Chapter Text

Everything had an end's main characters :

Choi Soobin

Choi Beomgyu 

Kang Taehyun

Huening Kai 

Arin 

+x+

Everything had an end. Conversations, books, school breaks, our favorite TV shows. Friendships, relationships, dreams, hopes. Life. And also cigarettes. That was the important thing for Soobin right now, as he crushed his cigarette’s end on the stairs he was sitting on, letting it lay there, earning some side eyes from some random people that were passing by him in the process. 

Nervously playing with the piercing on his lip, he stared at the campus that extended in front of him without showing any emotion on his face. He wasn’t here to make any friends. He just wanted to end his degree and move on with life. Maybe find a shitty job he’d eventually get bored of  in less than a month. Find another one. Redo. He sighed, and heard footsteps coming down from the building just behind him.

- Soobin-hyung, I’ve got your room’s keys!

He blinked as he watched his friend Taehyun come down to sit next to him, shaking the keys in front of his eyes as the taller one smiled softly at him. That was until Taehyun talked again.

- You’re room 013, building Y. 

- You’re fucking kidding me. 

- I wish I was. But the worst part is that you’ve got a roommate. 

Of course, he had one. He couldn’t possibly wish for a room all alone when he was arriving at the beginning of the second semester. He was already lucky to get a room in the campus in the first place, and he probably couldn’t have made it without Taehyun. His friend’s parents had tons of connections, and he was grateful that they offered him some help when he decided to move from his hometown. 

- You know, you don’t have to do this, Yeonjun wouldn’t-...

- Taehyun, I don’t care what he would’ve wanted. He’s dead. 

Taehyun pinched his lips firmly, nodding slowly as he watched Soobin light up another cigarette. The older one was being harsh, but Taehyun knew how badly Soobin was hurting.

Both of them had lost one of their closest friend. But the one who was hurting the most, was Soobin. It had been one month already. The person Taehyun knew before had completely disappeared, and it didn’t seem to have any intentions on coming back home so soon. For reasons that only the taller one knew, he had suddenly decided to move from the countryside to Seoul. Taehyun suspected that it was to fulfill Yeonjun’s needs and dreams of busy cities and big buildings. But Soobin was trying to convince everyone that he was completely over it and that he wasn’t affected by everything that had happened. 

- Tae, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad… 

- No Soobin, you know what, he’s dead. 

Soobin blinked as Taehyun gave him the keys, standing up right away as he went down the stairs, putting his hands in his jacket’s pockets before turning to look at his friend. The air was cold in Seoul, the wind wasn’t helping, and Taehyun was sick of his friend’s attitude this past month. 

- I only wish you the best, Binnie. I hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for here. Grieving hasn’t been easy for me, but I’ve managed to come over it. I just didn’t think I had to grieve twice. Cause you died that night. You just haven’t realized it yet. 

Taehyun looked at the grey sky, Soobin wasn’t sure if it was to look at something or to prevent his tears from falling. The older one played with his keys in his free hand, swallowing the tension he’d stuck in his throat for a second. 

- I’ll always be there for you when you feel like doing so… Come back home soon, ok ? 

Soobin might regret not answering for the rest of his life, but he simply nodded, his eyes couldn’t leave his friend, knowing that it would be the last time he’d seen him before a long time. Taehyun wanted to stay in their hometown, and Soobin couldn’t force him to follow him here. And he also didn’t want to : he reminded him of the missing space between them. 

In no time, Taehyun smiled at him before leaving Soobin there, this time on his own for real. 

+x+

As he walked through the dormitory’s corridor, looking attentively at the number on the doors he was passing by, pulling his suitcase lazily behind him. His brain was trying hard to not think about what just happened between him and Taehyun, and he was trying to convince himself that he was pissed cause now he’d have to carry all his stuff all the way from his car into his dorm. 

Finding the number 013, the brunette inhaled deeply before taking his key out and slipping it through the lock, turning it to open it and-... wait, did he just fucking hear a moan ? 

Soobin fully opened the door, not really having time to process things as the two persons jumped from the bed, one very blond, one very brunette and both very much naked. He automatically took a step back, turning his head to the side, trying to look unimpressed but pretty much flustered. 

- What the fuck ? Who are you ?! 

- Choi Soobin, hum.. One of you’s new roommate, I guess ? 

- Then Choi Soobin, can’t you close the damn door and wait until we’re both dressed up ?!

Well that was kind of a way to introduce himself to the person he’d have to endure for the next year, was it ? He did as he was told, pretty much irritated now. So his new roommate was basically fucking in the dorm - and he had all the rights to, don’t get him wrong, but what the hell?-, and now HE had to wait in front of the door like a goddamn stray dog ? He brought his fingers to the tip of his nose, nervously snorting as he simply held onto his suitcase’s handle. Well, at least he was sure that the rooms were soundproof, as he wasn’t able to hear nothing coming from it. 

The time he had to wait before seeing the door open seemed like an eternity for him. He wasn’t in a mood to wait much longer, but he also didn’t want to have any trouble with the person he would share his room for god knows how long. Seemed like the other one wasn’t sharing his opinion, cause the blond haired one, looked at him, from head to toe for a second, seemingly judging him. 

- There must be a mistake. 

- Y013, right ? 

The guy looked at him a bit longer, half pouting as he answered again. Cute. 

- Yes…

- Then I’m at the right place, so can I take my stuff inside, or will I have to wait for you to finish your… affair? 

One of the most surprising things Soobin found about this new guy was the way his eyes never left his. Straight forward eye contact, not a single hint of fear or intimidation was coming from it. That was probably a first time for the taller one’s record. The fierce in his eyes was completely different from the rest of his face -or body, for what he could tell-. This guy’s traits were thin, soft, and his half-curled blond hair gave him some weird angelic vibe he couldn’t really describe. His cheeks were still red from his previous activities, and his lips were puffy from the kissing -or other related things that didn’t really have anything to do with Soobin-. All that details, Soobin caught in a few seconds, as the blond broke the contact to look inside. 

- Hyuka, what’s even taking you so long ? 

- I’m sorry my love, I’m taking all my stuff, I’ll be right there! 

Ew, so this wasn’t just a “one time thing”, this was probably a relationship, due to how cutely these two were talking to each other. Well “Hyuka”, was talking cute, the other one was a bit more stern.  In few seconds, the brunette showed himself, surprisingly almost as tall as Soobin who looked at him suspiciously as the other one smiled widely, offering him a handshake. 

- Hello, there, I’m sorry for everything, Huening Kai, glad to meet you ! 

How the hell was someone so friendly and at ease when he basically just walked onto him fucking his… boyfriend or whatever that was ? He looked down at his hand, not taking it, really not sure where that went. 

- Yeah, hum, I’m not sure about that. He said, then looking at his face. But nice to meet you too, I guess? 

- Who do you even-... the other one started, visibly pissed, but was cut short by the taller one. 

- We’ll let you get your stuff inside, we won’t bother you much longer. Once again, we’re sooo sorry, hum… Soobin, was it ? 

- Correct. 

That guy talked way too much for Soobin’s sake, and eventually after another apologize and another side eye from his own roommate -which he didn’t get the name-, they finally got out of the corridor, letting Soobin step inside the room. 

The room wasn’t very big. Well, especially for two persons, but, still, he was surprised by its size. And also by the existence of a bathroom, which probably wasn’t the case for every dorm of this building. The setting of the beds was simple : one single bed on the right, one on the left, the latter supposedly his side, as there wasn’t any bedsheets on it. It was messy inside the room, he noticed. But he wasn’t in the state of mind to complain about it. The source of light of the room came from the large window between the two beds, and as he pulled his suitcase inside and closed the door. He noticed some decoration on his roommate’s side, like some Marvel Comics and some Polaroid pictures of what seemed to be his friends. Not that he cared. 

He took the liberty to open the window, the smell of sex still in the air clearly starting to give him nausea. 

How fast could life change ? Everything seemed so ephemeral, transitory as he sat on his bed, not sure of his choices right now. He simply sighed, looking around him for a second, his brain thinking so much but processing so little that it seemed like nothing was going on inside of it. 

Guess that was his life now.

+x+

Choi Beomgyu. That was his roommate’s name. Not cause the brat introduced himself, but because his name seemed to be in each one of this university student’s mouths.  Only after a while, Soobin connected the dots : the reason why Beomgyu seemed so surprised to have a roommate was basically because he was some privileged kid, apparently the chancellor’s last kid but only son. 

The way everyone talked about the guy, he was seen as the “golden child”. The perfect student, with the perfect relationship, with seemingly perfect parents that supported their queer kid. He couldn’t help but stare from afar, eyes rolling the second the golden boy entered the room or his eyesight at any point in the campus. Yeonjun would have fucking hated him. He was the absolute opposite of what his friend was. Yeonjun was the worst at school, sucked at relationships, and his parents didn’t give two shits about him. Even when he died, his father didn’t dare to show up during his funeral and his mother was too stoned to say anything straight. And yet. He was a happy guy, most of the time. With his down moments. He was never fake. Always showed his true emotions. 

Not like a certain someone. If everyone seemed to see Beomgyu as a joyful person, the part that he showed Soobin was completely different between the four walls of their room. He was moody, barely talked, and seemingly didn’t like him at all. That was for the very few time he spent inside the room, because he barely slept 4 times a week in his bed, probably too busy with his boyfriend during the other nights. Once again, not like Soobin even cared. 

The brunette’s routine was established quite fast, very much determined to get things done quickly in the city. He started to look for a job, which hadn’t been very successful for now. He blinked an eye, at there he was, three weeks deep into his second semester. Taehyun hadn’t texted him yet, which was very unusual for the younger one, but he guessed it was for the best. 

One random Wednesday afternoon, he was simply laying on his bed with a book between his hands when Beomgyu stormed in, visibly upset about something, and seemed even more upset at the sight of the brunette inside the room. 

- Do you even fucking get out of here ? 

Soobin blinked before he started laughing, Beomgyu stared at him in disbelief, pretty sure he’s never seen the taller one laugh before, or even simply smile at all. 

- What’s so funny ? 

His laugh took some time before stopping, exhaling some air before staring at the other one, tilting his head to the side lightly. 

- Why do you always act like you own the place? 

Beomgyu frowned, visibly shocked that Soobin even dared to speak back at him. He was standing in the middle of the room, between the two beds, holding his phone inside his hand. As usual, his clothes were screaming “perfect boyfriend to present to your mom”, with a black jean, white shirt with a dark blue zipper sweater. He looked soft, but it was all that was : looks. 

- Why do YOU always act like I don’t ? 

- ‘Cause you’re all bullshit ? 

- Oh cause you knoooow me soooo well, don’t you ? 

Beomgyu brought his hands to his hips, still focused on Soobin as the brunette simply rolled his eyes, putting his back against the wall behind him. His eyes finally focused on his book again, deciding to not give Beomgyu the attention he was craving. 

- You always do that. 

- Do what ? Soobin asked, eyes still focused on his book.

- Roll your eyes when you see me. 

Oh, so he noticed ? Soobin stopped himself from laughing. Didn’t he have any other things to focus on ? Like his boyfriend that was 24/7 with him ? And yeah, actually, where was he ? 

- And here I was, thinking I was being discreet, he started saying, before lowering his book again and looked back at the blond, a sarcastic look on his face, oh wait, guess what ? I don’t care ! 

The other one was about to talk back, but closed his mouth before doing so, which Soobin was grateful for. Thinking he’d simply walk away and be rid of him for the day, Beomgyu actually furiously jumped on his own bed before angrily type on his phone. 

It never happened before. Them being in the same room during the day and having free time together. It was weird, and it was disturbing Soobin’s routine he had made for himself. He tried to go back to his book, but Beomgyu kept moving in his bed, loudly complaining under his breath, to the point where Soobin put his book on his stomach, looked at the ceiling for 10 good seconds before opening his mouth. 

- What’s wrong with you ? 

Beomgyu jumped, probably not expecting Soobin to talk to him. Soobin slowly turned his face to look at the boy, pushing him to go on and to open his mouth before he’d change his mind. 

- Do you even care ? 

- I don’t, but you keep pestering. 

The boy looked at him, a frown half-forming on his face, but he stopped himself from doing so as he put his phone down, throwing his entire attention at Soobin which was probably a first, too. 

- Ok, so, oh boy, here we go, basically, I told Kai he was too much sometimes, that I needed space. You know what he did ? ACTUALLY gave me space ? 

- Wait, what ? 

- I know, right ? 

- No, like, wait, what do you mean ? He gave you what you asked for, and you’re upset ? 

Soobin had never dated before. He never had the chance to. He had crushes, yes. He had various hook-ups, too. Before Yeonjun’s death, he actually had a social life. Actually, he had a pretty solid friend group, and they spent most of their time partying than doing anything else. Sometimes they studied, when they were close to their exam’s period. Social life leads to people. And people lead to fucking. 

- Just ‘cause I ask for something, doesn’t mean that’s what I really want ? 

- And how is he supposed to know that ? 

- You’re boring. 

- Why ? For telling you the truth ? 

- You don’t get it. 

Soobin looked at him, unimpressed as the blond haired boy pouted, fingers nervously grabbing a teddy bear as he laid on his back, almost looking like a kid that had been yelled at. It was the first time they had an actual conversation, and Soobin was more intrigued than he should have been. 

- What, can’t stand being a minute alone cause it reminds you of how shitty you actually are? 

The glare Beomgyu had just thrown at him was actually scary, Soobin simply lifted his hands in the air, proving his innocence. 

- Just making assumptions. 

- Yeah, well, Choi Soobin, you suck. 

 Soobin didn’t actually get to say something else because Beomgyu was already up, getting into his boring shoes and walked right out the door, leaving Soobin alone as usual. 

Just stroke a nerve, huh? 

+x+

Obvious proof that my new roommate is fake and all of him is a facade.

Proofs are particularly more obvious when under stress, example : midterm exams.

• Slightly more serious tone of voice

• Grimace/”cute” frown

• Random briefs of cheerfulness and excitement

• Small hints of underlying anger or annoyance 

• Small signs of disappointment or frustration. 

• Other subtle changes of body language, such as stiff shoulders or clenching fists. 

Have no idea what I will do with this. Probably nothing, because I don’t care, and I’m just bored.

Will update later. 

Soobin looked down at his notes before letting a heavy sigh pass through his lips. Why was he even so desperate to prove himself he was right ? Maybe his major in psychology was getting into his head way too much. His second semester was going well, classes weren’t that different from what he followed back in Chuncheon, and he had plenty of time to focus on his studies. He was pretty sure he even did extra work at some point. He was self-aware that maybe he should find some extracurricular things to do, but it had been one month, and he hadn’t met anyone of his interest that wasn’t boring or didn’t talk to him to get to Beomgyu. 

Cause yeah, that happened. The first week, when people found out the golden-child had a roommate, they tried to approach him, at least for those who dared to do so. 

Piercings were scary. Make-up on boys? Also scary. He was aware of that. The most scary thing was the way he talked back to people, not feeling like masking in front of them and actually pissed that people would act nice just to eventually get into his dorm or whatever they intended to do. 

Without warning, as he stared at his notes and lit his cigarette up, a blond furry came to take a sit next to him. Oh. Right. He was in public. On a bench, inside the campus.

- Ohhh, do you have a secret journal, or something~...

Beomgyu cooed, leaning closer as Soobin pulled the notebook up, snapping it closed with one hand. He frowned briefly as he glared at the boy, taking a few seconds to realize that Beomgyu was actually talking to him. In public. By his own free will. 

- Get off, Ken, this is too smart for that blond head of yours. 

- You do realize that I’m in business school and that this isn’t actually my real hair color, right ? 

The brunette brought his cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply as he looked at the other’s hair, that had been showing their natural roots for a while now. Beomgyu knew how to hide it in the way he styled his hair, but still, it was beginning to stand out. 

Soobin blew his smoke into the other’s face, the other wrinkling his nose at the smell of it.

He then faked gasped. 

- What? That isn’t your real hair ? And what do you mean, you’re in business school ? Remind me your name for a second, I don’t think you even introduced yourself in the first place, how am I supposed to know your major ? 

Beomgyu was visibly too stunned to speak, processing Soobin’s comments, probably wondering if they were true. They looked at each other for a few seconds before someone else sat in the bench, this time on his other side. 

That was the golden boy’s prince. Of course, it was. 

- Hi Soobin hyung, I know we haven’t seen each other much, but how are you ? Did ‘Gyu ask you what he was supposed to ? 

Hyung ? How the hell did they even know he was older ? Or maybe only Kai knew. And asked what ? 

Soobin turned to Beomgyu, shaking his head softly. 

- No, he did not ? 

Beomgyu wasn’t looking at him anymore, crossing his arms, letting his boyfriend do his job for him. What was all this about ?

- Basically, we have this friend… her name is Arin. She has a huge crush on you since she first saw you. The thing is, there’s a party tonight, she doesn’t have a date, and we were wondering if you’d like to go with her ? 

- There’s no way-... at Soobin’s first words, Beomgyu jumped from the bench.

- AH! See, I told you he wouldn’t come!

- I was saying, there’s no way I’m missing this party, I was actually looking for a way to get my head out of my books. 

Soobin looked at the blond with a small smirk on his lips, as Huening Kai excitedly cheered up, happily telling him all the details of the party. 

He could see all the signs : hints of anger and annoyance, signs of frustration, and yes, his shoulders were definitely stiff under his coat. That were the signs from Beomgyu that came with the resentfulness of other people or circumstances that aren't going his way. 

Maybe Soobin said yes to prove Beomgyu wrong. 

Maybe he said yes because he really needed a drink. 

+x+

Parties in Chuncheon were typically the kind of events that gave you the happiest long-lasting memories, ones that you’d keep in your heart and continue to cherish with your friends forever, laughing until you can’t reach for air. What exactly are memories when you don’t have anyone to share them with ? What is their purpose if you can’t express about them, and above it all, what if all they brought to you was sorrows and misery ? That was what parties in Seoul were like. 

Everyone was in the same place, but nobody really saw each other. That connection wasn’t built, and nobody really cared about the memories that were being created : they just wanted to tell everyone they were there and brag about it in the future. 

Most parties Soobin had ever attended to were in someone’s house, full of alcohol and other stuff he’d prefer not think about. Of course, he didn’t have contact with everyone back there, but most of the time he knew them from afar. It was the first time that Soobin was at a party of someone he didn’t have a clue existed, but he was in a luxurious penthouse apartment that had a panoramic view of the city, so who gave a shit ? 

Who even were these kids, and how much money did they get monthly to throw parties like these ? 

But to be honest, questioning wasn’t Soobin’s top priority right now. He had been in that party for a good half an hour with the girl that was supposed to be his date. Arin was a petite girl, easily lacking of 20 centimeters to reach his height. She wasn’t too bad, and she actually seemed genuine in her little crush. If he got it right, her parents weren’t as important as Beomgyu’s and Kai’s, but she handled her social life pretty easily. She was a decent girl, and Soobin really needed shots to handle his mental state after he’d break her heart. Not that he wanted to do so, but it was destined to happen that way, he was sure. 

The penthouse was almost like a private nightclub at this point, the lower part leading to a bar with its own bartenders, lights were low, LEDs giving the exact same type of atmosphere you’d find in a club setting. The upper part led to rooms, bathrooms and also the rooftop, because of course there was a rooftop, right? 

Half-listening to the girl talking to him, Soobin sipped on his drink before someone else’s loud voice got his attention. And the vision he got was actually a disorientating to him.

Beomgyu, all sweaty, his hair apparently freshly redone ( probably few hours before the party ), but the worst part was the make-up he could see on his eyes. His pink eye shadow complimented the glitter on his face, but also the golden lenses he was wearing right now.  The eye shadow weren’t the only thing pink on him ; the see-through blouse he was wearing was that color too, even if the piece of fabric wasn’t actually hiding what it was supposed to. The casual pants he was wearing were also light pink, the outfit giving him a doll-like look but he also looked like-... Shut up Soobin, what are you even thinking about ? 

- Oh so Soobin did come after all, I said I wouldn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.

Beomgyu’s voice was louder than usual, probably because he had already drunk a bit before he even noticed that Soobin was there. Eventually, Kai followed, slowly putting his arm around his boyfriend’s waist, and Soobin couldn’t help but notice the soft grip against the small one’s skin through the soft cloth. Fuck, who even wears that kind of stuff ? 

- Arin, Soobin ! How are you guys doing, the dance floor is on fire, you two should come dance with us ! 

Soobin’s eyes found their way back up again, first looking at Huening Kai and then Beomgyu who was looking straight at him, an amused smile on his face as he was probably caught staring too much. Fuck. 

He looked down at Arin, shrugging his shoulders a bit. 

- Do you wanna dance ? I’m not very good at it, but I can try ? 

- I’d love to !

Her voice was visibly shy, probably longing to ask him to dance awhile back but not bold enough to do so. Soobin wasn’t really focused on her body language, he knew she was interested, but wasn’t focused on that at all. Would he even give her a chance, and if he didn’t, what the hell was he doing here ? 

- Let’s dance, then. 

+x+

Soobin hated when people were touching him, and hated being in crowded places. And yet, here he was, dancing in the middle of a party, with a girl way too soft for her and his own good. Anyone with brains and with a little bit of common sense would either manipulate this girl to get what they wanted, or take her on a date and make her happy. For the psychology student, she was actually quite the boring thing. He knew he could get exactly what he wanted from her at any point in the night. It showed on the way she looked at him, how she didn’t even dare to reach for his neck, barely placing her hands on the space between the boy’s neck and shoulders.

If she had been too straight forward, it would have annoyed Soobin too, so what was he even looking for right now.

He wasn’t sure, but looking around himself, all he found was Beomgyu’s eyes, over Huening Kai’s shoulder. He was looking at him in a way he couldn’t describe. Soobin tilted his head lightly to question him, to what the other answered by reaching for his boyfriend’s hair, pulling him in for a kiss. Was he showing him what he was supposed to do ? What even was the purpose of that eye contact ? 

The brunette’s eyes finally met Arin’s, and he eventually opened his mouth to talk, his brain seemingly taking a decision. 

- Arin-ssi… May I ? 

- W-What ?... 

The girl didn’t seem sure about what Soobin was asking her permission for, but seemed down to whatever he wanted to do. Without hesitation, his arm firmly grabbed her waist, pulling her closer and even earning a yelp from her. He softly pulled her hair back, playing with it for a second as she finally reached for his neck, looking up at him, noticeably flustered. 

- I’m going to be honest with you, this is not going to work. 

- Have I done anything to upset you ? 

- You did not, and anyone with a good conscience would be smart to date you. I don’t want to hurt you, you should find someone that looks at you the way you look at the others. 

They were still dancing, anybody around them that looked at them would think they were casually talking, while Soobin was, in fact, sending her off. He reached for her forehead, leaving a soft kiss there. 

- Can we still be friends, though ? She softly asked, looking up at Soobin who nodded. 

- I was hoping we could. Let’s not tell others and keep our date going, shall we ? 

Her smile was the answer he needed, feeling the tension in her body completely leave as she actually started to be much more at ease with the taller one the second he said that he didn’t want anything to do with her, other than being friends. 

The rest of the party, basically happened in a blur, his alcohol tolerance was quite high due to his height, but he willingly decided to stop drinking before he actually started to feel tipsy at some point of the night. He had been that guy before, he wasn’t in that kind of state of mind anymore, not finding fun in this thing nowadays. At some point during the night, Arin started to talk to him as they sat down in some sofas that were turned to the dance floor, and also just next to the bar, which was perfect because Arin was still drinking -getting quite drunk, even-, and Soobin wanted to have a full view to what was happening in the party. 

He noticed his new friend was getting really tipsy because she started talking about stuff she wasn’t supposed to : like how Huening Kai’s parents were owners of some of the most important real estates of the city, how the land in which the university was built was actually theirs, and how the only reason it hadn’t been destroyed yet was the relationship between Beomgyu and Huening Kai. 

Soobin was taking the informations, eyes turning to look at the couple from time to time, frowning as his roommate whispered something to his boyfriend before going to the bar, which happened to be on Soobin’s sight. And what he saw actually froze him for a bit, as he saw some dude slide something to the blond boy, who slipped it inside his pocket. Few more words were exchanged as Beomgyu looked at his phone and showed it to the other one, before he turned around and took his legs to the stairs, slowly disappearing. 

- Hey, Arin ? 

The girl stopped talking, looking at Soobin attentively, genuine in her focus. Fuck, he was a stupid man, wasn’t he ? 

- I really need to go to the bathroom, mind going watch over Kai while I do so ? He seems a bit drunk…

- Of course, no worries, I will! Hurry up, so we can take more shots ! 

  For someone who wasn’t supposed to make friends, he was pretty sure he was stuck with some right now. Arin was the only one he actually had a conversation with in two months, and as conversation he meant listening to someone talk about random stuff for at least thirty minutes. She didn’t seem like it, but she did talk. A lot. 

Taking himself in the stair’s direction, his fingers subconsciously grabbed his lip piercing as he looked around him, not very aware of his surroundings. He got into a corridor, the second floor much bigger than what he thought as he started opening doors without giving a shit of what he could find inside. The first was a room -in which some people were making out,- good for them-, the second was actually a simple desk office. After opening 4 doors, he eventually found the bitch he was after, who jumped like he got caught doing something wrong. Which he was. 

Slamming the door of the bathroom behind him, Soobin crossed his arms, Beomgyu putting himself in front of the sink, hiding whatever was behind him. 

- Hum, hello ? Privacy ?

- You want privacy ? Then close the door. 

- Then get out, and I’ll close that goddamn door?

- Cut the bullshit, what the fuck are you doing ? 

Beomgyu was actually stressed right now. He didn’t know if it was because he was caught, or because of Soobin’s reaction to it. The brunette was terrified, but was actually keeping it together better than he thought he could. He clenched his jaw, taking a step forward, causing Beomgyu to flinch lightly. Or was it whatever he took ? 

Something went through the other’s eyes, appearing to be gathering his shit together to mask his personality again.

- It’s none of your business, get the fuck out ! 

This time, Soobin pushed him to the side, finally seeing what he was hiding behind him : three distinct lines of cocaine. Soobin was sure he saw red, cause when Beomgyu tried to push him back, the taller one grabbed one of his wrists, pulling it down violently, while the other whined because of the pain he was causing. 

- Soobin, you’re hurting me-... 

- Is that what the lenses are for ? You’re stoned, aren’t you ? 

Beomgyu’s lips parted, looking at Soobin in shock, not finding the words. There wasn’t any words to be said, the facts were under their noses. And literally under Beomgyu’s. He tried to shake his head to say no, but flinched as Soobin took a step forward. 

- Yes ! Are you happy ?! 

Was he happy? What was he even supposed to say to that ? All he had were flashbacks, and all he felt was anger. He didn’t care for Beomgyu. He knew the guy wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought he was. He was right. What the hell was he going to do with that information now? 

- Does your boyfriend know ? 

- Nobody knows, can you let go of me ? 

Soobin didn’t notice how strongly he was holding the other’s wrist until he let go of it, the other one massaging it lightly, the skin becoming reddish.

He thought about it often. What if he knew sooner ? What if he had been able to-... No, this wasn’t it, this wasn’t his fight. 

He went into a turmoil of emotions and thoughts, before the other one tried to catch his eyes again, not sure on how to act with his roommate right now who seemed like he could snap at any time.

- Hey, Soobin ? He asked, the other’s eyes meeting his again. Please don’t tell anyone ? 

The older one almost laughed at his face, not sure if he realized how serious this was. Instead, Soobin took control of his body again, going straight to the sink’s shelf, his hand full on swiping the substance into his other hand under Beomgyu’s gasp.

- Soobin, no, what are you-... 

Also grabbing the small plastic bag with the rest of the drug in it, what happened the second the brunette flushed all of the cocaine into the toilet, seemed like karma catching up Soobin. Beomgyu started to throw a whole tantrum at him, throwing punches at his back, screaming and probably crying like life depended on it. Soobin stood there, washing his hands, as the loud sound of both cheerful music downstairs and the blond’s screams barely reached his ears. 

******

“ - Where the fuck is it? 

Yeonjun was sweating, turning his bedroom upside down, nervously biting the skin around his nails as he felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. His eyes seemed maniac, and the compulsive way he brushed his blue hair back made him look like an animal trapped inside his cage. Turning around the small room that was now in a miserable state, the boy didn’t seem to notice his friend, standing at the door of his bedroom, looking at him with a scared look in his face. 

- You… It’s you, isn’t it ? Where did you hide it ? 

- Hyung, I’m-... 

He didn’t get the time to finish, Yeonjun was at him, pulling his shirt’s collar with both hands, angrily shaking him. Soobin's eyes locked with Yeonjun's, and he could almost clearly see the anger radiating from his body. He was feeling trapped, not knowing what to do as Yeonjun shouted at him. 

- Give. It. Back. 

The younger one could see the rage increasing in his eyes, closing the gap between them, Soobin panicking as he took few steps backwards until his back met a wall. Yeonjun’s face was inches away from Soobin’s, he could feel the other’s breath on his face, paralyzed by the fear in his body. Yeonjun was scary, ready to jump at his throat at any moment. But as Soobin began to tremble, fear overwhelming him, the older one closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath before taking a step back. He could see it, the terror and defeat in Soobin’s eyes. But at this point, Yeonjun knew that even if he beat the shit out of his younger friend, he’d keep his mouth shut for his own good. He probably already threw it away, anyway. 

Soobin could see it. The internal battle inside Yeonjun’s mind. The anger was still there, but he also knew how concerned Soobin was right now, and probably was starting to accept it. He wasn’t judging him, he wanted to help him. 

As Yeonjun’s anger started to wane, he took another step back, lowering his gaze to the floor as he felt tears come out of his eyes. Soobin never asked for this. The kid was one year younger, and yet, he was dealing with his shit. It had been one year since Yeonjun had left high school, waiting for his younger friends to join him. Soobin would be eighteen at the end of the year, while Yeonjun was on his way to turn nineteen, and yet, the latter wasn’t the one acting like an adult. 

As the tension went down, Yeonjun took a deep breath and Soobin followed, doing the same.

Then, Yeonjun spoke. He looked at Soobin again, but his expression was softer, more open, as tears ran down his cheeks. 

- I’ll stop using drugs. 

Soobin’s lips fell open in surprise, looking at his hyung with care and keenness, not expecting those words to come out of his friend’s lips one day. 

- You’ll… stop ? 

Soobin took a step forward, taking the blue haired boy’s hand in his, as his breath hitched in his throat. He gently caressed his soft skin with his thumb, seeing the sincerity in the other’s eyes.  Was he dreaming ?

He watched as Yeonjun broke into tears, his face finding home in the crook of his neck, the other’s body trembling from the lack of drugs inside its system and because of how hard he had now started sobbing. 

- Please help me, Binnie…

******

More than five minutes went by when Beomgyu stopped throwing punches at him, his forehead now against Soobin’s back . Soobin stayed still, hands still on the sink, honestly not really knowing how he ended up in this shitty situation. 

- Are you done being a spoiled kid ? 

- Why do you hate me ? 

The younger one asked, using his head to push Soobin’s  back, before getting his head up, looking at the taller one through the mirror. Soobin couldn’t see anger in those eyes, all he saw was frustration, disappointment… sadness ? They were red, his cheeks were the same color, and his make-up was now running down his face. 

Seeing Beomgyu’s reflection and how miserable he looked, made something twitch in Soobin’s brain, regaining control of his own body. He turned around, his hands reaching for the younger one’s face.  

- Who said I hated you ? He asked, using his black sleeve to take the rest of the white substance off the other one’s nose. 

- You’re mean, he pouted.

- And you’re a brat. 

As Soobin took his thumbs to clean the tears of his face, his gaze met the other’s, and he could sense that something shifted in his eyes.

- I’m not a brat. 

Soobin snorted, taking his hands back, raising an eyebrow as he looked at the younger one. 

- Ok, so what are you ? 

- Into you ? 

Into who ? This time the brunette full on laughed at his face, probably looking crazy, but this joke was his last straw. He had too many mixed emotions for the past minutes, and he had enough of the golden boy’s bullshit. At the other’s serious face, Soobin took the small tear in the corner of his own eye off, ending his laugh before talking again, coming to pat the blond’s head.

- Go get your boyfriend if you’re horny darling,  he said, walking pass the boy to reach the door. 

But before he knew, Beomgyu slid between him and his way out, a serious gaze on his face, showing how dead ass serious he was about what he just said. The hell ? 

- You owe me.

- The fuck ? If anything, it's YOU that owe me. Crack fucks up people’s brain. Proof? You. 

- 400,000 wons.

- Excuse me, what ? 

Soobin hallucinated. That was barely what he could afford to pay for his food for the whole month, how the hell what he had just thrown was this expensive? The blond one didn’t wait for him to process the information, pulling him closer as he laid against the door, a smirk forming across his face. 

- Don’t act like you’re not dying to touch me. I saw you earlier, he licked his own lips. You like what you see. 

Did he like it ? Well, Soobin wasn’t blind and wasn’t completely crazy. He was pretty sure even a straight man would be looking at Beomgyu. The boy had a feminine side to him. He had broad shoulders, his pretty chest leading to his tiny waist, complimented perfectly by his hips that offered enough space for hands to grab and-... Shit, was he staring again ?

- My eyes are up here, handsome, he could hear the smirk on his lips, confirmed when he lifted his head to look at him. 

- Huening Kai is a nice guy. 

- I’m not. 

- I’ll break you. 

- Try me. 

Jaw clenched, the brunette wasn’t sure when his hand ended up gripping the other’s waist, thumb pressing against his hip bone to hold him in place, as he took a step forward, his height overtaking Beomgyu’s. 

He could feel it, beneath his fingers, where the boy’s boyfriend ones had been earlier, and he wondered how the guy had the patience to not bruise every single shred of skin of this man’s body.

Soobin’s free hand reached to Beomgyu’s throat, thumb easily finding home under his jawline as his other fingers easily cupped the other side of the boy’s throat. The boy gulped, lifting his head lightly to look at the dark gaze he was getting from his roommate.

- Ask me again when you’ll sober up, I’ll consider it. 

The light pressure around Beomgyu’s neck disappeared in a second, Soobin easily pushing him aside to finally open the door before disappearing himself. 

+x+

Beomgyu was nowhere to be found the days after the party incident. He didn’t come back to the dorm, and his usual public appearances around the campus gardens were none. He wondered if it was because he found out he was using drugs, or because he literally threw himself at him like a hungry man. In either case, Soobin knew Beomguy was avoiding him, and his brain didn’t seem to get over that information. 

His usual alone afternoons reading on the same bench became less lonely when Arin started joining him anytime she saw him. As previously perceived, she was a nice girl, even if she liked to talk about everyone’s lives on campus. She didn’t ask Soobin to reply, sometimes she just casually talked alone and earned a short nod from the boy, and she was happy with that. In one week, she eventually began to bring her own book, simply so the brunette didn’t spend all his time alone, so he pointed it out. 

- Why do you keep coming ? 

Arin was surprised when she heard Soobin’s voice, looking at him as he, in the other side, was still looking at his book. Despite his dark look, the sun suited him, making his black hair shine and his face a little bit brighter. It was surprising to see someone like him spend so much time outside, but it was mostly to keep his mind stimulated, thing that wouldn’t happen inside his suffocating room. 

- People… they talk about you. 

Soobin wondered if Arin talked about Soobin to others, too. I mean, it seemed logic as she spent half of her time yapping about others, so she probably talked to them about him. That was exactly why he didn’t talk about himself, that and the fact he didn’t want to. 

- Do you talk about me to people ? 

- What? No! Of course I don’t, you’re my friend.

- Beomgyu and Huening Kai are your friends too and you talked about them.

- I was drunk.

The boy looked at her suspiciously, not really believing a word she said. 

- Listen, I have… this thing. I like to know about everything and-...

- Makes you feel like you actually belong and helps you with your fear of rejection, doesn’t it ? 

Okay, maybe that was a bit too much ? At that point, even Soobin froze from his own words. But surprisingly, Arin didn’t get uncomfortable. She froze for a moment, taking some time for herself to think about what she could answer to that. The taller one returned his attention to his book, not really reading as he felt a bit tensed. He did feel the need to read on everything people did, but did he have to be so straightforward ? 

- That’s a good way to put it, yes, she started, her hands playing with her phone charm, making the pearls clatter against each other, but I don’t feel that way with you. I know you’ll be honest about how you feel about me. You make me comfortable. 

Soobin wasn’t sure how to react to what he’d just heard. He was never good with girls, that despite the fact that he had an older sister. He got her girl education, on how to respect a girl, to be a gentleman. Despite that, he sometimes got off from his sister’s tutoring during parties, but girls never really wanted to have anything to do with him. 

From a young age, Soobin had always been kind of an outcast, never thinking relationships, only wanting to have fun with his friends. They obviously acted their age through the years, and naturally got interested in the kind of things boys their age should be interested in. Girls eventually came to their attention as they grew… boys, too. Mostly boys. They seemed less difficult to flirt with, from Soobin’s point of view. Taehyun didn’t really agree at the time, liking girls better. Yeonjun… well, Yeonjun was always a particular case. He never shared too much about his dating schedule, and definitely not to Soobin, for some reason. But at the end of the day, all they wanted to do was spend time with each other, so it didn’t really give Soobin space to develop friendship or even any kind of relationship with the other gender. 

So right now, what was happening was a total mystery for the boy, as he adjusted himself on the bench. 

- Well, hum. Cool, I guess ? 

- Are you flustered, Soobin-ah ? She asked, a grin growing on her face as she got closer and Soobin frowned, shaking his head. 

- Am not. 

- You aaare ! 

She teased him, bumping his arm with her shoulder, as Soobin side-eyed her, a soft smile appearing on his face, returning her gesture softly. He then laid his arm on her shoulder, dropping his hand on the top of her head. Soobin could feel her surprise to his action, but she didn’t make any comments, understanding without needing words. 

- So. What are they saying about me ? 

- Are you asking me for gossip, Choi Soobin ? 

- I am asking you for gossip.

The girl excitedly jumped on her sit, making Soobin’s hand fall from her head, simply letting it on the bench’s back. He finally let his book on his lap, his full focus on the girl. 

What she started telling him wasn’t really that big of a surprise for Soobin. People knew where he was from because of his car’s matriculation, which only helped them for their drama research. It wasn’t too hard to find Soobin’s Instagram account, and even if he didn’t post too often, his early posts showed him, and his friends. And Yeonjun. He never posted about his death on social media, he even deleted it at some point. But others did post. And it was easy to find the pictures as they tagged the boy’s account. So people started to talk about how Soobin leaving town weirdly coincided with his death. 

And things added up easily. Some were close to reality, as it was the most plausible reason. Some rumors went maybe a bit too far. Some people said he left town because he was responsible for his death. Some said he was the one who killed him. Either way, people knew about Yeonjun, and talked about him. And it made Soobin sick. 

At some point, Arin stopped talking, feeling her new friend’s mood become a bit silky as she went.

- I’m sorry, Soobin, maybe I shouldn’t tell you about this…

- I loved him. 

Arin looked at him, not initially expecting for an explanation, only exposing what people said. But she stayed still, letting Soobin process what he just said. 

- Yeonjun… he… he was broken. I couldn’t fix him. I never got the chance to tell him how I felt, I keep thinking that, maybe, if I told him, he’d still be here. 

- Did he?.. hum..

- Kill himself ? You can think of it that way. 

Soobin stood still while he talked, eyes focusing on a random point, and then, he shook his head, deciding to get on his feet. He turned to face Arin, who didn’t know what to say, still sitting on the bench. But Soobin smiled at her, patting her head softly. 

- Don’t worry, I didn’t kill anyone. Thank you for telling me. 

- Are you okay ?... she asked, Soobin sensing more worry than pity on her face, which was relieving to some extent. 

- I will be. 

She nodded, before watching the boy walk through the campus’s paths. She didn’t feel bad, on the contrary, she felt like she took a step forward towards the younger one, and she couldn’t help but feel happy about it. Maybe she could be the one who helped him. 

From afar, the campus’s students didn’t miss the interactions between the two of them. 

And a specific golden-haired one most definitely didn’t miss a single bit of it. 

+x+

As the days went by, Arin and Soobin naturally came to be together a bit more often. Either to study in the library, for lunch, their reading moments on their bench. Soobin found himself comfortable around her, and he actually started to open up a bit more. He eventually found out that her name wasn’t really Arin but Ye-won, and that it was actually a nickname that stayed from her high school exchange in the United States. Her parents were office workers for medium companies, they weren’t rich but earned enough to afford to give themselves and their daughter a good life. She studied design, and was a year older than Soobin, causing the younger one to apologize various times to her for not using the honorifics, which she joked a lot about since she wasn’t bothered by it. He found out about her obsession over astrology and spirituality, as she spent hours explaining how they were opposites in the astrology calendar, and how compatible they were - to what Soobin just rolled his eyes, but laughed because she was a real believer to what she was saying-. 

Basically, he even came to forget the existence of any roommate. He didn’t have Beomgyu’s contact, neither did he care. At some point, the party became part of a very distant memory. 

Today was one of those bench-reading days, but weather decided that plans would be changed today. For some reason, they ended up going to Soobin’s dorm, which was bigger, and mainly : roomie free. Or so he thought. 

- Arin-noona, this is stupid, he said, as they sat on his bed, facing each other while they crossed their legs. 

- Cut it off using the honorifics, or I’m casting a spell on you ! 

Soobin pouted, watching as she took a little purple bag from her purse, opening it to take her tarot deck out of it. 

- I’m pretty much cursed already, go on and try.

- Don’t say that, I’m pretty sure I’m going to give you good news ! 

At that point, the brunette just sighed, putting his hands behind him to relax a bit. His eyes followed Arin’s hands, handling the cards easily as she shuffled them, honestly surprised of how fast she made them go. Taehyun would have found this hot, he wondered, a smile coming to his face at the thought of his friend’s magic tricks with cards. Maybe he should text him. 

As cards fell on the boy’s sheets, and Arin’s look shifted, Soobin knew that there was nothing good coming from this activity. He watched the rain fall from the window, letting Arin do her magic or whatever she was doing. 

- Ok, so, she started, catching the boy’s attention again , hum, do you want to hear this ? 

- Oh, so now you’re the one having second thoughts? Go on, tell my future.

- It’s not only your future, this is also what’s happening right now. There’s someone on your mind, something’s worrying you. That person, they are keeping an eye on you-..

- Arin, I swear that if you’re using this to talk about Yeonjun-...

- This is not about Yeonjun. I don’t know if it’s about the people on campus, but there’s something here about your past, learning about your mistakes and that person, that person keeping an eye on you, they are the key to that. But-... they are no good. 

Soobin just stood there, dumbfounded, trying to assimilate the information that were going through his brain. So much, that he almost didn’t react when the door of the dorm unlocked, swaying wide open and letting Beomgyu come inside. Arin’s face changed, a big smile coming to her face as she waved eagerly. 

- Beomgyu-ssi ! I haven’t seen you in a while!

The brunette finally turned to look at his long-lost roommate, noticing how the other seemed to breathe again when he saw the cards between Arin and Soobin. The other looked tired, wet from the rain outside, the hoodie on his head seemingly didn’t provide any assistance on keeping his hair dry. 

Finally taking his composure back together, Beomgyu got closer to them, looking at the cards, not once looking at Soobin. 

- Oh so you’re sooo close that you’re using your tarot for him already ? That dick must be good, huh ? 

Arin blushed violently as she looked down, taking her cards away, not daring to say a word back. Soobin felt his blood boil, simply getting up from his bed, turning to face Beomgyu. Their eyes met, seeing the other’s flinch momentarily, especially when Soobin noticed the lenses on his eyes, again.

- If you came here to be a bitch, you can go back to wherever you were for the past two weeks. 

- This is my dorm.

- Keep talking back, and we’ll see whose dorm it is. 

They stood there, looking at each other, before Arin quickly got up, putting her hands on their shoulder, smiling awkwardly, trying to ease the growing tension. 

- Come on boys, let's calm down, ok ? I’ll get going, I don’t want to bother anyone. 

- You can stay, I invited you. 

- Soobin-ah. 

The boy finally turned his gaze from Beomgyu, calming down as he looked at the girl’s eyes that mouthed “ It’s ok”. Still frustrated but understanding, Soobin nodded, leading his friend to the door, waving softly as she left and closing the door behind her. 

As the lock made a clicking noise, Soobin closed his eyes for a second, his hand still holding the handle. He couldn’t really describe the emotions going through his mind at the moment, but he felt that, at any time, he could snap right back at the boy standing behind him and do something he might regret for life. Or maybe was he being a bit too dramatic ? Perhaps anger, frustration and desperation were the only emotions he could get when he was around the blond-headed boy.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and started turning, his back meeting half the door and half the wall behind him, hand still holding on to the door’s handle almost like a form of security. 

- What the fuck was that ? 

As Soobin spoke, Beomgyu started to move, taking his wet hoodie off and ending up in a t-shirt. The back of the brunette’s head met the door as he saw the younger one looking through his stuff, ignoring the question the taller one asked. The fingers around the handle gripped the material harder, Beomgyu’s attitude almost taking away Soobin’s patience, but he just stood there, watching as the blond boy seemed to gather some stuff. His whole body was tense, and he could feel all the words he wanted to say stuck in his throat. 

Incoherence from a drug addict wasn’t a stranger to Soobin. But his need to understand was much stronger than a reasonable thinking. What was going through the other’s brain right now ? Disappearing for two weeks and then coming back out of nowhere just to be mean with Arin, which was supposed to be one of his friends ? He could be mean to Soobin, the brunette didn’t care, they had been mean to each other since day one. But to Arin ? 

- Why did you-

- Are you fucking her ? 

The words came out so fast from the boy’s lips, that Soobin wasn’t sure he got them right. He blinked, Beomgyu finally turning to put his attention on him. 

Even though his eyes were dead ass serious, Soobin couldn’t help but noticed the way he pinched his lips to hold back a pout, probably in an unconscious way. He could perceive some details from afar, like his dark-circles around his eyes and how pale the boy looked. He wasn’t usually tanned, but his face was particularly white. 

- What if I am ? 

- She’s fucking boring. 

- Well, you’ve told me I was boring too, guess her and I are a good pair then.

He could notice the frown that attempted to form on the boy’s forehead and how the boy’s jaw clenched a bit, probably not expecting that Soobin would remember his words so easily. Not able to stand still for too long, Beomgyu started to turn his back to him once again. This time, Soobin took a step closer to get his wrist, getting an instant reaction from his roommate that managed to dodge it before he could grab it. 

Now standing in front of each other again, Soobin looked down, meeting the other’s angry gaze. 

- Arin and I are friends, somewhere, he could see a hint of panic, maybe not because of the information, but because of the taller’s tone that seemed like reassurance.

- Ok ? So ? 

- You only showed yourself to check if we were fucking, didn’t you ? 

At that point, Beomgyu felt like Soobin was reading right through him, which was scary, because, what the fuck ? Nervously chuckling, the blond tried to hide how busted he was.

- So it’s me taking drugs, and it’s you getting the effects ? 

Even if that was an attempt to make a joke, Soobin stayed still, his face even closing a bit automatically. The other noticed, uncomfortably looking away as he moved out of Soobin’s way, getting a bag from his small closet. 

- Where were you ? 

- Was sick, he said quickly, shoving some clothes into the bag. The older one could sense his tension from where he was standing. 

- That’s not what I asked. 

- Who are you? My dad? 

- Well, yours isn’t doing his job, apparently.

 Maybe Soobin deserved what came right after his comment. Without having a second to dodge it, Soobin only had the chance to feel the pain on his cheek as Beomgyu had just slapped him, his head turning from how violent that was. 

They couldn’t really count for how long the two of them stood there, both shocked from the action of the blond boy, the latter himself being in disbelief by his own behavior. They both tried to process what just happened, Soobin feeling his skin sting from the impact. 

The pain was real, but the shock and confusion were bigger. Maybe he did cross a line. Maybe he deserved it, someway.

Beomgyu just stood there, the surprised expression soon swapping to a cold and unapologetic demeanor. Was he expecting an apology ? 

- Say you’re sorry. 

At that point, Soobin just scoffed, trying to release the tension from his body by walking between the two beds, doing a circle like a mad man before turning to look at the other.

- Oh, ‘cause I’M the one that should apologize ? After everything that you’ve done ? 

- Why do you even care ?! It’s none of your business ! 

- It became my business when you’ve been mean to Arin, slapped me, and oh, wait, are we also going to ignore the fact that you begged me to fuck you ? 

The taller one really hoped he got some answers after finally catching the boy’s attention. But he instantaneously lost it again, the blond boy turning to get his things done, putting his stuff inside the bag. 

For his own wellbeing, Soobin just casually walked to his bed, officially deciding to let go of this conversation. Or even anything that had a link with his roommate. He stared at the white roof, finally having the decency to feel his own heartbeat that was going insanely crazy, wondering if the universe just wanted to keep on punishing him. 

He was sure that the thought of going back home went through his brain, when suddenly, a voice broke the uncomfortable silence. 

- I wasn’t sick. 

Shut up, Soobin thought as Beomgyu kept his back turned to him. He didn’t care anymore. But it seemed like the other one wasn’t done with the conversation yet. Just not addressing the fact that he had slapped him on the face. 

Soobin started to shake his feet nervously, sticking his lip piercing between his teeth. 

- After the party, I tried to stop. 

At that moment, Soobin heard the zip sound of the bag, and then, he could feel Beomgyu’s gaze of him. Despite his all being fighting to not look at the boy, his head seemed to move by itself, his eyes caught by the younger one’s. 

His expression was still cold, closed, not letting any emotions show on it. But what went right into Soobin’s chest were his eyes : it was different from the look he had the last time they saw each other, his eyes weren’t showing any frustration anymore. All Soobin could see the disgust Beomgyu had towards himself, tears threatening to fall at any moment. The brunette’s lips parted, but no sound came from it, as the other continued. 

- I failed. 

******

- Time’s off everyone, pens down. 

The noise of the student’s pens against their desk was a relieving sound for everyone inside the big gymnasium, that had been receiving the high school’s final exams for the past week. Today was the last day, and even if Soobin felt like he had just fucked up half of his history exam, he was pretty sure that the grade would never be as bad as the one he’d get for physical education. 

Waiting for the teachers to get his paper, he laid back against his chair, feeling like breathing again as he looked for Taehyun’s eyes at the other side of the gym, eyes meeting instantly, Taehyun sending him a head sign to ask how it went. To that, Soobin shrugged his shoulders, causing the younger one to scoff for a bit. He didn’t ask back, as Taehyun had always been the smartest out of the friend group. He was two years younger, and yet, managed to be on the same year as Soobin at school by being able to write and read perfectly at a very young age. Not only that, he was almost seen like a prodigy by the teachers, which he probably was at that point. 

Time seemed to go slowly as he turned his gaze to look at the clock on a corner of the gym, his leg shaking a bit, excited to finally get rid of this school and the exams. And eventually, the teacher spoke up again. 

- Ok kids, got all your exams… Happy holidays, you’re free to go. 

Cheerfully, students got up from their chairs, the previous silence being filled by talking and chair noises, while Soobin smiled to himself, grabbing his bag before getting up from his sit and running to Taehyun.

- I can’t believe we’re finally free, I think these were the worst 2 hours of my life.

- Worse than the 2 hours running for PE ? Taehyun teased, getting kicked by Soobin automatically as they both laughed. Yeonjun is coming to get you, right ? 

- Yeah, I owe him that, he’s been bored to death since I had to study for exams and get home early.  I’ll text you if anything comes up, ok ? 

- You’re both traitors. 

- Come on, you know-...

- I know, Binnie, just go.

Taehyun smile at him, punching his arm softly. Soobin knew he was genuine, and that he would never be mad at them for hanging out together, only the two of them. It was never to exclude him from the group, they had their own quality time together. But today it was for Yeonjun and Soobin only. 

Soobin waved at Taehyun and started walking, his bag hanging on one of his shoulders. It was incredibly hot today, and the sun was rising high in the sky as it was the middle of the afternoon. His eyes wandered as he made his way through the school that wasn’t his anymore. 

He couldn’t help but get caught up by memories, like the place behind a wall where he got caught smoking with his friend, the corner where he had his first kiss, the hall where he got his nose broken by fighting some dude that made fun of some girl’s weight. 

Growing up was strange, because you never realize that you are until you start missing some stupid things. 

The first time he missed something was when Yeonjun left high school. That was the first time he realized they were all growing up and that maybe, only maybe, someday their path wouldn’t be the same.

Stepping out through the gate, Soobin saw him : Yeonjun was talking to some guy, and Soobin could see from there that he actually was arguing with  him, and that probably had something to do with where the boy had parked his car, which was just in front of the school. 

The younger one just watched, until eventually the stranger gave up and Yeonjun turned unconsciously toward him, his face immediately lighting up from seeing Soobin. Walking towards him, Soobin knew what was coming when the older one checked on his outfit from head to toes. 

- For god’s sake, Soobinnie, if you’re going to wear your shirt out of your pants, at least get it out on both side, not just one, he complained, grabbing his shirt to get it out of his pants, letting it hang. He then pulled his collar up, earning a soft blush from the younger that looked around them for other people’s stares, embarrassed. 

- Can you… Not do this in public ? He earned a gasp from the other one. 

- Are you embarrassed of your hyung ? How dare you ? 

Soobin rolled his eyes as Yeonjun seemed dramatic as hell, before the other one frowned for a bit, looking at his friend thoughtfully. 

- Did you grow taller ? 

- I didn’t get taller in one week, I promise. 

Yeonjun looked at him suspiciously, and Soobin couldn’t help but notice how bright he seemed under the sun. Yeonjun never really changed as the years went by. He was cheerful, was funny and basically was the life of the party, even when there wasn’t a party. He got along with everyone, and Soobin and Taehyun always wondered how, over the years, the thought of dropping them never went through his mind. Maybe because they were the only ones that knew the truth behind it. 

Everything was made for him to forget how hard his life actually was. He was an only child, an accidental one. His mother never really gave a shit about him, surprisingly managing to keep her kid despite the numerous times she got caught completely drugged. His dad… Well, he had another family. Gave the mother some money until Yeonjun was 18 years old, since then, lost signal from him. 

Soobin couldn’t count the number of times his friend had to run from his shitty apartment as a kid because his mother brought a new boyfriend home, and they were always the kind of men you didn’t want to be around of. 

Basically, life wasn’t kind to Yeonjun, and yet.

In his friend’s old car, windows down as they drove through their little town’s roads, Soobin contemplated his friend. It had been many months since they fought over Soobin throwing Yeonjun’s drug out. Since then, they had been working together on keeping the boy sober, which, so far, had been doing well. 

Yeonjun talked about his argument with the man in front of the school, and Soobin laughed happily at how exaggerating his friend was. If Soobin could have stopped the time, it would have been there, that was for sure. 

Their plans for the afternoon were simple ; they just wanted to go skateboard, Yeonjun had been teaching the younger one for months now, and even if Soobin had eventually managed to stand still on the stick with wheels, as Soobin called it, and go forward, he hadn’t figured out how to go anywhere with the thing, yet. 

And if you’re asking how the plan went… Well, it was going great until it wasn’t. At some point, as Soobin actually learned how to turn and avoid obstacles, the inevitable needed to happen, and he fell, having to make it worse than what it actually was, just to see his friend take care of him. 

It was already the end of the afternoon, and the sun was starting to go down when Yeonjun came back from a store near them with two ice creams. The other people on the skate park already left, and that leaves us with the two of them, watching the sunset as they talked. 

- So what’s the plan now, huh ? Yeonjun asked, looking at the younger one as he licked the iced substance. 

- Huh, you drive me home ?

- Not that, dummy. After high school, what are you doing ? 

Soobin blinked, looking at Yeonjun like he was an alien. Questions like this almost never happened between them, he knew that triggered something unpleasant in Yeonjun. The blue haired-boy didn’t continue his studies, he was never made for school, so even less for higher education. He did some jobs sometimes, so he could afford living. Sometimes as a waiter, some as a babysitter, he was great with kids. But Soobin knew he was stuck in his life. 

- Well, hum, I applied for some universities, you know. I hope to stay around, Taehyun too, he answered, getting a bit more ice cream in his mouth as it was starting to melt. 

- You two don’t have to stay around ‘cause I am, you know ? Yeonjun stared at him with a serious look, Soobin starting to shake his head rapidly. 

- Oh, no, that’s not that hum-.. I mean, that too, but, like, I don’t like big towns. Makes me anxious. 

Yeonjun smiled at that, clearly amused as he brought his own ice cream to his lips, licking it, Soobin avoiding staring too long by looking away. 

- I love big cities. I’d love to live in Seoul one day, that’s a crazy place, you know ? You get the chance to meet new people every day, dress up however you want, crazy parties, being a complete stranger to everyone. Fuck, I wish I could afford living there. 

Both of them were looking at the sky as Yeonjun talked about with fantasy of living in another city. They weren’t in a particular little city, but everyone ended up knowing each other, specially when you go to the same school, see the same kids for 18  years, and those kid’s parents know your parents. Everyone’s path met, and that comforted Soobin, in some way. He didn’t mind a boring life, he just wanted to be himself.  

Unlike Yeonjun, who would do anything to be anyone, but himself. He knew that wasn’t the kind of life Yeonjun would want for himself in the long term. And maybe he would join the ride, who knows. 

- Big cities suit you. You will live there one day, I know it. 

Yeonjun didn’t need to say it, but he could hear the ‘thank you’ in the way he smiled at him. The sky was beautiful, but Soobin was sure there wasn’t anything more pretty than Choi Yeonjun. They both stood there, sitting comfortably, as they finished their ice-cream and looked as the sun disappeared. 

- I think I’m never getting on that skateboard ever again.

- No ! Are you giving up, Choi Soobin ? 

- I do that, sometimes. 

Soobin laughed at Yeonjun’s shocked face, shaking his head slowly, thinking before talking again. 

- You know… It would really make me happy if you learned how to skate. It helped me a lot… well… during my sober up process… I’d love to share that with you. 

The smile on the brunette’s face didn’t disappear, but it surely almost faded a bit, not because of the sadness, but because Yeonjun’s words really got into his heart for a second. He gulped, sitting straight as he nodded, serious about it.

- I will learn ! I’ll even be better than you ! 

Yeonjun laughed at the sudden motivation, both of them letting a comfortable silence fall on them, watching the sky now getting darker with each passing moment.

Soobin bit his lip, his brain going into many places as he couldn’t help but having Taehyun’s voice, somewhere inside his brain screaming him to tell Yeonjun what he should be telling him. 

He inhaled, and then turned his face towards Yeonjun.

- Yeonjun, I-... he started, getting the older one’s attention, even if he wasn’t looking at him right now. I’m really proud of you. For being sober.  

Ok, maybe he had just chickened out. His other friend would probably haunt him for days when he’d tell him, but that wasn’t important right now. He meant what he just said, and he wasn’t really expecting any answer, especially since they usually had trouble saying any compliments, even more such important ones. 

He watched as Yeonjun’s gaze looked downward to the ground, the other wondering if he made him blush. When Yeonjun got his head up and turned to look at him, Soobin felt something inside his heart break.

 Fighting back the tears that filled his eyes, but not for long, Yeonjun looked at Soobin fondly, guilt gleaming through his watery eyes. 

- I’m so sorry, Soobin. 

******

Memories start to fade, they’re vague and ephemeral, but feelings stay, like an ocean crushing souls. The past is gone and lost, but pain lingers on eternally, reminding you how true yesterday was. 

A familiar feeling filled Soobin’s stomach, twisting it from the anxiety that was taking over his body. Beomgyu was memories filled with pain, vanishing but reminding you how painful yesterday was. At that moment, Soobin knew that nothing but trouble would come out of this. But despite that, as Beomgyu got into his knees next to his own bed, Soobin got up from his, making two steps towards the boy and mirroring his position, their knees now almost touching. 

With a confused look on his face, Beomgyu stared at the taller one, he sniffed lightly, waiting for the other’s words, not really knowing what to expect from him. 

- It’s a process, don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do it all at once. You managed to stay clean for a few days, right ? 

Beomgyu sniffed again, slowly nodding at the other boy’s question. 

- Those are the days you need to celebrate. I’m sorry that you have to get through it alone. 

Soobin could see the boy’s mind come at ease, as Beomgyu slowly passed his finger under his eyes to get the tears that didn’t fall yet, getting his gaze away from the older one, a part of him probably disturbed by Soobin’s sudden empathy. 

- You’re still a fucking bitch though, you’re not getting away with it, that made Beomgyu snort.

- You just can’t be nice, huh ?

- I want you to apologize to Arin, he said, earning a side eye from the younger one, not convinced. Beomgyu.

- Ok, fine ! I will. 

Soobin nodded in approval, looking around them for a moment before finally getting up, starting to walk back to his own bed, until the blond boy grabbed his pants to get his attention. The older one looked at him, questioning with his eyes, even if Beomgyu wasn’t looking at him back. 

A few seconds passed before he talked, the boy still not looking.

- Thank you. 

- You should thank yourself. 

He said, getting away from the other’s hand to go back to his bed, as he grabbed a book on his nightstand. The conversation stopped there, Beomgyu eventually picked up his bag from the bed and got out, leaving Soobin alone in the dorm. 

The brunette passed a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment, thinking of what just happened. He wasn’t sure where to situate the outcome of the situation, but he left his mind being carried away, reality meddling into dreams, drifting away to a long sleep. 

Chapter Text

He looks just like you. 

Does he really, or do I want him to look like you ? 

I’ve always considered myself like an ironic person, but isn’t this irony going too far ? I don’t know if there’s a study about how many people that consume cocaine you can meet in a lifetime, but I’m pretty sure that the chances are practically none. 

Haven’t texted Taehyun yet. 

I made a new friend. Her name is Arin, you’d love her. I really want to be a good friend to her, keep her from the misery of life. After my fight with my roommate, he apologized to her, he seemed genuine in his words, or so she told me. After, he came back to the dorm, started to hang around the campus again.

His mood is better, looks less annoyed when I’m around. Asked me if I wanted to order some food one night. Questioned me about my piercings and tattoos, told me he never dared to make any. He likes photography, plays guitar. Loves strawberries, hates seafood, reminds him of family meetings. Mention of his family makes him moody. 

Are you watching me ? 

I can see you in him. 

Maybe I can make it right this time. 

- What are you doooing ? A voice cooed, a body slowly sliding on the bench Soobin was sitting on. 

Closing his notes, Soobin laid eyes on the blond haired boy that had just sat next to him. Today, he wasn’t wearing his lenses. He could see in his eyes he was relaxed, but couldn’t guess if he was sober or not. 

- Studying. Where’s your pretty boyfriend, you never leave his side on afternoons. 

He said, getting his notebook inside his bag before putting his elbows on the bench behind him. It was sunny, they were just about to leave winter, and the soft breeze of wind carried something gentle through the campus. Not really as gentle as Beomgyu’s hair, slowly growing as time went by. Soobin wondered how he could keep it this healthy, probably bleaching its roots every three weeks or so. 

Beomgyu looked at him suspiciously, before turning his gaze to look at people walking through the garden. 

- My pretty boyfriend, huh ? 

- What? Am I lying ? 

Soobin asked, still looking at Beomgyu, genuinely not getting why he was pointing out that comment. The boy sighed, shaking his head before actually giving an answer to the question. 

- He’s in the hockey team, he’s training today, there’s an important game on Friday. 

- We… have a hockey team ? 

Frowning at the older one’s question, he looked at him again, trying to guess if he was joking or if he really wasn’t aware of that fact. 

- Are you for real ? 

- Are you for real? He mimicked, a bit annoyed. I’m not a sports person, I wasn’t aware of any team’s existence. 

- You do skateboard ?

- That’s not a sport. 

- There’s literally a skateboard trial during the Olympics.

- Not a sport. 

Seeing Soobin pout made Beomgyu laugh, only making it worst for the taller one, until he realized that was probably the first time he was hearing a real laugh from the boy. He didn’t notice he was staring until the other one stopped laughing bits by bits, before looking at him, a smile on his face while tilting his head lightly. 

- What ? 

- Nothing, whatever dude. 

+x+

Friday arrived, and Soobin couldn’t be more relieved. He knew that he’d get to sleep a bit through the weekend, breathe again, maybe even keep looking for a job. He was starting to be short on money, he wouldn’t lie. 

That was before Arin arrived first thing in the morning at his door, trying to convince him to come to the hockey match and to the after-party that came after that. 

- Come on Soobin-ah ! It will be fun, I swear ! 

- So I can babysit you all night ? No way, I need to rest. 

- You’ll rest when you’re dead!

- Oh so that’s what Yeonjun’s been doing this whole time, lucky man. 

Arin looked at him as she parted her lips, Soobin trying not to laugh at the girl’s reaction. He loved to make people uncomfortable with his jokes, and as Arin was the only one knowing about Yeonjun, she’d have to bare with it. 

At that moment, the door opened, Beomgyu entering the room with a bunch of flowers in his hand, waving at the girl with a soft smile. He didn’t sleep at the dorm tonight, and probably just came back from Kai’s dorm, that’s for sure. 

- Already here ?

- ‘Gyu! Please help me convince Soobin to come to the game tonight, and the after party!

Soobin watched as Beomgyu went to his nightstand, taking the dead flowers out of the vase that stood there, throwing them in the bin without hesitation and replacing it with the new bouquet. That was a thing he noticed, that Huening Kai offered him flowers, very often. The mechanism was simple : Beomgyu would replace the old ones, throw some paper his boyfriend wrote him into the drawer, and never open it again. That was exactly what happened, Beomgyu turning to look at them attentively, catching Soobin’s eyes go from the drawer to his face. 

He then looked at Arin, shrugging. 

- If you’re asking, and he’s not coming, why do you think he’d come if I did. 

- Why are you two talking like I wasn’t-...

- Because you’re persuasive ! 

- That friend of yours is more stubborn than my mom’s mare. 

- Are you comparing me to a horse-...

- Beomgyu ! 

It’s too early for this shit, Soobin thought as he brought his hands to his face, not able to actually give his point of view. Eventually, after a few seconds of discussion, he exploded.

- FINE ! He half-screamed, getting both of their attention, startling them a bit. I’m coming, ok ?!

Arin cheered happily, doing a little happy dance, while Beomgyu crossed his arms against his chest as he couldn’t keep his eye roll for himself. He turned to his stuff, getting his bag ready with books for the classes he’d have today.  

Soobin listened as Arin gave him all the information he needed to have, saying she’d pick him up to show him where the game was, and that they needed to arrive early to have nice sits on the bleachers. He just nodded, really not patient enough to hear her yapping all day long. 

Eventually, she decided to leave the dorm, the brunette sighing as he closed the door. He really appreciated her company, but sometimes she was just a little too extreme. He turned around, crossing his arms against his chest when his eyes met Beomgyu, sat on his bed care freely looking at his phone. 

- There’s a condition. 

Surprised by the other’s voice, the blond boy lifted his head to look at Soobin, not getting what he was talking about. 

- Me coming to the party, there’s a condition to it. 

- Which is?...

- You’re not leaving my side all night. 

Not expecting this from the older one, Beomgyu shifted uncomfortably on his bed, hands laying on his lap.

- I knew there was something, there was no way you’d say yes without it being a trap. 

- That’s my condition. 

Slowly, Beomgyu let his phone on his bed, getting closer, step by step, slowly, as a smirk formed on his face. Soobin knew exactly what he was doing, definitely choosing to tease instead of taking the responsibility of what the older one was implying. Cat walking to him, but looking ridiculous as the room was not that big, Beomgyu eventually got close enough to Soobin.

- Oh, so you love me that much, huh ? He said, invading the brunette’s personal space. 

Beomgyu wasn’t small, but sometimes he did look like he was. Soobin was much taller, so he actually looked down on him, the boy in front of him standing way too closely, probably trying to get Soobin to step back, which he didn’t, his memories taking him back to that party. All that was going through his mind was drunk and dazed Beomgyu, against that penthouse’s bathroom door, Soobin’s hand around his throat as he looked down at the boy, lips quivering and almost begging him to touch him.

- You’re embarrassing yourself. 

The taller one said, putting his hands firmly on Beomgyu’s hips to get him to step aside, not letting his thoughts get in touch with his actions. He walked to his own bed, throwing his bag on his shoulder as he caught it. 

- If I see you get away from the party for a second tonight, I’ll tell Huening Kai about it, the blond-haired tried to argue, but Soobin didn’t give him the chance to, opening the door. Don’t be stupid.

And the door closed behind him as he left. 

+x+

Soobin wasn’t getting it. 

He could see it all. The way Huening Kai looked at Beomgyu, the way the boy dedicated every single point he scored to his boyfriend, every eye contact, every single effort the taller one could do to please the blond haired one. Everyone could see it, but Soobin seemed to be the only one to notice how Beomgyu wasn’t responsive at all. He always loved to get his boyfriend’s attention, yes, sure, but it was almost like he just wanted to get done with it rapidly. 

From what he had learned for the past weeks, Beomgyu and Huening Kai had always been together. Never one without the other, Beomgyu was treated like a king, and in this situation, like a princess. His boyfriend would follow him around, opened the doors for him, carried his stuff around, brought him flowers, wrote him notes, only having eyes for Beomgyu. And yet, Beomgyu seemed ready to fuck it all up.  

Once again : not like he cared. 

Soobin looked at Arin, already lost, as the third period of the game had just started. The only thing he got right until now, was that the game lasted 60 minutes and was slipped in 3 periods, between which they had a 15-minutes break.  He just wasn’t getting any of it. 

- No, cause… let’s be honest, why would you willingly go on an ice ring just to play a game that consists on scoring ? Can’t they just stick to football ? 

The boy looked as Arin rolled her eyes at him, still focused on the game as she cheered from times to times. He just pouted, adjusting himself on his sit, his legs being too long for the bleachers, not really comfortable on it.

- Like, I’m pretty sure ice skating was invented to cross lakes and shit, not to play on it-…

- Oh my god, how is it you never talk unless you need to shut up ? 

Ouch. Ok, yes, that was his clue to shut up at this point. He tried to sit still for a bit, getting annoyed as seconds went by. He really needed a cigarette. He looked at the game without really focusing on what was happening, before getting up, telling his friend he’d be right back. 

He made his way outside the building, luckily finding a place he could sit, and breathe. 

The indoor hockey rink they were in was completely empty from the outside, everyone was way too focused on the game that was about to end. The points were very tight between the two teams, and everyone was a bit tensed to know who would win.

Soobin never really was into sports, and that wouldn’t change now. He managed to stay inside for as long as he could possibly handle, now he needed a break. 

As his lighter lit up his cigarette and he inhaled the smoke into his lungs for the first time, Soobin saw someone in the corner of his eye. He didn’t really need to turn to see who it was, he knew just by the bright color of his hair. 

- Mind giving me one ?

Soobin didn’t let the surprise be seen on his face, but he sure was. Watching as the blond haired boy got closer to him, the brunette finally turned his head to look at Beomgyu. 

He wasn’t too overdressed this time, but still pretty for the after party that was coming, his makeup always on point as the blush on his cheekbones and nose made it seem like his skin was whiter. The most striking was probably the highlight on his eyelids, lighting up his face drastically. And also the pink gloss on his lips. His outfit was all black, black sweater, black shorts and knee-high leather black boots that cover his legs but only let his knees show. The only colored item of this outfit was the long pink ribbon (always the pink, huh?) that was wrapped around his neck, both ends falling on his chest, using it almost like a choker. Soobin wasn’t sure how this man could be this pretty.

- You smoke?

He asked, taking a smoke. He wasn’t the kind of smoker that gave other’s life lessons about not-smoking, and certainly not to someone that was already a drug addict. Soobin casually handed out his pack of cigarettes to Beomgyu, letting the blond boy take one.

- Only when I’m clean, and when I’m sure people won’t smell it on me .

Beomgyu looked at him right in the eyes as he implied that he was sober right now, stealing his lighter from his hand and lighting up his cigarette. Beomgyu then proceeded to blow his smoke into his face, just like Soobin had done to him a few weeks back. The brunette frowned, turning his face to look away. 

- Of course it’s about people. Do you ever do something that doesn’t imply pleasing people ?

Soobin was sure he was running on thin ice, maybe ruining the progress they had made for the last weeks. But surprisingly, Beomgyu just casually laughed, almost amused by the other’s comment.

- I was born to please people, that's how it is. 

So he was actually aware. The brunette rolled his eyes, his free hand finding his way down to his pocket, eyes lost in the distance as he watched the door of the gymnasium, self-aware that the other would be startled if anyone came out of it. 

After a few seconds in silence, he looked at the smallest one, casually looking at the parking lot that was next to them. It was fun to see how his lips seemed to have a life of their own, his face never fully resting. He couldn’t remember seeing a straight face from the boy, always making unconscious mimics. 

- You’re aware that he’ll be able to taste it from your lips, right? 

Soobin didn’t need to say any names, Beomgyu knew who he was talking about. Their eyes met, Beomgyu’s seemingly going through Soobin’s face for a second before taking a long drag from the cigarette, getting a small box of chewing-gums from his pocket. He shook it in front of the other’s eyes, who noticed the pink color.

- Strawberry, huh? 

- Always strawberry. 

+x+

Seoul university’s hockey team won the game by a hair’s breadth and the crowd went absolutely crazy. Huening Kai scored the winning point and got cheered as the man of the night, skating out of the rink to kiss his boyfriend as a celebration. Beomgyu’s hands reached for his neck, their lips meeting forcefully, the taller one pulling the other by the waist with a huge smile on his face. Strawberry? He asked as he stepped back, his boyfriend nodding as he pinched his own lips, his cheeks slightly red. 

Soobin almost sighed loudly at that scene, eyes watching in another way before someone noticed he was staring too much. He almost felt bad for a second, covering for his roommate’s secrets, and he must have looked gloomy because Arin picked it up. 

- Are you feeling alright? She asked, getting her friend’s attention. 

- Preparing myself mentally for that damn party. 

- It will be fun, promise ! 

The boy shrugged, both getting up from their seats that were higher compared to the rink and from where Kai and Beomgyu were standing right now. 

The second they crossed the front door of the gymnasium, Soobin was pretty sure they blinked an eye and they crossed the bar’s one, right where the party would take place. Cheers and excitement were immediately replaced by music and loud voices, Soobin’s eyes adjusting to the low lights inside the building. 

This time, the party wasn’t at someone’s house, the student council apparently having enough money to privatize a whole bar that was divided in two floors. First floor was the bar, pretty rustic if you’d ask Soobin’s impression, almost like those pubs he could find back in his hometown. Players and students were probably starving, and that first floor would be the perfect spot for them to eat, having enough tables for them and few more students

The upper part had its own club, serving everyone’s preferences at the end. Soobin was pretty sure he’d make the lower part his home, to which Arin disagreed, saying that everyone would be dancing at the club. The fewer, the better, that was Soobin’s point. But he was pretty sure he wouldn’t spend much time there when he saw the hockey team enter the room, Kai’s arm casually hanging around his boyfriend’s shoulders. Beomgyu seemed a little overwhelmed by the crowd around them, his eyes landing on Soobin after a while. Huening Kai’s gaze followed, his face lighting up as he saw his friends, getting closer.

- Arin-ah! Soobin hyung! Please join us ! He said cheerfully, making Soobin’s head shake slowly.

- Yeah, huh, I’m not sure- 

- We will! Arin answered, making no choice for the taller one that casually gave up, knowing he couldn’t protest. 

Within no time, they ended up sat at a table, surrounded by the hockey team, Soobin having to sit straight to fit between two guys that had excessively wide shoulders. Soobin was taller, and yet, here he was, making himself smaller to fit. 

This scene was too out of character for him. Soobin, that was trying to be the less noticeable person in this city, was sitting at the table that most people would pay to be at. This was getting ridiculous. He brought the straw that was hanging on his freshly arrived glass, full of a drink he couldn’t even name, he silently watched people talk about the game that had just occurred. Thankfully, nobody really seemed to notice, but that was until the attention was brought to him. 

Unexpectedly, the guy just next to him caught his wrist, gasping as he watched the tattoos on his fingers, amazed. Soobin grimaced lightly at the sudden unwanted contact, really not appreciating it but baring with it. 

- Woooow, you have tattoos, that’s so cool! 

- Heyo, Matthew-ssi, he’s your hyung, pay some respect, Beomgyu started, clearly catching Soobin’s annoyance. 

- Oh, I’m so sorry, Soobin hyung, I had no idea-… he said, letting the older one’s wrist go, who just shook it off with his hand. May I ask what they mean?

Soobin looked at his own fingers, moving them slowly as he watched the two Vs of his pinky and middle finger, followed by a III on his ring finger. He gulped for a second, looking back at the youngest, before speaking.

- My best friend Taehyun and I were both born on the fifth day of our month, and my best friend Yeonjun was born on a 13th. If you add up the roman numbers, you get-…

- 13, Arin said, knowing how much it meant for Soobin, who slowly nodded. 

- Oh, I wasn’t expecting that! Do you have others? 

- I do, but they’re in hiding places, we’re not close enough for me to show them to you, sorry guys.

And like that, Soobin ended up as the center of attention. He quickly discovered that most of these guys were between the 01 and 05 line, making Soobin look way too old, luckily having Arin with him, since she was a 99 liner. They then proceeded on telling him how he probably was very good at sports since he was tall, earning some gasps from some of the guys when he told them he wasn’t, as Huening Kai was the tallest and yet couldn’t reach Soobin’s height. 

In no time, drinks kept coming, and it was starting to feel more and more like a friend group meeting than an actual party. Everyone was cheerful, and even if eventually Soobin fell into oblivion, he still felt Beomgyu’s gaze on him, trying to ignore that completely. 

When they started to be a little bit too loud, alcohol getting into their system, some boys at the table began to leave, deciding to enjoy the party, to what Arin reacted instantly by dragging Soobin upstairs, followed by the others. He was officially Arin’s dance partner, and he seemed to be doomed for the rest of his college years to be forced into the dance floor until the girl actually found a proper boyfriend. 

He looked around him, seeing Huening Kai pulling his boyfriend against him as the music played inside the room, louder than downstairs. Like the first party Soobin ever attended in Seoul, the blond haired boy looked at him above Kai’s shoulder, and even if Soobin returned his stare back, he eventually completely forgot the boy. Being in the same room as him, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t do anything stupid. 

The tall brunette could feel the effect of the alcohol in his veins, due to the fact he didn’t drink that much for a long time, he was surely a bit tipsy. He watched as Arin moved her body, music ringing in his ears to the point where it was just a loud sound. The room was hot, and he was glad he left his jacket at their table. His outfit was simple, not very noticeable compared to the crowd of people around him, but it was effective. Black is always the right choice , Yeonjun’s voice seemed to echo deep inside his head each time he looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing an oversized black t-shirt, complimented by a dark gray ripped baggy jean, choosing to only wear a silver necklace around his neck today, just to give a light touch to his outfit. The looseness of his clothes followed as he danced with his friend, cheeks a bit pink as the heat increased inside the club. 

He watched as Arin had fun, in a safe distance from him and not really paying attention to him, and it was either her bright smile that was contagious or Soobin was really tipsy, but he was smiling too, trying his best to not look silly as he danced. 

At some point, he took a step back, and crashed into someone, gasping as he turned, ready to apologize when his eyes met Beomgyu’s, looking up at him. 

With a confused look, Soobin tried to spot the blond one’s boyfriend, without success, before looking back at him. 

- Where’s Hyuka ? 

- Weren’t you supposed to keep an eye on me ? 

Soobin tried to contest the question that came out of the other’s mouth, but he really didn’t know how to do so. He looked back at his roommate, not really sure what he wanted him to do right now, but Beomgyu took a step forward, eyes locked into his, grabbing his hand to invite him to dance. 

Despite his hesitation, Soobin eventually gave in, rolling his eyes as he noticed the grin on Beomgyu’s face, the boy’s hand letting go of his to land on Soobin’s shoulder, moving slowly in sync with the music. If Soobin had some trouble concentrating to not look ridiculous before, it was even harder now to focus on something else than the boy’s unpredictable behavior. Beomgyu got closer to him, his face reaching for his ear before he talked. 

- You looking fucking hot with your cheeks flushed. 

Soobin’s lips parted at the words, the hand on his shoulder sliding slowly towards his neck. The dizziness he was previously feeling seemed to have suddenly disappeared, realizing what the fuck was happening right now, his eyes dropping to see how close they were.  From where he was standing, Soobin could see how lightly loose his shirt was, giving him a front-row access to a view he wasn’t even supposed to get. He almost cursed, lifting his head to look around them, his hand reaching for the other’s arm, pulling it down from his neck. 

- You’re way too drunk to even be talking to me. 

Beomgyu just casually giggled at this statement, Soobin’s movements making him stumble lightly to the point where Soobin had to reach for his waist to keep him from falling. They looked at each other for a bit, Beomgyu chuckling as he looked up at Soobin, smiling mischievously.

- Should we stop talking and jump into more serious things then? 

- You’re insufferable, you know that, right ? 

It was getting harder to keep his head straight, as he could feel Beomgyu’s weight being fully supported by his own arm, forced to pull him closer and fully circle his waist, the latter being small enough for Soobin to reach the other’s belly with his fingers. He was about to be the weaker soldier right now. 

- You really seem to be enjoying my drunkenness tonight, though. 

- What, just ‘cause I’m keeping your pretty face from hitting the floor in front of everyone ? He noticed how the other’s cheeks blushed at the hidden compliment, tilting his head lightly as his arm went up to keep the other straight, holding his back now. Plus, I prefer to see you drunk than stoned. 

When he was sure Beomgyu would stand by himself, he took a step back and fully let go of him, suddenly a bit tensed by all of Beomgyu’s flirting attitude. The boy had no shame. 

- Oh my god, do you ever talk about anything else? Get over yourself, Soobin, for real. 

Soobin fully frowned as he watched Beomgyu walk away from him, joining some of his friends at the bar to get his drink back. The boy stood there for a few seconds, not really believing the fact that he was the one that was supposed to get over himself. Turning to look for Arin, he noticed how she’d just found a dance partner, which dismissed him from his functions for the night. Good for her. 

Jaw slightly clenched, Soobin ordered a drink at the bar before sitting angrily in the leather sofas that were positioned against the club’s walls. 

Soobin focused on sipping his glass, the bitterness of the alcohol doing little to ease the one in his heart. He tried to focus on something else, but despite his self-awareness, his gaze lingered on Beomgyu, who was now immersed in a conversation with his friends at the bar, the playful grin still etched on his face. Soobin was fully annoyed now, and maybe it was the alcohol, but he could feel some sort of jealousy as he noticed how Beomgyu’s attention was fleeting and easily captured by anyone who caught his eye.

As the music pulsed around him, Soobin's thoughts drifted back to their exchange, the memory of Beomgyu's flirtatious teasing still fresh in his mind. He couldn't shake the feeling of being drawn to Beomgyu, despite his better judgment telling him to stay away. It was as if a magnetic force kept pulling them together, regardless of the consequences.

Lost in his thoughts, Soobin barely noticed when a familiar figure slid into the seat beside him. It was Arin, her eyes filled with concern as she studied his troubled expression.

- Soobin, are you ok ? She asked, her voice soft with worry. It’s not ‘cause I left you alone, is it ? 

- No, Arin. Don’t worry, I’m fine, he replied, his voice drained. He forced a smile, not wanting to worry her. Just… dealing with some stuff. 

His friend nodded understandingly, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his arm, to which Soobin flinched a bit but accepted, looking at her attentively.

- You know you can talk to me, right ? Whatever it is, you don’t have to face it alone.

Soobin’s nose wriggled slightly by that sentence, being a bit triggered by it since he had never stopped hearing it since Yeonjun died. He actually thought about it for a second though, the weight of this whole situation feeling like too much sometimes. Beomgyu’s drug addiction, his mind comparing him to Yeonjun, Beomgyu’s flirting and whole attitude. 

But before he could respond, the familiar sound of laughter drew his attention back to the bar, where Beomgyu was now engaged in a playful game with his friends.

Taking a deep breath, Soobin pushed aside his inner turmoil and lifted on a facade of indifference. Was he even better than the golden boy at this point ? 

-Thanks Arin, I appreciate it, he said, his voice much more steady now. But I don’t feel comfortable doing so. Go have some fun, don’t mind me.

It was a first to Soobin, admitting that something was bothering him but that he didn’t feel like yapping about it. Maybe it was just Arin and her magic stuff at this point.

Arin gave him a sympathetic smile, squeezing his arm gently before rising from her seat.

- I understand, but remember, I’m here when you'll be ready to talk about it! 

Watching her disappear into the crowd, Soobin turned his gaze back to Beomgyu, the ache in his chest growing stronger with each passing moment. Despite his best efforts to push him away, Beomgyu had a way of getting under his skin, most of the time leaving him torn between desire and self-preservation.

With a heavy sigh, Soobin drained the last of his drink and resigned himself to the night ahead, knowing that no amount of alcohol could drown out the tumultuous emotions swirling inside of him.

As Soobin sat alone for a good thirty minutes, drinking one more glass and lost in his thoughts, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled over him like a heavy shroud. The music throbbed in the background, a relentless beat that seemed to echo the pounding of his heart as he watched Beomgyu's drunken antics from across the room.

He thought of it. Leaving. Letting the boy ruin himself. But once again, he didn’t seem to take his legs to leave that damn party. Plus, Arin had officially forgotten about him, because he couldn’t even see her anymore. He still texted her, making sure she was fine. This would be reused against her when she’d ask him to go to another party, that was for sure.

As he looked at the crowd, he saw Beomgyu coming back from the dance floor to the bar, looking even more drunk than when Soobin had left him. Yet, Soobin could see something was off.

Beomgyu's laughter rang out, loud and carefree, but Soobin could see through the facade, could see the desperation lurking behind the playful grin. As Beomgyu's movements grew more erratic, Soobin's concern deepened, something he’d blame on the alcohol later because, why the fuck was he even worried about that brat ?

He watched as Beomgyu's eyes ran around the room, his gaze restless and unfocused. It was then that Soobin noticed the significant signs—the trembling hands, the dilated pupils, the faint drops of sweat that shined on Beomgyu's forehead. He knew without a doubt that Beomgyu was coming down from a high, his body craving the drug that fueled his addiction.

Soobin's jaw clenched as he watched Beomgyu's agitation escalate, his movements growing more frantic each passing moment. He could see the desperation in Beomgyu's eyes, the need for another hit burning like a fever in his veins. His gaze wandered around the room, looking for any signs of Huening Kai that was nowhere to be found. When his eyes came back to the golden boy, he noticed how his weight fell into the bar’s counter, struggling to stand. 

Without thinking, Soobin rose from his seat, determined to intervene before Beomgyu did something he would regret. He made his way through the crowd, his focus fully on Beomgyu's stumbling form as he approached.

- Beomgyu, we need to go, Soobin said, his voice firm.

The golden head boy turned to him, his eyes glassy and unfocused as he answered, half misarticulated, which was easily confused by the alcohol in his veins. And also the fact that Beomgyu had a tendency to misspeak sometimes, Soobin had notice. 

- What are you talking about?

- We need to leave, Soobin repeated, his tone leaving no room for argument. You’re in no condition to be here. 

Beomgyu's brows furrowed in confusion, his gaze darting around the room again as if searching for something he had lost. Soobin could see the battle raging within him, the desperate need for another hit warring with the instinct for self-preservation.

- I need... Beomgyu began, but Soobin cut him off with a shake of his head.

- No, Beomgyu, Soobin said, his voice tinged with steel. You don't need it. You need to come with me.

Beomgyu opened his mouth to protest, but Soobin silenced him with a look, his gaze unwavering in its intensity. Reluctantly, Beomgyu nodded, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he allowed Soobin to lead him away from the chaos of the party.

As they stepped out into the cold night air and as they waited for the taxi Soobin had just called, Soobin could feel the tension radiating from his roommate. When the car arrived, he guided Beomgyu into the backseat before climbing in beside him.

The ride back to the dorm was tense, the silence thick with unspoken words and unspoken fears. Soobin kept a vigilant eye on Beomgyu, his heart heavy with the weight of their shared burden. As they neared the dorm, Soobin's phone buzzed with an incoming call. He glanced at the screen to see Huening Kai's name flashing, a pang of guilt twisting in his chest. He hesitated for a moment before answering, preparing himself for the inevitable questions.

- Hey, Huening Kai, Soobin said, his voice tight with apprehension.

- Hey, Soobin hyung , Huening Kai replied, the sound of the party behind him echoing through the speaker. I was wondering if you've seen Beomgyu? I can’t find him, and he's not answering his phone, I'm getting a little worried.

Soobin's heart sank at the worry in Huening Kai's voice, the guilt weighing heavily on his conscience. 

- Yeah, we're on our way back to the dorm now , he admitted, his voice tinged with regret. He's... he's had a bit too much to drink. I’m sorry we didn’t warn you. 

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, before Huening Kai spoke again, his concern evident. 

- Oh…Is he okay? Should I come get him?

Soobin glanced at Beomgyu, who was slumped against the window, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow. 

- No, it's okay, Soobin replied, his voice soft with reassurance. I'll take care of him. Just... don't worry, okay?

Huening Kai sighed, his relief palpable even through the phone. 

- Okay, just let me know if he needs anything. And Soobin… he paused, seemingly looking for the words, thank you.

Soobin swallowed past the lump in his throat, nodding as if Huening Kai could see it and ended the call. He knew that he was betraying Huening Kai's trust, but he couldn't do anything differently.

As they arrived back at the dorm, Soobin helped Beomgyu inside, his movements gentle yet firm as he guided him to his bed. Beomgyu collapsed onto the mattress, his breathing ragged as he fought to keep his composure.

Soobin hovered at his side, torn between the urge to comfort him and the knowledge that their situation was far from ideal. He watched as Beomgyu's facade crumbled, the weight of his addiction bearing down on him with a crushing force.

- Beomgyu, are you okay? Soobin asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.

Beomgyu shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes as he struggled to find the words to express whatever was happening inside of him.

Soobin watched him for a moment, not really knowing what to do right now. 

Without a word, he made his way to his own bed and after putting himself in his pajamas, he laid down, the weight of exhaustion pressing down on him like a leaden blanket.

But as he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered in the air. And when he heard Beomgyu's stifled sobs echoing through the darkness, Soobin knew that the night was far from over. 

Minutes turned into hours, and then, just as he was on the brink of drifting off, he felt Beomgyu's presence beside him, the warmth of his body seeping into Soobin's bones.

Without a word, Soobin shifted aside, making room for Beomgyu as he crawled into his bed, just beside him. And as they laid there in the darkness, their breaths mingling in the stillness of the night, Soobin slowly pulled the boy into his side, Beomgyu burying his face in Soobin's chest, his body shaking with the force of his emotions.

Soobin held him tight, eyes focused on the darkness of their shared room. At some point, the brunette felt Beomgyu’s breath steady and as he became self-aware of the whole situation, he knew, that he was, in fact, completely fucked.

+x+

Went to another party. Kept an eye on him. I’m not sure why I keep writing these notes, but it makes it easier. I think he found a way to take drugs without me seeing it, my theory is the time between the end of the game and the trajectory to the bar. Probably won’t tell his boyfriend. Ended up taking him back to the dorm, we slept together. Like. Slept. Nothing happened. Never mentioned his boyfriend before, but he’s a sweetheart. 

Woke up alone. No signs of him. 

Nothing good is coming from this. 

I wasn’t planning on getting emotionally involved, but I think it started when I decided to help him. 

Keep me from doing anything stupid if it’s not already the case, please.

Hopefully, next time, I’ll come back with good news.  

Soobin closed his notebook, eyes still puffy from the amount of sleep he’d get. His hair was probably a mess, in fact, he was sure he didn’t look fine at all. When he opened his eyes, the space next to him in his single bed was empty, Beomgyu’s scent still floating in the hair. Soobin wasn’t really sure what he’d expect from this, but he was pretty sure he could blame the alcohol on the fact that he’d let Beomgyu sleep in his bed, that was for sure. 

Throwing his notebook onto his nightstand, he heard the stiff sound of something fall into the floor, his eyes caught by a small form laying there. Bending to catch it, his fingers brought the thing up, taking time to examine the object : in his hand, a small swan-shaped origami was now standing, Soobin’s eyes blinking various time while his heart warmed a bit at the sight of it. So Beomgyu was like that, huh?

A soft smile appeared on Soobin’s lips, slowly putting the little paper-made figure on top of his notebook. 

Without warning, he heard his phone ring, an unknown number appearing on the screen. As he cleared his throat, his thumb answered the call, bringing the phone to his ear. 

- Hello ? 

- Hello, sir Choi Soobin ? It’s Hyejin from the Blue Spring Bookstore, you applied for a job here a month ago ? 

Suddenly very much awake, Soobin sat straight on his bed, grabbing the pen that was still next to him and getting a white sheet, fully focused on the conversation now. 

- Wow, huh. Sorry, I wasn’t really expecting for someone to call me back, as it had already been a long time, he said, earning a chuckle from the women on the other side of the line. 

- Well, yes, we had some changes, the bookshop is under new management and most people that applied for the job already found another one.. You are my last hope. 

The boy closed his eyes, inhaling for a moment, feeling like some weight had just be lifted from his shoulders. He really needed this job, and knowing that it would be in a library and not in some busy place made him even more motivated on getting it. 

He opened his eyes again, his gaze drawn to the notebook laying on his nightstand. He wasn’t a believer of afterlife, but fuck-... If this wasn’t Yeonjun’s doing, then it was a really funny coincidence.

- I’m free ! He said, maybe too excited, and he was pretty sure the women on the other side laughed at his eagerness. We can meet up this afternoon, even, if you’d like. 

- I’m liking your enthusiasm, we’re still rearranging some things at the library so it’s a bit of a mess, but you can come so we can meet each other around… 3 in the afternoon? 

- Thank you so much, will be there.

As the woman gave him the address and her phone number in case, Soobin wrote it on the paper he was holding and hang up, standing from his bed, almost doing a happy dance, but he kept his cool. He was pretty convinced that for a library, his looks weren’t perfect. Despite his confidence on his day-to-day life, he knew that certain jobs preferred a ‘cleaner’ look. So he’d make an effort. It was worth it. 

+x+

Cursing under his breath after pushing on the fabric that was against his neck’s skin, Soobin looked at his phone with focus, trying to figure out where the bookshop was. He looked at himself on the display of some shops, feeling completely out of character. In order to hide the tattoos on his neck, Soobin had managed to find an old white turtleneck amongst his dark clothes. With that, a light gray jean, and a blue jean jacket. And as if he didn’t look like a perfect kid enough, he chose to wear glasses, thinking that maybe they’d catch the attention enough for the woman to forget about his lip piercings. It probably was a lost cause, but he told himself that if she didn’t notice the effort he had made, then maybe it wasn’t the job for him. 

When he finally got to the address he was told, the brunette noticed how nothing could be seen from the outside, the shutters only half opened, probably to solely let the light come inside. Intrigued, Soobin pushed the door, his eyes scanning the room, full of curiosity. 

The first thing he noticed was the unmistakable scent of fresh paint, mingling with the aroma of coffee and the fragrance of old books. The air was thick, and yet, something soft came out of it. The room was a chaos for the most of it, half-empty paint cans and tools wandering around, witnesses of the ongoing renovations.

He could see the dust dancing in the shafts of light that could break through the half-opened shutter, casting a soft glow over the room and adding a cozy atmosphere. The bookstore’s walls were lined with shelves of books, standing tall against it, looking like the most vintage furniture inside the room, whereas the rest looked much more modern, the mix really well balanced in Soobin’s opinion. 

The ceiling was high, and as he looked up, he could see a balcony overlooking the main floor, offering a bird’s-eye view of the shop. From here, Soobin could see rows of books, and also some boxes with unpacked furniture. 

Next to the high shelves on the walls of the lower part, some smaller ones, some filled with new books, and somewhere some books were still wrapped in plastic were laying upon it. Near the entrance, a cashier register sat atop a makeshift counter, its sleek modern design marked a contrast to the rustic charm of the bookstore. Next to it, a bar area awaited the arrival of a waiter, its wooden surface gleaming in the dim light. 

Suddenly, as Soobin was observing the environment, he felt something rubbing against his leg, making him jump at least two meters away from where he was standing, startled. Seconds after that, he heard a laugh coming from the balcony above him, his eyes not sure where to look at, but deciding to look at what had just touched him, seeing a black cat with short hair watching him, now sitting on the floor. 

- You must be Soobin-ssi. I see you met Momo. 

The brunette brought his hand to his chest as he looked up, watching the women come down from the balcony, taking the stairs that he hadn’t noticed before. He looked at her, ears a bit red as he bowed lightly to say hello. 

- Choi Soobin, you must be Hyejin. I’m sorry for embarrassing myself, I wasn’t expecting to see... Well, Momo. 

The older woman got closer to him, her eyes taking a moment to examine him. She was much smaller than him, and if he was being honest, the hottest woman he had seen in a while. She probably was close to her thirties, looking mature and very well-structured. She even was a bit scary to be honest. 

- Momo doesn’t usually get close to strangers. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him actually asking for cuddles since my grandma died. 

Oh goddamnit. Soobin pinched his lips, looking at the small animal that was now casually licking his paws, before passing it cutely behind his ears and looking back at them, eyes slowly blinking, unbothered. 

- Oh. Was she the one that owned the place ? 

- She was. I decided to take over the business, it was very dear to her. 

Hyejin slowly zigzagged between the tables that were hanging in the center of the room, slowly walking to the coffee counter, looking back at Soobin with a warm smile on her face. 

- Coffee ? She asked, turning the espresso machine on that was standing on the counter next to an assortment of mugs and saucers. 

- Please. No sugar. 

- Oh, so a real coffee drinker, huh ? 

She joked, waiting for the machine to take their coffees back. They waited in silence, Soobin finally crouching and watching the cat closer, not extending his arm until the animal got closer by himself, the boy’s fingers slowly petting the cat’s head, who purred, happily rubbing himself against the hand. 

When she came back with the two mugs, she pushed two chairs of one of the coffee tables, inviting Soobin to sit on it, who quickly got up, gladly doing so.

- You have tattoos ? She asked, catching a glance at Soobin’s fingers as he reached for one of the mugs. He slowly nodded, not hiding it. 

- I do. Actually, I have some in my neck, I hid it because I know it can be a problem. I understand if it’s eliminatory.

Soobin couldn’t describe the vibe emanating from this whole situation, but he could feel how open-minded the women was. She wasn’t wearing any wedding ring, so she probably wasn’t married, which, in their society and at her age, could be something unacceptable. Not that she seemed to care, and his thoughts were confirmed when she answered, after taking a sip of her coffee. 

- Listen, kid, my grandma was a great woman. She fought to keep her library opened, but she was too stuck in the past. She wanted to keep this room intact after her husband’s death, refused to change her habits and adapt to the world around us, she said, laying her back onto the chair, looking around them with nostalgia. I want to make this place a new place, where people can feel safe and be themselves. That’s why I’m making this shop not only a library, but a café. It’s pretty trendy these days. We need to change in order to survive, you know ? 

Soobin shifted uncomfortably on his chair, sitting straight, his eyes not daring to watch right into Hyejin’s. He was about to drink from his mug when Momo jumped onto his lap, casually sitting there.

-So, Soobin-ssi, the tattoos are fine, don’t hide them, you look pretty uncomfortable in that outfit, and I don’t care about your physical appearance. I’m looking for someone hard-working, reliable, that can do multiple tasks. I own this place now, but I need someone to help around from time to time. I read in your curricular that you’re a psychology student, right ? 

-That’s right, I arrived in the city two months ago. I-.. Well, I changed city after my friend died. Been trying to adjust since then.

His hand laid on the cat’s head, petting him lightly as the small gray animal stood still, Hyejin’s eyes caught the gesture, smiling softly. 

- Momo right there was the one that motivated grandma to come to the library. She got him when he was a kitten, he has always lived here. When she died, I tried to bring him home, but he kept running away to come back here. He hasn’t been the same since she left, but I guess you know how that goes, huh? 

Soobin looked back at Momo, shyly nodding at the assumption. The brunette couldn't help but admire the woman's strength and feel a surge of admiration for her.

As they settled into their chairs with steaming mugs of coffee, Soobin couldn't shake the feeling that he was exactly where he was meant to be. In this cozy bookstore, surrounded by books and coffee and the gentle purring of a cat named Momo, he felt a sense of belonging that he hadn't felt in a long time. And as he listened to the woman's stories of her grandmother and the bookstore's history, he knew that he found more than just a job.

+x+

Soobin basically spent the rest of the afternoon talking with Hyejin, while helping her put some new books in the shelves, glad to help. She didn’t say if she’d take him for the job until a few minutes before he left the bookstore, but she made it pretty obvious when she started to talk to him about how it would work around here. The opening wasn’t planned before two weeks, but she said that she’d pay him a normal wage if he helped her with the rest of the renovations, to what Soobin eagerly agreed to.

He was pretty sure Momo was the one that helped him get this job, because at some point during the afternoon, he was just casually following him around cutely, to the point where Soobin just melted and took some cute pictures of him next to the books. The whole energy of the bookstore gave off magical and mystic vibes, Momo participating a lot on that, and Soobin was living for it. 

On his way home, he scrolled through his gallery, looking at the cat wandering around the bookshelves, looking at the camera with his big green eyes. Not really knowing why, he felt like posting it on Instagram, which he hadn’t updated for months now, not that he cared, but he was feeling like doing so, so he did. 

On the caption, simply the mention of “Words and whiskers”, not really good at social media stuff. He looked at his screen for a while before pressing the “publish” button, his legs entering the campus domain. 

It was already getting darker, and the campus was starting to look a bit empty, specially since it was Saturday. But still, he couldn’t help but notice curious stares and double-takes from some of the students. His unusual style was catching people’s attention, as if he was new all over again. And as he got closer to the dorms, he heard someone call his name, the boy failing his mission on going back to his room without anyone he knew recognizing him.

- Oh my god, Choi Soobin, is that you ?!

Soobin raised an eyebrow, an amused smile appearing on the corner of his lips. 

- Last time I checked, yeah,  he replied, looking down at his outfit self-consciously. Arin’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she circled around him, taking in every detail of his ensemble. 

- Wow, I’ve never seen you dressed like this before! She exclaimed, pulling out her phone. Hold on, I have to document this moment. 

Before Soobin could protest, Arin was snapping away, capturing him from every angle like a paparazzi on the hunt for a celebrity scoop. She insisted on taking multiple shots, adjusting her angle and lighting like she was a professional photographer, and Soobin just stood there, not really knowing what to do. God, why was she always at the right spot at the right moment ? Was that a witchy thing, too?

- Soobin, you’re going to break the internet with these pictures, Arin declared, her enthusiasm contagious. I mean, look at you ! You’re like an entire new person ! 

- Well, don’t get used to it, Soobin said as he rolled his eyes, his emotions mixed between amusement and exasperation, but also a bit of embarrassment. 

But Arin was unbothered, already uploading the photos to her Instagram story with tons of excited emojis and exclamations. The boy looked at her phone, watching as she tagged him. I mean, were they really friends if they didn’t embarrass each other at some point ? 

- Where were you on a Saturday dressing up like that, sir ? She finally asked, before seeing Soobin’s post on her feed just after uploading the pictures. And whose cat is this ? 

He obviously was expecting this, going to sit on a bench with his friend, needing a cigarette before he went crazy from today’s events. As they sat and as Soobin explained how he got into a job in a bookstore, the boy could feel his notifications go crazy as people discovered the existence of his Instagram account because of Arin’s story. 

Amongst new followers, Beomgyu.

Soobin followed him back that night. 

+x+

Despite any expectations, busy life really suited Soobin. After his usual classes, he started to go help Hyejin at the bookstore, helping her rearrange some things that still needed to be done, whether it was painting, or moving furniture around the place. Decoration was a big deal for Hyejin too, so that’s why she kept asking the boy for help in that matter, even if Soobin didn’t really have any real skills in aesthetic. It had never been his thing, but yet, he always managed to make things look cool. He also liked staying there just to read or do his homework. 

Arin wasn’t really liking Soobin having stuff to do, though. Texted him she missed their bench afternoons, being dramatic, knowing that it had only been 5 days since the brunette had been coming to the bookstore. So, technically, that only made them miss two of their usual bench meetings. Soobin promised that he’d make up for it. 

It had been one week, Soobin had spent all his free time in the library, and Hyejin decided to kick him out of the place. 

- For god’s sake, Soobin-ah, get out of this dusty library, she said as she hit his head with a pen, surprising the boy that was casually reading a book he’d find about different styles of therapies. 

Soobin pouted, his finger keeping his page save as he rubbed the top of his hair, looking at the women, standing next to him.

- We’re opening in one week, and you’re paying me, so-... 

- It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon, she cut him off, putting the pen she was holding on the table Soobin was sitting at, no decent student would waste their free time locked between these walls. Plus, there’s nothing to do until we receive the rest of the furniture on Monday, so please go have a normal young adult life. 

There was no room to argue, Soobin even tried to convince her on staying by telling her some books were of his interest, to what she replied by stuffing them into a  brand-new Blue Spring bookstore tote bag, throwing it to his face, before definitely kicking him out of the store. 

The tote bag was cute, but he 100% looked stupid with it. At least, he was already making some advertising for the bookstore, that was the only thing he’d think about right now. In his way back to the campus, Soobin texted Arin to tell her that he was free this afternoon, if she wanted to meet up. 

Today was the first day of spring, the trees slowly announcing its comeback, and in no time, it had already been 2 months and a half that Soobin had arrived in Seoul. The good days were coming back, and of course everyone was out in town, hanging out with friends. Honestly, all Soobin had in mind for the day, was that this would be his first spring without Yeonjun, and that was enough to make him a bit moody. 

As he received a text from Arin saying that she already had plans for today with sad emojis, Soobin made the decision of entering a café, asking for an iced Americano before getting himself a table in the corner of the room, close to the display so he could get some good lighting to read. 

Soobin had always kept his mind busy to keep himself from thinking too much, but he’d admit that this past week he had overdone it, adding another charge to his life with this job. Hyejin was lovely, insisting that she didn’t need him to be there frequently for now, but he always kept saying that he was only there for Momo. Which wasn’t untrue, because he was growing fond of his cute personality. 

Now that he had free time, maybe he could focus on his major again, specially since Arin wasn’t available. He had just received a new assignment that needed some research work, and he could start to get some work done thanks to the books he’d brought from the bookstore. This grade would be a huge part of this semester’s evaluation, so he needed to make it right, even if it wasn’t due until the end of the school’s year. 

His head in a world of words to keep him from reality, Soobin seemed completely disconnected from the surrounding environment, the sound of people coming and going really just as a background noise. That was until a mischievous voice broke through the quiet hum of the café. 

- Well, well, well, look who we have here.

Soobin glanced up from his book, his eyes widening in surprise as he spotted Beomgyu sauntering over to his table, a playful grin on his lips. He hadn’t expected to run into his roommate here, of all places, and certainly not in such a teasing manner. Specially after the last time they saw each other.

- Beomgyu, Soobin greeted, trying to mask his surprise with a casual unbothered face. Fancy seeing you here.

Beomgyu slid into the seat opposite to Soobin’s, his grin widening, and with that, earning an annoying eye from the brunette. 

- Oh, you know me, he replied, leaning back in his chair. I’m everywhere. 

Soobin raised an eyebrow, amusement flickering in his eyes to Beomgyu’s behavior. He was acting all confident, but he could feel something was burning at the tip of his tongue. They both knew. 

- Yeah, everywhere except our dorm, apparently. 

He could see the light twitch in Beomgyu’s eyes as he mentioned that fact, the boy crossing his arms against his chest, looking attentively at the brunette. 

- Touché.

Soobin waited for something else, for something to be said by Beomgyu, but seeing that the younger wasn’t going anywhere with this, he just let his gaze fall back to his book. If the blond boy didn’t have anything to add, then neither did he. 

After what seemed like a minute for Soobin, Beomgyu finally moved, getting his chair closer to the table. He stood there for a second, before talking again.

- Listen, next time I’ll do better, okay?

The brunette’s eyebrows twitched slightly at the sound of that sentence, not lifting his head to look up at him, but solely raising his eyes from his book in his direction.

- Next time ? He questioned, detailing the traits on the other’s face, who tilted his head lightly, a grin on his lips.

- Won’t leave your arms in the middle of our cuddling session.

They stared at each other for a long time, Soobin about to snap at him when they heard Beomgyu’s friends informing him that his drink had arrived. The blond haired looked in their direction, and then back at the older one, eyes running through his face. He stood up, Soobin following his actions attentively, seeing the other look down at his lips before waving cutely at him. 

- See you around, handsome. 

Dumbfounded, Soobin just stood there, bringing his iced drink to get his temperature down. His patience had a thin line, and Beomgyu probably just crossed it.

Chapter Text

Choosing a topic of research for his psychology major was much harder for Soobin than what he thought it would be. This research was basically what he would be focusing on for the rest of his scholarship, his professor putting an emphasis on the fact that, it would be better to start thinking of what motivated them to follow this major, and what type of methods they would like to use in the future. Therefore, on what branch they would like to work on. 

That actually was a big deal for the brunette, as he had started his major on a sudden impulse. He was older than most of the students in his year there, soon reaching for his 24th birthday. He had tried different kind of studies before, without much success. He had dedicated his first two years of university when he was 18 to pharmacy studies, and eventually decided to quit, as it wasn’t really his thing. Too much mathematics, not enough self-thinking. 

He then proceeded on a year off of school,  while Taehyun was about to finish his degree in technology engineer, and Yeonjun-... Well, Yeonjun was still Yeonjun. They even worked at the same grocery store at some point, until they both got fired because they caused too much trouble. It was thanks to that year that he managed to put some money aside to buy a car - an old one.

When he reached his 22nd birthday, his parents pressured him to keep going in his studies, and it was right when Yeonjun was struggling the most with his addiction. So he decided to start psychology, because the boy always told him he’d make a good therapist. 

He had never gotten a purpose after that. And now that he was on the verge to finish his second year of his degree, maybe he needed to focus on what he wanted to do with it, eventually. 

Soobin’s first type of research was pretty basic : he started to read, banning the methods that didn’t resonate in him. The first kind of therapies that were quickly excluded were all those in which he needed to communicate. Maybe he’d need a therapist himself to unravel the fact that he wanted to work with people, and yet, couldn’t talk for shit. 

That took 3 types of therapies out : Psychodynamic therapy, Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Therapy. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t ever use this kind of therapy in the future, just that he wasn’t really interested on digging deeper into it, as he was pretty sure anyone in psychology could do it. 

When he found himself struggling, he then decided to proceed on admitting to himself why he was following his studies. He had experience with drug addicts, and was sensitive to the cause. Maybe a bit too much. But if he could target a certain type of ‘audience’ for his work, maybe that was it. He was good at reading deeper signs, certain behaviors, but that didn’t mean that would help him at all in front of a patient he’d just met. 

The more he read, the more his focus bent over therapy through art, that included any type of drawing, coloring, painting, sculpting done by the patient and used by the therapist to examine psychological and mental health of the individual in question. It had other benefits, and Soobin felt like this was the one. 

His research kept going forward with each passing day, and in no time, opening day came at the library. They organized an event in the café, and that was pretty successful, old customers glad for the reopening, and new ones absolutely blessed by this new spot. Momo just snobbed new welcomers, not really a fan of strangers, which was funny because he was raised all his life in this environment, and yet, hated it. 

The job was perfect, and even if at the start, Soobin had some trouble with his clumsiness, he eventually got used to it. And he actually had some time to work on his assignments there, even when Arin came by unexpected, but thankfully she brought people with her, so that was only great for business. 

As days went by, Soobin finally took the decision to send an e-mail to a local rehabilitation center, asking if he could do some research work there too, one of the therapists gladly saying yes. 

And one day, he finally had the guts to mark an appointment with the said therapist. 

Soobin wasn’t sure which contract he had signed during his life that stipulated he’d dedicate it to drug addiction, and yet, here he was, standing in front of a rehabilitation center. 

As he stepped through the entrance, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of apprehension tinged with curiosity. The air inside seemed charged with a mixture of hope and uncertainty, and Soobin found himself taking hesitant steps forward. 

Welcomed by a woman at the entrance, all dressed in white, she kindly smiled at him from behind her desk, looking at him attentively.

- Hello ? May I help you, young man ? 

Soobin took a few seconds before answering, the words he had practice inside his head seemingly having disappeared for a second. 

- Hum, yes, sorry… I’m here because I have an appointment with.. Park Seojoon ? I’m Mr.Choi.

The lady frowned a bit, her gaze going from the boy’s face to her laptop, looking for something there, before shaking her head slowly, apparently confused. 

- Mr Park doesn’t receive any patients today… 

- Wait, what-?...

- Are you sure you came on the right day ? 

Honestly, Soobin’s brain understood perfectly what was going on, but his mouth didn’t seem to follow. I mean, look at him. Tattooed, lip piercing, full black outfit. Of course anyone that entered this building and saw him would think he was here for his addiction. Which he wasn’t. It was quite the opposite. 

When he was about to talk again, a friendly voice broke through his thoughts, drawing his attention to a middle-aged man approaching them with a warm smile. 

- It’s fine Dami-ssi. Mr. Choi is a psychology student, he isn’t here for therapy. 

Soobin quickly bowed in front of the older man as the latter moved his hand towards him, which he mimicked, shaking it. The woman apologize quickly for her careless mistake, truly embarrassed from the exchange that had just occurred, to what Soobin simply laughed, scratching his neck lightly. Eventually, his focus came back to the therapist. 

- Welcome to our center, Soobin. I’m Mr. Park, but please call me Seo-joon. We’re delighted to have you here. 

Soobin smiled at him, offering a polite nod in response. 

- Thank you, Mr.Park. I appreciate it. 

- I bet you have tons of questions, but let me show you around and introduce you to some of our facilities. I want you to feel comfortable, ok ? It’s a safe place. 

Comfortable. Yeah, as if anyone really did. He shook that thought off as Mr. Park led him through the corridors of the center, explaining the purpose of each room they passed by. They walked past counseling offices where therapists met with patients, communal areas where group therapy sessions were held, and recreation rooms where patients could engage in various activities. 

- I read a bit of the kind of research you are doing, so let me introduce our art therapy room. We believe in the healing power of creativity, and many of our patients find peace and self-expression through art. 

Soobin peeked into the room, noting the colorful array of supplies neatly arranged on shelves. Canvases, paints, brushes inviting anyone for an emotional release and exploration. Soobin had more of a writer’s soul, liked reading and metaphors. But it never stopped him from enjoying painting and the meanings behind it. Colors attracted his gaze, admiring the room before speaking. 

- It’s... It’s quite impressive.  

- Here we strive to provide a nurturing environment, where individuals can heal and grow with different activities. We often focus on sport for addiction, but it’s not the good option for everyone. Here, let me show you our meditation room. 

As they continued their tour, Soobin couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable, walking around the place like it was some exposition. He wondered, how Yeonjun would have felt in a place like this, and he wasn’t sure this was the ideal set for people like him. 

Eventually, they ended up walking to the doctor’s office, Soobin settling into the chair opposite to Dr. Park’s, his mind buzzing with questions about addiction and the role of therapy in its treatment. 

He spent the rest of his morning there. 

+x+

Soobin’s life motivations were always based on his hyper fixations. It started as a child when he had an hyper fixation on bunnies, forcing his poor mother to get him one as a pet. Refused to eat anything rabbit-related. Had tons of merch with bunnies on it, from his backpack, pens, stickers, his comfort plushie and blanket.  

When he started to go to school, his passion for anime began. His collection grew, his parents couldn’t afford too much, but he got some mangas from time to time, and he couldn’t even sleep the night before the release of a new episode of One Piece. 

As he reached adolescence, his new obsession was music, even tried to learn how to play the guitar by himself at some point, as there was no way his parents could afford to pay him classes. Punk rock and video games rapidly became a huge part of his life. 

The worst obsession of his life, according to his parents, probably had been Yeonjun. That’s how they described their relationship at some point. They’d never been great fans of the boy, especially as everyone knew whose son he was. But Soobin never cared, sometimes getting into fights with his parents, which was surprising because Soobin never dared to talk back to them. At that moment, Yeonjun was blacklisted by Soobin’s progenitors.

Therefore, when Soobin got that art therapy thing into his head, there was nothing else left. The week that followed his meeting with the therapist, Soobin spent his time looking at different kinds of art, drawings,  and painting. He had tried drawing before, when he had his manga hyperfixation. But painting had never been of his interest.

So, when he ended up sitting on the floor of his dorm, surrounded by half of his first salary spent on canvas, brushes and different colors of paint, Soobin was about to regret half of his life choices. 

He really didn’t know where he was going with this, but he eventually dared to trace his first line, starting to paint various ones with many colors, fucking it all up when the door slammed open.

Cursing, he turned his head to look at his roommate that had just entered his room, who actually frowned, confused.

- Can’t you just open the door slowly like a normal person ? 

- What the hell ? 

Beomgyu looked at the mess inside their room, closing the door behind him and throwing his jacket onto his bed, before crouching to look at the canvas Soobin had just started.

- Did you decide to quit psychology and do art studies ? Because if you did… I’m sorry but… you really suck. 

The improvised painter couldn’t help but frown, looking back at the beginning of his painting, the dark line he made because of how hard he jumped, only making it all worse.

- How can you even say it sucks if it’s not finished yet ? Plus, you’re the one coming back here unwarned like a mad man. Soobin said, trying to clean the dark line from his canvas which didn’t really help.

Beomgyu sat on the floor next to him, taking his shoes off, the taller one eye-siding him. Either he was about to change, either he was staying for the night, which was pretty surprising. 

- Well, Hyuka is having a meeting with his two sisters, they live aboard so he doesn’t get to spend much time with them. Plus, they don’t like me, so I’m basically banned from their sibling meeting or whatever.

The younger one made himself comfortable, sitting cross-legged and putting his hands on the floor behind him as he let his weight lay on his arms. He seemed pretty relaxed, for someone who wasn’t really accepted by his boyfriend’s sisters. 

- Why don’t they like you ? 

- Right? What’s not to like ?!

There he was, making jokes instead of actually giving an answer to the question. That’s something Soobin did, too, but the other always made it like the problem didn’t actually hurt him. 

Suddenly, something twitched inside of Soobin’s head. Slowly turning his whole body in Beomgyu’s direction, he stared at him for a second, still holding his brush. 

The younger one frowned at the motion, looking confused. Probably because Soobin never really fully focused on him outside parties. 

- What’s up with you for real ? 

-  You, paint. 

- What do you mean “paint”? 

The brunette got up after letting the brush inside of the cup of water he used to clean the paint from it. He then proceeded to take the canvas from the small easel. He decided to put it in the corner of the room where he knew it wouldn’t be wrecked. 

- It’s for a research work I’m doing. Just.. paint something that represents how you’re feeling right now. It can be a color, a shape, or a scene that captures your emotions, he explained as he took a clean canvas. Fuck, he really hoped this worked or all the money he’d spent would be a total waste.

- What the hell Choi Soobin are you trying to psychoanalyze me through a drawing ?  At that point, the blonde headed boy was staring at him like he was scary. Which he probably was, to be honest. 

- Am not. 

- You are. Plus, my painting skills suck. 

- Use the canvas as a way to let go of any stress or tension you’re feeling. Paint freely, don’t think too much. You don’t have to make it look perfect, he said, putting the new canvas on the easel.

- I’m not stressed. And everything I do is perfect.

- Sure thing. 

Beomgyu looked at the boy standing, sighing, before he got closer to the canvas. He then proceeded on patting the space next to him, inviting the other to sit there. The one standing hesitated, but eventually sat down again, a bit behind Beomgyu so he could have a full vision of the canvas. 

After pondering for a bit, the blonde eventually took one of the brushes, digging it into the paint he had chosen. Beomgyu’s drawing began with confident strokes, the lines flowing smoothly with precision across the canvas.

He started off with blue, visibly starting to paint the sky. He then proceeded to add green, mixing shades of it like a hill on a sunny day. At first glance, it appeared like a perfect idyllic scene : a picturesque landscape bathed in golden sunlight. But as he went, cracks began to appear on the facade. Amidst the foliage and azure skies, a hint of darkness emerged, clouds showing a storm menacing to break. In the distance, a solitary figure stands, their posture seemingly tensed and uncertain, like a shadow lurking. It took about 20 minutes for Beomgyu to paint all of this, and Soobin hummed, nodding. 

The blonde looked slightly at him, keeping the lines going. 

- Something to say? 

- Well. I feel some kind of sadness to it. 

- Develop? 

Soobin looked closely at it, gathering the words inside his head before he spoke again.

- There’s a sense of splendor to it. The scene appears idyllic, the green hill, blue sky. But amongst the beautiful landscape, there’s a storm going upon that dark form, but he’s not trying to run away from it. It could keep going, run from the clouds that look like they’re about to rain on it. But it doesn’t, frozen into the motion. 

- It’s a painting, it’s not going to move. 

- Yeah, but you could’ve added movement, but you didn’t. You decided to keep it there, like it’s just accepting its fate. 

Beomgyu glanced at the painting, gathering the information from Soobin’s analysis into his brain as they went. He then proceeded on looking at Soobin. 

- You missed something in your analysis. 

- Huh? Where ? 

- Look. 

Soobin bent over, his elbow meeting Beomgyu’s elbow as he leaned closer to watch the painting, squinting his eyes a bit. He then looked at Beomgyu, suddenly very aware of how close they were. He looked into his eyes, brain denying what this was really about. He watched him, detailing his face for a second before speaking, almost whispering. 

- I can’t see it. 

- Can’t you ? 

The brunette was sure time stopped for a second, but Beomgyu surely didn’t. Soobin didn’t have time to process what was happening, nor did he have to process the feeling of Beomgyu’s lips against his. 

As their lips met, the world seemed to blur around them. Soobin’s mind went blank, his senses overwhelmed by the sudden rush of warmth and electricity coursing through his body. 

At the lack of response, Beomgyu started to step back, but Soobin came right after him, lips crushing against the other's and getting rid of the brush that ended up on the floor. His hand accidentally stained with the fresh paint that was at the end of the brush ended up on Beomgyu’s cheek, the blonde one surprised by Soobin’s sudden eagerness.

Their lips moved together in a hesitant dance, each movement sending a shiver down Soobin’s spine. He felt a rush of emotions flood over him, confusion, desire and a strange sense of exhilaration mixing themselves like the colors on the pallet.

But as quick as it began, the kiss was over, leaving Soobin reeling and breathless. He stared at Beomgyu, his mind racing as he tried to process what had just happened. 

He took a long time before talking, his brain still not realizing what they just did. No thoughts went pass it, he could only think of the feeling of the boy’s lips against his own.

- Beomgyu… he whispered, his voice barely audible in the quiet room.

- Soobin, the other answered, his lips parted as his gaze went through the other’s face. 

He looked at the form of his hand, beautifully painted on the other’s cheek. That was enough to make him break again. The wrongs were wrong enough, fuck it. 

Without another word, Soobin reached out and pulled Beomgyu to turn over, capturing his lips in another kiss. This time, there was no hesitation, no uncertainty, just the two of them lost in the moment. 

Beomgyu sighed as he reached for the brunette’s neck, craving his touch and attention. Soobin obliged, his free hand pulling the other closer by the waist, even pressing it hard against his fingers. 

As the kiss deepened, Soobin could feel the taste of strawberry on Beomgyu’s tongue, demanding and needy, just like expected. Surprisingly, he felt a wave of relief wash over him, confirming his thoughts of how touch starved he had been for a long time. 

Soon enough, Beomgyu was pushed back, back meeting the canvas, making the easel fall down and almost crashing into the paint. But Soobin didn’t care, his body following the motion as Beomgyu laid on the floor, hands running through the other’s chest.

At that point, their kisses grew more urgent, each touch igniting a fire within them that burned brighter each passing moment. Soobin’s hands roamed Beomgyu’s body with a hunger he didn’t realize he possessed, tracing the contours of his muscles and trying to memorize every inch of his skin like someone might take it away from him at any moment. 

When Soobin’s lips left his, Beomgyu hitched as they ran down his neck, leaving a trail of fire in their path. He arched his back, a silent plea for more, as the hands on his body roamed lower, tracing lines on his torso until they pressed into his hip bones, pushing him towards the ground with force.

Beomgyu whined, upset by the action, but couldn’t fight Soobin’s strength. Soobin stopped for a second, feeling his own fingers tremble from the need to take the other’s body right here, right now. He straightened up a bit, eyes landing on the other’s face, who just looked back at him, cheeks already red and eyes almost begging the other to take care of him. 

Raising his head towards the ceiling for a bit as a sign of frustration and internal fights, the brunette’s left hand handed up next to Beomgyu’s head, while his other one dared going past the fabric, fingers meeting the skin of his waist. His left knee was holding him next to Beomgyu’s hip, whereas his right one was now between the other’s thighs, the ground underneath them hurting him a bit.

Eyes on each other’s, Soobin probably stared for too long because the other tilted his head, his hand joining Soobin’s on his waist, guiding it further under the shirt.

- It’s no time to think, Soobin. 

- I can still stop myself from doing something we’ll both regret. 

Beomgyu pinched his lips together, before raising his own body from the ground. Without a word, he supported it with his hand, shifting himself lower so Soobin could feel his crotch against his thigh. Soobin bit his lip when he felt the other’s hardening cock, as Beomgyu’s face got closer to his ear. 

- Is that what you really want, pretty boy ? He whispered, teeth catching his earlobe between it, before kissing the older one’s skin all the way down to the stars tattooed on his neck. 

- Yes, Soobin answered, the hand he initially had under the other’s shirt sliding to the his ass, squeezing it before pulling his body closer.

- Let’s stop, then. 

Beomgyu’s voice trembled against the other’s skin, his hips starting to roll on the brunette’s thigh, grinding desperately against it. He then lifted his head to look at Soobin, who watched him closely, face keeping any possible emotions that he could be feeling right now from showing.

- Let’s stop.

The blonde left a quick peck against the other’s lips, which Soobin mirrored. He could see a smile forming on Beomgyu’s lips as the taller one slipped his hand lower down his ass to lift him higher, causing more friction between them. Beomgyu almost moaned, but it came out as a sigh, his face now closer to his roommate’s. 

The smaller one kissed his lips again, this time longer, tongue teasingly playing with one of Soobin’s lip piercings before catching it between his teeth. He let go when Soobin went backwards, swallowing hard before putting his forehead against Beomgyu’s, closing his eyes. 

- ‘Gyu… 

- Just this once, please, Beomgyu said, using his legs to push Soobin, switching positions, so the other would lay on the floor.

- We both know that’s a lie, the older one said, eyes reopening as he almost accidentally laid on the fresh paint of the pallet, getting it off the way.

- Let me lie to you, then. 

As he straddled on his lap, Beomgyu looked at the pallet of paint with focus, catching it. He then proceeded on looking at Soobin’s face, and the other could feel the mischief coming from the way he was looking at him. 

- Your hoodie. Off. 

- Excuse me, who are you giving orders to ?

- You wanted me to paint, right ? Let’s paint. 

Soobin frowned, looking at his money fly as Beomgyu poured new paint on the pallet, but still took his hoodie off, now only wearing a t-shirt. He quickly understood that the younger one wanted all off, so he rolled his eyes, executing himself and wishing this wasn’t just an excuse to make him undress. Which probably was, but there was something more. 

He watched attentively as the other used two fingers to take different kind of colors to create a new shade. He quickly noticed it was a dark red he was trying to create. When he reached the right shade, the boy went for the other’s skin, Beomgyu’s fingers dancing across it and leaving a trail of red.

He kept going quietly, until Soobin decided to break the silence.

- Why red ? He asked, wanting to switch the mood.

- This shade of red… he murmured, like thinking of something to say. His touch lingering over Soobin’s chest, his voice laced with playful innuendo, it represents the chaos of my life, but also how much I crave your touch. It’s the fire that burns within me, the longing, the desire, the need that rushes through my veins.

Soobin rolled his eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips against his will, feeling a flush rise to his cheeks as Beomgyu’s touch sent a shiver down his spine, slowly surrendering to the feeling of their touch. He couldn’t help but be drawn by the playful twinkle in Beomgyu’s eyes, the way his lips curved into a mischievous smile as he switched paint on the pallet. When he started to touch him again, Soobin looked at him, questioning him with his eyes, curious.

- This dark blue, Beomgyu continued once he got the right color, moving his fingers lower, it’s for the storm menacing inside of me, my darkest parts and darkest moments. But the reason it’s blue and not black, it’s because you brought light to it. It’s for the cool tranquility I felt in your arms that night. It’s the calm after the storm.

Soobin bit his lip, his heart pounding in his chest as Beomgyu’s fingers traced seductively across his skin and from his words. This whole opening up situation was totally full of bullshit, and Soobin was definitely falling into it. He could feel the tension building between them, the electric spark of desire that crackled in the air. 

- And finally, purple. The final color ready, Beomgyu’s voice was low and husky, his fingers reaching over Soobin’s hips, it’s the mix of both colors. It’s the result of a whole new situation, to which we don’t know the meaning and the result yet, but a bit of mystery is cool, right?  

The older one snorted, pretty sure that the last reason was only convenient. Even if he had opened up a bit, Soobin still wasn’t satisfied, but he was pretty sure that’s all he’d get from the younger one tonight. He raised himself from the ground, sitting so he could get the pallet, keeping Beomgyu on his lap.

- Did you just waste all of my paint just to get into my pants? He asks rhetorically, digging a finger into a random color, pressing it against the blonde’s cheek, tracing a line before pressing smoothly on his nose. 

- I did. Beomgyu admitted, hands now against the other’s chest, leaving his hand prints there. But I can buy it back ?...

As Beomgyu’s hands hovered on Soobin’s chest, a charged silence hung between them, thick with unspoken desire. A playful smirk tugged at the corners of Beomgyu’s lips eventually, as he leaned in closer, focused on him. 

- Or maybe.. he murmured, his fingers going lower, menacing to go past the borders of his pants, tilting his head innocently, we could find another way to make it up to you ? 

Soobin could feel the heat radiating off Beomgyu’s body, the intensity of their proximity threatening to overwhelm him. His hands met Beomgyu’s waist again, their hips against each other. He saw Beomgyu’s eyes widen at the feeling of the other's groin against his ass, and he couldn’t help but feel satisfied. 

- Where’s your constraint, exactly ? 

- I don’t have any. I’m princess. 

Soobin’s eyes narrowed, his gaze piercing through Beomgyu’s face, thoughtful. He wrapped his arms around the blonde’s waist, pulling him closer as they sat on the floor, their hips meeting in a provocative embrace. Beomgyu’s eyes flashed with excitement, his chest heaving with anticipation.

- You really want this, don’t you ? Soobin’s voice was low and husky, his words dripping with malice, for once. 

Beomgyu nodded, his lips parting in a silent cry. Soobin’s eyes flicked to Beomgyu’s mouth, his own lips curling into a cruel smile. 

- I’ll give you what you want, the brunette whispered, his voice dripping with a sudden bitterness. But don’t think for a second that I’m doing this because I care about you. I’m doing this because I’m the one who has nothing left to lose. 

With that, Soobin’s hands grasped Beomgyu’s hips, pulling him closer as their bodies ground together. Beomgyu’s eyes went wide, his breath caught in his throat as Soobin’s mouth crashed down on his.

The kiss was brutal, teeth nipping at Beomgyu’s lips without mercy, as the older one’s tongue forced its way into his mouth. Beomgyu moaned, his body arching into Soobin’s, their hips moving in a sensual rhythm as they devoured each other. 

Soobin’s hands roamed the other’s body, his fingers digging into his skin while pulling him closer. The blonde’s eyes rolled back, his body already trembling with pleasure, the taller one’s rough touch igniting a fire within him. 

The air was thick with tension, the only sound was the heavy breathing and the friction their clothe’s as they moved together. Soobin was determined to show Beomgyu who was in control tonight. 

As they broke apart for air, Beomgyu’s eyes locked onto Soobin’s, a challenge burning in their depths. Soobin’s smile grew wide, his eyes glinting with a fierce intensity. 

- Oh, I’m just getting started, Soobin whispered, his words filled with menace. 

Soobin’s hands slid down Beomgyu’s back, his fingers dancing across his skin, teasing the curves of his muscles as they sat entwined on the floor. Beomgyu’s eyes flashed with defiance, his body tensing while he pushed his hands against Soobin’s chest. 

- Don’t think you can just take control, Soobin. I’m not going to make it that easy for you. 

The brunette tilted his head slightly, eyebrow raising from the sudden “try to get me” behavior. He snorted, his grip on the other’s hips tightening.

- Oh, I’m shaking, Soobin sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

The blonde boy’s hands slid up Soobin’s chest, his fingers digging into his skin, as he pushed him back again. 

- You should be, he growled, his eyes flashing with fake indignation and anger. I’m not some toy for you to play with. 

 Soobin’s smile grew wider, his eyes glinting with excitement, his whole body aching to show Beomgyu some good manners. 

- That’s exactly what you are, princess, Soobin teased with the nickname used by the smaller one himself earlier, and I’m going to prove it to you. 

With a sudden jerk, the brunette pulled the blonde’s shirt over his head, exposing his chest to the cool air. He could see his skin shivering from the sudden exposure, but he didn’t give Beomgyu time to protest, his mouth claiming the other’s as he pinned him back into the floor. Beomgyu’s hips ground against the taller one’s, his hands clawing his back, provoking a hiss from Soobin’s lips, his skin burning from the sudden brutalization. He held the other in place, hands holding his body forcefully against the floor.

They were back to square one, a few minutes before Soobin’s hesitations. This time, there wasn’t any hesitation in his movements, his mouth leaving Beomgyu’s without any transition to catch the other’s hardening nipples between his teeth.

Beomgyu’s sighs grew more vocal, Soobin understanding how sensitive it was on his chest. He used that at his favor, mouth sucking on it eagerly, the feeling of the other against his tongue making him wanting more. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually touch someone else’s body like this, and it was hard to remember the steps to make someone crumble under his body, but Beomgyu was making it quite easy for him. 

Despite Soobin’s hands holding him into place, Beomgyu rose his hips off the floor, as he sought more of the tantalizing sensation. Tongue going lower into the other’s belly after messing with his now red nipples, his teeth took a tentative bite on his body, rewarded by another moan Beomgyu tried to hide. From down below, Soobin was enjoying seeing this filthy scene, Beomgyu’s face twitching in pain and pleasure. 

He licked the flesh he’d just bitten, making the other stiffen a bit, all of his muscles tensed.

- Harder, please… Beomgyu begged, chest raising up and down in a sultry way. Soobin hesitated, knowing it would mark his skin. 

- It will leave bruises, sweetheart, he replied, leaving some kisses there and then. 

- Do it. 

Soobin smiled at the impatience, satisfied by that response.  As his fingers reached for the other’s pants and pulled it lower, he bit his waist’s skin, this time harder, gaining a whimper from the other, sounding almost like a cry for help.  

Quickly, Soobin got rid of the pants bothering him from his plans for the blonde one. Having now full access to the other’s thighs, Soobin pulled him lower, forcing his knees to fold. Now between the other’s legs, his tongue slid slowly against the smooth skin, finding another sensitive point on Beomgyu’s body from its reaction. 

His fingers gently settled down on the other’s crotch beneath the fabric, feeling a twitch as his teeth took a mouth full of his flesh, face buried in the other’s thigh. The sound the other made was loud, pleasure forcing his legs to close around the other’s head, as Soobin pressed his fingers against his cock. With that, Soobin was determined to make Beomgyu beg for more, let his mask fall down completely and  use his words properly. He intended to make him clearly say what he wanted, something he clearly wasn’t used to do daily.

It took various minutes of teasing, of biting, covered by Beomgyu’s moans for the blonde one to break, Soobin’s knees already hurting at that point. Things he’d do to tame a brat, right ?

Breathlessly pulling Soobin’s dark hair up, Beomgyu looked like a mess, eyes shining from the mixture of pain and pleasure on his body. Soobin wasn’t fully touching him yet, and even so, a dark wet spot was showing on his gray underwear. 

Eventually, he spoke, the brunette’s attention fully on him, waiting for him to talk. 

- Soobin, please… Beomgyu pleaded, voice trembling with need. I want… I want you to… 

The boy hissed at the feeling of Soobin’s tongue messing with his skin again, even though his eyes were still on him, interested. He kissed one of the many bruises he had made, lifting his head to look carefully at him. 

- What do you want, Beomgyu ? Tell me, and maybe I’ll give it to you. 

Beomgyu’s face flushed with desire, his eyes locking into Soobin’s as he begged.

- Take me, Soobin. I want you to take me. 

Soobin’s eyes darkened, his pupils dilating with desire. He straightened up, getting closer to his face for a second, seeing the desperation in his eyes. He then leaned in, his lips brushing against Beomgyu’s ear as he whispered. 

- You want me to take you ? You want me to make you mine? 

Beomgyu’s body shuddered, swallowing hard as he nodded fast, no hesitation in his actions. 

- Yes, Soobin. Yes, please. 

- You’re asking nicely, good boy, he praised, getting a blush from Beomgyu, before stepping back. Now, get on your bed. 

Beomgyu obliged to the words, quickly getting up from the floor, glad to get himself into a comfortable position on his mattress. Soobin got up, stretching a bit before he got rid of his pants.  His eyes laid on the blonde’s body, red marks on his chest and legs, making him even hungrier than he already was. The thoughts he had back then at the first party he attended were confirmed, that skin definitely looked better with bruises on it, and he couldn’t wait to see how they’d develop. 

Putting a knee on the bed, Soobin’s hands reached for the boy’s neck as an amused smile appeared on the other’s face at the sight of Soobin’s chest, the brunette actually finding the laugh cute. He looked at his own chest, and then back at Beomgyu, curious. 

- You’re proud of your little painting, huh ? 

- I am, colors suit you, Beomgyu said as Soobin kissed his neck softly, and his hand reached for the back of his thigh, raising it.

- They do suit you, too, he replied, thumb pressing on one of the multiple bruises he’d just made, Beomgyu inhaling deeply as he cursed. 

Soobin couldn’t help it, but think about his very first meeting with his roommate, the first time he tried to enter this room, with Beomgyu moaning loudly at Huening Kai’s touches. But those moans were nothing compared to the noises he was getting from the younger one right now, and he couldn’t help but be proud of himself. Not that he was in a position to make comparisons or something. 

- You’re thinking again.

- Sorry for having a brain, you annoying brat, he said, gripping his thigh between his fingers. I was wondering if you had any protections, or whatever. 

- Don’t have any, I like it raw. I have lube in my nightstand, though. 

Soobin grimaced at that, because of course Beomgyu didn’t have any condoms, since he had been fucking the same guy for god-knows how many years. Soobin as a fool, but not enough to go for a man that would cheat on his boyfriend so easily. Who knows how many guys stood where he was standing right now?

 The brunette looked at him for a second, trying to get the blonde to read his mind. 

- What? 

- Not that I don’t trust you or Hyuka’s healthcare… But there’s no way I’m risking catching anything. 

- Are you serious right now ?

Soobin was pretty sure Beomgyu was about to throw a tantrum, so he captured the other’s lips against his. Beomgyu groaned a bit but quickly gave into the feeling of the taller one’s thigh pressed on him, the unsatisfied sound turning into a needy whine. 

The brunette left the other’s lips after a while, opening his eyes to look at him again. 

- I won’t fuck you tonight, but I’ll make it worth it, ok ?  

Despite Beomgyu’s pout, Soobin extended his arm towards the nightstand, hand looking for something that looked like a bottle of lube, catching a few pieces of paper with it. Curious, he brought it to him, putting the bottle aside and unfolding one of the small papers. 

- Soobin, don’t-...

- “No matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than words can describe”… Soobin started reading, catching another paper. “Holding you in my arms is my favorite part of the day”... He continued, Beomgyu hiding his face, now fully embarrassed.. “Happy.. Birthday ?”... Soobin said, raising an eyebrow to look at Beomgyu. When was it? 

Beomgyu didn’t answer, fully pouting now. Ok, maybe he was truly angry at him. 

- Beomgyu ? 

- The night of the hockey game. It was my birthday. 

- The night of… Oh, shit. 

Soobin said, looking at the blonde boy who was now turning his head at him. That night was the one during which they fell asleep in each other’s arms, after the boy’s down. He now understood Huening Kai’s deception when he told him they had left. 

- I didn’t know. 

- Nobody knows. I hate my birthday. Now, get off of me, or do something.

The bad attitude was back, and Soobin almost backed off, jaw clenching a bit as he put the papers back into the drawer. Slowly, he came back to him, hands slowly caressing his skin.

- Hey, princess. Are you mad at me ? 

Beomgyu side-eyed him, especially when Soobin started to press some small kisses onto his chest. He stood in silence a few seconds before answering, his pout could be heard in his voice. 

- Am not. 

- Look at me, the brunette whispered, and the blond did, looking at the other carefully. Happy late birthday. Let’s give you a birthday treat, shall we ? 

He earned a roll from the other’s eyes, but this time he actually smiled a bit, hands joining the other’s neck. Enough talking for the night , Soobin thought, the whole situation already dragged for too long. The brunette wrapped an arm around the smaller one’s waist, bringing him closer as they both ended up facing each other on their side. They would not have any direct physical contact tonight, but that didn’t stop Soobin from giving Beomgyu a good time. 

His leg sliding between the other’s, Soobin kissed the younger one, maybe a little bit too fond of it at this point. Beomgyu was a great kisser, that was something he couldn’t deny. His hand reached for the lube, opening it skillfully with his free hand only, before making a mess by putting some onto his fingers. Thankfully, Beomgyu was back into the mood, specially when he felt the older one’s hand sliding from his back all the way to his ass, down his boxers. The arm around his waist disappeared, Soobin’s free hand pressing onto his lower abdomen and forcing him to arch his back. In no time, his fingers reached for the other man’s hole, wetting it for a second. 

Beomgyu gasped against his lips with anticipation, arching his back even more, his whole body begging for pleasure. Soobin’s other hand went through his belly’s skin, stopping by his swollen nipples, pinching them as he pressed against the rim under his wet fingers, without getting any inside. Beomgyu held onto the other’s shoulder, nails digging into the skin.

- Do you still want me, Beomgyu ? Soobin asked, looking straight into his face, waiting for an answer. He was getting tired of his own games, but this was too fun to watch. 

- You bastard-... 

- Nuh-uh, that’s not it, he said, rubbing the other’s nipples, who let out a pathetic cry and sought friction with Soobin’s thigh. Soobin brought his hand up, catching the blonde’s boy chin in his hand, forcing him to look at him in the eye. Do you still want me ? 

- Yes.

  Beomgyu nodded, swallowing hard at the other’s threatening aura. Soobin was still looking at him when he tapped his thumb against his lips, forcing the other to open wide and pressing it against his tongue. At the same time, he pushed past the ring of muscle with his index, fully getting it in, without warning. 

Beomgyu gasped, his grip on the other’s shoulder getting harder as he got himself closer to Soobin’s body, especially when he felt the finger moving inside of him. It wasn’t a nice sensation at first, Soobin wondered, but one finger was easily manageable. That’s why it didn’t take too long for his middle finger to join the other, this time drool getting all over Soobin’s thumb against Beomgyu’s will. He let go of the boy’s mouth, thumb going back to the boy’s nipple, who buried his face into Soobin’s neck, desperate. 

I like this better, he told himself, thinking of the first and only time Beomgyu had been in his arms. He felt as Beomgyu ground on him, his moans muffled in his neck as Soobin explored his insides, looking for his sensitive spot. When he curled his fingers, it wasn't long before Beomgyu jolted against him, full on panting against him now, and that was his warning he’d found just the right place. 

Soobin grinned at the boy’s whines, the other clenching onto him, the brunette’s fingers teasing around his prostate. Stretching his insides as his free hand reached for the blonde’s hair, he pulled it lightly to look at his face, distorted from the feeling running all over him. 

- You’re so pretty when you shut up, fuck. 

Beomgyu tried to say something but got cut off by Soobin pressing on his prostate unwarned, his legs spreading wider so he could seek friction from Soobin’s thigh. This was getting harder for Soobin to handle, his own hardness aching each passing moment. Beomgyu must have noticed, because despite of his secondary state of mind, he reached for Soobin’s boxer shorts and pulled it lower, his fingers finally getting the brunette’s dick between them. 

Soobin hissed, swallowing almost as hard as his hand pulled the other’s hair.

- Sensitive, huh ? Beomgyu teased, a smirk managing to appear on his face. 

- Shut up. 

Honestly, if the older one didn’t have any self-control he could have come just with some strokes, but he closed his eyes, trying to get his focus back to his fingers dug into Beomgyu’s insides. 

He thought of teasing Beomgyu some more, but this was getting painful even for himself, so he let go of the other’s hair, his hand pulling the younger one closer before reaching for his cock.

Desperate and needy, Beomgyu groaned at the distance Soobin was keeping their hips from each other, but eventually gave in when a third finger joined the other two. He still half cried, Soobin opening his eyes to look at the younger one’s, practically begging him.

- B-… Bin-… he managed to say under his breath, his hand around the taller one, thumb pressing at the tip of Soobin’s dick.

Soobin restrained a moan from coming off his throat, contracting his muscles, his whole body sensitive under the other’s touch. He was good at this, and that made Soobin even more eager. 

- What is it ? He asked, his own hand cupping the blonde’s balls between his long fingers, getting another filthy sound from the other’s mouth.

- You… Inside… please..

The request was tempting, especially when he felt the other’s walls tighten around his fingers, but he was true to himself and had to be the strongest soldier right now. 

He shook his head lightly, fingers going deeper and stopped messing with Beomgyu’s prostate, curling them a bit more to correctly press on it. Beomgyu fully moaned this time, and Soobin could feel his roommate’s legs starting to shake, his own fingers wet from pre-cum. 

- Come for me, princess, can you do that  ? 

Beomgyu nodded, stroking Soobin’s length faster too, which was complicating the brunette’s thinking. The smaller one buried his face onto Soobin’s neck,  the sounds he was making only turning Soobin on even more than he already was. 

Both frustrated, but still panting, clinging onto each other, their bodies eventually gave in, Beomgyu being the first one to reach the orgasm. Overstimulated and dizzy, the blonde boy apparently still had the strength to reach for Soobin’s neck, restlessly sucking his skin. 

As the brat’s tongue went all the way up his neck, Soobin groaned at the feeling of the boy sucking under his lobe before reaching for his ear, whispering against it. 

- Everyone’s gonna know they should stay away from now on. 

Soobin clenched his jaw at the audacity of this man, perfectly hearing the grin that was stuck on the younger one’s face. His hand full of cum caught the other’s jaw, pushing him back so he could see his face. That didn’t stop the younger one from accelerating his thrusts around Soobin’s length, not phased by it at all. 

- Watch your mouth, Soobin said, his breath heavy and feeling his self-control leaving his body.

- Or what ? 

Beomgyu moved his head, his free hand catching Soobin’s wrist to bring his fingers to his mouth. Not breaking eye contact, Soobin had his lips parted when Beomgyu let his tongue slide slowly around the fingers, wet from his own cum. The thought of that tongue around his cock made it twitch, Beomgyu catching Soobin mouth as the taller one moaned through his orgasm, the smaller one’s tongue joining his. Soobin groaned, feeling the taste of the other’s fluid on his tongue, his fingers wrapping itself around the other’s throat. 

Ok, maybe Beomgyu got him this time. Not that he’d admit it any time soon. Or ever. He just felt Beomgyu’s soaked hands leave his crotch, letting Soobin’s lips to lick at his own fingers. Soobin just watched, eyes blinking as he tried to get his breath back.

- You’re fucking insane, he said, letting go of the other’s throat.

- It turns you on. 

Soobin didn’t try to deny it and got his hands back when Beomgyu got up, sitting up on the bed, Soobin still laying on it. He was turning his back at the brunette, who straightened up a bit, looking at the rest of the room just like Beomgyu was doing. To make it short : it was a mess. 

He looked at their clothes, but most particularly at Beomgyu’s shirt, lazily laying on the paint. He grimaced, looking at the boy, who looked back. 

- I’m sorry for ruining your shirt, Soobin said, his hand reaching for the other’s waist, before reaching for his body, pressing a kiss on his hip bone, Beomgyu still sitting back to him.

The blonde snorted, turning slightly to put his arm around Soobin’s shoulder, playing with some strings of hair.

- My shirt, huh ? He said, both laying eyes on his thighs. 

- Yeah, no, definitely not sorry for that. 

+x+

Soobin really didn’t know what he’d expect from this. After their… artistic activities, Soobin took a quick shower, getting rid of the painting decorating his chest and other fluids running through his body. He then proceeded on letting Beomgyu take a shower himself, now left alone in their shared room. He noticed the blonde had changed his sheets, so wondered if maybe they'd be sleeping in their own beds after this, which was probably for the better. It was a few minutes after Soobin laid on his bed, almost falling asleep, that he felt the younger one sneak to his side, nose slowly snuggling into his neck. 

They spent the whole night squeezed into each other, Soobin’s body slightly tensed from everything going on inside his head. 

When he woke up, the inevitable had happened; Beomgyu had left, leaving an origami hanging on Soobin’s nightstand, and the older one couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

It was very likely that he’d not see Beomgyu back in their room for a long time, like he usually did. But when he got out from their bathroom, toothbrush into his mouth, he saw Beomgyu sat on his bed, a bunch of food on it, too. 

Soobin froze, blinking eyes, looking at the other that still had messy hair from sleeping with it wet, the other’s face lighting up when he noticed Soobin. 

What the actual fuck ? 

- You’re up! I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough to come back before you woke up, I got us some food, I was pretty much starving. 

Beomgyu was wearing casual black jeans with a plain white sweater, pretty much relaxed. Soobin kept brushing his teeth, looking at him before disappearing for a second to spit his toothpaste into the sink and wash his mouth before coming back to the room. 

- What is this for ? He asked, looking at the pastries Beomgyu had taken. 

- What do you mean ? The blonde questioned, shoving a strawberry donut into his mouth. 

Soobin sat cross-legged on the bed, still in his shirt and boxers. 

- Well, I thought you’d leave, he said, watching as the other chewed what he had in his mouth. 

- I told you last time, that I’d do better.

As Beomgyu gave him a covered cup with an unknown drink, Soobin hummed at the feeling of the hot coffee in his throat. He had been thinking of buying a coffee machine for the room, to keep himself from going to the cafeteria in the morning or to one of those distributors machines, but that wasn’t his top priority right now. 

They sat in silence as Soobin ate cookies Beomgyu had brought, and for once, the silence wasn’t heavy. It was just right. 

Chapter Text

Proofs I’m a fucking loser, part 1. 

1. Remember the “keep me from doing something stupid” line ? Yeah, that. 

2. Almost fucked him. Only thing that stopped me were missing condoms.

3. Was actually all worked up for a damn hand job.

4. I think that wasn’t a one time thing. 

5. Smiled right onto Huening Kai’s face when he picked him up that morning. 

6. I need to fuck him asap. 

7. He gave me a hickey, everyone in the campus is gossiping now. Arin can’t shut up about it. 

8. Is it too late to take that runaway-from-town plan ? 

Soobin closed his notebook as a client walked into the bookstore, adjusting himself on his seat. Many days had passed since the whole Beomgyu situation. Since then, Beomgyu had been sticking around, actually coming back to the dorm, surpassing Soobin’s expectations. They didn’t have any physical contact, never really talked about it. The only times it was mentioned was when Arin came to hang around in the dorm, and Beomgyu had the insolence to joke about the hickeys when the girl asked for it a thousand times. He might lose it one day. 

A few minutes after closing the door for the last customer, Soobin was about to pull his shutters down when an upcoming call rang his phone, the letters “MOM” appearing on it. Parting his lips, he looked at the rain falling outside, his brain cells trying to decide to either respond or hang up. He answered, bringing the phone to his ear. 

-Mom. 

- Soobin-ah! You finally picked up, it’s been ages!

4 months, he thought, tilting his head and pressing the phone against his shoulder so he could use both of his hands to close the shutters. 

- Don’t be dramatic.

- How are you doing? Have you been studying ? Did you find a part-time job ? 

That was exactly why he didn’t want to answer her calls. She had been trying, but he ignored it. The less connection he’d have with his hometown, the better, that was his motto lately.  He inhaled, getting his phone into his hand when he finished closing, sitting on one of the beanbags they’d set up in a corner near the windows. They were pretty popular amongst the people who came by to read, as it was really comfy.

- I just started my research for my second year’s last project, and managed to find a job in a bookstore that matches my schedule, yes. 

- That’s great to hear! Did you make yourself some new friends ? 

- Well, I do have Arin. She’s one year older than me. She studies design. 

He’d rather not mention Beomgyu, it wasn’t necessary to give too much information, and also, he didn’t want to. He buried himself deeper in the beanbag, eyes falling onto the shelves of books solemnly resting next to him. 

- Ouuh, a girl ? 

- It’s not like that, mom. 

- Well, at least I hope you’re hanging around with decent people, this time. 

Soobin’s jaw clenched, hearing the meaning behind it. This conversation was over, definitely. 

- I have work to do, I have to go. 

- Don’t take it that way Soobin, we both know Yeonjun wasn’t neat. 

- Take his name off of your mouth, he harshly said, his stomach twitching from his mother’s words. Nothing had changed, and hearing his mother paying no respects made him sick. 

They stayed in silence for a bit, hearing a whisper behind his mother, probably his father complaining about his wife talking about such a sensitive subject. He didn’t get to hear what he said, but he knew his dad wouldn’t dare tell him such things, as he had a conscience. 

- If you don’t have anything else to say, I’ll hang up. 

- No, honey, I wanted to ask you. The Kang family invited us to Taehyun-ssi graduation in two weeks, we wondered if you were coming for it ? 

He didn’t get any text from his friend, not since they’d left each other in front of the university. He didn’t even know how his last master year was going, but apparently everything was going great for him, so that made Soobin happy. But coming back to his parent’s house ? He wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold in there for more than an evening. 

- I’m not sure about that, it will be my exams period and-...

- You’ve been in each other’s life since kindergarten, missing such an important part of his adult life would be a shame, don’t you think ? 

- I don’t know, mom, I- 

- We’ll get you the train tickets, you’ll stay a couple of days, sounds good ? 

Sounded like he didn’t have any choice in the matter, after all. This wasn’t a question, it was an information. Soobin sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before answering. 

- I guess I have no choice, then. 

- Perfect ! I won’t bother you anymore, we love you, let us know, ok ? 

The brunette took his phone off his ear, hanging up right away. He shouldn’t have answered at all, if he knew what would come up after that. He never really had a bad relationship with his parents, on the contrary, they got along well except when Yeonjun came up in a conversation. When his best friend died, they only felt pity when they discovered the reason why he had passed away. Said they knew this would happen, that it wasn’t a surprise. 

Especially after an argument they had, one week before the night of the incident. 

***

- I’ve been studying for the past TWO weeks, I surely deserve to get a break after all of that ? 

They’ve been at it for the past ten minutes, Soobin pushing some stuff into his backpack and getting his pack of cigarettes into it, his mother at the entrance of his room, saying he was irresponsible and that he’d never get his semester if he kept going out at night. 

He knew the problem wasn’t him going out, it was him hanging out with Yeonjun. That was the core of all of his parent’s problems. 

- We don’t want you hanging around with the wrong people, that’s all !

- The wrong people ? You mean, poor people ? No, ‘cause if I told you I was hanging out with Taehyun that wouldn’t have been a problem, right ? 

He got his backpack on his shoulder, facing his mother, who looked shocked at the accusation. She frowned, crossing her arms against her chest before shaking her head, in denial. 

- Look at you, Soobin-ah, since you’ve been hanging around with that boy, you look like.. she stopped herself, getting her hand to point at her son from head to feet. 

- Like what. 

- Like a delinquent ! 

- Oh, so now my style is the problem, huh ? 

The brunette walked past her, making his way to the entrance, passing through the living room, where his dad was casually drinking his coffee, as if this whole argument didn’t have anything to do with him. 

- Are you just going to let her call your son a criminal without saying a word ? 

- You know my opinion on tattoos and piercings…

- Oh, so you agree. I see. 

- You’ve never talked back to us either, you’re making a big deal out of us caring for your wellbeing, we’ve always tried to give you the best life possible and-... 

- What does this all have to do with Yeonjun ? 

- He has a bad influence on you. 

Soobin just stared at him, dumbfounded. He simply turned his back to his father, getting his shoes and putting them on, followed by his mom. This argument had started after Soobin had announced he wouldn’t sleep at home tonight, creating a chance for his parents to ask who he was seeing. When the name of Yeonjun was mentioned, it was the end of the world for his mother, saying that he needed to stay at home. It was his second year’s first semester exam period, and he had been working like crazy, staying at home for most of the time, telling Yeonjun he couldn’t go out during the night. Today, it was Friday, and there wasn’t anything stopping him from going out. Especially since Yeonjun had started hanging around with some sketchy people, he wanted to make sure he’d not go out into a party again this evening, making sure he was staying clean. 

Putting his jacket on, he opened the door, turning to look at his mother. 

- He’s the only thing keeping me in this shitty town.

As he stepped a foot outside and made his way through the darkness after closing the door behind him, Soobin glanced over his shoulder, half expecting to see the shadows of his parents following him. But there was no one there. Their disapproving voices still ringing in his ears, all that could truly be heard were his footsteps echoing against the pavement in the quiet cold night. 

The clouds were menacing to hide the moon who hung low in the sky, casting a soft glow over the deserted streets as he quickened his pace, his heart pounding in his chest, making his way to the spot where he and Yeonjun were used to meet.

As he approached the familiar street corner, he spotted the slick silhouette of Yeonjun's car parked in the shadows. A rush of relief washed over him as he hurried towards it, his stride quickening with anticipation.

As he slid into the passenger seat, he was met with Yeonjun's warm smile, drumming his steering wheel with his fingers. The tension that had been building inside Soobin’s chest began to melt away as he settled into the familiar comfort of the car, the soft hum of the radio now appeasing his mind. 

- Hey, Soobin said, breath short as he closed the door and put his backpack at his feet, feeling the heat warming his body. 

- Hey, Binnie. Are you ok ? You look tense. 

- Parents. 

- Argued about you going out ? 

Soobin hummed to confirm the other’s words, not wanting to get into details. Yeonjun nodded, turning the key to get the engine started, soon slowly driving through the empty streets. 

- So, what's the plan tonight? Soobin asked, getting his seatbelt on, his eyes falling on the houses they passed by, trying to relax from the tension he had cumulated. 

Yeonjun shrugged, his gaze fixed on the road ahead. 

- No plan, really. Just driving around, I guess. I was thinking we could get some burgers and park somewhere to eat. 

- I like your plan. 

Soobin turned his head to look at the warm smile Yeonjun made at him, agreeing to the plan. His hair had been back to black these past months, after a short period of orange. Black suited him, specially since he had letting it grow a bit, only making a side cut. His face was rested, make-up free, his ear piercings swaying as Yeonjun turned his head to look behind him as he turned, making sure no cars were crossing next to him. 

For nothing in the world, he would’ve traded this for another boring study night.

Reaching for the drive-in, they ordered their food, Soobin glad to see that Yeonjun had been eating well these days, which hadn’t been the case for a long time. They had been through a lot these past 5 years, and Soobin was glad everything was coming to place again. 

After getting their order, they drove for a bit more, finding an empty parking lot and bringing their seats back to eat their food after stopping the motor. They stayed in silence, the only sound being the paper sound of their wrapped food and their chewing, sometimes accompanied by their satisfied hums.  

When they finished eating, they stayed there, a random popular song playing on the radio. They didn’t need to talk, their own company was far from enough. Unannounced, some drops of rain started to fall, at first slowly, and then, pouring rain, making it hard to see anything around them. 

- Oh shit, Yeonjun said, genuinely impressed. 

- Yeah, I guess we’ll stay here for a bit… He said, pulling his cigarettes from his bag and taking one for him and Yeonjun, who gladly took it. 

Only opening the windows slightly to let the smoke out, the surrounding windows were getting foggy from the heat inside the car compared to the winter night going on outside. They were just about to enter December, and if Soobin loved winter, Yeonjun on the other side was much more of a spring person. 

Eventually, as they breathed the nicotine onto their lungs, Yeonjun broke the silence, voice unsure. 

- Hey, Soobin… Have you ever thought of running away ? 

Soobin’s heart skipped a beat at the unexpected question, his mind going back to the argument he had with his parents earlier. He nervously snorted, but when he looked at Yeonjun, who just looked ahead at the rain pouring loudly in the windshield, he understood he was serious.

- What do you mean ? 

- I don’t know, he shrugged. Just… Leaving everything behind and starting over somewhere new. Somewhere where we can be ourselves without having to worry about what anyone else would think.

Yeonjun turned his head to look at him this time, and Soobin could see the sincerity in his question. He wondered if this was pre-meditated, if Yeonjun had been thinking of leaving, but knowing the boy, he knew it probably was. They looked at each other, Soobin detailing the other’s face. 

- Run away with me, he suddenly said, a serious look on his face. 

- What ? Where would we go ? Soobin frowned, truly confused. 

- Anywhere. We could do anything. 

- I don’t know Yeonjun… It sounds nice, but it’s not that simple. 

Something seemed to burn at the tip of the other’s tongue, pouring his whole attention at him, but the words he wished to say never went pass his parted lips. He nodded, burying himself deeper in his seat as he took a smoke, letting it fill the car. 

- You’re right, I’m just being silly. Intrusive thoughts sometimes, you know ? 

Soobin kept looking at him as they fell into a comfortable silence after that, the weight of their unspoken words hanging over the air, without making it awkward. Some sort of regret got over Soobin, he wasn’t sure why, but he felt like he had just missed an opportunity. 

As the memory of that night turned into eternity, Soobin kept wondering what would’ve happened if he said yes to Yeonjun’s crazy plan. 

***

To : Terry 

“ Graduating, huh ?”

7:36pm

From : Terry 

“Oh, so you’re alive after all ?”

7:45pm

“ Sorry, bad joke.”

7:46pm

Soobin stepped a foot inside the dorm, nose on his phone as he snorted to the messages from Taehyun, feeling a bit relieved to get a response from him, expecting to maybe get the silence treatment. But he should know his friend better, he knew he wouldn’t disappoint. 

He was about to answer when he felt a pillow hit his face, making him jump. 

- The hell ? He frowned, getting his head up to look at the source of that throw. Why are you even spending so much time in this room ? 

- The real question is : why are you not ? 

- I work ? 

- You work ? 

Soobin sighed at the question, closing the door behind him before throwing his bag onto his bed, taking his jacket off. Beomgyu was so interested in his life that he didn’t even know that he’d been working for the past three weeks.

- Let’s order some fried chicken and beer, I’m staaaarving. 

- Don’t have any money, spent it all on paint that you ruined. 

The blonde boy mumbled something he didn’t get, sitting on his bed, eyes on his screen, trying to think of some reply he should send to his best friend. Since when was it so difficult to talk to him ? 

He jumped when he saw a new message come into the conversation.

-

From : Terry.

“So, what’s new ?” 

7:51pm  

-

Not paying real attention to Soobin’s lack of focus, Beomgyu kept talking. 

- I’ll pay for it. You can even pick dessert AND soju ? 

-

To : Terry. 

“My roommate is annoying asf.” 

7:52pm

-

Soobin looked at Beomgyu, squinting his eyes lightly at him as the other pouted with big eyes, showing him his delivery app, ready to order. Well, who was he to deny free food, right ? 

- Fine. 

Soobin said, as Beomgyu buried his nose on his phone again, a stupid winning smile on his face. The brunette rolled his eyes before coming back to the conversation with Taehyun. 

-

From : Terry. 

“Tell me about it.”

7:55pm

+x+

In no time, Taehyun came back to his daily routine like he’d never left. They weren’t really the kind of guys to talk by texts often before, but as they were quite far from each other, they kept updating one another from stuff they had missed. He didn’t mention his weird relationship with Beomgyu though, himself not fully understanding it. And also, he knew Taehyun would completely lose it at the information Soobin had to give him, so he preferred to keep the secret for himself. Not like he had any choice.

Surprisingly, talking with his friend made him feel better, and in no time, they were one week away from seeing each other, and that was the only thing appeasing the nascent anxiety in his belly. 

If he focused back in his everyday life, Arin had been patient enough these past weeks, patient enough to make Soobin have some pity for her. Soobin was really enjoying his time-out alone, only being in contact with customers during the day was enough, not really in the mood for any social gatherings. But his friend wasn’t really agreeing with it, upset her gossip mate was taken away from her. 

So eventually, he gave in, comfortable enough with Arin to invite her over to his job, plus he was pretty sure Hyejin wouldn’t be bothered at all. He just knew that Momo probably would stay in a hidden corner of the bookstore, but eventually he would come out. 

So this afternoon, just after his classes, Arin joined him, happily walking beside him, yapping about her day. As usual, Soobin listened, a sudden feeling of relief getting over him, as he realized he actually missed her yapping self, even if it was tiring sometimes. 

- Oh, hum. And by the way… She started, suddenly getting shy after talking for various seconds straight. I started talking with some guy for like… a month or so. I think I really like him. 

Soobin raised his head from the ground, suddenly invested on Arin’s new information, surprised she had never told him about the guy. He looked at her with focus, watching as she waited for an answer, looking nervous. 

- A month ? Why am I only learning about this now ? 

- Didn’t think you’d be interested to know.. Ouh, that went right onto Soobin’s heart. Plus, I never saw the guy… Only talked with him online.

- Online? Imagine if it’s a catfish ? You need to be careful. 

- It’s not something weird like that !

- Still upset you didn’t talk about it earlier. I might not seem like it, but I care about my friend’s life. 

He saw Arin’s smile as he told her he considered her as his friend, which was true. She was probably the only one to keep up with his shitty personality. 

- Well, you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone, and only walked into campus with hickeys on your neck, sooo-...

- It’s not a big deal, it was only a one time thing. Plus, he’s not from here so, it’s not worth talking about it. 

Ok, so he lied to Arin. But he had to do so. If at any point there were any doubts about what was happening, at least he set a clue, saying it wasn’t anyone from there. Arin nodded, seemingly thoughtful about Soobin’s words. As they walked out the campus, they didn’t have the time to walk more than ten meters, that they got stopped, eyes laying on Beomgyu and Huening Kai, apparently coming back from shopping. 

- Arin-ah, Soobin-hyung ! Huening Kai said cheerfully, but Soobin didn’t dare to look at him, embarrassed. 

Soobin still said hello quietly, simply standing next to Arin, hands inside his leather jacket’s pockets. 

- Hey guys, what are you up to ? Arin asked, unbothered by it all. 

- We went for some shopping, we have some free time today, so we decided to go for it. What about you ? 

- Well, Soobin here is starting his shift, and I was thinking of spending my afternoon studying at the Blue Spring book café! 

- Oh, really ? Huening Kai turned to look at Soobin, truly interested. Soobin looked back, feeling a question at the tip of the boy’s tongue. My parents have been trying to buy that building for years! It’s under new management, right ? 

Soobin looked at Beomgyu for a second, who hadn’t said a word from the beginning of the interaction, and quickly looked back to the blonde’s boyfriend, nodding. 

- Yes, Hyejin-noona renovated it entirely, it looks really nice now. 

- Can we come along ? We were thinking of studying, right Hyuka ? Beomgyu finally said, clinging onto his boyfriend’s arm, who looked confused.

- We did ? 

- I told you, that’s why we were coming back ! 

The blonde definitely didn’t mention studying with Huening Kai, at this point he was just torturing Soobin without mercy. He knew he as doomed now, and there wasn’t any coming back. 

- Oh, yes, you guys should definitely come to keep me company while Soobin works ! Arin said, happily clapping her hands together. 

Soobin knew he wouldn’t see Momo’s head at any point during the afternoon. 

+x+

Choi Soobin’s safe place was now invaded by people he was usually happy to avoid. There wasn’t anything he could have done, and now, sitting behind his counter, seeing his three friends at one of the tables of the books café, he wondered what kind of awful things he had done to the universe to deserve all this. Momo wasn’t hiding, though, sensing Soobin’s deadly aura and sleeping on his bed at the boy’s feet. 

The good part was that, at least, they were paying for hot drinks and making some advertising for the café in their Instagram stories, which would bring probably more people to hang around in the future. Hyejin would be happy to hear that. 

The room wasn’t very big, so of course he could hear the whole conversation going on at the table. For some reason he didn’t catch, the conversation drifted to therapy, and from that, it was when Huening Kai started talking, when he should’ve stayed quiet. 

- Soobin hyung is working on a very cool way to express yourself through art, Beomgyu told me about it ! 

Soobin almost choked on his coffee, eyes raising from his work to look at the table, all eyes on him. Lips parted, he looked at the blonde one, tilting his head a bit. 

- Oh, did he now? 

- Yeah, I’m quite intrigued, do you paint except for that project ? Huening Kai asked, Soobin looking at him again. 

- Not really, I’m not truly great at it-... 

- Oh, he’s being modest, Soobin is really good with his fingers, Beomgyu said, earning a frown from both his boyfriend and Arin, while carelessly taking a sip from his hot tea. 

- Excuse me, what ? Kai actually asked, as confused as everyone inside the room. 

- Yeah, excuse me, what ? 

Soobin added, while Arin blinked fast between the couple and her friend, not fully understanding what was going on. 

- Well, he painted most of the canvas with it, that takes much precision. 

- Do you have to make it weird ? Soobin said, still shocked he would make such an innuendo. 

Beomgyu just shrugged, eyes locked onto Soobin’s as the taller one killed him with a stare.

Arin cleared her throat, trying to diffuse the tension. 

- So, what kind of art therapy are you working on, Soobin? she asked, hoping to steer the conversation back on track.

Soobin took a deep breath, shifting his focus to Arin. 

- It's a project I've been exploring recently. The idea is to use different forms of art as a way for people to express their emotions and work through their problems. It can be really helpful for people who find it hard to talk about what they're going through.

- That sounds fascinating , Arin said, genuinely intrigued. How did you get into that?

Soobin glanced at Beomgyu before answering. 

- It started as part of my research. I wanted to find new ways to help people cope with their issues. Art therapy seemed like a good fit. Plus, it's something different from the usual methods.

Huening Kai nodded thoughtfully.

- I can see how that would work. Sometimes it's easier to show what you're feeling than to say it.

- Exactly , Soobin agreed. And it can be really freeing to create something without worrying about it being perfect. It's about the process, not the final product. Beomgyu smirked, leaning back in his chair. 

- Yeah, Soobin’s been really passionate about it. You should see some of the stuff he’s done. It's impressive.

Soobin shot him a warning look, but couldn't help the slight smile tugging at his lips. 

- Thanks, Beomgyu.

Arin clapped her hands together, eyes sparkling.

- We should all try it sometime. It could be fun, and maybe even therapeutic.

- I’m up for it, Kai said enthusiastically. What about you, Soobin? Would you guide us through a session?

- Well maybe not right now as it’s quite a draft still, but it could be a good way to see how it works with a group. 

- Great ! Arin said, smiling. It’ll be a new experience for all of us. 

The group continued chatting, the atmosphere lightening as they discussed plans for their art therapy session. Soobin felt a sense of relief. Despite Beomgyu's earlier teasing, he was glad to talk about this topic, getting a bit off the usual gossiping and blank talk. Still, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy at Beomgyu’s unfiltered self, the boy seemingly looking for chaos constantly. He already knew this whole situation was a bad thing, but the blonde was only making it worse. 

He bent over to pet Momo for a bit, relieved to have a friend to count on. 

Eventually, his friends decided to leave, Soobin announcing it was closing time. They had spent most of the afternoon with him, and Soobin was actually drained at this point. 

The three of them leaving through the door, Soobin sighed, starting to tidy up the books café, his thoughts a tangled mess of guilt and confusion. 

At some point, he heard the front door open again, starting to turn to send the person back. 

- I’m sorry, we are about to… Oh. Hyuka ? He looked at the tall boy, who was looking happily at him, genuine like he usually was. Did you forget something ? 

He swallowed, nervousness taking over him, not expecting to see the boy back alone. Did he catch it ? Had he understood the situation ? 

- No, I didn’t, the younger one said, not noticing Soobin’s discomfort. Actually, I wanted to thank you, Soobin. For everything you’ve been doing for Beomgyu. 

Oh, no. That wasn’t it. As Huening Kai leaned against the counter, expression sincere, Soobin’s heart sank, playing with a dishcloth to keep himself focused. 

- What do you mean ? He asked, trying to keep his voice steady. 

- You've been spending so much time with him, helping him with the art therapy and just... being there for him. I know deep down there are things that bother him that he doesn’t tell me, and it means a lot to me that he has someone like you to lean on.

Soobin's guilt intensified. The image of Beomgyu, paint-covered fingers tracing his skin, flashed in his mind. He almost blurted out the truth right then and there, but he hesitated. How could he destroy Kai's trust? How could he confess that he'd crossed a line with Beomgyu?

- Kai, I... Soobin started, but the words got stuck in his throat. He looked away, unable to face Kai's earnest gaze.

Kai misinterpreted Soobin's hesitation, assuming it was humility. 

- Really, Soobin, I can't thank you enough. Beomgyu doesn’t really do “true friends”, and I know he's not always easy to deal with. But you've been patient and understanding. It makes a big difference.

Soobin felt the sharp pang of culpability only grow wider. Kai had no idea how out of hand things had gotten, how he had betrayed the blind trust he had given to him. He wanted to come clean, to tell Kai everything, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The fear of hurting his now friend, and all the potential fallout, was too much to bare.

- Kai, I just want to help, Soobin said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. Beomgyu's annoying sometimes, but he’s a good person, and he deserves support.

Kai smiled warmly, reaching out to pat Soobin on the shoulder. 

- And you're a great friend, hyung. I'm glad he has you.

- Thanks, Kai, Soobin forced a smile, nodding. That means a lot.

As Kai left the café, Soobin felt a wave of shame wash over him. He knew he needed to find a way to set things right, to make sure that he didn't let things spiral further out of control. The weight of his new problem pressed heavily on him, he wondered how he’d get himself off this situation without hurting Huening Kai. 

Watching Momo getting onto the counter to ask for some pets, he gladly did so. He wished everyone was like cats.

+x+ 

Right when Soobin got back to his dorm on the night before leaving for his hometown, everything his body had the strength to do was to put himself into pajamas and fall into bed, not even taking the time to eat. Every time he started to think too much, his body responded right back, and maybe he was overdoing it this week, between his work, project, and classes. He had already made his suitcase, and all he needed to do was to leave. 

In the end he decided to take his car, Chuncheon being only one hour away. Plus, that way, he would be able to drive back whenever he felt like doing so. But first, he needed a good night of rest. 

As he was drifting in his sleep, Soobin opened his eyes again, eyes landing on a lake, and frowned a bit as he recognized the Soyang Lake, back in Chuncheon. The air was warm, the soft breeze running through his hair. Fast enough, he recognized a silhouette next to the water. 

Parting lips, Soobin noticed he was sitting on the rock of the lake’s shore, and quickly got up to get closer.

- Junnie?

The brunette turned around to look at him, a soft smile on his lips as he waved at him. 

- You came back home ! Took you long enough. 

Soobin reached for the boy, pulling him close to hug him tightly, like his life depended on it. He could feel his own heart pound loudly in his chest, and all he could do right now was fight his own tears from falling down his face. 

- Wow, missed me that much ? 

The voice truly made his body resonate, and the touch almost felt real when his friend lifted his hand to put it against his cheek, smiling at him. No, wait. Yeonjun was dead. Seeing his friend take a step from him, the boy got close to the water.

- What are you doing ? 

- Feel like swimming, don’t you ? The boy’s voice felt distant, and his silhouette started to get blurry as he bent over to reach for the water.

- We can’t swim in Soyang Lake-…

He tried to move, but couldn’t, froze into place. He watched as Yeonjun stepped a foot into the water, slightly panicking. 

- Yeonjun ! 

Suddenly, the older one stopped, looking at him. It took various seconds before he answered. 

- Who’s Yeonjun ? 

Soobin jumped on his bed, body crashing into somebody else’s, completely lost. His eyes reached for the face next to him, feeling nauseous as he saw Beomgyu’s laying in his arms, confused as he watched Soobin waking up from his sleep.

Soobin just stood there, looking stupid as he was trying to process what just happened. He didn’t usually often dream, if he could even consider this as a dream. He noticed his arms wrapped around the other’s body, understanding he had been hugging the boy as he was holding Yeonjun. 

Beomgyu asked again, looking Soobin in the eyes.

- Who’s Yeonjun ? 

Nobody.

Soobin  couldn’t move, stuck in an everlasting nightmare. 

Everything. 

He wanted to say, but nothing came out of his mouth. 

It’s none of your business, get out of here.

The brunette could feel his breathing get shorter, a thousand thoughts running through his head. 

Everything about you is about him. 

The brunette didn’t have time to process, and neither did Beomgyu, because Soobin leaned in to kiss Beomgyu hard, pouring all his emotions and confusion into the kiss. His movements were frantic, almost desperate, and he could feel the younger one’s initial shock turn into acceptance, starting to respond. As he clung onto the blonde, suddenly the taller one could feel his own cheeks wet from the tears that had started to run down his face, trying to suppress them but not managing to do so, tears mingling with their kiss.

Beomgyu felt it, pulling back as he detailed his roommate’s face, concern stumped on his face. 

- Soobin, what’s wrong ? 

Soobin didn’t answer, neither did he listen, not wanting to explain, not wanting to speak. Instead, he kissed Beomgyu again, this time more urgently, his hands clutching at the blonde’s shirt, pulling him closer. He needed to feel grounded, to forget the haunting dream, and the pain that had been filling his body for months. It was the first time that he broke down, the first time he felt the need to give in to the pain. 

His kisses became more insistent, his touch grew more demanding. Beomgyu gave in, wrapping his arms around Soobin, understanding the assignment perfectly. The older one eventually pinned Beomgyu’s body onto the bed, hands roaming over it roughly, trying to drown out all the negative feelings into it. He hid his face in Beomgyu’s neck, hands grabbing the other’s waist to force it against his own, starting to grind their bodies together. 

As Beomgyu started to whine, Soobin pressed his hands against his mouth, keeping the other from making a sound, wanting all his senses to only focus on touching and feeling. He needed to feel anything else other than the ache that wanted to paralyze his whole body. He needed to forget all the stupid choices he had made since Yeonjun had come into his life. He needed to forget he could’ve saved him if he had decided to run away with him. He needed to forget he would never feel his friend’s warmth, his embrace, his slaps when they laughed too hard. But as he tried to forget, all he could do was remember. 

Grinding into Beomgyu’s body, he could sense his own body give up. If he could have done so, he would’ve turned him around, would’ve fucked him hard onto the mattress. Instead, no words were exchanged, they both came from rubbing ridiculously onto each other. 

Soobin left first thing in the morning, right when the first sunlights began to shine in the sky.

They never mentioned that night again. 

+x+

Chuncheon seemed to look a lot smaller than it used to be 5 months ago. Buildings were a lot smaller than in Seoul, and the fact that the city was surrounded by mountains, didn’t help it at all. Nestled between tall hills and circled by bodies of water, the city offered a perfect natural landscape, and Soobin could only be honest by saying it gave some sort of magical charm to it. He never really bothered living here, and he could only notice how the air was a lot cleaner than in Seoul, which was refreshing. 

Still, his breathing was unsteady as he drove through the streets who had obviously stayed the same, the same ones he used to wander around with his lost friend. 

As he got closer to his neighborhood, Soobin replayed the whole scenario he made up in his head. His parents weren’t expecting to see him this early, and he probably looked a mess right now. He barely slept that night, body too self-aware of his roommate’s presence next to him. 

He pulled into the driveway of his childhood home and turned off the engine, sitting in silence for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror. Dark circles under his eyes, and disheveled hair -definitely not the image of a well-rested, responsible son-, not that it mattered at all at this point. He hesitated to light up a cigarette, but he knew his mom was probably already up and would complain about him reeking. He sighed and got out, opening his back door to get his suitcase out. 

As he approached the front door, he hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts before opening it with the keys he had kept and stepping inside.

The house was quiet, the faint smell of his mother’s cooking lingering in the air. As he focused, he heard the distant hum of a radio playing in the kitchen, a comfort of the place he used to call home. He set his stuff down by the door and took off his shoes, trying to make as little noise as possible.

- Soobin? His mother called out from the kitchen, tinged with surprise. Is that you?

- Yes mom, it’s me, he replied, making his way towards the kitchen.

She appeared in the doorway, quickly wiping her hands on a towel before reaching for his son, pulling him for a hug. Soobin cringed a bit but hugged her back, petting her back awkwardly before they stepped apart. 

- What are you doing here so early ? We weren’t expecting you until later !

- I couldn’t sleep, Soobin forced a smile, trying to mask his discomfort. Thought I’d come home and surprise you.

His mom reached for his cheek, gently pressing her thumb against it, a fond smile still on her face. Soobin hated all of this. 

- You always had trouble sleeping before traveling. You look tired, though. Have you been taking care of yourself ? You look like you haven’t been eating at all. 

- I’ve been fine, mom. Just busy with school and work.

She pulled back, looking at him up and down with a critical eye, making the boy even more unsteady than he already was. 

- Come, I made some breakfast for us, you should eat, and then you can go rest a bit, ok baby? I made the bed for you. 

The tall boy simply nodded, following his mother as she started setting the table for them, filling up the silence with random questions about how the trip went, and how Seoul was. 

This was going to be a long week. 

+x+ 

Soobin couldn’t remember the last time he had ridden a bike. It probably went all the way back to high school, before Yeonjun had his driver’s license. And somehow, to avoid spending too much time inside his house, he ended up fixing the handle of his old bike to his height, pumping up the tires and checking its overall condition in his parents’ garage.

His childhood room was still the same, filled with his mangas, video games posters, and his computer desk exactly as he had left it. He thought about trying to play again, one of those days. Yet, there was a sad aura to it, like it was frozen in time. Soobin never really liked changes, and still he had expected everything to change in less than 5 months, in a place that had stayed the same for as long as he remembers living. The city never changed, but he did, and there was no going back to how things were before. It was almost like he had been expecting that he still had any kind of attachment to this city. But he didn’t anymore. Except for Taehyun. 

The bike’s tires hissed slightly as he tested them, the rhythmic pumping a welcomed distraction from the thoughts swirling in his head. He glanced around the garage, noting the familiar tools and old boxes stacked neatly in the corners. Maybe he should just stop analyzing his surroundings at this point. 

He wheeled the bike out into the driveway, the sun casting long shadows across the pavement. Suddenly, he heard the sound of a bike getting closer, his eyes laying on his childhood friend, a soft smile appearing on his face. Thankfully, Taehyun was the only thing here he was glad that didn’t change. 

Despite his upcoming graduation and his pretty expensive suits during his school’s events, here he was, wearing an edgy style, similar to his. Ripped baggy jeans, loose dark t-shirt, complementing the silver chains he was wearing around his neck. Yeah, that felt good as hell.

- Did you read my mind or did my mom tell you I was going out to bike ? 

Taehyun snorted, setting his bike on its kickstand, getting off before reaching out to pull his friend for a hug. They usually weren’t touchy at all, and this probably was the only embrace they’ll exchange through the week, but they both felt the need to say hello properly to each other right now. They stepped back, both kind of relieved to find each other despite their last goodbye.

- Your mom called me. Said you looked like you could use some company.

- Of course she did.

Taehyun looked at him, eyes scanning Soobin’s face for a second. 

- You look different. Tired, but… I don’t know, tense. 

- Yeah, it’s been a lot, Soobin admitted, looking at his bike. Everything here feels… stuck in time. 

- Well, all stayed the same even if you left. 

The taller one nodded, accepting the truth he had been telling himself since he got here. 

- Ready to hit the road ? Taehyun asked, getting back on his bike.

- Yeah. 

As Soobin adjusted the seat and checked the brakes, the tall boy felt a sense of comfort in Taehyun’s presence. The thought of riding alone had felt hollow, but with Taehyun, it was different. 

They started pedaling down the familiar streets, the cool breeze against their faces brought back a flood of memories. Soobin’s eyes scanned the surroundings, each landmark sparking a collection of times they had shared. Eventually, he pushed his friend to go faster, trying to outrun the memories and the sense of loss that clung to him.

Taehyun took the challenge in, a grin appearing on his face, pedaling faster, and suddenly they were their twelve-years-old selves again. 

Without even noticing it, swinging across the streets, they took the path they used to when they picked up Yeonjun, passing right next to the building his apartment was. They stopped right at the same corner they used to wait for the boy, both eyes lifting to look up at the window he leaned on to wave at them and yelled that he was coming down. It was like they were waiting for him again. 

Foot set on the ground, Soobin looked at Taehyun who followed, pinching his lips together before speaking. 

- His mother left the apartment, there’s a new family living there. 

Sadly, the older one wasn’t surprised. One of the main reasons Yeonjun hadn’t left town was because he was the one paying for the rent right after he turned eighteen. Of course, she had left. 

- Expected. 

They stayed there for a second, before turning to look at the store display that was right behind them. The old man who held the business there used to come out with his broom to scare them away, saying they were hiding his display. Which was very untrue back then, when they were almost as tall as their bikes. 

- Do you think he’s still there? Soobin asked.

- Let’s check.

Pulling over with their bikes and putting on their kickstand, they entered the small shop. It was a local grocery store, it was small but pretty practical since it was opened until late at night, which was unusual for Chuncheon. 

The sound of a small fan echoed through the air, making them notice it still didn’t have any air conditioning. The counter was empty, but they heard noise coming from the back of some shelf. They walked there, noticing the old Junseo trying to reach for the upper part of the shelf, without succeeding. 

- Junseo-nim, wait, we’ll help you! 

Both of the boys rushed toward the man, hurrying to help him put his product onto place, careful not to make it wrong. The old man looked at them, surprised to see the two tall boys giving him some help. Kim Junseo was probably about to enter his nineties, it was even surprising to see him still working in the place. He looked at them, taking a bit of time before understanding who they were. 

- Taehyun-ssi. Soobin-ssi, he eventually said in a weak but happy voice. Lord, how big you have become. 

The boys smiled, amused. He always faked his hate towards them, calling them brats and underdogs. But they all always knew he was fond of them, it was pretty obvious. 

- There’s the third one missing, haven’t seen him in a while, he used to come help sometimes. 

Soobin stiffened a bit at the comment, never really knowing Yeonjun kept coming here from times to times, but it made sense since the shop was just next to his apartment. Taehyun finished storing, and lifted a weight off his friend’s shoulders by replying. 

- He… hum, he passed away six months ago. 

The old man probably wasn’t expecting that answer because he actually looked at Taehyun for a bit before looking away, thoughtful. They both could see the sadness in his eyes, and as he lifted both of his hands to pet their shoulders, he nodded.

- Here boys, let’s get you something to drink. 

Taehyun and Soobin looked at each other, unsure if they should go for it, but they eventually did. They followed the old man to the back of the store, where he kept a small fridge stocked with drinks. The cool air from the fridge was a welcome relief from the warm, stuffy shop.

- Here you go, boys. On the house, Junseo said, handing them two cold bottles of iced tea. 

Soobin and Taehyun took the drinks gratefully, the chill of the bottles soothing their hands. It was surprising Junseo wasn’t aware of Yeonjun’s death, especially since it had been quite the news around town, even made it into the local news. Soobin was still a bit uncomfortable, but he knew his friend would deal with the whole conversation part. 

- Thank you, Junseo-nim,Taehyun said, bowing slightly.

Junseo waved a hand dismissively. 

- No need to thank me. You boys were always good to me, even if you were a bit of a nuisance sometimes, he said with a hidden smile in his voice.

They all shared a quiet laugh, the sound bringing a bit of warmth to the tense atmosphere. Soobin took a sip of his drink, the sweetness and fruity taste bringing back memories of hot summer days spent biking around the neighborhood. 

- So, what have you been up to? Junseo asked, pulling a chair to sit on it.

- Just trying to finish school, Taehyun replied. Graduation is coming up soon.

- Good, good, the old man nodded approvingly, Education is important. And you, Soobin-ssi?

- I went to Seoul, I have school and work there, Soobin said. I came back to visit my parents.

Junseo gave him a knowing look. 

- It’s good to come back home sometimes. To remember where you come from, he said, his eyes flicking to a photo on the wall of him as a young man standing in front of the shop, his pride and joy.

Soobin nodded, feeling a lump form in his throat. Maybe was he starting to realize that all the memories he had there didn’t have to be a bad thing. And maybe had he missed this place, despite everything. 

Since he arrived, he had been despising the whole place, when he should have been cherishing it. He was in denial, wasn’t he ? 

- Well, you boys enjoy your ride. And don’t be strangers, you hear? Junseo said, his tone a mix of sternness and affection.

-We won’t, Junseo-nim, Taehyun promised, giving the old man a reassuring smile.

They finished their drinks and said their goodbyes, stepping back out into the sunlight. Soobin felt a bit lighter, the encounter with Junseo reminding him of the good times amidst the sadness. As they walked to their bikes, Soobin looked back at the window of Yeonjun’s old apartment, thoughtful. 

Taehyun followed his gaze for a second, before taking his bike from the sidewalk. 

- How have you been keeping up ? 

The taller one lowered his gaze, putting both of his hands on the handle before putting the kickstand up and following Taehyun. 

- Hardly. You ? 

They both got onto the bikes, starting to pedal through the streets again, the younger one letting a few seconds pass in silence before replying, biking side by side. 

- I’m glad you’re back. 

That answer was enough for Soobin to understand Taehyun's position in this all. The truth was that he had made it clear when he left him in Seoul. Soobin had a lot to deal with, keeping his mind busy with work, school… Beomgyu. But Taehyun had stayed here. Probably hadn’t been hanging out with anyone, since it never was his thing. Taehyun had lost Yeonjun, just like Soobin had. But Taehyun was probably feeling like he had lost Soobin too, which was understandable. Maybe this was the closest thing to normality Taehyun had come to, since Soobin had left. 

After biking randomly for a while, Soobin eventually spoke again, glancing quickly at Taehyun. This was probably quite therapeutic for both of them, even if they looked like full-grown adults trying to act like twelve-years-old. 

- Do you think… do you think we’ll ever feel the same way we did back then ? Soobin asked, voice tinged with a mix of sadness and hope. 

Taehyun seemed to think about the question for a while, surprised it even came out of Soobin’s mouth. The boys started to see the Inbuk-ch’on river near ahead of them, starting to get out of the center of town. 

- I don’t think we’re supposed to. We’ve grown, changed. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find new ways to be happy, to make new memories. 

The older one smiled at the other’s words, nodding. Taehyun had always been the most down to earth person when it came to feelings. Soobin knew him since they were kids, so he knew how to process his emotions. His very first reaction was to process them internally, never really expressing it. All his emotions needed to have a logical path : if something upsets him, he would break it down, analyze it, and figure out the best way to move past it. He didn’t see the point in dwelling on feelings that couldn’t be changed. 

Taehyun was a man of few words, especially when it came to his own vulnerabilities, but his actions often spoke louder than any words could. Coming out to bike, or helping Junseo in the store, were subtle ways of finding peace and expressing care. 

Their friend group had always been a mess, because as long as he’d remember, Yeonjun was the most different amongst them two. Yeonjun was like a whirlwind of emotions. His feelings were forefront, vivid and intense. When he was still around, he wore his heart on his sleeve, never shying away from sharing his joys, sorrows or frustrations with those around him. His enthusiasm for life was infectious, and he had a way of making everyone around him feel special and valued. 

When he dealt with negative emotions, Yeonjun wouldn’t necessarily talk about them, but he would seek for his friends, needing connection and new experiences, thriving on social interactions. 

Once again, he used to outdo his two friends, because Soobin, just like Taehyun, tended to process his emotions internally, but he had more of an introspective approach, less analytical as Taehyun’s. Despite what he would say or even think, he felt things deeply, and needed time alone to understand his emotions. Unlike Taehyun who would logically dissect his feelings, or Yeonjun, who would openly express them, Soobin would be caught entirely in them, which was often suffocating, he wouldn’t lie. 

Together, they used to balance each other, each offering something the others needed. Taehyun’s grounded nature helped to keep Yeonjun’s exuberance in check, while Yeonjun’s openness encouraged Taehyun to be more expressive. Soobin’s quiet reflection brought a sense of calm and understanding, bridging the gap between Taehyun’s logic and Yeonjun’s emotions.

Without Yeonjun now, they were left with logic and thinking, without letting any emotions out, because that wasn’t something they were used to. Yet, here they were, sharing a moment. 

Getting closer to the river’s shore, they biked alongside it, Soobin enjoying this moment a bit too much.  As they stopped for a few minutes, feeling the wind against their skin, Soobin looked at his friend and smiled, earning a smile back. 

- Thank you for coming along. 

- Anytime. Should we head back ? 

Soobin nodded, and as he glanced back at the water extending in front of them, he wished Yeonjun could have been here with them for a last time. 

+x+ 

From : Arwitch 

“You’ve been gone for five days, never again.”

6:24pm

“Please come back Sooooobiiiiin!!”

6:31pm

Soobin glanced at his phone as he struggled to tighten the tie his mother had insisted for him to wear. He laughed, looking at Arin’s desperate text messages, apparently his absence was a big deal for her, and he missed her too, he wouldn’t lie. But he couldn’t let any of his life back in Seoul come into this week in Chuncheon. Right now, he needed to focus on the outfit for tonight. And especially on tying the damn tie.

 He rarely wore ties, but tonight was a special occasion : Taehyun’s graduation party. This week had been all about reconnecting, and he knew how much this event meant for his own parents. In their society, it was hard for middle-class people to mingle with prominent families, like the Kangs. The people of Chuncheon looked up to them, especially since they had chosen to settle in this small town rather than a big city near Seoul. As owners of Korean Air airline, one of the 50 largest South Korean companies, they were still humble and easily approachable when they were back in Chuncheon. 

Everyone had expected Taehyun to take over the family business, being the only son after his sister. But his parents had proven to be progressive once again : Taehyun’s older sister was set to inherit the business, while Taehyun pursued his own interests. Despite his eventual share in the company to keep it in the family’s hands in case something wrong happened, it was never a point of discord within the family. The Kangs had always made time for their family and friends, and as teenagers, Soobin and his friends often hung out at their house, always having a deep connection with them, as had Yeonjun.  

Soobin liked the Kangs a lot, so he would make an effort, even if he knew they wouldn’t mind him showing up in his casual clothes. The truth was, he wanted to please his parents more than anything else, his mother’s voice echoing in his head as she insisted that he looked his best. 

So here he was, wearing blue jean, with a white button-down shirt, a black tie and a beige jacket. He did look fine, though, especially after finally figuring out the tie with the help of an internet tutorial. Thank goodness, he was born in the right century, he’d never survive in any other one. 

As he finished getting ready, he took a moment to look at himself in the mirror, the reflection staring back at him a mix of the boy who had grown up in Chuncheon and the man who was still trying to find his place in the world. 

But tonight wasn’t really about him, but truly about Taehyun’s accomplishments. And he couldn’t be prouder, to be honest. Sitting on his bed to take a picture on the mirror, he knew Arin would be glad to see his pretty outfit tonight. He took multiple shots, letting the jacket slide off his left shoulder just because. He did, sometimes, have some sense of fashion. 

To : Arwitch 

“Going on a date, thought you’d like to see my outfit.”

6:42pm

“Go check Instagram.”

6:45pm

Not having the time to wait for a response, he heard his mother calling for him, and got up from the bed, slowly walking out of his room. As she laid eyes on him, she smiled happily, coming to adjust his shirt, Soobin cringing a bit at the gesture. 

- Look at you, you’re so handsome ! 

- Thanks, mom. 

- Would look better without those piercings but- well.

Soobin stopped himself from rolling his eyes, because of course she’d comment on that, it wasn’t surprising. He looked back at his father, they both were wearing their most expensive clothes, which probably was nothing to what the Kangs were wearing tonight, but still, it was quite the night today.

 He hadn’t spent much time with them this week, mostly only quality time, him studying in the living room just to prove them that he was, indeed, a good student. He wondered why he still felt the need to make himself look good for them.

- Let’s go boys, I can’t wait to see what the Kang’s have prepared for tonight ! 

Lord, Soobin sure hoped they had prepared alcohol. 

+x+

The Kang residence was buzzing with activity, the air filled with laughter and the soft hum of conversation. Elegant decorations adorned the spacious living room, with strings of lights casting a warm glow over the scene. A spread of exquisite food was laid on the dining table, tempting the guests to pick whatever they felt like eating. He knew his mother would spend most of the night in this side of the room. 

The room was crowded with people of all ages and backgrounds, some Soobin recognized, others he didn’t. As he navigated through the crowd, he caught sight of one of his old high school hook-ups, her arm around a tall man, her recent married status evident from the sparkling ring around her finger.

So he reached that age, huh ? People his age actually got married, which was a surreal realization, since it had never been something that went through his mind. 

Soobin moved through the crowd with practiced ease, offering polite smiles and greetings, but his eyes were scanning for his friend. After losing sight of his parents, he finally spotted Taehyun across the room, who caught his eyes and subtly gestured towards the back door. Soobin nodded, expertly weaving his way around groups of chatting guests. He knew exactly where they were going. 

As he reached for his friend, who held the door open for him, the younger one darted around to make sure nobody noticed their escape. Soobin slipped through the partially open door of Mr. Kang’s office, a grin spreading across his face. Taehyun had just closed the door, and he was already pouring two generous shots of whiskey from a bottle that looked like it belonged in a museum.

- Here, quick, take the shot before anyone notices I’ve been missing, Taehyun said, handing Soobin a glass.

- You sure your dad won’t mind ? 

- He won’t miss it. Besides, it’s a special occasion. 

They clinked their glasses together and downed the whiskey, the smooth, rich liquid warming their throats. Soobin set his glass down with a sigh of satisfaction. 

- Damn, that’s good, he said, admiring the bottle. Your dad still has taste. 

- One of the perks of being a Kang, you know it, Taehyun replied, refilling their glasses. Remember the last time we snuck into his office ? 

Soobin laughed, nodded. Of course, he remembered. They didn’t often dare to come in here, this was a purely restricted zone, but sometimes they still listened to their inner thoughts and decided to get crazy. 

- Yeah, and we thought we were so clever, swapping out his whiskey with iced tea. He almost killed us when he found out, never saw him so angry before. 

- Good times, Taehyun said, grinning. Alright, we need to make a proper toast. 

- Oh ? To what ? Soobin raised an eyebrow, curious. 

Taehyun’s expression softened slightly, a hint of mischief in his eyes, with a bit of nostalgia. 

- To Yeonjun. Because if he was here, he’d be the one stealing the whisky and making us drink it. 

Soobin smiled, a bittersweet feeling washing over him. He would have been the first one to sneak out the party, that was for sure. 

- To Yeonjun, he echoed, raising his glass. 

They clinked their glasses together and took a drink, the mood lifting as they shared the memory of their friend. Soobin let the drink slide down his throat, remembering he was never a big fan of whiskey, even if this one was exceptional. He thought it was too sweet and made him sick too quickly. 

He eventually spoke up again, liking the turn of this discussion. 

- You know, Soobin said, setting his glass down. I still can’t believe he convinced us that putting Mentos in soda bottles would make them rocket into space.

- Yeah, we just ended up covered in sticky soda. Classic Yeonjun, Taehyun snorted. 

- Always the instigator, Soobin said, shaking his head fondly. I miss that idiot. 

- We all do, Taehyun agreed, a warm smile on his face as he poured one last drink. But he’d want us to have fun tonight, not be all sappy. 

- Right, Soobin said, agreeing, reaching for his glass before clinking it against Taehyun’s once more. To Yeonjun, the ultimate troublemaker. 

- To Yeonjun, Taehyun repeated, laughing. 

They took their drink, the whiskey warming them from the inside out and giving them courage for the night ahead. For a moment, it felt like Yeonjun was there with them, his infectious energy filling the room. 

- So, Taehyun said, his eyes gleaming with mischief, how about we see what other treasures my dad has hidden in here ? 

- Are you serious ? 

- Absolutely, Taehyun said, already opening a drawer. Let’s make this a night Yeonjun would be proud of. 

As they walked through the office, laughing and reminiscing, Soobin felt a sense of lightness he hadn’t felt in a long time. Surrounded by memories and the comforting presence of his best friend, he felt the same he used to back then, and for once, it was comforting. 

When they decided that enough was enough and navigated their way back to the main area of the party, their slightly tipsy state adding a bit of humor to their attempts to appear completely sober. Taehyun moved back towards the lively graduation party, their steps as they tried to conceal their tipsiness. They exchanged amused glances, silently daring each other to act completely sober and laughing when one of them stumbled the slightest. Soobin couldn’t even remember the last time he had laughed this much. 

- Fuck, isn’t that our literature teacher from fifth grade ? Taehyun asked all of a sudden at some point, looking at a woman in her sixties

- Oh, shit, the one who smelt like cheese ? 

- Turn around before she sees us

They turned around to face the snack’s tables, stealing some food, before hearing their names being called behind them, bursting into laughter as they definitely got noticed by the old lady. As they calmed down to try to talk to their old teacher, they eventually got saved when they heard Taehyun’s mom calling for them, excusing themselves before leaving. 

- Soobin, Taehyun, over here ! Mrs. Kang called, waving them over to where their parents were chatting. 

They made their way over, smiles plastered on their faces, hoping their slight inebriation wasn’t too obvious. 

- Soobin, you look so gorgeous, she said warmly as she pulled him for an embrace. How’s university treating you ? 

- It’s going well, Mrs. Kang. Thank you again for recommending me, he looked at Mr. Kang too, who nodded appreciatively.

- Well, the headmaster is a close friend of the family, so he was better take such a brilliant student!

And that was Beomgyu’s father, he guessed, quickly making the connection. He really wasn’t getting rid of thinking of his roommate during this week, after all.  

Getting her phone out of her pocket, Mrs.Kang quickly waved for them to gather together, happy to take a picture of them. 

- Let’s take a picture of you boys, it’s been a while since we got a good one !

The boys obliged, standing side by side with forced grins, which soon turned to joyous smiles. After his mother took the picture, they both took a quick selfie with their own phones, Taehyun quickly posting it online, happy to show everyone that the boys were back. 

As they looked back at Sungah, Taehyun’s mother, they noticed her sad look, both reaching for her shoulder softly. 

- Hey mom, what’s up ? Taehyun asked concerned. 

- Well, there’s someone missing, she said, looking back at the picture of the two boys. And they both understood what she meant. 

Taehyun and Soobin exchanged a glance, the mood sobering slightly. Taehyun was about to say something, but his father took a step, taking his wife’s hand to pull her to his side.

- Come on honey, look at our boys and how grown up they look. They’ll always carry a part of Yeonjun with them, right ? 

Mr Kang looked at Soobin’s parents, who shifted uncomfortably with their drink in their hand, nodding a bit with an awkward smile. 

- Remember when they used to run around the house, causing all sorts of trouble ? Mrs Kang smiled fondly, as Taehyun’s dad laughed, nodding. 

- Yes, I recall one time when you three decided to ‘borrow’ my golf cart and nearly drove it into the pool. Do you remember that, Soobin ? 

The anger wasn’t there anymore, but he remembered that he wasn’t too happy about it at the time. Plus, that wasn’t something he had told his parents, because he knew they would scold him for causing trouble at the Kang’s house. Well, at least that was out.

Soobin tried not to focus on his mother’s disapproving look and laughed, though his smile faltered slightly. 

- Yeah, Yeonjun was convinced he could drive it like a pro. 

Soobin’s parents, who had been standing nearby, looked at each other, awkwardly. His father cleared his throat. 

- Well, it’s good that Soobin has focused more on his studies now. Some influences weren’t exactly the best. 

There was a moment of uneasy silence. They all seemed to process the words that came out of Mr. Choi’s mouth. Soobin was sure the sound of him swallowing was heard by everyone in the small circle. Mrs. Kang’s smile remained, though her eyes hardened slightly. 

- Yeonjun was always a spirited boy. He had a rough time at home, and often came here to find some peace. 

- He was a good kid, Mr Kang added firmly. Always respectful and helpful. He’s missed. 

Soobin could feel it. He knew this wasn’t ending here. It was Taehyun’s parents, and yet, he knew his parents wouldn’t let their deep thoughts about Yeonjun stay quiet in front of them. That’s why he got a shiver even before his mother opened her mouth. 

- Yes, well, not everyone saw that side of him. 

Soobin felt a flush of shame and anger, his body tensing as his parents’ words cut through the air. His heart raced, and he struggled to process his emotions. Memories of Yeonjun flooded his mind, their laughter, their plans, their friendship. The love he felt for him. Yeonjun had always been there for him, and now, his parents’ harsh words made him feel like he was failing his friend’s memory.

He felt a dissociative wave wash over him, the room blurring as his vision tunneled. The laughter and talking around him faded into a distant hum. He felt small, trapped between his loyalty to Yeonjun and his disapproval of his parents, and most specifically, the way they had no shame talking badly about Yeonjun, who was appreciated by everyone in this circle. No one had complaints about him. 

His hands clenched into fists at his sides, his nails digging into his palms as he fought to stay grounded. 

- Yeonjun was a great friend, Taehyun finally broke the silence, his voice steady but with an edge of defiance. He was loyal and kind. It’s sad that not everyone got to see that. 

Soobin’s parents seemed taken aback by Taehyun’s tone. Soobin was surprised too, glancing at his friend, who seemed genuinely angry. Soobin knew this was a first for his parents, since they had always seen Taehyun as the perfect kid, and the perfect influence, the total contrary to Yeonjun. For him to defend Yeonjun so staunchly was unexpected, but not for Soobin, who started to breathe again. 

- Well, perhaps if he had made better choices, things would have turned out differently, Soobin’s mother said, her voice dripping with condescension. 

Why couldn’t he fight back ? Why hasn’t he been able to reply ? Why was he such a fucking failure ? 

- Better choices ? Yeonjun was always there for us, even when things were tough for him? You have no idea what he went through. 

- Taehyun, Mrs Kang said gently, trying to defuse the situation. But Taehyun was past the point of politeness. 

- No, he said, his voice rising. It’s not fair. It shows that you never knew him and never tried to do so. You don’t get to judge him. 

The room fell silent, all eyes on the escalating confrontation. After all, the noise that got lower in Soobin’s head wasn’t all in his head, but from the people focusing on the argument. Fucking great. 

He could feel his cheeks red, unsure if it was from the alcohol or from the mix of shame and anger, his heart racing like crazy. 

- Let’s not dwell on the past, Mrs. Kang said diplomatically, sensing the tension and trying to appease it, to keep them from causing a scene, if it wasn’t already the case. Tonight is about celebrating Taehyun’s accomplishments. 

- Indeed, Mr. Kang agreed. Taehyun, you’ve made us all proud. 

- Thank you. Taehyun said harshly, though his eyes remained on Soobin, silently offering support. 

Feeling overwhelmed, Soobin muttered an excuse about needing some air and made his way towards the door, trying to ignore the stares following him all the way out. Finally outside, he quickly took his jacket off, leaning against the porch railing and trying to calm his racing thoughts. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack, his breath coming in shallow gasps. It was ridiculous, he hadn’t gotten a panic attack since he was in high school, and this was just fucking dumb. 

He closed his eyes, getting his breath back, and he heard the sound of the front door closing, followed by someone who sat right next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He knew this was Taehyun. 

- Hey, he said softly. You okay? 

Soobin opened his eyes as he shook his head, his vision blurring with unshed tears. 

- I can't… I can’t believe they said that. 

- Your parents are… something else, Taehyun said, carefully. 

- They never understood Yeonjun. They always saw him as a bad influence. 

- Well, they’re wrong, Taehyun said firmly. Yeonjun was amazing, and he’s still a part of us, no matter what anyone says. 

The older managed a small smile. He never realized how much he needed someone to step up for him when he couldn’t do it for himself. His parents being dicks about appearances was always something he kept for himself, especially since he was convinced that it wasn’t too bad. Maybe they had taken it too far this time. 

- Thanks, Taehyun. For standing up for him. And for me. 

- And I’m sorry I haven’t noticed this earlier, Taehyun replied. Let’s get out of here. 

He took a backpack from behind him, shaking it to make the tingling sound echo, showing the presence of bottles inside. Soobin looked at the bag, and then back at his friend. 

- What about the party ? 

- Fuck the party,  he got up from the ground, putting the bag on his shoulders, ready to go. Let’s go on an adventure. 

- Where are we going ? Soobin asked, sniffing lightly as he got up, taking his jacket with him before following Taehyun who was already taking the stairs down the porch. 

- You’ll see. 

They started walking in a comfortable silence, the night air cool and refreshing, helping Soobin to come down from the stress he felt at the party. His mind shifted to his parents, to what he would say to them, especially since he still had some days around. Where would he go ? Yeonjun wasn’t around waiting for him in the corner of his neighborhood’s street. He couldn’t bare looking at his parent’s face anymore, and knew this was the last straw for him. He rarely felt this humiliated in his life. 

Way too focused on the ground, he didn’t really see where they were heading to, and only looked around when Taehyun stopped, Soobin lifting his head. 

- Is this ?... 

- I thought he could use some company. You haven’t been here since… 

- No, I haven’t. You didn’t have to bring me here.

- I would have come anyway. Couldn’t celebrate my graduation without him.

They both stood there, at the entrance of the cemetery, and this was probably the last place he thought they would go to. He blinked fast, face turning to look at Taehyun. Last thing he knew, they both stepped inside, walking through the cemetery. The soft glow of the moon lightened the scenery, some lamps leading the way. Soobin didn’t even know this was supposed to be opened at night, and yet, here they were. 

Finally, they reached Yeonjun’s grave, Taehyun’s hand reaching for Soobin’s shoulder for support. 

It was the very first time he came back to the grave after the funeral, and he couldn’t even remember how that happened. Soobin looked at the headstone, reading the words engraved on it. It was his first time seeing it, due to the fact he had left when they started to bury the coffin. He took a deep breath, his heart aching. 

- Hey Yeonjun, his voice breaking. Sorry it took me so long to come.

Taehyun gave him a bit of time to process the information, sitting in front of the grave and taking three bottles of soju out of his backpack, as if Yeonjun was truly here to drink it. Before Soobin had time to think deeply about the whole situation, he sat down, getting one of the bottles. 

- This is, by far, one of the worst ideas we ever had. And lord knows we had some bad ones, Soobin said, opening the bottle as his eyes looked in front of him, not fully getting what the hell they were doing here drinking. 

- You joking ? This is exactly what he would have wanted us to do. 

- … You’re right. 

They both sat there, staring, not daring to say anything. Eventually, they both started to laugh nervously, Soobin looking at Taehyun. 

- I don’t even know what to say, this is top 3 of the most weird situations in my life. Not saying in what position this is situated. 

- Then, don’t talk, just drink, Taehyun said, starting to bring his bottle to his lips before stopping himself. No wait, you know what. Let’s do a toast. 

- You’re really all about toasts today. 

- Shut up, and listen, he lifted his bottle as he snorted, Soobin following the gesture, confused. To us, and to who we were yesterday. Because tonight, we leave it behind. We say goodbye to the past, and we leave it buried here. 

Soobin stared at him, still without words. He knew what Taehyun was doing, and he really wished he could do what he was told. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, and god he wished he was. 

He sighed, looking at the bottle of soju he was lifting. 

- Give me an example, I’m not following. 

- Here’s a toast to my school years, that I let buried here, he said, before taking a sip of his drink, and then looking at Soobin, waiting for him to keep going. 

- Here’s a toast to… my shitty relationship with my parents, that I let buried here, Soobin finally said, pretty sure he was ready to cut out his strings with his parents if they didn’t apologize about tonight. 

- Here’s a toast to our friend group, because one of us decided to literally be buried here. 

They both sat there in silence before bursting into a laugh, this time a genuine one, letting go of all the stress they had accumulated for the past hour. The atmosphere shifted, then starting to have a proper conversation as they downed their bottles. Hopefully, Taehyun didn’t take the toast thing too far, because Soobin truly didn’t know what to say. 

This whole situation was probably inappropriate, them drinking on their friend’s grave, surrounded by many other ones of people they didn’t even know. It was probably illegal, too. But they had reached to a point where they didn’t even care anymore. 

Taehyun took two other bottles from his bag, never touching the third one that was supposed to be for their friend. 

The conversation went by, and at some point, the silence returned, them starting to stumble in their words. Taehyun turned to look at him, his cheeks slightly pink. 

- I think I have a crush. 

Soobin almost choked on his drink at those words, trying to get his full focus on his friend, even if it was getting harder to think straight. Taehyun never had a proper girlfriend, or boyfriend. His parents would love him to, though, that was a subject that often came up. Soobin knew for a fact that his friend preferred women. 

- What? Who is it ? 

- The story is awkward. 

Taehyun looked away, kind of embarrassed, as he took a sip of his drink. Soobin found it funny he waited for them to be on Yeonjun’s grave to tell him about this crush, knowing that they had spent a lot of time together these past days. 

- Tell me ? 

- Well, I was worried about you. You didn’t text after I left you in Seoul, but also I knew you needed time, you often do, Taehyun explained, gathering his thoughts together. So when I saw you reposted a story of some girl, I dmed her, to ask her for some news. 

Soobin’s eyes widened at the other’s words, understanding who this was all about. The crush was Arin ?! And Arin’s crush was Kang Taehyun ? What in the multiverse ? 

- Are you saying that you’ve been talking to Arin for the past month ? 

- Well, yeah, I asked her about you, and she said you were doing fine, that you made some friends. I was even a bit pissed to be honest, Taehyun confessed, heart out. His younger friend had always been sincere, and Soobin was glad to see that it never changed. But then she started to talk about herself, and we’ve been talking since then. I know it can be strange, so I wanted to tell you about it, I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable. 

- Are you joking ? She’s the sweetest, you two are meant to be. She really deserves someone like you, and I really think you’d love her in real life. 

- I didn’t think you’d be so excited about it-...

- Does she know you’re my best friend ? Soobin promptly asked, cutting Taehyun’s sentence. 

- She doesn’t, she talks a lot, but never asked me why I wanted to know about you. 

Suddenly, Soobin started yapping about how she would go crazy when she’ll know about this all, probably say that this was all of her manifestations coming to her and that this was meant to be. Naturally, Soobin told Taehyun how Arin and him met each other, not mentioning the all Beomgyu taking drugs parts, because this was definitely out of discussions for now, if not forever. They kept talking for a while, Soobin finding the story amusing, and the minutes turned into hours. The air got chilly, and even if the alcohol was keeping them warm, the air in Chuncheon in May still wasn’t really cool during the night, so it was getting harder to handle. 

Taehyun got up from the ground, taking the empty bottles with him and getting up from the place he had been sitting on. Soobin looked up at him. 

- Do you want to stay at my house for the night ? 

- No, I… I’ll stay for a bit, and head home.

- I’ll be going then, probably need to help my mom clean back home. 

- Tell them I’m sorry, about everything. 

- Don’t be, they’ll understand, he said, taking the time to look at Yeonjun’s headstone, a soft smile on his face. Take your time, ok ? 

Soobin nodded, lowering his eyes back to look in front of him, listening to Taehyun’s footsteps getting farther. He played with the grass starting to grow around the headstone, his mind drifting to weird places he preferred not to. He couldn’t help but think about how underneath him was a full wooden box with his dead friend inside of it, in whatever state of decomposition corpses were supposed to look like after 6 months.  The brunette looked at the full bottle of Soju Taehyun had left on the gravestone, picking it up. 

- You don’t mind, do you ? he asked, opening it, still looking at the other’s names engraved on the stone. You’re under restriction anyway. 

He said, not caring for a second if he looked stupid. He was all alone anyway. Taking a sip of the alcohol, he promised to himself that he’d leave after emptying the bottle before he went completely insane. Soobin was pretty sure this was the first time visiting the gravestone, and the last time before a long time, because there was no way he’d step foot in this town any time soon. 

So, he wasn’t making up his mind to get up, either because his body was starting to feel tired, or because deep inside, he knew. 

Tears started to run down his face without giving him the time to process what was happening, and maybe he needed this. He didn’t cry the day of the funeral, that was one of the other few elements he remembered of it. And yet, here he was crying about it for the second time in a week. Fuck, how was he supposed to be a therapist if he needed therapy himself? 

- I hope you’ve been reading the notes I’ve been writing to you. Hope you are seeing the shitty person I’ve become since you left me. 

Soobin sat in the silence of the cemetery, the weight of his words hanging in the cool night air. He took another sip of the soju, his thoughts swirling. The more he thought about it, the more the reality of Yeonjun's absence felt like a deep, aching void.

- I know I haven't been the best friend, he began quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. I tried to be there when you needed me the most. Still, I wasn’t enough. 

He paused, wiping away the tears that had started to blur his vision. The alcohol was doing its job, numbing the edges of his pain, but the heartache remained stubbornly sharp.

- You always wanted us to see the world, Soobin continued, his voice cracking. I thought you'd be the one to make it happen.

He took another long drink from the bottle, feeling the warmth spread through his chest. He looked up at the sky, the stars twinkling faintly above. It was strange to think that the world kept turning, that life went on, even when someone as important as Yeonjun was no longer a part of it.

- You were always the brave one, he said softly. I envied you for that.

The silence of the cemetery was profound, broken only by the distant sounds of the city. Soobin closed his eyes, letting the memories wash over him. He tried to think about the good times, but all his thoughts were about regrets, things left unsaid and things he could’ve done. Even today, he couldn’t find the words to tell him. 

- Taehyun's right, he muttered. We have to say goodbye to the past. But it's so damn hard.

As he sat there, lost in his thoughts, he felt a strange sense of peace settle over him. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was something more. He breathed it out, bringing his sleeves to his eyes so he could stop the tears from falling on his face.

- I'll try, Yeonjun, he whispered. I'll try to move forward.

He finished the bottle of soju, setting it gently on the ground beside him. The night was growing colder, and he knew he couldn't stay here forever. But for now, he allowed himself to sit in the quiet, to feel the presence of his friend, even if it was just in his memories.

- Goodbye, Yeonjun, he whispered. I miss you.

With that, Soobin slowly rose to his feet, feeling the weight of his grief but also his body’s, heavier from the alcohol’s effect. He took one last look at the gravestone, the final resting place of someone who had meant the world to him. Then, after an internal battle, he turned and began to make his way out of the graveyard, ready to face whatever came next. His parents in this case.

Reaching for his phone inside his pocket, he looked at the missed notifications he had, seeing Arin had texted him multiple times, but he didn’t have the strength to reply right now. 

He locked his phone and put it inside his pocket again, keeping his hands inside of it too, trying to keep them warm. He didn’t get any news from the blond haired boy since he left the dorm a few days back, and wondered if he was the type to get angry about things or not. Not like Soobin owed him anything, he warned him after all. He was just a distraction from the boring life he was leading, that’s all. 

That’s why the only reason he thought of him all the way back home, was because he was bored. He was bored, so that’s why he opened his text messages and started typing. And that was also the reason why he pressed the button send with the sole message “are you up?” when he sat on his bed, still fully dressed. 

Eyes on his phone as he put it on his nightstand, he let his jacket lay on the floor. He tried to focus on taking his clothes off, and definitely didn’t stood close to his nightstand as he brushed his teeth. Why would he ? 

When he finally got ready, he got under his sheets and looked at the “ delivered” written right under his text, pinching his lips as he felt his eyes begging him to sleep. He wasn’t expecting anything, anyway. 

Pulling the covers of his bed to his nose, he stared at the ceiling for a moment, reminiscing the events of the day with a growing headache warning him that waking up will be hard. Maybe he should send another text saying “ let’s never see each other again”. Maybe he should just get some water to stop the effects of his future hangover. 

Instead, his mind just drifted to sleep, letting his brain completely turn off the emotions that overwhelmed him all day. 

+x+

Ok maybe he should’ve drank some water before he went to sleep. 

And he definitely should have muted his damn phone before he fell asleep, because when he heard it ringing, he felt like someone was hitting on his head with a fucking stick. Straight up remake of Rapunzel hitting on Flynn Rider with a pan. 

Getting up to look at the number calling him, he frowned when he saw the “Shitty Roommate” letters appearing on his screen, confirming his thoughts of the remake. He made a mental note to change his name to Rapunzel. 

- What the fuck Beomgyu it’s 9 in the morning, Soobin said with a raspy voice after answering the call, bringing his phone to his hear. 

- Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise my dear Soobin, you sound like shit.

The brunette pressed his head on his pillow, eyes closed as he realized he had forgotten to close the shutters, and now he had to deal with the sun, his roommate, and the terrible headache he had. He might start praying to some god if life kept being shit like that. 

- Why are you calling me to quote Benjamin Franklin ? 

- I didn’t call you for that. Are you going out to party without me ? That’s mean. 

He could hear the pout on the other’s lips through the phone and he was pretty sure he couldn’t deal with this shit first thing in the morning. Then, a flash went through his head, and a reminder of the text he had sent to him made Soobin open his eyes, wondering if Beomgyu had woken up to it, and now he wanted to know what it was about. Which was a great question, because, what was the text about ? 

- None of your business. What do you want ? 

- Ok, here’s the thing, the other started and Soobin knew this wasn’t about the text at all. He could almost breathe, if he didn’t feel the trap behind the beginning of the sentence, I have a family dinner tomorrow with my parents, and Hyuka isn’t free, so I’m taking you. 

Soobin let the words process inside his head, trying to understand if he was having a nightmare or if every time he woke up he was doomed to be put under test by some social experiment. Where was this coming from ? 

- I’m coming back in two days ? 

- No you are not, we have dinner tomorrow. 

- We have-… why ? 

- Because ? 

- Are you insane ? I’m not going. 

- I already told them, they are interested in knowing you now. 

So let's put things straight. Beomgyu had already started to spend a crazy amount of time with Soobin for the past weeks, which was already suspicious as hell. For that, they could blame it on their… friendship or whatever excuse people would believe in. But bringing the boy you’re cheating your boyfriend with to your parents ? Beomgyu’s mental state was worse than Soobin thought. And he was brought along with it, because who would stand up on the university’s headmaster, right ? 

He inhaled loudly, finally deciding to stand up, feeling like his head was about to explode at any moment. 

- I don’t think I have anything proper to wear. 

- Just come with something nice you usually wear, should be ok. 

- Are you sure ? 

- Affirmative. Sooo, do we have a deal ? 

- Like you gave me any choice. 

The next words exchanged were hardly processed by Soobin’s head. Not like he wasn’t interested, but just because he couldn’t focus on anything else but getting water. He knew making noise first thing in the morning would alert his parents to the fact that he was awake, and it wasn’t something that made him too happy about. But he didn’t care, making his way to the bathroom to get himself some water, all that half-listening to Beomgyu yapping about what usually happened during family dinners, not that he processed any words he said. 

Eventually, Beomgyu shut up and told him he’d be at the dorm tonight to help Soobin choose his outfit for tomorrow, and Soobin was left wondering when he’d get rid of all the family issues that kept flying across his circle. Except for Taehyun, that lucky fucker. 

Right when the thought crossed his mind, he heard a knock on the bathroom door, as Soobin left his phone on the sink’s edge, pouring water onto his hands and splashing his face with it. Maybe he’d look less miserable. Lifting his head to look at himself in the mirror, he then closed the tap, hearing another knock as he dried his skin with a clean towel, knowing they wouldn’t open the door without him saying. At least they knew boundaries of some sort. 

- Soobin… he heard his mom’s voice as he reached for his toothpaste, needing to get rid of the nasty taste lingering on his tongue. We were worried about you, why did you leave ? 

It was like his body was drained out from the emotions he had felt yesterday. He was upset, and if he focused he’d have a thousand things to yell about, but he didn’t have the mental strength to talk, nor fight. His whole body was screaming for him to rest, and if he let any kind of emotions influence his behavior, he might actually snap. That’s why he usually isolated himself when he felt too much. 

Brushing his teeth, he looked at his hair in the morning, trying to style it a bit, but they just looked a mess. He looked at his arms, the right one surrounded by a barbed wire tattoo, forget-me-nots covering the spikes. He wished he could forget. 

- We’re sorry about your friend.

No you’re not, he wanted to say, but he kept doing his morning routine, making sure his mouth stayed cleaned from anything unpleasant that could come out of it. To what extent could a human handle stress, he wondered ? And to what extent could they hide it? 

That’s what he’s been doing all his life. Hiding. “ You were such an easy kid Soobin, always quiet and polite”, not like he had any choice, nobody paid real attention to him. After all, why would they? They had his older siblings to deal with. “You never reached out for help, always found a way to deal with it by yourself.” You never fucking asked. 

Soobin spat his toothpaste into the sink, washing his mouth right away. Keep quiet, just like you always did, Soobin, he told himself. He waited for a second, wishing to hear his mother’s footsteps would get away. But they never did. 

The tall boy took a deep breath, reaching to get his phone back and finally unlocking the door, head looking down at his mother. He always wondered where the tall genes came from, because none of his family members could reach his height the slightest. 

She looked at him, true concern in her eyes, and that was the worst part of it all. She truly didn’t mean to hurt him, she was sure of doing the right thing. He tried to face his mother with a neutral expression, though his eyes betrayed his frustration. 

- I’m leaving today, he announced firmly, not offering any possibility of argument about it. There wasn’t any, anyway. 

His mother’s eyes widened, clearly taken aback. 

- So soon? You just got here? 

- I have things to do back in Seoul, he replied, tone clipped. My boss called me. She needs me for work, plus I have assignments and group projects, I can’t stay any longer.

She wanted to argue, but didn’t. Instead, she nodded, looking at him, searching for any hint of emotion.

- Breakfast is ready. Won’t you at least join us before you go? 

- I’ll be down in a bit. 

He made his way to his room, and waited until he heard her footsteps retreating before letting out a loud sigh. He didn’t want to be here any longer than necessary. Soobin needed to go back to his new life, to his new routine. Even if that meant making it a mess. 

Gathering his clothes, he gladly took back a black ripped baggy jean, tucking a black shirt under the belt that could hardly be seen from how loose it was. 

When he made his way to the kitchen, his parents were already seated at the table. The atmosphere was tense, and Soobin’s presence did nothing to alleviate it. He sat down and quietly started eating, ignoring the concerned glances from his mother.

After breakfast, he went back to his room to finish packing his things. He moved mechanically, his mind drifting back to the events of the previous day. The party, the drinks, the grave, the conversations with Taehyun - it all felt like a blur.

He checked his phone again. No new message from Beomgyu, or anyone else. He hesitated for a moment before typing out a quick one to Arin, just to let her know he was alive. 

To : Arwitch 

“ I’ll get home earlier after all, we can see each other tomorrow if you feel like it.”

10:37AM 

He hit send and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Grabbing his suitcase and his bag, he headed to the entrance, ready to leave. 

His parents were waiting by the door, looking at him with a mixture of worry and sadness. His mother stepped forward, blocking his path. 

- Soobin, wait. We need to talk. 

- There’s nothing to talk about, he said coldly. I have to go. 

- You can’t keep running away from us, from your problems. We’re your family-… she pleaded, but Soobin cut her short.

- And Yeonjun was my friend, Soobin shot back, his voice hard. But that didn’t stop you from trashing his memory, did it ?

This always happened. They always kept their words for them, before snapping at him when he made a decision. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He wasn’t their kid anymore. And this time, Soobin really had enough of their shit. 

- We didn’t mean to hurt you, we’re just trying to understand.

- I don’t need you to understand. I need you to respect my choices, the brunette said, stepping past her and opening the door. I’ll be back when I’m ready. Until then, leave me alone. 

He knew he was being hard. Maybe he could have hugged them before he left. But he didn’t, because that wasn’t something they did. Because he couldn’t show love to people that only saw him as a trophy when he succeeded and as trash when he didn’t. 

He walked out the door, taking his keys out of his bag and opening the back door of his car before getting his stuff inside. He then got into the front seat, tossing his backpack into the passenger’s side, getting his pack of cigarettes out. 

That was the end of another chapter for him, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever wanted to read this one again. 

Chapter Text

- You told me I could wear whatever I wanted, why are you turning my wardrobe upside down. 

Soobin was lazily laying on Beomgyu’s bed after taking a well deserved shower, drops of water still falling down from his hair as he watched his roommate on the side of the room, putting all kinds of clothes on his own bed. He nonchalantly hugged the teddy bear on the blonde’s bed, still tired from the short night of sleep he got, and instead of taking a nap, he was doomed to listen to his roommate’s judgment. Why did this actually give him a hint of comfort ? 

- I saiiiid, it should be ok for them. I want you to look nice. For me. 

Soobin raised an eyebrow at that sentence, unimpressed. When did he become the golden boy’s pet, exactly ? And why was he baring with all his bullshit ? 

- I’m pretty sure you didn’t specify who it would be ok for.

- I did. 

- You did not. 

The blond haired rolled his eyes, while the older one yawned, squeezing the plushie harder against his chest, actually closing his eyes for a second. 

- You’re not helping ! 

- I don’t have my word in this, choose whatever you like, I don’t care. 

He heard the other turn around to look at him, the pause long enough to let Soobin think he would finally shut up. Which he didn’t. 

- You know, for someone who doesn’t care, you sure have a lot of opinions.

- I’m just saying, you seem to have it all figured out. Why bother asking me ? 

The brunette listened as Beomgyu went back to make a mess of his clothes, occasionally complaining about how many black clothes Soobin had and there was no way he’d ever be happy if he kept wearing stuff like that. Not that Soobin understood the connection between the two, but he didn’t even bother replying. He never noticed before how good Beomgyu smelt, and maybe this was only getting his sleepy state worse, as he brought the teddy bear closer to his nose. 

He was about to fall asleep when he heard the other one talk again, making him open his eyes. 

- This is important to me.

- It’s just a family dinner, right ? 

Beomgyu nodded, but he seemed suddenly gloomy, Soobin feeling him sulky. He wasn’t actually aware of what kind of relationship Beomgyu had with his parents, so he didn’t actually know how it would go. After his own weekend, this was a piece of cake for him, probably just having to fill a bit the blank spaces and answer when the other’s parents would ask him anything. But if it hadn’t been for that, he’d probably feel stressed. Maybe he was forgetting about Beomgyu’s feelings about it.

Getting the teddy bear onto his side, the brunette got up and stretched a bit before getting closer to the blonde boy. He sleepily got his arms around his waist and let his chin on the top of the other’s head. It startled a bit Beomgyu who stood there, surprised. 

- What’s going on ? 

- It’s just that… I’ve been talking about you, and I really want them to like you. They know you’re a good friend, Soobin’s eyebrow twitched a bit at that, and they know you’re someone they should meet. 

- Oh great, so now I have to impress your parents, he said, making Beomgyu pout and Soobin stepped back, catching the blonde boy’s eyes who looked up at him. It will go well, I’m sure. Stop being moody, let’s pick an outfit. 

Beomgyu smiled, nodding softly as they both turned to the pile of clothes they had in front of them. Soobin wasn’t sure why Beomgyu’s moodiness made him so mellow, but here he was. 

As they spent about 20 minutes trying outfits, suddenly they heard a knock at their door and looked at each other, confused. 

- I’m not expecting anyone, Beomgyu said without Soobin having to say anything. 

Soobin had an idea of who this could be, and his thoughts were confirmed when he opened the door, letting Arin come into the room, looking like she was about to burn the whole place. The brunette glanced at his roommate who just shrugged, before looking at Arin, closing the door behind him. 

- Hey, are you okay ? He asked, getting the girl’s attention, who just looked up at him. 

- Listen, I have something to tell you, but I don’t know how because I was happy you were seeing someone, but then I understood what was going on, and I can’t just keep quiet. 

The taller one's eyes slowly went to Beomgyu who looked right at him, for once too stunned to speak. Did she get it ? Was that it ? From the “We’re fucked” look they were exchanging, he could easily understand that they were both thinking about the same thing. 

- The boy you’re seeing, the one you went on a date with. He has been talking to me, that’s the boy I have been flirting with for like.. a month.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, so that’s where this all was going. Soobin felt the whole tension he had accumulated in 30 seconds leave his body. The message he had sent her, the stories of the party Taehyun had posted. She thought Taehyun was the boy he was seeing. Looking back at her, he snorted, getting his hands on her shoulder. 

- Arin-…

- I didn’t know how to tell you, this is messed up, I don’t think he’s right for you-…

- Arin, he’s-…

- And I know it’s hard information for you to take, I mean I do get it, he’s hot as hell, but I can’t believe he has been playing in two boards this whole time! I’m so sorry I didn’t kn-…

- ARIN. Kang Taehyun would be the last person I’d fuck, he’s literally my best friend since we were like … 5!

Arin looked back at him, lips parted as she processed the information, confused. Soobin started laughing, stress and tiredness getting over him like a bitch. Beomgyu just stood there, confused, holding one of his pieces of cloth in his hands. Arin’s eyes widened, as she tried to process what Soobin was saying. 

- Wait.. so you’re not dating Taehyun?

Soobin shook his head, still chuckling. 

- No, Arin. Taehyun’s been into you. He talked to me about you, and he looked pretty hooked. 

- Oh my God, I thought… Oh, I’ve been so stupid, she trailed off, cheeks turning red as realization draw into her. 

Beomgyu finally snapped out of his daze, dropping the clothes in his hand, trying to figure out what this was all about. 

- So let me get things right… You thought Soobin was dating his… friend, and you came here to warn him ? 

- Yeah… Arin nodded, looking embarrassed. I just.. saw the posts and jumped into conclusions. I’m sorry, Soobin. 

- It’s okay Arin, it’s just a misunderstanding. But you should know, Taehyun really likes you. 

- He does ?… Arin’s eyes lit up slightly at that, a shy smile forming on her lips. 

Soobin nodded, before Arin tried to get information on the things Taehyun had told him, but Soobin refused to tell her anything, just giving her the advice to talk about it with him herself. She apologized for barging in, asking some news from the taller one, who briefly told her he was fine before getting her to go away, since it was almost past the hour girls were allowed in the boys dorms. Not like they’d get in any trouble for that, but still. 

Turning slowly towards Beomgyu, they just stood there, looking at each other, processing what just happened. Eventually, the blonde boy inhaled deeply, putting a hand on his hip. 

- Well, that was unexpected. For a second I thought she had us figured, Beomgyu said, seemingly unbothered about the idea of that.

- What would you tell her if she had ? 

Beomgyu started gathering his clothes back to his closet, focused on his task. At least he was cleaning up the mess he had made inside of his wardrobe, after they had chosen an outfit. 

- Well, I don’t know, I’d come up with some excuse. 

How was lying so easy for Beomgyu ? Soobin just stared at him, getting back onto his pajamas as he left the outfit they picked hanging on a chair. He wasn’t sure what to reply. He hoped he could stop this relationship soon enough before anyone suspected anything, but what would happen if people knew about this ? He wasn’t sure, but he shook the idea off his mind, not wanting to jinx it. 

He just went back to the blond’s bed so he could pick up where he left before Beomgyu bothered him to choose an outfit : sleep. 

+x+ 

The university of Seoul wasn’t really located in the center of the city. Soobin often had the tendency to forget that he was currently living in one of the top 10 largest urban areas in the world, and wasn’t fully aware of it. It had been over 5 months since he moved, and never once the idea of visiting the city outside the university district came into his mind. Especially since the university was just outside the city, so to reach Chuncheon by car, he never needed to drive through the center of town.

So here he was, eyes fully glued on the window as he looked like an excited puppy who was brought to a park. From afar, he could see the big skyscrapers, and he was sure they were going that way. Beomgyu just rolled his eyes at the older one’s reaction, probably wayyy too used to these kinds of landscapes. And even more, he probably was born in that house, so big buildings and shiny towns weren’t a big deal for him. 

Apparently, it was only ten minutes away from the university by car, and Soobin wondered if Beomgyu lived in a penthouse, full view on the Namsan Tower, with like.. two floors.

But soon enough, as they started to drive up a hill, he understood that wasn’t the case at all. No skyscrapers around them, just a fancy neighborhood, high enough so they could see the center of town from there. The houses looked like traditional Korean houses, the so called “hanoks”, but some really expensive and renewed ones, with a modern architecture to it. As they stopped in front of the house’s gate, and they stepped outside, Soobin was stopped by Beomgyu who reached for the other’s white shirt, undoing one of his buttons and putting his collar back in place, focused on what he was doing. Soobin blinked, but let it happen. 

- I wanted to hide my neck tattoos, the taller one said, focused. 

The outfit they had chosen for him, was pretty simple, at the end. He wasn’t too much out of place, even if he didn’t usually wear dress shirts. The white shirt was slightly see-through, anyone could easily see the tattoos on his chest and arms through the fabric, his sleeves rolled up a bit to his elbows. He was wearing dark blue pants, not jeans ones but a synthetic fabric.

Beomgyu rose an eyebrow, not understanding why he wanted to hide the drawings on his skin. 

- Don’t hide, it’s part of you. Just be yourself, it will be just fine. 

Soobin slowly nodded, still not convinced by this whole situation, and not even knowing what he was doing here. Stress was slightly taking over, but he didn’t let it bother him. 

As the car behind them left, they went towards the front gate, Soobin’s eyes landing on the dark wooden form, orned by intricate carvings. The gate opened to a meticulously landscaped front yard. A stone path, lined with carefully manicured bonsai trees and blooming flower beds, led up to the house. Soobin couldn’t help but wonder how much they paid for those trees to be perfectly trimmed like that. 

The outside of the house featured a combination of dark wood and white plaster, characteristic of traditional hanok style. However, large glass windows and modern line gate gave it a fresh, contemporary feeling. The tiled roof, with its elegant curves, contrasted beautifully with the sharp, minimalist architecture below.  

As they stepped inside, he could see the entrance getting closer, marked by a wooden porch, with a small sitting area. Lanterns hung from the eaves, casting a warm glow as the evening light began to fade. The brunette looked down at Beomgyu as he took off his keys to step inside. 

- You live here and prefer to be on a small ass dorm ? 

- It’s not that impressive. 

Soobin couldn’t help but roll his eyes, but was quickly struck by the inside of the house, stunned. He was about to take off his shoes when Beomgyu stopped him, saying that there was no need for that, which made Soobin frown a bit before he focused back on the decoration. He looked at the blend of traditional and modern elements, spread across the spacious and airy foyer, complimented by polished wooden floors who extended throughout the house. The walls were adorned with korean artworks, while modern light fixtures provided a sleek contrast. No doors separated the different living spaces, giving even more of an open feeling. 

The taller one was so focused on the decoration that he didn’t hear Beomgyu’s mom step into the entrance, getting an elbow hit from his friend. 

- Beomie, you’re early ! She said happily, as Soobin straightened himself, surprised by the women’s stature. 

Beomgyu’s mom was small, against all expectations, but was wearing high heels so it made her look taller. Her outfit was classy, her posture screaming elegance and sophistication. She wore a tailored high-waisted pair of brown trousers, accentuating her graceful figure. The fabric looked smooth and luxurious, like everything else inside the house, and like her top : what else than an ivory silk blouse with a high neckline and delicate lace, tucked neatly into her trousers. Soobin couldn’t help but feel underdressed inside his outfit. 

As soon as she laid eyes on Soobin, the boy bowed, saying hello politely, about to kill Beomgyu from wearing such a loose outfit into his house. 

- You must be Soobin-ah! No need for that honey, I’m Jiyeon, I’m glad to meet my son’s friend. 

Soobin was surprised when he got up, Beomgyu’s mother catching his hand between hers, smiling warmly at him. He noticed small details like the slim golden bracelet that caught the light with every movement, her golden necklace who rested just below her collarbones and the natural and refined makeup. He smiled, nodding as he couldn’t help but bow a little as he put his free hand on the top of the women’s, who was still holding his. 

- It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Choi,  he said as the women detailed Soobin’s face, a soft laugh coming from her throat. 

- Lord, you’re a really tall young man, aren’t you ? Isn’t he taller than Kai ? She looked at Beomgyu for a second, who had his arms crossed, pretty much just letting Soobin struggle. 

- Barely, but he is. Hard to believe, huh ? 

- You have a beautiful home, Mrs Choi. 

- Thank you, dear. I’m glad you could join us for dinner tonight. 

She was still smiling at him when she finally released his hand, leading them inside the house. She showed him around, starting by the living room, who was exactly the same to what he had seen until now, blending comfort and elegance. A plush sofa and contemporary coffee table added something to the surrounding, a large floor-to-ceiling window offering a breathtaking view of the city below, making the minimalist room feel even more expansive. 

Adjacent to the living room was the dining area, where a long wooden table was set for dinner. The table was surrounded by the chairs of the same material, adorned with delicate porcelain dishes and elegant cutlery. Above it was a stunning chandelier made of delicate glass, but it was the kitchen who caught his eyes the most. Visible from the dining area, it probably was the most modern part of the house. Sleek, stainless steel appliances contrasted with the dark wooden cabinetry, and a large island in the center provided space for meal preparation. Inside it, was a woman preparing food, and Soobin assumed it was their housemaid, which wasn’t that surprising, but he still jumped a bit. 

He listened to Beomgyu’s mom talk, showing off some piece of art she had on her wall as they entered a corridor. He thought for a second that it was opened to the outside, but the right part were actually window doors, view leading directly to the backyard which was another highlight of the house. A wooden deck extended from the back of the house, overlooking a beautifully landscaped garden, protected by tall walls, making it look intimate. Stone lanterns and a small koi pond added a touch of tranquility, even having a small wooden bridge over it. The garden wasn’t huge, and still looked like a small park. 

On their left were the different doors leading to the bedrooms, and the corridor was so big that it cornered the garden, making a consequent space between each room. They opened a door, showing what it looked like inside, and, as expected, the rooms were huge. This time, no signs of any traditional furniture, the whole room was new, even though pretty much empty and simple. 

He didn’t get to see the other rooms, but he watched as Mrs. Choi went through the corridor, Beomgyu bringing him back to the living room. 

- My dad is probably in his office, he spends his time there, when he’s not at the university. 

- Your mom is so nice, Soobin said not too loudly, earning a look from Beomgyu he couldn’t really describe. 

They waited for a few seconds, and then Beomgyu’s mom came back, Mr. Choi following behind. What he noticed first, was the air of authority he exuded as he entered the room. He was dressed in a dark gray suit, the fabric pressed and perfectly fitted to his frame. A white dress shirt was neatly tucked into his collar. His shoes were polished, completing the cleaned look of a man accustomed to command respect. 

Despite his formal attire, there was a warmth in Mr. Choi’s demeanor as he greeted Soobin with a firm handshake and a friendly smile. His presence was commanding, yet approachable, reflecting his position as the headmaster of the university. 

- Mr. Choi Soobin, I presume ? Beomgyu’s dad said, not letting go of his hand, as his eyes went through the boy’s face.

- Yes, sir. Thank you for inviting and welcoming me into your home. 

- Well, Beomgyu has been talking a lot about his roommate for the past months, so it was about time to meet. Please call me Sanghyun, let’s forget my status for the night, should we ? 

Soobin nodded politely as he bowed a bit, before Beomgyu’s dad let go of his hand. Then, Jiyeon clapped her hands, announcing they should go to the dinner table, so they did, Sanghyun sitting at the head of it, with both his son and wife to his sides. That was also something that often happened in the Kang’s house, so Soobin knew where to sit immediately. That, and the fact that there were only four plates on the table, and three of them were already taken. Maybe. 

He was just next to Beomgyu, who just casually started talking about his classes and how exams were going. He probably never heard a word coming off the blonde’s boy scholarship, so this was a total new subject for him. 

His dad threw some looks towards Soobin from time to time, making the taller one a bit uncomfortable, but he was sure there was nothing to be stressed about. He unconsciously brought his sleeves back to his wrists after seeing the man’s eyes drawn to his tattoos on his arms. Fuck, he was right about needing to hide it, wasn’t he ? 

But the man didn’t say anything as food arrived at the table, straightening himself on his chair and talking to Beomgyu. 

- We have the school’s open days in a few weeks, Beomgyu, his father started, looking as wine was poured into his glass, and making a sign for the housemaid to fill Soobin’s glass first. The student council is putting a budget on a welcoming party. I'm counting on you to get a hand on it, as you’re the president. 

Soobin was focused on the wine being poured into his glass, but frowned a bit. He had no idea Beomgyu was the student council’s president, and that was brand-new information. He listened, his head turning to look at Beomgyu, who just scratched his neck slightly. 

- I was thinking that maybe, as it’s going to be hotter by that time, we could do it in an open space ? With a campfire, and everything. What do you think ? 

- Fine by me. No alcohol, though. 

- What ? But-… 

- It’s the university’s first impression for most of those kids' parents. There’s no discussion about that. 

Beomgyu half pouted but nodded, not arguing much about it. Soobin knew he probably wasn’t used to being told no, so he just looked at the interaction, but his attention got caught by Jiyeon. 

- So, Soobin-ah. Tell us a bit about you. 

Soobin blinked a bit at the sudden attention on him, eyes laying on the women as he straightened himself up a bit more on his chair. 

- Well, hum. I’m just about to finish my second year of psychology, it’s going fine so far…

- You arrived at midterm, and yet your grades are quite impressive, Soobin, Beomgyu’s dad said, the brunette looking at him now. Top of your class in several subjects, that’s quite something you should be proud of. May I ask you why you came to our university?

What was Soobin supposed to say at that ? The truth ? Something to fill the space ? He looked at Beomgyu who was still gloomy about the rejection but was a bit focused on his friend. 

The housemaid finished serving the food, and Soobin let a few seconds pass by before he answered. 

- I lost a friend in Chuncheon back in December. I just… couldn’t stay around. Thankfully, I got in thanks to Mr and Mrs. Kang, and I don’t regret it at all, Soobin could feel Beomgyu’s interested gaze on his, suddenly fully focused on what he had to say. It was probably the first time for him hearing this from Soobin’s mouth, too. 

- Well, we’re sorry for your loss Soobin, we hope Seoul is treating you well. 

That obviously let the mood down, maybe Soobin should’ve shut up about it, but thankfully, they didn’t make it awkward and kept the conversation going. As they started to get dinner, they talked a bit more about Soobin, how the classes were going, his thesis project, his life back in Chuncheon. The dinner was going relatively well, Beomgyu behaving like he was expecting to. He then noticed a small shelf with some pictures on it, and Beomgyu’s mom noticed it. 

- Do you have any siblings, Soobin? 

- I do, an older sister and older brother. 

- Oh, so you’re the last child, just like Beomgyu. Minho and Jaehyun have left university long ago, they have their own families. We miss them running around the house, to be honest. But Beomgyu has always been a handful. 

- Was he now ? Soobin asks with a bit of sarcasm, eyes glancing at the boy. 

- He had been diagnosed with ADHD when he was a kid, and has been under medication since then. 

- Mom! Come on! 

Oh, so, that definitely made sense. The impulsivity, the lack of attention, the fact that he slept very little, the emotional dysregulation, the risk-taking. Everything he thought was just the drugs in him, were actually just accentuated by it, they already existed in him before. Soobin looked at him, focused. 

- Honey, he’s your friend, he deserves to know why you’re an agitated kid. 

- I’m fine. 

And suddenly, Jiyeon was bringing an album full of family pictures to Soobin, so he could see what baby Beomgyu looked like. The brunette put his whole attention into that as Beomgyu pestered, but he was only doing that so he could annoy the blonde. He looked through the pictures, curious, it was the first time seeing his natural hair color. 

- Do you see how handsome he was when he had brown hair ? Beomgyu’s mom said, getting a nod from Soobin, agreeing.

- This is getting ridiculous, the blonde said, cheeks a bit red.

Soobin brought the glass of wine to his lips, he wasn’t sure how much he had drunk, but Sanghyun just never let his glass get empty. It was almost like he was testing him, which was understandable, but still ? By the way, the man was completely silent at the end of the table, just staring at them. 

He looked at the pictures, Beomgyu getting older as they went, reaching into his teenage years. There was some with Kai at that point, already glued to each other. The boy has been in the family since they were basically born, what was he even doing here? 

He tried not to think about the fact that he was basically half-fucking this poor woman’s son and leading him to hell, and he looked before humming. 

- Brown hair does suit you, though, your mom is right. I also thought your hair were naturally curly, but it makes sense they’re actually straight. 

Soobin looked at Beomgyu, who looked back at him. They stared at each other for a second, before Jiyeon increased his tellings, like it was obvious to everyone. 

- Here is some young man with some good sense! Thank you Soobin, you can come back every weekend from now on. 

The brunette snorted at that sentence, shaking his head slightly. Eventually, he heard Sanghyun call the housemaid so she could bring something else to drink, while Soobin finished looking at the album Jiyeon was showing him. She sat back at her place, seeing some types of digestives arrive at the table. 

Beomgyu was still awfully quiet, like he was thinking about something.

Suddenly, Sanghyun talked again, addressing his words to Soobin. 

- Are you used to drinking, Soobin ? The man asked, reaching for one of the expensive looking bottles, pouring some into the glass the housemaid had just brought to him, putting one in front of Soobin too. 

- Sometimes, sir. I’m tall, so I handle it pretty well. 

- Good. 

Soobin’s eyes landed on Beomgyu for a second, really unsure of where this was going. One thing for sure, Beomgyu looked more like his mom, either it was for his looks or personality.  His soft traits were from her, whereas his body structure was more like his father, who stood tall in his chair. 

Sanghyun looked back at Soobin as he brought his glass to his lips, taking a small sip from the strong drink, the tall boy reproducing the action. 

- I’ll be honest, I was surprised when I saw you. I wasn’t expecting you to have… such individuality. Especially with such grades. 

That was a funny way to say that his looks were funny. Soobin smiled awkwardly, searching for his words as he went. He actually was surprised he’d even mention it, but at least it was clear that he had made a good impression. 

- Well, I really believe in balancing academics with personal expression. 

Beomgyu’s dad hummed in approval, thinking about Soobin’s words for a bit before replying. 

- That’s a good philosophy. I’ll take that into consideration from now on, Soobin. Have you given any thoughts to what you might do after graduation? 

The exchange started again, this time Sanghyun a bit more talkative than previously.  Soobin told him he was considering clinical psychology, that he’d like to work with teenagers. He approved his tellings once again, and continued to ask him some questions about his future. 

The Choi’s family was nice, but he could definitely tell that they were really careful about who their son hung out with. Except they were very subtle about it. He could also tell that Beomgyu wasn’t really comfortable about this at all, just saying what he had to. It was all about sitting pretty and agreeing with the older people, not surprising until then. 

They kept drinking as dessert was brought up to the table, Soobin starting to feel tipsy at some point, because, lord, that man could drink. 

Soon enough, they got off from the table, and when he was about to excuse himself from this meeting, Beomgyu hung on his arm, looking at both of his parents. 

- I was thinking, that maybe, Soobin could stay over ? He had a lot to drink, I’m worried about him going back to UOS. 

Soobin guessed UOS stood for University of Seoul, but he shook his head, a small frown on his face. 

- No need, I-… Soobin tried, but he was cut off by Jiyeon.

- Of course, I’ll tell Dae to get a room ready for him. 

- No need to bother Dae, he can just stay at mine-  Beomgyu started, but his mom cut him off.

- There’s no way, guests should have their own room, we have plenty of them. 

Was it a family thing to not let people have their own sayings on matters ? He watched as Jiyeon turn towards the housemaid to ask her to prepare a room for him. 

- It’s very kind of you, but I can go home… plus, I don’t have any spare clothes… 

- We would be very bad hosts if we didn’t offer you to stay over ! And don’t worry about that, we’ll lend you some ! 

Well, who was he to argue, right ? He could use a comfortable double sized bed, he’d not lie. He felt like he could sleep for days right now. He thanked Beomgyu’s parents for letting him stay, and at that point of the night he felt like he was dreaming. His whole life was a joke, but sleeping at the headmaster’s fancy house ? That was completely new. 

Once “Dae” returned from the bedrooms, and informed them they were ready, they walked until they reached the corridor, his room for the night being the first one to his left. Beomgyu opened the door for him, the taller one getting inside before turning towards the blonde.

- What the hell are you doing? Soobin asked with a whisper, once he was sure nobody was around.

- What do you mean ? 

- This whole situation ? This is messed up, I never planned on staying. 

- They’re just nice, Binnie. Plus, they like you, that’s why you’re staying over. Just enjoy. 

- They’re nice, that’s why I feel like I’m betraying their trust. 

He watched as Beomgyu looked behind Soobin to check if someone was passing by, before getting closer, hand landing on his cheek. 

- Do you really care? 

Soobin stared at him. Did he ? He didn’t. He stopped caring when he leaned into Beomgyu’s kiss, when he felt the other’s body underneath his, hands full of paint chasing for a feeling of aliveness. He stood quiet, before the bonde boy stepped back as he heard someone getting closer.

- Just take a shower and make yourself comfortable. 

Beomgyu left the room, closing the door behind him as Soobin stood there, looking around him, feeling like a stranger even to himself. Passing a hand through his face, he groaned a bit before looking at the small pile of clothes that was on his bed, and he quickly understood that everything he needed was there. Pajamas, underwear, toothbrush. This was insane. 

He only felt his body relax when his naked body entered the shower in the bathroom connected to the bedroom, hot water streaming down his skin as he let his head back, allowing the stress to come out of him. All he needed was a good night of sleep. 

Getting ready, Soobin quickly got under the covers of the big bed who was close to the floor, the whiteness of the room being a bit overwhelming, but he didn’t care right now. He just needed a good night of sleep. 

Bringing the blanket to his chest, he inhaled deeply at the feeling of the alcohol taking over him, making his head turn a little. That’s when he heard it : the door of his bedroom opening and closing, something being put on the nightstand, and then someone getting in bed. He almost cursed at himself for being so stupid and for not locking the door. He was laying on his back, inhaling the sweet smell of Beomgyu’s shampoo as the boy clang onto him, nose nuzzling against his neck’s skin. 

- Beomgyu. What the fuck. 

The boy ignored him, his hand reaching for Soobin’s hip bone, fingers getting under his shirt. A shiver went through his spine, inhaling deeply when he felt Beomgyu’s leg get above his. 

- What are you doing? 

- You know what I’m doing. 

It was dark inside the room, but he could feel it all as Beomgyu rubbed his still soft groin against his side, and Soobin knew where this was going. He wrapped his arm around the smaller one’s waist, pulling him closer but not moving yet. 

- I have condoms. 

- You have… what ? No, we are not doing this at your parents’ house. 

He said but grabbed Beomgyu’s waist tighter when the other started kissing his skin, and Soobin kept wishing he wasn’t so sensitive under his touch. The younger one reached for his ear, nipping at his lobe before whispering. 

- Wasn’t this why you texted me two days ago ? 

Soobin’s lips parted at that statement, eyes focused on the dark room as he realized. Beomgyu thought he had texted him because he was horny. This was his plan all along. How fucking stupid was he ? 

He reached for his own face with his hand, letting it lay on his eyes as he was stopping himself from losing his shit. The alcohol was making it harder for him to focus, plus, Beomgyu wasn’t helping at all, as he pushed the covers in order to move his body on top of the brunette’s. The taller one let him, his arm initially around his waist letting go, hand resting on the other’s waist, and fuck. 

Beomgyu was bent over, half-sat on his lap, his upper body still against Soobin’s. It was dark, but he could feel it all, from the way Beomgyu arched his back, to the boy’s tongue eagerly wetting his skin. Soobin never hated being a man so much until now. 

- Come on, Binnie. Let me be good for you, the younger one pleaded, his hand reaching for the one on his waist, guiding it to his ass. Please. 

Soobin’s hand grabbed the other’s ass cheek, quickly realizing he was already only wearing a t-shirt with his shorts. Finally getting his second hand to function again, the brunette reached for the other’s long hair, pulling it, so the other would stop bothering his skin. That forced him to arch his back even more, Soobin sunk into the other’s neck, teeth nipping at his skin, but not enough to leave any marks. Beomgyu’s smell made him drunk, accentuating the alcohol inside his veins. The hand on his ass reached for the other’s lower back, pressing it down as Beomgyu firmly sat on him, the feeling of the blonde boy against his crotch making Soobin drowsy. 

- Is this dick so good that you sound like a bitch in heat ?

Soobin teased, reusing Beomgyu’s words against him. The words of the taller one made the other whimper, rolling his hips slightly against him. Soobin sighed, knowing that would be the only sound he’d get from the boy. 

- Speak, Soobin commanded, his fingers entangled around his blonde curls, pulling them harder. 

- Y-yes, Binnie. 

- Prove it. 

He released the hair, causing the smaller one to almost fall down onto him. Eager, Beomgyu quickly got lower on his seat, hands pulling Soobin’s shirt higher so he could reach his abdomen with his mouth, lips now pressed against his skin. 

Soobin knew where this was going, and he shouldn’t allow it to happen, but Beomgyu had already shown how unbothered he was about protections. And Soobin’s mistake was to actually get turned on by it, especially when Beomgyu kept getting lower, fingers reaching for Soobin’s waistband to pull it down. 

The taller one raised his hips, allowing the other to get rid of the pajama’s pants, hand not losing any time as he pressed it hard against his groin, rubbing it with scissors movements.

If you asked Soobin later what he’d think of this whole situation, he’d probably tell you that he was the most stupid person in the universe, and that he let his dick take decisions for him at that exact moment. But right now, no thoughts crossed his brain. 

Soobin laid onto his pillow, eyes closing as he felt his dick twitch at those movements. He was honestly overstimulated, intoxicated by the drinks getting into his brain, the adrenaline of being at the other’s parents house, and the arousal slowly growing within him. He could already imagine it, Beomgyu’s pretty lips around his cock, hungrily getting it deep into his throat. And not only could he imagine it, because the other quickly got rid of his shorts, and suddenly Soobin found himself wrapped around the blonde’s fingers. 

His breath got stuck in his throat, stopping his hips from moving, not wanting to give the boy a win so early in the game. As his roommate started some strokes to fully get him hard -which wasn’t that difficult-, Soobin caught one of his lip piercings between his teeth, a hand reaching for Beomgyu’s hair, who was slowly sucking at his V line, getting dangerously close to his groin. 

Rubbing against each other was one thing, but skin to skin, this was completely different, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had left pleasure take over him. Not getting any control on it, he let a moan leave his lips when he suddenly felt Beomgyu’s wet tongue lick at his length, slowly but firmly, and he could automatically feel the other was grinning. 

He didn’t comment though, for Soobin’s sake, but kept going instead, the filthy sounds of his tongue around the older one’s dick filling the room. Beomgyu pressed some kisses around it, teasing his tip various times, and testing Soobin’s reaction to it, who tried to keep himself in control after the previous shameful moan. 

Heat kept increasing, and eventually Soobin pushed Beomgyu lower to his member, getting frustrated enough. 

- Impatient, huh ? Beomgyu teased, earning a deep groan from the boy underneath him. 

- Make some good use for that nasty mouth. 

Beomgyu obliged, Soobin feeling the other’s lips get around his tip, teasing a bit more before actually sinking around him, forcing the older one to press himself deeper into the mattress. It was warm, wet, and tight, very tight , as Beomgyu hollowed his cheeks, making Soobin go even more crazy. 

He was torturing him, getting lower inch by inch, before stopping to suck at the tip of Soobin’s dick, probably feeling the pre-cum in his mouth. The brunette couldn’t help but curse, hips bucking forward as his dick thrusts hard into the blonde’s throat. Realizing, Soobin quickly rose to his elbows, hand pulling Beomgyu’s head back up to check on him.

- Fuck, are you okay ? He asked, genuinely worried. 

- Do I look like a weak bitch to you, Soobin? 

That fucker-… Without any more mercy, Soobin pushed his head back down, pushing his cock back into the blonde’s mouth, filling it until he could feel the boy’s throat against his tip. And Beomgyu-… well Beomgyu fucking moaned.  

That’s when Soobin decided to raise his knee up so he could push his thigh against the other’s crotch, while supporting his body weight. His roommate didn’t hesitate one second to move his hips against it, one of his hands grabbing at Soobin’s balls, focusing on breathing through his nose. 

And then, suddenly, Beomgyu stopped, raising hardly as Soobin was still pressing on his head, the blonde boy releasing the hold he had on the taller one’s cock. Soobin previous sleepy state had disappeared, fully aware of himself as Beomgyu crawled up, his lips angrily catching Soobin’s. 

They fought through their kiss, the sound of their heavy breathing taking over the silence, the taller one earning a whimper from the younger one when he slipped his tongue against his lips. Soobin finally got up from his comfortable position, switching places and pushing Beomgyu into the mattress. Beomgyu was hungry for his touch, and Soobin gladly fed him, his hands grabbing hard at the younger one’s thighs, pressing his thumbs hard enough to leave it bruised. 

He wanted to see it all, wanted to turn on the lights and see what kind of faces Beomgyu was doing for him. But he knew it would catch the attention if someone walked past the room. So he didn’t, raising and getting on his knees. 

- Turn over. 

Beomgyu tried to follow his lips, tried to catch them again, but Soobin didn’t let him, pushing him hard against the mattress, eyes getting used to the darkness and catching a glimpse from the soft light that was coming out from the window. Soobin just knew Beomgyu’s lips were red from the sucking and kissing, and the idea of that only made his dick pulse. 

- I said, turn over.

His voice was hard, cold, but he knew from the other’s breathing that it was turning him on. Beomgyu did as he was told, getting onto his belly, as Soobin half-laid on top of him, his naked hips meeting the blonde’s too dressed ass, his dick against it. His left arm sneaked under his belly, pulling his body up, while his left hand reached for his throat, raising the boy’s face. 

- Has the cat got your tongue ? Soobin asked, lips moving against the boy’s ear, feeling him gulp against the palm of his hand. 

- Just… take me already, Beomgyu managed to say, annoyance clearly shown in his voice. 

Soobin frowned at his tone, fingers wrapping harder against his neck, while his fingers against his belly pinched his skin. Beomgyu hissed, feeling his head go dizzy at the sudden lack of air, but Soobin didn’t press for too long. Instead, he raised his head higher, turning it slightly so he could look at him. 

- Listen up carefully, brat, Soobin’s hand on his belly reached for his hip bone, thumb now pressed against a sensitive spot which made Beomgyu arch his back harder. I’ll take you whenever I feel like doing so, either if it’s right now, without preparing your tight little hole, or 5 hours from now, after making you come so many times without touching you that you’ll be begging me to stop. Understood? 

Beomgyu’s lips parted, nodding as fast as he could, not daring to use his voice to reply. 

- I didn’t hear you. 

- Yes, Soobin. 

- Good boy, Soobin said, letting a gentle kiss against the other’s lips, who let a warm sound come out of his throat. 

Oh, so he was like that, huh? Caressing the soft skin of the belly he had previously bruised, he kissed him again, this time much longer, as his fingers pressed against his neck once more, but this time a lot more softly. He could literally feel Beomgyu melt under his touch, touch that caressed the places he hurt before. 

Releasing the blonde’s boy from his hold, he pushed himself down, wanting to discover the places where Beomgyu was the most sensitive. So he pulled the other’s shirt off, his hand laying on the other’s waist, and he noticed that had become a habit. He couldn’t help it ; the way his hand sunk into the form of his body, fingers digging into his skin without struggle, like they were born to take hold of it. Maybe he was going insane, because he almost went against his own thoughts and bruised it again, his own brain struggling with the aggression of his delusions and impulses. 

Going against what his own body was begging him to do, he started off kissing the skin of his neck, and then, the exploration began. His lips went down his back, his whole body aware of the taste of Beomgyu’s skin against his lips, or his reactions against his fingers. The most delicious part was probably the blonde one’s muffled noises, as he buried his face into his pillow, which wasn’t making Soobin very happy, but he’d deal with that later. Soon enough, he understood that Beomgyu’s most delicate spot was his lower back, where the brunette noticed back dimples. And that-... Well, fuck, that was a mental note Soobin took for himself, because he was dying to properly see it all, as soon as possible. 

He hesitated to talk, but didn’t, instead, he sucked at his skin, not getting a hold on himself, not when Beomgyu was involved. Soobin wasn’t sure yet how Beomgyu got to hide his bruises from the first time they slept together, not like they actually talked about what was going on. Soobin had so many questions. And the only answers he had were Beomgyu’s whimpers as he licked into the skin he had just sucked on.

Soobin closed his eyes for a second to get his breathing steady, both hands now on Beomgyu’s waist as his thumbs pressed on the dimples he had just discovered, making a small circle in it. He then got closer to his ear again, nose brushing against it a bit, before he spoke. 

- What about lube, pretty boy? Soobin asked, getting Beomgyu to tilt his head to breathe again, and also, so the brunette could understand him as he talked. 

- On the nightstand… 

The taller one was surprised Beomgyu hadn’t complained yet about how much time he was taking, the other probably had understood just right what he had meant earlier. Soobin guessed he had gotten the effect wanted, but maybe had he expected more of a fight from Beomgyu. Or maybe was the blonde expecting it to come faster to him if he did as he was asked. Ok, Soobin was already overthinking this all when he should’ve just-... fuck, when was the last time that he had actually fucked someone ? What kind of person would overthink the situation ? 

Reaching for the bottle of lube, he got onto his knees, taping slowly at Beomgyu’s thighs, requesting him to raise his hips for him. 

- On your knees. 

Soobin felt as Beomgyu started to get on all four, but Soobin grabbed one of his wrist as his other hand pushed his back towards the mattress again, letting only the upper part of his body fall forward. 

- You fucker-... Beomgyu started to complain. After all, maybe Soobin would get some fun.

- Welcome back princess, thought you were already gone before I even started.

The brunette grinned as the blonde tried to get his wrist back, but Soobin blocked it against his back, feeling how little strength Beomgyu had in his body. Beomgyu was slim, yes, but so was Soobin. But as he tried to pull, Soobin could feel how easily breakable he was, especially when he squeezed harder. Beomgyu eventually stopped trying, a complaint coming from his throat .

- I fucking hate you, you know that, right ? 

- I’m glad you do, he said, a laugh almost filling the quiet room, still holding the other’s wrist against his back. His other hand, previously pressing on his back and still holding the bottle of lube, reached for the blonde’s shorts. Two of his fingers crossed his waistband, pulling into it to push it down. Let’s see if that lasts long. 

Finally freeing his wrist from his grip, Soobin got easily rid of the shorts, pressing some lube into his fingers, spreading it against them to warm the liquid. He opened the way for himself with his other hand, his wet fingers tenderly caressing his muscle’s rim, and he could feel Beomgyu’s body tensing a bit at the sensation. That didn’t last long, especially since that would only make it harder for him to take. His fingers kept teasing until they didn’t, tentatively pushing one of them inside of Beomgyu, who breathed loudly but took it easily. It didn’t take long until a second finger joined the other, Soobin biting his lip at the feeling of the other’s warm insides. Beomgyu held on tight to the bed’s sheets, face facing his pillow, as he groaned a bit. He wondered, if Kai had touched him since the last time. And if he did, he wondered if Beomgyu thought of him for a second as his boyfriend fucked him into the mattress. 

He wondered, so he asked, his fingers stretching his hole easily, his lips getting closer to the other’s ear again. 

- Have you been fucking him, Beomgyu? He asked, curling his fingers so he could tease the other’s sensitive spot, that he already knew. Beomgyu muffled his moan into the pillow, and his answer with that. I wanna hear you. 

Beomgyu turned his head to the side, muscles sucking the other’s fingers in, as he breathed loudly. Soobin found himself liking the fact that he was vocal, and loved listening to the noises he made. He could easily get obsessed by that. 

- I have not, Beomgyu replied, whining when the other’s fingers scissored his insides, digging deeper. 

- That’s a shame, Soobin said, as a third finger penetrated the blonde boy’s intimacy, making him hum. I wonder what would happen if you moaned my name while he’s treating you right. 

Another noise came from the younger one’s mouth, making Soobin smile in the dark while he got the other ready for him. Soobin wasn’t that big, but he knew it could be hard to take him if he didn’t prepare his sexual partners appropriately, so he wanted to make sure everything was going well. 

But Beomgyu was starting to get impatient, he could feel from how he was trying to move his hips backwards, how his hole twitched from the stimulation, but the most noticeable part was his heavy breathing. The brunette was dying to make him beg, and accidentally pressed his fingers close to his sensitive spot, making the other whine, his whole body moving in desperation. 

- Soobin, please… Beomgyu said, his hands grabbing the sheets underneath him, as he tried to roll his hips. But Soobin anticipated that, taking his fingers from the other’s insides. 

- Please, what ? He asked, letting his fingers slowly brush the rim of Beomgyu’s hole, just enough to keep it wet. 

- I want you. 

Soobin sighed at the other’s words, thinking that maybe he hadn’t made it clear how he wanted him to ask for it. Beomgyu was always dodging the use of clear sentences, always only vaguely saying what he meant. Soobin needed him to say it, he wanted him to fully understand what he was asking him to do. Maybe that’d bring some consciousness to this fucked up mess, at some point. 

Still playing with his soft skin, Soobin implanted a kiss on his back, nose slowly brushing his spine up to his neck, resisting the urge to bite it hard. 

- You want me to what ? 

The question made Beomgyu’s jaw clench, clearly conflicted between his eagerness and his pride. Soobin felt it, because the muscles of his back tensed drastically under his lips, making it obvious.

The brunette decided to help with his thinking by raising his own body back up, his fingers leaving the boy’s ass and sliding to his belly. His free hand roughly pulled his hair back, making the other complain loudly, complains who only grew more vocal when he pulled his body to the side with the arm who sneakily had already reached for the other’s chest. The fingers who were previously stretching the blonde’s insides were now rubbing against his nipples, while Soobin’s lips pressed against Beomgyu’s skin from behind, just under his earlobe. 

- You want it so bad, why do you have to make it so difficult ? Soobin asked against the skin, making it shiver. That only made Beomgyu make an attempt to reach for his crotch by arching his back, while the oldest pushed the lower part of his body away. I’ve already been kind enough to you by getting over the fact that we’re going to fuck under your parent’s roof, you can at least get over your stupid little ego and stop being a whiny bitch. 

Beomgyu went silent again, body twitching at the feeling of Soobin’s fingers pinching his nipples. The blonde was basically already using his whole body language to beg for the brunette’s dick, upper body pressing hard against Soobin’s, hips rolling and legs shaking from the desire getting over him. He looked for friction by turning his hips down to the mattress, spreading his legs slightly by doing so. Soobin stopped moving, one hand laying flat on the boy’s chest while the other laid on his shoulder, and stood silent. Beomgyu groaned, his fingers intertwined in the sheets, only gripping it harder.

- You say that i’m the one making it difficult, but- Beomgyu started, but was cut off by a hand grabbing his waist, Soobin pulling his lower body closer to his. Beomgyu hissed as the other’s nails clawed his flesh, making him go quiet. 

- The next words you’re going to say are going to be the last sound you make tonight, so you better make it worth it, Beomgyu. 

The blonde grew silent again, especially when the brunette dragged his fingers back to his hole, pushing them inside unannounced. Beomgyu took them gladly, spreading his legs wider as he got on his belly again. Soobin was glad he had long arms, because he wouldn’t be able to do such a feat if it wasn’t for them. He still straightened himself up, fingers moving in a little more smoothly. This time, the older one didn’t fool around, this time, he only spread them wider, pushing deeper in, curling them from time to time, only to hear the smaller one’s breath twitch. He could feel him grow more angsty, more resentful. Soobin could feel from the other’s body movements how painful the whole situation was starting to be, either physically or mentally. And not only for Beomgyu, but also for Soobin, who was starting to freaking get fingers cramps from fingering his roommate for so long. 

But patience was a virtue, and rewards came from it. Soobin was pretty much hoping he’d come soon, too. As he pressed forcefully against the boy’s prostate, Beomgyu fully gasped, body jerking from the sharp electric tingle running across the blonde’s spine. The older could feel it, the blonde’s breaking point as he half-cried, his body turning to face his, his hands finally liberating the poor white sheets when he reached for the brunette’s neck. 

Soobin blinked at the sudden motion, feeling the other’s heavy breathing against his lips, as he frantically seemed to be searching for words, giving himself up to the older one. The brunette had to reposition his arms once more, due to the fact that his previous activities had been interrupted by Beomgyu’s abrupt agitation. 

- Soobin, I want you inside of me, Beomgyu sobbed in a moan, for once not trying to close the distance between their hips. I need your dick to fill me up good, Binnie, please.

Well, if that wasn’t a surprise. Actually, no, it wasn’t. Beomgyu had been asking him properly all night to fuck him. He couldn’t even properly count how many times he had been saying please during the last hour. And yet, Soobin had tricked him to say it as many times as possible. He wouldn’t brag about it, except to himself, mentally, eventually. He didn’t even know what he was trying to prove, but he felt satisfied enough to get his shit together and reached for that fucking condom, sensing Beomgyu’s body tremble in anticipation. 

- I wasn’t actually expecting you to ask for it so nicely, princess, he said, pressing a kiss on his cheek softly before getting up, to get the condom ready around him. You really know how to beg, Beomgyu, he teased, knowing the other was frowning right now. Let’s make it worth it. 

Time had come, and Soobin was tired to wait. He shivered as he wrapped his cock around the latex, unrolling it against his length. This seemed unreal to him, actually, and his mind tried to bring him back to reality, but he shook it off, refusing to let any sense of rationality get over him. For once in his life, he needed to follow his impulses, he needed to sink reality into Beomgyu’s body, he needed to feel. 

So, he grabbed the blonde boy’s hips again, pulling them up as the boy stood on his knees and elbows, perfectly bending over for him. Soobin swallowed, hunger slowly taking over him as he pressed his thumb on his skin again, making them join each other on Beomgyu’s spine, and then pressing them all the way up his back. Beomgyu sighed, only arching his back even more, the older one positioned his body better between his legs, getting ready both mentally and physically. 

- From now on, I don’t want to hear a single sound coming from your mouth. If I do, I’m stopping everything. Understood ? Beomgyu nodded, and Soobin felt satisfied, his hands leaving the other’s back. He wasn’t taking the risk of Beomgyu’s parents hearing any of it. 

One of his hands landed on the younger one’s ass, spreading his cheeks easily, as the other hand helped his cock brush the skin near his intimacy, tentatively. Soobin could feel Beomgyu shake, his muscles tensing from the excitement and the impatience, but he still asked one last time, just to be sure.  

- Can I ?

Yes, he was, indeed, fucking annoying. But maybe was he coping with the fact he was unsure about this all himself. Beomgyu changing his mind was his only hope, this far gone. But of course he didn’t, because he shook his head again, probably too afraid Soobin would back off he produced any sound, just like he had promised a few seconds back. 

Getting his final green light, Soobin held his dick between his fingers, aligning his hips with Beomgyu’s. This time he didn’t have any patience left to wait, his tip starting to slowly penetrate into the blonde’s muscle ring, earning a gasp from him, and he’d allow that much for now. He knew, how hard it was to keep it quiet, and how much it hurt, especially the beginning. But they (he) couldn’t afford to get the attention around the room, particularly since they had already been very loud until now. 

Soobin silently panted as he sunk into Beomgyu, resisting the urge to fuck the shit out of the boy without giving him the chance to process what was happening. Morals were hard to keep, but he wouldn’t give up on them right now, he needed to carry on. One hand still holding his cock, he stopped halfway to lay the other one on the other’s back, keeping Beomgyu from moving as he breathed loudly. 

The taller one gave him some time to get used to the feeling, but it wasn’t long until his whole length was fully inside of the blonde boy, who pushed his face back into the pillow, just like earlier, but this time, the task was harder. Soobin himself was about to lose his neurons, the pressure of the other’s muscles trying to adjust to his member giving him a hard time keeping his shit together. Like, literally a hard time. To keep himself from moving, Soobin bent over Beomgyu’s back, realizing how much he loved this position. His lips pressed against the other’s shoulder, and that triggered some kind of reaction from him, because the younger one turned his face towards him, and Soobin adjusted himself to catch his lips between his. Their kisses had been something, but never as desperate as right now. Beomgyu exhaled loudly when he felt Soobin move inside of him, hips moving to catch the right motion. 

To distract him from the possible pain, Soobin licked into the other’s mouth, who quickly responded to that by catching the brunette’s lip piercing with his teeth before sucking on it. If Beomgyu was desperate, Soobin wasn’t too far behind, because time seemed to stop for a moment, as his hips moved back before thrusting inside again, with a slow movement, just to make sure Beomgyu would get used to it. 

The whole problem was right here. They shouldn’t be so affectionate, so close, so needy. Soobin himself was trying to understand why he was taking so much care of the other, when he should be ruining him. 

So he did. 

Shutting the thoughts going on inside his brain, Soobin caught the boy’s lips forcefully, letting his gentleness aside as his hips stepped back before closing the distance again, earning a muffled sound from the blonde who gasped for air. He almost whined, but Soobin left his lips, hand grabbing into his jaw. His thumb, pinky and ring finger pressed to each side of his roommate’s jaw line while his index and middle one laid on his chin, forcing him to look forward. His hips thrust into him, the blonde one’s failing on keeping it in place, but Soobin’s free arm surrounded his waist forcefully as he fucked the smaller one, making an effort to not crash their skins together too loudly. 

The brunette let his body give into the pleasure, diving hard into the body underneath him. Even if he didn’t let any vocal sounds come out of his throat, Beomgyu’s breathing sounds were still a true blessing for the older one, even if they were getting very noisy. Still on his elbows, Beomgyu’s head was fully supported by Soobin’s hand, who was still holding his jaw who was fully opened, mouth panting for air. 

Soobin slowed down the pace, not resisting the urge of sliding his fingers into the younger one’s mouth, while he slowly rolled his hips in sync with the blonde’s ones. 

Out of breath, Soobin almost came when Beomgyu contracted himself around his cock, perfectly timed with his wet tongue around his fingers, making a deadly combo out of the two. Soobin admitted some kind of noise came out of his mouth, but he shocked it out by clearing his throat, clearly earning a smirk from the younger one, who dedicated himself to his task around his fingers. But he didn’t let him enjoy the moment too much, because Soobin actually got the pieces of his brain together, the hand previously holding Beomgyu’s jaw now sliding to his hard dick, as he fastened his pace again. 

The blonde boy only spread his legs wider, his movements growing more messy as he was starting to have a hard time to deal with the overstimulation. Soobin could feel himself throb at the action, his free hand holding tight onto Beomgyu’s thigh this time, the other jerking the smaller one off nicely. 

He could feel himself close to the edge as he fucked the boy restlessly, roughly, faster. He could now hear Beomgyu sobbing, trying hard not to whine as his whole body took Soobin’s nicely. Some blocked sounds came from his throat from time to time, but the brunette wasn’t focusing on that at all, his fingers digging hard into the flesh. 

Soobin’s whole body was burning with the pleasure and heat taking over him, soon feeling his body ache from the rapid thrusts. He slowed down his thrusts, choosing to go slower but harder, deeper, his thumb pressing on Beomgyu’s tip steadily. 

That was enough to make his roommate’s body give in, hips jolting under his orgasm, his mouth dropping open in a silent moan. But he didn’t lose focus, clenching down around Soobin’s dick, slowly circling his hips in a grind. The brunette gathered all the convictions he had to not fucking moan, but it got stuck in his throat as he pushed his head back. His body stiffened up as he cummed into the condom, mentally cursing Beomgyu for being such a whore and not being able to cum inside of him directly. 

Beomgyu probably thought the same. 

The blonde’s head fell into the pillow, breathing heavily, and Soobin stood still as he let go of the other’s soft dick to clean it against the wet sheets underneath them. Laying both of his hands on the other’s hips, he groaned calmly and let his body relax. 

Beomgyu hummed when Soobin finally moved, getting himself off from the other, fingers taking the full condom, tying it before getting up to throw it into the trash. Soobin slowly slid into the other’s side, sticky and sweaty, one of his hands now laying on Beomgyu’s lower back, massaging it softly. His lips joined the blonde’s shoulder, kissing it gently before he spoke. 

- Good job, princess, I’m proud of your restraint. 

Beomgyu made a complaining noise, his exhausted body now fully laid on the mattress, muscles relaxing at the small massages Soobin was giving him. Light-headed, and brain satisfied, the brunette felt his body give up on him, as his massages slowly turned into caresses until they stopped completely, hand simply laying on the other’s back. 

The last thing he remembers before he fell asleep was Beomgyu spreading the covers on his body before nuzzling against his neck, and a soft whisper close to his ear. 

- Good night, Binnie. 

+x+

Hey Junnie, I don’t usually start these by saying hi, but I haven’t talked to you since I went to your grave, so I guess I owe you that ? 

It has been… like three weeks since I cried like a bitch in front of you, but I promise to be less dramatic this time.

Things have been… weird. Good, but weird. I’m finishing my second year, I'm a few days before giving the final version of my essay, which is crazy. 

I guess I fucked up. I was right about the “I think that wasn’t the last time” thing. It has been… a lot of times. Fucked him at his parents’ house. And then proceeded on fucking him… too many times. 

I think it’s too late to back down. 

I miss Taehyun. 

I miss you. 

Soobin had missed closing that notebook with a hand and putting it back where it belonged. He watched as he pushed some of the origamis sleeping on his nightstand so he could make some room for his journal, making a mental note for himself that maybe he should find some place to put them in, because… well, Beomgyu really liked making origamis for him. They went from swans to boats, to cats… the shapes just changed every time. And Soobin actually found them strangely very cute, even if they often meant Beomgyu leaving him without saying a word. 

After his fight with his family, he didn’t actually get any news from them anymore. They actually took his words in, and that was probably a first, so he wasn’t complaining at all. He had also reduced the hours working at the bookstore, since he needed to focus on his final exams, and Hyejin was pretty content with that, saying that he spent much more time working than she initially asked him to at the beginning. 

Except for his studies, the other thing that took him a lot of his time was Beomgyu. The boy was a whole enigma, and Soobin was pretty sure he was torturing himself by trying to resolve it. Beomgyu either asked for a lot or didn’t ask for anything, disappearing and going silent for a day or two before he remembered Soobin existed. But anytime the younger one came back, Soobin was dedicated to making him feel seen. The golden boy had taken some condoms from his parents’ house, and since then, well-… Soobin didn’t want to think about it, because he was convinced that thinking with his dick in his situation would eventually bring him problems one of these days. But did he care ? No. 

The only thing actually bothering him these days has been Beomgyu’s drug addiction. Despite their sexual activities and cuddling sessions, one of their main occupations was basically fighting over the fact that the blonde couldn’t get a hold on himself, and he always ended up being a bitch about it. Soobin was trying really not to get emotionally involved in all of that, but he previously had proved to be a bit too implicated on the matter, so who was he trying to fool ? Maybe himself. 

Grabbing his computer, Soobin laid on his bed comfortably with it on his thighs, reading his essay bit by bit and trying to rewrite some parts of it, making sure he didn’t get his point wrong. It was Thursday, the essay was due on Monday, and the school’s open days were tomorrow, meaning that he could count on a big hangover on Saturday, so he definitely could only count on two business days to finish writing his work. 

Because yeah, Beomgyu’s dad had specifically said “no alcohol”, but Beomgyu had already made clear that he’d find a way to bring alcohol to that damn party. 

But that wasn’t his main concern right now. 

Eyes focused on his piece of work, the brunette tried to read the notes he had taken all the way during his research, making sure that no mistakes were made, and that he was not telling nonsense. But, obviously, this dorm wasn’t a place of peace and serenity. 

Storming in, a blond head started to walk around the room, mumbling random words, and making wide gestures with his arms, the information coming out of his mind way too quickly for Soobin to fully understand it. 

- I told my father that this was too much work for me, that I had to deal with my studies, and that even if this is great for my curriculum, I would eventually go insane because people are fucking annoying! 

Soobin blinked, Beomgyu closing the door loudly behind him as he threw his bag around the room, sitting restlessly on his bed and wagging his legs a bit. His hands were now on each side of his body, looking like a guilty kid, his eyes looking around before they focused on Soobin, who sighed, half understanding where part of this was coming from. 

- Beomgyu. 

- Soobin ? 

Beomgyu wrinkled his nose softly, still looking at Soobin, who pushed his computer aside to get up, sitting. 

- Are you fucking serious right now ? 

Soobin wasn’t dumb. Beomgyu’s erratic movements, pacing around, words spilling out in an almost incoherent stream. It was obvious that Beomgyu wasn’t just stressed : he was high. 

The blonde froze mid-gesture, his eyes widening slightly. He glanced at the other, trying to mask the effects of the drugs but failing miserably. He now avoided eye contact, his agitation clearly seen as he played nervously with the fabric of his oversized t-shirt. 

- It’s… it’s nothing. I just needed something to take the edge off. Everything’s been… so much lately. 

- No, Beomgyu, you can’t just take drugs every time something bothers you, that’s the easy way out. 

They faced each other, sitting face to face on their own beds. Beomgyu’s hair was slowly falling on his face, his roots clearly visible from how long the boy hadn’t bleached it. Ever since Soobin had arrived in Seoul, he never saw his hair seem so neglected, but yet, it still looked good on him. 

Beomgyu went silent, visibly upset, and Soobin rose from the bed so he could sit next to the other, hand laying on his head, playing with his hair softly. 

- I told you this before, I just want to help you. 

- I just feel, fucking overwhelmed. I need to get things done for the party, and of course there’s other people in the council, but I feel like they don’t even understand what I want from this, Beomgyu started again, clearly trying to get the attention away from the main subject. Plus, Kai has been fucking annoying, I can’t deal with that either right now. I just need space, and he doesn’t understand that concept. 

A frown appeared on Soobin’s face, his attention caught there. Huening Kai wasn’t a sensitive subject between them, he had understood that the blonde had been trying to avoid his boyfriend for the past weeks, but he took it on the fact that he was literally cheating on him. But it seemed like there was something else behind that. 

He watched Beomgyu’s face, fingers pushing his hair behind his ear before he slipped them under his chin, turning his head towards him so he could look at his eyes. They were watery, not because he was sad, but because the turmoil of emotions going on inside was so heavy that he probably had trouble knowing how to handle it. 

- I get it. Everything feels like it’s piling up, but the drugs might make it feel like it’s too much. Running away from these feelings isn’t going to solve them. It might give you a temporary escape, but you still have to face everything when the high wears off. 

Beomgyu nodded, his eyes shifting away, clearly feeling the weight of Soobin’s words. The brunette continued, his voice soothing and firm.

- You need to be honest with yourself about why you’re pushing everyone away, including Hyuka. What’s really going on with him? Is it just about the party, or is there something more you’re avoiding ? 

Beomgyu’s shoulders sagged as he tried to gather his thoughts. His hands, previously fidgeting with his shirt, rested on his lap, as Soobin’s freed his chin, just watching him. 

- It’s… I don’t know.  Huening Kai and I, we used to be in sync, you know ? But lately, everything seems so off. I thought I wanted space, but now it feels like I’m pushing him for no real reason.

- Is it about-…

- You and me ? No. We’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, I never had trouble. Suddenly it feels like everything about him gets under my skin. I can’t even let him touch me.

The brunette’s lips parted at those words. He knew Beomgyu and Kai had been together for a long time, but hearing it from the other’s mouth was a completely different thing. He really was a homewrecker, huh ? 

He wanted to believe Beomgyu’s words, who said that he didn’t have anything to do with this whole situation. But what was the probability of the blonde starting to be disgusted by his boyfriend, a few weeks after they had started their… affair? Plus, Beomgyu was clearly implying that they didn’t have sex for weeks, and Soobin couldn’t help but think that Huening Kai wasn’t that stupid to believe that there wasn’t something wrong with his boyfriend, because boy… Beomgyu had a lot of stamina. 

- So you guys haven’t ?-…

- I haven’t slept with him since March, Beomgyu said. They were in fucking June. Just with you.

Soobin looked at Beomgyu for a second, that information making something in his stomach twitch. He’d admit - the thought of him being the only one in Beomgyu’s schedule never crossed his mind, he was convinced that, if Beomgyu was cheating on Kai with him, this wasn’t a first time thing. Because, why would Beomgyu exclusively choose him ? 

But realization hit him as he got up from the bed, his hands passing through his hair as he made a small circle before stopping to look at the blonde one. 

- So, you’re telling me that you haven’t touched Kai for months, and it’s only been me ? 

- Yes.

- And you think that there’s no connection between those two pieces of information ? 

- What do you-

- You know what, Beomgyu? This is not about Kai, it’s not about me, this is about you making your own life a mess. Look at you! How are drugs helping you right now ?! 

Soobin knew exactly where this was going, especially when Beomgyu clenched his fists, looking up at him, as the older one looked down on him. This has been a routine between them, but this time the brunette was at his breaking point. He couldn’t handle the situation nicely. 

- I’ve been managing this situation the best I can-…

- Managing? You’re not managing, you’re avoiding. 

- You’re acting like I can just fix everything overnight. You don’t know anything about what it’s like. The only moment my brain actually shuts up is when I’m high. When I’m sober, I’m just consuming myself, I just want it all to stop. You just don’t get it ! 

The brunette snorted at that, getting the irony of his whole life from this sentence. You just don’t get it, Yeonjun used to yell at him as he held him tight when the boy came down from a high. Make it stop , he could hear resonating inside of his head, restlessly, like a never ending song. 

He did get it. Anxiety took over him every day since birth, and fuck, he was probably its favorite bitch. The number of times he had wished to stop the voices inside his head were crazy. He had smoked drugs when he was younger, he knew what the feeling was like. But everything was an illusion. Nothing got easier. It was just a way to hide it. He never picked that habit up, only smoked occasionally. Alcohol was enough for him, as long it was only during parties. 

But 97% of his life was just him bearing with it. And no one ever heard him complain about it. 

- This is not just about what you’re going through. It’s about how it affects everyone around you. If you don’t start taking responsibility, you’ll end up alone, or worse. 

- So what now? You’re done with me because I’m not ready to change ? 

- I’m not done with you, but I can’t keep enabling this behavior. I can’t keep hearing you complain while you destroy yourself bits by bits without even seeing it ! 

Soobin watched as Beomgyu stood up from the bed, his face way too close to his. He could see his frown, and his dazed eyes staring back at him, like he was thinking of something to say. 

Eventually, he spoke up again, and Soobin could hear his own heart beat loudly in his chest. 

- I’m not who you think I am, Soobin. 

- You’re exactly who I think you are, Beomgyu. A self-centered little whiny attention whore. That’s who you are. 

Beomgyu just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at Soobin like he had just woken up from a nightmare. Soobin was swimming right into it, though, panic taking over him. The only cognitive response he had was aggression, because he just couldn’t process it all. He, too, had been dealing with pressure, but he always managed to tone it down and handle it well. But when the brunette was forced to confront it, nothing reasonable came out of his personality. 

And Beomgyu wasn’t helping him at all in this situation. 

After a heavy silence that seemed like hours for the brunette, the blonde one spoke up again.

- On the meantime, it seems like you like it a lot when it’s convenient for you. 

- What do you even mean ? 

Soobin wondered how much patience he had stocked inside his own body sometimes, but the next move Beomgyu made answered the question real quick. 

They were already close, but the smaller one got closer, hand palming the taller one’s chest, seeing his angry gaze turn into dove-like eyes, never breaking their eye contact for a second. 

- I don’t know, you tell me ? Beomgyu said, his tone sultry and provocative. 

That was it. The older one pushed the other back, his whole body moving around the small room furiously so he could get his jacket, closing his laptop and shoving it into his backpack in the process. He didn’t have time to process his own emotions, frustration taking over him every move he made. He just slid his feet into his shoes messily, and at that moment, Beomgyu tried to reach for him, Soobin rising his arm when he felt the touch of his fingers trying to grab his wrist. 

He quickly turned towards him, and he probably looked like a mad man, because the blonde boy took a step back. 

- Binnie, listen-...

- I’ve heard enough, Beomgyu. I could stay and tell you the most hurtful things you’d ever hear, but you already hurt yourself just fine, you don’t need me for that. 

Soobin gave the other the chance to say something, but Beomgyu just said nothing, eyes looking gloomy, like he was already torturing himself mentally. That was enough for the older one, who put his backpack on his shoulders, before opening the door of the dorm, slamming it in the process. 

He really needed a cigarette right now. 

Chapter Text

The campus was buzzing with excitement as prospective students and their families wandered through the vibrant stalls and informational booths set up for the open house. The bright, sunlit morning did little to lift Soobin’s spirits. Having spent the night in the Blue Spring bookstore, and doing his morning shift at it, he was exhausted and irritable. His frustration was compounded by last-night’s argument with Beomgyu, which had left him feeling hollow and unsettled.

He knew Beomgyu would be too busy making sure everything was going well around the campus to come back to the dorm, so that was the perfect day for the brunette to have a break from it all. 

Soobin shuffled through the crowded campus, his eyes half-closed, searching for the quickest route back to his dorm. The cacophony of voices and the clamor of activity seemed to amplify his headache. He just wanted to collapse into bed and escape the chaos for a few hours.

He still noticed how everything seemed to be going just fine, the organization seemed perfectly done, each activity and departments nicely shown around the campus. The amount of people walking around was crazy, and he was really craving a cigarette, like he hadn’t almost ended his pack during the night. 

Pushing his backpack to look for his cigarettes, he continued walking as he rounded a corner, when he suddenly collided with someone. The impact jolted him awake, and he stumbled back slightly, blinking at the person he had just bumped into.

The stranger was a tall figure, dressed all black, with a sleeveless hoodie and baggy jeans. His features were soft, his round face complimented his dark brown eyes. 

He watched as the guy bent over to catch the pack of cigarettes Soobin had dropped on the floor. 

- Oh, I’m so sorry, Soobin blurted out, his voice more irritable than he intended.

The boy shook his head, reaching his hand to give Soobin his belongings back. 

- No harm done, I-… the other brunette locked eyes with his shirt, eyes widening as he recognized the drawings on it. WOW, is that a Jujutsu Kaisen tee?!

Soobin looked at his own outfit, looking at what he was referring to. He was, indeed, wearing his anime shirt, one he only wore to sleep because he wanted to keep his serious everyday posture on point. But since he had left his dorm with no spare clothes, he had to wander around with it until he got back. 

He got his cigarettes back, his hand reaching his neck to scratch it a bit, embarrassed. 

- Well, yes, I’m a fan.

- Who’s your favorite character ? 

Well, meeting someone new and having a whole conversation with them wasn’t really on Soobin’s to-do list when he woke up this morning, but here he was, right? 

- Mine is Gojo, what about you ? 

- Hm, that’s the basic answer, I’m more of a Geto Suguru guy. 

Oh, so here he was, being judged by a total stranger. He usually would be glad to keep the conversation about the topic going, but his brain wasn’t actually keeping up at all. He just snorted, shaking his head. 

- Like that’s not basic, huh ? Soobin replied, earning a head tilt from the boy as he tried to sound more interested than he felt. I always liked Gojo because of his confidence and his powers. It’s hard not to. 

- Oh really ? The other guy chuckled softly, his smile widening. Soobin found it pretty. Gojo’s a classic pick. I suppose that’s to be expected. He’s got that flashy charm and all those overpowered abilities. But honestly, Geto’s got layers. His complexity and struggle make him more compelling.

- Compelling, huh? Or just a brooding anti-hero type? Geto’s got that whole tragic trauma thing going on, which might be why he’s more appealing to some. But if you’re into that, maybe you’re also into the ‘dark and misunderstood’ vibe.

The stranger’s eyes briefly lingered on Soobin, an amused grin on his face. Soobin mimicked, and he was pretty sure he felt the other’s gaze detailing his face for a bit too long, long enough to feel his cheeks turn a bit red at some point. 

- Oh, come on. It’s not just about being dark and misunderstood. Geto’s motivations and his journey make him more than just a villain. And besides, I could say Gojo’s all about being the ‘all-powerful savior’ without much depth. His cocky attitude kind of overshadows his struggles.

Okay, maybe Soobin was having more fun during this exchange than we should have. Here he was, having a deep conversation over fictional characters. Anime still was a hyper fixation of his, so this was actually pleasing. 

- Fair enough. But at least Gojo’s cockiness is backed up by serious skills. Plus, his humor and ease make him more relatable, even with all his power. 

The boy grinned, tilting his head. He actually gave off puppy vibes. 

- I’ll give you that, Gojo’s definitely fun to watch. But don’t you think Geto’s inner conflict adds a bit of depth to the story? It’s not always about the flashy moves; sometimes it’s about the emotional battles.

Soobin couldn’t help but be drawn into the stranger’s enthusiasm. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually had such a big conversation with someone, and it actually felt good, for once. 

- Alright, alright. You’ve convinced me that Geto’s not just a brooding anti-hero. But next time we debate, let’s not forget that Gojo’s got the best one-liners and the coolest techniques. Are you going to tonight’s party ? 

Wait- did he just really say that? The boy seemed surprised, but didn’t break his stride, crossing his arms against his chest. Soobin was impressed, since he probably was younger than him, and yet, was taller than him. And maybe he overlooked at his arms. The stranger was nicely shaped, and definitely was pleasant to look like, for a Geto fan. 

- I am actually. And we have a deal, I’ll save my arguments for when we meet again. I’d love to hear more of your Gojo fan theories. 

- Sounds like a plan. But only if you promise not to convert me into a Geto fan. I like my flashy heroes just fine.

- No promises. But I’ll definitely try. Won’t bother you anymore, I feel like you’re in a rush. See you later, maybe ! 

The boy didn’t let Soobin reply, he just waved at him and continued with his course, letting the other standing like a dumb bitch. What the hell was that ? He didn’t even get the guy’s name ? He watched the tall brunette get away, a relieving feeling growing on his chest, as he caught a cigarette from his pack. 

Well, fuck it.

+x+ 

- Well, what the actual fuck ? 

This was probably the first time he ever heard Arin curse since they first met. Standing at the entrance of his room, Soobin let his friend enter the dorm, confused by her reaction. 

The minute he had entered the place, the brunette didn’t hesitate one single second before throwing himself on his bed, taking a nap of many hours, not taking the time to actually count them. He really needed that rest, and he realized that when he woke up with drool all over his pillow and chin, very happy nobody was around to see that. 

But as soon as he woke up, Soobin got himself a meal at the cafeteria before getting ready for tonight’s party. And that was probably why Arin was standing in shock, because the boy was actually ready for it, and she didn’t have to drag him out of the dorm. 

- Are you planning on getting laid or something ? 

Soobin choked on his own saliva at the question, frowning and clearly embarrassed. 

- What?! No! 

- Why are you so nicely dressed, then ? 

The boy looked at himself, wondering if he overdid it. But he was pretty sure this was just his usual type of outfit. He was wearing a sleek, black leather jacket with silver zipper details that hugged his frame, giving him an effortlessly cool appearance. Underneath, he had on a fitted black mesh long-sleeve shirt, complemented by dark ripped baggy jeans. 

Around his neck, a silver chain with a minimalist pendant added just the right amount of light color without being too much. His accessories were understated, but intentional : a few silver rings, a black leather bracelet. To top off the look, he had pulled his hair up a bit, but he wasn’t really comfortable with showing his forehead, so that would probably disappear at some point. 

He took the time to put on some dark eye shadows too, but that wasn’t something unusual for him. He did dress well today, but there wasn’t a real purpose behind it. 

- Are you saying that I usually dress like shit? 

- No! But that top and your hair-… that’s hot.

Soobin bit his lip piercing to stop himself from smiling at the compliment, stepping back to get black combat boots he had under his bed, putting them on. It only added more height to his tall figure. 

- You’re also pretty, Arin-ah. 

She did look classy, but not overdressed tonight. She was wearing black cargo pants, with a tight tank top of the same color. Her make-up was natural, only the pink blush showed on her cheeks. It was actually unusual from her colorful clothing. 

She blushed, looking at herself in one of the mirrors in the room.

- You think so ? 

- What do Taehyun think ? 

Soobin earned a punch from her, chuckling at her sudden violence at the sole mention of Kang Taehyun. Soobin had been talking to his best friend ever since he left, he never mentioned Arin for too long, but he knew the two were deep into their talking phase, and that actually warmed the boy’s heart, because he really hoped that was going somewhere. He had been trying to convince his friend to come to Seoul, without much success, but he knew he wasn’t too far from breaking. He’d eventually come, he knew it. 

- Stop talking nonsense and let’s take a picture together ! 

Soobin sighed, but nodded, positioning himself next to the girl who stood in front of the mirror. They took about 10 minutes to capture the perfect picture they both liked. 

Soobin was grateful the party wasn’t, for once, too far away from the campus. In fact, it was right inside of it. As they walked through the gardens, they quickly started to see crowded places, some people preferring to stay out from the packed locations, and that was right in the center of their baseball team’s stadium. This was a clever pick for the party, opened air, and no chance to break anything there. 

The brunette quickly wondered how Beomgyu had managed to sneak alcohol in, but the answer was quickly answered: bottles of water. The stadium was opened enough to see if any adult would suddenly come from afar, and everyone was checked in at the entry of the stadium by one of the members of the council, who probably was in direct contact with Beomgyu himself or anyone managing tonight’s party. 

As they got through the security barrier, Soobin looked around the place, the music heard from afar now much louder. About three stands for drinks and food were around the stadium, and at the center, a huge campfire, even if most of the people stayed a bit away, as it was still hot at this time of the night. 

Arin turned towards him, shaking his arm as she dragged him to one of the stands. 

- Let’s get some drinks ! 

To be honest, you definitely wouldn’t hear Soobin say no to a drink right now. His eyes were already expecting any sudden appearance of his roommate, and he also knew he was practically destined to meet the other soon, and he couldn’t help but be tense only by thinking about him.

He really needed a drink. 

Following Arin comfortably to the waiting line so they could get some drinks, Soobin kept watching around them, not seeing their group at all, which was probably for the best. He eventually relaxed, getting his focus on Arin as she talked about some people he only saw once from afar, but at least he stopped thinking . 

Getting their drinks after about 10 minutes, Soobin turned around to start walking away when he got hit by someone, spilling his drink all over the floor. He let his arm fall onto his sides, eyes watching his glass. What was it with him running randomly into people today ? 

Then, Soobin looked up, and the brunette couldn’t help but have a surprised look on his face when his eyes met the stranger he had met earlier that day. 

- Well, we really need to stop bumping into each other like this, the boy said, while Soobin just stared .

He didn’t actually think he would see the boy again, honestly. The campus was huge, and the chance to see him amongst the thousands of persons attending to this party were practically none. 

And yet, here he was again, but this time he had spilled the drink Soobin had been waiting and craving for like… the whole day. He half pouted as he broke the staring contest to look at his glass, laying lazily on the ground. 

- First, you need to get me a drink, huh… Soobin raised his eyes again, giving his a questioning look. 

- Gyuvin, the boy said, and Soobin took the information in. 

- Gyuvin. I’m Soobin, Soobin felt Arin’s insistent gaze on them, and immediately felt like, maybe, he should introduce them. He looked at her and then back at Gyuvin. This is Arin, she’s my friend. 

- Nice to meet you, Arin. 

- Nice to meet you too ! Are you a future student here ?

- Yes, I’m visiting the campus for the weekend, I got in, as a psychology student ! 

- Oh, really ? Soobin here is finishing his second year, he probably can give you some help when you start your semester ! Arin, said, Gyuvin turning a surprised look to the other boy, curious. 

- No way ? I’ll keep that in mind, the future student said, offering him a soft smile. He was then proceeding on giving Soobin his own glass. Here, take my drink. I’ll make the line again.

- Are you sure ? You don’t have to. 

- Don’t worry ! I’ll see you guys around !

Soobin took the glass between his hands, watching as the boy got away from them, redirecting himself toward the line standing in front of one of the stands. Once again, he could feel his friend’s gaze on him, and as he started walking again, he felt her leaning closer to him, her voice low and teasing. 

- You seem to be getting along well with him. Is there something else you’re not telling me ? 

- No, not at all. We just keep walking into each other, he said, taking a sip of his drink calmly.

- Hu-hu. Keep telling yourself that. 

The brunette rolled his eyes at that comment, knowing that she just couldn’t help herself. Gyuvin, was, indeed, an interesting person, and maybe he caught Soobin’s eyes by the sole reason he didn’t get to have a full conversation about something he liked for a long time, until he ran into him. But there was nothing else behind it, Soobin didn’t have the brains to think above the surface, for real. 

As they walked across the crowd surrounding them, Arin seemed to know where they were going, and Soobin just followed, until he saw a familiar group at a distance. And as soon he saw a friendly face wave widely at him, Soobin quickly recognize Huening Kai and the hockey team, plus Beomgyu, obviously. 

Why did a part of his brain seem surprised they were going their way ? Letting a silent hum cross his throat, he just kept walking, seeing Beomgyu turn his face the opposite way, visibly upset. Which was strange, because he was usually the one who made as if nothing wrong happened after their fights. The older one wasn’t in the mood to deal with that shit today. 

- Where were you guys, we were waiting for you ! Kai asked happily, reaching for Soobin by passing an arm around his shoulders. 

- Well, we were getting some drinks. There’s some crazy line for that, Soobin said, friendly, a bit surprised Huening Kai was being so touchy today. 

- You should’ve said you were with the hockey team. We have like… a fast pass, thanks to Beomgyu. 

The blonde was standing a little apart, his arms crossed and a scowl still on his face, but Soobin made an effort to keep his own mood light. Right when he was about to answer, he saw one of the hockey players get closer to him, storming into his personal space rapidly. Soobin remembered Matthew from that party in March, he was the one who asked him about his tattoos. The brunette had seen him many times around campus, and kept it casual, but the boy was actually nice, and his smile was very contagious. So he’d tolerate it for now. 

- Soobin ! It’s so nice to see you again, I was actually looking for you ! 

Soobin blinked a bit at the light-brown haired boy, wondering what that was all about. They knew each other, yes, but there wasn’t an actual reason on why the other would look for him, at least not to Soobin’s knowing. 

- Oh, really ? 

- Well, I want you to meet someone… He’s a friend of mine, he’s starting his studies next year, and I think you two might hit off… He said, eyes wandering around the crowd, looking for the said friend. And obviously he’s nowhere to be seen… Oh, wait, I see him ! 

Soobin raised an eyebrow, curious. Before he could ask more, Matthew waved someone over, and Sooobin’s eyes widened as he saw Gyuvin making his way through the crowd, with a new drink in his hand. There was no way this was real. 

The tall boy waved at his friend, before looking around and spotting Soobin, looking as surprised as he was. But he got closer, Soobin noticing how his eyes disappeared when he smiled. Not that it was a big deal. 

- Hyung ! Gyuvin said towards Soobin, the call surprising everyone, and Soobin could feel the group’s curiosity spike. He managed a small smile and nodded at Gyuvin. 

- You knew we would meet each other again, huh ? Soobin assumed.

- The moment you told me your name, yes. 

Soobin snorted, shaking his head a bit, Matthew staring at them, surprised by the interaction. 

- So you two already know each other ? That’s a surprise ! Matthew said, his smile never leaving him. 

- Yeah, we bumped into each other earlier today. I guess we keep running into one another, huh ? Gyuvin teased, taking a sip of his drink. 

- Seems like it. 

As the group started to tease them about their sudden familiarity, Beomgyu’s eyes narrowed slightly. He leaned in, his tone light but carrying a hint of mockery, that probably only Soobin noticed. 

- So ‘hyung’, huh ? You did let out a big impression, Soobin. 

Soobin felt a bit uneasy under Beomgyu’s gaze, awkwardly looking at his new friend who seemed to sense the tension, but he kept his demeanor friendly, playful. 

- Well, Soobin-hyung has great taste in anime, a little less in favorite characters, but I’ll forgive him for that. 

- Such a kind soul. 

Gyuvin snorted at the mocking tone Soobin had used, while Beomgyu seemed literally disgusted by the interaction. If Soobin didn’t know Beomgyu better, he would’ve mistaken that by a hint of jealousy, but that was completely stupid, right? Right. 

Huening Kai, though, who listened to the exchange, seemed pretty invested in what they were talking about, eyes between the two before he jumped into the conversation. 

- Gyuvin is joining the team next year if he passes the trials at the start of the autumn term, he’d be a valuable player! 

- Oh, you’re a sports guy ? Soobin asked, while he saw Beomgyu shift to Huening Kai’s side without turning his gaze away from Gyuvin.

- Well, Matthew and I have known each other for a while, he doesn’t really give me much choice. 

The whole group focused on the future student, much for Beomgyu’s annoyance, who stood quiet for most of the time. The subject of Gyuvin’s height came into the table, and that was how Soobin managed to know that his suspicions were confirmed: Gyuvin was taller than him. Three centimeters higher, in fact. He also made a deal with the boy to send him the classes he had, and eventually, later, help him if needed. 

The night was getting colder and darker, and the drinks kept coming, as they got closer to the fire camp. Surprisingly enough, Soobin didn’t pay attention to his roommate, actually enjoying his night for once. He was pretty sure Arin noticed it, because she just smiled fondly at him, letting him be. 

The insistent noise inside his head calmed down, and as they all sat down on a tree trunk, Gyuvin by his side, Soobin took out his pack of cigarettes. He asked the boy if he smoked, to what the other said no, and Soobin just nodded, lighting it up. 

Relaxing, his eyes naturally landed on Beomgyu, who was already staring at him while Huening Kai had an eager conversation with one of the boys from the team. As soon as their eyes met, Beomgyu clang onto his boyfriend, getting touchy all of a sudden. 

Soobin just took his eyes up to the moon, filling his lungs with smoke, watching the clear sky. 

Gyuvin, who had just finished his conversation with Matthew, turned to look at him, but Soobin didn’t move, comfortable. 

- I don’t think he likes me. 

Surprised, Soobin lowered his eyes to look at the brunette by his side, watching as the boy was just casually leaning on his hand, elbow supported on his knee. 

- Who ? 

- That Beomgyu guy. 

Soobin snorted to that, a soft smile appearing on his face as he took another smoke, feeling the heat of the fire coming to his face, even if they were quite far. 

- Let me tell you a secret, the older one said, making a gesture to Gyuvin, so the boy would come closer, lending him his ear. Beomgyu doesn’t really like anyone. Just himself. 

Both of their gazes landed on the couple, Beomgyu now pulling Hyuka for a kiss, and smiling stupidly at him. Too much, for someone who was saying they couldn’t bare the other’s touch the day before. 

The two brunettes looked at each other, Gyuvin not really following what Soobin was saying, but just trying to get the situation right. 

- Seems like he likes him a lot, to me. 

- What, you’re telling me that you don’t do that with the people you don’t like? 

Gyuvin chuckled at Soobin, the older one smirking as he felt lightheaded, maybe the smoke was helping him a bit. He threw his cigarette’s end towards the campfire. 

- He’ll warm up to you, you’ll see, Soobin said calmly, and the other hummed, not really buying it but not digging deeper into it. 

They kept their conversation going, Soobin learning a bit more about the new student as the conversation went on. Through that, Soobin got to know that Gyuvin grew up being the eldest of four children, with two younger sisters and a younger brother. He was very close to both his parents despite their busy schedule, and was quickly a parental figure to his siblings, so he was quite sad to leave home. Soobin couldn’t relate. 

What caught Soobin’s attention was the mention of his dog, and Gyuvin smiled widely when he showed Soobin a picture of him and a Greyhound dog. They matched energies, Soobin thought. 

Soobin found himself showing him pictures of Momo, and telling the boy he should definitely come to the bookscafé when they’d start classes again. He couldn’t help but notice how fondly the younger one talked about Matthew, and Soobin could see how close they were just by the way he mentioned him. He found himself missing Taehyun. 

- Don’t you miss Chuncheon ? Gyuvin asked, sipping on his freshly arrived cup, after Soobin had mentioned he came from there without many details. 

- What I loved about Chuncheon is not there anymore, Soobin said, eyes lost on the fire burning in front of him. 

Gyuvin nodded, and Soobin was pretty sure he was about to ask something more when a heavy body leaned against his shoulder. He looked, seeing Huening Kai’s face lit up by the fire, with a big smile on his face. He could see he was drunk. 

- Soobin hyuuung ! 

- Are you ok, Hyuka ? Soobin asked, eyes looking for Beomgyu, but without much success. That motherfucker. 

- I think Beomie hates me. 

Soobin blinked, his eyes turning to look at Gyuvin who just casually lifted his hands up to the air, saying he was going to get a new glass. 

Soobin knew his glass was full. 

Was he really doing this ? 

Sighing, he lifted his hand to pat Huening Kai’s shoulder, cringing as he looked at the boy’s pout.

- I’m pretty sure he doesn’t, you guys looked fine 15 minutes ago ?…

- He gets angry for no reason. 

- What did you say before he got angry ? 

- I’ve been asking him to see a doctor, but he doesn’t listen to me. I just brought that up again, and he just… left.

- A doctor, for what ? 

- He has some crazy bruises lately… Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s not new, because of his ADHD. But I noticed he has been hiding them away, I think it’s making him insecure. 

Insecure. Soobin grabbed one of his piercings between his teeth, the hand moving by itself and dragging another cigarette out of his pack. So that was how Beomgyu was getting away with it. ADHD. And Huening Kai was falling for it.

Soobin had been extremely cautious about the biting. But pressing his fingers into the other’s flesh had been enough to bruise it, and hearing the noises the other made only persuaded Soobin to press harder. 

The brunette knew about ADHD, how easily a bruise could appear on their bodies, from lack of attention and hitting on random places. But Beomgyu’s body was even more sensitive to it, as his immune system was impacted by the use of drugs. Their rough activities surely weren’t helping with that. 

Lighting up his new cigarette, Soobin looked into the void, brain focused on trying to find something to say. But how could he lie right into Huening Kai’s face? He already did it once. But this time-… 

- I think you shouldn’t push it too much. Shut up. You know how he is, he hates to be pressured. Tell him. He’s been so stressed about this whole event… It's not the best time to put any more weight on him. Stop it. The most that you can do is be patient, he will listen when he’ll be ready to. 

Twice. That’s the number of times he had lied to Huening Kai until this day. He felt guilt twist his guts as his lips joined the nicotine stick again, inhaling the smoke until it burned his lungs. What a shitty person he had become. 

He could feel the boy next to him trying to process the information Soobin had just given to him, maybe not expecting their conversation to turn out so serious all of a sudden. Maybe he was just looking for comfort. 

The older one turned his eyes to look at the youngest, who looked thoughtful, looking at the fire carefully. 

- I’m scared, hyung. 

Soobin grew quiet at those words, as Kai’s eyes turned to look at him, worry clearly seen in his eyes. Soobin knew he didn’t have to worry about himself, because these weren’t the worries of someone that was suspecting something. Still, stress took over him quickly. 

- What if he doesn’t need me anymore ? 

- What do you need ? The question seemed surprising to Kai, but Soobin knew he didn’t have any answer right now. I think… Beomgyu needs you, Hyuka. But sometimes people need different things at different times. Maybe he needs space right now, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. 

Soobin hesitated, feeling the height of his own deception. How could he offer comfort when he was the source of Huening Kai’s pain ? He was disgusted by his own behavior, but he relaxed, taking another smoke of his cigarette before he spoke again. 

- He needs you more than he knows, Soobin said finally, his voice steady. 

- Do you think so ? The other asked tentatively, but with a flicker of hope crossing his face. 

- I know so. 

Inside, guilt was eating him alive. But Soobin forced a smile, and Huening Kai smiled back. They lapsed into silence, the sound of the crackling fire, music and people around them filling it perfectly. Soobin’s thoughts drifted, haunted by the echoes of lies and half-truths that bound him in a web of deceit. 

He took another drag of his cigarette, the bitter taste mingling with bitter regret that pooled in his mouth. 

Huening Kai glanced at him, gratitude and trust shining in his eyes. Soobin felt like throwing up. 

- Thank you, hyung. I needed that. 

Soobin managed a nod, unable to meet his gaze. 

- Anytime, Hyuka. 

As Soobin scanned the party around them, his eyes unexpectedly met Gyuvin’s across the flickering flames of the bonfire. There was a brief, silent exchange between them, Gyuvin tilting his head with a curious expression, and Soobin responding with a subtle nod of reassurance. In those few hours,  Soobin had already caught a glimpse of Gyuvin’s easy personality, noting how effortlessly he seemed to fit in with a bunch of new people. 

Through the fire, the sight reminded him of someone, but he pushed that thought aside.

Gyuvin shook his glass subtly, silently inviting the older one to join them. Soobin glanced at Huening Kai, still seated beside him, and made a decision. Finishing both his drink and cigarette in quick succession, he gently draped an arm around Huening Kai’s shoulders and nudged him up from the log they were sitting on.

- Come on, let’s enjoy our night, Soobin said with a reassuring smile. 

Huening Kai looked up at him, momentarily surprised, but a small smile tugged at his lips.

- Yes, hyung, that would be great.

Together, they walked over to where Gyuvin was standing with the lively group of the hockey team. Quickly enough, they both got new drinks, a crate of beer laying on the grass, and Soobin was surprised to see it there. Getting a beer for himself, he looked at the others, confused. 

- Wasn’t this party supposed to be “alcohol free”? Soobin asked, blinking a bit.

He watched as Huening Kai stepped forward to get one for him too, not phased at all. 

- Beomgyu gave us the green light, basically he took down the security procedure, so officially it’s not the council that bought the beers, so, what people bring is their responsibility, one of the hockey guys explained, one of whose name didn’t get into Soobin’s memory. 

- Where’s Beomgyu ? Huening Kai dared to ask. 

- Don’t know. 

Soobin brought his beer to his lips, and unconsciously turned his eyes to Gyuvin, who was finishing his previous drink to get his own beer. 

Deciding willingly not to be a part of the conversation going on currently, he chose to tease the younger one instead, since the boy had left him to handle his shit alone without giving a fight. 

- Are you even old enough to drink ? Soobin teased, a smirk playing on his lips. 

Gyuvin looked at him, mock-offended, before breaking into a grin. 

- Old enough to out drink you, hyung, he shot back, lifting his beer in a playful toast.

- We’ll see about that, Soobin chuckled, clinking his bottle against Gyuvin’s. 

As the night continued, the group’s energy only grew. Someone turned up the music, and a makeshift dance floor formed around the bonfire. Laughter and chatter filled the air, and Soobin felt a surprising lightness settle over him. He found himself pulled into a dance circle, the rhythm infectious. He moved with the beat, feeling the tension of the past few hours melt with each step. 

Gyuvin joined in, his tall frame moving effortlessly to the music, drawing cheers and applause from the group. The boy got naturally closer to the older one, and as the tempo of the song increased, Gyuvin grabbed Soobin’s hand and pulled him into a playful dance. The alcohol buzzed through Soobin’s veins, loosening his usual reservation. He followed Gyuvin’s lead, their movements a mix between freestyle and coordinated steps. Gyuvin’s enthusiasm was contagious, and Soobin found himself laughing, genuinely enjoying the moment. 

The younger’s hands were warm and firm, guiding Soobin with surprising gentleness. The taller one’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he twirled Soobin around, their bodies moving in perfect sync. 

Eventually, he pulled the older one closer, their faces inches apart as they moved to the beat. The confident smile on the younger one’s face made him fluster, feeling his heart race for a bit, not really processing the information getting into his fuzzy brain. 

- You’re a natural, hyung, Gyuvin shouted over the music, his grin infectious. 

- Only because you’re dragging me along! Soobin shouted back, but he was smiling widely. 

The song came to an end, and Soobin stepped back, slightly out of breath but lightheaded. The group gathered around, chatting, and the older one found himself still next to Gyuvin, who handed him another beer. 

- I might enjoy my student years here, the boy said, taking a sip of his beer while looking at his new friend. 

- Is that so ? 

They exchanged a quick glance, and as the next song started, the crowd’s attention shifted to a figure approaching the fire. Beomgyu emerged from the shadows, a surprisingly good mood evident in his wide smile. He was holding a drink and looked relaxed, a heavy contrast to his earlier attitude, apparently. 

Soobin looked at Hyuka, who wasn’t too far from him, and watched, as Beomgyu waved at them. That bitch was definitely high as hell right now. 

- Binnie! Hyuka! Beomgyu called out, his voice carrying over the music. Having fun? 

Did he just use his nickname in front of everyone ? Soobin exchanged a quick, puzzled glance with Gyuvin, both of them raising their eyebrows at Beomgyu’s sudden change in mood. But before he could dwell on all this, Beomgyu had closed the distance between them, wrapping an arm around Huening Kai and pulling him into a spontaneous dance. 

Kai laughed, clearly pleased by Beomgyu’s unexpected cheerfulness. Soobin watched them for a moment, then turned back to Gyuvin who was smiling knowingly. Or, well, it looked like he knew something. 

- Well, this night just keeps getting better, Gyuvin said, his tone light and teasing. 

The boy wasn’t looking at him, but Soobin could feel something was dying on his tongue, and so, he dared ask. 

- Does it ? 

- Yes, Binnie, the younger said, exaggerating his syllables way too much. 

Soobin rolled his eyes, a whine coming from his throat as he brought his bottle to his lips. 

- Please, don’t. 

Chuckling for a second, the younger one rose his hands to prove his innocence in the matter, and Soobin just shook his head a bit, eyes then focused on the fire in front of him. 

The night continues lightly, and eventually, he and Gyuvin ended up sitting by the fire, their legs stretched out as they talked about everything and nothing. Soobin was feeling the buzz coursing through him, and the night went on with some dances between Gyuvin and the others, to the point where he thought to himself that the drama was over tonight. 

But as soon as the thought went through his brain, he saw people’s attention on a certain duo, a heated conversation between the two seemingly earning some shocked gazes. 

As Soobin got closer, he took a bit before catching small parts of the conversation going on between Huening Kai and Beomgyu. 

- I don’t want to go back to the dorms with you! Beomgyu said, visibly upset and a bit out of his own mind. 

Huening Kai looked confused, trying to understand his boyfriend’s moods. There’s no explanation, Soobin thought, trying to not look too much into it. 

- Gyu, you’re wasted and exhausted, Hyuka said, his eyes looking around them, an embarrassed smile tugging on his face as he was trying to keep the other’s voice lower. You’ve been working so hard these days for this party, you need to rest. 

- I’m not ready to go, you go back. Leave me alone, Beomgyu said, an upset frown stamped on his face, acting clearly like a child throwing a tantrum. 

Soobin felt the buzz in his veins come down, watching around them as everybody watched the golden couple argue, and he was pretty sure it was the first time ever.  Gossips were like the plague : as soon as it started, it spread uncontrollably. This would run all over the campus tomorrow. 

Soobin’s mind raced, his mind parting in two different directions. He hesitated to step in, this wasn’t his fight. Beomgyu was unpredictable when he was like this, but Huening Kai looked like he was on the verge of tears, trying to keep his composure. 

He stopped himself from letting the growing anxiety take over him and took a step forward, walking to them nicely, hating how everyone’s eyes turned to look at him. He looked at Beomgyu, who was sitting on a trunk, his eyes slowly rising to look at Soobin. The brunette’s eyes then laid on Hyuka, who looked like he could cry at any moment.

- Don’t worry, Hyuka, I’ll bring him back to the dorms, Soobin said, voice firm, while Kai parted lips, but the blonde cut him right away. 

- Hum, no you won’t ? 

- Get up before I do something stupid, Beomgyu, the brunette lowered his voice so only the three of them could hear his sentence, the eyes on them crippling under his skin. 

He turned around after getting an approving nod from Huening Kai, getting a few steps away from the crowd and the couple. He ran a hand in his hair nervously, his other hand reaching for his pack of cigarettes. The brunette got startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and as he laid his eyes on Gyuvin, he tried to ease his mind a bit. 

- Hey, hyung, are you okay ? 

Soobin could feel genuine concern in the other’s voice, and he nodded as he led his cigarette to his lips, lighting it up. He inhaled deeply, feeling his nerves about to break, but steadying his breath fast enough. 

- Yeah, just need to deal with this, he said, looking at the boy and feeling a pang of regret that the night was ending so soon. Hey, Gyuvin ? 

- Yeah ? The boy looked up attentively as Soobin gave him his phone. 

- Let’s exchange numbers ? 

The other seemed surprised at the older one’s request, but he could see a small sparkle in his gaze. Soobin watched as the boy wrote his number on his phone, changing his contact name right away. 

Getting his phone back, Soobin looked as his contact name appeared as “Gyu”, but didn’t get to process as Gyuvin gave him his phone too. He didn’t hesitate to change his own contact, calling himself “Soob” on the other’s phone. 

Taking a glance as he saw Beomgyu getting up from his trunk, looking like absolute shit, he looked back at Gyuvin, giving him a small smile. 

- I’ll see you in September ? 

- See you in September. 

Soobin nodded, biting the inside of his cheek as he turned away, his gaze landing on his main problem again. Reality was crashing back in, with Beomgyu’s drunken tantrum at its center. He was feeling the weight of the responsibility he brought to himself, a voice in the back of his mind punching him right in the face for not minding his own fucking business. 

He threw his cigarette away before taking action again, trying to keep his shit together.

- Come on, Beomgyu, Soobin said gently as he approached the other, who looked up at him with bleary eyes. Let’s get you back to the dorms. 

Beomgyu grumbled something incoherent, but didn’t resist as Soobin placed a steadying arm around his shoulder. Huening Kai hovered close by, his worries palpable, but the older one gave him a small nod, hoping to convince him that he had things under control.

- Thank you, Soobin, I-… 

- I’ll take care of him, Hyuka. We can talk about it tomorrow, if that’s okay? 

Their eyes locked for a few seconds, seemingly communicating with their gazes only. His roommate’s boyfriend eventually nodded, defeated but somehow relieved. Soobin’s heart broke for the nth time to know that his friend was, once again, putting his whole trust on him. 

Slowly dragging Beomgyu through the crowd, he knew, that tomorrow, the rumors would spread, the night’s events twisted and turned into something far more dramatic than it had been. The whispers, the knowing looks, the way everyone would dissect Beomgyu and Huening Kai’s argument as the latest campus scandal. Who knew what they would tell about Soobin leaving with Beomgyu. 

Away from the crowd, and seeing that Beomgyu was managing his own steps just fine, he let the other walk by himself, his hands resisting the urge to grab another cigarette. He dug his hands inside his pockets instead, eyes on the floor. Soobin focused on walking straight, his brain concentrating his whole attention on his footsteps. He was now self-aware of how much he had drunk, and also how much he had smoked for the past hours. He could feel a pressure on his chest, but he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t because of the amount of smoke that had filled his lungs, because of the drinks, or because of the whole situation he was dealing with. 

Maybe the three choices were valid. 

They walked in silent, at some point the sound of music disappeared completely, and they were getting very close to the campus dorms. 

But the blonde eventually decided to talk, much to Soobin’s uncomfort. 

- That was a hell of a party, huh? Too many people, I was starting to get fuzzy. 

Soobin ignored the words coming from his roommate’s mouth, still focused on his steps and trying to get his whole thoughts focused on his feet. One step at the time, tap, tap, tap. 

- You seemed to get along with that Gyuvin guy, huh? 

They walked past the bench Arin and Soobin usually sat on. Time to turn to the right. The campus paved ways were empty, everyone was either at the party or back to sleep. 

- Never saw you enjoy a party, you didn’t have to leave, I could’ve handled myself just fine. 

Soon enough, the stairs that lead to the dorms appeared in front of him, and Soobin was sure he accelerated his stride, climbing two stairs at once, opening the entrance door before getting inside the long corridors. They never looked so narrow and extended. He looked for the Y013 in a hurry. 

- I’m kinda glad to leave though, I just couldn’t get rid of Huening Kai even if I tried. 

Door lock, keys, insert, turn, open. He switched the lights on and took his shoes off, sitting on his bed in order to support his own body. He just needed a good night of sleep. He barely managed to get up so he could get his pajamas and brush his teeth, his movements mechanical and nonchalant. He was pretty sure Beomgyu was turning around him, making him step aside to get his toothbrush as Soobin spat into the sink. 

He didn’t hesitate to lazily lie on his bed, closing his eyes as his head hit the soft pillow under it. He wished this was it, that he was going to finally sleep. That was until he heard his roommate’s voice again. 

- Not even a good night kiss ?

Soobin opened his eyes suddenly, turning his head to look at Beomgyu again. He was standing at the door of their bathroom, only wearing one of Soobin’s oversized shirts, covering only half of his thighs. From here, the brunette could see the bruises on his skin, and his brain short-circuited. 

- Are you fucking serious right now ? Soobin barked at him, voice low and tired. You made all that scene, been glued all night to Huening Kai just to make me snap, been a bitch to people you didn’t even know, and now you want a good night kiss ? 

The brunette saw the playfulness in the other’s eyes turn into a guilty look, painted in hurt by the accusation. He saw him get closer, starting to part his lips to talk again, but Soobin stopped him before he could do so. 

- You’re not even that wrecked as you appeared to be at the party, and you’re acting like we didn’t have an argument yesterday. If you forgot about that, I didn’t, Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu’s expression hardened at Soobin’s words, vulnerability fading as quickly as it had appeared. He straightened his posture, arms crossing over his chest defensively. 

- You want to talk about yesterday ? Beomgyu’s voice was sharp, his eyes narrowing. You want to talk about how you just keep saying that I’m just some screw-up who makes everything harder for everyone else? 

Soobin clenched his jaw, trying to stay calm despite the anger simmering beneath the surface. He didn’t want to do this, not now. He was drunk, and knew something wrong could come out of his mouth at any moment. Plus, his head hurt like a bitch. But Beomgyu wasn’t letting go of it, and he knew this wasn’t going to end well if they kept pushing each other like this.

- You completely missed the point of what I was saying, Soobin replied, keeping his tone as steady as possible. I’m just saying that you need to start thinking about how your actions affect other people. 

Beomgyu scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

- Oh, right. Because you’re perfect, right? Always thinking about everyone else, never making a single mistake.

I wished that was me, Soobin thought as he felt a flare of frustration rise in his chest. He sat up, his eyes locking with Beomgyu’s. 

- This isn’t about me. It’s about you and how you’ve been acting lately. 

- Acting ? Beomgyu took a step closer, his tone growing more sarcastic. You’re the one to talk. Always acting like you’re above it all, like you have everything under control. But let’s be real, Soobin. You’re just as messed up as I am. 

Soobin’s patience snapped. He stood up from the bed, facing Beomgyu head-on, their faces inches apart, just like the day before. He didn’t know if there was a single day that their relationship would be fucking normal. But he knew what Beomgyu was doing right here. Turning the subject so Soobin could forget everything about his shitty behaviors.

- You don’t get it, do you? I’m trying to help you because I care about you! Well, at least that came out from his mouth. But you keep pushing me away, acting like none of this matters! 

Beomgyu’s eyes flashed with anger, and the hint of something else too. But Soobin didn’t quite catch that as the other stepped even closer, their chests almost touching now. 

- Maybe I push you away because you never let me in, Soobin! You’re always there, always taking care of things, but you never let me close enough to actually know you! 

Soobin’s breath caught in his throat. The intensity of Beomgyu’s words, the way they cut deep, left him momentarily speechless. His heart pounded in his chest, and for a brief second, he wondered if there was some truth to what Beomgyu was saying. But before he could process it, Beomgyu pushed further.

- Admit it, Beomgyu hissed, his voice low and laced with bitterness. You love being the responsible one. It makes you feel better about yourself, doesn’t it? Like you’re superior to the rest of us.

That was it. The final straw.

Soobin’s hand shot out, grabbing Beomgyu’s wrist and pulling him closer. The anger between them was electric, crackling in the space where their bodies nearly collided. Soobin’s eyes burned into Beomgyu’s, and for a moment, neither of them moved, the air thick with tension.

- Why do you always have to make it about me? Soobin growled. Why can’t you just communicate normally for once instead of lashing out like this?

Beomgyu wrenched his arm out of Soobin’s grip, eyes blazing.

- Oh, so I’m the one lashing out, and the one that needs communication now ? How convenient for you to say that when you’re the one who keeps everything bottled up, never letting anyone in! You think you’re so strong, don’t you? Always pretending like nothing can touch you. But we both know that’s not true.

Beomgyu took a deep breath, then his voice dropped lower, his next words cutting through the air like a knife. 

- You think I don’t know? About your friend? The one you never talk about. The one you lost?

Soobin’s face went pale, and his heart seemed to stop for a moment. Beomgyu had never mentioned this before—no one from here had. It was something he kept locked away, something too painful to even bring up. But now, here it was, out in the open, thrown to his face in the middle of this argument.

- Shut up, Soobin said through gritted teeth, his voice dangerously low. You don’t know anything about that.

- Don’t I? Beomgyu shot back. I know that you’re terrified of letting anyone in because you’re afraid they’ll leave you, just like he did. That’s why you’re always trying to fix everything, why you never let anyone get too close. You think if you keep everything under control, you won’t get hurt again.

Soobin’s vision blurred with rage and something deeper—something more vulnerable that he didn’t want to confront. His breathing was heavy, his hands trembling with the effort it took not to completely lose it.

- You don’t know what you’re talking about, he said, his voice barely above a whisper, but Beomgyu didn’t back down. He had just touched the right nerve.

- Oh, I know exactly what I’m talking about, Beomgyu said, taking a step back, breaking that dangerous proximity they had built for the past seconds. You’re scared, Soobin. Scared of feeling anything real. That’s why you keep me at arm’s length. That’s why you keep everyone at arm’s length.

Something inside Soobin snapped. Without thinking, he grabbed Beomgyu by the collar of his shirt, pulling him forward. His eyes were wide open, probably looking like a mad man.

- I said, shut up, he growled, his voice rough with emotion.

But Beomgyu didn’t shut up. Instead, he smirked, that defiant look in his eyes again. 

- Make me.

And that was it. The last shred of control Soobin had left slipped away, and he crashed his lips against Beomgyu’s with a force that sent them both stumbling backwards. The kiss was rough, desperate, fueled by all the anger and frustration and raw emotion that had been building between them since the night before.

Beomgyu responded immediately, kissing Soobin back just as fiercely, his hands clutching at Soobin’s shirt as if to hold on for dear life. The tension that had been simmering between them for hours exploded at that moment, neither of them holding back as they poured everything into the kiss.

Soobin’s mind went blank, lost in the heat of the moment. He didn’t care about the argument anymore, didn’t care about anything other than the feeling of Beomgyu’s lips against his, the way their bodies pressed together in a clash of need and desperation. It was messy, chaotic, and far from perfect—but that was exactly what made it feel so real.

They broke apart only long enough to gasp for air, their foreheads resting against each other as they tried to catch their breath. Beomgyu’s eyes were dark, his lips swollen from the intensity of the kiss, but there was something softer there too, something that spoke of the vulnerability they both kept hidden away.

- Soobin, Beomgyu whispered, his voice shaking just a little. I-

Soobin cut him off with another kiss, less rough this time, but no less intense. He wasn’t ready to talk, wasn’t ready to confront the things Beomgyu had brought up. Not yet. But this—this he could do. This he understood.

Beomgyu seemed to get the message, his hands loosening their grip on Soobin’s shirt as he kissed him back, softer now, but still with that underlying urgency. The argument, the hurtful words, the pain—it all melted away, replaced by the heat of their connection, the undeniable pull between them that neither of them could resist.

For now, this was enough. They could deal with the rest later.

+x+

Soobin loved to sleep covered in the dark. He had trouble falling asleep when the lights were on, and had to close his shutters before going to sleep, without which he would be startled early enough in the morning, by the light coming through the window. He remembered that Yeonjun could sleep at any places, noisy or not, enlightened or dived in the dark. Yeonjun didn’t sleep much, yet he was like a full power source each day he walked on this earth, but when he did sleep, nobody could stop him. Soobin once again envied him, ‘cause anything could wake him, and he’d be in a bad mood all day. Not like he had any reasons to be in a good mood anyway. Actually, he felt like he’d be in a bad mood, either he got a good night of sleep or not. Never mind. 

This morning, he almost let out a crying sound when he felt himself be dragged out of sleep because of the sunlight coming out from the dorm’s window. Who was the dumb bitch that forgot to close the damn shutters? 

He was about to raise himself from bed until he felt a weight laying on his arm, followed by a sigh and someone clinging hard onto him. Soobin stopped moving, cursing under his breath as he understood perfectly where he was and with whom.

Relaxing his muscles, he kept his eyes closed for a while, trying to get rid of his headache while he processed the information that arrived inside his malfunctioning brain. He really was this weak, huh ? 

After a while, he slowly opened his eyes, vision landing on a very sleepy Beomgyu. 

Soobin laid still, watching the morning light spill through the window, casting soft shadows over Beomgyu's sleeping face. His first instinct was to pull away, to create some distance between them, emotionally and physically, but something held him in place. Maybe it was the way Beomgyu looked so peaceful, so completely at ease, curled up against him in the small, uncomfortable bed.

Beomgyu’s cheek rested against his shoulder, his lips slightly parted, a soft rise and fall from his chest. Soobin couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him so calm, so unguarded. The tension that usually lined Beomgyu’s features was nowhere to be found, replaced instead by a strange serenity that tugged at something deep inside Soobin’s chest.

He let his gaze trace the delicate contours of Beomgyu's face, the soft curve of his cheekbone, the way his blonde curly hair fell messily across his forehead, the gentle rise of his lashes as they fluttered slightly in his sleep. It felt strange to watch him like this, to see him so vulnerable, when usually Beomgyu’s defenses were always up, his sharp tongue and stubborn attitude keeping people at a distance. But here, at this moment, there was none of that. Just Beomgyu, soft and peaceful.

Soobin shifted slightly, careful not to wake him up, and let his hand hover above Beomgyu’s exposed shoulder. He hesitated for a moment, but the warmth radiating from Beomgyu’s skin drew him in. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he let his fingers graze the blonde’s shoulder, feeling the smoothness of his skin beneath his touch. He mentally cursed the other for looking so beautiful. Beomgyu didn’t stir, only sighed softly in his sleep again, his body instinctively leaning into the warmth of Soobin’s hand. The contact was so simple, so small, but it sent a strange sensation through Soobin, something between tenderness and confusion. He wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to feeling this close to someone, especially Beomgyu, who had always been a source of chaos and conflict the past week.

In the quiet of the morning, with Beomgyu so peacefully asleep beside him, Soobin couldn’t deny the strange comfort that came with it. The quiet intimacy of the moment felt foreign, unsettling even, but also… something he didn’t want to let go of just yet.

He let his fingers trail down Beomgyu’s naked arm, barely touching, as if afraid that too much pressure would shatter the fragile peace between them. The warmth of Beomgyu’s skin, the gentle rise and fall of his breathing, it all felt so delicate, so transient, like it could disappear at any moment.

Soobin swallowed hard, his thoughts a tangled mess of emotions he didn’t fully understand. 

The older one wasn’t sure for how long he stayed there, watching the other sleep, but eventually his eyes shot close again, accepting his fate for now and thankfully, his head was in a mess enough to keep him from thinking too much. 

The next time he opened his eyes again, he was pretty sure he fell asleep again, because a few hours had passed since the sun was already pretty low. Beomgyu was still sleeping hard next to him though, which was surprising since he was usually the one to wake up early. 

He was laying on his belly this time, his pretty back making a whole show in front of Soobin’s eyes, who fought the urge to kiss his spine. Instead, his fingers moved before he knew, passing through his spine, hearing a soft hum come from the blonde’s throat, probably waking up slowly from his deep sleep. 

Soobin’s lips met the boy’s shoulder softly, and then progressively to his neck, making him shrug a bit to the feeling. Beomgyu moved, turning to his side so he could move his naked body against Soobin’s, their intimate proximity increasing. But for once, nothing sexual was coming out from it and Soobin just smiled, inhaling a bit. 

- Be careful, it seems like you’re enjoying this, Beomgyu said with a grin, eyes opening fully to look at the other. 

Soobin looked back at him, his fingers pushing his roommate’s hair aside. Was he enjoying this ? Maybe, but could anyone blame him? 

- You look like you had a good night of sleep, he chose to reply instead, still looking carefully at the younger one.

Beomgyu closed his eyes, nuzzling his nose into the taller one’s neck while he took a big breath, arm surrounding Soobin’s waist, the sheets covering his lower body.

- The beds could be bigger, but you make a good mattress. 

Soobin chuckled to that, just purely enjoying the moment before his brain started to overthink again. He didn’t want to, though, feeling comfortable and a bit more rested than earlier, even if his body ached a bit. He felt Beomgyu’s hand get higher, fingers resting on Soobin’s tattooed spider, just above his hip bone.

- This one is pretty, I like it. 

- ‘Cause the others are ugly? 

He could hear Beomgyu roll his eyes even though his face was hiding against his collarbones, before the boy looked up at him, Soobin watching as he did so. 

- Not what I said. 

- I know, just messing with you. 

Having this kind of intimacy with Beomgyu almost felt illegal to Soobin, more dangerous than anything else that had happened between them. There was something so personal about this, lying there, touching each other without ulterior motives. His fingers threaded through Beomgyu’s hair, and he felt how Beomgyu melted into the touch. He wished he didn’t enjoy it as much as he did, but couldn’t deny the strange sense of comfort it brought him. 

Soobin watched as the blonde traced his fingers against his skin, brushing against designs he often forgot were there. From his shoulder, a tree branch stretched across his upper chest, light on leaves. Soobin liked having plants tattooed on his body, ironic as it was considering how bad he was at keeping them alive in real life. The branch ran cross half of his upper chest, just under his collarbone, all the way to the center.

Beomgyu’s fingers followed the lines, pausing over five letters inked on his sternum. His first tattoo, and probably the one he thought was the dumbest now. The letters spelled out “human”, a simple word, that somehow held so much weight; Beomgyu’s fingers traced the letters with the same gentleness as before, but his lips curled into a small scoff. 

- Were you afraid to forget what you are ? 

The other asked, lifting his head that was laying on Soobin’s shoulder to look at the other, waiting for an answer.

- I think we all tend to forget sometimes. 

Beomgyu just chuckled softly at Soobin’s response, probably finding his answer cheesy, which probably was. He didn't press further though, Beomgyu’s fingers dancing lazily across Soobin’s chest, tracing faint lines of his tattoos as if they were a map to some distant place. His touch was light, almost playful, but there was an edge to it, a carefulness that hadn’t been there before. There was something grounding about the silence between them, something soothing and… easy. Something Soobin hadn’t expected to experience.

- So… Beomgyu drawled, voice still soft, playful, but with a slight hesitation this time, which was rare. What’s next? Are we going to start holding hands in public ? Maybe matching sweaters ?

Beomgyu’s lips curled into a smirk, but his eyes flickered with something less certain. Soobin tried to hide his surprise to his teasing, and as if that joke didn’t make him slightly panic by rolling his eyes.

- You’re too clingy for that, he shot back, but even as he said it, there was a heaviness settling in his chest. 

He didn’t want to think about what they were doing. Didn’t want to think about Huening Kai or what this all was about.

Beomgyu laughed, but the sound wasn’t as carefree as it usually was. Maybe did he regret his own joke, for once, and realized he was crossing a line. He still shifted closer, his leg sliding between Soobin’s, their skin brushing under the thin sheet. 

- Clingy ? Me ? You’re the one who couldn’t let go of me last night, his voice was teasing, but they could both feel that something else was there too, something they were both trying to ignore. 

Soobin didn’t respond right away, letting the moment stretch out between them. He could feel the weight of Beomgyu’s body pressed against him, the warmth of his breath on his skin. They were both trying to forget about the tension they had unintentionally built.

Soobin inhaled deeply, shaking his head a bit as he pulled the other closer.

- You’re so full of yourself, Soobin muttered eventually, his voice softer than he intended. He tilted his head slightly, their foreheads touching, as he tried to find the light mood they had previously managed to create.

Beomgyu hummed in response, his hand slipping down to rest against Soobin’s side, fingers brushing the edge of the spider tattoo just above his hip again. 

- You love it , he whispered, teasing Soobin with a grin.

Soobin swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. He didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know how to deal with the reality of what they were doing. Instead, he let his eyes close, focusing on the warmth of Beomgyu’s body against his, trying to lose himself in the moment. Did he love it ? He did not, Beomgyu kept on getting under his nerves without shame. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to the blonde. Couldn’t say no to anything the other would ask him to do. Put his new friendship at risk for the younger one. There was a deeper meaning to that, wasn’t it ? 

Beomgyu shifted slightly, his grip on Soobin tightening to get his attention back. No, he definitely would’ve punched the boy in the face if he didn’t have his shit together. 

- You’re thinking too much again, he mumbled, his voice a little quieter now, less teasing. Without even opening his eyes, Soobin knew he was pouting.

Soobin let out a soft sigh, his hand moving to rest on Beomgyu’s back, fingers tracing the curve of his spine. 

- Maybe I’m just trying to figure out how to get you to shut up, he said back, eyes still closed. 

- Good luck with that, Beomgyu said with a chuckle.

The teasing was still there, but it felt different now. It felt like they were both trying too hard to ignore the elephant in the room. Soobin could feel it in the way Beomgyu’s fingers lingered a little too long on his skin, in the way his own heart was racing is his chest, faster than it should have been. 

- You’re not as annoying when you’re half asleep, Soobin muttered with a long sigh, trying to shake all these hidden feelings inside of him away. 

- I’ll take that as a compliment. 

There was a long pause, a stretch of silence that wasn’t as heavy as before. Not as Soobin pulled Beomgyu on top of him, not as he opened his eyes to look deeply into the younger one’s. And definitely not as their lips met, both melting into the touch. Their morning breath should’ve been a warning sign to stay away, but did not. Instead, one of Soobin’s hand moved to grab Beomgyu’s ass, gripping on it hardly, stealing a groan from Beomgyu’s throat.

They kept on kissing, bodies moving by themselves without letting time to their brains to process the information. That was until Beomgyu pressed his hand on the taller one’s chest, rising himself a bit. 

- So… About the matching sweaters ?... 

Soobin groaned, pushing lightly at Beomgyu’s shoulder to make him fall back to his side, but couldn’t suppress the small laugh that escaped him. 

- You’re impossible, Soobin said before he leaned closer, pressing his lips against Beomgyu’s again, in a way that felt more like a distraction than affection. 

Like often, Soobin let himself get lost in the sensation, in the warmth of Bomgyu’s skin against his, the softness of his touch. But even as he did, the guilt was still there, lingering just beneath the surface.

Because no matter how close they were, no matter how much they tried to ignore it, there was someone else. And no amount of teasing or warmth could make that go away. 

+x+

That was it. His final week just came to an end and Soobin had a sense lingering all over him, like he had just pulled his head out of the water. He never felt like he was overdoing it, but maybe he was, and now that he had finished his second year, he felt like he was doing too little. The neighborhood around the university would soon empty itself, meaning that the library would probably have fewer customers than usual. He still made it clear to Hyejin that he wouldn’t be leaving Seoul all summer, so he would be there at any time she wanted. 

The weather was getting hotter, and despite the fact that Seoul was less humid than Chuncheon, it was obvious that it was way hotter because of the pollution and how little green spaces there was here, compared to Soobin’s hometown. 

More free time, meant more time to read. He had changed places though, changing the campus’ bench that was exposed to the sun to go under a tree, sat on the grass. His change was purely because of the sun, but also because he had the hope that nobody would come and disturb him. Maybe he should give up hope. 

Because of course Arin would find him. And of course everyone else would follow, to Soobin’s disgrace. 

So that’s why, right now Soobin was sat against a tree, his book between his hands, while Arin, Beomgyu, Huening Kai and Matthew were just next to him, sat on a large blanket, playing some card games while the older one tried to not listen to their conversation. 

- Are you guys leaving for the summer holidays ? Arin asked while she played her cards, still focused on the game. 

- I’m leaving in about one week or so, Matthew said, thinking a bit before playing. Gyuvin and I’s family are going to Jeju Island so we are going too.

Soobin slowly lifted his eyes from his book at the mention of Gyuvin, that he had met already two weeks ago. He looked at Matthew, that seemed to be thinking a few seconds more before playing his card. He didn’t get any more news from the younger one, and neither did he actually know how to engage a conversation with him, too embarrassed by the night they had known each other. Drinking didn’t make him any good. 

Somehow, his eyes met Beomgyu’s, who was already looking at him as if he was guilty of something. Soobin frowned and looked back at his book. The nerve to look at him that way. Plus, how did he know that he would react to it ? Ah, fuck it.

He passed a hand on his face so he could relax and get back to his reading. 

- Jeju Island is so pretty, I love it ! Huening Kai said, all other three hummed in agreement, except Soobin, because he definitely never set a foot there. It’s not right now, but I’m joining my sisters aboard in August, he said, while Soobin lifted an eyebrow to that.

- Is Beomgyu coming with you ? Arin asked what Soobin was asking himself. 

- To the US and with Lea ? Ew, no I’m not, Beomgyu replied right away, to Huening’s desperation, who played his card with a small pout on his face. 

- Yeah, hum. Gyu doesn’t like long plane flights. I’ve been trying to convince him to come, but I gave up. 

After the party, obviously, everything went back to normal. Beomgyu apologized for his behavior, saying that Soobin gave him a lecture about how he acted in front of everyone, and that he wasn’t feeling great the night before. A lecture , yeah, that’s a way to call it. Once again, he had to act normal when Kai thanked him for it, and here they were again. And Soobin was just accepting his fate, just like he had been doing for the last few months. Not like he tried to be close to Huening Kai, he naturally just was. 

- What about you, Arin? Matthew asked, while it was Beomgyu’s turn to play his cards, who was looking at the game attentively. 

Soobin disconnected himself from the conversation, already knowing the rest of it. Arin was staying around for a bit during summer, having found an internship in a design agency which she just couldn’t miss, before taking some days away with her family. Everybody already knew what Soobin would be doing for his holidays, so he didn’t answer to the question at all. The older boy didn’t like summer that much, always found that time boring. Maybe he’d go back to video gaming if he found enough motivation. He just knew summer would be uninteresting, especially without a wild Yeonjun knocking at his doors, forcing him to go out and do some crazy stuff. 

Soobin closed his book with a soft thud of pages snapping shut, the sound barely registering in his head. He placed it on his lap, his eyes staring blankly ahead and watching the dappled sunlight filtering through the leaves of the tree. A buzz of chatter was coming from the group of friends, but it sounded really far off and muted, like they were talking from another room. His mind had wandered off once more, and this time, it had gone to Yeonjun.

Sometimes, it all hit him at once. 

It had been months, yet the ache still felt heavy upon his chest, like a bruise that never quite healed. Sometimes, when one least expected it, it hit like a wave: that sense of loss, sudden and overwhelming, knocking the air from his lungs. It swallowed him, and just like trying to swim back to the surface, it was painful and exhausting. Other times, it was quieter, it was a dull throbbing that was always there but, easier to ignore. But it sure still felt suffocating for him.  

He adjusted himself against the tree, swallowing hard as he tried to keep himself from drifting too far away. 

Someone laughed, and Soobin was pretty sure he recognized Huening Kai’s laugh as he blinked, realizing quite rapidly that he had missed the whole conversation they had been having until now. It felt wrong, sitting here, the grass under him feeling too soft, the sun too bright, the laughter both too loud and distant. How could he be so calm, when Yeonjun would never be again ? 

- What do you think, Soobin ? 

 It wasn’t until Huening Kai’s voice brought him back to reality that he realized that everything went silent around him. He blinked at the random place he was looking at, his head moving mechanically to look at his friend. He felt like he had forgotten how to speak for a second, throat tight as he opened his mouth. Soobin only realized now that the weight of his book was feeling like an anchor, and had suddenly left his lap, letting Soobin breathe normally again.

- I’m sorry, I didn’t catch what you were saying, he said, his hand slipping into his hair nervously before he grabbed his book to shove it inside his bag. He felt the group’s eyes exchange, but didn’t focus on it, waiting for them to explain. 

- We should do something before everyone leaves… Just us, nothing crazy, the boy answered, a soft smile on his lips. 

Soobin took his back off from the tree, finally allowing his shoulders to relax as he crossed his legs, paying true attention to them. He needed to get out from his head before he got crazier than he was already. 

- Like what ? Soobin asked, interested now that he knew that it wasn’t a big party like they were used to doing.

- Well, I was thinking maybe at my parent’s… they wouldn’t mind if we do something at my house, if it’s close friends only! 

Close friends, my ass. Soobin cringed at that, taking his eyes off Huening Kai so he could look at the others, their sudden attention a bit overwhelming, but it was okay for now. Why did they seek his approval when they’d do whatever they’d want anyway?

- Or we were thinking about a karaoke bar ! Arin suddenly said, excited, while Soobin threw her horror eyes.  It so much fun, especially after some drinks-...

- No fucking way, that’s a no. 

Soobin spoke, maybe more harshly than he had originally intended, earning surprised looks from the group. If they were alone, Arin would probably talk back at him for that, but instead, she tilted her head in confusion. 

- Hum, ok, I was just suggesting ? 

- Just… Choose something. Anything. Just not the karaoke, Soobin murmured as he took his backpack from the tree, lifting his body up in the process. He looked at Arin, swallowing before he looked at Huening Kai, trying to be less on his nerves. Your parent’s sound good, if you’re ok with it, too. Text me the plans, I’ll see if I can. 

This had been enough social interaction for him for the day. Putting his bag on his back, he slowly walked away from the group. “What has gotten into him ?” he heard whispering from afar, as the voices got lower. “Maybe he doesn’t want to show us his voice skills…”  

He walked further, making his way back to the dorms 

***

December 5th, 2021.

The air was chilly, as they were entering the coldest months in Chuncheon now. Soobin loved the cold, but maybe it was too much for him right now. He could feel it in his bones as he walked past the streets of his hometown, making his way to one of his favorite Korean barbecue restaurants, counting the seconds until his body could feel warm again. 

It felt like a normal day to him, except today he’d be celebrating his birthday with his friends. For him, it was just a pretext to another fun night with them, if he was being honest. But he wouldn’t hold them accountable for that, because he knew they were genuinely happy to spend the day with him. 

As he took a turn on a small street, nose buried in his scarf, he could see Taehyun standing there, his small yet tall figure standing, hands inside his pockets as his eyes wandered around the street until he saw him. 

- Finally, I was freezing my ass off over here ! The younger one said, but still didn’t move from his position. 

Soobin got closer, taking his own hand from his long leather jacket so he could make his handshake with Taehyun, eyes looking around. 

- Yeonjun hyung isn’t here yet ? 

- He said he’d be a bit late on the group chat, haven’t you seen ? He hadn’t. He pouted a bit as he shook his head. He shouldn’t take much longer, but let’s get inside. 

The older one nodded quickly, before turning towards the restaurant’s door. They entered, quickly welcomed by the waitress they knew very well from how often they came here. She was the owner’s daughter, slightly older than them, and she definitely had a soft spot for Taehyun, not like his friend cared. 

- Soobin-ssi, happy birthday!

- Thank you, Mieyon-ah. You kept our table for us, right ? 

- I did, go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I’ll get your order once the third one arrives. 

Soobin smiled softly at the young women, nodding, before making his way to their usual table in a corner of the restaurant, followed by Taehyun. Finally getting warm, he took off his jacket, sitting down on his chair as he brought his fingers to one of his lip piercings by reflex. 

- Is it healing well ? Taehyun asked, pointing at them with attention. 

It had been more or less than a month since he first made the decision to make his lip piercings, to his parent's deep desperation. It had been quite the struggle reaching a steady healing process, but now, it was like they had always been there. 

- It is. It still sometimes hurts, and the cold is not helping, but it’s ok, he stated, leaving them alone as he put his hands on the table, looking through the window. What’s even more important than us right now ? 

Obviously, he was not talking about his piercings anymore, and Taehyun knew it. Maybe he was asking about the piercings so they could talk about something else than the obviously missing person at the table. But the distraction didn’t work. 

It had been some weeks since Yeonjun had been… seeing someone. A girl, that is. There was no way Soobin wouldn’t notice. They usually had a strict routine. They were lucky enough to have a shift together at the grocery store, and even if Yeonjun lived right in front of it, he would usually drive Soobin back home with his new car. Well, his new-old car, that was. 

But for the past weeks, Soobin had been noticing a silly pattern on Yeonjun’s habits. On Mondays and Thursdays, he didn’t drive him home, and instead, an older girl was waiting on him in front of his apartment. At first, Soobin didn’t notice. It was after a few times that he found it strange. The first encounters seemed casual, they just waved at each other before walking away together. Then came the hugs when they said hello. That was when Soobin convinced himself that it was more than a friend. And it was consuming him. 

- Did he tell you he was seeing someone ? Soobin asked, turning to look at Taehyun. 

Somehow, he felt like Taehyun knew the question was coming. They had “gossiped” about it lately, but Soobin didn’t know if the two had talked about it since then. So he was curious. 

- We… don’t really talk about this kind of stuff. So, no, he didn’t. Sorry hyung, he replied, under Soobin’s disappointed eyes. But it’s probably nothing serious, like usual. So don’t think too much about it. 

“Well, it was serious enough for him to show up late on my birthday”, Soobin thought as he sighed, nodding thoughtfully. 

Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice, one he would recognize amongst thousands. He turned his head to look at the entrance, where Yeonjun was now standing, his nose slightly red from the cold as he smiled at Miyeon, probably making a silly joke that made himself and the waitress laugh. He then walked towards the table, quickly running to lay hands on Soobin’s shoulders, leaning against his back. 

- Happy Birthday Soobinnie, he cooed, making Soobin roll his eyes but still smiled. My baby is growing so fast, I might cry. 

- Why are you so cringe ? He asked, while Taehyun lifted an unimpressed highbrow at him. 

Yeonjun happily stood back up, walking toward his chair as he let his phone on the table before he took his coat off. Unconsciously, Soobin’s eyes were led to the screen of his friend’s phone who lit up slightly because of a notification. Soobin frowned, seeing “Thank you” followed by a heart emoji, coming from that girl, probably. 

He felt Taehyun hit his leg under the table, lifting his head instantly, coming back to reality. Yeonjun sat down, clapping his hands together. 

- So ! Did you order yet ? 

- No, we were waiting for you. Also, hello, how have you been ? Taehyun teased, earning a sorry look from the oldest, but still smiling. 

- Sorry guys, I’ll catch up, I promise! I’m paying for the food and the drinks, so suit yourself. 

- Huh? What do you mean, you’re paying? Taehyun asked, even before Soobin could say a word. 

- You’ll be paying for the karaoke bar tonight, don’t worry.

Soobin tried to argue with his two friends, saying that it was his birthday and that he should be the one paying for their activities, but they both denied his offer, not even taking it as an option. It upset Soobin when Yeonjun paid for his stuff, when he should be keeping his money for himself. He knew that it was one of his friend’s love languages, but he also knew how much he had been struggling with his money all his life, when Soobin was ok. 

Yeonjun earned the minimum wage, and even if his shitty apartment wasn’t that expensive, he knew that he also had to pay for the groceries at his house. That left him with very little money for himself. Soobin was lucky enough to live under his parent’s roof, so all the money he had… Well, he could just keep it or just spend it on random hobbies. So when Yeonjun would do stuff like this, Soobin just couldn’t help but frown and be angry. 

But quickly enough his anger disappeared, replaced by the sweet taste of the drinks that they had ordered, and later, the meat that they started grilling. The three of them were big eaters, and today they better have strong stomachs, because hell they sure were going to celebrate. 

Plus, Soobin had something to forget, didn’t he ? 

So as they ate the different kinds of meat and dishes that kept arriving at their table, they also ordered soju, and that probably was Soobin’s first mistake of the day. 

After a good hour eating and drinking, they pulled slightly from their chairs, not drunk but definitely very happy with their lives if you’d ask them. The conversation was loud, earning some glances from the other customers at the restaurant, but they didn’t care, just genuinely enjoying the moment. They kept talking and talking, the tables around them emptying themselves as they ordered more drinks. It just felt like a carefree moment, like nobody could touch them right now. 

When the restaurant seemed more empty, the owner who was also the chef, came to see them, a bottle of something Soobin couldn’t even remember, from how strong that alcohol was. Maybe was it even some of those illegal stuff old people had in the back of their shelves. Yet, the trio drank it, because free alcohol from an older adult wasn’t something you usually refuse. 

It was only at the end of the afternoon that the three friends got out of the restaurant, fuzzy minds and red cheeks walking around the streets that they knew damn too well, people hopefully mistaking their drunk redness for the cold running outside. Yeonjun’s silly high-pitch laugh was the loudest thing in the winter day, and yet he seemed to be the less drunk amongst the three, to be honest. He was just genuinely happy. 

Making their way to the karaoke bar, they made themselves look normal, so they would give them a private box without banishing them right away. They left Taehyun go to the front while Soobin and Yeonjun giggled behind him, Yeonjun pulling Soobin’s shirt collar up so he’d look presentable while Soobin tried to fight it, until he didn’t. He just shivered at Yeonjun’s cold fingers lingering against his warm neck skin, accepting his fate as he realized that he was only a man. Yeonjun looked pretty with his black hair, his neat undercut and ear-piercings dancing as he moved. His cheeks were red from the cold, lips slightly chapped from the winter days, but he looked perfect. His mole just under his eye was the final boss for Soobin, to be honest, but he didn’t get much time to focus on it, because they were brought to their karaoke spot. 

- Ooh, fancy…  Yeonjun cooed as they entered the room. 

- Yeah, I picked us the top lounge, Taheyun said with a small grin. 

The room was very pretty. They were three, but there was room for at least 10 people, so they wouldn’t be walking all over each other. A purple light lightened the room, neon spots all over it and pretty leather couches faced the big screen they would be reading the lyrics from. Most importantly : there was a fridge full of drinks, and that was probably what they were aiming for right now. 

- Well, I was about to say thank you, but I’ll say thank you to the Kangs instead, Soobin said as he got rid of his jacket, ending up with his shirt. 

- You’re such a bitch, Taehyun said as he won over Yeonjun by getting to the fridge first. 

From there, most of Soobin’s memories were a blur and a reminder from Taehyun, to be honest. 

They started off drinking, choosing carefully their songs, mostly singing in duo so they wouldn’t embarrass themselves too much. Got out to the smoking area, came back, drank some more. Talked about the latest university drama, as Taehyun was the only one keeping in touch with everyone outside parties for now. Laughed, a lot. Eventually, played some alcohol drinking games because they could. And as they got later into their evening, their plan of going to a club afterwards got compromised by their advanced drinking state, but also… Well, the birthday boy was going off, they guessed ? 

After Taehyun and Yeonjun sang an edgy song together, Soobin finished his glass of soju before getting up quickly, running to the Karaoke searching bar, struggling to type the name of the song. 

- I’ve got a fun one! But this is only me singing !

Yeonjun and Taehyun looked at each other with a frown, confused. 

- Bro, this is not how we work, we usually choose the song-… Taehyun started but was quickly cut off by Soobin. 

- It’s my birthday, I choose! 

His friends sighed, going to get some more drinks, while Soobin took a full minute before the song showed on the screen. This time, Yeonjun gasped, bringing his hand to his face, trying to keep himself from laughing. 

- Oh my fucking god, the older one said, looking at Taehyun as if hiding his mocking grin from his face. 

- Belong with me… by Taylor Swift? Taehyun read out loud, not believing his eyes. 

- This is an absolute banger guys, I swear! Soobin half screamed as the first instrumental sounds started.

- Please save him from embarrassment Terry, I beg you. Go sing with him.

Doing as Yeonjun told, Taehyun came back in front of the screen as Yeonjun sat back on the couch, pouring himself a glass of whisky with ice, staring at the scene in front of him. 

Soobin wasn’t amongst them anymore, getting ready for his solo as the lyrics started. 

“ You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset

She's going off about something that you said, 

‘Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do ”

Taehyun was trying to keep up with the lyrics, but Soobin was clearly not staring at them, knowing them by heart as it seemed. He was looking at Taehyun, trying to hype him up to enjoy the song with him, while Taehyun carried a painful look on his face, alternating his eyes between his friend and the screen. Soobin brought his index to his own chest twice as he sang the last words, fully committed to the lyrics. 

”I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night

I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like

And she'll never know your story like I do”

Yeonjun stared at the motivation of his younger friend, still trying to hype his singing partner to his suddenly favorite song. Yet, mostly, they could only hear Soobin’s voice above Taehyun’s confused one, but nothing could’ve prepared them to what would come next. 

“But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts” At this point, Soobin was screaming his lungs out, now not looking at Taehyun and just closing his eyes like he was feeling the song deep inside his soul. 

“She's Cheer Captain, and I'm on the bleachers

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find” Yeonjun parted his lips as Soobin opened his eyes again, just to look him dead in the eyes as he sang the next lyrics. 

“That what you're looking for has been here the whole time”

Taehyun just went silent, looking at the scene as he leaned against the wall just next to the screen. Maybe he could’ve saved his friend from embarrassing himself, as he basically confessed to the oldest. But this was way too enjoyable to watch. 

Soobin went through the chorus without missing one word, Yeonjun not leaving the eye contact for a second, sipping on his drink and hiding his grin behind his glass as he crossed his legs and leaned back against the couch. 

- You belong with me, you belong with me. 

The boy was breathless, the song truly vocally exhausting, and caught up in maybe too many emotions right now. Soobin eventually broke the eye contact, as Yeonjun laid eyes on Taehyun who was looking straight at him, the older tilted his head as the youngest scoffed, shaking his head before trying to help his friend finishing the song. 

Next thing he knew, and in the blink of an eye, Soobin was throwing up in the toilets, with Yeonjun holding his hair back, the door open as he looked at Taehyun to keep himself from watching. 

- He’s so dead right now Jun-… Taehyun said, laying his back on the sink facing the toilet stalls, arms crossed. 

- We are so banned from this place, I can’t believe this, Yeonjun said, but still amused. 

- Just so you’re aware : I’m not touching him. Or anything coming out of him. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and waited until there was no sound coming from behind him to turn around and lower his height to Soobin’s, petting his back softly. 

- Hey there big boy, you’re alright ? 

He asked, earning a groan from the other, who definitely was struggling to straighten up the slightest. He had slipped some fluids onto the floor and on his clothes, so there was no way Yeonjun was coming out from this without touching any of it. 

- Okay, I’m going to lift you up, and lead you to the sink so you can drink some water. Can you stand up for me ? 

After several seconds, he felt some movement as Soobin lifted his head from the toilet, Yeonjun passing an arm around his waist, so the other would have the reflex to rely his own on his shoulders. They got up, Yeonjun helping the taller one all the way to the sink, and made sure he was steady enough to leave him there, even if Soobin laid all his weight on the counter so he could reach for the water pouring. 

While he did so, Yeonjun didn’t have any choice but to clean up the mess Soobin made, but it was fine by him. He would gladly clean the toilets for him after everything Soobin had done for him, too. Well, not every day however, but still. As soon as he made the stall look proper again, he came back to Soobin while Taehyun made sure he wouldn’t stumble onto the floor in a pathetic way.

Once they made sure Soobin was in a good position enough to walk back home, they gave him his coat back with his scarf to keep him warm during the way back. Taehyun apologize to the workers, making sure to give them an extra tip so they would be accepted back into the karaoke bar in the future, despite their advanced drunk state. 

The walk into Yeonjun’s apartment was a bit difficult, Taehyun and Yeonjun definitely not as drunk as Soobin, but really tipsy if you asked them. As Taehyun promised, Yeonjun was the one grabbing Soobin to walk straight, but at least he was a lot more conscious than back in the toilets. They were a bit loud, laughing as they mocked Soobin with the Taylor song he had sung, Soobin whining by saying that they were singing the lyrics wrong. 

Yeonjun’s apartment wasn’t as nice as the others’ houses, but at least it wasn’t that far away, and bonus, there was no parents to annoy them. Because Yeonjun’s mom was rarely at home. The only rooms they’d be accessing would be Yeonjun’s room and the bathroom anyway. 

Entering the apartment, the three of them took their jackets off, Soobin barely managing to stay up now, definitely stumbling as soon as he didn’t have anything to lay on. And that was Yeonjun. The older one let Soobin hold himself into the entrance’s walls while he took off his shoes, knowing Soobin was too unbalanced to do so. 

- He stinks, but I don’t know if he’s in a good state to shower himself, he might drown or something-… Taehyun said as he watched his friends struggle. 

- Can you stop complaining and be helpful? Yeonjun said, annoyed.

- I told you I won’t be touching him ! 

- I’ll help him bath. Meanwhile, do something, like going to my room and get him clean clothes!

Taehyun let out a “yes dad” as he made his way to Yeonjun’s room, while Yeonjun made his way to his bathroom, Soobin’s head on the crook of his neck as he mumbled things he didn’t quiet guess, putting all his weight on him as they walked there. 

As soon inside the bathroom, Yeonjun managed to keep Soobin stand straight, eyes closed, his body swinging a bit against his own will. He walked towards the bath, sliding the bathtub drain stopper so he could start filling the tub with water, putting some soap in it so it could at least give Soobin some intimacy. And better smell, too. 

- How did we get here so fast ? Soobin said behind Yeonjun, the boy getting up so he could focus on Soobin’s clothes, needing to undress him. 

- We walked for thirty minutes, Soobin, he said, looking at the other, keeping himself from laughing. Can I take your clothes off ? 

Soobin hummed before nodding, probably not realizing the whole situation, but Yeonjun didn’t care as he started to take off the dirty clothes as Soobin laughed.

- Hey, Yeonjunnieee… He said as he opened his eyes a bit, laying an hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder to keep himself from falling as the other pulled his pants down, lifting a leg after the other. I think I’m a bit drunk right now, he continued with a giggle. 

- Ah, you think ? Yeonjun snorted, pulling down his boxers too, the shirt still covering his intimate parts for now. 

- Yeonjunnie… you look so pretty tonight, but I don’t think this is appropriate… 

Yeonjun scoffed, lifting an eyebrow at that sentence, lifting himself so he could look at Soobin again. They had already seen each other naked, many times, so this wasn’t a problem for them at all. The younger one’s drunken state was worst than was Yeonjun thought. 

- What are you even saying ? Yeonjun pulled his shirt off, leaving the boy completely naked. 

- Well, my shirt, my pants and then what ? My boxers ? Soobin looked down at himself, gasping as he realized he was out of all his clothes. Oh my god, you pulled down my boxers-... 

The older one could hear Taehyun’s laugh coming from outside, making him pinch his lips so he wouldn’t laugh too.

- Soobin, I swear to god that I’m going to call your mom if you keep on being an annoying child. 

- Please, no, she doesn’t know I’m gay-... he said with a pout, and once again, leaving Yeonjun confused. 

- What does that have to do with anything ? 

Eventually, they managed to make their way to the bathtub, Yeonjun helping Soobin get inside and sitting down and bringing his knees to his chest, while Yeonjun got on his knees next to it. He didn’t need to wash Soobin, he could’ve let him deal with this by himself. But he didn’t, getting the soap into his hand and starting to wash Soobin’s body softly, starting by his shoulders and back, but never into places that would make the other uncomfortable. 

Soobin let him, hands playing with the bubble Yeonjun put for him, looking like a child watching their favorite toy, as he yapped happily about that, and other random things. Eventually, he fell silent, and after a few seconds, he turned his head to look at him, as Yeonjun stood to wash his hair.

- Hey, Yeonjun hyung ? Soobin said, as Yeonjun poured some shampoo into his hair.

- That’s me ? 

- You’re never leaving me, are you ? 

Yeonjun frowned at that, stopping his movements as Soobin lifted his head, watching him. 

- Of course not. Why would I leave you ? He said, shaking his head before bringing his fingers to spread the shampoo all over his head, massaging it in the process. 

- Even if you have a girlfriend ? 

- What girlfriend ? Yeonjun asked, genuinely curious, even if he knew exactly where this was going. 

Soobin seemed to be thinking, processing the information that just got into him, while Yeonjun poured water on the boy’s hair with a plastic cup he had on the tub’s shelf. When he finished, he got back to his knees, Soobin’s head following the movement. 

- Don’t you have a girlfriend ? 

- Are you talking about the girl I’ve been meeting up with ? Fuck no. 

The younger one frowned in confusion, while Yeonjun waited for the rest of the questions with a small smile on his face he was trying to hide. He kept spreading soap on the boy’s arms, before giving some explanations to him. 

- I met her at my group therapy sessions a long time ago. She contacted me because she has been having some trouble staying sober, so I’ve been helping her with that, and driving her to the therapy sessions, because it’s too far from her house. We’re just friends. 

Soobin’s face softened as the older one talked, now ashamed that he assumed that he was seeing someone. Not like Yeonjun wasn’t actually allowed to do so, it’s just that he would like for him to tell him this kind of stuff, but he never did. Less than Taehyun, even if the younger one kept on saying that they didn’t really talk about things like this. 

- And even so, if I ever got someone, I’d never leave you. 

Yeonjun splashed him slightly with water and Soobin laughed, bringing his shoulder close to his face to protect himself from it, before relaxing a bit more. 

- I’m happy that you are still going to those. I hope it’s going well for you. 

The older one nodded, his gaze getting away from Soobin’s face so he could focus on his initial task, which was to clean up his friend. Yeonjun had been sober for the past year and a half, which couldn’t make his friends happier. They didn’t focus too much on it, not wanting it to define all of Yeonjun’s being, but they kept a close look into it, and never left Yeonjun's side during parties. Just in case.  

Soobin’s eyes followed the other’s hands as he watched him put some soap on his knees, staying on his legs for a bit, but only the skin above the water. 

Their eyes locked, Soobin’s worried gaze making Yeonjun laugh.

– Don’t look at me like that, I’m letting you wash up and clean yourself for the rest, he said as he cleaned his hands, getting up from his kneeling position. I’ll get the clean clothes and leave you some privacy, you seem like you won’t die anymore. 

Soobin snorted as Yeonjun did as he was told, leaving and then coming back with clothes that he left on the sink. Despite his better state, Soobin still struggled a bit to finish his clean-up, taking a bit too long to get up from the tub once ready, and even more to get onto Yeonjun’s clothes. He was happy that he wore baggy clothes, because they fit him just perfectly. Before going out of the bathroom, he took a soft sniff from the older one’s hoodie, smiling happily before getting out, his heavy steps still uncertain. 

Yeonjun showered next, while Soobin walked towards the boy’s bedroom where Taehyun was already laying on the single mattress on the floor. It was funny to see that they had their assigned sleeping positions, Soobin going to lay on his side of Yeonjun’s bed, just against the wall. 

He could feel the world spinning as he laid down on his belly, face on the pillow as he groaned loudly. 

- Did you survive what just happened ? Taehyun asked from his side of the small room, and he could hear him grinning. 

- What do you mean what just happened ? Soobin tried to say in a muffled sound as he moved his head to the side to breathe. 

- Your crush just bathed you. 

- Oh my god I was fully naked in front of Yeonjun. 

- Yeonjun washed your body bro. 

Taehyun full on laughed as Soobin kicked his legs as he hid under the blanket, the sudden movement making his head spin but at least he got to exteriorize his emotions, his blush obvious. It was nice that Taehyun followed him on his silly crush, not ever making it weird, especially due to the fact that they were supposed to be a trio of friends. They kept on teasing each other, laughing too hard for people that were going to regret their drinking in the morning.

They quickly stopped as they heard steps in the room. 

- What are you both laughing about ? 

Yeonjun asked, Soobin let his head come out from the blanket so he could see his friend with his towel wrapped around his waist, now searching for dry clothes inhis closet. “No silly thoughts” he told himself, his drunken state not helping him at all. 

- Soobin is funnier when he’s drunk. 

He heard Yeonjun exhale loudly from his nose as a sign that he agreed, as he slid into large sweater pants and a t-shirt and Soobin cursed at himself for noticing how he was not wearing boxers under that. Maybe he should go to church or to a temple or something. 

 - What is he saying ? Yeonjun asked as he made his way to the bed, sliding next to Soobin. 

Only the small bed light was on, and as Yeonjun crossed his arms behind his head, Soobin just couldn’t stop looking at it. The apartment was in very bad shape, to be honest. Yeonjun’s room was the best one in the place, yet it was ridiculous how they could still notice the cracks on the walls, half-hidden by metal bands posters and other mural decorations. Even the light on the nightstand was shitty. 

Yet, he found that Yeonjun brought a charm to all of it. Despite how bad his mattress was, too. He wondered how he had been sleeping on it for so long now.

From where he was laying, he couldn’t see Taehyun, so he couldn’t give him a warning glance, but he trusted the other. 

- He’s saying that your bed makes too many creaking noises and that it must be terrible to fuck someone on it. 

Soobin gasped as he rose from his lying position, the bed sound proving Taehyun’s sayings, but it wasn’t the point. 

- I did not say that ! Soobin yapped, wondering if his friend just couldn’t find any better excuse. 

- Oh really? What were you saying then ? Taehyun teased, still lying on his poor mattress. 

The taller one looked at Taehyun, and then at Yeonjun, who seemed interested in the answer to that question. Soobin frowned, before throwing himself back to his initial position. 

- Like I’d ever fuck anyone in this shithole, Yeonjun said with a snort.

The three laughed at that. Yeonjun’s situation wasn’t a taboo anymore, and it had become an inner joke between them about how shitty this apartment’s conditions were. That was why Yeonjun spent so little time here. But still, this place held memories, good ones and bad ones. Tonight was one of those good ones. One that Soobin would barely remember, but still. 

When Yeonjun threw an arm to close down the light, the state in Soobin’s head only got worse, as he felt like he was turning and turning and turning. He broke the silence again. 

- Guys, I feel like a pirate on his ship, I’m navigating towards the Grand Line ocean right now, Soobin said as his friends burst out laughing at the One Piece reference. You’re like seagulls yelling-… 

- Soobin for the love of god, sleep ! 

The boy pouted at Yeonjun’s words, while he turned onto his back, staring at the dark ceiling above him and trying to get his feet back on earth. 

Eventually, he couldn’t keep quiet anymore and opened his mouth. Yeonjun must have heard the motion because he made a small scoffing sound, but he didn’t care.

- Taehyun ? The boy didn’t reply but he continued anyway. I’ve got Yeonjun updates. 

Yeonjun stood quietly on his side, probably not understanding shit of what Soobin was saying, but Taehyun seemed to be evaluating the situation before he spoke. 

- And you want to talk about that now ? He asked, putting an emphasis on “now”, like trying to remind Soobin the subject was just like next to him. 

- The girl is not his girlfriend! We’re good! Due to Taehyun’s silence, Soobin kept going. Did I mention that he showered me ? 

He heard Taehyun curse at the other end of the room while he turned on his mattress, probably done with Soobin’s shit. Yet, the boy wasn’t done yet. 

- Yeonjunnie ? The boy next to him hummed so he would keep going. Can we cuddle ? 

Soobin wondered why everyone took so much time to answer his questions tonight, because Yeonjun seemed to think about it a long time before actually saying yes. Eventually, he sighed and Soobin could feel him as he opened his arms, the taller one quickly managing to wrap his arms around the other’s waist. Soon enough, his face hid in the crook of his neck, feeling much grounded and less like he was on a damn boat. 

That kept Soobin silent for many minutes, his friends thinking, that maybe, he had finally drifted to sleep. That was until he started to sing that Taylor song all over again, gaining groans from the two others that were about to fall asleep. Thankfully, Yeonjun’s threat to let him sleep on the floor convinced Soobin for good, who drifted to sleep rather quickly, while Yeonjun stroke his hair a bit. If petting him was all that it was needed, maybe he should’ve done it earlier. 

***

Soobin entered the dorm, feeling a headache kicking in quickly as he threw his backpack against his bed, before laying on it smoothly. He was suddenly feeling overwhelmed, too many thoughts running in his mind, and yet, he felt stupid about them. He shouldn’t have been so harsh about it all, now he probably just sounded like an asshole to his friends.

He told himself that he’d think about it later. 

+x+

- You are coming to what ? Soobin’s voice could be heard in the empty book store, as the boy closed the shutters. 

The air was becoming unbreathable in Seoul, and Soobin would slowly die from the heat, and trust, he wasn’t being dramatic. Or maybe just a little bit. If he trusted Hyejin’s words, the book store had been here for a long time, and he didn’t know how old the building was, but he knew that the heat inside was becoming unbearable. Fewer people came around, not wanting to die from the heat, and mostly : they didn’t even prepare summer drinks this early in the game. 

Thankfully, Hyejin had accepted Soobin’s request to put some air conditioning inside the building, Soobin’s principal argument being the book’s wellbeing and his own. He would perish soon enough if she didn’t do something. 

She agreed with one condition : Soobin needed to come up with some fresh drinks for the summer season, and if that was all that was needed, then Soobin would start right away. So that’s how he spent his whole day reading recipes books, while bringing some special care to Momo, taking time to prepare him a fresh bedding and fresh snacks. He took much more care of a cat that wasn’t his than of himself, but oh well. 

Right now, at the end of the day, as he was closing the book store, he was on the phone with his best friend who was telling him complete nonsense. 

- Yeah, well Arin told be to come, and I know the Huenings, soooo…

- You’re fucking kidding me, right ? 

Soobin had received Huening Kai’s invitation to his party a few day’s after that day on campus. The plan was simple, no extravagance, no karaoke, only a barbecue night at his parent’s penthouse’s flat roof. Only that. 

And then, he received a text from Taehyun, saying that maybe he was thinking on coming over in a few days to Seoul. Soobin almost jumped to the ceiling at that information. 

- You never told me you were friends with Huening Kai… His parents were at my graduation party. 

- Let me think this through for a bit, this is too much information for me, Soobin said, as he made sure the upper windows of the book store were open so he could let in some fresh air during the night. Huening Kai’s parents were at your graduation party. How come ? 

He tried to focus on closing the bookstore quickly so he could go outside, but this conversation seemed to be a complete joke, and he surely hoped it was. 

- Ok, so. Remember that my grandfather used to own Incheon’s airport, right ?

- I mean, that kinda rings a bell, I guess?  Soobin said to Taehyun’s sayings, as he let his phone on speaker on the counter, just so he could count the cash on the register. 

- Well, the project was concluded in 1992 by my grandfather, when he was still Korean Airline’s CEO. The land belonged to the Huening’s at the time, so… Huening Kai’s grandparents, if I remember right. That’s when my dad met Huening’s dad. They were in their eighteens-twenties, so they became friends.

Soobin just frowned at that sudden information, understanding why it never came to his hears, but he felt like something had been hidden from him all this time. So from the beginning, the Kangs and the Huenings were friends? 

- So they are still friends ? Soobin dared to ask as he closed the register, making sure Momo had enough food and water before taking his stuff. 

- No. On the late nineties, my dad became CEO, and they finished the construction of the airport in 2001. They were still close at that time, but quickly that… well, it changed. My mom got pregnant with me, and from what I understood, they started acting shady with my mom and dad, assuming stuff they didn’t agree with. As soon as they knew my gender, they wanted to plan a wedding with their older daughter or something like that. Later on, Mrs Huening got pregnant, too, and as soon as they knew it was a boy, they wanted to plan one with my older sister. Luckily, my parents went crazy about it and cut off their close relationship right away. Basically, the whole reason why they sold the airport to keep the company only before they moved to Chuncheon, was because they were scared they would force things. 

Soobin had time to bring his phone back to his ear, close the shop carefully and make his way back to the campus as he listened closely to Taehyun’s words. This shit seemed to be stolen right from a movie script. Yet, it didn’t surprise him at all. 

He processed the information, the reason he had met Taehyun basically being because the Huening family was shitty as hell. All the story seemed familiar, knowing that Beomgyu didn’t like Huening Kai’s sisters, maybe this had something to do with it all. 

- Are you still there ? Taehyun asked in confusion from Soobin’s silence. 

- Well, yes… I’m waiting for you to explain why they were at your party. 

- Business in Korea is a very closed field… Despite their broken friendship, my parents and the Huenings are still pretty cordial to each other. There’s been tension through the years, but they still attend big events. 

- Wow, that’s crazy. 

- Well, I see you got yourself other rich friends, huh? Taehyun joked, but he could feel there was some animosity in his sentence. 

- I got dragged into being friends with them, more like. 

There weren't any other words to put than that. It’s not like Soobin chose to be friends with them. And to be honest, he didn’t even feel like they were his friends. They were just close people he hung out with, most of the time not by choice. Except Arin. He could define her as his friend. 

- So are you helping me surprise Arin or not ?

Soobin sighed at that, being careful as he crossed the road and traveled the streets he was starting to know well. 

- What kind of friend would I be if I said no?

+x+

Planning something with Taehyun was definitely fun, and it warmed something deep in Soobin’s heart, even if he would never admit it did. After his bad week in Chuncheon, he never thought he would be seeing his best friend any time soon, so this was actually a pleasant surprise, even for him. He was forced to talk with Huening Kai so he could tell him about the plan, and obviously, the younger one was totally fine with it, actually, very excited to meet Taehyun in an informal meeting. 

Soobin got to know a little bit more about the whole “Kang-Huening” lore, because it was still confusing for him how he never got to hear about Huening Kai, if Taehyun knew him. The thing was that Taehyun never was interested to get to know the boy, plus the events he had attended in Seoul were very few so he probably only saw Kai once every year, when they both attended them. 

If Taehyun was talking about this ‘lore’ openly, Huening Kai, on the other side, was pretty much reserved on the question, either because he didn’t know much, or maybe was he deliberately not giving any information about it. Because Huening Kai talked a lot. So when Soobin asked about how crazy it was that they were somehow linked all this time, Huening Kai didn’t really linger on the subject much longer, only saying something like “crazy, huh?”. So Soobin didn’t force things further, just waving Huening Kai goodbye. 

One of the things he didn’t really add on the fact that Taehyun was coming for a party at Kai’s, was that… well, he was about to meet Beomgyu. With that fact being known, he made himself clear in his own head that he needed to be careful about how he acted towards his roommate, even if Beomgyu would definitely not behave, just like his usual self. He wouldn’t be caught up in his game, that he swore to himself.

The evening before Kai’s party, Soobin was just coming back from his shift at the book store, when he entered his room, with Beomgyu in front of his wardrobe fully opened as he adjusted the hoodie he had just put on. 

- You’re back ! 

The blonde said, turning back to greet the brunette. At the beginning, Soobin was ready to welcome him with a hug, but that was until he laid eyes on the hoodie he was wearing. He stopped the boy with his hand at arm’s length, his fingers gripping the piece of cloth he had on, detailing it with his eyes. 

- Where did you get that ? Soobin asked harshly, the light brown sweatshirt looking baggier on Beomgyu than it did in his memories.

He was sure of it. This hoodie was the one Yeonjun gave him the night of the karaoke, one that he kept for a long long time in his stuff but never gave it back. Seeing Beomgyu in it gave him the same feeling as if someone had poured a cold iced water bucket on his head, and like his brain short-circuited. 

- Hum, in your stuff ? What’s wrong with you-...

- Take that off. 

Beomgyu was looking at him, too stunned to speak, as he parted his lips and then closed them again as Soobin let go of the hoodie, accidentally pushing the boy a step backwards. 

- Seriously ? It’s comfy, and-...

- I said take that off. 

The younger one frowned, and seemed to struggle to know if he should fight back or not. Instead, he quickly did as he was told, getting rid of it before Soobin took it angrily from him, walking towards his bed and sitting, eyes on that hoodie. He didn’t know how he never noticed he had this before, but he was furious that Beomgyu put it on. It wasn’t his fault, Soobin didn’t usually care if he wore his clothes, even without asking. Yet, Soobin couldn’t help it.  

The taller one grimaced, putting it next to him as he raised his gaze to look at Beomgyu, who seemed startled at the sudden aggressiveness from Soobin. Soobin passed a hand through his face and sighed a moment before getting up to get close to the blonde. 

- Hey, I’m sorry. 

- Fuck off, what was that all about ? 

Soobin stopped in front of the boy, watching him turn his back at him, clearly frowning. The taller one himself didn’t know what he was expecting from this interaction, it’s not like he owed the other some explanation. Yet, he was feeling the need to apologize. What a loser he was. 

Clenching his fists together, his breath shook a bit as he was about to become much more of a fool than he already was. He took at step forward, putting his hands on the blonde’s hips, pulling him closer. He leaned to reach Beomgyu’s ears, lips brushing it slightly before speaking. 

- I thought you liked it a bit rough. 

From where he was standing, he could see the other’s ears get red, leaning in a bit forward so he could look at his face. Beomgyu tried to turn it at the opposite side of his so he couldn’t see his expression. 

- As if you’re into role playing. 

- Aren’t you ? Soobin asked with a fake surprise voice, making Beomgyu scoffed as he finally turned to look at him. 

- You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you ? The smaller one asked as the other put his hands back on his waist, looking down at him, a soft smirk on his lips. 

- Learned from the best. 

Just like that, Beomgyu surrendered to Soobin’s words, and as their lips met, Soobin wondered for a second if Beomgyu was the only one playing games here. For once, he was the one to feed this thing happening between them, and maybe it was only a green light for the other to keep doing it again and again. 

He just hoped Taehyun wouldn’t see shit. 

Chapter Text

The morning before the barbecue at Huening Kai’s house, Soobin woke up in his bed with his alarm screaming at him, growling as he was pulled from his comfortable sleep. The first thing he noticed was that Beomgyu had already left, but that wasn’t too surprising, to be honest. 

He noticed a little boat-shaped origami standing on his night stand as he pulled the shutters up, rolling his eyes on the process. One day he’d get the guts to ask the blonde what those were all for, and also, where the hell he learned to make those paper figures so well. 

Despite the upcoming events, he still had to do his morning shift today, but it wasn’t like he complained much about that. Plus, his shift was all part of his plan. When he came out from the dorms, all ready for his day -no-, he smiled when he noticed Arin sitting on the staircase that led to them, looking pretty sleepy. 

As she turned her back to him, Soobin just got closer, putting a gentle hand on the top of her head and making her jump in the process. 

- Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, Soobin apologized as he went down the stairs, turning to face his friend. 

- You’re lucky I love you, I should be resting for tonight! 

Soobin scoffed, and the girl quickly got onto to her feet when she saw her friend starting to walk away, proceeding to asking why he made her wake up so early. Soobin knew how to play his cards, he knew he wouldn’t look suspicious because his usual nonchalant behavior made it seem like he was just odd. Furthermore, his first excuse was simple : he had been a dick with her back at the park, and he wanted to spend some more time with her before they both were too busy for the holidays.  

His second excuse wasn’t totally out of character either, saying that Hyejin put him on summer drinks duty and that he sucked at mixing stuff together. Arin obviously told him she would help him before he intoxicated someone. Soobin thought it was exaggerated, but he allowed it just to make her happy. 

The morning went calmly at the bookstore, as they opened it together, Soobin making sure she sat her ass at one of the tables while he prepared the room to welcome possible customers. Maybe today they would welcome more people, at least he hoped they did. Watering the plants of the café, he made sure everything was set around the store as Arin leafed through some recipe books Soobin had already prepared, drinking some tea while doing so. 

- Do you know what you are wearing tonight? The girl asked softly as Soobin walked around the room. 

- Something casual? It’s only a barbecue. 

Arin hummed at the answer, seemingly thoughtful, as Soobin went up the stairs so he could water the plants on the balcony that overhang the first floor. Hyejin had that strange obsession over plants, and leaving them up to Soobin’s care was dangerous, but it was part of his to-do list, so what could he say?

He laid his elbows on the balcony’s railing, looking down at the girl. 

- It’s only a barbecue night, right? 

- It is only a barbecue night. But… I mean, I don’t know how you can be so casual about it. I don’t think anyone from uni ever went to the Huenings house. 

Oh, so that’s what it was all about. Soobin grew up with the Kangs, so this kind of setting wasn’t something Soobin was unfamiliar with. That didn’t even cross his mind, and… well, he didn’t care a bit. Except maybe having the confirmation that Huening Kai considered him widely, to the point where he was invited to his house. But whatever. 

- You’re aware that you don’t need to look differently from what you do daily? Hyuka’s your friend, he doesn’t care about how you show up to his house. 

Perhaps had he been neglecting his friendship with Arin lately. Beomgyu’s words from their last fight came back to his mind, the ones saying that he kept everyone at arm’s length. That wasn’t true, right? Arin knew she could come up to him anytime she needed to. 

The girl closed the book she was looking at, lifting her head so she could look at her friend. 

- How do you know that ? 

- Because I know you, and I know Kai. If you’re scared about his parents, well… if they don’t like you, then fuck them. Plus, they’re busy people, I doubt they’ll even be there. 

Arin smiled softly at him, head following the tall boy’s motion as he lifted himself up so he could come back down. Right when he got downstairs, someone entered the store, Soobin greeting his customer, who he knew usually would just be sitting around reading a book. He thought the conversation was ending there, and that maybe they could move on to the drinks problem. But as his ass hit the chair behind the cash register, he heard Arin whisper from her table.

- Don’t you think there’s something off with Huening and Beomgyu? 

Soobin blocked at that, looking at Arin before looking at his customer walking past the books shelves, pretty sure he wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around him at all. The tall boy just casually grabbed one of the books he used for the drinks compositions, looking at it while he thought of something to say to Arin. 

He knew that she didn’t suspect anything. Or at least, he really hoped she didn’t. The only reason she was asking him this probably was because Soobin was the only one she could talk about those things. And also because it was obvious that Beomgyu and Soobin were spending a lot of time together. No other reason.  

He tried not to think too long about his words, looking at the girl, who was still waiting for him to say something. 

- Beomgyu didn’t say anything to me, Hyuka did though, he said, only half lying. Huening Kai has been pressuring Beomgyu to go see a doctor, he thinks he’s stressed lately. 

He thought it would be better for him to give  Arin at least some crumbs of information. It was obvious to everyone that Huening Kai had been talking to Soobin, or at least relying on the taller one to taker care of his boyfriend. Arin and him hadn’t talked about the last party, and why he was the one to bring Beomgyu back to the dorms, but he was sure the girl had a lot of questions. And this was her way to ask them.

Arin sent him a questionable look, visibly confused. 

- Why would it be a source of tension ? She rightfully asked, and Soobin thought it was a good question. He wouldn’t talk about the bruises for obvious reasons, but he could manage something out of this, probably. 

- Because he has ADHD, and it can be hard for people with it to realize that they need to be helped.

- Beomgyu has ADHD ?!

Soobin almost forgot that this information wasn’t common knowledge. He pinched his lips, as his eyes looked at the customer who was now sitting in one of the sofas of the room, clearly not paying attention to their conversation. 

- Is it surprising ? 

- I mean… no, but that’s brand-new information. Why do you know that, and I don’t ? 

Seeing the look on Arin’s face, he could see that she took that personally. And he got that, Soobin had been around less long than she had been. Yet, he seemed to know a lot more than her, and he already knew that Arin struggled with some sort of impostor syndrome. 

- Well, I’m in psychology studies… So, I guess, that makes people more comfortable to talk about this kind of things. 

It was only to comfort the girl into the information, rather than the truth. The only reason Soobin knew about this, was because he had dinner with Beomgyu’s parents, and the only reason he knew about Kai was because he reached out to him. He didn’t want Arin to think she was less than a friend for them just because Soobin knew things. 

- I just feel like they have been struggling in their relationship… Which is weird, you know ? 

Soobin couldn’t feel worse than to hear those words from Arin. Their problems were starting to show to other people, and obviously the human brain would start to ask questions. He had his part of responsibility in this, and he couldn’t help but think that eventually it would bring the attention up to him, which made him stress a little bit. What a nasty situation he put himself in. 

- Relationships have their ups and downs. Nothing is linear, if they love each other they will work things out, don’t overthink this. 

Well, what a shitty person he had become. He brought his eyes back to his book, trying to not be suspicious. He didn’t even know what he felt about his own words. What was he actually feeling about this all ? What was he expecting from this relationship with Beomgyu ? Probably nothing, he was just here temporarily, that’s all. 

- What do you even know about relationships ? Arin asked, and he could hear her cheeky smile. 

- What do you know about relationships? 

That was enough to make Arin shut up about it after they laughed it out, now truly focusing on making damn recipes for the drinks they were planning to make. Arin busied herself enough to not ask any questions, and that either about the whole Beomgyu/Kai situation, or about the real reason they were both here this morning. 

The truth was that Taehyun was supposed to show up at the end of his shift, and surprise Arin with his presence at tonight’s party. The positive point was that Taehyun’s parents had a loft in Seoul, so they would not have trouble to find the boy somewhere to sleep. Bonus, Soobin would actually spend some days out of his tiny dorm starting from the morning after the barbecue, and actually sleep in a proper bed, which couldn’t make him happier. 

At some point during the morning, he sent Arin to buy some ingredients they needed to actually try the new drinks' preparation. He stayed to work, the library starting to fill in the morning, most people only coming to buy some books or get a coffee and then getting out right away. It was nice to see this place live a little. 

As soon as Arin came back, they started trying some new recipes. Most of them were made out of cold coffee, starting from the classic iced Americano to improvised frappuccinos, but also any kind of juice drinks. Some privileged customers got to have a preview, Soobin thinking that it would make a good advertising. 

Close to the time Hyejin was supposed to take over the library, he finally received a text from his best friend, saying that he would be there at any minute. 

Looking at Arin who was drinking one of their test drinks on a table in front of the cashier counter, he grabbed one of the recipe books he already had, looking through the pages for show, before humming. 

- Arin, can you go upstairs and grab a book for me ? 

- Of course, what is it called?

Soobin wrote down some recipe book name with a random author that definitely did not exist, trying to point out the shelf. She enthusiastically grabbed the paper, taking the stairs and looking for it right away. He knew she would take long enough, and as soon as she turned her back to the balcony, Soobin heard the front door open, his friend entering the place.

Soobin’s face automatically lit up, getting away quietly from the counter while he greeted his friend with a handshake -one they had since they were teenagers-, followed by a small hug. He put his index on his lips, making a sign for him to stay quiet before pointing upstairs. Taehyun nodded, Soobin then showing him the downstairs shelves, so he’d have his back turned when Arin came back. 

Following instructions, Taehyun quickly went to the planned position, looking at the books, before Soobin went back to his initial place behind the counter. He knew Arin would have a heart attack, and he couldn’t wait to mock her for the next months.

After many seconds, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, raising his face to look at at the girl, who looked confused. She squinted at the slip of paper in her hand, muttering the title under her breath like it would suddenly make sense.

- Soobin-ah, I can’t find it..

- Oh, really ? Soobin asked, biting back a grin, careful not to let his amusement slip into his voice. Maybe you should look over there then. 

Arin’s eyes followed the shelf Soobin was now pointing at, and then nodded, determined to prove herself useful. Soobin looked at the scene, as Arin walked to the shelf just next to the one Taehyun was standing in front of. Arin looked at the books quickly, confused as none of these were cooking books, and the second before she turned to question Soobin, Taehyun stepped in next to her, handing her a random book. 

- Is this the book you’re looking for ? Taehyun asked, and from where he was standing, Soobin could see he was smirking. 

The girl raised her gaze from the book and then to the boy, her focused gaze turning into round eyes, a gasp coming across her lips as she brought her hands to her mouth. Soobin just laughed, way too amused to see her reaction to this. 

- What, is it not ? Taehyun asked again, tilting his head, and a second later, her arms were around him, clutching as though she wasn’t entirely sure he was real. Taehyun’s laugh was soft and low, his hands hovering awkwardly before settling around her.

The two best friend’s eyes met each other, and as Taehyun’s lips said “Thank you” silently, Soobin smiled, warm blooming quietly in his chest.

+x+

- I can’t believe I hugged him the second I saw him, Arin said, head between her hands while Soobin sat in front of her, unimpressed.

After the heartfelt reunion, Arin just casually freaked out at the presence of the boy. Well, she shyly freaked out, because she was clearly embarrassed of her first reaction. Soobin thought it was precious, how they cutely interacted with each other after that, this Taehyun way sweeter than the boy he had known for almost two decades. Soobin let his two friends sit on one of the tables of the bookscafé while he prepared them some iced coffee, waiting patiently for Hyejin to come take over the shift. 

Soobin found it cute how Arin nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, how Taehyun restlessly made his cup turn on the table while Arin yapped about a random subject. Soobin leaned back on his chair behind the cash register, arms crossed, as he watched Arin practically sparkle across the room. It was disgustingly sweet, like watching a rom-com plot in real life… except he wasn’t sure if he was the best friend character rooting for their happy ending, or the side character of their story. 

As Hyejin arrived, they had already planned on a close fast-food they’d be eating at, Arin now taking advantage of the fact that Taehyun was ordering for them so she could let go of her repressed emotions. 

- You’re being dramatic… You’ve been talking for months, I feel like it’s a normal reaction, Soobin finally said, glancing at Taehyun, who was standing at the counter with his back turned to them, completely oblivious of their conversation.

- Soobin, you don’t get it because you’re a man.

The taller one frowned at her mocking tone, turning his gaze back to the girl. He tilted his head, his lips into a disgusted pout.

- Wow, that’s funny coming from someone who nearly fainted in the presence of a man .

- What I’m saying is that it’s easier for you guys to act awkward because no one’s ever going to hold you accountable for it. It’s different for us women. We have standards to uphold.

- Your gender was never a problem for me, Soobin replied with a shrug, his smirk returning as he finished his sentence. Your personality, on the other hand…

- Yah ! Arin swatted at him, Soobin managing to avoid it quite easily. You’re the worst of us two, if I may. 

- I’m the worst ? You’ve been married to him in your head for the past 6 months, don’t get me started.

Something about bickering so care freely with Arin made Soobin happy. Once again, maybe had he been taking their friendship for granted for the past months. He sometimes forgot that the only reason why he was friends with her today, was just because he had a total soft spot for her the day they met at the first party he ever attended in this city. Soobin felt like she was actually comfortable with him, even more when she acted the way she did around other people. 

At the sudden accusation, Arin gasped loudly, getting some attention from people around them, before she calmed down suddenly, scratching her neck. 

- I have not ?! She half-whispered, as if she was scared that Taehyun heard the allegations. At least, I have a crush. What about you, huh ? When was the last time you even looked at someone with romantic interest?

As Soobin parted his lips to answer back, maybe he took a slip second too long because Arin was already wiggling on her seat, both hands on the table as if she was ready to stand up. 

- Oh my god, Arin whispered, eyes widening. You do like someone! 

- I do not, Soobin said quickly, arms crossing defensively on his chest. 

- You do! She pointed at him accusingly, her earlier embarrassment long forgotten. Who is it ? Tell me right now! 

Well now this was an embarrassing situation. It’s not like Soobin actually had an interest on someone, he just was sexually involved with his roommate and mutual friend. Mentioning it was out of the question, obviously, and maybe that’s why he hesitated at the accusation. Arin was already curious about the person that had made that hickey a few months back, and had thankfully given up on having that information. Giving her any doubts about his love interests was a huge mistake he just made. 

- Relax, Sherlock. Even if I did, which I don’t , it’s none of your business. Soobin finally said, raising his chin at her. 

- That’s not fair, you have everything about Tahyun, and you won’t even give a crumb of information about your love life ? She said in an accusatory tone, pouting and crossing her arms.

- Maybe because there’s nothing to tell, the taller one shot back, his tone light but the faintest edge of discomfort creeping into his voice. Unlike some people, I don’t turn my feelings into a three-act drama.

Before she could even respond, Taehyun seemed to get the cue and saved Soobin from more embarrassment and returned to their table with a tray full of food. He looked at the two with a questioning look, setting the plate in front of them.

- What are you two arguing about ? He asked, before getting a French frie from their food, curious. 

- Soobin is being an asshole, she shot right back after the question, making Soobin gasp, as if he had just been given away. 

- What’s new ? Taehyun cheekily asked, sitting down beside the girl and earning a loud scoff from Soobin. 

- Wow, two minutes into this reunion, and you’re already picking sides, Soobin said as they shared the food they had ordered, taking a sip of his fresh drink. 

- Don’t take it so personally, Taehyun replied with a grin, unwrapping his burger. You know I’m just here for the free entertainment. 

Soobin rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the small smile that tugged at his lips. As much as he teased Arin and played the victim, he felt genuinely happy with Taehyun being here. He could feel that Arin was now more relaxed around the boy, after the whole bickering between them. Their conversation went on, the three catching up while Taehyun asked them how their final exams went, Soobin taking a step back mentally to enjoy what was happening. His brain had trouble understanding that Taehyun was here with him, and with Arin. If you’d ask Soobin what the multiverse was, he’d answer this scene right here. He was also sure Yeonjun would’ve loved Arin. 

Eventually, he was the witness of some way-too-cute scene, Taehyun letting Arin have a taste of his milkshake under Soobin disgusted eyes, eyebrows frowned and mouth twisted. 

- In what sign is the moon right now ? Why are you two like this ? Soobin asked, Arin blushing and taking it defensively before Taehyun could even answer. 

- Can you at least pretend to be supportive ? What’s your rising sign ? Chaos ? 

- If I did believe in astrology, I think my rising would be “Minding my own business”, which is something you should try one of these days. 

Taehyun blinked at the banter between the two, and Soobin wondered why they were being so harsh to each other today. Maybe was it Arin’s way to cope with her nerves, not like it bothered Soobin at all. Right now, Soobin thought that possibly he had crossed a line, but Arin leaned in closer. 

- Oh please, you’re definitely a Capricorn rising. All cold and broody until someone peels back the layers, she said, while Soobin blinked. 

- What does that even mean ? 

- It means you’re emotionally constipated, Arin shot back while grabbing her drink in triumph, as if she had won the battle. 

Taehyun hissed at that, looking sorry at Soobin, but Soobin was pretty sure the boy was actually captivated by this side of Arin, not to say down on his knees for it. She was showing off her true face, which was all that Soobin wanted, to be honest. He knew they would match instantly. 

- You’re a bitch, Soobin just said, too stunned to speak. 

- Don’t worry, Soobin, Arin added with a mock reassurance. Maybe the stars will align, and you’ll actually talk about your feelings someday. 

- Yeah, maybe right after you stop fainting every time Taehyun breathes near you, Soobin fired right back, while he stole some fries from the girl while she gasped indignantly at the betrayal.

He saw the panic in her eyes, but it was obvious that Taehyun took it nicely, and maybe did he even feel his ego be filled with the confirmation of Arin’s crush on him. As if it hadn’t been obvious until now. It was funny for Soobin to see this ridiculous stage where they both knew they were down for each other, but both didn’t know what to do with it. 

- Kids play nice, Taehyun said, shaking his head as he handed Arin her drink back. Are you two always like this ? 

- Most of the time, they answered in unison, glaring at each other before breaking into small smiles. 

- I don’t know how you both survived this long without me to keep the peace. 

Soobin almost said that he was the peacekeeper here, and that Taehyun was only a guest star in their sitcom, but he was self-aware that they had been roasting each other enough. They finished eating calmly, and as they were discussing tonight’s party, Soobin saw his phone lit up on the table, seeing a text message who automatically disconnected him from the conversation. 

-

From : Shitty Roommate.

I have a surprise for you tonight. ;) 

-

Soobin’s lips parted, his hands moving by themselves and getting the phone to see if he saw the letters align right. What did this even mean ? From Beomgyu, it actually could mean anything. He wetted his lips, his fingers tapping many times on the interrogation mark before sending the text, fully focused on it. So focused, that when he raised his gaze to see if the others paid attention to him, he hadn’t noticed that the pair was already looking carefully at him, suspiciously putting his phone back down.

Arin was now looking cheekily at him, while Taehyun raised his eyebrows in curiosity. 

- Are we bothering you, mister Choi? The girl asked, trying to reach for the boy’s phone, while Soobin reacted instantly, especially when he felt the phone vibrate under his hand again. Is that your crush?

- Jeez, Arin. Do you mind me having a private life ? 

He said, putting his phone in his pocket, his eyes now looking around nervously. He wasn’t looking at his friend, but he knew that he was totally exposed, and there was no way Taehyun would let go of it. He wouldn't ask a question, just press him until Soobin said something. 

Arin knew she wouldn’t get any further answers, starting yapping again. And as the two old friend’s eyes met for a second, Soobin knew that Taehyun noticed how the older one’s leg was shaking nervously under the table, giving him away. 

Soobin threw his eyes back at Arin, now truly focusing back in the discussion. His friend did the same, but from the way he leaned back on his seat with a smirk on his lips, Soobin understood he would be under supervision for a while. 

Oh, he was so right about being doomed. 

+x+

It had only been two hours since Arin and Taehyun had been separated. Yet, while Soobin and Taehyun got packed in Soobin’s dorms, Soobin kept on receiving texts from Arin, asking them if they were ready to go, or not. Which they were not, since they took the time of their life catching up, while Soobin put some clothes into his backpack and chose an outfit for the night. To be fair, he adored Arin but loved to have his best friend all to himself too, so he would take the extra time they needed together. 

As they talked, a group chat was created by Huening Kai to inform them that his parents would be leaving for the weekend, so everyone could sleep at his house tonight, and they could enjoy his swimming pool tomorrow.  After debating with Taehyun, they decided that they would stay, but also because he received a text asking him if they would do so. That was Arin, obviously. He felt like Taehyun had plans, or at least it seemed logic that he did. Or maybe was Soobin’s brain corrupted, that was also an alternate possibility. 

Talking of texts, Soobin was starting to get annoyed because Beomgyu didn’t answer his at all. He assumed he did, because of the notification he got seconds after he replied, but it turned out to be from a total different app. So there he was, checking his phone from time to time. The lack of context was driving him insane, he hated that Beomgyu had this kind of power over him. Yet, he did. As expected, Taehyun didn’t ask him any questions about the crush subject, and Soobin knew that this only meant that he’d try to guess by himself. 

It was by the end of the afternoon that Taehyun and Arin managed to meet up again. With Soobin by their side, that was. It was at that moment that Soobin actually got reminded that Taehyun was in Seoul to see her and not him. Well, mostly, at least. But he decided that he could survive that information. Arin was pretty, but he noticed that she didn’t overdo it ; her dress was mostly white, beautiful soft prints decorating it with shades of pink flowers and green leaves. It was sleeveless, tailored, yet, it looked kind of comfortable. The total contrary to Soobin and Taehyun’s clothes, who wore black loose clothes. If they walked in the streets, nobody would dare bother her, that he was sure.

This time, the assumption he first made for Huening Kai’s home position was confirmed, not like Beomgyu’s back then. Getting in Taehyun’s car, they took about thirty minutes to travel less than 10 kilometers because of the traffic in the city. That gave Soobin the time to fully admire the big buildings of the capital, wondering how the hell Huening Kai had a freaking swimming pool in the center of town. He couldn’t count the times he had told himself he should stop being surprised, and yet, he still was.

Everything about this was insane, from the way they stopped in front of a private underground parking, to the way they had to prove their identity to even enter it. Taehyun didn’t seem that phased. 

- I’m feeling so poor right now, guys, Soobin said when the car stopped. The parking wasn’t crowded at all, but the few cars inside were so expensive that he could work for 10 lives and still not be able to afford one of them. 

- I think you should get ready to when we’ll actually be inside the house, Taehyun finally said while unbuckling his seatbelt, getting himself out of the driver’s seat.

Lazily caring their backpacks, for some reason Soobin was restless, his feet stepping inside the elevator, both boys siding Arin, who just looked so small next to them. Taking advantage of the girl turning her back at them, Soobin looked at Taehyun, pointing at their smaller friend with a grin, and then winking. Taehyun rolled his eyes, and couldn’t help but scoff, getting Arin’s attention like a dumbass.

- What ? The girl asked, blinking.  

- Nothing, Taehyun replied, earning a suspicious gaze from her, but she unfocused again when they reached the floor they were getting out to. 

Getting out from the lift, the entrance that led to the penthouse was beautiful, adorned by red walls, the trio walking to the door and knocking softly, waiting until Huening Kai opened it for them. The host of their evening opened a few seconds after, excitedly welcoming the two friends he was used to seeing, while he bowed for Taehyun, shaking their hands. 

- Taehyun hyung, it’s a pleasure seeing you ! He said, while Taehyun gave him a polite smile, nodding. 

- Thank you for having me, it’s nice of you. 

The home was pretty, a minimalist yet modern style to it, while they left their bags at the entrance, Soobin noticing the living room as they walked towards some stairs that led them to an upper floor. He was still trying to understand the disposition of the apartment, as the stairs led to the kitchen, who gave a full view to the said rooftop they’d be having their barbecue at. 

Stepping outside, they all noticed how beautiful it was, almost looking like a natural garden from how hidden it was from the outside. Except from some open balcony views that gave an impressive overview upon the city, it was almost like they weren’t on the top of a building at all. What caught everyone’s eye almost certainly was the lighted up blue water of the swimming pool, contrasting perfectly with the sky turning darker above them. The place was very green, lights hanging and swaying to the soft summer breeze, and the friends got closer to the settled table, from which Matthew was already standing up so he could greet the newcomers. The buff boy’s attention went to Taehyun, who he didn’t know yet, but he was naturally curious 

- That’s my best friend ,Taehyun, Soobin said, while they greeted each other. He never thought of it before, but they definitely matched each other’s vibe, even if Matthew was much more energetic than Taehyun. Somehow it made sense. 

- There’s one missing ? Arin said, looking around. 

Huening Kai looked at the girl, pulling the group towards the table, while a sweet smell of grilled meat reached Soobin’s nose, gaining his interested ahead of the main subject. He almost forgot how much he missed barbecues. Or maybe the situation made it easier for him to think he did. 

- Beomgyu said he wanted to make a dramatic entrance. I texted him saying that every one else was already here… I have no idea what he’s up to, he’s been out of reach all day. 

Soobin tried not to flinch at the mention of Beomgyu’s name, as they all sat around the table. Taehyun stayed besides him, Arin in front of him. The table was stacked with plates of meat, grilled vegetables and side dishes. Huening Kai was surprisingly in his element, flipping skewers on the grill with a practiced hand, while chatting with Arin and Matthew. 

- So, Taehyun suddenly said, leaning toward Soobin, who was focused on filling his glass of water. Who’s Beomgyu?

The taller one brought the glass to his lips, eyes looking nervously at his friend, and took a sip before answering. Why would Taehyun ask him who Beomgyu was ? That was a bit strange, wasn’t it ? 

- What ? 

- You know, the one who’s making a “dramatic entrance”.

Oh, right. Taehyun had no idea who any of these people were except for himself, Arin and slightly Huening Kai. It was more than normal for him to want to know who was showing up to this evening. Maybe was Soobin being a bit oversensitive right now, but he just wished he didn’t make it suspicious. 

- Oh, just… Kai’s boyfriend, and my roommate. 

- The annoying roommate ?

Soobin snorted and nodded because that was just about right, and suddenly, a familiar voice rang in the air, getting everyone’s attention. Soobin almost chocked on his drink as soon as he laid eyes on the new person in the house.

- Wow, no one waited for me ? 

Soobin’s breath got caught in his chest as Beomgyu stepped further onto the rooftop, and he was sure he wasn’t the only one looking for too long. It was actually impossible to not look at the golden boy right now. Well, the golden boy, who didn’t look so golden anymore.

His usually chaotic, wavy blonde hair was sleek and straight, dyed jet-black. He was dressed simply in an oversized black shirt and loose shorts that reached just over his knees, but somehow managed to look effortlessly put-together, radiating a confidence and cockiness that sent Soobin’s stomach into knots. His outfit was probably something that Soobin could’ve worn in his summer days, a bit unusual compared to what the other wore generally, but somehow, the boy pulled it off perfectly. 

The newly-black-haired boy looked at everyone with expectation, raising his hands in confusion, and Soobin noticed the slight makeup on his face, glitter on his inner eyelids, highlighting his brown eyes. He wasn’t wearing any lenses today, and that, Soobin noticed too. 

Soobin only managed to get out of his mental shock when the boy talked again.

- Well? Nobody is going to say anything? Beomgyu half pouted, but his eyes laid on Soobin first, and then on the others.

Huening Kai seemed to come back to his senses as his face lit up, giving up on the grill completely so he could meet Beomgyu halfway. On his expression, everyone could read how surprised he was too, so even him, wasn’t aware of Beomgyu’s plan to get his hair done, his face showing how astonished his boyfriend looked like right now. 

So that’s the surprise, he thought, as Beomgyu twirled dramatically like a model on a runway. He felt so stupid, how his brain definitely did not go there at all. He preferred not to remind himself where his brain went to. Likewise, he’d go to hell if anyone looked into it in depth. 

- Oh my god, ‘Gyu. You look ridiculously hot.

 Huening Kai just had to physically show his telling to everyone, pulling Beomgyu into a kiss, completely oblivious of the way Soobin stiffened on his seat. Beomgyu’s hair never looked so good in the older one’s eyes. He never would have thought that they were so long, but looking back at it, it made sense, since they had been curled all this time. 

Something about this hairstyling just made sense. It made his traits look more feminine, but also made him look much more mature, and overall just more… like himself. Others would maybe disagree, but Soobin could see it. Not only did he look hotter, but also much more dangerous, to Soobin’s despair, who was holding onto dear life right now. 

He only broke contact when he suddenly heard his best friend’s voice, bringing him back to earth. 

- Is he always like this ? Taehyun asked, breaking the turmoil of emotions going on inside Soobin. God, if he already wanted to fucking wreck that man, now it was even harder to handle. 

- Unfortunately, Soobin muttered, trying to keep his composure. 

Beomgyu finally peeled himself from Kai, catching sight of the group at the table. It was almost like Taehyun didn’t exist, cause that bitch’s eyes landed on Soobin, his grin widening. 

- Soobinie ! How do I look ? Be honest, I did this for you. 

Soobin frowned, his face heating up as all eyes turned to him. 

- What ? He asked, while Beomgyu approached with an air of mischief.

- I mean, for you as in you all, obviously ! Beomgyu corrected, and Soobin thought he was about to kill the man in front of everyone. Drowning seemed like a painful way to die, didn’t it ? 

He felt like tonight was about testing his patience and his self-control, and while he thought he still had some in his body, he quickly understood that, in fact, he did not have any left. 

Finally, Taehyun got greeted, Beomgyu introducing himself properly, and the other way around. Beomgyu was standing just behind him, chatting with Soobin’s best friend, and even if he thought he could handle it, he decided he definitely did not, getting up so he could take over Huening Kai’s job at the grill. He was carefully listening to the others’ compliments on Beomgyu’s hair, while it was taking all of Soobin’s will to not think about it. Beomgyu already looked embarrassingly hot, that it was an obvious statement. But his dark long hair, plus his sudden change of clothes ? The boy didn’t usually wear street clothes like these. He just looked too good for the brunette’s own good.

Lost in his thoughts, suddenly a burning sensation stung his hand, making him jump back a bit, hissing as he realized he just got burnt. 

- Shit-... He cursed, while the host quickly got up to assist him, worried. 

- Hyung, are you okay ? Huening Kai asked, taking his hand in his, seeing the skin getting red second by second. 

- I’m fine-... I just need some cold water, don’t worry-...

- Beomgyu-ah, can you lead him to the kitchen’s tap and go get some burn relief cream ?

Beomgyu seemed to take some time to process the information that got into him, eyes down to Soobin’s hands before stepping in. He didn’t know what made him more uncomfortable, the burned skin, or being in the same perimeter as both Huening Kai and Beomgyu. Eventually the long-haired nodded, laying a hand on Soobin’s shoulder. 

- Is it in your bathroom ? He asked Huening Kai, tilting his head. 

- On the mirror’s shelf, yes. 

Taking it as a mission, Beomgyu led Soobin inside again, hopefully, the kitchen being at reach, the window doors giving a full view on the barbecue, so no funny business from Beomgyu, as anyone could see them from the outside. 

They silently walked towards the kitchen counter, Soobin shoving his hand under the cold water the moment Beomgyu made it pour, trying to ignore how loudly his heart was beating right now. 

- You dumbass, you should be focused on what you are doing, especially if it includes a barbecue, Beomgyu said, eyes fixed on Soobin’s hand, while his were on the long-haired’s face. He wasn’t sure if he ever saw him so focused. 

- Yeah, I definitely wasn’t focused on the grill, he said, while Beomgyu’s eyes went up to Soobin’s face, then stopped a while, both just staring at each other. 

Eventually, Beomgyu’s eyes disconnected to look outside, standing straight, making sure Soobin was leaving his hand under the water. 

- I’m getting the cream, don’t move. 

Soobin nodded, watching as Beomgyu disappeared in the house, leaving the taller one alone. A low groan passed through his throat, bringing his hand to his face, feeling the water stream on his hot skin. The evening hadn’t even started, and he was already feeling like he was going insane. And of course he had to be in an empty room with Beomgyu, so early in the game that he didn’t even get the time to process his hair change. 

A few seconds after, he saw the other return with the said cream, turning off the water and bringing Soobin under the closest light, and also closer to the glass windows. Everyone could definitely see them there. Again, no weird stuff. 

- Does it hurt ? Beomgyu asked, drying the skin carefully. 

- It’s manageable. 

Beomgyu looked up at him for a few seconds, before focusing on the task again, getting the cream to the tip of his index before spreading it onto the burnt skin, and then, he spoke again. 

- I really did it for you, Beomgyu eventually said, making sure the cream was well spread. 

- What ? The older one asked, not understanding what he was talking about.

- You said my hair looked better dark when we were at my parents’ house. Remember ? 

Soobin blinked in confusion, not believing that he actually remembered what he said that night. It was complete nonsense, and anyone with good sense would’ve understood that Soobin did it just to make a good impression in front of his mother… Also, how the hell did he remember that ? 

Putting the cream back on the table, Beomgyu washed his hands before turning towards Soobin, his now clean hands reaching for his shirt’s collar, pulling his silver chains out and putting it in place. Soobin felt it, how the younger one’s fingers lingered way too long against his neck skin, eyes focused on his task again, before he lifted them to look at him. 

- Your clothes always look a mess. 

At that moment, as their gazes met, Soobin swore he saw Yeonjun in him. In the way his black hair fell onto his face, to the way he looked at him. But more importantly, to the way he adjusted his clothes for him. No-... Actually… To the way his fingers lingered unconsciously on his skin for a second too long, enough to make it wonder if it was on purpose. Except Beomgyu did it consciously, and it was on purpose. Because Yeonjun never did it on purpose… right ?

Most importantly, he now knew why he was so fucking obsessed with Beomgyu’s hair. He never looked so much like Yeonjun until now. Don’t get him wrong, Soobin would recognize Yeonjun’s features amongst thousands. Beomgyu looked much more delicate, youthful, compared to Yeonjun’s sharp, mature traits. Yeonjun’s eyes were larger and slightly cat-like, and he remembered how intense it was, just looking at them. Beomgyu’s were almond-shaped, his double eyelids prominent, and with time he learned to see the gentle and warm expression it sometimes showed. One thing he noticed, though, was how pouty both of their lips were.  Once again, totally different, Yeonjun’s lips were probably his standout feature, fuller with a distinct cupid’s bow, while Beomgyu’s were thinner and slightly heart-shaped. 

But yet, he couldn’t run away from the evidence standing in front of him. How could he not notice ? It wasn’t Beomgyu’s first time rearranging his clothes. And he couldn’t count the times Yeonjun did it in the past, because it seemed like nothing back then, it was an insignificant habit. However, this insignificant habit made him wonder how, maybe, he was seeking an unhealthy comfort from Beomgyu’s similar behaviors. That slight idea crossed his mind, but he chose to completely exclude it because Beomgyu had nothing to do with Yeonjun.

Nothing.

Soobin’s lips parted, inhaling the air hardly. He blinked, his eyes suddenly aware that Beomgyu was in front of him. All he needed was to brush it off. 

- Are you ok ? Beomgyu asked, tilting his head as he let his hands fall to his sides. 

- Your hair looks fucking good like this, Soobin abruptly said out loud, probably the strongest thought going on inside his malfunctioning brain. 

- That’s the reaction I was looking for. 

Beomgyu smirked, his body naturally leading to the outside again. As if hypnotized, Soobin followed, holding his burnt hand against his chest, and even if the boy broke the eye contact, he still sought for it, even when they walked past the window glass. The sound of chatter came to his ears again, bringing him back to Earth and forcing his attention to go back to the others. This time, music was softly playing in the background, probably added while they went inside. 

- Hyung! Is it okay ? Huening suddenly asked, Soobin getting his seat back next to Taehyun. 

- Yeah, it’s fine, don’t worry! 

The conversation shifted, and quickly enough, Soobin busied himself by grabbing a drink, refusing to meet Taehyun’s gaze. He wasn’t quite sure of what he caught, but he could feel it. That burning, accusatory gaze, that only Taehyun could shoot at him. Anyone else could think that Beomgyu flirty, tactile behavior was normal. But if there was one person that knew Soobin well was Kang Taehyun. Taehyun had always been here when Yeonjun was. He was the only one to have experienced the two, and how down bad Soobin had been for that man. He kept on wishing his body language didn’t betray him, and that his best friend had been too focused on his own crush to notice. But he was sure that the universe didn’t give a fuck about what he wished for. 

As the evening went on, the conversation drifted to different kind of subjects, but Taehyun’s attention kept of straying back to Soobin, who stayed quiet and just kept on drinking. He kept on thinking of the thousand times Yeonjun had lingered his fingers for too long, just to put his clothes back in place, and how he erased that memory from his head. Until Beomgyu involuntarily made him realized how stupid he had been.

There was a slight chance Yeonjun’s feelings were reciprocated, wasn’t there ? 

Soobin gloomy aura wasn’t obvious, at least not to Arin or Huening Kai, who were too absorbed in the lively chatter. But maybe Taehyun noticed the way Soobin’s fingers fidgeted with his napkin, the way his gaze would dart to Beomgyu when he thought no one was looking, and the tension in his shoulders whenever Beomgyu leaned in too close to Kai. 

- Soobin, Taehyun whispered so only them could hear, leaning over slightly. You’re stressed. Something on your mind? 

- What? I’m not stressed, he said, eyes almost like coming back to earth as he looked at his friend, who looked unimpressed at the way Soobin was shaking his leg under the table. He stopped right away.

- What’s the story, then ?

- What are you talking about ?

- Come on, Taehyun said, a hint of judgment in his voice. What is it between you and him ? And you can’t say that he’s just your annoying roommate, I wasn’t born yesterday. 

Soobin opened his mouth to protest, but Beomgyu chose that exact moment to glance over, his eyes briefly meeting Soobin’s before he turned back to Kai with a laugh. It was a small, insignificant moment, but Taehyun caught it, and so did Soobin, judging by the way he hastily took a sip of his drink.

Suddenly, Soobin heard his friend gasp, and Soobin was being pulled by his sleeve, Taehyun earning a yelp from the taller one who felt his shoulder and collarbones risking exposure, harshly pulling it back on.

- Are you insane?! Soobin half-yelled, making sure his shirt was covering his skin.

- Are you stupid ?!

They probably were very loud, because all the eyes were on them now, confused and questioning them on what was going on. Taehyun was burning next to him, and Soobin quickly straightened himself on his seat, shaking his hands in front of the others with an apologizing look. 

- Don’t worry guys, Taehyun-ah gets easily startled when he’s hungry, that’s all ! 

- Well, sounds perfect because the meat is ready! Huening Kai said while setting the last plate of grilled meat on the table. 

Arin still threw a worried look towards Taehyun, who looked like he was about to burn the whole place down. Soobin could’ve denied, he really could’ve. But he also knew that, if Taehyun had understood something so quickly, there was no way he would find the arguments needed to get him to think otherwise. Plus, there was no way he didn’t noticed the fading purple marks on his white skin, just under his collarbones, even if he was fast enough on pulling it back on. 

As soon as they started eating, thankfully someone decided to get Taehyun out of his own head, and that job could be done by one person only. 

- Sorry for the sudden question, but Taehyun-ah, are you into sports or something ? Matthew’s voice had been heard across the table, and as Taehyun chewed his meat, and his eyes  met the boy’s, he nodded before swallowing.

- Well, yes, I do some boxing and go to the gym very often. Does it show? 

At Taehyun’s question, absolutely everyone focused on his arms, and Soobin was sure Arin almost chocked on her food, forcing the taller one to hide behind a mocking grin, earning a killer gaze from her. Yet, everyone else was focused on Matthew’s discussion with Taehyun, drifting more widely to the ice hockey subject, including Huening Kai in it. Soobin was sent to the realization of how little he had interacted with Matthew until today, getting the information that he actually was from Canada and that’s how he learned the sport. Soobin wasn’t truly focused on the topic, but he noticed how sometimes the boy had some trouble to find some specific words, so it all made sense. He would make an effort to get closer to him, he told himself. 

He knew he wouldn’t. 

The interaction seemed to have appeased the growing tensions between him and Taehyun, and as they kept feeding the subject, they kept eating and drinking. It helped Soobin escape from his head a bit, casually enjoying the night before he got murdered by his best friend as soon as they got inside a room alone. But let’s not think about that. 

- Well, feels great to talk sports with someone. Soobin was never an option as a sport partner, he preferred reading mangas and watch the latest One Piece episode, Taehyun accused, glancing at his friend. 

- Liar ? I… skated!

- You skated with Yeonjun, not with me, you ungrateful bastard. 

Soobin gasped at the insult, everyone chocked on how harshly Taehyun talked back at the tall boy, something that nobody at that table could ever do. Maybe everyone mistook it for how close they both were to each other, but Soobin got the animosity in Taehyun’s voice, making him pinch his lips. Before he got the time to acknowledge how casually Taehyun had mentioned Yeonjun, Arin seemed to be startled too, eyes landing on Soobin for a few seconds. But they didn’t get to dwell too long on that. 

- I relate to you, I have the same one back at home, but thankfully I managed to drag him to work out with me, Matthew saved him again, a genuine smile on his face before looking at Soobin. Maybe that’s why you and Gyuvin hit off so well back at the party !

Ah, the G word. Soobin caught the way Beomgyu shifted on his seat before getting some more alcohol in his glass, but ignored it. 

- Say hi for me, when you see him, Soobin said, earning a nod from Matthew, before getting back to the discussion.

The dinner went just fine, the meat they had chosen just as tasty as any other meal he had eaten at Taehyun’s, just by the quality of it. He didn’t want to complain about his student life because he was lucky the cafeteria’s meals weren’t that bad, but having such a meal in front of him was refreshing, and changing. Huening Kai had asked the housemaid to stay through dinner, which Soobin found a bit unnecessary, they could perfectly manage the chores by themselves. But he didn’t say anything, it wasn’t his place to comment.  

Over this comforting feeling, Soobin got to see Taehyun connect with everyone at the table. From his disgustingly cute lovey-dovey interactions with Arin, to his complex discussions nobody could understand except them with Huening Kai, to the soft jokes Matthew made. The only one he barely talked to was Beomgyu, and Soobin wondered if it was on purpose. It probably was, because not once did he dare look at him. Which was making Beomgyu annoyed, he could see it. 

When their bellies were full, and they couldn’t eat anymore, eventually Soobin excused himself from the table to have a cigarette. He purposely got closer to the edges of the rooftop so he could have a nice view of the city and not bother anyone with his smoke, even if he knew nobody truly cared. He also needed a moment to breathe. 

They weren’t on the tallest building, not the slightest, but, still, it was impressive in Soobin’s mind to see how they looked so far away from the streets. And oh, the privilege it was to have such a place in the center of the capital. From where he was standing, he could hear the faint sound of the cars from afar while he brought his cigarette to his mouth. He knew isolating himself would be a mistake, because Taehyun followed him right back, taking his own cigarettes out. 

- Mind stopping avoiding me ? Taehyun said after his first drag, not getting a glance from his friend, who just looked at the night lights with interest. 

Taehyun didn’t smoke as much Soobin did, but he definitely was a social smoker. Soobin didn’t really know if Taehyun went to many parties nowadays, but he just knew he didn’t smoke more than he did back then. It was only him who got worse in his nicotine addiction through time. 

- It’s nothing Tae’. You’re overthinking it, Soobin finally said, bringing his cigarette back to his lips while he inhaled the smoke into his lungs. 

- You know what’s funny about that ? You say I’m overthinking every time I’m right about something. 

Taehyun took a step forward to be side by side with Soobin, looking down at the city too, the summer breeze almost not running in the air from how hot and humid it was right now. Yet, Soobin shivered, thinking on what to say. Taehyun was right, and he knew he was. 

- It’s nothing for you to worry about-...

- Hyung, you let me hang out with them, and you thought I wouldn’t see shit ? Soobin knew it was a big deal when the ‘hyung’ came out of Taehyun’s mouth. He was truly concerned. Of course, I’m worried ? What are you even doing right now ? 

Taehyun was now looking at him, and yet, Soobin couldn’t dare look back. He had prepared himself to hide his secret, not to confront someone who knew about it. Not once had the idea of this being known slipped his mind. What was he doing ? 

- Do you know for how long these two have been together ? I couldn’t put a name to the face, but I remember seeing him at some events, they’ve been dating for at least a decade. Remember when I told you about the Huenings and my parents ? This relationship probably goes beyond you.

Well, it had been obvious that this relationship had been going on for a while. Arin had mentioned it many times, and he did understand, but always only taking the information partially. But now, getting the confirmation from Taehyun, and kind of having reliable details to it, was clearly overwhelming. He hated Taehyun for this. Soobin bit the inside of his cheek, eyes now looking at his face for the first time since the start of this conversation, sensing the sincerity in Taehyun’s eyes. 

- You’ve been hurt enough, Soobin, he concluded, and Soobin heard his voice shake slightly. 

- This isn’t like that. I’m not… 

- You’re not what ? Falling for someone you shouldn’t ? Or lying to yourself that it’s not happening ? The younger one asked without thinking, his mind easily making the connections, Soobin dumbfounded by the sudden confrontation. I know you, this is not you. He’s the problem here, like he’s been openly flirting with you the second he set a foot in this house. I’m going to kick his ass.

Taehyun angrily took a drag of his cigarette, almost throwing it into the distance, until Soobin reached for him with an empty cup, so he could throw it there. 

- I swear he’s not only one at fault, I fucked up too and-...

- You look at him like a lost puppy, Soobin, Taehyun finally said, earning a frown and an upset pout from Soobin. Even if we erase the fact that he is in a relationship… I just… I saw it. When you two were in the kitchen. I know what you’re doing, this is not good for you. I’ve seen this movie before. 

Here it was, the same realization he had back then. Funny enough, the sentence calmed them both, Soobin looking at Taehyun awkwardly, but he knew what he was trying to tell him. He wasn’t letting go, and it wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being honest with Beomgyu either, because if Taehyun knew the whole story he would lose it. He’d probably be dragged all the way back to Chuncheon. 

Soobin broke their eye contact, nodding before focusing on ending his cigarette. 

- Let me deal with this. I am and will be fine. I’ll end this soon, just give me time, Soobin explained, taking a last drag before crushing the end in the cup. 

- I leave you for 6 months and look where it leads you to. 

- He’s hot, Soobin said, while they made their way back to the group. 

- Don’t fucking do that in front of me, or I’ll kill you both. 

Soobin snorted, feeling that the mood had been lifted a bit as he laid his arm on his friend’s shoulders, earning a smile from him. Soobin knew Taehyun was only being protective, and he was totally right , because what he was doing was definitely wrong . He’d work things out, it was a promise.

But until then, he just needed to enjoy his night. This time, the seats had shifted, their friends seated around a small table near the pool, and they managed to have a glimpse of the topic. As soon back, Matthew raised his face to look at Taehyun, visibly enjoying his company. 

- Taehyun-ah, soju or beer ? 

- Both, Taehyun said with a smile while he took a seat in the empty spot next to Arin, not really looking at her, but Soobin saw her melt.

Soobin sat next to Matthew, facing Huening Kai and Beomgyu, while he took some beer for himself, knowing they’d be playing some alcohol games from how they were surrounding the table. 

- We were talking about Kai who wants to throw a huge party for New Year’s eve, are you two down ? Matthew asked again, visibly excited about it. 

- Am I invited too? Taehyun questioned Kai with a curious look, and the younger one nodded politely. 

- Obviously, I’m planning on renting a club, you’re welcome to come too hyung! 

The way their world seemed to turn around, the next huge party seemed to be a mystery to Soobin’s head. What happened to last minute plans, and to chaotic parties ? Well, someone had to organize those, anyway. The topic quickly evolved to them talking about how they knew each other, and how their parents had almost been best friend in another life, without touching sensitive subjects they probably both knew about. Matthew was amazed by the information, while Arin was just stunned by any word coming from Taehyun’s mouth. 

Soobin, on the other hand, was looking at Beomgyu, who seemed focused on his drink, suddenly very quiet. 

- What about you, Soobin hyung ? The tall boy’s eyes went to Huening Kai, who had just talked. Are you coming to the party ? 

- Well, honestly I don’t even know what I’m doing next week, so it seems far-...

- He will come, he’s just making as if he’s not interested, Taehyun cut him half-sentence, and as Soobin was about to talk back, Arin got in the middle of the conversation. 

- Oh, so he has always been like that?

So now they just leagued with each other to roast him? Soobin just pouted while Taehyun started to tell everyone how he would’ve never had a social life if it wasn’t for him, Arin finding herself in his words. Basically, he was the main reason they were happily bonding, while the others listened to Taehyun’s stories with attention, their cheeks slowly turning red from the drinks they were having.

Even when the topic shifted, he noticed small details, like the first time Taehyun discreetly reached for Arin’s hand with his, just to brush their fingers softly while they talked with the others. Soobin was torn between the cuteness of the two and the fact that it was his two best friends being disgusting. At some point during the night, Arin’s shoulder was laying against the boy’s arm, and it did look innocent. Except when Taehyun put an arm on the back of their seats, so his hand could lay on the girl’s shoulder. See magic operate just in front of his eyes was very special for Soobin, even if he wasn’t very fond of public demonstration like this.

When Arin suggested some alcohol games, Soobin felt like he was already a little bit tipsy, trying not rely on close objects to put all his weight on. Truth or Dare was out of the question, Soobin making it clear that at some point they would dare someone to jump in the pool, plus he thought it was lame. In order to get to know each other better, they decided on the “Never Have I ever” game, and after making sure that they needed to drink every time they did the things that were said, they started softly.

The first ones were a bit boring, Soobin thought. Simply stuff like “Never have I ever fell asleep in class”, or “never have I ever cheated on a test”. Then, things got more serious. 

- Never have I ever, got walked on having sex, Matthew said, followed by Beomgyu and Huening Kai drinking, and surprisingly, Taehyun drank too. I want the story. 

Soobin snorted, and Huening Kai sent him an apologizing look, while the others looked way too curious to know the details. 

- Well, actually… First time ‘Gyu and I met Soobin, he walked into the dorm while Beomgyu and I… Well, you know, Huening explained while scratching his neck. 

- Oh my god, that was the first time you met Soobin ?! 

The taller boy shifted uncomfortably on his seat, remembering that scene strangely perfectly. If only he knew, back then, into what kind of trouble he was walking into.

- What about you, Taehyun ? 

- Well, not that interesting, it was at some party, I don’t even know when, exactly.

Matthew had to tease Taehyun on how he looked like he could pull anyone he liked, to what Taehyun laughed a bit, but did not deny it. Arin got uncomfortable, and the other probably felt it, because his arm fully laid on her shoulders, almost like unconsciously. 

- I’m quite popular, but I only focus on interesting people, Taehyun explained, and Soobin rolled his eyes. 

Arin seemed to get the message, because she blushed like crazy, while Matthew understood the thing right away, but nobody truly commented on it. They were all just letting things happen. Except one idiot, that sent the next sentence. 

- Well, never have I ever, gotten a crush on someone around this table, Beomgyu said before drinking, followed by Kai’s confused gaze, Taehyun and Arin, while Soobin stood straight, not flinching a bit. 

- Beomgyu, you’re not supposed to say something that you’ve already done, Soobin said, getting everyone’s attention, since he hadn’t spoken since the beginning of the game. The purpose is to make others drink. 

- The purpose is to drink, which you’re not doing, Beomgyu said, laid back on his seat, eyes focused on the older one. 

- Well, try saying stuff I’ve done, then ? 

Oh, the underlying tension between the two, that only Taehyun got here. Soobin was walking on thin ice, from the way Beomgyu was looking at him, to the way Taehyun probably understood what this was all about. Beomgyu almost started talking again, before Taehyun took over, leaning forward so he could fill his glass again. 

- Well, if we’re trying to get Soobin to drink. Never have I ever been a secret Swiftie, the boy said, a grin on his face, while Soobin gasped. 

- I’m not-...

- Shut up and drink. 

Everyone started laughing at Soobin’s guilty look as he took a sip of his drink, while wanting to know more about this brand-new information nobody was expecting. Obviously, he tried to keep Taehyun from giving too much away, surely not wanting for everyone to discover how he knew about Soobin’s secret obsession. 

The tension seemed to have disappeared, except for one person in particular, who was sending him a death stare from where he was sitting. Soobin refused to give him the attention he was craving so much, and he kept enjoying his night. Eventually, Matthew had to leave, which was confusing because he thought that everyone would be staying in tonight, but maybe he did not fully read all the messages in the group chat. 

Without Matthew’s out bursting energy, the general mood relaxed a bit, and Soobin slowed down the drinking, feeling himself a bit dizzy. As the other’s talked, he just interrupted them to ask if they were okay if he smoked next to them, to which they said yes, without much surprise. He just didn’t feel like getting up for it, if he was being honest.

He was just lighting up his cigarette when Beomgyu slide to sit next to him, where Matthew was previously. 

- Binnie, can I get a cigarette? The long haired cooed, pushing his elbow against his, while Soobin stared at him in disbelief. 

Getting out of their discussion when they heard the request, both Huening Kai and Arin turned to look at them, just as startled as he was. 

- ‘Gyu?… Huening slowly said, while Soobin was carefully looking at the other’s boyfriend, like looking for approval. 

- What? We’re chill, and it’s just one, Beomgyu annoyingly said without even looking at Kai, just trying to get Soobin’s attention back. 

- But you don’t-…

- Look, I don’t mind giving him one, just tell me if it bothers you, Hyuka. 

Huening Kai lifted his gaze to look at Soobin who just stared back, but Beomgyu only dared to glance at him in an annoyed way. Everyone knew they were about to trigger a tantrum if Huening Kai didn’t say the right words. 

Pinching his lips, Huening looked at his boyfriend again, before Soobin saw his shoulders release tension in defeat, nodding towards Soobin before staring away. He didn’t even dare to say anything, and Soobin felt truly sorry for him, especially when Beomgyu turned to him with a winning smile, his hand already waiting for the cigarette. 

Soobin annoyingly looked at the other, taking a cigarette out of his pack to give it to him, with the lighter in process. He met Taehyun’s gaze seconds later, but broke eye contact right away before he got too aware of it. Taehyun knowing and being here was way too stressful. 

They didn’t last too long around the small table, and Soobin was the first one to call it quits. The discussion of the sleeping placements of each person was put on the table instantly, Huening Kai stating that there were only three accessible rooms tonight, so they all had to be dispatched. Soobin quickly said that he wanted to be alone in a big bed, since his own back at the dorms was too uncomfortable, and that he deserved some peace. What comes next, it’s basically Taehyun and Arin awkwardly fighting over who would sleep on the couch of the living room, as if it wasn’t obvious they were all rooting for their newborn crush. 

- I will sleep on the couch, there is no way I’m letting you sleep anywhere else but in a comfortable bed, Taehyun stated, arms crossed on his chest, not giving room for argument. 

- You’re not sleeping on the couch! You traveled all the way from Chuncheon, plus I’m pretty sure Huening Kai’s parents would be ashamed of their son for letting you on the couch, Arin automatically fought back, giving pretty good arguments. 

- Or I can sleep with Soobin-… Taehyun started saying, but his friend cut him off. 

- Bro, no you can’t, the taller one simply said, dying to end this argument so he could just go to sleep. 

- Or, as you both don’t want the other to sleep on the couch, you can just sleep on the same bed? Beomgyu said in a disinterested tone, but for once gave good advice. Or at least the thing everyone else was thinking about. 

Arin couldn’t help but blush aggressively, while Taehyun laughed it out, but they both admitted that maybe, it was a good idea. They asked each other if it was okay at least 3 times before agreeing with the idea, Soobin sighing loudly before getting up, asking Huening Kai if he could show him around. 

Obviously, the boy agreed, and Soobin made his handshake with Taehyun so they could say goodnight to each other. So he wouldn’t make anyone jealous, he walked behind Arin, just casually messing with her hair all over her head to annoy her, before he kept his stride. She obviously loudly complained but Soobin was already busy coming behind Beomgyu, this time fully pulling his hair back so he could flick his forehead, not wasting any time before running for his life. 

Beomgyu tried to run after him, but he quickly gave up when his hip hit the table they ate on, while Soobin slid inside through the window doors, already breathless. He heard Huening complaining about how Beomgyu wasn’t careful enough from afar, and just told him to sit back, before he followed Soobin. 

Oops, was he about to get scolded too ? 

He didn’t, because the younger one sent him an apologizing look while they walked towards the stairs that led them to the first floor. 

- I’m sorry about him, he’s been… I don’t know, Kai said while going down the stairs. 

- I was the one that started it, don’t apologize? 

Soobin sent him a questioning look, and he realized just how drunk he was when he almost missed the last stair, but thankfully Kai didn’t notice. He didn’t get fazed though, almost like activating his automatic mode and getting his bag that they left at the entrance when they first entered the place. 

- Not just about this, he’s been annoying you all night. Actually, thinking about it, he’s been bickering with you for quite a while. 

Despite how drunk he was, he slowly understood that this was an alarming discussion. Huening Kai had been paying attention to their interactions, enough to notice how much they kept on bugging one another permanently. This wasn’t very good. 

- It’s our way to communicate. I know that it can seem violent, but he’s actually sweet when it’s just the two of us. He just likes to prove he can talk back to me because I let him, I guess ? Soobin cautiously said, analyzing his friend’s face so he could guess what he thought of it.  

Huening just hummed, just taking the information as it came. Soobin could see that Kai was a bit tipsy too, to the way his eyes looked at him and how he struggled to walk straight as they went deeper into the apartment, entering a corridor. He found it funny. 

Kai showed him around a bit, most importantly the downstairs bathrooms, and then entered the room the older one would be staying in. Soobin’s eyes sparkled at the sight of the large bed, sitting on it instantly, looking at his friend who just laughed. 

- That happy, huh ? Huening Kai asked. 

- I’m too tall for those dorm beds.

The younger one nodded in approval, and for a second Soobin thought he was going to say something else but changed his mind, simply telling him good night. If he was in his usual state, Soobin would’ve asked if everything was ok, but instead he waved goodbye too. As soon as Huening Kai closed the door, his back touched the mattress, legs hanging from it. He didn’t want to overthink it, but it felt like the boy was a bit gloomy, the same gloom he saw back at the campfire party. He felt like he was going through a lot of confusion towards Beomgyu, and he got that, it was perfectly normal. But it was the first time he hesitated on talking about it with Soobin, though. 

Not giving much thought into it, Soobin grabbed his bag so he could get his pajamas. As soon as he came back from brushing his teeth, he did not take long until he was in the complete dark, under the sheets.

But somehow, as he dug his head down into the pillow, he felt like his night wasn’t over yet. Staring up at the ceiling, he eventually fell into a sleepy state, but he was just restless. The room was silent, the kind of silence that came only when the world around had finally settled down. 

Somehow, there was an unsettling feeling in his chest, that familiar feeling, like his brain was begging him to acknowledge all the information he got through the night. 

His eyes eventually closed, and for a brief moment, he thought he might drift off. But sleep didn’t come easily. It never did, not with all the thoughts running all over his brain. Everything was keeping him awake, from the alcohol humming in his veins, to the not so distant memory of Huening Kai’s hesitation. Taehyun meeting Arin, their public playfulness, the way his best friend understood right away what was going on between him and Beomgyu. His sudden realization in front of Beomgyu, the way he readjusted his clothes before he realized how similar to Yeonjun that action seemed to be. The sharp gaze Beomgyu held on him as he teased him all night long, their secret hanging thick in the air under the knowing glances Taehyun kept throwing his way, as if daring him to admit it out loud.

Soobin let out a slow breath and rolled onto his side, staring at the wall instead. He told himself to let it go, to close his eyes and shut his mind off. But just as he was beginning to sleep into that hazy place between consciousness and dreaming, he heard the faint sound of footsteps coming down around the first floor. 

His eyes snapped open. 

Chapter Text

The others came down from the rooftop. He could hear their muffled voices, low and subdued now, trying not to wake Soobin up. They moved through the apartment quietly, doors opening and closing, the soft rustling of bags and clothes signaling their retreat to their sleeping arrangements. 

Soobin’s heart was pounding in his chest, and he didn’t know why. 

No, that wasn’t true. He knew exactly why. He laid perfectly on his back now, staring at the ceiling again, his body tense as he listened for the sound he knew would come next. The minutes stretched unbearably, the house gradually settling into a deeper quiet. And then, just as Soobin was beginning to think maybe tonight would be different, he heard it : the knob turned. 

The door creaked open, and Soobin didn’t move, didn’t breathe, even when the door shut behind the newcomer. It didn’t take long until he heard a soft breath, the person stepping inside, his movements slow and deliberate, like he was testing the waters. 

- Soobin ? Beomgyu’s voice was quiet, slurred just enough to give away how much he had to drink. 

Soobin closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself. He should tell him to leave, to go back to Huening Kai and stop whatever this was before it spiraled further. But when he opened his eyes, and saw Beomgyu standing there, his resolve crumbled.