, right?” Amelia questioned, excitedly.

“Ames, you do know that Penelope isn’t actually your aunt, right?” Hyacinth asked their niece. Her question was met with the crossed arms of every child there and what curiously sounded like a muttered “not yet” from Daphne that Colin chose to ignore. 

Caroline was the one who answered and all but stomped her foot as she did. “Amanda told us that we could share her and Oliver agreed. So she is our Auntie Pen.”

All of the niblings nodded along with her. 

“I love Auntie Pen,” Charlie chimed in. 

“Well then it’s a good thing she’ll be here soon, isn’t it darling?” Kate asked her daughter who lit up in delight as the other kids cheered.

“What are we, chopped liver?” Anthony’s voice sounded from the kitchen doors and Colin looked over to see his oldest brother along with Gregory, Simon, and Will. They’d been tasked with another project for most of the day and must have just finished cleaning themselves up in Colin’s apartment like he told them to.

Colin set Charlotte down so she could run to her father with her brothers as Simon’s girls wrapped themselves around his legs. Will made his way over to where Colin was standing and gave him a quick hug.

“How did it go?”

“We got everything out of storage and into the apartment pretty quickly. Your girl’s got a lot of books though, that probably took the longest. Sophie and Posy came over early and told us where everything was meant to go, and it’s in really good shape. I popped my head in before we came down and they were putting some finishing touches on it, but they said they would be down soon.”

“Thank you, man. You don’t know how much I appreciate your help.”

“No thanks needed, Col. I mean it,” he added as soon as Colin opened his mouth to respond. 

Colin nodded. “Alice is bringing the kids over soon, right?”

“She just texted a few minutes ago, they’re walking over now. Thank you for inviting all of us, the kids were so excited.”

As if on cue, the bell chimed again as Alice Mondrich walked in with their children. Nicky, who was on Eddie’s soccer team, went over to talk to the two oldest Bridgertons after waving to his dad. Daisy, who was in Miles’ class at school and was looked up to by the Basset sisters, was immediately surrounded by the girls. The youngest, John, stuck right by his mother as she made her way to her husband and Colin. 

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” 

John waved to his dad who picked him up to greet him as Alice gave Colin a hug to say hello. Colin smiled at the sight of the young boy, who looked even smaller than he already was, as his father dwarfed him in size. Will had been a boxer before he opened the pub, but he still kept in shape and his arms were roughly the size of Colin’s head. Even Phillip, who Colin was sure could knock him with one or two well-placed hits, wouldn’t stand a chance against Will.

“John, do you remember our friend Colin?” Alice asked and he nodded, shyly. 

“Hey little man, it’s nice to see you again.” Colin was rewarded with a small smile on the boy’s face. John was actually one of the main motivations behind inviting the Mondrich’s today. Although he knew the family had yet to meet the Cranes or Penelope, Will had talked to him a lot about John over the past couple of years and his struggles making friends with as shy as he was. Though he tended to open up more once he got to know you, John reminded Colin a lot of Olly, and he’d remembered the story Phil had shared at his mother’s house about the way he and Pen had bonded over their shared love of peace and solitude. Colin had wondered if John and Oliver might be able to find that with each other. Even if they went to separate schools, with the summer starting up, he thought maybe they’d be able to help each other come out of their shells. 

When he’d called Will to ask him about coming, he’d also explained the Cranes’ situation to him, including what happened in December, not wanting any repeats of the events two weeks ago. Will had loved the idea and had offered his help with anything Colin needed. Later he’d also let Colin know that he and Alice had relayed Amanda and Oliver’s circumstances to their children. Colin knew that his siblings had also talked to their own kids more as well, wanting to give them a better understanding of the Cranes once everything had calmed down, and he was certain that either Kate or Violet had informed Mary and Winnie,too. All he could do now was hope that he had covered all his bases. 

Colin’s phone buzzed with a notification and he pulled it out of his pocket. It was a text from Fran. They were walking in the direction of Fox River and would be there in ten minutes or so. Colin reported out to everyone present, and the moms kicked into high gear, putting the pizza out on the tables and making sure all the gifts were arranged into piles for the twins to open. 

The kitchen door opened again a few minutes later and Michaela walked in followed by Sophie and Posy. Mich had been sent out to find candles for the birthday song, something they’d all completely forgotten about when making their list, and Colin assumed she ran into the sisters on her way into the building and showed them through so they didn’t have to walk around to the front door. The three of them were already laughing like old friends, and Mich started introducing the other women to some of his family as he double- and triple-checked that everything was in place. He counted everyone there. Nine children, two grandmothers, five Bridgerton siblings, two spouses, and six family friends. Besides the group that was currently a couple of minutes away, the only person missing was Benedict, who had an art show this afternoon that he hadn’t been able to get out of, but he promised that he’d be there as soon as he could. 

“They’re going to love it, dear. All of them.” Colin hadn’t noticed his mother sidle up next to him. “I’m very proud of you.”

“I didn’t really do anything, Mom. You all did most of the heavy lifting.”

“Don’t minimize what you’ve done here, Colin. You did something good. You are doing something wonderful.”

He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He hadn’t planned any of this in order to be praised, he’d just wanted to help. His mother continued.

“You’ve always been this way, trying to make things special for everyone around you. I don’t know if you remember but Gregory turned five just after your father died, and I wasn’t present, the way I wish I had been. Looking back, I know that you kids likely felt as if you’d lost both of us for a while, and I’ll never stop apologizing for that. But I’ll never forget the way you made sure your little brother had the most wonderful day. It was the first time I saw him smile, the first time I saw most of you looking joyful since losing Edmund, and it brought me back to myself a little, reminded me that I had a job to do and a life to live.” 

Colin took a deep breath to calm his emotions before he started crying right then and there. She had never told him any of that. His mother held his hand and rubbed her thumb along the back, the way she’d soothed him for most of his life. 

“You helped bring us back, my dear. And what you’ve done today? It’s going to help them, too. The children. Phillip. And Penelope.”

Colin looked down at his mother who smiled knowingly at him. It was the first time Violet had referenced Pen in any of their conversations since the dinner at her home. 

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on between the two of you, and you don’t have to tell me anything, but if you don’t mind listening to an old woman’s unsolicited advice for a moment?”

Colin scoffed, “You’re not old.”

Violet rolled her eyes, and he waved her along to say her piece. “I’ll just say this, and then I promise I won’t bring it up again unless you come to me first. Be her friend, Colin. Be there for her in whatever way she allows and be grateful that a woman that special seems to be willing to open her heart to you in any way after what happened to her. But promise me you’ll give her time to figure out exactly what that means for her. Let her take the lead.”

His mother squeezed his hand one last time and reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, leaving Colin only a moment to organize his thoughts before his phone buzzed again with a text telling him they would be there in a minute. He knew he would think more on what his mom had said later, when he had more time to process, but just before the bell to his bakery chimed once again, he closed his eyes and made his promise.

Chapter Text

“Uncle Phil, where are we going now? I’m hungry again,” Amanda whined from where she walked between Phillip and Eloise. Penelope heard Phil’s chuckle and gentle assurance that they would be to their destination soon. Their group had split into two trios, with the more impatient Amanda and Eloise dragging Phil alongside them and Francesca, Oliver, and Penelope following a few paces behind. Each of the adults held a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a child’s hand in the other as they made their way to Fox River for the twins’ final (and biggest) surprise of the day. 

They were coming from the Madison Children’s Museum, where they’d just spent the last couple of hours following Amanda and Oliver around as they ran from exhibit to exhibit. Although the twins had been to the museum before, with their parents and with Posy, it was the first time Pen and Phil had gone and they’d absolutely loved it. It was no wonder Amanda was getting hungry, though, as she’d spent hours playing with all of the interactive pieces of the museum and had likely worked up quite the appetite. Penelope wasn’t sure what exactly Colin had planned for the evening, but she hoped he’d remembered to get the kids something to eat other than cake. 

The only detail she had been given regarding the party was that they were to stay at the museum until it closed at 4 pm and then make the ten minute walk to the bakery. She’d tried to get more information from both El and Fran, but they had remained tight-lipped about the event, unwilling to even divulge whether or not their niblings would be attending, only giving reassurances that Oliver and Amanda would love whatever it was they’d come up with. However, if the rest of the day was any indication, the Bridgerton siblings were up to something, and she suspected that it would go above and beyond any and all expectations. 

“I had a really good day today, Auntie Pen,” Olly’s sweet voice drifted up to Penelope’s ears, and she glanced down to see her nephew smiling up at her. 

“I’m so glad, honey. But you know today isn’t quite over yet? We still have one last birthday surprise.”

“I know, but I just wanted you to know now.”

She squeezed his little hand twice and he giggled. 

Francesca grinned at Penelope then at Oliver. “What was your favorite part of the day so far?”

“The pancakes!” His answer was so immediate that both women started laughing at the pure joy on his face. 

“I loved the pancakes, too!” Fran told him; he beamed at her. 

The pancakes had been the first surprise of the day, for the twins as well as for Penelope and Phillip. The two of them had told Amanda and Olly last night that today would be their extra special birthday celebration and that they’d be spending it with Eloise and Francesca. Both kids had been ecstatic at the prospect, and Penelope had gone to bed feeling as though they’d finally done something right. Then, she’d woken up to a Bridgerton in her bed for the second Saturday in a row.

They had originally planned to meet the sisters downtown to go to the museum, but the Bridgertons had other plans for them, so Francesca had decided to lay down next to her and nudge her awake, resulting in Penelope screaming bloody murder when she’d opened her eyes to find large brown eyes only inches away from her face. Francesca had laughed so hard she cried, and Pen remembered Eloise’s warning that her sister was just as diabolical as the rest of their siblings, just quieter about it.  

After she’d calmed down enough to climb out of bed and get ready, Penelope had been given thirty minutes to get herself downstairs so they could go to breakfast. She followed orders and when she walked downstairs, the rest of her family was already waiting. Amanda and Oliver had been dressed in clothes she didn’t recognize. Apparently the sisters had arrived that morning and while Fran had gone to wake her up, Eloise had put the twins in outfits that were reminiscent of Bluey and Bingo. Pen guessed the Bridgertons had chosen to lean into the theme for the night to match the cake they’d originally ordered from the bakery. It was a nice touch, she thought. 

Once their shoes were on, also new and on theme, they’d all climbed into George’s old SUV and El directed Phil to a little diner on the west side of the city where the twins ordered giant stacks of pancakes – chocolate chip for Olly and blueberry for Amanda. The pancakes had come to the table with candles in them, and everyone in the restaurant had sung them happy birthday. The sweet giggles that sounded from her niece and nephew had filled her heart with joy, something she saw reflected in her best friend’s shining eyes as he watched them blow out their candles. She knew one of the sisters had organized it, but it wasn’t until a little later that she’d realized they’d also given the twins their first true Bridgerton birthday by not having them wait until dessert for their birthday song. She’d made sure to hug her friends extra tight when they’d left the diner. 

“What was your best part, Auntie Pen?”

“Hmm, that’s a tough one. I loved all of it, but I especially love my daisies.” Pen brushed her flowers on Oliver’s nose and was rewarded with his giggles.

“Daisies are your favorite flower.” His tone was matter-of-fact, as if everyone should know that about her. 

“You’re absolutely right, Ollybee. They are the happiest flower.” Kathleen Kelly had been right about so many things in You’ve Got Mail, but Penelope maintained that her stance on daisies had been the most correct anyone had ever been in a movie. 

“I’m glad you like them,” her nephew told her with a faint blush on his cheeks. 

Maybe she was biased, but she was fairly certain that Oliver Crane was the sweetest boy in the world.

It had been a beautiful day in Madison, perfectly sunny and 75 degrees with a light breeze, so after breakfast, they’d made their way downtown, parking and walking to the Capitol Square where Francesca had pulled a blanket from her tote bag and laid it on the lawn so they could relax in the sun and listen to the sounds of the Farmers’ Market surrounding them. At one point, Phillip and Oliver had gone for a walk, telling the girls they were going to get some cheese curds. They didn’t return for a long while, and Pen had been ready to search for them when suddenly she saw her nephew running back toward her with a bouquet in hand and curls blowing in the wind. The sight had been so endearing, she barely registered his uncle walking behind him with three more bouquets filling his arms. 

Oliver had come to a stop directly in front of his sister and handed her the flowers that were about half her size and came in every color in the rainbow. She stood up and took the bouquet from him, then promptly dropped it on the blanket so she could hug her brother. It was then that Penelope had remembered that George and Oliver would often bring flowers home for Marina and Amanda on the weekends. She’d willed herself not to cry as she watched Olly whisper something in his sister’s ear, words she knew were only meant for his best friend to hear. Once Amanda sat back down, she’d picked up her flowers and cradled them in her lap, studying them all closely as if they were something magical, which Pen supposed they were. 

Oliver had turned back to his uncle to take a second bouquet from his hands, this one in varying shades of blue. After he’d presented it to Francesca, he wrapped his arms around her neck and whispered something to her as well. As the little boy pulled away to get the third set of flowers, Fran had wiped a tear from under her eye and exchanged a smile with Penelope. 

Then Eloise’s purple flowers were passed to her and Oliver once again gave her a message that would only ever be for her. The look on her face when he faced his uncle once more had been one of unadulterated love and adoration.

Finally, it had been Penelope’s turn. Unlike the others, her bouquet held only one type of flower. She’d glanced at Phil, wondering if he’d been the one to pick them out, but her best friend mouthed, “It was all him.” Oliver gave her the daisies and she set them on the ground so that she could pull her nephew into her arms. He’d melted into her embrace, and after a moment, his little voice sounded in her ear. “I love you very much. Can I come visit you when you live in your new apartment?”

She’d brushed her fingers through his soft curls and pulled back to look him in the eye. Her blue met the brown eyes he’d shared with his mother; he hadn’t looked sad, only curious. They’d told the twins last weekend that she would be moving into a new home soon and that Eloise would be moving into their house. That night, they’d slept in her bed with her, wanting to be close to her. They hadn’t talked about it again, though she guessed they would need to when she finally knew her move-in date. “I love you too, Ollybee. Always and forever. You can come visit me anytime you want, ok?”

He’d hugged her again and then climbed into her lap. Phillip had joined them on the blanket and Amanda followed her brother’s example, crawling into his lap. He’d quietly taught her the name of each of her flowers as he ran his fingers through Eloise’s hair after she’d laid down with her head near his leg. Francesca had settled in, using her sister’s stomach as a pillow and lightly hummed as her hands moved across her legs as if she were playing a song. Penelope didn’t know how long they’d stayed there, just existing together, but she did know that she was exactly where she was meant to be. 

“Francesca, what did you like most?”

“I liked all of it, I think. But especially our recital.”

“I loved that part,” he replied, his tone wistful.

It had been another secret agenda item for the day. They’d finally decided to leave the square for lunch after El’s stomach had growled so loudly that Fran had yelped at the sound, and all of them had laughed hard enough to draw the attention of the other groups that had gathered on the lawn around them.

However, instead of going to a restaurant, Fran had led them to the Overture Center for the Arts, home to the Madison Symphony Orchestra. The third Bridgerton daughter had been the principal pianist in the orchestra since moving back from San Francisco and had apparently pulled a few strings to get them into the concert hall that afternoon. Penelope had no idea how or when she’d done it, but there was a picnic basket waiting for them in the hall. They laid down the blanket so they could pile on top of it and eat the charcuterie that had been packed like homemade lunchables exactly as Marina had always done, something she’d shared with Eloise once. 

And because none of the Bridgertons knew how to do anything halfway, at the bottom of the basket, a small Fox River box held cookies shaped and decorated like musical notes and piano keys, along with a birthday note for the twins. After a single bite of an eighth note, Amanda had looked Eloise right in the eye and told her how much better it was than the sconut El had convinced her to try earlier at the market. The pure indignation on the woman’s face had cracked all of them up, and Fran captured a photo that Pen was sure she’d share with her brother later. 

Once they’d finished their treats, Francesca played host for an impromptu piano recital for all of her students. The twins had played the songs they’d learned in their lessons so far while all four of their grown-ups recorded the performance from different angles as directed by the children. Although both Amanda and Oliver had far surpassed their uncle in skill at this point, he had also played the songs Fran had taught him, the exact right amount off-beat to send a spark straight to Penelope’s chest as she watched him with overwhelming joy. Eloise had even attempted a rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle that had made them all laugh. 

Then, Oliver had asked Penelope to play, and while she could never have said no to her nephew’s request, she realized that more than anything, she wanted to play. He’d settled in next to her on the bench as she selected a few movements from Schumann’s Kinderszenen . Scenes from Childhood is what it translated to. She’d learned it a long time ago, for one of Felicity’s birthdays, and today of all days felt like the right time to play it. When she’d finished, they’d all clapped, and as she met Phil’s gaze and saw the tears that had gathered in his eyes, she knew that this part of the surprise hadn’t just been for the children, but also for the little girl whose last recital had been interrupted and the woman who’d finally started playing again.

“There were lotsa good surprises today,” Oliver told them as he swung their hands back and forth. They were getting closer to their final destination, and Pen saw Fran struggling to send a message with one hand in Olly’s and the other juggling her phone and her flowers. 

“Do you have any guesses what the last one might be?” she asked him once she put her phone back in her pocket. 

His face became very serious for a second as he considered her question. When he spoke again, he dropped his voice as if he was telling a secret, “I think maybe one, but I don’t want to say it in case it doesn’t come true.” 

“That’s very wise, Olly,” Fran told him, just as seriously. There was a little spring in his step for the rest of their walk. 

As soon as they turned onto the street that Fox River was on, Pen heard a very loud squeal from in front of her and a little gasp from beside her, followed by a quiet, “I was right.”

“I thought the bakery was closed!” Amanda exclaimed as she started pulling Phil and El along behind her, apparently they were no longer moving fast enough. 

“We may have pulled a couple of strings today,” Phil said. “You’re lucky Eloise and Francesca know the owner.” 

“Even luckier the owner is obsessed with your Aunt Penelope,” Fran muttered, just loud enough that only Pen heard her. 

“Colin is our friend , Uncle Phil. He said we could get cake pops whenever we want, so he probably wants us to have them for our birthday is all,” Amanda explained as if this was the obvious reason Fox River would stay open late. 

“Oh, is that all?” Pen could hear the amusement in Phillip’s voice.

“We’re really going?” Oliver was looking between the women on either side of him with a hopeful expression. 

“We’re really going.” By that point they were just about to the front door, and Penelope could see balloons through the windows, though she wasn’t sure the kids had noticed. “Why don’t you and your sister go in first?”

Olly didn’t need to be told twice. He dropped their hands and rushed forward, grabbing Amanda’s hand and pulling her along. Together, they pushed open the door and shouts of surprise floated out to the sidewalk. 

Phil followed them in, holding the door open for the women and collecting their bouquets as they passed. 

He nudged Pen with his shoulder. “Do you think they were excited? It was hard to tell.” 

Penelope laughed and nudged him back. They shared a smile and then looked around the bakery, both of their jaws dropping as they took in the scene. The entire space had been transformed in the few hours since they’d closed for the day. There were blue and orange balloons all over, and Bluey tablecloths covered tables which were filled with pizza, cake, and what looked like more presents than could even fit in the trunk of the SUV.

It took her a moment to spot the twins who’d been surrounded by a sea of children that included all six of Eloise’s niblings and two kids she’d never seen before. Glancing around the shop, it looked as if every Bridgerton sibling was there in addition to the in-laws and Michaela. Standing near Simon, there was a beautiful couple Penelope didn’t recognize standing with a little boy who looked to be about the twins’ age. She guessed the two new children also belonged to the family as they all had matching raven curls and deep tawny skin. In another part of the room, Kate stood with two women she assumed were Kate’s stepmother and younger sister who were mentioned at Violet’s house. She continued searching for a certain baker when suddenly a pair of hands covered her eyes accompanied by a familiar laugh. 

“Guess who!”

“Posy?!” Pen quickly turned around and gave her friend a hug that was soon joined by Sophie, who had been standing next to her sister. “What are you two doing here?”

“Geez Penny, you don’t have to act so happy to see us.” Posy put on an exaggerated pout.

“Oh shut up P, of course I’m happy you’re here. I just wasn’t expecting anyone over the age of 10 to be invited. Have the twins seen you yet?”

“Not yet! The other kids bombarded them as soon as they walked in. We’ll say hi in a little bit,” Sophie explained. “As for our invite, Phil called us on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday?” Penelope had noticed he hadn’t seemed particularly caught off guard at any point today, but she’d figured El had told him the plan when she’d arrived at the house this morning. If he’d called Soph on Wednesday…

“Yep, he had me at birthday party, but Posy really only got on board when he mentioned your Sexy Mister Baker Man was hosting it,” Sophie joked. 

“Oh god, he really is so sexy, Penny. Have you climbed him like a tree yet? I feel like you could, he’s so tall and so strong and so dreamy...” the younger girl trailed off as if she were imagining it. 

“Posy!” Penelope admonished as Sophie giggled at her sister. “There are children around.” 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Posy huffed.

“Pen, how about you go find your man and say your hellos. We’ll come find you again later!” 

“He’s not my–” she started to protest, but Soph pushed her out further into the room and straight into the path of Caroline, Daphne’s youngest daughter. 

“Auntie Pen!” It was as if her name acted as a rallying cry and soon Penelope was doling out hugs to all of the Bridgerton and Basset children. Eddie also introduced her to his friend Nicky, who waved hello, and to Daisy, who immediately gave her a hug. After each of the kids had their turn saying hi, only little Charlotte remained. She lifted her arms in the air to signal that she wished to be picked up and Pen had no choice but to comply. 

“Hi sweet girl, it’s so nice to see you again.” 

“Missed you, Auntie Pen,” Charlie told her with a smacking kiss on the cheek which made Pen giggle. Charlie snuggled into her and Penelope was reminded of when the twins were this small and relished the opportunity to hold the little girl for a bit longer. She wasn’t sure what she’d done to deserve the devotion of her friends’ nieces and nephews but it made her heart feel a little more full, nonetheless. 

“I missed you too, honey. It looks like the other kids are going to get pizza, want to go join them?”

Charlotte nodded and Pen set her back on the ground, getting ready to start her search for the elusive bakery owner. 

“Why do I feel like I’ve already been replaced as her favorite?” Penelope suppressed a shiver as Colin’s low voice sounded in her ear. He’d apparently found her first. She turned her head to look at him and gasped when his face was only inches away. From the look in his eyes, he was just as shocked at the sudden movement bringing them so close as she was and after a moment, he cleared his throat and straightened up.

She allowed herself to give him a once over. He looked good today, though it was strange to see him at the bakery without his navy blue apron on. His dark hair was mussed as if he’d been running his fingers through it, the waves more pronounced and unruly than usual with one curl falling onto his forehead in a way that Pen knew Marina would have described as slutty. He still wore his typical, well-fitted black jeans, but he’d swapped out his Fox River tee for a short sleeve black knit he’d left unbuttoned over a white tank top. Her gaze stuttered over his chest hair before she met his eyes again. She was momentarily taken aback as his dark blue eyes danced with amusement and noticed his lip twitch as if he were holding back a smile. He’d obviously realized she’d been checking him out, but she didn’t have it in her to feel embarrassed anymore.

“Hi, Colin.”

“Ahh, I think I might actually prefer my other name when we’re in the shop.” 

“Other name?” His eyes twinkled and he raised an eyebrow at her, of course he could do that perfectly, too. After a second, his meaning clicked and she smacked his arm, but couldn’t stop a laugh from bubbling out of her. “You wish, Bridgerton.”

“I do, Pen. I really do.”

“Penelope!” Eloise’s voice sounded before they could slip into another one of their staring contests, and Pen looked over to her friend who stood near Kate’s sister. El was waving her over. She glanced back at Colin who tilted his head toward his sister with a smile. 

“Go,” he told her. “I’ll talk to you later?”

She made her way to El and was introduced to Edwina, who told her she was welcome to call her Winnie. They chatted as the children got settled with their pizza. Penelope immediately liked her. 

Soon, the whole group sang the birthday song to the children for the second time today, this time with their candles barely hanging onto the cheese they were stuck in. Pen captured the whole song on video, knowing how much the twins loved to watch things back, and as she watched Amanda and Oliver smile brightly after blowing out their candles, she was glad they’d have a way to remember this day forever. 

Once the song was over, the grown-ups started piling up their own plates. Penelope noticed that they’d gotten the pizza from the Cranes’ favorite shop and once again marveled at the effort the Bridgertons had put into the day. 

After grabbing a couple of slices, Pen ended up sitting on one of the sofas along with Violet and Mary Sharma. They wanted to know all about their day today, so she told them everything. From the pancakes and the flowers, to the recital and the museum, she walked them through the day, and they’d hung onto her every word. Violet wished she could have seen the twins playing at the concert hall so Penelope pulled out her phone and allowed the grandmothers to swipe through her photo album so they could watch the videos she’d taken. She smiled as they cooed over the children and her heart ached at how quickly and lovingly Violet Bridgerton had accepted Amanda and Oliver into her family. It really was no wonder all of her children were as incredible as they were, if they’d grown up with this woman as their source of inspiration. 

“Oh gosh, I think I scrolled back too far,” Mary sounded worried, and Pen wondered what the women could be looking at, unable to recall the last pictures she’d taken before today. She was about to make excuses for whatever incriminating thing they were seeing when Violet spoke up. 

“That is a precious photo. Is that from today?” 

Penelope set her pizza down and leaned over to look at her phone. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten the photos from the lawn. “Someone took them while we were at the Farmers’ Market. They sent them to me before we left. There are a bunch, you can scroll until you see Oliver running with the flowers.”

Her focus remained on the screen as the women slowly went through the album, and she thought about how incredible it was that she was looking at proof of their perfect day. 

It had happened just after they'd packed up to leave the square. Pen had taken a detour to throw away some trash when someone approached her. She recognized them as belonging to the group of friends that had been sitting just to the side of her own family. The person looked a thousand times cooler than Penelope could ever hope to be, with spiky pink hair, a pierced eyebrow, and a full sleeve of tattoos. Felicity would have loved them, she’d thought to herself. 

“Hey, I hope this isn’t too weird, but I saw your son running over to you with the flowers earlier. It was so adorable I just started taking pictures and I ended up getting some really cute ones of your family.” 

“Oh, um…” Penelope hadn’t been sure what to say back to them, she didn’t know what she’d expected them to say, but it certainly hadn’t been that. She’d been too taken aback to even correct them on calling Olly her son.

“Do you have an iPhone?”

“Yeah, I do.” 

“I thought I could airdrop them to you? I took them for you and I’ll delete them on my own phone after. It just seemed…important, I guess. Like that moment was one you’d want to remember.”

Pen had nodded, unable to speak, and had pulled out her phone so the stranger could send the photos to her, making sure her airdrop feature was turned on. 

“Penelope’s Phone?” 

“That’s me.”

“Ok, there’s a bunch of them. I’m just gonna send them all.” They’d touched their screen and a few seconds later a notification had popped up on her phone. Her heart had skipped a beat.

“Your name’s Asher?” Pen had asked as she accepted the airdrop.

“Yep, friends call me Ash though.” 

After a moment, Penelope’s photo library had opened to reveal a selection of new photos. She’d clicked the last one and saw her family sprawled out on the blanket laughing at the way El’s stomach had practically roared, and it was so reminiscent of the photo hanging on the wall of the Crane house that her knees nearly buckled at the sight. However, for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t sadness that had overwhelmed her but relief. It was silly, but the photo felt like evidence that they were doing right by the twins, ensuring that they were still growing up in a home filled with love and laughter and family, even if it looked a little different now. And she knew that Colin had been right when he’d reminded her that Amanda and Oliver didn’t expect or need the biggest or the best, that all they wanted was to be loved and cared for. She’d wiped a tear from her eye as she’d finally looked up at Ash. 

“Are you ok?”

“Not exactly,” she’d answered honestly. 

“Should I not have done this? I’m sorry, I should have asked if I could take them before I did, it’s just–”

“Hey, no, please don’t worry about me. We’re celebrating the twins’ birthday today. It’s their first since their parents died. Their uncle and I have been terrified for months that we were messing all of this up, that we couldn’t be enough for them.” She still wasn’t sure what had prompted her honesty, only that a part of her had felt as though there had to be some reason why this stranger had come into her life today wearing the name she’d chosen to represent her little sister over ten years ago, so she’d continued. “These pictures… It might seem like a small thing, Ash, but for some reason it feels like hope. I’m really grateful you took them.”

Ash’s green eyes had softened and they smiled at her. “I’m glad I did, too.”

“It’s like you were our good luck charm today,” she’d told them.

“Hey, that’s what my dad always says!”

“What?” 

“Yeah, Asher. In Hebrew, it means blessed or fortunate one. My dad likes to joke that he named me Asher so he’d have his own personal good luck charm with him wherever he went.” 

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Penelope had replied, knowing Ash couldn’t have possibly understood the significance of their exchange or that there was more than a decade’s worth of history that had led to a second round of tears threatening to fall from Pen’s eyes. 

“Can I give you a hug before you go?”

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

Ash had gently wrapped their arms around her, and when they pulled away, they looked her directly in the eye. “For what it’s worth, Penelope, seeing how happy those kids looked today? I don’t think their parents could have picked anyone better. Now, you better go. It looks like your family is waiting for you.” They pointed toward the corner of the lawn where Phil, the twins, and the Bridgerton sisters were standing. Penelope waved to them and the kids waved back.

She turned back and smiled at them. “Thank you, Ash. Truly.”

Pen had slipped her phone in her pocket and said goodbye, walking toward her family, looking back once to see Ash heading back to their friends. They’d glanced over and waved one last time. Now, as Violet and Mary finished looking at the photos, Penelope wondered if she’d ever see Asher again. 

After she’d eaten and everyone had started playing the games that were scattered about Fox River, Pen searched for Colin again, wanting to thank him for throwing the party. Simon caught her before she found success and introduced her to Will and Alice Mondrich. The couple owned the pub where the Bridgertons played trivia every week, but she learned that Simon and Will had become friends in college where they met at a boxing gym. At the mention of boxing, Penelope mentioned that Phillip had boxed for years, having picked it up their senior year in high school. Their eyes lit up at the information and they left to find her best friend, leaving Penelope alone with Alice. 

“It looks like the boys are getting along.” Alice pointed to one of the blankets on the floor where Oliver and the youngest Mondrich boy sat alone, playing a game of Connect Four. “John almost never leaves my side at things like this, no matter what I do to encourage him.” 

“Olly is sort of the same way. I think having a built-in best friend in Amanda helps him a little bit, but she got her parents’ extraversion whereas he takes after me and Phil. I think both of them have struggled making friends since…” Penelope trailed off. She wasn’t sure how much Alice knew about their situation until the other woman’s eyes filled with empathy, and she knew someone had told her everything. “It’s been hard for them.”

Alice nodded. “I think that’s why Colin invited us, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“Will and Colin spent a lot of time together these past two years, renovating those apartments upstairs. I know Will mentioned to him a couple of times that he was worried about John, he’s just always been so shy. When Colin called on Tuesday, he mentioned that there was a little boy who could maybe use a friend. He’d heard a story, I guess, that had him thinking they’d be a perfect match.”

Penelope smiled at that. She’d already been in awe of the lengths he’d gone to for the twins, but knowing he’d put so much effort into not just planning a party but attempting to make life better for her nephew and his friend’s child as well? She had a feeling he’d taken inspiration from the story Phillip told at Violet’s house. 

The women were watching the boys when Oliver leaned over to whisper something in John’s ear, pointing toward the group of older boys sitting across the room. Pen followed his finger and saw that Miles had pizza sauce all over his face and apparently the younger boys had too as they both snickered before settling back in with their game. 

“It looks like he was right,” she said and Alice chuckled. Pen glanced around the room and noticed that both Colin and Phillip were watching the interaction as well. As if Colin felt her attention on him, he locked eyes with her for a moment and smiled. 

“He’s a good man,” Alice said beside her. 

Penelope didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. “Yeah, he is.” 

She ended up exchanging phone numbers with Alice so they could set up playdates for the children, then made her way over to the corner where Sophie and Posy had gathered with Eloise and Francesca. The women were whispering as she walked up but quickly stopped when they noticed her presence. 

“What’s up?” She eyed them suspiciously. 

“Nothing!” all four voices sounded at once. 

“And I totally believe you…” 

“It’s nothing, Pen. Promise.” Sophie hugged Penelope’s arm with her own. “Are you having fun?” 

“I was until you all started being weird.” Sophie laughed at her and poked her in the side, and Pen glared at her friend before coming to a sudden realization and looking around the room for confirmation. She looked at Fran. “Where’s your brother? 

“You ask that as if there aren’t three here right now and another on the way,” Fran answered dryly.

“Three?” Posy asked. “We’ve only met Anthony and Gregory. Who’s the other one?”

“Colin, obviously,” Eloise answered.

“Sexy Mister Baker Man is your brother?!” Posy practically yelled as her sister’s jaw dropped. 

“I mean, who did you guys think he was? Why else would he have planned this whole party and invited every single person in the Bridgerton family?” Eloise seemed flabbergasted that the sisters hadn’t put this together. 

“We didn’t know Colin planned the party, just that it was going to be at the bakery. Phillip called us to organize everything…” Sophie turned to look at Penelope, narrowing her eyes. “Sweet, loving Penelope. Did you and Phil forget to tell me that Colin was a Bridgerton?”

Penelope pretended to think about it for a moment. “Hmm? Oh, I guess maybe I did.” 

“And did you also forget to mention you have now met all of his brothers, including Ben?” 

“You know Ben?” Fran asked, but Sophie ignored her.

“Penelope. Did. You. Forget?”

“Did I? I…I don’t know, it doesn’t sound like me to forget something like that.” 

She had obviously not forgotten to tell her, she had purposefully chosen not to, deciding to save it for another day after telling Phillip all about the connection she’d made at Bridgerton House. Could she have told her friend about it? Sure, but Sophie had been so adamant that it would only be meant to be if she’d run into Benedict again by chance one day that Pen had decided not to tell her that she’d found him. She wanted to give her friend a fairytale moment, so sue her. God, she owed Phil a huge favor for making sure Sophie would be there tonight to make this happen.

“What on earth are you two talking about?” Eloise looked annoyed that she didn’t understand what was going on while Posy giggled beside her, having already put it together. Penelope grinned at El then looked at the other Bridgerton sister. “Fran, you said Ben was coming soon. Do you know when he’ll be here?”

“He had an art show, but he should be here any minute. He texted us a little bit ago that he was cleaning up.”

“Good, good.”

“Oh my god, Penelope, will you stop being so cryptic and tell us what’s going on?” El was at the end of her rope. 

“You know that mysterious ‘girl in silver’ your brother won’t stop talking about?”

Eloise and Francesca both answered in the affirmative as Sophie gasped. Penelope wasn’t sure if it was in alarm as her suspicions were confirmed that she was about to be face to face with the man she was practically in love with, or if it was in shock that Ben’s whole family knew who she was.  

“Do you think he’ll be happy to know that I’ve found her? Well, I guess I didn’t so much as find her as she told me all about some artist she met at a Halloween party who supposedly looked very similar to Colin. I just put the final pieces together at your mom’s house when Colin mentioned the silver dress.”

“Oh my god!!” the Bridgerton sisters yelled at the same time, attracting the attention of half the room. 

“Mind your own business people!” Eloise waved them off and pulled all the women closer together to whisper. “You mean to tell me that Sophie is the woman Benedict has been talking about all these months?”

“Benedict,” Sophie murmured as if she was testing out the feel of it. “Benedict.” 

“This is fucking incredible.” Fran looked delighted at the prospect. “He’s going to absolutely die.”

“Who’s going to die?” a deep voice asked from behind Pen and Sophie. 

All five women screamed. None of them had noticed anyone entering their bubble. Penelope tried to catch her breath as the man laughed. 

“Sorry, I was just coming to say hi. I didn’t realize I was interrupting something.”

“God, Ben, you’re gonna give me a heart attack,” Eloise rolled her eyes at her older brother. 

At the mention of his name, Sophie completely froze. 

Francesca noticed and smirked. “Hi, brother. We were just talking about you.”

“Were you?” Benedict sounded amused. “What have I done to deserve such an honor?”

“Oh, we were just telling our new friends here about your Lady in Silver,” Fran said in a dramatic accent they all giggled at, except for Sophie who didn’t look like she was breathing at that point. 

“You mean the girl of my literal dreams? What is there to tell, Fran? I meet her. I fall in love. She disappears forever. Woe is me. Did I get right?” Though he was being sarcastic, his voice was still full of yearning as he spoke. The girls laughed again at his dramatics. “Oh sure, make fun of me all you want ladies, but I’m going to find her one day.” 

“Ah see, that’s where you’re wrong, brother.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, it’s hard to find someone who’s already been found, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” He repeated himself. 

Penelope took that as her cue to turn them around, forcing Sophie to face the second Bridgerton brother. Penelope smiled brightly at him. “Hi Benedict, it’s so great to see you again.” 

Ben was already staring down at Sophie with his mouth wide open, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sophie was looking down at her feet. Pen placed a finger under her friend’s chin and gently tilted her head back so she’d be forced to look the man she’d fallen for in the eyes. When she was sure Sophie wouldn’t look away again, she spoke. 

“Ben, I’d like to officially introduce you to one of my dearest friends.” She paused as he briefly made eye contact with her and she nodded at him, confirming this was real. “Benedict Bridgerton, meet Sophie Baek. Sophie, meet Benedict.” 

As if they’d been a part of a hive mind, the other four women backed away in unison, giggling as they went. 

“I cannot believe it’s been Sophie this entire time,” Eloise said through her laughs from where she stood with Penelope near the back counter. Hyacinth had quickly grabbed Posy to find out what just happened, the two younger women had become fast friends over Twister earlier. Francesca had wandered off, too, likely to tell her other family members what was going on in the corner of the bakery. “You didn’t even know she was going to be here, how did you make this happen?”

“My best friend is a genius, what can I say?” Penelope chuckled. 

“Talking about me?” Phil’s voice sounded from over her shoulder, and she jumped a little. 

“Actually we are. I’ve never been prouder of your scheming skills.” She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. 

“Consider it a housewarming present,” he told her with a wink. 

“A housewarming present?” 

“We have a little surprise for you. Come on.” Phillip grabbed her hand and pulled her through the kitchen doors, leading her to the back staircase that took them up to the apartments. He took a key out of his pocket that she recognized as the one Colin had given her on Tuesday and handed it to her. She looked between her best friends, who wore matching grins. 

“Go ahead, Pen,” Eloise gestured for her to unlock the door. Once she did, she took a deep breath and opened it. She’d only walked a few feet into the apartment when she was greeted by Telemachus, and she promptly started crying as she realized what they’d done. 

Penelope picked up her cat and walked further into the space which was now filled to the brim with her things. The furniture she’d purchased over the years, the bookshelves filled with her entire library, the kitchen table she’d thrifted with Felicity the weekend they’d moved into their apartment in Chicago. On top of the table was a vase filled with daisies, and she knew they were the flowers from the market. 

“How?” It was the only word she could get out. She turned back to face her best friends and saw that they were no longer alone. Sophie, Posy, and Francesca had followed them up with the twins in tow. 

“It was a group effort,” Phillip said. “Welcome home, Pen.” 

“Is it happy tears, Auntie Pen?” Amanda walked closer to her and looked up at Penelope. “We wanted you to be happy, not sad.”

Pen put Telly on the ground and squatted down to properly look her niece in the eye. “It’s happy tears, I promise, Mandyfly.” 

Amanda threw her arms around her aunt’s neck and gave her butterfly kisses on her cheek. They were soon joined by Oliver who looked relieved.  

“We were keeping the secret from you all week! It was really hard.” Penelope chuckled at her nephew, he’d never been good at keeping secrets. She knew this must have been why they hadn’t brought up the move again, both of them would have been too scared they’d spill the beans and ruin the surprise. And what an incredible surprise it was. 

They all spent a little more time together in her new apartment, walking through the rooms. It was the first time she was seeing her new bedroom, and she chuckled thinking back to her confrontation with Eloise in the bathroom. The room was just as wonderful as she’d pictured it to be and somehow even more perfect with her own things filling the space. 

She had no idea how Sophie and Posy had done it all. Though the sisters claimed they’d spent their day ordering around Anthony, Gregory, Simon, and even Will, Penelope knew that the care with which her belongings had been placed could only have been accomplished by someone who knew her as well as Sophie did, by someone who had spent years coming and going from the last place she had called home. 

She eventually sent everyone back down to the party and took a few minutes to freshen up after all the tears that had been shed. She paused on her way out the door to look over her bookshelves. It would never be the same as it had been in Chicago, but that was because without Felicity, nothing could ever be the same as it once was. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t find a home here, and as she glanced around the room, she noticed a seashell sitting on top of a set of old journals on one of the shelves. It was exactly where it was meant to be, and she thought that just maybe, so was she. 

Ready to return to the party, Penelope walked back downstairs and opened the back door to the bakery. 

“You are blowing this way out of proportion!” She paused in her tracks when she recognized Colin’s voice. She’d never heard him sound so angry before.

“Or are you, once again, not taking something seriously enough?!” 

“Anthony…” a third voice sounded, most likely Benedict.

“This is so typical. We both know he’s always been this way, never thinking about how his spontaneity affects everyone else.”

“That’s not fair, Ant.” Benedict again, though his voice was weak.  

“No, Ben, we are not going to stand by and watch him do this.”

“Do what, Anthony? I’m just trying to be helpful!”

“She is your sister’s best friend, Colin!” Oh. So this was about her. She thought she should make her presence known, but he started speaking again. “On top of that, you’ve just made yourself her landlord and her neighbor. Not to mention, her life is a mess right now. She doesn’t need someone who never seems to know what he wants swooping in, only to make it even messier!”

Ouch. She supposed the eldest Bridgerton wasn’t wrong, per se, but it didn’t feel great to hear him say it. Just like it didn’t feel great to hear how he was speaking to his younger brother, as if Colin made all of his decisions on a whim, as if everything he’d done for her family today had been some random gesture.

“Don’t you think I know all of that?!” Colin’s voice was getting louder and she heard Benedict try to quiet him down. Why wasn’t he standing up for his brother? 

“Then tell me you aren’t sleeping with her. Tell me you haven’t already hooked up with her.”

“God, no. I haven’t. It’s not like that, Ant. I would never–”

“Oh.” Penelope hadn’t realized her feet had brought her further into the room until she was staring directly at the three brothers who looked back at her with varying levels of shame written across their faces. 

“Pen, I didn’t–” Colin started, but she held her hand up, and he immediately shut his mouth and looked down at his feet, hands twitching at his sides. 

“Penelope, I’m so sorry. You weren’t meant to hear any of that.” Anthony at least had the decency to look and sound genuinely contrite. 

“Obviously.” 

“I was just–” 

“I know what you were doing. And while I appreciate your supposed concern for my well-being, Anthony, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and you should know that your brother has been nothing but a gentleman from the moment we met.” 

“I didn’t mean to say he hadn’t…” he cut himself off at the scathing look she gave him. 

“I heard you, Anthony. Telling him he doesn’t take anything seriously. What do you call tonight, then? You think he would plan this whole fucking day to give two little kids a special birthday just to what? Fuck me? You think he recruited your entire family to help move me into my apartment the second he found out I was miserable in the house I was living in, why? Because he was hoping he would finally score? I don’t need your apology. He does.” 

With that, she pushed her way in between the oldest Bridgerton brothers and walked back out into the party. Luckily everyone had settled into the couches and chairs to watch a movie with pieces of cake in hand, and they seemed oblivious to the argument in the kitchen, so she sank down in between Posy and Hyacinth who both cuddled up to her right away. She allowed their presence to soothe her as she stewed on what just happened. 

She hadn’t ever really yelled at anyone the way she’d just yelled at Anthony, and she couldn’t help but wonder what it was about Colin Bridgerton that made her do so. She tried not to let it hurt too much that he’d said he’d never sleep with her. Had she thought maybe eventually what was between them could turn into something more? Sure. Did she wish she hadn’t misread the situation so terribly? Of course. But she’d never hold it against him that he wasn’t interested in her romantically, especially when Anthony had been right about one thing: her life was a mess. She’d hidden from Colin for months until recently, and even then, she’d been too scared to give him any of the truths he’d deserved. 

Yet, he had never once held it against her. He had still chosen to care for her in a way very few people ever had. In fact, every single one of his actions since the day they’d met had proven to her that Anthony was wrong about so many other things, because Colin was so very clearly serious. He was serious about her, about Amanda and Oliver, about being there for a family he barely knew because that was just the type of person he was. And if that wasn’t evidence enough that she’d done the right thing in standing up for him, she knew there was no world in which Eloise and Francesca would have allowed their brother into her life with the Cranes if they thought he had ulterior motives. So no, Colin Bridgerton didn’t see himself with her, but she would get over it, because a man like him, a man that inherently good? He could do better than a woman like her. 

A couple of hours later, after the movie was finished and the horde of presents had been opened and packed into the car, Penelope stood at the door of the bakery and said goodnight to her family. She hugged the twins tight and told them she loved them, and they assured her they’d had the best birthday ever and she hugged them again. It felt weird knowing that she wouldn’t be sleeping in the same house as them tonight, but she knew she would see them tomorrow. She said her goodbyes to Phillip and Eloise, thanking them again for everything. El had whispered that she loved her in her ear, and Phil left her with two squeezes to her hand and a kiss on the top of her head. 

Everyone else had gone already, so when Pen closed the door she locked it as well, then faced Colin. He was leaning against the counter, his hands fidgeting at his sides, once again. She wasn't sure she'd seen him do that until tonight, except while he paced in the apartment last weekend. It must be a nervous habit. They hadn’t spoken since the scene in the kitchen. She hadn’t said a word to Anthony either, she wasn’t ready to. Benedict had apologized to her when he’d said goodbye and thanked her for standing up for his brother. She’d wanted to ask him why he hadn’t been the one to do it but had held her tongue as she watched him leave with Sophie, who blew her a kiss and promised to call the next morning for brunch plans. 

“Do you need help cleaning up?” That seemed like a safe topic to start with. 

He shook his head. “My mom and Mary took care of most of it during the movie. Mich and Luce are going to get here a little early tomorrow before we open to move the furniture back to where it’s supposed to be.” 

“Oh, ok…”

“I can finish locking up and then walk up with you?”

“Sure.” She gave him a soft smile which he returned and waited patiently as he finished closing up the bakery for the night, then followed him through the kitchen and storeroom to the stairs. 

“You know, I still can’t believe you did all of this with four days’ notice,” she told him as they climbed. 

“I didn’t really do much. The moms were the master party planners, I just made the cake.”

They made it to the top of the stairs and she looked at him, searching his face. She could see it in his eyes that he truly felt he didn’t deserve credit for what he’d done this week, not just for Amanda and Oliver, but for her. She wondered if it was Anthony’s words that had made him doubt himself, or if it was the way he’d always been. Either way, she hated it. 

She made sure he was looking her in the eye before speaking. “Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” His voice was quiet.

“Don’t downplay this. Francesca told me that it was all you. The party, the move. I know it was you. So don’t act like it was nothing because it was everything, Colin.”

He swallowed and nodded. 

“Thank you. For all of it. I mean it.” 

“You’re welcome, Pen.” 

She started toward her door and had her hand around the handle when he said her name again. 

“I owe you an apology. What you heard earlier, I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I was just frustrated with Anthony and I got angry…”

“It’s ok, Col. He had no right to make any assumptions about us. You don’t owe me anything, I promise.” 

“But–” 

“Colin, my feelings aren’t hurt. And Anthony was right, my life is a mess. I don’t need..." She took a breath and restarted, "I think what I could use, more than anything, is a friend.” 

“A friend?”

She nodded. 

“I could be your friend. If you wanted.” He looked shy as he said it, as if he was worried she would turn down his offer which was silly as she was certain it was one of the best she’d ever gotten. 

“I’d love that.”

They shared a smile, and he turned to open his own door. This time she stopped him.

“Colin?”

He looked back at her, the smile still on his face. 

“I was going to make a cup of tea before I go to bed. Would you like to join me?”

Chapter Text

Gemma takes a moment to slip her mask into place before she gets out of the car and tries to remember why she’d come all this way. It wasn’t as if she had many happy memories associated with this city. She supposed maybe it was the morbid curiosity. She’d assumed Monica had thrown away any of her remaining belongings the second she’d left home five years ago, but some part of her wondered what might have been left behind. So when her mother had told her she was selling the house, she’d woken up early to make the drive to her hometown.

Still, she didn’t realize how hard it would be to get out of the car once she arrived. For a second, she wishes she had taken Kelsey up on her offer to join her, but as Gemma catches sight of the house across the street, the one she knows just as well as her own, she’s glad she hadn’t allowed it. The feelings she has towards her best friend’s childhood home are almost as complicated as they are for the one she grew up in. It was, after all, the house where Gemma hadn’t felt like a burden for the first time in her life. It was the place where Caroline had shown her what a mother’s love could be, offering her comfort when her parents were fighting too loudly and she escaped to her neighbors. It was the home she stopped in to get a snack after school when her mom started putting her on diets at seven years old. 

But it was also the house where Kelsey got the bruises they’d hide with the old makeup Gemma found in her sister’s drawer in the bathroom. It was the place where Caroline had always tried to take the brunt of her husband’s anger until it resulted in a death that was ruled accidental. It was the home she called the police to when they were seventeen and Kelsey hadn’t come out to catch the school bus the way she always did. 

No, she thinks to herself as she climbs out of the car and walks to the door, she never could have asked her best friend to come back here. If Gemma could barely stomach being in the neighborhood they’d left behind when they were eighteen, there was no world in which she could subject Kelsey to an even more potent torture. She would do this by herself. She had to.

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

One…

She takes a moment to ground herself, then opens the door to her past. 

“You certainly took your time getting here,” her mother’s scathing voice sounds before Gemma has even made it all the way inside the house. She glances over to see Monica in the sitting room. As always, she’s dressed as if she just came back from the country club with obviously fake Prada sunglasses perched on her head and the gaudy jewelry she’d been notorious for the entirety of Gemma’s childhood layered around her throat. 

“It’s a five hour drive. I couldn’t have gotten here much faster.” 

“Watch your tone with me, you brat. You’re lucky I even bothered to call you,” Monica snipes. 

“Why did you?” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. 

“Well, you always did love your father more than you loved me. Fat lot of good that did you, considering he left you, too. Still, I figured you might want to clear out his study. I certainly don’t want anything from it. I don’t even want to look at it. Whatever you don’t take is getting thrown out.”

Gemma isn’t quite sure what to say to that. She doesn’t deny the closeness she’d once had with her father, though her mother was right, when he’d left, he’d left them all. Instead of responding, she walks up the stairs and makes her way to his study, though in reality it had become his bedroom when she was fourteen. Whenever he bothered to come home, that is. 

As she opens the door, she realizes she might have been the last person who set foot in the room. Though there is now a layer of dust covering everything, it looks exactly as she remembered it, as if she was instantly transported to the morning of her sixteenth birthday, the day he’d left for good with nothing more than a suitcase with him. 

“Like father, like daughter,” Gemma muses aloud but shakes the thought from her head and reminds herself that she is nothing like him, that escaping an abusive household would never be the same thing as abandoning a family, no matter what her mother might say. 

She takes a deep breath and crosses the threshold, walking over to her father’s desk. She runs a finger along the surface, picking up dust and letting the memories of her time hiding under it wash over her. She’s reminded of the times in which Ray would let her into the room as long as she stayed quiet, and she’d curl up with a book while she avoided Rebecca and Ray Jr. whenever they were feeling particularly cruel. She thinks of the solace she used to find in this very room and the way her allusion of peace had shattered well before her father had ever left. 

Still, the memories lead her to the shelves where she spends a few minutes gathering some of the books she knows were his favorites and adds them to a pile on the desk. 

When she’s satisfied, Gemma heads to the closet where she finds her dad’s old fishing gear. She reaches out to it, wrapping her hand around the pole as if to take it with her. When they were younger, Ray had taken all three of his children fishing with him, though Gemma’s brother and sister had grown sick of it by the time they were teenagers and even more sick of spending time with their little sister. But Gemma loved to go fishing. Her father would bring a cooler of snacks and drinks, and they would set up their chairs near the water where he talked to her about books while he threw out his line and waited for a bite. 

As she got older, though, her parents started fighting more and they started fishing less. Ray started packing beer in the cooler instead of diet coke, and by the time she was ten, Gemma had learned to pack her own water and snacks in her backpack, just in case her dad forgot. Eventually the beer turned into a flask that he’d tuck into his fishing vest. She was twelve the last time they went on one of their trips. They had been on their way home, driving over the bridge, when she realized he’d fallen asleep behind the wheel and had started veering toward the water. She screamed until he woke up and had nightmares for months after that. 

Gemma loosens her grip around the fishing pole and closes the closet door before walking back behind the desk. She barely even registers what she’s doing until she’s already curled up underneath it, holding her knees to her chest. She doesn’t fit quite as well as she used to. 

Her body shakes as she cries. They’re tears she’s been holding in since the day she learned her father died two years ago. They found his body in a river. She’d been the one to identify him after her mother and siblings refused to be involved, and he’d been mostly unrecognizable. Then they’d shown her the only thing they’d recovered from his car, a flask engraved with his initials. She’d have known it anywhere. 

Gemma hadn’t allowed herself to cry for him then. She isn't even sure she's crying for him now. No, she is crying for the little girl who’d hidden under the same desk because no one in her family had ever given her the love she craved, the comfort she desperately sought. In fact, the only person alive who had ever provided those two things for her was 300 miles away in the shoebox apartment they’d shared since they graduated from high school. 

So when she’s done crying, she stands up and grabs a single book off the pile, one of her own favorites that she’d hidden so her brother couldn’t destroy it, and as she shuts the door behind her, she doesn’t bother to look back. 

Instead of heading back downstairs, Gemma makes one more stop on the second floor. It turns out, her instincts were right. Her mother had gotten rid of everything that could have ever indicated the room had once belonged to her youngest child, but Gemma knew Monica had never paid enough attention to her to know that she’d missed a spot. So she kneels on the floor next to the window and pulls up a loose board, under which she’d hidden all kinds of things over the years, whether it was contraband food during her mother's forced diets that she wasn't supposed to be eating, books that she wasn’t supposed to be reading, or secrets that she wasn’t supposed to be keeping. Gemma reaches in for the stack of journals she’d kept over the years and adds the book from the study on top.

“Is that really all you’re taking with you?” Monica questions her as soon as she makes it to the bottom of the stairs. 

“It is,” Gemma answers calmly as she wraps her fingers around the door handle. 

“You’re leaving already? I take the time to invite you here and give you the chance to take anything you want, and you just leave? You can’t even stop to ask me how I’m doing. You don’t even think to ask about your brother and sister? You really are an ungrateful little bitch, aren’t you?”

She wills herself to look at her mother and Gemma is proud of how steady her voice is as she holds eye contact with the woman who’d failed her in every sense of the word. One last time. “I got what I came here for.”

“And what’s that? A stupid children’s story and some ratty old notebooks.”

“Goodbye, Monica.”

She doesn’t wait for a response as she opens the door and walks to her car, and though she’s vaguely aware of her mother yelling at her from the front door, for the first time Gemma doesn’t let herself hear it. Instead she sets her books on the front seat and buckles her seat belt. 

“I have everything I need,” she tells herself as she pulls away from the curb and leaves her past behind.

Chapter Text

“Voilà,” Penelope said as she pulled open a cupboard and stepped aside for him. Her red curls bounced against her shoulders as she moved. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.” 

Colin whistled at the vast selection of tea that filled her cabinet, and she laughed as she started filling the kettle with water. 

“Decaf and herbal are on the left. Caffeinated on the right if you’re the kind of person who can drink it after 9pm.”

“I thought you were a vanilla latte kind of girl,” he joked as he rifled through the boxes on the left and pulled down a box of lavender tea. 

“Oh, I am. But that’s more of a surface level, I’m out at a café and I want a coffee kind of thing. In my heart and soul? I’m a tea girl.” 

“Hmm,” he hummed as he showed her his choice. She nodded, and he grabbed two bags before replacing the box. When he looked back, she cocked her head to the side and studied his face, the way she always seemed to.  

“Where are your mugs?” he asked, opting to ignore her penetrating gaze.

“I don’t know. Why did you ‘hmm’?” She crossed her arms over her chest looking quite disgruntled and he held back a laugh. 

“It’s really nothing, Pen," he tried to reassure her, but she glared at him. It really was not a big deal, he was only wondering how many more times he would be surprised that they were more alike than he'd ever expected.

"Colin."

He sighed and acquiesced. “It’s just that I also happen to be a tea girl…” Colin realized what he said a moment too late. “Well, not a - you know what I mean. I also love tea.” 

Penelope’s giggle was like music to his ears, but he just rolled his eyes at her.

“Are you ever going to tell me where your mugs are?”

She shrugged, “Your guess is as good as mine, Bridgerton. The only thing Sophie showed me earlier was the tea, because she knew I’d want a cup before bed. Guess she forgot I'd need to put it in something.” 

“Right. How did I forget that you’ve lived here for all of what? Three hours?” 

Pen laughed as she started opening a couple of the other cupboards.

Colin really had forgotten this was her first night in the apartment. When they’d first walked in, his jaw had dropped. The space had gone from completely empty to looking as if someone had been living there for months in a single day. Blankets were draped over the couch and armchairs which held an abundance of throw pillows. A vase of daisies sat on the kitchen table. There was artwork scattered around the walls. It was a home, he realized, more of a home than he’d made for himself in the last two years of living in this building. 

“Aha! Found them!” As she put two of the mugs on the counter, a loud meow sounded, drawing his attention to the large orange cat who’d just jumped onto the breakfast bar. “Telly, for once in your life could you please have some manners?” 

Penelope grabbed her cat off the counter, and Colin couldn’t help but be amused at the sight. Telemachus was over half the size of the tiny redhead and had to weigh at least twenty pounds. She placed him back on the ground, much to his dissatisfaction, where he immediately started meowing as he rubbed up against both of their legs. 

She ignored her cat, but Colin crouched down and stuck his hand out for pets. Right away, Telly’s large fluffy head was pressed into his hand and a loud purr started echoing in the space. He was pleased the cat seemed to like him until Pen snorted. 

“What?” He looked up and saw her shaking her head as she poured the water into the mugs. 

“Don’t let it go to your head, he’s a slut for pets. Come on, this has to steep for ten minutes so we might as well get comfortable.” She walked around the counter and out into the main living space, and because Colin had decided he’d follow her anywhere, he straightened up and moved after her. 

Penelope set the tea on a couple of coasters that were out on the coffee table and sank down onto the couch where she was quickly joined by Telemachus, who crawled up onto her lap and started nuzzling his face into hers as she giggled. While she was distracted, Colin allowed himself a moment to take her in, the way he'd wanted to since she'd first walked into Fox River earlier that evening. Michaela had laughed at him as his breath audibly caught at the sight of her in a dress similar to the ones that he'd seen her in previously, though this time it was pale yellow. He wondered if she had the dress in every color and if he'd ever get to see her in all of them. 

He couldn’t quite believe he was standing here after what she’d heard in the kitchen earlier tonight. Not only had she heard his brother implying that everything he’d tried to do for her and her family today was all part of some grand scheme to have sex with her, she’d then heard him as he practically declared that he’d never sleep with her. Even if it hadn’t been what he’d meant to say, he knew how it sounded, that there was only one way for her to interpret his words. He could still hear that little “oh” that had left her as she’d made her presence known. He'd felt his stomach drop at that noise, at the surprise and hurt that had briefly been written in her features though it was quickly masked by anger. Colin wouldn’t have blamed her for her anger, it would have been deserved. 

But she’d shocked him when she’d turned her fury on his brother. She’d stood up to Anthony in a way that none of his siblings ever had and all but demanded he give Colin an apology before she stormed out of the room. He’d given her space for the rest of the night, not knowing if she’d have any interest in speaking to him after that. Instead, once everyone was gone, she’d been gracious and forgiving in a way he wasn’t sure he’d earned. 

He’d wanted to explain what he’d been trying to say, that all he meant was that she could never be just a hookup for him, that she was too important. He’d wanted to plead his case, to assure her that Anthony had been wrong. But when he’d tried, she’d stopped him. She’d assured him her feelings weren’t hurt, though he knew she was lying, and told him all she needed was a friend. That’s when he’d remembered the promise he’d made to follow her lead and be grateful she was willing to open herself up to him in any capacity at all. So he’d offered himself up – knowing that being her friend would be better than being nothing at all – and hoped more than anything she’d say yes.

“You can sit down, you know?” Her voice startled him from his thoughts and he realized he’d been staring at her again. She wore a bemused expression as Colin wandered further into the space, but he didn’t join her on the couch just yet. Instead he moved over to the bookshelves that now lined an entire wall of the apartment. 

“I know you said you had hundreds of books, but I think I assumed you were exaggerating.”

Penelope laughed lightly. “Unfortunately not.”

“Unfortunately?” He shook his head as he scanned a shelf. “Pen this is incredible. You have everything here. It’s like your own personal library. You’d need a catalog to keep track of anything,” he chuckled at the idea, but when she remained silent, he turned around and found her staring at him with her mouth open just a bit and her cheeks blushed bright red. When she saw him grinning, she popped her mouth closed. 

“Penelope.”

“Yes?” 

“Did you make a catalog for your books?”

“No…?” 

She was so clearly lying that Colin had to hold back his laughter. He fixed a very serious look on his face and crossed his arms. 

“Pen, come on, you can tell me.” When she still didn't answer, he raised an eyebrow at her expectantly and she finally gave in. 

“Ok fine, yes. I am the world’s biggest nerd, and I have a giant spreadsheet that tracks every book I own and where it sits on my shelves, and they’re all organized by genre, sub-genre, and author. Is that what you wanted to hear?” She threw her arms up in the air, exasperated, and scared Telemachus, who leapt off her lap at the gesture.

Colin couldn’t keep it in any longer and when he broke into giggles, so did she. Once they calmed down, he went back to looking over her collection. 

“I don’t think you’re a nerd, Pen,” he said as he ran his finger down the spine of a book. She scoffed and he knew she rolled her eyes at his back. “Ok, well maybe you are, but you’re a very cute nerd.” 

“Colin.” Her tone itself was a warning that Colin was toeing the line that had been drawn earlier tonight. 

“Friends can call friends cute, Penelope. It’s like the number one rule of friendship.” He shot a wink at her over his shoulder and caught the eye-roll that time, but he also saw her lip lift up in a smirk. 

“Oh? Please enlighten me. What are the other rules of friendship?” 

“Hmmm,” he thought for a second. He should have known she’d put him on the spot. “Well there are three, obviously. We already covered number one, of course.” 

“Of course.” She wore a very serious expression as she nodded and held up a finger as though to count along with him. 

“Number two is that friends let friends borrow each other’s books whenever they want.”

“Is that so? And what does your personal library look like, Colin?”

“That’s beside the point. Count it.” He pointed at her hand until she reluctantly lifted a second finger. 

“Ok, number three…” 

“I’m on the edge of my seat here.” She grinned at him knowingly, as if she knew he was floundering. 

He glanced around the room for inspiration and noted the mugs on the table. “Number three is that friends always share tea?”

Penelope burst out laughing at that. “Ok, let me get this straight. According to you, the three rules of this friendship are that you can call me cute, I have to let you borrow my books, and I also have to give you my tea?” She counted on her fingers again as she listed them out.

“Don’t be silly, Pen. You can call me cute, too, if you want,” he told her with a smirk. 

“You’re such a dork.” There was only amusement in her tone and he saluted her. 

“Besides, you have no idea what my book and tea collection are like. They’re gonna blow your mind.”

“Oh, I’m sure they will. You know, I never would have taken you for a tea girl, Col.” It was the second time she’d called him Col tonight. He decided he liked it. 

“Why is that?” He raised a brow again. 

“I mean, you do own a coffee shop.”

He placed a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Excuse me ma’am, I do not own a coffee shop! I own a bakery… Which just so happens to also sell coffee,” he added as she waved a hand for him to continue. 

“Ahh yes, a very important distinction.” 

“We also sell tea, Pen. We’re very inclusive at Fox River Bakery,” he said with extra emphasis on the final word. “And we only do the coffee because Michaela insisted that we couldn’t just have baked goods.”

“She didn’t have enough faith in your eclairs.” 

“Exactly! The traitor. Unfortunately, as much as I hate to admit it, she was right. Turns out an MBA gave her a little more insight to the market than my extensive knowledge of Ancient Greece.”

“Who would have thought?” Pen teased with a giggle. 

Colin was about to join her on the couch when he noticed a single shelf that looked different to all the others. There was a stack of what looked to be old journals, topped with a seashell, and next to them was a small collection of books with worn spines and yellowing pages that were haphazardly placed and in direct opposition to the rest of the pristine shelves. Before he knew it, his feet had carried him over to it as if there was a magnet pulling him there. If he had been paying more attention, he would have heard the soft gasp that left Penelope as he lifted one of the books off the shelf, but his focus was entirely on what was in front of him. 

He turned to face her, holding the book. She was staring at him with some kind of surprise written on her face that he couldn’t quite decipher. “Pen?”

“Huh?” 

“You ok?”

She shook her head a little bit as if to refocus. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, did you find something?” She pointed at the book in his hand. 

Colin held it up to show her. “ Treasure Island . It’s one of my favorite books of all time.”

“Mine, too,” she told him with a soft smile. 

He’d already guessed that by the state of the book. It had clearly been read many times over the years. Recognizing the importance of its place on its special shelf, Colin brushed his hand over the cover one last time and put the book back where it belonged, then finally joined Penelope on the couch. She leaned forward and grabbed both mugs of tea, handing him one and then settling back further into the cushions with her legs criss-crossed in front of her so she could face him. He followed her lead and turned his body toward her with one leg folded up on the couch. 

“You know, my dad first read Treasure Island to me when I was a little kid. I must have been seven or eight at the time. After he died, I reread it at least once a year until about five years ago when I lost my copy.” 

“You didn’t want to get a new one?”

“Mine was a gift from my dad, his old copy actually. He gave it to me on my twelfth birthday which was…”

“Your last birthday with him,” Penelope finished for him when he trailed off.

“You remember that?” He didn’t know why it shocked him given that he could recite word for word every sentence they’d exchanged back in October, but something about her immediately knowing had his chest tightening. He wasn’t used to being listened to so intently.

“I remember everything about that day, Colin.”  

It was his turn to search her face. He expected her to be blushing as she often did, or shying away from his gaze, but her expression was completely open, letting the truth of her statement stand on its own, allowing him to see how much the day they’d met had meant to her. He wanted to speak, to tell her it had been everything to him, too, that he’d replayed every moment in his mind over and over again, but he knew that would mean crossing the line, pushing her too far. In the end he settled for something simple, hoping his face showed her everything she needed to know. “Me too.”

It seemed to be enough for her and a gentle smile came over her face to prove it. She was more relaxed around him tonight than she ever had before. He liked this version of Penelope. Not that he hadn’t liked her before, more than he’d really ever liked anyone, but something felt different tonight. It was as if making the call that they would not be more than friends had cracked her wide open, allowing him to see her in a new way. He knew it would be easy to be her friend if that's what she wanted, he could tamp down his own feelings if it meant getting to be with her like this. 

As if sensing that his presence would be welcome again, Telemachus jumped back onto the couch, this time settling directly on Colin’s lap. He absentmindedly scratched the cat behind the ears as he took a sip of his tea. 

“Are you sure he doesn’t like me?” Colin asked Pen when the purrs started back up. “It feels like he likes me.”

She giggled and took a drink before answering. “I didn’t say he didn’t like you. It’s more so that he likes everyone. It’s quite annoying actually, knowing that I’m not even his favorite.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Pen.” 

“No, it is. Felicity was always his favorite. Don’t worry, I’ve come to terms with it,” she sighed dramatically. “I do miss his older sister, though. She always had a way of making me feel special. She wouldn’t even let Fel come near her sometimes, which was good for the ego.”

Colin chuckled a little at that. He noted her first casual mention of her sister but knew better than to linger on it. He wanted her to be able to talk about Felicity without it feeling as if the whole world was weighing her down. He decided to focus on the cat instead. 

“How long did you have her?”

“We got her right after we moved to Chicago. Fel insisted we get the cat that had been at the shelter the longest. She’d been there for two years. Nobody wanted a senior cat, but she was perfect.”

He smiled at the idea of fresh-out-of-college Penelope and her teenage sister adopting an animal together as they adjusted to life in their new city, far away from the home they'd grown up in. 

“What was her name?”

“Calliope,” she answered, a shy grin on her face.

“Ahh, so we were similarly inspired?” he asked, recalling her mention of Calliope when he told her he loved epic poetry. 

“One might say we share a Muse.”

Colin laughed and Penelope beamed with pride. They both took sips of their tea while Telemachus laid down in between them, stretching so he was easily within reach of them both. He thought he knew what Pen meant now, though he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard someone call their cat a slut before. Telly really did just crave attention. He glanced up at her, amused and ready to tell her so, only to find her looking at him thoughtfully.

“Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I’m just curious.”

“Sure,” he said, trying to disguise his nervousness at what she might want to know. 

“Is your brother always like that? I mean, does he always talk to you that way?”

That was unexpected. 

“I think it’s safe to assume you’re talking about Anthony?”

She nodded. 

Colin was quiet for a moment, taking a sip and trying to compile his thoughts before answering. 

“You don’t have to tell me, I just…”

“No, it’s ok. I think I would have questions too if I heard what you did tonight.” She looked down at her mug. “The short answer is no, he’s not.”

Penelope glanced back up at that, meeting his eyes again. “And the long answer?”

Her piercing blue gaze made it feel as if he had been stripped bare, while simultaneously making him feel safer than ever. He wanted to be honest with her, the way she’d been with him, to trust her with this piece of himself.

“Ant and I have always had a really complicated relationship. I think if you asked me that question a few years ago, I would have said unequivocally yes, that he was always that way. Now? I don’t know, Pen. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that side of him, since he made his disappointment in me so clear.” 

“You told me that the lines between father and brother were a little blurred with him. I’m guessing this is the kind of thing you were referring to?”

Colin nodded. “Pretty much, yeah. At least for me, anyway.”

“Is he not like that with your other siblings?”

“I mean, he’s maybe crossed a line here or there, but my other siblings aren’t fuck-ups, so he never really had a reason to treat them the same way.” It was impossible for him to disguise the bitterness in his voice. He hated it.

“Colin, what on earth are you talking about? You graduated from Stanford. You own a crazy successful business. How could he possibly consider you a fuck-up?”

“Penelope, I have a Masters in Greek literature. Do you really think that means much to my big-shot lawyer brother who left Harvard to move back to Wisconsin so he could take care of his seven younger siblings? He gave up everything for us so that we could have what he couldn’t, what he’d lost. When I got into Stanford, I think he felt like he was getting his second chance, ready to live vicariously through me. Then he found out what I planned to major in. I’ve never seen him so angry, Pen. He told me I was wasting money, our father’s money, on nothing more than a hobby and that my dad would be disappointed in me if he knew.

“It’s not like we’d ever had an amazing relationship before that. He’d always been so determined to be successful, so willing to do whatever it took to get ahead. To him I was always too restless while never moving forward, too reckless but somehow playing it too safe, too much and yet, never enough. That’s what it boiled down to I think. He wanted so much from me, and I couldn’t give it to him.” 

Colin paused and closed his eyes for a moment. It had been a long time since he’d talked about his relationship with his oldest brother, since he’d been made to remember how fraught it had once been. He felt a warm hand rest on the knee he had propped up on the couch, a thumb that lightly moved back and forth; he took a few deep breaths in time with the movement. When he opened his eyes again, Penelope pulled her hand away and grabbed his tea, placing both mugs on their coasters, before turning back to him. She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, icy blue eyes locked onto his, willing him to continue. 

“I think our mother eventually convinced him to give me a chance to prove myself, reminded him that a degree from Stanford still meant something, and we finally started speaking again. That was around the time he started dating Kate and I think she mellowed him out a lot, too. It was still tenuous for a while, but things slowly got better until I spent my second to last semester studying abroad in Greece and fell in love.” 

He saw Pen’s face fall just a little and quickly corrected himself, “I mean I fell in love with the country, with the people, with the food, with the escape from the monotony of everyday life. When I got back to school, I talked to my advisor and we created a plan for my graduate research which allowed me to travel to different countries to study the way ancient Greek literature shaped western culture and politics. Anthony wasn’t particularly happy about that. I think he’d hoped that I would still go to med school or law school or something, but instead I was going even further down the path he hadn’t picked for me. Again, my mother told him to give me time, that I would come home when I was finished.

“But I became addicted to the changing scenery, always moving from place to place, learning the nuances of the different cultures, and before I’d even finished my thesis, I knew I wasn’t going home. 

“I told my family I planned to move to Greece for a while. I wanted to live, eat, work, breathe the way a local would. Anthony asked where I would work and I told him I would find a job. He asked where I would live and I told him I would find a room. He asked how I would know when I’d had enough, what I would do when I was done. I told him I thought I would just know and that I would either stay there, come home, or go somewhere new. God, he hated that. He hated that I could just not have a plan. He said I was throwing away everything I’d worked for, everything he’d done for me, on a whim, on a childish fantasy. 

“I went anyway. I went to Thessaloniki first, where I found work in an artopoieío owned by an old woman whose husband had recently died. She needed help in the shop and I was more than willing to learn. Six months later, she passed away and I knew it was time for me to move on. I ended up in Sicily where I found a job in the kitchen of a restaurant, mainly helping out the pastry chef. After that I was in Lille where I worked at a pâtisserie. As time passed I started moving on more quickly, stopping over in cities all over Europe and then Asia and eventually spending some time in South America. 

“Every time I came home, it was the same story. Anthony asking me when I was finally going to get a real job, wondering when I would stop fucking around and settle down. He would tell me how much my family missed me, hoping that it would guilt me into staying. He never fully gave up, but then again, I started coming home less. From the ages of 25 to 29, I don’t know that I spent more than three months here, probably less if I’m being honest, because half the time I went back to California instead of Wisconsin. 

“It wasn’t until I decided to come home, when I made the choice to open Fox River, that we really started to get along again. Anthony helped me find this building, he helped me figure out the financials, he helped me renovate my apartment. It felt as if I’d finally proven to him that I was worth it. That everything he’d done had paid off in some way, that I’d made him proud. 

“I love my brother, I do. I’m so grateful for what he did for us and I know he sacrificed a lot to be there when our dad died, but I didn’t like him for a very long time. These past couple of years, though, we’ve been so good. When he stopped trying to be my father, we could just be brothers, but also for the first time, it felt like we were friends.

“Tonight…God, I don’t even know what happened tonight, Pen. One minute we were laughing as he helped me cut the cake, then Posy made a joke about us and suddenly I was being pulled into the kitchen and–”

“About us? As in you and me?” Penelope interrupted, her eyes wide. 

He hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t wanted to embarrass her, but he knew he owed her the truth. “When everyone came back down from showing you the apartment, Sophie and Posy came over to where I was standing with my brothers. Sophie said something about how happy you seemed, how well it had all gone, that I’d done a good thing. Posy told me she wouldn’t be surprised if I got lucky tonight, as a thank you.”

“Oh for fucks’ sake,” Pen muttered underneath her hands which were now plastered over her face, though he could still see her pink cheeks peeking through her fingers.

Colin wrapped his hands around her wrists and gently pulled them down so she would look him in the eye. She wasn’t the one who should be embarrassed by what was said tonight. 

“Penelope, I need you to believe that I never once thought that doing what I did today would result in anything like that. I didn’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect anything from you. I swear, I only wanted to help. And it wasn’t based on some whim, it wasn’t because I thought I would ‘get lucky.’ I just had the ability to do something so I did it. God, I’m so fucking sorry that you heard what you did. He was wrong, Pen. I need you to know that he was wrong. Please tell me you know that,” he was practically begging her to believe him. 

Penelope tried to move her arms and he loosened his grip as soon as he realized he was still holding her wrists. Once she was free, she placed her hands on either side of his face and used her thumbs to wipe away tears he hadn’t even realized had fallen.

“I need you to hear me when I say this, ok?” He nodded once. Her piercing eyes and gentle hands held him in place. “I believe you, and I’m so sorry that a joke my friend made caused your brother to think you had anything other than the best of intentions. But I don’t think that. No one that matters thinks that. Amanda and Oliver, who told me they had one of their favorite days ever, don’t think that. Phillip, who might try to kill you if he heard otherwise, doesn’t think that. Eloise, who would actually kill you, doesn’t think that. Anthony may be your brother, Colin, but he doesn’t get an opinion on this, on us. He doesn’t know my family, and he doesn’t get to tell us how we should feel when all we see is a man who was willing to drop everything to make a day special for two kids who are grieving their parents and aunt. We see a man who organized an entire move for a woman he barely knows so that her life could be just a little bit easier. We see a man who is kind and caring and devoted and serious. If your brother doesn't see that, then he doesn't see you. So he can fuck off for all I care. And for what it’s worth? I think what you’ve done with your life is pretty fucking incredible.”

“Thank you, Penelope.” 

She brushed another tear from under his eye and he lifted his hand to cover hers, just for a moment, before lowering it again. He knew it wasn’t even close to being enough, but at the same time, it felt like all that needed to be said.  

“You’re welcome,” her voice was soft as she finally removed her hands from his face. 

“You know, I don’t know if anyone’s ever stood up like that for me before, the way you did with Anthony.” 

“Well I’ll always stand up for you, Colin,” Penelope said, matter-of-factly, like it was so simple, so obvious. “Isn’t that like the number four rule of friendship?”

A laugh burst out of him, forceful and unexpected. Her eyes sparkled at his reaction. She reached over and grabbed their tea again, handing his mug back to him before settling into her cushion and wrapping her arms around her knees. 

“Now, tell me all about that old woman and the bakery in Greece.”

He smiled and began, “Ok, so her name was Demetria–” 

“Very apt, for a baker,” Penelope interrupted. Colin had to force himself not to lean forward and kiss the hell out of her for recognizing the connection to the goddess of grain. Something really was wrong with him. He must have been looking at her dumb-founded, because she giggled, mimed a zipper across her lips, and waved at him to continue. 

He started to tell her about Demetria and how he first fell in love with baking. Pen’s promise to keep quiet ended approximately ninety seconds later, her curiosity getting the better of her, but Colin didn’t mind. They talked for over an hour and he realized it was the most excited anyone had ever been to hear about his time abroad. His family had always brushed it off, as if all he’d done was wander aimlessly about for years, but Penelope hung on to his every word and asked questions that helped him remember why he’d loved it all so much. She helped him remember that it hadn’t been for nothing. She laughed at his dumb jokes and made even dumber ones in return, and at one point they both had tears in their eyes and he was sure that being friends with Penelope Featherington would be one of the best things that had ever happened to him. 

After one too many yawns she tried to hide behind her hands, Colin stood up and pulled her off the couch after him, much to her cat’s dismay. He took their long-drained mugs to the sink and crouched down to say goodbye to Telemachus before walking to the door.

“Wait,” she told him and he paused with his hand on the doorknob. She ran over to the bookshelf and on her way back he saw Treasure Island in her hands. She held it out to him. 

“Take it.”

“What?”

“Take it.” 

“Penelope, I know this is a special copy, it practically has its own shelf.”

“Yes, and I trust you," she said with so much gentleness in her tone that he knew she meant it in a way that exceeded a borrowed book. "Books are meant to be read, Col. So read it.” 

Colin took the book from her and reverently passed his hand over the cover. He glanced up and saw her grinning at him. 

“I suppose letting me borrow books is the number one rule of this friendship.” 

“I thought number one was calling each other cute?” 

“Ahh, you’re right. I guess I’m still waiting for that one…” he let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Keep waiting, Bridgerton.”

Colin laughed and opened the door but Penelope grabbed his arm and pulled so he was facing her again, and she promptly wrapped her arms around his waist.

He stood still for a moment and until she murmured against his chest, “Hug me back, Colin.”

He wrapped his arms around her and they stood like that, holding each other for a long time before she let go and he followed her lead once again. She let him walk out the door this time. He felt her watching as he took the six steps over to his own door. 

“Hey, Colin?” 

He turned back around to face her. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being you. For making what could have been a really hard day, a really good one. For being my friend. For caring about my family. You can take your pick, really.”

This time, instead of arguing or brushing off her gratitude, he let himself believe it, he let himself believe her. “You’re welcome, Pen.”

He opened his own door and heard her call his name one more time. He glanced over his shoulder. 

“Sweet dreams,” she told him with a smile before closing the door to her apartment. 

“Goodnight, Penelope.”

Chapter Text

“Ok Penny, time for you to spill. What happened with your Sexy Mister Baker Man last night?” Posy raised her eyes suggestively. Francesca and Sophie both giggled.

“Ugh, please try to remember that you’re talking about my brother,” Eloise grimaced. 

“He’s Franny’s brother too and I don’t hear her complaining.” The youngest of their group crossed her arms as if that made her point definitive. 

Fran chuckled. “It’s just every time I hear that name I picture Pen’s face from when Colin heard Amanda call him that.” 

“He what?” Posy squealed.

Penelope barely listened as Fran and El recounted what happened at their mother’s house a couple of weeks ago as she sat back, sipped her chai, and waited for them to be done. It wasn’t the first time Colin had come up since they’d all gathered for brunch at the same spot she’d gone with Sophie and Posy the day she’d met him last October. Luckily, she’d successfully changed the subject the last few attempts at getting her to talk. 

She wasn’t interested in talking about what happened between her and Colin. It was their business and theirs alone. At the same time, she knew why they were asking, she knew what the past few weeks had looked like to all of them. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t jumped to the same conclusion they had, but still she hated it. She hated that she knew as soon as she told them what she overheard last night that their eyes would fill with pity that she didn’t want or need. 

Pen could admit that she’d been caught off guard by Colin’s declaration to his brothers, but after spending last night with him, she was glad for it. It was true that she’d felt as if she’d known him for years but in reality, they’d spent such a small amount of time together, especially the kind of uninterrupted time they’d been granted at the end of the party. Drawing a line in the sand had allowed her to relax around him, she wasn’t worried about saying or doing the wrong thing and she thought maybe he felt the same. 

It turned out, he was all the things she already knew him to be and so much more. He was silly and nerdy and funny and so fucking smart and he wanted to be there, he wanted to be her friend. She could ignore the fact that he was also heartbreakingly beautiful if it meant getting to share a little bit of his light. In fact, everything she’d learned in the hours they spent together had only made her more sure that being Colin Bridgerton’s friend could be one of the best things that ever happened to her. 

Still, it wasn’t as if Pen wanted to spend her morning with her friends constantly insinuating that something more was happening between them, especially when it had caused him such strife. She was still furious with Anthony, not just because he’d overreacted so fully last night, but also for everything she’d heard from Colin about his relationship with his brother. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to forget the way he’d cried as he begged her to believe him that Anthony was wrong. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from wiping away his tears, from assuring him, and the way he’d told her no one had ever stood up for him before had torn her apart. She thought she would be mad at Anthony Bridgerton for a very long time. 

Penelope wasn’t sure how long she’d zoned out for but all four of her friends were laughing, so she smiled along, though it must have looked more like a grimace because Sophie did a double take. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, just tired is all,” she brushed off the question. 

“Oh I’m sureeeee you are….” 

She knew Posy was joking, yet she still couldn’t prevent what happened next as her patience snapped. 

“Could you fucking stop with that?” 

“She’s just kidding, Pen.”

“And it’s not funny, Soph.”

“Pen…” 

“What El? You wanna make a joke too? Go ahead. Why don’t all of you just get them out of the way and we can laugh about how funny it is?”

For a long moment, no one spoke. It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room and suddenly, the restaurant was stifling. Penelope felt her cheeks burning as she pushed her chair away from the table and tried to pretend she didn’t feel the stares of everyone in the space as she walked outside.

As soon as the cool breeze hit her face, she took a few deep breaths, leaning against the wall of the building as she tried to ground herself. For the second day in a row, Pen had lost her temper. It wasn’t like her. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d raised her voice at somebody before and while Anthony had deserved it, her friends had not. 

The look on Posy’s face was seared into her brain and she felt awful. God the girl was 23 years old, Felicity’s age, and Penelope had just yelled at her in the middle of a restaurant. She knew that Posy had no way of knowing what happened last night. None of them did, because she hadn’t told them, because she’d once again decided to protect herself instead of sharing something personal with her friends out of fear that they would…. what? She didn’t even really know what she was afraid of, just that she should know better by now, but it was a hard habit to break. Either way, she owed them all an honest conversation. 

Before she could gather the courage to go back inside, the two sets of sisters filed out of the restaurant and she noted the mixture of relief and concern on their faces as they took her in. Sophie handed Pen her purse and grabbed her hand. Together the five of them walked the two blocks back to Penelope’s apartment in silence. When they got to the building she unlocked the door and led them up the stairs. Telemachus was greatly enthused to have guests and greeted all of them as they entered and made their way to sit around her dining table. 

They all waited patiently as she composed her thoughts and decided how much she wanted to tell them. In the end, she settled for the most basic truth and recounted every word she’d overheard in the kitchen the previous evening. 

“I don’t understand. Why would Ant get on his case like that?” Fran broke the silence as they tried to take in what they’d just been told. 

Penelope looked toward Posy, knowing she needed to tell the truth, but also knowing it would make the girl feel terrible. “He heard that joke you made about how Colin was probably going to get lucky and I guess he took it seriously.” 

“Oh my god. Penny, I’m so sorry. I swear. I -” Posy’s lip wobbled and it was clear she was trying not to cry. 

“It’s ok, P,” she interrupted before the apology could continue. “Col and I both know it was a joke and you couldn’t have predicted Anthony would react that way. It’s him I’m mad at, not you. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. Any of you. It’s just -” she cut herself off. She didn’t want to betray Colin’s confidence in her by revealing how upset he was by the whole situation. Instead she focused on herself and her own boundaries, which Rae had been telling her she needed to be better about anyways. “I just need you all to know that Colin and I decided to be friends, that’s it. I don’t really want to say any more than that right now, I guess I mainly want to ask that you all respect that. No more jokes about the two of us, no more innuendos. Ok?”

The four of them agreed immediately and Francesca reached out to grab Penelope’s hand, squeezing it affectionately as if to tell her she was proud of her. It was a reminder that surrounding herself with people who actually loved and cared for her meant that they didn’t feel the need to question a boundary, they just accepted it. She felt warmth returning to her chest as she recognized how lucky she was to still have that, even after everything she lost.

“You know, I still kind of can’t believe you yelled today,” Sophie said after a minute. “I’ve known you for a decade and the only time I’ve ever heard you raise your voice was that one time a ladybug landed on you at the park.”

“You know I hate them!” 

They were all lost to a fit of giggles at Penelope’s indignation. 

“I don’t really know what’s gotten into me lately,” she said after they’d calmed down. “First Anthony, now you guys. I think Marina would be proud.” 

Sophie nodded enthusiastically at that. Marina had always been a big proponent of a nice yell, often trying to get Pen to join her in letting out her anger. Penelope had always claimed she wasn’t angry, though looking back that wasn’t exactly true. She’d always had this rage boiling under her skin, it had just taken losing three of the most important people in her life for her to identify what it was. Now, she needed to learn how to control it. 

Eloise looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean, first Anthony?”

“I maybe sort of yelled at him before storming out of the kitchen last night,” Penelope muttered, a little embarrassed.  

“Good,” Posy and Sophie said at the same time. 

Fran was looking at her with awe. “I can’t believe you yelled at Ant.”

“No one yells at Anthony,” Eloise stated as if it were a simple truth. “Except, maybe Kate.” 

“Well, he was being an asshole and he owed your brother an apology which is exactly what I told him,” she replied matter-of-factly, emboldened by her friends’ responses. “Sounds like he owes him many apologies, really,” Pen then added under her breath. She thought it was quiet enough that none of them would hear her but Francesca stiffened next to her.  

“Wait, you yelled at him for Colin?” Fran asked. There was something in her expression that Penelope couldn’t quite read. 

“He didn’t say anything untrue about me. Colin didn’t do anything wrong and Ben was just standing there letting Anthony say a bunch of shit and I got mad.”   

“Huh.”

“What?” 

“No one ever really goes to bat for Colin like that,” Eloise answered in lieu of her sister.

 Penelope felt the anger rising again, though she tried to keep her tone even when she spoke again. “And you don’t see anything wrong with that?” 

“I guess it always seemed like it didn’t bother him,” El brushed off the question. “It’s not like he was around much anyways. I doubt Colin cares much about what any of us think of him.” 

God how could she be so wrong? How did none of his siblings see how much he cared? Pen geared herself up to respond when Fran’s hand reached for hers under the table once again and she saw her head shake almost imperceptibly. She wasn’t sure why the other woman had stopped her but she knew that’s what she meant to do so Penelope remained quiet and the room felt unsettled in a long moment of awkward silence. 

“So can I still call him Sexy Mister Baker Man if I promise not to refer to him as YOUR Sexy Mister Baker Man?” Posy blurted out and the tension broke immediately.

“Posy!” Sophie tried to reprimand her sister but her laughter did her no favors. 

“What? You guys have to admit he’s still hot as fuck.”

“Again, he is our brother!” El protested. 

“You know, I think you have a point P. In Marina’s honor, I’ll allow it,” Penelope giggled. Her best friend would be pleased as punch to know her silly name for Colin had lived on. “Plus, he is hot as fuck.” 

“Pen!” Both Bridgertons screeched in disbelief as Sophie and Posy collapsed into each other laughing. 

“What? He might be my friend but I have SEEN the man. Besides, friends can call friends cute. That’s like, the number one rule of friendship.”

A couple of hours later, Penelope and Francesca hauled arms full of groceries up the stairs and into Pen’s apartment. Phillip and the twins were coming over for dinner tonight and she’d realized her home was completely lacking anything edible. Fran had offered to go to the store with her, knowing she’d be walking and wouldn’t be able to carry everything on her own. 

Wordlessly, they worked together to unpack the bags. It was one of the things Penelope loved best about the quietest Bridgerton, she never pushed, she never tried to fill the silence when it wasn’t needed. Which was why when Francesca started speaking after a few minutes, she took Pen by complete surprise. 

“You know, in theory I know it’s not really fair to have favorites when it comes to family members, but when you’re one of 8 siblings it’s kind of bound to happen. Colin has been mine for a long time, though if I find out you ever tell any of them that, especially El, I’ll swear on everything that it isn’t true,” she paused to shoot Penelope a look that told her she was being very serious. 

Pen nodded. She had no idea where Fran was heading with this, then she remembered the way she had prevented Penelope from speaking up against Eloise earlier. 

“I don’t think it’ll be a surprise for you to hear that I grew up feeling sort of ‘other’ in our family. Bridgertons, as a rule it seems, have big personalities and loud opinions. I didn’t always fit in, in a family like that. Sometimes it felt like Colin was the only one who noticed. Well, that’s not true. They all noticed, but Colin was the only one who ever acknowledged it in a way that didn’t make me feel bad or wrong. I’ve always thought maybe it was because he felt the same way. 

“The rest of our family always said he was aimless, that he didn’t take anything seriously. I hated the way they talked about him, the way they couldn’t understand that his brain just worked differently from theirs. Sure, when he was young he had the same exuberance as the rest of them did, but he was never the same after our dad died and it was like none of them even noticed. 

“I was devastated when he decided on Stanford, even if I was happy for him. It was just so far away. I don’t know if anyone in my family, including Colin, ever put it together, but the reason I ended up graduating early was so that I could follow him to California and have more time with him. We ended up only living about 45 minutes from each other. Then I met John in San Francisco and it turned out that Colin’s best friend at school was his cousin.”

“Michaela?” Pen couldn’t help but interject. She had no idea. That could explain why Fran was hesitant about pursuing anything with the woman, even though it seemed obvious that they had feelings for each other. 

“Michaela,” Francesca confirmed. “The four of us spent a lot of time together and even after Colin left for his travels, most of the time he spent back in the U.S. was spent with us. I knew it was because he felt like he was letting everyone here down, especially Anthony. I don’t know if any of them have any idea the kinds of things he was doing while he was gone. They never asked. It took them all by surprise when he moved back to Madison a couple of years ago. I had to watch as they made all kinds of jokes about how he’d actually made something of himself, even if he’d wasted all of that schooling just to become a baker.”

“God,” Pen scoffed. She was mad at them all over again. 

“Yeah. The thing is, he’s always taken it on the chin. I’ve never seen him fazed by it. He would sit there and listen to Anthony yell at him or Eloise mock him and unless you really knew him, the real him, you’d have thought he couldn’t care less. He’d let them say whatever they wanted and would throw in a joke at the end and laugh good-naturedly like nothing they said mattered. He has a few tells, though. Makes it easy to see how shitty he really feels.”

Penelope knew immediately what she meant. “His hands. That little twitch he does with his fingers, that’s one of them isn’t it?”

Fran nodded. 

“And his jaw, he does this little thing with his jaw as if he’s trying to stop himself from speaking.”

Another nod. 

“Why does he put up with it? Why did he come back?”

“I don’t know if I know exactly. I could guess, but I think those are things you need to hear from him.”

“What makes you think he’ll tell me?”

“Because you see him in a way that not very many people ever have.”

They both let that hang in the air as Penelope put the reusable grocery bags back in their spot in the pantry. When she finished, she filled her kettle and pulled two mugs down as she grabbed a peppermint tea from her cupboard which she knew Francesca loved. After the tea bags were in the mugs she finally spoke again. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I love my brother and I hate that people don’t understand him. Because you stood up for him and no one ever really has before. Because something tells me that the two of you need each other and I don’t want anything my siblings say to prevent that. You can take your pick, really. I just need you to promise me one thing, in return.”

“Anything,” Pen’s voice was tight with emotion. 

“Don’t hurt him.”

That caught her off guard. “I couldn’t Fran, I wouldn’t.” 

“Promise me, Penelope.”

“Yeah of course. I promise.”

Penelope walked home from Rae’s office two days later, attempting to decompress on her way. She’d spent the first half of her session telling her therapist about her apartment surprise and how happy she was. Then she spent the second half crying over the guilt she felt for being so happy about it. The emotions that had been swirling around in her mind for the last few days had threatened to unmoor her, but Rae had gently reminded her that through all of this, her family would want her to be happy. 

She thought about how her little sister would have felt about it.Felicity would have been forcing her to give her a full tour over Facetime. She’d be so glad to know that Pen was sleeping in the bed that had lived in the apartment they’d once shared. She would have pushed her to use the clawfoot tub at any and every opportunity. She would have wanted her to be happy. 

George and Marina would have been so proud of her and so glad to have her living so close to their children. George would have pulled on one of her curls and made her dance around her brand new living room before they’d moved anything in. Marina would have been ecstatic to learn that she would finally have enough natural light to attempt to keep a plant alive. They would have wanted her to be happy. 

Phillip and the twins. Eloise and Francesca. Sophie and Posy. They had all pitched in to do this for her. They wanted her to find this peace. They’d proved it. In every word, in every action. They wanted her to be happy.  

She owed it to all of them to try to learn how to be. 

Still, that didn’t change the fact that she missed the children desperately. Phillip, Oliver, and Amanda had all come for dinner on Sunday night and yesterday had been their piano lessons with Fran, who picked up Penelope to drive her to and from the house. Today would be the first day since January that she wouldn’t see them at all and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but she knew she didn’t really want to be alone. 

Without realizing where her feet had carried her, Pen found herself walking straight into the Fox River Bakery kitchen, instead of going up the stairs to her apartment. She wondered if Colin would start remembering to lock the door to the shop now that someone else had access to the building, but at the way his eyes brightened when he looked up from his place at the counter and saw her standing there, she thought she knew the answer. 

“Pen!” 

“Hey Colin,” she giggled a little at the flour in his hair. “I hope you don’t mind me barging in like this, I definitely should have gone in the front but I don’t think I knew where I was going until I was already here.”

“I never mind, Penelope. You’re always welcome here.” The affection in his tone would have once made her cheeks burn, but now she simply beamed at his earnestness. She liked that he liked to see her, that he liked having her around. “So what’s up?”

Pen blanked for a second, she hadn’t even planned to see him so she definitely didn’t know what to say now that she was standing right in front of him. She decided to just be honest. 

“I just finished my therapy session. It wasn’t the easiest and I guess I just wanted to talk to someone.”

“Oh.”

“I wanted to talk to you, Colin. Not just someone.” 

He smiled at her and gestured at a stool toward the end of the counter. “Come on, then. Let’s talk.” 

She climbed onto the stool and he laughed at her struggle and the way her feet didn’t touch the ground once she’d settled in. 

“Alright there, shortcake?”

“What did you say?”

“Shortcake? Like Strawberry Shortcake? You remind me of her.” 

Penelope wasn’t sure what sort of look she had on her face but Colin’s expression immediately turned to one of concern.

“What? What did I say?”

“Nothing. That’s just what Mrs. Crane used to call me, when I was little. George always did too, because his mom did.” 

“Oh god, I’m sorry Pen.”

“No, don’t be. It’s not a bad thing to be reminded of them. It just caught me off guard.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Col, I’m sure.”

“Do you want to tell me about them? You don’t have to but-”

“I want to, I think?” 

“You think?”

“I know. I want you to know who they were, what they were like.” 

“Ok, well why don’t you tell me while I attempt to ice these cookies?”

So she did. 

First, she told him all about George, her big brother, and how he was so full of life and how really all Colin had to do was look toward Amanda to know what he was like when they were little. She told him about the way he loved music, the way he’d sing constantly and the way he and his mother would practice dancing together. She told him about what it was like to have him as her protector, as her shield against mean kids at school or unkind words at home. She told him how good of a brother he’d always been, to Phil first, but then to her and Felicity too. Then he became a wonderful husband and an even better father. 

When she finished talking about George, she talked about Elizabeth and shared with Colin every good thing she could remember about growing up across the street from her and her sons. At first, she left out the ugly stuff, not because she didn’t trust that he could handle it, but because for the first time in a while, she just wanted to remember how wonderful it had been to know them, to be loved by them. 

But of course he wondered and so at one point he’d asked. 

“What happened to her? Mrs. Crane?” 

“She died when we were all 12,” Pen heard Colin’s breath hitch at the age, the same age he was when he lost his father. It was yet another thing they all had in common.

“What do you mean all of you were 12? I thought George was older than Phil.”

“He is… was, I guess. They were Irish twins, just under a year apart. My birthday is in April, Phil’s is the last day in May, and George’s is in the middle of June. For 3 weeks every year all three of us were the same age.” 

She wondered to herself how it would feel next year when only two of them would know what it was like to turn thirty. For now, she was grateful for twenty-nine. 

“Can I ask how…”

“How she died?” Pen finished for him and he nodded. “She killed herself. George found her.” 

It had been awhile since she’d said those words out loud, but there was no point in not telling him the truth and Phil wouldn’t mind. Besides, it was her truth too. Though Elizabeth Crane was not Penelope's actual parent, she had been the first true mother figure in her life, the only true mother figure in her life. For both her sons and the two little girls who lived across the street, she had done everything in her power to make life as good as it could be given their circumstances. She taught Pen how to tell stories and what it meant to be a girl. She took her seriously when her parents had never shown her the same respect. She taught her sons how to be kind and gentle and everything their father was not. She loved them as well as she could but in the end, it hadn’t been enough for her to stay. 

Every day, Penelope missed her. And every day, Penelope struggled to forgive her. Not because Elizabeth had left her, she’d gotten used to that. But because she had to watch as her best friends, her brothers, had to mourn their mother while fighting off their father. Elizabeth had left her sons in the hands of the very man she’d always wanted to escape and that was something Pen had never been able to forget. 

She didn’t tell Colin any of that, though. She just let her statement stand and she waited for the pity to reach his eyes but it didn’t. Sorrow, yes. Heartbreak, yes. Pity? Never. She didn’t know why it kept surprising her. 

“I’m so sorry, Pen.” 

And because she knew he meant it, she gave him a sad smile and told him the truth once more. “Yeah, Colin. Me too.”

“And their father?” Colin asked. “I’ve never heard him mentioned.”

“We heard he died a few years ago. Liver failure, apparently.” That hadn’t been much of a shock, considering he’d spent most of his nights drinking himself into oblivion. There was a reason their fathers got along so well. 

If Colin was surprised by the blasé way she spoke about Thomas Crane, he didn’t show it. She wondered what he thought of her, what he thought of them. 

Before he could say anything, though, Michaela popped her head into the kitchen. 

“Col, could you come up and help for a bit? A big group just came in.” 

Penelope immediately hopped off the stool. Michaela noticed her for the first time and walked over to give her a hug. 

“It’s so good to see you. How are you?”

“You too, Mich. I’m good, I just stopped by to say hi to Colin. I should go upstairs.” 

“You don’t have to leave,” they responded at the same time.

“No, it’s fine, it’s getting late. You go help.”

“You sure?”

She nodded and waved goodbye to Michaela as she disappeared out to the front. Penelope started to leave as Colin washed his hands at the sink but at the last second made a decision.

“Hey, would you want to come over for dinner tonight? You don’t have to but-”

“I want to,” he cut her off before she could finish and they both chuckled a little at his enthusiasm. She thought he probably would have said yes to anything she’d asked.

“Ok. Ok, perfect. Um, I’ll just go upstairs then and whenever you’re done you can come over.” 

“6:30ish? I’ll have to feed Hermes and change out of these clothes first.” 

She nodded and made it to the door before one last thing occurred to her. 

“Hey Col?”

“Yes Pen?” She could hear the amusement in voice.

“Bring your cat.”

A few hours later, after an emergency trip to the grocery store and a quick tidying of her somehow already messy apartment, there was a knock on Penelope’s door just as she was taking the roasted vegetables out of the oven.

“It’s open!”

“Hey Pen - god it smells good in here.” 

“Hey just a sec!”

“Take your time.” 

She heard the sweetest little meow as she put the pan on the stovetop and then turned to see Colin walking further into her apartment holding a small black cat cuddled into the crook of his elbow. By force of habit, she let her eyes wander over him. He wore a simple pair of black joggers and a white tee that hugged his arms. And as if that image wasn’t enough, he’d also clearly just hopped out of the shower because his dark wavy hair was still dripping wet and he had on a pair of black-rimmed glasses that she hadn’t known he needed. It was almost unfair how good he looked. Penelope immediately felt her cheeks warming as her eyes raked over him and hoped he would assume it was the heat of the oven and not the sight of him that had caused the reaction. 

Unfortunately for her, a knowing smirk had found its way onto his perfect face.

“Like what you see?” His tone was teasing and she rolled her eyes. He took his time looking her up and down as she walked over to him, as if he wanted to make her squirm more. “You’re looking exceptionally cute this evening, Pen.”

“Don’t make me regret inviting you over, Bridgerton.” Her threat had no merit and they both knew it. 

“No, see, this is where rule number one comes in, Penelope. The polite thing to do would be to say what you want to say which is…” He waved his free hand as if to tell her to say it with him. “You look cute too, Colin.” 

“Shut up and let me hold your cat,” she said through barely contained laughter at his ridiculousness. She was not willing to give in that easily, even if he was right. Pen reached out her hands so that he could pass Hermes over but an apprehensive look came over his face. 

“He’s not particularly good with other people…” 

That’s when she remembered a throwaway comment from Eloise a few weeks ago about her brother’s cat hating her.

“Does he bite or scratch?”

“No, nothing like that. He just gets a little scared around other people.” Colin spoke in a soft tone as he stroked his cat’s head gently. Hermes uncoiled slightly from the ball he’d rolled himself into and looked up towards his dad and Penelope thought she might combust at the cuteness. 

She tentatively reached out a finger to him so he could sniff her and giggled as his tiny wet nose nuzzled into it, just a little. 

“Hi baby boy,” Pen cooed at him and he pushed harder into her finger so she risked giving him a light scratch behind his ear and Colin chuckled as his cat immediately leaned into it. She looked up at him, he was already looking at her. “He’s so little I want to cry.”

Colin scoffed. “He’s perfectly average-sized, aren’t you Hermes?” He put on a baby voice as he spoke to the cat and Pen laughed. 

“Col, Telly is like three times bigger than him.” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe your cat is a giant freak of nature and that mine is perfect?” He put a hand on his chest to exaggerate his retort.

She snorted at him as she continued her attempts to coax Hermes into trusting her. 

“You know, I would have guessed you’d be more understanding…”

She tried to raise her brow at him and wondered if she was getting any better at it. She doubted it. 

“Well, with you being two apples tall and all.” 

Colin was clearly proud of his joke and threw fuel to the fire when he patted the top of her head. 

Penelope knocked his hand away and put her hands on her hips. “Have you ever considered that maybe you’re a giant freak of nature and I’m perfect?” 

He threw his head back laughing and Hermes took the opportunity to push himself out of Colin’s arms and jump down to the ground. He walked in between their legs and brushed up against them before he started slowly moving through the space. 

Concern flooded Colin’s eyes and he started moving after the cat but Pen stopped him. “Telly’s locked in my bedroom and all the doors are closed. Let him look around. They’ll never be able to be friends if they can’t get used to each other’s scents first.”

He paused at that. “You want our cats to be friends?”

“Duh. Why else would I have told you to bring him? Now come on, I need to finish making dinner.” She left him standing there staring after her dumbfoundedly as she went back to the kitchen. 

“You’re very odd, Penelope Featherington,” he said as he joined her, leaning against the counter as she started putting the roasted veggies into the dutch oven where everything else was already simmering. 

“Thank you.”

He huffed a laugh and she felt him peering over her shoulder. “Are you making ratatouille?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.”

“Is there a problem with that?” She asked jokingly at first and when he didn’t answer right away, she got nervous and turned to face him. “Wait, you’re not allergic or anything are you? Or do you hate it? I can make some-”

Colin grabbed her cheeks with one of his giant hands to make her stop talking and laughed when she tried to force her mouth into a pout. “It’s perfect, I was just surprised. I love it.”

“Will you let go of my face now?” Her words were barely intelligible but he got the gist. He chuckled again and apologized as he removed his hand. “I was craving it after we talked about French food the other night,” she explained. “Plus, it’s Tuesday.”

“It is Tuesday…” 

She rolled her eyes at his perfectly raised eyebrow. She hated that he was so good at that. 

“What does Tuesday have to do with anything?” He asked when she didn’t bother to explain.

“It’s Rata-Tuesday,” she mumbled as she went back to the pot and stirred. 

“Sorry, what did you say?” 

“It’s Rata-Tuesday, Colin.”

“Rata-Tuesday?” His bemusement was audible. 

She started to feel a little bit embarrassed but then remembered who she was talking to so she settled in against the counter to look him in the eye. 

“It’s just a thing Marina and I used to do for Felicity. Her favorite movie as a kid was Ratatouille so when she first moved into our apartment we decided to learn how to make it. The first couple times we made it, we ended up cuddling up on the couch to watch the movie while we ate. Then one time we did it on a Tuesday and Rata-Tuesday was born. I was only ever allowed to make it on Tuesdays after that and I still probably ate it over 100 times in the last nine years. I haven’t had it since..” Pen didn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t need to. “I know it’s silly-”

“I don’t think it’s silly,” Colin interrupted. “It’s not silly, Pen.” 

Would the earnestness in his blue eyes ever stop catching her by surprise? 

Penelope wasn’t sure what to say back that wouldn’t make her cry so instead she started grabbing bowls out of the cupboard. Colin sensed the shift and started telling her a story about the huge group of students that had come into the bakery earlier. 

They talked all the way until dinner was ready. As she scooped out the stew and garnished the bowls, Colin disappeared down the hallway. 

“Pen, come look!”

She followed his voice and found him standing and staring at Hermes who was laying down just outside her bedroom door nuzzling his nose into an orange paw sticking out from the other side. She laughed and nudged Colin with her elbow. “Told ya so.”

He stayed and continued to watch them for a minute as she went back and carried their bowls over to the coffee table where he finally joined her. 

“Can I get you something to drink? I don’t have much but I have water and um… sparkling water? Oh god, I should have gotten a bottle of wine or something.”

“Water’s fine, Pen. If you want wine, though, I have plenty next door.”

“Only if you want it. I uh, I don’t need any.”

“It’s not whether or not you need it. I can easily go grab a bottle for us,” Colin assured her as he started to stand from the couch. 

“I don’t drink wine,” she blurted out. God, why was she being so weird?

“Ok, I have beer too. Or I can make us a cocktail, if you want?” 

“No, um, I guess what I was trying to say is that I don’t drink. At all.” 

“Oh, ok. Water is perfect then. You sit, I’ll get it,” he said as he walked to the kitchen. 

It was her turn to be dumbfounded. She’d never once divulged that information before without being faced with question after question about her choice to remain sober and this man had just simply said “ok” and walked away? She sat frozen on the couch until he came back with two glasses of water. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head to snap out of her stupor and they both settled onto the couch with food in hand. She shot one last look at him out of the corner of her eye and saw a small smile on his face as he looked down at his bowl. Penelope felt her shoulders relax in the safety of his presence, then grabbed the remote and pressed play.

Chapter Text

Just as the cartoon rat started directing the man around the kitchen like a marionette, Colin leaned forward to set his empty bowl on the coffee table. Without taking her eyes off the screen, Penelope held her own dish out for him to set aside. He took a drink of water and then scooted back to get comfortable, grinning at the way the redhead was giggling at the characters’ antics. He couldn’t help but turn his attention toward her in lieu of the television. He adored the way her pale blue eyes twinkled as her plump lips mouthed along with the movie she’d admitted to having seen countless times before. 

She must have felt his gaze because he noticed her cheeks turning pink before she eventually glanced his way. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” he said, though he could not stop his lip from twitching. 

Pen huffed out a little bit of air, he assumed in disbelief, but then shocked him when she lifted a hand to cup his face in her palm, tilting her body toward his, just a fraction. For a moment, he was sure she was going to kiss him and Colin felt his own eyes go wide, but of course, he was completely wrong. Instead, she gently guided his head back to face the screen again. He saw her biting back a smile at the way she’d shut him up, which is what made him positive she’d done it all on purpose. 

“That was cruel, Penelope.” He exaggerated a pout in an attempt to mask the slightest sense of disappointment that he was annoyed with himself for even feeling. They were friends. Just friends. 

It was something he kept reminding himself of whenever he tended to get a little too caught up in the thought of her. The annoyance came because he liked being friends with Penelope, loved it even, his body just kept forgetting that. Although he knew they hadn’t actually known each other for that long and they’d only officially been friends for a few days, they had slipped into a sense of easy comfortability with each other that he’d only ever really found before with Michaela. With Pen, though, there was a different layer, something he’d never had with anyone, an underlying tension of more . 

He’d quickly developed the habit of flirting with her. Both because it was incredibly fun, but also because it helped cut that tension before it had a chance to snap. Penelope hadn’t seemed to mind the flirtation and Colin loved to see what he could say to make her blush or what might cause her to pull her bottom lip in between her teeth in an attempt not to smile. What he’d failed to plan for, however, was Pen’s willingness to flirt back and just how flustered she could make him. It was new, the way she could catch him off guard, never before an issue as he’d spent the majority of his teen years and twenties turning on his charm without an ounce of feeling. Yet this woman had so immediately figured out exactly how to leave him speechless.

She laughed at him now, amused. He thought he knew her well enough by now to know that she’d also rolled her eyes at him, as she’d developed a tendency to do. “Watch the movie, Colin. It’s not Rata-Tuesday if you don’t watch the movie.”

She was right, so he obliged, forcing himself to focus on the film. He’d seen it once or twice, with Greg and Hya when they were younger, but it had been a long time and Colin had forgotten most of the plot. As it continued, though, he could understand why Felicity had loved it so much and why Penelope and even Marina had been willing to watch it so often with her, though he was positive that they would have watched the worst movie in the world as many times as Felicity had wanted so long as she was happy. 

Colin tried not to think too hard about what it meant for Pen to share this tradition with him, but it was easier said than done. In truth, it meant the world to him that she would want him there, that she found him worthy enough to share this part of herself and her family with him. It would always mean something to him, anytime she chose to reveal another piece of the puzzle that made up her life. From Rata-Tuesday, to her worries about the twins, to the little peeks into her friendship with Phillip, to the stories she’d shared with him that very same afternoon, Colin’s affection for her and the people she loved grew with every word. All of it only made him more grateful to know her, to be someone she could confide in.

Earlier today, when she’d walked into the kitchen with red-rimmed eyes and slumped shoulders, he’d been so surprised to see her. She’d seem surprised too, admitting that she hadn’t even realized where she was heading until she was already there. The very idea that she’d sought him out for comfort, even subconsciously, had settled over Colin like a warm blanket. He had always found fulfillment in helping people, in lending an extra hand or a shoulder to cry on, but nothing compared to the knowledge that he’d already proven himself to be a balm to this woman who was burrowing her way into his soul a little more every day. 

Colin had been worried that she would shut down after he’d called her shortcake, that he’d ruined something before it had even started, but it had instead turned into Penelope weaving tales of her life growing up with the Crane brothers and their mother. 

She talked for what felt like no time and forever and there was something so special about her stories. There was care in every word, love not just for the subjects of the story but for the act of telling it. Colin had known that she wanted to be an author and he thought she would be a very good one, as he was certain he could listen to her talk for the rest of his life. He was sure her writing would be just as addictive. 

She focused on George, though Phil’s presence was felt throughout every story, and Colin could hear the sadness, the overwhelming grief in her voice as she spoke about the man she considered to be her brother, but the love she had for him had risen above it all. She told him about the boy who’d danced with her everywhere, from his parents’ kitchen, to their high school dance, to his wedding. Colin heard about the protector who would do anything for Phillip and the Featherington girls, the lover who’d fallen for Marina the first time they’d ever met, the father who dedicated his life to being his very best for his children. Colin wished he could have known George Crane, wished that Penelope and Phillip still had their brother, wished Amanda and Oliver still had their father, wished the world wasn’t so unfair sometimes. 

To add to Colin’s understanding of the unfairness, to the depth of tragedy that Penelope and Phillip had experienced in their lives, she’d told him about Mrs. Crane, too. From the stories Penelope told, it was clear that the woman was the only one who had ever remotely resembled a parent to both her own sons and to the young Featheringtons. It broke his heart to know that she’d left them the way she did, even though he knew she likely could see no other option. Pen, Phil, and George were twelve when they lost her, the same age Colin was when his father died. The difference, though, was that Edmund Bridgerton had not chosen to go and once he was gone, their home continued to be filled with an abundance of love, even in their grief, even when his mother struggled, even when he fought with his siblings. Penelope and Felicity had lost their surrogate mother, and the Crane boys had been left with a father who became a footnote in their story, a bit of information that Penelope seemed wary to even mention, someone who had to be asked about. Colin couldn’t imagine what kind of man Mr. Crane must have been for a woman like Pen to have written him out of their past and he wasn’t sure he was ready to find out.

Eloise had warned him, on the night at Mondrich’s when she brought Phillip for the first time. She’d told him that Pen and Phil had not been fortunate growing up. He’d thought he knew what she meant, thought that the bits he’d heard from Penelope about Felicity and her parents on the day they met had been enough to know. He’d been so wrong. He understood now what his sister had meant. What a revelation it was for the two of them to still be here, to still know how to love and laugh in the face of a world that had not been kind to them. He wished there was a way for him to relieve the burden they carried, to share the weight of their loss, but the only way he could think to do that was to continue to be there, to listen, to care.

He was unsure how long he’d been ruminating as the movie slipped by in the background, but suddenly, Colin felt Penelope’s eyes on him. For a while, he pretended not to notice, to see if she would look back at the television or break the silence they’d been sitting in. When she did neither, he turned to face her. 

A quiet gasp slipped from his lips at the sight of the tears in her eyes, one falling down her cheek that he quickly swiped away with his thumb. He kept his hand against her cheek and she leaned into it. Neither of them said anything for a long moment until she finally whispered, so quietly, as if she was scared to say the words aloud. 

“I miss them, Colin. I miss them so fucking much.”

He did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her. Penelope melted into him, settling her cheek just over his heart as she stretched her arms around his waist and held on tighter than he would have thought she was capable of. Colin held his breath, waiting for her to fall apart, but it never came and that’s when he realized that this moment of grief was the kind that had slowly overtaken her, gently enveloping her in its embrace. It was the kind where crying or screaming could do nothing to help, the only way to get through it was to feel it, to live in it, to accept that it would never go away. He knew it because he still felt it sometimes, even two decades later, when the memory of his father crept too close without him noticing. 

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and murmured to her, the things he wished people had told him whenever he felt like this, not the pretty lies, not the false promises that things would get better. Occasionally he felt her grip his shirt a little tighter in her fists and he knew that she wasn’t ready to let go. He would hold her as long as she needed. 

Eventually, Penelope loosened her arms and Colin let go so that she could pull away. Before he had fully removed himself, though, she grabbed his left hand with her own, holding it in place on her side as she adjusted to face back forward, gesturing for him to do the same. Once he was in position, she pulled her feet up to tuck them underneath her and cuddled into his side, finally letting go of his hand once she was sure he would keep it on her waist. 

“Is this ok?” Her voice was soft and Colin glanced down at her, amused that she’d asked only after she’d already arranged them exactly to her liking. 

“Yeah, Pen, it’s ok.” 

She smiled up at him softly, then directed her gaze back to the screen where the rats had taken over the kitchen. He shuddered a little as he briefly put himself in the restaurant owner’s shoes.  

A minute later, Penelope spoke again. “Rule number five.”

“Hmm?”

“Friends snuggle during movies.”

A laugh bubbled out of Colin and he squeezed her waist, making her giggle. “That’s a rule, is it?”

“If you get to make up random rules purely for your own benefit, then so do I.” 

“Number five it is then.”

He noticed the smile that spread across her features, though she kept her eyes trained on the movie. It matched the one he wore as she snuggled in a little bit further. What Colin didn’t tell her was that this new rule was definitely not just for her benefit. In fact, he was certain he was getting more out of it than she was. It was another first for him, unused to this kind of casual touching and how his hand on her waist only brought him comfort instead of the constant worrying that he wasn’t doing the right thing, feeling the right way. Touching Penelope just felt… good.

They finished the movie that way. When it was over he dropped his hand and when Pen stood up to stretch he pretended not to notice the way her t-shirt lifted just enough to show a sliver of porcelain skin above the waistband of her pants. She grabbed the bowls from the coffee table and carried them to the kitchen while he drained the rest of the water from his glass.

“Col, they’re still lying there together. Go look.”

It took him a moment to realize she meant the cats. He’d been so absorbed in her that he’d practically forgotten there were other living beings in the apartment. Colin carried the water glasses to the counter and then peered into the hallway to see Hermes curled up in a ball right next to the door to Penelope’s bedroom. The orange paw was still sticking out from underneath it, though it was unmoving and he guessed that Telemachus had fallen asleep on the other side. 

Hermes noticed his presence and stood up, rubbing his nose into the paw before walking toward him. Colin squatted down and his cat rubbed against his hand and allowed himself to be picked up. Once they were upright again, the tiny black cat climbed up onto his favorite perch: his dad’s shoulder.

“Hi buddy, did you make a new friend?” Colin asked as he reached up a hand to scratch Hermes behind the ear. As if in answer, the little animal mewled and nuzzled into Colin’s neck as they made their way back toward the kitchen where Penelope was rifling through the tea cabinet. The kettle was already heating up and two mugs were in place on the counter. Colin smiled. It wasn’t that he expected her to kick him out as soon as the film was over, but he found it to be kind of adorable that she had just made the decision for him. 

“Is honey chamomile ok?” she called out, not realizing he was standing just on the other side of the breakfast bar. 

“Perfect,” he answered, chuckling as she jumped at the proximity of his voice. She shook her head as she pulled down the box and dropped a tea bag into each of the mugs before she finally looked at him from across the counter, coming to an immediate halt, her mouth dropping open just a little as she took in the sight of him. 

She’d already done something similar earlier tonight and he wasn’t sure what had triggered the response again until her eyes landed just next to his face, where Hermes was currently nestled. 

“Pen?” 

His voice must have shaken her from her stupor because she fixed her icy eyes on his and glared at him. He knew the smirk he was sporting wasn’t helping matters but it made him feel good, better than good, to know that he affected her in some way. He relished the way her blush deepened and how the black of her pupils began to swallow her striking blue irises. 

He wondered if she saw the same changes in him whenever he looked at her. If she noticed the way his breath quickened when she was close or how the tips of his ears heated under her knowing gaze. Colin had never known what it meant to be so… attuned to a person before, so affected by the smallest of things. 

It wasn’t an experience he’d ever had before, though he’d gone through the motions for most of twenties, trying to force himself into feeling something, anything. He’d slept with women all over the world, sick of not being able to relate to older brothers and friends. He had even attempted with men a few times, thinking maybe that was what he was doing wrong, but nothing ever changed. A couple of years ago, Colin stopped trying, having come to the conclusion that he would never be normal. 

Then, Penelope had reached for his hand to help him off the ground last October as they laughed together and he was sure electricity had flowed through him for a moment. By the time she left Fox River, he was almost certain that he was feeling some sort of attraction, a small phenomenon in and of itself. But the more he got to know her, the stronger it became and every day he found himself in brand new territory. 

It had started as a need to be closer to her, to know her. He wanted more of the secret smiles they exchanged, the silly puns they both loved. Her cleverness, her wit, her kindness, her everything. He couldn’t get enough and now it was as if his very essence became molten around her, the warmth of her brilliant eyes and her fiery hair enough to melt him completely. He wondered if this was what it was supposed to feel like? To want someone. To crave them. 

Colin was not ignorant to the irony of his situation, knowing that for the first time in his life he thought he understood what it meant to need only to put his foot so thoroughly in his own mouth that he had to pretend her very presence didn’t threaten to set him aflame. 

“You’re not playing fair, Colin,” she whined now as Hermes licked his cheek. 

He knew what she meant. 

His only solace in this was knowing that Penelope felt some semblance of what he did. That’s why it helped to tease her, to cut the tension with a joke, to flirt just enough that it would bring them back from the edge he knew neither of them were in the position to jump from at the moment. So that’s what he did again. 

“Can’t blame me for this one, sweetheart. It’s his fault.” 

Penelope stuck her tongue out at him and busied herself filling their mugs with boiling water. 

“Come on, I’m tired of pretending like I’m not dying to know what’s in that box you brought in earlier,” she said as she grabbed the mugs and walked to the couch. Colin laughed and followed her, taking a quick detour to grab the navy blue bakery box he’d set down when he first walked in. He placed it on the coffee table next to the tea and faced her on the couch, just as they’d done on Saturday night. 

Hermes hopped down from his shoulder and Penelope stuck her finger out for him to sniff, giggling when he nudged her just enough so that he could lean into her hand for the exact right placement of his pets. Colin couldn’t help but notice a certain similarity between the redhead and the little black cat. 

To his shock, after a minute, Hermes climbed into her lap and started kneading her thigh. Pen looked between the cat and Colin, beaming and practically vibrating with what he assumed must have been a combination of pure delight and restraint as she attempted to stay still. She tentatively pet Hermes at first, until it was clear that he wasn’t going to run away. 

“Protector of the travelers, huh?” she cooed at the cat who was now purring under her attention. “Thank you for protecting your dad for me.” Her words were so quiet, Colin wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear them but he knew his bright red ears would give away that he had. “I think this might be the best day of my life.”

He laughed at her and rolled his eyes. She caught him. 

“Hey! You were the one who told me he was scared around other people. Has he ever done this before?”

She had him there. Colin shook his head and a smug grin replaced her annoyance with him. 

“I’m counting this as a win for me then.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You were just as happy when Telly cuddled with you the other night!” she objected. 

“Yeah, until you told me he was a slut! Hard to feel special after that.”

Pen bit back a smile at the memory and flicked his forehead. “Are you gonna tell me what’s in the box or not?”

“Patience is a virtue, Penelope.”

“Well lucky for me, I find virtue overrated. Please just tell me there’s an eclair in there,” she pleaded. 

Colin chuckled and reached for the box, opening it to show her the coffee eclairs inside. Her face lit up at the sight and she quickly took one from the box. The moan she let out as she bit into it was sinful and he knew his cheeks turned as pink as his ears. 

“Oh my god. Why are these so good? Tell me how you learned to make them.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I love your stories. Tell me this one, please.” Pen batted her eyelashes at him as if she needed to do any more than say please to get him to do exactly what she wanted. So he told her all about Alain and the little patisserie he worked at in Lille, basking in the knowledge that for some reason, she found his life and his stories worth knowing. 

“Is it still there? The bakery?” she asked when he finished telling her about his time in France.

“Yeah, it’s still there.” 

“It’s crazy, I feel like I’ve been there. You have this way of describing things… I don’t know how to explain it, exactly, but it’s special. If you weren’t so good at making these,” she said, pointing to the box on the table, “I would say you should be a writer.”

Colin was sure he was bright red.  

“Thank you, Pen,” he said, feeling a little shy. “You know, we could go someday. Alain and Jules would adore you.” The offer was out before Colin could stop it, as if it was a normal thing for them to take a trip to France together.

Penelope didn’t balk at it, though, she just smiled. “I’ve never really been anywhere, but I think Alain’s eclairs might be a good place to start.”

“What do you mean you’ve never been anywhere?”

“Well, exactly that, I suppose. I’ve been to a few of the major cities here in the States, but my parents were not exactly the ‘family vacation’ type. Then, for so long, I was taking care of Felicity and the only trips we really took were to visit Phil in Minnesota or Marina and George and the twins in San Diego. I promised Fel that we could travel together this summer, but…” She trailed off. Neither of them needed her to continue. 

For a moment, Colin wondered if he should drop it, but he found himself wanting to know, needing to know what might have happened in a different life.

“Where would you have gone?”

Penelope grinned at him and he knew he’d done the right thing by asking, instead of dwelling. “Greece. It was always going to be Greece.”

“You’re kidding.”

Greece? Of all places?

“My cat’s name is Telemachus, Colin. You must have realized by now that we have more in common than our love for bad puns and coffee eclairs, right?”

He laughed at that and tapped her on her nose, which she scrunched up adorably. “Don’t you think it’s kind of wild though, just how similar we really are?” 

Pen considered his words for a moment before answering. “It’s serendipitous, I think. That we found each other.”

“Serendipitous?”

“Yeah, you know, like a happy accident.” 

“I know what it means, Ivy League,” Colin sighed, feigning annoyance as he pulled on one of her curls. Her eyes crinkled as her lips turned up into a smile.

“Sorry, Stanford. I have no idea what they teach you out there in the wild west,” she teased.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” 

“More serendipity, perhaps?” 

“Perhaps.”

Penelope shot him a goofy grin, then broke eye contact, directing her attention back to Hermes. Colin watched them together for a moment. 

“I should have known he’d love you,” he murmured, hoping she didn’t hear the implied ‘too’ he had left hanging at the end of the sentence. If she had, she ignored it.

“What if you bring him over to hang out with us while you’re at work? I’m sure Telly would love the company, even if it is through the door for a bit longer. It seems like they already love each other.”

Colin wondered if she, too, would love the company. “Sure, Pen. Whatever you want.” He meant it. He reached over and pet Hermes for a moment, gathering the courage to ask her a question that had been bothering him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“How do you plan on spending your days?”

She glanced up at him, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well now that you’re downtown, there are plenty of places that are probably hiring so you could find a job. I’m not saying you have to, obviously, I’m just.. curious.”

“Oh… Are you worried I won’t be able to pay rent? I promise that won’t be an issue Colin.”

“Don’t be silly, Penelope. I trust you and even if you couldn’t pay it, it’s not like I would care. It’s purely curiosity. You mentioned feeling stuck at the house, I just didn’t know what you wanted to do now that you’re-”

“Un-stuck?” she finished for him. 

Colin nodded. 

Pen pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes searched his face as they often did when she was considering what to share with him. “I’m writing a book,” she eventually announced. “That’s what I’m spending my days doing. I’m trying to write a book.”

“That’s amazing, Pen.” At her grimace, he added, “isn’t it?”

“It’s not going particularly well, so far. I’m hoping that getting out of the house, being able to move around the city a little more might inspire me.” 

“That makes sense. What did you decide to do about work? You used to work at the Chicago children’s library, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. I, um, have some savings so I decided to just focus on writing for a while. I considered finding a part-time job just to make sure I have some human interaction during the day. With my therapy session and doctors’ appointments and the kids’ schedules, though, it just doesn’t seem possible that I could find something that worked.”

“You could work for me.” The suggestion slipped from his lips before his mind caught up with it. 

“What?” Penelope looked confused. 

“At the bakery. If you wanted to pick up a few hours, here or there, you could make your own schedule.” 

“You’re serious?”

“Why not? I already know you can make the drinks. Mich and Luce are pretty much obsessed with you, too, so they’d be happy. Besides, Lucy has been asking a lot lately if she could start helping with the baking which would be a huge for me to have an extra set of hands. Also she’s so good at her job that I want her to feel like we’ve got her back, you know? It would give her a chance to spend some more time in the kitchen.” All of those things were true, especially the idea that Colin could give Lucy a well-earned opportunity to learn more and grow her skills.  “There’s obviously no pressure, we can always just hire someone else but it’s an option. As long as you don’t mind spending more time with me.” 

“In what world would I complain about that, Col? Can I think about it?” 

“Of course.”

__________________________________

“You offered her a job?” Michaela was looking at Colin, dumbfounded, with frosting stuck to her lip. She’d joined him while he was icing cinnamon rolls before the bakery opened, knowing that he would cave and give her one of the fresh ones from the oven. 

He threw a towel at her and she wiped her face before taking another huge bite. 

“Yes, technically I offered her a job.”

“Col, are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because it’s Pen. Penelope. The woman you’re currently pretending not to be completely in love with because she told you she wanted to be just friends after you announced to the world that you’d never hook up with her.” 

“I am not in love with her.” He wasn’t. Was he? “And we are friends.”

“Mm, right. The same way that I’m friends with your sister.”

“Exactly,” he exclaimed until he saw the look on her face and realized what he’d just agreed to. 

“Listen, Colin. We both know that I have no room to talk when it comes to this kind of thing -”

“Mich-”

“Let me finish. There’s no world in which I’d give up my friendship with Fran, even if it means loving her in silence for the rest of my life. But before you sign up for this, before you let your life become even more entangled with hers, I just need you to remember that it’s not easy. If you’re going to do this, you have to be ok if she never wants more, if this is all it will ever be. It’s not fair to either of you if you’re only entering this friendship with the hope that eventually she’ll change her mind.”

Colin let his best friend’s words wash over him and worked in silence while he considered what she said. He knew it wasn’t easy for Mich to hide her feelings from Francesca, but she didn’t like to talk about it much, not when she still felt so guilty about having the feelings to begin with, especially since John died. Her talking about it now caught him off guard.

He wasn’t sure that he could say that what he felt for Penelope was on par with how Michaela felt for his sister. He hadn’t known her for very long and he’d certainly never been in love before. He’d never really been in anything before. He had to imagine, though, that with the way she set him on fire, the way she made him feel seen, the way she held him tight when they’d hugged goodnight last night, that he was very likely on his way to being in love with her if he wasn’t already there. 

Was Mich right? Was he being a fool for trying to intertwine their lives even more? Did he even care if that answer to anyone else, would be yes? 

Colin was certain that his wanting to be near her had nothing to do with her changing her mind. Penelope brought him a sense of peace and safety that he had been chasing for a long time. He didn’t think he could ever give that up, now that he’d found it. Even if it meant falling harder, even if it meant it wasn’t easy, even if it meant she never wanted more. He didn’t need more, he just needed Pen. Whatever she wanted to give him would be enough.

He leaned against the counter and faced his best friend again. She was already watching him, waiting to hear whatever conclusion he’d come to while he was thinking. It was always like this between them, easy and understanding. 

“She’s worth it.” 

“Then the job’s hers if she wants it.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Col.” Mich wiped her hands on the towel and walked toward the door leading to the front of the bakery, glancing at him over her shoulder before leaving. “For what it’s worth, I think she is too.”

__________________________________

“So are you adequately prepared for your first trivia night with the Bridgertons?”

Penelope chuckled at Colin’s question as they made their way to Mondrich’s. He’d gotten a text from her this afternoon, the first since they’d finally exchanged numbers on Tuesday. She’d promised Eloise and Phillip that she would join them tonight and wanted to know if they could walk over to the bar together. He’d, of course, jumped at the opportunity. 

“I hope so. Phil gave me the rundown, actually.”

“Oh, did he?” 

“He did. Then he told me that if I didn’t figure out a way to be on Team SCBSSCB that I would receive a friendship demerit.” 

Colin whistled at the seriousness in her tone. “And if I asked what a friendship demerit is?”

“Ugh it’s the worst, Colin. For every demerit I get, Phil gets to choose a movie for us to watch.”

“Pen, that-”

“No, Col, you do not get it. Phillip Crane has the worst taste in movies of anyone I’ve ever met. He always wants to watch something so serious and there’s never even fun music or anything. Then he gets mad at me when I fall asleep and I inevitably get another demerit! It’s a vicious cycle.”

Colin couldn’t help but laugh, even as she glared at him. “How long have you two had this system?”

“Since we were nine. We could never agree on what to watch and it seemed like the simplest solution at the time.”

For some reason, it made perfect sense to Colin that nine-year-old Pen and Phil would decide on such a thing. 

“What happens if Phil gets a demerit?”

“He doesn’t.”

“Why not? He’s just too perfect?”

“Oh no, it’s not that. I just stopped giving them to him during our senior year of high school.”

“Why?”

“I broke a promise. I stand by what I did, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did it. So this is my penance. No demerits for him, but I’ll gladly take them if it means he’s still around to give them to me.” 

He wanted to know what she possibly could have done more than a decade ago that she was still paying for, he wanted to ask more, but he knew Penelope well enough to know that if she wanted to tell him about the promise she’d broken, she would have. 

“Besides,” she added after a moment, “I’m an angel and almost never do anything wrong which means I haven’t gotten more than the threat of a demerit in years.”

“That scared of having to watch a bad movie?”

Pen laughed. “They really are bad, Colin.”

“I guess that means you’ll need to be on my team tonight. To avoid the fate.” 

“Needs must, I suppose.” She shrugged and looked up at him so she could wink, albeit, poorly.  “Phil also mentioned that being on the Bridgerton A Team meant being on a team with Anthony and I would much rather crush him with all the random trivia knowledge I’ve absorbed over the years than help him win.”

“Oh?” Colin was surprised by the hint of anger that was audible in her tone.

“I’m still mad at him,” she said by way of explanation.

“You don’t have to be mad at him on my behalf, Pen.”

“On the contrary, Col, I think that’s exactly why I do need to be mad at him. Rule number four and all that.”

Rule number four. 

I’ll always stand up for you, Colin.

Those words had played in his head more times than he could count over the last week. 

“Plus, I happen to be very good at trivia. But I guess if you want me to be friends with your brother and be on his team inst-”

“No!” he blurted out, louder than necessary. 

Pen giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Is that the stupidly competitive Bridgerton in you talking? Or just part of your mission to shamelessly flirt with me until I finally tell you that you’re cute?”

“Is both an option?” 

“You’re such a dork.”

Colin saluted her, a grin spread wide across his face as she laughed. 

“Come on, Pen. It would be so easy, so painless. Put me out of my misery. I even dressed up tonight.” He gestured down to the tee Daphne’s daughters had given him for his birthday which had a large whisk on the front with the words “Whisk Taker” in large font. It was absurd but it had also made Penelope burst into laughter when she’d opened her door earlier so it was worth it, in Colin’s opinion. Plus, he knew Daph would take a picture to show the girls that he’d worn it and how excited they’d be. “I took a fashion whisk for you, Penelope.”

Pen bit back a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Has anyone ever told you how kneady you are?”

“You’re no bun.”

“You can do butter than that, Colin.” 

“At yeast I tried!”

“Your puns are crumby.”

“And you’re baking my heart,” he cried dramatically. He was rewarded with her perfect laugh. 

Colin was certain they could have continued on but they’d somehow already made it to the pub. He opened the door and moved aside so Penelope could enter first. As she passed, she patted his cheek and said, “thanks, sugar,” in a terrible southern accent. He stared after her as she waltzed over to his family, seemingly unaffected while he tried to slow his heart rate. Apparently, the most platonic of touches accompanied by a few silly puns were enough to fluster him these days. 

After a moment, he followed Pen to the family tables. As was typical, they’d been the last to arrive and everyone was already either in their seats or mingling. Colin saw that a few of his siblings were looking between him and Penelope with curiosity but was grateful they had enough tact not to say anything as they welcomed the two of them with hugs. It didn’t escape his notice that Penelope avoided both of his older brothers in her greetings and he realized that her grudge against Anthony may very well have extended to Benedict purely for the way he’d stood by on Saturday night. 

They only had a minute to chat before they had to take their seats. Colin reached back to grab Penelope’s hand to make sure she’d sit next to him and was surprised when she didn’t immediately move with him until he realized Eloise was doing the same thing on her other side and the two of them were in the middle of a standoff.

“Pen, you can’t be serious.”

“El, I promised.”

“What did Colin do to convince you?” Before Penelope could answer, Eloise focused her glare on Colin. “I cannot believe you’d try to steal her like this. She is MY friend. You guys already turned my boyfriend against me.”

“Colin didn’t do anything, Eloise. It was Phil.”

Penelope’s other hand dropped as El spun to face her boyfriend who was already seated between Simon and Michaela. Colin used the opportunity to pull the tiny redhead to the empty chairs, plopping down next to Francesca with Pen on the end. As Phil tried to calm El down, the others chuckled and Colin went to exchange a glance with Ben only to realize that his brother wasn’t sitting at their table. 

“He’s giving her a little space,” Fran whispered to him, having realized who he was looking for. “He figured she’d want to be on our team and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

Colin nodded and looked toward their other table. Benedict was already looking at him, a soft smile on his face. He didn’t blame Ben for what happened last weekend, or for the way Anthony had treated him for so long, but he also couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t curious why it was so easy for Penelope to stand up for him while his own brother couldn’t. Maybe he’d get the courage to ask him at some point, but for now, Colin smiled back and shifted his attention back to the woman next to him who was glancing between her two best friends as they bickered over her, clearly bemused. 

Eventually, Eloise gave up when Daphne pulled her younger sister to her chair so that Alice could finally start the game. It didn’t take long for Colin to understand why Phillip had gone so far as to threaten his best friend with a demerit if she’d gone to the other team, because as good as any of them were at trivia, Penelope was better. 

At halftime, Colin walked up to the bar with her so she could get a soda and she threw in a few baskets of fries for the two tables and a beer for him, even after he protested that he didn’t need one. When they sat back down, he noticed for the first time that Phillip was drinking what looked to be lemonade and wondered if he also abstained from alcohol. Pen hadn’t explained why she made the choice, he didn’t need her to, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t a little bit curious. 

The rest of the rounds flew by and team Risky Quizness, the name nominated by Penelope in honor of Colin’s shirt, never stumbled. The Bridgerton A Team was fuming and Benedict looked sad the entire time. Colin found a sweet satisfaction in it all and by the grin that Pen was sporting, he knew she did too. 

By the end of the game, their table cheered when they came out on top and Pen giggled as she was named the MVP of the night, obviously pleased with the praise. He noticed Eloise, Phillip, and Francesca watching her fondly, enjoying her happiness. 

Then as if everyone had decided all at once that they weren’t ready to end the night, the other team stood up and brought their chairs over so they could all sit together around one table. It was typical for the Bridgertons, they weren’t the kind of family who got sick of each other. 

“Colin, did you see the news today?” Kate asked him after she squeezed next to her sister. 

“What news?” 

“ Settling is officially becoming a TV show! They just confirmed it this afternoon.” Her words caused a stir from almost everyone at the table. 

“I thought they’d already announced that?” 

“No, it was just rumors. I think everyone assumed they’d do it after the success of the Faded Scars miniseries, but this isn’t just a miniseries. It sounds like they want to do multiple seasons which would be so cool.” Kate answered Fran’s question.

“That book is so perfect for a full series. I need to know what happens to Annie!” Hyacinth was practically bouncing up and down in excitement. 

“Oh I hope we get to see her fall in love!” Edwina chimed in and all of Colin’s sisters nodded enthusiastically.

“Wait, what’s Settling ?” 

“L.W. Down’s third book, Greg. Keep up!” 

In response, Greg threw a fry at his younger sister who immediately returned it, cackling when it hit him square on the forehead. 

“I can’t believe I have to say this to you two more often than I do to my actual kids, but children please do not throw food.” Everyone laughed as Anthony chided his youngest siblings.

“Whatever, Dadthony,” Hyacinth muttered, using her and Greg’s nickname for Ant, as she stole a fry from another plate and tossed it at him. She looked quite pleased when he caught it in his mouth as if he’d known she was going to do it all along.  

“Who is L.W. Down?” Greg still looked confused.  

“That author Colin is obsessed with.” It was Simon who answered and Colin turned to look at his brother-in-law in shock. “Sorry it’s true, dude.” 

“I’m not obsessed with her.” He was. Multiple Bridgertons scoffed at his obvious lie. There was a reason Kate had asked him if he’d heard and not any of his sisters.

“Oh please, Col, you’d read that woman’s grocery lists.” 

Eloise had a point. He probably would, but he wasn’t going to admit that to his whole family and especially not in front of Penelope.

“Brother, you’ve been practically in love with her since her first book came out.” Benedict’s statement was met with agreement from everyone except for the best friends who had recently entered their lives. “Honestly, it’s probably a good thing her identity is hidden to the public or you’d have found her and proposed already.” 

Penelope started coughing next to him and every pair of eyes were suddenly trained on her. From her other side, Daphne patted her back and the redhead rubbed her chest a little. “Sorry, went down the wrong pipe.” She squeaked out the words. Colin noticed that she looked flushed again. He tried to make eye contact but it seemed as though she was avoiding his gaze. Phillip chuckled softly across the table and Pen’s head snapped up to glare at her best friend for a moment.

“I still don’t get what’s so special about her,” Greg noted to the sounds of protests from their family. They might give Colin a hard time, but their entire family loved his favorite author, too. 

“You would understand if you knew how to read.” Hya narrowly avoided the next fry that came her way. 

“You two have read them, haven’t you?” Eloise directed her question at the two newcomers who were currently in the midst of what seemed to be a silent conversation. 

Phil answered first. “Oh, um, no. I haven’t. It sounds familiar, though.”

“What about you Pen?”

After a long moment of silence, Penelope opened her mouth to respond but Phillip cut her off. “Wait! Now that I think about it, I have seen the movie, I think! What was it called again?” 

“Oh, that’s ‘What is Left Behind,’” Kate answered. “I love that movie so much. I was so worried that it wouldn’t do the book justice, I mean how could it?” 

“But it absolutely did. I don’t know how they found such a perfect cast but I would have sworn Hannah and Asher were siblings in real life,” Daphne’s excitement was palpable. 

“It was a really beautiful film,” said Anthony. “I don’t know if I could ever watch it again, though.” 

Simon echoed his agreement. 

“Why not?” Greg asked. 

“It was just… so sad. I don’t think I could ever watch those kids suffer that way again. You’d understand if you were a parent.” 

This time, Kate and Daphne nodded as well. Colin understood where his siblings were coming from, even if he wasn’t a parent. 

The movie had been an extremely true-to-book adaptation, which meant that scenes that had already been devastating to read, to picture in one’s mind, no longer had to be imagined. Instead, audiences had to watch the main character, Hannah, undergo severe verbal abuse and neglect from her narcissistic mother and addict father while she was simultaneously trying to protect her little brother from them. In addition, there were scenes of Hannah’s best friends at home with their violent, alcoholic father. 

It was hard to watch, but Colin had always believed that was the whole point of including those scenes in the story. As a book first, and then as a movie. The violence, the manipulation, the hurt, it was never meant to be easy. In fact, he was quite sure that the author had likely suffered more than the reader ever had, to put the characters she clearly loved in homes that looked so normal from the outside while inside, they faced horrors that no child ever should. 

Yet still, the love the kids had for each other, the bond they’d formed over a lifetime, the seashells they’d found after the storm, that was the part that had always mattered most. Colin could feel it in the mysterious author’s words, the warmth and connection that infused every line when the kids were together in comparison to the cold and detached feeling that existed around the parents. It was purposeful, masterful, and it had amazed him, amazed the world, really, considering that the debut novel had been an international bestseller turned into an award-winning film. 

Some people had theorized that part of the reason the book became so big was due to the secretive nature of the person who wrote it. From the very few interviews that were conducted, all over the phone or email, it was clear that she had no interest in the public finding out who she was. That naturally snowballed into more theories, questions about what she was hiding or who she was hiding from, the latter more prevalent as a large majority of readers believed that the people in the book had to at least be inspired by real-life counterparts. 

Colin wouldn’t pretend that he hadn’t been curious about L.W. Down, and who she was. Of course he wanted to know more about her, as every word she wrote felt as if it were written for him. He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt that way, but some part of him couldn’t help but to feel like he knew her, like his soul was searching hers after a long time apart. It was a strange feeling, to care so much about someone he would never know. He had never told his siblings that piece of it, though they knew enough to tease him about his admiration of the author. Still, except for Gregory, they’d all either read the books or at least watched the adaptations and loved them, as evidenced by the conversation which flowed around him. 

“Oh man, sometimes I still think about those flashback scenes in ‘Faded Scars.’ I wondered how they were going to make them work because in the book they feel so seamless,” Michaela joined the conversation. Colin knew Faded Scars was his best friend’s favorite of the three L.W. Down novels that had been published. 

“God I know, it was incredible,” Hya said. “A small part of me wishes we got to see more, but the rest of me knows I wouldn’t have been able to handle more of it. I sobbed enough every episode as is.”

“Oh I know what you mean,” Winnie seconded. “I know it all happens in real life, but I could barely stand seeing what those girls went through. I could never have survived something like that.”

Colin felt Penelope stiffen next to him and glanced over to see her staring down at her lap. Phil was looking directly at her, as if he was willing her to look up, but she didn’t. He noticed Eloise looking between them, tension evident in his sister’s face. 

He thought about Faded Scars and the mini-series that followed it. The book was about two best friends, living in New York, making their way through life together. L.W. Down had incorporated flashbacks into the story, though, quick glimpses into their past. While some of them were happy memories, the girls meeting for the first time, doing each other’s make-up for their first dates, dancing together at prom, others were nothing short of horrific. Once again, Colin knew it was done on purpose. They were meant to be jarring, meant to make people feel, as if the author was begging them to understand something vital, to understand the damage that would always be present even long after an injury was dealt. 

He remembered everything Penelope had told him about what it was like growing up. She hadn’t said whether or not she knew the author, but she must have known enough to understand what was being said and she certainly had scars of her own, scars that must have felt more visible at the moment. With the worry that was written across Phil’s features, Colin thought the man had likely come to the same conclusion. 

He wished more than anything that there was a way to steer his family to a new conversation, but he didn’t know how without drawing further attention to the woman by his side. Hyacinth was speaking again, anyways, in the midst of sharing a theory Colin was sure she’d seen broken down on TikTok. He was barely able to listen, too focused on Pen, though he caught the gist of it. The idea that Faded Scars was meant to be a fictionalized version of Hannah’s life after the events of What is Left Behind . A sequel of sorts, with flashbacks that filled in missing pieces.

“It’s all based around the journals,” Hyacinth explained, gesturing wildly with her hands. “In Faded Scars , Gemma goes home and takes her journals out from under the floorboards and in the show they used the exact same journals that they used in the movie. On top of that, they also show the back of someone writing at the beginning and the end of the show but it doesn’t look like Gemma, it looks exactly like Hannah. And and and!! The biggest piece of it is that Hannah is actually L.W. Down and that What is Left Behind was all true and taken from the real-life journals.”

“So that would mean that the flashbacks and everything from the movie actually happened to someone?” Daphne attempted to clarify.

“God, I hope that’s not true. One person couldn’t possibly go through all of that and still be normal. Can you imagine the trauma?” 

As almost every person at their table announced their agreement with Benedict’s statement, Colin saw Phillip’s hand tighten around his glass out of the corner of his eye. Colin felt sick to his stomach and a moment later, he heard a scraping sound against the floor as Penelope pushed her chair back and stood abruptly. 

“Sorry, just need to use the restroom.” 

They were the first words she’d said since the conversation had started and she all but ran to the corner of the bar as they watched her go. Eloise and Colin started to stand at the same time as if to go after her. 

“Don’t.” Phil’s voice was quiet but firm. “She just needs a minute.”

Colin looked around the table to see confusion on everyone’s faces as he settled back into his chair. 

Phillip cleared his throat and made a point to look at everyone before he started speaking. 

“You should count yourselves lucky that you can’t relate to that show. That you can’t imagine being in the shoes of the children in that movie. That you can’t comprehend how someone could go on living through that sort of pain. She can, though. So can I, for that matter. We have to live with it every day and I’m so glad that you don’t know what it’s like, but some of us do.”

With that, Phil stood up and followed in the direction of his best friend, his sister. Across from Colin, Eloise looked completely crestfallen as she watched her boyfriend walk away. The rest of their family wasn’t faring much better. Remorse was evident in their eyes, tears had welled up in some of them with Simon looking the most affected of all. It made sense, given what Colin knew about his brother-in-law’s childhood and tumultuous relationship with his father. 

Colin was sure that none of them had meant to inflict any pain. In fact, he was positive it was the very last thing any of them would do, especially to Penelope and Phillip, but he also knew that they could become an echo chamber quite quickly. It was easy to forget that not everyone was so fortunate as them, even in the face of what they had lost. 

“God, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I’ll apologize right-,” Benedict started pleading, looking between Colin and El, the latter of whom cut him off. 

“No, not tonight. They would hate that. Penelope, especially. She’s going to be embarrassed enough already, just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“El-”

“Listen to her, Ben. Please.” Colin’s big brother searched his face for a moment before nodding his agreement.  

They moved the conversation forward, talking about some innocuous thing that he lost track of immediately. A few minutes later, Pen and Phil made their way back to the table. Phillip sat down next to El, but Penelope stood behind Colin’s shoulder and leaned down just enough to whisper in his ear. 

“Will you walk me home?”

Colin nodded and she moved out of the way so he could scoot his chair back and stand up. He didn’t bother to explain, instead just laying a quick kiss on the top of each of his sisters’ heads while Pen gave Fran and El both a hug, then he led her out of the pub, waving goodbye to Will and Alice.

Once they were outside, Penelope fell into step beside him and Colin made sure to shorten his long strides to match hers. After a moment, she slipped her hand into his, weaving their fingers together. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she breathed out, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. 

Colin didn’t respond; he simply gave her hand a light squeeze that she returned and they didn’t speak another word all the way back to their apartments. He started to release his grip on her hand but she held on tighter as she led him up the stairs and pulled him to her door. Inside, she filled up the kettle and showed him a box of lemon ginger tea. He nodded and she placed the bags in the mugs while he crouched down to pet Telemachus. When the tea was ready, he followed her toward the couch and sat down, but she moved to the book shelf first, the one that held her most loved novels and grabbed one of them. She brought it back to him, placing it in his lap before she sat directly next to him, curling up into his side the way she had during the movie. He looked down to see what she’d chosen. He didn’t know why he was surprised when it was yet another of his favorite stories. 

“Will you read to me?” Penelope looked up at him through her lashes. 

Her eyelids fluttered closed as Colin tucked a loose curl behind her ear and placed a kiss on the top of her head, burrowing into him even further when he opened The Hobbit and began.

Chapter Text

“Auntie Pen!” Amanda squealed as she came running out of the house and threw herself into Penelope’s arms before she even had time to close the car door. Pen laughed, picking up her niece and hugging her tightly. 

It was Friday afternoon and they hadn’t seen each other since piano lessons on Monday night. Holding her now, Penelope wasn’t sure how she’d made it so long without her. 

“I missed you so so much, Auntie Pen,” Amanda whispered in her aunt’s ear before pulling back and giving her butterfly kisses along her cheek. 

“I missed you more, my Mandyfly.” Pen gave her a smacking kiss before blowing a raspberry on her cheek, which elicited a round of the sweetest giggles from the little girl. 

“It’s MY turn!” A small voice shouted and Penelope looked down to see Oliver standing with his arms crossed, pouting up at them. With one last squeeze of her arms, she set Amanda back on the ground and watched her scurry around the car to greet Francesca, then opened her arms for her nephew. 

Olly rushed into them and she lifted him off the ground just as she’d done with his sister. Right away, he buried his face into her neck and Penelope rocked him back and forth for a minute. 

“I missed you bunches, Ollybee.” 

Oliver didn’t respond, just tucked in tighter to her for a moment. Pen rubbed his back with one of her hands and she felt him relax some. Eventually, he leaned back and took her by surprise when he placed his little hands on her cheeks, fingers moving gently over her features as if he were doing his best to memorize them. When he finished, he made eye contact with her and her breath caught as she found sadness in the honey brown eyes he’d inherited from his mother. 

“What is it, Olly?”

“I really missed you, is all,” he told her, quietly, then it looked as if he was considering whether or not to tell her something. He stroked her cheek again. “I had a scary dream last night, Auntie Pen.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“You didn’t come back.”

Penelope’s heart started racing but she tried to keep her voice even. “What do you mean?”

“You left to go get ice cream and you didn’t come back.” 

Oliver’s little voice broke on his last words as he once again buried his face against her. Penelope felt tears gathering in her eyes as her already broken heart shattered into another million pieces. She looked around helplessly until she found her brother watching them from the front stoop. From Phillip’s expression, she knew that he guessed what Oliver had just told her. 

“I’m here,” she told her nephew over and over again. “I’ll always come back for you, Olly. I promise.”

She knew better than anyone that it wasn’t a promise she probably shouldn’t be making but she made it anyway. There was no world in which she would let him lose her, too.

“Will you stay until bedtime tonight?” Oliver asked when she finally set him back down. 

“Of course I will,” Penelope assured, leaving a kiss on the top of soft caramel curls. He slid his palm against hers and together they walked up the driveway to where the rest of them had congregated. Olly let go so that he could give Fran a hug and Pen smiled when her friend picked up the little boy and whispered something in his ear that made him giggle before carrying him inside the house. Amanda followed after them but Eloise and Phillip remained behind with Penelope. 

“Hey stranger,” El said as she wrapped her in a hug. 

“We saw each other last night.”

“And we barely got the chance to speak considering your betrayal.” The brunette sent a teasing glare toward her boyfriend, who rolled his eyes at her with a smirk on his face. “Plus, we didn’t really get to say goodbye before…” Eloise trailed off before reminding all of them of the way Penelope had all but run out of Mondrich’s after trivia was over, but she’d already said enough. 

“Anyways,” El continued, waving off the awkwardness, “we are having a girls’ day tomorrow.”

“Are we?”

“We are. Farmers’ Market, picnic lunch, shopping, the works.”

“Eloise Bridgerton wants to go shopping?” Penelope’s disbelief was evident in her tone and she heard Phil chuckle. 

“Bookstores, Featherington. Duh.”

Penelope grinned. She should have guessed. She was also excited. It had been at least six months since she’d last gone to a bookstore and she had a whole list of new releases that she wanted to add to her own library.

“Daphne and Kate thought maybe they could meet up with us with their girls too? Daph might text Alice and see if she and Daisy want to come, as well. I’ll bet Hya will come too, and I did text Sophie and Posy. Maybe my mom, too? Oh and Edwina. Maybe Mary. Damn I have a big family.”

Penelope laughed. “That sounds perfect, El.”

Eloise beamed at her and squeezed her hand, then grabbed the bakery box Fran must have set down when they’d arrived before disappearing into the house and closing the door behind her. 

Phillip and Penelope stared at each other, she knew he was trying to read her just as she was doing to him. He looked a little bit broken when he extended his arms and she went to him quickly, sinking into his embrace. 

“He told you, didn’t he?” Phil asked quietly and she knew he meant Oliver.

Pen nodded against him. “How awful was it?”

His lack of response told her everything she needed to know. She had been there enough times over the past five months to know what it sounded like, what it felt like, to wake up to Oliver’s screams. Sometimes it was for one or both of his parents, sometimes for Felicity. But never one of them, at least not until he realized the others weren’t coming for him. She tried to imagine the fear that would pulse through her if she awoke to the sound of Phillip’s name coming from that room. The dread that something terrible had happened followed by the inevitable realization of what the sweet boy’s nightmare had been. 

As Phil clung to her now, she knew he’d needed to see her in the flesh, to assure himself that she was ok, the same way Olly had, the same way she would have needed if the roles were reversed. It didn’t matter if it was a dream. When they’d already lost so much, even the thought of losing each other threatened to completely undo them. 

“I’m here,” she repeated the words she’d said to their nephew. “I’m here.”

As she felt a couple of his tears splatter onto her shoulder, the guilt washed over her like a wave coming to shore only it just kept coming. Penelope expected her transition out of the house to be difficult, and maybe she should have seen something like this coming, but she hadn’t. She hadn’t seen it and she hated herself for it. 

It took a few minutes for her best friend to release his hold on her and when she leaned back she reached up to wipe a stray tear that was still traveling down his cheek.

“You call me next time,” she told him, hating that she knew there would be a next time. “When you or one of the twins need to see me, to know that I’m ok, you call me. No matter what.”

Phil nodded and then stuck out his pinky so he could link it with hers. With his other hand, he wiped away her tears. 

“We make quite the pair,” he joked.

Pen chuckled. “Yeah it feels a little silly to say it now, but happy birthday.”

A laugh bubbled out of him and his blue eyes shone with the mixture of pain and joy and everything in between. “Twenty-nine, huh?”

“All of us,” she answered. 

“All of us.” 

One last time. One last year. 

“So, if we’re having a girls’ day tomorrow, what are you boys up to?”

“We are going to a baseball game in Milwaukee.”

“Philip Crane is going to a baseball game?” It was almost as surprising as the idea of Eloise shopping. 

“Shut up, I like sports.”

“Yes, that sounded very convincing. Keep saying it just like that.”

Penelope snickered as he sighed with exasperation and flicked her on the forehead.

“Who are you going with?”

“The Bridgertons. Anthony is bringing his boys and the brothers are coming. Oh, and Will is going to bring his sons. I think Olly is going to be excited to see John again.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he will.” Oliver had mentioned the youngest Mondrich boy a few different times already since the party. “How did all this happen?”

“After you and Colin left, Eloise mentioned that my birthday was today. They asked what we were doing for it and when I didn’t have an answer, Anthony got on his phone immediately and pulled some strings I guess because he got us a suite at the Brewers game. Food, drinks, tickets, all arranged and paid for in the blink of an eye. It was kind of scarily impressive, actually.”

“Anthony did that?” She didn’t try to mask her surprise.

“I know you don’t like him, Pen. But I don’t think he’s a bad guy.” 

Penelope sighed. “I guess I don’t think he is either. I’m just not particularly fond of how he treats his brother.”

Phil nodded. She’d told him about what she’d overheard at the party, and while she hadn’t shared anything that Colin had confided in her, Phillip knew her well enough to guess there was more she wasn’t telling him. 

“I don’t think he’s going. Colin, I mean. Michaela told them he’d be busy at the bakery the second Greg mentioned him. It might be true, but she didn’t try to make it very convincing when she glared at Ant and Ben.”

“Oh?” Penelope was glad Colin had Mich.

“Anthony looked pretty embarrassed.”

“Good.”

“Benedict looked devastated,” he added.

“Well,” Pen said, “maybe Benedict will start thinking a little bit harder about when to speak up and when to stay silent.”

Phil studied her and she knew the second he realized that she wasn’t just upset about the crass comments from last night regarding their trauma and that the party wasn’t the first time that Ben had failed to stand up for his brother. Anger flashed in his eyes, gone in an instant, but unmistakably there. Her brother shared her stance on people who chose to ignore, to forget, to pretend, to stand by and do nothing. In fact, if she had to guess, he likely despised them more than she did, considering the pain they’d let him endure throughout their childhood. 

It wasn’t the same, she knew that, but she’d watched Colin cry over words that had been carved into him by someone he trusted and loved over a decade ago and his brother’s half-hearted attempts at stopping Anthony from reopening the wound were too little, too late. Someone else may have thought she was overreacting by ignoring Benedict the same way she’d ignored his older brother, but if it resulted in him figuring out what he should have known a long time ago, she didn’t care. 

“Maybe,” was all Phillip said. 

Penelope sighed and Phil poked her under her ribs, right where he knew she was ticklish. 

“No more being sad on my birthday.”

“Deal.” 

__________________________________

The rest of the afternoon and early evening went quickly, the heaviness of their greeting forgotten as they unearthed all of the games they could find from one of the closets. 

Eloise attempted to beat the twins at Twister, failing spectacularly and resorting to tickling them until they turned her own tactics against her. All three of them ended up in a tangled pile of limbs on the mat. 

Oliver collapsed into a fit of giggles when Francesca loudly swore and then covered her mouth in horror as she got sent backwards in Chutes and Ladders just as she was about to win.

Pen and Phil faced off in an intense game of Battleship that had everyone on the edge of their seats as the two old friends went back and forth at lightning speed having spent a lifetime learning how to predict each others’ next move. 

They all sang and danced around the living room, taking turns with the old karaoke machine George had thrifted back in college and had carted around the country with him. Phil and El’s off-key, off-beat, off-lyric duet of ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ had the others all rolling on the floor, cackling. 

By the time the pizza had arrived, Penelope’s stomach hurt from laughing so much. 

They decided to eat outside on the back patio, so they could enjoy the warmth of the late Spring evening. Eloise arranged the birthday candles in one of the pizzas and they sang the birthday song as fast as they could before the precariously set candles could fall over. As they ate, the kids told them all about their last day of school and they came up with ideas for how to spend the summer. Luckily, all four adults had easy schedules with Phil and El taking breaks from lectures which meant that they hadn’t needed to find a daycare and would instead get to spend the whole summer by the twins’ sides. 

Phil was in the middle of telling them about a tee ball league that Simon was coaching when Oliver gasped in his seat, drawing all of their attention. 

“What is it, buddy?”

“There!” Olly pointed out to the lawn and they all tried to follow his finger but Penelope had no idea what she was looking for until she saw a tiny light flash and heard him gasp again, this time joined by Amanda who had seen it too. 

“What was that?” Amanda asked.

“There’s another one!” Oliver climbed out of his seat and stood at the edge of the patio as the dance of the fireflies began. 

Francesca stood up and took Olly’s hand, leading him out into the lawn and kneeling down in the grass so she was at his height. She told him something that Penelope couldn’t hear and he looked fascinated. Amanda watched them tentatively. Her niece had never been a fan of bugs and she must have realized that’s what she was seeing. 

“Come see, Amanda!” Oliver called out, he was jumping up and down in excitement and Pen realized that Fran had carefully captured one of them in her cupped hands. Eloise held her hand out to Amanda and whispered something to her. Whatever she said earned the little girl’s trust and together they walked to their siblings. 

Pen and Phil followed, but kept their distance, letting the Bridgerton sisters take the lead. 

Francesca held her hands open just enough for Amanda to peek through and she squealed as the bug lit up inside.

“What are they, Auntie El?” Amanda asked from where she was cuddled up next to her, though she was still peering at the bug.

Penelope heard the faintest “oh” leave Eloise’s lips. She was certain it was the first time one of the children had called her that. El’s eyes softened and she was smiling as she answered the little girl. “Some people call them fireflies, but our dad always called them lightning bugs, so that’s what I call them.”

“Lightning bugs?” Oliver echoed. 

“Because they’re a flash of light in the dark, like a lightning strike in a storm,” Fran answered and Pen had a feeling their dad had taught them that, too. “You’ve never seen them before?”

Both twins shook their heads and Phil spoke up. “I don’t think the species that come out at night are very common in San Diego and they missed most of the summer here last year. I wouldn’t be surprised if these were their first.” 

“Well, there are just a few tonight but you wait a few weeks and they’ll light up the sky,” Fran told the kids as she opened her hands and let the one she’d captured fly away. 

The twins decided they wanted to try to catch some so the sisters helped and the four of them ran around the lawn chasing the fireflies as they danced. Penelope closed her eyes and tried to commit the moment to memory and found herself wishing she had a pen as words tumbled through her mind for the first time in a long time. 

“I know that look,” Phil whispered beside her. 

She glanced over at him. “What look?”

He nudged her with his elbow. “You were writing it, weren’t you?”

Pen nodded. 

“Good. You should write the happy things.” 

He passed over her phone, already open to her notes app, before joining the rest of them. She didn’t bother to admonish him for using her passcode again as her fingers were already moving across the screen, jotting down a few notes for later when she had her notebook in hand. 

After a while, they went inside for a movie. As it was Phil’s birthday, rules suggested that he should get to choose the film but fortunately he passed on the responsibility to the children. He and Fran engaged them in a debate on the merits of their options as Pen and El made popcorn and got dessert ready in the kitchen. 

Colin had offered to make something for the occasion and Penelope had collected it from Fox River just before Fran picked her up. She had no idea what he’d made until she opened the familiar blue box and laughed as she took in the giant strawberry lemon bar that Phillip loved, decorated with strawberry slices that painstakingly spelled out happy birthday. 

Eloise peered over her shoulder and chuckled. “You can’t say he’s not committed.”

Penelope grinned at her friend. “He’s sort of great.”

“Yeah, he is. You better not tell him I said that, though,” El threatened, jokingly, then moved away to pour the popcorn into a bowl. 

Penelope busied herself with getting the bar onto a platter so it could be properly displayed. She didn’t know how long Eloise had been looking at her until her friend finally spoke. 

“Hey Pen?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry about last night. I could tell that the conversation was bothering you and I should have stopped them but I got scared that I would make it worse. I’m sorry for that, too.”

Penelope wasn’t surprised that Eloise brought up the events of the previous evening, given the way she’d practically run out of the pub on Colin’s heels. It wasn’t the first time she’d unexpectedly found herself in the midst of a conversation about L.W. Down, it was a hazard of the job especially when she’d been so incredibly lucky with the reach of her work. It was, however, the first time she’d cared so much about what was being said. Maybe it was because she liked the Bridgertons so much, maybe it was because Colin was sitting next to her being teased for how big of a fan he was, or maybe it was because her best friend was sitting across from her listening to them dissect his life, too. 

What is Left Behind was her first book and also the most autobiographical, though almost every flashback that was in Faded Scars was taken straight from her journal entries. Someone who had paid attention to the children who grew up in the Featherington and Crane households would have been able to put two and two together, which meant that no one had. There wasn’t a soul in their hometown who ever cared enough to know them, not even their living parents or Penelope’s older sisters. No, they’d all preferred to stay ignorant of the terror that had gone on behind those doors. Pen presumed that it was easier that way. 

No one knowing, though, didn’t make any of it any less real or less painful to have it spoken about so carelessly. And while Phil had approved every word she’d ever published, watching him try to stay strong and pretend it wasn’t bothering him to listen to his partner’s family speak of his trauma as some impossible thing broke her. It was unfair that they should be able to hurt him that way. Another thing she felt guilty for. 

The conversation had hurt her, too, of course. To be considered some mysterious entity who couldn’t have possibly survived all she’d been through, who couldn’t live a normal life after all of that. It was awful. And maybe she’d signed up for that when she’d made herself and her story so easily accessible to the world, but she didn’t think so. She thought it was more likely that they had missed the point of her sharing her story completely and when she hadn’t been able to sit there for one more minute, she’d run. 

Now, faced with an apology from someone who could only understand a fraction of the pain they’d undergone the previous night, Penelope considered making an excuse for the Bridgertons or telling Eloise she didn’t need to be sorry for not speaking up. However, Rae was always telling her that she needed to be better at accepting apologies instead of writing off her pain as if it didn’t matter. And even if she hadn’t written those books, any victim of abuse would have suffered sitting there, listening to them talk. So instead of brushing it or telling her friend that it was ok, she accepted the apology just as she had done when Colin hugged her before leaving her apartment the night before.

“Thank you, El.”

Eloise nodded. “Can I ask you something? If I’m being too nosy, just tell me.”

“Sure.”

“Colin didn’t seem surprised that you were upset last night. If anything, I thought I saw him debating the same thing I was and then he didn’t even question it when you asked to leave.”

“That’s not really a question,” Penelope teased but she knew what her friend was trying to ask. She knew that Eloise was likely surprised by her brother having enough familiarity with her childhood to have guessed that their siblings’ words were cutting deep. 

“He knows about your family.”

It still wasn’t a question, but Penelope answered anyway. “Some of it, yeah. Enough to know that it hurt.”

“Does he know about your mom? About the messages?”

“No.”

“You have your meeting with Anthony on Monday, right?”

“Yeah.” Penelope was dreading that meeting, but they’d set it up before the birthday party and her mother hadn’t stopped her harassment. So as much as she didn’t like Anthony, she knew something needed to be done.

“Are you going to tell Colin about it?”

“You think I should?”

“It’s up to you, Pen. It’s your life. But if he already knows enough to know why you were upset last night, I think he could probably handle hearing about this too. And I’m not saying Ant would ever tell anyone why you were at the office, but if someone finds out that you two were meeting, it’ll get back to Colin eventually. It’s just the way our family works. You know how things are between them. I think it’d be better for him to hear it from you.”

Penelope studied her friend’s face for a long time, taken aback by her attempt to protect her brother, but nonetheless pleased by it. Colin deserved siblings who cared enough to do this and she agreed that he deserved to know about the meeting, but she’d been hesitating. 

She didn’t like lying to Colin. In fact, she often couldn’t help but to be completely honest with him. It was why he knew about her family in the first place, because he made her want to share, he made it safe for her to tell him. But to tell him about the trust, about her mother, it also meant she would have to perpetuate the lie that Eloise believed, that the money wasn’t hers. 

Part of her wanted to tell them where it really came from, but she wasn’t ready. It was too much, too raw after everything, to expose so much of herself to them, especially finding out how he felt about her books. Even if his family was just teasing him, they clearly meant something to him and that terrified her. Still, Eloise was right. She could tell him the whole truth later, he needed to know about Anthony now.

“I’ll tell him,” she promised. 

“Thank you, Pen.”

They exchanged smiles, then grabbed what they needed and carried it all out to the living room where the rest of them were waiting on the giant pile of blankets, cushions, and pillows they had artfully arranged for their movie night. 

Phillip loved his birthday bar and Penleope forced him to take a picture with it so she could send it to Colin, which turned into a full-on photoshoot with all of them, including a couple of silly selfies and a complete failure of the automatic timer feature. She snapped one last picture as Moana played in the background while everyone was eating the dessert and smiled as she chose the best ones to text him. 

Colin replied immediately with a selfie he took in what must have been his living room. He was wearing his glasses and Hermes was cuddled up on his chest. She could see a steaming mug of tea on the table next to him and he was holding her copy of Treasure Island . Pen saved the photo to her phone before sending back a yellow heart. She got a blue one in return a moment later and she blushed as she pocketed her phone again. 

When the movie was over, she carried Oliver up to bed while Phil gave Amanda a piggyback ride and they helped them change into PJs and brush their teeth before the four of them crowded together on Olly’s bed so Penelope could tell them a story about another one of Phillip’s birthdays. 

The kids laughed the whole time as they heard about their uncle’s 13th birthday and their dad’s grand idea to save up all their money so they could take the bus to Six Flags for the day. It was still one of their most fun days ever. It had been Phil’s first birthday without his mother and George had done everything he could to make it special. They rode every ride at least twice, though Penelope was too short for a few of them. She hadn’t minded, though, because the brothers, her brothers, had been so beyond happy away from the memory of their mother, from the suffocating presence of their father. It had been a perfect May 31st. 

After storytime, Phil took Amanda to her room and Pen read Olly one more book until he fell asleep. She’d never had more trouble leaving him behind than she had tonight and she wished more than anything that he would make it ‘til morning with only good dreams. She tip-toed out of the room and met the others back in the living room where they snacked on popcorn and talked about nothing until they all started yawning. She hugged Phillip for an extra-long time when they said goodbye and she felt him leave a kiss on the top of her head. They exchanged one more “I love you” as Pen climbed into Francesca’s car.

 Before backing out of the driveway, Fran rolled down the windows and turned on her playlist. As they drove, Penelope let her hand drift out of the window to feel the air moving through her fingers as the soft music surrounded them. At a stoplight she glanced over at the woman next to her and found her friend already watching her, with a gentle smile and a look she couldn’t quite place in her eyes. She smiled back as they started moving again. 

It was the first time Penelope had felt relaxed in a car for ages. Maybe it was the culmination of the night, the music, the laughter, the lightning bugs. Or maybe it was just the way of life. Maybe sometimes things just got easier. 

Ten minutes later, Francesca parked next to Colin’s Jeep in the spot that was reserved for the car Penelope didn’t own. Pen started to climb out when she glanced back at her friend and saw that same look she still didn’t quite understand. She settled back into her seat and turned to face Fran. 

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, it’s just -” Fran started and stopped. Pen waited patiently for her to choose her words. After thirty seconds or so of witnessing a multitude of emotions pass over Francesca’s face, Pen recognized the moment she decided to be brave, closing her eyes before blurting out her words. “How did you know you were bi?”

“Oh!” Pen exclaimed, completely caught off guard. 

“I’m sorry, that was weird. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Fran, no, it’s ok. I was just surprised. I’m more than happy to tell you.” 

Penelope was telling the truth, she had no trouble sharing her experience with Francesca, especially when she thought she had a pretty good idea for why she was asking. Her own sexuality had come up a couple of months ago, so Fran knew that she’d been with men and women, but they’d never talked about it again. Having seen the Bridgerton woman around Michaela, though, she had guessed there were feelings and not just on Michaela’s end.

“I came out when I was twenty. Everything for me sort of clicked into place pretty much right after I kissed a girl for the first time. When I was younger, I was so shy that I had never really talked to anyone enough to form a proper crush. But sometimes, I would get these flutters in my stomach when I saw someone that I thought was cute, boys and girls. I never really had girlfriends to talk to about things like that, so I didn’t completely understand what I was feeling at the time. 

“But things started changing when I went to college. Marina forced me out of my comfort zone. I started going to parties and flirting with boys and I was still shy, but I went on a few dates here and there and I kissed a couple of guys at parties and slept with one or two in dorm rooms and it all felt good and right. Then, I met Genevieve. She was a little older than me and I was just so drawn to her. We spent a lot of time together and I really started feeling those flutters again. One night she asked me if I had ever kissed a girl and when I told her no, she asked if I wanted to and I realized that I really did. 

“It wasn’t this huge awakening or anything, it was more of an ‘oh’ moment. Just like with the guys I had been with, kissing Gen felt good and right. That’s not to say the experience is always the same between women and men, what attracts me to them is different, but one has never felt more real than the other or more true. I just… like both. I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

“It does. A lot of sense, actually.” 

Penelope didn’t want to push, so she waited. 

“Pen?”

“Yeah Fran?”

“I think that I might be bisexual. Everything you’re saying, it’s so similar to how I’ve always felt. Those butterflies you described, I got them when I was younger. I met John when I was only 17 and we were together for so long that I never really considered what that feeling meant. Since he died, I haven’t really been interested in dating or anything, but I still get the butterflies sometimes. I’ve been noticing it happening more often lately, except sometimes instead of flutters it’s like burning embers.” 

“I know what you mean,” Pen assured her. “And you feel that with men and women?”

Francesca nodded. “The flutters for sure, the burning is more for one particular person… woman.”

Penelope decided to take a gamble. “Michaela?”

Francesca sighed. “Am I so obvious?”

“No,” Pen fibbed. “I’ve just been there and I think it was easier for me to spot.” 

“It’s really complicated because of John, but sometimes I think she feels it, too.” 

That was the understatement of the century, Penelope thought. She’d recognized Mich’s feelings for Francesca within seconds of seeing them together. 

“Have you talked to her about any of this? Or anyone else for that matter? Not about your feelings for her but just about maybe being queer. El or Ben, maybe?”

“No. I mean, I know a lot about all of their experiences, but I haven’t shared anything with them. I’ve been too scared of making things weird between me and Mich. And it’s just different with my siblings. I love them, but they haven’t always been the easiest for me to relate to or confide in. Not to mention, they’re pretty terrible at keeping secrets. It’s not that I’m scared of how my family will react or anything, I just haven’t been ready.”

“I get that. And you don’t owe anyone anything, you don’t have to tell them anything until you feel ready. It doesn’t matter if you know they’ll accept you, you get to do this in the way that feels right for you. But I am really grateful that you trusted me enough to talk to me about it. I don’t know how helpful I was, really, but whatever you need, I’m here.” 

Penelope reached for Francesca’s hand and squeezed it. Fran looked down and intertwined their fingers, placing her other hand over Pen’s and absently tapping out a rhythm with her fingers against the back of Penelope’s hand. It looked as if she were gearing up to ask another question and as she glanced up through her eyelashes and moved her thumb back and forth, Penelope felt a flutter of her own as she realized what she was going to be asked a second before Fran opened her mouth. 

“Would you kiss me, Penelope? Just once, just to see.”

Pen ignored the butterflies and tried her best to answer. “Fran, I think the reason I figured it out kissing Gen is because I wanted to kiss her. I was attracted to her, I just hadn’t put the pieces all the way together yet. I don’t know how much you’re going to learn by kissing a woman you’re not actually attracted to.”

Francesca stared blankly at Penelope as if she was waiting for her to understand something but Pen had no idea what it was.

“What?” she finally asked. 

“I do want to kiss you, Pen.”

“What?” she repeated. 

“You’re insanely beautiful, Penelope. I don’t think it could be that big of a surprise.”

Penelope’s mouth dropped open and Francesca laughed at her. 

“Are you really shocked about this?”

“Yes,” Pen answered truthfully. “Until five minutes ago, I wasn’t even positive that you were into women!” 

“See that’s the problem, Pen! I don’t know if I’m into women for real or if I’m just confused and I could never risk doing this with Michaela. There are way too many feelings involved and way too much at stake. She’s the most important person in my life and if I’m wrong about this… I can’t risk her, Pen. I need her.”

“I know, Fran.” Penelope did know, she understood exactly what she meant. 

“You’re my friend and I trust you so much, Penelope. And if I wasn’t questioning whether or not I’m in love with my best friend and if you weren’t in… whatever you’re in with my brother, then maybe I would be worried about asking you this and making things weird between us. But damn, Pen, I’m so fucking confused and you give me those fucking flutters you talked about and I’m pretty sure that means I’d like kissing you.”

Penelope stared at Fran, dumbfounded, before breaking into a fit of giggles that turned out to be contagious. She was so taken aback that she didn’t even have it in her to protest the comment about Colin because the truth was, she was in something with him, enough of something that she knew kissing someone else might feel nice but could never be more than a kiss. She guessed that Fran had come to the same conclusion about Michaela and Penelope softened to the idea.

Neither of them were at the risk of this being anything more than a kiss and she knew her friend was being honest, that she was asking because she wanted it, not just because Penelope was a woman who had kissed women before. It was sort of nice actually, to know that a beautiful woman had seen something in her, too. She thought maybe Fran was right, that she was the right person to do this, and it’s not like it would be a chore.

When they finally stopped laughing, Pen decided to take initiative and leaned over the console, placing her hand on Fran’s cheek to make her intent clear. The brunette sucked in a little breath but nodded, so Penelope closed the distance between them. It was her first kiss in over a year and she suspected it was Fran’s first since John had died. And while it wasn’t particularly long and never progressed to anything more than their lips gently moving against each other, it was sweet and lovely and it felt good to let herself want and be wanted, even if she knew it was fleeting for both of them.

Francesca’s eyes stayed closed when they pulled apart, opening after Pen was already settled back into her own space. 

“You’re good at that,” Fran said, looking a little dazed and Penelope chuckled. 

“Not so bad yourself, Bridgerton. So, what’s the verdict?”

“Definitely into girls, but I guess we kind of already knew that given I basically just begged you to kiss me.”

They both burst into laughter at the absurdity of it all. 

Francesca caught her breath and squeezed Pen’s hand. “Thank you, seriously. I know I just kind of sprung that on you and I really appreciate it.”

“Oh yeah, I’m some martyr, kissing a hot girl in her car when she drops me off at home. Make sure they canonize me when I’m gone.” Penelope laughed at her own joke but it was apparently Fran’s turn to look confused. 

“You think I’m hot?”

“Fran. Be serious. Have you seen you? Besides, you already know I think Colin’s hot and if you think about it, you’re basically just the female version of him.”

“Penelope!” 

“What? It’s true.”

Francesca lost herself to another round of laughter. 

“You know, it’s too bad you’re in love with your best friend and I’m in ‘whatever’ I’m in with your brother. This could have been the start of something really good,” Pen teased. 

Fran giggled. “God, what are we gonna do about them?”

“Well, I think you need to talk to Michaela at some point. But only when you’re ready. As for me? I don’t know. I like being Colin’s friend.”

“You know, both of them would be so jealous if they found out I kissed you before either of them could.”

“Oh please, no they won’t.” Penelope brushed her off. 

Fran didn’t respond right away, she just studied Pen’s face for a long moment before carefully choosing her words. “I think that sometimes you don’t see yourself very clearly, Penelope.”

Penelope had no idea what to say back to that. Fortunately, Fran didn’t wait for a response. 

“Anyways, thank you. For everything. I feel incredibly lucky to call you my friend.” 

“Me too.”

They shared one last hug goodbye before Pen finally climbed out of the car. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Right. Goodnight, Francesca.”

“Goodnight, Penelope.”

Pen let herself into her building and walked up the stairs. She found herself standing outside Colin’s door, hand raised as if to knock. The kiss with Francesca had left her wanting. 

Wanting to knock. 

Wanting to see him. 

Wanting to know what it would feel like to kiss the man who had been burrowing his way into her soul since the day they met. 

She would be lying if she said she didn’t want Colin. She’d been able to ignore it, for the most part, until tonight. Until she was reminded how good it could feel to embrace it, to be wanted in return. And sometimes she wanted him so badly that the very idea of it set her ablaze. There were times that she was so sure he felt it too, though he often disguised it with his puns and his flirtation. But he couldn’t completely hide the little flashes of fire dancing in his eyes, like lightning bugs in the night.

She remembered what Fran said, though, about the risk. It wasn’t just about whether or not he wanted her back, it was about what came after. Penelope didn’t think it was a risk she was willing to take, not when she needed him and his friendship, because the need outweighed the want. So before she did something stupid, something she couldn’t take back, she lowered her hand, turned around, and went home.

__________________________________

The remainder of the weekend flew by for Penelope. 

Their girls’ day on Saturday was wonderful. Everyone met at Fox River and ordered drinks from the undergrads who helped at the coffee bar during the busy Saturday mornings when everyone was out for the Farmers’ Market. Colin came out from the kitchen and greeted all of the girls, including Amanda and Daisy with big hugs and silly jokes that kept them giggling and kept Penelope staring until Fran bumped her hip with her own and pretended to wipe drool from her chin. 

Eventually they made their way to the Capitol Square, dragging Lucy and Michaela along with them after Colin insisted the bakery would be fine without them. There were 18 of them in total, which made for a ridiculously large group. They split up with the mission to find provisions for their lakeside picnic and they all laughed when every group came back with flowers from one the stands in addition to food. 

They made their way to one of the parks by the lake and spread out the blankets they’d carried in bags along with their goodies. The girls played at the playground while the women talked and Penelope didn’t think she’d ever been around so many women who just seemed to like her, to want to get to know her. Michaela and Lucy cornered her at one point to convince her to take the job Colin offered and cheered when she agreed. 

As she sat with Sophie and Eloise, she noticed Hyacinth and Posy giggling together over their phones and a pang of hurt barreled through her in the shape of Felicity. Her friends noticed immediately, Soph leaning into her, El holding her hand until it lessened to a dull ache, the one that was always there. 

It seemed like that was just the way of things now. Pain that ebbed and flowed, even when she was surrounded in joy.

After a few hours, the group split up. Pen noticed Francesca and Michaela leaving together and smiled as she said her goodbyes to the rest of them. She thought that Violet hugged her for an extra-long time, but she didn’t mind, it was the closest thing she’d gotten to a motherly hug since she was twelve. Colin’s nieces hugged her too, calling her Auntie Pen and giving her butterfly kisses of their own after Amanda told them why she was called Mandyfly. She knew it would take a long time to make her broken heart usable again, but she thought that life with the Bridgertons might be the thing that did it. 

Eloise and Penelope each held one of Amanda’s hands back to her apartment so they could put the flowers in water and then they went to all of the local bookstores in Madison. They spent way too much money and Amanda giggled as they taught her that books could be read over and over again, which made them a long-term investment. The twinkle in her niece’s eyes, the smirk, the way she flicked her curls over her shoulder as she placed two more books on her stack after their lesson reminded Penelope so much of Marina that she felt her knees go weak. It was a gift to see her friend standing there in front of her for even a moment.

They dropped her back at her building before heading home to meet Phil and Oliver who were on their way back from Milwaukee. Pen ran into Colin as he was locking up the bakery and he quickly took the heavy bags of books from her and carried them upstairs. He helped her find their places on her shelves, and barely even laughed as she added them to her spreadsheets. They decided to order dinner and ate sushi on her couch while the cats slept on either side of her bedroom door again. 

She wanted to tell him about her mom, about her meeting with Anthony, but Colin was quieter than usual. He was still sweet and funny and kind, but she could tell that something was bothering him and she realized what it was after he excused himself to the bathroom the second he’d seen the photos Phil sent of all the boys at the baseball game as he was looking over her shoulder. It wasn’t the time to talk. Instead, she thought about what he’d done for her after trivia and when he came back to the couch, she’d snuggled into him and read The Hobbit out loud to him until they both started falling asleep and finally said goodnight. As he hugged her, Penelope realized that he might have needed her too, and she was grateful that she’d walked away the night before. 

Sunday morning, Pen woke up feeling like writing and she spent most of the day curled up around her apartment filling her journal and her notebook with snippets of stories, including the one of the lightning bugs. Phillip and the twins came over for dinner, though they’d been invited to Bridgerton House, they were hesitant to go back so soon. Instead they cooked together and danced around in the kitchen the way George always used to. While the kids played with Telemachus, Phil and Pen sat at the kitchen table and talked about nothing and everything until he noticed her notebook sitting near the end. She let him read it, the way she always did and when he was done he smiled and reached across the table, squeezing her hand twice. 

__________________________________

Monday afternoon, Penelope found herself spiraling in one of the armchairs in the lobby of a fancy office building wishing she’d taken Phil up on his offer to come with her. 

“Penelope?” 

A deep, familiar voice startled her and she looked toward its source to find Anthony Bridgerton standing there, looking more intimidating than ever before. She was used to seeing him in casual clothes, so the perfectly tailored suit and meticulously arranged hair caught her off guard. 

“Um, hi Anthony,” she said as she stood. 

“Why don’t we go up to my office? We can talk there.”

“Lead the way.”

Pen followed the man to the elevator and they awkwardly rode to the fifth floor without another word uttered between them. When they arrived, he ushered her through the glass door across from them that listed his and his partners’ names on it. Apparently, his firm took up the entire floor. There were a few people milling about, but no one paid much attention to them as he led her to the large corner office and closed the door behind them. 

She took a second to get her bearings. The room was immaculately decorated, but contained little touches of life. Drawings from his children, pictures of his family, a few kids’ books and toys scattered on the floor along one of the walls. It softened him a little. She wondered if it was by design, considering he was a family lawyer she assumed he worked with children on occasion. She couldn’t decide if that made his choices manipulative or thoughtful.

He gestured for her to sit across from him at his desk and once she was settled, he finally broke their silence.

“Before we get started, I was hoping I could say something?”

Penelope nodded at him to continue.

“I won’t bring it up again, but I would be remiss if I didn’t use my chance to properly apologize to you.”

“Apologize for what?” 

“For what you overheard at the kids’ birthday party.”

“I thought I already told you that I didn’t need an apology for that. It wasn’t me you disrespected, it was your brother.”

“Penelope-”

“Have you apologized to him yet?” At the man’s hesitation, she continued. “Ah I didn’t think so. You don’t really seem like the type of man who can admit when he’s wrong. You do know you were wrong, don’t you? And not just about the party. No, Anthony, I think you’ve been wrong about Colin for a long time now.”

Penelope’s boldness seemed to surprise him. It surprised her, too, but she was just so tired of men making excuses for their shitty behavior. Especially when it was hurting someone she cared about.

“What did he tell you?” 

“Why? Are you wondering because you truly don’t know? Or because there are so many possibilities that you can’t narrow it down.”

Anthony looked down and fiddled with his watch for a moment before making eye contact with her again. She was grateful for his brown eyes and focused on them instead of on all the ways he looked like his brother.

“Colin and I have a complicated relationship.”

Pen scoffed involuntarily. “Yeah, I picked up on that. I still don’t get it though.”

“What don’t you get?” He sounded genuinely curious.

“I don’t get how you could look at him and not see what I see. A man who is good and kind and generous and smart and funny and successful.”

“I do see that,” he protested but she ignored him.

“You know, Anthony, I like to consider myself a pretty good judge of character. I sort of had to be, given the way I grew up. You see, when your parents associate with the kind of men mine did, you don’t really have a choice but to find a way to protect yourself. So that’s what I did. I studied people, I learned their tells, I figured out how to spot a man with ill intentions from a mile away. I have had my guard up for my entire life. Until I met Colin, that is. I don’t know if you know this but we actually met last year, before I knew your sisters.”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“I thought not. Because you didn’t ask him, did you?”

“No, I didn’t ask.”

“I’m guessing that means you also don’t know that I was planning on moving here, before the accident. Or that I was supposed to meet your brother at his bakery the Sunday before Christmas but I couldn’t, because I was in the hospital fighting for my life.”

“No, I didn’t know that either.”

“Colin had to wait months for me to show up again because I stayed away from him. I was so scared that I’d let him down by not showing up that day. And I was so broken that I was worried that I wouldn’t be good for him. Did you know that he barely even asked for an explanation when I finally saw him again? That all he cared about was that I was alright?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“See, I think you made all of these assumptions about him, about me, but you didn’t actually know anything. You didn’t know that your brother was the very first man, other than my brothers, that I felt completely safe around. You didn’t know that I broke down when I was talking to him about Amanda and Oliver’s birthday and my inability to stay in a house of ghosts any longer. You didn’t know that what he did for me that day was the greatest gift I have ever been given. You didn’t know and you let a little joke from a silly girl cloud your judgment. You attacked before asking and you didn’t believe him when he tried to tell you that you were wrong.

“I know you’re probably not going to want to work with me after this. That’s fine, I can find a different lawyer. But I would be remiss if I didn’t use my chance to tell you that I have never once questioned Colin’s motivations for helping me or my family. I have never second guessed whether or not I could trust him. I have never thought he was anything but serious about the things that actually matter. And I know I haven’t known him for very long, in the grand scheme of things, but I see him, Anthony. And if I can see him, why can’t you?”

The eldest Bridgerton remained quiet for a long time and Penelope started to gather her things. 

“You’re right.”

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him.

“Everything you said was right. I didn’t ask, I just assumed. I should have known better. I should have been better. I wasn’t fair to Colin, or to you. And I know you have no reason to believe anything I say, but I love my brother and I promise I’ll talk to him.”

“Talking only goes so far, Anthony. You have to listen, too. You have to show up. You have to be patient. You have to earn his trust back.”

“I will.” 

Penelope searched his face, his eyes, and he let her, like he knew what she was doing. All she found there was honesty. 

“Good.” 

She started to stand when Anthony spoke again. 

“I don't want you to find another lawyer, Penelope. I want to help you. Only if you want, if you don’t, I’ll gladly refer you to someone else at the firm. But I’d like to do this for you.”

“Even though I just lectured you?”

He laughed a little at that. “Maybe especially because you just lectured me. You didn’t say anything that I didn’t need to hear.”

They shared a small smile across the desk and she nodded. They may never be the best of friends, but if Penelope had it her way, they would be in each other's lives for a very long time, so it didn’t hurt to try to get along. 

“Now, Eloise told me a little bit about what was going on with your mother, but can you brief me?”

Pen spent the next half hour explaining the situation to him. She let Anthony scroll through all of the texts, she played the voicemails, she read him some of the emails. If he was shocked or appalled by the content, he didn’t show it other than an occasional flinch or raised eyebrow, which she appreciated. It would have been an impossible task otherwise. At the end, he asked her to send everything to him so that he could start putting a case together. 

“From what you’ve shown me, Penelope, I think this is pretty clear cut. Even without money involved, her behavior more than constitutes a protective order against her to stop her from contacting you. It’s only slightly trickier because she lives out of state but it’s not impossible by any means. I’ll start compiling everything you’ve given me and come up with the best options for moving forward. Ideally, we’d be able to prove that the trust fund was created solely for you and your sister so if you have any information that you can share on that, it could help in the case that she does try to bring you to court.”

Penelope swallowed, she knew what came next and had tried to prepare for it but she’d never done this before. 

“What if the money never belonged to my father? Would that make things simpler?”

Anthony looked confused. “Definitely, but as your lawyer I don’t think I could recommend lying about the source of the trust fund, if that’s where you’re going with this.” 

“It’s not a lie. The lie was that the money was ever his in the first place.”

“I’m not following.”

“My mother showed up to Felicity’s funeral and wake. She overheard me talking to my lawyer about the trust.”

“You have a lawyer?” Anthony interrupted.

“Not one who does what you do,” she answered and he gestured for her to continue. “Anyways, my mother made some assumptions based on some story my father told her years ago. I guess he said he was setting up trust funds for me and my sisters, but after he died and my oldest sister came of age, there was no trace of the money anywhere. Portia guessed incorrectly that he had either removed my older sisters or left all of the money to me and Fel. I let her believe she was right, but I doubt they ever existed in the first place, or if they did, he drained them to pay off his debts. He was a gambler, you see, and over time he lost everything because of it, including his life.”

“He was murdered?”

She nodded. “They found his body in the river on the morning of my seventeenth birthday.”

Penelope watched as the information settled over Anthony. He closed his eyes and gripped the arms of his chair a little tighter. She forged on. 

“Two months later, George, Phillip, Felicity and I drove to a little beach a couple of hours from home where my dad used to take me fishing before his addiction won out and he forgot how to be my dad. We scattered his ashes there, then searched the beach for seashells. I’ve never been able to decide if we were trying to forget or making sure we remembered. Maybe it was both.”

Perhaps it was a little heavy handed to quote herself, but Pen knew he’d read the book, knew he’d seen the movie, knew the second the familiarity of her words hit home for him. It was his turn to search her face. She let him see everything as she continued.

“I used my journals from that time period to write my first book during my freshman year of college. I sent the manuscript to a friend of a friend who was convinced she could sell it, but I was worried because it was a little too rooted in the truth. Not just the truth of my life, but my little sister’s, and my best friends’ too. And our abusers? They were still alive and I couldn’t risk the people I loved, which meant that I needed to come up with a name that no one would know, that no one would guess. Before I knew it, I had a deal and by the time I turned 20, I was an international bestseller and still a complete unknown.”

Anthony let out a deep breath and shook his head, not in disbelief but in awe. “You’re really her?”

“I am.”

“And those kids in the first book…”

“Yeah, they’re us.”

“Fuck, Penelope. The other night? You and Phil just had to sit there and listen to us talk about you like that. God, I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have possibly known, Anthony.”

“No, but I doubt that stopped it from hurting like a motherfucker.”

Pen snorted. “That’s true.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“How have you kept it a secret for so long?”

“Good contracts, better friends.” The words slipped from her tongue, it was a joke between those of them that knew. Marina had said it first, years ago during press for Faded Scars when Penelope was answering questions over email, and it caught on. From the glint in Anthony’s eye, she wondered if he recognized the answer from the interview or if he just liked the saying.

“Colin and Eloise. Do they know?”

“No. There are only a handful of people in the world who do. And except for Phil, it’s because they either work for me or they work at my publisher.” 

“The lawyer makes more sense now.” 

“Very good at contracts, not so good at family drama.”

Anthony snorted. 

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Eventually.” She meant it. “I know this puts you in a weird spot…”

“It doesn’t leave this room. You have my word. It’s not even going in my notes for the case. We won’t use this unless we have to. Even then, I’m sure we can make some excuse for how you got the money to start the trust. I’m assuming that’s why you’re telling me, right? The trust is L.W. Down money.”

“Well, it’s certainly not part-time barista and volunteer librarian money.”

Anthony laughed. “We’re going to figure this out, Penelope. I promise.”

“Thank you.” 

Anthony assured her that he would let her know if he needed anything else to continue building her case and offered to show her out, but Pen waved him off. She picked up her bag and stood up, walking to the door. 

“Hey Penelope?”

She glanced back and saw him holding a copy of What is Left Behind , which he must have grabbed from the shelf behind him. She hadn’t noticed it before, but now she saw her other two novels sitting with an empty space between them and another book. 

“Will you sign this?”

“Are you serious?”

“Have you ever gotten to sign a fan’s copy before?”

She hadn’t. There were only four signed copies in the world. Three of them were now in Phillip’s possession. The other was sitting innocuously amongst her own library. 

“What are you going to do if someone wants to borrow it?”

“Oh, you’re assuming that I don’t also have a copy at home. They can borrow that one.”

Penelope giggled and took a pen from him, signing the title page before handing him back the book. 

“Lady Whistledown?” he asked. 

“A story for another day,” she said with a terrible wink. Anthony chuckled as she walked to the door. “I’ll see you later, Anthony.”

“Bye, Pen.”

__________________________________

Twenty-four hours later Penelope walked into Fox River Bakery after her therapy appointment for the second week in a row. Lucy and Michaela were hanging out behind the coffee bar but all the customers were settled in their seats already, so they noticed her immediately.

“Pen!” 

They scurried out from behind the counter and took turns hugging her. Penelope laughed, genuinely touched by how excited they were to see her. She’d always had a small circle of friends and she’d never felt like she was missing out on anything because of how incredible her friends were. There was something about Madison, though, or maybe it was just the kind of people the Bridgertons gravitated to, but she’d never felt so comfortable around so many people. They accepted her without question, they liked her, they wanted her around, and it felt good. 

“How’s my new favorite coworker doing?” Mich asked and Lucy smacked her boss’ shoulder. 

“I resent that.”

“Oh please, Luce. You and Pen can be tied for first.”

“Well, as long as Colin is still in last, then I’m happy.”

“You don’t need to worry about that. He’ll always be last.”

“Ok, rude.” His voice sounded from the doors behind them and they all jumped which made Colin laugh. 

“Oh, hey Col, we were just talking about how we absolutely adore working with you,” Michaela said in her sweetest voice as she ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist for a hug that he refused to return. 

“You’re such a liar.”

“No, it’s true,” Lucy told him. “You are number one in all of our hearts.”

Mich looked up at her best friend who was clearly fighting back a grin. “See, told ya.”

“You’re making the mistake of assuming that I believe Lucy in any way, shape, or form.”

“Hey!” Lucy shouted.

“They’re telling the truth, Colin. They were totally singing your praises.”

Michaela and Lucy beamed at Penelope joining in.

“Et tu, Pen?” Colin narrowed his eyes but she could see the joy in them. 

“Come on, Colin. You wouldn’t dare call Penelope a liar, would you?”

“Yeah, Colin!” Lucy egged Michaela on. 

Penelope shrugged at him. 

“Hug me back you ninny.” Mich growled and Pen saw his resolve break.

Colin wrapped his arms around his friend, even going so far as to lift her off the ground a little to make her laugh. When he set her down, Lucy immediately sidled up for a hug of her own and he did the exact same thing. 

Penelope was busy thinking about how lucky they were to get to work with people they loved so much and how happy she was to join them, so she didn’t realize that Michaela and Lucy had both started staring at her until Mich cleared her throat. 

“What?”

She nodded toward Colin who was watching Penelope with amusement dancing in his denim eyes and a little smirk on his face, clearly wondering if she was going to follow suit and hug him too. 

“I don’t bite,” he teased and she knew he was daring her to do it. 

She rolled her eyes and closed the distance between them. Before she could wrap her arms around his waist he bent down and beat her to it. She squealed as he lifted her off the ground as if she weighed nothing and had no choice but to wrap her arms around his neck. Pen expected to be set back down but instead she felt Colin start moving backwards. 

“Alright, sounds like we’ve got new employee paperwork and shift scheduling to figure out. We’ll see you guys later. Say goodbye, Pen.”

The other women laughed and it sounded like a few of the regulars joined in as he pushed open the doors and walked them into the kitchen. Penelope was giggling as he moved. It was just silly enough that she was able to stop herself from wrapping her legs around his waist and turning this into something it wasn’t. Still, she couldn’t help but be affected by how easy it was for him to carry her, by the way she could feel the muscles in his arms through her dress, by the smell of cinnamon and vanilla and Colin. 

Finally, he set her down gently on the stool she’d sat on last week and tapped her on the nose. 

“Hey Pen.”

“Quite a greeting, boss. You do that for all your new employees?”

“Only the pretty ones,” he said with a wink. She was annoyed with herself as her cheeks heated in response. “So, what brings you in today?”

“I wanted to invite you and Hermes over for dinner again tonight.”

“You could have just texted me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” she admitted.

Colin’s grin widened. “You wanted to see me, didn’t you?”

They both knew the answer was yes.

“Shut up.”

He tugged on one of her curls. “We’d love to come to dinner, Penelope. 6:30 again?”

She nodded. 

“You wanna hang out for a bit while I make this dough?”

“Sure, but don’t I need to do the paperwork and scheduling and stuff?”

“Oh I don’t know. Mich and Luce handle all of that.” 

“Colin!”

“What?” He placed a hand over his chest, like he had no idea where her exasperation was coming from.

“You’re ridiculous.”

He shrugged. “Ridiculously cute, maybe.”

“Are you ever going let that go?”

“Are you ever going to admit it?”

Penelope crossed her arms and pursed her lips, refusing to answer him. 

“I’m gonna get it out of you eventually.”

She rolled her eyes and bit back a smile. Pen had no doubt that he was right but she wouldn’t let him win today. 

She watched him as he gathered ingredients and got set up at his station. After washing his hands, he slipped his apron over his head and placed a baseball cap backwards over his dark curls. She knew she was gawking but didn’t care. She loved seeing him like this. 

As he started cutting up sticks of butter, he looked over at her and she forced herself to look away from his forearms.

“Will you tell me about Felicity?”

The question caught her off guard until she remembered him asking about George and Elizabeth last week. It had been easy to talk as he worked, to lose herself in the stories knowing he was listening, knowing he wanted to hear them. And there was no one she wanted him to know more than her little sister.

“What do you want to know?”

Colin considered that for a moment. 

“How about your silliest day?”

“Just one?”

“As many as you want, Pen. But we can start with one.”

“Ok.” Penelope straightened a little on her stool as she decided on the first day to share with him. She looked at his baseball hat again, it was navy blue like his apron and his eyes and the Yankees and she knew exactly what story to tell. “So this one time, we took the train to New York…”

Chapter Text

“You can come over whenever you’re ready! I just need to take a quick shower, thanks to you,” Penelope told him over her shoulder as she unlocked her apartment door. 

“I’m sorry again,” Colin said, though he did nothing to hide his grin as she turned toward him and he looked her over one last time. There were streaks of flour on her cheeks and chest, and the white in her copper hair made it look like she’d just gotten caught in a snowstorm. 

“No, you’re not,” she retorted immediately. 

“You’re right, I’m not,” he laughed heartily. 

Pen rolled her eyes and bit her lip, holding back her own smile as she was wont to do when she was trying to be annoyed with him. Her cheeks were still flushed with joy, and he was tempted to tell her just how cute she looked at the moment, but thought he better not push his luck. 

“Do you need me to bring anything with me? Besides Hermes, of course. I could bring dessert? I may have snuck a few eclairs upstairs with me when I grabbed lunch earlier,” he offered, waggling his eyebrows at her. And despite her attempts to stop it, a giggle slipped from her lips and her icy eyes danced in delight at the prospect. 

“How did you know I was going to invite you over again?”

“I didn’t,” he shrugged. She narrowed her eyes at him. “They’re my favorite, too, remember?”

“Hmm,” she hummed knowingly. He knew she didn’t entirely believe him and she was right not to. Maybe he hadn’t known that she would ask him to dinner tonight, but he brought them upstairs for her. Still, he wasn’t going to admit that he’d planned to stop by with her favorite treat in hopes that she’d ask him to come in and hang out. That was his own business. 

“Whatever, Pen,” he chuckled. “We’ll see you soon. Eclairs and all.”

“Can’t wait,” she laughed, then entered her apartment, leaving him standing in the hallway, already looking forward to being back in her presence.

Right when Colin let himself into his own apartment, his cat started weaving through his legs and rubbing against his foot, meowing softly. 

“Hey buddy,” he greeted Hermes and bent down to pick him up. The small cat promptly climbed onto his shoulder and snuggled in as Colin kicked off his shoes and wandered further inside, attempting to make it to the bathroom without leaving too much of a mess in his path. 

When he looked in the mirror over the sink, he laughed as he took in his reflection and doubted he’d had much success. He would have to vacuum later, maybe even mop. His dark hair, including his eyebrows, were coated with white powder, and he had streaks all over his face and neck that matched Penelope’s. Not even his white Fox River tee could completely hide just how covered he was in the substance. 

Colin nudged Hermes off his shoulder and onto the counter, chortling as he brushed off his cat who was now speckled with white. He turned on the water for his shower and when he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to his hamper, a sprinkling of powder fell onto the tile. He shook his head, bemused, as he finished undressing and hopped into the shower, all the while beginning to plot his best friend’s demise. 

Michaela was, of course, responsible for his current state. Well, some of it at least; he wouldn’t deny his own involvement in the escalation of events. He still wasn’t sure when she’d accomplished it without him noticing, but she had somehow rigged a huge container with a mixture of flour and powdered sugar inside it to fall on him when he opened the door to the storeroom. It was revenge for the cinnamon roll he’d given her when she’d gotten to work a few days ago that he’d iced with toothpaste–a prank he still believed to be some of his best work. 

He’d been cleaning up after preparing dough for his croissants, listening to Penelope tell a story about Felicity, when Mich had rushed into the kitchen asking him to grab the broom from the storeroom to clean up broken glass. When he’d returned to the kitchen covered in the ingredients, both women had practically fallen to the floor in fits of giggles. And if Colin wasn’t so obsessed with the perfect melody that was Pen’s laugh, he might have added her to his shit list as well. Unfortunately, it was impossible to remain annoyed with her for long, not when seeing her smiling wide with bright eyes made his heart feel like it might just burst from his chest. Besides, he’d already gotten her back for the most part. 

His thoughts transformed from revenge to reverence as he rinsed his hair and remembered how happy she’d been earlier. He laughed at the memory of her squealing and comparing him to a golden retriever when he’d cornered her and shook his hair out to splatter her with the loose sugar. He hadn’t seen the handful of flour she’d grabbed in her retreat as he’d chased her, but when she’d lifted up on her tiptoes as if she might kiss him only to rub it all over his face, she’d started an all-out war. Michaela had joined in until Lucy walked into the kitchen. It was quite funny to be chastised by the 24-year-old, and none of them had been able to stop giggling as she’d attempted to reprimand them for the mess they’d made. 

It ended up taking them close to an hour to clean the kitchen. By the time they were done, the bakery was closed and Colin and Pen had said goodnight to their friends before climbing the stairs to their apartments. On their way, she’d declared that his “punishment” would be helping her cook tonight, which he’d gladly accepted. 

He hurried through his routine now in his impatience to see her again. Although they’d spent most of the afternoon together already, Colin was learning that no amount of time with her ever actually felt like enough. 

He had been ecstatic to see her in the bakery again today, though he’d quickly noticed the way her smile couldn’t quite reach her eyes no matter how hard she seemed to be trying and knew that she was likely still reeling, vulnerable after her Tuesday appointment with her therapist. It was why he’d taken her back into the kitchen with him, why he kept reminding himself to never take for granted that for some reason he was the person she wanted to see after laying herself bare. He was honored to be that for her, he hoped to always be. 

She’d spent hours telling him silly stories about her little sister and just like last week when she’d told him about the Cranes, the love she held for Felicity had emanated throughout the space. It had echoed in her every word, had shone in her eyes. Each break in her voice had broken him, each laugh had stitched him back together again. 

There were a few times when she’d lost herself in the story; he’d glance over to see her eyes glazed, her mouth slightly open as she worked through the emotions that came with remembering. And there was a moment when she’d climbed off her stool and walked to him. He had known immediately what she needed and opened his arms to her, wrapping her up and swaying back and forth, stroking her hair as she buried her face in his chest, waiting until she loosened her hold on him.

After, she’d reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek, thanking him. He’d wanted to tell her that he didn’t need thanks, that he would listen to her talk every second of every day if she wanted, that he’d hold her as long and as often as she required, but he’d been rendered speechless at the feel of her soft curves against him, at the way her lips felt as they brushed over his skin. Then she’d returned to her seat and continued her story, as if his embrace had been all she needed to bring her back from the brink of her grief. That realization in itself had made his heart beat faster, the understanding that he might just be enough for her, in whatever form their relationship took. That she needed him the same way he needed her. 

It wasn’t too long after that when Michaela had rushed in and they’d been thrown into a state of chaos, but Colin found himself grateful for that, too. He was excited for her to start working with them, for her to continue building friendships with Mich and Luce, for her to get a little bit closer to a new normal. As he shut off the water and wrapped his towel around his waist, he reminded himself to set up a time with her to come in and get her paperwork and scheduling done. He peeled off the contacts he’d been wearing since 6am, moisturized, and threw on his glasses before heading to his bedroom to get dressed in his typical joggers and t-shirt. One of the best parts about spending time with Pen was that she seemed to like him just fine, if not better, when he was fully comfortable as himself, instead of putting on any kind of facade as he’d tried to do for women in the past. Not that he was under any illusions that this was a date, but it was nice to feel like himself, to feel like enough, either way. 

He checked to make sure Hermes had eaten from his automatic feeder and gave him a few treats before scooping him up off the floor and making his way across the hallway to knock on Pen’s door. 

“It’s open!” Her voice was faint through the door. 

He let himself in and had barely stepped inside when a giant orange furball greeted him the same way his own cat always did. In his arms, Hermes wiggled at the sound of Telemachus’ loud meow, the one Colin had learned was used to demand attention. His anxiety ramped up a notch and he held onto his cat a little tighter. The two animals had seemed pleased to be around each other through a bedroom door so far, but he thought it might still be a little too early for them to meet face to face.

“Uh, Pen!” he shouted after realizing she was nowhere to be seen. “Telly is still out here!” 

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry, I forgot!” she yelled from down the hall. A second later, she came scurrying out of her room in a fluffy pink robe with a towel plopped on the top of her head. 

“Telemachus, get your ass over here,” she ordered her cat in a stern voice and placed her hands on her hips. Colin chuckled as the cat slowly walked over to her, head hung in shame. Together, they were a sight to behold. 

“Man, I feel overdressed,” he teased. “If I had known clothing was optional, I wouldn’t have gone to such efforts.” 

Penelope’s head shot up, her eyes wide and cheeks flushing as red as the hair hidden under her towel. He raised his eyebrows at her and she flipped him off and squeaked as she picked up her cat and sped back to her bedroom. As Colin doubled over laughing, Hermes jumped down from his arms and took off in the direction that she’d fled before he could stop him. 

“Hermes!” he called, chasing his cat who slipped in through the door right as Penelope was closing it. He heard her swear from the other side, and a moment later, she opened it again. Her wet, red hair fell to her shoulders now as the towel was in her hands along with Telemachus who she shoved unceremoniously into Colin’s arms before she shut her door once again. 

“He ran under the bed!” Her muffled explanation sounded as her cat nuzzled into Colin’s chest and started purring. Colin absentmindedly scratched Telly behind his ears. 

“The little menace,” he muttered, then spoke louder so she could hear him, “Do you want me to coax him out?”

“No! I mean, maybe. Just let me get dressed first, then we can see what he’s doing.” She was clearly flustered, and a smile stretched across his face. He couldn’t help but be bemused by the turn of events. 

Colin and Telemachus hung out in the hallway together as they waited for Penelope. A few minutes later, the bedroom door swung open and there she was, cheeks now as pink as the robe she’d been wearing. Her damp hair had started to curl up around her bare face and she’d thrown her glasses on, too. He wondered if he would ever stop being surprised at how beautiful she was. His gaze traveled over her body, taking her in the way he always did. She’d thrown on an oversized t-shirt that he’d bet money had once belonged to one of the Crane brothers, a pair of boxers, and fluffy socks, one yellow and one blue. When he met her eyes again, they were shining with amusement. 

“Not so cute in my natural state, am I?” she joked. 

“On the contrary, Pen, I think this might be the cutest you’ve ever looked,” he told her earnestly and chuckled when she groaned in defeat. “When are you going to accept that I am always going to find you adorable?”

“Probably never,” she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I didn’t realize you were a baseball fan.”

She looked confused for a moment; he pointed to her shirt. After glancing down at the Phillies log she was sporting, she shrugged. “I stole it in high school.” 

“From Phil?”

Pen scoffed, “Phil knows less about baseball than I do. It was George’s.”

“Huh.” 

“What?”

Colin shook his head. He didn’t want to tell her what thought had crossed his mind, hated that it even had in the first place. 

“Col, what is it?” 

He sighed, “It’s just…why did they all go to a game for his birthday if he doesn’t even like it?”

Penelope’s eyes softened, thankfully with understanding instead of pity. “It didn’t sound like he was given much room to protest. Anthony planned it.”

“Typical Ant,” he muttered and rolled his eyes. It was so like his brother to steamroll his way into a situation, to decide he knew what a person he’d just met would want for their birthday without even bothering to ask. 

“I think he was just trying to be nice,” she provided, seemingly reading Colin’s mind. He knew she was probably right, knew that his older brother was likely only trying to help, to make Phillip feel at home with the family. “And Phil doesn’t really have any friends here and–”

“No, it’s alright,” he said, shaking his head and cutting off her explanation. “I know he doesn’t. I shouldn’t have said anything. This is a me problem. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Colin. I get it, I promise.”

Before he could respond, a soft meow sounded, and they both looked down to where Hermes was cautiously hiding behind Pen’s legs. She giggled as he brushed up against her and bent down, holding out a hand for him to sniff. He allowed her to pick him up and nuzzled into her neck, then directed his tiny head towards Colin who was still holding onto Telly. The orange cat had started straining in his arms, and Colin tentatively moved a step forward so they were a bit closer together. 

At first, Hermes cuddled further into Penelope’s arms, but she slowly coaxed him out with a few scratches behind his ears and soft whispers telling him it would be alright. Colin felt himself falling for her a little bit more as she comforted his cat. It might have been silly for it to mean so much, but her gentleness felt like a gift, like something that had been missing from his life, and to know that it still existed in her after everything she’d been through made his heart ache and swell all at once. 

After Hermes allowed her to adjust his position in her arms, they took another step closer to each other so that the two cats were practically nose to nose. They stood still, waiting with bated breath as Hermes and Telly sniffed each other and let out twin sighs of relief when Hermes rubbed his head against the larger cat’s. 

Telemachus whined as he tried to get even closer; Colin met Pen’s eyes and she nodded. At the same time, they bent down and let each other’s cat hop out of their arms. They straightened and watched as their pets greeted each other happily before running out of the hallway side by side. 

“Well, that certainly went better than I could have possibly hoped,” he said after a few moments of silence. 

“Hermes might remind Telly of Calliope,” Penelope mused. “I think–I think he’s been really lonely without his sister.”

At the slight break in her voice, Colin looked over and saw tears gathering in her eyes; he knew without asking that she was thinking about her own sister in addition to the cat she’d lost. He reached over and grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together. She gave him a small smile and shook her head slightly as her tears started to fall. He used his other hand to brush them away, then pulled her into an embrace. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest for the second time today.

“Why do you even hang out with me?” Her voice was muffled against his shirt, but he understood her perfectly. “I’m a mess, Colin.” 

“My mess,” he teased as he tickled her just under her ribs. She giggled and pulled out of his arms so that she could look up at him. He was happy to see the smile that had spread across her face. 

“That was so insanely cheesy.”

“I don’t know, I thought it was pretty grate,” he challenged, hoping she would pick up on the pun.

“It was not gouda,” she responded right away. 

He grinned, he didn’t know why he was worried. “And yet, you look like you’re already feeling feta.”

“Cheesus Christ, dude,” she groaned dramatically. “Cheddar was right there!” 

“Oh my god, you’re right,” he deadpanned with as straight a face as he could manage. He threw his arms up in defeat. “I can’t brie-lieve I missed that.” 

Penelope burst into surprised laughter and Colin delighted at the snort she let out that only made her laugh harder. “It’s kind of annoying how good you are at this.”

“Don’t be bleu, Pen. You’re edam good opponent.” He held up two fingers before she smacked his hand away. 

“Don’t make me kick you to the curd,” she grumbled.

“Don’t pretend my puns don’t make your heart grow fondue,” Colin teased as he tickled her again. 

“Ugh, fine, you win!” she whined. “Are you happy now?” 

He nodded his head. “Very.”

Without another word, Pen rolled her eyes then grabbed his hand and dragged him behind her to the kitchen. She practically stomped her way there, Colin chuckling the whole way at her exaggerated annoyance and relishing the feel of her hand in his. 

“So what are we making?” he asked once she dropped his hand and started rummaging through a cupboard. 

“I didn’t technically plan for much tonight,” she admitted, looking sheepishly over her shoulder at him. “But not to worry, I always have a few things on hand in queso emergency.”

An unexpected bark of laughter forced its way out of him, and Penelope straightened up with a sheet pan in hand and a bright smile on her face. Her eyes were sparkling. She took his breath away. 

“I’m kidding, I planned to just do a simple Mediterranean-ish thing, if that sounds good? I just really wanted to get one last pun in,” she told him with a grin. 

“That sounds perfect. Maybe we should call the pun-off a tie?” he joked, sticking his hand out for her to shake. She tilted her head and studied his face. 

“A tie? I don’t know, I’m sure there are Stiltons out there we haven’t found yet.” 

“Ok, I take it back. You win, Featherington,” he chuckled. 

She giggled as she finally placed her palm against his. “Victory sure is sweet when it’s mine and nachos.”

“Well now you’re just showing off.”

“Just gotta keep ya in check, Bridgerton.” She squeezed his hand twice then dropped it, a grin still stretching over her cheeks as she turned away from him. 

He watched as she moved around the kitchen, getting a station set up on the counter. He recognized the knife she set next to the cutting board as one that was used by some of the chefs he’d worked with over the years. It was even nicer than the knives he owned, the ones that his siblings had made fun of him for. He guessed none of them would laugh at Penelope for splurging, though he was admittedly a little surprised that she had. He considered asking her about it but kept his musings to himself for now. 

“How are your knife skills?” she asked as she placed vegetables on the counter next to the board. 

“My knife skills are just fine,” he laughed. 

“Do you think you can do a large dice on all of these?” 

“I think I can manage, chef,” he saluted and washed his hands before getting to work. 

Penelope bustled around behind him, turning on the oven then joining him at the counter to rinse, dry, and season some chickpeas. When she was done, she peered around his arm and surveyed his diced onion, nodding approvingly.

“You know I do this for a living, right?” 

“I’m sorry, I’m used to your sister or Phil attempting to ‘help’ me, and they’re absolutely hopeless. Besides, you bake. We’ve never really talked about cooking…”

“I’ve worked in restaurants all over the world, Penelope. I can do more than bake, and I can certainly be trusted to chop a few vegetables.” He kept his tone light, he was more amused than annoyed, but she still blushed at his correction. 

“So…maybe I’m not so good at accepting help from people?”

“You don’t say?” Colin teased. 

“Hey!” she protested. He raised a brow at her, and she sighed in acceptance. “Ok, that was fair. It’s just – I’ve been doing this alone for so long that I think I sometimes forget what it means to let go.”

Colin put the knife down and turned to face her, leaning back against the counter. “You mean since Felicity came to live with you? Is that when you learned to cook?”

She looked down at her feet, shuffling them against the kitchen tile. “No, it’s not. It was Elizabeth who taught me, actually.”

“Mrs. Crane?” 

“Yes,” she breathed out. 

Colin got the sense that he’d accidentally entered sensitive territory and tried to backtrack. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“I like talking to you,” she insisted. “I want you to know me, Colin. There are just some parts that are harder to share than others.”

“Would it help if we treat it like we do downstairs? I’ll dice, you sit and talk.” He nodded towards the stools at the breakfast bar. “Plus, I owe you for the flour incident.” 

Her lips twitched into a small smile and she nodded before making her way around the counter. Behind her, he noticed Telemachus and Hermes stretched out side by side on the bay window sill. Once she was settled on her stool, he pointed them out; she sighed contentedly before turning back to face him. 

He scooped the onion into the large bowl she’d gotten from a cabinet and grabbed the zucchini to continue prepping dinner as he waited for her to start talking. 

“It all kind of goes back to my mother, I suppose,” Pen began. 

Colin lifted his head in surprise. It was her first mention of her mother since the day they’d met, a subject carefully avoided in the stories she’d shared with him so far. It was as if she did not want the woman to taint his impression of her real family, the people she loved, the ones who loved her back. Penelope pointed to the cutting board, directing his attention back to his task. Once he looked away, she continued. 

“Portia never really seemed to like me much. Most of that stemmed from the way I looked, I think. Though, I’m certain my shyness didn’t help, or my tendency to burrow into a book, as neither of those things aided her in her quest to climb the rungs of the social ladder, to impress her friends at the club, to prove to some unknown entity that her life was perfect, something to be envious of. 

“Prudence and Phillipa were quite a bit older than me, and they took after our mother. Not just in their appearance but in their cruelty and aspirations as well. Featherington girls were meant to be tall and lithe and pretty. They were meant to strive for popularity, for attention. Featherington girls were not meant to be short and chubby and freckled. They were not meant to be curious, to be cautious. You can imagine her disappointment when it became clear which camp I fell into from a very young age.”

Colin’s grip on the knife tightened, and he tried to relax his hand. He hated that anyone had ever made her believe she was anything less than perfect. The fact that it had been her mother? He had never despised someone he’d never met more. 

“Portia, well, she couldn’t accept that. Especially not after we moved to Philadelphia, not with the extra pressure she was under to get in with the ‘right’ crowd of other mothers. That was the first time she called me fat, or maybe just the first time I remember it. It’s also when she started restricting my food for the first time. Every morning, I was sent to school on an empty stomach. Every night, I went to bed hungry. I watched as my sisters ate anything they wanted, had dessert whenever they wanted it, grabbed snacks from the pantry after school. I was lucky if I got a slice of bread along with my apple in my lunchbox, if my mother decided that I could have a roll with dinner.”

“Pen, you were five years old. How could she–” he started, then cut himself off as he heard the anger in his own voice. He wasn’t sure that was what she needed from him right now.

“It’s over now, Colin. It’s just a memory,” she assured him. 

He considered that, considered the way she was talking, sharing this piece of herself. Her voice was no longer saturated with warmth, but was instead detached and cold as she explained the abuse she suffered. It reminded him of his favorite author, of the purposeful separation in tone. He wondered if this part of the story was being told to help him understand, nothing more. He picked up a bell pepper and nodded at her to continue. His theory was proven correct almost immediately at the first mention of her brother’s name.

“At school one day, Phil opened his lunch box and inside, there was two of everything. It was the same every day after that. I didn’t know it at the time, but Phillip had told George what I’d confided in him, that I wasn’t eating, and George told their mom. Soon after that, Elizabeth started inviting me over for more and more playdates after school. It took me years to realize that the snacks waiting for us on the counter, the granola bars I’d find in my backpack, the treats she’d call me into the kitchen to try first, were her way of making sure that I would never go hungry again.”

Colin was thankful for Elizabeth Crane; however, he couldn’t help but wonder why she hadn’t reported it. For as much as she’d done, why hadn’t she done more? He held his tongue as Penelope kept talking. 

“Portia’s interest in me waned not long after that first diet. Right around the time Felicity was born.”

“Fel was her favorite, right?” He thought he remembered a comment she’d made in October. 

“Oh, yes, she was. From the moment she came into this world, she was the light of my mother’s life, or so Portia would have you believe. In truth, I think she viewed Felicity as her chance to start fresh, to erase her failure.”

To erase me, he could almost hear her saying. 

“You don’t mean…”

“I do, but that’s alright. It meant my baby sister was cared for, or at least, taken care of for the most part. She never knew what it meant to be hungry. She never knew how it felt to be ridiculed by her mother, bullied by her sisters. I would do it all over again, Colin, if I had to.”

“I know you would,” he whispered, unable to speak louder for fear of his voice betraying him. 

“Over the years, the diets came and went. I never lost the weight, no matter how hard my mother tried. She suspected Elizabeth was behind it and would occasionally ground me, forcing me to spend every day after school alone in my bedroom for weeks at a time instead of letting me go to the Cranes. Whenever that happened, the boys would magically have an excess of food every day at school. 

“I was nine, I think, when Elizabeth first started teaching me how to cook. She even bought a stepstool for me so that I could stand at the counter with her. She’d tell me stories and share recipes as she showed me how to peel a potato, how to fry an egg, how to dice an onion.” 

Colin glanced up and saw her smiling at him a little. He grinned back and grabbed another pepper.

“I know now that she was teaching me how to fend for myself, that she was giving me the love and care and knowledge that she knew my mother was incapable of providing. But sometimes I wonder if she always knew she would leave us, if she knew that she wouldn’t be there to make sure I was eating, if she knew that her boys would need the extra help, or if it just worked out that way. A sick twist on serendipity, if that’s the case.”

He set his knife down again and cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

“By what?”

“Her boys needing the extra help.”

“Oh, well George and Phil were pretty much left to their own devices after she died. My cooking skills came in handy.”

“What about their dad?” 

“He wasn’t around much, always out of town on ‘work trips’ or, more likely, staying in a hotel in the city with his mistress of the month. It was better that way, though. When he was home, he was either already drunk, getting drunk, or wishing he was drunk. He was useless at best.”

“What was he at worst?” Colin asked, though he was scared to know the answer. 

“A monster,” she answered plainly. 

“Did he ever…did he ever hurt you?”

“No,” she shook her head. “They never let him get close enough.” 

“They?”

“Elizabeth, first.”

It made a little bit more sense now, why Mrs. Crane hadn’t done more. She had probably done everything she thought she could, putting herself at risk day after day for her sons, for the little girl across the street. Once she was gone, they had no adults protecting them. Elizabeth, first , she’d said. That meant…

“Then your brothers?” he asked, his voice quiet. 

“Then my brothers,” she confirmed. “He’s gone now, though. He’ll never be able to lay a hand on anyone ever again. That’s all that matters to me, I just wish it had happened sooner.”

Colin couldn’t have agreed more. A man who hurt his wife, his children, was nothing but a coward. 

“Liver failure, right?”

“Yes, that’s what we heard at least.”

“Is that why…?” Colin didn’t finish his question, but she understood what he was asking.

“Why we don’t drink?”

He nodded. 

“It’s why Phil doesn’t. George would have a beer or a glass of wine every now and then, but I don’t think Phil has ever even taken a sip. I used to occasionally, back in college before Felicity came to live with me. I hated the way it made me lose control, though. And my father was an addict, too. I decided to give it up before that could ever happen to me. It doesn’t bother either of us to be around it, to an extent I guess.” 

“That makes sense,” he said as he transferred the last of the vegetables he’d diced into the bowl and started seasoning them, following what she’d done with the chickpeas. He didn’t need to ask her what steps were next, and she didn’t try to tell him either. She just watched as he spread everything out on the sheet pan and placed it in the oven, setting a timer then washing his hands. 

When he walked around the counter and settled onto the stool beside her, she turned to face him, slotting her knees in between his. He tucked one of her mostly-dried curls behind her ear. 

“Thank you for getting dinner ready,” she whispered, leaning into his hand briefly before she laced her fingers through his and brought both of them to her lap. She played with his fingers absentmindedly.

“Thank you for letting me,” he said. “I’m sorry for all the questions.”

“You can ask me anything you want, Colin. I told you, I want you to know me.”

He still wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such a thing, but he was grateful for it all the same. 

“So you cooked for Phil and George?” he prompted, trying to get them back on track.

“Yes, most of the time. George helped a lot. Phil took care of the garden, of course, but he was never very good at the actual cooking part. I used all the lessons I learned from Elizabeth, and we would watch Youtube videos for the things we didn’t know how to do. We’d play music and dance around the kitchen, and sometimes Fel would join us. We all pretended like what we were doing was normal, even though we knew it was anything but. 

“I never minded it though, spending all that time with my family, my true family. And I loved cooking for them. I still love cooking for my family, for the people I care about most.” Penelope glanced up at him through her lashes, and her shy smile stopped his heart for a moment. His breath caught when she lifted their hands and kissed his palm before lowering them once again. Colin wasn’t sure that he had ever experienced such intimacy, such devotion. He squeezed her hand and brushed his thumb over the back of it, trying to convey everything he felt in that moment as he gathered his thoughts. 

“I think it would probably make her really happy, Pen. To know that you carried on that piece of her, that you took care of yourself, and Felicity, and her boys, that you’re still here taking care of her grandchildren. I think she’d be really proud of you.”

“I think you might be right,” she told him as her tears began to fall. He used his free hand to wipe them away. “Three times in one day, a new record.”

“I told you, Penelope. You’re my mess, I’ll wipe your tears whenever you need me to. Rule number six,” he teased, smiling when he pulled a sweet giggle from her lips. 

“You’re still a dork.”

“Your dork?”

She rolled her eyes gently. “We’ll see.”

“I’ll take it.” 

They exchanged smiles just before she leaned over, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek over his heart. He enveloped her in his arms, rubbing his hands soothingly over her back, and he felt her relax further into the embrace. They stayed like that until the timer went off. 

Colin was proud of Penelope when she allowed him to finish dinner on his own, even going so far as to wander over to the window to pet the cats for a few minutes. He plated their meals and carried them to the dining table. They ate as she finished the story she’d started before their flour fight, the one where she and Felicity found this very table at a flea market when they moved to Chicago and attempted to get it into their apartment on their own. He had to catch his breath from laughing at the image of a 22-year-old Penelope and her teenaged sister hobbling up the stairs together, and he had never been happier to see her blue eyes sparkling in pride across from him. 

When they were finished, he stood from the table and started to stack their plates but stopped when her hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

“Pen, don’t be silly,” he said as he sat back down. “You can tell me anything.”

He wondered if she even realized that she flinched at his words, her eyes closing for a split-second and the corners of her mouth turning down. He pretended not to notice as she fixed a false smile on her face. 

“I know, Col,” she said as she linked their fingers together on top of the table and took a deep breath before beginning. “I had a meeting with your brother yesterday. With Anthony.”

“What?” 

She placed her other hand over his, keeping him with her as if she knew he was tempted to pull away. “I needed a lawyer; Eloise pointed me in his direction.”

“Why do you need a lawyer?” He tried to keep his voice even while his mind went haywire trying to understand. He needed to give her a chance to explain, he needed to stay steady.  

“My mother has been harassing me for the last few months. Phil and El want me to get a protection order in place so that she can no longer reach out to me.”

Any thoughts of his brother went out the window immediately. “Your mother?”

She nodded.

“How did she find you?” The last he’d heard, they hadn’t been in contact since she was in college. Then it occurred to him that Penelope was too good, too kind to people who didn’t necessarily deserve it, and he knew before she answered what had likely happened.

“I reached out after the accident,” she said, confirming his thoughts. “I thought…well, I thought she deserved to know what happened to Fel. Phil tried to stop me, I didn’t listen. We had a small funeral service about a month after, and I invited her and my sisters. She showed up alone; Pru and Pip couldn’t be bothered, I guess. Granted, they barely knew her.”

“And that’s the first time you’ve seen her in…”

“Close to nine years. As you can imagine, it wasn't an enjoyable experience. At one point, I thought I was going to have to bail Phil out of jail,” she tried to joke but it fell flat. 

Colin turned their hands over and traced the lines on her palm with his finger. He had so many questions, but he didn’t want to push her too hard. 

“What does she want from you now?”

“Money,” she said. His eyes shot up to hers and his movement stilled. Her mother was extorting her? “A lot of it.”

“Why does she think you’d have money to give her?” Penelope was a children’s librarian; she’d been supporting her sister for years on her own, out of work since the accident. What was her mother thinking?

“Because I do. Felicity had a trust fund and I have control of it.”

“A trust fund,” he repeated. She nodded. “How–I thought…” He trailed off, shaking his head, realizing how uncouth his line of thinking was. 

“You thought we grew up poor?” she finished for him anyways.

He winced and was sure it told her everything she needed to know. 

“Abuse can happen in all kinds of homes, Colin,” she said gently. 

He grimaced. That was never what he meant to imply. He knew that it could happen anywhere, sometimes in the places where it was least expected. “I’m sorry.”

She squeezed his hand and smiled softly, assuring him that it was alright, then continued, “I grew up in one of the nicest neighborhoods, in one of the most affluent suburbs in Philadelphia. I went to the fanciest prep school in the city, my older sisters had their way paid at private colleges, my parents drove luxury cars and belonged to exclusive clubs. Hell, my dad had a coke problem just to lean into the stereotype even further. Maybe that’s why everyone turned a blind eye, maybe that’s why no one seemed to care what was happening to us. But no, we didn’t grow up poor. That didn’t mean that my parents spent money responsibly, in fact, I’m sure Portia ran through everything she got from selling our house within a couple of years. I assume that’s why she’s coming after me. It’s either that, or greed. I guess it wouldn’t surprise me either way.”

He absorbed her words, the new information he was learning about her and in turn, Phil. Once again, he noticed how cold her voice was as she described her circumstances. He hated that she had been treated so poorly in her life that to even talk about it, she had to adopt a different tone and cadence, that she had to separate herself in order to remember. 

“And she wants you to give her Felicity’s trust?” he asked after a long pause. 

“Yes, she believes it’s money owed to her.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Pen snickered at the simplicity of his response. “I agree.”

Colin studied her for a minute before he spoke again. He noted the way she wouldn’t quite hold eye contact with him, the way her lips twitched as she struggled to keep the smile on her face, the way her hands shook slightly in his. 

“You’re not telling me everything, are you?” 

“No, I’m not,” she admitted. “I can’t, Col.”

“You don’t owe me answers, Pen. I won’t push you for them,” he promised her. As much as he wanted to know, he knew she was telling him what she needed him to know. At the end of the day, they barely knew each other. She owed him nothing, but he was glad that she hadn’t hidden this connection to his brother from him. “I just want to make sure that you’re ok, that you’re safe. I care about you, Pen. That doesn’t change just because there’s something you’re not ready to tell me.”

“I know. And I’m ok, I promise. I’ll tell you if that changes.”

“Does Ant know?”

“Yes, he knows everything,” she whispered. “I know how you feel about him, Colin, but I had to tell him.”

“No, Penelope, that’s not why I asked. This has nothing to do with me and my brother. Anthony will do whatever it takes to protect you. He’s a great lawyer, he’s a better man. I’m glad he’s helping you.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to on Saturday, but…”

Colin shook his head, chuckling as he remembered the bad mood he was in a few days ago, moping over his family going to the game in Milwaukee. “Yeah, that might not have been the best time. I swear I’m not upset. I’m just glad you told me.”

“One day, I’ll tell you everything. I just need a little more time.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I don’t want you to.”

This time, her smile reached her eyes. Colin grinned back, then before he did something stupid like telling her that he wanted to be by her side for the rest of their lives, he let go of her hands and stood up. She didn’t stop him as he gathered their plates and carried them to the kitchen. Instead, she followed close behind and together they cleaned up the mess they’d made as water boiled in the kettle. He picked out a peppermint tea that reminded him of Francesca and dropped the bags into their mugs, then ran across the hall to grab the eclairs he’d forgotten.

When he returned, Pen had settled into the couch with Telemachus and Hermes right alongside her and their tea steeping on the coffee table. Colin set the box down next to the mugs, then walked around the couch, laid a kiss on the top of her red curls, and pulled her copy of The Hobbit from its shelf. She patted the spot next to her and snuggled into his side as soon as he sat down, gladly accepting the eclair and mug he handed her before he opened the book and began to read. 

“Alright, fingers crossed that Belly stays asleep this time,” Daphne sighed as she sank into the chair across from Colin and kicked her feet up on the table. He noticed her absently stroking her stomach and hid his grin behind his beer bottle as he took a sip. He’d observed his sister refusing wine at the dinner table back in April and had been watching her pint stay full these past few weeks at trivia nights. He hadn’t said anything yet, knowing that she would tell him when she was ready, but he was almost entirely certain she was expecting again. He was happy for her and Simon; they loved being parents, were meant to be parents. Selfishly, he was happy for himself, too.

Colin had always hoped to have children of his own and had even started considering the idea of adoption as the years continued to pass without an inkling of romance in his life. He hadn’t given up on his dreams yet. If anything, they’d been reinvigorated since meeting Penelope, though he could never admit that to anyone. But for now, he adored being Uncle Colin. It was the best title he’d ever worn, and he loved his nieces and nephews more than anything in the world. They were a huge part of the reason he’d come home from his travels and he regretted staying away these past few months as he wallowed on his own. 

Last night at Mondrich’s, Si had sat to one side of him and hinted strongly that Daphne was missing him, that the kids were, too. After trivia was over, Colin asked his sister if they could hang out soon and laughed as she squealed and hugged him, inviting him over to join them for a cookout and a swim with the girls tonight. He’d left the bakery a little early at the insistence of Michaela, Lucy, and Penelope and spent a few hours throwing the girls around the pool and playing mermaids with them. He’d helped his brother-in-law at the grill while Daphne helped the girls take baths, and they’d all piled onto one of the picnic blankets to eat on the lawn and watched the lightning bugs illuminate the sky as the sun went down. After reading his nieces a bedtime story, he’d grabbed a beer from the fridge and wandered back outside, waiting for the parents to join him. Si had gotten there about ten minutes before his wife, and they’d sat in a comfortable silence sipping their drinks and looking up at the stars. Colin had been grateful for the quiet, he knew his sister wouldn’t let it last long. 

As if to prove his point, Daphne put her feet back on the ground and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and narrowing her eyes at him. “I have a bone to pick with you.”

Beside her, Simon chuckled, amused by his wife. Colin rolled his eyes. 

“Here we go,” he muttered just to piss her off. 

“Don’t ‘here we go’ me!” she growled, and he took another sip to hide his satisfaction. It was too easy sometimes. “You have barely shown your face in months, Colin. And don’t try to say you’ve been to family dinners, I know that already.”

He snapped his mouth closed, that was exactly what he was going to say. 

“What I don’t know is why ,” she continued. Colin sat up straighter, concern rushing through him as he recognized that his sister was hurting. “ Why did you disappear? Why did you come back? Why did you not tell me what was going on? You just let me miss you for months. You brushed me off, you wouldn’t even talk to Si, you only saw the girls at Mom’s. It was almost–it was almost like you were gone again.”

“Daph, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to feel that way, I swear. If I knew, I would have–”

“You would’ve what?” she asked quietly, the desperation less obvious in her voice now. “We didn’t used to hide from each other like this, Col.”

“You’re right,” he admitted. Daphne was barely a year younger than him. They had been each other’s best friend for as long as he could remember. She hadn’t always understood why he had to leave, why he couldn’t stand to stay, but she’d tried. She’d listened. She’d called him every single week, texted him every single day that he was gone, from the moment he left for Stanford until he’d returned to Madison a couple of years ago. It wasn’t fair that he’d disappeared, but he’d known that if they spent even just a little time alone together that he would tell her everything, and it would have made it more real. 

“Does it have something to do with Penelope?” Her question startled him from his thoughts. 

“Yes.” There was no point in lying to her now. “It has everything to do with Penelope.”

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“I barely know her,” he lied through his teeth even as his heart started beating erratically. 

She tilted her head and the chocolate brown eyes she shared with Anthony and Francesca roved over his face before she spoke again. “I didn’t ask how well you know her. I asked if you’re in love with her.” 

It was as if his mother had inhabited her body for a moment; she was just like her. It made it impossible to lie again. Instead he chose not to answer. Daphne hummed and leaned back in her chair again. 

“When did you meet her? I know it wasn’t at Mom’s house.”

“October 1st.”

“Before the accident,” Simon mused, the first words he’d spoken since he’d sat down. 

“Yes.”

“Will you tell us about it?” his brother asked.

His sister smiled at her husband and turned back to Colin, looking at him thoughtfully, but not pushing him any further. Colin glanced between them and sighed, then began. 

An hour later, they walked him to his Jeep in the driveway. 

“Thank you, she needed this,” Si whispered as he hugged him goodbye. He spoke louder once they separated, “For what it’s worth, Col, I think you and Pen might be really good for each other, even just as friends. Maybe you can bring her next time? The girls love her, and I’ve been thinking a lot about her and Phil since that L.W. Down discussion. I just…I’d love to get to know her more, too.”

“I’m sure she’d love to,” Colin assured him. He’d known that Simon had been greatly affected by what happened that night at trivia, had guessed that he might still be thinking about it. He squeezed his brother’s arm one last time and promised that they’d come over soon. He didn’t have to ask Penelope to know that she would want to join, not when his nieces were involved. 

Daphne sidled in between them and wrapped her arms firmly around Colin, hugging him tighter than necessary. He grunted and returned the embrace, though he was a little more careful with her. 

“Never again,” she said as they pulled apart. He didn’t need to ask in order to know what she meant. 

“Never again,” he swore, holding out his pinky for her to link with her own. They kissed their thumbs and spit on the ground beside them, just as they’d done since they were kids. Simon shook his head and wrapped his arms around his wife as Colin climbed into the Jeep. He rolled down the windows for the drive home. “I love you both.”

“Love you,” they said together. 

“Drive safe,” Si told him. 

“Text me when you’re home, ok?” 

“You got it, Sis,” he saluted, switched on the radio, and put the car in reverse. The whole way home, all he could think about were his sister’s words earlier, the ones he could no longer deny. 

“Colin!” Amanda Crane’s voice sounded behind him and Colin barely had enough time to turn around and brace himself before she barreled into him. He laughed and lifted her off the ground, grinning as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

“What a greeting!” he exclaimed as he set her back down on the ground. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special.”

“We’ve been waiting for hours!” she whined. “You’re so slow!”

“I was working!” Colin protested. “I got here as soon as I could.”

The little girl narrowed her eyes at him as if she were trying to decide if it was a good enough excuse. “Did you bring cake pops?”

He threw his head back laughing. He should have known that would be the deciding factor. 

“I brought something better,” he told her with a wink. “Why don’t you help me bring these bags in and we can get started?

She crossed her arms in defiance until he waggled his brows at her. Luckily, she was just like her aunt, unable to resist the silliness as she giggled and held her hands out. 

Colin grabbed the tote bags from the backseat of the Jeep and passed the lighter one to Amanda. She slipped her free hand into his and pulled him toward the front door which was wide open. As they got closer, he could hear music blasting inside. 

“We’re having a dance party,” Amanda explained happily when he looked down at her with a furrowed brow. 

Colin glanced around as he entered the Crane house for the first time, taking in the large, partially open concept space until he caught sight of them. A smile bloomed across his face as he took them in: Penelope and Oliver dancing in the living room. There was no rhyme or reason to their moves as they flailed about, giggling madly, cheeks flushed, eyes so bright he could see them shining from where he stood in the entryway.

“Colin’s here!!” Amanda yelled after a moment, causing the dancing duo to stop in their tracks. Both of their faces lit up in delight at the sight of him and they waved.

“Hi Colin!” Oliver yelled as he jumped up and down. “Are you gonna dance party with us?” 

“Um,” Colin hesitated. He looked to Penelope for help, but she was already smirking at him with her hands on her hips and a challenge in her eyes. 

“You have to dance, Colin. It’s the rules,” Amanda demanded loudly as she placed the tote she’d carried in down on the floor. 

“Number seven,” Pen mouthed as she held up seven fingers. Never one to shirk a rule of friendship–even if she had just made it up–he shook his head as he set his own bag down and kicked off his shoes, closing the front door behind him. Amanda grabbed his hand once again and dragged him toward her brother and aunt until she was close enough to launch herself into Penelope’s arms. Colin bent down to give Olly a hug as the girls started dancing again. 

“It’s nice to see ya, little man,” he told the boy, rubbing the soft caramel curls on top of his head. 

“We’re happy you’re here, Colin,” Oliver said sweetly. “Do you like to dance?”

“I’ve never been much of a dancer,” he admitted. “Do you think you could teach me?”

The little boy’s tawny eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly. “Daddy and Auntie Pen taught us, so we can definitely teach you!”

“Teach him what?” Amanda asked, slightly out of breath and bothering to stop her movements.

“How to dance!” 

“Ooh yes! We can teach you!” 

He heard Pen laughing as the kids squealed and each grabbed one of his hands, shaking his arms to loosen him up. He glanced over and found her already grinning at him, shaking her hips and shimmying her shoulders as Earth, Wind, & Fire sang about September. He loved how unabashed she was, the unadulterated joy that was flowing from her as she moved. 

He remembered her stories about her older brother, the emphasis he’d always placed on music, dancing with his mother, then with Penelope and Felicity, and eventually with his wife and kids. Colin knew how important it must have felt for her, for the twins, for their family, to carry on the tradition, to keep George Crane alive. So as the music switched to an ABBA song he recognized immediately, Colin started to dance. He watched as the twins showed him their favorite moves which he gladly tried to replicate, he made a complete fool of himself in an attempt to pull his favorite sound from Pen’s lips, he stopped caring if he looked silly and just let go, and he realized that might have been the whole point to begin with.

They must have danced for an hour, until they were all out of breath and laying on the living room floor with Stevie Wonder playing in the background. As the twins giggled and pet Telly, who’d finally wandered downstairs after the music quieted, Colin felt Pen’s foot nudge his leg. He turned his head to the side. She was already smiling at him, her sea blue eyes still dancing. 

“Thank you for coming,” she whispered. 

“Always, Pen.”

Penelope closed the distance between their hands and intertwined their fingers as they laid there, smiling at each other. Colin was so glad she’d texted him earlier, asking him to come over and hang out with her and the twins. Phillip and Eloise had gone to the Bridgerton family’s cabin for the weekend, at Pen’s insistence, and it was the first time the twins had spent the night without their uncle since the accident. She’d told him all about her plans to spend her weekend with the kids when they’d figured out her work schedule earlier this week. And although she’d assured Colin–and he was sure Phil and El, too–that she would be just fine for a couple nights back in the house, he’d been wracked with nerves until he’d heard from her. She’d promised in her text that she was doing alright, but had remembered that she didn’t have a way to drive the kids anywhere, leaving them stuck in east Madison. Colin had pretended not to know that Eloise had driven to the cabin, that Phil’s SUV was sitting in the garage at home. Not just because he was more than happy to spend time with Oliver and Amanda, but because he also knew how much Penelope hated being in the car. He didn’t need her to explain herself again. 

“How’d they do last night?” he asked after a particularly loud squeal from Amanda across the room. 

“Ok, I guess. They’ve gone to bed without him a few times now. It was this morning that was hard. Luckily, we made it through the night without any nightmares, but they’ve just been…sad today,” she sighed. Colin  brushed his thumb over the back of her hand, wishing he could take the pain away from all of them. Pen squeezed his hand twice and smiled a little before continuing. “I tried everything, I swear. The only thing they wanted was to watch Bluey, then I realized I had a secret weapon.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“You, silly,” Pen giggled as if that should have been obvious. 

“Me?” He couldn’t hide the surprise from his tone.

“They adore you, Col,” she said sincerely. “Seriously, you should have seen them when I told them you were coming over after work. It was like a flipped switch, hence the dance party.”

“Are you sure they weren’t just excited about the potential of cake pops?” Colin teased even as he felt the tips of his ears going red at the way Penelope’s eyes had softened, at the knowledge that he mattered to them. 

She laughed loudly, drawing the twins' attention, and a moment later, he slipped his hand from hers right as they were tackled by the six-year-olds who started tickling them until they pleaded for mercy. Out of breath once again, Colin held Olly’s hands in his, keeping them still. 

“What if I told you I brought treats?” he asked, then groaned as Oliver bounced up and down from where he sat on Colin’s stomach, eyes glowing with the possibility. 

“It’s not cake pops,” Amanda declared from her perch on her aunt next to them. “I already asked.”

Her brother immediately deflated, and because Colin would do anything to bring the light back to the little boy’s eyes, he explained himself. 

“It’s not cake pops… yet. I brought everything we’ll need with me to make them. But I thought you might like to learn how?” It had seemed like such a good idea when he’d thought of it, but he was worried now. He didn’t have to be, it turned out, as Amanda joined her brother on top of Colin a moment later, staring down at him. 

“You mean it?” she asked, eyes wide.

“We get to bake with you?” Olly sounded hesitantly excited as he peered over his sister’s shoulder.

“Yes and yes,” he told them, bracing himself for another round of jumping. He looked over at the sound of Pen’s tinkling laugh.

“I told you so,” she mouthed. 

Colin surveyed the counter to make sure the station was ready for them, then clapped his hands and turned toward the twins who were bouncing on the balls of their feet in anticipation. They looked adorable, now donning the matching kids’ size Fox River Bakery aprons he’d surprised them with. Michaela had ordered them as a gift for Colin and his niblings to use during their annual Christmas Cookie Extravaganza the first year that he was back in Madison. She’d ordered a few extra–a good business decision with a family that procreated like the Bridgertons, apparently–and when he’d told her what he was planning for the Cranes, she’d directed him to where she’d stashed them in the storeroom.

“So,” he started, “can either of you tell me the first step in making cake pops?”

“We have to make cake!” Olly answered quickly. Colin nodded and reached up his hand for a high five. Amanda looked at her brother proudly. 

“Have either of you ever baked a cake before? With your parents or your Auntie Pen?” 

They shook their heads, little grins playing at their lips that he didn’t quite understand, and Penelope snorted from where she sat on her stool across the counter. He glanced her way for an explanation. 

“Sorry, it’s just that Marina was…” she paused, looking for the right word.

“A mess!” Amanda finished Pen’s sentence and her aunt cracked up. 

“That’s right, Mandyfly,” Penelope chuckled. “Your mom was good at almost everything, but she really was terrible in the kitchen. Maybe later you can tell Colin about the time she almost burned down your apartment baking cookies.”

The twins burst into laughter, and Colin couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face.

“Don’t forget the Donut Disaster of 2021!”

“That still haunts me, Ollybee,” Pen deadpanned, and they giggled again. 

Colin looked between them all, bemused. He could listen to the three of them laugh for ages. 

“Sorry, back to the baking lesson,” the redhead waved him on. He smirked at her, then began again.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening baking and laughing and sharing stories. 

He taught them how to make the cake batter first, with the kids standing on the stepstools that Pen had brought down from their bathroom so they could see into the mixing bowls. He showed them how to level flour in the measuring cup, how to crack eggs, how to fish eggshells out of the batter after some were inevitably dropped into the bowl, and how to measure vanilla with their hearts. Without a mixer, they had to do everything by hand, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. By the time they were finished and the cake was in the oven, their aunt made it clear they’d need to take baths before bedtime tonight, and none of them had stopped smiling since they’d started, except for when Amanda and Oliver both stuck out their tongues in concentration as they tried to follow his instructions. 

Penelope kept the music playing the entire time, joining them once they finished making the frosting while they danced around the kitchen and cleaned up the mess they made as the cake baked. Once they pulled it from the oven, they left it cooling on the counter and took a walk around the neighborhood, stopping at the playground a couple of blocks away. The twins insisted that Colin be the one to push them on the swings, claiming that their Auntie Pen was too short to push them high enough. She pretended to pout until he offered to push her too, and happily joined her niece and nephew on the swings with Colin running behind them to keep them moving. 

He guessed the cake had cooled off enough and put Oliver on his shoulders for the walk back to the house while Amanda perched on Pen’s back, and for a moment, he imagined what it would be like to do this with her forever, eventually with kids of their own. He could picture it, a little redheaded girl with his navy eyes, or a chestnut-haired boy with her baby blues. He shook the image from his mind and reminded himself how lucky he was to even have this with her, with them. To even be a small part of their beautiful family was something to cherish, and it was more than enough. 

When they got home, Colin showed them the next steps, laughing heartily as the kids squealed while they crumbled the cake into a million pieces and mixed it into the frosting with their hands. They giggled as they made their own treats, Olly forming a ball much too big while Amanda’s could barely be considered spherical. Pen stood next to him, meticulously shaping her own cake pops, and bumped his hip with hers, smiling up at him with sparkling eyes when she caught him watching the twins. 

They had another round of waiting before they could coat everything in chocolate, so they ordered pizza and ate at the table on the deck in the backyard. Oliver and Amanda told Colin all about their mother’s baking mishaps, bringing Penelope to tears from laughing at the memory of the video call she’d answered from her best friend with a firefighter holding up a tray of completely black and burnt cookies. 

It was the first time in recent weeks that he’d heard about Marina in depth, though she’d played a small role in many of the stories Pen had shared about George and Felicity. And while the stories about her brother and sister had made Colin’s heart ache for people he had never truly known, he had met Marina. He’d laughed with her and confided in her and known her. Maybe that’s why it hit him so hard. Why he sat in awe as he listened to them, honored that they wanted to share any of their remaining pieces of their mother and best friend with him, grateful to witness the kind of bravery it had taken him a very long time to find after his father had died, the kind of courage that it required to remember someone they lost and smile. 

A few tears gathered in his eyes that he didn’t bother to wipe away and Penelope caught his attention, pressing her knee against his and smiling softly, a knowing gleam in her eye as if she knew exactly what was running through his mind. Her ability to read him no longer surprised him, instead it only brought him comfort. It was nice to be seen, to be known. He held her hand under the table until dinner was over, and it was her turn to pull him in for a long hug before they followed the kids back inside to melt some chocolate. 

Pen took the twins upstairs for a bath–needed now more than ever as they were covered in chocolate–while the cake pops hardened in the freezer. Colin cleaned the kitchen thoroughly one last time as he waited for them to return and was certain he left it tidier than he’d found it–his mother and Lucy would be proud. When the kids and their aunt returned, they snuggled up on the couch to finish watching The Princess Bride, which they’d started the night before, while they ate their dessert. They declared the cake pops to be even better than the ones Colin made at the bakery, and he couldn’t have agreed more. They were perfect. This day was perfect. He wasn’t sure he’d had a better one in a very long time. 

Both Amanda and Oliver were yawning by the time the movie ended and insisted on being carried upstairs. When they fought over who Colin would take, he let Olly climb on his back and carried Amanda in his arms on the condition that they both brush their teeth without complaining. They giggled the entire way and brushed their teeth, their mother’s eyes shining in the mirror back at him as he stood in the doorway with Penelope. 

“Auntie Pen?”

“Yes, Olly?”

“Can Colin do storytime with us?”

“You’ll have to ask him that,” she told the little boy, as if Colin would ever say no such a sweet request. 

“I’d love to, little man.” 

“It’s my turn to choose tonight!” Oliver explained as he pulled Colin down the hallway to his bedroom. “Auntie Pen tells the best stories ever.”

“Now that I believe.” 

“They’re so good, Colin,” Amanda added as she climbed into bed and sat with her back to the wall next to her brother, then patted the space beside her. “You can sit by me, if you want!”

Colin chuckled as he took his place next to the little girl, and Pen settled in on Olly’s other side. He smiled as Amanda cuddled into his side and wouldn’t be shocked if he ended up needing to carry her to her own bed once storytime was over. 

“Ok, Ol, what’s your pick?” Penelope asked. 

Oliver tried to whisper in his aunt’s ear, but his voice carried over to Colin. “I want a Lady Whistledown story.”

Pen sucked in a breath and her eyes darted over to Colin, who raised a brow at her. She sent him a quick smile then looked down at her nephew. “Lady Whistledown, are you sure?”

“Yes, please. You know they’re my favorite!”

“Who’s Lady Whistledown?” 

“She’s–” she started.

“She’s the best,” Amanda interrupted. “Please, Auntie Pen?”

“Alright, Lady Whistledown it is. What exactly is she up to today?”

“Ummm…she’s learning how to bake cookies!” 

Penelope laughed. “A very poignant choice, Ollybee.”

The little boy preened under her praise and snuggled closer to his aunt who began her story. Colin listened as intently as the children did as Pen wove a tale of a posh Englishwoman who decided one day to ask her cook to teach her how to make cookies. Complete with silly accents and a fire in the oven that resembled Marina’s burning cookies, the story of Lady Whistledown and her baking adventure was the best bedtime story Colin had ever heard, and he knew exactly why the twins loved them so much. 

He felt himself falling for Pen even more, fascinated by her, amazed by her wit, her humor, her voice, her everything, really. And as he laid a sleeping Amanda down in her bed and made his way downstairs to wait for her to get Oliver to sleep, he knew that he would never stop wanting to know more about Penelope Featherington. That he would never tire of the way she kept managing to surprise him. That he would be forever grateful that Lucy had forgotten to flip around the Open sign that day in October. He liked to think they would have found each other anyways, but he thought he finally understood Pen’s love for happy accidents, for serendipity.

Chapter Text

The sweetest snore sounded from beside her and Penelope turned her head to find her nephew finally fast asleep, his tiny chest rising and falling, the faintest smile pulling at his lips that would forever remind her of her brothers. She gently brushed the soft curls he’d gotten from his mother back from his forehead and pressed a kiss to his warm skin before carefully climbing out of his bed and tiptoeing out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. 

She paused on her way down the hall, peeking into Amanda’s bedroom and muffling her laughter behind her hand when she saw the little girl sprawled across her mattress like a starfish. She really was just like her mom. Marina had been known for hogging the covers and taking up more than her fair share of a bed, something George had constantly teased her about with Penelope often commiserating with him over it, much to her best friend’s chagrin.

Starting in their very first year as roommates at Penn, Marina had developed the habit of joining Penelope in her bed, typically when she was missing home and her parents the most. And while Pen couldn’t exactly relate, she understood her friend’s need for connection, for affection, so they’d snuggle up together and gossip as they fell asleep until she would inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, freezing without her blankets and pushed to her designated edge of the bed with Marina stretched across the rest of it. She’d never minded, though. Not really. 

Growing up the way she did, Penelope had never really had girl friends, so she’d missed out on things like slumber parties and secret sharing in the dark under the covers. And on top of that, physical affection from her family had been greatly lacking. She was unable to remember a time that one of her parents had hugged her, held her, even patted her on the head. Her older sisters had only ever touched her out of cruelty: pinching and slapping her where the marks they left behind would be hidden, pulling on her hair or even cutting it in the night. They had done it when their father was either out of the house or when he could pretend he hadn’t seen it. Their mother, meanwhile, had simply never seemed to care how Prudence and Phillipa treated her; in fact she’d had a tendency to laugh at her least favorite daughter’s misery instead of coming to her aid. It was Felicity alone who Penelope had been able to hug and kiss and love so completely in the house they’d grown up in. 

Across the street, Elizabeth Crane had been Portia Featherington’s opposite in almost every way. From their birth, she’d instilled a sense of trust, love, and unadulterated affection in her sons, and when they’d come into her life, she did the same for Penelope and her little sister. Elizabeth had always been generous with her touch, easily providing that which they would never find at home. A simple stroke of her hand through their hair had held more devotion than Pen had ever felt from her mother; a warm hug had grounded her in lieu of the feeling that she was floating above herself without a place to truly call home. 

George and Phillip had followed their mom’s example, always eager to reach out a hand for Penelope to hold, squeezing twice. I’m here. They never hesitated to wrap their arms around her, pulling her into an embrace just as warm as their mother’s. They’d press their lips to the top of her head in a gesture so reminiscent of the woman who’d raised them that even to this day, it was as if Pen could feel her, see her, hear her, standing right there, making sure she knew she was loved. And after Elizabeth left them, in the face of the monsters that remained behind to “care” for them, they had all done their best to love each other, to care for each other, to provide the comfort that they’d once been given so freely. 

When she first went to college–leaving Felicity behind at home, with George in Pittsburgh and Phillip in Michigan–Penelope had craved the comfort that had always accompanied their touch, the connection that kept her from drifting away. So although she had always pretended to be annoyed whenever Marina demanded she scoot over, no matter how many times she’d woken up with her blankets stolen away in the night, Penelope had secretly loved it and it had fostered a friendship like none she’d ever had before. 

There were some people–her ex-boyfriend, Alfred, for example–who found the affectionate relationship she had with her family to be strange, who were threatened by it or refused to believe that it was as platonic as could be. It had taken Pen a while to realize that their line of thinking was the result of them being incapable of understanding what it meant to have touch withheld, to have it ripped away, to have never received it in the first place, to have once been terrified of it. So it had never much mattered to them what other people thought, it wouldn’t change the way they loved each other. It couldn’t. 

In recent weeks, Penelope had begun to wonder if that was part of the reason she and Phil and the twins felt so immediately at home with the Bridgertons–a family who showed affection as if it were as easy as breathing, who loved each other openly and loudly. 

After sneaking further into the room and laying a quick kiss to her niece’s head, Pen readjusted Amanda’s blankets and left the room smiling, shutting the bedroom door quietly though she knew the girl could sleep through almost anything. She was grateful for these two nights back with the twins, glad she’d been able to convince Phillip and Eloise to take a trip up north to the Bridgertons’ cabin. They deserved a break, a weekend away, and if that meant sleeping in this house again, then that was alright. She had missed the kids, even if she saw them multiple times each week. She would always cherish the nights she had with them, telling them stories before bed and watching them drift into their dreams. And the mornings, when she’d wake up cold to find them sleeping in her bed, Amanda hogging the blankets and taking up too much space while Olly sweetly cuddled into Pen’s side. 

Still, she was more sure than ever that she had done the right thing by moving out. Over the past few weeks, she had fallen in love with her apartment–happy to sleep in her own bed again, surrounded by the things that made her feel at home. It was rare that she didn’t sleep through the night now, and she no longer woke up half-expecting to find her best friend sleeping next to her or her big brother downstairs dancing around the kitchen as he made breakfast. She didn’t need to hide from the twins when the grief took over unexpectedly, she didn’t live in constant fear of being reminded of that night and forced into a panic she couldn’t control. She had made the right choice. For herself, for her family, too. She needed to heal as best she could. And she was healing, bit by bit, as she found her way to some semblance of a new normal. But that didn’t mean she didn’t miss it all the same, she thought maybe it just meant that–as cliché as it sounded–life was complicated.

One of those complications was currently waiting for her downstairs, and her heartbeat picked up its pace in anticipation of seeing him again. She knew it was silly, they’d spent most of the day together already, but she couldn’t help it. No one had ever made her feel the way Colin Bridgerton did, and after today, she wasn’t sure anyone else would ever be able to come close. Penelope was unsure exactly what it was, but something had shifted somewhere between Amanda pulling him through the front door this afternoon and him carrying the sleeping girl to her own bedroom tonight. 

She had texted him on a whim earlier–though admittedly she knew he would say yes–asking him to help entertain the kids for a few hours and offering dinner in return. Amanda and Oliver had been struggling after waking up without their uncle in the house, and she’d tried everything in her attempts to coax even a smile out of them. Then she’d remembered the way they looked at Colin, the reverence with which they talked about him, and she’d practically begged him in her message. He’d responded within seconds, promising to stop by as soon as the bakery was closed. But he hadn’t just come over, he had shown up for them in every possible way. 

He had danced with them in the living room, denim eyes sparkling with joy as he let the children teach him their best moves, trying his best to replicate them, unabashed by his poor skills. She had finally found the thing that Colin Bridgerton wasn’t good at, but it had been so endearing to watch that it somehow still counted in his favor. 

He had brought the cutest little Fox River Bakery aprons for Amanda and Oliver to wear, to keep, and he taught them how to bake their favorite treats, patiently explaining every step and making them giggle with glee for hours on end. She had never cared less about a messy kitchen, and even then, he’d managed to make cleaning it fun. 

He had pushed all three of them on the swings at the park and carried Olly all the way home on his shoulders, telling silly stories about Eloise the whole way there and back as if he’d guessed they missed her, too. Her stomach had hurt from laughing at his impression of his little sister, and her heart had soared with the amount of love he obviously held for her all the same.

He had cried for a woman he’d barely known as they’d shared stories about Marina over pizza, grasping Penelope’s hand under the table for the rest of the meal. She had been unable to resist wrapping him in a hug as soon as the twins were out of sight, a thank you for caring, a reminder that she saw him, too.

He had watched one of their favorite movies and quoted all of her favorite lines before convincing the twins to brush their teeth more easily than she or Phil had ever been able to do, then sat in rapt attention as she told them a story before bed. She had thought it might be nice to do this someday with a family of their own, even if it was an impossibility. 

And then, when he had smiled at her over the top of her niece’s head as he gently pulled her into his arms and rubbed her nephew’s head, saying “Goodnight, little man,” Pen had been more certain than ever that Colin was one the best men she’d ever known. 

Everything about him was just so…good. He was gentle and kind and tender and silly, and he made her niece and nephew feel safe and loved and special, just because he wanted to, just because he could. He didn’t owe them anything, he didn’t owe her anything, and he had no expectations of receiving anything in return. It was like he just couldn’t help but to care, to love, to cherish. 

And no matter how often Penelope reminded herself that she shouldn’t, that she couldn’t keep falling for him, she no longer thought it was possible to stop. In fact, she had been falling since the day they’d met, and she would likely continue every moment they spent together. Occasionally, she found herself tempted to stand on her toes and press her lips to his, to jump off the cliff they seemed to keep finding themselves at the precipice of. She knew now that no matter what he’d said the night of the twins’ birthday party, that he would let her, that he might even want her to, but it was too dangerous of a game to play. 

A kiss wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t change the fact that Colin deserved better, that he deserved someone whole, someone who could give him everything good. And at the end of the day, Penelope was still broken, and she thought she always would be. No matter how much she healed, no matter how much time passed, she would never be the woman he’d met last October, and she could never offer him her heart if it would forever be missing pieces. It was better this way, she thought, to love him in the quiet if it meant he would be in her life. And maybe it was selfish of her, to know that she loved him and to say nothing, but she couldn’t risk losing him. So for as long as Colin wanted her around, she would just be grateful for what they had, for what they were building–it was something she needed, something she wasn’t willing to give up.

She took a deep breath at the top of the stairs, then made her way down, a smile already involuntarily forming again the second she caught sight of him standing in the living room. Before she could go to him, Telemachus weaved his way between her legs, meowing until she picked him up. Colin glanced over and his face lit up when he saw her as her cat snuggled into her arms and started purring madly. She walked over to him, wondering how long he’d been standing here in front of the photos that Sophie had taken last summer. 

“Hi,” she said, joining him and letting her shoulder brush against his arm, unwilling to keep space between them that she was sure neither of them wanted. He grinned down at her, his navy eyes and dimples taking her breath away, and reached over to scratch Telly behind the ears before turning back to the wall. 

“That’s her, isn’t it?” he whispered after a long moment. 

Penelope didn’t need to ask to know that he was referring to her little sister. “Yes, that’s her,” she breathed out. 

“I’ve never seen her before. She has your hair, Pen.”

“Featherington red. A blessing and a curse. We all have it, though my sisters wound up with our mother’s straight hair while I inherited this unruly mess from our father.”

“I love your curls,” he said simply, earnestly. 

“I do, too. Now, at least. Portia never wanted to deal with them, she made me keep my hair short, claiming it was too hard to manage. I never knew how to take care of it until Marina taught me in college, which is when I decided to grow it out, keeping it as long as I could partially to spite my mother. It hasn’t been this short in over a decade.” Penelope realized too late that she’d been too honest with him once again, that she’d shared a piece of herself that only her best friends had ever known. It was just too easy to tell him truths, especially when she knew that he guarded them with his kindness, with his heart. 

Colin glanced at her again, studying her thoughtfully. She didn’t shy away from his knowing gaze anymore, used to it now. Instead she rolled her eyes as he tugged on one of the short curls that had fallen from her messy bun. He smiled as it bounced back up and tucked the tendril behind her ear. She rested her cheek against his palm for a moment, and he brushed his thumb over the apple of it which warmed under his touch. 

“I like it both ways. You’re beautiful no matter what, Pen,” he assured her, then pulled his hand away and directed his attention back to the pictures once more. He cocked his head to the side as he took in her laughing family. “She has the loveliest smile, I almost feel like I can hear her laughing.”

Tears gathered in Penelope’s eyes as her sister’s precious giggle echoed through her mind. It didn’t escape her notice that Colin spoke about Felicity in the present tense. 

“It was always my favorite sound,” she finally said when she felt as if she could keep her voice steady. 

“I wish–” he started then stopped. She watched him shake his head a little before he looked at her once more, matching tears in his own eyes. He swiftly swiped away the ones that had started tracing down her cheeks. “I wish I could have known her.”

“Me too.” And for all of her honesty, for all of the truths she had given him, that was the truest thing she’d ever said. Pen let her cat leap to the ground then grabbed Colin’s hand. “Come on.”

He allowed her to pull him along to the couch and settled onto a cushion, seemingly unsurprised when she tucked herself into his side instead of sitting at the opposite end. There was no point pretending anymore that she didn’t want to be near him, and they’d established rule number five during their movie night which she would gladly remind him of if he complained. But he didn’t, of course he didn’t. Colin was just as free with his affection as she was, seemed to crave it the same way she did. And so it was easy between them. As if to prove her point, he pulled her hand to his lap and began absentmindedly playing with her fingers. 

“You know, I still can’t really believe how similar your brothers look. They really could be twins.”

She chuckled at the same time that a little piece of her heart seemed to find its way home. He had been doing that a lot lately, calling them her brothers, accepting them as her family more readily than anyone else ever had. “You can’t imagine how many times I’ve heard that in the last two and a half decades.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, especially when we were kids. They looked exactly alike until we got a little older and George started playing sports and lifting weights. Meanwhile, Phil had his nose in his books and was typically covered in dirt from his garden. When he started boxing our senior year of high school, he put on a little muscle and the comparisons started up again.”

“A little muscle?” Colin scoffed good-naturedly. “Pen, he could kick my ass if he wanted to.”

“I don’t know, Col, you’ve got these strong dough-making arms,” she teased, squeezing his bicep and delighting at his pink-tinged ears. “Besides, Phil is basically a pacifist. He’d only ever fight in the ring. George on the other hand? A different story.”

“He was a fighter?” 

Penelope considered his question before answering, it wasn’t exactly a fair description of the elder Crane brother. “Only out of necessity, really. He was actually a big teddy bear, but when you grow up in a house like that, it’s not a bad thing to know how to defend yourself. Plus, he was deadset on protecting me and Phil.”

“From their dad?” 

She’d told him a little bit about Thomas Crane when he was at her apartment for dinner this past week. Though she hadn’t shared any specifics, Colin had inferred correctly that he had been a violent man. Their dad hadn’t been the only person who George had seen as a threat, though. 

“Yes, their dad. And also bullies at school. As you might imagine, a bunch of rich asshole prep school snobs never really took to the shy and nerdy plant enthusiast or his even quieter best friend. But everyone worshiped George. It was impossible not to like him, and it didn’t hurt that they were all a little afraid of him, too. So they usually left me and Phil alone with our books, just the way we liked it.”

Colin didn’t respond right away so Penelope tilted her head back, wanting to see his face. His brow was furrowed and his plush lips were downturned a bit. He seemed to be lost in thought. She watched as he opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. She wondered what it was he was stopping himself from saying; it wasn’t often that it felt like he was holding something back from her. And when he did finally speak again, she was almost certain it wasn’t what he’d originally planned to say. 

“It’s no wonder I got them mixed up. For a while I thought I must have imagined the similarities, but seeing George again?” He nodded towards the wall. “Well, at least I know it wasn’t just me.”

Penelope’s mind started racing. When had he seen George before to mistake Phil for him? “What are you talking about?”

“That day, um, the first day you came back to the bakery…” His voice was tentative, careful. She didn’t know why. 

“What about it?”

“I thought Phil was Marina’s husband, the twins’ father. Did he not tell you?”

She shook her head quickly. 

“El didn’t either?”

“No, Colin. Please explain,” she practically pleaded with him. 

He adjusted his body slightly so he could look at her more easily, though he never stopped holding her hand. Penelope was thankful for that. 

“Well, you know Marina came into the bakery, right?”

“Yeah, I mean I knew she went in a couple of times. Right after we met and then she got the pies from you for Thanksgiving.”

“Basically blackmailed me into them,” he joked, then he must have seen how confused she looked because he used his thumb to soothe the crease between her brows. “Penelope, Marina and twins came into the bakery every single week.”

“What?” It was nothing more than a breath. 

“It started like you said, right after we met. She insisted on meeting me. Then it was every week after that, until…” he trailed off. 

“Until…?” Pen wasn’t certain why she asked, she already knew the answer, braced herself for it. 

“The last time I saw her was the morning of the accident,” he said quietly, letting her squeeze his hand as hard as she needed, unflinching, steady as he continued. “She stopped in to get eclairs for you. We talked for a while, the way we always did. George was there with the kids. He’d been in with them once or twice, always jovial and kind, though I never learned his name.

“In April, Phil came in with the twins–they were buying eclairs for your birthday, I think–and I thought I was seeing the same person. Clean-shaven, a little less bulky, a slightly upgraded wardrobe maybe, but I hadn’t seen George in months…” 

Penelope tried to absorb everything she’d just heard. She’d had no idea that Marina and the twins had frequented Fox River; her best friend had kept that from her. She thought the twins knew him from the times they’d gone with Posy, but she’d been wrong. It was no wonder they adored him; they’d spent months getting to know him, months of cake pops and silly jokes and kind smiles. He had known them for months, he had known their mom. And now she understood why Colin had been so affected by the stories today. His words echoed through her mind. We talked for a while, the way we always did. Marina wasn’t just some woman he’d met twice. He had known her. And to know Marina was a gift. She was pure light. Somehow, finding out that this man–the man who had come to mean so much to her–had known even a little bit of the magic that was her best friend made Penelope feel slightly less alone. And George? They may not have gotten to know each other, but they had met. They had met and that felt like everything. 

She was so focused on Colin knowing her brother and best friend that it took a long moment for her to register exactly what he’d said about Phil. “Wait, so that day we came in asking you to make the cake for the twins, you thought Phil was their dad?”

“Yes,” he admitted, somewhat sheepishly. “It wasn’t until he showed up to trivia night with Eloise that I realized how wrong I’d been. They really didn’t tell you?”

“No, they didn’t tell me. I think they were so set on surprising me at your mom’s house. And I had other things on my mind after that night, I never thought to ask more questions.” Penelope couldn’t quite decide if she was mad at Phil and El for keeping this from her, but she thought it probably hadn’t even occurred to them just how much it would matter to her. 

She wanted to ask him more, but she was interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone. Colin quickly reached behind him to grab it from the end table. Pen recognized her phone in his hand and held hers out for him to pass it over, thinking it must be Phil calling to check in. But Colin didn’t hand it to her right away, instead he muted the ringer and looked up at her, his brow furrowed intensely.

“Col?” she prompted.

“Who is Beelzebub?”

A bark of laughter burst from Pen’s lips and she clapped her hands over her mouth. She shouldn’t be laughing, not now that she knew who was calling her, but she couldn’t help it. 

“That would be my mother,” she explained as her laughter subsided. When unmistakable anger flashed through Colin’s eyes–something she wasn’t used to seeing there, something she never wanted to see there–she continued her explanation. “Phil hates her, refuses to call her by her name because he insists she is actually the devil incarnate. He also happens to be the only one who knows my password, though I have no idea when he changed her name.”

Recognition illuminated his dark blue eyes. “That’s who called you that day in the bakery. That’s why he was so upset.”

She nodded. “Yes. I hadn’t–I hadn’t told him about the calls or the texts. I didn’t want him to worry…”

“Is it safe to presume that he was not so happy with that decision?”

“Yeah,” she snorted. “That’s a safe bet. He’s the one who came up with the idea to talk to Anthony, and Eloise agreed.”

Colin nodded thoughtfully and she watched as he ended the call on her phone then turned off the ringer completely, preparing for a second call they both knew was coming. Within a few seconds, her screen lit up and he ended the call once more before setting the phone to the side again. His hand twitched in his lap and she reached out to link their fingers together, stilling the anxious movement. He stared down at their hands and she noticed his cheeks turning ever so slightly pink. She squeezed twice. I’m here.

“Colin?”

“Hmm?” He looked up at her through his long lashes. 

“I’m glad you knew her,” she whispered, afraid she would start to cry if she spoke any louder. He didn’t need to ask who she meant. A soft smile returned to his face and she fell just a little further. 

“Me too, Pen.”

Without another word, she reached around him for the remote on the arm of the sofa and turned on the TV, navigating her way to one of her most-loved movies. She snuggled close into Colin’s side and felt him press his lips into her hair just as Elizabeth Bennet appeared on screen for the first time.

“Pen! Pen, wake up!” Colin sounded panicked as he shook her awake. She blearily blinked her eyes open, completely confused as she glanced around her. They were still on the couch, they must have fallen asleep during the movie. Next to her, Colin was scrambling from his cushion and she had no idea why until–

Daddy! 

She shut her eyes on instinct as if it could prevent the pain that lanced through her as Oliver’s scream pierced the air. It had been a few weeks since she’d heard it–her nephew’s voice laced with fear, strained with agony–though it echoed some nights in her dreams. Colin grabbed her hand and pulled her off the couch as it sounded again. 

Daddy, please!

“Pen, we have to go,” he told her frantically, and then he was off. She opened her eyes to see him already at the staircase, racing to her nephew. She shook her head, clearing her mind as best she could, and chased after him. The screaming never stopped. 

Daddy, where are you? 

Daddy! 

Daddy, we need you!

By the time she made it to the top of the stairs, he was already in Olly’s room. She could hear him pleading with the little boy from the hallway. 

“Olly. Olly, you’re ok. Please, Oliver. Just breathe, buddy, you’re ok.”

Daddy! 

Please!

Penelope found Colin kneeling on the side of her nephew’s bed, muttering reassurances and stroking Oliver’s hair as he thrashed under his covers. She took a deep breath before joining him and he immediately made room for her, though he never took his eyes off Olly. 

“Oliver, it’s Auntie Pen. Can you hear me?”

Daddy, no!!!

Both of them flinched at the desperation in his tiny voice. 

“Olly, honey, please breathe,” she begged as she placed her hand against his cheek and brushed away the tears that had started falling. “It’s Auntie Pen, Ol. You’re ok, I promise.”

The little boy shook his head vehemently, but his flailing limbs began to calm. Beside her, Colin continued stroking his hair. 

I need my daddy. 

Where is he?

He’s gone.

I need him.

Penelope’s heart was as shattered as her nephew’s voice as he pleaded for the dad he’d never see again. This part was almost always worse than the screaming.

“I know, honey. I know,” she kept her voice quiet, as soothing as she could as she used her free hand to move one of Oliver’s to her face, letting him feel her, letting him know she was real. It seemed to help him on nights like these, when she and Phil had to coax him out of the nightmare he’d been dreaming and into the one he had to live, the one where–when he finally opened his eyes–he would still find himself in a world without his parents. “Can you feel me, Olly? I’m right here. I’m with you.” 

She blinked back her tears as she felt his small hand wrap around the fingers that cupped his face, and she sighed when he squeezed twice, though he had yet to open his eyes.

“Auntie Pen?” Amanda’s tiny voice sounded from the door behind them. She wondered how long her niece had been standing there, she prayed it wasn’t long. “Is Olly done dreaming?”

“Colin, please,” she begged, keeping her voice quiet and even. She didn’t have to ask twice. He stood immediately, laid a single kiss to Oliver’s brow and whispered something to her nephew that she couldn’t hear. Then he pressed his lips to the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder. She felt him moving behind her, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from Olly. 

“Hey peanut, why don’t we go back to your bedroom for a bit while Auntie Pen helps your brother?” The soft voice he used with the little girl made Penelope want to sob. It sounded as if he’d lifted Amanda into his arms and a few seconds later, she heard the door close gently just as her niece asked him if Oliver was alright. She would check on her as soon as she could, but there were few people she trusted more in the world to take care of her girl.

“Olly, honey, do you think you can open your eyes for me?” Pen asked quietly. 

“I don’t wanna,” he whimpered. 

“I know, honey.”

“Is it real, Auntie Pen? Is Daddy gone?”

“Yes, Oliver. It’s real.”

Fresh tears bloomed under her fingertips as she broke both of their hearts again. Sometimes, she thought it was a miracle that there were any pieces left to break. When he finally opened his eyes, she had to stop herself from reeling back. It never got easier to see her best friend’s eyes so devastated. 

“Mommy is gone.”

“Yes.”

“Auntie Fel, too.”

Penelope swallowed roughly. They had to do this every time, it hurt every time. “Yes.”

Oliver traced his fingers over her face. “You’re here.”

“Yes.”

He nodded just once. 

“Where’s Uncle Phil?” He closed his eyes as he asked, as if he were bracing himself for bad news. Penelope brought his hand to her lips and kissed his fingers.  

“He’s with your Auntie Eloise, remember?” Olly opened his eyes and nodded again. “They’ll be home tomorrow.” 

“Can I talk to him?”

Pen glanced at the clock on his nightstand for the first time. It was just after two o’clock in the morning. She hid her wince from the boy, knowing that to call Phillip would cause him to panic. But there was no way she could deny the request. Thinking about the conversation she’d had with Colin earlier, it crossed her mind that Phil reminded Oliver just enough of his dad that it soothed away some of the ache. Maybe that was why, when the dreams were about Felicity, it was her he needed to see, her red hair he would stroke as he fell back to sleep. 

“Of course you can, Olly. My phone is downstairs, but I can go grab it so we can call him, ok?”

“Can I come with you?”

“Yes, honey.” 

He reached up his arms and Penelope pulled the blankets from his body and lifted him up. He buried his face in her neck, keeping one hand on her cheek while the other played with the hair at her nape as she carried him from the room. As they made it to Amanda’s bedroom, she heard the gentle rumble of Colin’s deep voice, though his words were indistinguishable. She looked in to see them sitting together in the rocking chair, her niece curled up in his lap, staring up at him adoringly as he spoke to her. Colin noticed them first, concerned eyes traveling over her and Oliver in the doorway. She nodded at him and he nudged Amanda, whose face lit up when she saw them. 

“Your brother wants to call Uncle Phil. What do you think, do you wanna say hi?”

Colin huffed out a pained breath as Amanda bounced excitedly in his lap, and Penelope bit back a grin. She had no idea what he’d done to protect her niece from the devastation that had often emanated through the house on nights like these, but she was grateful for it all the same. 

“Come on, Colin,” Amanda demanded as she climbed off his lap and tugged on his hands until he was standing. At the sound of Colin’s name, Oliver peeked his head out tentatively, looking around. Pen watched as he seemed to brighten ever so slightly as he spotted the man standing across the room smiling down at his sister. 

“Colin?” Olly’s voice was hoarse, nothing but a whisper, but Colin’s head shot up instantly. He walked right over to them with Amanda by his side. With his free hand, he stroked Oliver’s curls.  

“Hey, little man. Are you feeling a little better?”

The boy nodded. “I had a scary dream.”

“I have those sometimes, too. Usually when I miss my dad.”

“Your daddy is gone?” Oliver asked. 

“Yeah, he has been for a long time now. But I still miss him lots. I was just telling Amanda what I like to do when that happens.”

“Will you tell me, too?” 

“Of course, buddy. Why don’t you come sit with me and we’ll let Auntie Pen go grab her phone so you can talk to Uncle Phil?”

Penelope waited with bated breath to see what her nephew would do. He looked at her for a long moment, the question in his eyes. She nodded and kissed his fingers again. Without another word, he untangled his arms from around her neck and reached for Colin who held the boy with his unencumbered arm while Amanda continued to cling to his other hand. She slipped out of the room after she watched Colin settle back into the chair with a twin on each leg. 

She was so curious to know what he was telling them that she was tempted to just hide in the hallway and listen, but something told her that whatever insight he had was meant for their ears alone, so she took her time as she walked down the stairs and found her phone sitting in the same place Colin had set it after her mother had called. There were a few more missed calls from Beelzebub, a couple texts as well that she didn’t bother to read but would need to remember to send to Anthony on Monday. There was a single message from Phil, sent a couple of hours ago, reminding her that his ringer would be on if she needed him, telling her he loved her. She’d gotten almost the exact same message last night. 

She wiped the tears from under her eyes and absently pet Telly who had come to stand near her on the arm of the sofa, then pressed call. It only rang twice before he answered. 

“Pen, is everything ok?” 

“Yes, I promise,” she told him quickly. She heard him sigh in relief and hated that she had to tell him what came next. “Oliver had a nightmare.”

Over twenty years of friendship meant that she was able to hear the distress in her best friend’s voice in just two simple words. “How bad?” 

“Bad.” 

It was always bad. 

“Who?”

She knew what was running through his mind, knew he wondered if it was him who had never returned in their nephew’s dream. She also knew that the answer would be more painful for him to hear. It always hurt him the worst when it was his big brother, his protector. 

“George.”

The sharp intake of breath sounded over the line. She wished she could see him, hold him. His voice was fractured when he spoke again.

“And Amanda?”

Their niece could sleep through almost anything, but her brother’s screams woke her every time. Penelope was certain the brave little girl would take away her brother’s pain if she could, if it wasn’t also hers. She really was just like her dad. 

“She’s alright. Colin got her out of the room.”

“Colin?” 

“He came over earlier, we put on a movie and must have fallen asleep.”

“Oh?” Phil’s tone was lilting, teasing. 

Pen rolled her eyes. “Now is so not the time, Phillip.”

“You’re right, but you will tell me about it later.” He left no room for discussion. “Is he still with them?

“Yeah, they’re in Amanda’s room. He was…he was really good with them, Phil.”

“That makes sense, El’s mentioned before that he was always the one to get her back to sleep.” Penelope wanted to ask what he meant by that, but he continued before she could, “Are you ok, Pen?”

“As ok as I can be,” she answered honestly.

“Mmm.”

“Let me take you to them, ok? We can keep it quick.”

Phil agreed and Pen went back up the stairs, Telemachus at her heels. She found the three of them in the same spot she’d left them, and they all looked up when she cleared her throat. Two pairs of chocolate eyes and one pair of navy lit up as matching grins spread across their faces. She held up her phone, tapping to turn on speakerphone as she crossed the room. 

“Uncle Phil is on the phone. Do you want to say goodnight?”

The twins nodded and Oliver reached for the phone to hold between them. The call didn’t last long, but Amanda made sure to tell her uncle about the cake pops that were waiting for him and Eloise to try. After final “sweet dreams” and “I love yous,” Phil left them with the promise to be home by lunchtime and a quick thank you and good night to Colin, who raised his eyebrows in surprise before stuttering a goodbye of his own. Penelope struggled to contain her giggle and he narrowed his eyes at her over the kids’ heads. She stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes. 

It took another ten minutes to get the children settled and into bed again, the large orange cat snuggled in with them; they’d decided to sleep together in Amanda’s room for the rest of the night and insisted both she and Colin stay until they were asleep. Once their breathing evened out and soft snores filled the room, Penelope kissed them both on the forehead. She expected Colin to follow her out but looked back to see him gently tucking the blankets around the kids. When he was satisfied, he backed toward the door, as if he couldn’t bear to let them out of his sight until he absolutely had to. She placed her palm against his and he immediately intertwined their fingers, allowing her to pull him from the room and shutting the door softly behind them. She led him down the hall and past the stairs to the guest room. It was almost 3am, they both needed to sleep, and she wasn’t willing to part with him, not yet. 

She dropped his hand so she could close the door, readying herself to explain, to ask him to stay. But when she turned back around, she found him standing in the middle of the room with tears streaming down his face. Penelope went to him immediately and he all but collapsed into her arms. She maneuvered them to the bed so they could sit, and he buried his face in her neck, holding on for dear life as he sobbed in her arms. She rubbed his back and whispered reassurances to him, though she couldn’t be sure what exactly was happening. 

It had been an emotional night, but she couldn’t think of anything that could cause this reaction until, all at once, it came back rushing back to her. Eloise, confiding in Penelope about her own nightmares, the ones she’d had after her father’s death, nightmares shared with Francesca and their younger brother, Gregory. At the time, El had mentioned that her older brother would always come running, that he would hold them and stroke their hair until they slept again. Pen had always assumed that she meant Anthony, or maybe even Benedict. Both were still young when they lost their father, too young, but still twenty and eighteen years old, respectively. It had never occurred to her that it might be Colin. Phil’s words rattled through her brain. He was always the one to get her back to sleep. 

Colin, good and kind and pure and only twelve years old when Edmund Bridgerton died. Colin, who had run to his siblings to take care of them in the night when he heard them screaming for their dad, who was likely having nightmares of his own if what he told the twins was true. Colin, who had raced for Oliver’s room without a second thought tonight, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of the boy until he was certain that he had found sleep once again. Colin, who was currently facing twenty-year-old memories and fears, who had hidden any sign of his own pain from the children in order to make sure they were alright. She wondered if he’d learned how to do that when he was twelve, too. 

“Col, talk to me, please,” Pen begged, but he only held her tighter, sinking further into her embrace. She let him cry for as long as he needed to, even as her fragmented heart continued to crumble as she held the man she loved. Eventually, his wracking sobs slowed and his breathing evened out, his grip loosened though he didn’t let go completely. Penelope ran her fingers through his hair, gently scraping his scalp as he came back to himself. When he finally pulled back from her, his cheeks were red and wet, stained by his tears, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked wrecked beyond compare. 

“I’m sorry,” he croaked as she wiped the tears from his face. 

“You don’t ever need to apologize for feeling, Colin,” she promised him, holding his face between her palms so he was forced to look her in the eyes. “Not to me.” 

“Rule number eight?” he asked, his voice cracking. 

She chuckled, “I don’t know, maybe we should just amend rule number six. We cry, we wipe each other’s tears, we don’t say sorry anymore.”

He nodded as another tear fell that she quickly caught with her thumb. “I like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Someday, but not tonight. Tonight, I just want to sleep.” 

“Why don’t you clean up in the bathroom? I’m gonna throw some pajamas on, then we can try to get a few hours in.” She pointed toward the en suite, and he nodded then stood, pulling her to her feet. When the door shut behind him, she changed out of her clothes and into her sleep shorts and another giant t-shirt she’d stolen from George years ago. After a few minutes, Colin opened the bathroom door again and she slipped past him to quickly run through her nightly routine before she joined him in the bedroom again. She climbed into her side of the bed, burrowing under the covers and patted the opposite side of the mattress. “C’mere.”

He didn’t ask questions, instead he flipped off the light and crawled into the bed, lying on his back but turning his head to the side to face her. She could just make out his outline in the dark of the room, and maybe that’s what made her brave enough to scoot closer to him, to press her body into his and snuggle in as he wrapped his arm around her. His fingers absently traced shapes over her arm, leaving goosebumps in their path. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in deeply, and she draped her arm over his chest. It was so easy with him, too easy certainly. And she knew it would likely get her in trouble eventually, but tonight she didn’t care and she knew he didn’t either. 

She wasn’t sure how long it took them to drift off to sleep, but when she woke up in the morning, she found the twins in her bed, Amanda sprawled across half of it, Oliver tucked into her side. Telemachus laid at their feet and a note from Colin sat on her nightstand. She reached for it, tracing a finger over his script in the pale light of morning. 

Had to be at the bakery early and didn’t want to wake you. Tell the kids I said goodbye. 

Love, C

P.S. You drool when you sleep. Somehow still cute.

“It was so good to see you, Penelope,” Kate said warmly, opening her arms for a hug. Pen gladly stepped into the taller woman’s embrace, squeezing her tight. She quite liked Kate Sharma, she’d decided. Over the past few weeks they’d started getting to know each other better, and she’d begun to look forward to the little moments they shared, exchanging book recommendations or recipes or funny anecdotes about the children. Penelope still wasn’t too sure about Kate’s choice of a husband–though she and Anthony had come to some version of a truce as they worked together on her case–but she was quickly reminded how perfect they were for each other when, in a low voice, Kate added, “Someday, we’ll convince you to be on the right team.”

A loud scoff sounded next to them and Penelope looked around as they separated, unsurprised to find Colin standing there, rolling his eyes at his sister-in-law. Even in his annoyance, though, he eagerly returned Kate’s offered hug and whispered something in her ear that Pen couldn’t hear. Whatever it was made Kate laugh loudly as they pulled apart, drawing her husband’s attention to them. 

“What’s so funny?” 

She felt Colin tense beside her. The brothers were still on shaky ground. Despite Anthony’s attempts to reconnect at family dinners or here at Mondrich’s, she knew Colin wasn’t quite ready to put the past behind them. Given what she knew, she couldn’t fault him for that. Besides, she knew the eldest Bridgerton had yet to actually apologize to his brother, instead trying to win him over with talk of the bakery or his niblings, hence her own stand-off with Ant. She was appreciative of all he was doing to help her with Portia, but in the end Penelope would always be on Colin’s side–rule number four of friendship or not.

With a quick drop of her gaze, Pen noted that Colin had started rubbing his fingers together. She wanted nothing more than to reach out her hand and still the anxious movement herself, giving him something to hold on to. However, she was tired of the way their casual touches seemed to invite knowing looks or even blatant questions from his siblings, so she shifted her weight in order to press her arm against his, her hip lining up with the top of his leg given their height difference–it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t enough, but after a moment she felt him return the pressure on her arm and watched his hands relax. 

“Oh, Colin just heard me threatening to steal Penelope here away to the A Team,” Kate explained as she wrapped her arm around Anthony’s waist, smiling up at him. 

“Is it really still the A Team once you’ve lost five weeks in a row? Seems like you might need to reconsider.” The barb flew out of her mouth before she could stop it and Penelope’s cheeks started to burn as every Bridgerton in their vicinity stopped to stare, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She felt Colin’s shoulders begin to shake, a sure sign that he was holding back his laughter, and when she looked around, she saw the other members of the Know-it-Ales in a similar state. She opened her mouth to apologize to Kate, but before she could get another word out, a loud bark of laughter burst from Anthony, quickly followed by the rest of the family devolving into fits of giggles. 

“God, you really were meant to be a part of the family,” Ant said, still chuckling. 

At his brother’s words, Colin’s entire body relaxed beside her, and the rest of the Bridgertons nodded in enthusiastic agreement. Across the room, she noticed Phillip, Eloise, and Francesca beaming at her; she grinned back shyly. She was sure her skin was flushed as red as her hair as a broken fragment of her heart found its way home. A part of the family, he’d said. She very much liked the sound of that. 

“Do you see that, Greg? That’s the energy you need to be channeling!” Penelope heard Hyacinth exclaim and looked over to see Gregory rubbing his arm and glaring at his little sister who had no doubt just hit him. The chatter amongst the family started up again as the supposed “A Team” began infighting, a common occurrence these past few weeks as they lost again and again. Pen shared a small smile with Anthony before he turned around and joined in, attempting to break up the spat between his youngest siblings. 

“Pen!” Winnie squealed, running over and grabbing her hands. Pen grinned at her new friend. Edwina Sharma was one of the sweetest people she’d ever met–similarly introverted with a love of rom coms and obscure pop culture references–and it sometimes felt as if she was the only other sane person when it came to these trivia nights, though Simon tended to be more level-headed as well. “I didn’t know you had that in you,” Winnie teased. 

“Me either,” she admitted, blushing again. 

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed. Didi needs to be put in her place every now and then.” She waved her hand dismissively in her older sister’s direction, then leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “They all do, really.”

Penelope giggled. A month of joining the Bridgertons at their weekly trivia nights and she couldn’t agree more. The family was filled with the most competitive people she’d ever met, and they were ruthless when it came to the pub quizzes at Mondrich’s. It was why Phil had used the threat of demerits that first week to get her on his team, though she would have joined if it meant being with him and Colin anyways. Years of watching Jeopardy and doing the New York Times crossword had helped her build up a vast foundation of knowledge that was useless almost anywhere else, but here at the pub it was priceless and her best friend had known it. She knew she was a big part of the reason the Slightly Chiller But Still Stupidly Competitive Bridgersibs kept winning and was proud of that.  

The family slowly started trickling out after another round of hugs–something that brought a fierce ache to Penelope while also making her feel just a little more whole. She was saying goodbye to Daphne when someone came to stand behind her. She didn’t need to look to know it was Colin, she always knew where he was in a room. On instinct, she leaned back against him, shivering slightly when he bent his head down, his chestnut curls tickling her cheek as his breath ghosted over her ear. 

“You ready to go?”

She sighed dreamily and nodded before remembering where they were and standing up straight again, hoping his sister hadn’t noticed how affected she was by his presence. But given the way Daphne’s lips twitched–the same way her brother’s did when he tried to hide a smile–and her warm brown eyes surveyed them knowingly, Penelope knew she’d seen everything. Luckily, the oldest Bridgerton daughter had more tact than, well, most of her siblings and chose to ignore it, instead pressing a quick kiss to each of their cheeks and leaving them behind to go find her husband, though not without a reminder that she expected them both at the Basset family Fourth of July party next week. 

Pen smiled after Daph and laughed as Colin spun her around to face him, keeping his hands on her hips for a moment longer than necessary. She took a step back and his hands dropped to his sides. Unbothered, he grinned down at her as he wrapped one of her curls around his fingers instead, seemingly losing focus as he played with her hair. She held her breath the entire time. He was just so…pretty–dimples peeking out, blue eyes alight, and his perfect singular curl hanging down in front of his forehead–and even though they’d spent more and more time together over the past few weeks, she was still susceptible to his charms. Granted, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to develop that particular immunity. She quite liked being charmed by Colin Bridgerton, almost as much as he seemed to like charming her, even if it was often accidental.

“Col?” she prompted after the silence had stretched on for too long, far too aware of the lingering attention of his closest sister even as she pretended to be talking to Simon.  

“Hmm?” he hummed absently. 

“You wanted to go home?” she asked, giggling when he finally snapped out of whatever reverie he’d found himself in and earning herself a teasing glare. 

“On the contrary, Penelope,” he smiled as he tucked the tendril behind her ear and tapped her nose. She scrunched it in response and his smile widened. “I am taking you out for ice cream.”

Colin laughed as a grin spread instantly across her face. “Ice cream?”

He nodded then dropped his voice dramatically, “We have to be sneaky though, or the whole family will try to tag along. Just follow my lead and act natural.” 

“You are such a dork,” she groaned. 

“As long as I’m yours!” he responded in a sing-song voice as if to prove her point. 

Pen shook her head but happily followed him out of the pub, waving her final goodbyes to the straggling Bridgertons as well as Will and Alice who were behind the bar. She grinned when he linked their hands together as soon as the door closed behind them and his family was out of sight. He’d been doing that more and more lately, and though they hadn’t exactly talked about it, she could guess why. Because with as well meaning as the Bridgertons could be, they were also loud and opinionated, and neither Pen nor Colin really felt like explaining to another person that they were just friends.

It wasn’t as if it was continuously talked about, but it turned out that an overly-enthusiastic Hyacinth only had to ask them once in front of everyone for it to be enough. To be fair to the girl, she had seen them walking into the pub holding hands and had gotten excited. Penelope couldn’t exactly fault her for that, but Phil had called her Strawberry Shortcake for five days straight after that, claiming he could still see her blushing. She hadn’t viewed their casual touching and hand-holding, or even cuddling on the couch while they read or watched movies to be odd–she still didn’t if she were being honest–but Colin’s family had obviously read into it. It had surprised her, given how affectionate they were as a unit; however, she’d seen his cheeks turn even redder than hers under their attention, so she’d tried to hold back in front of them and he’d done the same. Unfortunately, she had her moments of weakness like the one with Daphne, but that could be blamed on the fact that she was in love with him, something Colin remained blissfully unaware of even now as he pulled her along the sidewalk. 

Penelope wasn’t sure where they were going–her sense of direction still hadn’t improved, though she at least mostly knew the way back to their building now. So she let him lead the way, happy to be along for the journey, and it only took a couple of minutes for him to come to stop in front of an ice cream parlor she’d never noticed before. Luckily, this late on a Thursday evening the line wasn’t too long, and within a few minutes they were on their way home with their ice cream cones in hand–a very apt strawberry in Pen’s and chocolate peanut butter in Colin’s. The hands not holding their treats were swinging in between them as they walked. 

“Mmmm,” she moaned as the sweet cream hit her tongue and Colin chuckled beside her. “This is so good.”

“It’s my favorite in the city. Dad used to take us all the time. He worked right over there,” Colin pointed to a building across the street. “We took turns going into the office with him and he’d always get us a scoop after. I used to try a different flavor every time, but he always got the exact same thing.”

“And what was that?” she asked, though she had a feeling she already knew. 

“Chocolate peanut butter,” he said. Penelope could hear the smile in his voice. She glanced over to see him already looking at her as they stopped at the crosswalk. “Wanna try?”

She nodded and he brought his cone to her lips. It didn’t occur to her just how intimate it would feel to lick his ice cream until she was doing it, and she saw Colin swallow roughly as he watched her. Her eyes darted away from him and she cleared her throat, “Um, that’s really good.” 

“Mmm,” he hummed. They started moving across the street in silence until Colin finally spoke again, “Why mess with perfection?”

“What?”

“That’s what Dad said every time he ordered. Or when I’d find him reading Treasure Island again and again. Or watching The Princess Bride for the umpteenth time.”

The memory of Colin quoting Inigo Montoya as they watched with the twins a few weeks ago swept through her mind, followed quickly by flashes of what came after. She closed her eyes for a second to refocus and squeezed his hand twice, a reminder for herself more than for him. Colin glanced down at her, a soft smile playing at his lips, his denim eyes hazy with his own memories. 

“I like hearing about your dad, Col.”

“I like talking about him. It hasn’t always been easy, remembering, but it feels different with you.”

She knew exactly what he meant. Sharing the people they’d loved and lost with each other had become a cornerstone in their friendship. Penelope wasn’t sure why it was so simple with him, only that she wanted him to know her family more than she wanted to avoid the pain that came with thinking about them.

“He would have adored you, I just know it. Especially after that A Team comment tonight,” he teased, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Oh god, that was so rude of me,” she laughed, still somewhat mortified by snapping at Kate. 

“No, Pen, it was so Bridgerton of you. Dad would have loved it.” She tried to raise a brow at him and he smirked. “Where do you think we got our competitiveness from? It certainly wasn’t our sweet mother.”

Penelope giggled again, she definitely couldn’t imagine Violet Bridgerton getting into a yelling match over which boy band was featured on the Mulan soundtrack (it was 98 Degrees). 

“How dare you?!” a familiar voice sounded and they both looked around trying to locate its source. “Over here, nerds.” 

Pen laughed when she finally spotted Michaela leaning out of Fran’s passenger window, the Bridgerton woman shaking her head in the driver’s seat as they waited at the stoplight at the same intersection Penelope and Colin were getting ready to cross. Colin followed her gaze and pulled his hand from hers to flip off his best friend who returned the gesture immediately. 

“I cannot believe you got ice cream without us!” 

“Pen deserved a treat after tonight!” he protested. 

Mich narrowed her eyes. 

“I’ll give you extra frosting with your cinnamon roll in the morning…”

“I do not respond to bribery, Bridgerton!”

“I’ll make you a strawberry matcha just the way you like,” Pen chimed in and Colin beamed down at her. 

“Two cinnamon rolls and extra cold foam and you have yourselves a deal.”

“Deal!” they shouted together. 

The light turned green and Fran gave them a little wave as she slowly started driving away. Pen could see her shoulders shaking, clearly bemused by Mich’s antics as she yelled out the window one last time, “Pleasure doing business with you!”

“What an absurd human being,” Colin muttered as he wove their fingers together once again and tugged gently on her arm to lead her across the street as the walk symbol popped up. 

“You love her,” Penelope retorted.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Sure is nice of Fran to give her a ride home,” she mused. 

“Mhmmm…” he responded absentmindedly before suddenly whipping his head toward her. “Wait, do you know something?”

Pen shook her head and he narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t, I swear! I’ve just guessed at a few things...”

She was lying of course, but she couldn’t betray Francesca’s trust, not when she wasn’t sure what Fran had confided in her favorite brother.  

“And what exactly have you guessed?” 

Penelope decided to go with something safe, something she knew Colin must already know, the thing she really had guessed. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious that Michaela’s in love with her, isn’t it?”

Colin sighed and for a moment she wasn’t sure if he would answer. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

“How long?”

“About a decade.”

“A decade? But that’s–” 

“Yeah, I know.”

Her heart dropped. If Penelope was doing the math correctly, Michaela had loved Francesca the entire time they’d known each other. She’d loved her during Fran’s relationship with her cousin, she’d loved her as they mourned his loss together, she’d loved her through their grief. 

“She hated herself for it for a long time, sometimes I think she still might,” he continued, his pain for his best friend evident in his tone. “But John… He was one of the best men I’ve ever known. Michaela’s opposite in so many ways, soft-spoken and careful and reserved. But when he loved, he loved big, and he loved the two of them more than anything in the world. I was lucky to know him, I’m lucky to still have pieces of him in my best friend and my sister. And I think he would want them to be happy. In fact, I know he would. I just wish they would let themselves have that. I don’t know any two people more deserving.”

Colin’s words washed over her. They hadn’t spoken much about John before, but she was realizing now that he was another person that Colin grieved in solitude. She remembered what he’d said about his father the day they’d met, that he knew his loss could not compare to his mother’s. She would bet he felt the same about John and her heart ached for him, for the way he always prioritized his loved ones’ needs over his own. At the same time, she felt privileged to hear him speak of it, to know of his belief in goodness and love, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was right, if John would be happy to know Mich and Fran had found love with each other, to know they had one another when he couldn’t be there for them. She wanted to believe that he was right, but sometimes, it felt like an unimaginable thing to keep living, to keep loving, after losing someone whose own life and love were cut short by cruel fates. She supposed Colin might have a point, though. That maybe to ignore the possibility of moving forward was a disservice to those who would never be able to.

Pen swallowed the lump in her throat. “It sounds like he was a wonderful man.”

“Yeah, he was. I miss him a lot. They do, too.”

“Is that why Michaela moved here? Do you think it helped with the grief to be near Fran?”

“Yes and no. For a while she thought it might be better to get some space between them, I think the guilt was so intermingled with the pain. It wasn’t until I pitched her the idea for Fox River that she started considering it. It took a month or so for her to decide. I think now that she’s here, she’s glad for it, she wouldn’t change it for the world, but I think it hurts her, too.” 

“And Francesca?” Penelope knew how his sister felt, but she was curious where his mind was.  

“Franny loved John. I know she did. And I think–I think John was safe for her. He was a perfect match for the quiet mind that had just left home for the first time, for the Bridgerton who had never really felt like she belonged. They were so good together, content. But I see the way she watches Mich, the way she anticipates her every move, the way she lets herself be loud around her. She’s no longer just content, she’s happy. Even after everything she lost, she’s alive for what feels like the first time. And if that’s not love, Pen, then maybe I don’t know love at all.” 

Pen sniffled as a rogue tear slipped from her eye. She tried to wipe it away before he noticed, but he was already there, lifting their joined hands and brushing it away, his lips upturned in the slightest of smiles, navy eyes shining back at her. 

“I think you know love just fine, Colin,” she told him. 

He tilted his head and studied her for a long moment before answering. “I don’t know, Pen. There’s always more to learn.” 

She tried to ignore the erratic beat of her heart as he brought their hands to his mouth and kissed the back of hers, then lowered them once more between them. 

“Come on, the boys are waiting for us,” he said as he pulled her along the sidewalk again, apparently unaware of her racing mind. She shook the thoughts from her head–there was no point in ruminating over what he meant by that–and let him lead her home. 

Neither of them spoke again as they finished their melting ice creams just in time for them to head upstairs to their apartments. She unlocked her door and he followed her inside where they were greeted by Telemachus and Hermes. She smiled at the sight of her large orange cat next to his tiny best friend. Colin crouched down to say hi to them both as she wandered inside to put the kettle on. 

They’d gotten into a routine of sorts over the past few weeks, trivia night being just a small part of it. They’d walk to and from Mondrich’s together, then come back to the apartment for tea and a chapter or two of whatever book they were reading. They also spent Tuesday nights together, cooking dinner and sharing stories, watching movies while the cats snuggled on the couch. 

It wasn’t just evenings they spent with each other. Penelope had also started working at Fox River on Monday and Wednesday afternoons and all day on Fridays. She usually spent her Tuesdays and Thursdays there, too, talking to Colin in the kitchen or sitting at the counter, gossipping with Mich and Lucy. 

In the mornings, she tried to write, and while some days were more successful than others, Sophie had at least been appeased by the ideas she’d shared at their last meeting. Agatha Danbury had even been excited about a couple of them, emailing her back within fifteen minutes which was unheard of for the publisher and gave her a little bit more confidence. Meanwhile, Colin had gotten into the habit of running upstairs and bringing Hermes over along with a coffee for Pen and some kind of baked good once he was sure she was awake for the day. The cats kept her company as she wrote or read on the good mornings, and they snuggled with her on the couch or in her bed on the bad ones. 

On the days she worked, she would pop Hermes back into Colin’s apartment before heading downstairs for her shift. It was rather convenient, living right above her place of employment, and she’d quickly realized just how right Colin had been in suggesting she take the job. Michaela and Lucy were fast becoming the best coworkers she’d ever had, and she adored getting to know them better. Mich was hilarious and ridiculous and she really did flirt with every pretty girl who came in, though now that she knew her better, Penelope could tell her heart was never actually in it. And Lucy was fantastic. She’d started spending more time in the kitchen learning from Colin, but they still spent plenty of hours together behind the coffee counter. She was smart as a whip and quietly funny. Pen could see why Greg liked her so much, even if they claimed to just be friends. 

That seemed to be the Bridgerton family way, outside of Benedict at least. The second oldest Bridgerton and Sophie were practically obsessed with each other, and while Penelope was still frustrated with him for not standing up for Colin, she was delighted for her friend who had never been happier. From what she’d heard, Ben planned to bring Soph to Daphne and Simon’s party next week so she could officially meet the family as his girlfriend. And Hyacinth had invited Posy along which meant they would all be together for the first time since the twins’ birthday party. 

So much had changed in that time, and yet when she’d get a call from Phil and the twins in the middle of the night, when someone hit the brakes a little too hard in the car, when she’d hear a siren or see an ambulance racing down the street, it was like no time had passed at all. There were times that she wondered if it would ever change, and other times when she feared the day it did, the day she didn’t flinch or cry or panic. She didn’t know if that was normal or not, maybe she would ask Rae at her next appointment. 

“Pen,” Colin’s voice startled her and she turned away from the tea cabinet to see him standing with Telly in his arms and Hermes curled up on his shoulder. She practically melted at the sight. “You good?”

“Perfect,” she said with a smile. It wasn’t quite the truth, but nights spent like this, nights with him almost made her feel like it could be. “Is chamomile alright?”

“Sounds great. Do you need help?”

“No, no. I’ll be right there. Pick out a book, we need a new one.”

He gave her a goofy salute and she watched him walk straight for the same shelf of books he always went to. She wasn’t sure if it was because he knew they were her favorites or if it was because some of them also happened to be his, maybe it was both. 

A few minutes later when she settled in next to him on the couch, the cats already curled up together at the other end, she saw the book he’d picked on the coffee table and looked up at him with a furrowed brow. 

“Emma, really?”

“Do you want me to pick something else?”

“No, I love Emma. It’s just…different from what we’ve been reading.”

Colin shrugged. “Maybe our conversation about Mich and Fran had me thinking about matchmaking a little too hard.”

She snorted. “Ok, Bridgerton, whatever you say. Is it my turn?”

In answer, he picked it up and handed it to her before laying his arm across her shoulder. She opened the novel and began to read just as his fingers started playing with her hair. 

Penelope stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom trying to get her curls to cooperate to no avail; they had a mind of their own at this length. Having kept her hair long for so many years, she’d forgotten just how much time it took to grow it out and at six months post-chop, it was still barely touching her shoulders. Giving up, she pulled one of the ribbons Amanda had gifted her out of her drawer and tied her hair back with a bow, leaving a few tendrils around her face. 

Taking in her reflection, she actually thought she looked quite pretty today. She was wearing her baby blue dress, the one that matched her eyes and complimented her auburn hair, and she’d put on a bit of makeup and wore her contacts for the first time in a while. She knew it was silly, knew that Colin had seen her in her rattiest tees with tear-stained cheeks and her hair a mess, but lately she found herself wanting to look nice. Not just for him, but for herself. 

Before leaving her room, she slipped on the charm bracelet she’d been wearing more and more lately and kissed Telemachus on the top of his head. He meowed and stretched out further, basking in the sun on her window seat, and she giggled at him. Grabbing one of her favorite totes from its hook on the wall, she flipped off her lights and made her way out of her apartment, locking the door behind her before walking the eight or so steps to Colin’s front door. 

They were going to a little town about an hour away that had an annual garage sale. For one weekend every year, the whole population apparently took part and it drew in crowds from all over. Lucy had told her all about it and had taken yesterday off work to go with her best friend Hermione, who Penelope had learned was Greg’s ex-girlfriend, which made the “just friends” thing make a little more sense. Colin had noticed how excited she was hearing about it–he’d heard enough stories of her and Felicity thrift shopping and going to estate sales around Chicago–and he’d offered to leave work a little early today so they could go. 

She’d been nervous to accept, knowing just how long she’d have to spend in the car, but in the end the appeal of spending the afternoon with him finding tchotchkes and used books was too great, so she’d agreed. He’d planned to work until 10:30 to get past the morning rush with Lucy and Michaela promising they could handle the rest, but when she knocked on the door, he didn’t answer. She glanced at her phone, it was 10:45. She’d given him extra time knowing he was often running late, but he usually texted to let her know he was behind schedule. Pen knocked once more, still no answer. 

She decided to try the handle, knowing he always left his door unlocked and deciding she could wait inside with Hermes who came running over to her as soon as she opened it. She picked him up, relishing in the nuzzles he gave her neck, and looked around, finding no trace of his dad other than his phone sitting on the counter. 

“Col?” she called out as she ventured in a little further. She had never really been in his apartment before; they spent all their time at hers. She’d been sorely tempted to peek around any time she dropped Hermes off before work, but had never actually explored though she was quickly realizing there wasn’t much to find. The space was extremely tidy and almost completely lacking in personal touches, though he did have a few beautiful art pieces hanging that she would bet Benedict had either painted or curated for him. She thought it might be the result of the nomadic life he’d led for so long–living out of a suitcase didn’t exactly permit the accumulation of knick-knacks. But it felt so unlike the Colin she knew, and she decided then and there that her mission today would be to help him breathe life into his home. 

“Colin!” she yelled again as she set Hermes down. 

“Be out in a second!” His deep voice came from down the hall and she waited in the walkway for him, though she wanted badly to go look at the bookcase she’d just noticed. A moment later, a door opened in the hallway. Thinking of her own apartment, she assumed it was his bedroom until she was suddenly looking at a dripping wet Colin Bridgerton, wearing just a towel around his waist. 

Holy shit.

She hadn’t meant to say that out loud but when Colin’s head swiveled towards her, she knew she had. She couldn’t bring herself to care though, too preoccupied with the Greek god standing in front of her. Her eyes raked over him, memorizing the hard planes of his torso, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest as she saw the dark hair that covered his and trailed down his abdomen, ending underneath the towel. She’d long held the belief that he was the most attractive man she’d ever seen, but was somehow still surprised to see him like this. 

“Pen?” His voice was laced with amusement as he pulled her attention back to his face. A smug smirk had overtaken his features and she wanted to kiss it right off his lips. She couldn’t even fault him for being smug, not when he looked like this. He raised a brow at her. “You’re staring, Penelope.”

She huffed out a breath. “Well, what do you expect me to do, Colin? You’re like…really hot.” There was no point in her acting like that wasn’t true.

“Oh?” He cocked his head at her as his smirk morphed into a wide grin. 

“Shut up, you know you are.” 

He chuckled, but she noticed the lightest pink coloring his cheeks as he preened at the compliment. “I don’t know, Pen, I’m feeling a little bit objectified right now.” 

“You call me cute like every single day!” she protested, crossing her arms over her chest. She pretended not to notice his gaze dropping down for a moment, though she was sure her blush gave her away anyways. “You’re the one who made it the number one rule of this friendship.”

“Hmmm, cute and hot feel a little different, don’t you think?” She was annoyed that his teasing lilt only made her more attracted to him.

“Fine, what rule are we up to now?” she asked.

“We have nine, I think. Eight was never telling Eloise about Mondrich’s Facebook page.”

Pen snorted, “I still can’t believe you made that a rule.”

“Trivia night is very important, Penelope,” he chided, then furrowed his brow trying to remember the next one. “Nine was…” 

“You have to bring me a coffee eclair every Tuesday,” she finished for him proudly. 

“Another silly rule, I was already doing that.” 

“And I wanted more assurance! Baked goods are very important, Colin,” she mimicked his tone. 

He rolled his eyes, bemused. “Why do you need to know the rules?”

“Because I’m adding one, of course. Rule number ten, friends can objectify friends if it's in good faith.”

He burst into laughter, shaking his head. “Good faith objectification?”

“Mhmm.”

“You’re making a new rule just so you can call me hot and not feel bad about it?”

She shrugged. “You made a rule so you could call me cute.”

“I made a rule so we could call each other cute. Rules should be reciprocal, Penelope.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and he grinned, knowing she would have to concede. “It is reciprocal,” she said begrudgingly. 

“Great, I’ll keep that in mind,” he winked. She knew he’d use that against her at some point, but a not so small part of her wondered just what Colin might have to say about her. She saw the way he looked at her sometimes, and at the end of the day, she didn’t think she’d mind if he wanted to expand his compliments. They both knew she secretly loved that he called her cute, and though she had yet to actually return the favor, they also both knew she found him to be extremely cute. Interrupting her thoughts, Colin continued, “Now, I know you want to snoop around the place, so let me get dressed while you do that. Sorry I’m running late, by the way. A big group came into the bakery and I stayed to help Luce and Mich.”

Pen waved him off, already making her way to the bookcase that had been calling to her like a siren. She heard him laughing as he closed his bedroom door behind him, though it barely registered as she took in the books on display. One shelf in particular drew her eye as it contained only copies of her novels. She knew he loved them, remembered how his family had teased him for it, but to see them here was a different experience entirely. She couldn’t help but wonder what he’d say if he knew their author had just drooled over him, what it would change between them if she told him the truth. She still planned to one day, had promised herself she would, but not yet. She wasn’t ready yet. 

She recognized some of the copies he had were different language translations, and as she scanned the rest of the shelves, she noticed that almost every book he had was in a language other than English. She thought maybe he just liked to collect them from the countries he’d lived in, but upon closer inspection–the cracked spines, the tabbed pages–it was obvious they’d been read. Penelope got so lost in his collection, in her thoughts, that she didn’t realize he’d returned until he was standing right beside her, his arm brushing hers. She put the book she was holding back in its place and glanced up at him, grateful to see him covered up and much less distracting now, though he still took her breath away.

He tugged on her loose curl, tucking it behind her ear as he was wont to do.

“Colin?”

“Hmm?”

“How many languages do you speak?”

His cheeks darkened as he glanced between her and his books and she had no idea why.

“Fluently?”

Pen nodded. 

“Um, I guess I’d say six. Seven if you count modern and ancient Greek as different languages, which most do.”

“Which ones? Besides those three, of course.”

“Latin, French, Italian, and Spanish, though my Latin is probably a little iffy at this point. Dead language and all. And I can read Russian, Mandarin, and Japanese, but I’m not so good at speaking them.” 

“You’re a polyglot.”

“I guess, yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. 

“You’re a polyglot and I’m just now finding out?”

Colin chuckled, “I suppose so, it’s not something I usually advertise. I was quick to pick up languages when I was younger and living in those countries definitely helped.”

“So you’ve read all of these?”

“Yes, Pen. I’ve read all of them. Since I’m not traveling anymore, it’s a good way to keep it fresh. I watch a lot of dubbed TV, too.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t know this.”

“I told you weeks ago that my book collection would blow your mind,” he reminded her, seemingly a little less embarrassed now that it was clear how impressed she was. She knew it was his family who had made him feel this way, even if they’d never meant to. In the time they’d spent together, it was obvious that they didn’t quite take him seriously enough, that they teased him even as they noted how intelligent he was. She didn’t like that anyone had ever made him feel bad for being passionate about something just because they didn’t understand it. 

“Well, you were right. This is seriously cool, Colin.”

“You can still borrow them if you want, I would never ignore rule number two,” he offered with a grin. “So, are you ready to go or do you need more time to process this? I know today’s been a lot already.”

Pen’s brow furrowed, not understanding. 

“First you see me practically naked, now this? You know, if I was a less secure man–and if I didn’t know you so well–I’d be a little sad to see you drooling more over my books than you did me,” Colin deadpanned. 

It shouldn’t have made her laugh, but it did. She laughed so hard she snorted and she would have been embarrassed if not for the way his navy eyes lit up as he beamed at her, proud of himself. She really did adore him. He tapped her nose and she rolled her eyes, then grabbed his hand, tugging him through his apartment, stopping only for him to grab his keys from their hook. They both said goodbye to Hermes as he closed the door behind them and headed down the stairs. He opened her door and helped her climb into the Jeep and she tried not to be anxious as she buckled her seatbelt while he walked to the driver’s side, reminding herself there was no reason to be, that she was with Colin. He smiled at her as he switched on the radio and shifted the Jeep into gear. She smiled back. She always would.

Chapter Text

“At this rate, you’ll be hitchhiking your way back home, Pen,” Colin said over his shoulder as he placed his newly acquired lamp on the backseat of his Jeep, right next to his other newly acquired lamp she’d helped him find about an hour ago. He grinned as her melodic giggle floated its way to him; he loved making her laugh.

“We only have two blocks left to cover, I’ll be just fine,” she assured him as he closed the door and turned around to face her. 

“Thank goodness for that!” he sighed exaggeratedly, wiping his brow in feigned relief. “You might be tiny enough to fit, but the cupholders don’t have seatbelts and I wouldn’t want to risk a ticket.”

Penelope harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest, looking entirely unimpressed with his joke, and Colin attempted to school his expression into one of equal seriousness. He fought to keep his eyes on hers instead of letting them stray down to her ample cleavage. It wasn’t the first time his restraint was being tested today, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. But he was, once again, glad for the sunglasses he’d bought at one of their first stops as he almost immediately failed the challenge, his wandering gaze flicking down to her breasts–they really were glorious.

“We’ve been over this, Colin,” she said, pulling his attention back to her eyes as his ears burned. “I’m not tiny, you are just a giant.”

“You keep saying that, Penelope, but I’m not the one with a nickname based on my height. Am I, shortcake?” he teased, tapping her on the nose just so he could watch her scrunch it up adorably. She opened her mouth to continue her protest, but Colin took a step forward and pressed a finger to her lips to stop her. Her eyes widened in response as she tilted her head back to look at him, and he relished in the surprised puff of breath he felt against his skin. He waited a beat before he pulled his finger away, letting it drag down her plump bottom lip until it released with the faintest pop. God, how he wanted to lean down and capture that lip in between his own. He could. With one look at her blown pupils, he knew he could. But he also knew it wasn’t a good idea, knew he should have kept his distance in the first place, though that was easier said than done. 

He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him today. Well, that wasn’t precisely true; he knew exactly what had gotten into him, he just wasn’t sure what to do about it. 

He’d known he was in trouble the moment he’d found her standing in his apartment this morning, looking as beautiful as ever. It wasn’t her beauty that was the problem, though. He was used to her taking his breath away. It hadn’t been the few bouncy red curls which framed her pink cheeks perfectly, the rest pulled back using a baby blue ribbon that matched her dress and her eyes. It hadn’t been her plush, pouty lips that he so often found himself wanting to chase with his own. It hadn’t even been the low cut of her dress which always proved to be distracting given the foot of height he had on her. No, it had been the way her blush on her cheeks darkened while her ice blue irises had been swallowed by the black of her pupils, the way her lips had parted as her chest heaved, all while her gaze had traced hungrily over every inch of his body. 

And although it wasn’t the first time he’d caught Pen watching him with blatant appreciation, it was the first time she’d seemed to be so…affected by him. Colin knew he was conventionally attractive, had received enough compliments and attention over the years that he would never deny it; however, none of that had ever made him feel much of anything before. But Penelope looking as if she wanted to take a bite out of him? Penelope calling him hot? He thought he might combust on the spot. 

He’d ended up using his preferred method of cutting the tension between them–making a joke, teasing her, pulling her from whatever thoughts were running through her mind–even as a jolt of disappointment had flashed through him. Sometimes, he wished he could fan the flames between them instead of attempting to extinguish the fire that kept lighting, but he knew that crossing the boundaries they’d set for themselves–no matter how flimsy they might be–was not a good idea for either of them, even if he badly wanted to. And he really did want to. 

Every day, every hour, every minute that they spent together, Colin’s feelings for Pen grew and so, it seemed, did his attraction to her. It was undeniable now that he was completely in love with her, which he supposed contributed to the way his body had started to respond to her. He just couldn’t help but to want to touch her, to crave the feel of her lush body curled against his as they snuggled up on her couch, to seek out her hand every time they were walking somewhere, to tug on his favorite of her curls before tucking it behind her ear–any excuse he had to be in contact with her, he took. And even when he had no excuse, he reached for her.

It wasn’t as if he was the only one doing it, though he knew it likely meant something different to her–he’d seen her with her friends and family and knew she was generous with her touch and affection. Still, she was reaching for him just as often, sighing in contentment as she leaned into him, pulling his arm around her so she could tuck herself into his side, or laying his head in her lap and playing with his hair as he read aloud to her. The first time she’d done that, he’d prayed to every god on Olympus that she wouldn’t notice how he’d hardened underneath his joggers, and he had taken himself in hand after rushing home with a lame excuse, finding his release faster than ever before. 

That was new, too–at thirty-one years old, Colin was hornier now than he’d been during the rest of his life combined. He was starting to feel like a teenager again, or at least how he presumed an average teenaged boy felt, given his own experience at that age had been vastly different from his peers. It wasn’t unusual for him to wake up hard and aching for her, to spill over his hand the way he’d just dreamed of spilling into her. His showers had gotten longer, too, as he worked himself over the edge, picturing her small hands or full lips wrapped around him instead. He felt guilty about it, of course he did, but he wasn’t sure if he could stop it at this point, and a not-so-small part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

He’d spent so much of his life feeling wrong, wishing more than anything that he could just be normal–especially when it came to women and sex–and he didn’t think he was ready or willing to give that normalcy up now that he’d found some semblance of it. He’d considered confiding in his friends, asking their advice, until he remembered that his friends were all either his siblings or in love with one of his siblings. Besides, he’d never exactly talked to anyone about his struggles before. In fact, he was almost positive most of the people closest to him thought him to be some sort of modern rake, sleeping around and never settling down. At least, that’s what they’d implied over the years, and he had never corrected them. 

So he’d been keeping it all to himself. The overwhelming need, the intoxicating desire that was building inside of him as he continued to fall for her. It was almost irrefutable, he’d realized, that all of those feelings he’d never felt, the parts of him that he always thought were wrong, were just waiting for someone like her to ignite them. No, that wasn’t right. He wasn’t waiting for someone like Penelope, he was waiting for Penelope. 

Not that any of that changed anything, really. She had drawn the line in their relationship–in their friendship, he reminded himself constantly–and he had promised to follow her lead. He didn’t mind keeping that promise. He had no plans to ask for more, to expect more, not when he knew he could lose her if he pushed too hard, or even too soon. There was no world in which he would risk losing Pen. He could want her and not act on it. He could love her and be her friend. Being her friend was actually one of the easiest things he’d ever done. 

No one had ever made him laugh as much as she did. No one had ever tried to know him the way she did. No one had ever taken care of him the way she did. No one had ever seen him as clearly as she did. He had always felt like he was too much and not enough, like he was forever chasing some kind of happy medium to fit the expectations people had for him. But never with Penelope. Penelope made him feel just right for the first time in his life. He would be a fool to give that up. 

So instead of closing the distance between them, instead of blurring the already blurred lines even more, he took a step back and put on a goofy grin before saying, “Come on, I need sustenance. You know I’m a growing boy.”

He pretended he didn’t see her face fall ever so slightly in disappointment as he pivoted away from her toward the sidewalk and took a step forward before pausing and holding his hand behind him. As he waited, it occurred to him that he might be a masochist, but he decided he didn’t care as she slipped her palm against his, automatically weaving their fingers together. He tugged lightly and she let out a sweet “oof” as she moved to his side, rolling her eyes when he grinned down at her but allowing him to lead her down the street to the town square. 

They’d already made one stop here earlier today. His stomach had growled loudly as soon as they’d parked, and Pen had laughed and excitedly pulled him in the direction of the food trucks and other vendors that were set up to welcome everyone who had flocked to town for the garage sale extravaganza. He’d let her choose what they ate, and she hadn’t hesitated to go for the walking taco truck, telling him she’d never known about the midwest delicacy until she’d moved to Chicago. Apparently she and her sister had become obsessed with them, and while Colin couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten one, as they’d walked to the first block of homes eating their tacos-in-a-bag–Doritos for her, Fritos for him–he hadn’t been able to recall a better meal, though that was likely a result of the company more than anything else. 

This time, Colin bought each of them a frozen lemonade and a soft pretzel to share, and they sat on a bench in the shade so they could people-watch as they enjoyed their drinks–perfectly cold and tart and sweet–and dipped their bites of pretzel into a cup of melted cheese that Penelope wiped from his chin twice, giggling at his messiness. Again, he thought it might be one of the best meals he’d ever had. That was just how things tended to go. Everything felt new, better, more fulfilling with her by his side. 

She left him sitting on their bench for a few minutes as she went off in search of a restroom, his eyes following her until she was out of sight, drinking in the way her dress clung to her waist and floated over the gentle curves of her hips, which swayed in a hypnotizing fashion as she moved. It was the only thing he enjoyed about watching her walk away from him, already counting down the seconds until they were reunited. He knew it was pathetic, but he was so far gone for her that he didn’t have it in him to care. 

While he waited, his mind wandered back to arguments he’d heard his older brothers and his unfortunately douchey former friends have over the years, discussing the merits of being an “ass man” or a “boob guy,” and comparing their girlfriends along with other women they knew or even celebrities. At the time, whenever Colin was asked for his opinion on the topic, he would just regurgitate someone else’s words as he’d never fully understood their debate. 

And as he spotted Penelope making her way back to him now, he realized he still didn’t get it. Maybe it was because everything about her was pretty much perfect in his eyes, but he couldn’t figure out why or how someone would ever choose between the two when they could simply love both, when it was not only possible but much more gratifying to love all of her instead of picking and choosing parts he liked best. And although he’d often felt embarrassed for his inability to relate to the other men in his life, he realized he was actually quite glad for it when it came to something like this. Because there were no parts of Pen that he loved or appreciated more than others. Her mind, her body, her soul, every piece of her was precious to him–even the messy ones and the ones she considered to be broken, maybe especially those. And no one would be able to convince him that that was wrong. 

As she came closer, Colin pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, uninterested in letting the darkened lenses mute any of her light. Her rounded cheeks were flushed a pretty pink from the warm weather, the smattering of darker freckles over her nose was more obvious than ever, the varied shades of orange and red in her hair danced in the bright sun, and the skirt of her blue dress fluttered in the gentle breeze. When she spotted him, his favorite smile spread wide across her face and her eyes lit up with joy. She took his breath away and sped up the beat of his heart, a heart that she didn’t know fully belonged to her, a heart that had been hers since the first time he’d heard her laugh.

He let his legs fall open a little wider as she approached him, and she slotted herself in between them as she placed her hands on either side of his face. He closed his eyes as she pressed her lips to his forehead and clenched his hands at his sides to prevent himself from reaching for her hips. 

“Thank you for bringing me here, Col,” she whispered, and he opened his eyes to see her smiling softly at him, her blue eyes heartachingly clear. He nodded and turned his head to the side, kissing her palm then blowing a raspberry into it and making her squeal as she jumped back. Still laughing a little, she reached out her hands for him and pulled him to his feet. “You ready to take on the final leg of our journey?”

“Lead the way,” he told her with a smile, twining their fingers together once more, ready to follow her anywhere she wanted to go. He had no idea what else they could possibly find at this point, but there was no chance he was going to tell her that and risk cutting their afternoon short. Besides, he still wanted her to get just one thing for herself before they left. 

That was the whole reason he’d offered to bring her here in the first place. He’d expected to spend the day toting around Penelope’s purchases for her, relishing in her company. Instead, she’d made it her personal mission to help him liven up his apartment. She’d apparently found it to be lackluster when she’d explored it this morning, which he’d had to admit was an apt description. He knew his home didn’t exactly feel like him. 

Living the way he had in his twenties hadn’t been conducive to collecting much of anything, really. And although he’d designed his apartment to be the perfect space for him, he’d had nothing to fill it. Much to Daphne’s chagrin, he’d ignored her requests to decorate it for him and had purchased only the bare necessities to help him get by. He wasn’t sure why, but at the time, something had felt wrong about letting his sister take over. He loved her and knew she would have made it beautiful, but he wanted his home to be his, not her vision board from Pinterest come to life. So he’d stood his ground and then never bothered to go looking for the things to accomplish his goal. It had felt too daunting to even think about. Maybe that was just because he still wasn’t quite sure who he was. 

But just like most things in his life, he was learning that even this felt different with Penelope. When they’d started their search, he’d followed her around and said yes to everything she held up to show him. By the fourth house, she’d called him on it. She’d picked up a lampshade for him to look at, and when he’d nodded she’d all but collapsed into a fit of giggles before telling him between gasping breaths that it was the ugliest thing she’d ever seen. Her laughter had been so infectious that it had drawn the attention of the other people milling around, as well as the homeowners, who’d confirmed they were trying to get rid of it for a reason. 

Colin had taken a closer look then and conceded that they were all right, and Pen made it clear that there was no point in doing any of this if he was just planning to blindly agree to every option she presented him. He knew she was right, but he’d also tried to explain that he trusted her opinion more than his own, so they’d struck a deal: she would continue to show him items she genuinely thought he would like as long as he promised to show some discernment, and he was allowed to request her honest feedback on his own findings. 

The older couple who owned the home had watched them negotiate with matching, knowing grins and ended up giving him the vintage globe he’d found in their garage for free, as long as he promised to use the money to treat “his girl” to something special. Colin’s ears had heated and he’d tried to stutter a response, making Pen laugh as she’d wrapped her arm around his waist and beamed at them, promising them he treated her all the time. She’d proceeded to buy a stack of vinyl records from them to give to the twins to play on George’s old Victrola, and he’d pretended not to notice her pass over more than enough money to cover both the records and the globe as she’d tugged him away to the next house before they realized what she’d done. 

After that, they’d worked in tandem as they made their way through the blocks of sales, finding pieces for his apartment that “spoke to him.” It had been fun, not just because Pen was with him, but because it felt good to make choices for himself, to find things that represented who he was and who he wanted to be. Before he knew it, his Jeep had been practically filled with all kinds of things for his apartment. In addition to the globe and the new lamps–with lamp shades he actually liked–he’d found two new end tables, a rug, some candlesticks, and various tchotchkes as Pen liked to call them. She’d convinced him that the little knickknacks could be interspersed on his shelves with his books and promised to help him find the right places for them. He was excited to see it all come together, to make it feel a little more like home. 

Penelope had made quite a few purchases herself, though, like the records, they were all gifts for various family members and friends, including some for his own family. The other half of his backseat was filled with used books and little items that reminded her of the people she loved, including a set of rare vintage gardening tools she’d bought for Phillip from an elderly woman whose hands didn’t work as well as they used to. Colin had perused nearby as Pen had talked to the woman for close to twenty minutes until she’d called him over to help her carry a few things to the car. Before they’d walked away, he’d watched the women exchange a hug and whispered words that he couldn’t hear, and when he’d seen the older woman wipe away a few stray tears from under her eyes as soon as Penelope’s back was turned, he’d decided not to ask–he knew the moment wasn’t meant for anyone but them. 

“So,” he began as she swung their hands between them while they walked, “are you planning on buying anything for yourself? You’ve gotten so much for everyone else, I thought you were looking forward to finding something for you.”

Pen glanced up at him, a pensive look on her face as she considered his words. “If I see something I love, I’ll buy it for myself. But that’s not why I wanted to come.”

“Then what was it?” he asked, already bracing himself to hear something that would shift his perspective on life. She had a tendency to do that, whenever her brow would furrow in a particular way and her words would slow because her mind was working too fast trying to figure out exactly why she felt the way she did. It was something he never wanted to take for granted, her ability to make him see something in a different light. 

“I guess I like finding new homes for things. Whether it’s something that went unloved in the home of someone who couldn’t understand its potential, or something loved greatly by someone who never thought they’d be saying goodbye. It feels good to give it a second life, to find the person who will give it the love it never had, or to honor the person who loved it first. Maybe that’s silly,” she chuckled, self-depractingly. “I am aware I’m talking about inanimate objects, but–”

“Not silly, Pen,” he interrupted before she could overthink it. “Beautiful.” 

He meant it, too. And as he thought about her life, about the people who hadn’t loved her like they should, about the ones who had loved her that she’d lost too soon, he didn’t find it so surprising that she felt the way she did. He also suspected he could guess what she’d said to the woman she’d hugged earlier, who was parting ways with something she’d so obviously loved for a very long time, assuring her that those pieces of her heart would be loved and cared for by their new owner.

Penelope smiled up at him, squeezing his hand twice the way she often did. He knew it must mean something to her, those two distinct squeezes, was even more sure of it now after Oliver had done the same while they sat in the rocking chair together after the little boy’s nightmare a few weeks ago. He was thankful that before he could think too hard about that night, about the way he’d lost control over his emotions, Pen tugged on his arm and guided him toward the first house on the corner, starting their search anew. 

An hour or so later, they made their final trip to the car with their second frozen lemonades in hand–her treat this time. They’d already packed the Jeep with their final items: a large mirror for him and finally something for her, too. She’d found it at the very last house they’d visited–a vase that had been sitting out on one of the tables. She’d made a beeline for it, as if there had been some kind of magnetic pull between them. It had just looked like a vase to him, obviously handmade and a little wonky, but a vase all the same. 

He’d inched closer as Penelope held it up and asked the middle-aged woman how much it cost, heard her shaky voice reply that Pen could just take it if she wanted to, that she hadn’t really expected anyone to want it. She explained that her daughter had made it twenty years ago, and had dreamed of becoming an artist someday, of selling her work and making something of herself. The woman, Amy, had found it hidden away in the attic recently, and she’d thought maybe it wasn’t too late to try for her girl, who’d died over fifteen years ago from leukemia. When Penelope had tried telling the woman she should keep it, Amy had insisted. She had a home filled with pieces that had been on display for decades, this one needed a different home so her baby could live on. 

With tears in her eyes, Pen had turned it over in her hands, inspecting it further. Colin had seen her freeze the second the name on the bottom of the vase had registered with her, and he wasn’t sure that he’d ever so fully believed in fate until that moment when he’d stepped closer and peered over her shoulder to see the name Felicity carved into the clay. Amy had been concerned when her tears began to fall, then they’d cried together when Penelope had explained the connection. Before they’d left, Pen had hugged her and passed over the rest of her cash, not taking no for an answer as she made a little girl and her mom’s dream come true. She’d cradled the vase in her arms the entire way back to the car, tucking it carefully in between a spare blanket and a jacket to protect it. 

She’d closed the door behind her and walked straight into Colin’s arms, letting him hold her for a couple of minutes, though her tears had long dried. When she’d pulled away, she let him brush the mascara from under her eyes and he was glad to get a giggle out of her as he’d sprinkled obnoxious kisses over her face until she’d squirmed away and insisted they get one last treat for the road. As if he’d ever say no to that. 

He helped her climb up into the Jeep, happy to see her smiling again, and shut the door behind her before walking to his side of the car. He thought about asking but knew she would talk about it if she wanted to, so instead he started the car and flipped on the radio, tuning it to the station he knew had been George’s favorite, hoping it would bring her even the slightest relief on the drive back. He noticed that her fingers fiddled with the charm bracelet she wore around her wrist and knew she was likely also struggling with the nerves that came with being in a vehicle. She turned her head to the side to look at him, a smile playing at the corner of her lips, her eyes still a little glassy. 

Colin tucked his favorite curl behind her ear and brushed his thumb over the apple of her cheek. “You ready to go?”

Pen nodded and kept her eyes on him as he pulled away from the curb. They didn’t talk as they drove out of town. They hadn’t said much on their way here either, though he had noticed she’d seemed more comfortable on the stretch of highway they’d traveled than in the traffic of Madison and the little town seemingly everyone in Wisconsin had converged on for the weekend. He knew she was anxious, knew she avoided driving whenever she could, so he’d been sure to drive as carefully as he possibly could. Luckily it had been a smooth drive down, and he was glad when he felt her body relax next to him even more quickly now on their way home. She was even singing along quietly to the songs she’d known her whole life, a smile playing at her lips whenever he glanced over to find her already looking at him. 

“So, what are you thinking for dinner tonight?” she asked him when they were about halfway home. He peeked over to see her drumming lightly on her knees as she looked out the window. “Oooh maybe takeout! We never get takeout.” 

He was glad he had to keep his eyes on the road as he saw her look toward him excitedly in his periphery, not wanting to have to watch her face fall in disappointment. He hadn’t expected her to want to continue their day together. She usually made dinner for Phil and the twins at her apartment on Sunday unless they were all coming to his mother’s for family dinner. He supposed it made sense, though, that she would cancel on a day like today, and now he was mad at himself for not predicting it.

“Oh, um, well it’s Sunday night,” he answered lamely. 

“Yes…?” Her amusement was obvious in her tone.

“I go to my mom’s every Sunday.” 

“Really?” She was clearly surprised.

Colin hummed. 

“How did I not know this? I knew you all went often, but…” she trailed off. “Are you the only one who goes every week?”

“Yeah, Greg and Hya are there a lot of the time. Franny and El more than the others, too. But I’ve only missed one since I moved home.” What he didn’t say was that the one he’d missed was the one he spent waiting at Fox River for her to show up, though she might have guessed it anyway. A pang shot through his chest even thinking about that night, and he suddenly couldn’t imagine parting from her this evening. “You could come, you know.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” she said quietly. He glanced over again to see her playing with her bracelet absentmindedly, her cheeks a little pink as she bit her lip. 

“Mom adores you, Pen. It’s never an imposition,” he told her honestly. His mother loved Penelope, had seemingly decided to treat her as one of her own maybe before they’d even met. That was the way of Violet Bridgerton, something she’d passed down to her children as well. For all their faults, the Bridgertons were nothing if not fiercely loyal to their own, which included anyone that one of them loved. “I want you to come, Pen.”

“Ok, I’d love to,” she agreed, exchanging a quick smile with him. “We can get takeout some other time.” 

“Maybe Thai Tuesday this week?” he offered. 

Penelope moaned and Colin’s grip tightened around the steering wheel. “God, yes please. I love Thai, but Phil claims I get it too spicy.” 

He chuckled. He didn’t have to look at her to know she was pouting thinking about her brother’s spice tolerance. 

“Don’t worry, I can handle spice. We can get whatever you want,” he assured her just as he noticed the cars in front of him slowing. He flipped on his indicator and moved to the outside lane, hoping to get around whatever truck was holding up the line. Unfortunately the left lane also looked like it was backed up ahead. Colin figured it was just normal Sunday night traffic, people coming back to the city, but he hoped it wouldn’t be too much of a delay. Pen seemed mostly relaxed, but he still didn’t want her to sit in a car any longer than necessary. 

As he pressed on the brakes and matched the new speed of traffic, Penelope sat up a little straighter next to him. He smiled at her again, wanting to ease the worry already etched into her features. He wished he could reach over and soothe her brow himself, but now more than ever, he needed to be careful. He was about to tell her his Sunday night theory when he heard it, and when her breath hitched, he knew she’d heard it, too. 

Sirens blaring in the distance.

The unmistakable sound of an ambulance drawing closer. 

In his rearview mirror, Colin could see the vehicle speeding down the right shoulder as the cars in that lane started trying to merge to make room. Next to him, Penelope’s breathing accelerated and her hands squeezed into fists in her lap. 

“Pen, are you ok?” he asked, keeping his voice calm. Even. 

“Yes,” she responded too quickly, her voice strained and high pitched. She was lying, but he supposed it was a stupid question. 

“Penelope,” he said softly. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“I’m fine, I just–” she cut herself off as the ambulance raced past. 

Lights flashing. 

Sirens blasting. 

He forced himself to keep his eyes on the road–he had to keep them safe–but he allowed himself a quick look toward her and his heart shattered. Next to him, Pen’s whole body had begun to shake and her eyes were snapped shut. In the distance, the red and blue lights of the ambulance were still flashing, but it was no longer moving. Whatever had happened, they would be passing it soon.

“Pen, you’re alright, I promise.” He did his best to mimic the tone she’d used with his nephew all those weeks ago. Soft and quiet, but reassuring, nurturing. 

“I can’t, Colin.” She shook her head adamantly. 

“Penel–”

“No,” she whispered. “No, no no. I can’t–”

Her own gasping breaths cut her off. She was on the verge of a panic attack, and he tried to remember everything she’d said and done with Edmund. 

“Penelope, can you try to take a few deep breaths for me?”  

He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye and counted for her. 

“In, one…two…three…four. Out, one…two…three…four.”

She followed his instructions for three rounds until another siren sounded and a police car rushed past. In the matter of seconds, all progress was lost and tremors overtook her small body as she curled in on herself. 

“I can’t, Colin.”

“You need to pull over.”

“No, no, no.”

“Colin.”

“You have to pull over.” 

“Now.” 

Her pleas were coming too fast and he couldn’t get a word in until she had to pause for a longer breath. 

“Pen, I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

And God, was he so sorry. But he couldn’t do as she asked. In front of them the police car had come to a stop, cutting off traffic in the right lane and forcing everyone to merge into the left. The shoulder was practically nonexistent and there was no exit until after the place where the ambulance had stopped. There was nowhere for them to go but through, and he hated himself for letting her down, for putting her through hell. 

“Pull the car over, Colin,” she begged him. 

“I can’t, Penelope. We have to–we have to go past. I’m sorry,” his voice broke and all he could do was hope that she would forgive him for this. 

“No.”

“Colin, no.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t make me.” 

Tears streamed down her cheeks as they got closer and closer to finding out exactly why the ambulance had been rushing down the road in the first place. 

He needed to get her past. 

He needed everyone to be alright. 

He needed those goddamned sirens to stop. 

Why were they not stopping?

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I can’t help it. We have to get past it and then we can pull over.” 

“I can’t, Colin.”

“Don’t make me.”

“Penelope, baby, I need you to breathe for me,” he pleaded with her as his own tears spilled from his eyes. 

“No.”

“No.”

“I can hear it.”

“I can–”

“I can hear–”

“I can hear them–”

“Screaming.”

“They’re screaming.”

His heart broke over and over again as she pleaded with him through haggard breaths, her words almost unintelligible. 

“There’s no one screaming, Pen. You’re safe. You’re here with me. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“Pull over.”

“I need out.”

“Let me out.”

“They need help.”

“Pen, please listen to me. You’re safe. You need to breathe. In and out.” 

Nothing he said mattered now, he knew that. But at least they were getting closer; they were almost there. The lights were still flashing but the sirens had finally shut off. Not that it made a difference, that wasn’t what she was hearing anymore as she hyperventilated and sobs wracked her body. She was no longer even attempting to speak.  

Colin had never in his life felt so helpless, forced to keep his hands on the wheel, his eyes on the road, as the woman he loved gasped for air beside him as she relived the worst moments of her life. He knew that’s what was happening. 

Until now, he’d been under the impression that she didn’t remember the accident. He knew she hated being in the car, of course. How could she not after what happened to her? But he was told she didn’t remember it. 

That’s what Eloise had said. 

Phil had to tell her what happened. 

She wasn’t supposed to remember. 

She wasn’t supposed to relive this. 

But he knew she was. 

He knew she remembered. 

She’d said they were screaming, that they needed help. 

Had she heard them scream? 

Her brother, her best friend, her little sister. 

In their final moments, is that all she heard? 

Screaming. 

Was that what she was currently hearing? 

Curled into a ball on her seat, rocking back and forth with her head between her knees and her hands over her ears, as if she could block out the noise. 

As if she could end the screaming. 

He continued talking to her, attempting to get through to her, promising her she was alright even though it made him a liar. Because none of this was alright, because no one should ever have to experience this kind of pain. 

Thankfully, it only took another minute or two for them to move past. Colin looked out her window, hoping he wouldn’t have to lie to her again when he told her that whoever was involved was alright. He breathed a sigh of relief as he took in the scene. Though there’d been an accident, there was no sight of blood or bodies. A young couple was standing, talking to a police officer. An older man was sitting on the back of the ambulance with a paramedic, a bandage around his arm but no other obvious injuries. 

“Penelope, they’re ok,” he tried one last time to reassure her. “They’re all up and moving. No one was hurt, Pen.” 

But that wasn’t true, was it? 

She was hurt. 

She was hurting.

She might always be. 

She continued to rock in the seat, sobbing into her knees, and he was grateful that traffic started moving again as soon as they cleared the scene. He quickly merged back over to the right lane and pulled over at the next exit, a rest area. He glanced at the clock as he parked haphazardly, not caring if he was in between the lines. All in all, the ordeal had lasted less than ten minutes. 

Ten minutes that had felt like a lifetime. 

He wasn’t willing to waste another second.

Colin was out of the Jeep as soon as it was in park, not bothering to turn it off as he ran for the passenger side. There was no chance in hell he was leaving her in this car a second longer. He opened her door and reached over her to unbuckle her seatbelt. She allowed him to pull her into his arms, and he carried her a few feet before he collapsed into the grass, wrapping his arms tightly around her, still curled up in his lap, crying into his chest. 

She still wasn’t breathing right. 

He needed her to breathe. 

“Penelope, sweetheart, we need to try to take a few deep breaths again, ok? Can you try for me, please?” 

With her head tucked under his chin, he could feel her nod against him and began to count. 

In, one…two…three…four. Out, one…two…three…four.

In, one…two…three…four. Out, one…two…three…four.

In, one…two…three…four. Out, one…two…three…four.

In. Out. 

Again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Eventually, her breathing slowed just enough that he decided to try the grounding technique she’d taught his nieces and nephews. She’d passed it off as a game, but he’d researched it online after that night, wanting to make sure he was prepared in case someone he knew ever needed it. 

He wanted to be able to help. 

He needed to be able to help.

He hoped it would help her now.

“Can you tell me five things you can see, Pen?” he asked, keeping his voice as soft and steady as he could.

She shook her head against him, and he felt her fists tighten around his t-shirt.

“Please, baby, just try,” he practically begged her, his whole body relaxing a bit when she peeked out just enough to take in her surroundings and for him to hear her ragged whisper. 

“The Jeep.”

“Good, keep going.”

Her eyes moved over the area and he rubbed circles on her back in time with her breathing. 

“The sign, the door, that bench.” 

“One more.”

She peered up at him, her grip on his shirt loosening, though she kept her hands on his chest. “You.”

Colin rubbed her arms and tried his best to smile down at her. “Four things you can feel.”

She nodded and tried to take a deep breath. It sounded painful, but she didn’t let that stop her from continuing the exercise. “The grass, the wind, my dress.” She paused and moved a hand on his cheek, brushing her thumb under his eye and catching one of his tears. With one hand on his face, and the other over his pounding heart, she whispered, “You.”

“Good, sweetheart,” he forced himself to continue. “Three things you can hear.”

Penelope listened to their surroundings for a moment, her head tilting slightly to the side. “The cars and Stevie Wonder,” she started, leaving Colin confused until he heard the music floating out of the open passenger door of the Jeep. He chuckled softly and light reached her eyes if only for a second before she finished, “And you.”

Colin kissed the top of her head and murmured his next request into her hair, “Two things you can smell.”

She sniffed at the air and leaned back so she could look him in the eye, trying and failing to raise an eyebrow. His lip twitched. “Weed,” she deadpanned. 

He couldn’t help but giggle a little. It did smell like weed, courtesy of the teenagers passing a joint back and forth at one of the picnic tables nearby. “That’s only one,” he reminded her gently.  

She pressed her nose into his neck and breathed in deeply. It was the first breath she’d taken that didn’t sound as if she’d had to work for it, and he felt another tear fall from his eye as he finally let himself start to believe that she was ok. She murmured into his skin, “You.”

“One thing you can taste, Pen.”

She leaned back once more to study him. He knew what she was going to say and wondered how she was going to find an excuse for it. He cocked an eyebrow at her and saw the challenge flash through her eyes. Still, he was caught off guard when she pulled his head down so she could reach his cheek, licking a stripe up it before blowing a raspberry into his skin, pulling a real laugh from him for the first time. When she let go, he peered down at her, pulling on his curl and tucking it behind her ear. She smiled sadly. “You, Colin.”

“C’mere,” he said and right away, she burrowed back into him, her whole body relaxing and releasing the tension she’d been holding onto. He wrapped his arms around her once again and swayed them back and forth in their spot in the grass, ready and willing to sit here all night if he had to. He wouldn’t make her get back in that car until she told him she was ready to go. 

As they sat there, a few cars came and went–their occupants minding their own business for the most part, though they caught a few curious glances from passersby. The only measure of time was the number of songs that faintly drifted out from the radio. After a long while, Penelope leaned back and he loosened his arms automatically, following her lead as always. 

“We should probably go, I’ll bet your mom is worried,” she whispered before uncurling herself and standing, pulling him up after her. “I just need to freshen up.”

“I’ll be right here,” he promised. 

Colin watched her make her way into the building, distraught that he even had to let her out of his sight. He grabbed his phone from his car and called his mother. Pen was right, she had been worried and he felt awful, but when he briefly explained the situation, she quickly understood and made him promise to take care of Penelope tonight, even going so far as to suggest a few things that might help her relax. With a final guarantee that he would do everything he could for her and that he would see his mom tomorrow, they hung up just as Pen emerged from the building. Her face was pink, likely scrubbed clean in the sink, and her eyes were hazy and unfocused, but they brightened ever so slightly when she saw him leaning against the front of the Jeep. 

She walked straight for him, allowing him to pull her into another hug. She melted into his arms, wrapping hers around him and rubbing his back soothingly, as if she knew it had pained him for her to be away. Colin kissed the top of her head, and rested his chin there as his fingers played absentmindedly with the ends of her baby blue ribbon, letting the feel of the silk and Penelope bring him back to earth. And they stayed like that for a while, holding each other, her ear resting directly over the heart that seemed to beat for her, neither of them willing to let go just yet. 

“Was that your mom you were on the phone with?” she asked after a couple of minutes, her voice hoarse as she tried to speak at a normal volume for the first time. 

He hummed into her hair and took a deep breath, savoring her citrusy scent as it brought him one step closer to the calm he needed to get back behind the wheel. 

“Is everything alright?”

“You were right, I had a couple of missed calls from her and Hya. I promised I’d stop over after work tomorrow,” he explained, a small smile forming on his lips as he remembered his mother’s demand for a week’s worth of breakfast pastries as compensation for her worry. She was joking, of course, but he loved baking for his mom and surprising her with new flavors. He was looking forward to experimenting a bit.

“I’m so–”

“Greg and Hya are there, and I guess El and Phil took the twins as well,” he added swiftly, before Penelope could offer an unnecessary apology. None of this was her fault. “They’ll be just fine without me for a night. I’d rather be with you than listen to Greg pine over whether or not to invite Lucy to Daph and Si’s on Thursday anyways.”

Her sweet giggle floated up between them, and his mind stilled ever further. She knew Colin had already invited Lucy to come to the party, knowing damn well his little brother would chicken out. After a moment, she started again, “Still, I–”

“No, Pen, nothing else matters right now, ok?”

In answer, she turned her face into his chest and pressed her lips right over his heart, which skipped a beat–an answer of his own. 

“Can we go home?” Her voice was muffled as she spoke into his shirt, but he understood her just fine. 

“Are you sure?” 

He needed her to be sure. 

He needed to be sure. 

She nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Can I help at all?”

She leaned back, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes, then reached up to smooth the furrow in between his brows with her thumb before running her fingers through his hair, a grin playing at her lips as he ever so slightly chased her touch. 

“Just being you is enough, Colin.”

Her words caught him off guard and he blinked down at her as she laid one last kiss over his heart then began to pull away. He wanted to bring her right back into his arms, but instead he let her go, following her to the passenger side door. He helped her into the Jeep and shut the door behind her, then forced himself to walk to the driver’s side even as trepidation started filling his mind again. Once he’d climbed into his own seat and buckled his seatbelt, he turned his head to the right and found her smiling at him. 

“I’m alright, Col. I’m with you,” she told him. Sensing his hesitation, she reached over to his lap and picked up his hand, moving it to the gear shift. “I trust you, Colin.” 

She had told him that once before, the first night in her apartment when she’d given him Treasure Island. Even then, it felt like so much more. 

Penelope trusted him. 

She trusted him with her favorite books, the ones she kept on a special shelf, the ones she seemed to know by heart. 

She trusted him with the stories of her family, the ones she lost, the ones she still held as close as she could. 

She trusted him with the nightmares of her past, the ones she managed to escape, the ones she still suffered from. 

She trusted him with her joy as much as she trusted him with her pain. 

She trusted him to take care of her, to get her home. 

He had no idea what he’d ever done to deserve that kind of unyielding faith. 

But her words echoed inside his head. 

Just being you is enough, Colin.

Six words. 

Six words that had flooded his soul. 

Maybe he wasn’t right in the eyes of anyone else, but maybe that didn’t matter. Maybe it only mattered that in the sea blue eyes of the woman next to him, the woman he loved, he was enough. 

He nodded, smiled, shifted into gear, and took her home. 

Forty-five minutes later, Colin pulled into his parking spot behind their building and glanced toward Penelope. She was still looking at him, had been since he’d started the car back at the rest stop. He’d felt her eyes on him the entire way home, and it might have been unnerving if he didn’t love her so much, if he didn’t need her so fiercely. Instead, every time he’d allowed himself a peek in her direction and saw the indisputable, unrelenting trust in her eyes, it had made him feel a little more whole. 

He lifted her hand from his lap and played with her fingers, his thumb brushing over the charm bracelet she wore. She’d reached across the center console and pressed her hand against his leg as soon as they’d pulled out onto the highway. The touch had grounded him, and he thought it likely had done the same for her. 

“So, I was thinking…” he started.

“That’s never a good sign,” she teased, scrunching her nose when he stuck his tongue out at her. “Sorry, please continue, Stanford.”

“As I was saying, Penn,” he narrowed his eyes playfully, then softened his expression as he hoped more than anything she would go along with his plan. “I was thinking you could go upstairs and take a bubble bath, try to relax a little bit. And while you’re doing that, I can unpack the car and get us some dinner? Then maybe we put on a movie or something and snuggle up with the boys.”

Pen cocked her head and studied him for a moment, he could practically see the gears turning in her mind as she decided what to say next. He wasn’t exactly surprised when she chose the most innocuous part of the plan to discuss. “Can we get Thai food?”

“We can get whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“I want crab rangoon and pad see ew,” she answered right away.

Colin chuckled, “Chicken or tofu?”

“Tofu, please. Basil fried rice, too. Spicy.”

“Deal, but only if you actually keep up your end of the bargain.”

“So bossy,” she groaned, though her eyes were bright. He brought her fingers to his mouth and opened, threatening to bite them until she giggled and agreed, “Ok, ok, deal.” 

He smiled, kissing the tip of each finger then lowering them once again. 

“Will you carry me upstairs? My legs are tired from walking all day.” 

It was clear in her tone that she was joking, for the most part at least, but he also knew how exhausted she was, knew that she was trying so hard to pretend that she was ok. So in no time at all, he was standing by her open door, facing the parking lot while she balanced on the side step of his Jeep with her hands on his shoulders. 

“Colin,” she laughed incredulously, “you are not serious. I was kidding!” 

“Oh, I assure you I am quite serious, Penelope,” he told her over his shoulder. “Now climb on or I’ll eat all the crab rangoon!”

She gasped, “You wouldn’t dare!”

“I’m a hungry boy, Pen. Who knows what I’ll do?”

“Ok fine, but this is for the ‘goons and the ‘goons alone,” she muttered, and he smiled, bemused at how easy it was to predict exactly what would get her to agree, though he also knew she was very much pretending not to want the ride he was offering. As soon as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he hooked his arms around her legs and adjusted her on his back while she squealed at the sudden movement. He kicked her door closed behind them and started to walk towards their building. 

“Woah, Colin, is this really how you giants live? I can see everything from up here,” she mused, cracking him up with the over-the-top amazement in her tone.

“You know, for someone who calls me a dork on the daily, you sure are weird, Featherington.”

She tapped his chest and sighed dramatically, “Oh, I know. But I think you like me that way.” 

He rolled his eyes knowing she was right, and she reached up to boop him on the nose because she knew she was right, too. 

“You have a few gray hairs, Col. Did you know?” Colin huffed, refusing to answer her, and she giggled. He wrapped her legs tighter around him so he could use his hands to unlock and open their door. Pen squeezed her thighs around his waist and began to play with his hair with one hand, very much distracting him as he tried to get them inside. “I quite like it actually. It’s very distinguished, Mr. Bridgerton.”

“Oh?” he asked as he pulled open the door that led to their apartments. 

“Mmmm,” she hummed happily, nuzzling into his neck as he began to climb the stairs. “I think I could get used to this.”

He shook his head, laughing a little, wondering if she had any idea that all she would ever need to do is bat her eyelashes and say please, and he’d probably carry her anywhere she wanted to go. It wasn’t exactly a chore. Not only was she pint-sized and easy to carry, but he also relished her soft weight on his back, her warm breath on the nape of his neck, her perfect giggle in his ear. He was slightly disappointed when they reached the top of the stairs and he was forced to bend his knees and lower her to the ground, already missing the perfect feel of her luscious curves surrounding him. 

She pulled her keys out of the tote she wore over her shoulder and he stepped out of her way so she could unlock her door. 

“How about I give you an hour? You can take a bath and wash your hair, do your whole routine. Then I’ll be here with dinner.” Pen spun around and looked up at him with wide eyes, biting her lip nervously. “What is it?”

“I don’t–I don’t want to be alone for that long,” she admitted, the fear and sadness that she was trying so hard to hide, creeping back in. 

“Pen–”

“Can we compromise? I’ll take a shower while you get the food, we can unpack the car tomorrow, and you can come over in thirty minutes instead?”

“Sure, sweetheart, whatever you need,” he assured her, pressing his lips to her forehead. He heard her sigh sweetly, heartbreakingly, in relief as she gripped the sides of his t-shirt. “How about I place our order right now, then Hermes and I will come over as soon as the food is here? We can hang out with Telly if you’re not ready yet.”

“I’d like that,” she whispered, dropping her hands and turning back to her door. Before she went inside, she looked back over her shoulder. “Thank you, Col.”

“Always.”

She left him standing in the hallway, and though he was tempted to sink against the wall and cry the second she was out of sight, he couldn’t let this be about him. He needed to keep moving. He needed to be what she needed tonight. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called his favorite Thai restaurant as he walked back downstairs to grab the one thing he needed out of the Jeep. Then he went upstairs to his own apartment, feeding Hermes and taking a quick shower, dressing in his comfiest clothes and throwing on his glasses. By the time he was done, the food was arriving. He grabbed it from the delivery driver, collected what he needed from his place, and went next door.

Telemachus greeted them excitedly when they walked in, and Hermes jumped down from Colin’s shoulders to see his best friend, the two of them quickly wandering off somewhere together as he started to set everything up on the dining table. 

Ten minutes later, he surveyed his work and nodded to himself. He’d done the best he could and now he just had to hope that it would–at a minimum–make her smile. He shuffled down the hall and knocked on her bedroom door, unsure if she’d heard him moving around and unwilling to raise his voice to call for her tonight. 

A few moments passed before the door opened, and relief washed over him as soon as she stepped into view. He collected himself as he took her in, the silly mismatched socks she loved to wear around her apartment, the giant University of Minnesota shirt that hung to her knees–a gift from Phil after he tired of her stealing his clothes. Her hair was still soaking wet, the ends just barely starting to curl at her shoulders, and when their gazes finally clashed, her crystal eyes sparkled, though the red rim around them was even more noticeable than when he’d left her at her front door thirty minutes ago. She’d been crying again.

“Hi Col,” she croaked, and he wanted so badly to wrap her up in his arms, to hold her, to protect her, but he knew the second he did, she would collapse. He could feel it with every fiber of his being, she was holding on by a thread, and while he knew the break was likely inevitable, he needed to try to take care of her first, to soften whatever blow was coming for her. He needed her to eat something, to drink her tea, to stop and breathe and let her soul settle. 

“Dinner is served, miss,” he said in a poor English accent as he bowed, well aware of how ridiculous he looked in his old gym shorts and an even older Green Bay Packers tee that had once belonged to his father. He was rewarded with a light giggle as she held out her hand to him and savored the blush that painted her cheeks when he kissed her knuckles. “May I escort you to the dining room, Miss Featherington?”

“You may, Mr. Bridgerton,” she said, copying his accent along with some estimation of a curtsy that drew a chuckle from him. He tucked her hand into his elbow and led her down the hall. “Why are the lights–”

She stopped talking as the dining table came into view and a soft gasp fell from her lips. Colin peered down at her and found her staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the space. He’d done his best to transform it for her. The candlesticks they’d found earlier decorated the table–he’d thankfully been able to scrounge up some candles from his storage closet, which now illuminated the feast he’d ordered for them. At the center of the table, though, was the piece that mattered the most. Maybe the only piece that mattered, really. She dropped her hand from his arm as she moved straight toward it for the second time today. 

The candlelight bounced off the blue glaze of Felicity’s vase in fractals and danced in Penelope’s ginger hair. And he watched, captivated, as she brushed her finger over the delicate petals of the daisies he was sure she’d gotten at the Farmers Market yesterday and down the side of the perfectly imperfect vase. When she glanced back at him, her smile and the flames from the candles brightened her eyes so beautifully that he felt his knees go weak. None of this was even close to everything he wished to give her, everything she so deserved, but for tonight it would have to be enough. 

“Col–,” she started, shaking her head when her voice broke. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his favorite curl around his finger. 

“You like it?”

She nodded as she held his other hand in one of her own, squeezing twice. “I love it.”

“I’m glad. I thought it might be nice…”

“To have her here with us?” she finished for him after he trailed off. 

It was his turn to nod as his emotions threatened to boil over again. Penelope smiled and lifted his hand so she could kiss his palm. 

“I do have a question, though,” she murmured into his skin before lowering their joined hands again. 

“Hmm?”

“Exactly how many people did you think you were feeding tonight?”

Colin barked out a laugh. “I thought you might want a few extra options,” he told her with a tap on her nose. “Besides, I figured we could take the leftovers down for lunch with Mich and Luce tomorrow.”

“Col, we could eat leftovers all week with this much food,” she said, still chuckling. 

“That sounds like a challenge,” he teased, waggling his eyebrows. 

Pen shook her head, bemused, as she bit back her grin. He wanted to pull her lip from in between her teeth, to soothe it with his own. 

Instead, he asked, “Did you see your ‘goons?” 

Her brow furrowed and he turned her around so she could take a closer look at the table, the moment she saw it, she fell back into him laughing. He’d ordered more crab rangoons than they could possibly eat and piled them high onto a plate, forming some kind of fried pyramid. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he squeezed her waist and guided her to sit down, then walked around the table to settle in across from her, fighting every urge he had to stay by her side. She grinned at him as she went for her favorites first, moaning in delight at the first bite, and he followed her lead the way he always did. 

Neither of them spoke as they ate their dinner, seemingly in agreement that they didn’t need to, that they could just exist like this, together. His eyes never left her, though. In fact, he was so focused on ensuring she had everything she needed–tracking every bite of food she took, every sip of the Jasmine tea he’d brewed her–that he barely remembered to eat anything until she narrowed her eyes at him and pointed between his full plate and his mouth, waiting for him to take a bite before she started eating again. After a while, she set her chopsticks down on the table and he did the same, unable to look away as she reached out her hand to trace a finger over one of the squiggles that had been designed into the vase. When she looked back at him with tears threatening to spill over onto her cheeks, Colin felt his heart break for her all over again. 

“I’m all done, I think,” she whispered. 

“Ok, let me put the food–”

“We can do it later. Will–will you just sit with me for a bit?” 

“Of course, Pen.”

He stood from the table and walked around to her side, linking their hands together and helping her stand before leading her over to the couch. A soft smile played on his lips when he saw Hermes and Telemachus curled up on their favorite armchair, black and orange mixing together as their tails intertwined, and he paused as she took a moment to scratch them both behind the ears before he sat in his usual corner of the couch.

Used to her snuggling into his side, he lifted his arm up for her, but she surprised him when she laid down and put her head in his lap instead, curling herself into a ball while her fingers played with the frayed hem of his shorts. Colin ran his fingers through her damp hair, and she sighed and nuzzled even further into him, which he took as a sign to continue. He had no idea how long they stayed like that, he didn’t care. He would sit here all night if that was what she wanted, what she needed. 

Eventually, she turned onto her back so she could look up at him. “Colin?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m sorry for scaring you tonight.” He opened his mouth to disagree, but she was quick to continue, “Please don’t lie to me. We don’t lie to each other. I could see it on your face, Col. I could hear it in your voice.”

He felt tears spring to his eyes and nodded, there was no point in denying it. “I didn’t know how to help you, Pen, and it terrified me.”

“I know, Col, and I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that, you have nothing to be sorry–” his voice broke as his tears spilled over. He hated that she was apologizing for something beyond her control. 

Penelope sat up and gently brushed her thumbs under his eyes, then allowed him to situate her with her legs over his lap so they could properly look at each other. He absently moved his hands over her calves, hoping the feel of her would keep him there with her. 

“Colin, what happened back there, that was inevitable. There was nothing you–or anyone else for that matter–could have said or done to stop it. From the second–,” she paused and took a breath. “From the second I heard that siren, there was no stopping it. I meant what I said before, though. You did help me, you got me out, you brought me back down. You, Colin. I hate that you had to see me like that, I hate that I scared you, I hate that you’re blaming yourself for this, but it was not your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either, Pen.”

A flash of an emotion he couldn’t name crossed her face, and she shook her head, as if she were refusing to agree with him. But it wasn’t her fault, none of it was. 

“I’m sorry, Colin.”

“We don’t say sorry for feeling, Pen. Remember?”

“Rule number six,” she breathed out.

He nodded. She studied him for a long moment as she wrung her fingers in her lap. 

“I–I think I want to tell you what happened last December,” she said suddenly, startling him. “I think I need you to know, so that you can understand.”

“Penelope, you don’t owe me your story, you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not ready to share.” He meant every word. She didn’t owe him explanations, she didn’t owe him anything, she didn’t owe anyone anything. 

“I know that. But, Colin, I told you that I want you to know me, and you never really will unless you hear it, unless you know what happened that night. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now. I almost did, but I was scared that you wouldn’t look at me the same way anymore once I told you. And I like the way you look at me. Maybe that’s a stupid reason…”

He didn’t know what she could possibly mean by that, why she thought anything she had to tell him would change the way he looked at her, the way he saw her. If she was aware of it in the first place, she had to know, right? She had to have some idea of what she meant to him. He placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her head back so he could look in her eyes. He needed her to know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Nothing you tell me could ever change my mind about you, Penelope.”

“How do you know?” 

“You’ll just have to trust me.”

She nodded and pulled his fingers to her mouth to kiss them before she lowered them to her lap and began. 

“Our family–George, Phil, Felicity, and I–we spent every Christmas together growing up. Elizabeth, she always did something special for us, but once she was gone, no one really seemed to care. So the four of us had our own traditions. We’d decorate a tree with ornaments we’d all made over the years, we’d make hot cocoa on the stove as we danced to Christmas music in the kitchen, we’d watch Christmas movie marathons and have a slumber party in our matching flannel pajamas. Once we were old enough, we’d drive around in their beat-up old Corolla and look at all the Christmas lights. Even after the three of us moved away for school, we spent it together. For Felicity, and for us. 

“I think it was my senior year that we spent it with Marina’s family, it was her first Christmas with George and her last Christmas with her parents. And after that, it was the five of us. A few years later, five became seven and our little traditions continued and grew to include the twins. None of us ever missed a Christmas. It didn’t matter what was happening, we were together. But last fall, Fel decided to stay in England so she could study for her exams. She always worked so hard, and I knew it was because she felt that she had to make it all worth it, that she was doing it for me as much as she was doing it for her. Still, I tried to talk her out of it, but I couldn’t change her mind.”

Colin wasn’t surprised by that. Pen had shared plenty of stories about her sister’s stubbornness and drive, always with the same underlying tone of pride and adoration that was present even now. 

“But George? George was her favorite person in the world. From the time she started walking to some of the last steps she ever took, she was running towards him. He could get her to do anything. Whether that meant eating her vegetables, or doing her math homework, or brushing her teeth, there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do if he asked. And I think part of that is because she knew how much he loved her, knew that he would do anything for her, for all of us. So when he asked her to come home for Christmas, when he told her how much it would mean to me if she did, she said yes.

“He kept it a secret from everyone but Phil, knowing he couldn’t trust Marina and the kids not to spill it in their excitement, though we did find out later that he told the twins his plan as he told them goodnight. He promised that he’d wake them up when they came back with their ice cream and Auntie Fel. He never would have been able to make them wait until morning. It wasn’t just me who missed her, they did too. So much.”

Colin noticed the tears forming in Pen’s eyes and pulled her further into him, tucking her as closely to his body as he could and offering her one of his hands to hold as she continued. She brushed her thumb over his knuckles and kept her eyes on their joined hands while she spoke.

“Looking back to that day, I can remember how bouncy he was in anticipation for her arrival, though he was obviously anxious, too, as her flight kept getting delayed due to the weather. After dinner, we watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas and then put the kids to bed, and George came bounding down the stairs, looking between me and Marina mischievously, asking if we wanted to go out for ice cream. She looked at him like he was crazy–my favorite look of hers. It was just starting to snow a little and it was so cold. She had gotten used to the San Diego winters and had no interest in the Wisconsin chill. But his joy was so infectious that neither of us could say no in the end. Knowing what his brother was up to, Phil offered to be the one who stayed back with the kids.

“I drove. My car was blocking theirs in and I had the best tires for the snow, anyways. And George counted on my poor sense of direction not to give anything away as he directed me to the airport. It worked, I had no idea where we were going until we were there. Even then, I didn’t let myself believe it until I pulled up to the curb and there she was…

“I can still see the snowflakes in her hair, her blue eyes bright with the same mischief as our big brother’s, the way they always were when the two of them had a secret. George was out of the car first and she practically leapt into his arms as he spun her around in a circle. Marina and I joined in quickly, the four of us so glad to be back together that we stayed there holding each other and giggling until someone came and yelled at us to move the car. We piled back in, Marina up front with me as the two of them huddled in the backseat together, relishing in the success of their scheme.”

Colin used his free hand to brush away the first tears that fell, and Pen briefly laid her cheek in his palm, letting herself smile at the memory of her family. When she nodded that she was ready to keep going, he tucked her mostly dried curl behind her ear and gave her a second hand to hold. He knew what came next. 

“Both the snow and the wind had picked up a little while we’d been there. I noticed it the second we started moving again, but there was really no one out on the roads so I figured if I drove slowly it wouldn’t be an issue. Marina took over the navigation duties as George and Felicity sang along to the Christmas music we’d flipped on for the drive. At a stop sign, I turned around to see them laughing and dancing together, and I just–I just remember being so happy. I was so fucking happy, Colin. My family was back together, my baby sister was home. I was–I was going to come see you the next day, to tell you…”

She cut herself off as a sob wracked through her body. He could only guess what she was going to tell him that day, but it didn’t matter now. He pulled her the rest of the way onto his lap, rubbing her back and holding her as she cried until she was ready to talk again.

“The next thing I knew, I was waking up to bright lights and beeping machines and Phillip sitting next to my bed with dark circles under his eyes and teartracks down his face. I didn’t know how I had gotten there, I had no memory of anything after that moment, after that feeling of overwhelming joy. It was Phil who had to tell me what happened. He tried–he tried to tell me about my own injuries first, the surgeries I was recovering from, reassuring me that I was ok, but I wouldn’t stop asking about them. I didn’t take it well once he told me the truth. They ended up sedating me again. And when I woke up three days later, he had to tell me everything for a second time.

“They were gone. They were gone and I couldn’t remember any of it. They told me it wasn’t my fault, that it was the snow and the wind and the truck driver who hadn’t seen the stop sign. He walked away without a scratch, you know.” 

Colin did know. Eloise had said as much that day at his mother’s house when he’d learned of Felicity’s fate, of the extent of Pen and her family’s pain. 

“I hate him for that. I know it’s not fair, but I do. I hate him almost as much as I hate myself.”

“Pen–” It was the first word he said, and he hadn’t meant to. He had meant to let her talk, to tell her story, but the idea of her hating herself for what happened threatened to destroy him.

“I was driving, Colin. And maybe if I hadn’t been so distracted thinking about myself, I would have noticed him coming, maybe I would have been more careful, maybe I would have been able to hit the brakes sooner.” 

Penelope buried her face into his shirt and Colin found himself speaking once again. He’d listened to Anthony agonize over similar questions for almost twenty years, wondering if he could have somehow prevented their father’s death. Those kinds of questions brought nothing but pain.

“Sweetheart, you can’t play this game with yourself. You can’t torture yourself over the maybes.”

She peeked her head out from under his chin and he noted the doubt in her eyes along with an unwillingness to let herself not just hear his words, but believe them. His thoughts were confirmed when she shook her head once more.

“It doesn’t really matter in the end. The whole thing would still be my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“I begged her to come home, Colin. George only planned it because he knew how sad I was going to be without her. And because I couldn’t go one fucking Christmas without my baby sister, I’m now stuck spending the rest of my life without her, without my brother, without my best friend. Phil, he lost them, too. And the twins–the twins have to grow up without their parents. We were supposed to break the cycle for them, Colin. They were supposed to have everything we never had. They were–”

She broke off as her breaths turned to gasps. He took a deep breath, counting to four in his head before exhaling. She followed him through the cycle a few times until she calmed enough to keep going. But he almost wished she hadn’t when he heard what she had to say.

“It should have been me. I know that. Everyone would be better off if it had just been me. Instead, I was left here, broken.”

That was what broke him. He’d tried to stay strong, to stop his own tears, but hearing her say that, knowing she believed it, it desolated him and she didn’t even seem to notice, too caught up in making it to the end and too ready to believe her own words. 

“I started remembering it in pieces. I’d see or hear something that reminded me of that night and I’d get these little flashes. A few months ago, I found George’s old jacket in the closet. Phil had gotten it dry cleaned; I guess he just couldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t want him to, but when I saw it, it all came rushing back. Some parts are a little fuzzy, but most of it is there. And times like tonight, when I hear the sirens and see those flashing lights, it’s like I’m still there. I can hear them, I can see them. George’s yell as he tried to throw himself over my sister to take the brunt of whatever was coming as the lights raced towards us. Marina’s scream accompanied by the crunch of metal as the truck crashed into the passenger side of the car. Felicity’s shriek of unmistakable pain…the last sounds I ever heard from her, from any of them, echoing inside my head. 

“And it’s not just them. I can hear the sirens, too. The firefighters trying to get me out of the car, the paramedics trying to calm me down. I can hear my own screams, the ones I didn’t realize were mine.”

She must have noticed his heavy breathing, because she turned in his lap so she could look up at him. She placed one of his hands over her heart, and took a deep breath. He followed her lead, letting the steady beat below his fingers ground him, a reminder that she was still here. When his breaths returned to normal, she started again.

“I must have lost consciousness soon after that, as they rushed me to the hospital and supposedly straight into surgery.” She lifted his hand to the left side of her head, guiding his fingers to the spot he saw her touch occasionally, absentmindedly. She’d done it that first day she came into the bakery, but he had no idea why until now. He felt it right away, the slight depression in the side of her head. “Burr hole,” she explained, “to relieve the pressure from the blood after my head hit the window.”

“That’s why you cut your hair,” he said, tangling his fingers in a few strands that were shorter than everything else. 

Pen nodded, then moved his hand down to her side, running his fingers over her ribs before stopping. “Three broken ribs and a collapsed lung. The chest tube was right here.” 

Colin rubbed his thumb over the spot she indicated as his tears fell freely down his cheeks. She wiped them away and he leaned into her touch. 

“You’re still doing it,” she whispered.

“Doing what?”

“Looking at me the way you always do.”

“How do I look at you, Pen?”

“Like I’m something precious.”

“You are.” She shook her head and opened her mouth to respond, but quieted when he placed his fingers over it. When he was sure that she wouldn’t object, he gave her back his hand to hold. “You are precious to me, Penelope. You are precious to my family, to my sisters especially,  who have always struggled to find a place they belonged until they met you. You are precious to Phil, who would fight the world for you. You are precious to the twins, who look at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. You were precious to Marina, who talked about you as if you were the greatest gift she’d ever been given. You were precious to George, who would have found a way to steal the moon for you if he thought it would make you happy. And you were precious to Felicity, who you would do any and all of those things for, who you dedicated your life to.

“I know that you won’t believe me right now, I know that it’s going to take a long time for you to understand that this was not your fault. I have watched my brother blame himself for an accident that was out of his control for two decades. I cannot take that from him as much as I wish I could. Just like I cannot stop you from feeling this way as much as I wish I could. But I will never let you doubt that you are a precious thing, that your life is just as precious as all of theirs, that it is a miracle that you are sitting here, that you’re breathing despite your injured lung, that your heart is beating underneath those broken ribs, that your mind–your beautiful mind–is fighting its way out of this, grappling with this grief.

“God, Pen, I wish that I could take this pain from you, that I could bring them back. But I can’t sit here and let you believe that anyone would be better off in a world without you in it.”

They were both crying now as she burrowed against him and he held her, burying his face into her neck. They sat there for a long time, neither of them speaking. There was nothing left to be said tonight. After what could have been ten minutes or an hour, she unfurled herself and moved off of him so she could lie down. He put her head in his lap and laced the fingers of one hand through her hair as his other hand traced shapes along her side, lulling her to sleep. It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out and her soft snore floated up to him, and he let himself sit there for another few minutes before he carefully stood and tucked a pillow under her head. 

As quietly as he could, Colin cleaned off the dining table, blew out the candles, and put all of their leftovers in her fridge–she was right, they’d have enough for lunches all week. Then he moved back to the couch and lifted her into his arms so he could take her to her bed to sleep. He left the lights off as he carried her in, guided only by the moonlight drifting in through the window, and gently laid her in her bed, pressing his lips to her forehead before he turned to leave. Just as he took a step, he felt her hand wrap around his wrist and he looked back over his shoulder. 

“Stay.”

“Pen–”

“Stay, Colin, please. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

He nodded and instead of letting him go so he could walk around to the other side of the bed, Pen tugged on his arm and made room for him to scoot in next to her. As soon as he laid down, she snuggled into his side, wrapping an arm over his stomach. His heart pounded, though they’d done this once before, in her old room at the Crane’s house. 

That night, it was because he’d needed her. He’d held it in while helping Oliver, while sitting with Amanda, while getting them back to sleep, but the second he and Pen were alone, the memories had almost brought him to his knees. Memories of running through his house to get to his siblings, of holding them as they screamed for their father, of stroking their hair and telling them stories until they fell back to sleep. And she had held him through it all. He’d hated leaving her that morning, slipping away while she was still sleeping to get to the bakery, but he’d been almost grateful in the end that he’d only had a few hours with her. It was better not to get attached to the intimacy of sleeping by her side, of waking up next to her the way he dreamed of.

Tonight it was different, tonight she needed him, and he would never deny her anything she asked for if it was in his power to give it to her. So even though he knew this would continue to complicate things for him, that he would begin to crave this kind of closeness the same way he craved every other kind she’d introduced to him in the short time they’d known each other, he didn’t stop himself from pulling her in closer, from kissing the top of her head and murmuring into her hair, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

She sighed in contentment. “I like when you call me that.”

“Yeah?”

He felt her nod and he smiled.  

“Hey Colin?” 

“Hmm?”

“I think you might be my best friend.”

“I think you’re mine too, Pen.”

Chapter Text

Penelope. 

Colin’s soft and familiar voice floated through her dreams, whispering her name. She snuggled further into her bed–relishing in the warmth of her comforter surrounding her and the man she loved finding her in her sleep once again–and sighed in contentment. 

Pen, wake up. 

“Mm mm, too cozy,” she muttered in response to Dream Colin, then buried her head into her pillow, confused as to when it became so firm. She felt more than heard his deep chuckle, always a perfect, quiet rumbling in his chest that made her feel like she was home. She was vaguely aware of her warm blanket being removed from her grasp and shivered as gentle fingers drifted up her arm and moved her hair aside so that plush lips could brush against the shell of her ear. 

“Sweetheart, I have to go,” he said in his impossibly sweet tone, not bothering to hide his own disappointment, as she finally recognized that she hadn’t been dreaming at all. She shut her eyes even tighter while Colin continued to play with her hair, wrapping it around his fingers as his thumb soothed circles into her shoulder. 

“Pen, baby, I’m sorry. I can’t leave without…” he trailed off, but she didn’t need him to finish to know what he was going to say. He didn’t want to leave without knowing she was alright, she was sure of it as her memories from the previous night came rushing back to her. There was pain, fear, panic, heartbreak. And there was also Colin. 

Colin, talking to her from the moment they’d heard the ambulance until she was able to register his words again, pulling her from the Jeep and into his lap, rocking her until the beat of his heart under her ear steadied her. 

Colin, using exercises they’d never discussed, guiding her way back to earth, back to herself, back to him, making her smile when she shouldn’t have been able to, taking care of her when she wouldn’t have been able to. 

Colin, stroking her hair until she was ready to talk, offering his hand for her to hold as soon as she started, listening to every word she spoke, letting her remember, reminding her of something she’d forgotten. 

Colin, crying with her–for her–until neither of them had any tears left, lulling her to sleep with his tender touch, carrying her to bed because he wanted to, staying by her side because she asked him to. 

It had been a desperate plea as the very idea of spending the night on her own, of being alone with her hurt, had been unfathomable. To say goodbye, to watch him walk away had been impossible. Relief had washed over her as he’d climbed into bed next to her and welcomed her into his arms, holding her as she’d fought sleep until he’d promised she wouldn’t wake up to find him missing again. 

He’d kept his promise, she realized, a new sense of peace settling into her bones as she woke the same way she must have slept all night–wrapped in his arms with his warm weight at her back and his bicep as her pillow. There was nowhere she would rather be. 

“Col?” she croaked, her voice still hoarse from the devastation of the day before and the sleep she’d only found because of the man behind her. 

“Pen,” he replied, obviously bemused by how long she must have taken to respond to his attempts to wake her. 

“What time is it?”

“It’s early,” he said quietly, his fingers now drawing shapes into her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “I need to head down to the bakery, but I didn’t want you to wake up alone and wonder where I went. Besides, you’re kind of keeping my arm hostage here.”

Penelope giggled and nuzzled further into his arm in response, warming as she felt his shoulders shake with his light laughter. She pressed her lips to his skin, smiling at his sweetness, wondering what she’d ever done to deserve someone as good and kind as Colin Bridgerton. Not that he was hers, not really, though she was his. Still, at some point in the last couple of months, he had become so much more than she ever could have imagined. And while it was true that she was in love with him, he was also her best friend. She’d told him as much last night, though she didn’t think she’d be sharing that with his sister anytime in the near future. She could only imagine Eloise’s reaction to that news–something told Penelope the most stubborn Bridgerton wouldn’t be too keen on sharing. 

“Can you stay a few more minutes?” She wondered if he picked up on the need in her tone, guessed he probably could. She didn’t mind, though, the idea of him knowing that she needed him. And in any case, she was unwilling to give him up so soon.

“Sure, sweetheart,” he answered immediately, and she sighed again at the endearment. Baby,  sweetheart. He’d let them both slip yesterday and had apparently decided they could continue today; however, she did faintly remember admitting to him that she liked it last night. And who could blame her? 

Suddenly no longer content with space between them–no matter how small it was–Penelope scooted back so she could cuddle into him, wanting to spend just a few more minutes completely surrounded by him. However, at lightning speed the hand skating over her arm shot to her hip, his long fingers firmly grasping her flesh as he halted her movement. He was too slow, though. She’d already felt it, felt him, and her eyes finally opened as she gasped, “Oh!”

Behind her, Colin’s entire body tensed and his breathing accelerated. Neither of them spoke as Pen shifted to her other side so she could look at him, fighting back the grin that threatened to spread across her face. And while he let her maneuver herself around, his hand never lifted, dragging across her belly and then settling on her opposite hip. There was a subtle tug followed by a slight push, as if he were wrestling with the urge to pull her closer while also trying to ensure she kept her distance. Or maybe she was just projecting her own complicated desires onto him–that was probably the more likely explanation. 

Pen blinked her eyes blearily, waiting for him to come into focus. Seconds later, in the pale light of the morning filtering in through her window, she saw his eyes wide with guilt and his cheeks as flushed as she’d ever seen them. God, he was cute. 

“Colin–” she started, though she was quickly interrupted. 

“Shit, Pen. I am so sorry, I–I didn’t mean for–”

She giggled, and in a move reminiscent of one he’d made yesterday, she placed a finger over his mouth to stop him from delivering a rambling apology that she didn’t need to hear. It had surprised her, sure, but it wasn’t exactly the first time she’d woken up next to a man with morning wood. And if she had to guess, it wasn’t his first time sporting it; however, she supposed it didn’t often happen with someone he’d mutually declared best friendship with the night before. The two of them might skirt the lines of what some considered to be a traditional friendship, but even she could admit that sleeping in each other’s arms was decidedly pushing the limits. 

Still, it wasn’t as if she were bothered by this turn of events. It didn’t change anything for her. She tried to tell him as much, keeping her tone light and teasing, “Col, it’s perfectly normal. You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

He groaned dramatically, though his eyes still held a bit of shame. She knew he would hold himself to some unreasonable level of accountability for the crime of waking up a little bit horny and decided there was only one way forward.

“Maybe we should make it a new rule?” she offered, waiting for him to raise his eyebrow in curiosity before she continued, already failing at hiding her smile. “Friends are allowed to get bone–”

Penelope was cut off by her own laughter as Colin tickled her just under her ribs in retaliation and pretended to bite down on the finger that had been pressed against his lips. 

“Ok, ok, I take it back!” she cried breathlessly, clutching at his arm. His fingers stopped immediately and rested on the curve of her waist, squeezing lightly as his thumb brushed over her ribs. She was pleased to see his navy eyes sparkling again, just like they were meant to. His blush stayed, though, and with his mussed, slept-on hair and sleepy smile, she was struck with the overwhelming hunger that had been finding her more and more lately. 

She wished she could close the very short distance between them, wanted nothing more than to suck on his plump bottom lip, to run her fingers through his chest hair and down the hard planes of his body hidden under his old t-shirt, to feel the hardness he’d attempted to hide from her. But best friends didn’t do that, so instead she turned her head to the side and pressed her lips to the arm she’d been using as a pillow once more, blowing as loud a raspberry as she could manage into his skin, drawing his rich, booming laughter from him. With one final peck on his bicep, she looked back at him, hoping to find him smiling once more. She shouldn’t have been surprised, though, when instead she found his assessing gaze flitting over her face, his dark eyes soft and searching as his thumb started massaging circles into her hip. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked after a long moment. 

“M’ok,” Pen said with a shrug. She understood why Colin narrowed his eyes in disbelief, but she was telling him the truth. She’d had countless hard days before, innumerable panic attacks in the past two decades, although she’d confess they’d increased in frequency during the last six months. But there were plenty of days that were hard and nights that were even harder. The only thing truly new about yesterday was that Colin had been there for her through it all. He’d made her feel safe and loved and cared for when she was awake, and he’d stopped the nightmares from finding her in her sleep. He’d told her that she was precious to him, but he still seemed to have no idea that she felt the same way about him, that his mere presence was enough. “I promise, Col. I’m alright. It helped…having you here, I mean. It always helps.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not going anywhere.” From another, the words may have sounded teasing, but from Colin they sounded like a vow. He’d said the same thing a few weeks ago when she’d told him she needed more time before she shared everything with him, when he’d assured her that she owed him nothing. 

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips when she recalled her response to him, “Good. I don’t want you to.”

And it was true. She wanted him there by her side for the foreseeable future, for the rest of her life and then some if she were being honest. 

“You have kind of left me no choice, though, you know?” he sighed theatrically. She squinted at him, trying to figure out what he meant. “Well, now that I’m your best friend and all, I can’t exactly go anywhere.”

Penelope shook her head and rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, biting back her own smile. “If I recall correctly, sir, you also said I was your best friend.”

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right. It’s true, too, but I do think we might actually need rule number eleven. And not the one you are thinking of, Penelope,” he added swiftly as soon as she opened her mouth to respond. He squeezed her hip again when she giggled at his accuracy in predicting exactly what she was going to say. 

“What do you propose then?” 

“Our best friendship has to be a secret,” he started, and her heart sank until he added, “Mich will throw a temper tantrum if she thinks she’s been replaced.”

Pen laughed loudly at his reasoning. “I had the exact same thought about El.”

“As you should,” he said, eyes shining. “She’s a menace, that one.”

“Mmm, do you think that might be a family trait?” she teased and giggled when he stuck his tongue out at her. “I suppose it is possible to have multiple best friends. It would be the adult thing to do.”

“A perfectly reasonable suggestion,” he agreed. “Counterpoint?”

“Yes?”

“I still want to be number one.”

Penelope chuckled. “You’re a–”

“Dork. Yes, I know. But I really am so much better than my sister. When was the last time she made you coffee eclairs or bought you a gazillion ‘goons?”

She pretended to think about that for a second until he tapped her nose. She wrinkled it and laughed. “Fine, fine, you can be number one. In secret!”

“Of course,” he nodded with feigned seriousness. 

“I mean, technically Phil is still at the top of the list.”

“Well duh, but he’s your brother and he’s got, what, two dozen years on me?” She nodded, amused and warmed once again at the ease with which he accepted what she and Phil meant to each other. Heart matters more than blood. That’s what he’d said the day they’d met. 

“Plus, he’d kick my ass if I even tried to take his place. And there’s Marina, she’ll obviously always be ahead of me,” he mused, completely oblivious to the piece of her heart he’d just snapped back into place at the acknowledgment of her other best friend. “I guess I really only care that we agree that I’m better than my most annoying little sister.”

When Penelope smacked his chest, he quickly captured her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss her palm. Then, he tucked the curl he seemed to love the most behind her ear, brushing his thumb over her cheek, and she knew. 

“You have to go, don’t you?” she whispered, not wanting her disappointment to sound in her voice. 

“Yeah, sweetheart, I have to go.” Once again, he didn’t hide the sadness from his tone. Neither of them wanted him to leave, both knew he had to. “Why don’t you try to get a little more sleep? Then I’ll bring breakfast up in a few hours.”

Penelope nodded, her eyes fluttering shut as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead, lingering for just a second longer than he normally would before he pulled away, slowly sliding his arm out from under her. She watched as he rolled to his side of the bed, pausing with his back to her and taking a deep breath before standing and walking to the window where he shut the curtains they’d been too exhausted to close last night. She smiled at the sight of his dark curls haphazardly sticking out in all directions. When he turned back toward her and saw her grinning, his lips quirked up at the corner and he raised his eyebrows. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” she said with a shake of her head as he took a step closer to her. Then, thinking better of it, she finally gave in and told him the thing she’d been holding back for over a month. “You just look really cute right now, all sleepy and disheveled.” 

Instead of the cockiness that had spread on his face yesterday when she’d called him hot, she now found pure joy reflected back at her in the form of Colin’s most astonishing smile, the one that showed his dimples off and made his eyes twinkle, as if the happiness he felt was too much for his grin to convey on its own. It made him look even cuter. 

“Don’t make this a thing,” she groaned, throwing herself onto her back and covering her face with her hands. 

“A thing? Why would I make this a thing, Pen?” he asked much too innocently. 

If she had to guess, she’d say the gears were already turning in his head, trying to decide how to mark the occasion. She felt his presence move over her and peeked between her fingers to find him with a hand on either side of her head, hovering just inches away from her. Her breath hitched and his eyes flashed with what looked like want, though it was gone even faster than it had appeared. 

“You could at least say it back, you know,” she grumbled and he chuckled.

“You always look cute, sweetheart,” he said quietly as he gently wrapped one of his large hands around both of her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face, closing the distance between them but moving his lips to her cheek at the last moment and getting her back for the raspberry she’d given him earlier. He pulled away–that smugness from yesterday back on his face in the form of a smirk she wanted to kiss right off his lips–and laughed when she threw her head back onto her pillow, huffing and pouting. He walked backward toward the door, as if he wasn’t quite ready to take his eyes off her yet. “Sleep, Pen. I’ll be back later.”

She saluted and he grinned, saluting back and walking out of the room. 

“Col?” she called, smiling when he stuck his head back in the room, a worried expression on his face that was wiped away when, in the worst trans-Atlantic accent of all time, she teased, “Was that a banana in your pocket or were you just glad to see me?”

She was rewarded with Colin throwing his head back laughing and was glad to see that he no longer seemed quite so embarrassed by the debacle, though he did just have her practically panting for him, so maybe he’d gained some confidence since they’d woken up. 

He rolled his eyes when he saw her beaming at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Pen?” he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “Now sleep, silly.” 

He’d probably only made it a few feet down the hall when she called out to him again. His eyes were dancing with amusement when he peeked around the door frame once more. 

“Thank you.”

His eyes softened and he smiled. “Always, Pen.”

It didn’t take long after that for her to drift back to sleep, finding Colin in her dreams once again. 

Unsurprisingly, when she woke again–a few hours later according to the clock next to her bed, later than she normally slept–she was aching. It was the same every time she dreamed of him. Of his large body covering hers as he kissed his way down her body, right to where she wanted him, working her over the edge with his tongue. Of his strong arms holding her up against the door of her apartment as he took her in their impatience to get any further inside. Of his muscled legs trembling in her hands as she knelt in front of him, bringing him to ecstasy with her mouth. She dreamed of it all with him, she wanted it all with him. And while she was no stranger to sex dreams and waking up wanting, she had never felt so desperate for someone before. 

Her feelings hadn’t changed, however. She still knew that Colin was too important, that he deserved more than what she could give him. But it didn’t help that the tension between them was building, growing more taut over the last few weeks, seemingly tempered only by their mutual desire not to complicate what they were to each other. She saw it more easily now than she did before, the way she affected him, his attempts to soothe the desire that simmered under the surface. She would be lying if she pretended not to know that he was attracted to her, if she denied the likelihood that he had a little crush on her, though she knew he would never act on it.  

She knew because he had meant what he said. She was his best friend, the same way he was hers. It didn’t matter how long they’d known each other. In fact, time had nothing to do with the friendship they’d found together, with the honesty, the trust, the comfort, and the joy they brought one another. It couldn’t stop her from loving him in this way that was confounding in its intensity, but so wholly and completely right. And it was different from her being in love with him, though she was. It was a love that had nothing to do with romance or attraction or the possibility of anything else. It was a love that was just as true as the love she felt for her family. It was a love that would sustain her because it had to, because it could. 

That didn’t mean she could survive without a little relief, a release of the tension she felt so that she could be around him without wanting to jump him. Penelope sighed as she reached next to her bed and opened the drawer of her nightstand, quickly locating what she was searching for and wrapping her fingers around the silicone. With her other hand, she pulled the large t-shirt she wore as a nightgown up and ghosted her fingers across her stomach and over her breasts, brushing them over her already peaked nipples. She stuck her other hand under the elastic waistband of her boyshorts and gasped as she dragged her bullet through her folds, gathering the wetness that had come from her dream of what could have been if Colin hadn’t stopped her from pressing herself into him earlier this morning. When she turned it on, applying the perfect amount of pressure to her clit and continuing her ministrations with her other hand–tweaking and pulling at her sensitive nipples–she came hard and fast, with Colin’s name falling from her lips. 

She sighed and sank further into her mattress, boneless and at least mostly satisfied, though the feeling was washed away when not thirty seconds later she distantly heard her front door open and close, followed by footsteps making their way closer to her room. As quickly as she could, she shoved her vibrator back into her drawer and adjusted her shirt to cover herself again, pulling the comforter back up to her neck just as Colin peeked into her room. He smiled when he saw she was awake, and she was torn between feeling guilty for what she’d just done, glad he hadn’t gotten there even a minute sooner, and being a little turned on at the idea of him catching her in the act. What would he do, she wondered, if he knew? If he’d heard?

“I didn’t expect you to still be in bed,” he said as he walked further into the room and sat on the edge of her mattress, handing her the to-go cup he was holding as soon as she sat up with her back against her headboard. He chuckled when she took a sip and wiggled happily. It was the perfect vanilla latte.  

“Send my compliments to the barista,” Pen told him. “She’s outdone herself today.”

“Lucy didn’t make it today, actually.”

“Oh?”

“I did,” he said, almost shyly, though pride shone in his eyes. 

“Really?” she didn’t mean to sound so surprised, but Colin rarely made coffee. 

“Yeah, I just…” But he didn’t finish his thought, shaking his head a little and ignoring the question in her eyes. “Anyways, I’m just glad it’s up to your standards.”

“It’s perfect, Col.” 

His smile widened a bit, but his eyes were still heart-achingly soft. “I brought breakfast. It’s out on the table when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” she breathed out, reaching for his hand and tangling their fingers together, squeezing twice. He pulled her hand into his lap and traced lines over her palm, and she thought he might be avoiding her gaze. She was proven right when he spoke again, eyes still on their joined hands.

“I was thinking, Pen,” he started slowly, “maybe you should take the day off today?”

“What?”

“I just–,” he sighed. “I just want you to take care of yourself. Yesterday was–” 

“Look at me, Colin,” she pleaded, interrupting him. When he did as she asked, she saw the same look in his eyes that she’d seen yesterday in the car when he’d been hesitant to start driving again after her panic attack. He was worried for her, worried he wasn’t doing enough, worried she wasn’t ready. “Colin, honey, I was telling you the truth earlier. I’m ok. I’m ok because you took care of me. Yes, yesterday was hard, but it was easier than it would have been without you there. Did you know that last night was the first time I didn’t have nightmares after a panic attack since I first had one when I was ten years old?”

He shook his head, she squeezed his hand again. 

“I don’t want to hide away, today. I want to do what I would normally do. I’ll get up and eat, maybe write a little with the boys. Then I’ll come down and work with the girls, with you. And I’ll be just fine, because I’ll be with my friends, with my best friend.”

That drew a smile from him. 

“Tell the girls that I’ll bring some of our leftovers down for lunch, but I am going to be stingy with my rangoons.”

“I’d expect nothing else,” he chuckled. 

“Go, Colin, I’ll be just fine.”

“Ok, you’re the boss.”

“Well that’s decidedly false.”

“Yeah, but you know I let you do whatever you want, so it’s kind of true.”

Penelope giggled and scrunched up her nose as he tapped it. She didn’t bother denying what he said; it was kind of true. 

“I should get back down there,” he said, though he made no move to get up. “The boys are lounging on the bay window.”

“That sounds like them.”

“You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, Colin, I’m sure.”

“Ok,” he whispered.

Pen set her coffee down on her bedside table and tugged on his arm. “C’mere.”

He let her pull him into her arms and sank into her embrace, his head falling to her shoulder. She stroked a hand through his hair and held him until he finally started to pull away. When he did, she held his face in between her hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then looked directly into his eyes. “I’ll call you if I need you, but you have to trust me, Colin. I’m ok on my own.”

He nodded and rested his forehead against hers for a brief moment. 

“Go,” she told him, “before Mich steals all the cinnamon rolls.”

He laughed and stood, kissing the top of her head one last time before he left the room. And though she didn’t really want him to, she watched him go, because although she wanted nothing more than to have him here with her at all times, she also needed to stand on her own, to find her new normal without depending on him to find it for her. 

A few minutes later, she wandered down the hall, curious to know what he’d brought her for breakfast. On the kitchen table, she found a note written in his now familiar scrawl–a list of their eleven rules of friendship with a small footnote next to rule number one. At the bottom of the page, he’d written today’s date, July 1st, 2024, and scribbled My best friend thinks I’m cute, the feeling is mutual. She giggled as she moved the note aside and opened the pastry box it had been sitting on, smiling at the coffee eclair he’d included along with her cinnamon roll, and she thought about something Elizabeth had taught her a long time ago. 

They’d been cooking together and Pen had been annoyed at Phil’s insistence on helping, so set on learning how to do it all on her own. Sensing her frustration, Elizabeth had pulled her aside and reminded her that knowing how to take care of herself didn’t mean she had to do everything alone, that it was ok to lean on the people who loved her for a little bit of extra help, for their sake as much as for hers. 

So yes, she needed to stand on her own, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t let Colin stand there by her side, ready to steady her when she needed a hand to hold. There was nothing wrong with him wanting to be there for her, just like there was nothing wrong with her wanting him there. With that thought in mind, she grabbed her notebook and sat down at the table, took a bite of her eclair and started writing.

The rest of her day went pretty much the same way all of her Mondays had lately. It was normal, which was exactly what she wanted. 

After a morning of writing, Penelope got dressed and dropped Hermes back at Colin’s before she wandered downstairs just a little bit early for her shift, lugging along a tote filled with as many of last night’s takeout boxes as it could hold. As she’d warned Colin, she left the majority of the crab rangoons behind, but they still had an absurd amount of food which would easily feed the Fox River employees for the next three lunches. They would be closed Thursday for the holiday, and Colin had told her that he and Michaela had decided to stay closed on Friday as well. The decision had taken Pen by surprise, though she was proud of them for making it–they all worked so hard and more than deserved a couple of days off. He’d also mentioned, though, that they expected to be extra busy these next few days as customers prepared for the closure, so she was glad they’d have to worry about one less thing with the leftovers. As she made it to the bottom of the stairs, it crossed her mind that it might have been Colin’s plan all along. It seemed like something he would do. 

Colin looked over the second she pushed open the back door to the kitchen and came running to grab the heavy bag from her. He greeted her with a quick peck on the cheek which left her blushing as though she hadn’t woken up wrapped in his arms this morning, and she touched the spot where the feel of his lips lingered as she absently wondered if that would ever end, if he’d ever stop affecting her that way. She kind of hoped it wouldn’t, hoped that she would always feel the butterflies his presence churned up in her stomach. He asked her a few questions about her morning as he unpacked the food. It was clear he was still a little worried about her, but she saw his shoulders relaxing more and more the longer they talked, reassured by her responses, though his eyes remained soft as he studied her and nodded to himself, seemingly deciding something that he was choosing not to share with her. 

Pen was slightly disappointed when he left her in the kitchen a few minutes later, offering to man the front counter so Michaela and Lucy could take a break and the three women could eat lunch together. The disappointment didn’t last long, however, as she swiftly realized that a little bit of time with her new friends was exactly what she needed. She guessed that he’d known that, that it was the decision he had made having anticipated her needs once again. He seemed to innately understand her wish for some semblance of normalcy, for mundanity in a life that seemed to fight back at her attempts to settle into it. And her coworkers–her friends–provided a piece of that for her. The two of them had so readily accepted her into their little shop family, treating her as one of their own. They were easy to talk to, to gossip with, to tease and be teased back. Colin was, too, of course. But it was different with them, simple even. Though that was likely just because she wasn’t in love with either of them. 

They spent their lunch briefing Penelope on what to expect at the party on Thursday. Her first real Bridgerton family party, hosted at the Hastings’ house, although Michaela talked about it as if it were much more than just a house. She and Lucy had both spent their last two Independence Days at the party, though this would be the younger woman’s first year without her best friend, Hermione, by her side. Penelope hadn’t realized just how big of a deal it was, though, until they surprised her by saying the party was the reason they’d decided to take Friday off. Apparently, the drinks began flowing as soon as guests started arriving and by the time the night ended, the Bridgertons and their friends and partners could be found scattered throughout Simon and Daphne’s house. It supposedly wasn’t rare for at least one person to wake up in the yard the next morning, and last year, it had been both Colin and Michaela who had done so. They’d paid greatly for it, operating the bakery with massive hangovers, and Lucy hadn’t fared much better, so this year they were taking preventative measures. 

Once they finished eating, Pen joined Mich at the front counter while Colin and Lucy worked in the kitchen. It was busy as they’d predicted, but in between customers, Michaela kept her entertained with more stories from Bridgerton parties past. Penelope was in stitches picturing Mich finding Anthony sleeping in the bathtub of his own guest bathroom after their New Year’s Eve party when Colin came out of the kitchen to check what was needed for the pastry case refill. His eyes lit up when he saw her laughing and he walked over to press a kiss to the tops of both their heads, unable to resist teasing them for being so short, then running back to the kitchen before they could properly yell at him. In retaliation, his best friend told Pen all about the time Colin had shown up at her dorm room after taking mushrooms, dressed only in a woman’s trench coat and wearing two different shoes. The picture she pulled up on her phone had tears streaming down both of their faces. 

As the afternoon went on, Penelope found herself sharing stories of her own, some from college and a few from after. Her friend listened intently, eagerly asking follow-up questions and excitedly swiping through the photo albums Pen showed her. It was the first time they’d talked about her family and it felt nice to share them with someone she cared about, someone who cared about her. At the end of the day, Michaela wrapped her in a warm hug and before she pulled away, she whispered how grateful she was that Penelope had shared them with her. It reminded her that Mich was grieving, too; that she truly understood what it meant to talk about someone loved and lost, and one more of those broken pieces of Pen’s heart melded its way back into place. 

She didn’t have long before Fran would be picking her up to drive her to dinner and piano lessons, but instead of going back to her apartment, she spent her last few minutes with Colin as he packed up the special pastries he’d been working on for his mom today. He jokingly explained they were his payment for missing dinner last night, and guilt lanced through her that must have flashed across her face because he walked over to her stool immediately. She let her legs fall open so he could stand between them, and he rested his large, warm hands at the place where her neck met her shoulders, gently massaging his thumbs into her skin. He tried to make it clear that she wasn’t at fault and told her that if anyone understood, it was his mother. While she wasn't sure she agreed that she wasn’t to blame, it was easy to believe that Violet–whose patience and kindness were that of a saint–would never hold it against her. And when she finally nodded, he pulled her into a hug and they stayed that way until her phone rang. It was his sister calling to let her know she was waiting out back. She forced herself to say goodbye with a promise to see him tomorrow afternoon and a reminder that she wouldn’t be around in the morning for him to bring breakfast or Hermes over. He watched her go with the same soft eyes he’d kept on her all day. 

Fran seemed to be in one of her more contemplative moods tonight, so they didn’t talk much on the drive over which was just fine with Penelope. There was a beautiful kind of companionship that she found in the quiet with the third Bridgerton sister. The twins more than made up for the noise, though, as they were full of infectious energy and ran around the yard with Fran watching over them as Pen made dinner with Phillip and Eloise. They’d been at Violet’s the previous night and were worried about what happened, and she assured them that she was just fine. It was clear her brother didn’t quite believe her, but he accepted the double squeeze she gave his hand for now and called the kids in for supper, the way he always did. 

After they ate, Oliver and Amanda practiced a few old songs and each started learning a new one, and they giggled as their uncle continued in his attempts to play. Penelope told them one of their favorite stories before bed and threw in a short Lady Whistledown adventure, kissing them goodnight and heading back downstairs to play for a bit with Fran while Phillip and Eloise hung out on the couch and listened. They worked on a duet that Fran had composed for them which was coming along beautifully, and then they said their goodbyes. Phil confirmed he would pick her up at eight o’clock the next morning as they walked to the car, and he looked in her eyes one more time as if to confirm she was ok. She stuck her tongue out at him, and he laughed and rolled his eyes and let her leave. The drive home was quiet again, with the windows down and the music keeping them company. Pen said goodnight to Francesca and went inside, wanting to knock on Colin’s door but having noticed that his Jeep hadn’t returned to its spot, she went to her own apartment and got ready for bed. 

It was a normal Monday, for the most part. Just the way she wanted it to be. 

Tuesday was a little less so. 

It started with Penelope waking up earlier than usual and readying herself for Phil’s arrival. He drove her to her appointment at the hospital–her six month follow-up. Her last had been three months ago, and they hadn’t been quite comfortable giving her the all-clear at the time given the extent of the injuries to her brain and lungs. She’d been upset at the time, Phil even more so. So it should have been good news when the doctor gave her his stamp of approval this time and told her there was no need to schedule an additional appointment unless she started to experience pain again. The relief that had washed over Phil had been palpable as he squeezed her hand twice. But all she felt was numb. 

For the rest of the morning, it was as if she was on autopilot. She knew her brother was worried, that he questioned her lack of a reaction, but she was unable to explain it or even to identify what it was she was experiencing. She got a little closer to understanding during her appointment with Rae, though comprehending the feeling didn’t make it disappear. Still, it helped to have words to describe it and to know why it bothered her so much to hear the doctor talk about her pain as if it had all gone away. 

It was true that her physical injuries had healed, that she was–for all intents and purposes–healthy. But her pain was so viscerally present all the time. It was never going to go away completely. No matter how normal she wanted her life to be, it would always be there, especially when she still had the fortune of living because she was living in a world without them. 

On her walk back home, she tried to remember what Colin had said on Sunday night, tried to remind herself that her life was all the things he said it was, but the weight of her guilt was suffocating. And so she went to him, because she knew he would help her breathe. She walked around to the alley so she could enter the kitchen without being spotted, and her silent tears began to fall the second she laid eyes on him. He rushed to her side and held her until the steady beat of his heart stopped her tears. He didn’t ask her what was wrong or about her appointments, or even why she was crying. He knew she would tell him what she could, when she could. It was one of the things she loved about him. 

As he wiped her tears, he suggested that she go upstairs and take a nap–which she had to admit sounded like exactly what she needed–and he sent her on her way with a kiss to her forehead and the confirmation that he would come over at the same time he always did tonight. She didn’t even make it to her bed, instead crashing on the couch with Telemachus curled up on her chest. When she woke up a couple hours later, she felt a little bit better and decided to take another one of Colin’s suggestions, running a bath for herself and letting the warm water relieve the tension that had seemingly infiltrated every one of her muscles. It helped, taking care of herself, so she continued her self-care and step by step brought herself back to some kind of normal. 

She was in her chair reading when Colin arrived with Hermes, who hopped down off of his shoulder as Colin set down a few bags against her wall and announced that they were going to his apartment tonight. Penelope was confused until he explained that he thought it might be nice to switch things up a bit. So they were going to make dinner at his place and then he was going to call in her expertise to assist in organizing all of the things they’d bought on Sunday. He’d unpacked the Jeep already, which explained the bags she assumed held the purchases she’d made. She would have followed him anywhere, but he didn’t seem to know that so he all but dragged her from her apartment across the hall and tried to guide her to one of the stools at his kitchen island. He should have known she would refuse, but he didn’t fight her on her insistence to help. Instead he just rolled his eyes and directed to make the salad while he made the cacio e pepe. 

And it was new–being here in his apartment instead of hers, letting him choose their Tuesday meal, learning where he kept his dishes and utensils and expansive tea collection. It was new, but it was also right. She smiled as he bumped her hip with his own and thought that if this could be the new normal she was seeking, that maybe someday the pain would ebb.

“Ok, two working lamps confirmed,” Colin exclaimed excitedly behind her. Penelope glanced over her shoulder from her place on the floor in front of his bookshelves and held back a giggle as she watched him delicately replacing the lampshade onto one of their finds from the garage sales, biting his lip in concentration. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t exactly something he could mess up, but he was too adorable. When he was content, he stepped back and proudly assessed his newly transformed living room, a huge grin spreading across his face as he took it all in. 

They’d finished their dinner a couple of hours ago, then spent more time than was probably necessary cataloguing his purchases and making a plan for where they would go. Granted, they’d kept getting distracted and had taken a dessert break, but seeing how happy he looked now made it all worth it. 

“It looks so good, Col,” she told him honestly. It wasn’t as if they’d actually bought that much, but it was still a beautiful change. The antique globe in the corner, the rich-colored rug in front of the sectional, his lamps that brought a warm glow to the room. When she’d walked in two days ago, it had felt cold and empty–the exact opposite of who Colin Bridgerton was. Now it felt like the perfect reflection of him. 

The smile he flashed her and his glittering denim eyes made her heart skip a beat, followed by it speeding up erratically as he walked over and plopped down next to her, leaning back on his hands as he surveyed the bookcase.

Pen had been assigned to tchotchke duty, having promised him that she would help him find the perfect placements for all of his new trinkets within his book collection. So once she’d helped him roll out the rug, she’d gotten started at the shelves while he had taken care of everything else. She was close to finishing, on the final shelf now. 

“What do you think?” she asked, suddenly a little nervous.

“It’s perfect.”

Her cheeks flushed at the praise and she shot him a shy smile before she continued working, listening to him hum softly as he watched her and pretending she didn’t feel him reaching out to play with the ends of her hair as he was wont to do. 

After a few minutes, he mused, “Thank Hestia I have you to help me with all of this, Pen.”

She grinned, amused at the reference to the goddess of the hearth and home. He had a tendency to use the name of the Greek deity that felt most appropriate for the situation, and it never failed to make her smile. While it may have come across as pretentious from any other man, it just made Colin all the more endearing. Maybe it was his earnestness, or maybe it was that it seemed to be so ingrained in him that she wasn’t sure he even realized he was doing it anymore. Or maybe she was just prone to find everything he did endearing. Whatever it was, she loved it. 

She was no stranger to the Greeks, so she typically knew right away why he’d chosen a particular deity, but there were times when he’d mention one that she had never even heard of. It was almost more fun when that happened because of the glint in his eye–the same one he had when he was baking or playing with their nieces and nephews–that would show up when she asked him about it. His voice would pitch up a little bit higher and his words spilled out faster in his excitement to teach her something. His passion and intelligence were palpable and somewhat staggering, not to mention extremely attractive. Penelope loved to listen to him talk, thought she could do it forever, because Colin was a story-teller through and through. She wondered if she could convince him to write a book someday. If he did, she thought he might become her favorite author which she knew would be a little bit ironic with a hint of serendipity, maybe. 

Colin tugged on one of her curls to get her attention and she looked back at him to find him watching her with those soft navy eyes of his. “I’m really glad we did this, Pen. Thank you for all your help.”

“I didn’t really do anything, Colin. You picked out almost everything.” It was true. She had given some suggestions or insights on items he’d shown her, but there was nothing here that he hadn’t chosen for himself. 

“I wouldn’t have done it without you, though.”  

His word choice echoed through her head. Wouldn’t, not couldn’t. She didn’t know why that stuck out to her, only that it seemed like an intentional choice. 

Colin turned his attention back to the books and leaned forward, running a finger over a few of the well-worn spines. “I’ve lived here for two years, Pen, and this place has never felt more like mine, more like home.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

He waited patiently for her to choose the right words, picking up the funky wooden carving of two cats curled up together that they’d found at an older man’s house, a soft smile played at his lips. He’d told her it reminded him of their boys and she had to agree. He’d bought it without another word. Noticing her watching him, he raised a brow along with the carving, and Pen tapped on a stack of books she’d placed on their sides, indicating where it was meant to go. He placed it carefully and his smile widened as he nodded in satisfaction. 

Finally working up the courage to speak aloud the question that had been forming at the back of her mind for the last two days, she asked, “Why didn’t you decorate sooner? Is it…is it because you thought you might leave again?”

Even just saying the words out loud felt awful, but she didn’t understand why else he would wait so long and she had to know. When Colin looked over at her with shock evident on his face, she already felt herself begin to relax. 

“No, sweetheart, it’s nothing like that,” he said, shaking his head and reaching over to grab her hand, pulling it to his lap and playing with her fingers. It was her turn to wait as he gathered his thoughts. “For so long, Pen, I lived my life as an interloper. I didn’t have a place to call home, living out of bags, staying in rented rooms. When I came back to Madison and built this place, I thought it would be enough, and then I quickly realized that I had nothing to fill it.”

Penelope had assumed as much when she’d first seen the apartment, but had started to overthink it when she considered how much time had passed with him living here. 

“For the past couple of years, it’s really only Hermes who has made it feel any different from the places I stayed while I was traveling. But I was in this weird state of paralysis when it came to actually doing anything about it. I knew I wanted it to feel like me, but I didn’t actually know what that meant.”

“And you do now? Know what that means?”

He glanced over at her and made sure he was looking directly into her eyes before he answered. “I think I’m starting to figure it out.”

“What changed?” she whispered as her heartbeat sped up once again. 

“You became my best friend, Pen,” he said as if the answer really was that simple. “You see me. And I guess it’s made it easier for me to see myself.” 

She was quiet for a long moment, looking down to her lap and playing with a loose thread on her shirt with her free hand as his words settled over her. 

It broke her a little, to think that a man as wonderful as Colin was moving throughout the world, struggling to see himself for who he was, for what he was. Especially when to her, he had always just seemed so perfectly himself. He was goofy and sweet, brilliant and honest, warm and interesting, and he was kind, so so kind. And he deserved to live in a place that felt like him, that felt like home. To know that she had helped him find that was something she would never take for granted. 

She must have been quiet for too long because Colin lifted her hand to his lips and blew on it to get her attention. She squealed and pulled her hand away, tilting her head back so she could look at him again. 

“I didn’t make it weird, did I?” he teased, though she could see the doubt in his eyes that he was trying hard to mask. 

“No, not weird,” she assured him, shaking her head. “I’m just glad you’re starting to see the Colin that I see, because he’s kind of great.”

She pretended not to notice the blush that traveled from his ears to the apples of his cheeks as he nodded and shifted his attention back to the books. 

“Can I ask you another question?”

He chuckled. “You can ask me as many questions as you want, Pen.” 

“What made you come back?”

He glanced in her direction. “To Madison, you mean?”

Penelope nodded, then watched as he reached up with one of his long arms and pulled down one of the only novels he owned that was written in English and handed it over to her. She ghosted her fingers across the cover of her third book.

“Settling?”

“Mmmm,” he hummed. “Have you read it?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll never forget the first time I did. It was so…different from her other books, though I obviously love those, too,” he said, gesturing up to the shelf that held multiple copies of each. 

“They’re not too traumatic for you?” she blurted out, recalling the conversation with his family at trivia night. It wasn’t fair of her, she knew that. He had stayed quiet then. 

Colin turned his whole body so he could face her, and his expression told her he knew exactly what she was referring to. Even though they’d never talked about it, she knew it had been obvious that she was upset, and while he didn’t know exactly how close to home their words had hit that evening, he knew enough. 

“I never apologized for that, Pen.”

“You didn’t say anything you needed to apologize for, Colin. You can’t control what your family says.”

“I know. But I hate that you and Phil had to sit there and listen to them. I hate that I didn’t stop them. For what it’s worth, I don’t agree with what they said.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I don’t. Those first two books are devastating, for lack of a better word. It is never pleasant to read about that kind of abuse, but I think there are a lot of people who are missing the point of them.”

She would tend to agree with that statement, but she was curious what exactly he thought the point was, so she asked. 

“I guess, to me, it always felt like they were supposed to be about hope and love and the idea that light will always persist in the darkness.”

It was all she could do to nod her agreement, for fear that she would break if she tried to speak. Maybe it was silly, but there was something to be said about being seen, about being heard. And this man–this wonderful man–had heard her, years before they’d ever even met. 

When she felt like it was safe to talk again, she brought the focus back to the book in her hands. “So what about Settling brought you home?”

“You remember the day we met? You told me you wanted to write about living, finding happiness in the mundane.”

She nodded. It still surprised her when he did that, quoted her almost word for word, though she could recall his response perfectly as well. There’s a lot of beauty to be found in mundanity. It’s something I ran from for a long time. 

“I used to be terrified, Pen, that if I stayed still for too long, life would catch up to me. There were things I was scared of facing, problems that just seemed too complicated to overcome. And on top of that, I was worried that life would get boring if I wasn’t doing something all the time.

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved traveling. Meeting people, learning the cultures, and falling in love with baking. I was so fortunate to be able to do it. But by the end, I was so lonely, Penelope. You know, there’s a reason that books were the only belongings I allowed myself to collect. They kept me company.”

She knew exactly what he meant, thought about the books on her little shelf that they’d been reading together for the past month, the novels that had been her friends for a very long time. 

Colin continued, “When I read that book, it was like something shifted in me. The way I viewed the world, even the way I thought about myself, changed. And I realized that I had spent so much time trying to escape the ordinary–including the fears and the complications that just come with being human–that the extraordinary life I was leading became something I could barely even appreciate anymore.

“I found myself craving mundanity and all that came with it. I wanted the routine, the home, my family and my friends. I wanted the normalcy of fighting with my siblings at trivia night and going to my mother’s house every Sunday for dinner, even if it meant facing the past I was once foolish enough to believe I could ignore. In fact, I found myself wanting that, too. That book…It made me realize that I had been settling for so much less than what I could have, than what I wanted.”

“And so you came back to settle.”

Colin nodded and smiled at her, clearly glad to have been understood. Pen smiled back. He couldn’t know just how much this mattered, but she knew she wanted him to know eventually, she was more sure of it than ever before. She reached for his hand and squeezed it twice. I’m here. It would have to do for now. When she held out the book to him, he took it, and she watched as he reverently traced a finger over the cover then returned it to its place on the shelf.

“Funny how a single word could mean so many different things, isn’t it?” he asked as he turned back to her and tucked her curl behind her ear, tilting his head at her and stroking her cheek with his thumb. She leaned into his touch and thought about the best friend that she’d lost and how happy she would be to know that her words had helped bring him home–to his family, to Penelope. Serendipitous, she would have said.

But Pen just said, “Yeah, it is.”

“Holy shit, Colin,” Penelope gasped, her jaw dropping in amazement. Colin laughed at her as he got out of the Jeep and started gathering the bakery boxes filled with desserts he’d made for the party from the backseat while she continued to stare at the house they’d just parked in front of, if one could even call it a house.

She was very quickly beginning to understand exactly why Michaela had spoken about the Basset’s home with such awe. No stranger to fancy mansions in fancy suburbs, Pen hadn’t thought it was possible to surprise her anymore when it came to expensive real estate, but Daphne and Simon had somehow proven her wrong. Their home was nothing short of breathtaking, far surpassing the gaudy mansions in the neighborhood she’d grown up in. 

“Would you believe me if I said it’s even better once you actually get out of the car and go inside?” Colin teased, and Pen turned in her seat to shoot him a glare, only for it to lose all meaning when she saw him ready for it with his tongue out and his eyes crossed. She couldn’t help but to giggle, which he obviously took as a victory. “Come on, sweetheart, you’re gonna love it.”

She rolled her eyes, pretending like his continued use of sweetheart over the past few days didn’t make her heart stutter each and every time, and climbed down from the car, grabbing her largest canvas tote that had been resting at her feet and hiking it over her shoulder. She’d been told that everyone tended to show up in their swimsuits, but to be sure to bring a change of clothes for later, and in classic Penelope fashion, she’d gotten nervous and completely overpacked. Colin’s clothes had been added to the bag as well–after he’d seen the size of her bag when he’d walked out of his bedroom, he’d said he was making the executive decision that they could share. She hadn’t expected it to feel so…intimate, but she liked it all the same. 

Before that unhelpful thought could manifest into something else, she shook it from her mind and closed the door behind her, following Colin as he started up the expansive driveway, which was packed with the rest of the family vehicles. They’d arrived too late to get a spot themselves, but he’d gone ahead and blocked in Anthony’s car at the end of the drive, explaining that his eldest brother’s family spent the night here every year. It had sent a pang of guilt through her, a reminder that Colin had decided not to join the rest of his siblings this year. 

They’d talked about it on Tuesday night over tea once they’d finished organizing his apartment, and Penelope had confessed that she’d been anxious at the idea of sleeping here ever since Michaela and Lucy had mentioned it to her. It wasn’t every night that she had nightmares, but she certainly wasn’t interested in having one here, surrounded by the Bridgertons. When she’d discussed it with Phil and El as they made dinner on Monday night, they’d all agreed that it wasn’t a good idea to take the risk with Oliver, either. They’d found a compromise so that the twins would still get to experience the best parts of the annual sleepover that the grandmothers supervised while the rest of the family got rowdy outside. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was the best they could do to protect him and the rest of the children.

It had also been decided that Pen would catch a ride home with her family at the end of the night. But when she’d told Colin about the plan, he’d been insistent on being the one to drive her home. It had taken a while for her to understand why he was so adamant until he’d admitted that there were often more emergency vehicles out on the holiday, and he thought it would be better if they were alone in the car in case the sirens caused her to panic again. He’d promised that he had no qualms about not getting drunk with his family this year, that he would rather be at home with her and their boys at the end of the night, and because she felt the exact same way, she’d selfishly agreed. 

Now, though, she just hoped that he wouldn’t come to regret his decision. Especially when she looked up at the house again, and almost wished she was able to stay. 

“What does Simon do for work?” she asked. She knew Daphne was a project manager at a tech start-up, something Colin said she was perfectly suited for as the family’s resident busybody, but she had no idea what Simon did. 

“He’s a math teacher,” Colin deadpanned, and Penelope laughed loudly. “I’m serious, Pen. He teaches math at one of the high schools.”

She stopped in her tracks, completely befuddled. She knew all of the Bridgerton siblings had received inheritances from their father, but Eloise had told Penelope that Daphne had never touched hers, that she’d already decided to leave it all to her children. Pen didn’t understand how this house could possibly come from the combined salaries of a high school math teacher and a project manager. 

Realizing she’d paused, Colin doubled back to her and explained, having read her mind. “Si’s dad was the CEO of one of those big corrupt banks in New York, I can’t remember which one right now. From what I know, Mr. Basset was a bad man and an even worse father–some kind of cross between your mother and Phil’s father.”

Penelope shivered at the thought of the two worst people she’d ever encountered combined into one. Then she thought back to that first night at Mondrich’s, at this specific look that had flashed across Simon’s face at a few of the comments that were made. She hadn’t fully recognized it at the time, but she could guess now that it was an indication of a kind of pain that mirrored her own. “That’s awful, I had no idea. So how…?”

“I guess he was a big believer in legacy, and even though they hadn’t spoken in years, he left everything to Simon when he died.”

“Hmm,” she hummed with a nod as she considered what it would feel like to live off the money of her abuser. It had crossed her mind once before, how it would feel if her mother’s suspicions had been correct, if she really had been using a trust fund left to her by a man who had failed her so thoroughly. But the thing about her father was that he wouldn’t have been Archie Featherington if he’d managed to pull through for her in even one way, so the thought hadn’t lingered. 

Phil had an experience somewhat similar to Simon’s, though. Both he and George had stopped accepting money from their father long ago, and when they got the news that he died because they had been named in his will, they declined to keep their inheritance and donated it all instead. However, they weren’t left with nothing as their mother had money of her own that was left to them, not to mention her life insurance policy. It was meager in comparison to what they could have had, but it came from someone who loved them, which Pen thought made all the difference. 

“As far as I know,” Colin continued, “he donated almost everything to youth programs and domestic violence shelters both here and in New York, but he kept enough that he and Daphne and their kids would be comfortable for the rest of their lives.”

Penelope smiled. She would never fault Simon for keeping any or all of the money–god knows he deserved to live as comfortably as he wanted after what he must have gone through as a kid–but knowing that his instinct was to do the same thing that her brothers had done made her feel instantly closer to him. 

“Does he have any other family?”

“No, his mother died in childbirth and he had no siblings.” The same sadness in Colin’s tone seeped into Pen’s bones–she couldn’t imagine a life so lonely. “He’s quite close with his godmother, though. Spent his summers out of boarding school with her in Chicago. She’s brilliant, one of my mother’s best friends actually, which is how we met him. I think he was a little intimidated by us at first.”

“I can’t imagine why,” she teased and Colin laughed.

“Eventually he and Daph fell in love and the rest is history. This house…it was his dream, though he gave Daphne full artistic control, of course. But Si is the one who wanted a home on the lake with enough space for the whole family. He really was always meant to be one of us.”

“That’s really lovely. He’s lucky to have found you guys,” she mused, thinking of her own luck in getting to be even a small part of the Bridgertons’ orbit. 

“Nah, we’re the lucky ones,” Colin said, his fondness for his brother-in-law so evident on his face that she knew he absolutely believed that to be true. “You ready to go in?”

She nodded and he gestured for her to take the lead to the front door so she could open it for him since his hands were full. Once inside, he led her through the house and she tried to keep her cool. He’d been telling the truth when he said it was even more spectacular on the inside. Everything was decorated immaculately, but somehow it still felt lived-in, it felt like a home. They made their way to the kitchen, where the exterior wall was completely made of glass, allowing them a view of the party already happening in the backyard and all the way out to the lake. 

Just as Colin set his boxes on the counter, Daphne walked in through one of the sliding panes of glass. She squealed when she saw them and pulled Penelope in first for a hug and a smacking kiss on the cheek. Moving over to her brother, she teased, “So nice of you to finally show up, Col.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as Daph moved to the counter to inspect his offering and apologized, “Yeah, sorry for being late. It was my fault, not Pen’s.” 

Both women snorted in response and he looked between them with an expression of total betrayal on his face. 

“What?”

“No offense, brother, but do you think I didn’t already know that? Have you ever been on time?”

When Pen giggled, he turned on her, narrowing his eyes. 

“Don’t look at me like that! I was ready early today,” she bragged, waggling her eyebrows at him. 

“Traitor,” he muttered. “Thought we were supposed to be best friends.”

“Oh, don’t pout. It’s not cute,” she said, patting him on the chest. She squeaked when he grabbed her hand before she could pull it away and bent down to whisper in her ear. 

“I have it on good authority that you think I’m very cute, sweetheart.” 

It was her turn to glare up at him, annoyed by the smug smirk he was wearing, which made her certain that he had noticed the goosebumps that had broken out on her skin and the pink that was bound to have found its way to her cheeks. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles before spinning her around to rest against his front with his hands on her hips, which is when she remembered that his sister was in the room with them, her brown eyes twinkling in amusement as she observed the two of them. 

As Colin began to explain which treats were in which boxes, including the vegan and gluten-free options he’d made, Pen tried to figure out the change in his behavior. Or the lack of change, really, as they always acted this way when it was just the two of them. And though Daphne seemed mostly unfazed by it, he had definitely just crossed the invisible line they’d been toeing around his family lately. Not that Penelope minded. In fact, she quite liked having permission to be affectionate with him in the same way they were when they were alone, so with that in mind, she let herself lean back against him, resting her head on his chest. 

“Thank you for bringing everything, Col. It all looks perfect,” Daphne said as she closed the boxes back up and grinned at her favorite brother. “We should probably get out there soon, the kids have been waiting on their favorite uncle all day.”

“We’re not that late, Daph,” he groaned. “Besides, they’ll be more excited to see Penelope, I’m sure of it.”

Pen blushed when he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her waist. 

“Well, that’s definitely true. The girls talk about Auntie Pen all the time,” his sister agreed as she went to the fridge behind her and pulled out a familiar green bottle, which she held out to Penelope after popping off the cap with a bottle opener. “I hid these in here for you so no one steals them from the cooler.”

Pen blinked in confusion as she took the bottle–her favorite grapefruit-flavored mineral water–from the brunette. “How did you–”

“I checked with El, there’s peach tea in there for Phil, too,” she explained with a shrug of her shoulders, as if it were nothing. 

But it wasn’t nothing. Penelope was touched by the gesture.  While neither of them ever drank at trivia night or family dinners, the topic of their sobriety had never come up before with any of the siblings other than Colin, Eloise, and Francesca. That Daphne had noticed and made sure to get them both something special without drawing extra attention to the situation meant a lot to her. She knew it meant a lot to her brother, too. 

“And before you ask, Colin, there’s lemonade in the coolers that you’ll have to fight the children for.”

His hand left her waist for a moment to flip off his sister, who returned the gesture immediately, and Pen laughed, letting her weight fall back into him a little bit more and feeling his hum of satisfaction as he soothed circles into her hip bone. She loved watching Colin and Daphne interact. He’d told Penelope that Daph had been his built-in best friend for his entire life, and the ease he clearly felt around his sister was so different to how he was with his brothers. She thought their closeness might be why he was being more free with his affection today, if he knew that Daphne wouldn’t push him on what it meant. 

“Pen!” Sophie’s familiar voice rang out, and she stepped out of Colin’s grasp just in time to catch the ball of energy that was her friend as she rushed through the kitchen and into Penelope’s arms, almost knocking her over if it weren’t for Colin’s quick reflexes as he reached out to steady them. “I’m so glad you’re here!” 

“Hey Soph,” she laughed. “This is quite the greeting considering I saw you…yesterday?” The two of them had a meeting to discuss scripting for the upcoming production of Settling, but her agent hadn’t been nearly as excited to see her then. 

“Oh, well, yes. I was just looking forward to seeing you today,” Sophie said, sounding nothing like herself as she awkwardly glanced around the room with wide eyes and a fake smile. She was acting so strangely, though she tried to play it off as she greeted Colin with a quick hug. He seemed amused by her bizarre behavior as he looked between the two of them and must have realized it would be best to give them a moment.

“I’m going to head out there and say hi to everyone,” he told Penelope as he picked up the bag she’d set on the floor when they’d walked in and pulled her drink from her hand. “I’ll put this all on a lounger for you, alright?”

Pen nodded and accepted his quick kiss on her cheek, ignoring the look Sophie gave her as she thanked him. Daphne walked her brother out and Penelope followed them with her eyes, laughing as the children started climbing out of the pool the second they noticed their uncle. 

“We need to talk, Penelope,” Sophie said, pulling her attention back to the kitchen, much to her chagrin. She badly wanted to keep watching Colin with the kids. 

“Why are you being so weird, Soph? Is this about work? I really don’t want to talk about work today,” Pen whined petulantly. 

“No, well, yes. Kind of?”

“Can we please talk about it later?” she begged as she pulled her friend toward the door leading outside. “I promise I’ll give you my undivided attention.”

“Pen, it’s–” Sophie protested, but she was quickly interrupted when Amanda looked in their direction. 

“Auntie Pen!” 

Her niece’s shout got the attention of all the children, who quickly proved Colin right by abandoning him to run straight for her. He raised his eyebrows at her as if to say ‘I told you so’ just as the kids practically tackled her in their excitement, soaking the dress she’d worn over her swimsuit. She giggled as she greeted them all, relishing in their sweet hugs and kisses.

“Auntie Pen, will you come swim with us?” Belinda asked, pulling on her arm. 

“You can play mermaids with us!” Amelia offered excitedly. “Your hair is just like Ariel’s!”

“I’d love to play with you! Is it alright if I go say hi to everyone first?” The girls nodded. “Why don’t you go hop back in the pool and I’ll be there soon? Take Uncle Colin with you.”

“Oh, good idea! He loves mermaids,” Belly exclaimed, much to Penelope’s delight and frustration. Of course he played mermaids with them, he was the perfect man. 

The girls ran off to find Colin, an exuberant Amanda following them after one more quick hug for her aunt. The boys wandered back to the pool as well, though Olly stayed behind. Pen picked him up and he snuggled into her. 

“Missed you,” he mumbled into her neck. 

“Oh, I missed you, too, Ollybee. Do you want to stay with me while I go say hi or do you want to go play with John?” She’d noticed the other shy little boy sitting with his dad on the side of the pool, seemingly waiting for Oliver to come back. The two of them had continually gravitated toward each other over the past few weeks. They’d even spent most of their first tee ball game last week simply sitting in the outfield together chatting instead of attempting to play, which had been nothing short of adorable. It was beautiful, watching her nephew find someone who saw him the same Phil had once seen her. 

“I’ll go play with John,” he decided, just as she’d expected him to, and she set him back on the ground and watched him scurry off to his new friend. 

Penelope started moving further out onto the patio when Sophie, who hadn’t left her side, tugged on her hand. “Pen, we seriously need to talk.”

At the warning tone in her friend’s voice, she stopped walking and turned to face her. Sophie looked genuinely worried now, but before Pen could ask her what was going on, the echoing clacking of a cane against the cement sounded and a panic flashed across Sophie’s face as a throat cleared behind her. 

“Well, who do we have here?” It was an all-too-familiar voice that spoke, and Penelope whirled around to find none other than Agatha Danbury standing just a few feet away from her, wearing her signature knowing look that had always made Pen feel as if she were about to be either grounded or applauded, though she could never decide which it was. 

Pen froze in place where she stood as she stared at one of the only people in the world who knew exactly who she was and was vaguely aware of Sophie coming to stand by her side, squeezing her hand hard, though whether it was due to her own nerves or in an attempt to get her to speak, Penelope wasn’t sure. The three women were in a silent stand-off for a long moment until someone broke the silence. 

Surprisingly, it was Anthony Bridgerton who had come to their rescue, gliding over with that pompous charm of his and inserting himself right in the middle of them. With a quick look of reassurance sent in Pen’s direction–he’d likely surmised exactly what the situation was–he then turned toward Agatha. 

“Oh, I’d be honored to make the introduction,” he declared, ignoring the smirk on the old woman’s face and whatever she’d muttered under her breath that made him flinch. “Aggie, this is Penelope Featherington. You already met Eloise’s partner, Phillip, I believe?” When the woman nodded, he continued, “Penelope is Phil’s best friend, and the aunt of Amanda and Oliver. She’s quickly become a dear friend of the family.”

He looked back at Pen, who smiled softly at him, at the show he was putting on to protect her secret from his family when they both knew that his siblings would be giving him plenty of shit for doing this later, but she was grateful he’d swiftly understood what was happening and intervened. She nodded at him, and he took a breath before finishing the fake introduction. 

“Penelope, this is Agatha Danbury, or Aunt Aggie as we like to call her. She’s our mother’s best friend and Simon’s godmother.” 

“That I am, my dear boy. Thank you for inserting yourself so thoroughly into this conversation, now scurry along,” she ordered, holding out her cane threateningly. He didn’t wait to be told twice, sending a look in Pen’s direction that was a mixture of apology, regret, and amusement as he walked toward Benedict, who was laughing heartily at the dismissal of his older brother. “Now, Miss Featherington, is it?”

Penelope nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“What an unexpected delight it is. Did you know I had the pleasure of meeting your Sophie, here, too?” She gestured toward the woman she’d worked closely with for a decade, her dark eyes shining. She held her free hand out and when Penelope stepped forward to shake it, she pulled her just a bit closer and lowered her voice just enough that no one but Sophie would be able to hear, “Do not fret, dear girl. Your secret is, as ever, safe with me.” 

“Thank you,” Pen whispered before taking a step back toward Sophie. Then, raising her voice, she said, “It is so wonderful to meet you, Agatha.”

“Yes, it is a pleasure. Come find me later. Or better yet, I’ll find you.” And with a final wink at them, she turned and walked away, the telltale noise of her cane fading as the distance between them increased. 

“Ok, so next time, please scream at me to listen to you,” Penelope mumbled as she slumped against Sophie, who had started giggling madly. 

“She’s still so scary, Pen. I almost fainted when I saw her earlier. I tried texting you, but you obviously didn’t see it.”

Pen grimaced, “I should probably be better about that.” 

“I can’t blame you, I guess. It looked like you had plenty distracting you in the form of a Sexy Mister Baker Man,” Soph teased her. Pen narrowed her eyes but didn’t bother denying it. “Come on, lover girl, I need a drink after that.”

She allowed herself to be pulled over to the coolers where a few of the Bridgerton siblings had gathered, and they slipped into conversation after each greeting her with a hug along with a whispered, “I tried,” from Anthony. They commiserated with her over her encounter with the “dragon lady,” which was apparently a nickname for their Aunt Aggie, who had scared them with her cane and stern tone, but they also reassured her that under her tough exterior, Agatha had a heart of gold. 

It wasn’t that Penelope was entirely surprised by that, she’d seen hints of the warmth underneath the cold over the years, but she still had to reconcile the idea of Agatha Danbury being the Bridgertons’ Aunt Aggie as well as Simon’s godmother. Though, when she thought about what Colin had said, that his godmother had taken care of him in lieu of his abusive father, Pen couldn’t help but wonder if she’d finally unearthed one of the reasons Danbury Publishing had taken a chance on her all those years ago and done everything in their power to help her maintain her privacy. 

As Sophie and the Bridgerton siblings sipped on their drinks and continued telling stories, Penelope’s mind wandered and she glanced around the backyard, taking stock of who was doing what. Violet, Mary, and Agatha were gathered at a table under an umbrella, surely gossiping as they watched the party happening around them with eagle-eyed focus and wry smiles. Alice, Daphne, and Kate were on loungers, each with a cocktail in one hand and a book in the other, clearly taking advantage of their time without the kids who were being entertained at the moment by Will, Simon, Michaela and Colin in the pool. She kept her eyes moving, knowing if she kept her focus on a dripping wet and shirtless Colin, she would be in trouble. Eloise and Edwina seemed to be in the middle of some kind of debate as they filled their plates with snacks and settled onto the couch, while Gregory tossed a football back and forth on the lawn with a man she didn’t recognize. He had tight, dark curls and russet skin, and looked to be in his mid-twenties, like Greg. Also like Greg, he kept glancing over toward the blanket where Hyacinth, Lucy, and Posy were lying as they tanned and giggled, sending just as many looks toward the boys. 

“That’s Gareth St. Clair, Aggie’s grandson,” Francesca said quietly, having noticed where her attention had gone. “Hya’s been obsessed with him for years, though she won’t admit it.”

Pen laughed, thinking of her own stubborn but obvious little sister. “Sounds like most twenty-three-year-olds. Looks like he might be interested, too.”

“Oh, I agree. He came to Kate and Ant’s New Year’s Eve party this year, and I’m almost positive something happened between them, but I haven’t been able to prove it yet,” she sighed in disappointment.

“Prove what?” Anthony asked, having only caught the tail-end of his sister’s statement.

“Oh, nothing for you to worry about!” Fran waved him off, and when Penelope giggled at his grunt of dissatisfaction, he narrowed his eyes playfully at her. 

“You two have gossip. I want to hear it,” he demanded.

“Even if it has something to do with our dear baby sister and a boy?” 

This time Pen bit back her laugh at the emphasis her friend had put on the word boy and watched as Anthony balked, appearing to seriously consider whether or not he wanted to know. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he looked toward the yard and practically growled, “He better not touch her.”

“She’s not a kid anymore, Ant,” his sister said as she placatingly placed a hand on his shoulder. Then under her breath she added, “Besides, I think that ship has sailed.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, nothing,” she dismissed him, purposefully riling him up, and Pen was reminded of how diabolical Francesca could be when she wanted to be. Anthony huffed, obviously annoyed, and grabbed another beer from the cooler. They watched him walk over to his wife and dramatically lay his head in her lap. Fran chuckled, looking entirely too pleased with herself. “It’s too easy.”

“What did you do to torture him this time?” Benedict asked as his fingers absently played with the ends of Sophie’s hair in a move strikingly similar to his younger brother. 

“I may have implied that Hya and Gareth hooked up…”

“Is that true?”

“I’m about ninety percent sure they at least kissed,” she shrugged. 

“Diabolical,” he sighed, his gray eyes filled with pride. 

“Why is that diabolical?” Sophie asked, looking between the siblings. 

“Dadthony,” they answered at the same time. 

“Dadthony?”

“It’s what Greg and Hya both call him,” Ben explained. “The two of them were so young when Dad died that they don’t really have a lot of memories of him. It was Ant who raised them, in a way, especially for that first year or so.”

Penelope remembered Colin saying it felt like he’d lost his mother for a while, too, after his dad died. She guessed that was the same thing his brother was referencing now. 

“They’re kind of his first babies, in a way,” Fran provided. “I think it’s always been harder for him to see them growing up.”

“That’s really sweet, actually,” Sophie said. 

“Yeah, he has his moments,” Ben replied, making Fran giggle. 

Pen wasn’t quite sure what to say or how she was meant to feel. Her perception of Anthony Bridgerton was ever-changing. One minute he was embarrassing himself in front of his siblings to protect her, and the next she was being reminded of why she’d been so angry with him. She was grateful for his help with her mother. She could appreciate what he’d sacrificed for his younger siblings and even see the love he clearly held for all of them. But she still couldn’t understand why the rules seemed to be different for Colin. Yes, Greg and Hya were young when they lost their dad, but so was Colin. He was twelve, he was a kid. And so until Anthony found it in himself to apologize for how he’d treated his brother, she would continue to be wary of him. Suddenly needing to find her own brother, Penelope squeezed Fran’s hand and excused herself, wandering over to the side of the pool where Phil sat on his own with his feet in the water as he wistfully watched the children play. 

He didn’t need to look over to know that it was her when she sat down beside him, instead he just offered his pinky for her to link with her own. Pen leaned into him and let her head fall on his shoulder, he kissed the top of her head before resting his against it. He didn’t need to say it, she already knew that he wanted nothing more than to be able to jump in the pool and play with the twins. She also knew that he wouldn’t. He never had before. She knew he didn’t want to scare the children or explain the scars, and she wished so badly that she could honestly tell him that neither of those things would happen, but she couldn’t and it killed her. She’d tried suggesting once that he could swim in his t-shirt or even get a rashguard, but he thought that would invite more questions than not swimming at all. She supposed he was probably right, but it didn’t stop the fresh waves of hatred that she felt for his father anytime she was reminded of what he’d stripped from her best friend, her brother. 

After a few minutes, Phil broke the silence between them. “So that’s Agatha Danbury, huh?” Though the two of them had never met, he’d heard plenty of stories about the woman for years. “It’s a small fucking world, Pen.”

She chuckled and nodded her agreement. “Seriously, what are the chances?”

“We should have invited Remy. We could have gotten the whole gang together.”

“Ah, but then we’d have to invite Ruth, the lawyer from Danbury Publishing.”

“God, I can’t believe I forgot Ruth!” He smacked his forehead playfully, making her laugh. “Is that really everyone?”

“Yeah, that’s everyone. For now, at least.”

Phil pulled back so he could look at her properly and Pen mirrored him. “You’re going to tell him?”

“Yes. And Eloise, too, I think.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “When?”

“I want to wait until this mess with Portia is figured out. But being as self-aware as I am, I also know there’s a good chance I’ll freak out and wait another few months after that.”

Her brother chortled and looked back to the pool, nudging her shoulder with his when she followed his lead. They lapsed into the quiet again that they both felt so comfortable in and Penelope allowed herself to finally watch Colin as he played mermaids with the girls in the shallow end. She lost herself in him for a while, her eyes following his every move, drinking in the way the water dripped from his chestnut curls and glistened on his sculpted and tanned muscles. It was like he was some kind of Adonis, beautiful in every possible way as his joyous laughter called to her like her favorite song. 

“Hello, my beautiful best friend,” Eloise’s voice sounded and startled Penelope as she plopped down on her other side. “Don’t mind me, I just wanted to come say hi and I’m going to pretend like I didn’t just see you drooling over my brother.”

“I was not drooling,” she protested.

Phil snorted, then yelped when she pinched his thigh in retaliation. 

El scoffed, “Hate to break it to you, babe, but you definitely were.” 

Pen crossed her arms and huffed, unamused. Her traitorous best friends laughed loudly at her indignation, likely both noticing that she had no real argument to contradict Eloise, and they caught the attention of Colin and the girls. 

“Auntie Pen!” Amanda yelled. “You said you would play mermaids with us!”

“Yeah, Pen, you said you would play mermaids with us!” Colin repeated with a self-satisfied grin that told her he had absolutely noticed when her attention had been on him. 

“Come on, Auntie Pen!” The girls all cheered her on together and Eloise nudged her, her eyes bright with mischief. 

“Well, go on then, Pen. You don’t want to keep those rascals waiting too long.” 

“You did this on purpose,” she accused. 

El didn’t bother to deny it, instead she demanded, “Give me your dress, I’ll put it by your bag.”

Penelope hesitated at the idea of being in her swimsuit in front of everyone here. She’d worn one, of course, and was well aware that she’d promised the kids she would swim with them, but a large part of her had been hoping they would forget. She was more confident in her body now in her late twenties than she ever had been before, but that didn’t mean it was easy to feel so exposed, especially considering who exactly was about to see her wearing practically nothing. 

El must have been thinking the same thing but for an entirely different reason, because she pulled on Penelope's dress impatiently. “Pen, will you please just get undressed so that the sight of your tits wipes that annoying-ass smirk right off my idiot brother’s face?”

“Eloise!” Phil and Pen both admonished her. 

“What? She’s got spectacular tits, Phil.”

“Ew,” he groaned, and Penelope thought she felt him actually shudder beside her. “Make it stop, Pen!” 

She giggled at her brother’s theatrics and gave in, wiggling her dress out from under her and pulling it over her head, tossing it in a surprised El’s face. When she looked back toward the shallow end, she realized Eloise’s prediction had been correct. Colin was staring hungrily at her, his eyes traveling over her body with unadulterated appreciation. She bit her lip and fought the urge to cover herself up, letting him look to his heart’s desire, much to the dismay of her brother and his sister. 

“I changed my mind, it’s actually worse this way,” Eloise whined dramatically–she and Phil really were perfect for each other. Her tune quickly changed, though, and she started cackling when the ball that the others in the pool had been playing volleyball with went sailing across the water and smacked Colin directly in the face. It only took one glance at Michaela to know that she had aimed on purpose as she openly snickered and even high-fived Simon, who was laughing at his brother-in-law. Colin had obviously come to the same conclusion and stared down his best friend, crossing a finger over his throat menacingly. Penelope laughed at them, knowing he was likely already planning something ridiculous in revenge. 

The sound of her laughter got his attention again, and they locked eyes once more. He cocked his head to the side, his navy eyes bright as he challenged her to finally join him. Unable to resist the pull any longer, Penelope slid into the pool and ignored the chuckling from all of her favorite people as they watched her quickly realize that she was too short to stand in this area of the pool. She started swimming to the shallow end, making sure to kick her feet hard enough to splash Phil and El where they sat and giggling at their squawks of surprise.

Colin got to her before the girls did, and she smirked at him even as her heart raced and placed a hand on his chest to move him out of the way. He tapped her ass under the water as she passed, and she heard his deep chuckle when she yelped. She knew they were playing a dangerous game, but she also had no interest in stopping it. 

With Penelope now in the mix for mermaids and a reminder from Amelia that her red hair was just like Ariel’s, the girls decided a change was needed. It was no longer just mermaids that they were playing as they enthusiastically assigned roles out. Pen would be Ariel, of course, while each of the six girls–Amanda, Amelia, Belinda, Caroline, Charlotte, and Daisy–would be her sisters. Colin was Prince Eric and Simon was recruited away from the volleyball match to be King Triton. Before she knew it, everyone in the pool had a character to play, and a few of the other adults had even come to join in as the children directed them around the pool in a very strange and very silly production of The Little Mermaid.

The entire family watched and laughed as Will Mondrich put on the performance of a lifetime as Sebastian, all of them singing along to Kiss the Girl as the kids spun Pen and Colin around on a raft. She knew they weren’t supposed to kiss yet, but for a moment, she wasn’t sure they’d be able to stop themselves. The children tipped the raft just before their lips met and she stayed under the water for a few extra seconds in an attempt to compose herself. When she finally came up for air, she shivered when she saw how dark his eyes had become and they kept a little more distance between themselves as they continued the game. 

By the time Colin defeated Michaela, who was playing Ursula, in an epic battle with pool noodles, the kids seemed to forget about the wedding scene at the end of the movie and instead commenced their own war with the foam floaties which allowed all of the adults who had been involved to take a break as a new group of them swapped in, a changing of the guards of sorts. 

As she climbed the stairs out of the pool, Pen felt Colin trailing right behind her, following closely as she walked to the lounge chair where her bag was. She bent down to pull their towels from it and when she straightened again, he placed his hands at her hips. She sighed as he massaged his thumbs into her bare skin, his fingers digging into her curves a little harder as she pressed back against him. 

He put his lips next to her ear and whispered, “Fuck Aphrodite, Pen. She has nothing on you.”  

She gasped and felt his laugh rumble through his chest as he reached around for the towels in her hands. She let him take them and he wrapped one around her, rubbing over her arms to warm her up. When he dropped his hands, she spun around to face him. 

“Rule number ten, sweetheart,” he said with a wink as he used the second towel to dry himself off. “All in good faith.”

She opened her mouth to respond and closed it again, at a loss for words. 

“Am I interrupting?”

Penelope jumped at the voice behind her and flicked Colin on the forehead when he laughed at her. She turned around to find Agatha watching them with a wry smile playing at her lips. 

“Hey, Aunt Aggie,” Colin said, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug. She didn’t even complain that he was still wet, instead patting his cheek and looking up at him, her eyes warm and kind. “Have you had a chance to meet Pen yet?”

“Oh yes, I was quite pleased to see her here today. Your mother tells me she’s living in that extra apartment of yours.”

He glanced back at Pen briefly before confirming. “She is.”

“You’re taking good care of her, aren’t you?”

“He is,” Penelope answered for him, noticing the blush that immediately appeared on his ears. She slipped her hand into his and squeezed twice. 

“That’s my boy,” Agatha said, nodding in approval.

“Actually, Aggie, it is great that you’re here. Some might even say it’s serendipitous,” he wagged his brows at Penelope and she giggled. 

“Oh? And why is that, Colin?”

“Well, on top of me just being so excited to see you, of course…”

“Of course, dear boy. Now, tell me the real reason before I whack you.”

“Pen is an author and she’s currently writing a book.”

“Col, I–” she sputtered, but was cut off by Agatha, who was wearing a secret smile. 

“Is she now?”

He smiled proudly and squeezed Pen’s hand, and her heart burst open when he looked down at her with his shining ocean eyes. “Pen, Aggie is in publishing. She’s amazing. I can’t believe I didn’t think about it sooner, but it’s perfect isn’t it?” He turned back to Agatha. “Maybe the two of you could talk sometime? Give her some tips or something?”

“That’s not–”

“That’s a great idea, Colin. In fact, why don’t you give us a few minutes now? She can tell me all about it.” 

“You’re the best,” he announced, delivering a quick kiss to both of their cheeks and wandering over to grab a lemonade out of the cooler before flopping down on a blanket where Eloise and Francesca were sprawled out with their books. Pen was momentarily nervous, having lost sight of Phil, then breathed a sigh of relief when she spotted him talking to Simon. 

“Let’s sit, Penelope,” Agatha said, pulling her attention back. She sat and patted the chair beside her. Pen quickly did as she was told, avoiding eye contact and twisting her fingers nervously until the woman’s hand shot out and stilled the movement.

“My dear girl, I am not going to bite. No matter what those hooligans say, I am not actually a dragon.”

Pen laughed and looked up, finding Agatha watching her with soft eyes. 

“It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. December, I think, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. They’d had a meeting regarding Settling in the beginning stages of adaptation negotiations, though it had all been put on hold after the accident until a couple of months ago when Penelope had finally given the go ahead for them to continue again. 

“I know that we’ve been in contact, but I also am of the opinion that email is rather impersonal. So now that I am lucky enough to be in your presence once again, I wanted to tell you, Penelope, how sorry I am for your loss.”

“Thank you, Agatha. I know I haven’t been on top of things–”

“No, my girl, none of that matters.”

“But–”

“I know there are contracts and deadlines, but that’s the nice thing about being the boss. I make the rules, which means I can also change them. You take all the time you need.”

“Thank you.”

The old woman squeezed her hand. 

“You and your Phil and those adorable twins are in good hands with this family, Penelope. But be warned, they’ll never let you out of their clutches now. Take it from this old bird. Not that I would change it for anything, I adore them all. And that boy over there who looks at you like you hung the moon? He might just be the best of them, though I’ll deny ever saying that. He is so like his grandfather.”

Seeing the surprise and confusion on Penelope’s face, Aggie raised a brow at her. “A story for another time, Lady Whistledown. But I promise, it is quite juicy.”

The rest of the afternoon went rather quickly, filled with conversation and reading and games as they all milled about in the backyard. It was lovely spending time with a family that not only loved each other, but also genuinely liked each other. It was so different from the way she’d grown up, and yet the manner in which Bridgertons loved and enjoyed each other’s company was so similar to how she’d felt with the family she had built. Spending an afternoon surrounded by their laughing and their bickering and their teasing and their joy would have once filled her with a deep ache, but today it simply felt right. 

As the evening began to set in, a few people worked the grill or made salads inside while the children played soccer on the lawn with a few of their aunts and uncles and friends who were all becoming sillier and drunker the longer the day went on and the emptier the coolers got. Penelope sat on a blanket watching the game with Colin’s head resting in her lap. She raked her fingers through his hair and was almost certain he’d fallen asleep. That is until she giggled as Gregory was tackled to the ground by Eddie, Nicky, and Miles so that Charlie could score a goal on him, and Colin reached up and pulled on one of her curls. 

When she looked down at him, his eyes were open and he was smiling up at her. 

“I love that sound,” he mumbled drowsily. “S’cute. You’re cute.”

She felt her cheeks heat and he ghosted his thumb over her blush. His eyes drifted shut again and he practically purred as she scraped her nails over his scalp, nuzzling further into her touch. 

“Sposed to say it back, Pen.”

“You already know I think you’re cute. Do I really have to keep saying it?”

“It never hurts to hear it. Besides, isn’t that what best friends are for?”

She rolled her eyes even as a chuckle escaped her lips and noticed his mouth twitch into a grin, happy to make her laugh. When she opened her mouth to respond, she was interrupted as a shadow loomed over them. She glanced up and tugged lightly on Colin’s hair so that he would open his eyes, hating the way she felt him tense as he saw his brother staring down at them, a tentative smile on his face. 

“What’s up?” Colin asked, his voice harsher than usual. 

“I was actually hoping we could talk, Col.”

“About what?”

Benedict looked between them, obviously not wanting to speak in front of her, but the second she started to offer to give them space, Colin reached for her hand and whispered, “Stay.”

“Just a few minutes, Colin. Please?”

Her best friend sighed and his brother’s face fell, knowing the answer before it was even spoken. “I just…I can’t today, Ben.”

“Ok,” he nodded. “I get it.”

He hadn’t gotten too far when Colin called out to him and he jogged back over, his gray eyes filled with hope. 

“The bakery is closed tomorrow. Why don’t we go up to Devil’s Lake?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Heracles knows you’ll need to work off the raging hangover that’s coming for you.”

Benedict threw his head back laughing and agreed. Before he walked away, he smiled softly and nodded at Penelope, who turned her attention back to the man in her lap. Colin sighed again as he played with her fingers, something she noticed he’d started to do in lieu of his own fingers fidgeting at his sides. With her free hand, she smoothed back his hair. 

“Do you think I’m being silly?” he asked after a couple of minutes.

“No, Col, I think you’re being cautious.”

“It was never him, you know. He never acted the way Ant did. But he also never–” he paused and cleared his throat, closing his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them again, her heart broke to see the tears that had gathered there. “He never told him he was wrong about me. He never made more than half-hearted attempts at calming him. He just…I don’t know, Pen. I just know it hurts. It’s always hurt. But I don’t want to be mad at him forever, either of them, really. I just can’t get that night out of my head. I thought it was over, that I had proven myself to them, that I was finally enough.”

“Colin,” she breathed, fighting back her own emotions–heartbreak for him, anger at his brothers. 

“I hate that you heard them, Pen. I hate that you heard me. I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t mean it, right?”

“I know, baby,” she whispered, using her thumb to wipe away the few tears that had fallen. Of course she knew, because she knew him, because she loved him. And while she was mad at his brothers and despised the way they’d made him feel–that night of the twins’ party and every other time they ever let him think he wasn’t enough–she would never hold that night or his words against him. In fact, she was grateful she’d heard him and for the friendship that they’d built because of it. 

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, and neither of them said another word until they were called to dinner. Colin stood and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in a hug and burying his face into her neck, breathing her in. When he let her go, she slipped her hand into his and led him toward the rest of the family, uncaring about what they thought. The only opinions that mattered when it came to their relationship were their own, which she would be happy to tell anyone who decided to make a comment. 

Luckily, it didn’t come to that. While she saw a few lingering glances in their direction, they were left alone. By the end of dinner, he was laughing again–mostly thanks to Michaela, who had obviously noticed that something was bothering him and made it her personal mission to cheer him up. Fran and Pen watched them go back and forth like it was a tennis match, the kind of banter that could only exist between two people who had known each other for a long time and loved each other deeply. The two women were clutching their stomachs, laughing at their ridiculousness, when Colin decided it was time to enact his revenge from the volleyball incident. 

It happened so quickly, and suddenly Mich was on her feet, cackling as she ran for her life with Colin chasing behind her. The entire family watched, bemused by their antics, as they wove in and out of the blankets and people scattered across the lawn. In a risky move, Michaela skidded back to their blanket and tried to hide behind Francesca. Unfortunately for her, Colin had no qualms about moving his little sister out of the way–not that Fran put up much of a fight–and hiking Mich up and over her shoulder, heading to the pool with the clear intention of tossing her in.

“Wait!” she squealed as she hit his back, but her protests were to no avail. As a last-ditch effort, she called out, “Franny, help!”

“Sorry, my love! If I help, he’ll throw me in next and I already washed my hair,” Fran yelled back, not realizing that she’d inadvertently paused her brother’s mission as all eyes turned toward her. When she noticed the attention, she asked, “What?”

“You called her your love,” Penelope whispered, holding back a giggle as the brunette turned bright red and covered her face with her hands. From Eloise or even Daphne, no one would have batted an eye at using a pet name for a friend, but Fran had never once used one for Michaela–at least, not in front of the family. 

“May I request a brief intermission?” Mich’s voice sounded from the pool deck, and Colin must have agreed because within a few seconds she was on the blanket in front of Francesca, gently wrapping her hands around her wrists and pulling her hands from her face. When she spoke, she was quiet, but Penelope still heard her. “That was smooth, baby. I think maybe it’s time we tell them.”

Pen only had a second to register her words before Fran nodded and Michaela surged forward and kissed her soundly, resulting in gasps from all around them. After a moment, the two women broke apart, laughing and looking happier than she’d ever seen them. 

“Family!” The Bridgerton woman called them to attention, effectively ending the whispered conversations. “Michaela and I are dating!”

“Well it’s about time!” Violet shouted from her spot across the lawn, and the rest of the family laughed and cheered as the two women shared another sweet kiss. Francesca pulled Mich to her feet and they started walking toward her mother, only to be intercepted by Colin, who hugged them each in turn and whispered something to both of them before rejoining Penelope on their blanket. 

“We called a truce,” he explained. “For now, at least. It’ll be more fun to watch her wonder when it’s gonna happen.”

Penelope giggled and cuddled into his side as they watched the couple accepting hugs and congratulations from the family. They were both glowing. 

“I’m happy they finally found each other,” she told him.

“They’ve always had each other,” he said, pulling her closer into him and kissing the top of her head. 

“Auntie Pen?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Could you braid my hair like Mommy?” Amanda asked sweetly, still wrapped up in her towel and blinking the big brown eyes she shared with her brother and mother up at Penelope. Everyone had taken turns with baths and showers, washing off the chlorine from the pool and the heaps of sunscreen they’d been lathering into their skin all day. It had been a surprisingly quick process for a group so large thanks to the multitude of bathrooms in the Bassets’ home. After her own shower, Pen had offered to help the twins and had already sent Oliver back outside as she finished up with his sister.

“Of course I can. Why don’t we finish putting your jammies on and then I can do it out on the lawn? Uncle Phil forgot to pack the stuff for your hair but you can use mine tonight.”

“He’s so silly,” Amanda giggled, scrunching up her nose adorably. 

“He really is,” she agreed. “Arms up!”

Her niece lifted her arms above her head so Penelope could help put her nightgown on and a few minutes later, they walked outside hand in hand. They were some of the last ones back since Pen had to go on a hunt for shampoo and conditioner that the twins could use, having not found any in the bag their uncle had packed for them. Luckily, the Basset girls had similarly textured hair and Daphne had grabbed it from their bathroom. Amanda didn’t seem to mind moving slowly, waiting patiently for her aunt to find everything she needed in her giant, overpacked bag and swinging their hands back and forth as they finally wandered to the blanket where Phil and El were sitting together. 

Pen looked around the lawn as Amanda settled down in front of her. Some of the kids were still running around with Greg, Gareth, Mich, and Fran, while others were snuggled up on blankets, eating dessert provided by their uncle, who was currently hanging out with Olly and John and lighting sparklers for them as they looked at him like he was their hero. Sophie grinned at her from across the yard where she was sitting curled up in Benedict’s lap as they talked to Kate and Anthony. And the grandmothers sat happily at a table at the edge of the patio, sipping on mugs of tea. Next to their own blanket were the Bassets and Mondriches, who were in easy conversation with Phil and El, and on their other side, the younger women sat scrolling on their phones and giggling as they showed each other their screens. Everyone was accounted for, cheeks flushed by the sun–alcohol certainly playing a part for some of them–and eyes bright with joy even in the dimming light of the evening. 

She felt all of their happiness reflected back on herself and smiled as she started on her niece’s hair. It was damp and already starting to curl up quite a bit as she combed her own leave-in conditioner through the hair, and while she knew it wasn’t the same for her to be doing Amanda’s hair in the place of Marina, it had become something special for the two of them on the nights when the little girl was missing her mom. And because it had been Marina who taught Penelope had to care for her own hair as well as hers and her daughter’s, doing this for Amanda always made Pen feel closer to her best friend, too.  

By the time she was finished with the braids, they’d gotten the attention of the other little girls who had filled up their blanket, hoping to have their hair done as well. Alice switched spots with Phillip, and the two women sat side by side and braided until all six of the girls were snuggled up on a blanket together with their matching pigtails and nightgowns, smiling for a picture with the sun setting over the lake in the background. Penelope was too busy watching them to notice right away when Hyacinth crawled over and settled in front of her. 

“Would you do mine for me?” she asked over her shoulder, reminding Penelope so much of her little sister that it took her a second to shake the image of Felicity from her mind and nod her agreement, brushing back her hair. For a moment, Pen allowed herself to picture red strands weaving through her fingers instead of the signature Bridgerton chestnut brown, she let herself imagine it were her sister sitting in front of her once more. When she was finished, Hya gave her a big hug and thanked her. Pen whispered her own thank you back. A thank you for the gift she’d been given, for the memory she’d gotten to relive. The younger woman pulled away, and understanding of what had passed between them was clear in the dark blue eyes that were so similar to her brother’s. 

It wasn’t long after that that everyone found their spots on the lawn, waiting for the fireworks to start over the lake. Penelope felt Colin settle on the blanket behind her, handing her his sweatshirt for her to slip over her head, then bracketing her between his legs and pulling her back into him. He wrapped his arms around her belly and rested his chin on her shoulder, and she intertwined their fingers, savoring the feel of being enveloped by him so completely, hardly paying any attention to the fireworks up above. 

When the show ended, she mourned the loss of his warmth surrounding her, but was glad when he didn’t stray far, standing by her side as they said goodnight to the children before they were taken inside by the grandmothers for their late-night movie and sleepover. Pen heard Violet tell Phil that she would come get him once the movie was over or as soon as Oliver fell asleep, whichever came first. That had been the compromise and both of the twins had agreed to it with Amanda assuring her brother that she was happy to go home and have a sleepover of their own. 

It didn’t take long after the kids were inside for Penelope to notice the obvious shift in atmosphere. Instead of the beers and seltzer they’d all been pulling from the coolers throughout the day, they opened the liquor cabinet behind the pool bar and drinks started flowing. The Bridgertons had clearly been holding back while the kids were around, and she watched them in fascination as she sipped on her mineral water until Colin pulled her over to the beer pong table. 

They first faced off against Lucy and Greg, who blushed any time his crush so much as leaned into him. At one point, the girl pushed up onto her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek after making a shot, and Pen and Colin had to turn around to calm their giggles from his awestruck expression. They ended up winning handedly, and while they had the advantage of being sober, it was really just that Colin was very good at the game. They were able to win once more against Sophie and Posy until they finally lost to Alice and Will. 

A few rounds of flip cup and just as many rounds of shots later, Daphne called them over to sit around the firepit. Pen noticed their hostess looking suspiciously sober, though she’d had a drink in her hand all night, but she kept it to herself, knowing there were plenty of reasons she might not be drinking. That is, until she and Colin both caught Simon gently rubbing his wife’s stomach as he sat down next to her. They shared a grin and zipped their lips, listening up as Daph announced it was time for their annual game of Never Have I Ever. 

A number of groans sounded around the circle, though they were drowned out swiftly by the laughs and cheers of the majority. While Anthony loudly insisted there were things a man never needed to know about his siblings, his wife reminded him that that had never stopped them before, and Benedict helpfully pointed out that there were so many new guests this year that they had no choice but to be properly inaugurated into the family. Murmurs of agreement echoed throughout the group while the newbies–Pen, Phil, Sophie, Posy, and Gareth–shared nervous glances. All of them had spent enough time with the competitive Bridgertons to know this couldn’t end well. 

As the game progressed, it was clear that there was a split opinion on strategy between how the siblings played in comparison to their friends and partners. While non-Bridgertons used broad statements purposefully designed to get as many people in the circle to take a drink as possible, Bridgertons (and Kate) were hyper-specific in obvious attempts to target one another, usually in order to expose someone with a nugget of information they’d been seemingly holding onto for the last year. Some of the tidbits were shocking while others were absurdly funny, but Penelope soon lost track of almost everyone but the man next to her. 

She wondered if it was like this every year, or if because he wasn’t drinking, his siblings had decided not to focus on Colin, but there wasn’t a single pointed choice made to call him out for one of his misdeeds. Instead, he put his fingers down only to the general statements being made. Penelope waited with bated breath after each turn to see if he would take a sip of his water, and she noticed him doing the same with her. Most everything was tame and nothing really surprised her until Hyacinth said she had never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. No one seemed to bat an eye when Colin didn’t drink, but she was shocked and couldn’t help but to fully turn to look at him. He avoided eye contact, playing with the cap of his bottle, and in the light from the fire she could see his cheeks turning pink. 

It wasn’t as if there was anything wrong with him never dating anyone, but everything about Colin Bridgerton screamed love. It didn’t make sense until Greg said he had never slept with someone in another country and Mich leaned over to Colin to joke–in a voice she obviously thought was nothing but a whisper–that he would need to down a whole bottle of tequila to make up for all the countries he’d had sex in. She remembered then what Anthony had said, his assumption that Colin would hook up with her without considering the consequences, and she wondered if this was why. 

She felt him tense beside her and scooted even closer into his side, pulling his hand into her lap and giving it two squeezes. She knew that she didn’t have a say in what he did with his life, that she didn’t have any right to care who he’d been with or how many, but she also knew Colin. And she knew that he was embarrassed for her to hear those things, even though he had no reason to be. Even if they were more than friends, she would never hold his past against him because it was just that, his past. Pen was relieved when she finally felt his shoulders relax and he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. 

It was only a few people later that Posy had another turn. The exuberant younger woman was giggling even as she looked around the circle, and a look of absolute glee overtook her face as she must have decided that she’d figured out the perfect question. 

“Ok yay! Never have I ever…kissed someone sitting in this circle!” she squealed, looking extremely proud of herself as she watched every single person raise their drink to their lips and not understanding the chaos that she’d just set into motion. 

Ant started yelling as it was revealed that Hyacinth had in fact kissed Gareth at his house on New Year’s Eve and only calmed down when Hya drew attention to the fact that Greg and Lucy had made out in the hot tub that same night. The youngest Bridgertons had to be separated by their partners while Fran excitedly announced to everyone that she was right on both counts. Once everyone had calmed down, all the eyes around the firepit moved to the blanket where Colin and Penelope sat as a drunk Kate pointed out that they’d both taken a drink as well. 

Pen knew exactly what they were thinking, though they were wrong. The two of them were the only unpartnered people here who had taken their sips, and considering they’d been holding hands until they saw the other put a finger down, it wasn’t an unfair assumption for the family to be making. 

“Oooh, Colin and Penelope sitting in a–” Hyacinth sang and a few people laughed until Colin’s voice cut through the night. 

“Stop, Hya. It’s not what you think.” His voice was soft, but commanding and everyone quieted immediately. Colin sighed, “Michaela and I kissed during truth or dare, freshman year. It was weird.”

“And I’d do it again!” Mich yelled, lifting herself up onto her knees and landing a loud, smacking kiss on Colin’s cheek. She preened with pride as he begrudgingly laughed at her while he wiped at his skin. Their friends and family giggled at the two of them and for a moment Penelope thought she may have been forgotten. 

“Umm, Pen?” Eloise spoke up. “Something to share with the class?”

“Oh!” She startled and everyone was suddenly staring at her once again, including Colin whose gaze flitted between her lips and her eyes, and she was vaguely aware of El saying her name again. Reluctantly, she turned her back on him and looked at his sister. “It was Phil and it was gross.”

She heard a quiet sigh behind her and felt his hand inch closer to hers on the blanket. 

Phil laughed and nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah, we were what, fourteen?”

Penelope nodded. “Everyone around us kept trying to tell us we should be together. Apparently boys and girls can’t be best friends without also being into each other,” she said, rolling her eyes, ignoring the fact that one of her best friends was sitting next to her and she was very very much into him. 

Colin and Michaela scoffed loudly and she wondered how often the two of them had been told the same thing, which was even more ridiculous considering Michaela had zero interest in men in general. 

“We basically decided that it would be worth a shot and blech,” Phil pretended to gag and then shivered, earning him a few loud laughs and a whack to the back of the head from Penelope. “What?? You said it was gross first!”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to make it sound like I was a god-awful kisser or something!” she argued, simply for the sake of arguing. “I’m a good kisser!”

“Ugh, I don’t need to know that,” he groaned dramatically. 

“No, it’s true!” Fran chimed in, drunkenly leaning around her girlfriend to look at Phil. “She’s very good.”

Noises of confusion echoed around the firepit and jaws dropped open as they glanced between Francesca and Penelope, who wanted more than anything for people to stop looking at her. 

“You two kissed?” Colin asked, his voice quiet and even. A question only meant for her. 

“Yes, but–” She wanted to explain but Fran cut her off. 

“I asked her to!” 

The family pushed for more information which Francesca happily provided, rambling out the story and ending with the kiss giving her enough courage to finally tell Michaela about her feelings. Mich was laughing along and didn’t seem surprised by the revelation, which is likely why Fran felt like it was ok to share it. And it was ok. They hadn’t done anything wrong. They were two single people, friends who had shared a simple kiss for a very specific purpose. Still, Fran’s words from the night in the car repeated in her head, the idea that Colin would be jealous if he knew. At the time, she’d brushed it off, but looking at him now, she wasn’t so sure she should have. 

He had all but shut down beside her, his face blank, and for the first time, it was impossible for her to read him. She wanted to tell him more, to explain, but she also didn’t have any idea if that was actually what was bothering him. Was he mad at her for not telling him? She didn’t think that was the case, that was so unlike him. Still she was at a loss. 

Relief washed over her when she heard Violet calling out to them from the backdoor. She stood along with Phillip and Eloise, letting Colin know she was going to say goodbye to the twins. He nodded and let her walk away. She followed the others through the house and helped them gather everything they needed, walking out to the driveway with them and giving each of the kids a hug and kiss before they climbed in the car. El, who was still pretty tipsy, hugged her and teased that she couldn’t believe Pen had kissed a different Bridgerton sister first, and Phil rolled his eyes at his girlfriend’s follow-up offer to change that. He wrapped Penelope up in a hug and she saw him glance over her shoulder and nod before he hopped in the car and drove away. 

She knew it was Colin behind her, waited for him to say something, to break the silence that had never been awkward between them before. 

“Hey,” he finally said as he walked to her side, carrying her bag. 

“You want to leave?”

“Do you mind?”

“No, of course not.” 

She didn’t mind. She knew if they went to that party that whatever this was would continue to grow between them and she needed to get to the bottom of it. She needed to understand. 

They didn’t say another word as they walked to the Jeep. Colin opened her door and offered his hand to help her climb up, then tossed her bag in the backseat and got in on the other side. He started the car and set his hand on the gear shift before removing it and reaching across the console, pulling her hand back to his side and holding it against his leg. She knew what he was trying to do, that he was giving them a point of contact to ground them on the drive. It was what she’d done on Sunday night and he must have been sure she wouldn’t move her hand away, because he finally put the car in drive and they started on their way home. 

It took about thirty minutes to get back to their building, and the roads were mostly empty until they were closer to downtown. There was one car that had been pulled over, and Colin took his right hand from the wheel and squeezed hers until they were past it. She wasn’t sure if it was that she was touching him or the silence that had stretched taut between them, but the lights didn’t bother her for once. 

When he parked, he climbed out quickly and made it to her door in record time, helping her down and carrying her bag into the building, holding the doors open for her, and following her up the stairs. 

He was perfectly polite. 

She hated it. 

It was in front of her door that she finally lost her patience and whirled around to face him. 

“What’s wrong?” she demanded. 

“Nothing,” he said immediately. 

“Don’t you dare start lying to me now, Colin.”

“I’m not–”

“You won’t speak to me, you can barely even look at me. Are you mad at me?” She hated the way her voice broke, and from the way his eyes finally shot up to hers, she knew he did, too. 

“I’m not mad at you, Pen. I promise.” His tone was so soft, so perfectly him. 

“Then will you please tell me what’s wrong? I hate this, Colin.”

“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. 

Penelope threw her arms up in frustration and turned back to her door, trying to get her stupid key into her stupid lock when he placed his hands on her hips and spun her back around. She gasped and he took a step back, dropping his hands. She wanted to take a step forward, to put his hands right back on her, but she forced herself to stay where she was, waiting for him to tell her what was happening inside his head. 

He looked to be at war with himself, until finally whatever tether inside him that was holding him back snapped. 

“I was jealous, Pen,” he admitted as if it pained him to do so. “I was jealous and I know…I know I have no right to be. But god, Penelope, I was so fucking jealous hearing my sister talk about you like that when I want–”

He cut himself off and took another step back, his fingers were rubbing against thumbs rapidly at his sides. 

She wasn’t sure what it meant that it was pure relief that rushed through her at his admission. It wasn’t surprising, exactly. She had guessed, but actually hearing him say it was a different thing entirely. She would have felt the same way if she’d found out that he kissed someone close to her, and she would have felt equally bad for feeling jealous when she had no claim to him. 

What he didn’t know was that he already had ownership of her heart, that he had nothing to be jealous of. She couldn’t tell him that of course, but she could explain and maybe soothe the feeling. 

“It didn’t mean anything, Colin. She was scared and I had the ability to help her, that’s it.”

“I know, that’s why I feel like such a jackass. I know why you did it.”

“It was just…a kiss, Col.”

“Just a kiss,” he repeated.

“A kiss between friends. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Is that some kind of rule I missed? Friends can kiss and it doesn’t have to mean anything?” His tone was teasing, trying to ease the tension even further, to bring them out of this. But Penelope didn’t know if she wanted to be brought out again, not when she wanted him as badly as she did.

“It could be,” she said after a moment.

“What?”

She took a breath and repeated herself. “It could be a rule, if you wanted it to be.”

“A rule?”

“Rule number twelve, I think it would be.”

“Pen.” Her name was barely a breath from his lips. 

“Am I the only one of us who’s thought about it?”

Colin shook his head and she took a step forward and watched him swallow. 

“Then it’s a rule now.”

He nodded and she took another step. She had to tilt her head back to look him in the eyes which were blown black. He lifted a hand and tugged at that curl he loved. 

“Kiss me, Colin,” she whispered, not bothering to hide just how much she wanted it. “Please.”

Chapter Text

“So you know how you made me promise to tell you if I ever thought you were being an idiot?” 

Annie sputters as Billie’s question catches her off guard and her eyes snap up to her computer screen where she sees her best friend pouring a second glass of wine before handing it off to Grant, who must be just out of view of the camera. She can hear her brother chuckling at his wife’s ability to cut straight to the point. She doesn’t blame him; she adores that trait of Billie’s, just not when it’s directed at her. 

“I don’t know that I do remember asking that of you, Bill, but please do proceed,” she says with a sardonic grin and a wave of her hand. 

“Alright, so maybe you didn’t ask me,” Billie admits. “But everyone knows it’s a best friend’s responsibility to tell you when you’re being an idiot. If there was a rulebook, it would be in there. Back me up on this, baby.”

“Don’t bring him into this!” Annie groans dramatically, already knowing how her brother will answer. He always takes Billie’s side. Perhaps she should have anticipated this kind of predicament back when they first started dating, but she’d been too excited at the time for her best friend and roommate to become her sister to think about the possibility of them eventually teaming up against her. 

“Sorry, Anne, already in it,” Grant chimes in, leaning over so his forehead and eyes can be seen through the screen. “She’s right, I’m afraid.”

“Thank you, baby,” Billie says, offering her lips up for a kiss and giggling as a fed up Annie yells at them to stop. She turns back to her phone and gives a poor approximation of an apologetic smile, which Annie accepts with a smile of her own–she’s used to them by now. “Now, where was I?”

“I believe you were in the midst of calling me an idiot?” she prompts, hearing her brother snort. 

“Oh, yes, I was. I just don’t see why you haven’t broken up with him yet.”

“Not this again,” she sighs, exasperated already. She gets some version of this question almost every time they talk as both Billie and Grant were fairly open in their disdain for her boyfriend.

“Yes, Annie, this again. And you will listen this time. I am sick of and tired of him letting you down over and over again, especially when I don’t even think you like him that much. That’s the most heinous part! It would be one thing if you were head over heels in love with him…”

“I do love–”

“Please do not lie to my face right now, Annabelle Sullivan,” Billie interrupts, glaring at her through the screen.

“Ooooh, she full-named you. You really are in trouble,” her brother taunts from off-screen. She can’t help but to giggle when her best friend turns to face him wearing her most annoyed expression and she hears him mutter an apology. However, her laughter quickly dissipates when the look is quickly pointed back at her, waiting for her admission. 

“Ok, fine,” she says, throwing up her hands. There is no point in continuing to deny it when they all know the truth. “So maybe I’m not head over heels in love with him.”

“Then why in the world are you still with him? Why are you sitting at home alone on another Friday night, video chatting with us instead of being out with someone who actually knows how to prioritize you, unlike that vegan asshole?” As if her words are not enough, her tone does nothing to hide her contempt for him. 

“Babe, you’re both vegetarians, it’s not really that different,” Grant supplies unhelpfully, earning him a smack on the back of the head as his sister laughs at him again. “Sorry, I just think there are more apt insults for him than his veganism.”

“Whatever,” Billie huffs. “I’m just trying to make a point here, and besides, Peter is so uppity about it. He’s like a PETA vegan, and I do mean that in the derogatory sense. Plus, he’s blond!”

The Sullivan siblings let out matching guffaws at her indignation, neither of them bothering to argue against her astute observations. 

“Anyways,” she continues once they stop laughing, “all I’m saying is that you are twenty-five years old, and you have spent the last two years dating the most boring man on the planet. And on top of that, he still doesn’t recognize how lucky he is that you give him the time of day! He should be at home worshipping you and instead he’s out gallivanting across the country.”

“He’s on a research trip, Bill.” 

He’s always on a research trip. Or at a conference. Or staying late at the lab. Or getting drinks with his colleagues instead of taking her on her promised date nights or celebrating anniversaries or being home for her birthday. 

“I don’t care! I don’t like it.”

Annie rolls her eyes, she’s heard all this before, but she knows her sister-in-law just doesn’t get it. And how could she? She met Grant when she was nineteen and he was twenty, and he treats her like a princess. They weren’t the same–Annie and Billie–not when it came to this. 

“Listen, Annie, I know your parents were the worst–”

“Hear, hear!” Grant concurs, popping back into frame to smirk at his little sister. She can’t help but to grin at him. 

Ignoring him, Billie keeps at it, “And I know that shit with Camille fucked you up, but that does not mean–”

“This is not about Camille,” Annie cuts her off, letting her annoyance shine through for the first time in this conversation. Billie must notice that she’s crossed a line because she doesn’t even try to fight back. “This is about the fact that not everyone gets to have the perfect life, Bill. Maybe some of us don’t get to have the perfect relationship with our perfect soulmate, and then have perfect fucking children to round it all out.”

“Mind you, those children are your niece and nephew,” her brother’s voice rings out in warning. It isn’t often that he employs that very specific tone with her anymore, but she knows when she hears it that she’s come close to crossing a line. Guilt rushes through her, she loves their kids more than she’s ever loved anyone, it’s not their fault their parents decided to push her tonight. 

“I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean that. I’m just saying that maybe some of us don’t get perfect. Maybe some of us have to settle.”

“So you admit that you’re settling,” Grant says when his wife stays silent as she studies Annie through the screen. Her brother’s insistence on involving himself only makes her more upset. He might be her closest friend, the only person she’d ever really had until Billie showed up, the only person who could possibly understand what she carried with her from her past. Still, he’s had Billie for six years now. They aren’t the same kids they once were. When she doesn’t answer him right away, he nudges her again. “Talk to us, Annie.”

“God, so what if I am settling? What is so wrong with that? I know who I am, I know what kind of fucked up baggage I’m carrying, and I know that I may never find someone who makes me feel the way you two feel about each other. Do you ever think maybe I’m just not the kind of girl who finds that head over heels kind of love? Because I do. I think about it all the time. I wonder what it would be like to go through life without ever finding someone to spend my life with. Do you know how lonely that feels? I’m so fucking lonely, you guys. So tell me, why is it so wrong for me to settle for Peter?”

As she finishes her rant, she sees the faces of her two favorite people on the planet staring back at her, dumbfounded. Then, Billie lets out the biggest sigh Annie has ever heard and looks to her husband. “Motion to tell my best friend she’s being an idiot again?”

“Denied!” Annie shouts, though it’s drowned out by her brother. He always was the louder one.

“Motion granted!”

Billie turns back to the screen, and in only the way that she can, she says something incredibly harsh, but with so much love emanating from her voice that Annie can barely be upset over it. “Now, I have heard you say some fantastically fucked up shit in our seven years together, but I think that takes the cake as the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.” 

She’s vaguely aware of her brother nodding along to his wife’s words, but is too focused on Billie, who is obviously not yet done speaking. 

“Annie, if there is one single person in my life who deserves to find that head over heels kind of love, it is you.”

“Bill–”

“No, Annie, whatever you think you can say right now to make me agree with you, you’re wrong. You’re forgetting that I know you. In fact, I know you better than anyone in the world except for the man sitting next to me. And Annie, you are love. You quite literally radiate it. So in what world would you not get to have an actual love story? Not whatever this thing with Peter is, but the kind where someone loves you for every single thing that you are, and where you do the same for them. I have no doubt that you’ll find that one day, and then you’ll be free to settle all you like.”

Ignoring the burning in her eyes and the tears that threatened to fall, Annie points out what she believes to be the most obvious flaw in her best friend’s logic. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to be settling.” 

“You know, the funny thing about words is that they can mean different things in different contexts.”

“Yeah, I think you may have mentioned that once or twice over the years. But I’m not one of your students, Billie. This isn’t a lecture hall.”

“Humor me, then.”

Annie waves her on, more curious as to what her point might be than she is desperate to be done with this conversation. 

“To settle. It can mean so many things. We tend to think of settling in relationships to mean that we’re giving up on the idea of something greater in lieu of something just fine, something comfortable. We convince ourselves that little issues will never become big ones, that we should stay even when everyone tells us we shouldn’t. Take you and PETA Peter, for example.” 

That earned her a snort from both Grant and Annie, and Billie had to wipe the grin off her face before continuing. 

“That’s not the kind of settling I’m talking about, though. To understand that, we need to take a step back and look at other ways the word might be used. Often, we use it to describe someone finding comfort–settling into a couch or maybe into a new role at work. Other times, it’s the way we find calm and quiet–settling for the night before bed, perhaps. Sometimes it just means to come to a rest, to stop. And don’t forget the classic–settling down, meaning to stay in one place and prepare for the next stage in our lives.”

Billie pauses for a moment and takes a sip of her wine. Annie waits, knowing her friend has yet to make her final point and suddenly needing to hear it more than anything. 

“I guess what I’m saying, Annie, is that when someone brings you comfort in your own skin, when they quiet your mind from all the doubts, when they make you want to stop time just to relish in the joy you find with them, when you look at them and see them standing next to you for the rest of your life…Well, I think that’s the kind of person worth settling for.”

Annie brushes the tear that finally falls from her eye and takes a sip of her diet coke, composing herself. “Have you ever considered giving a Ted Talk? You might really change lives with that one, Bill.”

She lets the sound of Grant’s deep and familiar chortle and Billie’s melodic giggle wrap around her, and soon they move on to other topics. She listens as they tell her what the kids got up to today and commiserates with them over their jobs and even plans a trip out to see them soon. But her best friend’s words never leave her mind. 

She breaks up with Peter the next day.