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Chapter Text

Gwaine knew something was wrong when Lancelot smiled at him. The man’s dramatic entrance into the tournament had everyone in shock and awe. That morning he thought today would be a good distraction from those lingering feelings of mourning. When Lance finally sat across from him and all the knights and told his story, Gwaine couldn’t believe he wasn’t dreaming. He didn’t even hear what the man said. He was just staring. The man certainly looked like Lance right down to that little scar under his chin. Gwaine had never gotten the chance to ask what that was from but he never before wanted to trace it with his finger more than that moment. As everyone was getting up to leave Gwaine hung back and tugged on Lancelot’s arm just before he could reach the door.

The miracle man looked back at him and smiled.

“It’s nice to see you again, Gwaine.”

Gwaine let go and didn’t say anything else as he watched him leave. He had wanted to congratulate the man or invite him for a celebratory drink but the second he saw that look he felt a chill. It wasn’t right.

Lancelot was one of the more reserved knights. It’s what made getting a good laugh or a smile out of him so much sweeter. Gwaine didn’t realize how hard he had worked to get the man to laugh at one of his jokes until he stopped getting the chance to try. He knew what Lance’s smile looked like. He had been thinking about that smile nearly daily since he died. He knew that the one he was just given was way too cold to be the noble knight he knew. There was something in the twist of his lips. Something empty. Something was missing.

Walking back to his quarters, Gwaine tried to brush it off. Lance just came back from a long journey. Perhaps he was tired. Perhaps it was a side effect of whatever happened behind that veil. As he laid down he decided that whatever it was it wasn’t something he could figure out that night.

The next day was the last day of the tournament. Gwaine got ready in a haze. Everyone else flitted about as happy as could be. There was not only a wedding to celebrate but a returned knight of Camelot. Both topics were hot on everyone’s tongues as they were discussed with excitement everywhere Gwaine went. Every mention of the man’s name sent a chill through him.

Gwaine tried to put it out of mind again. He practiced in the training yard, made sure his armor was clean enough, tried to find Merlin to annoy, offered help to the servants running around setting up for the wedding, checked his armor again, and then went to the tournament grounds to see if it was close enough to showtime. He got ready and fucked around in his tent until that got too boring and decided to just walk around the tournament.

They still had an hour or so until the main event but there was some entertainment for the people until then. A bard that he recognized as a regular performer at the tavern was currently up and he was good enough to be a distraction for a while. It was working until he saw Merlin on the edge of the tents looking at Lance with the same concern he felt tugging in the back of his mind. It was close enough to the tournament he really should be tending to the king. Instead of that Merlin was watching with a careful eye as Lance was by his tent talking to one of the other knights.

“You see it too?” Gwaine had walked up with heavy steps but still Merlin jumped at his voice. The man started making excuses for his staring before the knight interrupted him. “There’s something off about him.” After a beat Merlin sighed.

“I want to believe everything’s fine. That he’s back.”

“I do too. I really do.” In the corner of his eye Gwaine notes that Lance was walking back to his tent. “If… if something is wrong how do we fix it.”

“What makes you think I-“

“How do we fix it, Merlin?” Gwaine is pleading. If there’s one person he knows can fix what’s wrong with Lance it has to be Merlin. He has never asked for details and he doesn’t want to ask if Merlin doesn’t want to tell. He would be daft not to notice how things just seem to go right around Merlin. Impossible odds are flipped on their head when he’s in the middle of it.

At first Merlin seems struck with the seriousness in Gwaine’s voice. He looks over his face as if searching for something. If he finds anything he seems saddened by it.

“I’m sorry Gwaine but I’m not sure if there is a way. Not one that saves Lance.”

Gwaine marches off. Merlin tells him to stop but he can’t. He marches straight into Lance’s tent. Lance looks at him with surprise as he enters and still he doesn’t stop. He walks up to him and pushes him up against one of the poles of the tent.

“Gwaine what are-“

“Is he in there?” He is still pleading. He doesn’t know who to anymore. “Or are you just a puppet meant to torment us.?” Lance’s face stares back at him with his brow furrowed and mouth set in a scowl.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Gwaine.”

“Don’t say my name with his tongue.” Gwaine pushes him further against the pole and watches the wince of Lance’s face and feels guilty. Then he gets angry at his own guilt. “Why are you here? Why now? Why-why him?”

Between the silence is Gwaine’s heaving breaths. He grips the others tunic tighter and growls out a frustrated noise. He doesn’t know why he’s so angry but the more he feels how unnaturally cold Lance feels under his hands the more it grows. There are no answers in Lance’s face, just an absence of what Gwaine wants to see. There was no body at Lancelot’s funeral but he knows it’s standing before him right now. Gwaine shoves him to the side and turns around so he doesn’t have to look anymore.

His thoughts are all frazzled. Normally when he gets angry there's a simple solution. He just attacks the source of his frustration. If he punched Lance right now he knows it would only make him feel another swirl of guilt and anger.

“What do I mean to you?” The question comes from across the tent in a much softer voice than he expected. Glancing back he sees Lance staring at him more confused than ever. “Am I really enough to cry over?”

Reaching up Gwaine confirms that he’s right. There are tears pouring down his face. He turns back around and wipes them off but they keep coming.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I thought-“ Lance cuts himself off. Gwaine doesn’t want to turn around again but something in the other’s voice makes him do it anyway. Lance is still on the other side of the tent but he can see a sliver of pain on his face.

“What? What did you think?”

“She said she told me everything that was important in my life. What am I missing? I’m only supposed to do what I was brought back for.”

“Who told you? Who is she?” Gwaine walks back over to Lance in a hurry. Lance backs up and looks over his shoulder like he expects whoever she is will appear right next to him.

“I can’t. I’m not supposed to.”

“Lancelot.” Gwaine grabs him by the shoulders and looks in his face again. His eyes are still empty and something is still missing from them but they are so terribly unsure about everything right now. The doubt gives Gwaine hope that maybe he can find the real Lancelot in there. The shock of Gwaine’s emotions seem to have brought something forth. He searches for some answer of what to do. Something to shock the real Lance back to him. He runs through every racing thought going through his mind and acts on the one that’s the loudest.

Yanking Lance forward he crashes their lips together. He does it too fast and too hard and it kind of hurts but it brings a gasp out of Lance. The gasp gives him the opportunity to correct himself into something more soft. Lance’s lips are cold and still but they taste sweet. It’s a taste that Gwaine didn’t know he had even wanted but he thinks he might need it forever. As his own heat warms Lance’s skin he feels the other start moving his lips with him and by the time they part they are gasping into each other's mouths.

Gwaine stares into Lance's eyes and reaches up to touch his face. He is all warm and flushed and Gwaine finally sees what he’d been wanting to see. A bright genuine smile breaks out over Lance’s face.

“You’re back.”

“I…I am.” Lance looks just as surprised as Gwaine. The next second he looks back up with concern. “Gwenivere.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think I gave her something. A bracelet? I was supposed to get her to fall for me again.”

“Oh.” Gwaine takes a step back and Lance shakes his head.

“It's not like that! It was Morgana who brought me back.”

“Why does Morgana care if Gwen falls for you?”

“She doesn’t. We need to get that bracket back from Gwen. I don’t know exactly what it’s all enchanted to do but it might hurt her.” Lance moves to leave to go do exactly that as Gwaine tries to make sense of what the man is going on about.

“I’m really confused.”

“That hasn’t changed I see.” The noble knight smiles back at him as Gwaine scoffs in mock offense.

“Hey!” Lance laughs and its sweetness is a relief.

The fact that they kissed doesn’t really hit Gwaine till the excitement of the day starts running down. First they went and found Gwen, got the bracelet, explained things to her, and then ran to give it to Merlin. Lance wanted to go to Arthur and explain everything to him as well but Merlin convinced him it would just make more problems. Then they still had to do the tournament which had started while they were running around.

Gwaine had done alright but he was glad when he got to just sit on the sidelines after getting knocked off by Leon. Jousting was never his strong suit. The rest of the day he was free to sit back and just watch the others compete. It was in that moment as he watched Lance beat out his next opponent with ease that he remembered that he kissed that man. Not only did they kiss but despite how rushed and harsh it had been it still felt like it beat out every other kiss he’d ever had. It wasn’t even a good kiss but nothing else had made him feel the spark that just thinking of this one did. Lance made it all the way to the final and through the whole thing Gwaine quietly started panicking.

As he tried to sort out his feelings he noticed Merlin had come to sit next to him.

“So, how did you do it?”

“Huh?”

“How did you get Lance back? He was really vague when he talked about it.” Merlin looked over at him with joyous curiosity. When Merlin saw Lance after, he immediately recognized that he was different. He was hugging his friend before he even started explaining. The joy from that moment still radiated off him as he sat with Gwaine. “I’m supposed to be the one that saves the day right in the nick of time. Not that I’m complaining. I’ll gladly hand over some of my duties to you.”

“Ah, right.” Gwaine fiddled with his necklace as he tried to think of a better way to say ‘I shoved him around, cried over him, and then kissed him and It’s only hit me just now but I think I might have feelings for him’. “Well I guess I just… talked some sense into him.”

“You talked him to life?”

“Merlin, I really don’t know what to say! I have no idea what happened.” It was true. He had no idea why a kiss worked but Gwaine was one not to question good things. Merlin’s thoughtful gaze made it clear that that wouldn’t work for him however.

“…Nothing I read about those brought back like that said there was a way to help him. In order to change the magic that was keeping him alive and under Morgana's spell it would have to take something… something unheard of. Some powerful magic.”

“I don’t know magic Merlin.”

“There is one form of magic that’s been known to do some really crazy things like this.”

“How would I know how to do something like that?”

“True love’s kiss.”

Merlin smiled as he saw how Gwaine’s eyes went wide. He sputtered out a weak denial but he knew he’d already been caught. Neither of them said anything after that but Merlin’s self satisfied expression almost made Gwaine want to punch him.

Around them everyone else started cheering and looking up he saw that the tournament was over. Lance and Arthur were both waving to the crowd and just as Gwaine was about to look away he caught Lance's eyes. The knight smiled back at him as Gwaine flushed and waved back.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Gwaine had been cornered up against the castle wall. Lance held his arms out next to his head on the cold stone as he tried to catch his nervous hazel eyes. The noble knight had finally got him alone again and he looked just as pissed as Gwaine expected him to be.

He managed to avoid Lance for days. Even through the wedding he kept to the sidelines and slipped away the moment he had an opening. Instead of his usual hangouts like the tavern, he walked the streets of Camelot. If he could guarantee that Lance wasn’t going to be there, that’s where he was. It was fortunate that this castle and city were so huge.
He knew he was being ridiculous but he just didn’t know what to do with his own emotions. He didn’t know what to do with Merlin’s insistence that this was supposed to be ‘true love’. Every time he ran across Merlin he made the point to ask him about Lance. The more time that went on the more disappointed his tone got. He knew he couldn’t keep this up but he felt like he had to.

The hardest part was training. Even in what should have been a time for a distracting honeymoon Arthur still required them all to show up for training and that meant he had to face Lance. At first, he just skipped but then Arthur chewed him out about it. So to please the princess he showed up and made sure he was never alone with Lance. He got ready quickly and left as early as Arthur would allow. He did it all with dark eyes boring into his head.

That morning Arthur must have pissed off Merlin or something because for some reason that day he was running them into the ground. He made them go through drill after drill and went well over the time they usually stopped. To make things worse anytime he wanted to pair them up he chose to put him with Lance.

Through training, Lance showed him even less mercy than Arthur was. He knew the other was annoyed at his absence but every strike of his sword was ruthless. The worst part was the look of challenge in Lance’s eyes. It was like he was daring Gwaine to say something or hit him back just as hard. Neither of which he felt he could do.

The end of training was a relief. It had lasted till dark and the moment he could escape Gwaine took it and made his way to his own chambers. He thought he was being clever by taking the long way around but it was in those corridors that he found himself suddenly pushed against the wall. Maybe if he wasn’t still worn out from training he would’ve been able to act quicker.

“This won’t continue on, Gwaine.”

“W-what do-” The look on Lance’s face told him not to finish that question so he sighed and pivoted. “You’re right.”

“You can’t just run away from me. We have to be able to depend on each other out there. What’s going to happen when we’re in battle? If you keep this up you’re going to get both you and others in danger.”

“That’s why you’re angry?”

“It’s the most important reason I’m angry, yes.” Lance moved his hands off the wall and crossed his arms. “If you regret what happened at the tournament that’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it but you shouldn’t feel like you have to avoid me. At first, I thought you just needed time but this is getting ridiculous. Merlin said you even stopped going to the tavern!”

“Maybe I just got tired of the atmosphere?” Gwaine winced at the glare he got. “Sorry.” Lance leaned back against the other side of the hallway and sighed.

“I’m sorry as well. I know my presence bothers you but we need to make this work.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for Lance and you don’t bother me. I was just…being stupid about everything.”

“If I don’t bother you then why would you avoid me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Gwaine.”

“I don’t! I was being stupid. You know how I am. I’m an idiot.” Gwaine ran his fingers through his hair as Lance sighed.

“You’re not an idiot Gwaine and I don’t believe you don’t have any idea why you’ve been jumping through hoops just to not be alone with me.”

“... I don’t regret the tournament,” Gwaine said it quietly. A little bit of him hoped Lance wouldn’t have heard him but the surprise across his face said he did.

“You don’t?”

“Of course I don’t! I couldn’t regret something that brought you back.” Lance’s eyes went wide at that admission and it almost distracted him from the next. “It was also a pretty good kiss.”

“...I agree.”

“Course you do.” The immediate change to cocky and confident made Lance smile as he rolled his eyes. He still wasn’t looking the knight in his eyes. Instead, he was pointing them stubbornly along the stone wall.

“Even though I think you almost chipped my tooth with how hard you did it.”

“Hey, I was under some stress!” Gwaine finally looked back into Lance’s eyes as he started to defend himself but then quickly looked away again.

“Clearly. You know I didn’t realize how much I meant to you back then. In fact, I thought you merely tolerated me.”

“I can’t imagine anyone not liking you. I don’t think you could offend someone if you tried.” Gwaine sounded both annoyed and impressed at that. He had by comparison always had a knack for offending even when he wasn’t trying.

“Think you forget I was once exiled just as you were.” The reminder made Gwaine laugh.

“For being too good of a knight, yeah. I for one think showing royalty that they aren’t so special deserves a reward not punishment.”

“Hah, I wouldn’t let Arthur hear you say that. He’ll make you do laps around the castle.” Gwaine chuckles at that. Arthur probably would do that and more but he also wouldn’t disagree. Lance was a better knight than any noble could ever even try to be. It was another reason Gwaine felt he couldn’t possibly be his true love.

Gwaine wasn’t the most noble or the most honorable knight by far. He was strong and good with a sword and that was it. He was hot-headed and rushed in always a little too soon. He’d been knocked on the head too many times to be clever or cunning. He was meant for a good night at the tavern and an entertaining barfight to go with. Love was not something he had in his future and certainly not by someone who could put a saint to shame.

“Gwaine?” Shocked out of his thoughts, Gwaine looked up to see that Lance had come up close to him again. The man looked concerned but was smiling like Gwaine was a scared animal he didn’t want to run off.

“I should get to my room. Who knows what sort of torture Arthur’s cooking up for us tomorrow.” Pushing off the wall and past Lance he started his way to his room. Lance called out to him again but he just looked over his shoulder and said “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lance.”

After Lance confronted him Gwaine stopped avoiding him and picked up all his old habits. They talked friendly when they saw each other in training and on watches. Gwaine didn’t shy away from joking around with him like he did the others anymore. Merlin still gave him knowing looks but he’d stopped asking about Lance. Everything was back to normal in Camelot.

He’d even resumed his nights out to the tavern with the others. It felt good to be back in his usual routine. Maybe he still thought about Lance and the kiss every once in a while. Maybe he stayed up a night or two contemplating going over to the other knight’s room and showing him that he could do it better than last time. It was good but he could do better. He wanted to do better.

Lance was true to his word about them not having to talk about it. He never brought the kiss up since that confrontation. Not even on one of the few nights he came out with everyone for drinks and Gwaine got a little more drunk than usual and stupidly draped himself over the man all night. It was like something in the drink compelled him to make sure he was touching the other in some way constantly. Whether it was an arm over the shoulders or a brush on the arm he just kept going. He’s pretty sure at one point he swung his legs into the man’s lap. Lance never said anything the entire night. Gwaine only felt shame about it when he woke up the next day and slowly remembered what happened.

That day in the armory Percy made a teasing comment about how he wished Gwaine was affectionate like that with the rest of them and Gwaine 'accidentally’ dropped one of the heavier shields on the big man’s foot.

It was slow but after more and more time passed Gwaine had adjusted to the twinge in his chest everytime he thought about Lance. He was glad that they had become friends again and maybe at some point, he could get over his little crush eventually. Till then he’d just have to keep adjusting.

Chapter Text

It was a month since Lance came back when Arthur made an announcement at the end of their round table meeting. They had all sat patiently through Leon’s updates and news about the patrol schedules when the King stood up to take over.

“I have one more piece of news to share. Just weeks ago we were lucky to have Sir Lancelot come back to us after his noble sacrifice at the Isle of the Blessed.” Lance looked surprised to be mentioned but nodded politely as everyone glanced over at him. Elyan, who was sitting next to him, reached over to give him a friendly nudge. “I know we’ve all made sure to tell him how glad we are that he is here again but I believe a proper celebration is overdue. It’s not often that we get to celebrate our own surviving such harrowing odds. A feast will be prepared tomorrow for us all.” The men all cheered and clapped before Arthur dismissed the meeting.

Gwaine may have his issues with royals but they did know how to make a good feast. Food and drink all courtesy of the King just tasted better. Lance was still a little caught off guard by all the attention as people clapped him on the back as the left. He caught Gwaine’s gaze and smiled which sent what was now a familiar warmth through his chest.

Those moments had not gotten any better and in fact have gotten worse. Now that he wasn’t avoiding Lance it seemed like they kept running into each other more than ever. It was partially due to the fact that Lance had taken up to joining Gwaine at the tavern every once in a while. It was nice getting to see Lance relax a bit but it was getting harder not to make a fool out of himself.

The last time he almost slipped up and told Lance how pretty he got when flushed from drink. It was a subtle red but it went all the way down the man’s neck and chest. It was quite a tempting sight.

“I suppose you’re happy” Lance’s voice shook him out of his distracted thoughts.

“Hm?” Looking around they were the last two in the room.

“The feast? You get to drink your fill on Arthur’s mead.”

“Ah, yes, all thanks to you.” Gwaine stretched as he got out of his seat.

“Technically it’s because of you as I wouldn’t still be here in my right mind without you.” Lance walked with Gwaine to the door.

“I don’t know. Merlin might have still found a way.”

“Hm, maybe or maybe not. It probably wouldn’t have been in such a pleasing way however.” Gwaine choked on his own response to that before Lance just continued on. “I’ll see you at the feast, Gwaine.”

As Lance walked away Gwaine tried his best to shake away the flush still in his cheeks. Maybe Lance was spending a little too much time with him after all.

The feast for Lancelot was much more elaborate than Gwaine had expected. The staff had gone all out on the decorations and the food. Arthur had gotten one of the local bards to play. It was all quite nice and everyone kept the drinks coming.

However, Gwaine was trying his best not to go overboard with the drinks this evening. He needed to if he was to keep any sort of shame about him because Lance had taken the opportunity to clean himself up well for the night. He had a nice light blue shirt on that laced much lower than his usual and someone (probably Gwen) had given him flowers throughout the party and they ended up tucked in his hair.

Lance may not be the most comfortable with the amount of attention that was on him throughout the evening but he shined with it regardless. Everyone was taking their turns in welcoming him back properly and with each hug and toast Lance’s smile grew and his laugh carried. Gwaine was once again keeping a little bit of distance between them but even that couldn’t stop him from watching Lance all evening. It also couldn’t stop the eventuality of Merlin finding him.

“You two are hopeless.” Merlin greeted Gwaine with an amused and yet disappointed face.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about my friend.” Gwaine quickly tried to pretend he wasn’t just staring at Lance across the room. “I’m just enjoying the evening.”

“I can see that.” Merlin took a seat next to him. “Thank you by the way.”

“For what?”

“For bringing Lance back. For not giving up on him.”

“I didn’t do anything-”

“We’ve been over this. You had to have done something and we both know what it was regardless of your denial.” Gwaine hid his face in his mug. Merlin leaned a little closer to continue in a quieter voice. “I can’t say I understand why you’re still in denial. What you have managed is one bit of powerful magic that no one else could have done.”

“I’m sure you would have figured something out.”

“I don’t think so. Not that time, Gwaine.” Merlin’s face was more serious than Gwaine had ever really seen it before. “It had to be you.”

Gwaine didn’t really know what to say to that. He had been trying to tell himself that kissing Lance was just a fluke. That he couldn’t have actually saved Lance with such an impulsive selfish action but Merlin was so certain. The way Merlin kept bringing the moment up it was like he believed it was something honorable.

Merlin smiled at him and clapped him on the back before he was being called for by an aggravated sounding Arthur. Gwaine gave a chuckle at the fondly annoyed look that passed on Merlin’s face before he left.

It wasn’t long before he found his eyes scanning the people in the room for those familiar curls again. He found them talking to Leon. In the past few minutes some more flowers had ended up in the man’s hair and that flush that Gwaine liked so much was deepened. To think that a simple kiss was what made this all possible now was ridiculous. To think that Gwaine was the one to do it was ridiculous. ‘True Love’ was what Merlin had said but who wouldn’t love this man. The festivities tonight proved that everyone loved Lance. He was kind, honorable, and carried himself with more grace than any ‘real’ noble Gwaine had ever seen. It was no wonder he had previously caught the Queen’s gaze. He caught everyone's gaze.

“You drank that much already?” Gwaine startled as he realized the man he had been staring at for who knows how long had made his way much closer than he realized. Lance was looking down at him with a grin and another one of those charming chuckles.

“Hm, maybe so.” Gwaine tried for his usual smirk and hoped it landed. “I see you have been getting more and more gifts throughout the evening.” he gestured to the flowers in the man’s hair.

“Ah, yes. It seems some of the maids decided to follow Gwenivere’s lead.” Lance took the seat next to Gwaine. “It’s been quite a night.”

“You over being the belle of the ball already?”

“I think I definitely prefer being on the sidelines than in the center of it all.” However tired the man may have been with all the festivities it didn’t show. He was still smiling brightly enough to make Gwaine lose his sense.

“Well, would the belle like someone to walk him back to his quarters then?” Lance raised a brow at Gwaine’s request and Gwaine could feel the urge to kick himself.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Lance then held out a hand for Gwaine to take as they stood up. Gwaine took it and decided to ignore the nerves bubbling up in his stomach. Maybe he really had had too much to drink.

As they walked through out the castle to the knights quarters they talked about the little things. Gwaine complained about Arthur’s drills and Lance laughed. Somehow though they ended up talking about the one thing Gwaine couldn’t get out of his mind.

“As life-saving kisses go I suppose it was a good one.” Lance said.

“Don’t judge me on that one kiss! I was stressed.” Gwaine pleaded. He had replayed that moment in his head over and over enough to know what he would have wanted to change.

“How else am I supposed to judge you then?” Lance laughed. He was laughing a lot. Gwaine liked the sound more each time.

“I can do better than that, trust me.”

“I do.”

“What?”

“Trust you.” Lance had picked out one of the flowers that were tucked in his curls and was twirling it in his hand. He looked perfect at that moment. Gwaine felt the desire to run his hands through his flower covered hair and pull him closer.

“Would you let me redo it then?” Lance’s gaze met him once again. They searched for something in Gwaine and he must have found it because he then slowly nodded.

Gwaine stepped closer and Lance immediately closed his eyes in preparation. The low light from the torches nearby lit up his face so softly.

Before he could talk himself out of it he delicately placed his lips to his. It took no time for Gwaine to immediately feel himself melting into Lance. Unlike last time, the noble knight responded to Gwaine eagerly from the first touch. A hand came up to tangle in his hair while the other cupped the back of his neck. The moan he felt himself give made Gwaine realize he should probably be doing something similar so he deepened the kiss and pushed them so that they were leaning against the wall. Lance was the first to lean away and chuckled a bit as Gwaine tried to follow.

“Was that better?” Lance looked beautifully flushed.

“Hm, I still think we could do better.” Gwaine tried to lean back in but was stopped by Lance’s hand and low chuckle.

“Maybe we should continue somewhere else then, hm?” Lance smiled and this time when Gwaine felt that familiar warmth he let it guide him to steal one last quick kiss before backing up and pulling Lance away to somewhere more private.