Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is it, this is the last night she’ll spend at home before she goes back to school. To JJ, East Allegheny is a special kind of hell. Memories of her childhood, of Roslyn and all the joyous times they shared, linger around every street corner. Conversely, the memories of her sister's funeral, the judgment she and her family had been subjected to afterwards, and the memories of her father’s departure — they reside here, too.

That being said, JJ can’t wait to get the hell out of here. This summer feels as if it’s lasted for years, not to mention how being trapped alone in a house with her mother might as well be classified its own brand of torture. So yes, she’s excited for school to start back up again. Despite her excitement, however, she’s nervous. 

After all, at the end of last year, everything had changed. 

On the very last day of JJ’s sophomore year, her boyfriend of three years, Will, had abruptly broken up with her. He’d given her some half-assed excuse about how he didn’t want to be tied down. Initially, JJ was shocked — she had thought everything was great. Hell, she had even imagined getting married someday. After she’d a chance to process it all, though, JJ discovered that instead of being heartbroken, she was really just pissed off. 

She’d dedicated three years of her life to him. JJ had spent countless nights pouring him into a cab after he drank too much, she’d helped him study when he was on the verge of failing all his classes. She’d done everything he’d asked her to.

Honestly, after a few months of being single, JJ feels as if the entire relationship had just ended up being a giant waste of time. Will had never been a great boyfriend, not even when they’d been in high school. He would always end up ditching JJ to go out and party with his buddies. Meanwhile, she would stay up until midnight studying. 

Truth be told, JJ has a sneaking suspicion that Will only ever liked her because she’d been popular in high school. Jennifer Jareau — captain of the soccer team, valedictorian, class president, etcetera. She doesn’t want to sound self absorbed, but JJ knows she’s pretty fucking hot, which probably helped.

It all got a bit boring after a while, though. Will, despite his best efforts, had never managed to excite her. That inexplicable spark that she’d always heard about from the movies — they never had that.

Still, this year will be a fresh start. JJ is about to be an upperclassman. As an added bonus, she had finally gotten all of her core classes out of the way at the end of last year, and now she can actually take classes that actually relate to her major.

Unfortunately though, she had gotten stuck with a fucking foreign linguistics class, a requirement for her foreign policy minor. She is absolutely dreading it. JJ had taken French in high school, and honestly, it’s a small miracle that she’d been able to pass it. To make matters worse, the class is year-long, rather than only lasting a semester. Regardless, tomorrow JJ will move into her new dorm, and a few days after that, she’ll begin her junior year. 

Right now though, she’s in her childhood bedroom. Nearly everything has been cleared out, and the only untouched piece of furniture is her bed, where she currently lays buried under a pile of blankets. The blonde rolls over onto her side in a futile attempt to get comfortable. JJ shoots off a quick text to her best friend and soon-to-be roommate, hoping that the other woman will still be awake.

JJ, 10:34 pm - hey, you ready for tomorrow?

Her phone chimes almost immediately after JJ hits send, the screen lighting up to signal her friend’s response. Of course she’s awake, JJ muses.

Penelope, 10:35 pm - you know it!!!

Penelope, 10:36 pm - the real question is, are you ready? 

JJ chuckles to herself, though it’s devoid of humor. ‘Ready’ is an understatement. She has been counting down the minutes until she can escape from her mother’s clutches. She simply cannot wait to disappear back off to DC, where Sandy can’t passive aggressively criticize JJ’s every move.

JJ, 10:37 pm - born ready. i can’t wait to get out of here.

She types out her response quickly, eager for the hours to pass so the sun can rise and she can make her escape. When they’d first become friends, Penelope had wondered if JJ was being over dramatic about how awful Sandy was. After meeting the woman in person, Penelope has changed her tune.

Penelope, 10:37 pm - attagirl! see ya tomorrow!!

JJ huffs a slight laugh — Penelope always has the ability to bring a smile to her face. The two have been best friends ever since freshman year, when they’d been randomly assigned to be roommates. Honestly, they couldn’t have been luckier.

JJ, 10:38 pm - see you tomorrow, pen.

With that, the blonde turns her phone off. She blindly reaches across the sheets to grope around her nightstand, at last managing to plug the device in, just before letting her eyes flutter shut. Whatever tomorrow brings, JJ will get through it. She always does.

JJ’s alarm blares from her phone’s tiny speakers, putting a sudden end to her restless night of sleep. No matter how hard she tried, the blonde couldn’t stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. Endless scenarios of possible mishaps played out on a loop within her mind, her all throughout the night. 

What if my paperwork accidentally got messed up? What if my schedule is wrong? What if I get lost on the way to class? Or worse, what if I get lost on the way to campus?

Okay, those last two are certainly unlikely, JJ reasons silently. She’s been attending Georgetown for years, it’s almost impossible that she’d get lost. Still, though — JJ’s nervous and overthinking brain hasn’t ever been bound by reason. 

Regardless, she manages to pull herself out of bed, finally hitting the little button on her phone to silence the godforsaken alarm. The blonde glances down at the phone’s screen as she picks it up, finding the time staring back at her. 

5:30 in the morning. JJ sighs.

It's not an uncommon occurrence for her to be up earlier than the sun, but for some reason, she’s feeling it even more than usual today. Her exhaustion notwithstanding, JJ trudges into her bathroom and towards the shower. She had decided last night to forgo her morning run in favor of getting a little more sleep. That plan clearly hadn’t worked out too well. 

Still, JJ hops into the shower and promptly scrubs herself clean. While she bathes, the blonde can’t help but think about how long it’s been since she’s had some… attention. At least three months, she figures — and even then, it had been with Will. He’s not exactly skilled, per se. 

Sex has always been something of an afterthought for JJ, and it’s certainly never been her favorite part of a relationship. She’s only been with three guys, including Will, and none of them had been that experienced, nor had she. The blonde has always relied on herself for that kind of relief. 

Now though, a little voice inside her head suddenly comes to life. She’s been under so much stress in the past few months — between dealing with her mother’s constant judgments, getting ready to go back to school, along with her recent breakup, JJ has hardly had any time for herself. 

It wouldn’t hurt, she tells herself. It would just be to scratch the itch, the voice within her head whispers. 

Eventually, JJ decides to just give in to her desire. The blonde slowly lets herself lean back against the blue tile of her shower’s wall. She starts off slowly, precariously beginning to run her hands over the skin of her chest. She doesn’t go straight for her breasts. Instead, she spends a while teasing the skin around them.

After a moment, she tries to conjure up some kind of fantasy, and some nondescript man appears in her mind’s eye. She imagines him on top of her, kissing down her neck to her chest, and it’s then that JJ begins to twist her nipples between her own fingers. It feels good, but it’s not quite enough. In an attempt to get some real relief, JJ trails her right hand down her abdomen. She lets her fingertips tease around her clit for a moment, before finally making contact. The blonde sighs deeply as waves of pleasure begin to wash over her. 

Then, without her permission, the fictional apparition in her fantasy morphs suddenly, becoming a woman with long brown hair and deep brown eyes. JJ gasps, because just as the brunette appears, her own fingertips swipe over her clit once more. 

“Fuck.” The blonde curses, slipping two fingers into herself — just as the woman in her head does, too. JJ downright whimpers at the feeling. She’s getting closer to the edge, and she knows it. She just needs a little more to be able to push herself over the edge.

JJ lets her left hand join her right as it continues to thrust in and out of her. She begins to draw tight circles over her clit with her free hand, feeling that familiar coil within her belly tightening incrementally. The blonde’s eyes flutter shut, just as her head falls back against the tile wall. Behind her eyelids, JJ gets a flash of the imaginary woman’s wolfish smile, and that does it.

She comes with a muted whimper, having bitten down on her lip in order to muffle her cries. Her mother is downstairs — she’s passed out from the sheer amount of alcohol she’d consumed the night before, but still.

By the time JJ manages to come back to reality — somewhat, at least — the shower’s spray has turned cold. The blonde realizes she’s shivering, and the reality of what she’s just done sets in all too suddenly. Ice runs through her veins, regardless of the water’s temperature. 

JJ has just gotten off to the thought of a woman, and an imaginary one at that. Shame washes over her gradually, settling deep within her chest. Being from where she’s from, homophobia has been modeled to JJ throughout her entire life. 

The blonde vividly remembers that day in third grade, when she’d come home from school and excitedly told her mom about her new crush — Sophia. As soon as the words had managed to fall from JJ’s lips, her mother had shut it down. Demonic, unnatural, and repulsive, Sandy had called it. Things had only gotten worse when her father inevitably found out, but then there was Roslyn. 

That night, away from the judgemental gazes of their parents, JJ’s big sister had sat her down. She had taken JJ’s hands in her own, smiled slightly, and said that it was okay. Whoever JJ wanted to be with, however she wanted to be with them, that it was okay. Only a few years later, Roslyn had died, and the only light of support in JJ’s life had quickly been diminished into nothingness.

It wasn’t until she got to college — really,  until she met Penelope — that JJ’s views began to slowly shift. The hate that had been instilled inside her started to dissipate, even more so after Penelope began to be more open about her own sexuality. By now, the blonde honestly doesn’t have a single problem with queer people. However, the idea of not being straight herself — it’s terrifying.

The blonde cranks the shower’s heat up, promptly busying herself with her hair. Unfortunately though, the coconut and strawberry scented shampoo doesn’t calm her down nearly as much as she’d hoped it would. Regardless, JJ goes about the rest of her routine, and by the time the blonde gets out of the shower, it’s almost six. 

When JJ sees the time staring back at her from her phone’s screen, she nearly faints. “Shit!” The blonde curses, hastily shoving her toothbrush into her mouth. Check-In starts at 10:30, and she has a four hour solo drive across two states ahead of her. Thankfully, JJ’d had the foresight to pack up her car last night. 

Not five minutes later, the blonde is running down the stairs and out the front door. She’s gotten herself in such a hurry, she doesn’t even take a moment to appreciate that she’s finally making her escape from her mother. It isn’t until she gets into the driver’s seat that a loud notification breaks her out of her own rush.

Penelope, 6:12 am - hey peaches!! i just checked your location and it said that you’re still at home, you good?

JJ reads the message, and she can’t help but smile to herself. Penelope has always looked out for her, and the blonde couldn’t be more grateful. She types out a quick response before shifting the car into drive.

JJ, 6:12 am - yeah, i’m good. i’ll see you in a few hours!

By the time JJ arrives, she feels even more exhausted than she had upon first waking up this morning. She gets onto campus without a problem, but unfortunately, when she makes it to the parking garage, it’s a different story. The stacked building is practically overflowing with parent’s, faculty’s, and student’s cars. The blonde sighs as she pulls up.

JJ ends up having to park five fucking blocks away from her residence hall, Kennedy. Which of course, is in the center of campus, and thus, it’s the most crowded. Still, the problem at hand — how to get her boxes into her dorm.

Luckily for JJ, she can run a mile without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, however, the numerous boxes packed into her car most certainly can not. Suddenly feeling quite determined, the blonde jogs over to the Check-In area outside of the dormitories, making her way up to the table. 

Professors and volunteers sit behind their clipboards, helping incoming students find their ways to their soon-to-be homes. When JJ approaches, a man takes notice of her frustration almost immediately. “Hi there, are you checking in?” The man asks, a polite, practiced smile on his face.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to be in Kennedy, but my car is down on 36th. I couldn’t find any parking.” JJ explains, though she has to speak louder than she usually would to be heard over the crowd. She’s getting a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of people roaming around. There’s a few hundred people swirling throughout this courtyard, if not more. 

“Ah, I see.” The man frowns slightly, quickly speaking again. “Well, I can get you a student parking pass, but I’m not sure it will help much — we have quite a few new students this year.” He informs her, a look of pride flashing on his face near the end of his statement.

“I actually already have a pass, I’m a junior.” The blonde tells him. She doesn’t miss the look of surprise that appears on the man’s face — most people assume she’s a freshman, for whatever reason. Hell, one time a professor had asked her if she was touring the university, during her sophomore year.

She knows that looks young, sure, but she’s twenty years old — JJ just wishes that people treated her as such. Sighing, the blonde continues. “I just need somewhere to park so I can stop worrying about getting towed.” JJ says. To be completely forthcoming, she’s beginning to get frustrated. The university has nearly twenty-one thousand students, you’d think they’d have more parking.

“I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing I can do.” He says, gesturing to the clipboard in front of him, a slight frown accompanying his apology. 

JJ just sighs, for what feels like the thousandth time this morning. “Thanks anyway.” The blonde steps away from the table, feeling slightly defeated. She then gets a brilliant idea — Penelope. The blonde whips out her phone to call her best friend for help, before being hit with the harsh reality that her phone had died without her realizing. How the hell had she forgotten to charge it on the way here?

All things considered, JJ’s junior year is off to a terrible start, and classes haven’t even begun yet.

“Excuse me?” A voice sounds from behind the blonde, and at first, she ignores it. The person probably isn’t even talking to her. “Hello?” The voice speaks again, and this time, someone taps on JJ’s shoulder, trying to get her attention. Honestly, with the day she’s been having, she’s about ready to tell this person that they can fuck right off. When the blonde turns around, however, she practically freezes.

A tall woman with long dark hair and fluffy looking bangs stares back at her, deep brown eyes expressing a look of concern. Despite herself, JJ just can’t help but notice — she’s beautiful. The blonde stutters as she tries to formulate a response, which is entirely unusual for her. JJ is unfazed by most things, but apparently, a pretty girl isn’t one of them. 

Blessedly, the brunette speaks before JJ gets the chance to embarrass herself any further. “I overheard your conversation with Professor Millin. I can give you a ride back to your car, if you want.” The brunette offers, smiling kindly.

JJ feels as if she’s just stepped right into a romantic comedy. This is the part of the movie where the knight in shining armor stumbles upon the helpless damsel. JJ is all wrapped up in her own head, still trying to get ahold of herself. It isn’t until she notices the expectant look on the other woman’s face that she realizes she hasn’t yet responded.

“Uh…” The blonde trails off, unsure as to where the hell this woman had come from. It’s as if she appeared out of thin air. Somehow, JJ miraculously manages to shake herself from her reverie, forcing out an answer. “Yeah… I’d appreciate that.” She says, sounding just about as stunned as she feels.

The brunette smiles brightly when JJ accepts her offer, and the blonde feels it like a punch in the gut. This woman is downright breathtaking. 

She’s dressed similarly to JJ, but the quality of her clothing is a slight step above the blonde’s. She’s wearing a pair of black cargo pants that somehow look both rugged and expensive, all at the same time. The brunette has paired them with a simple white tee that hugs her chest tightly. To top it all off, there’s a thin silver chain around the woman’s neck.

JJ has to force herself to look away. She’s all too aware that if she doesn’t do so right this second, she’ll begin to foray into ‘staring’ territory. Still, the brunette’s smile is as bright as ever. “I’m parked around the corner.” She says, effortlessly beginning to lead JJ through the crowded courtyard.

The two women fall into step a little too easily, weaving through the masses of parents and students. At some point, the taller woman’s hand finds its way to the small of JJ’s back, guiding the blonde through the swarm of people around them. 

Under normal circumstances, JJ would be far less likely to follow a stranger back to their car. However, this woman had approached her in the middle of one of the biggest crowds JJ has ever found herself in. Not to mention, they’re in the dead center of campus in broad daylight, and if anything were to happen, the blonde can definitely throw a punch or two. 

As they round the corner, the brunette comes to a stop next to a black sedan, perfectly parallel parked next to the curb. After a closer look, JJ realizes that it’s a fucking Mercedes. “This is me.” The woman says, a bit sheepishly.

“What are you, rich?” JJ teases, chuckling slightly. The other woman just shrugs, a bit bashfully. The blonde thinks she can see a blush on the other woman’s cheeks, but she decides not to mention it. 

The brunette steps down off the curb. promptly opening the passenger’s side door for the blonde to get in. JJ is slightly taken aback at the display of chivalry. The way the brunette is treating her, it's almost gentlemanly. JJ could certainly get used to this. 

The brunette closes JJ’s car door, walking around to get in on the other side. She gets into the driver’s seat, not bothering to buckle her seat belt before shifting the car into drive, pulling out onto the street. It’s barely a five minute drive, but it had taken JJ fifteen minutes to walk. 

Realistically, this woman is just being overly nice to JJ, although the blonde isn’t sure why. With a limited amount of time left with this mystery woman, JJ finds herself jumping at the chance to learn more about her. 

“I just realized — I don’t even know your name.” JJ breaks the comfortable silence, albeit a bit awkwardly.

The brunette smiles, and there’s a hint of smugness to it. Once again, JJ isn’t quite sure why. “I don’t know yours, either.” The brunette points out with a hint of a smirk. She absentmindedly flicks her blinker on, before seamlessly pulling into the right lane. 

Something about the brunette is just… mesmerizing. JJ can’t quite grasp the full extent of why she feels so gravitated towards this woman, who is still a complete stranger. Nonetheless, the blonde smiles before deciding to give up her name first. “I’m Jennifer Jareau, but everybody calls me JJ.” She tells the woman next to her, watching as the brunette pulls up to a red light. The car rolls to a perfect stop, just behind the white line. “You?”

The woman turns to face JJ, though she keeps her hand on the steering wheel, while her free hand rests lazily on the gearshift. It’s then that JJ abruptly realizes that this car isn’t an automatic, but a manual. For whatever reason, the blonde can’t help but find that fact to be ridiculously attractive. 

“I’m Emily.” The brunette says, smiling softly. “It’s very nice to meet you, Jennifer.” She smiles again, turning her attention back towards the road, just as the light turns green.

JJ frowns slightly. “I just said —”

Emily cuts her off, but the blonde finds that she doesn’t really mind at all. The brunette is just so damn charming, JJ couldn’t be upset even if she wanted to be. “I've never really been a fan of nicknames… if that’s alright with you?” She says, a questioning lilt to her voice.

JJ is slightly touched at how considerate this woman is. She smiles faintly, and a blush rises on her cheeks without her permission. “Yeah… that’s fine with me.”

The brunette makes a left onto 36th, and waits for JJ to give her a direction. “I’m right outside the diplomacy building.” JJ tells her, pointing at the tall collection of bricks. Emily hums faintly in acknowledgement, parking next to the steps. 

They’ve arrived, and yet, neither of them make a move to leave. “Thank you, I appreciate the ride.” JJ says. The blonde wants to say more, but she isn’t sure exactly what it would be. As curious as she is, as eager as she is to learn more about this woman, they’d met hardly ten minutes ago.

“Anytime.” Emily replies smoothly. JJ doesn’t know it, but she doesn’t want this little adventure to end, either. 

A couple moments of silence pass, and JJ decides to stop loitering. After all, nothing is happening here, it’s all in her head — at least, that’s what she tells herself. Regardless, she’s straight. She is. JJ realizes suddenly that she seems to be trying to convince herself of that more and more frequently lately. It’s getting a little exhausting.

Just as the blonde prepares to get out of the car, Emily decides to break the silence. “You know…” She trails off momentarily, seemingly abandoning her initial plan and electing to say something else instead. “If you get back over there and there’s still no spots open, there’s always an empty space in the faculty parking garage.”

JJ frowns slightly. Of all the things Emily could’ve said, she hadn’t been expecting that. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Emily shrugs. “There’s a chemistry professor that’s been on maternity leave since the final few weeks of last semester, and they haven’t gotten around to filling her spot just yet.” The brunette informs JJ.

“Oh.” The blonde smiles, thankful for the tip. A thought then pops into her head. “Won’t I get in trouble?” 

“Nah, nobody ever polices that building because it’s for the faculty. You’ll be fine.” Emily smiles at her, inadvertently giving life to a couple butterflies in JJ’s stomach. “Plus, it’s right next to Kennedy. That’s your building, right?”

It takes her a moment to get her bearings, but once she does, she responds. “Yeah.” Once again, JJ is tempted to say something more, to ask for the brunette’s number, but she can’t quite work up the courage. Instead, she decides to just express her gratitude one last time. “Thanks again.”

Emily smiles bittersweetly. “No problem. I’ll see you around… I hope.” With that, JJ gets out of the car fully. 

The brunette waits until she gets onto the sidewalk before driving off. JJ just stands there, bewildered. 

What the hell just happened?

Chapter Text

All things considered, JJ manages to settle into her new dorm quite nicely — once she has a chance to decompress from the day. For JJ, decompressing means staying up until the moon is at its peak, eating an obscene amount of snacks, and talking for hours on end with her best friend in the whole world, Penelope.

Blessedly, she and JJ had been able to unpack most of their boxes by the late afternoon. They had spent the first few hours agonizing over poster placements and furniture arrangements — with the help of Penelope’s boyfriend Derek, of course. Once they’d conquered that, they busied themselves with organizing their respective desks.

Throughout the past few years, somehow, the long-time roommates have managed to find some kind of harmony for their vastly different aesthetics. 

On the left side of the room, the soft and cozy feeling that JJ carries with her has been meticulously captured by the numerous plants, fluffy blankets, and geometric picture frames. JJ has also scattered little pops of color around — truthfully, she hadn’t wanted to feel dull in comparison to her effervescent roommate.

On the right side of the room, there’s a bright pink bedspread. Numerous pillows of varying shapes and sizes sit atop the sheets. The nightstand next to the bed is littered with more trinkets than one person could ever need. On the far side of the room, across from JJ’s own desk, there’s a computer setup that most people couldn’t even begin to make sense of. 

The two have always been entirely respectful of each other’s space, and both of them feel infinitely grateful that they’d managed to get a room together this year. Most juniors don’t live in dorms, but both of the two are at Georgetown on full-ride scholarships — JJ’s athletic, Penelope’s academic — and dorms had, luckily, been part of the package. 

Derek, who is a senior, lives off campus in an apartment all throughout the year, hence his readiness to help them move in. He has three roommates, who Penelope just can’t seem to get along with.

Right now though, JJ and Garcia are beginning to settle in for the night. The older of the two is dressed in a unicorn onesie with the hood pulled up, giving her the illusion of a horn. The younger of the two, however, is wearing a simple white tank top, paired with a pair of simple beige sleep shorts. 

Penelope is sitting at her desk, fiddling with the numerous flashy pens and trinkets that litter its surface. The two have been quiet for a while, getting reacquainted with living together after their summers at home. The pair’s prolonged silence is comfortable, and so JJ is easily startled when Penelope begins to speak so suddenly. 

“So…” Garcia drawls teasingly, spinning around in her swivel chair to face JJ. “You wanna tell me what that grin on your face is about?” She teases, playfully biting the tip of her custom axolotl pen.

JJ, who is elbow-deep in a family sized bag of cheetos, feels as if she’s been caught red-handed. The blonde hadn’t thought she was being obvious about her newfound infatuation, but apparently she’d been wrong. The woman sits up straighter, her legs hanging off the edge of the bed. JJ decides to play dumb. “What?”

Penelope downright refuses to let her off that easily, she’s too nosy for her own good. “Oh, come on!” The blonde whines petulantly, resembling a toddler who has just been refused candy. “What’s up with you? You haven’t stopped smiling all day!” She accuses, giggling.

“I’m not allowed to smile?” JJ asks, chuckling nervously. Truth be told, she isn’t sure if she wants to tell Penelope about Emily. She hardly knows what to make of it herself, informing her best friend that she can’t stop thinking about a random stranger is daunting. Besides, it isn’t exactly something she JJ to advertise.

“Not like that, no.” Garcia laughs. JJ looks borderline offended for a brief moment, before joining in on the laughter. The two always have managed to make each other smile, and awkwardness had ceased to exist between them long ago. “It’s unsettling! You’re beaming like the sun at noon!” Penelope says, still giggling.

JJ just rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t deny it. She can’t, because Garcia is right. “Fine! I’ll tell you.” The younger woman relents at last. JJ can’t help but laugh when the other woman squeals, practically shaking with excitement in her chair. The younger of the two women sighs, before deciding to just bite the bullet and force the words out. “I… I met someone.” She whispers.

“You what!?” Garcia stands abruptly, rushing to stand in front of JJ. “Tell me everything! Who is he? What does he look like? Does he go here? How did you meet?” The blonde asks, rattling off a myriad of questions. She’s practically vibrating with excitement, holding JJ’s hands in her own.

Then, it hits JJ suddenly — he. Penelope had assumed that JJ is talking about a guy, because of course she would. JJ hasn’t ever given her a reason not to. Garcia may be out and proud as pansexual, but the younger of the two most certainly is not. 

Hell, JJ doesn’t even know if she likes women. She thinks she does, but how can anybody be sure? The blonde just doesn’t know, and she certainly doesn’t know if she likes the brunette she met this morning. Technically, Emily is still a stranger.

Yes, the butterflies that erupted to life within JJ’s stomach when she’d first met Emily had been an entirely unexpected experience. Regardless, JJ still doesn’t quite know what to make of it all. She readies herself, trying to put it into words for Garcia, who is waiting not-so patiently for the younger woman’s explanation.

“Okay, so… this morning I was having trouble finding a place to park my car, and I couldn’t carry all my boxes halfway across campus.” JJ begins, albeit precariously — she’s still unsure of how she wants to frame this. 

“I asked for help at the Check-In table, but the professor said that he couldn’t really do anything besides give me a parking pass.” She says, pulling at her fingertips to try and keep her anxious hands occupied. JJ has always been fidgety, and right now, her nerves seem to amplify that trait tenfold.

“Anyway, someone overheard me talking to the professor at the table, and…” JJ takes a deep breath, attempting to steady herself in preparation for Penelope’s numerous possible reactions. “She offered to give me a ride back to my car.” The blonde explains.

Almost as soon as the words leave JJ’s mouth, Garcia’s face practically lights up. “She!? JJ, this is huge!” The older woman squeals, bouncing excitedly. “Your first girl-crush! I’m so proud.” Penelope grins, pulling the younger woman into a tightly wound embrace.

As they pull away from the hug, JJ frowns. “Wait, you’re not surprised?” She asks, a puzzled expression appearing upon her features. 

“I mean, I didn’t want to assume, but…” Penelope trails off, shrugging. “I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t exactly slick. I’ve caught you staring at plenty of girls over the past few years.” She says. JJ’s face turns bright red, blushing from embarrassment. Garcia continues nonetheless, but her voice softens when she does so. 

“It just… never seemed like you were ready to admit it. So, I didn’t say anything.” The older woman explains, shrugging once more. “Besides, you were busy dating Will.” She laughs at the memory, prompting JJ to playfully hit her shoulder.

“I didn't know!” The blonde defends, albeit halfheartedly.

“I know, sorry.” Penelope responds, her laughter finally dying down. JJ just rolls her eyes endearingly. “What’s her name? Did you get her number?” The older woman asks, steering them back to the more pressing topic.

“I… I didn’t.” JJ says, suddenly realizing that asking Emily for her phone number hadn’t even occurred to her. She’d been so busy admiring the brunette’s beauty, she’d gotten a bit distracted. “I… I didn't think to ask. I guess I was too busy staring.” She says, chuckling.

“I can believe that.” Garcia responds, her grin gleaming. The older woman’s mouth drops open, an idea popping into her head. “Do you want me to find her?” Penelope offers excitedly. JJ knows that realistically, within a few clicks, the renowned hacker could dig up Emily’s entire life story. Nonetheless, the younger woman frowns.

“Honestly, I…” JJ trails off, frowning. The older blonde cocks her head, her confusion written all over her face. “I think I want to let her be a mystery.” JJ says slowly, contemplating. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m curious, but…” The younger woman pauses momentarily, lifting her gaze from the floor to meet Penelope’s eager eyes. “I want to let whatever is supposed to happen, happen however it’s supposed to. Maybe I’ll see her again, maybe I won’t.” JJ says, shrugging. 

A look of understanding appears of Garcia’s features. She smiles not long after, letting a hand comfortingly rub JJ’s shoulder. “Either way, I’m super happy for you.” She says, smiling. “If you need anything, or if you have questions about how this whole ‘being queer’ thing works, I’m here.” The blonde says, her eyes glimmering with pride. 

Truthfully, JJ isn’t even sure she is queer — not yet, at least. Nonetheless, she appreciates the offer. “Thanks, Penelope. You’re the best.” She smiles, accepting the older woman’s second hug of the night.

The odd limbo that occurs between arriving on campus and actually starting classes always seems to be the weirdest few days of the year. You’re at school, but there’s no actual school for a couple days. JJ ends up spending most of it hanging out with Penelope and Derek, trying not to feel like a third wheel the entire time.

On Saturday night, JJ, Derek, and Penelope all decide to go out to their favorite bar. Their friends Luke, Kate, and Spencer end up coming along, too. It turns out to be an eventful night, strong drinks flowing and clever jokes flying. Somehow, throughout the many rounds of shots, the group ends up talking about JJ’s mystery woman.

Each member of the little crew throws out their theories on who they think she might be. Naturally, Spencer’s analysis and subsequent hypothesis ends up being the most agreed upon. He ends up reasoning that since Emily had appeared to be older, was dressed in nicer clothes, and drove a more expensive car, that she’s probably not an undergraduate. 

Derek ends up figuring that the mysterious brunette must be a graduate student, most likely in the process of getting her master’s degree. JJ herself hasn’t even obtained her bachelor’s yet, so that theory is a bit daunting. 

Regardless, the chances that she will run into Emily again are quite slim. If the brunette really is a graduate student, she and JJ definitely won’t have any classes together — they probably won’t even be in the same building. That doesn’t stop JJ from thinking about Emily, though. 

All throughout the evening, the blonde inevitably finds herself wondering about who the woman might be. For whatever reason, JJ just can’t seem to get the brunette out of her head. Emily had been so mesmerizing — almost disarming, in a way. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that they’ll most likely never see each other again.

Instead of ruminating on the possibilities any further, JJ busies herself with having as much fun as she can handle before classes start on Monday. She goes shot for shot with Penelope, which had undoubtedly been a recipe for disaster. Their competitive natures eventually lead them to get so wasted that Kate, their designated driver, has to take JJ and Penelope home. 

The pair of blondes pass out mere minutes after making it into their dorm, both burrowing into their respective beds and promptly drifting off to sleep. The pair spends Sunday morning nursing their wicked hangovers, guzzling water and popping ibuprofen as if it’s candy. In the afternoon, they help each other pick out their clothes for tomorrow. Blessedly, by the time Monday rolls around, JJ’s head has finally stopped pounding. 

The blonde reaches blindly for her phone, eventually managing to silence her alarm. She checks the time. JJ realizes Penelope has already gone off to her class, as it had started about thirty minutes ago. The blonde does the math in her head, figuring that she has about an hour before she, too, has to head off to her first class of junior year.

She had showered last night, so that saves her some time, and so JJ heads into the en suite. She’s once again flooded with gratitude that she and Penelope have their own bathroom this year. The blonde brushes her teeth and washes her face before getting started on her hair. JJ decides to let the long tresses fall freely, only electing to add a few loose curls with Penelope’s favorite iron. 

She applies some light makeup. Concealer, mascara, highlighter, and lipgloss. JJ has never been a full-face kind of girl. However, she does go pretty heavy on the eyeliner whenever she goes out with her friends. Sue her.

JJ then busies herself with getting dressed. She and Penelope had spent almost two hours helping each other pick out their outfits last night. They were right to do so, because JJ knows that she would’ve started at her closet for far longer than is acceptable, had she been left to her own devices.

The blonde pulls on a lightly washed pair of jeans and a simple, soft grey sweater. She puts on her jewelry, the same pieces she wears every day of her life. Plain gold earrings, the necklace Roslyn had gifted her, and a few, carefully chosen rings. 

JJ looks herself over in the floor-length mirror on the back of their door. She looks pretty, perfectly unremarkable — just how she likes it. JJ does her best not to stand out. She had gotten enough attention back in East Allegheny, and it certainly hadn’t always been the good kind. So, now that she’s in college, the blonde tries to blend in as well as she can manage to. She deems herself ready enough, and walks out the door.

She walks to her first class — Introduction to Internal Justice Systems — since the building is only a couple of blocks away from Kennedy. Driving probably would have been far more inconvenient, considering the parking complications that would’ve inevitably occurred. 

JJ’s car is still parked in the faculty garage, right across the street from her residence hall. She had taken Emily’s advice, subsequently discovering that the brunette had actually been right. There’s always an empty space on the first level, and JJ hadn’t gotten in trouble for occupying it. 

Her first class ends up going pretty well. The professor teaching it, Dr. Rossi, seems a bit too methodical for JJ’s taste, but alas. He’s an accomplished author, and he spent the first twenty minutes of class making that extremely clear. Dr. Rossi’s ego is as expansive as his bank account, if you ask JJ. On the bright side, though, Derek is also taking the course, and he seemed to agree with the blonde’s assessment of theri new professor. So, at the very least, JJ isn’t alone.

Her second class goes a little less well. This professor, Dr. Strauss, has a reputation around campus for being quite the hard-ass. Based on the single class that JJ has had with her so far, she would agree. They haven’t even had any actual coursework yet, and the woman had still somehow managed to intimidate every single student in the room. When Strauss’s class finally comes to a close, JJ thanks her lucky stars. 

The young woman walks out into the fresh air of the campus’s courtyard. The sunlight and greenery feels like a cherished rarity after being stuck in stuffy lecture halls all morning. Unfortunately, JJ’s next class is the one that she’s dreading the absolute most.

Fucking Foreign Linguistics.

The worst part isn’t even the fact that JJ is spectacularly unskilled in the subject — even though, truthfully, she is. It’s just that she doesn’t find it particularly interesting, and there’s nothing worse than having to sit through a class you’re not interested in. In JJ’s eyes, learning the rules and patterns of another language is daunting enough all by itself. Studying the origins, syntax structure, and grammar of multiple foreign languages sounds like hell. All in all, she’s just hoping that the professor is decent — she’s been unlucky in that department so far.

Regardless, JJ has about half an hour in between classes and absolutely nothing to do. She texts her friends, only to discover that they’re all in class. It would be pointless to go back to her dorm — she’s across campus. JJ would only get about a minute of downtime before she would have to head back. 

The blonde is wandering aimlessly through the courtyard, students milling about, when suddenly, JJ’s stomach begins to grumble. Oh. Right. She had completely forgotten to eat something before she left her dorm this morning. 

JJ decides to get some quick sustenance before heading to class. She crosses the street, stepping into one of her long time favorite spots on campus. It’s a quaint little breakfast place, and they have the best bagels in Georgetown.

She eats her belated breakfast, internally raving about how delectable it is. Before long, she has to head back. Poulton Hall is one of the smaller lecture halls on campus, which leads JJ to believe that this will be a smaller class.

She walks in, and her suspicions are confirmed. If JJ had to guess, she’d say there’s only about fifteen other people. She sits where she usually does — on the right side of the room, just a couple rows back from the middle of the classroom. Their professor is still nowhere to be seen, and the class is supposed to start in a few minutes. Odd.

When the clock strikes two o’clock, the door at the front of the room opens suddenly. A tall woman with long dark hair walks in, her eyes cast down to the briefcase and small stack of papers in her hands. The brunette seems to be in quite a rush, not even addressing the class until she gets everything set out on her desk. When she finally does look up, JJ’s heart sinks into her gut, and her mouth dries out in a matter of seconds.

Emily.

Chapter Text

JJ isn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but this certainly isn’t it. At the bar on Saturday, Derek and Spencer had gotten quite a kick out of theorizing about who Emily could be, but even they hadn’t seen this coming. The blonde’s friends had teased her nearly every day about her little crush, but JJ didn’t ever think she would actually see Emily again.

It’s surprising, to say the least. The brunette seems a little young to be a professor, and she’s especially young to be teaching a junior level course. After all, most people don’t manage to get their doctorate until they’re about thirty years old. Emily must be smart as hell.

Nonetheless, JJ doesn’t know what to do. Realistically, she and Emily had only met one time, for about ten minutes, but still. Something had fluttered to life between the two of them, and JJ hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the brunette since then. 

Wait, should I even be calling her Emily? The blonde wonders silently to herself.

“Alright, sorry for the delay!” The brunette begins suddenly, finally managing to set all of her things down on her desk. She walks around the wooden furniture, leaning against it to address the class more directly. “I’m Dr. Prentiss.” She says, introducing herself. 

Well, that answers that question. JJ concludes. 

Emily — Dr. Prentiss, the blonde corrects herself — stands at the front of the room. She doesn’t seem to have noticed JJ just yet, and the young woman wonders what the brunette’s reaction will be. Suddenly, a far more terrifying thought occurs to her. 

Will she even remember me? The blonde wonders, her body going cold at the mere idea of it. Emily has been absolutely dominating her mind for the past few days, the brunette has practically set up a permanent residence within JJ’s head. Yet, the older woman might not even remember who she is.

“Welcome to Foreign Linguistics.” Emily announces happily, still leaning back against her desk. JJ can’t help but stare at the older woman, virtually mesmerized by the brunette’s stunning appearance. Emily looks even better than she had when they’d first met. She’s wearing a pair of sleek black slacks, and they’re cutting her waist perfectly. She’s also donning a simple white button up, though it’s partially hidden away by a black blazer, which is impeccably tailored to her silhouette. 

“I’d like to address some things before we start.” Emily starts, clasping her hands together as she begins her makeshift speech. “Yes, I’m the youngest professor on campus. This will be my first year teaching.” She says, chuckling slightly. “With that said, I’m just as nervous as you are. This subject can be intimidating, but it’s also extremely rewarding.” Emily smiles, a hint of pride in her expression.

JJ is listening so intently, and she can’t stop herself from cataloguing every last detail of Emily’s appearance. The brunette practically lights up as she speaks, her passion for the subject apparent in the way she goes about explaining. The professor still hasn’t noticed the blonde, but JJ finds that she doesn’t care all that much. She would gladly listen to Emily's silken voice for hours.

The brunette continues, oblivious to JJ’s staring. “I hope you’ll allow me to…” Emily’s eyes scan the room as she speaks, her gaze inevitably landing on JJ. Their eyes lock onto each other’s, and the professor’s voice trails off involuntarily. Her mouth hangs open slightly, shock evident upon her features.

JJ stares right back at her, just as stunned. Emily attempts to address the class once more. “I…” She doesn’t quite manage to complete her sentence, and the blonde blushes at the other woman’s reaction to her presence. When one of JJ’s fellow students breaks the deafening silence with an intentional cough, Emily finally manages to shake herself from her reverie. “Ahem. As I was saying, I hope you'll allow me to educate you on this subject, as I truly believe it’s one of the most exciting classes on campus.” She says, forcefully tearing her gaze away from JJ. 

The brunette continues her monologue without a problem from then on, steadfastly ignoring JJ the entire time. Every time their eyes even come close to meeting, an involuntary blush rises in the older woman’s cheeks, and she has to fight to keep herself composed. 

Truthfully, the blonde is excited by it all. JJ hasn’t ever had someone treat her quite like this, and she can feel herself falling — into what, though, she isn’t sure. They still hardly know anything about each other, but that doesn’t stop the numerous winged creatures that flutter to life within the younger woman’s stomach every time their gazes meet. 

Truthfully, the precarious flirtation between them is completely foreign to JJ. She’s only ever received romantic attention from men, and even then, they had almost always only been interested in nothing but a physical relationship with her. Still, that’s all that this is — a flirtation. JJ is Emily’s student, for crying out loud. Nothing is ever going to happen between them, no matter how much the blonde wishes it might.

Regardless, the rest of the class goes fairly well. Blessedly, JJ only receives a couple suspicious glances from her classmates, but most of them don’t manage to catch on. Not that there’s anything to catch on to, she scolds herself. So what if she and Emily keep staring at each other? It doesn’t mean anything.

The brunette makes her way through the syllabus, talking animatedly throughout the entire explanation. JJ can tell that Emily absolutely loves what she does, and for whatever reason, it’s oddly attractive. The professor’s face practically gleams with unrestrained excitement when she begins going over syntax. The younger woman isn’t quite sure as to why, but Emily’s apparent passion is endlessly endearing.

By the time the brunette begins to wrap up, the blonde finds it hard to believe that it’s been an hour and a half. JJ had unintentionally become so completely immersed in watching Emily, she’d hardly noticed the time passing. Regardless, not long after JJ shakes herself out of her trance, the class is dismissed. 

Subconsciously, the blonde expects Emily to talk to her after class — to say something, to come up with a definition for whatever is fluttering to life between them. That doesn’t happen, though. Instead, the brunette sits back behind her desk, not sparing a glance towards JJ as the younger woman gets up to leave.

She makes her way out of the lecture hall, along with the rest of her fellow students. JJ walks down the long and narrow hallways, turns a corner, and at last exits the building. All the while, the blonde wonders if she and Emily’s mutual staring had actually meant anything. The professor could’ve just been surprised to see her. Hell, JJ might’ve made the entire exchange up inside her head. 

As she makes her way back to her building across campus, JJ begins to notice the almost somber feeling within her gut, although she isn’t quite sure why it’s there. Suddenly filled with a new sense of determination, JJ realizes that there’s only one person that she wants to talk to. One person that always manages to put things into perspective — Penelope.

Chapter Text

JJ doesn’t get back to her building until the sun is beginning its descent in the sky. For hours, she walks aimlessly around campus, only vaguely heading in the direction of her dormitory. Around her, a myriad of colorful leaves blow in the wind. Blessedly, the early Autumn air is a necessary comfort for her racing thoughts. Fellow students pass by the blonde without a second thought in their minds. Her facade of unremarkableness seems to be working, thank god. She just needs time alone, time to think. 

I wasn’t imagining it… was I? 

JJ isn’t sure. Emily had made eye contact, she’s certain of that, at the very least. The brunette had practically been staring at her all throughout class. Hell, she’d even smirked a time or two. The blonde is sure that it happened, but she has no idea what it's supposed to mean. Had Emily been flirting, or had she just been surprised to see the younger woman in her class? It’s a tangled web of possibility of which JJ doesn't have the faintest clue how to unravel. The worst part of it all, she doesn't even know why she cares.

She had met Emily once – once. A single interaction and one class together doesn’t explain why the older woman suddenly has such a grip on JJ’s mind. Yet, the reality remains the same. She can't get the brunette out of her head. Try as she might, Emily has become a permanent fixture within the catacombs of JJ’s head. To make matters worse, all of this attraction and convoluted wondering is wrapped up within her own questioning surrounding her sexuality. As a result of her inner reflections, the blonde hardly even notices her surroundings until she looks up. When she does, JJ discovers the words ‘Kennedy Hall’ staring back at her. 

After a moment of stillness, she walks into the building, attempting to prepare herself for the explanation Penelope will surely demand. The stairs fall away behind her as she makes her way up the steps, the hall seems to dematerialize as she walks further into its depths. All too suddenly, she’s faced with her very own front door after what feels like the longest afternoon of her life. The blonde swings it open, immediately discovering her roommate hunched over her keyboard, speedily typing away. 

It’s not a foreign sight – far from it, actually. The numerous windows caged within their respective screens pop up, closing just as promptly, and it's familiar within the context of their little home. Computer science is a magic that the younger woman will never manage to fully understand, though she’s gained a deep respect for the practice since living with Penelope. Regardless, the aforementioned blonde finally seems to notice JJ just as she manages to shut the door. 

Garcia twirls around in her chair, an overjoyed look upon her face at the sudden materialization of her best friend. The effervescent woman’s features break out into a blinding smile, and she quickly addresses JJ. “Why hello, sugarplum!” She beams, eyeing the younger woman as she sets her bag down by the door. “How was your first day?” Penelope asks, just as JJ plops herself down upon her bed.

The younger blonde stares at their ceiling, remaining quiet as a thousand different opening sentences run through her mind. Where do I even start? 

The chipping paint mesmerizes her, miraculously quieting the anxiety JJ feels all throughout her every limb and extremity. Silence fills the room, leaving Penelope’s question hanging unanswered within the stiff air of their dorm. Any preamble feels pointless, no event from today’s happenings could compare to Emily’s surprise appearance. The prolonged hush that blankets the pair must become uncomfortable after a while, because eventually, Garcia speaks. 

“JJ?” It's only the name that leaves Penelope’s lips, but for whatever reason, it manages to break the dam that's been holding back the younger woman’s hysteria. 

“My day was horrible.” She sighs out her words through a heavy breath. “My first professor, Dr. Rossi, is wholly and completely obsessed with himself.” The blonde begins, rolling her eyes. “He spent the first hour talking about his career, his books, his three divorces with three separate women. Not to mention Dr. Strauss, my second professor, wasn’t much better. She’s a total hardass, and it's still the first day.” JJ finishes, sighing once more. So, maybe she had ended up leaving out the ‘Emily’ of it all — sue her. JJ isn't sure how exactly she's meant to work that into the conversation.

Garcia hums sympathetically, a small frown showing itself upon her lips. Her face falls a moment later, a confused expression appearing across her features. “Wait… I thought you had three classes today?” She wonders aloud, shooting the younger woman a quizzical glance. 

Almost comically, JJ pops up from her horizontal position upon the bed, moving to fully sit up atop her bed. “I did.” She responds plainly, kindly neglecting to elaborate any further. Truthfully, this all feels a bit silly. Nothing crazy had actually happened – she’d just exchanged a few charged glances with her extremely attractive professor. 

“And? How was that class?” Penelope asks, a hopeful lilt lining her tone. The younger woman can hardly find it within herself to look Garcia in the eye, let alone attempt to formulate a response. Instead, JJ just shrugs avoidantly. The self-proclaimed tech goddess doesn't seem to buy her nonchalance. Not in the slightest. “Come on, spit it out.” She goads, her voice gentle, though pressing nonetheless.

“I saw Emily.” The three little words have hardly even managed to make their way past JJ’s lips when, in an instant, Penelope is practically beaming. The older blonde jumps out of her desk chair, bolting over to sit next to JJ atop the suddenly too-small twin bed. 

“You did?!” She nearly squeals. Unfortunately, the younger woman isn't quite sharing Garcia’s excitement. On the contrary, she feels as though this development is nothing short of a death sentence. An entire semester spent watching Emily as she delivers lecture after lecture, her lips moving to the sounds of a myriad of foreign languages, all while looking like that? To JJ, that seems to be her own special brand of torture. She’s not exactly enthused by the idea.

“Pen… she’s a professor.” The younger woman finally says, falling back to lay down once again. JJ almost feels defeated. Why do these things always happen to her – why can’t her life ever just be simple? Yes, this is Jennifer Jareau – newly single after three years with a man who repeatedly refused to give her a moment of true attention , the only living child of a severely alcoholic mother, constantly plagued with the ever-present questioning surrounding her sexuality, and don’t forget, hopelessly attracted to her professor. 

Wonderful.

Penelope sighs, recognizing her friend's struggle. Quietly, she asks the only question that she can hope to formulate within her mind. “How did you find out?” The woman’s voice is riddled with sympathy, with something reminiscent of pity, but there's not a single trace of shock. 

It takes a moment, but JJ eventually puts the pieces together, and the puzzle finally reveals its hidden picture within her mind’s eye. “You knew!?” She stands from the bed abruptly, an accusatory glance appearing within her blue irises as she stares down her best friend.

“Please don’t get mad!” Penelope pleads helplessly, guilt and shame materializing upon her features. “After you told me about her I…” She sighs, deciding to just bite the bullet and come clean. “You know me, JJ. I got curious.” Garcia says it apologetically, but JJ hardly hears any of the words that leave her lips. A million questions, their possible answers, and a thousand additional queries – they all run through the blonde’s head at a pace with which she couldn't ever hope to follow. 

The older woman continues, attempting to give an explanation that doesn’t constitute an intrusion. It’s difficult. “I… I looked up her name in the student directories, but there aren’t any seniors named Emily – at least, not brunettes.” Penelope flashes a sheepish smile, but JJ’s glare only sharpens. The pair knows that, rationally, there's no real anger within JJ. If anything, it's just a shocked curiosity that the younger blonde has become all-too familiar with since meeting Emily. Regardless, Penelope sighs before continuing her explanation. “Anyway, I would’ve stopped there, but then it occurred to me to check the faculty members, too…” She trails off, leaving her sentence open-ended and unfinished. 

“And?” JJ interjects, eager to discover more about the mysterious woman who has somehow set up a permanent residence within her mind. “What’d you find out?” She presses, standing up straighter in preparation to receive this new information. JJ wants to know more about Emily – she wants to know everything. 

During the one interaction they had shared, the brunette had almost been charming, disarmingly so. She’d been courteous; gentlemanly, in a way. The blonde had been excited by the idea that someone – especially someone as attractive as Emily – could find her worthy of that kind of attention. JJ isn’t exactly accustomed to being on the receiving end of such gallance.

“You really wanna know?” Penelope asks sheepishly, a faint blush rising in her cheeks. “I broke, like, so many privacy laws.” She admits, a small, bashful chuckle slipping past her lips. 

The younger blonde just shrugs noncommittally, an almost apathetic smile upon her face. “If you committed a crime, you might as well have an accomplice.” JJ quips, waiting with bated breath for the mysterious fog surrounding Emily’s existence to dissipate.

Garcia stands, making the short journey from JJ’s bed to her own desk, bringing her myriad of screens to life with a single swipe of her mouse. She clicks twice upon a little file token within her desktop, and suddenly, numerous windows littered with text pop up. They layer themselves one atop of another, until the entirety of nearly every screen is encompassed by Emily’s information.

“Penelope. Garcia.” JJ scolds her, albeit good-naturedly. This goes far beyond what she had expected. Her roommate's deep-dive includes a full academic transcript, a birth certificate, and even social media accounts, sparsely populated as they may be. 

“Okay… I may have gone a bit overboard.” The older woman says, sparing a pointed glance towards JJ as she leans over her shoulder to get a better look. Nonetheless, Penelope begins illuminating the details of JJ’s mystery woman’s life. “Meet Emily Prentiss, 28 years old.” 

A picture of the brunette appears on one of the many screens. She looks exactly as JJ remembers, intimidating in a way that practically demands curiosity from those who are fortunate enough to encounter her. Still, the younger of the pair frowns slightly. “Wait, she’s twenty-eight and she’s a professor?” 

“Well, her mom is an ambassador, so she grew up all over the world, which is probably how she managed to become fluent in eight languages.” Garcia speaks with an air of reverence, as if she, too, is impressed by the woman JJ has become so enamoured by. The older woman continues giving her profile of Emily’s life. “She graduated high school in Rome at sixteen, two years ahead of schedule. Your little overachiever didn’t stop there, though. She got her bachelor’s in World Language and Literature from fucking Yale.” Once again, that same amazement lines her tone. “She went to Oxford for her masters, and she got her doctorate right here at Georgetown.” Penelope rattles off fact after fact about the brunette, and the entire time, JJ can’t help but wonder if she had somehow made the whole thing up.

That attraction — that inexplicable pull that she’d felt — was it even real? She doesn’t know, but needs to find out for sure. This uncertainty is eating her alive. Suddenly filled with a new sense of determination, JJ speaks. “Do you have any way to contact her?”

Penelope grins in response. “How dare you doubt me! I have her digits right here.” She says, another window popping up within one of her many screens. JJ leans over the older woman’s shoulder to get a better look, and there it is. A phone number just waiting to be dialed.

Before the younger woman can think about it any further, she pulls out her phone. JJ begins a new message, typing out whatever her mind manages to formulate in that single moment. Just before she hits send, something occurs to her. “Wait. Is her phone number accessible, or is she going to know we hacked her?” 

Penelope actually manages to emulate an expression of mock-offense. “Well, first off, I didn’t technically hack her. I hacked the university’s faculty database and got her details from there.” She explains happily. JJ rolls her eyes fondly. “Secondly, no — students have access to her contact info. Although, I guess they would have to be TA’s.” Garcia explains, shrugging slightly.

JJ just nods, promptly looking down at her phone's tiny screen once more. She re-reads her message once, twice, attempting to surmise how it will come off to the brunette. Before she can begin to talk herself out of it, she hits send.

JJ, 5:47 pm - hi, is this emily? my name’s jj, i got your number from my roommate. you gave me a ride back to my car from kennedy the other day, and i was in your foreign linguistics class this afternoon. i guess i was just tempted to reach out.

The blonde hardly has a moment to freak out about the fact that she’s just texted her professor’s personal cell, let alone attempt to begin to tell Penelope what she’s done. In an instant, her phone chimes in her hand, and JJ opens the response immediately. She finds herself mesmerized by the little gray bubble of text that stares back at her.

Emily, 5:47 pm - Yes, this is she. I was wondering if I would be so lucky as to hear from you, Jennifer.

Chapter Text

The lecture hall is nearly silent as practically every student slips further and further into their boredom while the seconds tick by. The quiet atmosphere is periodically disturbed by the sound of Emily’s voice, confidence exuding from her tone as she makes her way through her carefully-crafted lecture. She’s been speaking on and off for about thirty minutes now, and there's still an hour left in the class. Unfortunately, JJ’s surrounding peers seem to only be withdrawing further and further from the present moment as the brunette's voice continues on.

“Which brings us to the Roman alphabet, more commonly known as the Latin alphabet.” Emily says, clicking the small remote in her hand. The slides being projected at the front of the class advance from one to the next. “This Latin alphabet actually originated from the Etruscan alphabet, which itself was derived from the Greek alphabet, initially having been used in the Greek colony of Cumae. Ultimately, we can trace its roots back to the Phoenician script and even Egyptian hieroglyphs.” The brunette explains, her face lighting up as she regails the class with the history of these now seemingly unremarkable letters. 

To every other student, Emily’s regalia is beyond mind-numbing. To JJ, however, it couldn't be more interesting. Perhaps the blonde’s captivation could simply be attributed to her attraction towards the older woman, and who can blame her? The brunette wears a white blouse, paired with black dress pants and a matching blazer. The air of class that looms around her seems to be downright alluring to JJ, especially because of Emily’s absolute lack of professionalism. 

She and the professor have been texting practically non-stop for the past week. It’s been a mere seven days since the blonde had first reached out, and since that fateful night, they've shared countless conversations over the subsequent days. All of them have been pretty surface-level, but JJ’s affection has only grown since they’ve started talking outside of the classroom. 

The memories of their late-night communications plague her mind as she sits through the lecture, sparsely taking notes every time something sparks her interest. Truthfully, at this point, she’s hardly even paying attention to the words that leave Emily’s lips. Instead, JJ watches her hips as she traipses from one side of the room to the other. The blonde’s gaze fixes upon her hands as they point to different paragraphs illuminated by the projector. She’s distracted – sue her. 

“The Romans adopted and adapted the Etruscan alphabet, evolving it over time to create the Latin alphabet we recognize today. They spread it throughout Europe as they expanded their empire, influencing the writing systems of many modern languages.” The professor explains. She then turns from her presentation to face the students that observe her every move. “Can anybody give me an example of one of these modern languages that use the Roman alphabet?” Emily prompts expectantly. In the seats opposite her, two or three hands go up, including JJ’s. 

Rather than a student, however, a voice from the very back of the hall speaks up. Every head in the room turns to the source of the voice, discovering a woman dressed similarly to Emily who appears to be in her mid-to-late thirties. “Over two hundred modern languages employ the Roman alphabet all across the world. Indo-European, Indigenous, Finno-Ugric and African languages alike all have alphabets that can be traced back to the Romans.” The mystery woman states confidently. “Most notably, Western European languages such as English, German, French and Italian.” She continues, beginning to walk leisurely down the steps and towards the front of the room.

The woman meets Emily at the front of the class. “Show-off.” The brunette mutters, albeit affectionately. At the tone of her voice, JJ can’t help but wonder if they know each other. Emily straightens slightly as the other woman approaches her, arms outstretched. She accepts the hug, smiling brightly when she relinquishes the embrace. There’s JJ’s answer. “Everyone, allow me to introduce Dr Alex Blake of the Georgetown Linguistics Department.” Emily says, a fond expression appearing upon her features.

In an instant, JJ is inexplicably hit with a wave of an emotion she can’t quite place. It resembles anger, though it’s not exact. Then the realization hits her – jealousy. Dark and unyielding in the pit of her gut, swirling as she watches the newly introduced professor, Dr Blake, place a hand on Emily’s arm. Who the fuck does this woman think she is?

Of course, rationally, the blonde knows she has virtually zero right to be territorial. She and Emily aren’t dating. Hell, they've only been talking for a week. That doesn't seem to matter to her brain, though. For whatever reason, as she watches Dr Blake begin to introduce herself further, JJ’s blood begins to boil. “Dr Prentiss here is newer to this subject, whereas I happen to specialize in this area. So, she asked me to come in and assist her today.” The older woman says, an air of faint superiority lingering around her. 

An unfamiliar wave of rage crests within JJ, settling behind her eyes as she glares at the woman next to Emily. The blonde resents the situation she’s found herself in, specifically pertaining to the feeling she’s beginning to harbor for her professor. This is the first woman she’s ever felt a physical and romantic attraction to, and of course, nothing can ever happen between them – just her luck.

Dr Blake seems to stand up a little straighter before she once again addresses the class. “First off, who can give me the names of the developmental phases of the English language in chronological order?” She asks, an anticipatory look upon her face. The room falls silent in lieu of a response. The numerous students within the hall glance in all directions, each internally hoping that one of their peers will speak up, so that they themselves won’t have to. An underwhelmed look materializes on Dr Blake’s face as her question is met with deafening silence. “Nobody?” She remarks, utterly unimpressed. The woman looks almost bored. 

An amused smile graces Emily’s lips as she watches the scene play out, leaning casually against her desktop. Blake just sighs. “The English language has been through numerous phases of development. Initially, the Old-English era, also known as the Anglo-Saxon period, which spanned from the fifth to eleventh century. Middle English was brought about by the Norman Conquests during the eleventh to fifteenth century. Which then brings us to the time of Early Modern English, reigning from the fifteenth to seventeenth century. This was a time of great linguistic and literary innovation, with such advancements as the invention of the printing press, and the subsequent Shakespearian era.” Dr Blake speaks with that same air of superiority from earlier, and JJ can’t help but feel put off by her demeanor. “What I was looking to hear from you, however, was any indication of an awareness regarding the Old, Middle, Early Modern and Modern English eras.” She states, rounding the corner of Emily’s desk to stand next to the younger professor.

The man sitting in the seat next to JJ’s scoffs dismissively. He turns to her, a smug smile appearing upon his face. “I totally knew that.” He says, chuckling dryly and shaking his head with an exuberant confidence. JJ ignores him, opting instead to roll her eyes and lean away from the man invading her space. 

The blonde glances towards the front of the lecture hall, and her gaze inevitably meets Emily’s. Ocean blue irises meet honeyed brown, and the brunette smiles softly. The expression instantly gives life to numerous winged creatures within JJ’s stomach. By now, it's a familiar feeling. The blonde has become accustomed to the near-constant butterflies that flutter within her whenever she’s within Emily’s proximity. 

Blake continues her lecture, accompanied periodically by Emily’s perfectly timed additions, but JJ hardly hears a single word. Instead, her mind busies itself by theorizing about the true nature of the professors' relationship. There’s an innate familiarity between them – a comfortability that certainly doesn’t materialize between coworkers after two weeks of knowing each other. It sets the blonde on edge, inadvertently lighting a blazing fire within her gut. It’s that same jealousy from before – its flames seem to lick at her heels, threatening to set alight the rage that boils within her. 

Regardless, the lecture goes on. Emily and Blake cycle through the details of the subject with an unmatched proficiency, all while JJ watches in silent fascination. Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, the class comes to an end. Students eagerly begin to file out of the hall, and JJ begins to mindlessly follow the rest of her peers. It’s as if she’s in a trance, merely going through the motions as she exits the building, beginning her trek back to the dormitories.

By the time she gets home, it’s the middle of the afternoon. Penelope is out with Derek for their standing date night, and so the blonde is bound to be alone all night. Truthfully, JJ isn't too excited by that prospect. Nonetheless, she lays down atop of her perfectly-made bed, once again staring up at the ceiling’s chipping paint. Inevitably, her mind begins to swirl with the endless possibilities surrounding what Emily could be doing right now. 

Is she still in the lecture hall? Is she still with Blake? Are the two of them… together?

The potential scenarios fly through her mind a million a minute. It doesn’t even matter what the true nature of Emily’s relationship with Blake entails — whether they’re coworkers, friends, or something more — JJ has no right to be jealous. Still, the clawing feeling within her doesn’t cease. If anything, it only grows more ferocious, whispering to her like a devil on a shoulder. The voice tells her to reach out, to do anything but accept that she can’t have Emily. At least, not in the way she wants to have her.

Then, just as the thoughts begin to become too much to bear within the solitude of her dorm, JJ’s phone chimes. It breaks the utterly still silence within the room, and JJ doesnt know whether she should bask in relief or be filled with dread. Even so, the blonde wrestles the little device from the back pocket of her jeans, promptly checking the notification. She expects it to be Penelope or Kate. Hell, she might've even expected a text from her mother over the contact that pops up when she unlocks her phone. It’s a text from Emily.

Emily, 4:02pm - Hey, you seemed a bit distracted in class today. Is everything alright?

Her stomach clenches slightly as she reads the message. She had certainly been distracted — uncharacteristically so — but her daydreaming hadn't been caused by anything she’d be able to share with the brunette. What would that response even look like? Yeah, sorry, I couldn't think about anything except for whether or not you and Blake might be dating? Yeah, right.

Instead, the blonde begins to type out a half-hearted excuse, blaming her distraction on anything except for the reality. JJ prays to a deity she had long since stopped believing in, begging the powers that may or may not be to just let Emily take her response at face value. It’s flimsy, she knows, but she isn't too eager to admit the real reason she had been so preoccupied.

JJ, 4:04pm - yeah, i’m fine. i didn’t sleep much last night, and i didn’t get to eat lunch today, so i was pretty out of it. sorry.

The blonde doesn’t know it, but across town, Emily sits on her balcony, leisurely letting out lungfuls of smoke. A cigarette perches itself between her middle and index fingers, her phone resting in the other hand. The device chimes with JJ’s response, and as the brunette reads it through, doubt begins to spark to life within her. She can tell that the younger woman isn't telling the whole truth, but she decides not to push it. 

Emily contemplates something that’s been on her mind for nearly two weeks, inhaling more smoke before letting it out. She isn't sure if it's such a good idea; there could very well be consequences both personally and professionally. Regardless, the thought has refused to leave her. Eventually, she decides to just bite the bullet — consequences be damned. 

Emily, 4:07 - Don’t apologize, I understand. Though, if you're feeling up to it, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me sometime? 

The brunette hits send, and back in Kennedy Hall, JJ gasps. She’s shocked by the proposition, to say the least. The blonde has been agonizing over her attraction to her unattainable professor ever since they met, and suddenly Emily just invites her to dinner? JJ isn't sure how she’s supposed to interpret it, honestly. 

Is it a date? No, probably not. Emily wouldn't ever be interested in someone like her — at least, that’s what JJ’s brain tells her. Nonetheless, she is interested in seeing what would happen, should she accept the invitation. 

JJ, 4:10 - yeah, i’d like that. when were you thinking?

The brunette’s response comes hardly a second later, and JJ’s heart speeds up in her chest as she reads the message.

Emily, 4:10 - Tonight, my apartment. I’ll make dinner. If that's alright with you?

The younger woman smiles at Emily’s concern. She’s attractive, confident, and completely put-together. Sometimes, though, that perfectly crafted exterior chips, inadvertently revealing the adorable nerd that resides beneath. JJ smiles fondly to herself.

JJ, 4:11 - yeah. that’s perfect.

Chapter Text

This is a bad idea. What the hell had she been thinking? 

JJ’s nerves swirl within her, and tendrils of uncertainty seem to wrap around her entire being. She had accepted Emily’s dinner invitation a mere two hours ago. Since then, JJ has scrubbed her skin red underneath the oppressively hot spray of her dormitory shower, meticulously shaved nearly every hair on her body, and she’s even managed to make it through her entire wardrobe without settling upon an outfit. At this point, the floor-length mirror that hangs on the back of her and Penelope’s door is practically mocking her. 

It’s ridiculous, really, how stressed out she’s getting over this. Regardless of rationality, though, JJ is freaking out. This is her first ever “date” with a woman – ever. It’s jarring, truthfully. She’s twenty years old, and yet here she is, agonizing over her clothing choices like an anxious highschooler. 

For whatever reason, Emily possesses this inexplicable ability to reduce JJ’s brain to nothing more than a misfiring pile of neurons. At the very least, the blonde is certain of one thing — at some point during the night, she’s going to get flustered and end up tripping over her words. She’s never been particularly smooth to begin with, and now she’s having dinner with one of the most confident and self-assured women she’s ever met.

To make matters worse, she’s neglected to give herself the option of sharing her misery with any of her friends. Nobody knows that she’s doing this; not even Penelope. Her roommate is out tonight for her standing date night with Derek, and to be completely forthcoming, JJ isn’t exactly eager to advertise the fact that she’s going to be spending time at her professor's apartment, just the two of them. After all, this little endeavor could potentially break a multitude of university rules. Every college’s stance regarding the subject of student-faculty fraternization is different, but then again, JJ doesn’t have the faintest clue as to the specifics surrounding Georgetown’s official policy. It would take seconds to look it up, but honestly, the blonde is afraid to find out. 

Despite her inner turmoil, though, JJ is due to arrive at Emily’s apartment at seven o’clock — barely thirty minutes from now. The brunette had kindly sent her the address of her apartment, along with a kind assurance that casual attire would suffice just fine. Though that message had only come through after the blonde admitted her distress over her myriad of potential clothing choices.

The minutes tick by, and as the time left before she’ll be forced to leave slowly depletes, JJ eventually decides to just give up. She quickly slips on her favorite pair of jeans, pairs them with a loosely fitting sweater, and adds her signature jewelry. She downright refuses to be seen in public without Roslyn’s necklace carefully clasped around her nape. The ensemble is simple, but it provides a necessary comfort as she inevitably steps over the threshold of her dorm and out the door. The clothes feel as if they're a second skin — the familiar way the fabrics drape themselves over her body is a needed consolation in this anxiety-riddled moment. The blonde locks up her dorm, certain that Penelope won't be arriving home any time soon, and begins her subsequent trek to the faculty parking garage. 

She still parks there every chance she gets. A couple days after she and Emily had started texting, the brunette had inadvertently revealed that the so-called ‘unclaimed’ spot actually belongs to her. JJ still isn't quite sure as to why the older woman had so readily offered her parking space to a perfect stranger, but she appreciates the gesture nonetheless. 

She steps out of Kennedy’s doors, immediately met with the brisk air of mid-autumn evening on the east coast. The leaves have just about completed their metamorphic change in color — the red and yellow hues of the foliage resembles a picturesque scene from some famous movie JJ can’t quite manage to recall the name of. The old-fashioned street lights only add to the atmospheric feel of the sidewalk, and blessedly, her nerves settle, albeit slightly.

The drive across town seems to pass far faster than JJ can begin to make sense of, and suddenly, she’s pulling up outside of Emily’s building. She takes in the elegant architecture, subconsciously attempting to gauge the luxury of the structure. After all, thanks to Penelope, she knows Emily comes from money, she just isn’t sure just how much.

It’s nice, charmingly old-fashioned, with pillars either side of the entryway and a small cobblestone path leading to the double doors crafted from frosted glass. There appears to be about three stories, though the building somehow still manages to appear quaint from the street. Shrubbery and tall trees hang over the front steps, and the old lamp post gives off a warm, inviting glow in the darkness of the night. 

JJ parks her car in line with a few others that she finds a bit further up the street. She turns off the engine, intentionally taking a steadying breath before getting out of the vehicle. The blonde glances down at her phone as she steps up onto the sidewalk, eagerly rechecking the text Emily had sent a few hours ago.

Emily, 4:32pm - I'm in 3A, I’ll see you at 7. I hope you like spaghetti :)

JJ takes in a deep breath, holding onto it for a torturously prolonged moment before eventually letting the air go free once more. She’s nervous — the uncertainty of what lies ahead of her has somehow manifested itself into an uncomfortable weight that hangs over her head and above her chest, pressing down upon her lungs. The blonde gathers every last bit of resolve she possesses before walking towards the intercom on the outside wall, hesitantly pressing the button marked with Emily’s apartment number. 

Not a moment later, a buzzing sound rings out from the small speaker, and the front doors to the building unlock with a resounding click. JJ steps over the threshold and into the lobby. There she finds a few mailboxes enclosed within the far wall, a bench bookended by a pair of standing potted plants, all accompanied by a small hallway that leads back towards an elevator. She makes the trek up to the third floor in a trance that has become all too familiar since meeting Emily, fueled by an anxious determination.

I can do this, she tells herself. JJ can have dinner with the brunette without completely making a fool of herself by the end of the night. She can.

When she finally arrives outside the apartment, another wave of nervousness crests within her chest. She steadfastly pushes the anxiety down into the deepest depths of her existence, and knocks on the door. It seems to swing open hardly a second later. The sight that JJ is met with seems to steal the air out of her very lungs. 

Emily’s hair cascades down past her shoulders, her bangs resting perfectly with that trademark fluffy quality that the blonde finds absolutely adorable. The older woman wears a wine-red, cable-knitted sweater, joined by a pair of black foldover pants that effortlessly complete the cozy ensemble. What really stuns JJ, though, is the pair of wide-rimmed glasses that perch themselves atop the flawless arch of the professor’s nose. She’s never seen Emily wear those before. 

The woman is breathtaking — literally. 

“Jennifer?” Emily breaks the silence, a slightly amused lilt to her tone. She smiles softly as she observes the younger woman’s utter captivation. “You alright?” The brunette asks, her hand still resting upon the doorframe. The simple elegance that the woman seems to carry with her at all times evidently also extends into her home life, and JJ can hardly tear her eyes away.

Eventually, by some miracle, the blonde manages to shake herself from Emily’s inadvertent trance. “Yeah… yeah, I’m good.” She says, flashing a small, slightly bashful smile. The older woman returns the expression, stepping aside to open the door wider.

“Come in.” Emily speaks, revealing her home to JJ’s eager eyes. Her voice sounds a bit tense, almost as if the nerves that reside within the blonde swirl within her, too. Truthfully, Emily isn’t quite sure whether or not this is technically classified as a date. On top of that, she hasn't really spent any time alone with a woman in… well, a while.

She’d gotten around quite a bit as an undergraduate, but once Emily had been accepted into her master’s program, her social life had taken quite the hit. Her dissertation had taken up every last bit of her mental capacity, and there hadn't been the faintest chance of her maintaining a relationship along with that. As a new professor, dating has been the absolute furthest thing from her mind — until she met JJ. 

Not that Emily wants a relationship with the younger woman. 

Wait… does she?

It doesn't matter. The blonde is her student, for crying out loud. Any attraction or affinity she may possess is irrelevant, it needs to be. Although, if Emily truly believed that, why the hell did she invite JJ to her apartment? She honestly doesn't have an answer — at least, not an acceptable one. The truth is, the brunette had invited JJ here simply because she wanted to. Her motivations aren't complicated, even if the outcome might be. 

JJ walks past the brunette and into the apartment, subconsciously beginning to catalog every detail she’s greeted with. She finds a wide open floor plan, with a kitchen to the left and a living room to the right. A myriad of windows adorn the far wall, and curtains the color as Emily’s sweater hang from the delicate-looking rod above each break in the wall. To top it all off, the scent of simmering red sauce wafts through the air. Standing within the picturesque setting, it feels as if a pair of warm and gentle arms have just wrapped themselves around the blonde. There’s a subtle air of elegance throughout the home, slight enough to go unnoticed if one doesn't pay too much attention.  

JJ abruptly turns around, suddenly realizing that she’s been staring in absolute silence. Emily’s face is illuminated by the numerous warm-toned lams spotted around the wide-open room, a slightly amused smile adorning her features. “You like what you see?” She asks quietly. It’s not smug, or even challenging. If anything, it almost sounds as if the brunette is actually seeking the younger woman’s approval. Although truthfully, JJ has no clue as to why that could be.

Regardless, she nods in response. “It’s beautiful… my dorm doesn't compare in the slightest.” JJ chuckles, but there's a hint of self-deprecation somewhere within it. Emily’s expression softens momentarily, and the look that then materializes is one that the blonde hasn’t ever seen directed at her before. JJ doesn't even know what to call it. 

All too quickly, the older woman seems to remember herself. The unidentified expression promptly vacates her face, and it's suddenly replaced with one JJ is equally as unfamiliar with on Emily — nervousness. The brunette smiles somewhat sheepishly before walking over to the kitchen island. “I’m making spaghetti… I hope that's alright.” She says, stirring the contents of the simmering saucepan. 

“Of course.” JJ replies, shocked at the steadiness of her own voice. There's something so disarming about Emily, especially within this context. She moves throughout the space with an air of confidence that JJ has never seen, and it's downright alluring — add to that the fact that Emily is cooking for her. In all JJ’s life, nobody, not even her own mother, has ever done that before. On the surface, it's quite a simple gesture, but to the blonde, it means so much more.

As Emily moves around the kitchen, a comfortable silence settles over the two of them. It’s entirely unfamiliar to JJ. As a child, nights around the dinner table had been nothing more than battles fought through vicious screams and carefully-worded auditory blows. Once Roslyn died, the fights had quieted, and her parents subsequently began to fight their battles with silent glances and hateful stares. When her father left barely six months later… the house became even more hollow, and the silence had threatened to suffocate her on a daily basis. 

In this moment, a foreign sense of domesticity seems to take ahold of JJ. She hasn't ever been all that fascinated with her future, but right now, she lets herself begin to picture it. Friday nights filled with spaghetti rather than screaming, afternoons littered with love instead of leering. For some reason that the blonde neglects to dissect, in that most perfect daydream, Emily stands behind the kitchen counter. The brunette wraps her arms around JJ within the younger woman's imagination, and she can almost feel the phantom embrace. 

It’s perfect. 

They're not there yet, though. Right now, they're in Emily’s kitchen, far from the days of domesticity that JJ dreams of. God, she hardly even knows this woman. And yet, here she is. The brunette’s voice breaks JJ out of her fantasy, putting an end to the picturesque images within her mind’s eye. “Dinner’s ready.” Emily says. JJ nods absentmindedly, gratefully accepting the plate that the older woman hands to her. 

She then finds herself standing awkwardly still, unsure of what she’s meant to do next. Emily’s sheepish smile graces her face once more, and she walks around the island to join JJ. “I, uh… I haven’t actually gotten a dining table yet.” She admits bashfully. “I moved in a few weeks ago, but it’s just me, so…” Emily trails off, leaving her sentence ambiguously open-ended.

“It’s alright.” JJ responds quickly, equally as sheepish. “Why don’t we just…” She inevitably turns around again, searching for an acceptable place for them to eat the meal Emily has just prepared. Her eyes inevitably land upon the couch, bathed in an inviting glow by the nearby lamp. “Sit?”

Relief seems to wash over Emily at the suggestion. “I’d like that.” She says, following the blonde to sit down on the sofa. As they get comfortable, both women immediately fold themselves into a tailor sitting position. The older of the pair huffs out a laugh. “Maybe we’re not quite as grown up as we’d like to believe.” At her words, JJ chuckles, too. 

“Watch it, Dr. Prentiss – you're six years older than me.” JJ points out through a chuckle. She then takes her first bite of the spaghetti, and her eyes practically roll back into her head. “Oh my God…” Emily’s lips quirk into a slight smirk at the blonde’s outburst, smugness emanating off of her. “What the hell is in this?” The younger woman asks, still ruminating on the absolute rollercoaster her taste buds are currently being subjected to.

The brunette chuckles once more, shaking her head slightly. “I spent a lot of time in Italy growing up. Our chef, Stefania — she taught me this recipe. Let's just say, they put wine in everything.” Emily explains, finally taking a bite herself.

“Hold on… your chef?” JJ wonders aloud, curiosity evident upon her face. Penelope had told her of Emily’s wealthy upbringing, but she hadn’t quite grasped the extent of just how much wealth. 

The brunette looks like a deer caught in headlights at the insinuation, and she freezes momentarily. “I…” She trails off after letting out the lone syllable. Emily sighs, resigning herself to the reality of her current situation. 

She’s been caught.

Honestly, Emily resents her mother’s affluence. Throughout her entire life, her education and subsequent career, nearly every superior she’d come into contact with had written her off as nothing more than a spoiled rich girl. Yes, she’d been given quite a leg up within the financial area of life, but her mother had been anything but generous. 

“My mother… she worked a lot. I’d always end up being home alone with the staff, and so when I was younger, having a chef was the logical solution.” Emily illuminates. The playfulness of their banter quickly fades into something far more forlorn. “She never made time for me — for anything outside of work, really. Cooking eventually became a vice of sorts. When you’re bent over a stove, slaving away over a saucepan… the fear of your mother’s next impending blows fade away and into the peripheral.” The brunette explains, her gaze slipping off, suddenly unfocused. Her brown eyes, of which JJ has spent hours in class admiring, fix themselves upon a particularly uninteresting portion of the living room’s rug. 

It isn't until Emily hears the sound of JJ’s plate being set down atop the coffee table that she finally looks up. The younger woman is suddenly right next to her, and in an instant, they're closer than they've ever been. The blonde’s hand finds its way to Emily’s cheek, reverently resting upon the unmarred flesh. The brunette’s skin resembles porcelain. “She hit you?” JJ asks, barely above a whisper. 

It’s rhetorical, and they both know it.

For the first time ever, Emily doesn't detect a single trace of judgement within the question. Usually, in situations like this, the person opposite of the brunette reacts one of two ways. In the first scenario, the person she opens up to doesn't quite know how to react, and so they begin showering her with sympathy — no, with pity — and apologies, of which they don't actually owe. 

The second avenue of possibility is, in Emily’s opinion, far worse. Sometimes, on the rare occasion she grows to trust someone enough to tell them about this part of her past, that person doesn't believe her. This instance usually involves someone who knows her mother. The famous Elizabeth Prentiss, she hits her daughter? Absurd. 

Emily had been branded a rebel, a misfit — a liar — all throughout her upbringing. This time, though… there’s not a single hint of disbelief within JJ’s ocean blue irises. There’s something there, but it isn't pity, either. The look swirling behind the blonde’s eyes, it resembles understanding. Before Emily can voice her explanation, JJ speaks. 

“I know.” Is all she says. Those two simple words — they bring Emily's world crashing to the ground. 

Nobody has ever believed her, not truly, not in any way that mattered. At a certain point, the brunette had begun to convince herself that she’d made it all up. Those bruises had been real, though. The pain of being struck by one’s own mother — that isn't something a child could even begin to conjure up of their own volition. 

No, it had been real. Staring into JJ’s reverent eyes, Emily is sure of that now more than ever. However, the other thing she’s sure about; — and this one is far more alarming — despite all the rules, regardless of the possible consequences and reprimands from her bosses, Emily wants JJ. 

It hits her all at once, crawls from her heels up towards her spine, into her brain and back down to her heart. She hasn't ever felt anything akin to this sense of absolute intensity – this profound and unprecedented longing. 

It threatens to eat her alive.

The scariest and most shocking aspect of it all, though, is what Emily finds written in the blondes eyes. That intensity, that longing – it’s reflected back at her, clear as day. The brunette isn't given much time to ruminate on that, however, because suddenly, she feels a pair of lips meet hers. 

Chapter Text

Okay. First of all, Emily has thought about this before. She has spent hours on end wondering what the younger woman’s lips would feel like against hers. The brunette has spent nights hidden away beneath her bedsheets, imagining how soft JJ’s skin would be beneath her touch, beneath her kiss. She’s daydreamed of that ridiculously perfect blonde hair separating in the wake of her fingertips. 

Secondly, that being said, Emily hadn't ever expected it to actually happen . Let alone within her own apartment, and on her couch, no less. JJ’s lips are so soft, the kiss is so gentle — it’s almost startling. She’s never experienced a kiss like this before. The younger woman’s hands cradle her face, and the brunette finds herself kissing back without reservation.

For whatever reason, Emily feels a sense of freedom as she kisses JJ, and it’s entirely unfamiliar. The younger woman seems to just intrinsically know her. Even though they’d only met a few weeks ago, the blonde understands her in a way that no one else ever has. It's as if they've known each other all their lives, they just hadn't realized it until that moment in the courtyard on orientation day, nearly a month ago now. The chances of them meeting before classes had even begun were, in all actuality, pretty slim. Somehow though, it had happened, and Emily has to fight the urge to believe it had been fate. She has to force herself to disregard the thought that some cosmic force or deity finally decided to take pity on her and grant her the opportunity for something good after a lifetime of bad luck. Truthfully, the moment that Emily had first laid eyes on JJ had been the beginning of the end — for both of them, whether they’d realized it or not. From that very first glance, Emily has been wholly and completely hooked. 

Regardless, unaware of the older woman’s inner musings, the blonde continues their kiss. Her left hand buries itself between the long strands of dark hair that spring forth from Emily’s neck, all while her right hand still cups the brunette’s cheek, pulling her as close as physically possible in their current position. JJ isn’t quite satisfied though, and so she suddenly finds herself crawling into Emily’s lap, placing her thighs on either side of the woman’s hips beneath her. 

They cling to each other, and JJ can’t help but feel like she has to absorb as much of Emily’s touch as she can possibly manage. It’s as if their time is running out, like some formidable clock nestled deep within her is slowly counting down the seconds until the reality of her situation will inevitably set back in. JJ ignores the feeling for as long as she can, kissing Emily as if the brunette contains within her the very same air that the younger woman needs in order to survive. After a while, Emily pulls back slightly, desperately attempting to catch her breath.

JJ takes in the sight of the woman beneath her, and what she finds reflected back at her causes an unfamiliar sense of pride to wash over her entire body. Emily looks positively wrecked . Her chest rises and falls far too rapidly to be considered acceptable, her pupils have blown themselves out so far that the brown color of her irises is almost fully eclipsed, her hair looks like someone’s been running their fingers through it — which JJ has — and her mouth hangs open just slightly as her panting breaths make their way in and out. The reason for JJ’s pride, as ridiculous as it sounds, is quite simple. She’s proud because she did this to Emily. She has reduced the confident and occasionally intimidating professor down to this state — sitting atop her couch, with JJ on top of her, a dazed look upon her face, and to top it all off, the blonde’s chapstick has been inadvertently smeared across the older woman’s kiss-swollen lips.  

The younger woman smiles, and Emily returns the expression. The only sound within the living room at the moment is their quick breaths, and the brunette takes it upon herself to break the pseudo-silence. “Was that the first time you’ve ever kissed a woman?” She asks, a small huff of amusement falling from her lips. As the words make their way out of Emily’s mouth, that aforementioned clock suddenly strikes zero within JJ’s mind. The time allotted for her to enjoy that sense of blissful ignorance has run out, and in an instant, reality decides to crash back down upon her, all at once and far too intensely.

JJ bolts upright, standing from where she’d been sitting in Emily’s lap. Her lustful panting gives way to something far more alarming, and her new breathing pattern resembles a panic-fueled bout of hyperventilation. The blonde can’t catch her breath, and when Emily realizes that fact, she stands up, too. “What is it?” She asks immediately, bracing her hands on the younger woman’s shoulders in an attempt to ground her. “Did I say something wrong?” JJ’s breathing doesn't slow in the slightest, and she neglects to calm down. She can’t .

Jennifer Jareau just kissed a woman. Even worse, Jennifer Jareau just kissed a woman — and she liked it… a lot . 

Fuck. 

“I…” The blonde manages to push the single word past her lips, but she trails off right after. Her lungs are practically on fire, and she still can’t breathe. Everything is too loud, regardless of the fact that there’s no other sound being made in the apartment except for her insistent hyperventilating. The world is too bright, the previously soft light of the living room’s lamp is suddenly blinding her. 

This is wrong. What she just did is so irrevocably and inexcusably wrong — right?

At least, that’s what her mother had always said. JJ once again calls to mind the memory of that fateful day back in East Allegheny. She had been eight , for fucks sake, not that her age had mattered to her mother in the slightest. She had come home from school, excitedly regaling Sandy with the story of her interaction earlier that day with her new crush. Sophia, a classmate of hers — a female classmate. As soon as the words had left her lips, her mother’s hand had flown through the air, landing squarely upon an eight year old JJ’s cheek. Demonic, unnatural, and repulsive, her mother called it. 

Those words play through present-day JJ’s mind even now, twelve years later. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, her mother’s hateful words still echo in her mind. It’s as if Sandy is in the room with her right now, vehemently voicing her riotous disapproval. 

Demonic. Unnatural. Repulsive.

“Jennifer, you're having a panic attack.” The woman opposite of her says. Usually JJ is fond of  Emily’s refusal to refer to her by her nickname. Now though, the use of her full name just reminds the blonde of her mother’s countless scoldings. “It’s okay. Look at me.” Emily speaks, attempting to break through the unbridled, all-encompassing fear that surges through the younger woman’s entire body. She gently cups JJ’s face in her hands, trying to force her pale blue irises to meet her own gaze of honeyed brown. JJ actually recoils when she feels it. 

“Don’t touch me!” She nearly screams, her mother’s judgement and ridicule feuling her outburst. “I’m not like that. I — I can’t be.” JJ speaks more to herself than to Emily. She’s still attempting to convince herself that those words are the truth. She can't acknowledge what’s just happened, she downright refuses to. Once she does, it becomes real . Instead, JJ forces herself to try and push it down, to pretend those feelings and desires aren't there. 

“Like what, Jennifer?” Emily asks, genuinely concerned. She still hasn’t caught on to what exactly is going on within the younger woman’s head. JJ seems to be absolutely falling apart at the seams, and the brunette can't for the life of her figure out why. A moment later, when she sees the apprehensive look on the blonde’s face, the realization suddenly dawns on her.

“Like… me?” She asks, her voice unintentionally breaking halfway through the sentence. “A lesbian? That’s what you’re so terrified of being?” Emily’s initial confusion suddenly morphs into a profound sense of hurt, but her defenses go up within a matter of seconds, masking that pain with an expression of anger. 

Emily sighs, relinquishing her hold on JJ. The blonde’s skin suddenly feels a million degrees colder in the absence of the older woman’s touch. “Well, guess what? It’s worse to be scared of who you are , it’s worse to live your life in fear of what other people might think of you, than to be a lesbian. Believe me, I would know.” Enily spits her words out with an uncharacteristic venom, and despite her best efforts, JJ feels her heart break within her chest. 

“I…” JJ wants to apologize, but she knows she doesn’t have that right. If the look on Emily’s face is anything to go by, the damage has already been done.

“You’re what? You’re sorry ?” Emily finishes for her, her tone biting. The brunette huffs a humorless laugh before continuing. “Yeah, I am too. I’m sorry I was stupid enough to fall in love with a girl that can't even accept who she really is.” As the words leave Emily’s lips, it feels as if the world’s rotation suddenly comes to a screeching halt. Alarms blare in the brunette’s head when she realizes what she’s just admitted, but she forces her face to remain impartial. JJ’s shock is written all over her face, and the younger woman’s thoughts are fucking racing .

She loves me. Emily loves me. 

JJ opens her mouth in an attempt to respond, but the older woman beats her to it. “Don’t.” Despite Emily’s recent confession, her voice is devoid of any warmth. “You should leave.” The brunette declares, her tone cutting deep. JJ feels the daggers of her words slash right between the very chambers of her heart, and she feels as if she’s about to bleed out, right on Emily’s living room rug. 

Regardless, the blonde steels herself, gathering every last bit of resolve she possesses. “Yeah… I probably should.” JJ concedes, walking around the couch to head for the front door. As the younger woman makes her escape, Emily doesn't watch her go — the brunette doesn't let herself. Just as JJ’s hand lands upon the doorknob, she sighs. She neglects to look back at Emily, it would be too painful. Instead, she keeps her gaze fixed upon a particularly unremarkable panel set within the hardwood floor, her next words barely louder than a whisper. “I really am sorry, I just…” JJ sighs. “I can’t.” 

Not a moment later, Emily hears the door creak open before gently shutting again. Only once she’s absolutely certain that the blonde is far enough down the hall not to hear her does she let herself fall apart. The brunette crumples in on herself, falling back into the couch. She folds her knees up in front of her, holding them close to her chest, as sobs begin to wrack her body without her permission. 

As she cries, the familiar thoughts of self-depreciation begin to plague her. How could she have been so stupid ? JJ had told her about her upbringing, she had known that the blonde was born and raised in a small conservative town. Emily had known that the younger woman only ever dated men. The brunette had been so blinded by her affections that she’d allowed herself to be naive enough to believe that JJ wouldn't have any residual internalized homophobia from her upbringing. 

Yeah. Right .

Emily should have known better, not only because she’s certainly smart enough to have seen and recognized the signs, but because she knows exactly what JJ is going through. Her mother had been anything but supportive when Emily first came out at thirteen years old, back in Italy. Elizabeth wasn't only traditional, but she was religious on top of that. Each and every time Emily had gotten caught with a girl, the beatings had increased in brutality. Her mother, devoid of any love or care, would stand over her, repeatedly stating that all the pain was ‘for her own good’. All the hits, all the bruises, that they would ‘cure her’. The brunette had eventually gotten so desperate to gain her mother’s approval, she’d slept with John as an attempt to convince herself that she could be ‘normal’.

That deluded fantasy had dissolved within seconds of those two little parallel lines appy upon the test she’d taken in her highschool’s bathroom. She honestly doesn't know where she would be if it hadn't been for Matthew. He saved her life, in more ways than one — a fifteen year old Emily certainly hadn’t been mothering material. 

The brunette had contemplated suicide when that pregnancy test came back positive, having convinced herself that she had no other options. Mathew had stopped her. He had taken Emily to an abortion clinic, held her hand, and suddenly the brunette wasn’t doomed anymore. Truthfully, the only reason she had graduated highschool so early was because she had been filled with an unprecedented determination to get the hell away from her mother. 

None of that matters now, though. JJ is gone, and Emily finds herself alone within the suddenly hollow apartment. Living solitarily isn’t anything new for the brunette, but for whatever reason, it hurts a little more this time. She had actually managed to convince herself that she had a chance with JJ — that they could really be something. It all feels like a sick joke now.

Sighing, Emily pulls her phone out of her back pocket. She types out a few messages, but nothing feels quite right. Eventually, she lands on the simplest string of words she can come up with, and sends them off to the only friend she’s managed to make since becoming a professor.

Emily, 9:14pm - Hey. It didn't go well. I can’t bear the thought of having to see her in class on Monday. Is there any way you could fill in for me, just this once?

The woman must reread the text twenty times, trying to discern if she’s being too desperate. Emily has always been extremely careful within her relationships, she hardly ever asks for anything out of fear of being rejected. The little device in her hand chimes after a couple minutes of silence and thought-riddled torture.

Alex, 9:16pm - Of course. Though in exchange, you’ll have to tell me all about it over many glasses of wine. Does tomorrow night work for you?

Alex’s playful offer brings a slight smile to the brunette’s face. The expression doesn’t linger for longer than a moment, but something is better than nothing, Emily supposes. A glass of wine with a friend does sound nice.

Emily, 9:17pm - Yeah. Can we just do it at my place, though? I’m not exactly in a ‘going out’ mood as of right now. 

The woman’s self deprecation inadvertently comes out through her message, but Emily can’t find it within herself to care all that much. She’s sad, lonely and still a little buzzed from the glass of wine she’d downed before JJ had arrived.

Alex, 9:20pm - Sure, I’ll see you then. Take care of yourself.

As the brunette reads the message, she huffs a laugh, although it’s devoid of any trace of amusement.

Emily, 9:22pm - I always do. 

She responds promptly. It's the truth — Emily has always been forced to take care of herself. After all, if she doesn't, who else will? She doesn’t have anybody, realistically. She and Alex have known each other for a few months, but even that friendship is still new enough to crumble at a moment’s notice. Truthfully, Emily feels just as alone and isolated as she had when she was fifteen, aimlessly wandering the streets of Rome, searching for any semblance of belonging.

Chapter Text

Despite her best efforts, JJ doesn't get much sleep over the next few nights. The morning after her night with Emily, the blonde wakes up with a pounding headache, accompanied only by a sense of utterly debilitating guilt. Not only is she feeling the culpability of her recent actions — kissing a woman for the first time — she also can’t help but beat herself up over the way Emily had reacted. The brunette had been so hurt , tears had collected in droves along her waterline, her lips had fixed themselves into a semi-permanent frown, and all that pain had been at JJ’s hands. 

Of all of the possibilities that JJ had foreseen for their night together, having a literal panic attack in Emily’s arms certainly had not been one of them. Anxiety is anything but an unfamiliar feeling for the blonde, but it’s never manifested itself so viscerally before. Especially not in front of another person — she’s usually better at masking her hysteria. Regardless, when she had been standing in Emily’s apartment, shaking with the involuntary recollections of her mother’s hatred and judgement, it had all just been so much. Overwhelming doesn’t even begin to describe it. Yes, JJ feels bad about how things had eventually unfolded, but realistically, the end result would've been far worse, had the blonde not gotten out when she did. 

Still, JJ doesn't know what to do. She’s actually been debating whether or not she should call Emily. Perhaps she could extend her hand in an attempt to reconcile, deliver an apology? Then again, maybe she should just ignore the older woman, just go on as if the entire night had never happened. There’s so much that JJ doesn't know, and yet despite all of that, she is certain of one thing. 

She kissed Emily, and she enjoyed it. Truthfully, if she had done so, only to later regret it, all of this would be so much easier. JJ could say it was a mistake. She could brush it under the rug, lock her feelings away somewhere deep inside of herself and dismiss her attraction under the guise of a natural curiosity. She could simply declare that it won’t ever happen again, that it was wrong, and that it’s over. However, in reality , she can’t say any of that — because she doesn’t regret it. It’s just the opposite, in fact.

Not only had JJ basked within the brunette’s attention, in her every touch, but she wants to do it again . The feeling of Emily's hands on her hips, desperately pulling her closer, the sensation of those ridiculously soft lips insistently pressing themselves against her own, the miraculous gratification that the blonde found in the entire situation, it had all been almost ethereal — certainly unlike any other experience that JJ has had. Now though, as she begins to reacclimate to a life that no longer includes the brunette, she feels a bit like an addict going through withdrawal. After one single kiss, JJ has found herself completely and utterly in need of the older woman, as absurd as that sounds.

There’s just something about Emily — some inherent and inexplicable quality that JJ has never once had the pleasure of coming into contact with before. The brunette is disarming, in a way that’s almost obsession-inducing. She’s just amazing, really. The blonde never would've thought that she would have even the slightest chance with the older woman, but then, when JJ had kissed her, Emily kissed her back . That’s what the younger woman still can't manage to get over. That, despite all of her insecurities and imperfections, the mystifying professor had reciprocated . 

Of course though, JJ just had to go and ruin the entire thing. She wishes that she could fix it, she wishes she could just erase the entire night from existence so that she’d have another chance. The blonde wants to throw caution to the wind and ignore her mother’s teachings. She wants to give into the deep-seeded desire that has burned within her for as long as she can remember. She would — if only she had enough courage to do so. 

She avoids talking about it with Penelope, despite her roommate’s incessant pestering. The older blonde can clearly tell that something is wrong with JJ, but she refuses to crack under the scrutinizing gazes and endless questioning that Garcia continues to shoot her way. Instead, JJ suffers in a quiet silence, walking hollowly through the events of her weekend. By the time Monday rolls around, she’s about to explode .

She has three classes today, the first of which is unfortunately being taught by Dr Strauss. She is nuisance enough all by herself, JJ’s disaster of a weekend notwithstanding. The second of her classes is to be taught by Dr Rossi, and although he can be quite self-absorbed at times, he is a good professor. Her third and final class, which also happens to be the one that JJ is dreading the absolute most , is Foreign Linguistics, taught by none other than the renowned Dr Emily Prentiss. 

Seeing Emily isn't even what JJ is worried about, honestly. She is far more concerned by the prospect that, after the whole debacle that had taken place on Friday night, she will cease to exist in Emily’s eyes. JJ is afraid — she’s positively terrified — that she’s about to become nothing more than another run of the mill, unremarkable face sitting somewhere in the brunette’s lecture hall. She’s scared that the professor will begin to view her the same way she does any one of her students, and regardless of all of the blonde’s uncertainty surrounding her feelings for the older woman, JJ knows she doesn’t want that. To be completely honest, the idea of that happening is significantly more daunting than whatever may unfold if JJ were to actually come out of the closet. 

Not that she needs to , the blonde quickly scolds herself. She’s straight. 

She is — except she’s not. 

Her class with Rossi seems to drag on and on, and the man’s words hardly phase the blonde’s ears. Instead, the entire lecture seems to float right past her scope of awareness, lasting longer than she can even begin to comprehend. As the minutes tick by at an exceedingly slow pace, JJ begins to find herself wandering further and further into the recesses of her own mind, becoming increasingly lost in thought as the time stubbornly refuses to pass. 

She’s always been a rock. She has always been the natural one in a group of any kind to readily provide comfort, support, and strength to those around her. She is almost always able to keep calm under pressure, she offers safe and sane advice to her friends on a regular basis, and she helps them through their crises and times of hardship. Yet despite all of that, within the quiet moments, whenever she finds herself alone, left to ponder the all-encompassing and overpowering nature of her thoughts, that single solitary truth that JJ has never been able to fully accept corrupts her consciousness, seeping into every little crevice of her mind.

She likes women. She kissed Emily. She might be a lesbian. 

The blonde has known that she’s… well, different … for years. The timeline doesn't even really matter, though. Regardless of all the days that have passed since that fateful day in the third grade, she has come no closer to actually accepting herself for who she really is. Admitting it — truly admitting it to herself — has always seemed to be far too daunting of a task. The fear , the overwhelming and paralyzing panic that settles into her very bones whenever she begins to think about that little fact of life, it's just scary.

At the core of all this hysteria, it really is that simple. JJ is just afraid. She’s afraid of what her mother will think. She’s afraid of the possible changes, both within herself and in her external life, that may end up occurring if she does take that leap. She’s terrified that she might be wrong. What if she does come out, and then a couple days later, she realizes that she was wrong?

Get a grip, JJ scolds herself. Realistically, the chances of that happening are extremely low. She’s had these feelings and desires for practically forever. It is her secret, and it’s a part of herself that is becoming increasingly difficult to keep ignoring. The storm has been brewing for years on end, and at this point, it's no longer something she can deny — to herself or to anyone else. 

"Hey." A voice says, breaking her out of her seemingly endless parade of racing thoughts. She turns to the source of the sound, and discovers that it’s Derek. “Class is over, are you alright?” He asks, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. JJ then glances around the lecture hall, and finds that he must've been telling the truth. The entire room is empty, except for Dr Rossi, still sitting behind his desk at the very front.

“Yeah.” JJ responds, quickly beginning to gather up her things. She moves on autopilot, slinging her bag over her shoulder before getting up to follow Derek on his trek out of the building. The man next to her doesn’t quite take her reply at face-value, and instead he gives her a concerned gaze. Coincidentally enough, it's the same look that JJ has been getting from Penelope for the past few days.

“Is that the truth?” He asks, a knowing mien within his deep brown eyes. The pair turns a corner, starting to walk down a long corridor, along with a few other students from Rossi’s class. Nobody spares the two of them a second glance, and it contrasts with how JJ feels on the inside. There’s practically a war going on within her, and not one person seems to notice — except for the ever-perceptive Derek Morgan, of course.

It takes her a long time to answer him, but she eventually builds up enough courage to force a single word over the threshold of her lips. “Maybe.” JJ attempts to come off as apathetic as possible, trying not to fuel his determined analysis of her current mental state. That goes about as well as you'd expect. 

Derek huffs a small chuckle, and thankfully, he doesn't seem to be laughing at her, but rather at the situation. It’s honestly pointless for JJ to try and mask her emotions, she knows he will eventually get it out of her, one way or another. He’s good like that — he helps you talk about the hard shit, even when you might not want to, but you still need to. “I’ll take that as a no.” The man walking with her laughs again. The pair finally arrive upon the transparent glass doors that separate the inside of the building from the outside. Derek opens the door, holds it open as JJ walks through, and then follows her out. Once the entrance closes behind them, he stops the woman with a hand on her shoulder, clement but insistent. “Alright, JJ — spill .”

JJ sighs, glancing down at the floor. She wrestles with the strap of her fully-stuffed tote bag, pulling it tighter over her shoulder in an attempt to comfort herself with any semblance of a distraction. “I…” The blonde both starts and begins within a single moment. She tries again.“I kind of went on a date on Friday night.” She admits, shrugging nervously. “Well… not a date. It was a non -date date.” JJ explains, once again averting her eyes from the man standing opposite of her. 

Derek’s jaw drops open slightly, but he quickly schools his features into something colored with less shock. Then, an expression of excitement — and, oddly enough, pride — appears upon his face. “JJ, that’s great! I’m glad you're getting back out there.” He smiles genuinely, affectionately hitting her on her shoulder. JJ smiles, too, albeit a bit sheepishly. “Wait, with who?” He asks, a tone of genuine curiosity accompanying his question. 

The woman freezes momentarily. She hasn’t actually talked to anybody about this yet, and she hadn’t really been planning to, but as JJ sees the expectant look Derek wears, she realizes that she’s accidentally backed herself into a corner. The blonde takes a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for whatever reaction she may receive when the name inevitably rolls off of her tongue. “Emily…” JJ admits, once again averting her eyes from the man in front of her. 

Derek pauses, slightly confused. “Hold on… you and Emily went on a ‘non-date date’?” He asks precariously, putting air quotes around the last bit of his sentence. The man’s gaze narrows upon JJ’s form, practically inspecting her. The woman shifts uncomfortably, once again fiddling with the strap of her tote bag. She shifts her weight from one foot to another, and the plain grey cement beneath her feels grainy, even through her signature shoes. A pair of high-top, platform converse, of which she’s owned since her senior year of highschool.

Regardless of her footwear, JJ’s nerves swell within her at the idea of revealing anything about her night with Emily. She knows that Derek is her friend, and that he won’t judge her, but that doesn't mean that she’ll miraculously be able to stop judging herself . “Kind of…?” She shrugs, finally looking up to meet his gaze.

Derek quirks a single brow. “Where?” He asks, attempting to pull more information out of her without pressuring her too much. The man doesn't want to push, but if JJ and Emily actually went on a date, he knows that the blonde probably needs to talk about it — whether she wants to do so or not. 

JJ shrugs again. The uncomfortability currently plaguing her has become all-too familiar over the past few weeks, and the blonde can't help but wish she could just spit the words out without a care. She wants to stop worrying about what other people think, but unfortunately, practically her entire life has conditioned her to do just that. Some habits are seemingly impossible to break, she supposes. Still, the woman eventually forces herself to reply. “We… we had dinner at her apartment.”

The man’s face breaks out in a wide grin at her admission, a proud glint in his eye. “Damn, JJ! Good for you.” Derek says, smiling with his perfectly white teeth. He has a really good smile, JJ notices absentmindedly. Regardless, the blonde becomes frustrated.

He doesn’t understand the gravity of this — of what it means for her. She stands up a little straighter as she begins to speak once again. “No. It’s not good for me.” JJ declares sternly. The man just looks puzzled by her insinuation, and so she goes on. “She’s a she , Derek.” JJ sighs softly in resignation before continuing. “I’ve never… done that before.” The blonde admits, looking almost forlorn.

JJ leans back onto her heels, shrinking herself unconsciously. She looks utterly defeated by the idea, by the prospect that she might be developing feelings for another woman. For the life of him, Derek just can’t understand why that is. “So?” He prompts, attempting to goad her into explaining herself further.

“ So …” The blonde looks back down at the ground, watching as a couple of recently-fallen leaves blow past her feet in the breeze. The pair is currently standing right outside of the entrance to the university’s criminology building, and she’s slightly surprised nobody has asked them to move yet. Nonetheless, JJ’s mind races, trying to formulate whatever string of words will convey her thought process to Derek in the least convoluted way possible. Still, she eventually ends up settling on the one sentence that keeps running through her mind. “It’s wrong.”

The man is quick with his response, not hesitating for a single moment. “According to who? Some old stiffs who are so close-minded and filled with judgement that they won't ever be able to find their own happiness?” He points out knowingly, his brown eyes filled with nothing but care and compassion for his friend. “Do you really care about what those people think?” Derek asks, not a single trace of judgment to be found within his voice. JJ appreciates it, even if she doesn’t show it.

The blonde just keeps her gaze down, focusing on the unremarkable cement beneath her. She feels so exposed , as if she’s been put up for inspection without her permission. “Well… one of those people is my mom , so… yeah.” She finally lets it slip, her volume hardly audible over the periodically whipping wind that surrounds them on all sides. “I guess I do.” The blonde finishes, albeit a bit shamefully. 

She isn’t proud to have a homophobic mother. Honestly, it’s embarrassing , really. She shouldn’t be having this tough of a time accepting her sexuality, and yet here she is. Even though JJ knows that her friends wouldn’t ever judge her because of who she chooses to date or hook-up with — hell, most of them are queer in one way or another themselves — the deeply rooted shame within her refuses to dissipate.

Derek sighs, slightly deflated by the situation. He wants to help JJ get through this, he really does, but the man just doesn't know how he should go about it. He knows her, they’ve been friends practically ever since the blonde arrived at Georgetown. He knows that if he plays this the wrong way, she’ll shut herself off from everyone. JJ will pretend as if this entire ‘Emily’ situation never even happened, she’ll shut down as an attempt to defend and protect herself. So when he begins to speak, Derek makes sure to be careful with his words.

“Look, JJ…” He starts, still contemplating how exactly to start this off. “Your mother, she’s not the supreme authority on love. I promise you that, because nobody is.” The man says, watching the blonde as she takes in his words. She doesn’t seem to have checked out quite yet, so he goes on. Derek leans in a bit closer, speaking his next words in a softer, more forbearing tone. “I know it isn't really the same thing, but I’ve been in that mindset before — viewing queerness as ‘wrong’ or ‘immoral’.” Derek sighs again, shaking his head slightly at the memory of his past prejudices. “I’m a straight guy, and my sexuality has never been a question for me, so I won’t pretend to understand your trepidation in that area. As far as Emily goes, though…” He trails off abruptly, waiting for any sign from JJ that she wants him to continue.

“Yeah?” She prompts, finally looking back up to meet his kind eyes. Her own blue irises are filled with something that resembles desperation, as if JJ is begging for any semblance of validation or solace in the face of her current turmoil.

Derek smiles endearingly, trying to give her some of what she seeks. “Before I met Penelope, I had never even imagined dating a queer person, but… I fell in love.” His smile widens at the reminder of his girlfriend, his eyes lighting up at the thought of the woman he loves. “I confronted my outdated opinions, I opened my perspective, I educated myself, and I changed.” He explains, a genuine air of care and consideration for his friend materializing around him as he does so. “Now, after being with Penelope for almost three years, I've gained such a respect and admiration for the community. They're a group of people who are so much more loving and accepting than those who condemn them, and I feel honored to be a part of that, even as an ally.” Derek says genuinely. 

The blonde can tell that he’s being truthful, and honestly, she feels the same way. Penelope had practically radicalized a younger version of JJ. After all, before she arrived at Georgetown, JJ had never even been out of East Allegheny once . Thanks to her proudly pansexual roommate, she’d learned about the queer community, and she has since changed her views and become an avid ally. 

Still, that doesn't mean that JJ is ready to be part of the community like that.

“Honestly…” Derek starts, breaking JJ from her thoughts. “I think that group’s opinion is a far better one to value. Your mom might not accept you, but think about what that means. If your own mother doesn't love and appreciate you unconditionally, then… that relationship might not be worth maintaining.” He says slowly, trying his absolute hardest not to spook the blonde. Derek might be right, JJ realizes. “I’m not saying that Emily is the one for you, but you owe it to yourself to take that chance. You wouldn't have gone on that date — your first date with a woman — if she wasn't special.” The main points out, albeit hesitantly. He’s honestly having a hard time gauging where exactly JJ’s head is at.

The blond sighs, speaking her next words at a barely audible volume. “I… I don't know. It all seems so monumental. What if I take the chance, what if I go through with it, and it doesn't end up working out?” JJ fiddles with her hands as a thousand thoughts race through her mind. She pulls at each finger by its tip, waiting until she hears the respective knuckle crack before moving on to the next digit. It feels like, if she just pulls hard enough, just causes a big enough crack to sound, she will be able to escape all of this. JJ sighs, whispering her next words as her pale blue gaze remains fixed upon her fingers. “What if I’m wrong about all of it? What if all of this is just some misguided delusion that I’ve concosted within my head, and it all changes next week?”

Derek watches her the entire time she attempts to mask her spiral, and when she finishes speaking, the man actually chuckles. “The first time I liked a girl, I was seven, and I still remember almost everything about her. I think your true sexuality shows up pretty early, and it sticks with you.” He explains, leaning his head toward her slightly, trying to get her to look at him. The man fails — JJ keeps herself busy with her hands, continuing to pull at the skin over her metacarpals in search of some relief. “The first crush you had… tell me about it.” Derek asks, although he’s almost certain JJ will comply. 

As uncomfortable as she may be, the blonde has yet to turn down a chance to speak. Realistically, she just needed an invitation from another person. She needed permission in order to begin to open up about it. JJ has always had a paralyzing fear of being a burden or a nuisance, and she sure as hell isn't about to do anything that could make people view her as such. Still, the blonde takes a deep breath before responding to the man’s earlier words. “I was eight.”

Derek nods softly at her admission, although she’s too busy looking down at the ground to take notice of the movement. “What was her name?” He asks eventually. JJ’s head finally shoots up at the usage of the word ‘ her ’. The blonde gives him a puzzled look, and the man just raises a challenging brow, daring her to correct him. 

JJ rolls her eyes, accepting her defeat. “Sofia.” She says. This time, the woman doesn't miss the smug look that appears upon Derek’s face, but regardless, she chooses to ignore it. “We were in the same third grade class, we had been best friends for years. One day…” JJ trails off slowly, sighing before speaking again. “Our teacher asked all the kids to draw what we wanted our lives to look like when we were grown up. I wanted to be a ballerina as a kid.” She chuckles, a former ballerina hopeful now studying criminology. How things change. Still, the woman goes on. “I drew a picture of me and Sofia. I was a ballerina, and she was a scientist. She always wanted to be one.” A fond smile breaks out on JJ’s face as she recalls the memories of her first love. “We were together in the drawing, living our lives, just like every other exuberantly happy couple that kids imagine for their future selves.” JJ looks down at the ground, averting her eyes. “She drew me too. She wanted the same thing that I wanted, even at eight years old.” The blonde feels a tear pave a path down the skin of her cheek, and it is only then that she realizes she’s started crying. 

Derek smiles softly, wiping away the tear with his thumb before pulling his hand back. “Now, I could be wrong… but I don’t think a straight girl would remember that, nor would she hold onto it after all this time.” He says, watching as the realization slowly settles over the blonde. “Even if you're straight, or bisexual, or whatever other label you decide fits you best, I think you should give yourself the room to figure that out.” The man lets her sit with his words for a long moment, not pushing or pressing her to respond. He’s gotten her where she needs to be, he’s given her all the advice that she can give. At this point, it's up to JJ.

Regardless, it takes the blonde a while to respond. “Maybe you're right.” She says simply, still trying to wade through the crashing waves of uncertainty and fear within her head. All of the possible identities and labels swirl in her mind, and she doesn't feel particularly connected to any of them. She just doesn't know — who she is, what she wants, any of it.

Nonetheless, Derek’s smile widens when she speaks. He waits a moment before saying anything, not wanting to overwhelm her too quickly. “I know there's a lot of uncertainty surrounding sexuality and coming out. Penelope has told me her story, and I won’t pretend that it’s a wonderful experience for everybody. As hard as it can be, though… I think it's better to take that leap and be who you are, even if you aren't quite sure exactly who that is yet.” He speaks so slowly and gently, and JJ appreciates the consideration he’s showing her at this moment. 

JJ takes a while to mull over Derek’s words, trying to make them fit together within the context of her own life. She realizes suddenly — he’s right . If she’s had these thoughts, these desires, for over a decade, the likelihood that they will up and vanish tomorrow is virtually nonexistent. “I guess that's true.” JJ says, her head still running a million miles a minute. She can hardly manage to keep up, let alone make sense of it all.

Derek grins pridefully, overcome by happiness for his friend. “If you need anything, and I mean anything , I'm here. You're family, JJ.” He smiles, pulling her into a sudden hug. The woman goes willingly, finding herself enveloped in the man’s arms as he continues to speak. “Me, Penelope, Spencer, Kate, Luke — were all here for you, no matter what .” JJ nods into his shoulder, knowing his words to be the truth. “Whoever you are, whoever you want to be, we're always gonna support you, don't you ever doubt that.” The pair pulls back from their hug, and Derek finishes his impromptu speech. “I know your relationship with your mom is… difficult , but… your real family will always have your back.” He says, an air of conviction and brotherly protectiveness dripping off of his words. 

JJ smiles, a bright and unrestrained expression that has become almost foreign. Still, she’s touched by the genuine love and care in Derek’s voice. “I know.” She says, nodding to herself as much as to the man in front of her.

JJ walks into Emily’s class hardly thirty minutes later, once she and Derek have said their goodbyes and exchanged their customary fist-bumps. The hall is completely full, but the professor, whom the blonde has been thinking about for all of half an hour, is nowhere to be found. Ignoring her initial confusion, the woman finds her usual seat. She finds that the guy who usually sits next to her is already in his predestined spot, scrolling aimlessly on his phone before class starts. 

The blonde kneels over to her fellow student, promptly getting his attention. The man turns to her, his eyebrow raised in a silent question. “Where’s Emily?” She asks, her eyes darting around the room in search of the woman she seeks. The brunette is never late, she’s been early to every single class since the start of the semester. 

The guy in his seat gives her a puzzled look, his face conveying his utter obliviousness. “Who?” He asks, following her darting gaze as JJ continues to search the lecture hall. Emily is still nowhere to be found, and she is slowly becoming annoyed with this man’s incompetence. 

“Dr Prentiss , the professor who’s been teaching this class since the beginning of the year.” JJ explains, forcing herself to fight the urge to roll her eyes. “Where is she?” The blonde reiterates, growing increasingly frustrated by his ignorant unawareness. How can you be in a class for almost two months and not know your professor’s name? JJ then allows herself to roll her eyes internally. Men . 

​

The man in his seat just shrugs noncommittally. “No clue.” He says, not very interested by JJ’s current line of questioning. She finally rolls her eyes, and just as she does so, the door at the front of the lecture hall creaks open suddenly. 

The blonde practically lights up in excitement, eager to see and interact with the woman she’s recently accepted her feelings for. She wants to see Emily and reconcile, apologize, ask to try again. After her talk with Derek, everything seems so much easier . She has feelings for the brunette, and she can have those feelings without having to label herself. JJ doesn't have to make this big spectacle out of her coming out. She likes women, so what? 

However, when the blonde actually sees who ends up walking through the door, her heart literally sinks . “Good afternoon everyone. I’m Dr Blake, and I’ll be filling in for Dr Prentiss today.”

Chapter Text

The night after JJ had run out on Emily, Alex came over, and things had finally started to feel a little lighter, for once. “So, she just… left ?” Alex asks, her lips hidden behind the rim of her wine glass. The woman sits upon Emily’s couch, right in the same spot that JJ had occupied less than twenty-four hours prior. Emily can’t help but wish that the blonde was the one currently on her sofa, but alas.

“Yeah.” Emily confirms after a moment, shaking her head just slightly. She drops her eyes to the glass of wine in her hands. Not only had she accidentally revealed her love for JJ last night, but she had discovered that little fact right along with the blonde. Falling for her hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had been an unforeseen revelation that fell past her lips before she could stop it. Once the words were out there, whatever illusion that had settled over the pair of them shattered within an instant.

Although truthfully, Emily hadn’t exactly fallen . Upon seeing JJ for the first time, Emily had been dropped into love. Well, maybe not love. An affection, an affinity that bordered upon the precipice of love. She isn't sure when one became the other, when her feelings for JJ tipped over the edge. The feelings had come without warning, and before the brunette could try and change her circumstances, there she was — the blonde in her lap, kissing her. Holding JJ had been an experience unto itself, nevermind actually kissing her. JJ’s soft pink lips, her tightly shuttered blue eyes, the flowing locks of long blonde hair; all of it had just been too much. 

Of course, things had gone awry. They always do for Emily, one way or another. 

JJ had run out of her apartment in the blink of an eye, fueled by shame and a deep-seeded need to please her mother. A need that Emily understood all too well. Still, the brunette suddenly found herself alone in an empty apartment, their dinner discarded atop of the coffee table, tears streaming down her face, overwhelmed by the shame of developing feelings for someone so much younger than her, one of her students , no less. It had taken a while for Emily to reaffirm her grip upon her composure, but she had managed. 

Friday morning came and went, and Emily watched as the day passed in an almost inconceivable haze. The hours ticked by on her bedside alarm clock and still, she made no attempt to move out from under the covers. Once the sun had begun to set, Emily realized that she’d spent the entire day sulking, sleeping, and reading words on pages without actually absorbing any of their meanings. She managed to freshen up, even if it was just slightly, before Alex eventually arrived.

Which brings us to this moment, where the two professors sit folded up upon the couch in Emily’s living room, wine glasses in hand, recounting the events of last night’s disaster. “So, she kisses you, starts grinding on your fucking lap , and then runs out the door in a fit of guilt-ridden, religously-feuled, internalized homophobia?” Alex summarizes the scene for her, and honestly, Emily feels pathetic, but she nods nonetheless.

“Pretty much.” She responds flatly, taking another sip of the deep red liquid in her glass. Emily savours the ever-so-slight burn as the wine travels down her throat and into her stomach, and the sensation is a welcome distraction from their current topic of conversation, to be completely honest.

“ Wow , Prentiss. You sure know how to pick ‘em.” Blake laughs lightly at her own joke, but her attempt at humor falls flat to the younger woman. Emily has to stop herself from grimacing. It’s embarrassing, truthfully.

“I know, okay?” She says, with an air of self-deprecation lining her words. “Even if dating students is technically allowed — that is, if I wasnt her direct superior — it's the principle that keeps weighing on me. It feels almost shameful, you know?” Emily sighs before continuing, running a hand through her brown tresses, feeling the strands separate to accommodate her roaming fingertips. “But then I talk to her, I look at her, and it feels as if every bit of education I’ve ever taken in goes out the window, and I’m struck stupid in the wake of her smile.” The woman casts her eyes downward as she hears her own words meet the silence of the living room, that same embarrassment flaring within her at the predicament she’s found herself in.

“Such eloquence says otherwise.” Blake once again tries to garner a smile from Emily, and to her credit, she’s almost successful. She can see the beginnings of a faint smirk upon the younger woman’s face. “Look, Emily…” Alex starts, trying to lace her words with compassion so as not to spook her. “I can tell that you really care about her. So what if you only met a month or two ago? Some people get married in less time.” Emily gives her an unimpressed look, but Alex continues. 

“As far as the student thing goes, she can transfer into another professor’s class if she really wants to. I wouldn't give up on her just yet. She wouldn't have kissed you, nor would she have accepted your invitation to dinner, if she didn't also feel something for you.” Alex reasons, trying to open the shutters of Emily’s mind to let some sunbeams of hope creep back in. When she sees the apprehension that still rests upon the other woman's face, she amends slightly. “Give it a few days, sleep on it, decide if this is really something you want to pursue. Worst case scenario, she files a harassment complaint and you get brought up on disciplinary action. So what?” Her voice drips with sarcasm at that last bit. This time, Emily does manage to crack a small smile.

“Thanks, Alex.” Emily says genuinely, finally meeting the older woman's eyes. “I just don't know how far I want to push it. I just can't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I try. It feels almost as if she’s infested my brain . JJ is like… the loveliest disease to ever exist, infecting my every thought and musing.” She explains, rolling her eyes at how pathetically smitten she sounds. Emily has never been one to partake in that whole wide-eyed, ‘ ooh I’m in love ’ thing. It never really made sense to her. Now though… she’s beginning to get it.

Blake smiles gently at Emily’s sentiment, warmed by the idea of her friend falling so hard into love. It’s nice to see, since the younger woman is usually as stone-faced as an actual statue. “Excuse my idyllicism, but… is she really a disease you want to find a cure for?” At Blake’s words, Emily’s restless thoughts screech to a halt. 

She mulls it over, the idea of putting in the work to move on from JJ, short-lived as their semblance of a relationship may be. It’s not a prospect she finds particularly appealing. “Maybe not.” Emily says, a faint smile appearing upon her features at the admission. At the very least, one thing is becoming clearer and clearer — she actually wants to try with JJ, as terrifying as that sounds.

A few days later, JJ stands in the lecture hall that Emily usually teaches in. This time, just as the door at the front of the lecture hall shuts, the blonde’s eyes meet Dr Blake’s. The younger woman just stares at her, dumbfounded, frozen. She’s just come to terms with her feelings for Emily, with the help of Derek, of course, and now the brunette is nowhere to be found.

JJ doesn’t immediately notice that she’s the only person standing, not until the professor takes it upon herself to point out that little fact. “If you’ll take your seats, we can begin.” Alex says, attempting to avoid singling JJ out among her classmates. Blake rounds the desk at the front of the room, beginning to sort through whatever papers Emily had left atop of the table after her last class period. 

Still, JJ doesn't move. Her bag slung over her shoulder, eyes fixed upon the professor, frozen in place, all she can think about is Emily. Where is she? 

The professor looks up from her papers, and her eyes meet JJ’s once again. The doctor doesn't say anything, all too aware that there are nearly thirty other people in the room who aren't privy to JJ and Emily’s date last week. Instead, she elects to raise a single, inquisitive brow, daring the younger woman to either say something or finally sit. 

JJ doesn't know how she knows, but she is certain that Emily told Alex about their kiss. The two of them are friends, it's likely that Emily would’ve confided in someone, and well… for whatever reason, Alex is here, and Emily isn't. 

Blake knows that JJ kissed Emily, and that thought makes the blonde a little uneasy. Sure, she’s pretty sure she’s willing to come out to her friends — eventually — but some random professor she hardly even knows? JJ feels almost exposed as she remains motionless, standing in the dead center of the lecture hall. Then a spectacularly terrifying thought occurs to her; as soon as she comes out to one person, whether she tells them that she’s a lesbian or that she’s still trying to figure it out, they could then go and tell anyone they like. 

A distant cough rings out through the room, and JJ is finally hit with the embarrassment that has blessedly been eluding her for these past few minutes. She shrinks beneath the gazes of Blake and her fellow classmates, shuffling through the row of sparsely filled seats she’d been standing in. Everyone is looking at her, waiting for some sort of explanation. “I have to go.” She chokes out, walking as fast as she can up the steps and out of the lecture hall. 

When the door slams shut behind her, all of the air within her lungs suddenly disappears. What the hell is she doing? She kissed her professor, and now she’s inadvertently humiliating herself in front of her classmates. She never should've gone to Emily’s apartment. She never should've let herself get caught up in the excitement of texting with Emily in the first place. If JJ had just stayed home that night and kindly declined the brunette’s dinner invitation, none of this would be happening. She wouldn't be questioning who she is. She wouldn't feel woefully confused about her sexuality. She wouldn't be endlessly pondering the implications of what all those possibilities mean for how she actually views herself as a person. She wouldn't feel like the weight of the entire world is crashing down upon her in this one moment, crushing her into a million tiny pieces of self-loathing and internalized shame.

Her phone buzzes in her back pocket, miraculously giving her a break from the never-ending slew of raceless thoughts that haven’t quieted since she left Emily’s apartment. JJ rushes to retrieve it, and the little notification that is reflected back at her forces air into her lungs again.

Derek, 2:36 pm - I’m glad we talked, JJ. Whatever happens, whatever label you decide fits you best, we will be here for you. No matter what you end up doing about the whole ‘Emily’ situation, we support you. Always. 

As JJ reads through the short message from one of her best friends, her eyes begin to sting with tears. Then, a moment later, another text pops up. A single tear actually falls as she reads the second message, but JJ feels the wet path it paves down her cheek. 

Derek, 2:36 pm - I love you, little sis. 

After that, the floodgates seem to have opened, and JJ’s phone is suddenly bombarded with messages from all of her friends. 

Penelope, 2:37 pm - derek told us you were having a hard day. sending you hugs and kisses, my beautiful ball of barely contained sunshine <3

Luke, 2:37 pm - Heard you were having a tough time. I’m here if you need to talk, just lmk.

Kate, 2:38 pm - Hey girl, Derek said you're struggling today. Call me if you need anything!

Spencer, 2:38 pm - Are you okay? I’m about to head into class, but I can text if you need to talk.

Filled with a renewed sense of certainty, JJ races out of one of the school’s many buildings and races down the block to her car. She gets in, starts the engine, and takes off down 32nd. She’s probably breaking the speed limit, but she’s too determined to care. One left, one right, and a few minutes later, the blonde arrives at her destination. She parks along the curb without much thought, getting out of her car as fast as she can, racing up the short set of steps at the building's entrance. JJ feels like a ball of electricity as she stands within the rising elevator, a sense of immense relief washing over her when it finally dings to a stop. She runs down the hall, knocking without any semblance of contemplation.

When Emily opens the door, the brunette freezes. Her brown eyes widen in shock, and she’s suddenly stopped in her tracks. “Hi.” JJ rushes out, breathless as a bright red flush colors her cheeks.

Chapter Text

“Hi.” JJ rushes out, her voice breathless as a bright red flush colors her cheeks. She stands just outside of Emily’s apartment, bag still hanging on her shoulder, blonde hair slightly tangled from her rushed journey here. The brunette, for her part, looks utterly shocked, her hand still resting on the doorknob. She subconsciously takes a step back, dumbfounded. 

“What are you doing here?” Emily breathes, her tone laced with a sense of bewilderment. It's uncharacteristic, foreign within the context of her mouth. JJ doesn't know how to take it, truly, but she plows ahead regardless.

“I came to… ask you something.” The blonde says, beginning to fiddle with her hands. She pulls at her fingertips, as if cracking each and every knuckle will somehow relieve a bit of the nervousness currently coursing through her. However, when JJ doesn't immediately voice her question, a moment of silent stillness rumerates between them. Emily gives her an expectant look — not pressing, nor forcing, just… waiting.

JJ tries to formulate the words she wants to say, to put them into some order that won’t sound absolutely senseless to the older woman’s ears. Eventually, she gives up. Instead, JJ bites the bullet, deciding to just let the slew of thoughts spring forth from her mouth without any kind of order. “When you kissed a girl for the first time…” JJ begins, still fidgeting restlessly with her hands. “Did it feel like everything just… suddenly slotted into place?” She asks it with a slight upward lilt to her voice, a twinge of curiosity lining her tone. 

Still, JJ continues. “Did it feel like after a lifetime of uncertainty, you were finally sure about something ?” JJ sighs out that last word, trying to convey the gravity of what she’s revealing. “Did it feel like all of your air was stolen from your lungs, but you were too happy about it to try and steal it back? Did it feel like everyone who ever told you it was ‘wrong’ had no fucking idea what they were talking about?” The echoes of her mothers voice ricochet off the walls within JJ’s mind, but she ignores it. 

Nonetheless, JJ pushes on, watching as every microexpression of curiosity, confusion, and hope play out upon Emily’s face. “Did it feel so right , so true , that even if Heaven wouldn’t have you, you’d happily walk down to Hell just to feel her kiss one more time?” JJ pauses. She meets the brunette’s eyes, and that same bewilderment is reflected back at her within those honey brown irises she can't stop thinking about. “Did it feel like finally coming up for air after spending a lifetime underwater? Did it… did it feel like falling in love ?” JJ’s eyes flutter closed at her final admission, she’s too scared to meet Emily’s gaze. Scared of her reaction, scared of what will come next.

Emily, for her part, just sighs. She sounds almost defeated, but she speaks nonetheless. “Why are you asking me this, Jennifer?” Her voice is quiet, restrained, as if the woman is holding something back. JJ’s eyes remain closed, attempting to shut out the nervousness that threatens to violently break through the dam that she has so painstakingly put up.

The blonde hesitates for a second, but she still responds. “Because that’s how it felt for me.” She admits, trying not to hold her breath between sentences. “It felt like I’d been drowning my entire life, and someone… you … breathed air back into me. I… I don't know how else to explain it.” JJ’s resolve breaks, and she finally lets her eyes open, trailing up to meet Emily’s.

“Breathed air back into you?” Emily tries not to roll her eyes. All of this feels dangerously close to an admission of shared feelings on JJ’s part, and the brunette wishes she would just rip the damn bandaid off. “Jennifer, just say whatever you are trying to say. Stop dancing around it.” Emily’s voice is strained slightly, as if she’s trying to fight off the hope that threatens to bloom in her chest.

“I…” JJ takes a steadying breath. “I love you, I think. I don’t know.” She releases that same breath through a semi-defeated sigh. “All I’m certain of is that I can’t get you out of my head, and no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about how good it felt — how good you felt.” JJ explains, her voice soft, almost precarious.

“Wh — What?” Emily’s eyes seem to hold a certain amount of bewilderment, like she can’t quite trust that the words that have just fallen from JJ’s mouth are true.

The blonde decides to just let it all out, all the thoughts that have been rattling around in her brain since their kiss. “I love how smart you are — the way you get all excited whenever you’re teaching, the way your eyes light up when you talk about fucking etemology and syntax .” JJ smiles, stepping forward into the apartment slightly to get closer to where Emily stands, just inside the entryway. 

“I love how strong you are. I remember a couple weeks ago when you sent me that picture after you went to the gym, you were in a tank top, sweating, flexing … I had to step out of class after I saw your arms. Literally .” JJ laughs at herself, even as a small blush rises upon her cheeks. She steps forward one more time, and now she’s toe to toe with Emily. Their height difference is slight, the brunette is only a couple inches taller than her, but JJ looks up into her eyes regardless. 

“I love your kindness.” JJ says softly, letting her hands brace themselves on Emily’s forearms, leaning into the older woman slightly. “You volunteer at the animal shelter, you help out at the food bank, you’re so generous , and… you've never yelled at me.” JJ closes her eyes as her mother’s harsh words echo in the back of her mind. “As fucking basic as that sounds, with my history… that counts for a lot .” The blonde’s eyes open again, and when their gazes lock once more, Emily subconsciously lets her hands fall to hold JJ’s waist. 

JJ likes how gentle she is. Emily isn’t grabbing her like Will would, she isn’t hurting her like Sandy did, the brunette is just… holding her. Not altering JJ’s form, just adding to it, supporting with a delicate touch and a reverent gaze. “And now, standing here…” JJ smiles to herself at the thought, momentarily reminded of her conversation with Derek earlier today. She calls on his support, his unwavering loyalty and kindness, as she says her next words. “All I want to do is kiss you, and… I don't wanna run this time.” 

Emily takes a breath, steadying herself. She wants to believe JJ, she does , but it still feels so soon. “I can’t do this if you're going to leave again. I get how hard it is to come out when your family isn't supportive, trust me , but I can’t be a secret.” The brunette glances down at the floor. “I've done that, and I won't do it again.”

JJ rushes to prove her seriousness. She wants this with Emily, despite how many unknown variables they will undoubtedly face. “You won't be a secret, we won’t be. Derek and Penelope already know about you.” Emily looks up to meet her eyes hopefully, and JJ goes on. “I mean, not the full extent, but… Derek knows that I kissed you… and that I ran. He’s the one that gave me enough courage to actually try and figure this out; my sexuality, my feelings for you.” She explains, smiling at the thought of her friend.

“Derek and Penelope? Are those your friends? You've never told me about them.” Emily sighs, backing away from JJ a bit to let the younger woman inside of the apartment fully. Emily huts the front door behind JJ once she enters, and the brunette leans against it afterwards. “This is what I mean. If we're going to do this, I don't just want to get to know the version of you that you are with me.” Emily’s voice carries a tone reminiscent of memories, as if she’s been through something like this before. JJ files that information away for later. “I want to meet your friends. I want you to be honest with me about what you want, what you’re scared of, how you’re feeling. I want to know your life .” The gravity of Emily’s words isn’t lost on JJ.

She quickly responds. “You can meet my friends. They've been asking about you.” She promises, waking up to Emily once more, before another thought occurs to her “You said you want me to be honest, right?” JJ checks, albeit a bit hesitant.

“Yes — this can’t work if we aren’t communicating with each other.” Emily says, her voice leaving no room for argument.

JJ sighs slightly. “I just worry about… you know, you’re my professor, I’m your student. I won't actually graduate for another two years .” She says it with a tone of deflation, defeat.

“Actually, professors are allowed to have romantic relationships with students, as long as I’m not your direct superior. Even if it isn’t actively encouraged by the university, it isn’t prohibited, per se.” Emily’s explanation lights a fire of hope within the younger woman. Not only is a relationship between them possible, it’s plausible . “You would have to transfer to another class, or you could just drop Foreign Linguistics altogether.” A small sigh escapes her lips. “It's up to you, Jennifer. I’ll understand if this isn't worth it to you.”

“No.” JJ says, moving forward to cup Emily’s cheeks in her hands. “It is worth it.” She speaks with as much sincerity as she can muster. JJ needs Emily to believe this, because it’s true. “You are worth it — even if I’m scared about coming out, even if we can’t predict how this will go…” JJ can’t help but smile at the thought of them being together. Candlelit dinner dates, walking down boutique-lined streets hand in hand, sharing soft kisses exchanged in morning light; it all runs through the blonde’s head, a million miles a minute. “I’ve never felt like this before, and I know for a fact that I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I let you slip through my fingers.” JJ says determinedly. “I want this. I want you.”

Emily’s eyes narrow, her brown irises trained on JJ’s own blue. “Prove it.” The brunette begins, an air of adamance in her voice. JJ gives her a puzzled look. “Kiss me.” Emily means for it to sound like a demand, but the younger woman is so close , and Emily’s words end up sounding more like a desperate plea. “Kiss me and mean it — don’t run.” Her voice is a bit breathy, air woven through the statement as it falls off her tongue. 

Emily hardly has a moment to wonder if she’s gone too far before JJ kisses her. The blonde’s left hand comes up to cradle her neck, while her right hand falls to hold Emily’s waist. She isn’t quite sure whether pulling her in, or if the younger woman is just pressing her into the wall further. Regardless, JJ kisses her with everything she has, pressing their bodies together until they’re chest to chest, hips lined up against each other. Emily can’t help but her back, her own arms lying limply at her sides. In this moment, her usual dominance has faded away, and she’s fully surrendered to JJ’s onslaught upon her lips. Emily lets out a breathy whimper when JJ licks into her mouth around a gasp, and the brunette’s knees go weak as she begins to slowly slide down the wall. 

JJ doesn't let her fall. Instead the blonde pulls back from their heated kiss, giving Emily a moment to catch her breath. The younger woman’s lips are red and slightly swollen, her pupils have dilated beyond recognition, and there’s a faint blush spreading from her ears to her chest. Emily imagines that she looks similarly. JJ can't help but smirk, a smug sense of victory washing over her as she sees the haziness upon Emily’s features. “Is that enough proof for you?” Her attempt at humor is quickly cut off by Emily.

“Shut up and keep kissing me.” She demands, beginning to walk JJ backward towards the couch. Within a few steps, the blonde feels the back of her knees hit the arm of the sofa, and she falls to sit atop of it, her arms reaching to encircle the brunette’s neck. They’re both panting now, and just when JJ feels Emily begin to push her back to lay down, she stops her.

“Wait.” JJ breathes out around a gasp, her eyes fluttering open to meet the other woman’s gaze. She sees nothing but fear and alarm reflected back at her within Emily’s own irises.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asks immediately, a thousand thoughts flooding through her mind. What if JJ isn't ready for this? What if she leaves again? What if I pushed her too far, too fast?

“Nothing’s wrong.” JJ quickly reassures, gently guiding the older woman’s face to meet her eyes again. She hesitates for a second , and then she continues. “It’s just… can we move to your bed?” JJ’s request is met with an overwhelming sigh of relief from Emily.

“Yeah.” She breathes out, chuckling half-heartedly at her own nervousness. “Yeah, we can.” Emily smiles genuinely. The expression is one that JJ wants to spend the rest of her life watching, those pearly whites and those sparkling brown eyes have stolen her heart, and she doesn't even want it back.

Still, JJ chuckles along with her. Emily steps back to walk them to the bedroom, but then a thought suddenly occurs to JJ. She pauses, unsure if she should voice it or keep it to herself. Truthfully, she is not accustomed to asking for what she wants in the bedroom — or out of it, for that matter. Will always did exactly as he pleased, he hardly ever spared a thought to JJ or her pleasure, even when she was the one laying under him. JJ sighs, deciding to just bite the bullet and voice her desires. Emily did say she wants her to be honest, after all. “Is it… weird if I ask you to do something?” She begins.

The brunette shoots her a slightly confused look. “Like… what?” There’s an upward lilt to Emily’s words. She’s not opposed, just curious.

JJ looks down at her hands, a wave of nervousness cresting within her. “You said to be honest about what I want… right?” She looks back up to meet Emily’s eyes, finding nothing but patience and openness within them. Huh, that’s new. In nearly all of her past romantic or sexual experiences, whenever JJ had explained her needs or wants, no matter how forbearing, she’d been told she was too high maintenance, too needy, or that she was just flat-out selfish. Yet, here Emily is, asking her to voice her desires. It’s… nice.

The brunette nods in response to JJ’s earlier question. “Yes, always. I want you to feel comfortable with me, no matter what it is. If we're doing this, for real , then we need to communicate about what we want from each other.” She says it with an air of such care, such openness. It’s entirely foreign to JJ within this context — or any context, really.

The blonde hesitates before speaking again. “Does that include what we… want ?” She’s fidgeting with her fingertips again. It’s a bad habit, sure, but most of the time JJ doesn't even do it on purpose. Emily doesn't pay it any attention, sparing her the embarrassment.

Regardless, the older woman’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?” She asks, tilting her head to the side just slightly. JJ pauses again, but she doesn't let herself break their eye contact.

Just say it. JJ gathers what little courage she has, and speaks. “Like… sexually.”

Emily chuckles; not at JJ's expense, but just at the situation. “Yes, Jennifer. I want you to be honest with me about that, too.” She says, moving back into JJ’s space, cupping her cheeks so that the younger woman is looking right up at her. The blonde’s legs are parted where she sits upon the arm of the couch, and Emily steps right in between them.

JJ blushes, their closeness causing heat to rise on the back of her neck. “It's not even sexual, really. I just — I told you about how… I find your arms really hot.” The red hue of her cheeks deepens, and Emily nods through a charmed smile. “Well, do you think you could… pick me up?” Emily chuckles again despite her best efforts. The request is so innocent and pure, and she can’t help but find JJ’s nervousness absolutely adorable. Still, the blonde rushes to explain herself. “It's just — I find it really sexy. Strength. Is that stupid? God, did I just ruin this entire thing by completely embarrassing myself?” 

JJ lets her head fall into her hands, hiding her face from view as the embarrassment washes over her in waves. “No, baby.” Emily smiles, bringing JJ’s eyes back up to meet hers. “You didn't ruin anything, I promise.” She says genuinely.

JJ’s previous blush comes back in full force, heating up her entire body against her will. “I like when you call me that. It makes me feel special.” She can’t help but smile dumbly. In this moment, with Emily holding her face as if it’s the world’s most marvelous creation, she feels almost giddy . The blonde could definitely get used to this.

Emily returns her smile, though the expression quickly breaks into a full-on grin. “You are, baby .” She teases, clearly pleased when JJ only blushes brighter. The younger woman rolls her eyes affectionately, standing up to kiss Emily again. It’s an attempt to cure her blushing, more than anything else. 

A moment into the kiss, Emily slips her hands from the blonde’s cheeks to the underside of JJ’s thighs, hauling her up. The younger woman literally whimpers , quickly wrapping her arms around Emily’s neck and her legs around the brunette's hips. “Fuck.” JJ curses without meaning to. She had forgotten how much she loved being held like this.

Emily begins walking them towards her bedroom, subconsciously mapping her apartment as she traverses the hallway. JJ doesn't even notice her surroundings, she’s far too absorbed in the brunette’s kiss. She absently hears a door opening and shutting, and before she can make sense of the new lighting and different smell within the room, JJ’s back is against Emily's bedroom door. She notices a lamp atop of a nightstand illuminating the space, and right next to it is a burning candle. That explains the smell of pine needles. Regardless, she moans at the impact. Despite her haze, JJ still registers Emily's hand at the back of her head, preventing her from slamming into the door too hard.

They're up against a door again, but this time their positions are reversed. Emily presses JJ into the wood, holding the younger woman's legs around her own hips, only ever breaking their kiss for much needed gasps of air. When they finally break apart for longer than a single second, JJ takes the chance to get out a single word. “Bed.” The blonde breathes out, trying not to give into the urge to roll her hips into Emily’s — yet . 

A moment later, the door is no longer against her back, the room is spinning, and JJ falls backwards onto the bed. Emily crawls after her, hands on either side of the younger woman’s head. “Take it off.” The brunette demands, her voice ragged and hoarse in a way that sends a bolt of electricity through JJ.

Even in her haze, the blonde manages to respond. “Take what off?” She asks.

A devilish smirk appears on the older woman’s lips. “Everything.” JJ tries not to moan, really, she does. She fails nonetheless. Emily backs up from the bed, standing to begin shedding her own clothing. The brunette takes off her shirt first, revealing a simple black bra that is clearly designed to provide more comfort than actual support. JJ follows suit, sitting up to pull her own shirt right up over her head. The blonde is glad that she had picked out some nice underwear this morning, as if the past version of her had any inkling of what the day would bring.

Emily kicks off her socks and sweats, struggling for a brief moment with the tie of the pants before she manages to get them down her hips and off her legs. JJ toes off her shoes and suffles out of her jeans. Suddenly, after nothing more than a minute or two of separation, they’re left in nothing but their underwear. 

Emily has stripped herself down to her skin tight black boxers and her sensible black bra. JJ, for her part, is left in her pale-pink lace set, complete with the tiny bows on each garment, along with her white crew socks. She really only takes her socks off to shower — due to her lifelong iron deficiency, her feet are always cold. They stay there for a moment, utterly still as they take each other in. The brunette is the first to speak. “ Jesus … you're gorgeous, Jennifer.”

Their gazes meet for the first time since taking off their clothes, and the sincerity within Emily’s eyes practically makes JJ melt . “So are you.” The words fall from her lips without her even meaning to voice them. A momentary lull of silence falls over them, and the blonde is compelled to break it. “Come here.” Emily wordlessly nods for her to move up the bed. JJ understands without clarification, shuffling up to lean against the pillows on the headboard. Emily crawls over her, once again placing a hand at each side of JJ’s head. “Touch me… please.” JJ breathes.

The brunette leans onto her left arm, trailing her hand from JJ’s shoulder, down to her collarbone, stopping at a lace-clad breast. She cups it in her hand, just weighing the small mound. The reverence in Emily’s eyes is so foreign to JJ. Truthfully the blonde has always been a bit insecure about how small her breasts are, and yet Emily seems mystified by her chest. “You're so perfect.” She breathes the words out genuinely, continuing her hand’s trail down JJ’s body. When Emily’s fingertips reach JJ’s stomach, she speaks again. “What do you like? What’s off limits?” Emily asks, seeking some kind of guidance.

JJ hesitates for a second. “I don't really know.” She says, the muscles of her abdomen jumping beneath the brunette’s touch. The blonde is still valiantly fighting the urge to roll her hips up into the air, though she senses she’ll soon begin to lose that battle. 

Emily quirks a single brow. “We talked about being honest, didn't we?” She presses gently, moving her hand up to tuck a stray strand of honey-blonde hair behind the younger woman’s ear, before moving that same hand back to JJ’s abdomen, continuing to draw abstract patterns there.

JJ blushes slightly, smiling softly. “No, I mean… I've never done this with another girl before.” She lets the words out like an admission, before realizing that Emily already knew that. “I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years, we broke up at the end of my sophomore year, and with him…” The woman trails off momentarily, before rolling her eyes at her own hesitation. Emily hasn't given her a single reason to feel embarrassed, she’s been nothing but supportive, and it’s with that knowledge in mind that JJ continues. “Well, I kind of… faked everything with him.”

Again, Emily just nods, not a single hint of judgement or trepidation within her expression. She glances down at her own fingers where they rest upon JJ’s toned, tanned skin. “Well, when you were with him, what felt good, if anything?” She asks gently, looking back up into JJ’s blown-out baby blue eyes. God, she’s so beautiful .

The younger woman pauses for a moment, mulling over the question. Eventually, she settles on her answer. “I… I really liked when he would… finger me, even if I never ended up actually finishing.” JJ explains, shrugging as well as she can in her current position on her back.

“I could try that, if you want?” Emily offers, a small twinkle of excitement in her eyes. JJ nods a bit too eagerly. The brunette grins, immediately leaning down to kiss the younger woman as her hand sneaks beneath the waistband of JJ’s underwear. Her fingertips are met with a well-kept patch of what she can only assume to be blonde curls. Emily pulls back from their kiss when JJ gasps into her mouth. “I want you to guide me, okay?” She begins, making sure JJ knows that she’s the one in control here. “Tell me what feels good, what doesn’t. Alright baby?”

“Okay.” JJ replies, her eyes fluttering shut when Emily’s fingertips make contact with her clit. The brunette rubs it for a moment or two, and JJ shudders, her own fingers tangling in the bedsheets. Emily doesn't stay there long, though. Instead , she follows JJ’s earlier request, traversing further to slip a single finger into the younger woman. 

JJ lets out a breathy gasp, nodding her head when she feels the finger curl upwards inside of her. “Can you — can you use another finger?” She barely manages to get the words out. Still, Emily doesn't respond, she just obeys. 

The brunette adds a second finger, seamlessly beginning to move in sync with the first. She continues to curl her fingers up against that spongy spot inside of JJ, and the blonde’s hips literally jerk . “Th — that's never happened before.” JJ laughs lightly at her body’s reaction, and Emily does, too. 

“How does it feel?” She asks, goading JJ gently. Emily loves talking to her partners in times like this, it makes the experience feel a million times more real for her. Hearing the younger woman’s voice gasp-ridden and littered with barely-restrained moans, it’s almost as enjoyable as the act itself.

“So good — shit .” JJ curses, her mouth falling open as Emily continues her repetitive thrusts. The older woman keeps going, she doesn’t let up, even when the blonde’s thighs begin to shake around her hand. JJ’s eyes fly open when she realizes what’s happening, clearly surprised by her own body’s reaction to Emily’s ministrations. JJ lifts her gaze to meet the brunette’s, her eyes wide as her bottom lip begins to tremble slightly. 

“I — I’m gonna cum.” JJ warns her, the lust-addled tone of her voice sending heat through the older woman’s body. The blonde’s hips are rolling up into Emily’s hand now, even if JJ isn’t doing it on purpose.

“Go ahead, Jennifer. I’ve got you.” It’s her full name, the way it falls from Emily’s lips, combined with the continued stimulation from the brunette’s fingers, that sends JJ over the edge.

Her thighs clamp shut around Emily’s wrist, her hips jerking up sporadically without her permission. JJ’s eyes fall shut, her neck stretching itself out instinctually, her hands fisting in the soft sheets beneath their bodies. The older woman works her through it readily, slowing her thrusts gradually until JJ eventually stops shaking. Emily speeds sweet nothings into her ear, all while the blonde wades through the utterly debilitating waves of pleasure that continue to crest over her. “You did so well. You’re so fucking beautiful, baby.” 

JJ smiles dumbly, her post-orgasmic euphoria reducing her down to nothing more than a giddy smile paired with an overly-clingy pair of arms. Those aforementioned limbs wrap themselves around Emily’s neck, pulling the older woman down to lay right on top of her. They lay in silence for a while, just breathing each other in, savoring the moment. JJ ends up breaking the silence first.

“I love you. I’m sure of that now.” She says through a whisper, speaking right into the dark raven hair that has fallen over her face from Emily’s neck. The brunette pulls back, a look of mild surprise on her face.

“Yeah?” She asks, sounding as if she’s experiencing a bit of disbelief at JJ’s admission.

“Yeah. I love you, Emily.” The blonde leans up the inch or two to connect their lips. It’s chaste, but there’s so much meaning behind it that the brunette actually tears up a bit. When JJ sees the watery eyes of her lover, she pauses, suddenly worried. “Did I say something wrong?” She asks genuinely.

“No, no… I love you, too.” Emily returns the smile, and for the first time in both of their lives, someone has said those three little words, and they can actually believe them.