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Chapter Text

They were ten. Catra had been suspended from their school after she bit a fellow student. Ms. Weaver was, to put it lightly, not too pleased. She told Catra it was the school’s job to feed the children lunch, and since Catra wouldn’t be going to school that day, she would have no lunch. Adora tried to bargain with Ms. Weaver, which turned into protesting. When words failed, as they so often did, Adora refused to go to school without Catra. When actions failed, as they so often did, the children were forced apart.

“I’m not really sure why I don’t like it. It just feels… weird to say, I guess.”

Adora could barely concentrate on her school work that day. While the rest of the class sat still, quietly reading their copies of The Giver , her legs bounced with anxious ferocity. Her eyes glazed over a sentence in the book, then darted to the clock, then back to the book, where she found she had no idea what the last sentence she read said. She read over it again, then checked the clock again, then back to the book, where she found herself lost once again. One of her legs hit the bottom of her desk with a loud thunk. Some of her classmates glanced at her, including one who shushed her. Adora sheepishly hid her face in the book, forcing herself to read a full page before glancing at the clock once again.

“Come on! It’s cool, it’s unique, it’s classy, it’s named after a kickass TV show with princesses and dragons and swords and epic quests. What’s there not to love?”

“How can it be unique and named after a TV show?”

“Uuuugh you are the worst. It’s cool! Accept it!”

When Adora came home, she went straight to the roof. There, she found Catra, knees tucked tightly into her chest and arms wrapped around her head, hiding her face. She was shaking, a muffled sob giving Adora the push she needed to scramble up to her as fast as she could. Catra recoiled from her touch at first, springing into a defensive stance before immediately lowering her guard when she recognized Adora. Adora took a handful of biscuits out of her pocket, picked a small piece of lint off of one of them, and presented them to Catra, who swiftly accepted the gift and began gobbling them down. 

Adora waited a moment before inching closer and asking, “Why did you do it?”

“All I’m saying is that it’s a bit of a mouthful.”

“No, this is a personal attack against The Princesses of the Eternia and I will not stand for this slander!”

Catra froze mid-bite and glared at her. They remained there for a moment, staring at each other. Adora could see the anger fade from Catra’s eyes and turn into sorrow. Catra shook her head and sat. When Adora sat next to her, Catra climbed into her lap and curled her legs so her ankles rested on Adora’s knees. She tucked her head into the crook of Adora’s neck and drew a shaky breath.

“She said you were a teacher’s pet and then called you… a lot of bad things,” Catra mumbled. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, Catra,” Adora said. “I’m not mad.”

Once again, they found themselves in silence. 

“Adora, what do you think?”

“I’m sorry,” Catra whispered. 

Adora could feel Catra's body start shaking again. She wrapped an arm around her and hugged her tight. 

“I know,” she said. “It’s okay. It’s okay…”

“I never want to be away from you again. I don’t want you to leave,” Catra hiccuped, trying to suppress a sob.

“I won’t.”

Catra hugged tighter. “Promise me we’ll always be together?”

“I promise.”

“Adora?”

“Huh? What?” Adora blinked and looked at Bow, who was looking back at her expectantly. “Sorry, I completely zoned out, what’s going on?”

“Bow’s trying to stage a coup!” Glimmer complained as she sat on her drum throne. She started checking her drums, starting with adjusting the hi-hat and working her way right.

Bow chuckled. “Don’t be so dramatic, Glimmer,” he said. “I’m just talking about maybe changing our name a bit.”

“He wants to drop the ‘The’!” Glimmer shouted.

“Exactly. I think-”

Bow was cut off by Glimmer repeatedly smashing a stick into her crash cymbal and yelling, “Can’t hear you! I can’t hear your blasphemy!”

Adora rubbed her eyes and readjusted to the real world. Their home studio/rehearsal space/living room had been divided into three distinct sections, one for each band member. Despite being tucked into a corner, Glimmer’s drums still took up the most space by far. Compared to the cramped room, the drums seemed to sprawl forth from Glimmer’s seat, accentuated by the many unused snares and toms stacked around the kit that she had considered “unworthy” to be on that week’s kit. Bow’s section, in contrast, was filled with a neat arrangement of keyboards, his black Fender P-Bass, and green Squier Rascal bass. A line of cables neatly snaked along the floor and into a mixer console like lines of soldiers filing into the barracks. Adora’s section was the least organized, even when compared to Glimmer’s. Her guitars, many of which were borrowed from her bandmates, rested on stands scattered throughout the room. Some were still plugged in to amps and various pedals (also borrowed from her bandmates) leaving cables stretching across the floor and a minefield of trip hazards. One of “her” guitars, Bow’s freshly restrung Epiphone Casino, was laid out on the couch next to Adora.

“Um, I think I’m fine with it either way,” Adora said once Glimmer finished her impromptu cymbal solo.

“See? Adora likes it!” Glimmer beamed. “The Eternia forever!”

Bow smiled and shook his head. “Alright, alright. It wasn’t a huge deal to me anyway,” he conceded. His smile faded when he looked back at Adora. “You okay, Adora? You look a little down.”

“Yeah just… thinking,” Adora replied.

“Catra?” Glimmer asked.

Adora nodded.

“Again, if you ever want to ta-”

“I know, I know,” Adora interrupted. “And thank you, I just… I trust you guys a lot, don’t get me wrong, but it’s still a fresh wound, y’know?”

“We understand,” Bow said.

An awkward silence fell over them, briefly disturbed by Glimmer occasionally tapping a drum to check its tuning and playability. Adora took the pause as a chance to set up. She picked up the Casino, flinging the strap around her neck as she stood. After a moment of sorting through cables, she found one plugged into the Vox amp and plugged the other end into her compact but respectable pedalboard, making sure the connector cables between the pedals were snug and secure. Finally, she took the cable plugged into the last pedal, plugged it into her guitar, and turned her amp on. She gave the guitar a test strum and… 

Nothing. No sound besides the acoustic noise from the guitar itself. Adora turned the amp off and then back on again. Nothing. She adjusted the volume knobs on her guitar. Nothing. She looked back to the pedalboard and tried turning all the pedals off, then back on again. Nothing. She turned some pedals off but kept some on. Nothing. She unplugged and replugged in her guitar. Nothing.

Come on, Adora, she heard a voice in her head say. Stop being an idiot.

She tried the knobs on her guitar again. Nothing. She tried unplugging and replugging the amp. Nothing. She tried cranking the amp all the way up. Nothing

What is wrong with me?

“Oh, Adora! Your amp isn’t plugged in!” Bow pointed out as he crossed the room. He took the power cable and plugged it into the nearby power strip.

The amp immediately sprang to life. A combination of the cranked volume, random pedal combination, and the close proximity of the guitar resulted in a piercing screeching sound, overpowering even Glimmer’s drums. The trio yelped in surprise. Bow and Glimmer covered their ears while Adora hastily turned the amp off and lowered the volume.

“Sorry! Sorry, guys!” Adora apologized. She turned the amp back on, now at an appropriate (but still loud, they were a rock and roll band, after all) volume, and jumped up into her position in front of the microphone at the center of the room.

“You alright over there?” Glimmer questioned from behind her kit.

“Yep! All good!” Adora said. She gave her guitar a few test strums, checking to make sure the amp’s level was still acceptable. “Bow? Are you ready?”

“Almost!” he said. “Let me just…”

Bow pressed a button on his mixer console and a sudden and quick BZZT sound rang out. Adora’s startled “woah” was amplified by the now active PA speaker in the corner of the room.

“Ready!” Bow called.

“Finally! Let’s get this practice started!” Glimmer exclaimed. She slammed her sticks against the cymbals, hitting the kick drum at the same to create one powerful thump of the drums as she yelled, “WE ARE THE ETERNIA! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”

------

The next few hours are blurred by routine. Rehearse the songs individually, retune, rehearse the songs again, retune, make some slight tone adjustments, rehearse one part that she just can’t figure out for some reason, lunch break, rehearse that part again only to find now that part is easy and she’s struggling with a different part now, rehearse all the songs all the way through once, then twice, then realize they’re running late for their gig that night.

One of the first lessons Glimmer and Bow taught Adora about gigging came in the form of a single word; schlepping , or, to haul or carry something heavy or awkward. Since just after the Eternia formed, the trio had begun a weekly process of schlepping their gear to and from local venues, most of which were in fellow classmate’s backyards, garages, or living rooms. Today was one of those days. A fast approaching gig as part of the Fright Zone’s Night of Fright show loomed over them. The proprietor had given them a suggested arrival time of 3 o’clock, just thirty minutes away.

The band moved at double time fitting everything into the trunk of Glimmer’s minivan. Bow listed aloud everything they needed to bring as Glimmer and Adora double checked the stowed gear to make sure they weren’t forgetting anything, and then they were off.

The drive started off fine. Glimmer loaded the CD marked “BEST FRIENDS SQUAD ON THE ROAD!!!” with Sharpie into the player and cranked up the volume when the opening drums of “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin came pounding through the speakers. Bow drummed along, rapping his hands on the dashboard while Glimmer shrieked in a mock Robert Plant impersonation. 

Adora watched them from the backseat, giggling at what had become the pair’s pre-concert ritual. She rested her chin into her palm and looked out the window. Her concentration drifted away from practicing and schlepping and moved elsewhere.

They were eighteen. Catra hadn’t talked to Adora for a full week, spending most of her time hiding on the roof or in the bathroom. Adora tried time and time again to talk to her, help her with her homework, hug her, do something that proved they were still friends, but to no avail.

“Why should I talk to you?” Catra had said. “You already made your decision. Just go already.”

The twin beds they had pushed together to create a mega-bed had been split into two again. Often, Adora had to hold herself back from crawling into the other bed with Catra. She had to remind herself that would only make things worse. But then, she thought, what else could be worse than this? Her best friend gave her the cold shoulder time and time again. They were on the home stretch to achieving their dream, finally almost out of the hellhole Ms. Weaver had convinced CPS was a perfectly fine home for the two foster children. But in an instant, their shared dream became just Adora’s, at least in Catra’s eyes. Adora tried to tell her that she would wait for her, but Catra…

“Go ahead, Adora! Leave me! I can handle myself, and you oh so clearly want to leave! You made yourself perfectly clear already, so just…” Catra choked down a sob. When she looked back up, Adora could see tears streaming down her face. “Go away.”

Later that night, Adora could hear Catra muttering to herself from beyond the bathroom door.

“Why… why why why… please just… why… please don’t go, why are you…” A sniff, followed by a brief pause. “Fine. If you’re just gonna leave me here, I’ll just… I’ll…” Another pause. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you.”

Glimmer’s heavy foot on the brakes jolted Adora out of her unpleasant daydream.

“We’re here!” Glimmer announced as she and Bow stepped out of the van.

Adora shook her head to wake herself up and followed the two to the back of the minivan. As they were unloading, a tall, lanky person approached them. Adora’s eyes went right to their long blonde hair as she felt a small but noticeable twinge of jealousy at its purely gold sheen, making a mental note to ask what product they used later.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Eternia,” they said. “I was beginning to wonder if you would ever show up.”

“It’s the Eternia,” Glimmer corrected.

“Sorry we’re late, Dee,” Bow said. “Got a little caught up during band practice, you know how it goes.”

Dee arched an eyebrow. “How could I know, darling? I’m not in a band.” Bow opened his mouth to apologize before Dee cut him off. “Please, no more apologies. I’m just messing with you. Now! Business! Storage is the second door on the right when you enter through the front door. Stage is behind the house. You three are due to perform in about…” They checked their watch. “A little over an hour from now. Until then, enjoy the show! These other bands are quite something.” They turned to Adora. “I get the feeling you will find one in particular very… appealing.”

They turned and left with a smirk, leaving the front door open when they entered the house.

“Gee, thanks for the help with the gear, Dee,” Glimmer grumbled as she began unloading her snare drum.

“Why are they so ominous?” Adora said. “Every time they look at me it feels like they’re staring into the deepest pits of my soul or something”

Bow shrugged and answered, “It’s their whole persona. I guess it works, though.”

“It has to if they want to keep getting people in for shows or whatever. Now move it!” Glimmer barked. “We’re already late and I want to see the guys before us play! They’re new and I desperately need them to be cool so we can be friends with them and jam and have multi-band sleepovers.”

Bow’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Entrapta’s band, right?”

“Who’s Entrapta?” Adora asked.

“Glimmer and I had a class with her last semester,” Bow cheerfully informed. “She is a crazy good drummer, and an even better producer.”

“Oh, really? What kind of stuff does she make? Do you think I’d like it?”

“How do you feel about Aphex Twin?”

Glimmer yelled at them from the door, cymbals in hand. “We’re on a deadline here! Move it, people! Move it!”

And so began another round of schlepping. Adora grunted as she lifted her amplifier in one hand and her guitar in the other. As she approached the house, she could hear the sounds of people talking loudly from inside and behind it. Occasionally, a drum hit would echo through the unseen sea of people, quieting the crowd for a moment before they returned to their previous volume. When Adora reached the door to the storage room, the drums erupted into a loud and fast series of fills. Even from inside the house, Adora could feel the kick drum thumping from within her torso, cymbals ringing in her ears, and had to suppress the urge to move her body in time to the rhythm of the snare and toms so she could focus on stowing her gear away.

Then the rhythm suddenly… changed, recapturing Adora’s attention. The groove before was a steady 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4 , and if Adora focused hard enough she could still hear a consistent four beat pattern, but it was buried beneath a completely different pattern, and then a third different pattern. It felt uneven but strangely satisfying. Adora found herself swaying to it. She counted groups of four, then five, and then seven on top of it all.

She put her gear down and turned to Bow. “Is that Entrapta playing?” she asked, raising her voice so she could be heard over the competing noise of the audience and drums.

“Yep!” Bow affirmed. “Crazy, right?”

“What is she even doing?” Entrapta’s solo was cut off before she could adjust her volume, leaving the end of her question at an awkwardly loud volume.

“It’s called a polyrhythm,” Bow said as he set his amp next to Adora’s. “It’s like two signatures at once, but not really because they’re in the same meter so they would technically be in different tempos. It’s kinda hard to explain but isn’t it cool?”

Adora blinked. “I haven’t even passed music theory 101 yet,” she mumbled.

Glimmer walked into the storage room with a second load of gear. “There’s still some more in the van. Adora, get your pedalboard, girl.”

Adora groaned as she walked back out to the van. Entrapta’s drums were replaced by someone plucking notes on a bass, randomly at first, but as they continued they fell into a groove, much more straightforward than Entrapta’s rapid polyrhythms. As Adora reached for her pedalboard (which was conveniently tucked the furthest away from the trunk door as it could have been), she found herself humming a melody alongside the notes of the bass. 

She knew the song, “Helter Skelter” by the Beatles. It was one of Catra’s favorites, and the first one she learned on guitar back in 8th grade. When she learned it, neither of them could talk for a full day because they blew their voices out singing along to it over and over the night before. They had to communicate entirely through pen and paper, much to the chagrin of their teachers and Ms. Weaver. There was one time a few years after that when they-

Adora, stop it , she thought. She rubbed her temples as she sat criss cross in the back of the van. Catra’s gone, she left because you messed up, now move on. What is with you today? It’s been- oh.

Adora’s eyes went wide with realization. She dropped her hands into her lap and stared at the floor, unblinking. 

It had been just about a year to the day since the news broke that Adora received a full ride to Bright Moon University, and thus just about a year to the day since the news broke that Catra was rejected. Adora took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, and then slowly let it out. She picked up her pedalboard, exited the van, closed the trunk, and started back towards the house.

Just get through the show and then you can go home and cry about it all you want. Breathe in, out, don’t think about Catra. She could feel her eyes starting to water as she quickened her pace. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cr- LONNIE?

Walking out of the door looking down at her phone was Lonnie, dreadlocks tied back in a ponytail exposing her undershave. She started to sit on the step in front of the door before seeing Adora in front of her and standing back up.

“No shit,” Lonnie said. She smiled, placing a hand on her hip. “Long time no see, Adora.”

“Lonnie! Hi! It’s been so long!” Adora said as she rested her pedalboard on the ground and held out her arms.

“Graduation wasn’t that long ago,” Lonnie snarked as she accepted the hug.

As the two pulled away, Adora asked, “So, how have you been?”

“Not bad,” Lonnie replied. “Moved in a few weeks ago. Classes are a bit hectic but nothing I can’t handle. I started a band with…” She paused, cleared her throat, then continued. “...some people I met. We’re actually playing today, and from the looks of it, you are, too.”

“How did you-?” Adora looked down at her pedalboard. “Ohhh, yep! I joined a band last semester with Glimmer and Bow. Oh! You don’t know who they are! They’re my friends. I should introduce you to them! We’re called the Eternia!”

“Sure, why not.” Lonnie looked over her shoulder as someone inside called out her name. “Gotta be later, though. I gotta do soundcheck, ugh.”

“Wait, are you in Entrapta’s band?”

“Yeah. You know Entrapta?”

“Well, I don’t. Bow does. I heard her soundchecking earlier. She’s…”

“Insane? Crazy? Too good for a simple punk band?”

“Um, yeah, all those things, I guess.”

Lonnie rolled her eyes. “That’s what I said, too. Keep your expectations low. But still, have fun. I’ll see you in the mosh pit, right?”

“Eh, probably not. I kinda hate getting punched when I’m trying to listen to music,” Adora shrugged.

“Looks like you’re the same lame old Adora,” Lonnie laughed as she started back inside. “See ya around!”

“Later, Lonnie! It was good to see you! Break a leg!” Adora shouted after her.

Adora looked down at her pedalboard and sighed. “You can do this,” she whispered to herself. She picked up her pedalboard and walked inside.

------

“There you are!” Glimmer exclaimed as Adora sifted through the gathering crowd. Glimmer stepped aside so Adora could stand between her and Bow. “Just in time, they’re about to start.”

Lonnie had already taken to the stage, making some last minute adjustments and talking to her bandmates. Entrapta, who Adora could barely see through the mountain of drums blocking her from the audience’s sight, was bouncing up and down on her throne. Another member of the band, a large, muscular lady with short, white hair holding a Les Paul, was in the middle of adjusting the settings on her amp. A bass guitar ( Some sort of Ibanez? Adora thought) stood off to the side of the stage, owner nowhere in sight.

“Sorry that took so long, I ran into someone from high school on my way back in,” Adora explained. She pointed out Lonnie as she crossed the stage, guitar slung over her shoulder. “She’s actually on stage right now! Dreadlocks, with the Strat.”

“No way!” Glimmer said. “We already have an in! The multi-band sleepover is practically inevitable at this point!”

Dee walked from the mixing booth to the stage and talked briefly with Lonnie, gesturing towards the abandoned bass guitar. Even from the back of the crowd, Adora could see the annoyance on Lonnie’s face.

“I guess their bassist dipped?” Adora wondered aloud.

“She went inside the house a couple minutes ago,” Bow said. “I hope there’s not any drama going on between them.”

“Entrapta could handle the stress of that audio physics class, she could handle a bassist being a bassist,” Glimmer reasoned.

“Hey! I’m right here! We’re not all like that!” Bow defended.

“Sure you’re not.”

“Ladies and gentlemen and all in between or otherwise!” Dee’s voice boomed from the speakers. “Welcome to the Fright Zone! And welcome to the very first Night of Fright festival! I am your host, Dee. Please, applaud.” They gave a low and dramatic bow as the crowd erupted into the requested round of applause. Lonnie yelled something into the house as Dee continued. “Our first act tonight is almost ready, they seem to be missing someone thou- Oh! There she is!”

Adora drew in a sharp breath and felt her entire body tense when Catra walked out of the house and onto the stage. Her hair was way shorter, sure, but it was unmistakably Catra .

Catra waltzed over to the bass and lifted the strap over her head, resting it on her shoulder. She plucked a note to make sure it still came through the PA system, and when it did, she nodded at Lonnie and looked out into the crowd.

“Well, now that we’re all together,” Dee resumed. “It is my honor to introduce this lovely band to the stage tonight for their debut show. Everyone, please welcome…”

Adora could swear Catra stared right at her.

“ The Horde !”

Adora glared at Glimmer, trying to hold back back any visible or audible emotion as she spoke. 

“I want to drop the ‘The’.”

“Uuuugh, fine.”

Chapter Text

The first person Catra met during her first semester at Bright Moon University was a small, black cat. She was sitting on a thick concrete ledge at the top of her dorm’s parking garage, resting after a long day of moving into her dorm room with Lonnie, when she saw it walk out of the darkness of the night. It trotted towards her, stopping as it sat just below the ledge and stared up at her, tilting its head. When Catra tried to shoo it away, it hopped onto the ledge and headbutted her leg. 

“No, go away. Shoo,” Catra tried again.

The cat titled its head again as Catra pushed it away. Undeterred, the cat began its approach once again, finding a resting spot between Catra’s legs. It purred as it curled its tail around itself and closed its eyes.

Despite her annoyance, Catra remained with the cat until it decided it wanted to go back out into the world, pouncing away from Catra and disappearing back into the darkness of the night.

“Asshole,” Catra muttered.

------

The first thing the second person Catra met during her first semester at BMU did was scream in her face.

“You have heterochromia!” the crazy purple haired lady yelled.

Catra and Lonnie were visiting Scorpia’s room to help her unpack and catch up. Well, Lonnie was there to help unpack. Catra had to be promised a free lunch later that day to be convinced to come, and even then, it was unlikely she would help at all. When they knocked on the door, Scorpia’s roommate answered. She took one look at Catra and sprang into her face, eyes wide and staring directly into Catra’s with intensity and excitement.

“Hetero-what?” Catra asked as she took a step back from the insane roommate.

“Heterochromia!” she answered, filling in the space Catra put between them again. “Your eyes are different colors! Blue and yellow! That’s so interesting! And rare !”

“Yeah, my eyes are cool as shit, I know. Could you back off a bit?”

Scorpia appeared behind her roommate. “Hey, guys! Thanks for coming over!” She gave an excited wave and stepped into the hallway to greet them. “Lonnie, Catra, this is Entrapta, my roommate. Entrapta, this is Lonnie and Catra. They’re my friends from back home!”

“Hi Scorpia’s friends!” Entrapta greeted. “Please do not touch any of the exposed wires!”

Lonnie raised an eyebrow. “Exposed wires? Why are there exposed wires?”

Scorpia moved away from the doorway, giving Lonnie and Catra a clear line of sight into the room. A cascade of electronics and wires covered the far side of the room, creeping up on Scorpia’s pile of boxes which occupied the front. The bulk of the machines laid on the far bed, panels with knobs and buttons organized into various metallic boxes in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. Many bore flashing lights, all blinking at different speeds. Catra looked at Scorpia in disbelief.

“What is that?” questioned Catra.

“That’s Darla!” Entrapta said as she bounced back into the room. “Check it out!”

Entrapta turned a knob on one of the panels. Through a speaker came a sudden burst of noise. Electronic wiring and droning notes, falling in and out of tune with one another. A blast of white noise which swiftly faded into another drone, only to surge once again. High frequencies mingled with each other, reaching Catra’s ears with a piercing screech.

Catra plugged her ears with her fingers and shouted over the noise. “Turn it off!”

Entrapta turned the knob back down and smiled. “Isn’t she so cool! I’ve been working on her for years ! I was telling Scorpia all about her last night!”

“You sure did! And I do not remember any of it!” Scorpia said cheerfully.

“That’s okay, I can show it to you all right now! So it starts with the oscillators, which are right here, and they make the basic waves. Right now I have a Sputnik making a sine wave and a Behringer 1016 generating some white noise, and then those are both feeding into this which is…”

Catra glared at Scorpia, who shrugged and invited her and Lonnie inside. The three of them began unpacking as Entrapta continued explaining her behemoth of an instrument. While unpacking (which to Catra meant “moving the lightest boxes in a vaguely helpful direction”), Catra spotted a guitar case amongst Scorpia’s belongings. She picked it up and placed it on Scorpia’s bed, then flicked open the latches and opened the top. A satin red Les Paul sat inside, so shiny that Catra could almost make out her face in the reflective sheen of the body. She glanced at the headstock, where the white Gibson logo stared back at her.

“Holy shit, Scorpia,” Catra said, interrupting Entrapta’s lecture. “How much was this thing?”

“Gee, um… I’m not sure, my moms got it for me. Maybe a couple hundred?” Scorpia guessed. 

Lonnie looked over and whistled. “More like a couple thousand. It’s a Trad.” She pointed to the truss cover on the headstock where TRAD PRO V was embroidered in white. “Damn, Scorpia, your moms must be loaded. And since when did you play?”

“I started a few months ago,” Scorpia responded. “I told my moms I wanted to start playing last summer so they got me the guitar and some lessons for my birthday.”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner!” Lonnie smiled and playfully punched Scorpia in the shoulder. “We should totally jam some time!”

“Ah gee…” Scorpia averted her gaze to the floor. “I’m not very good.”

“Come on, Scorpia. It’ll be fun!” Lonnie assured. “You know what power chords are?”

“Yep.”

“Can you play ‘em?”

“Yep.”

“Perfect! Then you can jam out to some punk! Catra, you brought your shitty bass, right?”

“Hey, it’s not shitty! It’s just…” Catra faltered. A few weeks ago it had stopped making noise completely, and when she pulled open the pickguard to see what was wrong, she found the wires and pickup had been almost completely rusted through, the so-called “protective coating” of the wires long shriveled away. She had to replace all the electronics. “Yeah, I brought it.”

Lonnie smiled. “Perfect! All we need now is a drummer. You wouldn’t happen to know one, Scorpia, would you?”

Before Scorpia could answer, Entrapta had jumped between them, once again landing a little too close to Catra for her liking. “I can drum!” she squealed. Catra flinched at the sudden noise.

This will be interesting, she thought.

------

The trio stood in awe as Entrapta pounded out the final fill of her impromptu extended solo. Catra was the only one still holding their instrument by the end of the solo, caught in a loop of thinking the solo was almost over so they could start really playing before realizing Entrapta likely wasn’t even halfway done.

“Holy shit,” Lonnie muttered.

“Entrapta, that was incredible!” Scorpia praised as she stood from her stool and clapped. “Where did you learn to drum like that?”

“I’m self taught! But I am taking a minor in jazz drumming so I’m self taught up to…” Entrapta counted on her fingers. “Six months ago!”

“Wow, just… wow!” Scorpia continued. Catra rolled her eyes at the seemingly endless acclaim.

“Thank you, Scorpia! And that was just using this practice kit. You should see what I can do on Emily!”

“Who’s Emily?” Catra asked.

“She’s my drum kit. Part of her is under my bed!”

“Do you name all of your instruments?”

“Yes!”

Catra facepalmed. She could already tell that dealing with Entrapta would be a headache. She could barely manage one overly enthusiastic future bandmate, and now she would have to handle two.

“Lighten up, Catra,” Lonnie said as she picked up her guitar. “We just found the best drummer on campus to jam with us.”

“I don’t think we need all that extra-ness if we’re gonna be a punk band,” Catra groaned.

Undeterred, Entrapta’s eyes lit up as she gasped. “Are we a band now? I’ve never been in a band before!” She giggled with excitement.

“I didn’t say tha-”

“Oh oh oh! We need a band name!” Scorpia exclaimed.

“Hey!” Everyone’s attention snapped to Catra. “Are we gonna play or what? I didn’t learn three songs in one night for nothing. We can talk about the name later.”

Lonnie glared at Catra for a moment before turning back to the rest of the group. “Alright, alright. Someone is a bit antsy, so let’s get to playing! Everyone knows the songs?” 

“Wouldn’t be a good bassist if I didn’t.”

“Sure did!”

“I spent all night analyzing them!

“Perfect,” Lonnie said. “Let’s start with ‘Sticky’. Count us off Entrapta!”

“On it! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ”

------

Going through the motions of playing bass was easy. Remember the notes and sections, then play them in time with everyone else. Simple. Dealing with the quirks of the rest of the quartet was not. During every song, Catra would glare at Entrapta for breaking out into an unnecessarily complex fill that threw Catra off her groove, or would roll her eyes when Scorpia fudged what should have been an easy part. The only one Catra could rely on was Lonnie, but she was too forgiving. Lighten up , she had told Catra. But how could she? They were uncoordinated, sloppy. It reminded Catra of when she and Adora would-

She fumbled a fill. Damn it, Catra , she thought. Don’t think about her. Just play the damn song.

The song in question wasn’t helping. When Lonnie asked for suggestions for songs to play during their jam session, while the others gave many options from a variety of artists (most of which were squarely not in the punk genre, or even hard rock), Catra only picked one; “Helter Skelter”. Not exactly punk, but since it was one of the few everyone in the group already knew, it was added to their mock setlist. Catra was glad at first. The other two songs they had selected, “Sticky” by Frank Carter & the Rattlesnakes (Lonnie’s pick) and “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by the Stooges (Scorpia’s pick) were fine songs, great songs even, but they were unfamiliar and… scary to Catra. Not as scary as some of Entrapta’s suggestions (Catra refused to learn any Steve Vai or Tool), but Catra’s pick was the only one that felt right to her.

But the second the name Adora entered her mind…

Shut up, brain.

------

By the next week, they had chosen a name (The Horde was Catra’s idea and she was rather proud of it). The week after, Lonnie and Catra brought in original songs for them to practice. The next, they had a gig booked. To celebrate, Scorpia bought them all matching leather jackets. Their rehearsal space, a small practice studio Entrapta booked almost every day she could, became their home base. They were a real band , and the energy of playing bounced like a lightning bolt between all of them.

Except Catra.

“We can’t play this, Scorpia,” she said, handing Scorpia’s lyric sheet back to her. “It’s neat that you wrote something, but we’re a punk band. I don’t think a song about butterflies really fits with our whole thing.”

Scorpia sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

As Scorpia shuffled towards her amp, Catra caught sight of Lonnie glaring at her from across the room. 

“What? Gonna tell me I’m wrong? I don’t care how loud our amps out, tell me how butterflies and sparkles and rainbows fit with our songs about death and abuse and real shit,” Catra defended.

Lonnie narrowed her eyes but didn’t reply, opting instead to tune her guitar. Catra plucked a string on her bass and cringed when she heard the note’s wrongness . It felt untable. It was out of tune. Following Lonnie’s lead, she started to adjust the tuning pegs, occasionally plucking a string to check how in tune it was. Once she finished, she noticed Entrapta and Scorpia staring at her.

“What?” she growled.

“How are you doing that without a tuner?” Scorpia asked.

Entrapta’s eyes grew wide. If she wasn’t confined behind her kit, Catra was sure Entrapta would have jumped right in front of her face again.

“You have perfect pitch!” Entrapta exclaimed.

“Yeah, check it out,” Lonnie said. “Hey, Catra! Name the notes.”

Lonnie turned away to ensure Catra could see the fretboard or her fingers and strummed a chord. The notes were smooth, evenly paced, like a calm wave washing through Catra’s head.

“C, E, and G. C major,” she answered. “Can we get back to practicing now?”

“No, I gave you an easy one. How about this?” Lonnie strummed a less harmonious chord. The vibrations clashed. The calm wave had been turned into a storm which violently rang throughout Catra’s skull.

Catra winced. “C sharp, D, B, F, and don’t even ask me what chord that was because it’s ugly as shit.”

“Wow! That’s really impressive, Wildcat! How long did it take you to learn how to do that?” Scorpia said.

“Didn’t have to. I was born with it.”

“Woooaaaah!” Entrapta and Scorpia gushed at the same time.

“Yeah, wow, neat party trick. Let’s get back to playing,” Catra groaned.

------

A week before their first gig, Catra pulled Entrapta aside.

“Entrapta, great drumming. Amazing, even. You’re improvising a lot, and it’s… really neat, let’s go with that. But I want you to try something. Let’s call it an experiment,” she told her.

From the squeal of excitement, Catra could already tell Entrapta was on board without even knowing what the experiment was. She claimed it was to test Entrapta’s “critical listening and muscle memory” skills, which it technically was. Playing a piece of music the exact same way every time certainly improves both, but with the added benefit of filtering out any unwanted odd time signatures or overly long drum fills.

For a while, she had no idea how she was going to help Scorpia, and then her bass broke again three days before the gig.

“Oh, I got a ton of spending cash from my moms!” Scorpia said. “I can take you to the guitar store in town.”

And they were off. Catra spent the car ride staring out the window, wondering what god or demon she pissed off to deserve the torture of being driven around by a chatterbox like Scorpia. Inside the store wasn’t much better. Scorpia was constantly right behind her, so close Catra could feel her breath on her neck. Every couple of seconds, Scorpia would point and say things like “Ooo! Look at that one!” or “That one has cool flames on it!” a little too loudly right next to Catra’s ears.

Making matters worse was the store’s abysmal collection of bass guitars, mostly generic Fenders or Squiers. Catra’s old bass was a Squier Bronco, sure, but it was unmistakably her Squier. These basses didn’t have any character. They all blended together (besides the one with flames, but Scorpia was probably the only one who would think it was actually “cool”).

They had looked through the entire lineup of basses twice before one finally caught Catra’s eye, peeking out behind a rather large acoustic bass guitar. She grabbed it and looked it over. It vaguely resembled her Bronco, same coloring on the body and neck, but the pickguard was a matching black rather than the Bronco’s weathered white. The shaping of the body was different, too. It was curvier, more striking to Catra’s eyes. Catra checked the tag. It read “Ibanez Talman TMB30, Short-scale Bass, $229.99''.

She plugged it into an amp and played. The thump resonated in her chest, and she quickly found herself tapping a foot alongside her playing. It was sharp, it was powerful, it was…

“Perfect,” Catra said. “I’m getting this one, Scorpia.”

Scorpia checked the price tag and gave her a quizzical look. “Are you sure? It’s pretty cheap. Wouldn’t a more expensive one be better?”

“First lesson in being in a punk band: be cheap,” Catra explained as they made their way to the counter.

“What about my guitar? Lonnie said it was expensive.”

“Second lesson in punk: if you can’t be cheap, be cool.”

Scorpia seemed to agree to that. By the time they had bought the bass and a case for it, the sun had been replaced by an early winter night. Even in the dark, Catra could see the buzz of energy emanating from across the street. A sizable group of people, around ten or eleven that Catra could make out, were filing into an alleyway. They each carried something in their hands. Some had large boxes, others long cases. From the alley, they entered into a door which connected into a bar. Catra smirked and grabbed Scorpia from the driver’s seat of her van. Scorpia had barely enough time to close the door before she was being hauled across the road.

“C’mon, Scorp,” she ordered. “I wanna show you something.”

The bouncer accepted Catra’s forty dollars as their “temporary IDs”. The inside of the bar was exactly what Catra expected; noisy, divey, full of people wearing leather jackets with punk band logos embroidered on their backs. Against the far wall sat a stage where people were setting up. Just like back home , she thought. Catra dragged Scorpia further in, eventually finding two empty seats against the bar and occupying them. Catra called the bartender over and ordered a beer for the two of them.

“Gee, Wildcat, I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” Scorpia protested. “I mean I’m driving, and we’re neither of us are twenty one yet, and we kinda bribed that guy outside, which by the way I’m really concerned you did that.”

“Third rule of punk,” Catra started. She grabbed her beer from the bartender and took a swig. “Underaged drinking is cool.”

Catra had long finished her beer by the time the band had started playing. She dragged Scorpia into the crowd as the roaring guitars kicked off the first song of the night. The crowd jumped and danced to the music, giving the drums an extra kick every time their feet touched the ground. Catra jumped and danced with them, letting the energy flow into her and back out through her arms and legs as she flailed them around. Scorpia, on the other hand, stood still as a statue, nervously glancing back and forth between the stage, the people surrounding her, and Catra.

“I have no idea what’s going on right now, I gotta be honest with ya,” Scorpia yelled over the music.

“Just go with it!” Catra yelled back. “Fourth rule of punk; move !”

Scorpia nodded and hesitantly started copying Catra’s movements. As they moved, Scorpia gradually started falling into a groove alongside Catra and the rest of the crowd. When a mosh pit formed, the pair entered and started punching the air and kicking the ground like they were killing the physical embodiment of capitalism itself right then and there, together. As the night went on, Catra showed Scorpia a variety of the other “rules of punk”, showing off how the band’s guitarist played each song with a vigorous energy which echoed throughout the audience and pointing out the stage moves of each of the band members.

During their next practice tomorrow, Scorpia proved to Catra she was listening by playing with real intensity, one Catra had only seen matched by herself, Lonnie and…

New rule , she thought. Punks don’t think about people who left them.

Chapter Text

They always knew Catra wasn’t going to get a full ride, not with her grades, but they already had a plan. Catra would apply for a loan, and then they would both get jobs as soon as possible and pay it off together. Adora’s scholarship practically guaranteed the success of their master plan.

After days of waiting, Catra’s letter was finally delivered.

“Ready to make good on your promise, princess?”

“More than.”

Their master plan didn’t account for Catra getting rejected from BMU.

------

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Christ, Adora. DO. NOT. CRY.

Every single one of Catra’s movements seemed to be choreographed specifically to make Adora do just that. Catra still tapped her foot as she played, which still broke into a stomp whenever she played a particularly impactful part of the song. She still refused to pluck a string the correct way, opting instead to play by flicking her hand against a string in an odd hybrid of strumming and slapping. She still grinned after every fill and whenever she was given the spotlight, no matter how brief. She was still Catra .

“They’re really good!”

Adora jumped at the sudden noise next to her. She looked down at Glimmer, who in turn was looking up at Adora expectantly.

“Yeah, um…” Adora cleared her throat.

Glimmer’s excitement turned to worry. “Are you alright? You look a little pale.”

“Yep! All good, I’m just uh…” She glanced at the stage. No question about it, Catra was looking right at her . “Nervous.”

“Come on, we’ve played to more people than this,” Glimmer assured. “It’ll be okay, Adora. We got this!”

Adora gave her a strained thumbs up, which Glimmer seemed to accept as genuine. When Adora looked back to the stage, Catra was still looking at her. As soon as they made eye contact, Catra’s look turned into a glare , which faded into a smirk as the song ended with a sudden and loud chord. The next few songs all blended together for Adora, bookended in her mind only by the rare times Catra looked away from her. The beat and noise emanating from the speakers mixed with the pulsing of Adora’s heart. The Horde was probably really good, great even, but Adora wasn’t paying attention. Any sense of time she had slipped away. The present felt like a distant memory to her.

Until Lonnie began playing the opening riff to “Helter Skelter”.

Adora could feel the rest of the color drain from her face. As the rest of the band joined, the pounding drums and thumping bass and distorted guitars overtook her senses. Her vision blurred, leaving only Catra in sight, who seemed to be enjoying herself perfectly fine. The intensity of her playing only seemed to increase the longer she held Adora’s gaze. She hit her fingers against the strings like she was trying to break them; like she was daring them to.

Like she was daring Adora to do… something.

As the song ended, Catra (finally) turned away from the crowd and said something to Entrapta as Lonnie spoke to the crowd.

“Hello, Fright Zone!”

The crowd cheered. Bow clapped as Glimmer gave a loud “Wooo!” Adora stood frozen in place, arms firmly tucked into her sides.

“Thank you all for coming out! We have one more song we want to play for you guys. This one’s an original by our bassist but she was too lazy to give it a title. Give it up for Catra, everyone!”

Catra turned back to face the crowd, waving as they cheered. As Catra opened the song with a bass intro, Adora felt a nudge on her arm. She looked to see Bow staring at her with worry in his eyes.

“Is that…?” he began to ask

Before he could finish, Adora nodded. Even if she hadn’t confirmed it, Bow would have been able to figure it out from her wide eyes and pale complexion. He got Glimmer's attention and directed her gaze to Adora. After a few moments of confusion, Glimmer’s eyes grew almost as wide as Adora’s when it clicked. She let out a soft “oh” and put her hand on Adora’s shoulder.

“Adora, seriously, are you okay?” she asked as Bow put a hand on Adora’s other shoulder.

“I’m…” Adora let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I’m fine.”

“Well you better be because you three have a show to get ready for.”

Adora gasped in surprise and turned to find Dee standing right behind her. “Oh! Right! Thank you, Dee.” She forced a smile and turned to the others. “Let’s go! Now. ”

She grabbed Bow and Glimmer’s hands and pulled them towards the house, averting her gaze from the stage. She could practically feel Catra staring at her. Before she closed the door behind them, she heard Lonnie sing the first lines of Catra’s song.

Every word you whispered

Every vow you broke

Left me shattered ‘cross the floor

Left me hoping that you’d choke

She darted into the storage room before she could hear any more. She plugged her ears as she searched for her gear. The music was muffled, enough that she couldn’t make out any more of the lyrics but not enough to hide the bass. She pictured Catra on the stage, stomping to the beat as Lonnie kept singing her lyrics that were absolutely about Adora. Were they? Wait, did Catra want Adora to die ? No no no, that was too far. Adora exaggerated lyrics in her songs all the time. Catra wouldn’t want Adora to choke , right?  Did Catra have anyone else who left her and would wish death upon? Maybe Catra was writing about Ms. Weaver. Yeah, that had to be it. Maybe Catra coming back was a good thing. Maybe Catra wanted to surprise her by showing up today and they could finally hang out again after all this time. Or maybe Catra was still mad and the song was about Adora and Catra really did want her dead and-

“Hey, Adora!” Glimmer placed her hands on Adora’s shoulder and forced her to look her in the eye. “You’re not ‘fine’. Bow and I can both see right through you. Talk to us.”

“Give her some space, Glimmer,” Bow said. Once Glimmer obliged, he motioned for Adora to sit down, which she did. He continued. “ Are you okay, Adora? You don’t have to tell us everything but if you don’t think you can play - which is totally okay and we would completely understand - you need to let us know now.”

Adora’s eyes darted back and forth between her two bandmates. She took a deep breath in, let it out, and then picked up the case holding the Casino.

“I really am fine,” she assured. “Catra just…”

When words failed her, Bow filled in. “Caught you off guard?” he asked. Adora nodded. “Do you think it’s a good thing or a bad thing that Catra’s here?”

Adora took a second to think, and then dropped her head into her hands. “I don’t know,” she mumbled.

“How could you not know?” Glimmer questioned. “You haven’t told us much about her but if it was a good thing you would be excited, right? You don’t look very excited right now.”

“Glimmer, you’re not really helping right now,” Bow whispered. Glimmer gave an apologetic nod and took a step back.

“No, it’s ok,” Adora said as she looked back up. “Glimmer’s right. I’ve never really talked about her with you guys. I should have. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Adora. Like you said, it’s a fresh wound. We completely understand,” Bow said, giving her a small but comforting smile. “Do you need anything right now?”

“No, I…” Adora paused, then said with a small voice, “Maybe a hug?”

Bow and Glimmer wrapped their arms around her instantly. The warmth of their embrace almost drowned out the searing heat of the last thirty minutes. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t completely tune out the sound of Catra’s bass rumbling through the house, but it was suddenly much more bearable. Then, it was gone, replaced by the distant sound of cheering. After a few more seconds soaking in the warmth, she let her friends go and stood up.

“Alright,” she said, mustering up her best front woman voice. “Let’s do this.”

The band picked up their gear for the final round of schlepping before they could finally perform. This is it , Adora thought as she led the way out of the storage room, guitar case and amplifier in hand. You know how to do this. It’s just playing live but Catra’s… here. Somewhere. But it’s ok! She’s here! You can actually talk to her now and ask why she left and apologize and… be friends again. Yeah… yeah! Friends! She doesn’t hate you! You just need to talk t- oh shit.

Blocking the storage room’s exit was Catra, bass still slung around her body. Adora froze in her tracks, which caused a chain reaction of Glimmer bumping into her, and then Bow bumping into Glimmer, and then Glimmer bumping into Adora again. Glimmer opened her mouth to complain, but shut it as soon as she saw who was causing the sudden blockage.

Even up close, Catra still looked exactly as Adora remembered her. Mismatched blue and yellow eyes, the snaggletooth barely sticking out of the right side of her mouth, the curly hair that was just as frizzy as it was when it was down to her lower back. Her leather jacket was new, her worn crimson t-shirt and ripped black jeans were not. Adora remembered Catra specifically calling it her “badass” outfit, and Adora couldn’t say she was wrong, especially with the addition of the jacket.

Adora blinked as she realized she had been staring at Catra for a little too long. Catra stared right back. Was she… smiling? Scowling? Adora didn’t trust herself to make up an answer.

“Hey, Adora.”

Catra’s voice sent a shiver throughout Adora’s body. She sucked in a breath and tightened her grip on her case and amp. Catra smiled, but Adora didn’t feel any warmth behind it. Something felt cold. Why did Catra feel so cold ?

Before Adora could respond, Catra pushed past them, followed by the rest of the Horde. Entrapta and the muscular one followed closely behind Catra, congratulating each other for a great show. Lonnie trailed behind them, glaring at Catra. When she locked eyes with Adora, her expression became softer.

“I’m sorry. I thought she would be… better,” Lonnie whispered. “Break a leg, Adora.”

Glimmer nudged Adora from behind. “Go. It’ll be okay. We’re here for you.”

Adora glanced behind her. Her eyes first landed on Catra as she zipped her bass’s case. Adora quickly switched her focus to Bow, who nodded in agreement with Glimmer’s reassurance. Looking back forward, Adora counted her breaths as they made their way out the back door and onto the stage. She used their setup process as a distraction, double checking every part of her signal chain (including ensuring her amp was plugged in) and soundchecking the various pedals and tones she planned to use for their performance. All seemed well, but she checked again, and then a few more times, just in case.

She kneeled down by her pedalboard and looked out into the audience. Entrapta’s purple hair stuck making its way towards the stage stuck out amongst the crowd. Bow took notice and met her at the edge of the stage.

“Entrapta! Great set,” he said.

“Thank you! It was very fun. Practicing was fun, too! Drumming is fun!” she replied.

“Hey, Adora!” Bow called. “This is Entrapta. She’s who I was telling you about earlier!”

Adora looked over and gave a short wave and a small “Hi”.

Entrapta reciprocated with a loud “Hello!” and then gave a louder “HELLO, GLIMMER!” as she waved to Glimmer. Glimmer smiled and waved back. Entrapta’s smile grew wider with excitement. She turned her attention back to Bow and they started talking about something (what the hell is a sharp eleventh?). Adora stood and stepped back towards Glimmer.

“You okay?” Glimmer asked as Adora approached.

“Please stop asking that.” Adora looked over her shoulder and quickly scanned the audience again. “Do you see her?”

Glimmer stood to see over her drums. “Um… no? I see another one of her bandmates, though. White hair, muscles.” She gestured to the right side of the audience. When Adora looked, she could see their short, white hair and… oh, her leather jacket matched Catra’s. Her eyes darted to Entrapta where she found, much to her relief, she was also wearing a matching leather jacket.

Wait, why did that matter so much to you?

She groaned.

Later. I can think about it later.

“So, um…” Glimmer’s voice snapped Adora back into reality. “Bow and I were talking about grabbing dinner after this. Wanna come with?”

“What’re you getting?”

Glimmer grinned. “Wendy’s.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Adora answered, returning the smile. “I’d kill for some fries right now.”

Soundcheck went by without a hitch. Everything was set up, everything sounded good, they were introduced by Dee, they were rearing to go. Entrapta had left her spot at the front to stand next to her bandmate (Scorpia, as Adora overheard her tell Bow). The other two members of the Horde were nowhere to be seen.

Where did they go? Did they leave? Maybe Lonnie told Catra to go away. No, that makes no sense. None of this makes sense.

Get yourself together, Adora! It’s okay, you’re okay, Catra’s okay.

“I thought she would be better”... What did Lonnie mean by that? Oh god, Catra probably does hate me. That’s why she was glaring at me. She hates me. She’s mad. I lost her forever.

No. Later. You can think about it later.

She took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, and then released it. She looked at Bow and nodded, then did the same towards Glimmer.

“Last chance to bring the ‘The’ back,” Glimmer said.

Adora gave her an exaggerated pout.

Glimmer rolled her eyes and sat up in her seat. “Fiiiiine.” 

Adora made her way to the microphone at the front of the stage, careful to angle her slow and heavy breathing as far away from the mic as she could without being turned all the way around. Looking into the crowd, she spied Lonnie on the left. Adora gave her a small wave, which Lonnie returned with a nod and a smile, but even from far away Adora could see the worry on her face. She could see some other familiar faces in the crowd, mostly classmates she didn’t know outside the walls of the classroom. Towards the back were Kyle and Rogelio, two high school friends of hers who she hadn’t seen in a while. She smiled as she thought about catching up with them if she saw them again soon.

Her smile faded when her eyes settled on the right side of the crowd. Entrapta and Scorpia were still standing together, both smiling towards the stage in excitement. Next to them, on the very edge of the audience, was Catra. When Adora’s eyes met hers, the same cold smile slowly spread across her face.

“WE ARE ETERNIA!”

No.

“ONE!”

No no no no, Glimmer, please.

“TWO!”

I can’t, not now.

“THREE!”

Don’t cry, don't cry, don't cry.

“FOUR!”

Despite being fully aware of the countdown, Adora almost jumped in surprise as Glimmer began pounding the opening fill to “Call Me” by Blondie on her drums. The fill was fast and quick, just barely enough time for Adora to recover before she started playing. The first riff was easy, just three power chords for four bars…

Shit, it’s been five bars. Guess we’re doing a long intro.

She gave an apologetic glance to Bow and Glimmer before transitioning into the second riff. She felt herself nodding along to its galloping rhythm. She took a final slow breath in and out before drawing a sharp one in and leaning into the microphone.

Color me your color, baby

Color me your car

The words were jumbled slightly and her throat felt sticky. She took a step back, angled her head down, cleared her throat, then quickly stepped forward in front of the mic once again.

Color me your color, darling

I know who you are

Her voice resonated throughout her body, blending with the vibrations of the guitar against her body in a harmony amplified by the pickups and microphone. The sound was guided back into her ears by the speakers, which fed the vibrations back into her torso, repeating the cycle. She stood taller, gripped the neck of the guitar tighter, and strummed harder.

Come up off your color chart

I know where you’re coming from

Call me!

“Call me!” Bow’s deep voice echoed her own. They shared a quick glance and a smile before turning back to their respective microphones. As Adora sang, her leg rocked to the rhythm, bending to the weight of her body only to lock back into place every beat. When the chorus ended, she planted a foot behind her and let her whole body rock back and forth, shifting her weight from one leg to another. After the brief instrumental, she stood straight once again to sing the second verse, letting her eyelids drift close as she began to sway.

The rigid texture of the guitar strings rubbed across her fingertips as she moved from chord to chord. E, now up to G, up again to A, up to C, repeat… okay, now the bridge. Her picking hand slowed, dragging across the strings to let a chord ring. The resonance in her throat shifted towards the back as she used a mellower tone of voice for the bridge. Between lines, she made brief moments of eye contact with Bow, silently confirming they were both ready for their solos. Adora could see Bow doing the same with Glimmer as her voice grew in power. The bridge ended. Time to solo.

Adora was first, at first following the synth solo from the original recording before beginning to add her own embellishments. As the notes climbed in pitch, so too did she, straightening during high notes and slouching during lows. During the final ascent, she strummed the power chords as hard as she could, rocking the guitar up and down to accentuate the climb. For the final chord, she jumped into the air, kicking her legs back and landed right as Bow took over.

Bow’s solo leaned into the groove of the song, calling back to melodies Adora had sung just moments earlier and fitting them into new rhythms. Adora watched as Bow strided forward, his head nodding with each beat. He stood proud on the edge of the stage as he dug into the strings with his fingertips. Bow copied Adora’s final climb, which was soon echoed by Adora as they both turned towards Glimmer.

Glimmer’s steady beat turned into an explosive fury of hits and rolls. The snare cracked like a whip and the toms barreled forward like a train. She began to steadily slow until she was only tapping the snare with a consistent one, two, three, four. Adora began to rock back and forth again as Glimmer’s relaxed pace began to grow in speed and power which erupted into a final hard hitting fill.

With powerful strikes of their strings and a combined shout of “Call me!”, Adora and Bow made their grand re-entrance. As she belted the final chorus, Adora could feel the individual rhythms from their instruments reverberate through her torso. Every movement generated beautiful noise.

“One more!” Adora called between lines.

Glimmer took the opportunity of a final reprise to elaborate on her steady pattern, adding longer fills which excited the resonance in Adora’s chest. The trio’s playing grew in intensity until they striked one final, powerful chord. The audience erupted into applause as the final chord rang out through the speakers. Adora felt a sense of fullness as she looked out into the crowd. The resonance in her chest didn’t die with the song, it only grew with the crowd's praise. She smiled and waved, giving the first of many thanks yous she would give throughout their set.

“Woooo! Eternia!” She could pick out Lonnie’s encouragement in the sea of noise. Her grin grew wider as she saw Kyle and Rogelio waving her down. Kyle pointed to himself and excitedly mouthed “ I know you! I know you! ” to her as Rogelio gave her a thumbs up. Entrapta’s shrill screams drew her attention next. She and Scorpia were jumping with excitement. Next to them, Catra…

Just stared. Adora couldn’t make out any emotion on her face. When she tried a little wave, Catra’s face contorted into a scowl. Adora dropped her hand to rest it against the body of the guitar. She couldn’t break eye contact. She felt cold again. Catra was still there and she was watching her and looking at her and Catra was mad and-

“Ok! One!”

God damn it, Bow. Not you, too.

“Two!”

Breathe, Adora. It’s okay.

“Three!”

Don’t think about Catra being right there. Don’t think about Catra watching you. Don’t think about Catra in general.

“Four!”

Here we go again.

Chapter Text

“See? What’d I tell you? It rolls off the tongue.”

“Shut up and let me eat my fries, Bow.”

Their words carried through the still air of the Wendy’s. The only other noises were an employee cleaning tables on the other side of the dining room and the soft hum of the soda fountain. The relative cleanliness of the surrounding tables made Eternia’s table stick out like a sore thumb. Mounds of empty chicken nugget and fry containers, burger wrappers, and cups littered the table. Layers of crumbs made a path leading to Adora’s seat, where she was downing her third burger with vigorous devotion. 

Despite Glimmer’s quip, she and Bow continued talking and getting into playful arguments. Adora hadn’t contributed much to the conversation, or any conversation since their set had ended a few hours before. The most she had spoken was to ask one of the others where she should move a piece of gear while they were moving everything back into their house. Occasionally her eyes would dart up from where they were focused on the table and briefly meet with Glimmer or Bow’s. Even from a brief glance, Adora could tell they were worried about her, probably working up the courage to ask her if she’s okay or if they could do anything to help her.

“So, Adora…”

There it is.

“Do you want to… talk about it?” Bow asked.

“Talk about what?” Adora didn’t look up from the table.

“About Catra.”

She knew what he was about to say, but hearing her name still made Adora feel… something. Instead of responding, she took a large bite of her burger.

“I know it’s probably a lot, and you were caught off guard by it,” Bow continued. “We want to know if you’re okay, and we want to help.”

Adora swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are.” Glimmer turned her whole body towards Adora. “Every time someone even mentions Catra, you freeze up and you won’t talk for minutes. You were freaking out before the show, you were definitely freaking out during the show, and you haven’t said anything in hours. Please, Adora. Talk to us.”

After a few moments of silent deliberation, Adora nodded. “Okay,” she said quietly. “I’ll talk, just… give me a sec.”

Bow and Glimmer nodded in agreement. Adora took another bite of her burger before setting it down and bringing her knees up to her chin. She curled up in her chair, locking her arms around her legs and hugging them closer. She left just enough room to completely hide her face in the gap between her legs and chest if needed be. They fell into silence once more.

“Last year, Catra ran away from our foster home because I was coming to BMU,” Adora started.

------

“What do you mean ‘she left’?” Adora asked, exasperated.

Ms. Weaver took a sip of wine. She didn’t look up from her book when she spoke. “What I mean is, she left. While you were out planning your future, she decided she shouldn’t have to wait for you. So, she left. For good.”

Adora bolted upstairs and into their room. All of Catra’s clothes and the few keepsakes she had were gone. Even most of Adora’s belongings had vanished. Panic shot through Adora as she found the underside of their bed devoid of anything. Catra had taken their guitar, too.

“Didn’t believe me?” Ms. Weaver said as Adora ran back downstairs. “If I may be honest, you’ll be much better off now that she’s gone. You two were feuding for quite a while, and before that…” She made a noise of disgust. “So distracting that one was.”

Adora turned to face Ms. Weaver. She stepped forward, pointing an accusatory finger in her face.

“You don’t get to say anything about her,” Adora commanded. “You didn’t help us, not even once. The only time you even pretended to care about her or me was when CPS rolled around. You don’t get to pretend like this is for the greater good or whatever. I can’t wait for the day of your funeral so I can burn the invitation, you monster.”

Ms. Weaver put her book down and looked at Adora. There wasn’t any emotion behind her eyes, she just looked. As she went to take another sip of wine, Adora pulled the glass from her hand and threw it to the ground. The shattered glass was soon followed by the wine bottle as Adora threw it to the ground as well with a loud crash. Weaver remained motionless as Adora ran out the door and onto the city streets.

Adora rushed down the sidewalk, calling out Catra’s name and ignoring any looks of confusion from other pedestrians. With each city block, she felt a weight in her chest growing heavier and heavier until she finally collapsed miles away from where she started. She thought about the time on the roof, about every time they reminded each other of their promise. She thought about the day they bought their guitar after months of saving. She thought about when she got her acceptance letter in the mail and they sneaked out to a nearby club to watch local bands perform into the early hours of the morning to celebrate.

She thought about the months Catra spent ignoring her after Adora said she was accepting the offer from BMU.

She thought about just a few hours ago and the surge of joy she felt when she learned from a BMU representative that the scholarship could be carried over to the spring semester if she decided to wait a little longer. She couldn’t wait to tell Catra. She wasn’t entirely sure how they could get Catra to measure up to BMU’s standards in time for spring but what she was sure of was that they could figure it out. Together.

She thought about thirty minutes ago when she returned to find there was no Catra to tell.

She screamed and cried on the side of the road until her throat gave out, and then she started the slow, long walk back to Ms. Weaver’s. When she returned, she found her belongings already packed neatly into a suitcase.

------

“Holy shit,” Glimmer muttered. “Wow, Adora. I’m… I’m so sorry.”

Adora shook her head. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t even know you guys then.”

“Still,” Bow started. He began to reach his arm out towards Adora but stopped before he made contact, a silent request for permission. When Adora nodded, he placed a hand on her arm. “That’s a lot for anyone to go through. Losing people is hard, to say the least.”

She nodded and buried her face in her knees.

“How do you feel about seeing her again?” Bow asked.

“I don’t know,” Adora said, her voice muffled by her jeans.

She felt her eyes starting to water. When another hand moved to rub her back, she realized she was shaking. She looked up to see that Glimmer had moved her chair from the other side of the table to sit next to Adora. A small smile formed on her lips.

“I’m really glad I met you guys,” she said. Her voice was small, barely over a whisper to hide its shakiness.

“We are, too,” said Glimmer.

Adora opened her arms and brought the others in for a hug. All three held on tight, soaking in the warmth. It was only when Adora let out a sharp sob that she realized she was crying. She sobbed again, and then laughed.

“Oh, god. I’m crying in a Wendy’s,” she chuckled as she let go of the embrace. She sniffed and wiped her hand across her cheek. “I really am a mess, huh?”

Glimmer smiled. “Mmm, yeah, but you’re our mess.”

“Glimmer,” Bow playfully scolded.

“What? She admitted it!”

The trio laughed. Adora wiped her cheek again and took another bite of her burger. Though the patty was tepid, she still felt warm with the affection of her friends. She looked between the two of them as they resumed their playful banter, squabbling about how much they should be allowed to tease Adora.

Adora smiled. I love my friends .

------

They were fourteen.

The thunderous sounds of a guitar played through an amplifier and shrill but pitch perfect singing meant two things to Adora as she entered their house. One, Ms. Weaver was out, and likely for a while. She would never allow that much noise be made by the children, if any at all. Two, Catra was in. Adora smiled as she ran upstairs. She pressed an ear against their bedroom door and took a moment to listen. She couldn’t make out any of the lyrics and couldn’t place exactly what the song was, but it sounded vaguely familiar.

When the song was finished, Adora opened the door and dashed inside, throwing her backpack against the wall and tackling Catra against the bed. Catra let out a short yelp.

“Watch the guitar, idiot!” Catra pleaded. 

She shoved Adora aside and sat back up, quickly laying the guitar down at the foot of the bed and placing the small Fender amplifier next to it. She turned back to Adora and pounced, cackling as they made contact. The two of them engaged in friendly combat, tossing and turning themselves and each other to gain the upper hand. Adora grabbed Catra’s shoulder and pulled her down against the mattress. Catra quickly retaliated by latching on Adora’s arm and twisting it, forcing Adora’s body to turn away from Catra lest her arm get mangled. Adora tried to reach back to regain her grapple on Catra, but Catra had already gotten back up. She clinged to Adora’s back, grabbing a hold of her arms and crossing them across her torso. Adora laughed as she tried to pull herself out of Catra’s pin, but found herself fighting with less vigor when Catra wrapped her legs around her stomach.

“Hey!” Adore chuckled as she continued to struggle.

“Admit defeat and maybe I’ll let you go,” Catra said. She tightened her grip.

After a final failed escape attempt, Adora relented. “Fiiiiine,” she sighed. They both went limp, collapsing against the bed. Adora flopped onto her side and pulled herself further onto the bed until she was next to Catra. Their faces were squished against the bedding, contorting their smiles with odd wrinkles spread across their faces.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra greeted.

“Hi,” Adora responded. “What were you playing?”

“Were you eavesdropping on my private practice time?”

“Maybe.”

Catra propped herself up on her elbows. “Then I don’t have to tell you what I was playing. You already heard it.”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t know what it was.”

“That’s because I just wrote it.”

Adora pushed herself upward and sat criss cross on the bed. “You wrote something? Can I hear it?”

“Ha! As if I’d show you.”

Adora gave Catra a light shove, just enough to knock Catra off her balance and push her back against the mattress. “Come on!” Adora complained. “I want to hear it!”

“Eh, maybe one day.”

Adora noticed a notebook at the edge of the bed. “What’s this?” she questioned as she reached for it.

“That,” Catra said as she swatted Adora’s hand away. “Is my lyric notebook, and it’s for my eyes only, thank you very much.” Adora tried to make another grab at the notebook, but Catra yanked her hand away. “Nuh uh. Not today.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Catra smirked and then grabbed the guitar from its resting place. She placed it in Adora’s lap and sat against the headboard.

“I wanna hear you play something,” Catra said.

“Well that doesn’t seem very fair, now does it?” Despite her protests, Adora adjusted the guitar in her lap. The offset body of the Jaguar had become very familiar to her now, the sunburst finish ever so slightly worn where it hugged against her thigh and torso.

“Well, you were eavesdropping on me so you already got your show. I want one now.” Catra crossed her arms and shot Adora an unserious glare.

“You’re the worst,” Adora said, picking at one of the many stickers adorning the guitar’s body.

Catra hummed. “I know. Now play me something, princess.”

Adora rolled her eyes and adjusted the amplifier so it faced Catra. She sat up straight and gave the guitar a test strum. The chord rang out through the amp clearly, if a little distorted. She placed her fingers in the position of the first chord, took a deep breath in, let it out, and began to play. The chords were mellow and drawn out through slow arpeggios, playing a descending line which constantly teetered between harmonic and dissonant. Adora adjusted her posture once more, and then began to sing.

Isn’t it a pity?

Isn’t it a shame

How we break each other’s hearts

And cause each other pain

Her body began to sway, switching direction with every chord change. When she saw a grin forming at the edge of Catra’s lips, she leaned into the sway and strummed a little harder.

How we take each other’s love

Without thinking anymore

Forgetting to give baaaaaack

She greatly exaggerated the last word, dragging it out and through many different notes in an excessive vocal run. Catra giggled. Her grin finally had pierced her faux uncaring exterior. Adora smiled in return as she continued to sing.

Isn’t it a pity?

“This is a sad song,” Catra playfully whined.

Adora halted her playing. “You’re telling me that little Miss ‘I Listen To Mitski When I Think No One’s Looking’ wants to hear a happy song?”

“How did you know-? Wait, no. I do not listen to Mitski!” Catra tried to tackle Adora but was easily pushed away. Catra fell back to pouting against the headboard. “I listen to cool shit like Foo Fighters and Nirvana and Rage Against the Machine.”

“Suuuure.”

“I do!”

“You do like Mitski, you mean.”

“I-! You-! Shut up!” Catra turned away and buried her face in her hands.

Adora smirked. Her attention turned back to the notebook which Catra was now facing away from. She began to slowly reach for it, careful not to shift her weight too much so the creakiness of the bed wouldn’t give her away. Adora startled when Catra moved, but to her luck, Catra kept her face turned away from her, leaning it against her knees and looking towards the wall. 

Adora pulled the notebook a little closer to her. Written in Catra’s scratchy handwriting were lyrics. Adora couldn’t make out much. Something about whispers? Shattered glass? Catra had definitely pulled a page out of Mitski’s book for this one.

“Hey, Adora?”

Adora froze when Catra spoke. A quick glance showed her Catra was still facing away. 

“Yeah?” Adora answered.

“Can I ask you something?” Catra sounded worried.

“Um, sure. What’s up?” Adora slid the notebook closer and looked over the page and… she did know the song Catra was playing. Catra had written it. She had heard Catra play it for her before.

Every word you whispered

Every vow you broke

Left me shattered ‘cross the floor

Left me hoping that you’d choke

“Why did you leave me?” Catra asked.

“What?”

Adora looked back at Catra but she was… different. Catra was taller, her huge mane of hair cut into a short, messy pixie cut. Her plain t-shirt was replaced by a thick leather jacket. She turned to face Adora. As she did, a harsh light fell over her face, outlining her scowl in sharp, contrasting shadows.

Adora shivered. She could see her breath as she exhaled.

“Why did you leave me, Adora?” Catra repeated. “You promised we would stay together. You promised. You promised.”

Catra’s words echoed around the small room as she stood on the bed. Adora felt herself shrink with each repeated word until Catra was towering over her like a skyscraper. I didn’t want to! You left before I could come get you! Adora wanted to scream, but all her efforts were in vain. Air became trapped in her throat. She tried to scream, but nothing came out beyond a strained wheeze.

The echoing words morphed into music. First just instruments, guitars and strings droning away, following the descending pattern Adora started. Then from somewhere beyond the room, a chanting choir.

What a pity

What a pity

What a pity

What a pity

Catra slowly lifted her foot and held it over Adora. The shadow casted over her blew away what little warmth there was left in her body. As the foot descended, the shadow grew darker and the chanting grew louder. The voices were joined by another chant, overlapping the other in a harmonious cacophony.

Na, na na, na na na na

Na na na na

Isn’t it a pity?

As the final glimpse of light was snuffed out by her foot, Catra spoke. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

The world went dark.

------

Adora jolted up, gripping tightly to her sheets like a shield. She drew a sharp breath in and held it as she rubbed her eyes. Light filtered in through the window, diffused with an orange glow by the giant lesbian pride flag (a coming out gift from Glimmer) hanging over it. Shit , she thought. It’s morning. She took her phone from her bedside table and checked the time; just after 9am. The screen showed George Harrison’s “Isn’t It a Pity?” was just about three quarters of the way through playing. The song she skipped to, “Aline” by Jarvis Cocker, didn’t help her mood, nor did the next, “Someday I’ll Get It” by Alek Olson. She paused it, silently cursing herself for putting so much depressing music on her sleep playlist.

She dragged herself out of bed. Her feet landed in a pile of clothes leaking out from under her bed. She picked the shirt and pants that smelled the cleanest, which ended up being a red flannel button up and gray khakis (not the worst combination she’s worn due to her random selection routine by far).

As she got dressed, her mind wandered back to the dream. The overwhelming chanting, how Catra had looked at her with such disdain, Catra’s final words as she snuffed out the light. Just moments before, Adora was playing around with Catra. Adora was singing to Catra. 

Singing .

Adora felt her heart drop. The day before had been the first time she had sung to Catra in almost a year. The last time she did, Catra had just-

“No,” she told herself. “Breathe, Adora.”

After a seconds long meditation, she stuffed her laptop into her backpack and slung it around her shoulder. Exiting her bedroom, she saw Bow in the kitchen, digging through cabinets for ingredients and merrily humming along to a cheery song about sleeping in (the world was out to taunt Adora today). He perked up when he saw Adora.

“Mornin’!” he said. “I’m making omelets. Want one?”

Adora shook her head as she made her way to the front door. “No, but thanks. I have a morning class.”

“Adora, it’s Saturday,” Bow informed.

“Yeah, and?” She reached for the door handle.

“You don’t have weekend classes.”

“Oh.” Her hand froze inches from the handle. A voice in her mind called her Idiot . “Um, yeah. I guess I’ll have an omelet then, please.”

Chapter Text

Entrapta was pushing the limits of how thankful Catra could act when offered free Chili’s.

“...and so she had to combine the individual strips of tape together into one big strip of tape! And then she had to manually tune the oscillator to the notes of the main melody and record that over the backing track in one take! Isn’t that interesting?” Entrapta leaned across the table, leveraging it to invade further into Catra’s personal space. Catra sank in her seat, pressing her index finger to Entrapta’s forehead to push her away.

“Remember our talk about personal bubbles, Entrapta?” Catra scolded.

“Oops! Right, sorry!” Entrapta sat up straight in her seat. “I just get really excited when I think about cool things!”

“Like Dairy Dumbshite?”

“Delia Derbyshire!” Entrapta cheerfully corrected. She grabbed a chip and began to carefully split it into thirds, breaking it into three smaller chips, and then began to eat them one by one.

The restaurant was bustling with activity. Waiters zoomed past their table, glass and plates clinked together, and people were talking. So much talking. And so loud , like a hundred Scorpias were partying all around. Catra could feel her eye twitch whenever the sea of noise grew even a little above the already uncomfortable median. The soundtrack of subpar country-pop music that was turned up just a little too loud certainly didn’t help.

“Thanks again for taking us here, Scorpia,” Lonnie said as she dipped a chip in the salsa. “Are you sure you don’t want to split the check?”

“It’s all good!” Scorpia beamed. “That was a really great show and we deserve to celebrate it together! Plus, I have so many gift cards. Like, seriously. So, so many.”

“It was a great show,” Lonnie agreed. “So great, I was thinking maybe we could do it again in a week.”

“Oh! Oh! Yes! That would be so fun!” Scorpia bubbled. As she spoke, her whole body shook with excitement, shaking the table and causing Catra to spill a little of her drink into her lap.

“I agree!” Entrapta said. “This performance was a valuable learning experience. Repeated experiments will provide me with more data on audience engagement and energy dynamics! Imagine the graphs I could plot!” She laughed shrilly. Catra’s eye twitched.

“After our set I met another student who runs a house venue,” Lonnie explained. “Her name’s Mermista. She’s got a place called Salineas and they’re having a punk night this Saturday. It was fully booked, but lucky for us, one of the bands dropped out yesterday.”

“Oh no, I hope they’re okay,” Scorpia said.

“Probably those ‘Eternia’ assholes. They saw our set and went running for the hills,” Catra smirked. It probably wasn’t true, but the mental image of Adora freezing up every time they made eye contact made Catra snicker all the same.

Lonnie glared at Catra. “It wasn’t Eternia, but they’re on the bill. Think you can handle being in the same room as Adora without flaunting your bitchiness again?”

“You’ve known me for five whole years, Lonnie. You should know that’s like my entire personality. Think you can get off my back?” 

“Get off your back?” Lonnie scoffed. “Don’t act like I didn’t catch you sobbing holding her guitar. You moped around all day for months about Adora. You spent so much time at work and studying to get into college that I thought you were a different person. Here I thought you were trying to be with your friend again but no. The first thing you do when you see her is stare her down and talk shit about her band.”

“First off, it was our guitar, and now it’s mine . Second, you seriously thought we were still friends? After all that shit?” Catra cackled. “C’mon, Lonnie. In case you forgot, Adora abandoned me. Why would I want her? I don’t need her.” 

Someone at a nearby table howled with laughter. 

“You sure seemed like you ‘didn’t need her’ when you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her during her whole set.” 

At another table, two glasses hit against each other with a sharp clink , just slightly flat from being a perfect E note.

Catra scowled. “I don’t need her, and I want her to know that. I want her to regret ever thinking about coming here in the first place.” 

Someone was getting to the exciting part of a story as their voice grew louder and inflections became wilder. The noise boomed in Catra’s ears. Her eye twitched again.

“Hey, hey, okay everyone,” Scorpia said, placing a hand on Catra’s shoulder. “I think we all need to just… calm down. Take some deep breaths. We’re still running off of that post-show adrenaline.”

Catra rolled her eyes and sank back into her seat. “Fine, fine,” she relented. She took a deep breath in and let it out, careful not to let Scorpia see that she was actually following her instruction. After a moment, her head cleared, if only slightly. “What time’s the show and where should we meet up?”

“Are you going to play this show with us so you can be part of the band, or are you just going so you can show off to your girlfriend?” Lonnie challenged.

“Believe it or not, I’m going so I can play music. You know, like how you do at a gig?” Catra retorted. “Not everything’s about Adora.”

“I’m confused,” Entrapta said. “You insinuated that you were performing so you could provoke Adora, but just now you said that not everything is about Adora.”

“Shut up, Entrapta,” Catra grumbled. 

“Hey, don’t talk to Entrapta that way, Wildcat,” Scorpia said. “She’s just… trying to pick your brains, get to know you, y’know? Right, Entrapta?”

“People are very confusing and I find you extremely confusing,” Entrapta deadpanned as she made unwavering eye contact with Catra.

Somewhere in the restaurant, a waiter dropped a plate. An ear piercing CRASH made Catra jump. A brief moment of silence was followed by a sudden wave of noise; a tsunami of laughter, talking, footsteps, dishes, glasses. The music seemed to be blaring through the speakers now. Everything bled into harsh static. Catra felt like a splinter was being driven further and further into her skull.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Catra said quickly as she stood from her seat. 

Before anyone at the table could respond, she made a beeline for the bathroom. She slammed her shoulder into the door and stormed inside. Finally alone, she entered a stall and leaned against the door. She pressed her hands against her ears to muffle the country-pop soundtrack that followed her inside the bathroom. Her heartbeat boomed in her head, each pound accompanied by a dull pain between her eyes. She squeezed them shut and pushed her hands harder against her ears.

Everything was loud. So, so loud. A constant and unforgiving barrage against her ears. A violent thunderstorm threatening to whisk her away in a tornado. A never ending explosion tearing thr-

Something touched her shoulder.

She yelped and tried to jump back, but was already as pressed up against the wall as she could be. She considered running until she looked up and saw what touched her.

Standing above her was Adora, hand outstretched and eyes wide with worry. Catra quickly wiped away the tears that were streaming down her cheek and sniffed, tucked her knees back against her chest. She relaxed against the wall again and averted her eyes from Adora’s concerned gaze.

“Teacher said recess is over,” Adora said as she stood in front of Catra.

Catra shook her head. Adora tried to reach out to her but was swatted away.

“You don’t want to come inside?” Adora asked.

Catra nodded. “They’re too loud,” she sniffed.

“Oh…” Adora paused. She glanced over her shoulder and then looked back at Catra. “What if we stayed here for a bit? Until you’re ready?”

Catra was silent for a moment before letting out a soft “okay”. Adora lowered herself to the ground, her shoulder just brushing against Catra’s. Catra wiped another tear from her eye. 

“Do you want to… talk about it?” Adora asked. 

Catra shook her head again. She buried her face in her knees and wrapped her arms over her head. Catra’s head was pounding as the noise still echoed. She was far away from the source but her mind refused to let go of the feeling of being surrounded by all the talking and laughter and movement.

The echoes only subsided when Adora spoke again. “You know…” she started. “Sometimes I get scared, too. Like when it’s really noisy, or when everyone’s talking at once.”

Catra lifted her head and turned towards Adora. “You do?”

“Yeah. It feels like everything’s closing in and I don’t know what to do. But then I remember I’m not alone…” She gently nudged Catra’s shoulder. “And I feel better.”

Catra’s focus shifted back and forth between Adora’s pale blue eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment before Adora gave a soft smile and Catra sprung forward, enveloping Adora with her arms. She grabbed onto the back of Adora’s shirt and hugged her tight. Adora hugged back, whispering “It’s okay. You’re okay” into Catra’s ear.

“Adora? Catra? Where are you?” their teacher’s voice called out from a distance. 

“They’re looking for us,” Adora said. “Do you want to go back now?”

Catra nodded into her shoulder. As they stood and the hug was broken, Catra slipped her hand into Adora’s and squeezed tight. Adora squeezed back in response. The noises were still there, but muffled, replaced by the memory of Adora’s soft voice and kind words.

A memory.

“Bullshit,” Catra growled. “It’s all bullshit !”

She slammed a fist into the stall door. Then again, and again. She drew a sharp breath when she felt a single tear running down her cheek. Wiping it away, she opened the door to the stall and sauntered over to the sink. She splashed the lukewarm water onto her face and stared into the eyes of her reflection in the mirror. She ran a hand through her hair and composed herself, standing straight as she could.

“All bullshit…” she quietly repeated as she made her way out of the bathroom. The once muffled noises that laid beyond the door returned in full force when she opened it. She winced before setting out, balling her hands into tight fists.

“Aw, come on, Catra,” Lonnie said as Catra sat back down at the table. “You’ve been holding out on me?”

Catra raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You had edibles and you didn’t tell me?” Lonnie pointed to her own eye. “You’re showing like crazy, by the way”

“I didn’t-”

Catra’s protest was interrupted by Scorpia loudly asking, “Edibles? What, like food? I don’t think you have to go to the bathroom for that. The waiters bring it right to your table.”

Entrapta piped up. “I believe Lonnie is referring to ingestible mariju-”

“I’m not high,” Catra insisted. 

Lonnie shrugged and grabbed a chip. “Whatever you say. Oh, by the way, remind me next time we rehearse to talk to you about that high note in your abandonment issues song. I have no idea how you did it in the demo but it’s waaay out of my range.”

“Yeah, Catra! It’s crazy how high you can sing!” Scorpta said. “You’re all like… Ahhh!” Scorpia was incredibly off from hitting any recognizable note. “No, no, more like… Ahhhh! Aaahhhhhh !”

Scorpia continued screeching terrible approximations of Catra’s voice. Entrapta resumed her regular ramblings. Lonnie chowed down on crunchy chips. A group of people at a nearby table began laughing. Catra cringed and sank in her seat.

“It feels like everything’s closing in and I don’t know what to do. But then I remember I’m not-”

Shut up, brain Adora.

------

Catra spent the bulk of the next day in the blissful silence of her dorm, only periodically interrupted by a brief conversation with Lonnie (during which Catra was only half listening. Something about “due diligence as a roommate” and “picking up after yourself”, whatever that meant). Unfortunately, like all good things, Catra’s solitude was forced to come to an end in the midafternoon. Her stomach growled at her, begging for something , anything to satisfy its hunger. Nothing in the minifridge or the scattered fast food bags held anything edible, so Catra set out to the campus dining hall, silently praying one of the meals there was more appetizing than the half eaten chicken sandwich rotting next to her bed.

During her walk, a small black shape moved towards her. The cat from the parking garage trotted up to her and began to walk alongside her. Catra tried to nudge it away with her foot, but it marched on, undeterred. She groaned and paused for a moment to bend down and pet its head.

“Happy now?” she asked.

The cat looked at her, blinked, and then bumped its head into her leg. Catra stood up and began walking again. When it tried to follow her, Catra picked the cat up and turned it around, but it persisted. It took three repetitions of pet, walk, turn around until the cat seemed to get the hint and skitter off.

Finally, peace.

“Gee, thanks, you guys! Your set was great, too! All that drumming and bass-ing you did really got me moving!”

“It was interesting to observe other bands in their element on stage. I look forward to doing so once more next week!”

Scorpia and Entrapta’s loud voices froze Catra in her tracks, mere feet before the final turn before the entrance to the dining hall. She quietly groaned and turned to walk away, but stopped again when a new voice responded.

“Oh, the Horde’s playing at Salineas, too?”

Adora .

Catra turned around and slowly approached the corner.

“Yep!” Scorpia answered.

“And will Catra be there?” a new voice asked. Catra’s name came out of their mouth like a curse. She scowled at the unseen challenger’s audacity.

“Glimmer…” Adora’s voice turned from worried to meek.

Catra let her face fall flat as she rounded the corner. Sure enough, there were Scorpia and Entrapta standing with the three members of Eternia: the one who only wore crop tops, the one with unrestricted access to glitter infused eyeshadow, and, of course, Adora.

“You know, it’s rude to talk about someone who’s listening,” she said, crossing her arms. All eyes were suddenly on her, especially Adora’s, which grew wide as her jaw dropped.

“Well, well. Speak of the devil and she may appear,” Sparkles snarked, furrowing her brows.

Catra narrowed her eyes at her before turning her attention to her own bandmates. “Are you guys really fraternizing with the enemy?”

Scorpia opened her mouth to answer, but Sparkles beat her to the punch. “Fraternizing? Enemy ?” Sparkles exclaimed, taking a hostile step forward. “What do you think this is? Indie rock espionage?”

Crop Top put a hand on Sparkles’ shoulder. Sparkles sighed and stepped back.

He started to speak. “Look, Catra-”

“I don’t recall giving you my name,” Catra interrupted.

Crop Top glanced at Adora, who hadn’t moved a muscle since Catra started speaking. “Um… Adora told us,” he said.

Catra snorted. “Then she must have also told you enough for you to know that none of us are friends here.” She walked in front of Scorpia and faced her bandmates, forming a barrier between Eternia and the Horde. “Come on. We’ll eat somewhere else.”

After a brief moment of consideration, Entrapta spoke. “I don’t see a reason why we can’t eat here. I thought the conversation was going quite well.”

“Well, Entrapta, maybe there are certain factors …” She glared over her shoulder at Adora. “...that you didn’t consider.”

“I… don’t understand,” Entrapta faltered.

“I’m with Entrapta here, Wildcat,” Scorpia whispered. “We were having a good time.”

“Scorpia, I don’t give a shit how good of a time you thought you were having,” Catra snapped. “We don’t talk to them. End of story.”

“Hey! Don’t be an asshole, asshole!” Sparkles had broken free of her boy toy’s grip. She marched up to Catra and shoved an accusatory finger into her face. “You really have some nerve leaving one of the nicest, most kind people on this Earth because you couldn’t wait six months , and then come back into her life just to taunt her. What is wrong with you?”

Catra smirked and raised an eyebrow in Adora’s direction. “Really? I left? That’s what you told them?”

“Ok, everyone just calm down,” Crop Top said. He pulled Sparkles away again and made sure her feet were planted firmly behind him.

“You don’t have to answer her if you don’t want to,” he whispered to Adora.

“Who’s to say I want you to answer me?” Catra leered at her. Adora shrunk back.

Satisfied, Catra turned and grabbed her bandmates by their wrists. “We’re leaving,” she commanded.

“Wait, Catra.”

Catra turned around to find Adora had taken a step forward and was reaching for her. Adora’s jaw moved up and down as if she was trying to speak, but no words came out. They stood there in an awkward, unmoving silence.

“Thank you for your input, Adora,” Catra said. “See you Saturday.”

She turned on her heel and walked away, gesturing for the others to follow. Scorpia and Entrapta looked at each other, then at Catra.

“Well? Let’s go,” Catra demanded.

Entrapta ran up alongside her. Scorpia took an extra moment before following as well. Catra plotted a route in her mind to the nearest McDonald’s. Not the most ideal option, but the cardboard taste of the fries would certainly be more consistent than whatever the dining hall was serving. The trio walked in an uncharacteristically peaceful silence for minutes.

“I don’t understand,” Entrapta said. She sounded puzzled, but her voice was void of its usual cheery tone.

Catra glanced at her. “What?”

“I don’t understand why we can’t talk to Glimmer or Bow.”

“Who?”

“Glimmer and Bow. Adora’s friends.”

Catra stopped dead in her tracks. “What’s there not to understand?”

Entrapta stood next to Catra, looking down at the pavement with a contemplative stare. Scorpia took a few more steps away before stopping.

“Glimmer and Bow didn’t know you before or during your fallout with Adora. They only met Adora recently,” Entrapta explained. “They couldn’t have done anything to you before you left Ador-”

“ I didn’t leave Adora ,” Catra retorted. “Adora left me .”

Entrapta was unfazed. She looked up at Catra. “I don’t see how that factors in here. Glimmer and Bow could not have influenced that decision. I understand your reactions towards Adora as she impacted you directly in this situation, but are they not separate entities? Why do Adora’s past actions towards you prevent Scorpia and I from talking to Glimmer and Bow?”

“Entrapta, maybe let’s just…” Scorpia trailed off.

Catra raised her hand. “No, no, it’s ok Scorpia. Entrapta raises a good point. Why do Adora’s ‘past actions’ have anything to do with this?”

“Exactly!” Entrapta’s eyes lit up with a false hope. “Glimmer and Bow are their own people with their own agency. Becoming friends with Adora doesn’t necessarily equate to being against you.” Entrapta’s voice shrunk and Catra’s glare grew stronger. “Right?”

“Not everything is that simple, Entrapta,” Catra countered. “Adora chose them over me. She chose all this…” She made a sweeping gesture towards the rest of the campus. “...over me. They’re part of her new fancy college life that she decided was far more important than me. Those two idiots are just a yes-man and a hyperactive enabler.”

“Hey, come on now, Wildcat. They were nice while we were talking to them.” Scorpia tried to rest a hand on Catra’s shoulder, but Catra pushed it off.

“I don’t give a shit about how nice they seemed,” Catra growled.

Scorpia took a step closer. “Well, maybe we can all have a nice chat with them. You know, like team building! Talking to them could help.”

“ Help ? Sure, Scorpia. We’ll have a nice sleepover and sit in a circle and talk about our feelings and cute boys,” Catra laughed bitterly. “Talking doesn’t just magically solve every problem.”

“It’s a suggestion, Wildcat. We just wanna support you and-”

Catra’s fists clenched at her sides. “You can support me by doing as I say and staying away from Adora and her cronies.”

“But-” Entrapta started.

“No buts,” Catra cut her off sharply. “You do what I say, or you’re out of the band. Got it?”

Scorpia and Entrapta exchanged a troubled glance. Scorpia muttered an “okay” as Entrapta gave a silent nod.

“Good,” Catra muttered as she started walking again. “Now let’s eat. I’m starving.”

Chapter Text

Adora was feeling, to put it mildly, terrible. Classes dragged on, work piled up, and the walk back to the house seemed longer and harder every time she took it. Her entire body ached like the weight of Catra’s words from a few days before was as physical of a presence as the heavy backpack slung around her shoulder. The cold feeling Adora felt from Catra solidified the second she called her “ the enemy ”.

It was hate.

Catra hated her.

Adora took a little too long to get home, and now Catra will never look at her the same way ever again. Almost eighteen years of friendship and looking out for each other just… vanished.journal

She sat on the steps of her house and rested her backpack next to her. She took her journal out of it and flipped through its contents. Uneven lines of text filled each page, some sprawling into drawn out paragraphs, some spacing out words a ridiculous amount, and some crossed out. Every now and then, lyric and chord notes would slip into the writings, often inspired by something written on the same or previous page. She landed on one particular section which leaned heavy on the rambly paragraph side of her writing.

Hi Catra!

So I’m in college now! Pretty neat, huh? BMU is so big and confusing. Last week I was trying to find the library and ended up somewhere in the art building. Next thing I know, this big group of theater kids come up to me and asked if I wanted to come to their improv workshop, and you know how I can get peer pressured easily so I go to their workshop and spend the next two hours(!) trying to think of an excuse so I can leave. Glimmer says I should’ve just booked it haha.

Oh! Glimmer is my friend! OH OH OH! And I’m in a band with her and another friend! His name is Bow and together the three of us are THE ETERNIA! (I know you’re gonna make fun of me because our name is a Princesses of the Eternia reference, but shut up! It’s cool and Glimmer agrees with me! So ha!)

I hope you get to meet them some day. I think you would get along with them. Glimmer is so fiery and always full of energy. She loves to drag me into things, just like you always did. And Bow is the kindest guy I’ve ever met. He can play pretty much every instrument. Before you ask, no, they’re not dating, but they might as well be. They’re always all over each other and I’m always like bleh! Get a room! You would agree with me if you saw them.

Anyway, little tangent aside, it’s a lot of fun being in a band. We’ve been practicing some covers, and even some original stuff! I’ve written a lot over these past few months. It’s weird not having my co-writer with me though.

College is hard. The classes are fine, and the people are great, but everything feels twenty times more difficult than before. I think it’s because you’re not here. Part of me thought the change in scenery would help me move on or whatever but I miss you. A lot. I keep thinking you’re gonna show up around a corner and tackle me to the ground and we’ll be able to see each other every day again, but it never happens. Why did you leave?

I’m sorry, that’s a bad way to put it. I know why you left. We both thought I would be going off to college without you. But we didn’t even talk about other plans or ways you could come with me. You just stopped talking to me and I didn’t do anything. I just sat there and watched you drift away. I know you’re probably still really angry at me and I understand that and I’m sorry. I didn’t want any of this to happen. This whole thing is just so stupid and I feel stupid for letting it happen. I wish you meant what you said the night you snuck out and got drunk. I really really miss you. I miss talking to you, fighting with you, writing and singing and playing with you.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I don’t think you’ll ever read it. I don’t think I have the guts to send it to you, but even if I wanted to, I have no idea where to mail it to and I think you blocked my number a long, long time ago. I don’t know. I’m scared that I’ll never see you again. Maybe I’ll forget you, but I don’t think I want that to happen.

Please come back.

I love you,

Adora

It wasn’t a coincidence that Adora came out to Bow and Glimmer the day after she wrote that.

Adora sighed at the memory and grabbed a pencil from her bag. Flipping to an empty page, she wrote the words “CROWS LIKE FRIES” at the top in big, bold letters and began writing. Through her pencil, she recounted how earlier that day, she spotted a small murder of crowds raiding an abandoned Chick-Fil-A bag and fighting over the french fries.

Something about it made me feel jealous , she wrote. Like, whoever left that bag probably left in a hurry because they were late for a class or forgot their drink or saw someone getting robbed and ran to beat up the mugger, and then here come these crows to steal their food just because they can. No one tells them what to do except themselves. They can steal all the fries they want and then just fly away. They’ve got it easy.

She hummed a short melody as she looked over her words. Her mind started thinking of rhymes for the word “easy” until it landed on “queasy”. She wrote down two quick lines of lyrics to connect the rhymes.

Life for them seems easy

Eat enough fries until they feel queasy

Content with the short creative workout, she stowed her journal back into the backpack and headed into the house, where she was immediately met by the biting sound of Glimmer strumming power chords on an acoustic guitar as hard as she could. She was singing with the chords, but mostly sung nonsense words with a sprinkling of lines she was reading from off of her phone on the table in front of her. Bow sat next to her on the couch, nodding his head along to the beat. When Adora closed the door behind her, he waved to her and smiled.

“Oh, Adora! Great timing!” he said.

Glimmer perked up and gave Adora a toothy grin. “Adora, check it out! I wrote a new song!”

“Oh, sweet,” Adora said as she sat in a nearby chair. “Play it for me.”

“Okie doke!” Glimmer adjusted her posture and began to play.

The power chords she strummed were just as sharp and fast as they were when Adora first walked in. Glimmer stuck her tongue out in concentration as she played a fast riff and then began to sing.

I won’t talk to you if you don’t follow my ways

And learn to love me every single day

Go to temple on the hour

To shower me in worship and praise

And somethin’ somethin’ somethin’...

Her voice faltered a moment before she and the guitar started to sing louder and prouder.

And if you ever think you might try

To lead me astray

It won’t be today

‘Cause I have eyes all over this place

Glimmer strummed a triumphant final chord and smiled. “I only have, like, a chorus and half a verse but Bow’s been helping me out with some of the chords and I think it’s coming along!” She turned towards Adora. “Sooo, what do you think?”

“I really like it, Glimmer,” Adora said, giving as big a smile as she could find the energy to muster. “What’s it called?”

“I don’t really have a name for it right now. I’ve just been calling it ‘The Cult Song’.”

“Oh that’s… ominous.”

“Yep!” Glimmer rested the guitar against the couch and scrolled through her phone. “Bow and I just finished watching this documentary about this weird doomsday cult from the 80s, and then last night I had a dream that I was a cult leader, and then I wrote the chorus during lunch and wrote the rest like an hour ago.”

“Let me know when you finish it. I’d love to play it.”

Glimmer gave her two thumbs up. “Will do!”

Adora stood and walked towards the kitchen. “Hey, I think I’m gonna eat an early dinner, maybe head to bed right after. Either of you guys want anything?”

“I’m all good, thanks.”

“Nope!”

Without the need to cook for anyone else, Adora settled on a microwave chicken alfredo. While it was heating up, she scrounged through the pantry and took out a protein bar and a bag of chips as sides. While she was pouring herself a glass of orange juice, she heard Bow and Glimmer’s hushed voices from the room over. She leaned closer to the doorway to eavesdrop.

“I’m going to ask her.”

“Maybe it’s not the best idea to-”

“No. I’m going to ask her. Right here. Right now. I need to know.”

The microwave timer went off. Adora fled to the kitchen to stir her meal and heat it for another few minutes. When she turned, she found Glimmer stood firmly in the doorway, arms crossed and face full of determination.

“Catra,” Glimmer said.

Adora froze. “What?”

“Are you okay with all the bullshit Catra’s been pulling?”

“I- Glimmer, I don’t-”

“No,” Glimmer demanded, taking a step forward. “Catra is being a complete asshole and she is hurting you. I don’t care if she ‘left because of you’ or whatever. What I care about is my friend who is clearly in pain and needs to be told some harsh truths.”

Glimmer stuck a finger up. “Number one, Catra is being an asshole. A big, selfish, petty, insufferable asshole.”

“But sh-”

“Number two .” She stuck another finger up and took another step towards Adora. “She is being an asshole on purpose to get a rise out of you. She wants you mad because she is mad.”

Adora opened her mouth to protest but Glimmer cut her off again with another step and a third finger.

“Number three. You deserve far, far better than what she’s doing to you.”

Adora stared into Glimmer’s intense gaze. Bow had arrived in the doorway and watched on with a worried look. Adora looked to him, silently asking if he agreed with everything Glimmer just said. He gave a solemn nod.

“She’s right,” he said. “You do deserve more than that. Catra isn’t…” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Adora, but I think the Catra you knew is gone right now.”

Adora felt a pang in her chest. She turned away from her friends and silently watched the microwave’s timer ticked down to zero. She carefully removed her dinner from the microwave, placed it on a plate, and grabbed a fork. As she looked at the still bubbling fettuccine sauce, she could feel her appetite slipping away.

“I’m, um,” she cleared her throat. “I think I’m gonna eat this in my room. If I don’t see you guys later then good night.”

Glimmer stepped aside to let her through. Adora ignored the concerned looks the two gave them as she walked through and into the hallway. When she got to her room, she quickly shut the door, gently placed her food on her desk, threw her backpack on the bed, and slumped into her office chair. After a few minutes of scrolling through various streaming services on her laptop, she decided to play it safe and turn on her comfort show; The Princesses of the Eternia . As the title sequence played, showcasing the colorful cast of characters battling evil throughout their magical world for the honor of the mystical runestone known as the Eternia, Adora began taking small bites of her food. 

Her eyes stayed glued to the screen, but her mind was elsewhere, drifting between the comfort of the show and the weight of her friends’ words. Are you okay with all the bullshit Catra’s been pulling? Occasionally, she would catch herself repeating them in her head and tried to shake herself out of it. She wants you mad because she is mad . When she finished her meal, she grabbed a pillow from her bed and held it tightly against her chest. The Catra you knew is gone.

A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. She paused her show and called out, “It’s open.”

The door creaked open and Bow peeked his head in. “Hey, can I come in for a sec?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. When he approached her, he held out a bag of sour Skittles. Adora smiled and took them. She opened the bag and shoveled a handful into her mouth.

“Thanks, Bow,” she said. “Sour candy’s my weakness.”

“I know,” Bow replied. “I just wanted to check on you, make sure you’re doing alright. I know Glimmer can be a little… forward with this kind of stuff.”

Adora popped another candy into her mouth to delay her answer. “Honestly, I don’t really know,” she confessed after she swallowed the candy. “I mean, there’s a lot I don’t know about all of this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to just… stop caring about her.” 

She set the Skittles down and hugged the pillow closer to her chest. Bow looked at her with concern for a moment, and then stared at the floor, as if he was lost in thought.

“Have I ever told you about how Glimmer and I almost broke up back in high school?” Bow asked.

“Broke up?” Adora questioned. “Were you guys dating?”

Bow blushed and stumbled over his words before blurting out, “Uh, no! Poor choice of words. My bad.”

Adora giggled and gestured for him to continue.

“Well, it was the start of our sophomore year. We got into this huge fight, I don’t even remember what it was about, but Glimmer… she had been bottling up a lot of emotions for years, and I guess this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She said a lot of hurtful things and then refused to talk to me for months. That was the first Christmas I remember celebrating without her. She had been my best friend for longer than I can remember, and then, poof! Gone.”

Adora leaned in closer, gripping her pillow tight. “What did you do that made her come back?”

“That’s the thing, I didn’t make her come back,” he said, looking up from the floor. “I made sure she knew that I would be there for her when she was ready. Then one day, she accepted the olive branch, and we talked it out.”

“I think it’s different. With me and Catra, I mean. We grew up with… nothing, really. You and Glimmer at least had parents or brothers you could talk to. We had an alcoholic with a god complex.”

“That’s true, but the principle is still the same.” He turned to face Adora directly. “You can’t control how Catra feels or what she does, but you can control how you react. Don’t give in to her schtick, let her know that you’re still there for her if she wants to talk, and if she’s ready, she’ll talk.”

Adora’s grip on the pillow loosened. “Would that really work?”

“I can’t make any promises, but I think it’s the best thing you could do,” Bow shrugged. “Like you said, I can only speak from my experience. Catra’s not exactly Glimmer, you know.”

A small laugh escaped from Adora’s throat. “Yeah, you definitely got that right.” She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Thank you, Bow. I needed that.”

Bow gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, Adora. Glimmer and I are here for you anytime, anywhere.” He glanced at her laptop screen and smiled. “So, watching some Princesses of the Eternia again, huh?”

“Yeah,” Adora chuckled. “It’s my comfort show.”

“Mind if I join?”

“Not at all,” she replied, hitting play.

As the episode continued, Adora’s shoulders gradually relaxed. Everything felt lighter, and as the vibrant colors emanating from the laptop screen bathed the room in a soft light, she felt the tight knot in her chest begin to unwind. She let the nostalgia of the show flow freely through her as she hugged the pillow tight; not so much that it was suffocating, but just enough that it felt like a warm, friendly embrace.

A few minutes later, the door opened again and Glimmer walked in, bowl of popcorn in hand. “Room for one more?” she asked.

Adora smiled and nodded. Bow patted the empty space next to him on the bed, which Glimmer swiftly occupied. The trio settled in for their impromptu binge watch session, passing popcorn and arranging pillows and blankets. Adora looked over the scene, giggling as she caught Glimmer staring at Bow. She gave Glimmer a subtle nod and leaned the side of her head against her hand. Glimmer shook her head, but Adora insisted with another, less subtle nod. After a moment of hesitation, Glimmer rested her head on Bow’s shoulder. He startled, but relaxed against Glimmer’s touch, leaning his head against her’s. Adora shot Glimmer a mischievous grin, who retorted by sticking her tongue out.

As she refocused on the show, she imagined a faint warmth on her own shoulder and a now lost mane of hair gently brushing against her skin. She wrapped a hand around her bicep as an ill fitting replacement of who she imagined. She could almost smell her, almost hear her comforting cackle and snide comments she would make as she pretended to hate the show. 

Adora let go of her bicep to wipe a tear from her cheek.

I’m still here for you, Catra , she thought. I’m still here.

Chapter Text

Usually, schlepping kept Adora busy enough that she barely thought about anything other than moving gear around. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for this particular day.

Amp goes over there, I can set the guitar down there.

Was that Catra? No, just the sound guy…

Oh! Sound guy! I need to ask them about the monitors! Okay, I’ll just put this here… no, here. All good.

Is Catra already here yet? 

Of course she isn’t. Why would she be?

Well she’s in one of the bands that’s performing, duh. She has to be here for soundcheck.

Wait, what was I doing? Oh, right! Sound guy! Where did they go…

Uh oh, I lost the sound guy.

It’s fine, I can ask them later.

Wait, was that Catra?

Adora groaned as she sat on the edge of the stage, legs dangling off the side. Bow’s words remained stuck in her head, for better and for worse. She tried to remember the setlist for the evening but could only think the Catra you know is gone and you can control how you react . She startled when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. When she turned, she saw Glimmer’s face looking down at her with a small smile.

“Right, sorry. I’ll get back to unloading,” Adora said. When she started to stand, Glimmer pushed down on her shoulder.

 “Nah, we got this,” Glimmer grinned. “You’re about to be jumping up and down on this stage for a full half hour. You should relax a bit.”

As Glimmer left, Adora looked down at her hand, lightly rubbing her calloused fingertips with her thumb. She picked at the peeling skin of one of them to reveal a new, pinker layer. She sighed and crossed her legs, swaying her body gently back and forth as she watched the movement throughout the backyard venue.

Over to her left side, one of the other performers, a broad shouldered man with an incredibly well trimmed mustache, was giving a passionate speech to who Adora recognized as Mermista, Salineas’ owner.

“For the last time, Sea Hawk,” Mermista said, unimpressed by the man’s animated gestures. “Tonight is punk night.”

“Aha! But I will be rocking the punk music!” the man, Sea Hawk, declared, pointing a finger towards the sky. “Just wait until you see the classic punk tunes I have prepared for tonight!”

“Why do I even let you play here anymore…”

“Because, my dear, you know that I, Sea Hawk, am the greatest entertainer this side of Bright Moon!”

“So, like… within a two mile radius?”

“Exactly!”

Mermista groaned and locked eyes with Adora. Sensing an out, she sped away from Sea Hawk and stood next to Adora, arms crossed.

“So, Glimmer’s friend,” Mermista said unenthusiastically. “Whatcha got lined up for tonight?”

“Oh, um…” Adora’s mind rushed to remember the setlist. “Just some… classic punk tunes.” She gave a big, cheesy grin, praying it would cover up her obvious nervousness.

Mermista glared down at her. “Oh my god, he’s multiplying,” she grumbled as she walked away.

Adora dropped her grin and slouched, resting her elbows against her knees. Bow sat next to her soon after, closely followed by Glimmer. The trio sat in silence for a moment, unmoving.

“What’s wrong with me today?” Adora wondered aloud, breaking the silence. She groaned and facepalmed. “Never mind, I know exactly what’s wrong. It all comes back to Catra.”

“Screw her,” Glimmer said casually.

Bow and Adora slowly turned their heads to look at her. Bow’s stare bordered on a glare.

“What? Am I wrong?” Glimmer defended.

Bow sighed. “I wouldn’t have said it like that but… she’s kinda right.” 

Adora’s eyes widened as she focused on him, silently telling him to choose his next words very, very carefully.

“Okay, hear me out. Remember what I was talking about last night with controlling your reaction and telling her you’re still here for her?” Bow waited for Adora to nod before continuing. “Today would be the perfect time to do that. If she comes up to you, tries to taunt you, do whatever, just let her know you still care about her, and then just walk away.”

Adora frowned and looked off into the distance. “What if she takes it the wrong way? What if it makes everything worse?”

“It’s not about her reaction, Adora,” Bow said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It’s about standing your ground, setting boundaries, and making yourself heard. She needs to know that you won’t be pushed around anymore.”

“Yeah! Show her ass who’s boss!” Glimmer cheered a little too loud.

Despite Bow’s disapproving stare, Adora chuckled. Bow sighed and smiled, lightly nudging Glimmer with his elbow.

“Well?” he asked. “Ready to… ‘show her ass who’s boss’?”

Adora looked at her friends’ smiling faces. Slowly, she felt one of her own creeping up on lips.

She sat up and let her grin grow wider. “Yeah… Yeah. I think I am.”

“Good,” Glimmer said. “Because the Horde got here five minutes ago.”

“WHAT?” 

Adora shot up to her feet and ran to the side of the house. Sure enough, when she looked around the corner, she saw Scorpia carrying an amplifier and a guitar case towards the backyard. Adora rushed back to the stage and made a beeline for Mermista, who was ignoring Sea Hawk to prepare for soundcheck.

Mermista looked her up and down and raised an eyebrow. “You alright there, Ms. Punk Tunes?”

“Hi Mermista where is your bathroom I need to go now ,” Adora blurted out.

Mermista’s eyebrow arched even higher. “Down the hall next to the kitchen, first door on your right.”

“Ok thank you.” Adora sped off.

She burst into the house and slammed the door close behind her. She dashed past the kitchen and skidded to a stop in front of the closest door. She grabbed the handle, and as she began to push the door open, she felt her arm being dragged forward. The door swung open from the inside, knocking Adora off her balance and throwing her forward into the person trying to exit. Her fall was cushioned by the other person, though the wave of guilt that washed over her outweighed any physical pain she may have incurred.

“Oh my god, I am so, so sor-” Adora cut herself off when she saw the face staring back at her. Every muscle in her body tensed. “Catra…”

Catra stared back, unimpressed. “Seriously, Adora?”

Adora quickly stood and offered her hand to Catra, who swatted it away and stood on her own. “Damn, Adora. If you’re this uncoordinated going to the bathroom then I can’t wait to see what your set’s like,” Catra goaded.

“I… Catra, I-”

“What? Are you gonna say something more than my name this time?”

Adora tensed. She looked into Catra's eyes. Despite the scornful smirk present on her face, something about her eyes still felt warm, if faded. A memory flashed through Adora’s mind. They were children, barely six years old, huddled together in their bed during one particularly cold winter. The faint glow of moonlight through the window bounced off Catra’s eyes and they seemed to glow, the golden shine of one contrasted with the blue shimmer of the other. To Adora’s young mind, it made Catra look like an angel, maybe a goddess.

“I’m still here for you.”

The words left Adora’s mouth before she could process them. 

Catra’s grin faded. Something flickered in her eyes, maybe a small hint of confusion. Whatever was there was quickly replaced by anger, much more intense than the mild frustration yet confident expression from before. Her face contorted with rage.

“ What ?” Catra’s voice cracked, like she used the last of the air in her lungs just to fill as much hatred as she could into one word.

Adora stood tall. “I’m still here for you,” she said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Adora expected Catra would have some snappy comeback, likely about how Catra “never needed her in the first place” or how “she made her choice”. She braced herself for the sarcastic bite that no longer brought a smile to her face. A particularly cruel part of Adora’s mind conjured the image of Catra shoving her to the ground.

Instead, Catra just walked past her, shifting her entire body as she did as if any physical contact with Adora would kill her. Catra stormed down the hall, briefly checking over her shoulder only to snap her neck straight once more when she saw Adora was watching her. She turned a corner, and then was out of sight.

Adora stood alone in the bathroom. When she found herself in the reflection of the mirror, an odd calm washed over her. Catra knew Adora was still here.

Adora knew Adora was still here.

------

Bow caught the distant look in Adora’s eyes the second he saw her return from the bathroom. “You okay?” he asked.

Adora returned to her seat on the stage’s edge before answering. “I just said the thing to Catra.”

“How’d it go?”

“She walked away.”

“Oh.”

“How do you feel?” Glimmer asked, sitting next to her.

Adora paused. She knitted her eyebrows and stared at her hands in her lap. She experimented with shrugging her shoulders, then kicked her legs forward and let them fall. Something about the momentary weightlessness felt good to her, almost freeing. She gave herself another few moments to contemplate her reply.

“Lighter,” she answered. “I know she knows now.”

“You did a good job,” Bow said as he patted her on the back.

Glimmer hugged her. “We’re proud of you.”

“Stop it, you guys. You’re gonna make me cry before showtime,” Adora giggled. “Wait… oh shit, when was soundcheck supposed to be?”

“Ten minutes ago.”

Adora jolted in surprise at the new voice. She turned around to see Mermista standing over them, looking over the trio with a disapproving stare.

“Right, sorry. We’ll get on it now,” Adora grinned sheepishly.

“Whatever,” Mermista mumbled as she started back to the sound mixer.

Bow stood first, followed quickly by Glimmer. After a quick stretch, she nudged Adora with her leg and offered her a hand. Adora smiled and took it, using it as a support as she stood.

“You alright to play?” Glimmer asked.

“I think…” Adora hesitated before standing tall and puffing out her chest. “Yeah. I’m more than alright. Let’s do this.”

“Yeeeaaah! Eternia forever!” Glimmer called as she stepped behind her drum kit.

Bow and Adora quickly answered. “Eternia forever!”

------

It didn’t take long for Adora to find Catra in the crowd. She was standing next to Scorpia again, arms crossed, eyes staring right into Adora’s soul. Adora let herself keep the eye contact for a second, then two seconds, and then turned to signal Glimmer she was ready.

“WE ARE ETERNIA!”

Okay. Breathe in. Breathe out.

“ONE!”

Catra’s here but it’s okay. You’re okay. Your friends are here, too.

“TWO!”

You’re here to rock and have a good time, and nothing can take that away from you. Just breathe and play. Breathe and play…

“THREE!”

I can do this…

“FOUR!”

Let’s do this shit.

The opening chords, although unaccompanied, were biting. The sharpness of Glimmer’s snare accented the final strums of the intro as Adora stepped forward to the microphone. Her calls of “Hey! Hey! Hey!” were replicated by Bow’s bass, filling out the lower end with triumphants thumps. Adora briefly looked out into the audience, but averted her eyes as soon as she confirmed Catra was out there, silently watching from the back. Adora shook herself out of it and began singing her lyrics with her full chest, standing as straight as she could in front of the mic.

Why can’t it be straight?

Why can’t my skin behave?

Why can’t I relate

With the mass enclave?

As the song grew in intensity, it took Adora a fair bit of conscious effort to keep herself from swaying too far away from the mic. She kept her eyes on either her hands moving up and down her guitar’s neck or on a spot out in the audience where she knew Catra wasn’t .

Because I don’t feel whole if I punch it out

It left me empty even feeling doubt

And here’s the change that brought about

She’s gone

I’m out

Adora smiled as she sang the chorus. Every time she sang those lines, she remembered the days after she came out to her bandmates. Being bisexuals themselves, both gave her so much encouragement, showering her with pride and praise. Glimmer would flood her with advice about navigating her “baby gay” days, and they talked for hours about their gay awakenings. Bow would listen attentively, occasionally chiming in stories of his own or providing a much needed alternative perspective to some of Glimmer’s wilder tales. While this was Adora’s song, her bandmates were the ones who inspired her to write about her awakening and coming out experience. The gifts, the talks, the time those two would give Adora filled her with warmth.

The wall of sound she stood in the middle of gave her satisfaction. The music kept building, she kept singing and playing, and the warmth grew. Her full body sway became a little more uncontrollable, and as soon as there was a long enough break in the lyrics, she stepped back from the mic to rock her whole body back and forth. She smiled and nodded at her bandmates, shooting them goofy, wide eyed stares to share the sheer joy she felt. They reciprocated as Bow scrunched his face into a wide grin and Glimmer stuck her tongue out in concentration.

Adora seamlessly transitioned into the opening riff of their next song, “Fell in Love With a Girl” by the White Stripes. She heard cheers of recognition from the audience as the full band kicked in and Adora began to sing again.

Fell in love with a girl

I fell in love once and almost completely

She’s in love with the world

But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading

As she belted the lyrics, she caught Bow’s eye and flashed him a playful grin. Bow responded with a quick bass flourish between lines and a grin of his own, never missing a beat. Adora quietly laughed as she turned back to the mic.

Brown hair with a curl

Mello-Roll for the flavor and the eyes for peepin’

Can’t keep away from the girl

These two side of my brain need to have a meeting

Can’t think of anything to do, yeah

My left brain knows that all my love is fleeting

She’s been looking for something new

When the instrumental paused, Adora held her guitar pick out towards the crowd.

Said it once before but it bears repeating

The music returned in all its glory as Adora and Bow led the crowd in singing along to their chant of “Ahh! Ahh!” There was an undeniable power to the chanting. The collective voice of the crowd mixing with their own made Adora’s body buzz, like this was a hive and she was the queen bee. As the song drew to a close, the band hit a final, triumphant chord as the audience roared with applause. 

Adora smiled as she leaned into the mic. “Thank you! Thank you!” She strummed a quick chord to make sure her guitar was still in tune, and then continued talking to the audience. “Alright, this next one was written by our amazing drummer. Give it up for Glimmer, everyone!”

When Adora gestured behind her, Glimmer stood and waved at the cheering crowd. Adora clapped for her friend and looked back out into the audience to introduce the song proper.

“This one’s called… um…” her introduction trailed off when she noticed who was in the crowd, or rather who wasn’t in the crowd.

An empty spot sat next to a cheering Scorpia.

Catra had left.

Before she could put a name to the feeling she felt in her chest, a voice called out behind her. “Cream Soda!”

Adora answered Glimmer’s call with a nervous laugh, taking a moment to collect herself before speaking into the mic again. “Right! Sorry. This one’s called Cream Soda!”

Chapter Text

Catra could swear that stupid cat was following her everywhere she went. Classes? It was sitting on the steps leading into the building. Dining hall? It tried to run inside with her. Outside her own damn dorm hall? It had the guts to meow at her when she almost tripped over it. The parking garage was the one place she could tolerate seeing it. Being so high up and away from everything, Catra never startled when it ran towards her and headbutted her shin. She didn’t shy away from petting it up there.

“You’re still an asshole,” she would tell it. In response, it meowed and nuzzled closer into her side. “I rest my case.”

The night of the Salineas show, she had left before Eternia’s first song was over. She walked back towards campus, all the while asking herself why she just couldn’t stomach being there while Adora played and sang. Here’s the change that brought about, she’s gone, I’m out… That had to be about Catra, right? Brown hair with a curl. Those weren’t the original lyrics. Catra checked. But it couldn’t be. Adora wouldn’t have the guts. Catra saw Adora’s dopey deer in the headlights face during the Fright Zone gig. Where did that Adora go?

Shit, the Horde hasn’t played yet, Cara realized. Oh well. Too late to go back now. She detoured to the nearby McDonald’s, ordered take out, and then continued onwards towards the campus, making a beeline for the parking garage.

By the time she arrived at the top, the sun had just set. Warm hues of oranges and purples still poked through the clouds, struggling against the inevitable victory of the darkness slowly advancing across the sky. In the final moments of color, even the dull gray of the garage’s concrete walls showed a glimpse of vibrance.

“Damn it, they messed up my order.”

Catra carefully picked off any bits of her burger’s bun that touched the unwanted pickles, and then tossed the pickles into the open lot. She had set up a cozy nook on a corner ledge of the garage roof, sacrificing body heat for comfort as she used her leather jacket as a seat cushion. A spread of grease soaked food laid before her, neatly arranged in order of which Catra planned to devour them.

When her stomach gave a loud growl, Catra figured it was time to stop picking at the burger and start eating. Before she could take a bite, her attention was redirected to the soft sound of something pitter pattering towards her. She turned her head to see the cat emerging from the darkness, approaching the discarded pickles. It sniffed them, and then promptly darted towards Catra. It jumped onto the ledge and sat a few feet in front of her.

“Not a pickle guy either, huh?” Catra said.

The cat looked at her food, then at Catra.

“No. None for you. I’m starving and I can’t have a scavenger like you stealing my hard earned dinner.”

The cat tilted its head.

Catra rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she grumbled as she placed a small handful of fries in front of it. “That’s all you’re getting, though. You probably have a stash of dead rats around here that you can eat anytime.”

The cat looked down at the fries, then back up to Catra, and then tilted its head the other way.

“What? I already told you, that’s all you’re getting.”

It blinked.

“No.”

It titled its head the other way again.

“I said no. Bad cat.”

It blinked again and then meowed.

“You’re not getting any more. Stop asking.”

It leaned down and pushed the fries away with its nose. Catra let out an exasperated sigh.

“You got some nerve, that’s for sure.”

She took a bite of her burger and stared at the horizon. The sky was dark now, littered with a few stars. The moon was nowhere to be seen. Between bites, Catra hummed. The notes were random at first, but soon morphed into a familiar melody, one that would come close to reaching a homely feeling before it fell just short and descended down the scale. It was a song she had been trying to write for months, but the words always eluded her. Despite her best efforts to get something written down, the song only existed in her mind for now.

The cat meowed again, louder. When Catra tried to shove the fries towards it again, it only pushed them right back. Its cold blue eyes peered directly into her soul.

“Just eat the damn fries!” she demanded. They sat in still silence for a moment before Catra spoke once more. “You think you’re so clever, huh? Just sitting there and… and staring . What? What do you want me to do? I let you sit there. I pet you. I gave you food. Just…”

Catra looked into her lap.

“You’re a real pain, you know that?” she scoffed. “Kinda like someone else I know.”

She glared back at the cat, failing to match the intensity with which it stared back at her. “I didn’t come up here just to watch you beg for scraps. Take, take, take. That’s all you do. Both of you. Taking my food. Taking my alone time. Taking seventeen years of my life. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you ! Shoo!”

She tried to wave the cat away, stopping just short of shoving it. The cat remained in place, unphased.

“You don’t get to take my shit!” she shouted. “You don’t get to… to…” 

As her voice faltered, she buried her face in her hands. “Oh my god, I’m arguing with a cat.”

As if to confirm its existence, the cat meowed.

------

“So what the shit was that about yesterday, Catra?”

Catra looked up from her surprisingly bearable dining hall lunch to find Lonnie looming over her, scowling. Catra groaned, silently wishing Lonnie would spontaneously combust so she could return to enjoying her meal in peace (or as much peace as she could find with Scorpia and Entrapta eating next to her).

“I felt sick so I went back to the dorm,” Catra replied, detached. “I told Scorpia to tell you.”

Lonnie scoffed. “Yeah, and she did , and guess what? We still didn’t have a bassist. We played with half a rhythm section, Catra. Entrapta’s good, but she’s not ‘playing bass and drums at the same time’ good.”

“Oh! I can work on that if you li-” Entrapta’s cheerful interjection was cut off by Lonnie and Catra giving her twin death stares. She shrunk back into her seat. “Right. Stay out of your fights. Sorry.”

Lonnie’s death stare returned to focusing on Catra. “You know what’s really interesting, Catra? When I got back to our dorm after the show, you weren’t there.”

Catra rolled her eyes and leaned back in her hair. “I got food and it took a while to get back.”

“You’re not taking this seriously at all, are you? Not the band, not this conversation, nothing .”

“Of course I am, Lonnie. I just felt more like shit than usual and had to leave. Happens to everyone. Want me to leave a memo next time?” Catra took a small nibble of her sandwich.

“No shit you would feel like ass,” Lonnie snapped. “Especially when you had to sit through Adora’s set.”

Catra set her sandwich down and took a deep breath. “This is not about her.”

“That’s bullshit, Catra, and we all know it.” Lonnie leaned over the table, staring down Catra. “What kind of obsessive psychopath do you have to be to guilt your own bandmates into staying away from another band because you have some petty grudge against one of them, huh?”

Catra sat up straight and glared at Entrapta, whose worried expression immediately gave away who told Lonnie about the Sparkles and Crop Top situation.

“Ohh-kay, you guys,” Scorpia said as she used an open palm to gently guide Lonnie into a chair. “I think we’re getting a little stressed out here, so let’s calm down, talk it out. Catra, let’s explain to Lonnie how you’re feeling and why you feel that way.”

“I feel pissed off because you pissed me off,” Catra monotoned.

“Not a great start.” Scorpia turned towards Lonnie. “Lonnie, maybe you want to politely explain how you’re feeling right now?”

Lonnie slowly began to rise again. “I feel like the only thing your dumbass brain can think of on a twenty-four seven basis is ways to piss off Adora and by proxy everyone around you.”

“Here we go again with the Adora shit again,” Catra groaned. “I just told you, this isn’t about her.”

“And I just told you that’s bullshit , and here we are, debating why you left during her set.” Lonnie laughed in disbelief. A few fellow cafeteria-goers turned their heads towards the sound. “Keep lying to yourself, Catra. When are you gonna admit that everything in your life revolves around Adora?”

Catra shot up out of her seat, fists clenched at her side. “You think you know everything about me? You don’t know the shit that I’ve been through. That I’m going through.”

“I lived with Weaver’s shit for a year.”

“I lived with it for eighteen years! Don’t act like you know at all what it was like to live like that. Not with Weaver, not with Adora-”

“Oh so it is about Adora!”

“Well maybe it is!” Catra shrieked as she slammed a fist onto the table. The dining hall went quiet. She took a breath before continuing. “She was the one good thing in my life and she left me. And you…” She pointed a trembling finger at Lonnie. “You don’t get to act like you know how I feel, or that you know who I am, or that you know what’s best for me because you don’t know me .” She slammed her hands down on the table again. “I’ll live my life however the hell I want and you can’t do shit to change that. You can’t do shit to change me .”

Although the ambient noise of students eating and conversing had returned by then, the silence between the Horde’s members was still suffocating. Scorpia and Entrapta didn’t dare interrupt. Catra’s breathing was labored slightly, burdened by the intensity of her own words. A single bead of sweat trickled down the side of her face. Lonnie stood tall and stoically, shoulders squared and jaw tightened. Her eyes were cold, considering.

“Well, if that’s so,” she said, her voice laced with bitterness. “Then I’m out.”

“What?” The words only sunk in for Catra when Lonnie turned towards the door. “Leave? You can’t just leave .”

“Why not? After all, I feel more like shit than usual, and I can live my life however I want to, judgment free, like the amazing friend and bandmate I am,” Lonnie mocked. She turned to face Catra, eyes narrowed with an intense, fiery glare. “Fuck you, Catra.” Her expression and tone softened when she looked at Scorpia and Entrapta. “You two deserve better than this shit.”

With that, Lonnie turned once more, and left.

“We should go after her, right?” Scorpia asked.

Catra shook her head. “No. She made her choice. Scorpia, you’re singing lead now.”

“ What ? I-I mean thank you but I-”

“You can sing, right?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“And you already know all the lyrics to our songs, right?”

“Wildca-”

“ Right ?”

“Right…” Scorpia resigned.

“Then you can sing lead.” Catra looked over her sandwich before deciding to set it down and push her plate away. “We can practice now if you guys are free.”

“Um…” Scorpia checked the time on her phone. “Yeah, I have a bit.”

“Entrapta?” Catra asked.

Entrapta was staring at the floor, unmoving and silent. 

“ Entrapta ,” Catra repeated.

“I am… confused,” Entrapta said, gaze unwavering.

“Ugh, not again with this shit, Entrapta,” Catra groaned. “What could you possibly be confused about this time?”

“The only original songs we would sing would be by you or Lonnie because you would reject all of Scorpia’s songs,” Entrapta explained slowly as if she was laying everything out for herself as well. “Now that Lonnie has left, you are now the sole songwriter. You sing well in your demos, and many of your songs are out of Scorpia and Lonnie’s natural vocal ranges.” She looked up at Catra, brows furrowed and nose scrunched in confusion. “Why are you passing the role of front woman to someone else?”

“Because everyone needs to pull their own weight here. Would you rather sit back, relax, and let me do all the hard work for you? Show some initiative.”

Entrapta took a moment before she spoke. “Does Adora have anything to do with your decision making?”

Catra’s eyes flickered with anger. 

“What I mean is, whenever Lonnie mentions Adora, everything gets… intense. You get angry and begin to lash out. I don’t see any plausible causes beyond Adora.”

“Adora,” Catra spat, the name like poison on her tongue. “You want to know if Adora has anything to do with this? Fine. Let’s talk about Adora.”

Everything that surrounded Catra filled her with a grand sense of comfort. The vibrant colors of the bright TV screen filling the room with a soft glow, the perfectly chilled air of early fall (a respite from the unbearable highs and lows of the summer and winter months, especially without air conditioning), and, of course, the knowledge that Ms. Weaver wouldn’t be back for at least another full day.

But by far the thing, or rather the person, that brought her the most comfort was Adora. Catra sat in her lap on the couch, body scrunched into a ball that Adora was firmly wrapped around, hands interlocked. Adora felt like a personal space heater for Catra, giving her an extra boost of warmth if a draft threw the perfect temperature out of balance.

“ Adora . Golden girl Adora. The perfect, straight A student who got everything handed to her on a silver platter. They aaall think she’s just so… so perfect and amazing and selfless and kind . No. She’s a selfish prick who will drop you in a second if it means she can get just a little further in life and leave you in the dirt.”

Catra wasn’t paying much attention to the movie, and she didn’t think Adora was either. She could hear the other girl’s breathing start to slow and felt the grip on her hand loosen ever so slightly. A feeling she couldn’t quite place danced through her head as she felt Adora’s head droop and heard her start snoring.

She was confused when she turned her attention back to the movie and found that two of the characters who had hated each other ten minutes ago were now wistfully staring into the other’s eyes. Catra scoffed. Of course Mister and Miss Sexy Action Hero would be pining over each other this dramatically. Nothing could save this schlock, not even all the speedy car chases and well choreographed fight scenes and big explosions and…

Shit , Catra thought. This is actually pretty damn cool.

Her eyes were glued to the screen for the next hour and a half. Maybe she was a little too invested in the daring adventures of the somewhat generic heroes, but she couldn’t help but feel something pulling her in.

“I know you two don’t believe me. No one does, because they don’t understand me. I’m the screw up. I’m the ever-so-easy sacrifice that is given nothing because some universal bullshit or whatever decided a long, long time ago that this little orphan girl is gonna have the most messed up life we can throw at her. And hey! Look what the universe accomplished! Mission successful, right?”

Catra’s heart was racing as Dutch Power, a man who had gone through so much pain and strife to accomplish the mission his father started, finally turned Ratava’s Dial to midnight, mere seconds before it could harness the energy of the Earth to erase all of time and space. Clara Mooring gave the wicked Doctor Mallock a swift kick in the chest, sending over the cliff’s edge and into the bubbling lava of the volcano. With his death, the evil Horde would surely fall as well

Catra couldn’t hold back the soft “Hell yeah” escaping her lips.

Overall, The Legend of Ratava was a very enjoyable time for Catra, even with some of its more laughable moments (including a scene in which Dutch professed his undying love for Clara in the pouring rain, only for Clara to punch him in the jaw and then immediately start making out with him). Catra was almost ready to let herself fall asleep as the credits rolled when the movie suddenly transitioned away from the flames of the volcano and into the living room of a nice, cozy home.

It was an epilogue. Dutch greeted Clara as she entered their home, back from a long day of work at the historical society. They talked, bantered, lightly brushed against each other’s skin until they ended up on the couch, scrunched up together, firmly wrapped in the other’s arms, hands interlocked. Their puma sidekick, Melog, crawled onto the couch and spread out across their laps like a living blanket. The couple kissed. One of them hummed in contentment. They pulled back to share one last wistful look at the other before the credits rolled.

Oh, Catra thought as she looked up at Adora. She was still asleep, mouth hanging slightly open and only occasionally snoring like a boar.

This is love.

“And now… now she’s gonna know that I am not just gonna sit here and wait for more shit to get dropped on me. She will get what’s coming to her. Everyone will! All the assholes who shoved me away and hated me and told me I would be better off dead . I will make them regret ever looking at me. I will make her regret ever leaving me in the dirt with nothing.”

“She what ?” Catra cried.

“Left,” Ms. Weaver calmly restated as she poured a tall glass of wine. “When she returned from the orientation, she packed her bags and marched right out the door without so much as a word.”

Catra stood frozen. Any thoughts she was having were drowned out by a distressed static ringing in her ears.

“Perhaps she finally saw you for the failure you are. Such a pity.” Ms. Weaver took her first sip of many for the night.  “If it makes you feel any better, I asked her to stay. I wouldn’t have any reason to keep you here otherwise.”

Catra’s heart pounded in her chest, her breath rigid and shallow. Ms. Weaver’s words barely registered, and when they did, Catra’s brain couldn’t so much as begin to formulate a response.

“Judging by your silence, I don’t believe you understood my order,” Ms. Weaver sighed. “You have ten minutes to pack your things and leave my house, Catra. You may use one of my suitcases in the closet if you choose to do so. Otherwise, you are not to touch anything other than your personal belongings. Do you understand?”

By the time Ms. Weaver was done speaking, Catra was already ambling towards the stairs. When she reached her bedroom, she couldn’t believe how large it looked. The pile of clothes that they swore they both swore to Ms. Weaver they would “clean soon” was gone, just bare floor now. The desk, once cluttered with scattered papers full of lyrics and chords, now barren. Their bed was stripped of sheets, pillows, and comfort. A miniscule amount of solace was found under the bed and Catra spotted the guitar case.

“One minute remaining, Catra,” Ms. Weaver called from downstairs. “I suggest you hurry before I call the police.”

“Shit,” Catra cursed. She looked around the room for anything else even slightly meaningful she would want to keep, but came up empty.

So, Catra took the guitar, and she ran.

“I will make her crawl back to me, make her beg for my forgiveness, and then you know what I’m gonna say? No .”

Chapter Text

It had been, to put it simply, quite a shit day for Catra. The Horde 2.0’s first practice was a disaster, and Catra had to go full on micromanagement mode just to salvage something out of what Lonnie left behind. After sunset, all Catra needed was some nice, peaceful, quiet solitude.

So of course Adora was in the library, too.

Catra had to suppress the urge to run when she made eye contact with her. She quickly turned away, hurrying towards the furthest table she could find. She sat and buried her face in a book, hoping Adora wouldn’t follow, but the universe could never be that kind to her.

“Catra?” Adora said in a hushed voice.

Catra gritted her teeth, slowly closed her book, and turned around, trying to keep a neutral expression. “What do you want, Adora?”

“I just, um…” Adora cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk, if that’s okay with you?”

Catra just stared.

“Can I sit here?” Adora asked, beginning to pull out a chair at Catra’s table.

“It’s a free country,” Catra shrugged. She opened her book again and began scanning the pages without reading, occasionally looking over the top edge to glare at Adora. Every time she did, Adora was staring right back, mouth slightly agape as if she was constantly on the verge of saying something. The loop of glance at book, glance at Adora, get annoyed by Adora’s constant staring, glance at book went on for minutes before Catra snapped.

“Well?”

Adora jolted at the sudden noise. “What?”

“Are you gonna just stare at me like an idiot or are you gonna say something? You look like you just swallowed a toad.”

“ What ? I don’t-” Adora cut herself off when she realized she was a little too loud for a library. “Right, sorry…”

Catra rolled her eyes. “No apologizing, just spit it out.”

“Okay… Okay,” Adora repeated as if hyping herself up. “So… how are you?”

“ How are you ?”

“Well, yeah. I-”

“You leave me and make my life hell for a year and you want to know how I am?”

Adora furrowed her brows and crossed her arms. “That’s unfair, Catra.”

“Yeah, leave it to you to tell me what’s fair here.” Catra closed her book and started to stand before Adora jumped to her feet.

“ No !” That earned her a sshhh from somewhere within the bookshelves. “I mean… please, stay. Just for a couple of minutes. I want to actually talk to you.”

Catra looked Adora up and down. The blonde was wide eyed and shaking. Catra paused, taking in Adora’s desperate expression before sighing and sitting back down, arms and legs crossed.

“Fine,” she said. “Talk.”

Adora nodded and sat down as well. She took a moment to breathe and sat straight. Her eyes connected with Catra’s for a moment, and then veered off to the side.

“I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Sure.”

“Just let me say this, please?” Adora pleaded. Catra gestured for her to go on.

“Okay,” Adora continued. “I didn’t want to leave you. Never, not even for a second. Every single moment I spent with you was the best moment of my life, even in that hell of a house. You were my best friend and my writing buddy and my favorite musician ever , and I just… What I’m trying to say is, it wasn’t an easy decision.”

She cleared her throat. “But, god… Ms. Weaver was just… I mean, you know.” She waited until Catra gave a reluctant nod. “I felt so… suffocated. The only things that kept me sane for the last two years there were you and BMU. I could see a future, a real future where we could be free together and… I got selfish. The ‘we’ started to turn into ‘me’. Then it turned out you didn’t get in and I didn’t know if my scholarship could be put off so I…”

“You left me,” Catra said matter-of-factly.

Adora nodded. “I did. And I’m sorry.”

You better be, Catra thought. Make her come crawling back, and then say-

“Then orientation came around and I found out my scholarship could be held for a semester. I was so, so excited to tell you, and I tried to text you but I think you blocked me, so I ran back as fast as I could, but… when I got home…” She quickly wiped one of her eyes with a finger. ”When you disappeared that day, I thought it was fate telling me I had to go out on my own.”

What?

“What?”

Adora raised an eyebrow. “The day you left?”

“The day I left?” Catra challenged. “ You were the one who left. You took all your shit and you disappeared.”

“What? No? That’s what you did,” Adora insisted. “I came back home from freshman orientation and Ms. Weaver told me that you left, and when I checked our room, all our stuff was gone.”Ms. Weaver

“That is not what happened at all! I got back from summer school, Ms. Weaver told me you left, and you took everything except some of my clothes and the guitar.”

“The guitar was gone when I got back.”

“Okay, no, now I know you’re messing with me. This isn’t funny, Adora.”

“Catra, I swear, I am not messing with you.”

Catra studied Adora’s face closely. Adora’s face didn’t so much as twitch at Catra’s silent scrutiny. Eventually, Catra relaxed her gaze to the table.

“Yeah, fine. I believe you,” she sighed, rubbing her temples in a vain attempt to rid herself of the headache the conversation was giving her. “You’re a shit actor, anyway.”

“It was a middle school’s production of Peter Pan . I think I got away with it.”

That almost made Catra smile. Almost.

“Anyway,” Adora said. “I say you left, you say I left. What actually happened?”

“Hell if I know.”

“Don’t act like you don’t want to know what’s going on, too.”

Catra groaned. “Fine, fine.”

“Okay, first thing’s first. What happened when you got back?”

Catra’s gaze drifted to the ceiling as she recalled the events of the worst afternoon of her life. “Well, I took the long way home so I could swing by Wendy’s or something, and when I got back, Weaver was definitely a little wine drunk and told me you left. I thought she was playing some bullshit mind game on me, so I checked our room, and sure enough, it was gutted. So, I took the guitar, and left for the streets.” Catra groaned at how Adora’s face contorted when she mentioned the streets. “I wasn’t out there for long. Lonnie’s folks took me in. Just tell your side already.”

Adora wiped the worried expression off her face and nodded. “Right. Um… like I said, I got back from freshman orientation, Ms. Weaver told me you ran away, and when I checked our room all our stuff was gone, including the guitar. Then when I got downstairs I found that… Oh my god…”

“What?” Catra raised an eyebrow.

“Ms. Weaver had packed up all my things. Ohhh my god, Catra.” Adora buried her face in her hands.

“You’re gonna have to spell this out for me, Adora.”

“Ms. Weaver set it up. She planned it all out.” Adora gave an exasperated laugh as she started pulling at her hair.

Something snapped in Catra. She rose until she was sitting straight up in her seat, fully at attention. Her eyes felt dry and every breath became more difficult than the last.

The hands tugging on her hair were the only thing keeping Adora’s head from slamming down onto the table. “She packed my things to make it look like I left when you got back, and by the time I got there you were already long gone. Holy shit. Holy shit .”

Adora circled around the table until she was next to Catra and pulled her into an embrace.

A spike of pain shot through Catra’s body at the contact. She stood and shoved Adora away, causing Adora to tumble to the floor, dumbfounded. If Adora made any noise or said anything after that, Catra couldn’t hear her. Catra was panting and instinct took over. 

She had to run .

Catra didn’t remember the steps she took to get outside, and only registered the fact that she could control the movement of her body when she reached the narrow alleyway between the library and the science building. She sat against the brick wall of the library and curled up into a ball. She realized her face felt wet.

As soon as she clocked one sensation, a myriad of other feelings rushed throughout her body. Her chest and stomach felt tight. Her fingers and toes twitched and shook. Her breathing came in short, sporadic bursts.

“Catra? Catra!” she heard Adora’s voice calling from a distance. She forced herself to hold her breath, breaking it only when she could hear Adora’s cries no more.

Catra let out one, large sob and choked another down. The effort it took her to hold it back made her entire body shake. She tried pressing her palms against her eyes, but the pressure only intensified her migraine. Her hands moved to her knees, then to the ground, then over her head. Every part of her body felt itchy. They all felt like they weren’t even part of her body. Her limbs were too long, now too short. Her head was heavy and then light.

What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

She gasped for air as the tightness in her chest further constricted her. Her throat felt raw as the rare breath filled her lungs.

She left you.

Weaver set it up.

She still left you.

As she began to rock herself back and forth, her hands grasped onto her biceps and held on tight. It took her too long to realize her nails were beginning to draw blood.

She’s alone because of you.

Finally, she was able to inhale one deep breath.

You’re alone because of her .

She planted her palms flat on the ground and pushed up with all her strength. Slowly, her body began to rise until she was on her feet. She tried taking a step forward, but stumbled, catching herself on the wall before falling completely. As she began to drudge forward, four words echoed through her mind.

She still left you.

------

Bb, slide down. G, fill. F, slide up. Ab, walkup. Bb, slide down. G, fill. F, slide up. Ab, pause… 2, 3, 4… Bb, F#, Eb, B and then A and then…

“In Bloom” by Nirvana was not by any means a difficult song to play for Catra, and yet as she played, everything felt wrong. She fretted and plucked notes mechanically, barely moving the rest of her body. She couldn’t even find the energy to put on her strap and stand as she played. Even Scorpia was doing that at least.

Sell the kids for food

Weather changes moods

Something something… again!

Reproductive glands

Catra cringed. Scorpia was a good singer, great even, but her voice wasn’t made for grunge. Even when she was singing about death and plague, she sounded so kind .

Catra was so invested in her silent judgments, she didn’t notice when the song progressed to the chorus. When she plucked a string, there was an immediate tightness in her head. She quickly shifted her hand to find the right note and continued on, quietly cursing herself for the mistake.

Here’s the one who likes

All our silly songs and he

Like to sing along but he… oops not yet

Something… shoot his gun but he

Knows not what it means

So far, the practice was about on par with the Horde’s previous, and the light throbbing in Catra’s head clued her in that it would likely end the same as well. She tuned out Scorpia’s vocals and focused only on the instruments, quickly learning that she should probably tune out Scorpia’s guitar as well. All that was left in her mind were her bass and Entrapta’s drums.

She felt her foot begin to tap along with the steady beat of the kick drum. The tapping grew to a light stomp, and then a hard thump as the next chorus arrived. Finally , movement. As Catra became more confident with each thud of her bass, Scorpia’s guitar playing seemed to improve as well, becoming louder and more coherent. Entrapta’s groove held the three of them together like glue, and slowly, the notes and chords took solid form. The song towered tall, a solid pillar of harmonious sound.

Then, Entrapta’s drum went on a wild tangent, and the foundation crumbled.

The tightness in Catra’s head returned as she and Scorpia started the next section of the song out of time with the other. The dissonance between their instruments created a harsh pulsating noise that shook Catra’s entire body. The movement turned into constriction. With a sharp gasp, Catra threw her bass down and stood.

“Entrapta!” she yelled.

Although Scorpia’s guitar shrunk in loudness and Catra’s bass was gone entirely, Entrapta continued to pound away at her drums. Catra marched over to the drum set. The sharpness of the snare and the crashing cymbals pierced her ears.

“ Entrapta !” she repeated. No reply.

Catra kicked a cymbal stand. It fell to the floor with a loud crash.

That finally got Entrapta’s attention. Her hands fiddled with her sticks as she looked up at Catra, confused.

“What the shit was that, Entrapta?” Catra demanded.

Entrapta cocked her head to the side. “We were playing ‘In Bloom’ by Nirvana. You should know that, Catra. You were the one who added it to our setlist.”

“I’m not talking about that and you know it.”

“I do not,” Entrapta said as she leaned away. 

“You threw us off with that shit fill, Entrapta. What did I tell you about playing it exactly as it was written?” Catra snarled as she began to loom over Entrapta

“Oh! The experiment! Right!” Entrapta perked up. “Well, I thought it had run its course and-”

“ Experiment ?”

“Yeah! The experiment! That’s what we’re talking about… right?”

Catra groaned. “That wasn’t an experiment, Entrapta. That was an order .”

“Oh. Well, it…” Entrapta hesitated. “I believed it reached its logical conclusion and…”

“ And ?”

“It wasn’t fun anymore.”

Catra paused. She took a step back and looked Entrapta up and down. Entrapta never broke eye contact, shifting nervously in her seat as Catra let the room fall into silence.

Scorpia was the one who broke first. “Heeey, guys. So, wha-?”

“None of this shit is fun ,” Catra interrupted. “We aren’t here to have fun . Not me, not you two. We are here to practice so we can be better and so we can be the best .” She closed the gap between her and Entrapta once more. “And when you decide to mess around, you’re throwing us all off.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Entrapta stuttered. She tried to get more distance from Catra, but Catra kept closing in.

“Tell me, Entrapta. Do you like being a failure?”

“What?”

“A failure , Entrapta. Do you like being one?” Before Entrapta could answer, Catra continued, voice steadily growing in volume. “Because you are acting like one. You’re acting like you’re the only person in this room who is in this band when you’re not even worth a damn . Do you know how many other drummers are on this campus, Entrapta? Do you know how replaceable you are?”

“Catra, maybe let’s-” Scorpia tried again but was cut off.

“No!” Catra snapped, tearing her face away from Entrapta to glare at Scorpia. “She needs to hear this, and so do you.” Her voice was drowned in a venomous hiss. “How do you two think you’re ‘special’? How do you think this band is working at all? Because you have me . Without me, you wouldn’t be able to do shit , so you will listen to what I say and you will do what I tell you to!”

She threw one of Entrapta’s other cymbal stands. Scorpia jumped and Entrapta yelped when it made contact with a wall. Catra had to fight her body not to react to the sound.

“Catra, stop!” Scorpia begged. “You’re not helping anything. You’re just being cruel.”

“ Cruel ?” Catra cackled. “Stop being stupid, Scorpia. I’m trying to make sure we don’t fall apart! But I guess you two want to make damn sure this band dissolves into nothing. I am making you two better .” She got up close to Entrapta again, who was on the verge of tears. “You will play exactly how I tell you to play and not include any of that bullshit you were doing earlier. Do you understand ?”

Entrapta squealed and inhaled sharply. The tears that hung off the edge of her eyes began to fall as she looked back and forth between Catra and Scorpia. She shifted in her seat, only slightly at first, before she started to shake so much she nearly fell over.

She gasped, screamed, and ran out of the room. Her muffled sobbing could be heard even once the door had slammed shut behind her.

Catra rolled her eyes and turned to Scorpia. “Scorpia, could you go get her, please?”

“No.”

“Thank y- what?”

“No,” Scorpia repeated. “That was really mean, Catra.”

Catra laughed in disbelief. “Did you not hear a word I said? This is for your own good.”

“It’s not, and I don’t think you really believe it is, either.” Scorpia placed her guitar in its case, closed it, and started towards the door.

Catra moved to block the door. “No, Scorpia, do not -”

“Stop it, Catra. Please.” Scorpia remained unphased as she stood in front of Catra. “Lonnie was right. You’re a bad friend.”

Catra let Scorpia push past her and exit, leaving Catra alone in the rehearsal room with nothing but a broken drum set, some amplifiers, and her bass.

She stood in place for as long as she could hear Scorpia calling Entrapta’s name beyond the door. Once the voice had faded, she crossed the room to grab her bass. She placed it face up on the floor in front of her amp, the bottom of the body touching the base of the amp, the neck angled away from it. A low rumbling sound rang throughout the room, pulsating and shaking like a contained earthquake.

Catra laid down next to the bass with her feet facing away from the amp. Her body shook with the room, gently cradling her in a sea of deep, noisy feedback. The feedback drowned out almost every thought she had, but three refused to leave her mind no matter how hard she tried to force them out.

The Horde had lost three members in three days. 

Catra was alone.

She had failed.

Chapter Text

“...but it was actually the janitor’s closet. We ended up stuck in there for hours,” Kyle laughed as he recounted the tale. “But we could still hear the music, so I guess it worked out.”

Adora chuckled. “How’d you end up getting out?”

“Rogelio had to run into the door like a battering ram!”

“No way!” Adora exclaimed as she looked up at Rogelio. “No way you actually did that.”

Rogelio shrugged and patted his shoulder. “Etheria High School varsity football. Defensive end. Go Pegusi.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Adora laughed. “Oh! I meant to ask you guys the other day, but have you talked to Lonnie since she got here?”

“Yeah, actually. The three of us have been hanging out a lot recently,” Kyle answered. “She was going to come tonight, but apparently her physics professor dumped a whole load of homework on her at the last minute.”

“Well, she’s probably not gonna miss much,” Adora shrugged, looking out the window and the rained out porch of the Fright Zone. “I don’t know how many people are gonna want to brave the rain for a house show.”

“We did! We’re only one act in and I would say it’s been wor-!”

A loud clap of thunder interrupted Kyle. His nostalgia was replaced with fear as he yelped and jumped away from the window. Rogelio caught him as he landed. 

“Th-thanks, Rogelio.”

Rogelio nodded and lifted Kyle back onto his feet, as effortlessly as picking up a feather. While readjusting to the act of standing, Kyle’s hand slipped into Rogelio’s and squeezed it. Adora’s eyes grew wide as her face broke out into a large grin.

“Oh my god,” Adora gasped and pointed to their conjoined hands. “Please tell me you…”

Kyle’s face turned red and his eyes darted to the floor. Rogelio threw back his head and laughed.

“Eight months this week,” Rogelio said as he kissed the top of Kyle’s head. Kyle let out a nervous laugh as he nodded.

Adora fumbled over her words before asking, “How? When? Where?”

Rogelio grinned. “Janitor’s closet.”

------

“Perfuma!”

Perfuma turned towards the sound of Adora’s voice and smiled. “Adora! Hello!”

Adora embraced the fellow blonde in a brief side hug, careful not to bump into Perfuma’s guitar still slung around her neck. “That was such a great set! You were so good!” Adora praised as she stepped back to give Perfuma room to set her guitar down. “I loved your cover of ‘Any Road’. I’m like, the biggest George Harrison fan.”

“Thank you! Although, I wish this could have been outside. I much prefer the feeling of the open air when I perform,” Perfuma said.

“Yeah, me too. It’s pretty cramped in here,” Adora agreed. “On the bright side, the rain made for some nice ambience. I think I almost fell asleep at one point.” Her eyes went wide as she considered the words coming out of her mouth. “In a good way, I mean!”

Perfuma giggled. “I understand. Yes, it was quite nice. In fact, I may sit out there between acts.”

“Oh! Before you go, what was that butterfly song about?”

“‘Butterfly Man’!” Perfuma’s eyes lit up. “I’m quite proud of that one. How much do you know about the teachings of Hinduism?”

Adora shrugged. “Not much.”

“Interestingly enough, George Harrison was also influenced by many of these teachings.” Perfuma cleared her throat and began to explain, “In the Hindu faith, there’s a concept called moksha. Essentially, every living creature is trapped in an eternal cycle of death and rebirth, and moksha is the act of breaking free from the cycle once one becomes a perfect entity. I believe this concept can be found everywhere, such as caterpillars going through metamorphosis to become butterflies. 

“We humans change as well,” Perfuma continued, gesturing to the small crowd of people in the Fright Zone’s living room venue. “We are in a perpetual cycle of metamorphosis with the goal of becoming the best versions of ourselves.” She sighed contentedly. “I also just really liked that title. ‘Butterfly Man’. So fun to imagine!”

“Wow, that’s… really interesting, Perfuma,” Adora said, only mildly freaked out by the sudden philosophy lecture.

“Thank you!” Perfuma beamed. “If you ever decide to enroll in a philosophy class, I would highly recommend choosing Dr. Geiger as the professor. So many marvelous ideas!”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Perfuma.”

“Not a problem!”

------

“Uuuggghhh, why is this so haaard,” Glimmer complained, hitting the back of her head against the wall.

“I mean, you got it down pretty well during rehearsal,” Adora said.

Glimmer slid down the wall until she was sitting with her knees up to her chest. “I know,” she grumbled. “That’s the worst part. I had it, and now it’s just… poof! Gone! Muscle memory be damned, I guess.”

Adora sat next to her. “What’s tripping you up?”

“Gee, Adora. If I knew that then I wouldn’t be having trouble with it, now would I?” Glimmer sighed when she saw Adora’s frown. “Sorry, that was shitty of me to say. I just… Bow worked really hard on this song and it’s the first time he’s singing lead and I want it to be perfect for him and I don’t want to mess it up or he’ll get mad at me and I swear to god if you don’t get that shit eating grin off of your face I will throw you through my snare drum.”

“What? What grin?” Adora smirked, fully aware of the grin spreading across her face.

“It’s not-!” Glimmer quickly scanned the area, then hissed, “It’s not like that , Adora. He’s my friend and I don’t want to screw up.”

“Alright, alright.” Adora threw up her hands in a fake surrender. “Want some help?”

Glimmer hesitated slightly before sighing. “Yes, please.”

Adora smiled and scooted closer. “So right now, are you just going straight from counting in four-four to counting in three?” She waited for Glimmer to nod before continuing. “Yeah, that’s what was throwing me off, too. What I do is give myself a short count off with Bow’s vocals right before the switch. Like, he sings in three before we switch.”

“So like…” Glimmer patted her hand against her knee as she counted. “One… two… three… four… One, two, three?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Okay… let’s see. Can you sing the part for me?”

“You got it.”

See how the circle remains

Unbroken like a chain

Glimmer closed her eyes and started nodding her head to an unheard rhythm. Soon after, she began to tap her pointer fingers against her knees and tap her foot.

And see how the sea does flow

Souls collect below

“Two… three… four… one… two… three… four…” she quietly counted. 

Down underground

“One, two, three.”

The silent rhythm changed, and her body reflected that. While her foot remained at a constant pace, her fingers switched to a new pattern, stopping just short of the old one before looping.

“One, two, three.” Glimmer’s eyes widened with realization. “One, two, three! It worked!”

“Nice job!” Adora pulled Glimmer in for a quick hug. “Knew you could do it.”

“Thanks, Adora. If Bow asks, I figured it out by myself.”

Adora smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Suuure. ‘It’s not like’.”

“It’s not and I was serious about the snare drum!”

------

“Have you heard the news?” a voice spoke into Adora’s ear.

She jumped in surprise and turned around. “Jesus! Dee!”

Dee gave a sly smile. “Apologies, but in my defense, you are so fun to scare.”

“Right,” Adora said, trying to keep a neutral tone. “What news?”

“A little birdie told me your friends the Horde broke up.”

Adora froze. “What?”

“Yes, a shame, isn’t it?” Dee feigned a pout, their eyes sparkling with amusement. “Yet another up and coming band throwing their blossoming music career down the drain over some petty drama. ‘Creative differences’ can be a bitch.”

Adora’s mouth hung open, ready to speak even though no words came out.

“Would you like to know the strangest part?” Dee didn’t wait for Adora to answer before continuing. “No one’s called me to cancel their booking for tonight. So, I wonder, who could be performing in their stead tonight?”

“I…” Adora stared at the floor. “I don’t know…”

“Mmm, didn’t expect you to.” Dee’s voice was dripping with mock sympathy. “Only one way to find out, right?”

Adora looked up at Dee, trying to look unfazed by their sinister grin and piercing eyes. “How do you know everything ?” she asked. “That other show, you said I would find one of the bands appealing or whatever. How did you know about me and Catra?”

Dee’s smile grew wider. “Honey, I run a house venue in a local college music scene. I have to know.”

Adora glared at them in a stunned silence as they walked away. She blinked hard and shook her head, snapping herself out of whatever trance Dee placed her in.

She called after them, “That doesn’t answer my question!”

------

“Hey, Bow. Have you-?” CRACK ! “Have you talked to-?” CRACK ! “Have y-?” CRACK !

“Wanna take this a bit further from the drum set?” Bow asked. Adora nodded and then flinched when Glimmer hit her snare with another loud CRACK . 

Once they were in a place where Glimmer’s soundcheck wouldn’t overwhelm their conversation too much, Adora continued, “Have you talked to Entrapta at all since that… thing with Catra by the dining hall?”

“Yeah, she texted me the day after that and we’ve been geeking out about synths and stuff since,” Bow answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Dee says the Horde broke up.”

“Oh.” 

They sat in silence for a moment before Bow spoke again. “Entrapta hasn’t said anything about it, but I guess she has been kinda quiet for a few days. How um…” He took a moment to check Adora’s face for any signs of immediate breakdown. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Adora groaned. “Dee said no one’s called to cancel their set yet, so maybe they’re just messing with me or something.”

“Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. Dee’s very… well, Dee.”

“You can say that again.” Adora sighed and leaned against the wall. “I’m just… like, ahhh! Right? There were three seconds in that library where I thought we would be fine again, but apparently nope. I made it worse.”

“What? Adora, we don’t know if that has anything to do with-”

“Of course it has something to do with the library!” Adora snapped. Her face immediately fell to a frown and she facepalmed. “I’m sorry, Bow. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“I don’t think it is, Bow.” Adora let out a humorless chuckle. “Wanna know the worst part about all of this? I don’t think I even thought about Catra all day until Dee told me that. I thought ‘oh! Maybe something will finally change for the better!’ But nope. Square one. Again. God, it feels like January all over again.”

Bow put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I don’t want to be too presumptuous, but you know what seemed to help back then?”

“Three gallons of chocolate ice cream with brownie chunks in it?”

“Nope,” Bow said, giving her a soft smile. “Playing a damn good show."

Adora snorted. “Getting so desperate to make me feel better you’ve resorted to cursing, eh?”

“Maybe. Or maybe you and Glimmer have finally corrupted me.”

“Hey! That is all Glimmer! You’ve known her for way longer!”

“Doesn’t mean you’re a hundred percent innocent.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Adora rolled her eyes and playfully nudged his shoulder. “Alright. Let’s play a damn good show.”

------

One… two… three… four… one… two… three… four…

Adora swayed with the smooth rhythm, letting her fingers relax on sustained chords drenched in reverb. Eternia was a little over halfway through their set, a perfect time for Bow’s song to give Adora’s vocals a brief break.

See how the circle remains

Unbroken like a chain

Adora looked over her shoulder and locked eyes with Glimmer, whose head was nodding to the steady beat.

And see how the sea does flow

Souls collect below

“Let’s get this shit,” Glimmer said, just barely audible over the dramatic build of the song. Adora laughed and turned back to face the audience.

One… two… three… four… One, two, three.

Down underground

The song exploded into a furious waltz, kept in time by Glimmer’s pounding and well-timed beat. Adora looked back at her and smiled, cheering as Glimmer’s face brightened the same way it had when Adora helped her earlier. As the song reached its climax, the band’s instruments melted into one. Loud bursts of sound like thunder punctuated every beat, until they let a final chord ring out like a lion’s roar.

“Thank you!” Bow hollered over the audience’s cheers. He and Adora fist bumped as she made her way back to the center microphone.

“Give it up for Bow, everyone!” she said into the mic. The audience gave another loud cheer. “Alright, this next one’s a classic, and it was written by a fellow blonde! Not Perfuma, unfortunately. This is ‘Call Me’!”

------

Glimmer’s steady beat turned into an explosive fury of hits and rolls. The snare cracked like a whip and the toms barreled forward like a train. All in all, a standard killer drum solo for Glimmer.

Adora faced Glimmer, letting her body rock back and forth as the pounding drums resonated throughout her body. The sheer feeling of music made her face scrunch up into a playful snarl. Perhaps it was due to the total investment that she was able to pick out the quiet creaking noise from somewhere behind her.

She looked over her shoulder. Darting towards the storage room, soaking wet and holding a beat up guitar case, was Catra. Adora averted her eyes and turned her head back towards Glimmer.

Not now, she thought. You can think about it later.

------

“We have been Eternia! Thank you!”

The trio, with mild assistance from Dee, rushed to bring their gear back into the storage room, all the while congratulating each other for another successful show. Even through all the movement and celebration, Adora kept looking over her shoulder as if Catra could appear behind her at any moment. Once everything was moved, she sat on her amp and yawned, arching her back and stretching her arms out wide.

“We really should start bringing Tylenol or something to these things,” Glimmer groaned as she sat next to Adora. “My whole right arm feels like it’s about to explode.”

“Well, artists have to bleed for their art or whatever they say,” Bow said, clicking the latches on his bass case closed.

“Ugh, that’s bullshit. I just want to not feel every vein in my body.”

“You’re being a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Am not!”

“Ehh, just saying.”

“Bow!”

Their playful bickering faded into background noise as Adora looked around the room. Aside from their gear, Perfuma’s guitar, and the guitar case and keyboard from the band that went before Eternia, not much else was stored there. The emptiness of the once cluttered room threw Adora off a little, which was only exacerbated when she saw the unmarked guitar case and Fender amplifier in the far corner of the room. She felt her face drop.

“You alright, Adora?” Glimmer asked, giving her a light nudge.

Adora pointed at the case and amp. “That’s Catra’s. It’s our old amp and guitar… I think.”

“So she is performing?” Bow questioned.

“Yeah. Deal with it.”

Adora turned in the direction of the new voice. Standing in the doorway was Catra, eyeing the trio with a guarded expression. Her gaze paused on Adora for a moment before she stepped into the room and made a beeline for her gear. Adora watched as Catra grabbed her case and amp with quick but deliberate movements. Without so much as a glance back at the others, she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving the trio silent. 

After lingering in the quiet for a few seconds, Bow let out a low whistle. “Well, that was something.”

“Yeah…” Adora quietly agreed. “Did she look… distressed to you guys?”

“Oh yeah, classic ‘my band left me because I’m an asshole’ face,” Glimmer scoffed, earning herself an elbow in the side by Bow. “Hey! I’m not wrong.”

“How did you know the Horde broke up?” Adora asked.

“Scorpia told me the other day.”

Adora shot to her feet. “You knew ? And you didn’t tell me? Wait, were you the one who told Dee?”

“I didn’t want to freak you out,” Glimmer said, raising her hands in surrender. “And no, I didn’t tell Dee. They just… I don’t even know. Look, if you really think I should have told you, then I’m sorry.”

“No, I… I don’t know, Glimmer,” Adora sighed. “I’m definitely freaking out but… it’s okay. I’ll be okay. It’s all going to be a-okay.”

“And if it’s not, we’re there for you,” Bow added. “Do you, um… do you think you’re gonna watch Catra’s set.”

Adora sat back on her amp. “I mean, yeah. Gotta show her I’m there for her, right?”

Bow smiled. “That’s the spirit.”

------

Adora instantly recognized the old, beat up Squier Jaguar covered in stickers strung around Catra’s neck. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in the many months since Adora last saw it. Dust coated much of the body and headstock, the fretboard was covered in visible grime, and the silver shine of the strings was long gone. The amplifier by Catra’s feet had a similar coat of dust. 

Catra arched her neck to look over the crowd and gave a curt nod to Dee.

“Hey,” she said into the microphone, causing a sudden whine of feedback. She winced and stepped back from the mic.

Once the feedback subsided, she continued. “I’m just uh… gonna play some covers today.” Her voice was soft and despondent. Her eyes darted around the room, as if she had just awoken in an unfamiliar new land. When they landed on Adora, Catra averted her eyes to the floor and inhaled sharply.

“This is ‘Bang Bang’,” she said quickly before launching into a fury of fast chords, playing them like she was sprinting through a minefield. Despite its size, the small amp projected the powerful notes throughout the room with a mighty, distorted buzz. Catra kept her eyes locked on the fretboard while the rest of her body moved in time to the music, toeing the line between anxious flailing and purposeful dancing. She practically pounced on the mic before she began to sing.

I get my kicks, and I wanna start a rager

I wanna dance like I’m on a video

Adora felt herself shrink back when Catra started singing. Her voice was hoarse, pushing the limits of how powerful it could be. Much like her body, Catra’s voice was in a constant battle to keep up with the pace with which she was strumming the guitar. Catra seemed to notice this, as she quickly shook her head and adjusted her tempo slightly.

I’ve got a fever and for the violent behavior

I’m sweating bullets like a modern Romeo

She drew another sharp inhale as her foot started to stomp wildly to the beat.

Bang bang! Gimmie fame!

Catra’s voice cracked on the first line of the chorus. She visibly winced.

Shoot me up to entertain

I am a semi-automatic lonely boy

You’re dead! I’m well fed!

Give me death or gimme head

Daddy’s little psycho and mommy’s little soldier

Her vocals grew more and more strained throughout the chorus until she was almost screaming the final line with barely any hint of harmony in her voice. On the last line, the feedback returned. She skipped a strum and was suddenly out of time with herself before she realized and tried to self correct without stopping. She lifted her head only slightly, lips just barely reaching the mic.

I testify like a lullaby of memories

I wanna dance like I’m on a video

“Shit,” she whispered, unaware she was still speaking into the mic.

I’ve got my Vietnam

I’ve got my photobomb

I love a like just li- God damn it!

She kicked her amp when the feedback started to grow louder, yelling in anger when the feedback not only remained, but continued to increase in volume. Giving up entirely on even trying to continue, she yanked the guitar off of her and shoved the pickups in front of the amp. The now purposeful feedback grew shriller, like rocks grinding against each other right next to Adora’s ears. She covered her ears with her hands as she watched Catra continuously kick her amp, yelling indistinctly seemingly at the feedback.

Time slowed for Adora when Catra brought the guitar over her head. A piece of Adora wanted to believe that Catra would snap out of whatever had overtaken her moments earlier, but she knew it was only wishful thinking. Her fears were confirmed as Catra’s arms began to descend, bringing the guitar down with them. The feedback briefly resembled a whooshing noise, like wind from a speeding car.

Every other noise was drowned out by the loud crack of the Jaguar’s body breaking from the neck when it hit the ground. Adora watched the instrument bend and split in two, falling limp like a dead body in Catra’s grip, held together only by the dangling strings. Catra breathed in long, heavy breaths as she stared down at the guitar. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped it. She slowly started towards the door, her pace increasing as the feedback began to crescendo once more.

“Wait! Catra!” Adora called, pushing through the crowd towards the door.

Catra looked back. When her eye’s met Adora’s, Adora could see the nearly feral fear in them. It reminded her too much of what Catra looked like around Ms. Weaver.

Catra shook her head violently, turned, and ran out the door.

Adora stood frozen, the echoes of the feedback still ringing in her ears even once the amp was turned off. She looked back at the stage, littered with the remains of their guitar. The crowd was silent. The air felt thick. She registered Glimmer and Bow’s presence nearby, staring at her with worry. Adora’s chest felt tight.

She forced herself to move, walking slowly towards the stage. She bent down and picked up a small splinter of wood that had broken off of the guitar. As she stared at the fragment, she could see people, probably Dee and Bow, in her peripheries shuffling around and clearing the stage. She let the splinter fall through her fingertips and sat next to the broken remains of the guitar.

A song began to play in her head as she reached out to touch the beaten body.

Isn’t it a pity?

Now isn’t it a shame?

How we break each other’s heart

And cause each other pain

How we take each other’s love

Without thinking anymore

Forgetting to give back

Isn’t it a pity?

Chapter Text

Catra sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the guitar case propped up against the far wall. A sliver of sunlight coming through the window illuminated the bumps on its textured fiberglass shell. A thin layer of dust had collected over its surface, disturbed only by where Catra would occasionally store her bass on top of it.

It’s just a guitar. It’s just a guitar. It’s just a guitar.

Catra sighed at her hesitation. Every time she even looked at the case, a pang of sorrow and anger twisted in her chest. It had gotten to the point where she would occasionally pull it out from under her bed and pretend that if she stared for long enough, it would give her all the answers she was looking for. Sometimes, she would mistake the sound of Lonnie and her adoptive parents’ voices drifting up from downstairs as the case finally cracking. Sometimes, she thought she heard Adora amongst the voices.

Slowly, Catra moved in front of the guitar case and placed a hand on one of the latches. She forcibly tenses the muscles in her fingers so they would stop trembling, and flicked the first latch, followed quickly by the second and third with decisive snaps. The case creaked open, revealing the Jaguar. Some of the stickers covering its body were beginning to peel, but otherwise it remained completely unchanged from its extended stay locked away. The curve of the neck was immediately familiar to Catra’s hands as she lifted it out of the case.

As she sat back on the bed, she gave herself a moment to simply look at it, a sight no longer obscured by the case. She cradled the instrument like it was her own child. Her eyes began to well with tears and she ran a hand over the body, flicking the pickup switches and turning the knobs with the other.

Once the initial wave of nostalgia had passed, she wiped her eyes and adjusted the guitar against her body until it hit a familiar sweet spot resting on her leg. She strummed once and cringed as the sound of the out of tune strings grinded against her ears. She plucked them individually, slowly adjusting them until the grinding turned into a pleasant, recognizable note. She strummed again, relaxing into the harmony the simple chord brought her. Then, a second chord, building on the stable foundation the first chord laid. 

As she strummed the third chord, one that ventured away from the comforting homely feeling of the other notes, Catra began to hum. The melody was longing, almost mournful, attempting to climb back to the home chord but falling back down the scale just before it could reach it. She closed her eyes, trying to let the words flow.

But nothing came.

She strummed the progression again, skipping the first chord, instead cycling between the two chords that felt the furthest from home. She let her hand strike harder against the strings and played faster.

The melody remained wordless.

Her eyelids tensed, followed closely by the rest of her body. Her leg began to bounce, knocking against the guitar just barely out of time with her strumming.

And still, no words came.

“Damn it, Adora!” Catra exclaimed, tossing the guitar onto the bed. She brought her knees up to her chest and threw her arms around them, hugging them as tightly as she could. The light pressure distracted her somewhat from the headache beginning to pound at her temples. The room fell quiet, one broken only by her shaky gasps of breath as she repressed any sobs that threatened to fully break her. 

The wordless noise in her mind began to take the form of memories. A childishly optimistic word of advice. A quiet, comforting moment after a day spent apart. Two anticipated letters, one promising hope, the other dooming despair. An apology almost followed through.

“Why?” Catra whispered into the empty room.

The silence offered no answers. Somehow, it felt more disorientating than the dissonance of an out of tune string.

Catra’s grip on her legs tightened. As the minutes dragged on, her breath only became more and more raspy until she was barely clinging to what little composure she had left. Finally, due to no single thought or memory in particular, she began to cry. Her gasps grew louder, her cheeks became drenched with tears, and her chest heaved and contracted with a near violent force. With a trembling hand, she reached for the guitar and hugged it close.

“Hey,” a voice called from the door.

Catra looked through a gap in her knees at the intruder.

“Go away, Lonnie.”

“Are you good?”

“I said go away.”

And so she did.

------

Catra sat on the wall of the parking garage, staring out at the blanket of clouds rolling over BMU’s campus. Sunlight was long gone, replaced by a persistent sprinkle of rain that gave a slight shine to everything it touched. The cat seemed to be smart enough to know to avoid this kind of weather as it was nowhere to be seen.

And then there was Catra, willingly running out into the rain because when some feedback made her head hurt it felt like all the walls were closing in and she was about to die.

It’s just a guitar. It’s just a guitar. It’s just a guitar.

Catra tried to take a gentle breath, but instead inhaled sharply and let it out just as suddenly. The crisp air and cool rain against her skin made her lungs feel frozen shut. She threw her jacket off into a puddle once her arms began to itch, letting the rain pelt her bare arms like splinters in her skin. Her body still shook with the impact of the guitar, repeating the jolting sensation every time the moment repeated in her head. She heard the mistakes she made during her brief performance all at once. Her guitar was slightly out of tune. She overshot a chord, playing a, F# when she meant to play an F. The feedback, the feedback, the feedback . She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged her knees tighter against her chest. The whine of the feedback echoing in her head slowly faded as the rain’s atonal hiss filled her ears.

The sound of a car approaching broke Catra’s already wavering concentration. When she turned towards the sound, her eyes were assaulted by two headlights aimed right at her face. Catra shielded her eyes until the car reached the top of the garage and parked nearby. Whoever the driver was had a heavy foot, as they almost skidded to a stop.

Catra’s heart nearly stopped when the minivan’s sliding door opened and a passenger stepped out. Even through the haziness of the rain, Catra could make out the bright blonde hair heading her way.

Adora approached cautiously, her own clothes quickly becoming soaked in the downpour, and stopped a few feet away.

“Catra?”

Catra didn’t respond. Instead, she looked back out at the gloomy cloud cover.

“Hey…” The voice was closer. A hand touched Catra’s arm and she let out a small gasp. Adora pulled away.

“Sorry,” Adora apologized quickly. She took a step away from Catra, staying along the wall of the garage and leaned on the ledge. 

For a while, the two of them simply stood still, looking off into the horizon. The gray of the sky stretched endlessly over the campus and beyond. The strength of the rain came and went, sometimes remaining at a low hiss, sometimes breaking out into the beginnings of a roar only to shrink once more. Catra’s eyes drifted to Adora, whose stoic mask was broken ever so slightly by the small tremor on her lips.

Catra was the one who broke the silence. “How’d you find me?”

“Well, we called Scorpia first, who called Lonnie, who said that you didn’t come back to your dorm,” Adora answered. “Then I remembered you liked hiding in high places, so we started checking some roofs, and then we gave up with that when we realized there was no way you could’ve gotten to the top of some of those buildings. So then we checked the parking garages. Went to two others before this one.” She turned her head and looked at Catra. Catra didn’t turn away. “And then we found you here.”

“We?”

Adora nodded in the direction of the minivan. “Glimmer drove me. Bow’s in there, too.”

“Oh.”

The silence returned. The rain rose, then subsided, then rose again.

“I um…” Adora hesitated. “Well, what happened back there was kind of… a lot, and I wanted to make sure that you were okay.

Catra scoffed. “Do I look okay to you?”

“No. You don’t.” Adora’s voice was soft but firm, somehow cutting through the rain despite her low volume. “But I meant what I said. I’m here for you, Catra. If you want to talk, or if you need to rant about something or if… if you wa-”

“Stop.”

Adora’s mouth hung open for a moment before she closed it and nodded. She was beginning to turn her head back out towards campus before Catra spoke.

“Why are you really here, Adora?” Catra asked, voice barely audible over the rain.

Adora took a deep breath, inching just a bit closer to Catra. “Because I care about you Catra. I always have, and you’ve been acting so distressed and I’m… worried that things are going to get worse.”

“What? Afraid I’m going to go on some alcohol spiral or something?”

“A little, actually…”

Catra felt her stomach drop. She turned away, leaning her head against her knees and using her arm to shield her eyes from Adora’s. She refused to let Adora see the tears forming at the edge of her eyes, even if they could have been mistaken for the rain.

“I don’t need your help or your pity so just go away,” Catra growled.

“No,” Adora said. “Not this time.”

The tears turned into sobs. Her chest heaved with every breath as her entire body tensed. Catra didn’t even try to stop them, nor did she try to stop Adora from wrapping her arms around her. Even in the cold rain, Adora’s embrace felt warm.

“I don’t know. I don’t know,” Catra said through sobs.

“It’s okay,” Adora whispered. “You don’t need to talk about it right now. We’ll take you to your dorm. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

------

When Catra spotted the broken remains of the Jaguar in the backseat of the van, she thought she was going to puke. She froze, positioned awkwardly in her seat as she was just sitting down. Her breathing began to quicken.

It’s just a guitar. It’s just a guitar. It’s ju-

“Oh, um…” Adora’s voice forced Catra to snap out of the trance she was in. “I brought your stuff. I didn’t really know if you wanted it so… it’s there if you want it.”

Catra sat and buckled herself in quickly, draping her jacket over her legs as a makeshift blanket. She took one last glance at the guitar before she forced herself to look forward and shook her head decisively. Adora nodded and slid the door closed.

“So where are we going?” Sparkles asked from the driver seat. Crop Top sat beside her in the passenger seat, looking on with worry.

“We’re gonna take Catra back to her dorm,” Adora answered.

“Well yeah, duh, but which dorm?”

“Oh.” Adora turned to Catra and asked softly, “Which dorm do you live in?”

“Mi-” Catra caught a sob before it escaped her throat. “Michalka.”

The drive to the dorm was quiet, the only noises being the pitter patter of rain against the window, soft music playing from the speakers, and the low rumble of the van’s engine as it roamed the tight campus streets. Sparkles and Crop Top stayed silent the whole ride. Although Catra kept her focus on the water droplets racing down her door’s window, she could feel Adora staring at her. It took all of Catra’s concentration not to look at the thing occupying the backseat. She clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms.

Something warm touched her arm. She looked over to see Adora’s hand gently resting on her bicep. Catra’s eyes darted between Adora’s eyes and hand, until she leaned slightly into the touch. Adora smiled softly. Catra couldn’t find it in her to return it.

Eventually, they arrived at Michalka Hall. Sparkles parked as close to the entrance as she could, considerably softer on the brakes as she was when pulling up to the parking garage. 

“Can I walk you to the door?” Adora asked quietly.

Catra thought for a moment, then nodded. The two exited the van together, unbothered as the rain began to pelt against them once again. Once they reached the front door, Catra paused before she reached for the handle. She sighed and turned towards Adora. Catra hesitated, but then embraced her and hugged her tight. Adora’s arms quickly wrapped around Catra and squeezed.

For a moment, the two of them felt warm.

When Catra dropped her arms, Adora let her go and took a step back. Catra reached for the handle and opened the door, but froze in the doorway, one foot just beyond the threshold. She dropped her head, sighed, and looked back at Adora.

“I’m sorry.”

With that, Catra stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

------

Lonnie was asleep by the time Catra returned to their room. Catra stood in the doorway for a moment, her clothes still damp, letting the quiet wash over her. She moved silently into the room and lowered herself onto her mattress, letting the weight of the day guide her down until her face was buried deep into her pillow. She shut her eyes tight.

The rain outside continued its relentless rhythm. Lonnie snored softly, every inhale a stark reminder of her presence. The room’s heater clicked on, adding a quiet buzz to the mellow soundscape.

Catra briefly opened her eyes to throw a blanket over herself. By the time she realized she was still wearing the clothes she sat out in the rain in, she had already resigned herself to the mercy of her exhaustion and the comfort of her bed. She groaned and turned herself over onto her back. She stared up into the darkness until fatigue overtook her and her eyes closed by themselves.

That night, she dreamed of cats.

Chapter Text

Eternia had another show the next week. Thaymor Bar and Grill was hosting a showcase of local bands, and the small venue was packed with students eager to unwind and jam out. Adora stood on stage, fingers dancing across the fretboard. As her solo came to an end, she stepped up to the mic and belted the final chorus.

Because I don’t feel whole if I punch it out

It left me empty even feeling doubt

And here’s the change that brought about

She’s gone

I’m out

The crowd erupted in applause as the closing chord rang out, filling the room with a mighty rumble. Adora and Bow gave their thank yous into the mic.

“You have been such an amazing audience tonight!” Adora said. “We got one more for you. It’s gonna be a work out for our bassist. Bow, you ready?”

Instead of replying, Bow launched right into playing the intense opening riff of Muse’s “Hysteria”. The audience cheered in recognition as his swift plucking of the strings reverberated throughout the room. His bass cracked and and roared like thunder which resonated in Adora’s chest. The fuzzy tone mixed well with the buzz of excitement present throughout the venue.

But as Adora glanced out at the sea of faces, she couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. She scanned the audience, hoping her attention would be suddenly drawn to a recognizable face amongst the mass of strangers. Her eyes rested on a spot near the wall opposite of the stage where a small clearing had formed. Despite its size, it made the whole room suddenly feel hollow to Adora. She could clearly picture who she believed should fill the hole.

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and refocused on Bow’s bass. Later , she thought She dragged her pick against the strings to create a harsh scratching noise before launching into the fierce guitar riff. 

Always later.

------

Adora stood in the corner of the crowded room, clutching her drink tightly and flinching whenever anyone got a little too close. Every movement of the partygoers was hectic, fueled by the overly energetic pop music blasting through the speakers and the endless flow of alcohol from the many nearby coolers. The cacophony was suffocating, punctuated by the absence of Glimmer and Bow who Adora had lost somewhere in the mass.

It had been another week since the Fright Zone show, thus another week since Adora had last seen Catra, and thus another week full of moping and repeatedly insisting to her bandmates that she wasn’t moping. The day before, Glimmer basically forced her into agreeing to come with them to a party at Salineas. Bow pulled Adora aside later and said she didn’t have to go if she really didn’t want to, but by that point Adora had already made peace with the fact that sooner or later, she would have to leave their house for something other than class.

Not even an hour into the party, she greatly regretted her decision. The weeks of isolated quiet followed immediately by the intense noise of the party didn’t excite her as much as it terrified her, and the longer she loitered against the wall, the warmer the room seemed to become. Nearby, a mess of limbs flailed and shouted, each body taking their own form of a loud drunken stupor.

Adora took a small sip of her drink and immediately spat it back into the cup when an overwhelming sensation of burning coated the inside of her mouth. Of course someone spiked the punch bowl. She set her cup down on a nearby table and started pushing through the crowd, murmuring apologies as she went. As she walked, she kept her eyes trained on the floor.

Once she made it to the back door, she quickly stepped out into the cool night air and plopped herself down on the porch. Bits and pieces of the disassembled sound system littered the DIY stage. Adora stared at the microphone stand still upright on center stage, silhouetted by a campfire in the center of the yard. Movement by the fire caught her eye, and when she squinted, she could just make out a figure sitting alone on the edge of the fire’s warm light in a lawn chair, staring down into their cup.

When the figure shifted again, Adora could see the familiar outline of short, curly hair and the sheen of a leather jacket. Holding her breath, Adora looked back at the door for a moment, taking in the noise of muffled chaos, stood, and began walking towards the fire.

Catra was transfixed on whatever was in her cup, so much so that she didn’t even notice when Adora sat a few feet away in the next closest chair. Adora looked at her, noticing the heavy bags under her eyes. As Catra’s face contorted into something resembling disgust, her leg started to bounce.

“Hi,” Adora said.

Catra squeaked and dropped her drink in surprise. She curled up into herself, leaning as hard as she could against the back of the lawn chair without tipping it over, and stared wide eyed at Adora.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Adora apologized as she started to stand. “I can go get you another-”

“No!” Catra interrupted decisively. She took a breath and relaxed, slowly letting herself sit normally in the seat again. “No, i-it’s fine.”

Adora nodded and sat back down. The two of them stared into the fire rather than at each other. After her opening blunder, Adora didn’t dare risk being the one who started a conversation.

“So… what are you doing here?” Catra eventually asked. For the first time in over a year, her voice had no bite to it, nothing indicating her words were anything other than a genuine question.

“I just needed some air,” Adora answered. “It was getting a bit too much in there, and drunk people kinda freak me out, and-”

“I meant at the party, Adora.”

“Oh. Glimmer made me come.”

“Oh.”

Adora’s eyes darted to Catra. When she saw the other girl was still looking into the fire, she went back to doing the same.

“What about you?” Adora asked.

“Hm?”

“What about you? How’d you end up here? I didn’t really think you’d be one for college parties.”

“That makes two of us.” Catra picked up her now empty cup from its resting place in the grass. “I guess I thought it would be a good distraction but…” She tossed her cup behind her. “I’m having second thoughts about that.”

“Distraction from?”

“Everything.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

Another silence settled over them, awkward and heavy. 

Adora’s mind scrambled for something to say, eventually landing on, “How have you been?”

Catra let out a humorless snicker. “I think that should be pretty obvious considering I just told you I came here to get wasted, dummy.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s annoying,” Catra sighed, finally turning her head to look at Adora. “What about you?”

“Oh, y’know… I’m alright.” Adora flicked back and forth between looking Catra in the eyes and watching the fire’s sparks rise and die out in the air.

“Adora, we lived together for almost our whole lives. I can tell when you’re lying.”

“Well, I’m not. I’m fine.”

Catra raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Adora.”

“I- I mean I’m…” Adora stammered. She turned back towards the fire and sank in her seat, groaning. “Like I said, drunk people freak me out.”

“Gee, wonder why that is,” Catra snarked.

Adora let out a small, sad chuckle. “Yeah, can’t imagine why. She really messed us up good, huh?”

Catra didn’t respond. Adora sat up again, glancing at Catra as she did so. Catra was staring into the fire. The soft orange light made her skin appear even tanner and warmer than it was. Her eyes were distant, consumed by the reflection of the burning embers in front of her.

“Hey,” Adora said softly. “Do you want to… talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Catra answered quickly. “She was a bitch to us our entire childhood, she tricked us into hating each other, and made me be all… me towards everyone.”

“You hated me?” 

Adora’s voice was small, barely audible to herself, but Catra heard it loud and clear. She straightened her back suddenly and pulled her knees up to her chest. Adora started to reach out, but retracted her hand when Catra turned her head away. Resting her hands in her lap, Adora looked back into the fire.

“You know, you’ve told me the opposite before,” Adora said.

The only response Adora could hear was the quiet rustling of clothing as Catra shifted slightly in place.

Adora sighed and continued. “You woke me up crying, saying ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry’ over and over again. I asked you for what, and you said ‘For everything’. When I tried to get you to clarify, you started throwing up.” Adora smiled sadly. “That went on for a while. You would start an apology and then cut yourself up by hurling your guts into the toilet.”

Her smile faded and she wrapped her arms around herself. “You looked so… weak by the end of it. You were still crying and trying to talk, but all you could say was ‘I don’t hate you’, and you just… kept saying it. Even when I got you tucked into your bed, you were still saying it. I didn’t know what to do so I started singing to you. I don’t really remember what song, but whatever it was, it got to you quick. You were out like a light in minutes.

“I thought it was a miracle, that you’d finally forgiven me or wanted to be friends again but… you must have been blackout drunk, because the next day, you were avoiding me again. I think about that night a lot.” She sniffed. “I really am sorry, Catra. More than you’ll ever know. I was stupid a-and selfish and if I had just talked to someone about the scholarship sooner then none of this would have happened and Ms. Weaver wouldn’t have been able to trick us and I-I shouldn’t have let her get away with all the shit she did to you and I’m sorry. For everything.”

Adora dropped her head and stared at the grass. Small shadows of the individual blades danced with the flickering firelight to the muffled sound of a pumping bass from beyond the house’s door. Someone inside cheered loudly, followed by a collective “Huzzah!” from the other partygoers. 

Catra let out a shaky sigh. “It was ‘Good Night’…” she started, but paused.

Adora looked up and let her eyes focus on Catra. She was still curled into a ball in her chair and fully focused on the fire, but had angled herself towards Adora.

Catra cleared her throat and continued, “That’s the song you sang to me. I wasn’t blackout drunk that night. I mean, I was drunk , don’t get me wrong… but I remember everything.”

“Then why didn’t you-?”

“Why didn’t I say anything the next morning?” Catra finished for her. “Honestly, I didn’t believe myself. I was drunk, something… happened, I got scared, I spilled my literal and proverbial guts. When I woke up I thought everything I said was just the alcohol talking. I got really angry at myself and… and at you.”

There was a brief pause before Adora asked, “What happened?”

Catra’s gaze hardened. Her feet shuffled in place as she adjusted her posture slightly.

“I used to sneak out to this bar sometimes. Drinks were shitty but they were cheap and the regular bartender was blind as a bat and couldn’t tell my ID was a fake,” Catra recounted. “Anyway, there was this band that played there all the time, and I mean all the time. If you ever felt in the mood to listen to a just okay cover of ‘Champagne Supernova’ at 11 p.m., that was the place to go, but the guys in the band were having fun so everyone else was having fun.

“Their singer would hang out and chat there a lot after their sets. We talked sometimes, usually just about old rock bands like the Beatles or something. More often than not, he’d find a way to bring up his brother, who was one of the guitarists in his band. He’d just go on and on about how cool it was to be in a band with him, how lucky he was and how much fun it was to play music together every night.

“But then they… I don’t know, the singer guy mentioned something about a divorce.” As she talked, Catra placed her feet on the ground and slowly relaxed into her chair. “I don’t know whose it was or why it changed things but the brothers started arguing a lot whenever they weren’t on stage. When they were performing, they kept glaring at each other. Pretty soon, guitar bro starts skipping performances, which really pisses off singer bro, so every time guitar bro decides to show up, they fight harder and harder. Singer guy pretty much stopped talking to everyone else ”

Her voice began to shake. “Then one night, the band was playing a show without guitar bro. The singer looked like he was barely holding it together. A bit into their set, guitar bro gets up on stage, extremely drunk, and starts trying to play. He’s way out of tune and way off key, so he’s shouting over everyone ‘I can’t find the one! Where’s the one! Where’s the one!’ Singer gets really fed up, so he kicks the mic stand over, marches up to the guitarist, and wham !” 

She hit her fist against an open palm. Adora jumped slightly in surprise. 

“Punches his brother right in the eye, and they start full on fist fighting each other on stage. Everyone in the band is trying to pull them apart, but they just keep going at each other. I think there was blood.” Catra leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees. “Someone called the police. I ran because, you know, eighteen year old kid drinking in a bar with a fake ID. Not a great look.

“When I got back you were asleep and I just kinda… stared at you. That’s creepy, I know, but I was drunk and shaken up and didn’t know what to do. I kept thinking about those brothers. They were so happy , and then in less than a month they were at each other’s throats and I…” She sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “I didn’t want that to happen to us, so I woke you up. At the time I thought I was giving an eloquent apology about building back what we lost or whatever, but throwing up every other sentence sounds more like it.” She chuckled. It almost sounded like a sob to Adora.

After taking a moment to collect herself, Catra continued, “And then you sang me to sleep, and everything felt nice and warm and safe, and then I woke up and decided to be a dumbass and forced myself to get mad at you again.”

They sat in silence once more. The partygoers were chanting something now. Whether its indistinct nature was due to the deadening of the house’s walls or the alcohol affecting the partygoers’ annunciation wasn’t immediately obvious.

“I’m sorry,” Adora said quietly.

Catra scoffed. “I already told you, don’t apologize.”

“But you were-”

“Adora…”

“-literally telling me you were sorry and I didn’t listen-”

“Adora.”

“-and I should have tried to reach out to you more-”

“ Adora ,” Catra insisted, staring daggers at her. “I was the dumbass. There was nothing you could have done, okay? I wouldn’t have listened.”

Adora nodded and said softly, “Do you think you’ll listen now?”

“Jury’s out on that one,” she replied blankly.

“When I first saw you here I was so… I don’t know.” It became Adora’s turn to stare into the fire and share her thoughts as Catra looked on. “It was like, oh my god! Catra’s here! But also, oh my god… Catra’s here… right? It felt like that night again. I was so confused, but there was this little spark of hope that we could work it out.”

“And then I acted like a dick to you and your friends,” Catra intruded.

“I wouldn’t put it that harshly.”

“It’s true though.”

“I… well…” Adora sighed. “Yeah, a little.”

The fire had died just a little as the wood beneath it turned to ash. The crackle was faded, and the warm glow was muted.

“I’m sorry, Adora,” Catra confessed. “I get if you don’t forgive you or don’t-”

“I forgive you.”

“-want me to talk to… what?”

“I said, I forgive you.”

“But… what? Why?”

“Because you apologized.”

“Yeah, I said like three words. That doesn’t make up for everything I did.”

“It does for me.”

“Ador-”

“Catra,” Adora said firmly, looking deep into Catra’s eyes. “I’ve known you since before I was born. We both grew up with the same absolute dumpster fire of a ‘guardian’ who manipulated both of us constantly and forced us into this mess. It is not your fault. Besides, if you won’t let me take all the blame for this, then I won’t let you do the same.”

Catra glared at Adora for a long, long quiet moment. Then, a smile slowly crept its way onto her face, and she began to laugh; a real, genuine, warm laugh.

“You son of a bitch!” she cackled, shaking her head in disbelief. “You stole all my lines!”

Adora grinned. “I wouldn’t say ‘stole’. More like… repurposed.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, princess.”

Adora tensed at the nickname. Something inside her shifted. Catra cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

“You good?” Catra asked.

“Oh! Yep! Yeah,” Adora answered, shaking herself out of the trance. “This… just feels really good. Talking to you, I mean. I missed it. I missed… you.”

Catra chuckled. “Yeah, I’m pretty cool. I know.”

“Hey! I’m being real here!”

“Fine, fine. I guess I…” Catra rolled her eyes and mumbled something.

“Hm? What was that, Catra? I can’t hear yooouuu,” Adora teased.

“I missed you, too,” Catra grumbled, voice filled with faux annoyance. “Do not make a big deal out of it or I will take back everything I just said.”

“You missed me. You miiiiissed me.”

“Adora, I swear to god, I am not joking.”

“Okay! Okay! Fine!”

They laughed together. The party continued. The fire dimmed.

“So,” Adora said.

“So,” Catra echoed.

“Do you want to… grab lunch sometime? Like, catch up and stuff?”

Catra smiled softly. “I’d like that.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

“Coolio.”

“Don’t.”

“Sorry.”

“What did we say about apologizing?”

“You are the worst.”

“Mhm, and here I thought you missed me.”

“Well, now that you’re back, maybe I’m remembering how annoying you are!”

“Uh huh, uh huh. That totally explains why you just asked me out.”

“I-! I did not ‘ask you out’!,” Adora sputtered. “It’s a-a friend thing! Not like ‘asking out on a date’ or anything, like we’re just two pals, chillin’! Hangin’ out and catchin’ up after a while apart. Not like a date date or anything like that because we-”

“Adora, chill. I’m messing with you.”

“Oh. Yep. Right.” Adora let out a nervous laugh, sighed, and finally gave herself a moment to soak in the past couple minutes.

She and Catra were talking, playfully bickering back and forth again. They were together . Though the fire had shrunk considerably in size since Adora had exited the party, the air around her felt warmer than ever.

“Can I hug you?” Adora asked.

Catra smirked, rolled her eyes dramatically, stood, and opened her arms. In a flash, they were wrapped tightly around Adora. Adora squeezed back, taking in the once familiar feeling as it returned to her. The rowdiness of the party and the dying sizzle of the fire faded into meaningless noise. All Adora heard was the subtle rustle of their clothing and her heart pounding in her chest. She felt warm, warmer than what the nearby fire could ever make her. 

There was a certain harmony in how they breathed together. Finally, after far too many days of tension and dissonance, there was some resolution.

Chapter Text

The ghost of her touch still washed over Catra’s skin, overpowering the chill night air she sat in. Catra was sitting on the bottom steps of the parking garage, unable to muster the energy to climb to the roof as she glared at her phone screen. Adora’s contact page stared right back at her. Her thumb hovered over the bright blue “unblock caller” button, slowly narrowing the gap between skin and screen.

A soft nudge in her side almost made her throw her phone in surprise. She inhaled sharply and pressed her back against the concrete wall. She only let her breath out and relaxed when she looked down to see the cat looking up at her with its wide, blue eyes.

“Seriously, dude? That was cheap,” Catra huffed.

The cat gently bumped its head into her side again and meowed. Catra groaned and extended one of her hands towards it. The cat sniffed her fingers, then rubbed its head against her hand, guiding it to where Catra needed to scratch. As Catra rubbed her fingers into the cat’s soft fur, she could feel the cat’s soft purr as it vibrated up her arm. The warmth on her skin began to bury itself deeper and deeper into her body with the purr, encroaching quickly on her heart.

Catra began to pet the cat with a growing fervor. As her fingers worked their way through its fur, the purr grew louder, and the rich vibrations it generated resonated throughout Catra’s body with a similar growing intensity. The cat looked up at Catra and cocked its head to the side. The angle it was at made it look like it was smirking at her.

Catra raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Taking any spoken word as permission, the cat pounced, landing itself right in Catra’s lap. Catra let out a surprised squeal, tensing once more at the cat’s unpredictable behavior. It stared at her and meowed, repeating its earlier demand.

“Asshole.”

It meowed again, a little louder.

“Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses.”

She placed one hand on its head, another on its back, and continued to pet it, and pet it, and pet it for what felt like hours to Catra. When she checked her phone, only about twenty minutes had passed since the cat first interrupted her train of thought. She groaned as the cat nestled deeper into her lap like it was roosting in a nest.

“Okay, dude,” she said as she gave the cat a gentle nudge. “I gotta go away now.”

The cat didn’t budge.

“C’mon, man. This isn’t funny.”

Still, no movement, only a soft purr.

“You’re the worst.”

The cat meowed like it had just received a badge of honor.

Catra rolled her eyes and scooped the cat into her arms. To her surprise, it didn’t protest at all, rather it curled up into her chest and rested its head on her bicep, all the while its purr maintained a constant rumble. Once it had settled in, Catra stood slowly, careful to keep her arms as steady as possible, and set off for her dorm.

The walk was quiet. The sidewalks were scarcely populated, and the few people Catra did come across made no noise other than hurried footsteps. Dim light from the lampposts and occasional lit window illuminated the path and made the cat’s eyes seem to glow whenever Catra looked down at it. A cool breeze blew through the air, and the cat cuddled closer. Catra held it tightly in her arms, repositioning one so that her jacket sleeve draped slightly over the cat’s side. It meowed a perfect C in response.

She looked down at the cat again and cocked her head to the side. “You know, I don’t think I ever gave you a name, little buddy. Would you like one?”

It stared back at Catra and meowed again, though it didn’t land on a note like before.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Catra thought for a moment, then said, “What about Melog? You’re not exactly a puma-”

The cat cut her off with another meow.

“What? Am I wrong?”

No response.

“Yeah, I thought so,” she chuckled. “Alright then. Melog.”

Melog rested their head against her arm again as its quiet roar of a purr started once more. Catra smiled and gently rubbed its side with her thumb.

Eventually, the quiet walk came to an end, and Catra set Melog down on the steps leading to Michalka Hall’s front entrance. As Catra went to open the door, Melog meowed in protest.

“I know, bud, but I gotta go, and the dorm has a pretty strict ‘no animal’ policy. I’m sorry,” she said as she bent down to pet the top of their head. “I’ll see you soon, though. I promise.”

Melog bumped their head against her hand and gave a final loud purr as Catra opened the door and stepped inside. By the time she turned around to close it, Melog had already darted off somewhere into the night. Catra turned around and started towards her room with a tired sigh. She felt a small pang of guilt leaving Melog, but repeated her promise to herself. Soon .

She shielded her eyes from the blindingly bright fluorescent lights in the halls and stairwell leading to her room, and by the time she reached her door, she was prepared to flop onto her bed and pass out immediately.

However, when she opened the door, she was met with a small surprise. The lights in her room were still on, almost as blinding as the lights just outside. Music played softly from speakers on the far side of the room. A voice quietly sang along.

Breathe, keep breathing

Don’t lose your nerve

Breathe, keep breathing

I can’t do this

Alone

“Hey, Lonnie,” Catra said as she shut the door behind her.

Sing us a song

A song to keep us warm

“Lonnie,” Catra repeated.

There’s such a chill

Such a-

“ Lonnie .”

“Christ, Catra,” Lonnie scowled, turning to glare at Catra. “What do you want?”

Catra sat on her bed and tried to stuff the building anger down her throat. “To talk.”

Lonnie rolled her eyes. “What? Gonna nag my ear off about how shit of a band member I was? Gonna beg me to come back? Gonna-?”

“Well if you would shut it for two seconds and listen ,” Catra snapped. “ Maybe you would see.”

“Fine then. Talk,” Lonnie said as she paused her music.

The palpable silence of the room mixed with Lonnie’s piercing scowl was almost overwhelming. Catra found one of her legs had started to shake. She placed a hand on the shaking knee and took a deep breath.

“I know things have been… messed up,” she started.

Lonnie scoffed. “Understatement of the century.”

“Just let me do this, okay?” Catra chided, then added quickly, “Please.”

Lonnie’s expression softened ever so slightly as she gave a motion for her to go on.

Catra continued, “So yeah, I know shit’s been messed up, and I know I’ve been a real piece of work lately, and really screwed you and Scorpia and Entrapta over by being a dick. I’m not trying to fight with you or beg you for anything, I just…” She took another deep breath, letting the exhale go for longer than was necessary. “I just wanted to… apologize.”

That got Lonnie’s attention. She turned her chair around to fully face Catra, leaned back against it, and crossed her arms.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot and… I think you were right,” Catra admitted as her eyes fell to the floor. “I was being an asshole control freak by bossing you guys around, and just overall really shitty, and a bad… friend.”

“And you think admitting all that is gonna make everything all magically better? Weren’t you the one saying the world isn’t all butterflies and sparkles and rainbows?” Lonnie questioned.

“Yeah, that… that was me,” Catra sighed. “And I don’t think that. That this will make everything ‘magically better’, I mean. I’m not expecting you to forgive or forget, but I need you to know that I’m… I really am sorry. Not just for the band, but for being a shitty friend and all the other bullshit I did. You and your folks let me live in your house and I repaid you by being a total asshole and that sucks and I’m sorry.”

There was a long pause as Lonnie considered Catra’s words. Catra held her breath, bracing herself for Lonnie’s response. Finally, after what felt like too much time for Catra, Lonnie uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair.

“Well,” Lonnie started, her voice surprisingly calm. “I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you I forgive you or anything like that, because I don’t. I’m still incredibly pissed off at you, even if you know what you did was shit. But…” She looked away for a moment. When her gaze returned to Catra, it lost much of the hatred hiding just below the surface. “I respect your apology.”

Catra nodded as a small, relieved smile broke across her face. “Thanks. That… means a lot.”

Lonnie smirked. “Catra getting all mushy? Now that’s a sight I thought I’d never see.”

“I can still take it back.”

“Yeah, but you won’t, if you know what’s good for you. What brought all this on, anyway? You finally getting therapy or something?”

“First of all, I don’t need therapy.”

“Mhm,” Lonnie nodded, wholly unconvinced.

“And second, I…” Catra muttered into her hand.

“Say again, Catra? Didn’t quite catch that.”

Catra groaned and mumbled, “I talked to Adora…”

Lonnie’s smirk widened into a grin as her eyebrows raised in amusement. “Oh really? You talk to Adora?” she teased. “The same Adora that you swore up and down that you didn’t miss? The same Adora that you-”

“Okay! Okay! I get it!” Catra said, throwing her hands up in surrender. “Yes. That Adora.”

“Hate to say I told you so buuut… nah. I don’t hate it at all.” Lonnie gave a self assured laugh, and then asked, “So what? Did you see her after your big meltdown at the Fright Zone?”

“How’d you know about that?”

“Scorp told me.”

Catra couldn’t put her finger on exactly what emotion washed over her, but she knew it was a bad one. “Scorpia was there?”

“Nah, she just knew one of the other acts.”

“Oh,” Catra sighed, but little relief came. “But, uh… yeah. Adora saw the whole thing, and the guitar I smashed was-”

“Holy shit you smashed a guitar onstage? Scorpia didn’t tell me that!” Lonnie exclaimed, voice caught somewhere between annoyance and pride. “That’s punk as shit, dude.”

“Well if you let me finish then you would know that guitar was mine and Adora’s shared first guitar that we bought with our own money and learned on.”

“Oh, that’s… less cool.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Catra rolled her eyes. “Anyway, she saw that whole… debacle, found me later, calmed me down a bit, and took me back here. Then tonight, I went to a party to get completely wasted and forget everything for a bit, but ended up bumping into her instead.”

After a brief moment of silence, Lonnie asked, “What happened next?”

“She apologized. And then I apologized. And then we-”

“Kissed?”

“ Hugged , and forgave each other,” Catra quickly corrected. “Jesus, every time I think you’re sick of teasing me about that you just have to prove me wrong. Besides, even if she was gay, there’s no way she’d like me like that, especially after this last year.”

“Hey, you gave me the ammunition way back when. You can’t just expect me to not use it.”

“What if I regret giving you the ammunition?”

“No take-backsies.”

“I see someone’s still stuck in ‘way back when’ land.”

“Nah, I just like being difficult,” Lonnie chuckled, leaning back in her chair with smug satisfaction. “Well at least you know I haven’t changed. But seriously, you and Adora hugging it out? That’s progress.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Hey.” Lonnie’s sudden serious tone almost made Catra jump. “I know I said I don’t forgive you, and I still don’t for now, but I really appreciate that you’re trying, and I’m sure Adora is, too. Keep that in mind, alright?”

“Sure. Thanks for um…” Catra struggled to put her thoughts into words. “Thanks for not completely hating me.”

“Eh, don’t get too used to it. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

Catra nodded. They both remained frozen in place, staring at each other. Slowly, like snow, an awkward silence fell over the room. Suddenly, Lonnie clapped her hands together.

“Well, that’s all the emotional shit I can handle for one night,” she announced. “I think I’m gonna hit up Starbucks or something. Wanna come with?”

Catra tried and failed to suppress a smile as Lonnie extended the invitation. “Thanks, but I genuinely think I’m about to pass out,” Catra said as she flopped onto her bed.

Lonnie shrugged, stood, and crossed the room. “Want the light off?”

“Please.”

“Night, Catra.”

“Night, Lonnie.”

The bright overhead light was turned off, the door was closed, and the room was plunged into darkness. Despite herself, Catra stayed up for just a bit longer, returning to staring at the bright blue “unblock caller” button on her phone screen. Something tugged at Catra’s heart as her eyelids began to droop on their own. It was warm, but not a warmth that came naturally. It was the feeling of being bundled in blanket upon blanket, inches away from freezing air but also just a sip away from a fulfilling sip of hot cocoa. Without thinking, her finger pressed on the button and she placed her phone face down on her nightstand minifridge. 

In her last waking thought, Catra recognized the feeling as nostalgia.

------

“This is a sad song,” Catra playfully whined.

Adora halted her playing. “You’re telling me that little Miss ‘I Listen To Mitski When I Think No One’s Looking’ wants to hear a happy song?”

“How did you know-? Wait, no. I do not listen to Mitski!” Catra tried to tackle Adora but was easily pushed away. Catra fell back to pouting against the headboard. “I listen to cool shit like Foo Fighters and Nirvana and Rage Against the Machine.”

“Suuuure.”

“I do!”

“You do like Mitski, you mean.”

“I-! You-! Shut up!” 

Catra could feel the blush creeping onto her cheeks, so she turned away and buried her face in her hands. When she didn’t hear Adora push any further, she brought her knees up to chest and leaned her head onto them to exaggerate her sulking. Then, she heard a small creaking on the bed, felt the shifting over movement, and heard the rustling of pages. Her head spun around, locking on to the sight of her songwriting notebook open in Adora’s arms as Adora quickly read through page after page.

“Hey!” Catra shouted. “I told you not to touch that! Gimmie it back!”

She snatched the notebook out of Adora’s hands, but the mischievous grin on her face made it clear that the damage was already done.

“Oooooo, Caaaaatra,” Adora goaded.

“Oh my god, what did you see?” Catra grumbled.

“Were you writing…” Adora paused for an unnecessarily long time. “Looooove songs?”

Catra let out a long and loud groan and hid her face with the notebook. “No…”

“You totally were!” Adora rebutted, swiftly filling the space between her and Catra. “You have to tell me who they’re about!”

“No.”

“Come oooon, Catra. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-”

“Stop that, Adora! You sound like an idiot!”

“-tell me, I’m not stopping until you tell me, tell me, tell- Oh my god is it Kyle !”

“What? Hell no! He’s a wimp and even if I was attracted to him, which I am not, he’s gay as hell.”

“He is?”

“Seriously? Have you not seen the way he looks at Rogelio?” Catra scoffed. “I swear, he dropped a whole letter grade in history class last year because he couldn’t keep his eyes off Mister Football sitting right next to him.”

“Really? Huh…” Adora considered, then shook her head. “No! You’re changing the subject! Who is it!”

Catra responded with a silent glare.

“Please, Catra? You can trust me, you know,” Adora said as she leaned in closer. As she did so, her expression softened.

Catra let herself relax a little in turn. “Fine. I… do like someone,” she admitted, then quickly added, “But I’m not telling you who!”

“Yes! Progress!” Adora’s eyes widened with excitement. “So what’s so great about this mystery man that you’ve written full songs about him?”

Catra had to suppress a laugh at Adora’s assumptions. Once the fleeting amusement faded, though, she was left with embarrassment. When she hugged her knees tighter, Adora’s face fell.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Adora said softly.

After a few moments of silence from the other girl, Adora adjusted her posture so her whole body faced Catra and opened her arms. Catra took the invitation and crawled into her lap, curling her legs up and tucking her heads into the crook of Adora’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” Adora said.

“It’s okay,” Catra replied quietly. “Feelings are weird…”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Adora agreed with a small chuckle. “But, hey. Whoever this mystery man is, they would be so, so lucky to be with you.”

“You think so?”

Adora placed her hands on Catra’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Catra, are you kidding me? You’re awesome! You’re funny, smart, not to mention how pretty you are, and you write songs! Love songs! Just for him!”

“I’m pretty great, aren’t I?” Catra smirked.

“Yeah, you are,” Adora said as she pulled Catra back in for a hug.

Catra held on tight, letting Adora’s warmth replace the chilled air of the barely ventilated room. As they sat there entwined, Catra thought of the mystery “man”. How their hugs would feel just like this. How their words would be just as comforting. How they would make Catra feel just as whole as she felt at that very moment.

“Hey, Adora?”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Oh course, Catra.”

“Do you think we’ll be best friends forever?”

“Yeah, I do.” There was no hesitation in the reply.

“Even if I tell this person I like them?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“What if it gets complicated?”

“Then we’ll figure it out.”

“What if I mess it up?”

“Catra…”

“What if I-?”

“Then we’ll figure it out, Catra.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Chapter Text

“Let me get this straight,” Glimmer said, rubbing her temples. “Catra messes with us to taunt you for months , spirals so badly her entire band quits on her and she has an on stage panic attack. Then in a single week, you guys talk it out, and all is forgiven between you two? And now you’re going on a date ?”

“Okay, first of all, it’s not a date,” Adora objected as she sifted through her laundry pile for something somewhat decent to wear. “And second, yes, we forgive each other.”

“So what exactly is this ‘not-date’ then?” Glimmer questioned, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe.

Adora sniffed one of her few button up shirts and quickly threw it in the “wash as soon as possible” pile. “Oh, you know,” she said. “Just… friend stuff. Getting coffee, catching up, talking out shared trauma, that sort of thing.”

“Mhm. And since when do you and Catra do ‘friend stuff’ without trying to rip out each other’s throats?”

“Since when we were kids , Glimmer. We grew up together, remember? And I think we both really missed how things were back then, so why not try again? I mean, think about what happened with you and Bow in high school and how you- Bow, why are you doing that?”

Bow was making a “cut it out” motion as Glimmer raised a suspicious eyebrow. “How do you know about that?” she asked.

“Bow told me.”

Glimmer’s glare was quickly redirected to a facepalming Bow. The duo had a brief silent and strained conversation through mostly eye movement and subtle gestures before Glimmer declared, “Later,” and turned her attention back to Adora. “ Anyway , you are looking at me and seriously saying that you think this is a good idea? Pretending none of that happened to go back to being friends?”

“I’m not pretending nothing ever happened. I can’t just forget the past year, Glimmer, but I know Catra can change. She deserves a second chance.”

“And what if she doesn’t? What if this is all one big conspiracy to mess with you even more?”

“Okay, Glimmer,” Bow stepped in. “Maybe let’s take it down a notch, alright? I get you’re worried for Adora, I am too, but I think calling it a conspiracy is a biiit too far, don’t you think?”

“‘Not far enough’? We’re talking about Catra , here!” Glimmer huffed.

“That’s true, but you have to keep in mind tha-”

“I don’t have to keep anything in mind, Bow! Gah! Why won’t either of you listen to me!”

Before Bow had a chance to respond, Glimmer let out a frustrated shout and stormed out of Adora’s room. The other two stared at the empty doorway, then at each other, and then back at the doorway. Adora groaned and let another shirt drop from her hand into the ever growing pile.

“That went well,” she muttered, taking a seat on the edge of her mattress. “Like… What's up with her? Something is finally working out for me and she has to act like… like…” She cut herself just short of saying something she would likely regret later.

Bow stood awkwardly in place, caught between Glimmer’s exit and Adora’s resignation. “I don’t really know,” he said. “She’s been more on edge than usual since the party.”

“Really bad hangover?” Adora suggested.

Bow shrugged. “Maybe. She did have a good bit to drink, but then again, it’s been two whole days, so…” He sighed, silently asked if he could join Adora on the bed, and sat when she agreed. “Honestly, it’s… a little scary.”

“Scary? Why’s that?”

“High school.”

“Ah… I’m sorry I told her you told me about that.”

“You’re good. She would’ve found out sooner or later.”

“Yeah, probably,” Adora agreed. As they sat there, both of their gazes drifted back to the doorway. Wherever Glimmer had disappeared to, it was far out of their sights. Through the growing sense of worry, Adora’s mind began to wander, searching through catalogs of conversations and advice.

“You know she’ll get over it, right?” Adora eventually said, carefully keeping her voice as steady as possible. “You just gotta… show her you’re there for her and then she’ll come back.”

Bow chuffed. “Using my own advice against me, I see.”

“I learned from the best,” Adora smirked. “If you don’t mind me asking, did anything happen at the party?”

Bow tore his eyes off the doorway and stared at the floor, deep in thought. After a moment of silence, he shook his head.

“No, I don’t think so,” he said. “We got there and said hi to Mermista and Sea Hawk and everyone. Glimmer started drinking pretty much right away. I lost her at one point and found her a couple minutes later completely hammered. She said she was, and this is a direct quote, ‘about to up some chuck’, so I took her to the bathroom. She never actually threw up, though. And then after that we…” he trailed off.

Adora raised an eyebrow and turned towards Bow. “And then you…” she prompted.

“I think she might have tried to kiss me in the bathroom.” Although his tone was neutral, the panic hiding just under the surface was very apparent.

“Oh…” After some consideration, the meaning of his words finally clicked in Adora’s brain. “ Oh .”

Bow’s face flushed a deep shade of red. “She was looking at me and her mouth was like… hanging open and she was swaying back and forth, and then she started leaning in and… oh my god I didn’t realize it at all. I don’t…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what this means.”

“Do you think she remembers it?”

“I don’t even know. Maybe? That could explain why she’s all… well, like that lately.”

“What’re you gonna do?”

Bow sat as still as a statue. “I don’t know.”

“Do you think you like her like that?”

“I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Words seemed to have run their course, so action took hold. Adora took Bow’s arm as she stood, forcing him to go along with her, and pulled him into a tight hug. After a second of shock, Bow let himself fall into the hug and wrapped his arms around Adora.

“I just want things to be okay…” Bow whispered. His voice faltered a little; a rare glimpse of sorrow from the band’s heart.

“I know, and they will be,” Adora said, hugging him tighter. “I promise, you’ll figure it out, and if you need any help, I’m right here.”

Bow patted Adora’s back and pulled away, wiping a tear from his cheek as he did so. They stared at each other for a moment, and then laughed at the realization they both were unsure of what to do with their hands. Ultimately, they decided to give each other another quick hug.

“Thanks, Adora. I really needed that”

“Anytime.”

------

“Glimmer?” Adora asked into the shut and locked door. She knocked again to no response. “I swear I’m not mad at you. I just want to talk, if that’s okay.”

There was a brief silence before the handle clicked and the door creaked open. Glimmer stood in the nearly pitch black room, half hidden by the door. When she made eye contact with Adora, she could see that her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with running mascara. 

“What?” Glimmer’s tone was demanding, almost a warning or a threat.

Adora forced her body to relax. “Can I come in?”

Glimmer shuffled back into her room, leaving the door open as a silent invitation. Adora stepped inside and closed the door behind her, letting the room fall back into darkness. Rather than risk finding a seat she couldn’t see, Adora opted to stay standing next to the door.

“I’m sorry about earlier. Bow is, too. We didn’t mean to upset you,” Adora said, choosing her words very carefully. She sighed knowing her next words would have to be riskier. “And about Catra… I know she’s hurt me, and nothing that any of us can do will change that, but people can change, and that’s what Catra wants to do. And I… I really believe her. So, please, trust me?”

She couldn’t see Glimmer’s reaction, but she felt the weight of her silence. Then, she heard a shuffling, and a light turned on, dimly illuminating the room. Glimmer was sitting on her bed, wrapped tightly in a blanket, staring at nothing in particular. 

“I could handle Catra being an asshole,” Glimmer said slowly, as if slightly unsure of her own words. “And I could handle helping you through that. But now, suddenly, it just… changes? Like, I thought I knew what to do, and then the rug was pulled out from under me, and I have to change my whole approach. And like… what do I do? Should I know what to do?” She ran her hands through her hair. “You know? It’s just… a lot.”

Adora took a deep breath in and then out, working up the courage for her next words. “This isn’t just about Catra, is it?”

“How’d you know?” Glimmer chuckled. It was dry and humorless, but held some sense of relief behind its jaded surface.

“Bow kinda told me about the… thing that happened at the party.”

Glimmer scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I really need to talk to him about his oversharing.”

“I mean… maybe that’s not the only thing you need to talk about?” Adora suggested cautiously.

“You’re pushing it.”

“Sorry.”

“You’re good, it’s just…” Glimmer sighed. “Promise me you won’t tell Bow about anything I’m about to tell you.”

“I promise.”

Glimmer pulled the blanket tighter around herself. “I… gah! I don’t even know where to start.” She let out a bitter laugh before composing herself and continuing, “Bow’s been my best friend for so, so long, and every time I think about him I just get so, so happy, and since he was basically my only friend for so, so long, I’m over here thinking ‘oh this is a perfectly normal feeling! This is absolutely one hundred percent fully platonic!’ But since college started, I’ve made new friends, and none of them make me feel like how he makes me feel.” She perked up slightly and glanced at Adora. “Oh! No offense, I just mean like… um…”

“No, no! It’s okay, Glimmer. I get what you’re saying,” Adora comforted with an amused smile. “That’s… well, before the whole college thing, that’s kind of how it was with me and Catra.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Ms. Weaver was…”

“A good for nothing drunk bitch of a foster parent?”

“To put it lightly, yeah,” Adora chuckled. “She wanted me to be ‘on top of my studies’ so I wasn’t a disappointment or whatever, so she made me turn down all my friends if they wanted to hang out outside of school or something. I never got the chance to get closer to a lot of people besides… well, besides Catra, and since we shared a room there was nothing she could do about it. Even when Lonnie was with us, Catra and I had been growing up together, so we already knew everything about each other there was to know.

“With everyone else, I need to explain things to them. Like, with you and Bow, I had to explain Ms. Weaver, and all the Catra stuff, and how my mind works when it comes to songwriting and stuff, but with Catra, she would just, like… know. I could say ‘hey, remember the playground?’ and she would immediately know the exact day I’m talking about, you know? That’s what you’re talking about with Bow, right?”

Glimmer nodded. Adora sat on the bed next to her and placed a delicate hand on her shoulder. “And…” she started, but cut herself off.

“‘And’ what?” Glimmer asked.

“If I tell you something kind of embarrassing, will you promise not to tell anyone? Not even Bow?”

“Mmmm… maybe,” Glimmer smirked, raising an eyebrow. “How easy would it be to turn it into blackmail?”

“Glimmer, I’m serious here.”

“Fine, fine. I won’t tell.”

“Okay…” Adora took a deep breath in and delayed her explanation by exhaling for as long as possible. “The reason I figured out I’m a lesbian and came out to you guys is because I had been in love with Catra for years but I only realized once she left,” she said as fast as possible.

Glimmer stared at her, blinked, then stared some more. “Huh,” she simply said.

“What do you mean, ‘huh’?”

“I just mean that’s…” The smirk slowly returned to Glimmer’s face. “Veeery interesting.”

“Oh! Shut up!” Adora said, playfully nudging Glimmer’s shoulder with her own. “Really! I try to comfort you and empathize with you and this is the thanks I get?”

“You and I both know it’s easier to joke around like this than it is to actually confront feelings or whatever.”

“Well… yeah, that’s true.” Adora let out a small chuckle which turned into a sigh. “But I guess that kinda brings me back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. You don’t have to confront them alone.” She wrapped an arm around Glimmer, who rested her head on Adora’s shoulder. “We both have each other, right?”

“Eh, not like we have much of a choice in who to trust,” Glimmer joked.

“What? You don’t trust Entrapta with this kind of breaking news?”

“Seriously, Adora? Entrapta’s cool and all, but my god does she talk, talk, talk, like all the time. She would without a doubt let something slip, especially now that she and Bow have been hanging out.”

“Ooo, got some competition?”

“First of all, not funny,” Glimmer groaned as she lightly tugged herself away from Adora’s arm. “Second, unlike some people, I’m not immature and take another woman talking to my friend as a threat or something.”

“‘ Some ’ people?”

“You were so in the closet for your entire life that even you didn’t know you were gay. Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t feel jealous when some other girl would talk to Catra.”

“I-” Adora stammered over her words for a moment before surrendering. “Point taken.”

“Thought so,” Glimmer said slyly. “Anyway, it’s not like I’m worried about Entrapta, anyway. She and Bow mostly just talk about synths or drum machines or-” She shuddered. “ Music theory . He finally has someone who can understand his weirdo nerd language. His stupid… cute weirdo nerd language that I just… ugh! Look at me, I’m doing it again.” She covered her eyes with her hands and let out a long, exasperated sigh which turned into another groan. “What am I gonna do?”

Adora looked down at the floor. “I wish I could tell you but… I don’t know. I’m just as confused as you are.”

“At least you’re honest,” Glimmer said quietly as her hands dropped from her face and into her lap. “I’m getting pretty sick of pretending like I have it all together all the time.”

“Oof, I feel that,” Adora chuckled slightly. “But, hey. I got your back and you got mine, right?”

Glimmer smiled. “Hell yeah.” She wrapped her arms around Adora, who quickly reciprocated. “So… does this mean you’ll be my wingman?”

“What? Glimmer!” Adora laughed and playfully shoved Glimmer out of the embrace.

“Come ooon, pleeease?”

“Okay, okay, whatever.” Adora rolled her eyes. “Only if you’ll be mine. Deal?” She sat up as straight as she could and stuck her hand out.

Glimmer took her hand and shook it. “Deal. Now let’s find you some real date clothes.”

“It’s not a date!”

------

The cafe was bustling with activity. Barista rushed to prepare drinks and pastries as fast as they could. Patrons stood in line, sat in booths, waited for their orders next to the counters. A few groups of students had chosen the cafe as a place to discuss their projects together, while others were there purely for leisure, or as a distraction from the work they should have been doing. Voices of glee, boredom, earnestness, and apathy all mixed together in the air, blending into a singular, almost droning noise.

Among all the commotion was Adora, sat silently at a table close to the door, nibbling on her croissant as she scrolled through her phone. The door opened, announcing a new customer with the ring of a bell. Adora’s eyes darted up at the sudden movement and in walked…

A stranger.

Adora sighed and checked the time on her phone. 1:02pm. Catra was two minutes late. Only two minutes , she reminded herself. She placed the croissant down and swapped it for her coffee. Only a few sips in, the caffeine seemingly already made its way directly to her brain as her thoughts spiraled and raced.

It’s okay, Adora. She’s probably just a little late because… traffic. No, that can’t be right. She doesn’t have a car, let alone know how to drive.

What if she doesn’t show? What if she changed her mind? Did I say something wrong? Do something wrong? Was this all a mistake?

Maybe something happened. Maybe I should text her.

No, don’t be clingy. I can wait. It’s only been two minutes.

Only two minutes. She glanced at her phone. The clock read 1:03pm. Okay, only three minutes.

What if she stands me up?

Stands me up? This isn’t like a date or anything like that. How could she stand me up if she didn’t have a date to stand up in the first place?

Wait, is standing someone up exclusive to dates? Can you stand up a friend, too?

After a brief search for the etymology of the term “standing up” (and a second, more specific search after the first lead only to the description of standing on one’s own feet), Adora checked the clock once more. 1:05pm. The door opened and the bell rang again, instantly grabbing Adora’s attention, only for her to be left disappointed yet again as another person she didn’t recognize strolled inside.

Adora laid her head down on the table, using her arms as pillows, and stared out the window. The cafe looked out at a busy intersection, swarmed with cars and pedestrians fighting against each other to save a few minutes on their commute. Across the road was the backside of BMU’s campus. Just behind the short brick building closest to the street was Michalka Hall, looming over the smaller buildings before it.

When Adora heard the doorbell ring once more, she didn’t bother looking up.

What am I gonna do now? Maybe Glimmer was right. Maybe this was all just one big conspiracy to-

“Sorry I’m late.”

The voice made Adora jump. She looked up to see Catra standing behind the chair across from her, nudging her backpack off her shoulder and slinging it over the back of the chair. Adora felt every muscle in her body relax as Catra sat down and grinned at her.

“Hey, Adora.”

Chapter Text

“You alright? You looked like you were about to bolt when I walked in”

“Oh, yeah! Yeah, no, I’m fine. I was just… a little worried you wouldn’t show up?”

“What? Did you really think I would stand you up?”

“I mean… maybe? I don’t really know with the whole ‘not talking for a year’ thing.”

“Ah… well, I promise I won’t stand you up when it comes to this kind of thing. Fashionably late, maybe, but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

“Promise?”

“That’s what I just said, dummy.”

Their first date-

Not a date , Catra reminded herself.

Their first not-date went well, as did their second.

“Are Sparkles and Crop Top dating?”

“Oh my god, Catra. You would not believe the drama going on with them.”

And their third.

“I had enough to stay in a motel for a few days. I tried doing some busking, but two days in, this guy tried to steal the money right in front of me. We got into a fight. I won, obviously, and ran off before the cops came, and that was the end of that.”

“Holy shit.”

“You can say that again. Thank god Lonnie found me.”

By their fourth, it cemented itself as a weekly routine.

“Have you heard that new Mitski album yet?”

“I’m getting to it, but I heard that ‘My Love Mine All Mine’ song it was really go- Wait, no! I’m not a Mitski fan! Adora !”

Though they danced around more serious topics, they were able to fill the time with conversations that struck a nice balance between being personal, but not enough to unearth anything too risky. There were a lot of things Catra wanted to ask ( “Why did you really forgive me? Are we just going to go back to how things were? Did those other two replace me?” ), but didn’t for the sake of their tedious relationship. Still, being with Adora felt good. Really good. By their fifth outing, Catra could pretend that she was forgetting there was ever a distance between them at all.

It certainly helped that school had just let out for spring break, allowing them a brief reprieve from the endless stream of quizzes, homework, and sprinting from building to building to reach their class just minutes before it began. For the first time in a long time, Catra felt comfortable, even if only somewhat.

“So…” 

Just by the tone of Adora’s voice, Catra could tell whatever Adora was about to say could jeopardize that comfort. She braced for impact.

Adora made hesitant eye contact with Catra and continued, “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened when um… and you totally don’t have to answer this if you’re not comfortable or anything. That’s totally fine and I totally understand and-”

“If you say ‘totally’ one more time I’m going to duct tape your mouth shut,” Catra interrupted, dropping a small hint of sarcasm into her tone. “Just ask, dummy.”

“Okay…” Adora took a deep breath in, held it, and then blurted, “How did the Horde break up?”

Catra felt the muscles in her face constrict and her stomach drop. Her mind was flooded with the same feelings of anger and resentment, mixed with a newfound regret and disappointment. She felt like she was back in the rehearsal hall once more, standing over Entrapta, watching her run out and Scorpia follow, and resigning herself to the floor as the feedback of her bass filled the room.

Once she was able to dig herself out of the memories enough to recognize the real world, she realized she was still staring directly at Adora with a terrible glare. 

Adora was avoiding eye contact, rambling and backpedaling as fast as she could. “...and if you don’t want to talk about it, forget I even brought it up! Like, pfft, the Horde? What’s a Horde? Never heard of it! We can talk about something else like um… um… oh! Have you heard that new Mitski album? Wait, no, I already did tha-”

“Adora, stop,” Catra urged, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. “It’s fine. I can…” She signed. “I can talk about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“ Yes , I’m sure. I probably need to anyway, and I sure as shit can’t afford a therapist so I guess you’re the next best thing.”

A look of pride briefly flashed across Adora’s face before she settled back into her seat. “Well, if you’re sure, then… go ahead. I’m all ears.”

“The short version is I was an asshole.” Catra quickly debated whether she should leave it at that or not. She decided to go the long way after making brief eye contact with Adora and watching her expression soften as Catra talked. “The longer version is… well, before we broke up, Lonnie quit. She got fed up with me being… Okay, so there’s actually some more context I need to give but I need you to promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Mad?” Adora questioned.

“Yes. Mad. I-” Catra groaned at the thought of her impromptu confession. “I kinda maybe was planning on using college and the Horde as a way to freak you out and get some sort of weird revenge on you. Lonnie called me out on being obsessed with you. I denied it. We fought. She quit.”

Adora was silent for a long moment before she broke into a grin, which turned into a wide smile, which turned into laughter with the occasional snort.

“What? Why are you laughing at that?” Catra asked incredulously.

“Because! You were obsessed with me! Ha!” Adora said through snorts. “Plus, Glimmer totally called that. Oh my god, that’s hilarious.”

“It’s not! I was being an asshole!”

“Okay, true, but I forgave you for it. Plus, you weren’t doing a very good job if me saying ‘I’m here for you’ one time was enough to throw you for a loop,” Adora teased as her laughter subsided into a smirk.

Catra prayed she wasn’t blushing. “Wha-! I-!” She huffed and crossed her arms. “Well, no more being vulnerable for you.”

“Okay! Okay! Fine,” Adora said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be serious now. So, Lonnie quits. Then what?”

“Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Catra continued, shifting her gaze to the ground. “Lonnie quits, so I basically force Scorpia to cover for her, but she’s nervous as shit because I’m having an obvious mental breakdown or whatever, so during our first rehearsal with her fronting she’s pretty sloppy. Entrapta’s… well, Entrapta is way too good for her own good and is playing like the guy from Tool when we’re doing a Nirvana song, so that’s not helping things. Adding onto all of that, we had just had our little library talk so all that Weaver bullshit was fresh on my mind, and I just… broke.

“I yelled at Entrapta and scared her out of the room, and when I asked Scorpia to bring her back, she said no and they both quit, and that was that.” Catra let out a breath as she sagged into her seat. She didn’t dare look Adora in the eye. “I think after that, I sat there for an hour or two just thinking. I don’t really remember what about, but… it was a lot.

“The worst part is I knew I was being shitty. I knew that I was hurting them with all the yelling and micromanaging and general assholeness, but I kept doing it. I don’t really know why I did. I still felt like a useless, pathetic, powerless little shit stain leech creature with enough mommy issues to carry at least seven lifetimes, but it was just so easy to push them around and push them away.” She cleared her throat and sat up slightly. “Maybe that was the reason. Digging the grave is easy but crawling out of it is way harder. Is that a saying? I don’t know.”

The table fell into silence. Catra glanced down at her leg, which unbeknownst to her had started bouncing fast enough to cause a slight burning sensation on the inside of her calf. She placed a hand on her knee to calm it down. After the several long moments it took to stop, she realized everything was still quiet.

“Adora?” she asked hesitantly. 

She slowly looked up to meet Adora’s eyes, and saw tears running down the other girl’s cheeks. “Adora…” she repeated softly.

“Can I hug you?”

When Catra nodded, Adora bolted to the other side of the table and scooped Catra into a tight embrace. Catra let out a small gasp at the sudden contact.

“Sorry,” Adora apologized as she loosened her grip slightly.

“It’s okay,” Catra replied. “I thought you’d be… mad at me, or something.”

“Oh, Catra, no,” Adora said as she awkwardly let go and shuffled back to her seat. “I mean… you should definitely apologize to them, but you were scared . All that stuff you were saying about being useless and pathetic, that’s Ms. Weaver talking. You aren’t any of that, Catra. The fact you’re willing to even talk about it is proof enough that you can grow and change and… and… I’m proud of you for that.”

“I-” Catra cut herself off and let Adora’s words soak in some more before she spoke. “Thanks, Adora. I apologized to Lonnie a bit ago. She hasn’t fully forgiven me yet or anything, but we’re somewhat chill now, which has made a huge improvement in my day to day since we’re roommates.”

“Oh, that must’ve been reeeally awkward.”

“Damn right.”

“What about the others? Scorpia and Entrapta?”

Catra sighed. “Not… yet.” She took a quick sip of coffee to give herself an extra moment to think. “I think I’m… scared. Lonnie’s different because we’ve known each other for a bit so she knows the ‘better’ version of me, but Scorpia and Entrapta only know… this.” She gestured vaguely at herself and contorted her face into a mock scowl.

“Well, you’re not that anymore, and you can show that to them,” Adora pointed out. “When you’re ready, that is. I mean like, don’t push yourself or anything-”

“I think I’m ready.”

“-because obviously you need time to think and stuff-”

“I said I’m ready.”

“-so it’s not like rushed or-”

“ Adora ,” Catra demanded. “Seriously, stop rambling. I wasn’t kidding about the duct tape.”

“Right… um, sorry,” Adora said sheepishly. “But you really think you’re ready? I don’t want to force you into it or…” Adora trailed off when Catra raised an eyebrow. “Right. Rambling. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It makes you look like an idiot.”

“Hey! I am not an idiot!”

Catra smirked. “Eh, jury’s out. But really, I think I’m ready, but only on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“You come with me.”

------

Catra almost bailed the second Scorpia and Entrapta’s door came into view. She already knew she was faster than Adora, so she could certainly have reached the elevator before her, although the slow speed of the elevator doors could throw a wrench into that plan. Ultimately, she decided to trudge on, just a few steps behind Adora.

“Do you know if they’ve left for break?” Adora asked.

“You know what? They have!” Catra turned and started in the other direction. “Thank you for bringing that up! We don’t need to be here. We can go, um… I don’t know, get ice cream or something.”

“Catra,” Adora said, unimpressed.

Catra froze and groaned. “Okay, fine…” She made her way back towards the door, dragging her feet as she did so. “Lonnie told me Scorpia’s leaving tomorrow to visit her moms and Entrapta… she actually didn’t know. I don’t think Entrapta’s talked about her family at all to anyone.”

When she was done talking, she found she was standing directly in front of the dreaded dorm room. Her eyes widened as the realization dawned on her. Before the instinct to run could take over, she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned her head to see Adora staring back with a soft expression. The way her blue eyes stared directly into Catra’s soul felt familiar somehow.

“Are you ready?” Adora asked.

Catra placed her hand over Adora’s. “As I’ll ever be.” She turned back to look at the door and waited for an answer, unsure of whose face she would prefer to see first when it opened. She could hear the muffled sound of an acoustic guitar and electric piano beyond the door.

“Catra?”

“Yeah, Adora?”

“You have to knock so they can answer it.”

“Oh.” Catra tried to pass off her nervousness with a breathy giggle. “I-I knew that.” She raised a fist and knocked on the door.

No turning back now , she thought.

The music stopped, leaving the hallway in silence. Time ticked by, enough that Catra could feel her feet start to tingle from being in one place for too long. When the door finally opened, she was taken aback as Perfuma stepped into the hallway. Her scowl was accentuated by how she towered over Catra.

“Catra,” Perfuma greeted coldly. When she noticed Adora, her expression visibly brightened. “Oh! Hello, Adora.”

“Hey, Perfuma,” Adora responded. “Are Scorpia and Entrapta in?”

“That depends.” Perfuma went back to glaring at Catra. “Why do you ask?”

It took every ounce of concentration Catra had not to react to Perfuma’s questioning. Catra felt if she so much as flinched, she would break. Adora gently nudged her shoulder and she broke eye contact, turning her gaze to the ground.

“I want to… apologize to them,” she mumbled.

Perfuma raised an eyebrow and leaned closer. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said I want to apologize to them,” Catra repeated, letting a bit more annoyance drip into her voice than she knew was necessary.

Perfuma looked her up and down and then glanced at Adora. With a slight gesture of her head, Perfuma seemed to silently ask, Is she telling the truth? Adora nodded.

“One moment, please.”

With that, Perfuma stepped back into the dorm room and shut the door behind her. Catra could just barely make out the sound of talking beyond the door. She glanced at Adora, who shrugged in response. In the next moment, Perfuma reappeared before them, squinted at Catra, and then stepped aside. Catra took an uneasy step forward as her eyes darted back and forth between Perfuma and the small segment of the dorm she could see past the door.

“If you hurt her again, I will end you,” Perfuma said as Catra neared the door. Catra slowly nodded, suddenly much more aware of their height difference.

Catra stepped into both the cleanest and messiest room she had ever seen. The front half of the room was nearly spotless. Neatly hung band posters, arrays of scented candles, and framed photos of Scorpia with her friends and family on the desk gave the area a homely atmosphere and kept it from looking sterile. Clothes spilling out of the open duffle bag on the bed were the only signs of chaos surrounding the first bed.

The second bed was almost completely hidden in wires, as was the floor surrounding it. The synthesizer seemed to have doubled in size since Catra had last seen it, and it showed no signs of slowing down. Any spots on the floor that weren’t obscured by the nightmare of cables were instead covered by open journals and well worn pages of notes and diagrams.

In the center of the paradoxical dorm were Scorpia and Entrapta, standing awkwardly in place. Their eyes were transfixed on Catra as she entered.

“Um… hey, guys.” Catra forced herself to smile and let out a small laugh in a desperate attempt to inject some semblance of lightheartedness into the situation.

“Hello, Catra,” Entrapta said blankly. Scorpia was silent.

“Do you uh… mind if I use this chair?” Catra asked, gesturing to the office chair parked at Scorpia’s desk.

“Go for it,” Scorpia replied. Her tone was unreadable.

Catra nodded and sat in the chair. Scorpia followed her lead and sat on a chair on Entrapta’s side of the room after clearing it of the scattered papers that occupied it before. Entrapta stood completely still. Somewhere behind her, Catra could feel Perfuma’s eyes digging into the back of her skull. The thought of Adora also being somewhere behind her soothed her slightly, but not enough to keep her leg from bouncing. 

Catra placed her hands on her knees and sat up straight, trying to emulate Entrapta’s stillness. “So, I’ll just cut right to the point,” she said. It felt as if her cue cards had been shuffled even though she spent the entire walk to the dorm rehearsing her words. “The way I treated you guys in the Horde was terrible, and I was a shithead for acting like that, and I’m sorry. You don’t need to forgive me or be friends with me or even talk to me anymore. I know I shat the bed with this whole thing and… and…” She sighed. “I’m sorry, so… yeah.”

Scorpia opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Entrapta’s shrill screech of “I knew it!” In an instant, she went from standing as still as a statue to jumping with a strange glee.

“What?” all the others in the room said at once.

“Adora!” Entrapta declared. “It was all because of Adora! My hypothesis was correct!”

Catra resisted the urge to turn around to see Adora’s reaction.

“Hey, Entrapta. Appreciate the enthusiasm but now’s not really the time,” Scorpia said.

“What? Oh! Right, apology. Sorry.” 

Entrapta managed to calm herself down enough to let Scorpia get a few words in. “Well, Catra… I appreciate the apology, and I think Entrapta does, too. But… ah gee, how should I word this?”

“Your actions have caused enough mild trauma on our brains that I have an eight-point-three percent chance of developing lifelong psychological issues and Scorpia a two-point-nine chance of developing similar symptoms,” Entrapta said like she was reciting peer reviewed statistics. “Although these estimates can vary wildly depending on your reaction to this information.”

“I think what Entrapta is trying to say is that we… or at least I think it’s hard to accept that after everything,” Scorpia interjected. “It really hurt, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Catra sighed. “I know I hurt both of you, and if Entrapta’s right then it was pretty bad, and I’m not gonna make any excuses about it or whatever. I did bad shit, and I… I just needed to say sorry and that I’m trying to be better.”

Scorpia’s expression softened into a sad smile. “It’s good you’re trying, Catra. Really good. I can’t speak for Entrapta, but I think I need some time after all that.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Can I, um… Can I maybe give you some advice?”

“Uh… sure,” Catra answered hesitantly.

“Okay, so, after the… ‘incident’ during rehearsal, Entrapta and I started going to some more shows just to watch people play and talk with other musicians, and it was really fun! That’s how we met Perfuma. Hi, Perfuma!” She and Perfuma gave almost sickeningly friendly waves to each other. “So maybe… gee, this may sound kinda harsh but, live a little, y’know?” 

“I can corroborate Scorpia’s suggestion. Watching others play without the competitive attitude you would often add to situations has made music significantly more fun,” Entrapta added. “Furthermore, since befriending Bow, my creative output has nearly doubled. I like playing music again.”

Catra gave a small nod. “Okay… I’ll try. Thank you guys for letting me say all that, and for the advice. I’ll keep it all in mind and… and again, I’m sorry.”

“It’s… well, not exactly ‘okay’, but it will be. Eventually,” Scorpia said, a hint of hope in her voice. “It looks like you’re already making some changes and new friends. Or remaking , I should say.” She nodded towards Adora, who gave a sheepish smile.

“Eh, yeah. She’s alright, I guess,” Catra joked with a smirk.

“You know you like me,” Adora said.

“Jury’s out.”

“Awww, they’re bonding!” Scorpia cooed.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Catra said, rolling her eyes. “And I guess… you guys are okay, too…”

Scorpia was practically vibrating in her chair. Catra sighed, stood, and opened her arms. The space between them was quickly filled back Scorpia, who scooped Catra up into a tight hug. After taking a moment to adjust to the sudden loss of breath, Catra saw Entrapta still standing on the other side of the room, silently staring at them.

“You too, Entrapta. C’mere,” Catra said, waving her over.

Entrapta quickly took her up on the offer and joined the embrace. “Lifelong psychological fallout chances have decreased significantly!”

Scorpia chuckled. “I’m glad you’re getting better, Wildcat.”

“Me too,” Catra said quietly.

------

It was only when they stepped out of Michalka Hall that Catra realized she had been holding her breath since leaving Scorpia and Entrapta’s dorm. She exhaled sharply, drawing the attention of a worried Adora.

“Hey, you okay?” Adora asked.

“Yeah, fine,” Catra responded. “I think I just… I just need to sit for a sec. That was a lot.”

Adora nodded and let Catra guide her to a nearby bench. As the two sat, Catra caught herself almost cuddling up to Adora’s side. She curled up into herself as a preventative measure, pulling her knees against her chest and resting her head on her own shoulder. 

The midafternoon sun hung low in the sky as hints of red mixed with its golden hue. The few students with obligations on the first day of the break hustled across the campus, dipping in and out of the elongating shadows of trees and buildings. The flora of springtime was in its beginning stages. Flowers were almost blooming and leaves were budding. It would be the first time Catra saw the campus truly alive.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” Adora said quietly.

Catra gave a cocky scoff. “Yeah, I know. I’m pretty great.” Then, whispering in hopes Adora wouldn’t hear her, she added, “I could stand to hear it more, though.”

Her attempt at secrecy didn’t work, as Adora repeated, “I’m really proud of you, Catra.”

Though the temptation to make another witty remark was there, Catra decided to let the compliment linger and gave a small nod. “Thanks, Adora. I didn’t… I…” She groaned at her loss of words. “That was really hard.”

“I know,” Adora said. “But you did it, and they know you’re sorry now, and everyone’s making progress.”

“Progress schmogress. Why can’t everything just get better right now ?”

Adora chuckled. “You know that’s not how it works, Catra.”

“Well maybe it should be.”

“What? Are you the god of social interaction now?”

“No, but I’d gladly take the title.”

“Oh god, we’d all be doomed.”

As the two laughed at the sheer absurdity of their conversation, Catra could swear Adora had purposefully scooted a little clos- No. Bad Catra. Get those thoughts out of your head.

Once the laughter died down, Adora asked, “Hey, so… do you want to come back to my place for a bit?”

“Wow, Adora. At least take me out to dinner first,” Catra cackled.

“What?” Adora’s face turned red as the innuendo behind Catra’s words dawned on her. “No no no! I just mean like… we can hang out there, order a pizza, watch some movies, all that jazz. You know, like… friend things? Maybe? Possibly?”

“Mmm… sure. Anything for free pizza.”

“Well who says we’re not going half and half?”

“Adora,” Catra said, unimpressed.

“Yeah, I was gonna pay for all of it…”

“Thought so.” She stood and offered her hand to Adora. “Lead the way.”

Adora smiled as she took Catra’s hand and used it to pull herself up. Catra was only a little disappointed when Adora let it go as she walked forward.

“Any ideas on what to watch?” Adora asked.

Without hesitation, Catra replied, “Legend of Ratava.”

Chapter Text

“How did I forget how awesome this movie is?” Adora said, eyes transfixed on the screen as her hand reached for the popcorn.

Catra cackled. “Because you were asleep for half of it the first time we watched it!”

“What? No I wasn’t!” Adora protested through a mouthful of buttered kernels.

“Yes you were, dummy.”

“No, I would remember if I fell asleep during it.”

“You don’t remember because you were asleep! That’s how sleep works!”

When Adora reached for the popcorn again, she was caught off guard when the usually bumpy surface of the kernels felt oddly smooth. When it moved underneath her, she turned her head to find she had placed her hand right on top of Catra. Her eyes involuntarily glanced at Catra, who was staring back at her with an unreadable expression. If Adora was lucky, it was confusion.

“Oh! Um,” Adora fumbled over her words as she withdrew her hand. “Sorry…”

“You’re uh… you’re good,” Catra responded sheepishly.

God damnit, Adora. Why are you like this?

Despite the heavy pull of sleep trying to overtake her eyelids (with no help from the brain power she spent replaying her awkward popcorn fumble over and over in her head), Adora managed to stay awake for the whole movie, plus two episodes of a show Catra had started raving passionately about as the credits rolled. Catra perked up when Adora failed to stifle a long, loud yawn.

Catra checked the time on her phone and stood. “Damn, it’s way later than I thought it was. I should probably get going.”

“I can walk you back!” Adora offered as she shot out of her seat, projecting her voice a little louder than needed to give the illusion of total alertness.

“Thanks, Adora, but I think I’m good.”

“No no! I want to. You’d be walking by yourself out there in the middle of the night. That can’t be safe, right?”

“What? Think I’m gonna get mugged?”

“It could happen!”

Catra smirked and rolled her eyes. “If you walked me to my place then you’d be walking back here on your own. You could be getting mugged.”

“Nuh-uh! I can take ‘em!”

“Adora, I’ve been kicking your ass since we were four. If I can then so can every mugger on the street. Plus, you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I- well… Yeah, but-” Adora attempted to stall before giving up and collapsing back onto the couch with a groan. “Okay, fine. I’m tired. But you can’t just go out into the night when it’s that far of a walk.”

“I’ll be fi-”

“What if you stayed here!” Adora suddenly blurted out. Upon realizing her idea left her mouth before she could think it over, she laughed in an attempt to cover the awkward landing. “I mean, um… Bow and Glimmer are gone for all of break so that won’t be a problem, and we could go get breakfast or something in the morning. But you totally don’t have to!” Her words steadily increased in speed. “Like, I still don’t think it’s safe for you to go out there alone, but I don’t wanna pressure you into staying here or anything. You can stay if you want and leave whenever you want, y’know?”

“Adora.” The singular sound out of Catra’s mouth was enough to get Adora’s mouth sealed shut. Catra chuckled and gave her a warm grin. “Sure, I’ll spend the night. Breakfast is gonna be on you though.”

“Deal,” Adora said, returning the smile. “You can sleep in my room and I’ll take the couch!”

“I’m not gonna kick you out of your bed Ador-”

“We just got done bickering. Please let me have this.”

“Yeah, fine.”

------

I’ll never smile again

Until I smile at you

I’ll never laugh again

What good would it dooo… hic!

For tears would fill my eyes

My heart would reeealize

That our romance is thr- hic!

Doo do dooo do doooo…

They were ten, and Ms. Weaver was drunk again. If the stench of wine staining the air didn’t give it away, her horrid, off-key singing certainly did. 

It was the third day in a row Adora decided she and Catra staying in their room and starving would be better than risking a run to the kitchen for dinner. They were surviving on school lunches and accumulated snacks hidden deep in their closet, but Adora knew they were safe. The most Ms. Weaver had said to them since they got home from school was a curt, growled “shut up” as they walked through the front door, chatting away about the baking soda volcano their teacher showed them that day. Ms. Weaver rarely, if ever, came upstairs when she was like this.

“Adora!” a drunken cry came from downstairs.

Adora stiffened. Something grabbed her arm. She turned her head to find Catra had scrambled across the bed to try to hold her in place.

“You don’t have to,” Catra whispered, unable to hide the worry in her voice.

Adora shook her head solemnly. “I don’t want her to come up here,” she said as placed her hand on Catra’s outstretched arm, slowly guiding it down. “Nothing bad’s gonna happen, okay?”

Catra reluctantly tucked her hands into her lap. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

As Adora began the cursed walk downstairs, she looked over her shoulder at Catra staring back at her with wide, watery eyes. Her face slowly disappeared behind their creaky bedroom door, leaving Adora alone in the empty hallway. She descended the stairs cautiously, each creek of the old wood sending shivers down her spine.

On the final step, she froze in place. 

Just get it over with , she thought.

No. I’m scared.

Do it for Catra.

She took a deep breath, held it, and whispered, “For Catra…” as she let it go.

“Adora!” Ms. Weaver’s voice bellowed, slurred but intense.

Adora descended the final step and continued into the living room. Ms. Weaver was slouched in her chair on the far side of the room, a wine bottle clutched in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The proximity and the smells made Adora’s nose burn. Her body almost reflexively made her turn and run before she forced herself towards Ms. Weaver.

“Yes, Ms. Weaver?” she asked. Her voice was small and shaken.

Ms. Weaver turned to look Adora in the eye. “Where have you been?” she demanded. She tried to stand but ended up stumbling back into her chair. “Hiding from me, are you?”

“N-no…” Adora stuttered.

“Don’t stutter!” Ms. Weaver demanded. “It makes you sound like a fool.”

“No, ma’am,” Adora tried again. “I’ve just been doing homework with Catra.”

Ms. Weaver’s eyes narrowed as she leaned forward and looked Adora up and down. “Home- hic! Homework…” she repeated through a hiccup. “Somehow I doubt that mongrel would willingly work on something tha- hic! That actually mattered like homework .”

“I-I think Catra’s smart.”

“What did I just say about stuttering, Adora?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am…”

Ms. Weaver let out a disapproving grunt as she sank back into her seat. “Adora, Adora, Adora…” She took a swig from the wine bottle. “You’re different, Adora. Such a good, smart girl. Hic! Not like that brat upstairs. She is a burden, Adora. Do you know what the word burden means?”

Adora slowly shook her head.

“A burden,” Ms. Weaver continued as she attempted standing again. “Is a problem one needs- hic! That one needs to get rid of.”

“What… what do you mean?”

Ms. Weaver found her footing and began stumbling towards the stairs. “What I mean is that tonight, there will be no more burdens in this house.”

Adora’s chest tightened. “No!” she cried. “Please, Ms. Weaver! Don’t send her away!”

“Perhaps I overestimated you. You’re a fool to think she will do anything but drag you down with her,” Ms. Weaver chided. Her form grew taller and broader as she approached Adora, like a shadow at sunset.

“She’s my friend!”

“She is a nuisance! A distraction!” With every word, she drew closer and the room became darker. Her voice became clearer and her posture straightened. “Do you believe you can fix her? Change her? Mold her into something new?”

“I-I just want…” Adora’s voice shrunk to a whisper, as did her body, like she was reliving the memory of the first of many outbursts Ms. Weaver would have while they were in her care.

She loomed over Adora, forever growing and expanding with the shadows until all that was left was darkness and her silhouette. “You can’t save her, Adora,” Ms. Weaver’s voice hissed somewhere in the dark. “You will never save her.” Her voice echoed as the little light that remained was snuffed out.

“You will never save her, Adora.”

Adora.

“You will never save her.”

Adora.

“You will nev-”

Adora!

------

“ Adora !”

Adora jolted up at the sound of the sharp voice. Her hands were firmly grasped around her shoulders, wrapping herself in a useless shield. She glanced right, then left, then right again before her eyes began to focus on the only source of light they could find; two eyes, one blue, one yellow, staring back at her. The dim reflection of moonlight in the irises created an illusion the eyes were glowing.

“Hey, hey,” the voice spoke. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Deep breaths, Adora.”

“I-” Adora tried to speak but found herself gasping for air. She tried to follow the voice’s directions but couldn’t bring herself to do more than a sharp inhale. The insides of her throat felt like they had been completely rearranged.

“Shit, um… Okay, follow me breathing, okay?” the voice said.

Adora nodded, hoping the shadowy helper could see her acknowledgment through the darkness. She shut her eyes tight and listened for the sound of the other’s breathing, slowly easing herself into mimicking the calmness and depth with which her helper did. Soon, her breathing steadied, and she opened her eyes. Now adjusted to the darkness of the room, she could see the faint visage of Catra in front of her, bending over the couch at an awkward angle so she could be face to face with Adora.

“Hey, you good?” Catra asked warily.

“Catra? I don’t…” Adora started but shook her head. “What happened?”

As Adora sat up and let her legs fall off the couch, Catra sat to fill the empty space. “You were having a nightmare, I think,” Catra said. “You were wriggling around and talking in your sleep. You just kept saying ‘no’ over and over again.”

Adora’s hands fell to rub her arms for warmth, but fell again into her lap as Catra draped a blanket around her. “Thanks,” Adora whispered. She scoffed a small laugh at herself. “Was I so loud I woke you up?”

“Oh, no. I was getting some water and heard you. You sounded really… you sounded scared.” Catra’s gaze wandered to the floor as she shifted in her seat. “Was it… her?”

The image of Ms. Weaver standing over her suddenly took over Adora’s vision. She inhaled sharply and jumped, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. A sudden touch on her shoulder made her jump again. As she pushed herself into the couch’s armrest, the visage shifted.

Catra was standing in front of her, piercing glare full of hate. 

“Why did you leave me, Adora?” Catra repeated. “You promised we would stay together. You promised. You promised.”

Catra’s words echoed around the small room as she stood on the bed. Adora felt herself shrink with each repeated word until Catra was towering over her like a skyscraper. I didn’t want to! You left before I could come get you! Adora wanted to scream, but all her efforts were in vain. Air became trapped in her throat. She tried to scream, but nothing came out beyond a strained wheeze.

Even when she tried to cover her ears, Adora could still hear that terrible noise as Catra grew in both size and volume. She was coming closer, and closer, and clos-

Something surrounded Adora, and she felt warm. She realized she had squeezed her eyes shut and slowly forced them open to find the source of the sensation.

Catra had sat on the edge of the couch in front of her and brought Adora in for a tight embrace. A hand rested on the back of Adora’s head and another rubbed lightly into her back in rhythm with Catra whispering “it’s okay” into her ear. Adora lifted her arms and guided them towards each other, bringing them together to grasp onto Catra with a similar fervor.

“I’m so sorry,” Adora whimpered through sobs. “Catra, I’m-”

“It’s okay, Adora,” Catra cut her off and squeezed tighter. “It happens to me, too. I understand.”

“No, but… i-it was you , Catra. I saw you and it scared m-”

“It happens to me, too, Adora,” Catra repeated. “Me, too…”

Though her sobs began to quiet, Adora’s breath still hitched as she loosened her grip slightly to pull away and look Catra in the eye. “You… have nightmares about me, too?” she asked quietly.

Catra nodded solemnly. “It’s more like… memories, but yeah.”

“Memories of what?”

Catra sighed and leaned against the back of the couch. Adora moved with her for a moment before pulling back. Seeing Adora’s hesitation, Catra nodded and gestured for Adora to come closer, prompting Adora to cautiously climb into her lap. She curled her legs so her ankles rested on Catra’s knees. The position was awkward at first, forcing Adora’s arms to rest at an odd angle mere inches from making contact with Catra’s skin, but was corrected as Catra wrapped her own arms around Adora, silently permitting Adora to do the same. As she sank into Catra’s embrace, she could faintly hear the sound of the other girl’s heartbeat.

“Most of the time, I dream about all the things we used to do together, things you would say to me to calm me down, stuff like that,” Catra said. “Since I was so… angry at you, I thought the dreams were some weird cosmic punishment for not convincing you to stay or something, which made me even angrier.” She scoffed and shook her head. “But then there were dreams that… well, sometimes they would be a lot like whatever was going on with you just now. Sometimes I’d wake up and would be completely wrapped up in my sheets and couldn’t move because I’d be thrashing around so much.”

Adora nodded, silently acknowledging she had been going through a similar experience. As Catra talked, Adora felt a restful sensation slowly take over her body. Her limbs went slightly slack as her head leaned a little closer towards the crook of Catra’s neck.

“What were you dreaming about?”

The few words from Catra made Adora tense suddenly. Her melting form solidified too quickly for Catra to react with anything more than a quiet “ oomph ” as Adora unconsciously squeezed into her side.

“Shit, shit… sorry,” Adora apologized sheepishly.

“Hey, it’s all good,” Catra replied softly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Adora paused for a moment to weigh the pros and cons of telling Catra about her dream in her head.

Does she need to know?

She asked.

Is it good for me to tell her?

You won’t know if you don’t try.

I’m scared.

You won’t know if you don’t try.

“Do you…” Adora started, hesitating before she reached the point of no return. “Do you remember that day Ms. Weaver kicked you out of the house for the whole night?”

“Which time?” Catra scoffed.

“The first one.”

Catra slowly nodded, prompting Adora to continue, “It was kinda like that night. We were upstairs playing and she called me down. She was really drunk and kept talking about how I was ‘different’ and how you were just a burden. Then she started… growing. It got really dark and I thought she was about to make you go away forever.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes before any tears dared to fall. “And then just now I… I remembered another dream I had the night I first saw you here. We were kids again and I found out you wrote a song about me and how I broke our promise. When I looked back at you, you looked older and you started growing and growing, too. And then it went dark and-”

Adora was cut off by a sudden shake and a single sob from Catra.

“Catra?” Adora questioned as she positioned herself in such a way so she could see the other’s face.

Catra had tears streaming down her face, and by the looks of her reddened eyes had been crying for at least a little while. “Sorry… sorry…” she said, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Hey, hey,” Adora said in a voice she hoped may be soothing. “What happened? Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” Catra said quickly, shaking her head. “It’s… no, it’s stupid.”

“Catra, come on, talk to me,” Adora urged. She reached for Catra’s hand who, surprisingly, ended up being the one who grabbed her’s first.

“Do you really see me like that?” Catra asked.

“What? Catra, no. Of course not.” Adora lightly squeezed Catra’s hand. “You’re nothing like her.”

“But in your dream I-”

“That’s all it is, Catra. A dream.”

A small smirk appeared on Catra’s face. “Exactly,” she said, failing to hide an obvious sniffle. “It’s just a dream, and it can’t hurt you.”

“Wha- hey!” Adora lightly shoved as the two broke into a giggle fit. “Don’t turn this around on me, I’m trying to comfort you!”

Catra’s giggle turned into a cackle. “Nuh uh! I was comforting you first!”

“What are we keeping score now?” Adora said, rolling her eyes.

“Always a competition for you, isn’t it?”

“Says you!”

As their laughter died down, faces still damp with tears, the two found themselves in a position that hadn’t been in for over a year. Together, late at night, cuddling close, and exhausted. Neither one asked for any explicit permission to stay on the couch, rather they simply let muscle memory take over as they huddled into the first comfortable position they could find. Soon, sleep overtook them, and the extra source of comfort by their side filled their bodies with a long forgotten warmth.

Adora didn’t have any other dreams that night. Her head was clear, her body was comfortable, and she was with Catra.

Chapter Text

Catra’s reflection stared back at her with the same wide eyed, shocked expression on her own face. It had been two days since her impromptu sleepover with Adora, and one annoying little thought would not leave her head no matter how hard she tried to distract herself.

Holy shit. Is Adora gay, too? People don’t just hang a giant lesbian pride flag in their room for no reason, right?

She groaned and uncapped her eyeliner, silently praying she could stop obsessing over the meaningless question long enough to get ready. Her hand trembled slightly as the pencil moved closer and closer to her eye.

No… she can’t be. Maybe Glitter is? She certainly has the hair for it. Is it Glitter? Sparkles? Gah! That doesn’t matter right now.

Her tongue stuck out in concentration as she made the first line. The pencil glided smoothly against her skin, making a single thin line from her lashes to her temple. After tracing over the same area a few more times, the line became darker and heavier.

But if she is gay, then what?

The thought made Catra shiver, knocking the pencil off course and creating a rogue mark above her eyelid. “Shit…” she mumbled as she grabbed a makeup wipe with her free hand.

Why does this even matter so much?

She scoffed. Because I’m still in love with her. Duh. Ten out of ten self awareness, me.

She started to copy the marks on her left eye over to her right, working slowly to ensure the lines were as even as possible. An occasional intrusive thought interrupted her work and she would have to start again, and again, and again. The repetition became almost mind numbing, but not quite enough to the point that her thoughts about Adora would go away.

Slowly but surely, her face became symmetrical once more, save her mismatched eyes. She checked the time on her phone. 6:20, ten minutes before Adora would pick her up. As she made her way towards the door, she did a final check in the mirror and made some minor adjustments. The Horde may have broken up, but that didn’t stop her from wearing the stylish leather jacket she got out of it. Plus, she didn’t have any other jackets that matched her mood that day, so it was either that or have an annoying chill bug her all night.

Maybe Adora would give you her jacket.

Maybe you should stop reading those online enemies to lovers stories , she thought, vigorously shaking her head. She sighed and took the final step towards the door, reaching her hand out towards the doorknob.

Then suddenly, the door was flying in her face.

Catra yelped and jumped back in surprise, landing in an unstable defensive stance. What little form she had quickly evaporated when she recognized the figure in the doorway as Lonnie, looking just as unimpressed as always.

“Jesus, Lonnie,” Catra scoffed, trying to hide her mild embarrassment. “Maybe knock next time? I was about to give you a black eye.”

“Uh huh. You couldn’t lay a finger on me if you tried,” Lonnie monotoned as she stepped inside. “By the way, you have a visitor.”

Catra glanced behind her and gave a small wave. “Oh, hey Adora.” Wait… what? “ ADORA ?”

Adora returned the wave. “Hi, Catra,” she said sheepishly.

“What’re you doing here?” Catra questioned. “You’re like ten minutes early.” Shit, she looks so pretty in that outfit.

“Oh, I was just… excited I guess,” Adora answered with a shrug. “Plus, Glimmer finally agreed to drive us so it didn’t take nearly as long to get to your dorm than it would’ve taken if I walked. I-is that all okay? I’m sorry. I know I didn’t run it all by you and I kinda just assumed you’d be okay with driving instead of walking an-”

“Adora,” Catra interrupted. “It’s fine, just unexpected, that’s all.”

“Okay, good,” Adora sighed with relief. “So, ready to go?”

Catra nodded and followed her out the door. As she turned to close it behind her, Lonnie turned her back on the door and wrapped her arms around herself, grabbing onto her sides and wriggling around to mime making out. Unimpressed, Catra grabbed an empty water bottle from the nearby table, threw it at Lonnie, and quickly closed and locked the door before Lonnie had time to react.

“Alright,” Catra said, puffing out her chest. “Let’s go.”

------

Much of Catra’s confidence was depleted by Sparkles staring at her in the rear view mirror for most of the trip to the venue. Considering the person giving her the evil eye was also in the driver’s seat, the road to Catra ratio of her glaring certainly didn’t help matters either. Crop Top sat shotgun, cheerfully humming along to the punk song blasting through the speakers, oblivious to his sugar mommy’s crimes against the road.

Then there was Adora, sitting less than three feet to Catra’s right and squirming like a snake trying to get comfortable with a cactus. Before she knew it, Catra’s hand was reaching across the aisle. She silently cursed her muscle memory, but didn’t act against it, figuring Adora needed something to calm her down. Her heart skipped a beat when Adora noticed the silent invitation and began to reach for it.

“Sooo, Catra.”

Catra and Adora’s hands flew to their respective sides. They both sat up straight as soldiers.

God damnit, Crop Top.

“Excited for the show?” Crop Top had turned halfway around in his seat to face Catra. His kind stare burned on Catra’s skin like an overheating spotlight.

“Um…” Catra tried her best to make eye contact, but ultimately opted to stare just past him instead. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to one of these when I’m not one of the acts.”

“Yeah, it’s been a bit for me too,” Crop Top said.

A silence hung in the air as Catra stared at Crop Top, doing her best to mimic the pent up pillar of rage in the driver’s seat until he turned to face the front once more. Catra sighed quietly and sank into her seat. She glanced at Adora, whose full attention was on the scenery zooming by the window.

“That’s the turn right here, Glim-”

Crop Top cut himself off with a yelp as Sparkles decided the best course of action was to turn right as sharp as possible, narrowing avoiding the sidewalk and forcing Catra to hang on to anything she could lest her seatbelt failed her.

“What the hell was that, Sparkles? You could’ve gotten us killed!” Catra scowled.

“It’s Glimmer!” Sparkles snapped, swerving the minivan back onto a somewhat straight course. “And that was just a right turn, hold your horses.”

“I’ll hold them when I’m sure I’m not about to fly out the front window,” Catra grumbled as she crossed her arms.

“I heard that!” 

Sparkles reached an arm around the back of her seat and attempted to swipe at Catra’s leg, who recoiled and kicked at her hand. The scuffle was brought to a swift end by Adora, who launched herself between them and pushed the battling limbs apart with her forearms.

“Guys! Come on!” she pleaded.

Catra gave Sparkles a final kick before curling up in her seat. “She started it!”

“No I didn’t!” Sparkles retorted. “You were being a backseat driver!”

“Well maybe I said that ‘cause you are!”

“Both of you shut it ,” Adora commanded. “Catra, be nice. Glimmer, maybe ease up on the pedals just a bit. Got it, you two?”

“Bu-!”

“Please, Catra,” Adora said, lightly grabbing Catra’s arm. Her voice made a quick turn from powerful to pleading.

Catra glanced at Adora’s grip, let it linger for a moment, and then gently nudged Adora’s hand back to her own side before Catra could act on the very loud voice in her head trying to convince her to hold it. How does she do that? she wondered as she settled back into her seat. 

The remainder of the trip was quiet if a bit awkward, but they made it to the parking lot with no further incident. The venue was a small cafe which leaned heavy into a “homey cabin” theme. The exterior walls and door were painted to look like weathered wood. The sign above the door read “Thickets of Thaymore” in a gaudy cursive font surrounded by a green inlay in the shape of a thorny vine.

“It kinda looks like it’s made out of Lincoln Logs,” Crop Top noted as they approached the entrance.

“Lincoln Logs?” Adora and Catra questioned in unison.

Crop Top gasped. “You’ve never heard of Lincoln Logs ? Oh my god, you missed out on so, so much.”

The cafe’s interior continued the homely theme. Nearly everything was carved from wood, barring the faux fireplace on the far wall and the mixing scents of coffee and mint hung strong in the air. Against the right wall, a lone barista hurried to fulfill the orders of the ever growing line of attendees. Tables and chairs were arranged in a concentric half circle pattern surrounding a small raised platform against the wall opposite the front counter. The group found an empty just a few rows from the stage and sat.

“Man, they’re pretty busy today,” Adora said in a desperate attempt to, as Catra could tell, make any kind of conversation that didn’t involve her and Sparkles fighting or their past.

“Yeah, kinda sucks for us though. I really wanted a coffee but that line is yeesh ,” Sparkles complained.

As the trio carried on with their inane chatter, Catra found her thoughts beginning to wander. It’s a big ass pride flag. It’s gotta mean something. But would it even matter if she was gay? It took us months to be friends again and we’re hanging on by a thread. It’s gonna end up being the same old unrequited love bullshi-

A hand rested on Catra’s knee. “Hey, you alright?” Adora asked in a hushed tone. “You look a bit… distant.”

“What? Oh, um… yeah. I just zoned out for a sec,” Catra answered. She was painfully aware of how long Adora’s hand rested there before she pulled away and returned to chatting up the dynamic duo.

The first act was pretty generic, though Catra did find it entertaining how he was obviously hamming up his performance for someone in the front row (every now and then, Catra could hear the “lucky” lady’s groaning). His set was made entirely of lengthy acoustic ballads, over half of which took place on a boat, and one of which involved him kicking his chair during the song’s breakdown where the main character is eaten whole by a giant whale. Catra would occasionally share a confused glance with Adora, which resulted in them having to cover their mouths to keep themselves from laughing too loud. 

“Well, he’s certainly a… character,” Catra quietly told Adora as the audience cheered him off the stage.

“You got that right,” Adora agreed. “I think Sea Hawk was one of the openers for that show you left. Did you see him then?”

“I uh… don’t remember. I wasn’t really all there for that show,” Catra admitted. She briefly turned away to spare herself from Adora’s reaction before she felt a sudden and intense feeling of realization. “Wait, his name is actually Sea Hawk?”

Adora opened her mouth to answer but hesitated for a few moments. “You know, I don’t actually know. Bow, is Sea Hawk’s real name Sea Hawk?”

Crop Top shrugged, as did Sparkles when the question was passed to her.

“Yeesh, poor Mermista,” Adora said.

“Haven’t they been dating since January?” Sparkles piped up.

“They’re dating ?” Crop Top and Adora gasped in unison.

Catra rolled her eyes and stared back at the stage where the second act was beginning to set up. It was Perfuma, which made Catra sink in her seat a little in hopes she could avoid being seen from the stage. Even though she and Scorpia made up somewhat, Catra thought Perfuma could and would annihilate her if she was even one step out of line. However, to Catra’s luck, not only was she in a public place, but all eyes were on Perfuma. If the performance ended with the blonde starting a brawl, at least there would be eyewitnesses who saw who truly started it, as Catra reasoned.

And then Scorpia strolled onto the stage, and Catra felt the color drain from her face.

Her typical wide grin was plastered on her face as she sat on one of the two stools on stage and rested an acoustic guitar on her lap. Perfuma soon joined her as they began to tune their instruments. Occasionally, one would turn their head away from their microphone and say something to the other, who would laugh and respond in kind. Their sickly sweet interactions made Catra physically recoil in her seat.

She froze in place when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. Without so much as a glance towards who she knew was Adora trying to check on her, she stated simply, “I’m fine,” and shrugged Adora’s hand away.

“Hello, everyone!” Perfuma spoke into the mic with a bright, cheerful voice, far from the cold demeanor that greeted her at Scorpia’s dorm. “Thank you all for coming out tonight. My name is Perfuma, and this is Scorpia.” Scorpia gave the crowd a sheepish wave. “And we’re gonna play some songs for you! This one’s called ‘Butterfly Man’!”

And so he dies again

So he can try once more

So he can find a world

Locked behind the door

This life’s been fine

But the next will be good

And the next will be great

Til all’s as it should

Perfuma’s voice waltzed lightly over the strummed chords. She gently swayed with the music, which was mirrored by Scorpia as she joined, playing low open chords under Perfuma’s higher melodies. As the song moved into the chorus, Scorpia leaned into her mic and sang in low harmony with Perfuma.

Life to life, the soul will roam

Searching for light, comfort, a home

Spread your wings, leave what you can

Fly away, butterfly man

Catra’s eyes drifted to Scorpia. The smile on her face was soft, relaxed, but there was something behind her eyes Catra couldn’t quite place at first. Occasionally, Scorpia would glance at her performance partner and her smile would grow wider, as would her eyes and whatever emotion was driving them. She looked at Perfuma in a way that Catra just barely recognized as the same way Adora would look at her when they were younger and Catra did anything vaguely impressive in front of her.

Well, shit , she thought.

Before she could dwell on the thought any further, Catra was brought back into the real world by the sudden applause rising around her. She hastily joined the crowd just as it was beginning to die down and suck further into her chair. Without even looking, she knew Adora was staring at her. Catra guessed her face was scrunched up the same way it always is whenever Adora was worried for her but didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you!” Perfuma said. “That one was by me, but this next one is by my very good friend here.” She playfully nudged Scorpia with her elbow. “Give it up for Scorpia, everyone!”

The crowd applauded once more as Scorpia leaned into her mic. “Um, hi,” she greeted nervously. “Yeah, so… this is my song. I wrote it a while ago and, uh… I guess I’m- I mean we’re gonna play it for you now! Cool, yeah.” As she started strumming the opening chords, she added, “Oh, the song’s called ‘Rainbow’ by the way.”

An odd sense of deja vu crept over Catra. Something about the chords made her think of the rehearsal space the Horde practiced in.

As I journeyed through the shadows

Looking for a sign

Every cloud was heavy

Blocking out the sky

But rain still has an end

And with it comes the shine

From it comes the sun

And colors ‘cross the sky

Ah shit, she totally auditioned this song for the Horde, Catra thought, burying her face into her hands. And I absolutely rejected it. Damn it, Catra, of course this would come back to haunt you. Why did you ever reject this?

Her thoughts suddenly took on a voice different from her own; one that was harsh, cold, and should have been left in the past. How could you be so stupid?

Catra shook her head and tried to find something else to concentrate on. After a few seconds of searching, she settled on watching Scorpia’s fretting hand as it glided around the neck. Her fingers contorted into the recognizable shapes of the open chords, occasionally shifting in a more linear pattern as barre chords were introduced. Watching the hands that made them, Catra found herself mesmerized by how delicate yet resonant the chords sounded. The hard, distorted power chords that define Scorpia’s playing in the Horde melted into a more controlled sound that filled the room in such a different way. Every chord and note ebbed and flowed into the next. If the Horde played like an all powerful tsunami, Scorpia and Perfuma played like a gentle river.

Why did I ever reject this?

The thought echoed through the rest of the song, only replaced by the feeling of mild disappointment as Scorpia strummed the final chord. As she applauded, Catra found herself wanting more. She wanted to run up to the stage and ask them to play it again or if they had any plans to release the song on streaming or if they had any kind of recording she could have.

Scorpia’s eyes scanned the room, taking in the praise from the crowd. Before Catra could react, Scorpia’s gaze fell upon her and they locked eyes. Scorpia’s face shifted between several emotions (mostly confusion) before it landed on a sheepish smile. Catra’s initial instinct was to bolt, but something in Scorpia’s expression made her pause. There wasn’t any judgment or resentment behind her eyes, nor was there any of the crushing disappointment that was present during their last interaction. The look was awkward, but a friendly kind of awkward.

As if on autopilot, Catra smiled back. It wasn’t her usual self assured smirk, but one that mimicked Scorpia’s soft, approachable demeanor. Regaining control of her body, Catra gave a small nod of acknowledgement. Scorpia’s smile grew as she nodded back before she turned to Perfuma and said something inaudible to the crowd. The exchange was short, but it felt like a lifetime to Catra. 

She could almost feel another pair of eyes watching her, likely Adora’s, but she didn’t look over. Instead, she let herself sick further into her seat, hoping whatever came next could distract her from the swelling emotions in her chest.

------

Aside from one mild interesting acapella trio, the rest of the acts faded into background noise for Catra. She spent the remaining hour and a half lost in her thoughts, occasionally glancing around the room for any sign of Scorpia. By the time the acts were done, Catra was exhausted, barely registering Sparkles’ propositions to stop by various fast food places during the ride back. She stood with the others and followed them out the door, trailing behind slightly.

Adora lunged forward to hold the door open for the group with a grin, which only grew wider when she saw Catra sarcastically roll her eyes at the gesture. “What? Thought chivalry was dead?” Adora joked.

Catra scoffed. “I’m not the only one you’re holding the door for, dummy. That hardly counts as ‘chivalry’.”

“Catra?”

Catra froze at the sound of the voice, and her stomach dropped as she turned in its direction. Scorpia was standing there, guitar case slung over her shoulder. Her face was caught in a confusing mixture of joy and trepidation, an expression Catra was sure was visible all over herself as well.

“Oh, um…” Catra cleared her throat and stood slightly straighter, averting her eyes to the ground. “Hi, Scorpia.”

“Hey,” Scorpia responded. After an awkward moment of silence, she continued, “I just wanted to say uh… thanks for coming. It was good to see you.”

“Yeah, I- well…” Catra stumbled over her words before deciding on, “It was really good. You were really good. And…” Damn it, Catra. Quit while you’re ahead. “And I’m sorry I rejected those songs. I liked them a lot.”

When Scorpia started to tear up, the sinking feeling in Catra’s stomach nearly bottomed out, but morphed into something stranger when Scorpia said, “Can I hug you?”

Catra blinked, initially caught off guard but opened her arms, a space which was quickly filled by Scorpia’s hulking figure. The sudden bone crushing embrace took Catra’s breath away, but she didn’t even think about wriggling out of it. Instead, she hugged back, and though the moment was brief, it brought a certain peace to Catra’s mind. Perhaps that was why she felt a small twinge of disappointment when Scorpia slowly let her go.

“Thank you,” Scorpia said, wiping a tear from her eye. “That means a lot to me.”

Catra nodded, unsure of what else to say. As Scorpia began to walk away, the two grinned and waved goodbye to each other, leaving Catra alone once more.

However, a quick pivot on her heel showed her that wasn’t the case at all. Adora was still standing in the doorway, holding the door open for the exiting crowd. She nodded at the occasional “thank you” and shook her head when one or two offered to take the door for her. Catra chuckled and moved through the crowd, sidling up alongside Adora.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra said with a smirk. “Tired of holding the door yet.”

Adora nodded, trying to hide the mild pain written all over her face. “My arms are getting tired and I wanna go home.”

“C’mon then, let someone else have a go at being the hero for once.”

After a brief moment of hesitation, Adora relented and let the door handle go, following Catra towards Sparkles’ van. She opened her mouth to speak but was quickly cut off by Catra.

“So, I’m guessing you saw all that?” Catra asked, unsure of if the shake in her voice was intense enough to be heard by anyone but herself.

“Yeah, the whole thing,” Adora admitted with a weak chuckle. “I didn’t want to interrupt. Doors can’t hold themselves, you know. And… it looked like you two were having a moment.”

Catra scoffed, though it came out weaker than intended. “A moment? Yeah, right, if you consider an awkward apology and an even more awkward hug ‘a moment’.”

“I wouldn’t call it awkward,” Adora protested. “I’d call it… nice. I think you need that. Both of you.”

Catra searched her mind for a witty comeback, but came up with nothing. Instead, she walked ahead in silence and climbed into the van. Sparkles and Crop Top sat up front, debating the realisticness and cost of Sparkles’ plan to stop at every fast food place within a five mile radius and buy one snack from each. Catra decided it was best if she didn’t give her input, though the temptation to purposefully egg Sparkles on was slowly creeping its way into her mind.

Once Adora settled into her seat, Sparkles sped off, making a beeline to the nearest Taco Bell (“And only Taco Bell. We’re on a budget,” as Crop Top insisted to Sparkles’ annoyance). The parks and suburbs whizzing by the window became the backdrop to Catra’s thoughts as she pondered the night’s event. She felt warm, but something deep inside of her was twisted; a sharp pain disrupting her comfort. It was small, almost insignificant, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t lead her thoughts away from it.

“Can I crash with you guys tonight?” she blurted out before she could fully comprehend what she just asked.

Adora was, thankfully, the first to answer. “Yeah, I’m fine with it. Bow? Glimmer?”

“Cool with me,” Crop Top answered.

“Where’s she gonna sleep? The couch?” Sparkles questioned.

“Nah, she can sleep in my bed. She’s done it before,” Adora said. She let out a small gasp and put her hands over her mouth. “Wait! No! What I mean is she slept there and- okay, I wasn’t, like, in the bed with her, I-”

“She slept on the couch, I slept on her bed,” Catra added before Adora could dig herself into a deeper hole. “Sound good to you, Sparkles?”

“Only if you stop calling me Sparkles,” Spar- Glimmer insisted.

“Thanks,” Catra stated simply.

She glanced at Adora, who was already staring right back. Though Catra would never admit it out loud, she felt an odd sense of relief when Adora gave her a soft smile. She prayed the warmth she felt on her face was anything but blushing.

Chapter Text

Catra jolted awake, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest as a thunderous boom rattled the walls, followed by another, and another like a stampede of horses barreling through the house. She shot up from the bed, eyes darting around the room as she tried to assess the situation. Through the hazy gaze of grogginess, she couldn’t make out the details of where exactly she was from sight alone, but something about the smell was instantly familiar.

“What the fu-” she tried to mumble but was cut off by the distinct sound of a crash cymbal. “Are you kidding me?”

She staggered towards the door, shaking off sleep as the ground shook beneath her. She swung the door open and stepped out into the short hallway, narrowing her eyes in the direction of the noise. Glimmer sat in the middle of the living room, surrounded by her drum kit, completely lost in the rhythm as she pounded away at a wild, erratic pattern. When she hit the crash cymbal at full force, Catra’s ears felt like they were about to catch fire. Catra didn’t hear Adora approaching from behind until they were practically shoulder to shoulder.

“I am so, so sorry!” Adora hollered as she sprinted through the bathroom door and passed Catra. She went into damage control mode, frantically waving at Glimmer, but her efforts to get her attention were in vain.

Catra pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to thwart the throbbing headache that was beginning to form. She stomped into the living room, marching right up to the front of Glimmer’s kit, and clamped her hands down on Glimmer’s cymbals, immediately deadening their piercing ring. After a moment of confusion, Glimmer looked up to check what was wrong with her cymbals. Her eyes traced a path from the hand, up the arm, and into Catra’s wide, bloodshot eyes.

“Ohhh, right,” Glimmer said, a little too casually for Catra’s taste. “Hi, Catra.”

Catra stared at her in disbelief. “Hi? Hi ? What the hell were you doing! It’s ten in the morning!”

“I forgot you were here! Sorry!” Glimmer said defensively, setting her sticks down on the snare drum. “I do this like every week, but I guess I got a bit carried away.”

“ Every week ?” Catra scoffed in disbelief. “You do this every single week ?”

“Okay, to be completely fair to Glimmer,” Adora chimed in. “Sunday’s the day we do band practice, and I swear she’s usually quieter.”

“Just my luck then. I’m here the one day you go full demolition crew,” Catra grumbled.

Adora bit her lip, clearly trying to suppress a grin. “Well… at least you’re awake now. More time to hang out! Yay!”

“Not helping,” Catra said, shooting Adora an unimpressed glare. “Where’s the other one? Would’ve thought he’d get woken up by all this, too.”

“Bow? He’s in the kitchen making breakfast,” Glimmer informed. She picked up a balled up piece of paper from the floor and tossed it into the kitchen doorway. “Yo, Bow! What’s the ETA on eggs?”

Bow’s head appeared in the doorway, ears hidden by a pair of bulky headphones. He moved one of the cups off his ear and called back, “What?”

“When’s egg time, Bow-boy?” Glimmer repeated.

“Just a few more minutes!” he replied, moving the cup back over his ear and disappearing into the kitchen.

Catra slouched into a chair with a sigh and rubbed her temples with the pointer fingers. “How on earth do you guys do this every week? My head already hurts,” she complained.

“Well, for one thing, we wear these,” Adora said as she grabbed a pair of headphones up from its resting place atop a small mixing board. “Jamming’s a great way to practice new songs, or blow off some steam, or-”

“Or wake up everyone in a three mile radius?” Catra quipped.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I can walk you back to your place, or we can get Glimmer to drop you off there.” Adora sat on the couch and rested the headphones in her lap, twirling their cable between her fingers. “It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed, though.”

Catra’s gaze wandered around the room, shifting from the scattered guitars surrounding Adora, to the surprisingly well arranged cables flowing to and from the central mixer, to the oversized drum set (which looked even larger when juxtaposed against Glimmer’s small stature). Her focus landed on two basses resting in the corner of the room. She recognized one, the black Fender P-Bass, as the one Bow would use during shows, but the other, a shorter, green bass with the Squier logo printed on the headstock, was unfamiliar to her. Despite having not touched a bass, let alone played any music in months, something about it drew her in.

“Yeah, why not,” Catra said, sitting down next to Adora. “Maybe I’ll finally figure out what all the fuss with this ‘Eternia’ band is about.”

Adora sprung to her feet, grabbing a guitar on her way up. “Yes! Thank you, Catra. You won’t regret it.”

“Hold your horses, Adora,” Bow said as he entered the room, arms full of plates loaded with eggs and bacon. “First, we feast!”

He handed off the first plate to Glimmer, who had circled around her drums so fast, it was as if she had teleported directly through the noise machine labyrinth. When Bow reached the couch, Catra kept her eyes locked on the plate and accepted it with a small nod. Adora was handed a plate of her own and quickly sat, setting the guitar on the floor. Her arm was rubbing against Catra’s, a sensation Catra had to fight not to lean into.

It’s just a friendly touch, or maybe she can’t even feel it through her jacket.

Or she’s gay.

Or I need to shut up already.

------

“WE ARE ETERNIA! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”

The guitars and drums exploded into a fury of chords and hits, interrupted in brief intervals as Adora called into the mic “I want my cream soda now!”, followed by the loud return of the rest of the instruments. The sound rattled the cramped space, enough for Catra to feel her skull starting to vibrate. As the song continued, the intensity of the guitar and bass only increased, as did Glimmer’s relentless rhythm. Catra couldn’t make out many of the lyrics, primarily because her ear was right next to an amp, but Adora delivered the gibberish with such conviction it still caught Catra’s attention.

Catra leaned back and sunk into the couch. She suppressed the urge to smile and rested a hand on her leg to keep it from bouncing to the beat. After seeing Eternia as “the enemy” for so long, an odd sense of excitement snuck under her skin, though something in her head told her to fight it. As she glanced around the room, her eyes briefly caught Bow’s, whose smile brightened with off putting pride. Catra averted her gaze into her lap to find her finger tapping along to the music. She quickly covered it with her other hand before pivoting and crossing her arms and legs instead.

During an instrumental break, Adora stepped back from the mic, planting a leg back into a lunge positioned and shifted her weight back and forth between each leg in time to each strum. Catra nearly had to grab her head and turn it to pry her eyes away from the motion.

“How’re you doing, Catra?”

Catra looked back to see Adora leaning in her direction, a giant and goofy smile plastered on her face. Catra scrambled to regain her composure.

“You’re too darn loud!” Catra hollered back, allowing nothing more than a sly grin slip through her defenses.

Adora laughed and stepped back to the mic only a moment before she continued singing. Though she couldn’t hear it over everything else, Catra could feel vibrations in her throat. She was humming along.

The tempo picked up as the song careened into another chorus. Glimmer’s arms were a blur as she pounded out a powerful beat, Bow was almost jumping with every boom of the bass, and Adora’s screaming nearly matched her guitar in sheer ferocity. With a final yell of “I want my cream soda now!”, the song came to a crashing halt, leaving only the feedback of Adora’s guitar and the long decay of Glimmer’s cymbals in its wake.

Glimmer smashed her sticks into the cymbals once more and cheered. “Woo! That was probably the best one yet!”

“It’s such a fun song to play, Glimmer. I love it!” Adora praised.

“Seriously, we’re one song in and my arm’s already sore,” Bow chuckled. “Still, you were right about speeding up for the final chorus, Glimmer. It makes the end that much more powerful.”

“Told you!” Glimmer playfully chided, swapping her drumsticks for her half eaten breakfast plate. “I’m calling break. Mama’s gotta eat.”

Adora laughed and set her guitar down before falling onto the couch. Catra watched out of the corner of her eye as Adora’s entire body turned towards her with giddy anticipation. Even without looking directly at her, Catra could still see the goofy grin spread across Adora’s face.

“Sooo…” Adora’s teasing tone matched her smile. “What’d you think?”

Catra placed a finger on her chin and turned her head towards the ceiling, humming in mock concentration. “Well… that was okay, I suppose.”

“Only okay? Are you suuure?” Adora leaned in closer and poked Catra’s shoulder.

“I mean, you guys are okay for a college rock band.”

“Catra!”

“What? I’m just speaking my truth.”

Catra crossed her arms and turned to Adora armed with her cockiest smirk, only to be outmatched by Adora’s faux pout and wide puppy eyes. Catra’s facade crumbled immediately, replaced by a fit of cackling that got louder the wider Adora’s eyes got.

“Stop! Stop!” Catra pleaded between gasps of air. “You know I hate it when you do that!”

“Seems like you’re enjoying it,” Adora teased. “Maybe I’ll stop if you tell me what you really thought of our performance?”

“Okay! Fine! Just quit it with the stupid eyes!” Catra lightly nudged Adora back. “I guess I’d say it was pretty good.”

“You guess?” Glimmer questioned, mouth full of bacon.

Catra rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Oooo, hear that guys? Catra likes us!” Adora announced.

“Don’t let it go to your head, Adora. You’re decent. Don’t expect me to start fangirling or something,” Catra said, waving a dismissive hand.

“Decent enough to jam with us?” Bow suggested as he carefully placed his bass on its stand.

The whole room took a moment to process Bow’s words. Catra didn’t miss Glimmer nearly choking on her food before giving an attempt at a subtle head shake to Bow.

Catra blinked. “What? No. That’s… no.”

“Why not?” Bow pressed, voice clean of any malice. “We’ve all seen you play, and you’re really good! You can take bass, and I’ll swap over to keys for a bit.”

Before Catra could answer, Adora piped up. “No pressure! No pressure at all, of course. It’s probably been a while since you played last, and it’s definitely been forever since we last played together so like if you don’t want to then no pressure! Absolutely nooo press-”

“Yeah, no pressure, I get it,” Catra interrupted Adora’s word vomit.

Glimmer set her plate aside and lightly picked up her sticks. “I mean, this is kind of a band thing, right? I mean, Catra doesn’t even know our songs.”

“What’s the problem, Sparkles? Afraid I might be better than you?”

“It’s Glimmer !”

“Hey, like Adora said, if you don’t want to then there’s no pressure, but I think it would be fun,” Bow said calmly. “It doesn’t even have to be a real song. We can just make something simple up right now.”

Catra took a long moment to study Bow’s face for any sign of ill will or dishonesty. Finding nothing, she glanced at the green bass before turning her attention to Adora. Despite her repeated insistence of “no pressure”, Adora’s eyes were practically begging Catra to say yes.

Catra let out a long, drawn out sigh. “Alright, fine. But if I suck, it’s on you guys.”

Adora’s face lit up as Bow gave a small cheer. Catra chose to ignore the disgruntled murmurs coming from behind the drum kit.

------

“So, what’re we doing?” Catra asked as she lowered the bass’s familiar weight onto her shoulder.

“Twelve bar blues?” Bow suggested.

Catra raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Twelve bar blues,” Bow repeated, as if saying it again would cause Catra to come to a sudden realization. He continued when he saw the blank expression on her face, “One, four, one, five, four, one?”

“I have no idea what any of those numbers mean.”

“It’s the ‘Johnny B. Goode’ thing,” Adora said. She sped through a double time version of the song, reciting the chords as she went. 

Catra quickly mimicked the progression, then once more before nodding. “Yeah, seems easy enough. Didn’t know they had a real name for that. I’ve just been calling it the ‘groovy shuffle thing’.”

“You didn’t know what a twelve bar blues is?” Glimmer badgered.

“Not all of us have taken music theory yet, Sparkles .”

“ Okay ! Let’s get started,” Adora declared. “Glimmer, count us off. Make it fast.”

Shaking off her and Catra’s brief war of pettiness, Glimmer nodded and raised her sticks in the air. “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”

Glimmer’s sticks slammed onto the drum set, immediately shaking the room with a fast, swung rhythm. After a four bar cycle and a fill, the other three joined in, though Catra only heard the initial boom of the first chord before she zoned out everything but her bass and the kick drum. Catra stood slightly slouched on the foundation the two instruments thumping in rhythm created.

Then, the foundation formed a small crack, which began to grow and grow as a persistent dissonant beating rang in Catra’s ear. She paused her playing briefly and looked at Adora’s hands.

Shit , Catra thought. She had gone to the wrong chord. 

She focused her attention back on the bass. Her course correction was quick, but not quick enough for Adora to miss it. Catra’s eyes fell to the ground when she saw Adora stepping closer and leaning towards Catra.

“Catra!” Adora shouted over the noise.

Just think about the chords. We’re on D… now A…

“Hey, Catra!”

Now walk down to E…

“Catra!” Adora lightly nudged Catra with her elbow, which was enough to convince Catra to finally look up.

“What?” Catra hollered back.

“Try walking around and jumping!”

“What?”

“I said try walking around and jumping a bit! Like this!” Adora took a step back and paced around inside a small barrier of wires, occasionally hopping a few inches off the ground with the beat. “It loosens you up!”

Catra tilted her head in confusion before quickly snapping back to attention as she missed another note. After another course correction, she glanced back at Adora, who nodded enthusiastically. Catra began slowly stepping side to side, at first timing her footfalls with every other beat until she sped up to align them with every beat. 

Every step was accentuated by Glimmer’s hi-hats and snare. Though her kick drove Catra’s bass, it was the rest of the kit that drove Catra’s legs. Once she was comfortable with side stepping, she started to step forward and let Bow’s gliding piano melody steer her left and right. When the piano would play a particularly powerful chord, Catra’s torso would twist unconsciously, sending her in a new direction.

The final step, jumping, didn’t come as easy at first. The first hop she tried, she went to the wrong chord again and saw another crack in the foundation. Then, Adora started to slow her strumming to only once every time the chord during a dramatic part of Bow’s piano solo. Catra jumped with one strum, then the next. By the third strum, Adora caught on and began to do the same. 

Once she realized she could hear both her bass and the rich, full sound of the band, a warmth rushed over Catra. She could almost feel the sound as it echoed through the air. She was almost swimming in it.

She watched Glimmer pound away behind her kit, Bow’s fingers slamming into the keys, and Adora fly up and down the frets. Her gaze lingered on Adora for longer than she intended, something that would have likely been much easier to break from were it not for Adora staring right back. Adora smiled, and the warmth surrounding Catra found its way into her chest. She had little choice but to smile right back.

Oh , Catra thought. This is still love.

------

“Do you really have to go now? Bow’s gonna make spaghetti for dinner!” Adora protested as Catra made her way to the door.

“Yes, I do,” Catra replied. “I have a bunch of reading I need to get done and a test in my 9am class that I have to study for, all of which I was planning to do today, but someone said I should spend the night.”

“Staying over was your idea!”

Squeezing out every possible second she could give an excuse for, Catra gave many extended goodbyes (moreso to Adora and Bow than to Glimmer) as she inched out the door. Adora followed close behind, claiming she was guiding Catra out. The pair stepped outside and turned to face each other once Adora had closed the door behind them. Their eyes were glued to the other’s for several long, quiet moments.

Catra decided to break the silence with a simple, “So…”

Adora didn’t respond. She stood as still as a statue. Catra raised an eyebrow as something that resembled tears formed at the edge of Adora’s eyes

“Ador-?”

Catra was cut off by Adora’s entire body lunging forward and pulling Catra into a tight hug. Once she broke out of her initial confused daze, Catra wrapped her arms around Adora as well.

“I missed you so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much,” Adora said with a shaky breath as the hug tightened. “And you’re here now and you’re my friend again and we’re making music together and I just can’t believe it.”

“Well, you better believe it, Adora.” Catra took a sharp breath to distract herself from the water pooling in her own eyes. “And you know what?”

“What?”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“You better not.” Adora laughed (or maybe sobbed, Catra couldn’t quite tell). “I’d be so, so pissed.”

The embrace loosened and the two were back to staring at each other. Adora quickly wiped her face, but Catra could still see the redness in her eyes.

This time, it was Adora who broke the silence. “Sorry about that. I know you have to leave.”

“Nah, it’s alright. I’ve always set a little time aside to deal with your sappiness.”

Adora sniffed, laughing through the remaining tears. “Shut up.”

“Coffee tomorrow?”

“You know it. 1pm?”

“Sounds good to me. See you there.”

“See you.”

------

“You’re doing that thing again.”

Catra yelped in surprise and turned to find Lonnie had silently rolled her chair up next to Catra’s desk. 

“Shit, Lonnie,” Catra said, catching her breath. “You have to stop scaring me like that or you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

“No promises,” Lonnie smirked.

“Asshole,” Catra grumbled. “What exactly do you mean by ‘that thing’?”

“Every time some big development in the Adora situation happens, you stare off into nothing for minutes at a time and start sighing really, really loudly like you forgot how to breathe. It’s like…” Lonnie took an extended breath in, held it, and then let the entire breath leave her lungs in an instant.

“No I do n-!”

“Catra, don’t even try to bullshit me. Just tell me what happened.”

Catra sighed and leaned back in her chair, resting her arms behind her head. “I spent the night again, and then today her bandmate invited me to jam with them so I ended up playing music with her for the first time in a long while. Then, earlier today while I was heading out, she was saying stuff like how she couldn’t believe I was back and it was…” She paused, attempting to find any word Lonnie couldn’t use against her. “It was good.”

“‘Good’?” Lonnie raised a questioning eyebrow. “C’mon. You can’t just drop all that and say it was ‘good’ like it’s no big deal. Spill, Catra. What exactly did she say?”

“It was like hours ago! How am I supposed to remember all the specifics?” Catra threw her arms up in frustration, then crossed them as she shifted in her chair. “She… she hugged me really right, and I hugged back obviously, and she said she was glad I was there and that I’m her friend and that she missed me. She looked like she was gonna cry or something.”

Lonnie leaned her chin on her hand with a sly grin. “Sounds like someone’s head over heels.”

“Don’t start with me, Lonnie,” Catra groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Catra. You’re over here sighing like a lovesick teenager,” Lonnie teased. “Probably because you are a lovesick teenager! Man, this is the best thing since Scorp and Perfuma got together.”

“Lonnie!” Catra snapped, but cut herself off before she could get too aggressive. “Wait, Scorpia and Perfuma…? Y’know what, we can circle back to that later. Adora is my friend , and that’s all it is.”

Lonnie sat back in her chair with a solemn look on her face. “Can I ask you something? And you need to give me a completely honest and true answer. No bullshit.”

“I mean… that depends on the question.”

“Are you blind?”

Catra blinked. “What?”

“Are you blind?” Lonnie repeated. “For crying out loud, she hugged you, told you she missed you, and was about to cry because you were leaving. If that doesn’t scream ‘I’m madly in love with you’ then I don’t know what does!”

“She’s always been emotional!” Catra dismissively waved her hand. “That doesn’t mean she’s into me. She’s just a nice person.”

Lonnie snorted. “A nice person who hugs you like you’re her emotional support blanket? Sure. Take it from someone on the outside, Adora’s nice to everyone, but she is not that aggressively nice with anyone except you.”

“Shut up,” Catra turned her head away in an attempt to hide the blush she could feel creeping up her cheeks. “Besides, if she really liked me like that, then… well, wouldn’t there be a clearer sign?”

“A sign? What, like fireworks? Maybe a marching band and color guard?”

“No like…” Catra hesitated, hiding her eyes behind her hands before blurting out, “She has a lesbian flag in her room.”

“ CATRA !”

Chapter Text

“Sorry about that. I know you have to leave.”

“Nah, it’s alright. I’ve always set a little time aside to deal with your sappiness.”

Adora sniffed, laughing through the remaining tears. “Shut up.”

“Coffee tomorrow?”

“You know it. 1pm?”

“Sounds good to me. See you there.”

“See you.”

Adora stood with her hand on the doorknob for a long moment as she watched Catra disappear down the street. The warmth of their hug lingered on her skin, dancing with the heavy beat of her heart. However, the strange rhythm flowing through her body was quickly interrupted by a much louder and much faster beat booming from inside the house. Glimmer’s drums cut off, replaced by a brief rendition of the Seinfeld theme on Bow’s bass followed by the muffled sound of laughter.

“Oh, shit, right. Rehearsal,” Adora quietly said to herself. She took one last glance at the street before returning inside.

It took Adora a few moments to fully process the sight that met her when she stepped back inside. At first, she didn’t question Bow and Glimmer’s closeness to each other. They were never ones to shy away from hugs or friendly physical contact. It was the quick peck on the lips that stopped Adora in her tracks.

Adora blinked heavily, momentarily unsure of if her eyes were playing tricks on her, a thought that was entirely dissolved when Bow leaned in once more to brush another quick kiss against Glimmer’s lips. Even from the door, Adora could feel the affection radiating from the grin spreading across Glimmer’s face. Adora had to bite her lip to keep herself from squealing.

Using their intimate moment as a distraction, Adora swiftly composed herself and leaned against the wall, borrowing a page from Catra’s book as she crossed her arms and put on her cockiest smirk.

What would Catra say?

“Are you two done being cute, or should I come back later?” Adora teased in her best Catra impression.

Bow and Glimmer jump apart. Bow nearly slammed into the drum set. Glimmer wasn’t as lucky, tumbling out of her seat and knocking over a cymbal.

“Adora!” Glimmer yelped as she scrambled to stand.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Bow blurted out, though the intense blush on his face bled through his lie. 

Adora raised an eyebrow, her smirk widening. “Really? So you didn’t kiss Glimmer just now? Twice?”

“Okay, yes! Fine! We’re dating!” Glimmer groaned as she got to her feet. “Happy now?”

“Happy?” Adora dropped the smug persona and jumped in excitement. “I’m thrilled! I’ve been waiting for this to happen for, like, forever!”

“You… knew?” Bow questioned as he anxiously adjusted his bass strap.

“Of course I knew! Bow, you told me about the party incident.” Adora laughed. “You know, the one where Glimmer got hammered and then almost kissed you and then blew up about it like, two days later?”

“Adora!” Glimmer shrieked. Her face turned beet red.

“What? I’m just tellin’ it as it is!” Adora skipped to the couch and threw herself onto it, immediately sitting up as straight and proper as possible as if she were at a job interview. “Sooo, what’s the story? I want all the juicy, juicy details.”

“I mean, there’s not much to tell,” Bow said. “We were hanging out over break, and-”

“Wait wait wait, over break ?” Adora interrupted. “Have you two been dating for almost two weeks and never told me?”

“We weren’t ready to announce it! Now let Bow finish,” Glimmer chided.

“Anyway,” Bow continued. “We were hanging out, and I guess I was acting weird-”

“Super weird,” Glimmer added.

“Yeah, ‘super weird’. So, Glimmer asked what’s wrong, and I couldn’t think of a lie fast enough so she correctly guessed it was about the thing at the party. That led to an hours long talk about… well, about everything. Our lives, how we met, basically everything between then and now, and by the end of it we sorta… figured it out, I guess. So, yeah. We’re dating now.”

Adora clapped her hands together. “I’m so proud of you two! Finally, the dream team becomes the dream couple!”

“Alright, alright, enough gushing,” Glimmer rolled her eyes, but a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. “It’s not even that big of a deal.”

“Not a big deal? Are you kidding me! Both of you were completely oblivious for so long.” Adora mimicked Bow’s voice, “I feel so good and happy around her and so sad and lonely when she leaves.” She switched to her best Glimmer impersonation, “Oh this is a perfectly normal feeling! This is absolutely one hundred percent fully platonic!”

“I did not say that!” Glimmer protested.

“Yes you did! Verbatim! But hey, it’s been an honor serving as your relationship guru for this short time.” Adora stood and bowed deeply.

“Well, Ms. ‘Guru’, maybe you can take a page out of your own book and do something about the Catra situation.”

Adora shot upwards, fast enough that the crack from her spine was audible to the whole room. “What! That-” She loudly cleared her throat. “This has nothing to do with Catra. Anyway! Back to practice, shall we? I figured out some cool chords the other day and-”

“Yeah, now you wanna practice,” Glimmer snickered.

“It’s not like that!”

Glimmer played a sting on her drums. “You hear that? That’s because you have got to be joking!”

“Oh, shut up!”

“I think what Glimmer’s trying to say,” Bow intervened. “Is that if you’re gonna tease us about getting together, we reserve the right to tease you about Catra.”

“Wait, ‘we’? Not you too, Bow!” Adora plopped back onto the couch. “Alright, alright, fine. I guess that’s fair, but you two still suck.”

“Maybe,” Glimmer said, twirling a drumstick in her fingers. “But we’re also right.”

“Super right,” Bow added.

Adora huffed dramatically. “Fine. Let’s just get back to practice before you start planning my imaginary wedding or something.”

“Imaginary?” Glimmer raised an eyebrow. “You’re already picturing a color scheme, aren’t you?”

“Blue and gold!” Bow declared as if we were answering a question on a game show.

“Oh my god,” Adora muttered as she pulled a pillow over her face.

“Okay, okay, we can get back to practice. For real this time,” Glimmer said, clearly trying to stifle her own laughter. Do you actually have some ‘cool chords’ or was that another ploy?”

Adora peeked out from behind the pillow, taking a moment to rein in her focus. “Yeah… yeah! That wasn’t a ploy. I actually did come up with something that I think could be cool.” She tossed the pillow and replaced it with her guitar, strumming a chord to make sure it was in tune before continuing. “So it’s just A, F sharp, B minor, and then E, but then I did this sort of walkdown thing between them…”

Adora played through the chords normally once before demonstrating the walkdown. She played with a bouncy rhythm, accentuating every other strum by muting the strings with her palm.

Bow nodded along. “Oh, that’s really nice. What kind of vibe are you going for?”

“Um, I’m not entirely sure.” Adora cycled through the chords once more. “The first thing that came to my mind was something kinda sixties inspired, like early Beatles, I guess.”

“Wanna jam on it and see where it goes?” Bow asked, readying his bass.

“Sure. Glimmer, count us off?”

Glimmer raised her drumsticks above her head. “WE ARE THE BEATLES! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”

------

Adora sat at her desk, staring blankly at the scratches and scribbles in her notebook. Her acoustic guitar sat on her lap, though its presence did nothing to help fill the rest of the page before her.

The explosive ruckus from the living room had long been quieted, replaced by the sound of Glimmer’s newest TV show obsession, muffled by Adora’s closed bedroom door. Typically, the relative quiet would be enough to let Adora think, but not tonight. Her notebook was open to the same page she had been stuck on for months now, a page with the bold title “CROWS LIKE FRIES” written across the top followed by the short written anecdote. It was a simple story, cute even, and it was killing Adora from the inside out.

“Eating well… caw and yell… maybe, ‘raising hell’? Is that stupid? No… that’s stupid. But is it?” Adora muttered to the empty room.

She adjusted her guitar and strummed a few chords, repeating back the few words she had written on the page. “No, yeah, that’s stupid.”

With a sigh, she flipped the notebook to a blank page and jotted down the chords she presented at the jam followed by a note which read: “Bouncy Beatles-y, w/ walkdown. Kinda cozy?”

Adora let out a frustrated groan and slumped forward, resting her forehead against the notebook with a dull thud. After a few moments of attempting to shift the guitar into a comfortable position, she gave up, instead opting to toss the guitar onto her bed so she could fully collapse onto her desk. She started humming the progression written on the page beneath her, occasionally throwing in a stray note or two in an attempt to brute force writing a melody.

Then, it hit her. In a sudden flash of realization, a melody began dancing on her tongue. Adora quickly sat up and reached for her guitar as she hummed the melody over and over. Now with chords, she knew for a fact it worked. There was a song hidden in there, and it was Adora’s job to pry it out.

The first three words came to her almost instantly. “‘I want you…’” Adora quietly sang as she wrote them down.

Three words, taking up the first four notes. Easy. Now all she had to do was write the rest of the song, starting with finishing the first line.

Adora thought of all the questions the first three words alone could pose. Who was “you”? Was “I” Adora, or was she writing from the perspective of someone else? Did “I” want “you” literally, or did “I” want “you” to do something? Why did “I” want “you”, or what did “I” want “you” to do? The possibilities were endless.

Unfortunately, Adora couldn’t think of the answer to any of the questions, nor could she answer the question of why she couldn’t come up with any answers.

Defeated, she let her head fall back onto the desk. Her eyes fixated on the pencil gripped loosely in her hand as it uselessly over the paper. She let it roll from her fingers, watching it leave a stray mark on the paper as it left her hand. It hit the side of her water bottle with a dull thud. The faint sound felt louder in the stillness of the room. Her gaze fell back to the words on her notebook, which were so close she had to cross her eyes to focus on them. “I want you”. Three measly words with one measly melody that she couldn’t get out of her head.

What’s this about?

Catra.

Adora groaned. “No. It’s just a song. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

But you want it to mean something. You want her to mean something.

“No, what? What does that even mean?”

“I want you”? C’mon. It doesn’t get any more clear than that. You know you spent almost that entire jam earlier staring at her, right? 

“Yeah, because I love her. Kinda figured that part out a while ago.”

And you want her to love you back.

“Well, yeah, obviously I want her to love me back, I-”

Something about those words made Adora pause. Of course, she knew she was in love with Catra, but the concept of Catra being in love with her had never been a fully formed thought until then. 

You wanna be her girlfriend, dummy. Ask her out.

“Absolutely not!”

A knock came from the door, followed by Bow’s voice. “Adora?”

Adora quickly stood and turned toward the door. “Yeah?”

Bow slowly poked his head in. “Who’re you talking to?” he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

“Oh! No one,” Adora said, trying but likely failing to maintain a neutral tone. “Just uh… struggling with some lyrics.”

“Want some help?”

“Nope! Thanks though. Bye!” She smiled as wide as possible.

After a brief moment of staring (likely to make sure Adora wasn’t going through a manic episode), Bow nodded and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. Adora immediately collapsed onto her bed, parallel with her guitar. The headstock poked uncomfortably into her ribs.

As she stared at the ceiling, she imagined Catra laying next to her like they would often do in the old days, whispering back and forth about secrets or school drama. Ever so often, Adora would say just the right combination of words to get Catra to snort so hard, she would start coughing. Most of Catra’s stories were told with a smirk, one that scrunched up her whole face and faded into a warming smile when something made Adora laugh. 

Adora thought about how she saw that smile return during their jam. She thought about the way Catra hugged her, so tightly like she was trying to hold Adora together. She thought about the first time Catra slept over and woke Adora out of her nightmare, how instantly comforting just Catra’s presence was. She thought about, of all things, Catra’s hair, and how her wild mane from childhood had been cut to mere inches; still messy, but deliberate, almost artsy in how it framed Catra’s face. She thought about Catra’s voice, words, wit, touch, hands, face, everything .

“I love her,” Adora whispered. “I’m in love with her.”

But does she love you?

The intrusive thoughts returned, though now, its nonexistent voice had a new bite. Adora rolled onto her side, gripping her comforter firmly in her fist.

Will anyone love you like that?

Adora’s grip tightened. If the blanket wasn’t there, her nails would have surely dug deeply into her palms. It was a question she never considered, and never wanted to consider. 

“Shut up.”

It’s okay. We can’t all be Glimmer and Bow.

Adora sprang up onto her feet, ripping the blanket off the bed as she did so. The force was powerful enough to flip the guitar upside down. She raised a fist into the air and began to launch it towards the mattress.

She stopped just shy of punching it.

Adora let herself fall to the ground and wrapped herself in the loose comforter.

Will she ever love me like that? Like Glimmer and Bow?

You’re asking for lightning to strike twice.

She hugged me. She’s my friend. Neither of us are going anywhere without the other.

Not going anywhere doesn’t mean getting closer.

Her phone buzzed, jolting her out of her spiraling thoughts. Without standing, she quickly grabbed it off her desk. A flicker of hope sparked in her chest when she saw Catra’s name on the screen.

10:33pm Catra: hey, can’t do coffee tomorrow, sorry

Adora frowned. The spark dissolved just as fast as it had arrived. Her thumbs dashed across the keyboard.

10:34pm Adora: Everything OK?

10:34pm Catra: yea

10:34pm Adora: Want to reschedule? I’m free pretty much all day Tuesday and Wednesday after 3.

There was a long pause between messages. Three dots appeared and disappeared on the bottom on Adora’s screen, over and over, until finally:

10:37pm Catra: idk

The thoughts came crashing back. Wave after wave, she was hit with all the doubt, misery, and grief she had ever experienced over Catra nearly tenfold. Her thumbs were frozen over the digital keypad in hope the dots would appear again, or at least for any sign of life from Catra’s end.

She waited for many minutes. Nothing.

Her hands shook as she placed the phone face down on the floor and gently nudged it away. Despite the TV noise from the living room, the gentle pitter patter of the forming rain against her window, and the quiet hiss of the fan in the corner of her room, everything was silent for Adora. Everything was silent, and still, and frozen.

A knock at the door made her jump.

“Adora?” Bow’s voice called softly. “It’s me again.”

Adora quickly wiped her eyes, even though she wasn’t crying. “Yeah?”

Bow’s head appeared in the doorway once again. “Hey, I- why’re on the floor?”

“Oh! You know, just… couldn’t get comfortable!” Adora forced a laugh.

“Alright then,” Bow said. “Anyway, I’m gonna meet up with Entrapta tomorrow and work on some new stuff we’ve been cooking up. It’s like this experimental synth kinda-psychedelic electronic thing. Wanna come with?”

“I don’t think I’d be much help. I can’t really play the keyboard.”

Bow shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. We’re just looking for an audience to play for. It’ll be fun!”

“That…” Adora paused in consideration, then nodded. “That actually does sound kinda fun.”

“Awesome! I was gonna head over there around five or so. I’ll swing by and grab you.” Bow turned to leave but paused just before leaving Adora’s line of sight. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Adora hesitated, likely for a little too long. “Yeah,” she said calmly. “Just… have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Fair enough,” Bow nodded with a warm smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

As soon as the door clicked shut, Adora snatched up her phone. No new notifications. She stared at the blank screen until her eyes nearly dried out. She stood slowly, bringing the blanket with her. After placing her guitar back on its stand, she slinked into her bed. Whatever words she whispered were a mystery even to her, muffled by the pillow covering her face.

She laid still in her cocoon, listening to the rain as it slowly grew in intensity. When she turned to face the window, she realized how heavy her eyelids felt despite it being so early, she hadn’t even had dinner yet. A final thought passed through her mind as she let herself succumb to sleep.

Pathetic.

Adora didn’t disagree.

Chapter Text

“I think you’re gonna love this,” Bow said, holding the door to Michalka Hall open as Adora stepped inside. “We started working on this sort of ambient track that reminded me of… oh, what’s her name again? The ‘sail away’ one?”

Adora paused in front of the stairs. “What, Styx?” She immediately slapped her palm to her forehead. “Oh my god, no! You’re talking about ‘Orinoco Flow’! That’s Enya.”

“That’s the one!” Bow smiled. “Yeah, so it’s kinda like if that song was done by Nine Inch Nails.”

“Well, that’s… a little terrifying, honestly.”

“Exactly.”

As they ascended the stairs, Adora chuckled. “I can’t believe I got Enya mixed up with Styx . Have I ever told you how much I loved her as a kid?”

“You’ve definitely mentioned her before. I didn’t know you were that big a fan.”

“Yeah, I don’t really listen to her as much anymore, but back in the day I had her greatest hits CD and it was the only one that no one in the house would complain about if I listened to it too loud. Even Ms. Weaver would let it play.” Adora laughed as she combed through her childhood memories. “There was this one time when I woke up from a nap and Catra-”

Adora’s throat suddenly felt as if it were tied in a knot. She held the base of her neck with her thumb and pointer finger and quietly cleared her throat. An odd sense of warmth briefly spread through her chest, but was swiftly snubbed by a stronger, twisted chill.

Bow raised an eyebrow. “You woke up and then…?”

“What? Oh,” Adora feigned ignorance. “Never mind. I just realized I don’t remember how the story ends.”

Even before they had reached Entrapta’s room, they could certainly hear her. A pulsating hum echoed from down the hall, interspersed with short bursts of musical noise. As Adora approached the door, she imagined the music as a soundtrack to her stepping onto an alien world (a fantasy that almost distracted her from the fact Catra’s dorm was mere feet to her right).

Bow arrived at the door just ahead of Adora and readied his hand to knock, but was swiftly knocked back when it opened suddenly and surprisingly. In an instant, the music was gone and a blur of red and white came barreling out of the room, nearly trampling over the floored Bow in the process.

“Woah! Scorpia?” Bow stumbled as he regained his composure.

“Oh, Bow!” Scorpia’s face and voice were full of cheer, but quickly turned to worry when she saw what she had done. “Oh! Bow! I am so, so sorry! Here, I’ll help you.”

“It’s all good, Scorpia,” Bow laughed as Scorpia tried to steady the already steadied. “Just startled me, that’s all.”

“Okay, okay, good. Anyway, I was just on my way to Ca- Adora !” Scorpia’s ever present smile strained. “Wowza! Fancy seeing you here!”

“Did Entrapta not tell you I’m coming over?” Adora questioned, raising an eyebrow

“She did! I mean, um… she didn’t!” Scorpia’s eyes darted around the hallway, never focusing on one place for too long, especially not Adora’s eyes.

Adora tilted her head. “Are you okay, Scorpia?” 

“Me? Oh yeah, totally! I’m just- ah… gee, you know, in a bit of a rush, and by golly look at the time!” Scorpia pointed to a nonexistent watch on her wrist. “I gotta head out now good to see you both bye!”

With that, Scorpia took off down the hallway, nearly tripping over her own feet as she rushed to Catra’s dorm and knocked furiously. After a few moments, a nonchalant Lonnie answered the door and stepped aside to usher Scorpia in before giving a quick wave to Adora and strolling back into the dorm, quietly closing the door behind her.

Bow and Adora stared at the other dorm in silence.

“That was weird, right?” Adora murmured.

“Very weird,” agreed Bow. “I’m sure it’s fine, though. Probably just Scorpia being Scorpia.”

“Yeah… yeah, probably.”

But why Catra’s room? Adora thought. Is she in trouble? Is that why she cancelled last night? Should I go check?

Before Adora could answer her thoughts, Bow guided her towards the open door of Entrapta’s dorm. “I think you’re gonna love this.”

The room was similar to how it was the last time Adora stepped food inside, if a little more cluttered on Entrapta’s side. Entrapta herself was crouched in the center of the room, rearranging a particularly disheveled section of wires. She turned to the sound of the door opening and started grinning from ear to ear.

“Bow! Adora! Friends!” Entrapta loudly declared, springing up from her position on the floor (Adora could swear she heard several of Entrapta’s bones popping as she did so). “You’re just in time! Give me just a few moments to repatch Darla and we’ll be on our way!”

“Darla?” Adora questioned.

“Darla!” Entrapta answered.

“It’s what she named the synth,” Bow gave a slightly more helpful explanation.

“Wow, she’s…” Adora looked over the mammoth of an instrument spread out across various suitcase shaped cases, hidden partially by the snaking cables. “Really something.”

Bow placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. It’s a lot at first, but it’s basically just a big keyboard with some extra features. Well, a lot of extra features, but all you have to do is sit back and relax.”

“Relax. Can do.” Adora sat in a nearby desk chair and watched Bow navigate through the field of wires.

Once he and Entrapta were on even ground, the pair winded in and around all the bits and pieces that made up Darla, adjusting nearly everything as they went. Sometimes, all they did was turn a knob a little to the left. Sometimes, they completely amputated a module. As they worked, what once was an entirely alien soundscape gradually evolved into a chord, and then a progression. Entrapta replaced one plug with another, and a subtle kick and snare were added to the mix. Bow inserted a cable in one end and walked to the other side of the room to insert the other end, and a light synth arpeggiated the song’s chords.

Bow plugged another cable in, pressed a button on a nearby keyboard, and frowned. “I’m not getting anything from the keyboard control.”

“Is the signal outputting to the Tiptop mixer?” Entrapta asked.

“Yeah, but I have it going through this reverb, too. You think that could be it?”

“Is it the Stoel one?”

“Yep.”

“Argh!” Entrapta turned quickly in Bow’s direction, getting one of her large pigtails tangled in a loose cable as she did so. “That one’s been acting so finicky. I think something happened with the wiring.” She plucked the cable out of her hair, taking a strand or two in the process. “Try the spring reverb right next to it. The Springray.”

Bow swiftly rearranged a handful of cables and tried the keyboard again. A soft, ambient tone emanated from a speaker, which grew into a choir as Bow held down more keys. The pair cheered as Adora looked on in awe. A similar process repeated as they scurried around the room. One would flick a switch or turn a dial only for nothing to happen, then communicate the hiccup with the other, who provided a swift solution or workaround.

After another few minutes of micro adjustments, Entrapta stood tall above her kingdom of knobs and cables. “We’re all set!” she declared as she reached towards her desk and pressed a button on her laptop. “Recording!”

Bow moved to a synth filled suitcase in the middle of the room and carefully began to turn knobs individually. He turned up one which faded in the sound of pulsating white noise, and then a second which added simple sine waves rapidly decreasing in pitch.

The beach and seagulls , Adora thought.

Entrapta sat in the center of a half circle made of keyboards and began to play on the one to her right. The chords she played arpeggiated through a thick fog of echo. They churned the waters like a storm, disturbing the calmness of the ocean waves (or, more accurately, the synthetic recreation of ocean waves). The clouds were suddenly sliced through by a melody played by Bow. His lead synth was like lightning, leading the charge for a thundering drum pattern to emerge from behind it.

A back and forth developed between them once again, a push and pull of melodies, chords, and timbres that constantly built upon one another, culminating in a solid wall of sound that one final chord was buried within. No one dared speak a word until the sound had faded entirely, and then some. It was only after Entrapta stopped the recording that all three cheered. 

Entrapta shook with excitement. “That was the best one yet!” she squealed. “We gotta listen back to it!”

“Let’s give it a sec to breathe, Entrapta,” Bow suggested. “Plus, I don’t know if Adora would want to hear the same thing right after we just finished it.”

“Break time, then! Who wants snacks?”

Adora and Bow both raised their hands, prompting Entrapta to trudge through the wires as she hunted for food.

“So,” Bow said, turning to Adora. “What’d you think?”

“That was… a lot,” Adora admitted with a breathless laugh. “In a good way though! It started so calm and then just kept building and building and adding more cool things as it went on. Do you have a name for it?”

“I don’t. Entrapta?”

“I was just going to call it ‘Bow Jam 8.3’,” Entrapta shrugged

Bow chuckled. “Any catchier name ideas, Adora?”

Adora scanned the landscape of flashing switches, knobs, cables, and flashing lights. The imagery of ocean waves wouldn’t leave her minds, waves that crashed violently onto a rocky shore as storm clouds swirled overhead. She pictured a pier, maybe even a grand lighthouse, overlooking the scene.

“Maybe something like… ‘Thunder Beach’? ‘Thunder Pier’?” she suggested.

“‘Thunder Pier’...” Bow contemplated. “I really like that one, ‘Thunder Pier’.”

Entrapta bounded over a clump of cables, landing inches away from Adora. “Can we stea- borrow that title pretty please?”

“Go for it,” Adora said.

“Yes!” Entrapta celebrated. “Oh! Bow! I forgot to show you earlier, but check this out!” She led Bow to the case of electronics sitting near her desk and pulled out a small cardboard box with “KRIKET” scribbled onto it with a black Sharpie.

“No way! You got the Moffenzeef?” Bow asked excitedly as Entrapta began to tear the tape from the top of the box.

“Yeah! Some sucker online was selling it for cheap.” Entrapta cackled in a tone Adora could only describe as villainous. “Now it’s power is mine!”

As Entrapta opened the box, Adora watched Bow’s face light up like a child’s on Christmas morning. He leaned in as Entrapta unwrapped its contents, slowly revealing the small, silver module inside. From her position, Adora couldn’t make out anything on the module besides some markings and knobs, but it was enough to make Entrapta and Bow shake with glee.

“Please tell me you have somewhere we can put this and try it out right now,” Bow’s voice cracked.

“You bet I do!” Entrapta’s voice cracked higher.

She immediately got to work connecting it to Darla, unplugging and rearranging a variety of cables and other modules in a pattern wholly alien to Adora. Whatever Bow and Entrapta were saying slowly faded into obscured ramblings. Adora could hear the words, occasionally she could even understand what short string of them meant, but any more than that was simply noise -- which wasn’t helped by the actual noise generated by whatever electrical nightmare they had rigged up and running to the speakers. 

idk

Maybe everything else didn’t make sense because three letters didn’t make sense. 

Everything was good, great even. A successful jam, a nice fun hangout planned, a heartfelt goodbye, and only some lesbian panic. And then, out of the blue, Catra canceled, and the panic became a spiral. 

Then just outside with Scorpia, what was she doing? Why did she seem so scared of Adora? Why did she run off like the building was on fire? And why to Catra’s room? Was Catra there? What did she need Scorpia for? Was it something only Scorpia and Lonnie could fix? Why couldn’t Adora fix it? Unless…

Is Catra pulling away from me? 

She doesn’t feel the same way about me. Or at least, she doesn’t feel the same way she thinks I feel about her. I knew it.

Adora’s chest tightened. Her first instinct was to curl up into a ball, one that she sedated by pulling her knees up to her chest, hugging them close with her arms. She gazed at the sea of blinking LEDs, observing but not really seeing anything before her. 

It just wasn’t fair.

Somewhere inside her, the pure bliss she felt jamming with Catra once again after so long still lingered. She could still feel the warmth of Catra’s embrace around her body. Every moment she held on, Catra held on a little longer, and Adora did the same.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Was Catra lying? Again? Was Glimmer right not to trust her? Adora didn’t even want to begin to think about what any of that might imply.

Something odd bubbled up in Adora’s chest. At first she thought it was a panic attack, or perhaps her heart had finally given out from all the energy it took to navigate the minefield that was loving Catra, but she eventually recognized it as her lungs begging her to breathe. She inhaled quickly, then found it to be the wrong direction to give her held breath, and let it out in a sudden, sharp, and loud exhale.

After taking a few more breaths to steady herself, she looked up to see Bow and Entrapta staring at her with confused expressions on their faces. A repeated, tinny synth loop droned in the background.

“You alright?” Bow asked.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry,” Adora chuckled sheepishly. “Just kinda forgot how to breathe there for a second.”

“Oh no! You must have some form of waking apnea!” Entrapta cried. She quickly stood and made a rather impressive jump into Adora’s face. “Do you need first aid? A clinic? A hospital?!”

“No! Entrapta, no! I’m okay, I swear.” Adora backed the chair up as far against the wall as it could go.

Bow crossed his arms, unconvinced. “C’mon, Adora. You know you can’t fool me with that. You’ve been off since last night.” He pulled a chair up and sat across from Adora. “You can talk to me.”

“I don’t wanna interrupt your jam sessions for my dumb problems.”

“They’re not dumb, Adora,” Bow said reassuringly. “Plus, I don’t think Entrapta will mind the break.”

“Not at all!” Entrapta chimed in.

Adora stared at the ground for a moment, considering what other possibilities she may have had. “Is she gonna tell anyone?” She flicked her eyes to Entrapta, who was already back to rearranging Darla’s modules.

“Hey Entrapta,” Bow called. “Can you keep a secret?”

Entrapta nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! I love secrets! What is it? Wait, no! Let me guess! Adora likes Catra!”

Adora coughed so hard in surprise she nearly choked. “What? How did you know?”

“Would you like to see the graphs?”

“Graphs? Plural ?” Adora shook her head profusely. “No, no. I don’t want to.”

“But they were accurate, no?” Entrapta questioned, slyly clicking the record button on her cassette recorder.

“Don’t record this!” Adora blurted out a little too loudly. After she ensured Entrapta had fully set down the recorder, she continued. “Look, Entrapta. No one can know about this, okay?”

“But Bow and Glimmer and Scorpia and Lonnie an-”

“No one else can know about it.” She blinked. “Wait, Lonnie and Scorpia know? You know what, whatever. Please, just swear to me you tell anyone about any of this.”

Entrapta raised a hand and put her other hand over her heart. “I swear on Darla! And Emily! Oh, and also Hordak!”

“Who’s Hordak?” Bow asked.

“Someone in my history class. He let me borrow a pencil once so we are very good friends,” Entrapta beamed.

Despite the absurdity of swearing on two inanimate instruments and a stranger, the statement still gave Adora an odd sense of trust. “Alright,” she sighed.

Bow pulled his chair closer as Entrapta scrambled across the floor and sat criss cross next to him. Adora pulled at a loose thread on her jeans as she searched for the right words. For the first few seconds, she didn’t even know where to begin. She silently questioned how much of her mountains of piling Catra troubles she wanted to talk about, cross checking it with a list of items she logically would need someone else’s opinion on. No matter which way she placed the pieces, the puzzle always didn’t yield the outcome she wanted.

It was a long eternity of two minutes before she spoke again. “It’s just…” She cleared her throat and refocused herself on talking rather than thinking. “I thought things were going great with Catra. We were seeing each other a lot, talking, playing music together, and being friends again. Actual friends. I thought we were… I don’t know, reconnecting. I thought we had another chance, that I had another chance and this time I wouldn’t just let her go. And maybe, maybe if I did everything right and everything fell into place, she would love me like how I love her.

“And then out of nowhere, she cancels on me, doesn’t explain why, and when I ask if we could reschedule all she says is ‘idk’.” She scoffed, turning her gaze to look out the window. “Then it’s all just… radio silence. And just now, Scorpia was acting all weird when she saw me and she ran right into Catra’s room like she was about to disarm a bomb or something, so something is definitely wrong, but I don’t know what and that terrifies me.”

She hunched forward, resting her arms on her knees. “I don’t know… maybe I’m just stupid for thinking we were ever on the same page.”

“You’re not stupid, Adora,” Bow said softly.

“Yeah!” Entrapta piped up. “Maybe you both are just emotionally compromised, like a protagonist in one of those romantic comedy movies. Ooo! Maybe that means something big and dramatic is about to happen!”

The smallest smile crept on Adora’s lips. “God, I hope not. I just want to go back to how things were two days ago.”

Entrapta jumped up, beaming with excitement. “I have a solution! Lock the two of you in a tight, enclosed space. Like an elevator! Statistically speaking, the longer you two are trapped in there together, the higher chance you have you will start talking to each other and figure something out. I ready a study once that sai-”

“That’s literally kidnapping, Entrapta,” Adora interrupted.

“Not if you make it look like an accident!”

“Ohh-kay, maybe let’s pin that at the very bottom of the list for now. Thanks, Entrapta,” Bow said, putting his hand up in a “stop” motion. “She’s half right, though. It doesn’t need to be a dramatic moment, but you do need to talk to her.”

“Yeah, maybe…” Adora sniffed. Her nose had gotten a lot more stuffy in the previous thirty seconds. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. “I need some air.”

Before the others could add anything else, Adora had already left the room and shut the door behind her. She stood motionless in the middle of the hallway. She sniffed and quickly wiped her eyes. So far, they were dry, but she knew if she had to talk about Catra for another second, she might expl-

Out of the corner of her eye, Adora saw someone step out of their dorm and into the hallway. The edges of her vision were blurry, but she could recognize Catra no matter what.

For a while, they simply stood there. Adora could only imagine that Catra felt the same paralyzing fear that she felt, but as she imagined further she began to worry. What if Catra’s anger had returned and was about to make itself known? Would this be a repeat of that first day when Catra shoved past her with nothing more than a cold greeting?

What the hell am I going to do? What would Bow say?

First, look at her, and then ask her to talk.  

As Adora slowly turned her body to face Catra, she realized Catra was already staring at her. When their eyes finally connected, all the strain and frustration Adora imagined was nowhere to be found in Catra’s gaze. What Adora saw wasn’t anger, rather it reminded her of their childhood when they would finally see each other again after a long day of classes or dealing with Ms. Weaver. But in addition to the pinch of nostalgia, Adora saw something new on the other’s face.

Catra was blushing .

“Hey, Adora,” Catra said in a cautious tone.

“Um…” Adora blinked hard to assure herself she wasn’t dreaming. “Hi, Catra. Can we…? I mean, do you want to…?”

“We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

She was eighteen. 

Too young to be in a bar, and far too young to be arrested, so the moment she saw blood, Catra ran. She stumbled at first, finding out in the worst way possible she had a few too many to drink, but as soon as she regained her composure, she was off like a bolt of lightning. Pushing through the small but compact crowd felt like running against a herd of bulls. She probably pushed a few people over on the way out, but she didn’t register it. She didn’t register anything. She just had to go .

In her drunken state, the bar door slamming behind her sounded like a gunshot; a starter pistol for Catra’s mad dash back home. Her hands were shaking, her legs were moving, and only one phrase occupied her mind.

Get home. Get home. Get home.

Her body began to ache, and soon she found it difficult to breathe without wheezing. She was slowing down and her motivation thinned. Every alleyway looked like another great spot to take a nap. 

She had to perish the thought from her mind. She needed something new. Something better than the promise of Ms. Weaver’s dogshit house.

Adora. Adora. Adora.

Without question, she began charging forward once more with a renewed vigor. 

By the time she reached the familiar street, her lungs were burning. Although the warmer months had already well overtaken the night, her entire upper body shivered like she was underdressed in Alaska. An unholy mixture of sweat and tears streamed down her face, clouding her vision more than the alcohol ever could. It was a miracle she was able to sneak up the side of the house, enter through a window, and make her way to her room without so much as a creak of a floorboard. The alcohol had yet again been beaten by her persistent muscle memory. 

Muscle memory that almost took over when she spotted a stranger lying in her bed.

Her first instinct was to attack, use her nails to scratch at the intruder and draw as much blood as possible, to teach them a lesson about breaking and entering and sleeping in someone else’s bed. Catra’s head became warm and fuzzy just thinking about the blood that would soon be under the fingernails, but as she approached, Catra realized there was something familiar about the stranger. Something about their long, blonde hair spoke to her, and then they turned around

The stranger was Adora, sleeping peacefully in their bed.

Catra’s immediate recoil was the loudest sound she had made since getting inside. She froze in place and stared at her hand, the one she had just proudly thought of disfiguring the skin of her…

…friend?

It all came back to her. Their plan, the rejection letter, their constant arguing. She pictured the two of them as the brothers from the bar, fighting at the drop of a dime and making the other bleed. All the rage and ire Catra held disappeared in an instant. Without her ever apologizing, Adora had been forgiven, and Catra needed to tell her this.

She stumbled towards the bed and nudged Adora, softly at first, but with more force when she didn’t wake immediately. When she did, it was like the sun itself was staring back at Catra.

“Catra… what?” Adora muttered, half awake.

The words came out before Catra could stop them.

“I’m sorr-”

She gagged, hunched forward, and vomited onto the floor.

------

“You canceled on her.”

Catra nodded in silent confirmation.

“You canceled on her.”

Another nod.

“And you didn’t, like, reschedule. Or tell her why you canceled. Or said you needed to talk. Or said you needed space. Or reschedule .”

“Okay, okay! Lonnie, I get it!” Catra huffed and let her head fall onto her bed, a dramatic flair she quickly regretted when her pillow did next to nothing to cushion the impact. “Shit…”

“Yeah, ‘shit’ is right,” Lonnie scoffed from the other side of the room, arms crossed. “Every single time I say ‘Hey! Maybe now is the time you do something other than run’ and every single time you take that as ‘Hey! Now is the perfect time to keep running!’”

“I said I get it, Lonnie.”

“No, Catra, I really don’t think you do. Why would you even do that? You had everything going for you! For both of you!”

Catra snapped. “And how long do you think that’ll last, huh? How long until I screw up again and say some dumb shit that makes her run away? I’ll be right back at square one and these past few months will be for nothing!”

Silence draped the room like an itchy blanket. Catra turned her body away from Lonnie so her face was scrunched right up against her pillow. Her one eye that wasn’t covered by fabric was staring at her phone. She silently prayed for an outcome she knew would never arrive.

“I’m gonna tell you something I have never told anyone, and you have to swear on your life you won’t tell anyone else,” Lonnie said softly.

That got Catra’s attention. She turned her body again halfheartedly in Lonnie’s direction. She let her blanket wrap itself around her body, obscuring the lower half of her face in the process.

“Do you swear?” Lonnie asked.

Catra hesitated, then nodded slowly.

“Good,” Lonnie nodded in return. “Because if this leaves this room, I am actually going to kill you.”

Catra eyed Lonnie as she slowly sat up and pulled the blanket off of herself. She could see a crack beginning to form in Lonnie’s typically confident exterior -- a crack Catra would have pounced on before, but now she sat back and listened.

“I have been single for pretty much all of my life, and it sucks. It sucks hard ,” Lonnie sneered, eyes intensely focused on the floor in front of her. “The closest I’ve ever really been to anyone besides my parents is… god, I don’t even know. Kyle and Rogelio maybe? And I haven’t even talked to them that much since I got here. My point is, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’m jealous of you, Catra.”

Initially, Catra expected she could shut this conversation down with a witty comment or the old fashioned silent treatment. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

“You’ve had Adora for pretty much all your life,” Lonnie continued. “You two have been so close for so long that I didn’t know you and Adora weren’t a thing until after I got adopted and left Weaver’s. My brain literally fabricated memories of walking in on you two kissing to make up for the whiplash that bombshell. You never fought, you were never mad at each other for more than like an hour, and whether or not you literally talked shit through with her, you guys always seemed to just… magically figure it out.”

The longer Lonie went on, the more exaggerated her hand movements became. “And then comes another bombshell when my parents bring you in from the street and you say Adora abandoned you. So then I’m thinking, ‘Oh my god, it’s over. How would the universe allow this to happen?’ Except even then you two still figured it out. In fact, you figured it out so much that I think I’ve actually forgiven you, and now you’re telling me you’re gonna throw it away again? We’ve been through this before. You’ve been through this before. You could confess everything to her right now, and even if she wasn’t also madly in love with you, which she obviously is , she’s not gonna run away from you.” Lonnie’s wandering eyes finally met Catra’s again. “She will talk to you and give you a chance.”

It was Catra’s turn to break eye contact and stare at the floor. Her body was stiff, stuck in a slouched position like the weight of Lonnie’s words had folded Catra over. Her mouth hung open, but no words came out. She wanted to argue, to fight back, to say something, but she couldn’t.

“For once in your goddamn life, Catra, don’t run away.”

Something in Catra cracked. It wasn’t loud or dramatic, just a slight shift, but one that had been on the brink for years. Her breath hitched, and before she realized what was happening, she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn’t sob or gasp for air, she just cried and gripped her blanket closer.

Lonnie’s confidence faltered. “Oh, uh… Catra?”

Catra didn’t respond. Her shoulders began to shake as her breaths became more uneven with every exhale.

“Okay, uh… shit.” Lonnie ran her hands through her hair and scanned her surroundings. “Hold on, okay, hold on.”

Through her blurred sight, Catra watched Lonnie frantically search around her desk. After much digging, she pulled out a roll of paper towels and gently placed it next to Catra’s head.

“You need anything else?” Lonnie asked tentatively. “To talk some more? Water? What?”

Catra searched for an explanation, any explanation, for the spontaneous flooding of emotion, but couldn’t quite put her feelings into words. No thought related to Adora had ever sent her into that much of a frenzy before, so what was different now? The more Catra strained herself to think, the faster the tears seemed to form.

She pivoted to Lonnie’s question as a distraction. DId she need anything? Would anything even help? Any material object she could think of outside of the blanket and towels gave her the same satisfaction as imagining Ms. Weaver herself storming into the room. Perhaps a person? Lonnie was already there, helpful as ever. Adora was absolutely a no-go, as were her friends. It was times like these where Catra grew jealous of Adora’s seemingly natural talent to make and retain friends.

Because she doesn’t give up on people.

Who doesn’t give up on me?

The first two names that came to mind had already been long scratched off the list of people Catra could call right now.

The third was a bit of a long shot, but Catra was desperate to feel anything else.

After a few quiet gasps for air, Catra whimpered, “Call Scorpia.”

------

Within seconds, Catra could hear heavy and quick footsteps from beyond the door, followed soon by the sound of frantic knocking. The door creaked open, and the footsteps ran into the room, immediately darting to the wall furthest from the door.

“You alright there, Scorp?” Lonnie questioned and the door clicked shut.

“Yep! Completely!” Scorpia said, the strain in her voice evident. “What’s up, gang?”

“Ohh-kay.”

Catra could feel the weight on her bed shift as the frame creaked below her. As she slowly lifted the blanket off from over her head, she saw Lonnie sitting at the end of her bed and Scorpia so far backed up against the wall, if she pressed any harder she would start to flatten herself. Both were looking right at Catra, who silently prayed no evidence of current or previous emotion remained on her face.

Scorpia’s cringed expression said otherwise. “Oof, what happened to you, Wildcat?”

Lonnie turned to Catra “You wanna tell her or should I?” She took the following silence from Catra as a clear answer. “Well, she and I were just talking about her whole ‘being in love with Adora’ thing, as is typical for a Monday evening in this dorm apparently, and I tell her she should stop running from her problems, and then that.”

Lonnie pointed to Catra’s face, which Catra hoped wasn’t her mascara running. She dabbed a finger below her eye as a test, and a quick glance told her that was exactly what it was.

Shit .

“So then why am I here?” Scorpia raised an eyebrow.

“How did you ask Perfuma out?” Catra didn’t dare look up at their faces when she spoke, but she didn’t expect to be able to feel the stares.

“How did you know we’re dating?” Scorpia’s body relaxed but Catra could sense she was just as tense. Something about having an equally anxious presence in the room brought Catra some peace.

“With how she got all up in my face to protect you, how could she not be?” Catra forced a laugh. “Also, Lonnie told me. Uh… congrats.”

Scorpia laughed nervously and she rubbed the back of her neck. “Thank you, I guess?” She took a cautious step toward the bed. “But uh… why do you wanna know?”

“Because I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what, exactly?” Scorpia’s voice seemed to go higher in pitch the more questions she asked.

“This.” Catra gestured vaguely to herself. “Adora. Feelings. The whole… lovey dovey thing. I’ve never done like… any of the real relationship stuff before.”

Scorpia’s expression softened as she sat on the floor next to the bed, resting her arms on the edge of the mattress. “Woo, man, Wildcat. You really got it bad, huh?”

Catra groaned and reburied her face in the blanket. “Don’t say it like that.”

“She’s just telling it like it is,” Lonnie smirked.

Scorpia stifled a chuckle. “Okay, let’s see…” She scratched her head, deep in thought. “Well, honestly it was kinda messy. It’s cheesy but from the moment I met her I was like, ‘woah’. Then, the more we hung out the more I started to really like her, and the more I started to like her the more I would do stuff for her without her asking, like getting her coffee, food, and running errands a couple of times. I hoped that by doing all that for her, she would… well, I was just hoping she’d see me the same way I saw her.”

“And did she?” Catra said, finally looking up.

“Not at first,” Scorpia chuckled. “I think she thought I was just being a good friend. But then one day, she and a certain somebody who shall remain nameless …” She glanced at Lonnie, who responded with an exaggerated eye roll. “...got to talking about my antics, and she found out just how much time and money I was spending trying to win her over. So, she sat me down and just told me to my face, ‘Scorpia, you don’t need to earn my affection. You already have it.’”

Catra felt her stomach twist. 

“And then they made out for like, an hour,” Lonnie added.

“No we did not!” Scorpia asserted, then furrowed her brow. “Well…” She shook her head vigorously. “That doesn’t matter right now!”

Whatever face Catra had made must have been clear enough to be caught by Scorpia as her expression softened.

“The point is, I kept thinking I had to do more, or be more, but I was already enough for her. Once I wrapped my head around that, actually telling her came pretty easy.”

Lonnie nudged Catra’s foot. “Sound familiar?”

“Shut up,” Catra growled, which turned into a groan.

“Hey,” Lonnie said, dropping any hint of sarcasm from her voice. “You good?”

“I’m-” Catra began but quickly found she didn’t know where the sentence would lead.

No, that’s a lie , she thought. She knew exactly where it would lead. Whether or not she liked the outcome of it was a different question entirely.

“You guys mind if I have the room to myself for a bit?”

Lonnie shrugged. “All good with me.” She stood and started towards the door. “Hey Scorp, wanna head to Nate’s? I got a coupon for a free pizza if you wanna split.”

“Ooo, yes! I haven’t had food that wasn’t from the dining hall in so long. My stomach’s been begging me for something new!” Before leaving, Scorpia turned to Catra, arms shaking slightly. “Can I, uh…”

Catra huffed a laugh, opened up her arms, and promptly had all the air in her lungs knocked out of her by Scorpia’s hulking figure wrapping her in a hearty bear hug. Scorpia squeezed tight before letting go, patting Catra a few times on the back for good measure.

“You got this, Wildcat,” she encouraged.

Catra simply nodded, choosing against risking her surely shaky voice to give away her true thoughts. She watched Scorpia and Lonnie file out of the room, only relaxing her tensed muscles and lying flat on the bed once the door had fully clicked shut and locked.

For a while, she did nothing but lay there, piecing together all the scattered thoughts littered within her head. She knew what Lonnie and Scorpia wanted to do, what she wanted to do, but nothing she ever came up with felt like it was enough.

“I was already enough for her.”

Catra groaned loudly, dragging her hands over her face. Every argument against telling Adora was always met with the perfect counter argument, but every plan was always met with a million tiny variables that Catra couldn’t keep track of, let alone control. The variables built inside of her, slowly but surely increasing the feeling of immense pressure squeezing in on her head. It certainly didn’t help that in her nearby room, Entrapta was jamming out on her synthesizers again, loud as ever. She turned on her side, pressing one ear to the mattress and holding a pillow over the other one. Still, she could hear the far away bass booming.

She weighed her options. Stay in her dorm? No, way too loud. Head to the parking garage? Maybe, but Melog was nowhere to be found the past few times she visited. March right up to Adora’s and confess everything on her doorstep? Hell no . So many variables, so many considerations, so much noise.

Finally, she exhaled sharply and forced herself to sit up. Fine , she thought. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.

There were many things Catra kept from Adora, most of which were due to Catra’s purposeful omission. Catra would not tell her all of her secrets that night, but there was one specific secret Catra knew she could share, and after the conversation with Lonnie and Scorpia, she felt obligated to.

Mindlessly, she stood up, redressed herself to look presentable, and walked to the door. She prepared herself for the long walk to Adora’s, the awkward greeting at the door (even more so if Glimmer was the one to answer it), and the terribly long conversation that would follow. Her hand wrapping itself around the cold door knob snapped her back into reality. Everything was quiet, barre the ever present buzz of the air conditioner. 

It took a little more self convincing for her to open the door, and even then the process was slow, until with one final push, Catra turned the knob and used the leverage of pulling the door open to thrust herself outside the door.

When the door snapped shut behind her, out of the corner of her eye she could see someone just down the hall jump very slightly. Someone with blonde hair.

No shit it’s actually…

As she turned her gaze towards the figure, she was met with exactly the sight she imagined. Frozen like a statue just outside Scorpia and Entrapta’s door was Adora. Catra wasn’t sure of how long they had been there, both similarly stunned, but in that stillness, Catra had time to really look at Adora.

Catra had always thought Adora was beautiful, but sometimes it could still hit her harder than a punch to the gut. The way she put her hair up into that dumb but adorable poof, the slight furrow of her eyebrow that Catra knew meant she was trying to figure something out, and especially how even from a distance in the dim hallway light, her bright blue eyes were as vibrant as ever.

Then, Adora started to turn in Catra’s direction, and finally, their eyes met, and Catra was back on the playground. “Sometimes, I get scared too.”

“Hey, Adora,” Catra said, fully aware of the shakiness in her voice.

“Um… Hi, Catra.” She was relieved to find Adora’s voice was just as, if not more unstable than her own. “Can we…? I mean, do you want to…?”

“We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

Adora had spent the last five minutes trying not to panic, and she was failing. Miserably.

Any time a conversation had opened with “We need to talk”, it never went well for Adora, the person she was talking to, or both, and now she would have to face the same thing with Catra. The way Catra said it, so tense and serious, made Adora’s stomach churn and her heart race. After that, the only thing Catra said was asking Adora if she wanted to talk at the cafe, and then complete silence.

It was only when they were halfway to the cafe that Adora realized she hadn’t retained any memory of the walk there -- she couldn’t even remember if they had taken the stairs or the elevator on the way out of Michalka Hall -- but suddenly she was hyper aware of every nerve in her body. Her hands were shoved deep into her jacket pockets, trembling if they weren’t balled up into tight fists. She was biting down on her tongue to keep herself from saying anything. At some point during the walk, her footsteps had started to sync up with Catra’s.

Not a word was spoken for the entire walk so far, a fact that made Adora even more nervous. Had she done something wrong? Was Catra mad at her? She didn’t seem mad, but Adora knew from firsthand experience how much practice Catra had hiding her true feelings. Adora’s mind raced through any and every interaction she had with Catra over the last few days, then the last week, then the last month, searching for any clues. Just as she feared, she came up with nothing.

What if this is it? Adora thought. What if she’s realized she doesn’t need me anymore? She’s going to thank me for being such a good friend and for trying my best, but that it wasn’t enough. It never is.

She shook her head, attempting to force herself to calm down. No, Adora. You know that’s not true. Think about this logically. She’s going to talk about it with you, so it’s not like she just wants to dump you without saying anything. You’ve made good, genuine progress. Even Glimmer thinks so! But it has to be something big, right? Maybe it’s like… a confession? Maybe she-

Nope. No way. That wouldn’t happen in a million years.

“You’re thinking really loud.”

Adora nearly jumped at Catra’s sudden comment. She tried to ask what Catra meant, but a stuttered “Wha- huh?” came out of her mouth instead when she noticed Catra had been looking at her for who knows how long.

“You’ve got that look you get when you’re convinced I’m about to ruin your life,” Catra said. Adora heard genuine worry in her voice.

“I don’t think that,” Adora lied.

Catra raised an eyebrow. “Sure you don’t.”

“It’s just…” Adora sighed and rubbed her temples. “You’re being all quiet and serious, and you’re never like this unless it’s… y’know, important.”

Catra broke their brief eye contact, looking ahead once more. “It is important.”

Nice going, Adora.

Shut up, me.

They reached the door, and Adora instinctively pulled it open for Catra. She couldn’t tell if she imagined Catra hesitating for a split second before walking in. The warmth and distinctive smell of coffee in the cafe’s air brought some ease to Adora’s forever tense head, a reprieve that was necessary to keep her from breaking down as Catra led them directly to a corner booth. Adora had planned to stall by ordering drinks first, but clearly Catra wanted to get right to business. They sat across from each other, both politely setting their hands on the table and looking anywhere but into the other person’s eyes.

After a prolonged silence, Catra spoke first. “I, uh… I’m sorry for cancelling yesterday.”

Adora blinked. “Oh.”

“Great response,” Catra said, some sarcasm leaking into her voice. 

“No, sorry, I- I was caught off guard, sorry,” Adora scrambled for words and laughed sheepishly. “But I guess it looks like we ended up coming here after all.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Catra joined the awkward laughter. “I should’ve said something earlier, I just… didn’t know how.”

If Adora didn’t know where the conversation was going before, she certainly didn’t know now. “I thought I did something.”

“What? No, no, it wasn’t you at all.” Catra’s eye twitched. “It was me. I was freaking myself out, and didn’t know what to tell you, and I made a mistake and just kinda ghosted you instead of telling you the truth.”

“Which is?” Adora asked as she braced herself for the worst.

Catra shifted in her seat. She opened her mouth to speak multiple times, but every time ended up closing it again before hanging her head in defeat. After a few more moments of stillness, she sat up, folded her hands in her lap, and looked straight ahead at Adora.

“I’m gay.”

Adora’s brain short circuited. Every anxious thought, every worst case scenario, every vision of an ended friendship, all vaporized in an instant. She expected something to take its place, perhaps words of encouragement like she had received from Bow and Glimmer after she had come out to them, but found that her memory had turned into an empty void. 

Why can’t I say anything?

This was a big deal. A huge deal, in fact. She had been on the other side of this same conversation multiple times. She knew she needed to say something, but every time she opened her mouth, nothing came out. Her thoughts simply hadn’t caught up yet.

“Adora?”

Catra was watching her carefully, shoulders tense. Her eyes were just as soft and held just as much worry in them as they did when they met in the hallway. She was vulnerable, possibly even scared, in a way Adora hadn’t seen in a long time.

Still, the only thing that could come out of Adora’s mouth was a pitiful “Oh…”

A slightly wrinkle in Catra’s brow suddenly kicked Adora’s brain into gear. “Wait, no!” Adora backpedaled. “Not ‘oh’ like- I mean… I mean ‘oh’ as in-” She groaned, dragging a hand down her face. “Wow. Sorry. Brain not working.”

Catra’s lips spread into a smile before she broke into a laugh. “Yeah, I can see that, dummy.”

Adora cleared her throat, sat up straight, and let her hands rest on the table before looking Catra in the eye again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Yeah…” Catra nodded.

And then the ever so familiar awkward silence returned. Adora wished they already had their drinks so she could break up the stillness with occasional hits of caffeine, but alas. She wanted to ask more, talk more, but every thought of pushing forward was met with the return of the visions and worst case scenarios.

“You can ask, you know,” Catra said with a slight roll of the eyes.